Here is the MTE Thriver TV Christmas episode, where I share with you how to deal with the inevitable triggers that may surface for you this holiday time as well as help prepare you for the different ways a narcissist in your life may act out.
I also reflect on the Christmas Healing Opportunity, as well as how to honour YOU at Christmas time, even if Christmas does not look like anything you hoped it would.
Full Transcript of Today’s Episode
This is the last video for 2016 and as always at Christmas, what I like to do is help people get through this time which can be challenging and painful for anyone – let alone a community dealing with narcissistic abuse.
Because maybe this is the time where you have to be around family members who are toxic.
Maybe this is a time where you are painfully reminded that you are single, or have broken relationships, or your Life is not in the position that you hoped it would be.
In some cases, it is very painful for people who have been alienated from their loved ones. Some of the most beautiful people I know in this Community, some of who are dear friends, will go through the agony this year of not having their children Christmas Day because of co-parenting with a narcissist – or maybe they have been alienated altogether and don’t get to see their children.
For these people my heart goes out to you so much … as a parent I can’t even begin to imagine how painful that would be … and I really urge you, knowing that an extreme time of anxiety or depression is coming for you on Christmas Day, to get onto healing it.
For those of you who are NARPers, use the Modules – do the NARP Program work which will give you the shift – so that the extreme trauma inside you, which could be crippling, can be released and replaced with Love and Healing.
Something I have known for a very long time on this Quantum Journey of healing is that triggered pain is inevitable, but regardless of what it is and how big it is we don’t need to suffer.
How to Deal With Christmas Triggers
The triggers that we will feel as human beings are going to come and our Life is not about avoiding them.
The old way of trying to deal with them (the way we all thought was normal) was to go into our heads and try to deal with our emotionally triggered traumas cognitively – to try to think our way out of the pain.
However, this is completely ineffectual because when we are in triggered emotional trauma we only have access to the neuron net pathways in our brain which are organised within the trauma.
Therefore, trying to introduce a “new thinking” which is not crisis based is near impossible, and this is why we agonise, we obsess, we beat ourselves up …. we go into “analysis paralysis”.
Generally speaking, the types of traumas that may be triggered at Christmas time can be significant and very painful … and there is a way to deal with these rather than get pulled into them logically and be engulfed and taken out by them … which is to go directly to the emotional trauma in your body and shift it out from there instead.
So then … what happens is … your mind will then follow the body. Once the trauma is replaced and up-levelled, you naturally will be able to think in calmer, more solid, whole, self-partnered and self-loving ways.
My total suggestion is to get onto these feelings before Christmas Day – and start healing them now – so that you can be in the most solid, whole and empowered space to deal with Christmas Day, as well as whatever pain the holiday season may bring up for you.
How Narcissists Behave at Christmas
This year I also want to discuss how narcissists can act out at Christmas – because many of them do.
One of the most painful things for a narcissist is NOT being the centre of attention.
In group settings there are others in the spotlight … family members who may have new things in their life events that others are interested in … or maybe there are people with health issues or needs, children who demand attention etc …
Understandably narcissists may also have fractured relationships with family members where they can’t captivate them as they would other people.
A narcissist knowing that they are not going to be able to tolerate others getting attention, which to them means losing precious narcissist supply, (the very lifeline that lets them know that they exist) may decide to forfeit Christmas altogether.
He or she may flatly refuse to go, or create a discard just before Christmas day or a fight to have the excuse not to go.
Naturally, at this time the narcissist will swing it all around to blame you or your family for not going.
Narcissists, knowing that Christmas is an important time for you, may promise you that they will be spending Christmas with you, and at the last moment pull the rug out from underneath you and disappear or discard you.
Or the narcissist may go to Christmas Day with you, not be able to secure enough narcissistic supply and be manically depressed and seething.
