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This week’s article is the last of a three-part series on Manifesting. This article is about How to Identify and Change What Your Subconscious Is Creating.

In the last article we were able to differentiate between the emotions, and the results of your ego and your Inner Being.

To summarise these differences.

  • Your ego is conditional, fearful, limited, empty and powerless.
  •  Your Inner Being is unconditional, infinite, unlimited, connected, and power-ful.

To go back over this understanding again you may wish to re-read the second article.

So now that we know the difference, how do we make the journey from our ego to the true power of our Inner Being?

 

Are My Anchors In The Past Preventing Me From Having a New Future?

First of all we need to know Who We Are – and by that I mean we need to know ‘How Am I REALLY Operating?’

The truth is when we are unconscious we really have no idea. Maybe it wasn’t until life ‘kicked’ us enough times that we even started looking at our life consciously.

Before we become conscious we are a product of our environment. What we have previously experienced and what we are presently experiencing defines us.

If you are unconscious, whatever has happened to you is affecting you and it is the thoughts, feelings and behaviours that you base your life on.  This is what belief systems are. They are thoughts and feelings that you have repeated and entertained enough that they become ingrained ways of being.

When our thoughts and emotions are anchored in painful events from our past then we are living in reaction and survival programs. We are not flowing into the creation of new experiences.

Dr. Joe Dispenza is one of my favourite teachers on Quantum Mechanics. He is a neuro scientist, and his teachings are for me very cutting-edge.

The following information is some of his techniques and ideas, combined with my own beliefs / intuitions on this topic.

To understand What We Are Creating in our life from the inside out we need to understand the Quantum Model of Creation. The Quantum Model states that in every moment of now multi realities exist. This means there are ‘all possibilities’ which could be energetically aligned with.

Therefore in every moment of now you DO have the alibility to choose a new vibration and align with a New Self, a New Emotional Pattern, a New Life and a New Future.

But to have this option you need to access The Now.

The possibilities of a different trajectory – a different timeline to step on – ONLY exist in The Now. It is not accessible in the past or in the future – only the ‘right here / right now’.

Let me explain how this can be an issue if you are still anchored in the emotional pain of the past.

To align with a differenttrajectory path we need to change vibration in order to be an emotional match for this new trajectory path. We need to be able to feel we deserve it, that we are the fullness of this path inside us, and that we know we are connected to it emotionally.

Once we can achieve this we are literally living the PATH of this NEW LIFE, and everything within us and outside of us will unfold to support and create this new path.

When our energy is still stuck in the past (emotional pain) this is the trajectory we are on – and it is the only trajectory we have access to. Therefore our past MUST continue to become our present and our future timeline unless we can change the trajectory path within ourselves.

If we don’t, it is a definite path of recreation of more of the same. It is an unavoidable straight line of more reaction and survival and being defined by painful external circumstances.

This is the creation of the ‘old self’ over and over again.

Hence no evolution and growth. According to Joe Dispenza this is the slow method of evolution meaning it may take you a million years to evolve your ‘self’.

Sadly this is a ‘normal’ human model.

This allows us to understand it is IMPOSSIBLE to create a new future if our emotions are still anchored in your past…

Therefore to stay stuck in your emotional limiting belief systems and keep experiencing the pain of these belief systems – means that you are not evolving. You are in fact ‘dissolving’ ….you are breaking down instead of breaking through.

 

Who Are You Really?

This following exercise is one of Joe Dispenza’s.

It is very simple exercise that you can do to understand whether or not you do have a healthy vibration (are clear of the past) right here / right now, in order to create rather than regurgitate your life.

This is how you do this…

Stop, sit down, close your eyes and have absolutely no distractions outside of yourself. No noise, no interruptions and no outer stimuli.

Spend at least half an hour with yourself bringing your attention to just ‘being’ in the moment of now – and not thinking about anything…simply feeling.

This exercise is incredible revealing, because you will meet the Real You…the You Who You Are Right Now.

The truth is when you are distracted by anything outside of yourself (your environment) you don’t actually know Who You Are – you don’t know what level of vibration you are operating at. You may have been very used to reacting to your environment rather than being in contact and connection with yourself.

The illusion in life is that your creations are to do with your reactions to your environment – yet they are not. Your creations in life are all coming from your vibrational quality (your belief systems) that reside within yourself.

Now without distractions you are meeting the REAL YOU. The real you is your subconscious vibration, because your subconscious is responsible for (according to Joe Dispenza) 95% of your thoughts, feelings and actions in the world. It also accounts for virtually everything you attract into your life – because attraction and creation (for good or bad) is vibrational.

Whilst sitting with yourself quietly, keep bringing your mind back to no thought and simply observing your feelings.

Now the Real You will present. Your internal programming may start bringing up emotional pain. It may be thoughts and memories, events, obsessions etc. These are all painful and defunct belief systems which have anchored you to the emotional pain of your past.

Your emotions may get impatient, frustrated and even angry and keep trying to take you to future events. Such as what I need to get done today, or what I am doing on the weekend.

