[breadcrumb]

Lately I have received many emails and messages from women having problems with knowing if their partner is going to commit to them and love them.

The emails, clients and friends struggling with this has been overwhelming, so I decided to write this article and recorded a radio show “How To Inspire Real Love” on Empowered Love Radio.

You can listen to the show here

Please ask yourself the following questions honestly:

Do you enter into relationships where you are not 100% sure what is going on, or even if you really are in a relationship?

Do you find yourself in love relationships where you are doing all of the work?

Do you question whether or not he really does love you, whether or not he’s ‘in to you’ and whether or not he wants a future with you?

Do you find yourself making excuses for him as to why he hasn’t called, why he isn’t making a real effort, and why you’re not receiving the love and attention you’d really like?

Do you find yourself frustrated, confused, sad or angry because you are being treated in ways that you wouldn’t treat him?

Let’s explore this further…

Have you realised that this is a pattern if your life with the men you fall in love with?

Have you realised that when you have met man that are available, who indicate they would like a serious relationship with you, that this scares you off?

Have you realised that the man you have loved, who do show you attention have done it in ways that are jealous, possessive, controlling and even abusive?

Have you realised that your parents were emotionally disconnected and unavailable to you, and that when they did show you attention it was fraught with demands, expectations or criticism?

All, many or some of these questions may relate to you…

If you struggle to be in love healthily with partners who are committed, exclusive and loving, or continue to play out ‘uncommitted’ relationships, you will benefit from investigating your belief systems that are not aligned with your goal of real love.

These unhealed parts require your attention in order to get this right.

 

The Model of Authentic People Ready to Experience Real Love

I’m going to explain to you the model of a woman who does inspire exclusivity, love and commitment from a man.

She is a woman who:

1) Values herself and does not give in to instant attraction. She takes her time to ascertain a man’s values and suitability as a life-partner.

2) She only considers men who are available and want a committed relationship with her as a potential life partner.

3) She does not engage in intimate relationships with any man until she has established that he wants a committed and exclusive relationship with her, and she partakes in a courting process with him whilst ascertaining that he has the credentials to be a healthy life-partner.

4) She is very clear in conveying that she does not have intimate relationships with men outside of committed relationships.

5) She stays ‘in the moment’ and does not start acting out an ‘instant relationship’ by mentally and emotionally running down the track with thoughts and feelings about ‘he is the one’ prematurely.

6) In ascertaining a man’s suitability, interest in her and effort, she has the confidence to speak up, lay boundaries, and choose not to take it any further if he is not suitably interested and if his actions don’t match his words.

Now let’s investigate the mind-set of a solid available man who is in the market for a life-partner.

This man:

1) Wants to pursue and have the challenge of needing to ‘step up’ for a woman who values herself.

2) Is inspired by a woman ascertaining his suitability, rather than her being the ‘yes’ girl and trying to be everything he would like her to be.

3) Wants a woman who has to be valued and respected by him, and courted by him before she hands over her sexual availability.

4) Wants a woman who inspires him to love her, rather than a woman who tries to attain love from him in unhealthy ways.

 

If any of this feels strange or unfamiliar, or if you struggle to believe this is what good, decent men want, then you are not yet aligned with the goal of creating committed, real love.

If you feel that by positioning yourself as this woman that it won’t work and that you will scare men off, then you are not yet in your power enough for men to stand up for you.

Now we are going to do something dynamic, and I invite you to do these exercises to find out what is going on, and why you are not aligned.

I’m going to explain to you how to muscle test yourself so that you can find out what your limiting belief systems are, so that you can get in touch with the reasons why you are blocked off from obtaining your goal of a real, committed, loving relationship.

Muscle testing is used in the practice of Applied Kinesiology and Theta Healing, I learnt this process five years ago when I trained in these healing modalities, and I utilise it in my own healing model Quanta Freedom Healing.

