Melanie Tonia Evans

Should You Tell A Narcissist Who They Really Are?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 5
166
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

It can be a very emotional experience when we find the information that allows us to understand why this person behaves the way they do.

And even though the information is shocking it makes so much sense.

All the pieces add up.

 And we realise we are not going crazy … and it’s NO wonder we feel like we are going through (possibly) the worst experience of our life.

All those times we were blamed and told we were the crazy one now doesn’t seem to hold quite as much weight anymore.

And at this time it is very likely to feel an intense urge to tell the narcissist who they really are.

We may believe “the truth sets everyone free …” or we may wish to exonerate ourselves to the narcissist, or we may hope that now there is a “reason” for the behaviour that something can be done about it.

So we tell the narcissist:

 This is WHO you Are.

 This is WHY you do the things you do.

 But the most important thing really is …

 Is the narcissist going to “get it”?

 Is he or she going to FINALLY see the light, take responsibility for his or her behaviour and get help and become healthy?

Does this person even have the ability to own the fact that they are suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

In this week’s video we deeply investigate the urge so many of us have to call the narcissist out and let them know that they have pathological narcissism …

I’m going to explain why you should never act on the urge and what is the most beneficial thing to do for you and your healing instead.

 

 

I’d love to know if you have had the urge to call a narcissist out and tell them who they really are, and after watching this video would you do something different?

Please join the discussion by posting your comments and your questions about this topic and Thriver Recovery below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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166 Thoughts on Should You Tell A Narcissist Who They Really Are?
  • scoobyjw11@bex.net'
    Janice Walborn
    December 15, 2016

    I’ve been working on myself and healing (up leveling ) for several months, after finally coming to know the spectrum of narcissism. I now have a good understanding of what happened to me and siblings as children and subsequently how these types have kept showing up in my life since I was a child. This abuse has litterally taken my brothers sanity (he has skitsophrenia ) and has driven my sister to 2 divorces, and I have developed a chronic disease literally from being in a constant “fight or flight” state, says my cardiologist. Your YouTube videos has helped me tremendously! No one goes into this healing smiling but let me tell you I’m doing the work and it is helping me. Healing is in the subconscious, that’s for sure! Thank you my dear, thank you

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 15, 2016

      Hi Janice,

      I am so pleased my information is helping you, and it is wonderful that you are doing the work to heal!

      Bless you lovely lady 🙂

      Mel xo

      • dsdouglas@web.de'
        Debbie
        December 18, 2016

        Hi Melanie,
        Thank you so much for all the information you provide. You are the first person I have found that I feel really truly gets what living with a narcissist means and how difficult the recovery/healing process is! I am still really having a hard time. I was married for 25 years and our divorce was just final in July after a 3 year court battle!
        My question to you is, what is your experience with the combination of narcissism and alcoholism? For years I blamed everything on his drinking poroblem but I always knew there was more to it because when he didn’t drink he was even more narcissistic. I just didn’t know anything about narcissism until a therapist brought it to my attention. She said he was a high-functioning, narcissistic alcoholic! I knew she was right and I needed to get out. I had cancer and I was emotionally dying! Just wondering if others have experienced this complete crazy and destructive combinmation.
        Again thank you so much! You have helped me soooo much! I’ve sarted the work!!!

        • ssnoble1@gmail.com'
          Shelia
          December 28, 2016

          Hello Debbie..my ex husband is in prison now and I have to testify in January to keep him where he belongs…you see he was a sociopath narcissist and instead of drinking which he said he used to do but said it maid him crazy….he would take pain pills and zanax like candy…wow I would really be dead if he drank also….He showered me with love the first year and claimed to love God and went to Church with me because he knew that’s exactly what I was looking for in a man….so I’ve learned that they definitely mimic the exact type of man they believe we’re looking for…so I was working and taking care of him bc he had Copd and started getting disability..so wow that gave me someone to really take care of which made me feel good and to to try to fix him really kept me busy…so after a year I started calling him out on all the women he was talking to on facebook while I was working all day and the first time he ripped the computer from the wall then he knocked the hell out me for the first time….and ofcourse the whole cycle of abuse started…until he hit me so hard with blunt force trauma to my head it swole up the size of a softball and I have a bad closed head injury with short term memory…so of course I stayed w him until 2 months after that he beat me strangled me several times and broke my nose so I finally called the cops…he would get extremely violent when he would run out of the pain pills but when he was on them his behaviour wasn’t nearly as bad as when he didn’t have them…hope this helps…and God bless

      • ssnoble1@gmail.com'
        Shelia
        December 28, 2016

        Hello Melanie…I feel exactly like Lynn A…the post I just read…I keep saying wow bc I just happened to run across your site out of the blue and I’m so excited and wanted to thank you so much for taking your time to help others. I have been glued to my phone for about 2 hours now and can’t even get my housework done..lol…It will just have to wait bc I have already found out so much more about myself and narcissistic abusive men…I actually just realized that it was my father that should be the poster child for narcissist..Wow I knew that woman like me that didn’t get the love we needed as a child tends to find men just like their father and he was extremely emotional abusive . So that explained all the abusive men I’ve had but I just recently found out about narcissist and that my ex was one. But just in the short time I’ve been on here I have realized ALL the other men were and I can’t believe looking now that my father was the worst of them all. Wow I’m jumping for joy bc most people don’t even have a clue what we go through and now I have so many women I can relate to .Thank you so very much and God bless you !!

      • Latew56@gmail.com'
        Laura
        December 31, 2016

        I called my narc out. He didn’t get it at all. I was expecting some self awareness and conscienceness raising. It has been very hard for me to accept that there is no healing available for a narcissist. I am finally done after 17 times back and forth, with each time showing me how little and narrow life is with him. I went back so many times because I was bored with my own life that I figured I had time to mess around with a narcisssistic relationship. But in reality it made me tired and sad .
        I’m so happy for your information , Melanie. The hardest thing is to explain to family and friends why I who am so smart and intuitive and down to earth could get involved like this. All I can say is if you never have met up with one ; you can’t understand.

    • Annafain1@hotmail.com'
      Anna
      December 18, 2016

      Dear Janice, wishing you and your family peace, love and healing. Start every day with new determination to get better. There is something I feel about Narcississt. They feel us on energetic level. I thought I am very sensitive but the way they feel othets is incredible. I found through experience when you deeply don’t care about what they do or say they leave you alone.it is so fasinating. They are after all energy vampires. I train my mind to focus on great people I feel good next to. Even if it is just a friendly clerk in the store. And things begin to shift. These are small things but with grey rock techniques it least it gelps. Of course in most severest case no contact is the best option. When once breaking a no contact resolve with a Narc. I had a glass thrown at me in avrestaurant. The glass flew over my baby’s head, hit the wall, splashed into hundrethe of pieces and fell into couple’s food. Miraculously no one was hurt. Iand my baby were protected. I felt it coming. But went against my intuition. It was a woman ‘friend’ of 13 years. Please be strong. Have fate and arm yourself with knowledge! Sincerely, your community friend.

      • dancingshadow18@hotmail.com'
        Hope
        December 19, 2016

        Anna, just wanted to say I like your posting very much. So true about the energy connection and the importance of choosing what or who we put our focus (and energy flow!) on.

      • bosnia98@netzero.net'
        Mike
        January 10, 2017

        Hi Anna, Your post brought back my memory of my narc mother throwing a wine glass at me and my 2 brothers when we were kids. We were play wrestling with my father on the floor. That glass shattered all over us; how none of us got a shard in the eye is just luck. My father did nothing. She had full control over him. Still does to this day, and that was in the mid 1970’s. She also threw a can of furniture polish at my head when I was a kid. I had my back turned. It hit me and nearly knocked me out. And my brothers now wonder why I am no contact with her. One brother is the Golden Child and he has Narc tendencies. My other brother married a total narc, (in other words, he married his mother). So she (mommy dearest) , triangulates them against me. I am glad I am on another continent.

    • Deborah.gesualdo@yahoo.com'
      Debbie
      February 3, 2017

      I just want to say that a month before I left my narcissist he was in the middle of being very verbally abusive because I was upset because he blew me off again and now he wanted to come over and have sex with me because it was convenient for him. I told him he was a narcissistic sociopath with absolutely no conscious. This is before I found Melanie’s forum…..I know now that I am not crazy and i can thrive without him. It’s been over 3 months since I left him for good and I have established no contact and have stuck to it. I blocked him from my phone and am off social media…he thrives on Facebook being the phony that he is..he has shown Up st my job and tried to get back with me but I ignore him and don’t give him any energy. I am working on my own healing now that I have realized my own issues…just want to say that healing is possible and stay away from the idiot he is not worth your time or energy. He will never change! Just move on like I am doing! He was the love of my life and I wasted 5 good years with him but I’m ok!

      Thanks for listening

      • bmiesha31@gmail.com'
        Miss B
        March 26, 2017

        Hi Debbie. I, too, am focusing on my own inner healing after being dumped by a NARC. He was loaded with charm, then came the devaluing and finally the dismissal. I regret to say we were intimate, after me being celibate for FOUR years! Sex one day, silence/avoidance the next, dismissal the next – and he had nerve to ask me not to harass him and said the sex was great, but I’m not what he’s looking for. His NARC ego expected me to sulk and cry, begging him to keep me and ask what was wrong with me. NOT! I flipped it, thru silent tears, and let him know the sex wasn’t great for me at all and that I had to make him feel like his member was big enough. I also told him he is a broken, hurting and angry man whose game I am aware of and he should only hope for a fair trial in heaven for the things he does to people. He then apologized for not being able to satisfy me. My response was ‘NO BIGGIE.’..pun absolutely intended! Safe to say his ego is too crushed to try again with me. Happy and Healthy healing to us both 🙂

      • bmiesha31@gmail.com'
        Miss B
        March 26, 2017

        I am focusing on my own inner healing after being dumped by a NARC. He was loaded with charm, then came the devaluing and finally the dismissal. I regret to say we were intimate, after me being celibate for FOUR years! Sex one day, silence/avoidance the next, dismissal the next – and he had nerve to ask me not to harass him and said the sex was great, but I’m not what he’s looking for. His NARC ego expected me to sulk and cry, begging him to keep me and ask what was wrong with me. NOT! I flipped it, thru silent tears, and let him know the sex wasn’t great for me at all and that I had to make him feel like his member was big enough. I also told him he is a broken, hurting and angry man whose game I am aware of and he should only hope for a fair trial in heaven for the things he does to people. He then apologized for not being able to satisfy me. My response was ‘NO BIGGIE.’..pun absolutely intended! Safe to say his ego is too crushed to try again with me. Happy and Healthy healing to us both 🙂

    • kimberly.grish@att.net'
      KG
      March 3, 2017

      I really know myself now after 4 years of a divorce about to end and the truth is he will never accept or change I have not spoken to him in almost 4 years and totally cut off communication. Thank you for the words and this is so me and where Ive been 36 year marriage with a very abusive controlling man. I am moving forward on the ruler of life as he dies from cancer still believing I was the sick one he is mentally not healthy. Me im free. Thank You.

      • cindyshrdn@gmail.com'
        Cindy
        March 13, 2017

        I married a man in 1996 who is definitely a narcissistic sociopath. After 3 years of physical, emotional abuse I had to trick him to divorce him by waiting for my income check and going to a lawyer. I knew if I ask for a divorce he would beat me. Now it’s 2017 and he is still hurting me by playing “Good Guy” to my oldest son. Who at the time of the marriage was 13 years old. He would convince my son I was crazy. Only start slapping me around, calling me vulgar names and spitting on me when my son was not home. If he left a bruise he would tell my son I did it to myself. My last beating I ended in the hospital with a concusion, stitches inside my mouth and a swollen black and blue face. The beating didn’t hurt as much as what my son said to me the next day, “Gary, told me you deserved that beating”. My heart melted. A couple of weeks later my son, who by now was 16, came home way passed his curfew. I confronted him about it and he drew his fist back at me like he was going to hit me. My heart sank but knew I had to stop this. The next day I packed all his things and told him he could not live with me and treat me with disrespect. He went running to the ex. As of today my son does not speak to me, I haven’t had the joy of being a Grandmother. He only lives an hour from me. I would like to have a conversation with Gary, asking him to have a talk with my son and be honest with him about all the sick things he did to me but after listening to your video it sounds like a waste of my time. I personally take responsibility for believing he loved me. I was a grown woman. I’ve met some mean people in my life but never anything like him.

  • haugh@hotmail.com'
    Lynn A
    December 15, 2016

    Wow. I just signed up for NARP. This is my first post. And I have never posted anywhere or blogged anything in my entire life. I only listened to the initial module about ‘tips about getting started’ today. And I haven’t even watched this video/tv show yet. But I feel compelled to write at how my jaw dropped when I saw today’s topic show up in my inbox, as only about six hours ago, it dawned on me that my mother is very likely an N as well. (I thought it was just my father and my son’s father). Astounded at the realization and not wanting to believe it, I have been mulling over, for six hours straight, whether or not I should tell her, hoping beyond hope that I will be proven wrong after I confront her. My gut said no, my head said yes. And now this video I am about to watch? Wow. Since discovering you by serendipitous “accident”, a cascade of amazing things just like this have happened in my life that seem so incredible, it’s almost eerie. I just stand back and watch in amazement. I know I am in the right place like I’ve never known it before. Thank you Melanie and all your support people and everybody out there for making this happen in the world.

    • stevense7@gmail.com'
      Elyse
      December 15, 2016

      Hey Lynn, thank you for your share :).

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 15, 2016

      Hi Lynn,

      synchronicity is SO powerful!

      Such a confirmation that we are on the right track … it is so your time to heal! How wonderful you are now a NARPer!

      You are so welcome Lynn, it is lovely to have you as a part of our amazing NARP Community!

      Mel xo

    • stacey.angulo@cox.net'
      Stacey
      February 20, 2017

      Wow. I have been following for 7 days, with some backslides on the NC. Been in a 6 year relationship with what I now know is an altruistic narcissist. I have been crying and miserable and barely able to function. I am highly functioning professional woman in the world usually and this has just been an awful experience. He lied and had led me to believe he had gotten divorced when we first got together. He kept in touch with his ex wife with great frequency much to my consternation and the cause of many arguments that he felt were my “fault” because I had “issues” . He never got divorced, and he had become so verbally and physically abusive my daughter and I moved out. I still tried to help him with counseling, and wanted to work it out. It wasn’t working, so I took a job in another state, and asked him to continue counseling and we could work it out. I just found out 3 weeks after I moved he has moved his “wife” in and had no intention of ever being with us. I have tried to go NC, but have had a couple contacts that are so hurtful because he apologizes and then in next breath says hurtful things. I am grateful to know that I am not crazy for the hurt and struggle. I am diligently reading and going through the system. Thanks Melanie. Time for my healing.

  • stevense7@gmail.com'
    Elyse
    December 15, 2016

    Melanie, Thank you for your insight and wisdom. I first came to the site and NARP to resolve my issues [extreme holds] with a relationship partner coming to find that one of the most complicated and most debilitating narcissistic relationship I had was with my mother. Thankfully with your help and a lot of work I am so much better. When you said in the video of “what are we expecting?”- that made me laugh and brought me back to old times when I first heard from a trusted source that my mother was an alcoholic and drug abuser. At the time I completely had no idea although looking back it’s obvious. I continually asked, “what do I do, what do I do?” after finding out and coming to realization of what was happening to me and what was this trauma. Fast forward 8 years and now I have let go and built sustainable boundaries that work for me, and I no longer ask these questions on a daily level, although I have moments of “what did I do/what can I do?” from time to time but that voice is healing. I have been getting good at having compassion without giving my blood and that “supply”, compassion from my side and at a distance. It has been helping me transition from anger and hate to a place where I can exist peacefully within myself. I liked how you said that the narcissist would be left more traumatized after confrontation. This helped me reflect that not only am I wasting my time, adding to the fire, but also hurting and destroying someone’s security by pointing out the only thing that has helped them survive emotionally. I have to reflect on this more, but if anything right now I feel for them at a distance and like you referenced for them to come to their realizations alone. Thank you for listening, and thank you for your message 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 15, 2016

      Hi Elyse,

      My pleasure …

      I am so pleased you have been healing!

      I love that you have shifted so much and are able to be solid inside without the trauma now …

      Bless you sweetheart, you are doing great!

      Mel xo

      • s.thakkar@yahoo.com'
        Sunny
        January 19, 2017

        Hi Mel. You are no less than God for me. I could leave 9 years of marriage in 24 hours with two little kids after listening to your quata healing. I do not feel great and free as i am going through post seperation mess. I waited for all these years as I wanted it a smooth seperation and the last thing I want right now is I do not want to prove anything to court as if seems so surface level only talking about incudents and not considering a big ice berg underneath. but what energetic help i can get to be this seperation a happy, non blaming, shaming and punishing seperation. I cant think of coparenting with him but i have to do that. Can you help. I am urgjng 24 x7 to conftont him about his software tendacy beyond his control at the same time i am looking for some help for him so coparenting does not turn out to be nightmare. Can you help.

  • moragnbetty@hotmail.co.uk'
    Morag
    December 15, 2016

    I have just come out of 17 years of hell being married to a narcopath. I made the mistake of trying to tell him he was a narcissist and it wasn’t received well. Never is !!
    I am now undergoing the smear campaign. He has catapulted himself into a relationship with a woman on her 3rd divorce and he is telling everyone he is a changed man and madly in love!!
    She apparently is a notorious bunny boiler. So they may have met their match.
    Telling a narc that they’re a narc seems to only result in them not believing it.

    • Sunjunky100@hotmail.com'
      Paula
      January 18, 2017

      Omg. Yes energy connection! Wow I can relate to that as well Also I retracted from telling him he was a narc because my intuition told me that wouldn’t do any good an she wouldn’t take it or believe it. So I have put him in gods hands. And asked God to deal with him. Only God can make him see himself … A narc will never see themselves. But God only can humble their heart

  • murriboyd@gmail.com'
    Peter
    December 15, 2016

    Once again, this time more than most, your words of wisdom help many out there who need it, me included.

    Seven months on and seeing clearer every day. Thanks again.

    Peter May

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 15, 2016

      Hi Peter,

      I am so pleased this helped!

      Keep healing …

      It’s my pleasure Peter 🙂

      Mel xo

    • Sunjunky100@hotmail.com'
      Paula
      January 18, 2017

      That’s helped to know u can move on from this abuse

  • Sandyc88@hotmail.com'
    Sandy
    December 15, 2016

    Thank you soooo much for this Melani!
    I had let go of my narcissist 3 months ago and he recently tried to sneak back into my life ….i resisted, but felt the pull …so badly. He said all the right things …I almost caved…they wear you down…don’t they?
    He tried to tell me I was “negative” ….of course it was all my fault …..but now, thanks to you and your posts, I think I have the strength to walk away.
    You’re my life line…until I become strong enough to be my own 🙂 ….thank you 💛

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 15, 2016

      Hi Sandy,

      you are very welcome 🙂

      Why happens Sandy is they hook us through the parts of ourselves that still require healing back to wholeness.

      That is the “gap” in where the struggle is – and if it was not presenting us with “that struggle” someone else would need to sign up for the job … because our soul evolution is the biggest thing our soul is interested in generating (hence why we are having this experience).

      I hope these words inspire you in regard to the level of healing that does bring freedom – because you truly deserve that.

      Mel xo

  • crgcrg@gmail.com'
    christine
    December 15, 2016

    it’s like she read my mind. tonight i had a problem w him taking the car and i asked about putting both cars on the road in the salt and snow. he did it but she’s right. we only bring up the things we don’t provide for ourselves. he went to the glory hole w a paid sex worker he fell in love with and i am penniless while he has millions after 30 years. she’s 32 years his junior. i went thru the meltdown and all these MTE vids saved me thru the year and a half. i am still learning and there is still some stress and anxiety. i am working at my old job in a nursing home and i am okay with it for now. i just didn’t know he was half gay, hated me and was secretly looking for a new gf to blame me for this whole past 30 years…

    • Seetheshells1976@yahoo.com'
      Rachelle
      December 16, 2016

      If you’re married, sue for divorce and spousal support, plus alimony if you have kids.
      And he’s not “half gay,” he’s either straight, gay, or bisexual. He may even have a sex addiction.

      • Seetheshells1976@yahoo.com'
        Rachelle
        December 16, 2016

        I meant “child support.”
        Spousal support is alimony. LOL!

  • Fionaspinks@hotmail.com'
    Fi
    December 15, 2016

    Calling the narcissist out was the day it all turned around for me. It wasn’t intended to be my parting comment but it turned out that way. I called him out, elaborated a bit, he then stood over the top of me and (I’m sure he meant it menacingly) said ‘I’m {expletive} magnificent Fiona and don’t you forget it!’
    Something in me gave out in this moment and rather than feel the fear he intended to inject, I absolutely cracked up laughing. Full hysterics. All of a sudden it was so clear and so apparent to me that my efforts were and would continue to be futile. Naturally that didn’t go down too well with him. I thanked him for making it so clear and left. The end.

    • redhotrussian14@hotmail.com'
      Vanessa
      February 17, 2017

      Fiona, I absolutely LOVE this!!! I was laughing out loud after reading it. I know I got to the same point where you realize how pathetic they are and as much as they try to knock you down, you can finally look at them and think “you are absurd”.

      I outed mine He got mad and demanded I delete it or he would block me. Then he said – NOW!! And I was laughing!!! I told him that he’s delusional if he thinks I care if he blocked me. Then I blocked him. How sad, disgusting, vile he must be to think that a threat of blocking me is going to make me do anything or scare me. I still rethink the whole scenario and you can catch me smiling when I do. LOL

  • Jhg503@aol.com'
    Joann
    December 15, 2016

    Very helpful video for those of us struggling with this horror in our lives. Thank you so much!