This is your emotional vibration wanting to self-avoid – not ‘be with self’ and escape being with self.

Do you realise how fascinating this is? Can you see how much your inner programs can be disconnecting you from your True Power as a creator in The Now.

This is SO VITAL to understand, because if you are stuck in the emotional anchors of your past, or self-avoiding by continually going toward the future you are separated from being able to access a New Self trajectory life path.

You are separated from your infinite possibilities, change, evolution or growth.

 

The Human Egoic Experience is Not in the Now

Now we really can understand the meaning of ‘If I don’t go within I will go without’.

Your mind and logical thinking has no ability to be at one with Your Inner Being and Life in The Now.

The truth is the human experience is about NOT living in the now.

We have all programmed ourselves out of the present moment, and become entrenched in contracted, fearful survival modes. This level of vibration causes the need for lots of ‘doing in reaction’ as a result of the re-creation of painful experiences in our lives.

That is what the ego does. It is a survival mechanism that doesn’t take the long view of effective creation – it simply offers survival tactics in the moment. That’s what triggers, reactions and intensely focusing on ‘the outside’ is all about.

By anchoring you in the emotional pain of the past and victimisation, the ego convinces you this is a necessary warning against it happening to you again in the future.

The incredible irony is RATHER than avoiding this pain by hanging on to it – you ARE living your past over and over again with no way out – with no chance of a different or prosperous future creation. Your emotional body knows no difference between the pain of yesterday and the pain of NOW – it is all the pain of NOW.

The now always manifests to become your future.

Your ego also avoids being present in the now by trying to second guess the future consistently. This is its way of ‘pitting against life’. Trying to stay ‘one up’ and ‘ahead of what could go wrong’.

This is of course another fearful defence mechanism.

The ego refuses to just relax and be in The Now, because it would be out of a job. The ego is in fear of every moment of now, and is continually recreating more fearful moments of now. The ego is a pain body – addicted to pain, and it is invested in keeping pain going.

This is why you may be addicted to people and situations which are incredible painful for you. You may not have realised these painful definitions from your environment are the only way you can establish that you do in fact exist.

It is not until you start working with your Inner Being that you will know that there is a much healthier and much more fulfilling way to exist.

The ego at its core feels unworthy of being loved and accepted in the now. It needs to seek drama outside of itself to exist. This is why it hangs on to the past – literally  – as in blaming others, or it simply logically ‘resolves’ ‘I’ve dealt with that’  without having taken the responsibility for inner emotional processing.

The ego is horrified about feeling imperfect and admitting there are any dysfunctions or flaws. The ego does not want to love you, support you or heal you unconditionally and will avoid this at all costs.

The ego is the voice in your head that tells you that you are not worth your own attention, and grants you every reason to avoid going within.

The ego disconnects from, overlooks and disowns you, and seeks anything but you in order to try to feel whole.

Your ego is NOT you…

 

Manifestation is So Much More Than Just Positive Thinking

If you are simply trying to ‘positive think’ yourself toward a new future this is usually your ego trying to force new results.

In our normal human experience this can be an attempt to offset the pain, fear and emptiness which is taking place within the existing painful subconscious programs.

Unless we have done the inner journey of accepting, embracing, meeting, healing, and loving our inner fearful parts, we are not a model of loving, accepting and approving of ourself. If we are separated from loving and connecting to our Inner Being, our choices will come from disconnection, and fear and lack – they are egoic rather than authentically empowered.

If we try to overlay a new trajectory through ‘positive thinking’ without attending to our existing Inner Being and belief systems, the results always default back to the existing subconscious programs we have running.

It may seem we are getting results, but they won’t hold. They will spin around, and what seemed ‘wonderful ‘will turn out to be ‘more of the same’.

This is why certain people are broke again after winning the lottery within five years, why some entrepreneurs continually gravitate between success and bankruptcy, and why people leave relationships and then attract the identical relationship over and over again.

These people are simply living out the choices, actions and events which prove the validity of their entrenched subconscious belief systems.

Hopefully you are starting to realise that in order to put yourself on a New Life trajectory path you need to break free from the pain, fear and survival programs of your past –  and you need to work on yourself in order to change this.

According to Joe Dispenza there is ONLY ever one reason why you are not manifesting a new future for yourself – and that is because you still have emotional anchors holding you in the past.

I totally agree….

To let go of your past is not just an emotional decision you can wake up one morning and do. If you try to do it this way – really all you are doing is choosing to shove it down, ignore it and distract it with your environment.

These are all just functions of the ego – and self-avoidance.

No matter what way you slice this, dice this or turn this over – there is one option and one option only – which is to go within.

Your egoic survival DNA is made up of literally thousands of ancestral years of programming. You need to piece by piece change the hardwiring within your brain if you want to become an effective and empowered creator.

So back to the exercise of simply ‘being with yourself’ for at least 30 minutes without any distractions. The place where you meet the Real You.

Can you observe yourself here? Can you observe your pain and start to see what your vibration is really up to? Can you observe how much pain and anxiety you feel, and / or how agitated and how much you try to escape being with yourself by wanting to move to a future event?