Muscle testing accesses your vibration, and your belief systems. It tells you the truth about what is going on for you. No matter what your mind would like to think or make happen in your life, if your body vibration (your belief systems) aren’t aligned it is not going to work for you.

Muscle testing accesses the deeper truths, the real inner identity beliefs that play out in your life to the letter, which is not advantageous if they are not aligned with the direction that we would like to travel in life.

But the great thing is, when we can find out what isn’t working for us, then we can transform these beliefs into ones that do serve us.

You can learn more about transforming your belief systems by checking out this earlier post.  “Manifesting the Goals and Dreams You Desire”

 

How to Muscle Test

With your dominant hand hold your thumb and index finger together, and make the pressure firm.

Now, with your non dominant hand put your thumb though the ‘circle’ you have made with your dominant hand and then join your thumb up with the index finger on your non-dominant hand.

You should now have a figure 8, with your non-dominant hand thumb and index finger inside your dominant hand thumb and index finger.

Now I want you to say to yourself this statement

“My name is (your name)”

Now whilst keeping strong pressure with your dominant hand try to break the circuit open with your non-dominant hand by quickly pulling your non-dominant hand through to try to break the circuit.

If you can’t, your answer is ‘Yes’. You will have received a ‘Yes’ for this test – you won’t be able to break the circuit.

Now make this statement: “My name is (use a different name).”

Now do the test again , making sure that you have strong pressure with your dominant hand. You will find that you will easily break the circle when you make this statement regardless of how much pressure you exert to try to keep your dominant thumb and index finger ‘closed’.

Your answer, when you can break the circuit is a ‘No’.

 

Testing Your Belief Systems About Love

Okay now I want you to follow the same process with the following statements.

Write down your answer for each statement.

1) I value myself with men.

2) I know how to create love and commitment from a man.

3) I am worthy of love and commitment from a man.

4) I believe it is possible to create love and commitment with a man.

5) I believe a man exists who is capable of granting me love and commitment.

6) I have childhood wounds I must heal in order to create love and commitment with a man.

7) I have previous relationship wounds to heal before I can create love and commitment with a man.

The truth is, if you are frustrated and upset by not being granted love and effort from the man you are in love with, you may be unconsciously attracting unavailable and unloving people purposely at a deeper level in order to avoid love and connection.

You may be unconsciously terrified of being in a real, loving and committed relationship.

To find out, answer the following statements following the same process.

Again write down your answers.

1) I am scared of being in a committed and loving relationship.

2) I am scared of someone loving me and then leaving me.

3) I am scared of someone loving me and then hurting me.

4) I am scared of losing myself if I love someone who loves me.

5) I am scared of someone getting to know the real me, not approving of me and rejecting me if they get too close.

Now you should have some answers about why you have been playing out the pattern of unavailable, unloving partners who do not commit to you, and who don’t put the effort into loving you.

The truth is, you can heal these limiting beliefs – which means releasing them and transforming them (re-framing them) in order to turn this around for yourself.

Which helps so much, if you don’t want to continue living out the disappointing patterns which are keeping you separated from your goal of real love.

Please listen to my free radio show “Manifesting the Goals and Dreams You Desire” to understand how you can energetically shift your limiting beliefs.

You may also wish to check out my eBooks and eCourses which can teach you how to reframe your limiting beliefs, and establish healthy beliefs that will work with you toward attracting and maintaining a fabulous love relationship.

 

How Did You Go With The Muscle Test?

Did it work for you? Did you learn something about belief systems and how they have affected your ability to obtain lasting and committed love relationships?

Please share your answers in the comments.

 

Join My FREE 16-Day Recovery Course to Begin
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Related blog post

6 Steps to Achieve Your Soul Tribe and Soulmate

Read More

The Difference Between Toxic and Healthy Relationships

Read More

Commments (37) + Leave a comments

37 thoughts on “How To Inspire Commitment and Love In Your Relationship

  1. Hi Melanie,

    Firstly, thank you! I am keeping this article for a parenting tool/guide for my children, one boy and one girl. My role models didn’t give or show me this.

