Melanie Tonia Evans

Why You Can’t Recover From Narcissistic Abuse

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 24
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Recovery from narcissistic abuse is hard and sometimes you can struggle with symptoms such as constant obsessing, feeling powerless, broken, anxious, depressed and like your lifeforce has gone missing?

Also suffer conditions such as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Fibromyalgia or some other nasty.

In this Thriver TV episode, I explain why you haven’t been able to recover and what is necessary to recover.

I promise you that you can heal for real, you just haven’t known HOW to yet.

 

 

 

Video Transcript

Are you struggling to recover from the symptoms of narcissistic abuse such as constant obsessing, feeling powerless, broken, anxious, depressed and like your lifeforce has gone missing?

Maybe you are suffering conditions such as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Fibromyalgia or some other nasty?

So many people ask the questions ‘Will I ever recover?’, ‘When will the pain end?’ and ‘When will I get this person out of my mind?’

These are all valid questions and the truth sadly, in contemporary therapy is that these conditions go on for a long time, if not indefinitely.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I want to explain to you – point-blank – why you haven’t been able to recover and what is necessary to recover.

Okay, before we get started, thank you for subscribing and your Thriver Mission support. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Let’s begin…

Am I Defective or Unable To Heal?

I know you may have been experiencing these feelings. Once upon a time, I did too. At times it feels like ‘I am getting there’ and then there is the sliding back down into the abyss and wondering why you aren’t getting better.

I know this is not because you are lazy. So many people who have experienced narcissistic abuse are people who don’t shy away from personal development. You may have been trying to get better in many different ways.

You not getting better is NOT because you can’t recover. I promise you that you can. It’s because the ways you have been trying to recover aren’t working.

Let’s have a look at where we think we should be doing which doesn’t work.

 

Researching Narcissism and Narcissists

I can’t emphasise enough the 90/10 rule.

How this rule works is this: ninety percent energy and focus is spent on self-recovery and only ten percent on learning about narcissists.

And this rule should only go on for the first month or so. After then it should be all about self-recovery.

Yes, initially, learning what narcissist are and what they do is important. Yet it is a total illusion that researching and learning all there is to know about narcissists will heal you – it doesn’t.

ALL you need to know about the narcissist is this: a narcissist is a false, empty self with dire insecurities, who needs to feed their insatiable false self with other people’s energy and stuff.

They are not capable of feelings and love the way we are. They don’t seek a relationship for the reasons we do, and healthy relationships are not possible with them.

The REAL truth of narcissists, or for that matter anyone, is this: If we don’t share the same values with people – such as kindness, honesty, authenticity, empathy, and teamwork – then this person is not someone we can have a happy, healthy life with.

If we try to change people, narcissist, or non-narcissist, then truly we are abusing ourselves and will remain stuck in disappointing and painful relationships.

So, no matter what you are going through with your trauma or the narcissist – including co-parenting, property disputes, heartbreak, feeling addicted and trauma bonded, and suffering all the narcissistic abuse symptoms – your ONLY hope out of this for REAL is to turn inwards to heal yourself.

Only then will you be able to align with the TRUE Life that will bring you happiness, safety and decency, and leave behind the one that doesn’t.

Is it hard? Absolutely. But it is near impossible without doing the inner work. Research will NOT get you there. And even if you do leave the relationship, you will struggle to leave healthily and rebuild and heal.

Narcissists will keep coming into your life and be a blight upon your Inner Identity and soul until you do the self-recovery work. This means you stop looking outwards at WHAT happened to you and come inwards to heal WHY it happened.

 

Researching Your Trauma Symptoms

It is 100% NOT true that you will have C-PTSD (Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) or other nervous system, anxiety or physical disorders, that have happened to you through narcissistic abuse, for life.

Yes, they are terrible … totally.

I also had trauma symptoms that I was told were incurable and so would need anti psychotics for me to cope.

I promise you this was a lie. I’m not blaming the doctors who told me this – they had been indoctrinated into believing this was true.