When you first do this exercise and you realise the significance of it, you may be incredibly shocked as to how distracted, anxious, angry or depressed you feel. Then you need to take ownership – because this is the vibration you have unconsciously allowed yourself to become.

This is the present level of emotional vibrational mastery you have over yourself.

Straight after doing the exercise and experiencing emotional pain, you may wish to self-medicate by going for a drive, visiting someone, contacting someone, eating food, taking an alcoholic drink, having a cigarette, playing a computer game , or watching TV –  or even putting on some music to cheer yourself up.

Please know this even listening to nice music is STILL an outer distraction required as a prop to manage your vibration – but in effect what these props are, are a distraction from yourself. As long as you are using ANYTHING outside of yourself – rather than working directly ON yourself you are a product of your environment and you are NOT becoming a Source to yourself.

Even happy songs used to manage your vibration mean you are reliant on your environment for ‘self’. True emotional mastery is being the emotional Source to yourself.

Without you becoming this true and full Source to yourself, your environment will always trigger you, control you and you will stay on a genetic trajectory rather than creating your own evolution.

 

Your Direct Path to Manifestating What You Want in Life

I really encourage you to do the exercise of being with yourself without distractions for 30 minutes at least and observe yourself honestly. Write down your results. Note what comes up from your past and how you try to self-avoid into the future.

Know that if these aspects of yourself are present, your egoic survival functions are separating you from creating a New Future.

This is what you can do now:

1) Work hard at resolving, releasing and freeing yourself from the past. The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program powerfully allows you to achieve this – this is essential for you to move into the ‘space’ of being able to access other timeline possibilities.

2) Work at meditating and bringing yourself more and more into ‘being in the now’ – then you train yourself and your vibration to open up to the joy of New Pathways and Creations.

3) When you are ‘clean’ and whole enough in The Now and truly love, partner, and accept yourself –  you will embody the deservedness to feel, know, dream and create what you would love to have in your life. Then you can start mentally and emotionally becoming the architect of your New Life.

Now your life will take off and start taking shape beyond description.

In my own journey of growth and learning (I am never going to stop expanding – I love it!) I have been thrilled to embrace Joe Dispenza’s Quantum Physics Model.

Joe Dispenza’s book Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself contains one of the most thorough explanations of quantum physics I have ever read. Joe Dispenza breaks down what your brain is really creating, teaches you how to rewire your subconscious and shows you how to identify the power your subconscious mind has in your life.

Best of all I love how perfectly it fits into my Quanta Freedom Healing model!

I now incorporate his meditations to connect to ‘the now’ with Quanta Freedom Healing (to instantly clear old limiting belief systems) and have found this combination to fast track my emotional vibration and manifestation results incredibly.

I definitely recommend getting a copy of Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself if you haven’t read it.

I hope you have enjoyed this three part series and I look forward to your comments. I would also love to hear your results of the meditation of ‘being with yourself’.

 

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Commments (41) + Leave a comments

41 thoughts on “The Key To Manifesting – Connecting To The Now

  1. mel — this is SO timely!!! just a few days ago I read and finished The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle – and this book and Joe Dispenza are saying the same thing!!! its amazing!!!

  2. It is amazing the timing of your articles Mel, and no doubt the ‘laws of attraction’ in play, giving us what we ask.
    I am about to embark on a new journey with an interest in a new course I want to do. It directly links to my art related work and will be working with wildlife and our environment. NARP will be the key for me to not hold back and embrace the new opportunity, with any fear that I won’t be able to do it, abolished. Instead I plan to really feel into the ‘present time’ and feel the goal.

    I still need to free myself from the past more and I am by no means close to achieving this, but I believe in myself and know I can do it.

    It is really interesting how when we want something enough, feel it happening, then it does. I really wanted privacy at my new place, and it is very open with no fencing. I wished for a fence and visualised one going up behind my unit. The next day I noticed men outside working and of course ‘they are building a fence’! Amazing! Don’t believe in coincidences anymore. It was my focus on what I wanted that has sent out the messages to the universe to grant me what I wanted.

    So here and now I am in my divine space and everything i ask for will come to me. I only have to ask.

    xx much love <3

    1. Hi Jac,

      Fantastic that you are going to work at ‘getting into the present moment’…so much beautiful ‘space’ and possibility does exist there…

      Once we can train our body enough to settle in to it – then the magic truly starts to open up!

      Mel xo

  3. Hi Mel, thank you and was thinking that after reading any of your articles I feel energetic, empowered and happy. I know if I am having a down moment or day just by revisiting your blogs etc I am usually lifted to a better place. Am I distracting myself or avoiding by doing this?
    Kally xx

    1. Hi Kally,

      here is the straight answer – yes that is still co-dependency…

      Anything we NEED to get us through means that we have not as yet established how to BE that Source to ourself.

      Are you working NARP and becoming your own healer – because that is how you learn how to, by going inwards and knowing how to shift and heal yourself.