    So, is this real? Can I really be me? I acknowledge i have a shifts and belief systems that require immediate and holistic healing, but honestly when I have tried this approach, once in 9 years, I have been made to feel like a complete failure.

    What you have said here, is its okay to stand tall, proud, firm and just be me. Some things cannot be compromised. That is a win/win for me in the end.

    I dont really want anything less, it just doesn’t feel write. And in the meantime, there is so much to do!

  2. Hi Dawn,

    you are very welcome!

    Yes very true our role models didn’t! Keep in mind the most powerful thing we can do is shift our energy to True Self function, and then our children automatically shift with us – often by doing very little else…

    Yes this is real – and yes you can be you. And the real you is lovable and can be loved…

    I really don’t understand what you mean – made to feel like a complete failure…was this the facilitator – was this you own beliefs regarding being hard on yourself?

    I’d love to know more!

    Mel xo

    1. Coach/Mentor Mel

      you have shown me, and healed me though Quanta Freedom Healing, that my values and my goals as one part of a relationship with another has meaning and is worthy of the highest i can offer and be. You see there is no need for me to acept and compromise the fact that affairs with other married women are normal; or that i am only a secret to show case when he feels ok to do so; or that i can be a mum to his children when it suits him and then he can critise me for loving them and holding close to my heart, then closing the wall of ignoring me down on me for weeks and months and saying its my fault cause i am too confrontational.

      having escaped a violent drug and alcohol overt narc 9 years earlier, and working really hard to regain my sense of self, esteem, values, getting a uni degree, a great job, raising my own kids, helping my own dysfunctional adult family members, i thought i was doing ok.

      I often wondered I was the narc and still do. but I have huge empathy that allows me to wear my heart on my sleeve, and give unconditionally. I guess I need to reset my boundary and value set to true self function and be harder at applying it!

      I saw this great saying today: its no good having protocols if you dont bother to use them.

  3. wow! thank you so much, your wedsite has help me so much, i passed the test ..God be with you.your my shero …

  4. The muscle testing is amazing. I ve experienced it before but haven t used it like this. It has been helpful to highlight some issues. Strange that I do believe that I am worthy of love and commitment from a man – the answer was yes- and yet the answer to the question ” I value myself with men” was no. I m in another difficult relationship so I need to heal the disparity!!

  5. Hi Bri,

    It is great when we can understand what is holding us back from being ‘who we wish to be’, so that our outer experience can transform.

    It will be really good, now that you have that awareness re ‘value’, to work at the ‘inner’ and also work at gaining boundary knowledge and heal what may be blocking you setting them…. As well as learning to be real and speak up for your needs from the heart.

    I am glad the article has been able to help!

    Mel xo

  6. Hi Mel! Hope you are well. Your e-mails seem to come right at the moment I need them, perfectly timed for what is going on with me. Love that! I take notice and know more about where I need to look and heal. It’s great!

    I have tried muscle testing before and really didn’t know if I was doing it right or just trying to get the answers I was hoping for. But I think I did it right with these series of questions. The end results really makes sense for me. Very enlightening! Seems I have many more limiting beliefs to heal still (value myself, knowledge, believe, heal from past, and scared). And it’s evident in the relationships or lack of one that is occurring. I’ll get to work on it! I know I’ve already come a long way with your help so I’m grateful for that and look forward to releasing and re-framing my old beliefs to achieve the kind of loving, committed relationship that I want and deserve!

    Also thank you for spelling out the model of a woman who inspires and what the solid available man looks like. This is really very helpful for me. The question I have on that is once you’ve started down the path with a new guy NOT being the model woman as you described, it is possible to turn it around once you’ve healed the limiting beliefs to inspire him, if he has the mind-set, or do you just learn from this one and try again with someone else? Maybe it depends on a lot of things but would be interested in your perspective.