He or she will make everyone feel totally on edge with the black mood. Or the narcissist may explode and create a scene, or cause trouble between people. Or purposely ignore you to punish you by lavishing attention on someone else … or trigger you to make you look like the bad one … whatever it takes to create drama in order to gain significance.
As always with a narcissist, good attention or bad attention it doesn’t matter. Narcissists when they know they can affect other people gain significance that feeds their False Self.
So therefore don’t expect that you are going to have a great Christmas Day with a narcissist.
Don’t expect that a fractured person can act like a healthy person.
Don’t try to force a fractured person to act like a healthy person, or you will become more fractured.
Regularly people get abandoned and or punished at Christmas by narcissists. Commonly narcissists spoil Christmas for others.
And … it doesn’t matter whether the narcissist or the narcissist’s family has children … the narcissist when low on narcissistic supply, and / or is significantly triggered by the pathological rage and envy of other people experiencing love and joy, does not have the consciousness to care.
It is all about him or her and the need to swing the attention back around – by whatever means possible – and / or trying to offload the terrible traumas that have surfaced from within for him or her, by being intensely narcissistic to others.
The reason being this: Christmas is a devastating reminder for the narcissist about how he or she is not the centre of the universe, not “one of the tribe”, not acceptable or loveable … and not able to feel and be like non-narcissistic others.
Those of us who have been with, or are still with narcissists, commonly suffer greatly at Christmas time – as a result of the narcissist lashing out or feeling the effects of the emotional abandonment or physical desertion of the narcissist.
In regard to you as the target, the narcissist knows your weak spots, he or she knows the spot to hit for maximum impact. You can be sure he or she will go for that spot (or spots).
So … within this Community this is a BIG time of necessary healing. This is a time where you may be tested to even greater traumatic levels. Maybe you have broken up with a past narcissist or gone No Contact with one – whether this person was a lover, family member or friend and this is the time the narcissist chooses to hoover you with re-contact.
It may be a simple and apparently innocent “Merry Christmas” which can send your emotions and brain spinning, or maybe it is a hoover with promises or remorse or undying love, or even the blame of you.
Anything to try to hook you in to break no contact so that the narcissist can gain narcissistic supply from you again. Which of course is the attention that helps feed the narcissist the significance that he or she exists.
Your Christmas Healing Opportunity
For all of these reasons it is so important for us to heal and be empowered to raise to a higher level of Internal Identity and consciousness where the narcissist can no longer affect us.
How do we do that?
The answer to this is the same every time – we find and up-level the old wounds that we have within us that the narcissist can hook and punish us with and affect us through.
That is exactly what the Thriver Way is all about.
During this Christmas period we have a wonderful opportunity to do that … and if we want a better life we need to.
This opportunity in this period is wonderful – Life is happening for us and not to us.
It is likely that we are going to be heavily triggered, and all breakdowns are heralding breakthroughs, if we don’t go into our heads and get trapped in analysis paralysis and instead go inside to self-partner, meet, release and heal what is triggered.
Every time we do that, we evolve ourselves to a level that is more like our True Self – whole, calm, solid, self actualised and further away for the painful stuff the narcissist delivers.
We get off the hook, off the emotional trigger … with no need to react, defend or prove anything and we become more and more detached and disinterested, and that is when the narcissist starts to lose power.
We stop walking around in fear, on broken glass, organising our own Life around someone else’s wounded malfunctioning self and we start to break free and live our own radiant life instead.
We don’t feed the rubbish, or grant it energy or try to fix the unfixable. We stop lecturing prescribing and trying to placate. We just don’t get sucked in anymore.
If you are still with the narcissist at Christmas, don’t take on their energy. If they want to discard you prior to Christmas, become sullen on the day, leave early or make others uncomfortable … ignore them.
If you are fearful of being punished afterwards, detach and connect to other loving people instead.
Don’t feed it.
Honouring You at Christmas
Know that you have options, you can always go No Contact with narcissistic people at Christmas. You have the sovereign right to look after your spirit and your Inner Being – regardless of what others think about you.
What is important is what YOU think about you – and then other healthy resources of life will also love and approve of you.
The greatest joy I and so many others know as Thrivers is that when we self-partner, Life and healthy others meet us in True Love and Joy as well.
It all starts with Self.
As an example a dear friend of mine won’t be spending Christmas with her family – but she is already making plans for baking wonderful Christmas treats.
She said to me joyfully “I am so excited about taking Christmas to work!”
There is always love to be had – everywhere – we just need to be a generative force of it.
Another beautiful friend of mine is not spending Christmas with her children, yet she is going to a yoga day to help raise money for those in need.
Another lady I know has stated that this Christmas she is going to take herself to a cabin in the woods, get yummy food for herself and dedicate fully to loving and “marrying” herself.
She is going to have a ceremony with a ring she bought herself, and then starting the day after Christmas she has a full week to work devotedly with the NARP Program getting to the bottom of and up-levelling once and for all her inner traumatic programs that she no longer wants to play out in her life.
That is her Christmas present to herself. A life of ending the old and beginning the new for the rest of her Life.
Christmas may not be what our idea of it was, as a result of narcissistic involvement, but we can still be a channel for Christmas cheer and love … and when we go Quantum we start to know that we are unlimited infinite beings who have unlimited permutations to express Source through us as us and be a force for love, goodness and wholeness in every expression and breath of our Life.
For those of you struggling with Christmas Day … I so know what that was about and my love goes out to you from every cell of my being.
The Difference Between How We Can Experience Christmas
I too used to suffer intensely at Christmas – ranging from the narcissistic nastiness to complete discard and abandonment.
I remember I was completely traumatised one Christmas and passed his car on the road to the family Christmas lunch. Of course my head was going in a thousand different directions wondering who he was spending Christmas with, and knowing that I was alone, unloved and totally discarded.
I felt completely empty and worthless.
All I could do that Christmas, in total depression, was excuse myself and put myself to bed at my brother’s house. I couldn’t even participate for my son’s sake … I was so devastated and broken, I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t join in. I feigned that I had a migraine.
What I now experience as Christmas for myself is because I live a life of total self-dedication and devotion … whereby I self partner and meet ever trauma in my body that triggers me … and release ever part of me that was trapped in fear and pain and replace it with love and healing (which is the Quanta Freedom Healing process).
Those parts of myself that used to be trapped in constricted toxic darkness and pain, have now ascended into space, love, freedom and radiance.
This is a Life Path that I am committed to for the rest of my life – I don’t battle my triggers mentally ever – I meet them within and up-level them to my True Self state instead.
As a result, I have been free to experience Christmas joy unconditionally for years, because I just am love and joy.
This takes work … this takes dedication. It is the hardest job we will ever do … overcome our own inner traumatised parts by loving and healing them back to wholeness.
This is the work of the Spiritual Warrior and Warrioress.
And when we know the Quantum Truth, that all of our life experience emanates from within, we know that there is never any other work to do.
Preparing for the One Universal Year
This Christmas period is such a hotspot to get this work done, because we are just finishing off what is known in Numerology as a “nine” year – when we add 2+0+1+6 we come to a “9”.
The energy of nine is like this … everything that needs to leave and be let go of is stripped away, so the new growth has room to spring forth and blossom.
Nine years can carry on for another nine years in the new cycle if we are still carrying toxic dense energy in our Inner Beings.
Whereas, if we let go and make Quantum Leaps now, we can reap the most positive forces of the new 1 year that 2017 is. (2+0+1+7 = 10. And then 1 + 0 = 1)
This is the time to get our work done.
This is the time to cleanse our Inner Being of the trauma – the pain, fear and judgement and victimhood that has been blocking the joy, love and truth of Who We Really are and our True Life.
Quanta Freedom Healing and the NARP Program fast tracks that process more than any other Quantum Inner Subconscious Tool I know of … hence why so many people in this Community have been able to create unprecedented Thriver Healing that nothing else could facilitate for them.
If you are ready for your new Life I can’t recommend the NARP Program enough for you to work with – whilst you have the time to – in this Christmas season.
Now I would like to finish off with this …
The Thriver Christmas Mantra
Let’s all say this Christmas Mantra together …
“I now declare and command
within this powerful Quantum Healing Container today
that I am worth it.
I am worth knowing that I am an unlimited being honoured and adored by all of Creation
because I exist.
I now know that the power of my Higher Self and Creation is
Who I Am,
and is never reliant on unavailable or damaged others.
It is between me and Life to know
how I am the Source to love and accept myself warts and all
and come home to knowing
my Higher Self, Creation and my Inner Being
have the power to release the past traumas patterns, individuals and events
that no longer serve me
to make space for Who I Really Am.
I let go of toxic attachments
I come home to healing and loving me
I come home to being love and generating it with healthy others
I open myself to receive and be to love and truth now
And so it is
And so it is
Just let that soak in … it’s so true.
Thank You For An Incredible 2016!
Okay … so before I sign off I want to thank all of you for 2016, and for being such an incredible part of this Thriver Community – which is my greatest joy of existence … to be able to be a part of this co-generating with you Thriving, breaking the patterns for ourselves and future generations and for our world.
It is my greatest honour to be connected with you.
Many of you are dear friends in my life, many of you are just the most joyful, incredible people I have ever experienced … and I can’t thank you enough … all of the Moderators in the Forums, the Support Team Clarie and Harry, my incredible son Zac who is such an integral part of the production of MTE, the thousands of subscribers and supporters … the psychologists and the counsellors and DV workers and the global Relationship Experts who are connected with the MTE mission.
And thank you to all the new subscribers who are now coming into our incredible Community, our amazing family – which is saying “No” to abuse and also “No” to the ways we were trying to recover – knowing that there is a Thriver Way to recover that revolutionises how we recover.
Which is exactly what the MTE system is all about.
Soooo …. also because it is the end of the year, a very important part of Thriving for me (and also to be a model of Thriving for all of us) I have a Christmas break … several weeks off from producing articles, Thriver TV episodes and radio shows.
And … I am SO looking forward to having that break and lying on a beach … and just doing a bunch of stuff that “normal” people do! The “normal” stuff that I do anyway – but for now with a lot less work with this month – it will be wonderful!
We will be releasing the first video back at the end of January 2017, and please know if you are a new subscriber you will still be receiving daily emails to help guide you in your Thriver Recovery, so look out for those.
Also, the existing NARP Forum will still be operating for new and existing Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program Members, and I’m going to be popping in there from time to time in this Christmas break … because I will miss you all too much if I don’t!
While I’m away please know that there are many resource available to you, including this blog which has hundreds of articles I’ve published over the years. You can also check out the Empowered Love Radio Show, for those of you who like listening podcasts or just getting your dose of Thriver goodness on the go.
And let’s not forget Thriver TV which has added over 70 new episodes this year for you to watch. The love, support and discussion that has come out of Thriver TV have been nothing short of incredible! Thank you!!!
And lastly, the next 3 Key To Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse Webinar will be going live February 9th Australia time, so please reserve your space for this event if you haven’t been a part of it before, because these are always incredible fast-track healing events.
Anyway … now it is time for my final, loving send off to you for 2016 and I wish you a happy and safe Christmas … and I can’t wait to be back in the New Year to support you further toward your Thriver Recovery – helping you build your amazing narcissistic and abuse free Life.
I’ll see you in 2017.
Lots of love, bye bye!
Latest posts by Melanie Tonia Evans (see all)
- Why Grey Rock Alone Won’t Keep You Safe From Narcissists - March 24, 2017
- What To Do If You Feel Like You’re Too Old To Recover From Abuse - March 22, 2017
- They Told Me I Would Never Recover Part 2 - March 17, 2017