      The articles (and anything on ‘the outside’) can supplement ‘you’ but they cannot ‘grant you yourself’…

      This is the same as a love relationship (as an example) – another person can only ‘add’ to you – they can’t fix you or make you happy or whole..

      Can you see the distinction?

      Mel xo

  4. Thank you, once again your article is so interesting and timely and an absolute wake up call. I have been using affirmations on a daily basis ‘under the impression’ that positive thoughts and a positive outlook on life makes such a difference. Although I am feeling so much happier and content, I understand what you mean when you mentioned that it would help for a while but would then circle back to what things always were before. That I have to go deeper. I’ll be doing the exercise you suggested and will definitely combine it with NARP to gain a better understanding of why I self avoid into the future (because I do this regularly – always finding something to do to keep busy and AVOID).
    Thank you Mel
    PS – I have been trying to join the NARC facebook group but when I click on the link it opens to a blank page. Please can you send me a link to join.

    1. Hi Caz,

      you are welcome!

      Ok now you are starting to really get it – and that is wonderful – you are understanding the difference between ‘managing’ and ‘healing’….

      Managing is only temporary relief and results – whereas going to the inner belief and working on it is real transformation.

      Fantastic you have realised Kally that the self-avoiding is the dodging of the pain of the unhealed beliefs that require your attention.

      Great job! 🙂

      Now you will get really powerful breakthrough progress!

      Mel xo

  5. Wise truths- especially the part about taking responsibility rather than blaming others for the way we feel and the state of our life- hard at first to accept- the way you write helps connect with people in a way that enhances understanding. thank you Melanie for all you’ve shared.

  6. Beautiful! I have been making progress dis-entangling my life from my narcissist’s…and have reached many healing points, including some which have addressed negative relationships with others in my life…but was feeling rather “stuck” as of late and frustrated with my inability to actually move forward and beyond just understanding what happened to me. These three articles have helped me to focus on who I really am, why I act the way I do, and what I need to do next to heal my life. Thanks so much!

  7. Hi Mel-
    I like the manifesting articles, but I also feel a bit frustrated and sort of agitated when I read things like this. I suppose since there still needs to be some shifting. Still not getting life done and the like.

    The agitation is feeling trapped in myself. And I know that’s actually a good sign since I’m reaching ever closer to not being able to live like this anymore.

    The realizations I make of myself are so painful at times, it’s no wonder I tend to numb.

    My soul/spirit actually feels excited because she knows there is a breakthrough on the other side. But my ego is very strong and I can actually FEEL it interfering, by way of depression.

    Very strange feeling now that awareness is present and I know what’s happening. And even weirder, I think there’s another piece of ego that wants to fight against the part that wants to keep me stagnant…or is that my spirit?

    Anyway, I’m wondering about after the 30 minute exercise…you write that anything we DO, even listening to music is a distraction afterward.

    So I’m wondering I guess when does DOING stop being a distraction and something else? And what is that something else? Because obviously we all need to DO also, in order to progress in all aspects in life.

    1. Hi Luann,

      that is really ‘normal’ for the frustration to come up – absolutely – it is ego having a ‘kick’…and that is perfectly okay to realise.

      To know what is or isn’t ego – truly it is just about going to the hurt, confusion, pain, frustration avoidance, anxiousness or addictive pulls etc. and keep releasing this emotional energy in healing Modules.

      Don’t get sucked in by the ego trying to analyse what the pain IS – this is ‘blender brain’ and then the ego (the narcissistic entity it is) wins by getting you triggered, hurting and doubting yourself, in more pain and confusion – and gets a feed from the pain body.

      Don’t think…….don’t analyse……just feel into the pain and shift with QFH – as that is how you will win, evolve and bypass your ego EVERY TIME…

      Ok the info re going to a distraction after the 30 minutes was just about ‘being aware’ that after a time of ‘being with self’ and meeting pain – it is really important to at least make a note of what can be worked on and healed etc…rather than just going back to life distracting us away from our self.

      Yes – absolutely we need to live life as an extension of the inner – but ‘things on the outside’ are absolutely no substitute for it…

      The formula really is love oneself enough to commit to and work on self and also engage in the wonders and beauty of life (life-affirming choices). Then these things are not ‘props’ – that we co-dependently depend on – they are aspects of life to enjoy from the heart with freedom – and not as neediness or addiction.