    Much love,
    Staci

    1. Hi Staci,

      I am really well thank you, and I so hope you are too!

      I am so glad that this article is timely for you.

      That is awesome that you have been able to pin-point the limiting beliefs you need to work on!

      Great question, and the answer to that is…set the boundaries now. Work on re-aligning your beliefs to this model and then state them to this new guy.

      Be prepared to walk your truth regardless of whether or not he ‘steps up’.

      If he doesn’t you have then cleared the space and the old pattern, and another fully available man to love you will enter your reality.

      It is Universal Energetic Law and either way you get to win!

      After working on yourself, you need to feel into calmly and solidly expressing your boundaries, if you still feel fear around that then you know that you still have fears to clear and transform.

      As you know Quanta Freedom Healing is the most powerful way to do this, so you consider getting the shifts done in order to achieve this.

      If you can do your own re-framing work that’s great – but if not you know the process of Q F is there to make it easier!

      Lots of Love

      Mel xo

  7. This was really disappointing I must say. I had hoped for a clear result, but the results came out differently every time. Plus, the muscle action didn´t parallell what I know for a fact is a fear of mine. Plus – I´m ambidextrous, so which hand is dominant?

  8. OMG! You have saved my life. You were sent from heaven…I have learned so much about myself. For years I have been in relationships that were caustic and damaging. Each and every one. And I kept asking myself why?? Why do I always get these men>

    I am not scared anymore of being me. You have opened my mind and given me NEW EYES…

    I can’t thank you enough. Please can you send me some literature through my email and explain how I can access these.

    Words cannot express how grateful I am. I could cry with relief…I thought I was going crazy. My husband is a Narcissist. He builds me up and then crushes me. Lies to me, had an affair, calls me names etc. He is everything you have written about. He needs help I know…but you can take a horse to water but can’t make them drink it!! As the saying goes.
    Thank-you soooooooooooo much.
    God bless you x Gloria xxx

  9. Hi Melanie
    When I first came across your website last week it was one of those light bulb moments. Although I have been doing a lot of self help including trauma grounding and meditation I could not understand why I could only see the good side to a man who obviously did not love me and many of the explanations you offer are so true. Whilst listening and doing the exercise this morning even before starting I was feeling physically sick in my stomach. The lift was so physical through this experience I was drained and I slept afterwards for two hours. I am awake feeling better but as yet am not sure what comes next. I’m 61 with a loving family and friends. The difficulty for me is I have to do visual contact most weekends. The emotional and mental traumas have closed down a lot my mind and that is a scary fact of what loving the wrong person has left me with.
    I went onto validate your findings and descriptions on Sam Vaknin ( not sure if I have the right spelling) website which made me cry so much on Saturday morning. Yet Sunday I was strong enough to take a class

  10. Continued from last one pressed the wrong key!!!
    Each day I feel better but I so need to get away from the reliving. I hope now I can start. As with a lot of things we don’t always have the financial resources to do what we would like to do. However, at least you have helped me start to understand which has to be a help. Thank you. Terry Coventry England.

  11. The muscle testing-amazing!
    I had one in each set of questions that
    need to be worked on.

    Work on past relationship abuse
    Afraid to lose myself in relationship

    Otherwise I did well.

  12. Hi
    I tried the muscle test but was unable to break on both names , my own and another……did I do it incorrectly?

    1. I also was unable to break the seal no matter which name I used. I tried at least six names.I am an empath . Perhaps that’s why .