  • hiddencommunity@hotmail.com'
    Faith Krcmarov
    December 15, 2016

    Hi Melanie,
    What wonderful timing that this article should be published now. I have been working the NARP program for the past 5 months and it has given me untold strength to undertake what must be done. Unfortunately due to various strictures I was unable to go no contact with my N. We had to keep sharing a house. NARP helped me to keep my distance and keep me safe from many of the hooks. although not entirely immune I was nevertheless finding an inner serenity that could not be soiled by the N’s activities. I had refrained from explaining my opinions of his behaviour, held my own council and avoided the dramas, where possible, that he tried to generate. Its been horrible watching him essentially starve as I directed my energies elsewhere. He didn’t seem to be seeking alternative sources until I realised he had turned his malevolence upon my daughter when I was away at work. I was so close and emotionally muddied that I couldn’t really see what was going on. I have moved her out now and the temptation has been strong to let him have it and tell him why she and I have essentially left the house. He thinks he has been a devoted parent, providing structure and discipline when in fact his harshness and unrelenting bullying has driven her into herself. I know he will never hear me and that he would ‘out-logic’ and counter argue my every statement. I’d be only chasing my own satisfaction by letting him know how I really feel whilst unfortunately giving my power away. Listening to this article has saved me from falling into that trap and just in time!!
    Thanks again Melanie 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 15, 2016

      Hi Faith,

      I am so pleased NARP has helped you so much, and that this has reminded you to not feed him any energy.

      You are doing great Faith and I wish every success and joy that life has to offer to you and your daughter.

      It is wonderful you are healing for you – and for her.

      Mel xo

  • Pratai@telus.net'
    Corrine
    December 15, 2016

    My adult children are like their father to some degree. They can turn on me and accuse me of being crazy. I also have difficulty with feeling very sorry for the narcissist. I knew his mother. His issues belong to him. After three years I have finally decided on no contact whatsoever. That is what lawyers are for. I decided years ago to stop engaging with the narcissist. That helped me to survive long enough to get my children raised. Then my behaviour pattern became simple mind numbing habit. I survived within the marriage by having an almost totally separate life. I am well into my senior years after enduring 40 years of abuse. I am now trying to let go of my old behaviour patterns so that my children do not upset me. That is really difficult. This recent.thriver TV episode is very timely. I will spend the next few days with my children. They will try to push my buttons and now I know that it is a mistake to react and more importantly I must stay calm and realize that they were trained to mistreat me. I can no longer parent them. They too are not awake. I am not fully awake yet but thanks to Melanie , I am getting there

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 15, 2016

      Hi Corrine,

      I am so pleased this helped.

      Corrine have you considered working with NARP to release the 40 years of abuse out of your Inner Being, so that you can go free?

      That is what creates incredible shifts with key people (such as your children) as well as of course your quality of Life.

      Bless and much love

      Mel xo

  • divamsm@gmail.com'
    Ms M
    December 15, 2016

    I went through my last narcissist relationship and had even told him he was ‘the most arrogant and narcissistic bastard I’ve ever met.’ …but that was before I knew Narcissism was an actual ‘thing’….before I knew it was a personality disorder. I had no idea at the time, but it ended everything – once and for all. Kaput. He apologized for his awful behavior about a year after the big blowup, and never spoke to me or acknowledged me again. I have seen him around a few times by complete accident, but he kept walking and looked the other way, so I did the same. So, keep that in mind if you want to go ‘No Contact’ forever! In a way, it was a huge relief and probably the smartest thing I ever did when it came to dealing with him.

  • bears14@verizon.net'
    Bill
    December 15, 2016

    I really needed to hear this today. Thanks Mel.

  • anapvela@yahoo.com'
    Ana
    December 15, 2016

    Hello Melanie thanks again for taking the time to make this videos. I love them! I do have a question. As a codependent of course Ive told the N that he is one and he agreed. He told me that he sees what I’m talking about but has never Really done anything about it like therapy or anything. and he did change a bit for the better but of course not enough to be able to have a normal, healthy relationship. I’m just curious what does this mean? He’s an altruistic N by the way which made it super hard to leave him cause I kept hearing from everyone how awesome he is. 🙄

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 15, 2016

      Hi Ana,

      I am so glad and it’s my pleasure 🙂

      The truth is an N may do whatever it takes to stay connected to good narcissistic supply.

      N number 1 and 2 in my Life at times agreed they needed help, professed they would do “anything to retain the relationship” … and even went to therapy.

      Did the obscene narcissistic behaviour stop happening?

      No …

      The total truth is unless severe trauma is addressed cellularly and no longer exists – a true healing hasn’t taken place.

      Attempted management of trauma is not a true healing and is no indication that the behaviour won’t happen again.

      N’s have already crossed the line into inhuman and out of bounds behaviour that a level of Healthy Inner Identity could not even contemplate acting out, let alone execute.

      The behaviour will happen again in the case you describe – it’s only a matter of time.

      This is the REAL deal … until you heal the subconscious wounds within your Inner Identity which are keeping you tied up in needing someone else as you Source even when they are abusing you – then you are in the game too.

      There is only one solution if you want out – and / or if you have had enough of the devastating patterns and anxiety and depression that always is our experience when we are not living aligned with our True Self …

      Know this is not to do with him, let alone how wonderful other people think he is (that is truly irrelevant) – because he is merely and magnificently the catalyst, pointing you inwards to heal yourself.

      And if he wasn’t in your experience generating that healing opportunity – another person dealing out identical abuse confusion and pain would need to be.

      The ability to leave and move onwards to better and healthier emotions, life states and love trajectories happens Ana (powerfully) when we do the inner work on our unhealed parts.

      I hope this helps and inspires you toward “the way out”.

      Mel xo

  • nicole_best@iinet.net.au'
    NikkiDee
    December 15, 2016

    Timely as always! I’m believing more and more in synchronicity and energies as there are too many coincidences in my life. This year I have learnt so many life lessons having a narc father, sister, ex husband (25 years married and whom I have to co-parent with), and ‘friends’ and work colleagues – being the perfect codependent I was very popular! To say that I have learned about myself this year is the understatement of my being, I have been reborn (or in fact born for the first time in a spiritual sense). I’ve had to let my narc father go, which was (is) painful. I absolutely adored my father growing up (I was daddy’s little girl) and saw his control as love, so it was natural that I chose another narc as my life partner. Of all the narcs in my life, it turns out that my father is the ‘big kahuna’, which took some time in accepting (in fact still accepting). However, out of the pain has come such amazing love. I have recently connected with my mother, who I feel that she is part of my own soul, I feel that we are one of the same. It truly is a wonderful blessing. My mother has patiently waited more than 48 years for me to ‘show up’ and I am truly thankful and fortunate that I am able to spend this time with her. My journey is still new and fresh and vulnerable, however, there is now hope, which I never really had before. I wish everyone with all my heart a very spiritual xmas and hoping good vibrations and conncections are coming your way, Xx.

    • shyannat1@outlook.com'
      Miss T
      December 15, 2016

      Blessings and congrats to you and your healing 🙏🏽 Just curious how were you able to co parent with whom you say is your narc ? What skills did you learn in doing so in a similar situation with very young soon to be two children and experts say to just don’t do it but it’s easier said than done when you want your children to have healthy relationship with their fathers so they don’t follow your life pattern

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi NikkiDee,

      how wonderful that you have experienced so much personal growth this year!

      I love that you have connected back to your Mum – how divine!

      Thank you Nikki for your love to everyone, and much love to you!

      Mel xo

  • Loadr27@aol.com'
    Roger Cunningham
    December 15, 2016

    Melanie, your writings/blog let me know what a narcissist is and why my ex narc destroyed my family and emotionally murdered my sons. Yes as a parting shot I told her she was a narcissist and it made ME feel better. Of course she didn’t accept nor believe that anything could possibly be wrong with her; and I didn’t expect that disclosure to have any obvious affect. Narcs may be unconscious or in denial of their condition but they know something is wrong with them I believe. I guess it was just an effort to get some small measure of occasional revenge for the horrible damage she caused to my sons and me. During her brief moments of whatever introspection that she is capable, the ‘narc’ label will surface in her mind. I didn’t inform her with any expectation that she could or would seek help and her false persona could become genuine. I know that she has no real connection to anything or anybody and that she cannot be fixed. She must live within her tormented psyche and scramble for ns to keep from being annihilated. I have progressed a long way with recovery through understanding of narcs and myself- many thanks to you. I pray and mourn for my sons everyday. I know that they cannot help what happened to them. I love them and will be here for them if they ever come back emotionally. The oldest is definitely a narcissist and the youngest probably is as well. (21 & 16) Her mother is a narc- it is a curse from the devil that gets passed from generation to generation.
    Roger

  • sylvia7@talktalk.net'
    SylviaWilkin
    December 15, 2016

    Hi Mel!
    I haven’t been around for a while, due to starting a new job and working long hours, which has involved meeting lots of new people. All of which has brought many powerful opportunities to do more healing work on myself, and identify more false beliefs . But I will share more of that later, so watch this space!
    I totally agree with what you have said in the video. On more than one occasion, I tried pointing out to a Narc that they were a Narc…….all it did was give them an opportunity to blame, project and gaslight. The false Narcissistic self is a highly sophisticated defence system. It is impenetrable and simply does not allow any criticism to get through the barricade. Thats why it was created – to protect the agonising wounds within. Its like a bullet-proof shield – whatever ammunition you fire will rebound straight back to you. Its pointless. As you have said, we must look inside ourselves. The Narc will always be a Narc, but we can definitely cease to be a magnet for them by cleaning out the old trauma.
    You are looking gorgeous as ever Mel, hope to speak soo, and thanks again for more wonderful wisdom! Much love xxxxx

    • wopla@gmx.com'
      Miba
      December 15, 2016

      Sylvia I love your interpretation of NPD. That’s spot on.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Sylvia,

      it is lovely to hear from you – as always!

      It is incredible how life is always granting us exactly what we need too evolve to the next highest most free version of self!

      Greta that you re continually graduating.

      Thank you darling lady, I hope to speak with you soon too .. and much love to you as well

      Mel xo

  • yvonne.marie3013@gmail.com'
    Vonni
    December 15, 2016

    I think I got significantly wiser over this vid. Thanks Melanie!!!

  • yvonne.marie3013@gmail.com'
    Vonni
    December 15, 2016

    I have made the mistake of calling him out. Then I get gaslighted some more. These emails and videos are so helpful!! Thank you, Mel!! 😊

  • shyannat1@outlook.com'
    Miss T
    December 15, 2016

    Thank you so much for tonight’s understanding I only wish I had listened before I went in on my children’s father the person whom I believe is the issue I have been dealing with for three years now and almost two kids later I have been following you and doing the work and just when I think I have come along somehow I get sucleked back in :/ I think my problem may be that this is my only constant support at this time in my life and I’m always led to believe that this is coming out of the goodness of ones heart however it does not feel like that it feels controlled and minupulted and sabotaged i come from a broken home so I tried my hardest to give my kids a different experience so I tell myself I’m trying to work with him is that even possible ?? If narrsist are Gods aid in our lives what is this lesson suppose to teach me separate my children or try to separate them from his father who seems to love him so much we’ve been also in legal matters with this for the last year and a half and he’s not a give up type especially when it comes to his only son his soon to be 2 nd daughter maybe a bit easier so confusing and frustrating and hurtful I’ve been trying to live a godly woman life so my excuse was to forgive because that’s what I’m supposed to do I feel like a failure

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Miss T,

      It is so common for us to get “sucked back in” … and truly it is not until we deeply meet, heal and release those parts of ourselves that do … that we get free.

      That is where you true liberation lies, rather than trying to conceptually ask yourself or even me “why”. The answers and the healing always lie within our own Inner Being – within our original traumas which unconsciously set us up for this in the first place.

      Truly Miss T, there is a way to heal this and co-parent in ways that are empowered and lessen the struggles for you and your children.

      I have created many resources in regard to this subject. Please google my name + children + co-parenting and you will see the list of resources which appear.

      Also, if you haven’t already I highly recommend joining my free newsletter – as this will help link you into the healing to help you – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/getstarted

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • Jenniferschmager05@gmail.com'
    jennifer schmager
    December 15, 2016

    Hi Melanie Your insightful comments are so true. Having been married and now divorced to narcisstic l can relate, only at the time l didn’t know what a narcisst was. I turned myself inside out trying to correct, justify, excuse, his bad behaviour, lies and nuttyness. It never seamed l was ever on a even platform, it was always an emotional rollercoaster and l was so devalued, and felt so unconciously powerless, which plays into their hands. Deception and betrayal is the most demeaning behavior they can do without any conscience, all the while they keep you hooked into their world of, their the victim. Your valuable post gives out truthful information which is helping other people see truth and not to be deceived. Not only about narcs but about our fragile selves. Its o.k to have strong boundries and to love ourselves out of the broken pitt we jumped into. Thankyou Melanie.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Jennifer,

      Oh yes – I can relate regarding the twisting ourselves into every shape!

      You are so right … we can love and heal ourselves out of this!

      So lovely you are getting it!

      It’s my pleasure Jennifer 🙂

      Mel xo

  • sussex.woman@gmail.com'
    HELENA WOJTCZAK
    December 15, 2016

    Thanks for this and for all your info Melanie.

    My ex is a shy, covert, stealth narcissist. He is 59, was well-brought up in a middle class English family, has a tested IQ in the 170s, is highly educated, and is high up in his profession. He comes across as intellectual, charming, quietly-spoken, reflective, talkative, smiling, empathetic and kind. Because he functions as a perfectly normal decent person, it took me 8 years to discover that his weird behaviour patterns are that of a covert narcissist.

    My question is, does what you say still apply to him? To someone who grasps new concepts very quickly and who is extremely brainy? Are there no exceptions at all to the way they respond to being told what they are?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Helena,

      My pleasure 🙂

      Narcissism is an emotional defect. The ability to operate in ways that are emotionally immature, defunct and damaging to self and others.

      IQ intelligence truly has nothing to do with it – not for a narcissist or a codependent being hurt by a narcissist.

      Subconscious emotional patterns have a life of their own that are not operating at the level of cognitive intelligence … truly … And this is where most attempted treatment and recovery goes wrong.

      Until the traumas that created the emotional malfunctioning are addressed, no amount of logical application will work in treating it.

      Mel xo

  • clairemurphy143@gmail.com'
    Claire
    December 15, 2016

    I AM SORRY this is so long! But I have seen other people write long things, so I think it is ok in this forum? Thank you for this. I am really glad I found your blog. I was married 19 years to a man like this. By the end I had become crazy. I even cut/self-injured for the first time at age 44! I am a recovering alcoholic but he always sabotaged me and I would relapse. When sober he was bored with me. When I would relapse he would shower me with love bombing, passionate words and sex. When I was sober for various lengths of times, we never had sex. I’d have three months, six months, 30 days sober many, many times. At one point I had three years sober and we never had sex. He ONLY wanted blow jobs. That was the ONLY intimate contact we had. He especially wanted blow jobs after he raged at me and I apologized. If I wanted to have sex, I would have to be on top and he would lie there bored. I never stopped trying to get and stay sober. I was/am very involved in AA. But the weird thing is he told everyone he wanted me sober. And he told ME he wanted me sober. He even triangulated me with my sponsor and my friends in AA…he even joined AA for two months saying he wanted to quit drinking. He charmed everyone in my AA group and by the end of that, I was deemed “crazy.” These were my really good friends and support network—I am still rebuilding those relationships. Every time I would relapse he would “love” me again. Then the relapse would catch up to me, he would rage and I would act out. He would call the police on me for the most innocuous reasons? Like if I took his phone to see who he was texting. And then he would convince the police I was crazy. And then the first thing the next morning, he would rush out to the police station and get a copy of the police report for his file. I always felt like he was compiling “evidence” against me. Then we would continue on as if it didn’t even happen. I would get sober for a while, he would be indifferent and cold. I would relapse and he would love bomb me. I would get caught up in drinking and he would call the police or worse, I would try to flee and get a DUI. I got two! You can see why I have trouble thinking this isn’t my fault. I am the alcoholic. I have gone crazy. I have cut. I was even diagnosed bipolar two years ago (I’m 47.) I feel like I “became” crazy because of this relationship. I knew intuitively something was wrong but I stopped trusting my own intuition. It’s SO WEIRD. His rages at my slightest indiscretions became worse over time. Last year, his rage lasted weeks. It usually only lasted days. He implemented a complete smear campaign that time and took all of our money into a separate account, of which I didn’t have access. We had just sold a rental property (I managed the property because he is incompetent with things like that) and so we had $28,000. I believe that is where his rage came from. He wanted that money to himself. It’s SO WEIRD. I was always the financially responsible one and he couldn’t even balancce a checkbook. And I was in fight or flight for weeks—I ended up disassociating and felt like I was going schizo to protect myself from this emotional trauma. He was constantly threatening to take custody of our children if I didn’t behave. I begged him back. I’ve often described myself as feeling like I had PTSD. Reading your blog, I have had so many “aha” moments, especially learning about “triangulation.” That was a constant in our marriage—with his mother, sister and several ex-girlfriends. I knew I wasn’t a jealous person or needy at all, but he had me convinced I was because I would be uncomfortable with these other women. Anyways, I’m sorry this is so long. I have so much to say, but I’m journaling about it all—I’m a writer. What scares me is that even after reading your blog, I still wonder if I’m the crazy one. I know if I confronted him about NPD he would turn it around and say I’m the one with these issues. So, I won’t. We separated in February (he got the house, cars, the money. He tried to get full custody but relented when I agreed to give him EVERYTHING else. So, I got 50% custody of the children thank GOD.—He called the schools and our Church and smeared me, etc.. But he kept coming over to my apartment with alcohol and we would have sex and he would love bomb me. Then he would be cruel the next day and turn the lawyers on me. Once when I passed out he stole my laptop for two days and went through all of my emails. After that, He left his phone at my apartment and I discovered texts between him and his college girlfriend talking about what a “cunt” I am—He brought her into the triangle and she called me “unstable” and “delusional.” We divorced on Oct 18 (our 19 year anniv.) I went no contact on October 21st, 56 days ago after a suicide attempt. He seriously ran out the next day and got a copy of the police report from my suicide attempt, and he emailed it to my mom. He has stolen my journals and showed them to other people, totally triangulating and smearing me this year. Even when I was in the hospital he came over to my home and took another journal. I’m sober. I’m no contact. And I’m discovering I am NOT CRAZY. I worry because we have children and share custody but they’re teenagers. I intuitively knew (before reading your blog) that I needed to go no contact with him or I would end up killing myself for real. It’s funny reading how you say that is imperative. I knew that instinctively! Even though it’s not ideal, since we have children together, I HAVE to for now maintain no contact in order to heal. Once I’m strong enough, maybe I can try co-parenting, which would actually be better for the children. ANYWAYS, THANK YOU! I still wonder if it’s me, if I’m the crazy one. But your blog has given me little BRIEF moments of peace and hope that it wasn’t me after all. It will be a long road. I’m starting over with nothing, on food stamps and trying to rebuild my life. I pray to God to keep this no contact thing up. He has come by a couple of times in the last 56 days (made an excuse to bring me something I left at the house, etc.) but I was unemotional and he didn’t stay. But emails and texts and phone calls are completely blocked.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Claire,

      I am sorry you have been through so much crazy making …. when we are around sick people we get sicker.

      It is true for many of us that previous addiction issues – which really means we tended to self-medicate rather than be able to self-soothe – helped make us very susceptible to being hooked into narcissists.

      Claire my heart goes out to you because I know the stage you are in … where there is so much angst, pain and obsession regarding “what has happened” … yet the true healing path is to turn inwards and grant love and healing to the parts of ourselves that have been ripped open and are highly traumatised.

      Claire, have you connected to my Free Resources? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/getstarted

      It is SO true that pulling away from him is necessary … and congratulations for being strong enough to do so – yet truly Claire that is only the beginning .. because then there is the necessity to self-partner and do the most important mission of our entire life … healing ourselves back to wholeness.

      My blog and other informational resources are “brief relief” – they are really only supplements. The real cellular DNA work to heal from narcissistic abuse is the NARP Program http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      I promise you that when you heal at that level – from the inside out – you will know yes you were wounded and also
      why” this has played out the way it has – and the relief and power when those original wounds no longer exist and how your life transforms beyond description as a result.

      And so importantly how you will never be susceptible to abuse again.

      I hope this can help Claire.

      Sending you hugs and healing.

      Mel xo

  • wopla@gmx.com'
    Miba
    December 15, 2016

    1:55 Expansion :). Hehe.

    The video was quite entertaining.

    Agree wholeheartedly with NC.

    Nothing to add, stellar advice.

  • bcuerden@gmail.com'
    becca
    December 15, 2016

    This video is spot on, and a great reminder . I’ve been a NARPer for almost four years, and my life has become something wonderful I could NEVER have guessed at. I’m heading into the last bit of legal disentanglement with the N (marriage of 22 years), and I will be free. I remember confronting him with his split personality evil-twin after another bizarre episode of drama. I said we couldn’t go on and that he would have to deal with the crazy. He looked at me and just said “Oh that other guy? He’s Gone!” That was his way of addressing a split in his own consciousness. I can laugh now. BUT when I did finally leave (in agony) he ended up on a psychiatric ward not once but twice. There was no way he could hook me back in at that point. NARP modules are fantastic for defining boundaries, and redefining them.
    They remind me that you can’t talk sense to crazy. We have to bring ourselves back from the brink and give ourselves everything we were giving to the N. All that beautiful caring attention that helps others to thrive, when we give it to ourselves- no surprise that we start to thrive too. I really appreciate reading people’s comments. Everyone is so brave here. Thank you again Melanie for your continuing work and your house is so homey and comforting.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Becca,

      I am so thrilled for you that you Life has transformed so much!