One of the main reasons why you aren’t recovering is because you are choosing to believe what other victims of narcissistic abuse and contemporary therapists are telling you…

That you can only hope to try to manage the symptoms; that you will need coping strategies and possibly medication; and that it will take years, maybe even a lifetime of therapy, to function and maybe heal.

I urge you to take your power back and to choose NOT to believe what you are being told.

You have the power to decide your truth going forwards, and you have the power to heal at your core so that there aren’t ongoing trauma symptoms to battle and manage.

If you join ‘survivor’ groups and PTSD groups, then you are cementing your victimhood. You become what you choose to believe about yourself – that you are sick and that you are a victim.

Yes, you have been victimised and at present you are sick, but when you release the trauma that is driving these states out of your body, you just won’t be.

Joining and believing in victimised groups is one of the surest ways you will delay or completely forgo true healing.

In that orientation you may feel some comfort in shared victimhood, but if true healing and release from the pain and abuse programs and patterns is your goal, there are better options for you.

 

Trying to Force Justice or Accountability

Another way to severely stunt recovery is to believe that you can’t heal until the narcissist is brought to justice.

This will completely delay your healing.

The Laws of Life work like this: if we require anything outside of ourselves to change for us to be whole, we have handed our power away and change doesn’t happen.

Yet, if you decide to make it your personal mission to heal yourself and become whole, regardless of what is or isn’t happening (without conditions), then you will reach unconditional wholeness on the inside.

Then you will graduate into knowing the Powerful Quantum Creator you really are, seeing the shift on the outside that matches your inner state of wholeness.

It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without.

 

Not Getting the Trauma Out

Before people start working with energetic body healing, they may or may not know why it is necessary.

It’s necessary to release trauma, because it’s the toxic infection inside us that is not allowing us to be whole, real and healed.

If you have ongoing, unhealed trauma inside you, it affects your entire emotional, mental and physical systems. You are diminished and use up vital lifeforce trying to survive the trauma.

This is the state of being in Survival, rather than being free to enter into the Creation of your Life.

Because the trauma is so painful, often we can’t bear it and we may need to self-medicate with prescription drugs, excessive exercise, meditation or spiritual practices.

Or we start ‘searching’ or ‘researching’ to try to dull the anxiety and stop the depression hitting.

Or we may take up other addictions such as smoking, drinking, eating, working excessively or social media.

If we constantly HAVE to do these things – and we believe we do – it is because they are only managing our symptoms. They are NOT healing us.

We can’t release trauma mentally, logically or cognitively. It can’t be contacted, loaded up or reprogrammed by our cognitive mind. It just isn’t possible.

Energetic body healing is the new science to deal with trauma.

Interestingly, at first it is really counter-intuitive to do. It involves contacting our feeling centres, which most of us were trained out of doing.

Yet, when we re-connect and come home to ourselves within, it becomes the most natural, soothing and powerful process to do. And RIDICULOUSLY easy!

Okay, so now I’m inviting you to this process, to learn more about it and to experience a Quanta Freedom Healing for yourself. The system that allows you to find, load up and release your trauma, and to start living free from it and heal in all areas of your life – not just narcissistic abuse.

So, come heal with me in the Thriver Way by clicking this link to the free Healing Workshop – replay available.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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9 Thoughts on Why You Can’t Recover From Narcissistic Abuse
  • leapwahoo@aol.com'
    Janet
    September 30, 2019

    I was going to sign up with the link at the top of the video, but it brought me to a page that said, “Bad gateway.”
    I’ll try to find your course another way.
    Thanks!

    • bondonmoderator@yahoo.com'
      Iva MTE Support
      September 30, 2019

      Hi Janet, I’m Iva from the MTE Support Team, and I’m happy to help you resolve this issue you’re experiencing. The link at the top of the video leads to Melanie’s free 16 Day Recovery Course which includes a healing workshop with Melanie, two comprehensive eBooks and much more.

      You can sign up for free here: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage.htm

      Try to access it via this link, and if you are still having trouble, feel free to email into Support: support@melanietoniaevans.com and we will work with you to solve this ASAP.

      Another suggestion is to try and access this link in a different browser. In any case, please do let us know how you’re getting on, and we’ll take it from there. 🙂

      We are looking forward to hearing back from you and helping you out!

      Much love,
      Iva xo

    • dawn.mwheeler28@gmail.com'
      Dawn Wheeler
      October 25, 2019

      What if I was raised by 2 narcissists and almost every relationship I’ve ever had has been narcissistic including my marriage of 12 years. I’ve just learned in the past year what all this is and means and I’m in a complete fog and I can barely get out of bed most days. I’m in total survivor mode…can this really help me? I feel so trapped and afraid all the time. I’m afraid to even be writing this.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        October 25, 2019

        Hi Dawn,

        please know dear lady there are many people within our community now Thriving who had only ever known abuse, and were where you are now. Big hugs.

        Sending love and healing to you.

        Mel 🙏💕💛

  • inpellerano@yahoo.com'
    Iris
    September 30, 2019

    So grateful for this!

    Melanie, you’re the only one telling people how this Narc relationship experience is NO ordinary breakup and requires no ORDINARY solution for recovery.

    Deeply grateful for God giving you this grace to reach others, lead them through the process of finding their freedom, and continuing to support their evolution through these posts.

    Truly, deliverance from suffering comes from God.

    We are made whole with TRUTH itself and find that no condemnation of ourselves or the Narc is necessary.

    Unless we return to the original place of Spiritual Origin, – which is what the NARP modules help us embody again, we can not breathe freely without pain, sorrow, tears, mourning or fear due to human conditions. Forgiveness is impossible without returning to Source. That’s where we begin to see things as they truly eternally have always been, and we are free from suffering.

    We find ourselves free, clean and at peace. We also can see the actual innocence of all other people buried under layers of human stories. We are equipped and empowered to encourage everyone based on actual successful healing.

    NARP is a door for the brokenhearted to access the Field consciously.

    Thank you for all you are doing for the world. You’re publishing GOOD NEWS!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 1, 2019

      Hi Iris hun,

      It really is so true – those words of yours are so powerful ‘Forgiveness is impossible without returning to Source. That’s where we begin to see things as they truly eternally have always been, and we are free from suffering.’

      It’s so true that NARP gets us there, to that place we can’t go in our own head and emotions without such a shift..

      So much love to you and thank you for your beautiful words.

      Grateful for you!

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • dlhks321@aol.com'
    Deb
    October 1, 2019

    Hello Melanie,
    I am just starting to read your book and listen to your videos. I have one question. You say only apply 10% of your time to learning about narcissism and I understand this. However, the problem I am having, even as I read and learn, is questioning my perceptions. I think “yes, this explains it”, but then I find it difficult to assign that explanation to my soon to be ex wife, because it’s so hard to believe that she could be truly wired that way, without empathy and compassion (and then I even question whether I am the narcissist, because I have done some of the things I am reading about. Yet, I know I have empathy, so I have to keep reminding myself of that).

    IF she is a narcissist, she would be what they call a “covert narcissist”, as it was all pretty hidden and subtle. It wasn’t until the discard that I saw this totally different side to her, though now I see other things that were not as obvious to me, from during the relationship. My question is, how do I trust my perceptions regarding all of this? One of the things that happened to me, as a result of the 7 year relationship, was that I started doubting my perceptions and even started believing that I was “the crazy one”. Any suggestion is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 1, 2019

      Hi Deb,

      please know that truly ‘what they are’ is not that vital.

      What IS vital is us being clear about our boundaries, values and truths and living them, and then we see who can be healthy and meet us, and who can’t (regardless of their label), and through this deep self-recovery we also lose all pain and regret about those who are not a match with our core anymore.

      So for example your values would be honesty, loyalty, ability to work through things … and so much more.

      That is the REAL work, getting clear on your deservedness, who you are, and how to generate healthy relationships, with healthy people. it isn’t about trying to work out THEM! (Of course, I understand that I used to do it myself!)

      Deb please come into my free webinar – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      It will help you truly embody this, and work it through to clarity.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

      • dlhks321@aol.com'
        Deb
        October 2, 2019

        Thank you so much! I will check it out, for sure!

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