  13. This has been so transformative for me! My husband displays ALL of the traits of a narcissist. He came off as charming and sweet, swept me off of my feet and had me convinced he was THE most amazing man in the world. He was romantic and sensitive and appeared to adore me, especially around others…but there were huge red flags right from the start and I made excuses for all of them, believing his lies about his ‘horrible ex wife’ thereby convincing myself that it was all her fault. I myself had a horribly abusive childhood and although I never sought counseling for my trauma, I believed I was fine…until I married this guy five years ago. My “Prince Charming” ended up constantly tearing me down, accusing me of outlandish things, calling me a “liar” in regards to pretty much everything…and yet he was the one who was doing wrong and lying about EVERYTHING! According to him, I could never do or say anything right. He left me a year and a half ago and I begged him to come back…so he did…and he treated me even worse, but because he sporadically did and said nice things (keeping me hooked) I thought we were getting better. I did everything I could to change ME in order to get him to “love me the way he use to”. He has been gone for 6 weeks now and has been “hooking me in” during this time…until today. The video, the e books, and everything else I have been reading about narcissism has truly freed me from the pain I felt in regards to this relationship. Its NOT me! I have done the begging, the soul searching, the apologizing, the bargaining…everything I could think of to make him see that I have changed and I can be better for him. Fact is, I HAVE changed but NOT for him! This trauma has been hell and I have felt like dying so many times, but it has also made my relationship with God so much closer and then this video and ebook…BAM…opened up my world even more! Thank you so very much!!!!

  14. I tried the muscle testing technique you described. The test did not work for me. If I say my name is Carol, it seemed to work fine. If I say my name is Diane, it still seemed to work fine. Then I went back to Carol and it did not work. My dominant finger circle broke. I tried Diane again and that broke too. Is there some other way to muscle test myself? I do know muscle testing works. I found a practioner for my son when he was little to correct HDAD.

    Thank you,
    Carol

  15. hi, I thought … How cool, I’ll post this on FB, then just before I hit SHARE I realised It would be obvious to all those I know ( my children included) who this was about, after 30 years of drug abuse, assaults, gas lighting, pathological lies manipulation, confusion, theft (we had wealth) We also lived in a small community…that those who saw this shared post about the work I’m doing for myself would feel sympathy for my Ex, he is so good at hooking people…I don’t feel confident enough yet to post this on my FB page and this bothers me.

  16. Thank you.
    My last relationship was so weird and crazy and I was so relieved when I answered the questions asking if he fit altruistic narcissism. Yes, he sure does!
    I have identified why my relationships have gone horribly wrong not only with the opposite sex but also with friendships over the years. I have asked myself repeatedly, why do I attract the crazies?
    Now I know.
    I also know that I have a lot of work ahead of me before I can start a new relationship.

    1. Hi Jayne,

      it shows body Qi (energy).

      A true statement will give a “hold” and a false statement creates a “break”.

      True statements strengthen our being, false one weaken them.

      We use muscle testing in a healing sense to identity belief systems that the body is holding that are causing us pain, fear and preventing us evolving. So that they can be released and replaced.

      Mel xo

  17. Hi Melanie, I couldn’t break the circle no matter what is asked or said. Is there something I’m doing or thinking wrong? I’m afraid that if I can’t do this then Quanta healing won’t work for me either?

    I’m 6 weeks out of a 27 year relationship with an altruistic narcissist…but I blame myself for withdrawing as he was lovely until a couple of years into the marriage. It started as him just not hearing me, whereas he had before. I became very demanding for a year or so which made him worse. He was always complimenting me, but if I complimented him he would only hear negatives. He got worse and overlaid everything I said with a negative filter. When I would correct him with the positives that I was meaning, he’d insist that he knew what I was really thinking. I became more emotionally withdrawn, begging him to say please instead of barking orders at me, and begging for him to stop shouting at me and our kids. I am afraid that I caused his insecurities by being demanding in the early stages of our relationship. I apologised frequently throughout our marriage for this but he never forgave me. He never made a sincere apology, even for the most devastating transgressions. He blames me for creating the monster. I hope he’s not right. His mum had schizophrenia and his family were incredibly abusive. But he was always supportive of my dreams too. He held me all night every night and daily proffessed his love for me, until the day he left for Thailand where he found a 25 yo girlfriend a fortnight later. He doesn’t seem to fit the normal narcissist model. I would value your comments. Thanks a heap for your research.