      Congratulations on your upcoming freedom!

      Oh YEAH – there is NO talking sense to crazy!

      You are so welcome Becca … and the home in the video is my dearest girlfriend’s home!!

      I am blessed to be able to use it at the moment whilst I am renovating!

      Mel xo

  • jennifermchase@yahoo.com'
    Jeffifer
    December 16, 2016

    As so often happens when we have unhealed childhood wounds, I work and live in N-infested waters…… I am interviewing for jobs in another state and I must admit that I have such a desire to call out the Ns in the N-system at the present company. However, I know that the real answer for me to heal and have a full life is to do the inner healing. Sooooooo….. Lots of Mod3 right now. 😎

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Jeffifer,

      Oh yeah – the liberation is within.

      Go get it lady!! Great job! 🙂

      Mel xo

  • bubbles97@frontiernewt.net'
    Dawn
    December 16, 2016

    I enjoy reading your articles,but what has really helped me is Bruno Groening,and his way of living. I’ve been able to get rid of my Depression which has been with me for Decades.And I’ve been able to forgive the narcs in my life.I am now on the way to healing my lifelong illnesses.The narcs in my life have never taken responsibility for what they have done so I wouldn’t waste my time.I only need to fix me and no one else

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Dawn,

      that is so wonderful that you have found your way back to you and healed 🙂

      Mel xo

  • lucy.mae@westnet.com.au'
    Lucy
    December 16, 2016

    Can I please ask, when a narcissist triangulates – is it ever safe to be frank with the third party? I took a voluntary role in a community archive this year. The archive is administered by another organisation, but I have little contact with that – I answer to a very informal one-man ‘committee’. Of course, the instant I received some recognition from this organisation, alpha female spied competitor, bee-lined for my one-man committee, who promptly “fell in love” etc. etc.
    I’m doing ok with this; there are triggers, but I can manage them. I keep it very even and professional with this fellow. But it’s such a fine line to tread … for example, when she was going through the “I’ve got to get my foot in her door” phase, it wasn’t she who sat on the phone day after day demanding we meet. He does it for her. So when I decline to be sucked in – it’s he who feels rebuffed. That sort of thing.
    I’d like to hang onto this role for a while, there are a few things I’d like to accomplish before she closes in. To date, I’ve just declined to engage with their “stuff” full-stop, but such a tight boundary itself helps erode trust, but I don’t know how to loosen it without revealing why I don’t share his enthusiasm for this woman…and something tells me ‘don’t do that’.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Lucy,

      what always happens with narcissists is that when we get involved with others – trying to convince them of the truth we don’t get great results.

      I have written and recorded some information regarding “triangulation” which you can google and watch / read.

      The greatest soul lesson we are experiencing when triangulated is WE need to love and approve of ourselves – not try to source how we feel about ourselves in relation to what others think.

      We also often have big fears of “persecution” that this is bringing up for us that we can now heal.

      The miracle happens when we become okay with “what is happening” because we do the healing work to feel solid on the inside … then people outside of us start to match this and “get it” organically as well.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

      • lucy.mae@westnet.com.au'
        Lucy
        December 18, 2016

        Oh yes, you’ve written heaps! – some of it very powerful. Thank you. (I’m old, I don’t always think of google first.)
        Yep. Persecution. Fear of being judged. Fell off the wagon. You got it in one.

  • myriadproductionltd@yahoo.co.uk'
    Connie
    December 16, 2016

    Hi Melanie – this is such a wonderful video and so timely (as always) as I’ve been getting to the point recently where I really felt it was time to gear up and take my Narc father on, I guess in a ditch attempt to set him on a path to rehabilitation! This is in spite of being on your course for over a year and experiencing so much understanding, great break-throughs and much up levelling. I am still struggling to go no contact and I know that’s bad, but it feels impossible. I also struggle with believing myself and my own feelings and I wonder if this is something that other adult children of Narcs can relate to. My father is such a controlling person – my brother and I weren’t allowed to have our feelings as kids, a small touch of temper was treated as an outburst of catastrophic proportions and punished with weeks of sulking from him, tears were ’emotional blackmail’, he even had us writing diaries from a young age which he would then inspect, so no privacy. He seemed to deeply believe that both of us were set to be the biggest pair of liars on the planet, and had us writing lines about not lying and would underline statements about honesty in children’s books that he read to us. Unfortunately he had my Mum’s backing, she never intervened and although she later confided in me a lot about how unhappy she was, she always told me her one comfort was what a wonderful father he was to us. Added to this, he was a lot of fun when we were little and seemed to really love us then, which has made all the years after so confusing and even harder to detach because of good memories and not wishing to be unfair to him. Although logically I can see that he’s a horror and he ticks all the boxes, I still find myself horrified at my disloyalty towards him, twisted up with guilt and constantly wondering if it’s all me, if I’m the bad person and I just can’t see it. Sometimes in modules I find myself second guessing my truthfulness in the way that he would. I feel as if I’ve thought of almost nothing but him for over three decades and I don’t want to spend any more of my life in this pain and confusion. He now has Parkinson’s and my mother is in full time care with late stage Alzheimer’s (he never allowed her to see a doctor). Do you think it’s possible for children of Narcs to fully heal, or is there just too much damage in us? Thank you for everything you do – my life IS so much better now and I can sleep through the night without guilt which is a huge leap forward, plus my brother is back in my life after 5 years of not speaking xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Connie,

      first please let me say that I am so pleased you are on the NARP Program and that have the Quantum Tools to deal with this.

      Yes … absolutely true healing is possible.

      Connie 100% the most important thing for you to do to generate that path and have the support to do so – is to be in the NARP Forum getting the coaching, insights and support necessary to heal beyond what is being triggered in you right now – and so that can go to the next level.

      Which is what is always happening in these breakdown / breakthrough situations.

      Please do that – post in the Forum and ask for what you need – because that is the healing container where the pure miracles happen.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Mel xo

  • kristina_wright@yahoo.ca'
    Kristina
    December 16, 2016

    Thank you so much for your video! I actually started laughing when I pictured calling out to my spouse and his reactions….. Definitely not going happen, he will not change! There is really a cycle and I am starting to see it! In fact he thinks I am crazy! He is scared what I could do or say etc. I am so tired of this and I don’t want to go home to him anymore!! I am starting to heal and know why I am in this mess, but I have a wonderful daughter that I don’t want to leave with him alone! He found another trigger to make me react and it involves our daughter! I can not do 50 50 with him… I am tired of his negative vibrations and expectations of me! I don’t know how to handle that situation with him?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Kristina,

      you are so welcome 🙂

      Kristina, please google my name + children + coparenting and you will see the many resources I have created on this topic.

      Also please know the most important thing we can do for our children is to deeply heal our own Inner Being – because where our energy goes is where they follow.

      Also I highly suggest joining my free New Life newsletter – that will help a lot …

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/getstarted

      Mel xo

  • aiameeting@yahoo.com'
    Bria
    December 16, 2016

    Melanie,

    I am trying to understand your view on why/how narcissism happens or narcissist is created. It is created by childhood trauma in narcissist’s life. Narcissist’s wounds and trauma is causing them to behave narcissistically.

    I have come across 4-6 narcissists in my life. None of them had any traumas. I was married to 2 of them. My mom is a narcissist. If anything – they had a stellar childhood and pretty privileged childhood relative to mine.

    I want to understand what sort of wounds/trauma they might have experienced? Both my ex-husbands had plenty of money, lived a upper middle life-style with plenty of avail. resources.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Bria,

      Practical and cognitive support is not necessarily emotional support.

      What children were given practically and materially is not how they were valued as “themselves” for being”themselves”.

      Many narcissists and co-deps were brought up with high expectations and conditions.

      You will be loved and accepted IF …. (fill in the gap).

      This leads children to not value themselves (or others) and to not feel good enough AS THEMSELVES.

      That is one of the greatest fractures leading to egoic outer in sourcing and low ability to self-partner (love and accept self) … hence the set up to abuse or be abused.

      I hope this helps you understand True Life is an emotional connection to self, Life and others not an achievement or a getting stuff deal.

      Which is why so much of our world has ended up as such a mess.

      Mel xo

  • sharronsmith@sky.com'
    Shaz
    December 16, 2016

    I told mine I knew he was a covert narcissist. Following love bombing, lying, debts and a false persona. Two years of lies that i found out when i flwt aomething was amiss. He told me I was talking “shit”. Told him to sort it or go. He found someone else and moved out and in with her. Followed by bad mouthing me , saying he had to bale me out with money, when it was the other way around. And then reported me to the police for dropping his creditors letters to his new address. I was lucky. I figured him out within a year of him moving into my house (he rented). And when I gave him notice to go he told me he had “rights” and demanded a load of cash. Obviously all premeditated. No..he didn’t get any! I am left in debt from money he “borrowed” but like I say I am lucky as i figured him out before I got too deep. I am on my guard now but it taught me a lesson. All that glitters is not gold! And if something doesn’t feel right then it usually isn’t . I can totally relate to anyone who has been sucked in by such a pathological, lying, cheating, disgusting creature who declares their undying love and insists you’re their soul mate within two months.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Shaz,

      I am so pleased you saw it and got out.

      Power to you and wishing you much healing 🙂

      Mel xo

  • anneheld@hotmail.com'
    Annelie
    December 16, 2016

    Wow to hear all these story’s makes me feel better about myself. I went from a happy confident loving woman into a unhappy depressed closed off woman in eight years of an on and off relationship! He has all the symptoms of a narc and I thought I was the crazy one. The sad part is that I lost over 7 years of my youthful life with a man that’s unworthy of my heart! He made me feel guilty for his choices and decisions and how he treated me. Recently comes to light that bs also been unfaithful to me and I understand now why he wasn’t truly invested in a real relationship with me. It’s been a month since I haven’t heard from him and I’m strong enough now to move on without him. On the outside you would think he’s the nicest guy around but when it comes to having an intimate relationship with, he treated me differently! He was always concerned what others think of him, obviously he didn’t care what I thought of him in the end! He would put on the nice guy show on the outside but when it’s the two of us, he would be very depressing and it amused him to see me unsettled and an emotional wreck! He treated myself and my family like we were true outsiders, my friends and family could see what I was going through but when your heart is with a man, you don’t see so clearly. Anyway that was then and it’s up to me to move forward and stay strong and let him go completely. Thanks for your views. Annelie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Annalie,

      within the Thriver Community … we really do find that there was something within our own healing and development – as well as healing some aspect of what we suffered which matched the ways we may have felt as children – and the painful beliefs we developed within our Inner Being … that can be liberated.

      Then all regret leaves and a new level of existence emanates from within and starts to generate in our Life.

      Narcissistic abuse is a catalystic opportunity for this.

      Mel xo

  • Godsintimatelove@aol.com'
    Just me
    December 16, 2016

    Oh. My. Gosh! Narcissists are absolutely insane. And you’re right, calling them out on it just makes them act even more vicious.

    I totally agree with Melanie’s statement that, “N’s (the narcissists), have already crossed the line into inhuman and out of bounds behaviour that a level of Healthy Inner Identity could not even contemplate acting out, let alone execute.” So flipping true!

    I also completely, intimately understand, (by experience being done to myself currently and ongoing for years!), what Roger means by that the narcissist “emotionally murdered” his two sons. I feel completely emotionally murdered. I’m sorry that happened to someone you love, Roger.

    And I intimately relate to what Claire said. By their constant, unrelenting, insane, controlling, manipulative and vicious, in essence, attacking behavior towards you, (whether overt, covert, reverse or whatever type of Narcissism it is), it drives you to react so extremely (and it only gets more extreme the longer you’re around them), that YOU end up looking like the “crazy” one! And they act perfectly normal, nice, fragile, delicate, vulnerable and even ‘bending-over-backwards to help you,’ benevolent, around other people. (Those are descriptions geared towards some female narcissists. Insert your own narcissist’s descriptions at will.) Claire, I feel your pain and confusion and just trying to keep functioning and stay above the waterline in a situation where you can’t even get a chance to get your footing before your feet are knocked out from under you again. It’s like you’re in a riptide or a whirlpool. No matter how hard you fight, it feels more powerful than you.

    And, finally, I personally also completely identify with Faith when she says about her narcissist and their daughter, that “his harshness and unrelenting bullying has driven her into herself.” I have said so many times in regard to this person’s effect on my life that my life is shrinking down smaller and smaller as I pull further and further down into my little cave to try to get away from them!

    It’s too simplistic to say to just get away from them. There are financial constraints. Although I do have a shot at a program to buy a house, if I could control my spending. But my “coping spending,” as I call it, helps me to cope with the harassment when I get to the super stressed level with it. I manage to control the spending for a certain amount of time, but the stress just builds up and builds up and I crack and go on a spending binge that leaves me starting over again, trying to dig myself out.

    It’s so easy to say, “Well, you know that if you don’t do it, you’re just going to be stuck there forever.” Duh. That’s not helpful, I already know that. I don’t even know of any high blood pressure in my family and my blood pressure used to be always 120 over 70. Then it crept up to 120 over 80 at my physical in 2014. It’s now 147 over 90. A big part of that is a major situation at work, but some of it is because I have it coming at me from all sides and don’t even have a “home” to unwind and recover at, with that N situation there. You can probably hear that my head’s about to explode from it. It’s so frustrating and affects my being able to function, focus, concentrate and absorb information so much that I have no life. I buy self-help books and programs and can’t even get myself to listen to them because I’m so emotionally overwhelmed and overloaded. Ironically, Melanie, I bought your program a long time ago, but I haven’t felt like I can even listen to it. By the time I get out of work, I have nothing left to listen to it with. Work takes what little functioning emotional energy I have left. Then I sit at home with narcissistic environment around me the rest of the time. I have no energy to be out in the world. I don’t know if I’m an empath or not, but I definitely feel everything that comes in from around me a lot. It feels like I’m being constantly bombarded and driven into the ground by it. I worry about the overload factor, because it’s real and I can feel that last straw of the camel’s back when I try to do even the slightest extra thing, even if it’s the thing I need to get out of the situation. Even adding exclamation points feels emotionally “heavy” to me right now, like it weighs me down to add them, as much as they express how I feel.

    Is that an empath thing? I’m not depressed, at least not emotionally. I’ve been there and know very well how that feels. It’s like my body is depressed separately from my emotions. I know. It all sounds nuts. I just thought people here would understand and I wouldn’t feel so crazy from it all anymore. Holding it all in all the time because you know no one will believe you or understand, or will just think YOUR the crazy one, does that to you. Thanks for letting me vent.

    But Faith, reading about your progress in the program, having two days off from work and venting heavily things that I have held in so long or told people who didn’t believe me, (so that was no help!), has given me enough emotional strength to feel like I can at least start listening to Melanie’s program. So, thank you for sharing and I’m sorry about the effects on your daughter from it. Tell her she’s not the only one and that other people understand how she feels and they feel, maybe not exactly to the letter how she feels, but their own personal version of it. We get it.

    And not to leave anyone out, thank you for everyone’s comments. You never know who you help by contributing.

    Sorry that this is so long.

    • Loadr27@aol.com'
      Roger
      December 16, 2016

      Just Me- sorry to see you feeling so bad and struggling with your crazy making narc. Thanks for your kind words regarding my sons. It is mind boggling how much toxic venom a narc can spew onto families while appearing to be a charming well adjusted individual. My ex narc is the covert somatic type. No two are exactly alike but they share many characteristics.

      For me, knowledge and education about their behavior and techniques has been so freeing. My narc devalued and left me so I reckon that is ‘easier’ in some respects although I went through some horrible days and weeks.

      Good luck with getting your life on track to a healthy happy place and state. Knowledge is power.

      • Godsintimatelove@aol.com'
        Just me
        December 16, 2016

        Ugh! Thank you.

    • clairemurphy143@gmail.com'
      claire
      December 16, 2016

      thank you
      and i know what you mean when you say your body is depressed but you don’t feel like your emotions are. i’ve been exhausted, sleeping, isolating. but i’m not despairing like normal depression feels. maybe my physical healing is separate from my mental self i dunno. thank you for acknowledging my post. it validated me. xo

      • Godsintimatelove@aol.com'
        Just me
        December 17, 2016

        I so know that you need to feel validated by people who get it when you’re being targeted and slammed constantly by these highly toxic and vicious types. (I can’t even bring myself to call them “people.”) They manage to behave in a way that the severe damage they are doing to you is not evident to others, so no one believes you and that’s the biggest thing that isolates you. It adds to the feeling that you’re not worthy – worthy of believing, worthy of protection, and so on. That is NOT true! You ARE worthy. When I was reading your post, and including all the sexual controlling and manipulation, it just triggered my extreme anger at being not treated right growing up but that was, basically, “disciplined” by parental beings into such a deep place that I was no longer able to connect directly to it. (But it was still there.). My reaction to the behavior of your narc was, “Go f___ YOURSELF! You S__ of a B____! Leave her alone!” I know I wish someone would say and do that kind of protection for ME! They could, but they clearly won’t. They’re protecting the ones doing the toxic behavior, not me.

        I’ve think you can at least set it up so that you don’t have to see your narc during the time you drop off and pick up your children. You can drop them off at a neutral party’s place and he picks them up from there. I’ve heard of this being done through the courts before. It might give you a break from having to deal with him as much.

        Good luck with getting your life back on track.

        • Godsintimatelove@aol.com'
          Just me
          December 17, 2016

          Actually, Claire, let me restate something. I AM being protected by them in a major way, they took me in as a stranger and have kept my rent low for years. The way I’m not being protected is from the narcissistic, toxic behavior. And in order to be able to have a place I can afford, I have to just keep sucking up and taking this behavior. But after years of it, it’s not so easy to take anymore. It wears you down and wears you down and just keeps wearing you down. They’re trying to annihilate you under the radar of others. And they are extremely good at knowing where that radar is and how to stay, and work, under it.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Just me,

      your situation is not easy … and for many of us it wasn’t.

      Deep soul lessons are not easy to embrace and break through with.

      They challenge us with our greatest fears, insecurities and to let go of the crutches that we knew as “our life”.

      Within my experience it took losing everything financially and at a security level to finally honour the wealth of my soul.

      Life does not get it wrong – it communicates to us through our emotions, and there is a much greater plan for us when we let go and heed the call – even when we have no idea of the next step or “how” we can be supported.

      I also know that it is Life’s call turning up the volume of “how bad it is” with the eviction of the Life that is not our True Life to get us to finally heed the call … to let go and honour the healing and emotional wellbeing of our soul – no matter the cost.

      And then we start discovering how Life and others partner us because we have finally partnered our own soul.

      I really hope Just Me you do start working with NARP – and please know it is a matter of working it with the instructions rather than just listening. It is an experiential process.

      Please know there is Life on the other side and I would love to – with the incredible healing container of the NARPers in the NARP Forum – help you achieve this.

      Thank you for acknowledging other posters in your post! That was very sweet of you …

      Mel xo

      • godsintimatelove@aol.com'
        Just me
        December 23, 2016

        Yea, sorry that started going into the full-blown rage that I’ve been starting to get in touch with. It was supposed to be, and started out as, personal – “I see you, and you and your pain ARE important, d*** it!” – support. Somehow it went awry from there as the rage took over.

        But it just confirmed that I needed to do the NARP program. I thought I had already purchased it, but hadn’t done it. But I guess I was thinking of a different program I purchased back then. I’m still not sure because I never received a response from any of the emails I sent to the NARP program support, sales or the general help one to find out my password and where to start with it. But I became sufficiently convinced that it was the other program I had purchased before that I went ahead and purchased it, (hopefully not “again.”)

        I have been listening to the modules and working my way through the reading. I’ve had brief times of being in that place of abundance and joy from the universe before, where it actually feels like life is on your side and, strangely, supporting you no matter what is going on in your circumstances. It’s like that experience is completely separate from and has nothing whatsoever to do with what is playing out with your circumstances.

        I have started the program and it is difficult to start doing things differently than you are programmed your whole life in every part of your being, to do them. So I am just doing my best, even as the old reactions are coming up automatically to focus on changing the inner response to a healthy one that actually supports me in life and doesn’t assist in tearing me down. If my old programming was going to work, it would have worked by now. Clearly, it does not work. It has not given me “good,” only more “bad.” (I know those are subjective terms that are controversial, but you know what I’m saying.). Seeing them as unproductive in bringing ultimate joy and satisfaction into my life and being has helped me in my quest to release them to attempt something different.

        I have already started having the epiphany moments and just realizations I never saw or connected before. I keep having to pause the module I’m listening to in order to write down another “Wow! I get it.” thought.

        One thing I connected to a current situation I’m having, was the experience of the sound of myself crying and crying and crying as a hungry baby whose wet, dirty diaper needed to be changed, but no one was coming. (And this was in the days of only cloth diapers. They did NOTHING to pull wetness and such away from your skin.)

        I was born to a very immature, self-absorbed 16 year old mother and a father who was not there as support for her or me emotionally or physically, as he spent his 19 year old spare time hanging out at a buddy’s house who had a place for them to work on cars.

        My mom told me in the last few years, that I was several years old when I inadvertently mentioned that I remembered someone from the past. It was only then that she said she realized I was a real person. She said she had always thought of me as a doll. Think about the difference between how you treat a doll, (playing with it and tending to its needs at your convenience and leaving it lying abandoned in the corner when you tire of playing with it), or how you would treat a baby you saw as a real person with real needs that you need to attend to in order to nurture this helpless being, (as a healthy parent). I know part of the custody battle was vicious because my mom would blantantly and publicly run around cheating on my dad with different guys in our small town. When I was a toddler, she would actually take me with her. (How does that work?!) But I’ve wondered if when I was a baby, since they tend to sleep a lot and in a crib they can’t get out of, if she might have snuck out for small amounts of time when I just fell asleep and maybe stayed out a little longer than she should have, and that’s why I was crying and crying and crying with no one coming. I don’t really know. I’m just trying to figure it out from the pieces I do know.