      Mel xo

  8. Hello all,
    Now I am on the road to recovery, I cannot believe how many other narcissistic people have been and still are in my life. Looking back, all the problems I encountered were due to me being surrounded by narcissists. It is so much easier to identify them now..just observe the actions rather than the words! Which brings me to what I have jumped onto the site for tonight..advice..if you can give it?
    My mum who I was close to had an affair with a man when I was a girl and ended up having a child him. I was 11 when my sister was born and my brother was 7. My dad gladly adopted her as his own and our family life continued as if nothing had happened. My brother and I were delighted to have a new addition to the family. We spoiled her completely and when my mother was working which was often, I practically became a little mum to my sister myself. I enjoyed showing her off to my friends, so proud. After I left home for Uni and life thereafter at 18, I didn’t see a lot of the family except during holidays but that was when the trouble began. I noticed some animosity from my sister towards me and she would become very possessive of mum. For a number of years I let her hurtful words and actions wash over me, barely annoyed even when she tried to hold my head underwater in a swimming pool. To make a long story shorter, at 19 she married into an extraordinarily wealthy but tight family and from that point on managed to highlight her existence and completely diminish mine. From this point on I always felt fearful around her, one day I saw her eyes turn black!. It all came to a head one Christmas when she told me to leave because…I offered to give her some help. My brother also working for her parents in laws company became almost as bad. Somehow she had control of him and he now had no time for me. After a number of months of silence from me, my sister wanted to reconcile claiming how important it was to her and so I agreed with her terms, we would meet for lunch every few months. But it all feels wrong; one eg recently, she and the relatives met …without me, even after I had asked to go so yesterday, while having our get together lunch, I decided to gently bring it all out in the open. “I have never had a problem with you” she said and I knew she was lying.
    Suddenly it has all become clear..my mother was hooked by a narcissist (he came to my home once last year and something he said appalled me, it makes sense now when I look back), my sister shares his genetics. I don’t feel happy seeing my sister. Should I make myself go or..let it go? Thanks for your ears, hope to read from you.
    kindest,
    Karen

    1. Hi Karen,

      Truly any narcissistic abuse we expereince in our life – is about healing and empowering ourself, so that we can detach and honour our own life…

      That is what my deeper work is all about. The truth is we cannot change the narc – we can only empower and change ourself.

      Truly when we do heal ourself and our internal patterns that has attracted narcs into our DNA experience then we KNOW what to do.

      Once we are self-transformed we naturally do what honours us. Before then it is incredibly confusing and hooked up.

      So my suggestion is alwyas the same – pull back – detach and work on self.

      Mel xo

  9. thank you, again, for another truthfilled article. I have just completed the NARC program, truly it works. One major block i consistently find myself over and over is, i can go deep and look and see and accept what is in there. But the thing i fear the most of anything else, is to move forward, to trust that i can create without destroying myself as in the past. i have so much fear about this, i find myslef just stopping everytime i see i can move forward and instead i choose to go into the past, do you have any insight to move this block? xo

    1. Hi Catherine,

      you are very welcome.

      Ok so this is where you need to focus inwards on the ‘fear of moving forward’..What is that about? It is perfectly normal – and with QFH one by one you will be able to release the fears within you (the roadblocks) so that you can start moving forward piece by piece.

      If you are never sure – or stuck…then you can email me for suggestions as to ‘how to’…that is what you have access to via NARP.

      Mel xo

  10. Hi Melanie! Question… Unfortunately, I have been alienated from my son by my narcissistic ex for 6 months. I don’t really know how to handle this in order to change the manifestation of the relationship, if I can. I’ve not been focusing on parent alienation and instead meditating on positive thoughts of a life as mother/son in the future. But there is a part of me that says it is important not to deny it or ignore it. It is parent alienation and that is reality. I have to accept it along with all its consequences and deal with it directly to step out of it. But I surely don’t want to name it and draw it into my life by focusing on it. I was thinking of wanting to engage in an awareness campaign but then became fearful (I know that’s ego) that I may actually be keeping it around if I did. Got myself all mixed up in this one. Thanks for the advise!

    1. Hi Chris,

      Ok so you have been meditating – but have you been working on your deep belief systems that may need transforming?

      I have found time and time again people on NARP who clear the pain of alienation at the deep subconscious belief system level have the best results.

      Truly when we heal ourself deep within we stand the best chance to heal the relationships with our children.

      I would suggest you take it to a deeper level, because you will get directly aligned and dissolve your ego interference…that is always where the best results emanate.

      Mel xo

  11. Yes! I totally understand now, no amount of positive thinking or even positive visualizing is going to change things, you said it perfectly it may seem at first that everything is different but only in the surface! We need to solve our inner demons and then, only then we can see things changing for us outside. I believe that all that I’m feeling know is so “good”, I have my unhealed parts in the surface, I feel them, they hurt in order for me to work on them and discover who I truly am, to finally be me and embrace who I am! Its going to take time and work, lots of healing, but I know I will get there. Thank you as always Melanie.

    1. Hi Alexandra,

      It is so true that genuine self-transformation takes place at the deeper levels of our emotional subconscious energy.

      We do know if defunct beliefs still exist at that level, because we still feel emotional pain, or / and our life is not unfolding the way we would like it to.

      It is like a tipping point – the more we focus on inner personal transformation – the more space and flow starts gaining momentum – and the easier it gets.

      Mel xo

  12. Hi Melanie,

    Thank you for an insightful article. A question I have however is how to stay in “the now” and focus on your inner self whilst still facing narcissistic abuse almost on a daily basis. My narc husband destroyed me emotionally and then dumped me last Oct for another woman. Unfortunately we have a child together and although since then I have been practicing QFH and making incredible positive progress, his continued abuse such as blackening my name to friends and colleagues and trying to take my child away from me is incessant. What I want to know is how come when I think I am having a positive and good day that i am still attracting this abuse? Even though I have gone no contact since January I will hear through the grapevine vile stories he has made up about me or my child comes home upset due to his questioning of her and all the old feelings come flooding back. Why am I still attracting this narcissist’s abuse when I’m feeling so much better and connected to myself again. It is all so confusing. I want to create a new happier future and feel that vibrationally I’m now doing so, and yet he still comes back time and time again for his “sport”. I’m so confused? When will my future change for the better and he move on?