  18. Hello, I simply love you! Your insight and approach is both timeless classic and new and revolutionary. I thank you for your strength and wisdom as it has enlightened me and for sure others to be not in discordant with themselves and others. A good teacher can not teach anyone something they don’t already know you encourage people to look within to find the answers.

    Thank YOU! For your love

  19. I tried the muscle test and I could not break through the finger/thumb even if I said my name was the wrong name. I could hold it no matter what I said. What does that mean?

  20. I think I have had a lifetime of narcissists. And a lifetime of therapy as a result.

    I’m now dealing with a narcissistic coworker. Which of course triggers the C-PTSD from all the other malignant relationships I’ve had. I’m looking forward to healing. Thank you!!!

  21. I married my narcissist bastard 23 years ago after a long relationship with him. I am still reeling from having found the narcissist profile, it has opened my eyes and made me understand so very much. At the time I met him I was very vulnerable. They pick up on that and decide to take you over. Then my mother died and I was so so emotionally weak. That’s when his grip on me tightened. We were married a year later and following the birth of our first child everything changed. He was secretive, he took over all financial control and kept me in the dark. He was jealous of the attention I lavished on the baby and became extremely critical. Every little thing in life had to be controlled and dominated by him. He made me sign papers while I was heavily pregnant and wouldn’t let me read them, I know they were legal papers and God only knows what I was forced to sign but I trusted him. I became more and more unhappy. Just thought it was me. He was always moody, sulky, dismissive, he would berate me in front of our friends… Those friends by the way all mysteriously disappeared!!! He was seeing them off. He even borrowed a lot of money from my father and never paid it back. I believe this was to cause a rift and to destroy the bond between me and my father, to isolate me. He promised me he would destroy me personally, professionally, financially and emotionally..The list of abusive acts is endless!!! I grew to hate him. But my head was so messed up that when I met another guy who appeared to be all the things my husband wasn’t I fell deeply in love and had a very long affair. The problem was, I had been baited by the same kind of narcissist , I would have given everything to be with the second guy ( who was married at the time but had told me he was getting divorced) . Before too long the 2nd guy started to accuse me of flirting with other men and having affairs, which I wasn’t . He then used that as an excuse to ‘not be with me long term’ in short, his intention was to stay with his wife and was playing me. The infidelity accusations were his way of controlling me , dismissing me and covering up the fact that he was never actually going to divorce his wife in the first place. And it is true that when you expose a narcissist they do run !!!
    When we fell out, he bought his wife a car, the money he said was for our life together he bought a villa abroad for him and her as if to show what a marvellous husband he was. I was torn apart by both of these men and nearly went under as a result. I was financially abandoned by my husband as punishment for not playing his games and tortured by my lover for getting too close.
    I was suffering clinical despair and my doctor offered me anti depressants. This was a turning point as sitting in the doctors office I realised it wasn’t me who needed drugs . IT WAS HIM!!! He has held full control over me financially and stopped me moving on for years as I have no money to divorce him. I can’t get legal aid either. So I kicked him out of my bedroom and with tiny bits of money I started to build a business of my own. 2 years down the line I have an income and want to start divorce this year. I despise him for everything. I despise him for leaving me so unloved that I fell into the same trap for a second time. Finding out that they both are narcissists has released the answers to many many unanswered questions. This things that I thought were my fault, actually ARE NOT!! I’m not mad. I’m a loving woman… Too loving. I’m intelligent, and the rub is I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner. The Narcissist fog obscured my vision. I just knew I was desperately unhappy and trapped. I contemplated taking my life many times. Every day that passes I remember horrible things he did, those things I have buried are coming to the surface now. It’s Christmas soon, every year I would break into cold sweat thinking about the years he refused to buy me anything and refuse to give the kids money to buy me anything. I would sit there with no gifts to open with him looking smug because ‘ I didn’t deserve it’ or he couldn’t be bothered shopping. And the insidious part was that he was sending that same message to my children that ‘ I wasn’t worth it’. I now realise the extent of his inadequacy and his jealousy at my ability to be loved by others and have friends. I despise him and wish him every Ill but I’m moving on and getting strong now. So ladies out there, never stop believing in yourself, tear the narc off you, do what you have to do to get away and then ZERO contact, DO NOT LET THEM INTO YOUR PSHYCHE AGAIN. Put up the wall, close the shutters for good!!