        My mom left when I was three and a half years old and the ensuing custody battle that she decided later to come back and do, was a nasty one. There were many character witnesses against her for many things she had done that were not good. But the one involving me that stuck in my head was the one involving how they testified to the food and filth encrusted around my crib in the room.

        It just fit with the “me as a baby crying and crying” experience I keep hearing and experiencing. She would just leave me in my crib and feed me in there.

        The weird thing I only just connected to it while listening to the modules, is that I have extreme physical fatigue and emotional paralysis in my solar plexus. I’ve suspected, but couldn’t tell for sure, that the physical fatigue has an emotional cause.

        My creativity, which is in alignment with the life that reflects who I am as a person and I believe I should be doing as my work, and which I can tell is buried under some major block, also tries to break through but fails.

        What I recently realized is that there is probably a strong and direct connection between the “being trapped in my crib and crying ineffectually for my most basic needs to be met” scenario and being in this covertly hostile narcissist situation and developing severe fatigue that makes it almost impossible to function at all. I barely drag myself through work and other than the barest minimum things I have to do – wash clothes for work and food already made because I don’t have the energy to cook or even put together a salad. Although I start trying to, eventually it wipes me out even more to put out the energy on it, that I am low on already. Same thing with exercise. I have to spend all my spare time in bed. I feel the same “trapped” feeling as the crying baby experience because, although I could, if I were extremely careful with my finances, get out of this situation. Unfortunately, my main “release valve,” coping mechanism that helps me deal with the angry feelings that build up from the way I’m constantly treated in the situation, (including continually going on as I’m typing this), is spending. I control it and control it and control it, as long as I can without exploding from the build up of the anger. But I can only do it so long. And it’s not near long enough to be able to get out.

        I’m working to change the way I react to the hostile, narcissistic, a**h*l* behavior through working the modules. (I didn’t used to cuss either.) I’m a little afraid to sign onto the forum as I am so angry that I rage every time I turn around and am afraid I’d just alienate everyone, as I could already tell was starting to happen in my earlier comments here.

        I’m just starting to plow through it all, so we’ll see how it goes.

  • roxanne.schwab@gmail.com'
    Rox
    December 16, 2016

    Hi Mel! You asked us to post if we were considering calling out an N and this video made us think differently about it. That’s what happened to me. I was thinking this evening, not sure how seriously, that if I just told my former best friend N that I knew what he was and how he could heal, he would hear this truth and change. But I know, and you confirmed it in the video, that he’d be so defensive because he can’t stand criticism, and he’d turn it around and say I was the N that hurt him. There would be no winning, because he would take my caring as the return of narcissistic supply, try to use me, and make me feel miserable for daring to suggest that he needs help from me. My offering help — and his complete rejection — is what led me to go no contact in the first place. It’s been three years since we last spoke, and I have to keep reminding myself, as you did with this video, that just because I’m capable of changing myself doesn’t mean that he is capable of changing himself. He’s an empty bag of misery, and it’s not my responsibility to fix him, educate him, or heal him. That’s what I need to do for me.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Rox,

      I am so glad this helped, and has turned you inwards to heal the part of you that previously may have “needed” him to know.

      That is where our real development and graduation in all of this lies!

      Mel xo

  • andreabirrell38@rogers.com'
    Andrea Birrell
    December 16, 2016

    This is so true, I just ended a relationship with a narcissist this week. I am fairly new to NARP and here been working module 1 for about a month. My ex was a severe N as well. Both times I called them out. The most recent this week and I screamed at him all that he was and it literally left me feeling like I was going to emotionally and physically. I felt rejected abandoned, and so destroyed. He absolutely didn’t care, I was the one with all the issues.this was a few days ago and I actually knew on a spirit level it was useless but the magnetic attraction to pain and abuse and fixing people is still there. Thank you for this video Melanie, it came EXACTLY at the right place, right time!!! I woke up this morning feeling space in my solar plexus for the first time….some peace. I am going no contact. Thank you.💛 you are a godsend. Xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Andrea,

      I am so pleased this helped.

      Use the Modules to release the trauma that was triggered, and I promise you will graduate to an even more healed and whole level.

      Bless and you are so welcome 🙂

      Mel xo

  • claire.bee@hotmail.co.uk'
    Claire
    December 16, 2016

    Dear Mel. Firstly, thank you so much for all your insightful information. You are an amazing help and an inspiration.
    I have had people with personality disorders in my life for three generations: my mother, my husband and now very sadly, my son. I still have contact with my mother, but keep her at ‘arm’s length’. My husband who is now my ex husband, I endured for 22 years. After much heartache and pain, I now thankfully have no contact with him. You are perfectly right about calling out people with a personality disorder, it is a complete waste of time and energy and only opens you up to more abuse. There is no closure or healing, only projection or empty promises, resulting in devastating disappointment and more hurt. I would advise everyone out there not to even consider trying to have a sensible, cooperative conversation with a narcissist, especially about their behaviour. They believe there is nothing wrong with them! I tried to have many conversations with my ex husband and call him out, only to be accused of abuse myself. Finally I came to the conclusion that he did not think the same way as I did, almost as if he was a different species, and that I was living a lie. It was a hard pill to swallow, but with support, I then began the focus on me, my health, needs and rights. All that time, energy and power you hand over to a narcissist needs to go back to you. It’s the only way to break the cycle and free yourself. It cannot be your responsibility to change someone, it can only be their’s. And narcissists have no intention of changing. None whatsoever. They’re hardwired that way and benefit from being that way. To get my head round it, I told myself that the only way he would change is if he had a brain transplant – which is impossible! So effectively I was trying to fix the impossible!
    I’t’s been a tough road, and having children with someone with a personality disorder is far from easy. Both my children decided to have no contact with their father almost two years ago at ages 10 and 14. This brought about it’s own issues and upset. My eldest, my son, seemed to cope very badly with his decision to go against his father’s programming and have no contact. He stopped attending school and I put a large support network around him to help him cope. Counsellors, a psychiatrist, an educational psychologist support workers and teachers. Unfortunately over the the last year or so, he has started to behave very reminiscently like his father. This is absolutely devastating. He is only 16, and trying to parent him and help him is becoming increasingly difficult. He is already displaying a lack of empathy, manipulation, gas lighting etc and now refuses get any help, in fact, looking back, he refused to heal from his trauma from the start. He swapped counsellors many times and said they weren’t helping. He now maintains there is nothing wrong with him, yet behaves badly towards his sister and myself.
    Please Mel, what advice do you have regarding my current situation? I can’t be the only parent this is happening to. Nature (genetics) and nurture (being brought up in an abusive environment) are obviously a powerful combination. Can he be helped? Or am I trying to fix the impossible? But this is my own son, so I am terribly conflicted. There is very little information or support out there. It is utterly heartbreaking and I would be most grateful for help, comments and advice. Thanking you in advance.

    • Juldon53@gmail.com'
      Julia
      December 17, 2016

      God bless everyone in narc
      It is exhausting
      I’m tired of surviving I felt sorry for my narc husband because I knew he was a neglected child from a dis functional alcolhic family I was trying to help him I thought he would heal. I thought there was hope it is hard for me to give up hope for someone I cared about. The father of my children. I believed love would concurs all.
      It is a sad and debilitating condition my problem is I thought he would see the light eventually. The more I gave the worse it got
      Letting go is the best heing I can do for mysel. Mel and narc recovery and all people in recovery from n abuse. validates the truth for me. I need help I need validation now that I know this person has a severe personallity problem that I am not responsible for I’m am stepping out of the dance. Getting divorced to save myself and pray my ass off to never be taken in and used for narc supply ever again because it’s gonna kill me I don’t want to be blind and up conscience ever again. God please help me

      • Kristin@mnktechnologies.com'
        Kristin
        December 21, 2016

        Can you email me so we can speak personally?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 17, 2016

      Hi Claire,

      you are very welcome.

      Claire my heart goes out to you – I am very passionate about our children and I know, as a mother, how heartbreaking and traumatic it is when we see our children heading down the wrong path.

      Claire my strongest – (and only) absolute suggestion is to do the work on ourselves with Quanta Freedom Healing to no longer carry trauma regarding our children – because truly when we shift our energy “about them” so much can shift … their energy goes where ours does.

      Also we can work on our children by proxy through our own bodies with Quanta Freedom Healing (only however after we have used it on our own traumas) and by doing so we can clear for them the trauma that they are not facing and working with themselves.

      It is beyond powerful – but takes the commitment to first BE the change ourselves that we wish our children to live.

      We need to be free of trauma and leading the way first.

      The NARP Program is the tool for all of this – and many NARPers in the Community do healing work on their children through their own bodies – for incredible results.

      This includes children wth traumas generating narcissistic behaviour.

      Mel xo

  • beckymohr1@gmail.com'
    Mobe
    December 17, 2016

    Hi Melanie,

    I am still struggling with the temptation to do this but with my adult children, not the N. In June this year the N. launched a smear campaign against me, drawing in all of my children [ 4 daughters and 2 spouses ]. Fortunately I have a therapist of 3 years who helped me stay grounded during this. My 12 yo son’s Mobile Therapist who has been in my home 2 hours/week for the past year also validated my good mothering and my sanity when N. threatened to call social services [ he never did ], and my son’s pastor and several sisters. This support helped me STOP ENGAGING the smear campaign and quickly set my boundaries that I WILL protect my children from the all out war that my spouse was launching with them in the middle… even if it means letting them think terrible things about me. I went through an entire month of extreme cognitive dissonance when it was now my CHILDREN being affected and ‘falling for’ the drama, unaware and driven by their concern for me.

    This smear campaign is what led to my discovery that he is NPD and that I fit all of the classic NA Victim Syndrome sign posts and symptoms. With the help of my therapist I quickly saw that any self-defense would only feed their fears and my own cognitive dissonance, ie. make me sicker. This is one of the most difficult decisions of my life but also freeing and I have held my boundaries with my children in this.

    The smear campaign served as a wake up call for me as I had already researched ‘gaslighting’ and I finally googled “avoidant attachment” [ which a marriage counselor had stated was his issue ] and ‘gaslighting’ which my therapist had told me is his MO with me. What came up was NPD! And within a few days of youtube research, I found you and came into the NARP in July- August.

    Your loving confrontation that I am the other side of the same coin and discovering and owning my own co-dependence/ level of narcissism after taking the N spectrum test were a breath of fresh air to me. Finally, someone who spoke truth to me that could empower me to let go of my victim mentality [ which I saw but could not change ]. YOUR health stood head and shoulders above other ‘experts’ on the youtube channels and attracted me. I WANT that health and freedom.

    Since ACCEPTING and facing that he is an altruistic, covert, introvert and very ‘religious’ N. I have gone ‘no contact’ and have taken the warnings that ‘calling him out’ will only serve to traumatize me further. What I struggle with instead is wanting to tell my adult children with whom he has triangulated that I have NAVS and that he is a N. I poured my life into educating dd’s at home through high school. They are all independent, self-motivated, financially strong young women. I helped them stand up for themselves in N. relationships so they chose better and better potential partners and had the self-respect to ditch the ones who didn’t value them. I wanted better marriages for them than I had attracted to myself and their spouses are phenomenal/ adore them, good communicators, etc.

    But I was not able to do this for myself [ until my breakdown 4 years ago ], and this GAVE THE IMPRESSION that nothing was wrong in my relationship with their dad and how he was treating me … or surely I would be ditching him TOO as I was supporting them to do with undeserving matches. Since I am the one who has totally gone into non-function, adrenals crashing, treatment for depression, and since separation have spiraled down into self-avoiding behaviors and paralysis about my finances leading to debt [ irresponsible behavior ]. They see this powerlessness and it gives him credibility in their eyes as the ‘healthy’ one and me the ‘problem’.
    ————————–My program/ progress:

    IN MY HEAD I see what I am doing, and that I need to take FULL responsibility for myself, but I am STILL resisting the self-partnering, the pain level of loneliness and isolation is so high in here. I have been working NARP since July/August and slowly I am HERE for my inner being more and more, but I struggle to forgive myself for nightly ‘binges’ of TV watching and emotional eating and I believe this self-JUDGMENT may be hindering my forward progress. I feel hopeless and disappointed in myself when I do this. I get stuck on the failures and am realizing that I FEAR success!!!??? [ b/c the N always punished my success in covert, side-ways, extremely painful ways… hooking me into the childhood N.s in my life] and perhaps b/c NARP spells success. Although I maintained my success for many years in the N. marriage and am a very strong person/ gave him push back; I no longer know what to do with success after years of staying in a sabotaging marriage. [ I have had 3 adrenal crashes since 1992, the last being the worst in 2011 ] I get a little success and then sabotage myself.
    I feel something is underneath this, and is keyed in to my desire to call the N. out to my CHILDREN…. I am having a HARD time letting go of my OWN devastated and ripped off masks that fed my OWN ego. I feel so ashamed, and exposed, and disillusioned with myself. [ tears over these feelings ] The ‘good girl, oldest daughter, hard working, spiritually wise-strong-upstanding-dependable MOTHER’… and want to implicate him in my demise. I struggle to forgive myself for staying in so long until it destroyed my strong sense of identity and eroded my character in many ways until I physically almost lost my life/ wasted away. I am struggling with my poor ability to self-partner and take FULL RESPONSIBILITY because I KNOW in my inner being that you are right… but right now the path feels DEEPLY lonely and isolating.

    For the first time I see that I may need to go back and Module my ‘Masks’ and let them go, forgiving myself for not living up to them? This has never occurred to me. [ If they weren’t masks then they would have stood strong and solid, right? But they are who I still believe that I am and have lost. ] I always seem to get hung up on ‘acceptance’ in the modules. Acceptance of the gift… I am a pastor’s daughter, missionary’s daughter and was an honored LEADER in their work all through my teens… I carried these into adulthood. Acceptance of the demise of my masks is perhaps more huge than I realized before today. “My value comes from what I can give and from behavior that reflects well on others.” is not something that I believe cognitively, but my above journal suggests a deeper, hidden belief. I would love any help or input you would have in this regard. Obviously I needed to hear this Thriver TV episode as I rarely come on here.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 18, 2016

      Hi Mobe,

      that is so wonderful that you have been detaching and not hooking in, and learning how to heal the trauma of the campaigns and be healthier within it.

      In regard to the struggle with the self-partnering I would really love you to come into the NARP Private Forum for support and coaching to help you dismantle, release and heal the beliefs that have been blocking you and sabotaging you.

      I promise you that you can 100% find, release and heal the,

      The biggest issue is the procrastination and struggle that happens when we are not doing the shifts in our bodies and letting our minds “take us out” with the same painful consciousness that matches the wounds that we have not as yet addressed in our Inner Being.

      It does just get down to deciding “I have had enough” and then standing up to ourselves to find and release the traumas causing “whatever it is” that is blocking our evolution into out True Self.

      If you are ready to do that – the Forum is pretty imperative in your case.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

      • beckymohr1@gmail.com'
        Mobe
        December 23, 2016

        Melanie,

        Thank you for the encouragement, kindness, and advice. I’m glad I came back to hunt down your answer. Since listening to this and posting I have been on the forums. One thing that was very helpful was to read about a fellow narper’s breakthrough and what it took for him to breakthrough. It gave me a feeling that there just might be a light at the end of the tunnel for me too. [ Not that we are ever completely done cleaning out and upleveling, but I mean until I can LIVE MY LIFE again and simply do NARP as a maintenance program. ]

        I think the big thing for me is the belief that the N. will always win and that if I show ‘life’/thriving, he will in some way swoop in to ‘put me in my place’ again. I realize this has happened for so long that I attract these circumstances. I have felt so much distress over his games to ‘take one more thing’ away from me to always hold that threat over my head of ‘see, I own you, I call the shots, you are discredited, weak, and incompetent and that proves that I am the valid one’… that I have even been tempted to give our special needs child to him and move away, but cannot do this to my child… this is just a barometer of how very desperate I feel at times. Then I remember that it is all an inside job and that there IS a way to be free without taking desperate outside measures. I am gaining strength to hold my own truth and to give myself a powerful voice, but I have not broken through to thriving once for all.

        A related issue that I have is that I am flooding. So much is coming up that it feels that I will never get to the end of it if I start. [ I spent 12 years of WEEKLY sessions with a ‘theophostic prayer minister’ under the illusion that if I just got myself well, I would be able to live with my spouse, happy and unaffected by his abnormal mode of operation. I did not know about narcissism. This ministry work amounted to lots of talk therapy and dredging up of deeply buried memories. I had an adrenal breakdown at the beginning of it and a second one, much worse at the end of it. ie. all of that terrifically painful work and never breaking through to freedom. It is hard to go into the pain with NARP because she [ this pastor ] out of ignorance would leave me in the middle of a trigger if that is where I was at the end of a session. It was very damaging to my brain.

        WOW!!!!! Light bulb moment. This is what I am doing with NARP. I can never get through an entire module and am doing less and less of them. I don’t know what this hooks back to in early childhood, but this was true adult level trauma and I got stuck in this pattern. I have never seen that before.

        Is there a way that I can module this adult trauma? This is part of the flooding and the procrastination. It is hard to TRUST in anything else b/c the goal of this ministry was to go into the pain and wait for Jesus to show up and bring healing. I had many break throughs but was living with a narcissist, need I say more? My LOGICAL mind knows this, but it doesn’t help with the trust issues on that deep level.

        Perhaps the feeling that I will never get out. that there is no end in sight for me. That nothing truly works to set me free. If I cannot trust a healing model which trusts JESUS, Who IS the Light of the world, to show up when I bring my pain to Him, how can I trust another? My logical mind NOW knows that it was the lack of SAFETY in this FORM of healing model, no containment provided, etc. which resulted in my getting stuck in a trigger in a session and having no breakthrough. But I kept doing this insanity to Little Me. I developed a deep mistrust of myself and it is no wonder. When I finally got myself out of this church, out of my home, and to a treatment center for depression, I learned how damaging this had been to my brain. I have not gone back or had any contact with this woman since. She was a big part of my life for many years. She saw that something was deeply ‘wrong’ with my husband’s MO but she was baffled by it. She would tell me that he was rebellious and incorrigible but this never helped me GRASP that I needed to/could leave him. She was on my list of people who had helped me to get and stay sick [ myself being on the top of that list ].

        Do you see my entry point more clearly than I am seeing it? Is this where I need to start?
        the feeling that I will never get out. that there is no end in sight for me. That nothing truly works to set me free. If I cannot trust a healing model which trusts JESUS, Who IS the Light of the world, to show up when I bring my pain to Him, how can I trust another?

        Becky

  • claytonruth@rocketmail.com'
    rose
    December 17, 2016

    i spent 20 years hearing that ‘he was working on it’, that he got what I was saying about the problems we had. But it was round in circles, not a progression or growth, that I experienced with him.I think the main and most difficult lesson in all of it, is that it is not personal. Taking it personally keeps me away from going within. It keeps me tangled up in drama and is self destructive. I have that awareness now, and I am committed to moving forward and not being hoovered in my own mind, back in to the dance, which I can do to myself without any help from him. Self hoovering, emotional self harm, need to be healed and are at the core of abuse. The narc needs someone to punish and the co-dependent feels they deserve it. I also know that I am loved and that love is bigger and more powerful than anything life brings. Choosing that is within my power, and that is a liberating truth.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 18, 2016

      Hi Rose,

      what so many of discovered is this – words are not enough.

      And even words from anyone N or non-N that is not backed up with the releasing of the trauma that has been fuelling the unconscious triggered behaviour – then people cannot HELP but continually default to who they are being when an inner wound gets hit.

      That is wonderful that you are moving up and out of that dynamic by addressing the ONLY person we ever have the power to.

      Self …

      Keep up the great work 🙂

      Mel xo

  • twiedmann@allcopyproducts.com'
    Thomas Wiedmann
    December 17, 2016

    Serendipity indeed. I cannot convey with words, my gratitude. Thank you all for sharing. I enjoy researching, and this experience led me to ask my therapist if I might actually be the Narc. She pointed out events where I had shown and experienced empathy. So no, I was not able to blame myself. My road to wellness is to travel within and unearth and heal my soul. I would ask all of you, can you imagine being made to feel like a non human being or NOTHING? I know I have. The gift is, I realize the actual source of my feeling is from inside me.
    And the great hope is in knowing that fact, I can heal. No matter what anyone else thinks. I can heal.
    And I don’t need to hand out harm to do so.
    And that sits well with my souls purpose.
    To love and be loved.
    Thank you, bless you all, I wish you the peace you seek.
    Namaste’

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 18, 2016

      Hi Thomas,

      I love the inner awareness you have gained and are connecting to.

      You are soon right – the truth and where it is all going on is at soul level – via our “inside” emotions.

      It is all about Love …

      Bless you dear soul.

      Mel xo

  • Godsintimatelove@aol.com'
    Just me
    December 17, 2016

    It’s definitely true that a narcissist’s behavior completely and totally gets them what they want, so there’s no reason whatsoever for them to change one iota.

  • brunicke@gmail.com'
    Kim
    December 17, 2016

    I have just discovered that while “he” was urgently texting me from a vacation in the Dominican Republic about wanting to marry me, that he was sorry for not seeing that what he wanted was right in front of him, he was actually there with two girls from Vegas who he had paid all expenses for and at the same time was having a brand new car delivered to another girl, in a different city. This one has money so is even more vile and desperate with the love bombing technique. And I’ve been in this for 2 years and can’t seem to get out.

  • rebeccamarisa@gmail.com'
    Rebecca
    December 17, 2016

    Your timing is, once again, impeccable for me! I love and appreciate you so much!!! This all makes complete sense and when I hear it, I can feel it in my body, that it is right, and it gives me great relief!!
    But nosy nosy me…I gotta know how number two responded to your “final thoughts”! I know you were at a point you didn’t care and maybe you blocked him, so you never heard anything, but I just wanna hear the rest of that little story.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 18, 2016

      Hi Rebecca,

      Thank you and you are so welcome 🙂

      Sure I am happy to share – he never tried anything – ever.

      I was done, I was energetically only interested in evolving myself, and NOTHING ever happened regarding him from there.

      When there is NOTHING to gain from us, and when there is no part of us “needing” connection with them anymore – then our souls and all of Life say “okay gift delivered … you have got what this is about .. NO need for it to continue … you ARE released.”

      This is the same with all dis-ease circumstances … everything lets go without exception when it has taught us what it intended to.

      I hope this makes sense Rebecca!

      Mel xo

  • domonique.wiseman@gmail.com'
    Domonique
    December 17, 2016

    Hi Melanie,

    Thanks so much for this post. My journey out of narcisstic abuse has been, like many, hell on earth but this post feels like the last bit of info i needed. Thank you. The ex narc who was in my life is in the public eye & watching all the rock star worshiping he has been sucking on these past months has been difficult to say the least. Watching your vid help me understand that there is/was still a small part in me DESPERATE to get the world to see what he really is – not the cool, charming rock god he pretends to be. A desperate need for redemption to say the least. Your vid has helped me really understand “it ain’t my job, it ain’t my business” & that REAL redemption will only come from me creating more love & goodness in my life, and NEVER looking back. THANK YOU for your clarity, you have a gift in articulating very complex dynamics!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 18, 2016

      Hi Dominique,

      It’s my pleasure!

      Oh yes the healing of our unhealed parts and the bursting into radiance and truth of Life above every level that we could have ever reached – NOT despite this – but BECAUSE of this .. is the only true redemption.

      And it is magical beyond measure.

      Go for “that” with all your heart – and I promise you you could not give two hoots about his Life.

      We are only ever envious and angry or needing to expose others when they are not providing us with the wholeness and radiance that we truly at soul level wish to be living for ourselves.

      Mel xo

  • Lisaba1@aol.com'
    Lisa
    December 17, 2016

    Thank you for this video. My sister is the person I’ve been struggling with and I finally cut her loose a few weeks ago by telling her I want no contact unless she is willing to own her own behavior. I’m still working on understanding the dynamic but had a lightbulb moment after listening and re listening to your video. I’m not permitting drama and not letting her pull my strings. Now I need to work on healing what it is inside me that makes me feel guilty about her. We had a complicated childhood (really who didn’t?) and our mom died in April. I was her caretaker during hospice and we were very close. She lived with me and my family for seven years and I’m still grieving, so that adds layers of emotion and brought the clash with my narcissistic sister to a head. I need to think this through. But thank you. I feel more clarity.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 18, 2016

      Hi Lisa,

      you are very welcome 🙂

      I am so glad you are feeling more clarity.

      You are so right – your emancipation from the struggle of these emotions concerning your sister, lie within healing you.

      Mel xo

  • amy050269@icloud.com'
    Amy
    December 17, 2016

    Mel,

    I so agree with your newest episode here. At the end of the day it will not absolutely make any difference to confront the N. I choose not to confront the N because I didn’t want him to somehow turn it around and try to use it against me. However I did tell our oldest daughter, age 20. She may be starting to question his behavior and when she is ready she will probably Google it and start to connect the dots.

    I always look forward to Triver TV, the information is always relevant and makes so much sense. It is just another resource to compliment the NARP program. You have a tremendous amount of knowledge and wisdom to share.

    Love
    Amy

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 18, 2016

      Hi Amy.,

      thank you for your lovely words, and I am so pleased you enjoy Thriver Tv and NARP.

      Mel xo

  • Godsintimatelove@aol.com'
    Just me
    December 17, 2016

    I’ve been reading more about the healing in this program and I can definitely say that I need it. I am so angry right now about the current constant garbage and sucking it up for so long on top of old, buried anger from so many different childhood experiences, that I don’t think it will be a problem finding wounds. I’m practically tripping over them constantly. And I have been in therapy for years that really didn’t do anything, other than let you vent temporarily. But the feelings just build back up again because nothing was actually fixed. I’ve also done so much self-help that didn’t help that you despair that anything will help. I hope this really is different, and actually works. So, here goes, I’m diving in.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 18, 2016

      Hi Just Me,

      I am so pleased you want to do the healing at a deep and true Inner Identity level.

      That’s where the results are.

      Mel xo

  • am.stanghellini@gmail.com'
    AMS
    December 17, 2016

    Hi Melanie,

    I just wanted to say that I recently got out of a relationship with a narcissist who always played the victim and made me feel like I was terrible throughout our whole relationship, then came to find out that he’d been the one unfaithful to me the whole time. And he left me like I was nothing. I was so disoriented from the whole experience, but I feel as though a higher power blessed me with that disconnect that I think we all need from the narcissist in our lives. It was an epiphany that I had that this man did not care about me what-so-ever and I can never talk to him again. I have faltered in that. But, everyday, I continue to work on my inner being and creating a strong self. I am so strong within myself and liberated. I am blessed. Thank you, for sharing your story.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 18, 2016

      Hi AMS,

      I am so pleased you are healing you and understand how we truly are blessed … when we awaken and understand “why” and take the gift of evolution from it.

      Wishing you continued blessings.

      Mel xo

  • loquitabonita79@gmail.com'
    Patty
    December 19, 2016

    Hi Melanie,

    I loved your video about narcissists and it was a great eye opener for since I am struggling to have closure in my life about having so much trouble getting over my abusive ex. I was with him for Two years and he was very emotionally, physically and mentally abusive. I broke up with him three months ago, I had left him many times and went back many times and I finally left him.

    What did it this time was when he was at the hospital for symptoms of a hear attack and he ended up needing a bypass surgery. While in the hospital waiting to see if he needed surgery I was there by his side. I am a very busy mom, I have long shifts working as a dental assistant Monday to Fridays and I after my long work hours I will come and see him and be with him. I will pick up his daughter from school To the hospital to see him, i will buy her meals and make sure to take care her back home. I will take time off from my new job to be with him.

    When the doctors told my ex about him taking better care of him by quitting smoking and eating better. He became depressed and very angry. When I told him I was going to throw away all the junk food from his house and take care of him. He snapped at me and started calling me names and telling me that I was stressing him out. My intentions where not to nag but I was really worried and afraid of loosing him. So I stopped and let him be. He continued to be a jerk by bossing me around and ordering me to take care of his 16 years old daughter. He never said thank you for bringing him food or taking care of his daughter. I didn’t feel appreciated it. I know he was going through a tough time but I felt he was not being considerate of my feelings.

    Nothing that I did or said was good enough, everything I did or said he will get so mad at me and said I was stressing him out. I was feeling really frustrated, I couldn’t talk to anyone because I felt intimidated by him. He will even snapped at me in front of his daughter. So at the end of the week I told him I needed to go see my son and I was not be able to take care of his daughter. He said no you need to stay with my daughter because she doesn’t like her mom and wants to stay with you. I said no I am sorry I need to see My son.So he said why are you stressing me out, why don’t you just fucking leave you ungrateful Cunt, I hope you dropped dead. So at that moment I got up and left him and his daughter at the hospital and he followed me all the way to the elevators calling every name of the book. He followed all the way to the entrance and I told him I was not his punching bag and I was not going to come back and then I left.

    But I was nice enough to take his daughter to her place and she was mad at me the whole time I drove her home. I never got a thank you for anything that I did instead I was put down by him. I never went back to that hospital, after a month when he was recuperating from surgery on my bday he sent me an awful email again calling a cold bitch that didn’t care about him, he almost died and how unstable I am and that I don’t deserve to even see my son because I need serious help and that I am cursed because the man in my life(my son, my ex and including him have health problems. I never answer to his emails as not to entertain him but I feel that I never had the closure to tell him about how much he hurt me.

    And now three months have passed and he is already got someone else posting pictures of him and his new girlfriend on Facebook.

    I am soo mad and frustrated, I feel betrayed. I felt so bad leaving but couldn’t take abuse anymore. Has always put me down and no matter what are going through nobody has the right to treat you like garbage.

    I talked to one of his friend girlfriend and tell her how much hurt I am about him already dating someone when he said he almost died. She has not been very understanding and she just told me that I left him why would I be mad about the things he is doing now. The thing she doesn’t understand that even though this monster abused me I still had a 2 year relationship and I am not that type of person of moving on that quick like he has.

    I am worry that he will treat this new girl better then me and be much happier with her. Should I go ahead and do the same? So I can forget him the way he already forgot me? Also I have times like today doubting my decision thinking maybe I am like he says I am cold and unstable.

    Please I need you feed back I am just trying to move on, I seeing my therapist, I am focusing on my son, I am exercising to beat stress and I go to women support groups that have been in abusive relationships and I go out with my friends.I am doing a lot off good things for myself. Why I am so angry that he has moved on ?

    Thanks
    Patty

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 19, 2016

      Hi Patty,

      My heart goes out to you as you are caught up in the paint and trauma of what has happened, and how devastating it is to grant someone so much … and not have real love reciprocated.

      Many many people have started learning the Quantum Lesson through narcissistic abuse, that people don’t treat us how we treat them – they treat us in relation to how well we respect and treat ourselves …. and as co-dependents we thought that giving everything we have, to prove to people that we are worthy of their love, would work.

      That truly, dear lady is a victim model of powerlessness that doesn’t work.

      What does work in relation to us feeling whole and solid and able to generate healthy relationships with others, where we do value ourselves, have rights and can speak up for our needs, is the healing or our original wounds where we people pleased and caretaked and granting ‘everything” to a Parent(s) to keep them happy, in order to try to win love and approval.

      Here, with a narcissist we have a continuation of that pattern, that rips all of those wounds of unmet needs by an unavailable other open again.

      Hence why we feel obsessed, hooked in and devastated …

      Until that deep original wound is healed.

      The NARP Program is your answer to address this and move on to healthy reciprocal relationships Patty.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      Mel xo

      • loquitabonita79@gmail.com'
        Patty
        December 20, 2016

        Thank you Mel for your sweet adviced. That link you sent me was wonderful and helped me out lots. Thank you xo

  • beggs.tb@gmail.com'
    Todd Beggs
    December 19, 2016

    Hi Melanie,
    I have watched many of your videos and it has helped tremendously in me healing after my divorce. Unfortunately I didn’t get this video in time, and I called my narcissist out. She responded exactly as you said she would in the video. Its all me not her etc… I have followed your advice and cut off all contact, hoping she finds another target. This appears to be working, I only hear from her occasionally through text, and although she tries her best to provoke me, I refuse to answer or acknowledge her. The tool she keeps trying to use to reel me in is insisting I owe her money. Our divorce decree covered what was owed, and this I feel is just an excuse to try to get an argument out of me. I have responded a few times telling her to send me the bills that she thinks i owe and I will have my attorney go over them and pay them is i am liable. She never sends any, she just repeats the same behavior every 3 months or so and tries to get me to meet her to go over these alleged bills. I now ignore her. I have decided I would rather go to court and deal with a judge if there are bills owed, than to deal with her. Anyway, thanks for what you are doing and I will keep listening.
    Take Care,
    Todd

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 19, 2016

      Hi Todd,

      I am so pleased my videos have helped you.

      That is great you have gone No Contact … and well done for being strong enough to do so! 🙂

      Mel xo

  • melissa.roberts1515@gmail.com'
    Melissa
    December 19, 2016

    Melanie, Hello and thank you immensely. I am three years post-domestic violence perpetrated by the Narc. Thanks to finding your site, doing the healing through your resources, and attending a weekly support group dealing with codependency, I was able to immediately go no contact and maintain it completely. That included not calling him out because the point was not to heal him (which no one can do). The focus was to heal myself. You are a major factor in the great strides forward I have made. Ironically, I don’t view your site that often right now because I want to stay very much in the present. But when I do view it, it is more out of curiousity ( and staying in wisdom) than necessity.

    It feels great not to have any emotional attachment to that situation or person any more. Perhaps, in the future I will be able to open my heart up to someone new. But for now, I have opened my heart up to myself. It was an unbelievably difficult journey. The work was grueling. It was so completely worth it. You are a life-saver. Thank you for reminding me who I really am. I had lost that “knowledge.”

    Gratitude for “keeping the light on,”
    Melissa

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 19, 2016

      Hi Melissa,

      you are welcome 🙂

      I am so thrilled for you that your focus is healing you!

      I always love those words “for now I am opening up my heart to myself” … from personal experience I know with all of my heart that this is where the true development lies … as well as everything we want to know as Life for ourselves.

      Yes … correct Melissa … the work is gruelling. It is only for Life warriors – those who know there must be “more” than what we thought was Life.

      And GO for it …

      Welcome to the Club!

      Dear sister welcome home … you are Living it!

      Mel xo

  • mcharles29@gmail.com'
    Michelle
    December 20, 2016

    I noticed my narcissist ex-husband after giving yet another sob story over the phone about himself, of course, will almost try and push me into telling him he’s a narcissist. He’ll say, “please tell me what’s wrong with me” as if he has no control over himself. I never say the word I just say I know what you are and it doesn’t really matter anymore. He just insists and pushes for an answer. What do you think he’s trying to do?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 21, 2016

      Hi Michelle,

      narcissist try for narcissistic supply – attention – any hook that means you will engage.

      Don’t engage … don’t answer, justify – or even need to.

      What is important is healing you.

      Mel xo

  • jessiemoss@outlook.com.au'
    jessie
    December 20, 2016

    I am two years in now after leaving a narcissist and i was here for a long time and trying to call him out and make things FAIR and its taken me a long time to accept that i did this to myself, thank you for the help your articles are to the point. I have a 5 year old with my ex and the nightmare still continues even though there is DVOs and Orders for time with our son, he has no remorse, no actual need to sort anything out for our sons sake, he is out to ruin me. The courts saw trough him though and he has lost time with his son and i was granted to move away from the abuse. I have changed all my details twice in two years and i represented myself recently in court after he financially exhausted me over the first year.. I won in court and i still feel like there is no justice, i have a long way to go as i have only been able to begin my healing process. The big message i have got from you so far is just except it.. Its so unfair but i feel like once i do except that i lost ten years of my life, i was never loved, i put myself in that position and i ignored the red flags..
    I am now a changed woman. i have my life back to some degree.
    I will heal and hopefully be able to help other as you do.
    Thank you
    Jess

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 21, 2016

      Hi Jessie,

      you re sow welcome, and I am so happy for you that you are getting clear on the truth.

      Truly Jessie the liberation and shift comes when we no longer stay “on” what they are not capable of being – and work inside ourselves to rid ourselves of the trauma of that.

      Then, I promise you … everything starts to shift.

      Because that is where our power really is.

      This is NOT a life sentence – co-parenting or not … when we do the work at that level.

      Healing at the deep cellular level is key – that is what NARP is all about.

      Mel xo

  • jennyjen100@hotmail.co.uk'
    Jen
    December 21, 2016

    Hi Melanie, thank you for this post, I’m 2 months into no contact and really experiencing the most unbelievable pain that at times feel like I won’t survive. He’s definitely a narcissist yet all I think about is being back with him. I’ve booked therapy which I start over Christmas, do you think I can truly recover and make myself whole again this way ? I can’t believe at the age of 34 I’ve managed to get myself into this horrible situation that’s left me feeling completely alienated to myself.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 21, 2016

      Hi Jen,

      You are very welcome 🙂

      100% yes.

      Please google my name … reviews and testimonies.

      I promise there is life after this – a more whole life than any of us could have imagined.

      That is what Thriver Recovery is all about.

      Mel xo

  • debbie.saklatvala@hotmail.co.uk'
    Debbie
    December 21, 2016

    Hi Mel
    So eventually after putting up with the abuse for 13 years and affairs etc, I previously posted you as being unable to leave him and didn’t understand why. You explained that I needed to heal my inner wounds. I was still co dependant and through fear pushed your training to the side – it was always something I would work on tomorrow!!
    So after all this I was aware subconsciously that I was pulling away and not giving him the supply that he needed so he announced out of the blue that he was leaving. He still stayed in the house for 3 weeks and had waited until we sold our house and was in between a purchase before telling me. I hit rock bottom and am now struggling financially and have had to massively down size, however I feel now that I have to heal in order to move forwards. I can’t go no contact due to children but have set boundaries and stuck to them, even though he keeps pushing to change them. He now takes the children out regularly to nice places/ restaurants etc whilst I am working on paying my bills and having to change jobs and increase my hours. I know long term that he has done me a favour as I was struggling to leave him, but feel over whelmed at the moment. He left the week before my birthday, wedding anniversary and it’s Christmas time too!! I realise I have to take responsibility for my own life and now have peace of mind rather than living constantly in fight or flight mode! Time now to heal!!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 22, 2016

      Hi Debbie,

      my heart goes out to you in this difficult time, and please know … it is true that once we up-level those feelings of “what is happening” we become the space, heath and inspiration to start generating a different reality – as well as “Life” simply starts delivering the opportunities that match our new Inner Identity on those topics.

      Deep inner Quantum Healing does make such a difference.

      You have got this!

      Mel xo

  • Pandabear12178@gmail.com'
    Amanda
    December 24, 2016

    I didn’t yet watch the video. However I did call him out. In a very desperate attempt to make him see and change, I showed him everything I have been reading and learning. He only stated that, that hurt him for me to say that. Nothing else. Since then I’ve been called a narc. And every other term that I learned has been used against me as well.

  • Godsintimatelove@aol.com'
    Just me
    December 26, 2016

    Man, it’s so hard to keep from sucking YOURSELF into calling them out! You just want so bad to let them know you’re onto them, that you see who they are, what they’re doing and that you’re not as stupid as they think you are.

    I’ve been listening to the modules mostly while I’m driving since I usually don’t have any place without narcissist background noise going on. Even if they’re not there, just the expectation of them coming back is destructive to you and doesn’t allow you to relax and focus on the modules. Or just the narcissist atmosphere is there, even if they aren’t there! It’s like a poisonous gas permeating everything and making it like you’re still being attacked even if they aren’t physically there doing it at that moment, so you can’t relax in the place where you live. (I don’t even think of it as “home.”) That “atmosphere” I’m talking about is like how your parents may no longer be there after you’ve grown up, but they still affect and run your life because they are in your head. Only it’s worse because they ARE going to be coming back any time if you’re still in the situation.

    But now, when I start feeling the urge to spend money that I need to get out of the situation on “coping,” temporarily, with the situation instead, I start doing the module work or, if I can’t, thinking it out the same way in my head and focusing on feeling my feelings. To stay with a healthier place inside, I tell myself that I can spend the money on that and keep staying in this situation or I can save the money to actually get into a healthier situation for me. It helps if I clarify it like that. Then I get to make a choice, a choice that can get me out. I don’t feel so trapped.

    It’s like the baby elephants being tied to a stake in the ground with a rope when they are young. Then, once they’ve resigned to the fact that they can’t get away, even though they are even bigger and more able to get away as an adult, they will still not try to get away – even WITHOUT a rope! – because they learned so well as a young one that it’s useless to even try.

    I can FEEL that (subconscious and semi-conscious, I’m sure) learned helplessness so strongly in myself, but when you try to do anything behavioral or otherwise, that goes against it, it always backfires. It so strongly tries to get your life circumstances to line up with it that it will do whatever needs to be done with whatever you attempt to do to try to improve your life in any way, to force you back in line with it. It WILL NOT LET YOU make those improvements as long as that underlying programming is there. THAT is the main reason I have stopped trying to do anything at all to improve my life or have any friends – because they would all be some part of the unhealthy, twisted and malicious narcissistic swirling mass of insanity that seems to be part of that traumatic, learned helplessness – and whatever else is in there! – subconscious programming. It all just gets sabotaged by this programming and doesn’t work. So I just stopped doing anything until the subconscious programming is fixed. It’s pointless anyway since it doesn’t work. It’s like deciding to try driving to another town, but your car is locked in a driving track that only goes around and around in a circle and has high cement walls all around it on all sides and no way out. No matter how hard you try to drive somewhere else, it isn’t going to happen. You can drive really fast or really slow, you can drive into the walls, whatever you do, you aren’t getting out, you aren’t driving to the other town, even though you want to and do what you can to try to.

    But even doing the work as I’m driving and, clearly, can’t do the writing exercises, is starting to make some strengthening changes. I tried just sitting in my car elsewhere and doing it, but that need to be inside where the world isn’t bombarding me with input is too much. So I just do it while I’m doing driving I do anyway. I try as best as I can to listen when I’m in the room I live in. But I feel so destroyed being there in particular, that mostly I’ve found it easier to focus on the ebooks and other reading then.

    I’m doing my best to get it done when I can because as small as they feel right now, since I kind of just started, I am finally feeling some “ground under my feet” with it. For so long I have felt that although I was fighting and struggling to try to keep my head above water, I was losing the battle and going under because I had no base under me to stand on. Not only have I been dealing with the insanity of the situation itself, but you can’t tell anyone about it because YOU look like the crazy one and they not only don’t believe you, (which feels like horrendous betrayal on their part, like they are part of the triangulation in it!), but then they start being cautious in dealing with you, or some such behavior, that shifts the balance in the relationship to one of them, (the ‘healthy, sane one in the relationship’) trying to delicately deal with and help you, (now seen by them as the ‘unbalanced and emotionally unstable one’) to get psychological help.

    Nevermind that your “unstable” behavior is created by being manipulated and harassed to death by narcissistic behavior and then being driven to screaming rage about it because as many times as you try to point out the specific insane instances that you can about it, that the person you’re trying to get support about it from, doesn’t see it or believe you and thinks and treats you like you’re the one in the wrong and who is the only one who needs psychological help! It makes you feel even crazier, even though you KNOW that you are just reacting to the insanity of the situation, in a perfectly normal way that any person with past, similar trauma would react to that narcissistically abusive situation. But the person you’re trying to explain the abuse to, doesn’t believe you’re being abused, they just think you’re the only crazy one.

    So I am just letting that person go and am focusing on the modules and will be signing into the NARP forum as soon as I don’t feel like a raging maniac about it anymore, so I can NOT put that poison out there in it. Merry Christmas.

    • joviepetrunia@gmail.com'
      Jovie
      December 30, 2016

      Wow Just Me you’re singing my crazy-land song! that is a great analogy, i feel completely unable to ‘get out of town’ too. Since I’ve become so low on all motivation I’ve become desperate to get through the modules and get out all my gunk because I just truly want to get on with my life!! I hate that I feel that my narc has murdered my ambition and desire along with destroying the heart I’d believed we’d shared… It’s amazing how you can do the modules while driving, gotta say, I turn into a contracted mass of slobbering sobs and can hardly breathe when i do them. I want to get to that point cause I would love to do them 24/7! I want DONE. I just want to quit smoking and having such a mess of house and finances! These are simple things and yet…! so impossible right now… I feel very impatient to get functional again.

      I have 4 friends that completely understand the narc thing – but only because they have one too; it’s just nutso how the non-narc-exposed just cannot GET it! It’s definitely not worth trying to explain…

      I guess I should add that I’m very thankful how very many of my hooks *have* dissolved. Especially ones directly related to the spouse-N. The parent-N evidently has a bit more in me?? I see the hooks as all the same though really… I feel mostly free, of my N’s specifically, and now I feel that all my yuck is all MINE now… I like that. Taking responsibility feels sooo much more manageable than the constant baffled hurt confusion I was subjected to by the N’s.

  • fionaoliver@totallyemail.co.uk'
    Fiona
    December 26, 2016

    Hello Melanie
    Firstly, my undying gratitude for you for the work you do. I am eternally in your debt. Secondly, forgive me for taking your time in asking this but I need a second opinion. My Narc ex and my Malignant Narc Father have independent of each other, cut me off from my entire family with their horrific lies. Whilst I have not sought to correct them, I do feel now a sense of injustice which is provoking me to write to them and tell them how they have abandoned me on false pretences and why I cannot forgive them for doing so when I was at my lowest ebb with PTSD. I feel that I can do this objectively and don’t see why I should carry all the blame for things I simply haven’t done. I am struggling intensley with the anger of being treated so poorly by people who claimed to care for me. What are your thoughts? With deepest respect. Fiona

    • joviepetrunia@gmail.com'
      Jovie
      December 30, 2016

      Fiona, sorry I just have to say how much I am deeply heart-wrenchingly in there with you. I adore my 3 younger sisters like crazy but the smear campaign by my (likely) narc mother worked perfectly for her. The family is torn apart – all because of me not being able to bear abuse any longer and I simply set boundaries which were raged against – I never told anyone what my parents were doing to me for years, because I wasn’t looking to get anyone on my side, I just wanted the abuse to STOP.

      When I finally also had to break it off with my narc husband and my life was in tatters, I no longer had energy to ‘protect’ my sisters any more (they’re all adults) and so I gave them the bare-bones story of parental abuses. They were unimpressed and unsupportive because of years of her brainwashing them. And though it breaks my heart; I bear them no ill will whatsoever, we are all just doing the best we can to survive. I’m glad I told them, because now they might know they can ask me if they ever want to hear my side. It’s been many months, no interest in me has happened. But I am utterly out of the game of trying to get anyone to understand my perspective. Well :p Almost!–I don’t have any desire to *act* on my pleading begging for them to have some empathy for me; but it still stabs my heart when I think of them believing her crazy stories.

      Injustice hurts so bad. I know you asked Melanie and I’m sorry for poking my nose in, (I’m brand new to posting and to NARP and I hope I’ll be deleted if I’m doing anything funky unhelpful uncouth stupid or hurtful!!! I won’t be offended dear Mods!), just wanted to let you know what happened to me and give you support and love and understanding even if you don’t get it from the family.

  • joviepetrunia@gmail.com'
    Jovie
    December 28, 2016

    Dear Wonderful Mel and Community,
    I just wanted to you let you know about my ‘calling out of’ my narc. I’ve been with him 20 years. LSS (since all narc stories are all long stories, unless you *get it*, which you do). We’ve been in therapy more than half of our time together, intensively in the last 7 years. Last straw was me catching him in the act of having sex with my friend/neighbor. (April Fools Day 2016 to be precise!) I stood staring in horror. After my heartbroken outpouring of energy all the next day he had basically no response. Then the next morning he said he thinks he’s a sociopath!?; that he’d heard a description on a podcast and he said he identified. I was like, what bullshit is this? Just another excuse for your bad behavior? What even is a sociopath? You’re so full of crap!
    Well, I went ahead and looked it up while he was gone and everything rang true! That afternoon he was astonished that I agreed with him. In fact, by late into that night he and I ‘celebrated’ with 2 bottles of wine and he went over every horrid thing he’d done the last 2 decades and we laughed and marveled at this extraordinary and perfect explanation of our whole lives together! It just all made perfect sense to both of us. All was clear!!!

    But of course day after that I was also in a terror because of all the other things that went along with sociopathy. I made emergency visit to Therapist. I was sobbing telling her how he explained that he was a Sociopath, that he had No Empathy, No Remorse, No Compassion and never did, has known it since he was a child; and in fact believes he is evolutionarily above all empaths with their crippling loads of emotional baggage. And how now he wants to become governor of the state because he is so fabulous and he could use my empathy and we’d be a perfect Power couple. And that he Worshiped me and felt possessive of me – which I told him I did not care about. And I said I loved and cared for him – which he does not care about. But we decided isn’t that close enough of a balanced match? They seemed similar enough to me at the moment… (which truly I was beyond traumatized and in the throes of reaction and Twilight Zone crazy-land, those first days and for many weeks after).

    My therapist was so confused because I didn’t explain about what had happened that weekend; I felt his cheating was irrelevant compared to this massive fundamental revelation of his character. She finally said, Please tell me what in the world brought this on? I finally told her the ‘event’ (the long story of this betrayal is so horrid btw). So, she brought out her DSM and said let’s just go through the checklist, even though diagnosis can be tricky. He was a match on quite a few of the sociopath, but it wasn’t convincing. She said, how about let’s go through the Narc, well, jackpot! I think every trait but one was off the charts.

    I told my N that evening, but since he finds the word Sociopath so much sexier he prefers to refer to himself as such.

    But the fact is, He knows what is ‘wrong’ with him and is actually PROUD of it! He’s totally ok with it!-plans to use his ‘powers’ to make more money.

    I’ve since had him move out and it’s been 7/8 months. We have children so I interact with him regularly. But it really has been -relatively- great since that turning point. My knowledge of what he is and the utter incurability of it (since he doesn’t see it as a problem) has set me free. I have lost the bulk of my crazy; it fell away. Now I have finally found wonderful NARP and am working on all my remaining hooks and triggers. Which are many! My mother is most likely narc too so I have a solid 40 years of yucky to work out :p Plenty more I can say of course but my purpose was to give you another version of the ‘calling out’. Hope this was new-ish! Though I’m sure the flavors of Narc are endless!!

    (one other version I know of—my friend whose sister knows she’s narc but actually tries to work on her behavior, with small success, 🙁 but she’s neither proud nor in denial)

  • tenaya.stanton@yahoo.com'
    Tenaya
    December 30, 2016

    Hi Mel!

    I just finished your email New Life Newsletter and I can’t tell you how thankful I am to have stumbled across your website! For the past year and a half I felt dazed and USED as my divorce proceedings then the parenting plan took place. Looking back now, everything happened for such an amazing reason. I met a new best friend who told me my ex was a narcissist; I actually didn’t even know what that truly meant till I started researching it. So of course I overwhelmed myself by reading every bit of information I could about it, it helped show me WHO the person I was with but I wasn’t feeling better about ME as a whole. Piece by piece things started falling in line, met someone who recommended I read a book and then this website. I can say I truly feel like everything happens for a reason and although I endured the pain, and understand there is more to come, I am happy to finally be able to say today is going to be a good day because that’s MY choice. The book is called “Your Sacred Self” by Wayne Dyer, I am not very religious but although with some mentioning of religion, it really is focused on finding YOU and freeing yourself from your ego. That book with this website have started the transformation process of my new life. I can’t thank you enough! We all deserve happiness 🙂

  • henningelisabeth2@gmail.com'
    Lisa
    January 5, 2017

    Hello Melanie,
    your videos are extremely helpful, I have been in a divorce battle with my hopefully future EX for a year now, he managed to hire a lawyer of the same caliber as himself and they both are making my life a living hell. It is a nightmare and I have to say it is impossible to survive, let alone thrive without help. I have joined a support group in my area and receive counseling. This newest video hit home, I was undecided how to react to his lawyer after it will be over. I wanted to confront him, but was not sure if I should. Now I am convinced it would be healing for me to let this lawyer know that I have seen past his mask. It is very uncanny how people like my EX find lawyers like that. The law of attraction really works.
    I am looking forward to a narcissist free life and to reconnect to what is truly important, myself and people who deeply care about me.

  • P90x.kp@gmail.com'
    Alive and Thriving!
    January 6, 2017

    WOW God bless you for this info! No coincidence; I “ran across” this After Jesus healed me. He knew when I’d be ready to understand and have open ears to hear. Wow! Glory to God, I am now thriving, still alive, and Finally Free to live the life He designed for me! To those overcoming: Hold on, God can bring triumph. With God all things are possible. I didn’t see a way out, but He turned it around to make me a better person, it became an open door to heal Me! I just had to seek Him and see it correctly. Be strong, Life is Fun and you Will smile again! And This time, you will be free to love people freely and relish in Joy because the joy of the Lord is Our strength! 😄🏆👍🎉 Happy New Year and Happy Life! 💖

  • funanddance@yahoo.co.uk'
    Dragonfly
    February 7, 2017

    Hi everyone
    I lived with my narc for 16 yrs. He didn’t marry me though, because of cause I was never worthy, good enough, loved him enough, couldn’t commit and definitely couldn’t be trusted !!!! I’m sure you’ve heard it all…….. (Good enough to live with though and help bring up his 2 sons.)

    Mel, you are 100% correct !!! Do NOT tell them what you have discovered. They will only use it as ammunition against you, project, gaslight and blame you more. No good can come from it. You will only doubt yourself and your own sanity, even more than you do already. They love it!!!! They feed off it. Don’t feed or enable the monster.

    Their “little black box” of information, as to what happened to cause their “crash”, is deep deep in the ocean of unconsciousness. Neither they nor you will ever find it, and even if you could….. will it bring back the destruction and deaths it has caused ??

    As hard as it is to see someone that you love suffer, (because on a certain level they are suffering) YOU will suffer more. You cannot fix them or help them by telling them. They CANNOT AND WILL NOT heal by you sharing your knowledge of narc, but you CAN AND WILL, heal and save yourself if you get away and do the work needed on yourself. You are worth it and you 100% deserve it.

    Much love and light to you all xxx

  • Ymandanici@gmail.com'
    Yvonne M
    February 11, 2017

    I’ve read many comments below and think that many narcissists have addiction issues. I have spent many years thinking the issue was drugs , but drugs or not, he was still the most dishonest, manipulative person.
    Anytime I’d try to point out what he was doing, or his blatant lies. For instance, making him take a drug test in front of me after he swore on his kids life he was sober for 6 months , and his response when he failed. The test must be broken! How dare you believe a test over me?! This is why we have no trust !
    Lol Amusing now, that I have kicked him out ( and then had to kick him out from hiding under my bed, and then kick him out from under my house ) . It was so emotionally hurtful at that time, because I wanted a family and had been slowly realizing that everything he said was a lie.
    Narcissists don’t care if you discover their tactics. They will just say that you are the narcissist or they will be happy to fight with you for hours about why you are wrong. How could you even get a narcissist to realize there is something wrong with them when they won’t even apologize for lying or assualting you?
    They are just happy to get more attention and could care less about changing or making things better. They really only change when they want something. It’s ingrained into their core and they have zero zero ZERO empathy for others .
    Almost all serial killers are narcissists. They don’t feel bad for what they are doing, they know they are killing their victim, they know that they are hurting someone physically and like inflicting pain.
    The narcissists in our life, haven’t killed us physically, yet. But emotionally ? Spiritually ? YES !
    Would it help pointing out to them , hey you are killing me ? No , I’ve done that with my ex-bf. He would either leave me for days , at the beginning – before I encouraged him to please leave, or later in the relationship, he’d laugh at me or tell me I was crazy . He’d take videotape of me crying and screaming after I’d found out another devastating lie, then send it to his family , saying, look at what I have to deal with look at how crazy she is !
    I could start the conversation thinking , I’m going to tell him what he’s doing is hurting me, and by the end the police would have to be called because he had thrown me and my kid out of my house in the winter without shoes or coats on . Or he’d start breaking things, or call another woman, or steal $ from me , or take my car and crash it on purpose.
    This is what happens when you confront a narcissist and hope for change . I hoped for change after he strangulated and assualted me, after he stole my savings, my kids college fund, then stole my jewelry, then wrecked my car 4 different times , then stole my credit cards numerous times, then broke my tv , broke my windows , broke my kids baby memorabilia, snuck in my house and stole things anytime I’d leave the house, pawned all my guitars , Pawned all my power tools, stole and sold all my expensive jeans …
    stole my kids computer , …. it’s really a story of how much can one hope for change? How long can one expect that this time he is sorry and he will GET IT.
    He won’t get it , he’ll just find another woman who doesn’t realize what he is , and start to use her .
    As long as you have something for the narcissist … sex,$ , and even one minutes worth of attention , they will pretend to care and pretend to be sorry .

    Instead of pointing out to the narcissist what’s wrong with him, I’ve spent the past couple months trying to figure out what was wrong with my boundaries .
    What was wrong with my sense of danger . What was wrong with my fairy tale expectations …
    it is much harder to look at myself and feel disappointed in myself than it is to feel disappointed in the ex. It is hard for me to accept that I did this to myself . I let myself be emotionally raped , financially ruined. It took cps telling me that either I made my abuser leave , or my child could not stay because of the fighting . And he ( my narcissist) was completely outraged that I chose my child . He wanted me to give her up for telling “lies “about him.
    That is how much they expect .
    It would come down to giving away a child, instead of changing a behavior for the narcissist .
    But they’ll cry to everyone about how they can’t see that same kid and why it’s made them drink and be depressed…. and some co dependent will try to help .

  • Ymandanici@gmail.com'
    Yvonne M
    February 11, 2017

    I’d also like to say …. the difference between me before I started no contact and using these res courses and the one that wanted to die , is that before I would have hope he’d change and I’d use these rescources to try to help him or help “us”.
    Now … I use everything for me. It’s about me getting on with my life and healing myself . That’s it . And it’s huge , and it’s hard sometimes, and I get sad being alone or missing them sometimes, and I really want to call them for sex sometimes , but I don’t . No matter what because it just takes one call , one text and my life will be completely wrapped up in his drama. One text immediately takes the healing and energy off of me, and changes EVERYTHING back onto him. He starts to suck the energy right away and it ends up a huge vortex of sucking all my attention, rescources, love , time , until I’m lying in bed for weeks wanting to die and wondering why he doesn’t help me or care . And why he has a bunch of energy and I’m exhausted.
    Is it worth explaining to them what narcissist means? Hell Noooo!
    This site is my secret amulet. It’s my space , it’s my saving grace . And I’m not sharing it with a soul murderer , so he can try to take away the power of my knowledge.
    We are all together here . And we do give each other power here . I get so much better from reading the strength that others have shown in their stories. That they have been through the hell , through the suicidal thoughts , having everything and everyone we loved taken away , including the narcissist and still at the end some women and men, can still be positive ! Still have positive energy and love to share on here .
    It’s amazing and it shows me that these fucke$s can’t take everything from us . We might think they have but there are thrivers 🙂 that took some positivity and hope they had or they found on here , and they made it grow . And they kept it away from the narcissist.
    Imagine if they gave that to the narcissist instead of giving it to others on here ?
    So thankful to those who are helping keep my mind strong . It takes coming on here every day for me to recharge and not find a reason to talk to my ex.
    Big hugs and kisses 😘
    Yvonne from Texas

  • lisa.brandt@gmx.com'
    Lisa
    February 14, 2017

    I have one question: Is narcissism inherited or learned? I have a grown daughter who seems to be a Narcissist, but not as bad as my ex was. I worry. She is on her own for quite some time. I do believe I was a good mother, not perfect, but good and that I have much compassion. Unfortunately, her Dad is a narcissist … diagnosed.

    Thank you and hope to hear.

  • lisa.brandt@gmx.com'
    Lisa
    February 14, 2017

    My ex is a naricissist .. pretty severe. Have a grown daughter who “seems” Naricissistic. Very self-centered, has issues about money (very cheap) … sorry to say and yet never had any problems with not having enough of anything. It is always about “her”.
    Any way to know for sure? Any help available?

  • leearna@gmail.com'
    Lee
    February 19, 2017

    Dear Mel,

    You are wonderful.

    Thank you 🙏

  • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
    Nicoleta
    February 22, 2017

    It is true. Telling to a narcissist who he is it does not work. They will say that you are insane or crazy. What’s interesting is that he also asked me why I make him responsible for my life?

  • vertigorose@yahoo.com'
    Dee
    February 22, 2017

    It’s invariably very hard not to expect or try to get accountability from someone who is constantly projecting themselves onto you. However, I realize they are emotional vortices. There is no way to fill one up or fix it. I use the “lipstick on the pig” metaphor here: To tell a a person they are a narcissist only wastes your time and angers the narcissist. The narcissistic person is usually so thin-skinned that to do so would result in not only furious rage, but a host of new tools for projection onto you later.

    The narcissist in my life feels like a curse, but to tell him he is a curse only serves to incite the cycle of devaluation and rage due to narcissistic injury. It’s painful and depressing to go through the cycle waiting for the other shoe to drop every single day. I am struggling with No Contact status, as this narcissist seems poised to make good on a horrible smear campaign. Every time I’ve tried, I get the most awful vague threats…nothing that could hold up in court of law.

    Anyway, the answer is no. I wouldn’t bother trying to confront a person who is high on the NPD spectrum of behaviors. It’s more trouble than it’s worth. Save your sanity and need for accountability for a person with a conscience.

  • adriennegeoghegan@gmail.com'
    Adrienne
    February 25, 2017

    Hello Melanie,
    Your video really hit home. I’m kind of relieved. My friend sent me your link.

    I’m in the throws of a separation. I said in marriage guidance on 17th Feb 2017 that I wanted to break up with my husband of 15 years. We have a son who turned 13 that day. I kept it together for him. I cried for 5 hours non stop after the session. Then I wiped my tears and put on make up and bought my son a birthday cake. We went to dinner (three of us) as planned. My husband was not impressed by the restaurant choice of my son. I told my son that it was HIS birthday, but in the end he picked what my husband wanted.

    However, he can’t move out because of the financial situation. He is doing a Masters. It will be another 6 months until he is finished. I need help with dealing with the emotional roller coaster of the next six months ahead. I feel it will be hell. He is verbally abusive, defensive and smokes hash daily (said he gave it up) he also loves drink and would drink more if he had the money.

    Too exhausted to write much more, but I will later.

    All the best

    Thank you

    Adrienne

    • lynda_n@shaw.ca'
      Lynda
      March 2, 2017

      Hello Adrienne,

      Something you said really hit me…”Then I wiped my tears and put on make up and bought my son a birthday cake.” Wow!
      Isn’t it almost unfathomable that we can function the way we do. But, you know what, I think you already have it in you to get through the next 6 months, and you will receive A LOT of support from this community. Seriously.

      I am not financially able to leave my narcissistic partner yet – I stayed home for a year to cater to him – but I am now preparing for it. I only found this website several days ago and I already feel hope, and feel like a weight has been lifted. I had so many questions, exactly like you, how in the world do I do this, prepare for this, while still living with this man? Terrifying. I’ve been reading the Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse Stories, the blog, watching the videos on You Tube, signed up for the webinar… anything and everything, and even that has helped tremendously! NARP is the next step.

      One thing I’ve noticed from all the reading I’ve been doing, is how much fear has subsided. It’s almost comical to listen to him now! We both work out of town and he started his job a few days ago. He called at the end of his first day to tell me ALL about it …. Casual conversation, but all about him. Surprisingly, he then asked how my day was…I started saying I had woken up with a really sore neck, must have slept wrong, and then he interrupted with OH, let me tell you about my night, and he was off to the races for another 20 minutes!! I looked at my daughter (she’s 21, she gets what’s happening), and we just smirked… and listened to him carry on a conversation pretty much by himself. Then he ends the conversation, like he always does, with “Well, I don’t have anything else, so I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Oh! OK! Could care less about me. Right?! Now that I can see how incredibly childish he is, it has taken a huge amount of fear out of the equation. For me, preparing to leave, means I have accepted him for who and what he is. It means I have accepted that he will never be able to be there emotionally for me, or to empathize, or to take any responsibility for himself. It means I’m going to let all that go and not have any expectations of him, because I know it’s over anyway.

      I have read many stories on here about the abuse that wonderful people are suffering from, and I am not in any way meaning to minimize what anyone is experiencing. Please don’t take it as that. I guess I’m just feeling a little bit giddy because I have SOME, a tiny bit, of my power back and it feels good. And I KNOW, because of Melanie and the programs, and the community that we will definitely all survive and THRIVE!

  • quareverum@gmail.com'
    Marie
    March 30, 2017

    Thank you for another insightful and helpful segment Melanie!

    After having discovered through reading what was happening to me (narcissistic abuse), I made the mistake of calling my partner a “covert narcissist” which she promptly researched and actually told one of her kids. She then used it as a means of triangulation, making herself the victim and me the villain, which left nothing but the hero role for the poor child who promptly accused me of assassinating her mother’s character…verbatim what her mother had programmed her to say.

    Turns out, as you said, that all I did was provide a new source of supply and a new way to create drama where she could be the victim.

    I love what you said about giving away my power in that moment, and really…what was I expecting to accomplish??? I was trying to validate my experience and maybe expose her, but that was never going to produce good results for anyone, including myself. The issue of finding myself in a relationship with someone like her is mine to resolve. She will have to figure out her own life all by herself, if she ever does.

    So, instead, I ended up realizing that all that was left for me to do was to take control and leave for good. Which I have done and working hard at maintaining “no contact”.

    I wish I could have come to that realization much sooner, but I am grateful for the reinforcement you provided in this segment. Thank you!

  • annabel@annabelruffell.com'
    Annabel
    April 29, 2017

    Hello Melanie,
    Thank you for this! I did tell my ex narcissist what I thought of him though and sent him a link to a blog piece I wrote about my experience with him (full of narcissistic facts)…He read it and said it was hard for him to read, to see himself like that and that I have changed his life…his interaction with his family, the mother of his daughter and he is working on himself so much…no-one will ever go through what I did etc etc etc….and he is endlessly sorry to me…
    Anyway…do I believe him? It’s what I wanted to hear but he knows that i think! (he is a covert narcissist) I think he thinks he is trying and he has said similar things before…how sorry he is etc…anyway he is my sons Kindergarten teacher and still is until June 2017 so that plays into it for sure! being so overly nice…anyway it’s been hard having to see him 5 days a week – no contact was not a possibility. One of the hardest things in my life having to face him. I ignored him for 2 months and then just couldn’t any more. Realized I was given this situation as a test and I could communicate with him in a cordial way. Seeing him flirt with other parents is not easy at all and it takes continual work on myself to not get lost in the sadness of it all.
    Anyway, thank you!

  • christinemaryrussett37@gmail.com'
    Christine
    May 9, 2017

    My cerebral covert/stealth/stealthy Narcissist stepdaughter plays the victim, she has put me through years of mental, emotional, psychological, verbal abuse, ambient abuse, bullying, triangulation, gaslighting, etc…, she attempted to physically assault me too, and much, much more and all of this has happened to me literally and she is not an introverted/inverted Narcissist, she is also a malignant Narcissist and she has been falsely accusing me of being a Narcissist/bully/abuser/villain playing the victim behind my back to other people, so she’s been spreading so many lies about me just to annihilate and destroy me, etc…, to as many people as she can far and wide – so she is a compulsive, pathological liar and she’s doing this because she is pathologically extremely jealous and envious of me, she’s in competition with me, she views me as competition, in previous conversations that I’ve had with her in the past she has been highly and fiercely competitive towards me, she has done point-scoring and oneupmanship towards me too – everything that she has said to me and told me in every, in all of the previous conversations that I’ve had with her in the past already are lies, lies, lies, and more lies and everything is far-fetched, outlandish, unfounded and not even proved – no evidence to show that everything she said was true – was the truth, everything she told me was all dreamt up in her head, she made it all up, so her whole entire life is one big, black lie, she has also copycatted me in every, in all of the previous conversations that I’ve had with her in the past already, she desperately wants and desires to be me. I am the real, true victim and she is the real, true Narcissist and I know that she has had thoughts of exposing me to other people as a Narcissist playing the victim and she portraying herself as the victim – (she’s not a victim – she’s a Narcissist, bully, abuser, etc…,) but she has had second thoughts about that because she thinks that it won’t produce any good results just for herself and herself only -(she’s selfish, self-centered, only cares about herself, only thinks of herself, only thinks about herself, is inconsiderate towards other people, their feelings, their emotions, lacks empathy, lacks remorse towards other people, is self-serving, puts herself first before anyone else, she has made herself No.1 top priority on her most important and most significant priorities list), and she thinks she won’t get the results or the outcome that she wants because she already knows already that she will lose everything, she will have everything to lose and that she will be defeated because the real truth will come out and everyone will realize that I am the real, true victim and me, myself and my experience, etc…, will be vindicated and validated and that I will be given lots and lots of advice, support, guidance, help, etc…, and as for her…. everyone will realize that she is a compulsive, pathological liar and they will be absolutely extremely livid and extremely angry with her for committing slander, defamation of character and libel about me, for her portraying me and for her exposing me as a Narcissist playing the victim – (I’m not a Narcissist at all and I’m not playing the victim at all either), that they were so easily duped by her into believing her lies, that she easily managed to convince them into believing her lies, that me abusing and bullying her is all lies, that me doing triangulation on her is all lies, everything that she has said about me behind my back to other people is all lies, everyone will know and believe the truth – the truth is is that she is the Narcissist, bully, abuser, villain who has been playing the victim, that I am the real, true, victim, that she has done mental, emotional, psychological, verbal abuse, ambient abuse on me, that she attempted to physically assault me, that she has done triangulation, gaslighting, etc…, to me plus, much, much more to me.

  • christinemaryrussett37@gmail.com'
    Christine
    May 9, 2017

    What’s stopping her from exposing me is that she thinks that the truth will come out eventually in the end and that she herself will be caught and exposed as a Narcissist, abuser, bully, villain playing the victim and she is extremely fearful of being exposed, she’s always on constant high alert, always on guard, making sure that she doesn’t get found out, doesn’t get caught, doesn’t get exposed as being a Narcissist playing the victim, so I started exposing her to other people almost a decade ago and to this day lots, lots, lots and lots of people know that she is a Narcissist, it’s been a very slow and very gradual process for me to expose her as a Narcissist to other people because I’m married to and live with her father – my husband and me and him are madly, deeply and truly in love with each other and we love each other very, very much, we care about each other very, very much, so if he doesn’t believe everything that I’ve told him about her and if he feels and gets extremely angry with me because I have exposed her to other people (she would tell him that I have exposed her as a Narcissist, abuser, bully, villain to other people and/or he’ll hear it from a third party) then I will feel really very, very hurt, wounded, angry, hopeless, etc…, because it will be and feel like he’ll be falsely accusing me of being a liar, of me telling lies, him defending, protecting and supporting her, him not defending, protecting and supporting me, I don’t want my husband getting emotionally hurt by this, I don’t want him to know about any of this, I don’t want him to get involved or to intervene in this, I must protect him from this. I’m unsure where my husband’s loyalties lay either with me or with her. If he found out that she had exposed me then how would it make him feel? Angry, hurt, etc…,? Would he believe any of or all of the lies of everything that she would tell him about me or would he not believe any of or all of the lies of everything that she would tell him about me?. My husband tells me that he loves both me and her in both the same equal amounts, that he doesn’t love one more or less than the other. If there was an ultimatum where he had to choose between me and her who would he choose out of me and her – would he choose me or her?.

  • christinemaryrussett37@gmail.com'
    Christine
    May 10, 2017

    My husband doesn’t do favouritism but I wonder if he’s biased towards me or her, if he’s biased against me or her. I’m unsure about that. I didn’t make myself to be the victim or could play the victim, she made me, turned me into a victim by her putting me through and to experience years of Narcissistic abuse, etc…, I have never, I don’t and I’ll never want to be a victim or to be made into a victim or to go through any Narcissistic abuse, etc…,. When the truth comes out everyone will realize that she had indoctrinated, brainwashed and programmed them into convincing them to believe her biggest, blackest lies that she told them about me, that she poisoned their minds against me, that she hypnotized them and did mind – control on them, she has a dark and evil charisma like Hitler had, she is a little Hitler and her charisma is powerfully magnetic which draws people to her, so she charmed people into believing her biggest, blackest lies about me. She is the Devil Incarnate. When everyone will realize all of these things they will be so absolutely extremely livid and extremely angry with her, she will have everything to lose, she will lose everything, her blood related family, her family friends, her friends are just like her, her father is an cerebral overt Narcissist – but my love for him helped me to forgive him, once the truth comes out everyone will have absolutely nothing to do with her, they will disassociate themselves from her, they will not associate themselves with her, they will ostracize her and she will be isolated and feel extremely lonely. She made and turned herself into the Narcissist, etc…, into the Narcissist, etc…, playing the victim, she has always, she always and she always will made herself and turn herself into the Narcissist playing the victim, where she could play the victim, she has always, she always and she always will want to abuse me and to abuse lots and lots of other people, she has a very long list of victims and I’m one of them, she has a very long path of destruction and casualties which she has left behind her.

  • christinemaryrussett37@gmail.com'
    Christine
    May 10, 2017

    She hates mine and my husband’s two cats and she hates them because they’re my cats, the reason why she hates them is all because they are mine, they are my cats and they belong to me. If these cats belonged to a friend of hers or maybe to her mother, etc…, she would love them and make a fuss of them, but, because they are my cats and they belong to me – she hates them, she hates them with a passion. So she can be Narcissistic towards cats, pets, animals too – especially, if these cats, pets, animals belong to her victim. She’s very cruel, abusive, etc…, to her fellow human being as well as to animals – pets (especially if the animals – pets belong to her victim). So she’s very weird, warped, twisted, insane, crazy, deranged, bitter, cruel, mean, abusive, sadistic. How could she hurt a poor and defenceless animal – whether it belongs to her victim or to someone else????. She’s pure evil and she’s extremely dangerous. She’s also a hypocrite and she’s highly manipulative, she’s a liar and a dishonest and deceitful, deceptive person. Her integrity is not intact. Her integrity is broken. She is sadistic, she contradicts herself, she’s also a thief, she steals things that are of high sentimental value to her victim which belongs to her victim and then she uses her victim’s things against her victim. She’s extremely fearful of being exposed as a Narcissist, etc…, playing the victim and the real truth coming out, etc…, so she’s always constantly on high alert, always constantly on guard to prevent herself from being exposed as a Narcissist playing the victim by me and by all of her other victims to everyone else.

  • christinemaryrussett37@gmail.com'
    Christine
    May 10, 2017

    I desperately want to call her out, expose her that she is a Narcissist who is playing the victim to everyone else and to reveal all of the truth, etc…, etc…, etc…, to everyone else so that everyone will realize and know all of the truth and to see her for what and for who she truly is…. a Narcissist who is playing the victim and that I, my experience, my emotions and feelings will be vindicated and validated, I want justice. How much longer will she escape and avoid justice?. There is no cure for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Sociopathy and Psychopathy, these disorders are progressive and they get worse as the Narcissist, Sociopath and Psychopath gets older so these people and their behaviour, etc…, gets worse as they age, she will have this disorder until the day she dies, there are treatments and therapy for people like her who have these disorders but like any typical Narcissist she thinks that there’s nothing wrong with her, she has never sought treatment or therapy from a therapist for her disorder so she is living and walking amongst us in society, in the community without being detected. I have detected that she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, she’s just as bad as prison inmates and criminals who are locked up in prisons for serious crimes. She should be locked up and locked away in a high security prison or a high security mental hospital or a psychiatric hospital with the key thrown away and she should serve a life sentence with 100 years minimum and without the possibility of parole, without the possibility of being let out on “good” behaviour, without the possibility of being let out on bail. What is preventing me from doing this is the overwhelming, passionate, true, romantic, sincere love that me and my husband feel and have in our hearts that we have for each other. He tells me everyday how much in love he is with me and how much he loves me. We tell each other how much we care about each other and that we are soul-mates, life – partners, partners for life, best friends, teammates, a team, a husband and wife, a golden couple, we are meant to be together with each other for the rest of our lives until we both die, we are meant for each other, we are a match made in heaven, we are like two peas in a pod, we are inseparable, if I am physically away from him for far too long and I haven’t physically been with him for a minimum of just 1 day I can get extreme and severe separation anxiety from physically being away from him. He is a cerebral overt Narcissist but this all consuming love makes it incredibly easy for me to forgive him. When he is being Narcissistic towards me it emotionally hurts me and my heart and my emotions and my feelings, I feel emotionally hurt, emotionally wounded and emotionally knocked down to the floor and I feel emotional and mental pain and anger, it ignites a really hot flame of anger within my heart but the love, forgiveness and mercy that I have for him within my heart wipes out the flame of anger, the emotional pain, etc…, etc…, etc…, out of my heart, the emotional pain, flame of anger, etc…, leaves my heart completely and totally and a tidal wave of overwhelming love, forgiveness and mercy consumes my heart. On days when he’s being really, truly Narcissistic, abusive, nasty and horrible to me it can take a very, very long time for me to forgive him, because we could row and argue from the morning of one day-the previous day and it can spill all out over into the evening/night of the next day and then by midnight of the next day I will ask him to apologize to me most sincerely, for his apology to be most sincere and for him to mean his most sincere apology and for him to mean every word of his apology sincerely from all of his heart and I ask him to make his heart to be, to turn and change his heart into a most sincere heart. I think he does, but I’m unsure, then I accept his apology, I forgive him, I’m merciful to him all because of love…., but then he continues the vicious circle/vicious cycle of doing Narcissistic Abuse, etc…, to me and he doesn’t stop this circle/cycle, he spins this circle/cycle around, around and around without stopping, I ask him to apologize to me for everything that’s bad and wrong that he’s said and done to me, for him abusing me, his bad, nasty, horrible, abusive behaviour, attitude, words, actions, acts and deeds that he’s done and said to me, I ask him to apologize to me, he does apologize to me, I accept his apology all because of pure love, forgiveness and mercy, but he continues his Narcissistic Abuse, etc…, towards me over, over and over again on repeat without stopping and he apologizes to me and I forgive him. That means that all of his apologies to me in the past, in the present and in the future has never been, is not and never will be sincere and that every word of every apology in the past, in the present and in the future has never, is not and never will be sincere and that he’s never, he’s not and he’ll never mean it or meant it sincerely from his heart because he’s always had an insincere heart, and he’s always had, he always has and he always will have an insincere heart and he has never, he doesn’t and he’ll never change, turn his insincere heart into a sincere or into a most sincere heart because he has always, he always does and he always will refuse to do that because he’s never wanted, he doesn’t want and he’ll never want to change, turn his insincere heart into an sincere or into a most sincere heart. I have to ask him to apologize to me, he doesn’t apologize to me automatically without me asking him to apologize to me, I shouldn’t have to ask him to apologize to me, he should apologize to me automatically without me having to ask him to apologize to me. I’m very in touch with my emotions and feelings, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I’m a very emotional person, I let my heart rule my head, I’m an empath and a lightworker, I’m a forgiving and merciful person.

  • christinemaryrussett37@gmail.com'
    Christine
    May 10, 2017

    But, even so me and my husband are emotionally and spiritually attached and connected to each other. If I fully expose her then how will he react and behave?. I’m telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so if he didn’t believe anything that I would say and everything that I would say is the truth, if he chucked me and all of my stuff and personal belongings out of the house where we live and I had to move into another house to live far away from him and he wanted a divorce and he started divorce proceedings and he took me to court to get a restraining/injunction order out on me against me to keep me away from him, from his front door and from the neighbourhood and from the town where he lives for an unlimited amount of time until the day I die then I would die from a broken heart. So even though I’m hell-bent on exposing her there is something which is holding me back and I’m holding back my hand for now at the moment. After my husband does die then I’ll fully expose her and I’ll see it on through to til the bitter end because after he dies then I’ll have nothing holding me back, I’ll have nothing to hold me back, I’ll stop holding back my hand and I will push my hand on through and let it come down really fast like a ton of bricks. But for now at the moment I’m in a catch 22 situation, a no-win situation.

  • christinemaryrussett37@gmail.com'
    Christine
    May 10, 2017

    A few years ago I had a phone conversation with her and she abused me over the phone and she asked me if the phone conversation that I was having with her was being monitored or recorded and I told her that it had absolutely nothing to do with her and that it was none of her business if the phone conversation was monitored or not or recorded or not – she asked me because she has an extreme fear of being caught, of being found out, of being exposed as an Abuser, Bully and a Narcissist playing the victim and getting caught verbally abusing me over the phone. If she’s been worrying about this over the years then I’m going to confirm her worst fears and worries about this have come true for her – I’m confirming it right now!!. Before, during and after the phone call conversation there were 2 people who were with me – 2 ear – witnesses (it’s better to have more than 1 person as your witness, because you have 2 pairs of ears instead of 1 pair of ears and whatever 1 person didn’t hear, listen to and forget then the other person would hear, listen to and remember), these 2 ear witnesses heard and listened to my stepdaughter verbally abusing me over the phone, my stepdaughter exposed herself as an Abuser, Bully and verbally abusing me over the phone – she exposed herself to my 2 ear witnesses without herself even knowing. She didn’t even know that she exposed herself to 2 other people – my 2 ear witnesses. She unknowingly exposed herself to my 2 ear witnesses. I know exactly how to contact my 2 ear witnesses and how to get in touch, into contact with them and they WILL totally defend and protect me and support me about my stepdaughter verbally abusing me over the phone which they both heard and listened to!!!!!. She has done relational aggression towards me, she has destroyed and annihilated all of my relationships with all of my blood – related family members – both immediate, distant and extended family members and members of my inner and social circles because she’s pathologically extremely jealous, pathologically extremely envious and pathologically extremely resentful of me having relationships with my own family because of all of the love, affection, attention, care, compliments, etc…, physical affection – hugs, cuddles and kisses which I would receive from the rest of my family and that they would validate and vindicate me, my emotions and feelings and my Narcissistic Abuse experience which my stepdaughter put me through, that my family would support me, give me their support, help, guidance and advice and that my family could possibly be my ear and eye witnesses to her doing Narcissistic Abuse on me so she destroyed and annihilated all of my relationships with all of my family for all of those reasons and because I asked my stepdaughter if I could meet her’s and her father’s – (my in – laws) – my husband’s blood – related family members – immediate, distant and extended family members and she said to me ” you leave my family alone, you keep far away from my family, you are never going to meet any of my family because I’m going to do everything that’s within my power, ability, capability to stop and to prevent you from meeting any of my family, I don’t want you meeting my family and I’ll never change my mind about that, my family has got absolutely nothing to do with you and you have got absolutely nothing to do with them and my family is none of your business” she was being really hostile and aggressive towards me, she was being fiercely overprotective and overpossessive of her family which was so unnecessary. After that, she did the relational aggression thing to me. She knew where my mum and late dad lived and she knew where 1 of my dad’s sisters – my aunt lived. She felt that I was coming in-between her and her dad – my husband, that I was going to take him away from her and that I was going to have him all to myself, so, she cast 2 death spells in the world of the occult – the most progressive, advanced, terminal, 0% survival rate, shortest life expectancy, dangerous form of the world’s No.1 top most popular disease = cancer – Pancreatic Cancer – and she cast 1 death spell on my father and 1 death spell on one of his sisters – my aunt, my father died in the same year that he was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer – it spread to his liver and he died in June 2008 I think on Fathers Day and then my aunt was also diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer I think around Christmas 2008 and it also spread to her liver and she died in Spring 2009 the next – following year after my dad died. My stepdaughter committed first degree murder of 2 murders of casting death spells on 2 of my blood – related family members – she did these things through the occult, through witchcraft. She thought I was taking her dad away from her so she thought that she would take my dad and my aunt away from me and take them away from me permanently, forever, irreversibly too. When she found out about my dad and my aunt – the words that she used for herself to say to me were not personal about me and were not personal about my family, about my dad, about my aunt. All she said was ” it’s sad when someone dies in a family”, when really she should have said ” it’s sad that your dad and your aunt have died, I’m so sorry to hear that your dad and your aunt has both died “, she didn’t say any words of comfort to me, she didn’t say any words to comfort me, she didn’t even attempt to cheer me up or put a smile on my face, she didn’t even say ” everything is going to be alright, everything is going to be o.k “, she didn’t physically comfort me, she didn’t give me a hug, she didn’t hold me in her arms, she lacked total empathy, sympathy, compassion. UNBELIEVABLE, SHOCKING!!!!!!. She is extremely sadistic!!!!!!. When her maternal grandfather died in either 2006 or 2007 I showed lots and lots of empathy, sympathy, compassion to her – my stepdaughter, to my stepdaughter’s biological mother and to her – my stepdaughter’s best friend – (I had met her – my stepdaughter herself, her best friend and her biological mother a few months before her grandfather died and I was getting to know all 3 of them – my stepdaughter and her biological mother and my stepdaughter’s best friend during all of those months before her grandfather died, her grandfather is her biological mum’s dad) and even when I was being empathic, empathetic, sympathetic and compassionate towards all 3 of them her biological mother said to me ” don’t mess with my girls ” – I can’t remember if she said this to me in front of her daughter – my stepdaughter or not and if she said this to me in front of her daughter’s best friend or not. My stepdaughter’s best friend is not even a member of their family, but they treat her like she is a part of the family, like she’s one of them and I am a part of their family, I’m a member of their family but they treat me like I’m not a part of their family, like I’m not one of them, like I’m not a member of their family, my stepdaughter, her biological mother and I think my stepdaughter’s biological father – my husband and my stepdaughter’s other blood related family members have known her best friend and her best friend’s blood related family members and vice versa much longer than all of them have known me. I did meet my husband back in 1992 when I was much younger and he’s been in and out of my life many, many times since from 1997 to 2000, from 2002 to 2005, I came to live with him and moved into his house to live with him in either November or December 2005, we got engaged to be married in Christmas 2005, we got married in June 2006, we split up in early 2011 from 2011 to Summer 2012 but we were still seeing each other and still in touch, in contact with each other and then I had my own house for me to live in from Summer 2012 to February 2013 but we were still seeing each other, etc…, and then I moved out of my house and I then moved to another town/city to live from February 2013 to January 2015 and we still saw each other and then we had an argument/row and we stopped seeing each other and then his daughter – my stepdaughter encouraged him to change his mobile phone numbers and to file for divorce and to start divorce proceedings with a solicitor, then sometime later, he phoned my friends up and he gave them his new mobile phone numbers, I can’t remember if he had given his permission or not to them for them to tell me that he had changed his mobile phone numbers, that he had 2 new mobile phone numbers and that he was still in touch, in contact with them to see how I was, etc…, but, he didn’t give his permission to them for them to give me his 2 new mobile phone numbers. One day, I asked one of my friends to phone him in front of me and to put the phone on loudspeaker on maximum volume so that I’ll be able to hear and to listen to what he would be saying to my friend. Anyway, he answered the phone call and he and my friend spoke to each other and then I started speaking to him and we almost resolved our row/argument over the phone and he said he would phone me and that he would give me his 2 new mobile phone numbers, which he did do. He also told me that his daughter had told him to file for divorce and to start divorce proceedings and that they had gone down to see and visit his solicitor a few times at his solicitors branch building and that they had been in his solicitor’s office to have meetings with his solicitor a few times. That he had divorce papers at home – 1 copy for himself and 1 copy for me. My copy of divorce papers were sent to the wrong address and I certainly didn’t go to this address to collect my divorce papers because I didn’t want to get a divorce and I didn’t want to get divorced in the first place. Sometime later my husband changed his mind about the divorce proceedings, and he saw his solicitor and he told his solicitor that he wanted to stop and to cancel the divorce proceedings because he was still madly, deeply, truly in love with me, very, very much in love with me and that he still loved and cared about, worried about me and me very, very much and that he missed me like crazy, he missed me terribly and that he wanted to give his marriage and his relationship with me another go, another chance. The divorce proceedings were not even complete, were not even finished/finalized? and he didn’t even sign or date the divorce papers so legally we were not divorced, legally we were still married and we were happy again and we started seeing each other again and then something happened to him and we had another row/argument with each other again and he stopped seeing me and he stopped speaking to me again and that went on for sometime and then I started suffering from Depression and Anxiety and I was prescribed Quetiapine anti-depressant tablets for my Depression and Anxiety and I met a couple of mental health/psychiatric hospital doctors and then sometime after that I got a missed call and a voicemail message from my husband from my husband on his phone onto my phone, so I phoned him back and we resolved our row/argument over the phone, we were happy with each other again and we started seeing each other again – that was I think in either Autumn or Winter 2014 and then in January 2015 I moved out of that town/city to go to move into and live in another town/city that was much closer to the town that where my husband was living in. From January 2015 to 1st June 2015 we were still seeing each other and on 1st June 2015 I moved out of that other town/city and I came back to move back into and to live with my husband in his house in the town where he lives and from 1st June 2015 to now May 2017 we are still living together with each other as husband and wife in our own marital home, in our own house, we are not divorced at all, we are not legally divorced at all, we are still legally married, we are still as much legally married right now as we were on the day that we got married to each other, on our wedding day. We are a very, very happily married couple.

  • christinemaryrussett37@gmail.com'
    Christine
    May 10, 2017

    When my stepdaughter’s mother said to me ” don’t mess with my girls ” after she found out that her father (my stepdaughter’s grandfather) had passed away when she said my girls then not only was she referring to her own daughter but also referring to her daughter’s best friend too, that’s because both of these 2 families – my stepdaughter and her biological mother’s blood related family and my stepdaughter’s best friend’s blood related family have all known each other personally very, very well for much, much longer than my stepdaughter and her biological mother and my stepdaughter’s best friend have known me personally. These 2 families all regard each other as 1 big family, I don’t know if these 2 separate individual families are blood related to each other or not or if they are marriage related to each other or not or if they are related to each other through adoption or not or through fostering/foster care or not. I wasn’t, I didn’t, I have never, I don’t and I’ll never ” mess with her girls “, she falsely accused me. She and the other 2 of them were only trying to cause trouble, problems, discord, conflict, etc…, for me and between me and them, they were also trying to wind me up, annoy and irritate me, have a pop at me and it’s all because they are pathologically extremely jealous, pathologically extremely envious, pathologically extremely resentful of me. They all have a sense of entitlement where they perceive that they have ownership of my husband – ” ownership ” – treating my husband as if he’s a pet, an animal, a tool, an object, property, possession. The mother thinks to herself ” well, I don’t want him anymore, I can’t have him so nobody/no – one else can have him either “, he and his daughter’s mother – his ex never got married to each other, so they were just boyfriend and girlfriend living together with each other in their own house, they are now ex – boyfriend and ex – girlfriend. Their relationship ended for good in either the 1970’s or in the 1980’s when their daughter was either a young child or a teenager/adolescent, so their relationship ended between 30 to 40 years ago. I met my husband long after their relationship ended, me and my family met him in 1992 – so I can’t be blamed for their relationship ending. My stepdaughter and her mother will never be able to get over their pathological extreme jealousies, pathological extreme envies, pathological extreme resentments of me and him being married to each other and that I’m his wife and that he’s my husband, that we live together with each other in our own marital home, in our house, that he belongs to me and that I belong to him. I have realized now that since his and his daughter’s mother’s relationship had ended why is it that he’s had many girlfriends after his relationship with his daughter’s mother ended and all of his other relationships with his other girlfriends were so shortly – lived and that none of these relationships had progressed/advanced further into moving into a house together and living together with each other and engagements and marriages/ wedding ceremonies??? It’s because all of his other ex – girlfriends had met and got to know personally his daughter, his daughter’s mother, his daughter’s best friend and maybe all of his and his daughter’s blood related family, his daughter’s mother’s blood related family, his daughter’s best friend’s blood related family and they must have made verbal threats of physical violence/physical aggression/physical harm to come to them and to all of their families from them if they didn’t leave him alone and if they didn’t get out of his life and stay out of his life forever and to never come back into his life ever again but to continue seeing him and to continue being in his life and they must have done Narcissistic Abuse, etc…, to them, so they must have scared all of them away from him, so they scared all of his girlfriends away from him and they forcefully ostracized all of his girlfriends out of his life through threats and intimidation, threatening and intimidating behaviour. I met my stepdaughter, her biological mother and my stepdaughter’s best friend in either November or December 2005, all 3 of them are Narcissists. My stepdaughter and her biological mother are cerebral covert/stealth malignant Narcissists and my stepdaughter’s best friend is a somatic covert/stealth malignant Narcissist. The psychopathic nuts didn’t fall far from the psychopathic trees. Going back to my phone conversation with my stepdaughter when she verbally abused me over the phone and my 2 ear witnesses heard and listened to every abusive word that she said to me over the phone I said to her ” do you think your going to get away with this, this abusive language and you verbally abusing me over the phone “? or words to that effect and she said to me ” yes, I will get away with it “, so my 2 ear witnesses knew right there and then that everything that I had told them and told all of my other friends about her previous to the phone conversation that I had with her is the truth. She is so brazen, etc…, and so shameless, she hasn’t got a conscience, she is mercilessly ruthless!!!!. She has no mercy for me or for any of her other victims. She is merciless towards all of us, including myself. Back in 2004, I wrote down all of my ideas about something that I wanted to do, I was planning to do something and I wrote on this piece of paper in my own handwriting then years later I give her this piece of paper and she takes it away and she does plagiarism with it. She’s also a thief. She stole some things that belonged to me, that were mine which were of high sentimental value to me and then she used them against me, she attempted to worry me into thinking that she would cause no end of trouble for me and get me into serious trouble with the law/the police – she made false allegation/false accusation to me over the phone and she attempted to make me think that she would send her mother down to the police station with my personal things as ” evidence “, she did all of this to me over the phone. I got in touch, in contact with the police, reported it to them, then after that I told her on the phone that I had reported to the police everything that she had said to me on the phone previously, she then denied everything that she had said to me on the phone previously – she was doing Gaslighting on me, and her saying that she was going to send her mother down to the police station with the ” evidence ” to use against me – was all false allegations/false accusations that she made against me to me over the phone and making empty threats to me over the phone, doing Gaslighting on me, attempting to worry me to death and to mentally, psychologically mess with my head, make me become even more physically ill than I was back then, bring on a heart attack/stroke and then die. I went back to the police and reported to them that I had phoned her back after I had spoken to them previously and that I had told her on the phone that I had reported to the police that she was making a false allegation to me on the phone and what the false allegation was and then everything that she said in the false allegation about me to me on the phone – she denied everything that she had said in her false allegation about me to me – I told the police that she had denied everything that she had said in the false allegation about me to me, then after that I told her over the phone that I had reported to the police that she had denied everything that she said in her false allegation about me to me, and then she started laughing at me down the phone, she also verbally abused me over the phone too and that was it, the police didn’t even bother to investigate it, they didn’t even help, support me, they didn’t give me any help, support, guidance, advice, they didn’t even tell me about Victim Support or charities like that, they didn’t get in touch with Victim Support or with other charities, other places to tell them about my case, tell them about me on my behalf, the police let me down and disappointed me, that right there is a miscarriage of justice!!!!. Plus, my stepdaughter was giving me the run-around, because I kept on going down to the police station in town. My stepdaughter is a hypocrite, she falsely accused me of manipulating her father she said to me ” stop manipulating my dad “, she manipulated a group of people to be her flying monkeys and to do Triangulation on me, she is very exploitative, she exploits people. She kept on doing the self-entitlement and ownership thing by her shouting at me in an aggressive manner ” I’m his daughter and he’s my dad ” she’s done that many times to me over the years and I shouted back to her ” I’m his wife and he’s my husband ” I’ve done that as many times to her as she has done to me and I’ve done that over the years. She doesn’t want to share him with me, she refuses to share him with me, she’s tried to come in-between me and him, she’s tried to take him away from me and she’s tried to have him all to herself. She forced him, made him to get in touch, in contact with a solicitor and to start divorce proceedings, she’s tried to destroy and end mine and his relationship and marriage, she does influence him, she’s an extremely bad and evil influence on him and she influences him to do things, she’s highly manipulative and exploitative, she manipulates him to do things, she exploits him. She influences, manipulates and exploits her own father. With her stealing my high sentimental value items which belonged to me and then she used against me – she was using false/fake leverage against me – the leverage was false/fake. I don’t know what she’s done with my and/or to my high sentimental value items. I have no idea. What she thinks and expects happens in life – these things never happen in life, what she thinks and expects life is like this or life is like that – then life is never like this and life is never like that, she thinks the wrong and incorrect thoughts – she thinks that the whole world owes her a living – but the whole world has never, doesn’t and never will owe her a living, she expects and wants everyone to do her bidding for her – she is politically incorrect and she’s crazy, weird, odd, strange, unusual, peculiar, bizarre and mentally/psychological mad. She is very creepy, extremely ugly both in looks and in personality – inside and out, she’s disgusting and repulsive, she’s very, very scary too. She falsely accused me of being insecure and also falsely accused me of thinking that she’s perfect. She’s doing Projection here, me and her both know that I’m not insecure, me and her both know that I don’t think that she’s perfect, me and her both know that I’m a very, very secure and very, very self-assured person, me and her both know that I think that she is most imperfect, me and her both know that she is insecure and me and her both know that she thinks that I am perfect.

  • christinemaryrussett37@gmail.com'
    Christine
    May 10, 2017

    She has falsely accused me of being jealous of her to my face in front of her father – my husband, to everyone else including the solicitor, I told her in front of my husband – her father that I’m not jealous of her at all and that she’s extremely jealous of me and she denied that she’s jealous of me in front of my husband. Me and her both know that I’m not jealous of her at all and me and her both know that she’s pathologically extremely jealous of me. She’s done smear and hate campaigns about me, committed hate crimes against me, done slander, defamation of character, libel against me and my name, destroyed and annihilated my reputation, spread malicious rumours and gossip about me to everyone, has told very many packs of the biggest, blackest lies about me to everyone, falsely accusing me of being a Narcissist, bully, abuser, villain playing the victim, falsely accusing me of doing Narcissistic Abuse, Triangulation, etc…, to her, her falsely self-declaring herself as a victim, she falsely accused her then boyfriend at the time (her ex – boyfriend now) of being jealous of her to me behind his back, I saw online that he had said that he was going to have a bath with some bath boats and that she had falsely accused him of being immature and that she had sunk all his boats in the bath meaning that she’s immature, she’s immature and I also saw that he had put online that his car had been vandalized and he put pictures of his vandalized car up on there beside what he had typed on there. So she got flying monkeys to do that for her and/or maybe she did that with her flying monkeys or maybe she did that without her flying monkeys. She has indoctrinated, programmed everyone against me, she has indoctrinated everyone else’s minds and poisoned everyone else’s minds against me, she has brainwashed everyone else against me, including the police, she’s turned everyone against me, my own family ostracized me out of their lives, they don’t want to associate themselves with me, they have disassociated themselves from me and it’s all because of my stepdaughter because she doesn’t want me to have any relationships with any of my family members because of her pathological extreme jealousy, I can’t go to the police or the solicitor – she’s done that as well too, she doesn’t want me to have anyone in my life to have a relationship with, for me to turn to for help, support, guidance and advice and to give me help, support, guidance and advice and to defend and protect me from her, she wants me to have nobody, no-one to turn to, she wants to isolate me, she wants me to be isolated, she wants me to be on my own, all alone, all by myself, she wants me to live my life on my own, all alone, all by myself, all isolated and with no-one to turn to she wants me to suffer and to suffer in silence, she wants me to be and too feel very, very lonely, she has tried to take everyone who is in my family, in my inner and social circles all away from me, now, she’s trying to take my 2 cats away from me as well too, she has tried to take everyone away from me, she is taking everyone away from me, she is trying to take everything away from me, she’s trying to take my 2 cats away from me because I have friendships/relationships and mutual love, affection and attention with them and she’s pathologically extremely jealous, pathologically extremely envious of that, whatever it is I have in my life she tries to take it away, whoever it is I have in my life she tries to take that person away, she’s such a kill – joy, trying to ruin my fun and my enjoyment of things, etc…, trying to ruin my fun and enjoyment and the good times that I have with my cats because she could have them taking away from me, has already ruined my fun, enjoyment and the good times that I had with my family members because she took all of my family members away from me and that also means that she took my family members love, care, empathy, sympathy, compassion, support, help, guidance, advice, physical affection – hugs, cuddles and kisses, attention, respect, loyalty, etc…, that my family members had for me away from me – she took all of those things that my family members had for me which they were given to me and showing to me for me to have which she took away from me and which she stopped my family members of given to me and showing to me for me to have and me receiving all of those things from my family members had stopped and it was all stopped because she took all of my family members away from me she did this because of her pathological extreme jealousy, her pathological extreme envy. She is a kill-joy. Me being happy makes her very, very unhappy and me being unhappy makes her very, very happy. When I have happiness, joy and love in my life that makes her have, gives her unhappiness, misery, sorrow, jealousy, envy, hate/hatred in her life and when I have unhappiness, misery, sorrow, hate/hatred in my life that makes her have, gives her happiness, joy and love in her life. She’s a kill-joy and she’s sadistic. A few years ago I exposed her to my G.P doctor and I had an appointment with someone who is much higher than the police to talk about everything about her and to expose her to this person and I did talk about everything about her and I did expose her to this person a few years ago too and I told both of my G.P doctor and this other person to keep everything strictly confidential so that she and anyone else/everyone else would never find out. She thinks that she’s beyond reproach and that she’s above and beyond the law. She’s not beyond reproach and she’s not above or beyond the law. She can definitely be reproached and the law also applies to her, she’s under the authority of law, the law has authority above her, she can be reprimanded. She got a private investigator/private detective or even a member of her own social and inner circle onto me and my husband to take pictures of us with a big camera that photography professionals use that me and him were not supposed to know about because the private investigator/private detective or whoever it was was doing spying surveillance onto me and my husband so me and my husband were not allowed to know, but I do know. I have new members of my new social and inner circles and I have been exposing her to them and they believe me because I always tell the truth, I’m a very truthful, brutally honest person and my integrity is intact and they are validating and vindicating me, my emotions and feelings and my Narcissistic Abuse experience, they have lots and lots of empathy, sympathy, compassion, support, help, guidance and advice for me and they are giving me all of their empathy, sympathy, compassion, support, help, guidance and advice to me and I will continue to expose her, expose everything about her to them. So I’m not isolated, I’m not suffering in silence, I’m not all on my own, all alone, all by myself, I’m not lonely, I don’t feel lonely ANYMORE!!!!!. I have a very, very good support system, support network of people – new members of my new social and inner circles now. I can have help, etc…, from these new people to help me to figure out my own life and they are helping, etc…, me to figure out my own life right now. I’m not figuring out my own life all by myself instead I have new people in my life who are helping, etc…, me to figure out my own life. How has it happened that I’ve actually found myself in a relationship/relationshit with someone like her and it’s an issue that is mine to resolve. I found out that I was giving away my power in every moment, in every situation and incident that I had with her one of the reasons why is because I wasn’t being unpredictable and I didn’t do unpredictable behaviour that’s why I didn’t have the upper hand and that’s why I wasn’t in control of these moments, situations, these moments, etc…, weren’t under my control but I did try to take control but she was in control, these moments, etc…, were under her control and she did take control of these moments, etc…, that were out of her control and she did this through unpredictable behaviour, her unpredictably – unpredictability and her unpredictable behaviour caught me by surprise, I wasn’t expecting it and I was unable to anticipate her next move, her unpredictability and her unpredictable behaviour is now becoming predictable, I don’t know what she’s going to do but I do know that she’s going to do something unpredictable, she’s capable of doing anything that would harm me and be at my disadvantage but be at her advantage. She knew exactly what she wanted to accomplish and achieve in these moments, etc…, and she expected to accomplish and achieve everything that she wanted to accomplish and achieve in these moments, etc…,. Her unpredictability and unpredictable behaviour helped her to accomplish and achieve whatever it was that she wanted to accomplish and achieve in these moments, etc…, All I did was provide a new source of supply, she made a new way to create drama so she could play the victim and portray me as the Narcissist playing the victim. I found out about and researched Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Sociopathy, Psychopathy and other antisocial personality disorders in either 2003 or 2004 even before I met her because I have been abused all throughout my life since I was a baby by lots and lots of other, different people that’s why I found out and researched all these disorders and then what she, her mother and her best friend and her father – my husband put me through I then researched it again and I found Melanie Tonia Evans helpful and insightful website/blogs articles online when I was trying to find Narcissistic Abuse Victim Syndrome emotional support for Narcissistic Abuse Victims websites, blogs/articles, website forums. I’m so thankful and grateful that I found you Melanie Tonia Evans and your really helpful and insightful and emotionally supportive blogs/articles in your fantastic website. Thank you very much Mel, keep up your great work!!. My stepdaughter never told me to my face that I was a Narcissist, bully, abuser, villain and that’s because she knew in her heart of hearts that I’m not a Narcissist, bully, abuser, villain at all and that I am the real, true victim and because she was too busy in doing Narcissistic Abuse on me. I think that someone must have dropped her on her head when she was a baby. She put me through the idealize, devalue and discard phases. In the discard phase she shouted this to me ” I don’t want you in my life “, and she took control of the situation and the circumstances and she left for good and I left for good too which we have both done and we are both working hard at maintaining ” No Contact “. I have been working extremely hard at maintaining ” No Contact “, ostracizing her, her mother and her best friend out of my life totally and completely, disassociating myself from them, not associating myself with any of them anymore, giving them the silent treatment, ignoring them, not even giving any of them eye contact because I don’t want them putting me through anymore Narcissistic Abuse, I don’t want them forcing their poison and toxins into my mouth and down my throat and I don’t want them to force me to swallow it, it only causes emotional pain in my heart, my soul feeling sad and sorrowful and my mind and my head all messed up, all mixed up, turned upside down and all the things being broke / broken inside of it. I never want to be re-victimized ever again!!!. I’m pleased that she put me through the discard phase and is now working hard at maintaining ” No Contact ” because I never want to be re-victimized over, over and over again on repeat. I have a chance, a golden opportunity for me to be healed, to start the self-healing process and self-partnering now. I don’t want these 3 women to be in my life, I never want to see them, speak to them or hear from them ever again. If they ever get low on Narcissistic Supply then I don’t want them to do Narcissistic Hoovering on me, I never want them to do Narcissistic Hoovering on me, I never want them to Hoover me up. They all rejected me, they never accepted me into the family, etc…, so I’ve rejected them, I’ll never accept them back into my life. My stepdaughter has done proactive and active/reactive aggression towards me. She loves to hear and to listen to the sound of her own voice. She knew that I saw her walking out of the police station, so I shouted at her and a police officer or someone like that was stood behind the reception desk and this person saw and heard me shouting at her and he verbally reprimanded me and she heard him verbally reprimanding me and that put a big toothy big mouth grin smile on her evil, ugly – looking face, because she wants to get me into no end of trouble with the police, she wants them to reprimand me because she’s extremely sadistic and because she’s pathologically extremely jealous, pathologically extremely envious of me. The police told me that what I told them about my stepdaughter was ” unfounded “, it wasn’t unfounded, it was already founded, it happened for real in reality, I was telling the truth so how can the truth be ” unfounded “?. The police didn’t believe that what I told them about my stepdaughter was the truth, in other words the police themselves were falsely accusing me of lying and of telling lies. The police never told her that what she had said about me to them was ” unfounded “, they told her that it was ” founded “, it was unfounded, it was already unfounded, it didn’t happen at all, she was telling lies so how can lies, deceit, deception, dishonesty be ” founded to be the truth “?. The police did believe that what she told them about me was the truth, in other words the police themselves were falsely claiming her of telling the truth. I told the police that they can go on what I say and the police said that they can’t go on what I say, but the police have certainly gone onto what my stepdaughter said. The police doing double standards. THESE ARE ALL MISCARRIAGES OF JUSTICE!!!!. I WANT JUSTICE!!!!!!!!.

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