    Sally.

    1. Hi Sally,

      yes life via a narc can throw very big emotional challenges.

      Did you read Rozanne’s story last week? That was all about how she worked on her inner belief systems to stop the emotional charge AND the events happening in her life.

      No matter what it looks like on ‘the outside’ that is always the true solution.

      Are you doing the inner work on your belief systems so that ‘none of that’ has any power over you any more.

      Because if you do THEN it will stop.

      That is the real question.

      And the truth is if we don’t resolve ‘that’ then we will continue to attract the trigger….

      Mel xo

  13. Hello Mel. I have downloaded the Joe Dispenza book onto my iPad and am now reading it. I like to learn about quantum physics because I am convinced that this is where great inner changes can take place. I also tried the meditation exercise and I guess that because I have meditated for many years now, it was just a wonderful experience as always. A long time ago, during my 6 year on and off experience in a wonderful psychiatric facility, I was very fortunate to have a doctor who understood totally about distractions and patients were not allowed to leave the hospital for the first month and we also learned to stay with whatever feelings arose. That was very scary for me because of the damage that had been inflicted on me during my childhood. Some of the more intense feelings would stay for 3 weeks. He told me to stay with the feeling and it would eventually change; he was right; they always did and eventually the black got lighter, the good days became more and eventually I left the hospital with an entirely new life. He said at the time that I would never live my life again in the way in which I had previously lived it and he was right. It was a day by day process of staying very close to myself. I went to see the kinesiologist on Saturday and this time I mentioned to her that there was an intense feeling of longing in my heart for my ex. I have not seen him for 7 weeks now and am clear that he will not be in my life again. So we explored the roots of the longing and explored whether it was connected to my ex or any other man. It was connected to my ex-boyfriend and the connection was mental anguish.It was connected with the year I turned 32 (my body told her that) and that was the year I was pregnant with my daughter. It was one of the worst, most soul-destroying years of my life and filled with mental anguish. I had surrogated my ex-boyfriend’s feelings of mental anguish, fear of mental breakdown and fear of irrationally causing harm to self and others. How accurate it was. So she cleared it all and amazingly, when the session was over, I felt this heavy energy had left my body, I felt light and happy and freer than ever, How amazing that his energy could do that inside my energy field. That night I did an exercise where I walked towards him and he towards me, in a meditative state and I was able to tell him all the reasons why I was leaving him and not ever going back. He was very distressed and felt angry and abandoned. I walked away. Later I came back and told him that I loved him and wished him well and told him that I was not going to carry these energies any more and that he was responsible for his own journey. I realised that I am an empath and that came through in the kinesiology sessions and that is why my heart always ached in regard to him, although loving him caused me trauma. Interestingly, a man contacted me a week ago on a dating site and I have been busy making sure only to talk with those people who express my inner truth and are in line with my integrity. We have been talking via phone for a week and he rings and texts me every day and we have chatted with each other for up to 2 hours at a time. The energy feels very different too. I feel loved and warm and he is very affirming. He is well aware of energy states and is an excellent listener and responds thoughtfully and respectfully to everything I share. This is a completely different experience to that which I shared with my ex-boyfriend and this man has an integrity and solidity that I have not ever experienced with any man ever before. It is a really amazing and new experience. He is a widower and his wife of 30 years, who he loved dearly, died 4 years ago and he was immersed in grief until recently. I am taking this beginning relationship extremely slowly and getting to know him slowly and authentically. So far, every feeling and thought I have expressed to him, he has accepted and I do not feel any defensiveness as I share my truth. I can just be myself! I like him and each time we chat, I like more and more of what I learn. So, now that I have done the inner work, I am thinking that I have been able to manifest a man who is in line with who I am; it is easy, loving, caring and it is just like an extension of myself. I am very excited about the manifestation process and ever so glad that I was able to go NC and decide to separate forever from my ex-boyfriend. Had I not done that, this new man would not have been able to appear. He has said that he does not normally contact women on dating sites, but was compelled to make contact with me. He also said that I am the first woman about whom he has had feelings similar to those he had when he met his first wife; so how about that. In the meantime, I am very busy enjoying the long weekend holiday that we are having in Western Australia and continuing to work the QF programme, am meditating, reading, sleeping, eating good food and listening to beautiful music. My whole life feels wonderful, satisfying and joyous.

    1. Hi Sally,

      that is great you have his book – it is fantastic!

      What a wonderful doctor to have that sort of awareness and impart it to patients…and what a powerful experience you went through back then!

      There should be SO much more of that body wisdom in mainstream!

      Perfect, perfect, perfect – the getting to the underlying subconscious programs and releasing that energy out of your body – that is what TRUE healing is always about – and the only authentic way it happens! 🙂

      …which is make the ‘space’ for something SO much healthier and more life-affirming!

      This is wonderful you have had respectful contact….be very aware that there may be other subconscious programs that appear for you that require healing – and this is perfectly okay and such a part of personal-transformation.

      If you affirm to you that you will be emotionally authentic which means being real and honest if you do need to query and ‘ask’ – (no more dismissing and rationalising yourself out of gut feelings) then you will always be safe and true to yourself. And it is very possible to be and do this with an open heart.

      You are doing a wonderful job – you should be very proud of your progress, and just keep shifting and releasing anything that comes up for you.

      Your infinite intelligence – because you have commmitted to self-transformation – will always guide you to greater and greater states of release, freedom, love and life.

      Mel xo

      1. Hi Mel. It’s Suzanne actually, not Sally. I have affirmed to myself that I am being emotionally authentic and so far,with this man, I have been able to share all my negative and positive feelings and thoughts and they have been received without defensiveness and attack which is a very nice change I can assure you. It is so refreshing to be able to share so much of myself and it has not been a physical relationship either; we have just been communicating verbally at a deep and authentic level; he shares himself too. I have told him that I have made the decision to be completely up-front and am willing to share even difficult feelings for the sake of authenticity and the growth of intimacy. I think it is incredibly important to take things very slowly so that I have time to process each conversation and am taking time to stay with myself and do all the things that are important to me such as maintaining my social and recreational life, which I have always done, even in the relationship with my ex-boyfriend.I think that if a relationship is of value and the man with whom I am communicating truly values me, then me taking my time just affirms my value to myself and also lets me know that he respects me. There is nothing to lose by being truthful and myself. If he was to get upset, then it is his reaction inside him and not my problem. It also keeps me safe. I am very wary and also realize that each relationship brings me closer to my ideal one, if this one does not eventuate. It is critical that this relationship is as much about my needs as his and that my authentic self is allowed to be fully present. So far, he has been very affirming and warm and I have seen no red flags. He says that he wants to know all about me and wants to know all of me; my essence; not just the nice and good bits. It feels a bit scary to be relating to someone who actually is saying that he wants to get to know me that intimately. His goals in life are similar to mine and he is a very open individual. It is my first experience ever with a man where I have felt so accepted and cared for. A long time ago, I was extremely fortunate with my doctor and the psych. hospital.I think that is why I have been able to move on and work through the issues with my ex-boyfriend so fast; because of skills I learned back then, as well as having access to QFH and kinesiology which was not available back then. That narcissistic relationship with my father’s daughter was much worse than this one and it took several years to get free. This time, with my ex-boyfriend, the whole relationship was finished in a year and a half and I have been able to heal and move on in 2 months; a huge improvement I think. I feel so excited to realize that I have power to create the relationships and life that I want as long as I continue to heal and deal with every negative feeling and issue and as long as I stay in my integrity.

        1. Hi Suzanne,

          my apologies sooo sorry 🙂 – yes Sally was re post above….

          This is fabbo Suzanne that you are being upfront and true to yourself.

          It is lovely that you have been able to shift through so powerfully…and that is so true it is about embracing all of ourself – especially the negative emotions – so that we can evolve…

          Great job 🙂

          Mel xo

  14. Hi Mel! Excellent article as always! I can’t wait to try this. I as many others probably want to heal and BE in the NOW sooner than later. I have been doing some of the other processes you have taught me or than I have read from your Ebooks. I could actually spend all day everyday running in a circle of what exercise or program should I do first and then 2nd, etc. I am guessing that I probably need to put aside everything and work only on learning to BE first and foremost. Is that right? Is it okay to use Dr. Joe Dispenza’s Meditation for Breaking the habit of Being Yourself or should we not use anything? And if I commit an hour a day is that good?

    1. Hi Sue,

      I am so glad you enjoyed the article!

      The exercise is brilliant and reveals SO much – it is wonderful when we STOP running from self – and be with self….IT is SO necessary of we wish to create the best self we can!

      In regard to the Progams they grant you the QFH tool to shift and transform instantly the limiting beleifs that are causing your pain. They are a powerful accelertion to anything you do – because it is defunct inner beleifs that keep us stuck in survival programs rather than flowing forward into a New Self and New Life.

      If you are still struggling with the pain of narc abuse then NARP – absolutely. If you feel free of all of that (which is pretty rare) then QFH ES Course.

      Using processes like Joe’s (which is AMAZING) and QFH in either of the Progams is a powerful combination – and totally compliment each other – and grant the best results from each other.

      I hope that makes sense.

      My personal transformation work is up to 3 hours a day – Joe states his is 2…What is for sure is you need to commit.

      Mel xo

  15. Hi Mel! Every week I look forward to your articles. They are very powerful and very truthful. For once in my life things are making sense. But I realized I am still in pain and fear. It has been one year since my Narc marriage ended. I packed up his things and threw them out the door. I was so broken and confused, and I suffered all the symptoms of narc abuse. I wanted to die. I have not divorced him yet because he drained me dry. It has been hard because we work at the same place. When he sees me and hes alone I see fear, but if others are around hes arrogant. I am not where I want to be yet and I realize I need to connect to my inner self. I am 45 and my entire life has been the same, broken promise, abuse, overweight, money problems, dreams that never came true etc. I did not even know what a person with npd was until last year. That is when I discovered that is whats wrong with my mother WOW. I never knew why I just could not connect to her, but I feel guilty because shes my mom. I don’t remember love from her as a child and I did see to much that she did. Now she wants love from us and tries to control us. Us, is my five sisters, we all have the same life pattern. I read some where they get worse as they get older. We attended a wedding where mom 75 years old acted like a child and then started a fight! She had the brides mother crying my sister. It was awful. I want so much to be free. I can here my ego telling me it cant work, don’t waste your money and your time. I am going to by pass my ego and get the help I need to live the life I am entitled to live. My soul is willing and wants this change.

    1. Hi Melody,

      I am so glad you are enjoying the articles.

      Yes you are still in the pain – and that is perfectly understandable. Those are the energised survival programs and the peptide addiction that is so common with narcissistic abuse..

      And it is VERY hard to release all of that brain and chemical circuitry with the logical mind – in fact simply analysing causes the circuitry and pain to just get more and more ingrained…

      Then the only way out of deep depression becomes self-avoidance (addictions) or medication.

      Once you start releasing the pain out of your body with the deeper processes you will start accessing ‘space’, relief and self-transformation.

      It is YOUR time to heal! 🙂

      Which absolutely means NOT listening to the voice of your ego which is giving you ever reason NOT to.

      Mel xo

  16. Hi Melanie,

    I had some questions regarding narcissists and their ability to create make believe friends.. I know a woman personally who is undoubtedly a narcissist, she has been terrorizing me and several of my friends for over 2 years now, and as of the last year we’ve discovered she has made close to 40 fake Facebook accounts that she uses to pose as her best friends, and logs in throughout the day to interact with them, and praise herself, etc. She even uses them as an extension of herself to talk badly about me and others. I know of a few people she’s stolen pictures from to pose as these “friends”, because she leaves a paper trail..!

    Anyway, I’ve been combing the Internet for about a year now trying to find out if this is common narcissistic behavior or if there’s something else going on. I have found nothing to help! This is very discouraging. I’ve read several of your blogs and found them incredibly helpful, and I would like to use the evidence I have against her to shut her down the next time I will be forced to interact with her. I am extremely desperate and hope you can help me..if you can give me a lead or links in the right direction, I would be so grateful! Thank you.

    1. Hi Kay,

      The thing about narcs is the game and the addiction is always narcissitic supply – PERIOD!

      So yes all of this is possible….she is simply a narc who has found a way to achieve what she thinks is ‘attention’ and ‘significance’.

      Now I am going to be very straight with YOU… Why do you think someone else’s behaviour needs to define your life, emotions or choices in life?

      What is it Kay about HER that is keeping you separated from (being used an excuse) to not connect with, be and live your true authentic and positive life?

      Those are the REAL questions here…

      Additionally…

      1) You have no ability to SHUT DOWN or make any narc accountable whilst focusing on them and not empowering yourself – good luck with that…

      2) Giving them energy only feeds them and keeps you further disconnected from yourself

      3) My work is about focusing on healing and evolving yourself to live narc free, and in an empowered way – it is not about self-avoiding yourself and focusing on narcs..

      and 4) Why on earth wouldn’t you block this woman – only accept people you know are authentic on facebook and GET ON with your great life – and leave narcs and people like that to their own games – ONLY affecting other people who want to hand over their own energy to them?

      Mel xo

  17. Mel – Great article and very grateful to you for the posting. I can actually remember doing this work as a child (10 yrs) when I was forced to spend time alone in my room as my father would punish me often. I came to develop a personal ‘relationship’ with God (my preference). Through hours of ‘praying/meditating’ I would feel my feelings, cry, tell God and then would feel totally free and a sense of ‘lightness’. I then would ask God for what would make me happy, actually feeling and visualizing how I would feel when I received the answer to my secret longings. The truth is that everything I asked for or visulaized during those times manifested in my life. I often think, if I only had that kind of faith again…but I realize I need the time alone to get to that place. Everything you wrote resonated with me, I know it is truth. Thank you.
    Karen

  18. Hi Mel, Just a quick question as l have children involved, do Narc mums love their children or are they just another way to get validation. Your articles seem to come at the best times and I’m growing a daily. I don’t think l have read anything from you on relationships Narc have with their children.
    Cheers Jan

  19. Hi Mel
    I was interested to know whether it is possible that a change in the behavior of a narcissist may be manifested. In trying to detach from my husband of 35 years I sometimes have visions of him being able to deal with and let go of his abusive childhood. Interestingly he sometimes makes statements which have been similar to what I have hoped he might react to change his outlook on life and his unpredictable impulsive behavior. I would appreciate your thoughts on this.

    Regards

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