  22. Here’s my issue with this. I DID this. I shut down a few guys like this, before I met this one. I went slow. We hung out as friends, Slowly dated, did not engage in sex until we where together a while. Did not move in together right away. I watched for signs. I waited. I honored myself. Yet he seems to match this. I know he has addiction issues. I can’t delude myself he will ever change. I work with him. 100% no contact is not possible. I do my best to hold up my boundaries best I can. He absolutely projected on me, I called him out on it when it was happening before I understand any of this. I walked away telling him I wanted to be healthy with him, not like this. I was smeared, lied about stolen from. Yes he falls under all of this. So how did this guy get through my radar of men that are bad for me? I just don’t understand. I have healed lots of things. I have worked on my patterns. I worked on self love all these things. I am so confused how he could have ripped in here like this? I’m in more agony from this than I have felt in any abusive aspects I have encountered.

  23. The muscle test had no affect on me at all. I found it useless. No matter what false things I said or thought,i was capable of keeping the circle closed.

    1. sadly disappointed as I had the exact same experience with the muscle test – absolutely true or false made no difference

    2. The test had no impact on me with false statements like my name is Paul (my real name is Cris). I couldn’t break through my dominant thumb and index finger.

  24. Yes the muscle testing was helpful and interesting.

    QUESTION: How firmly are you meant to pull the fingers thru?

    I only got 2 yes’s and I wasn’t sure if my finger were getting tired holding them so tightly together or I was pulling to hard. Or that’s just how it works. One of my yes’s was right near the end and the other at the beginning.

  25. I have to say that reading your material has been wonderful for me as a man because mostly they are not specificly gender assigned. That is, until I read this article. I understand you were responding to specific letters but I still find it disturbing as I try to apply this technique to myself when it is geared towards women as if men are more likely to be narcissistic. That said, I do appreciate the rest of the articles I have read from you and feel blessed to have found such a resource.

  26. Hi Melanie,
    I am new to your site. I am currently in a terribly turbulent relationship with a man who I know in my heart has narcissistic personality disorder. Everything you describe is him- right from the day he was born, his previous relationships with exes, his family, his parents, his children to his relationship with me. I have been doing research and known for a while what he is and have been trying unsuccessfully to break away with him, and not understanding why he keeps winning me over with his love bombing when I know I’m my head what is going on. To make matters harder I have a gorgeous 6 month old daughter with him that he professes and appears to love very much (I fear she has become a trophy child for him). Just what I have read from you today is helping me immensely. I can sort of see what is happening now with my belief systems, just struggling to put it all together. My earlier relationships were all very dysfunctional with the wrong men, completely unsuited for me. Then I met my ex husband at age 18, with whom I have 2 children. This man was the perfect man. The perfect husband, perfect father, I trusted him 100% completely and he treated me like a queen. It was the perfect relationship full of trust and commitment. I was married to him for 8 years but was always unhappy without knowing why. I became less and less attracted to him, which I felt was entirely physical. In the end I cheated on him and left him (breaking up my gorgeous family) for my current emotionally abusive narcissist (and father to my baby). I could never understand how or why I did this, when I had the perfect life and my children are my world. How could I give up my family, perfect life and loving husband for such an evil man??? I feel like my life is spiraling out of control and finding it very difficult to deal.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *