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I feel it is so important that I share this information with you… Because this issue affects so many people across the world.

Chances are if this hasn’t affected you it has affected a family member or someone you know.

I’m talking about sexual abuse…

Statistics tells us that sexual abuse affects 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men. This is insane and totally not okay!

The reason I feel so strongly about sharing this message is because sexual perpetrators all have the following personality traits – they seek and abuse power, objectify and de-personalise their targets and suffer from an enormous lack of conscience and empathy.

Sexual predators and abusers ARE narcissists!

I also know with the work that I have done with thousands of people, that many people in this Community at some point in their life have been sexually abused.

In this week’s blog I have an amazing story about a woman named Annie who suffered intense abuse from her birth family (including sexual abuse).

Annie’s inspiring story will be extremely helpful to anyone who has or knows someone who has suffered sexual abuse.

Annie and I are PASSIONATE about getting this message out there, so that YOU (or someone you love) can heal the terrible trauma of sexual abuse, and so we can all up-level, evolve and create a much healthier future for our children, and their children.

The generational cycle of being victims of narcissistic / sexual abuse needs to be broken, and one person at a time we can ALL do our part.

To listen to the show click the play button at the top of this article or read the transcript below…

 

Annie could you please share your story?

I was surrounded by 3 narcissistic direct family members from birth. There was no changing or escaping that fact.

My Mother wore the typical mask. Making sure things looked ‘right’ but the fact was they weren’t. She granted what seemed only minimal love and affection to all three of her children, which of course included me. My father was a lovely man, but worked long hours and wasn’t home much to see the real truth of what was going on.

Much later on, years down the track after he also suffered from her, he did say he felt she was schizophrenic. Of course he had no idea back then that she was narcissistic…

There was quite an age gap between my 2 older narc brothers and myself.

Once the second brother was born, the little amount of mothering had to be decreased from brother number 1 to give more time to a baby brother number 2.

Then years later the third child (me) was born and the cycle worsened. That created a huge jealousy wrath from both my brothers toward me. My brothers became narcissists.

I would get babysat by one of my brothers on occasions. He used this time as an opportunity to sexually abuse me, telling me that it was a normal sibling thing to do and he was showing me love and affection.

As I was void of unconditional love or affection from my Mother (I did get it from Dad – but he was mostly very busy) you can imagine I fell for this crap as a 5 year old because that’s what I was so painfully missing and I imagined that this may be what could fill this gap from my so called trusting big brother. It was probably the first time my brother made me feel as though I was somehow special.

Luckily I wasn’t fooled for long. Something inside me never liked being pushed into doing anything I didn’t like. Eventually the lure of his so called love and attention changed as he wanted the sexual abuse to escalate to more serious acts. I didn’t like what he wanted me to do and said NO!!!

Then the narc vengeful insanity came out! He got angry and forceful. Then after I still didn’t give in, he threatened to kill me.

I ran and hid for hours until Mum and Dad got home. I was so scared and confused. The next day I decided to tell Mum.

 

What happened Annie when you did tell your Mother?

Well there was no comfort, no support and no protection, no love, no affection, no cuddles, just nothing positive from her. All I was told was to shut up and never say anything to anyone or it would break up the family, and it would all be my fault. If I did, I would be left alone with no one.

She continued to place me back in my brother’s care with no adult supervision. Lucky for me the sexual abuse stopped (only because there was the threat I would tell Dad), but then it changed to me being constantly be bashed in the head (no visible bruising, of course!) by him even (mostly) when Mum was around.

I would complain to Mum and she wouldn’t say or do a thing. I quickly worked out that the more I complained, the more I was ignored by her and then funnily enough the more beatings I got. The two of them were communicating this together as a team to make me keep my mount shut. This quickly taught my subconscious that complaining got me nowhere and hurts me more.

She did remind me on a couple of occasions in older childhood/teenage years never to discuss sexual abuse with Dad. I had done such a good job at locking that abuse into my subconscious that I can remember thinking ‘Why is she saying this to me?’.

I was approached by a family member in my adult years with innuendos of knowledge of my sexual abuse. This triggered me to speak to Mum and ask who else knew of it.

My Mum denied ever knowing about it and continued to show no compassion of comfort. She shut the conversation down quickly. I questioned my memories of telling her back when I was 5 and then went back to shutting down the whole experience again. I obviously was not securely ready for the subconscious information to come fully to the fore at that time, or deal with the pain it had caused.

I was always a very well behaved accommodating little girl, frightened not to be anything else really.

I was rarely home. I was always over neighbours’ houses. Now I know that I was in fact trying to get away. Luckily for me I had a wonderful friend/neighbour who really became my true brother. I spent lots of time with him and his family and they welcomed me with open arms. That taught me what true families should be like, so I would pretend that I had the same, just like kids playing make believe. That of course added to the secrecy shield which never let Dad suspect anything. A good well behaved little girl that looked to be happy.

 

More family pain regarding your Mother happened…what was that Annie?

A number of years later Dad found out that Mum had been pilfering a huge amount of money from the family budget and hiding it in her bank account.

This caused huge financial difficulty for him as she refused to hand it over and gave no reason to him as to why she was frugally squandering it away.

He then had to work even harder to cover the mounting bills. They had numerous and continual explosive arguments for years, that I still vividly remember.

Then Dad had a heart attack, and even though he recovered after a bypass, he was never the same man again. He was distant with me even. He used to be very loving and cuddly, but he became confused, tired and a broken shell in comparison to what he was. He loaned money from whoever he could to keep things going as she refused to even sign a mortgage.

 

How did sexual abuse set you up for abuse as a young adult?

Years went by, me still in denial of what had happened in my younger years.

I encountered many more narc girlfriends, boyfriends and had been terribly hurt by them. Another narc my nephew, who had created major havoc as an adult, worked in conjunction with my brother against me.

I was always doing all the giving, and the narcissists in my life sucked me dry. I would work out they were not true friends and cut contact, but then would find another and another.

I many times came across people that would question my character and intentions and I always felt I had to exhaustingly explain myself. The explanations more often than not fell on deaf ears. I didn’t know at that time I was defending myself the wrong way. I internalised the anger and resentment, that I felt these people created for me.

 

You now have a lovely husband – yet narcissism continued in your life. In what form?

I married a lovely man who was my prize from the horror I had faced. He is gentle and kind.

This was a weird feeling for me at first. I had two narc boyfriends before this so I didn’t know whether to trust this kind of love as I had never known it from another guy before. Was this fake and what did he want from me? But thankfully there must have been the seed of dads love in me that made me finally realise and accept this was the real deal.

Funnily enough at this same time I had a narc girlfriend that could obviously see that my new relationship had the potential of becoming something wonderful. She did her best to separate us with all sorts of concocted stories, until finally one day we caught her out. Initially we did break up two times until we worked her out and from that day made sure that we only trusted each other’s word and no one else’s.

Throughout our marriage we went on to attract narcs together. We encountered numerous narc neighbours over the years. They where jealous of our achievements and vandalised our property. One neighbour got caught out listening into the neighbourhoods personal cordless telephone calls, using a CB radio (back in the day of analogue phones).

I was stalked by another neighbour who was mentally handicapped and was caught masturbating naked out in the street, pleasuring himself over me. He too was a victim of child sexual abuse.

I had to address his Mother about his antisocial behaviour and in turn she blamed me for it! This escalated to death threats by him and me being locked in my home afraid. All these instances where eventually, exhaustingly overcome.

We had even been financially ripped off by a long term employer narc. My husband won a multi million dollar contract for him, in which he was to receive profit sharing, and my husband was subsequently sacked – scapegoated and accused of fraud. My husband was so distraught. People in the industry were appalled and convinced my husband to start his own business. We received so much support due to my husband’s outstanding character. This angered his ex employer immensely. So further forms of malicious revenge continued for some time. We were run off the road by bikeys, with our children in the car. We were constantly watched and followed. Our employees had malicious notes placed under the windscreen wipers of their cars.

To support the new business, I went back to work full time –  worked in establishing the business, had to learn the accounting side of business, plus worked with lawyers in action against the ex employer. I was exhausted. Eventually we finally worked out that by giving no energy to the ex employer, he withered away for good.

I constantly felt like there was this dark thing surrounding me that I couldn’t escape or work out why or what was going on.

My husband and I have two beautiful kind hearted children. They are old enough now to know the truth of this story and are wonderfully supportive of me. It has been an education for them that will enhance their lives as they too now only associate with true people.

 

Things with your Mum escalated Annie, please share….

After my son was born and I became a stay at home Mum, my Mum stared to act more kindly towards me. She turned nasty, manipulative and guilt trippy on me again years later when I went back to work.  I now realise her niceness was only because of the attention she was draining from me (narc supply) and once I stopped feeding the vampire she had hissy fits.

Dad passed away years ago and I was devastated. Mum said she was relieved he had gone! I was mortified at her callousness.

A few years ago Mum was diagnosed with dementia. That’s when things got awful for me. She demanded I was on call as her personal slave – more than any normal dementia patient. She told many lies to others to guilt trip me that I was never doing enough for her.

She was able to turn off and on this dementia at will with certain personality traits – and I was the only one that would experience it and could see it – it seemed.

I was a mother, a business owner, ran/cleaned the house/garden, and was spending up to 4 hours a day on her needs. There was little sleep. Thankfully I got her into a nursing home and that made things a little better. The abusive, manipulative, demanding phone calls still went on and on and when that wasn’t enough she would tell lies to the nursing home and get them to call me.

 

What was your breaking point Annie, and what did you do?

I lost it! Finally! I had to!!!!!!! And all of the past came back to hit me.

She finally pushed by buttons so hard that the truth came to the conscious. The emotional pain of betrayal I felt at that time was horrendous.

I decided to speak to my oldest brother and ask what he knew of my abuse. I knew that he knew something about it because his wife came to me years earlier distraught from the years of emotional and physical abuse she suffered from my eldest brother, and within the same conversation inferred she knew of my sexual abuse.

He denied all knowledge, gave me no sympathy or comfort at all. No protection, no assistance with my other brother or Mum. He used scare tactics to get me not to tell my husband or confront my other brother. I was to tell no one or I would ruin my life – he said. Doesn’t this sound a lot like Mum? Hmmmmmm.

Eventually I told my husband. He was shocked, angry and didn’t know what to do about the situation or his emotions for a while. We had a rough year with no one really knowing quite how to handle this.

I confronted my Mother in a phone call. I told her I had remembered exactly what she said and did in concealing my sexual abuse and how much pain she had caused me. She admitted to this – only to concealing it of course! This was one of the times her dementia was totally switched off and she was very lucid.

Her reaction was that she was absolutely disgusted that I should hurt her in reminding her that her son had done this, how dare I do this to her, that I was a disgrace to the family and how dare I turn my back on my family. Then she hung up and I have never had contact with her again.

So from there I went to counselling and started to strengthen. My eldest brother found out that I had been coming out with the truth, so then the covert punishment/revenge from him began. He was very clever with lies and manipulation of other family members and people to do his bidding for him. He made sure that he looked innocent and untouchable.

This included enlisting his son who worked for us (also a narc) to sabotage our business which created a significant financial impact of hardship on our business, combined with innuendos of further threats of sabotage.

His son has now finally gone, as he was caught disclosing our intellectual property to another business, plus falsifying work that he was supposedly doing. Even after this instant sackable offence he still had the gall to ask for a $45,000 annual pay rise, thinking we would weaken from the innuendo of further sabotage.

These threats, through hard work and at the huge cost enlisting professionals to protect our business have now finally been overcome.

My eldest brother tried to get his family members to turn my husband and children against me. That of course didn’t work! This was all done of course to stop me going to the police about my abuse.

He and his wife took one of my so called girlfriends (yet another narc) under their wing. I had been confiding to her details of my sexual abuse and she knew I had major suspicions about their motives of trying to shut me up. She sought to find out details from me and report them back to them.

Again we combated together as a family, and all of this happened at the same time I am trying to come to terms with my sexual abuse and heal!

One day I went to a local spiritual store to get some crystals for protection. I didn’t practically believe they would do anything, but told myself that even if it made me slightly believe they would – how could that hurt.

I met a wonderful lady there who suggested that I attend healings and meditation. Meditation has been absolutely brilliant for me. See I was meant to go there!

I realised the truth about my Mother and Father, she had been stashing money in case my father left her, and she told me so many lies as to why she hid the money and spread rumours to others that it was all Dad’s fault as he was very bad handling money.

As an adult I retracted what I was told as I could see evidence that what she said was an absolute lie! Then, confirmed it by speaking with other people who knew my father well. He was very responsible and provided extremely well for our family. He had an exceptionally good financial history up to that point.

The numerous private loans he had to take out because Mum wouldn’t hand back over the money where too much for him to cope with. He had difficulty paying them back. She took that as an opportunity to go with that line and say to me he was always like it!

Now I know why she wouldn’t sign a mortgage. It was so she didn’t have half the debt! Which left her in a better position if they did split.

What did you decide to do regarding the sexual abuse you had received?

The education I received from professionals, court workers and police during this time showed me that sexual abusers do not recover and go on to perpetrate others.

My brother who sexually abused me went on in life to become an alcoholic. He was physically abusive to his own children including mentally abusive to them and his wife. They are now free of this, as they could not tolerate him anymore.

After I dropped out of their lives, while recovering, his own son became suspicious of why I had done this and through questioning his father, pieced the puzzle together himself that he had sexually abused me as a child.

I knew I had a duty to the public and to myself to report the sexual abuse in case others had been affected or could be affected. I was initially told that this would definitely go to court based on the evidence I supplied.

I went through the horrendous process of the investigation having to relive and drag up every tiny detail for 6 months, only to be told at the eleventh hour that there was not sufficient evidence to take it to trial and that I had initially been ill informed.

There was a statement  to police signed by my eldest brother stating the abuse did happen and there was knowledge of it, but it was second hand information from Mum in her state of dementia and not enough to take the case to trial.

I did not feel comfortable with the relationship I had with the investigating police officer. There was information that I felt I was not being told, I did not feel safe and I felt I was not being fully supported.

Smack bang in the middle of the investigation I received an email from a friend. How beautiful is this! On the anniversary of my father’s death (divinely inspired, I am sure) this dear friend gave me some info on narcissism. I was able to finally connect the dots as to why and how my sexual abuse happened to me. It was a result of narcissism. But I still didn’t know at that stage that the info was not all that I needed.

That began an initial shift at least. The right people started to miraculously show up with the right information at amazing speed at uncanny times. Right after the investigation was filed and I was left feeling unsafe, unsupported, still victimised, unsure of what the family narcs where going to pull next and how much damage control I had to think up to protect myself and family.

Then along came another police officer out of the blue. For a totally different reason. He could see that I was distraught and graciously spent his personal time, unconditionally informing me, advising me and comforting me, plus offering to protect me, if I needed it.

He was able to explain the process better and informed me that one family member was withholding crucial evidence needed and they knew they were the holding the key.  The police definitely know that my brother sexually abused me and this frustrates them that it did not go to trial as it does for many other similar cases also due to the inferior court system. But it is now on his record for further reference and public safety .This officer congratulated me for my efforts. The case can be reopened any time if further evidence comes forth.

My Mother and brothers had to answer to the police for their foul actions and know that the police have everything they have done on file. Not only did I regain power from this process, I taught my children to live in truth and have the courage of their convictions. The truth really does set you free.

But, after the investigation I was totally exhausted and emotionally drained having to rehash the past in such detail.

Even though I had finally stood up for myself and was stronger for defending myself, now I felt weak from exhaustion. I still felt pain from being victimised, not publicly getting justice for the protection of the public or myself (even though I could do no more and had done enough), I felt betrayal and disgust towards people not coming forth with the truth and I felt unsafe not knowing what I was going to cop next in retaliation from them.

My mind was still swimming , exhausted and on overdrive. I was doing this to myself and couldn’t switch it off. I was rehashing every angle of ways of to protect myself and my family from the maybes and unforseen? What was coming next? When will this happen? These painful emotions became as bad as the initial pain of dealing with the sexual abuse itself!

I couldn’t live like this anymore!

So, I started Googling again for guidance and there finally, was your web site Melanie.

 

What happened after finding my material Annie?

I knew the rest of what I needed to heal was now available to me!

I was lucky that some of the healing prior to finding your web site was already started or partially done.  But there was still so much more to do..

I always felt the warmth and guidance of Dad up there helping me along with my neighbour/brother who also had passed at a young age. I had huge support from, my uncle (I consider to be my father figure). I had already done no contact. I had worked on co-dependency and finally realised that I don’t have to do everything for everyone just to be loved.

My marriage and family relationships got even better as they didn’t take me for granted anymore and I wasn’t exhausted all the time (something that I had set up for myself – as I previously knew no different). I could finally accept that they loved me unconditionally and then I could love myself unconditionally too!

The friends that were not supportive, parasitic or self centred had already dropped away and the beautiful ones remained. Plus new beautiful ones had entered my life. I already had the life I dreamed of as a little girl. And I had created it! My eldest brother tried to continue his damming regime to further people, Uncles etc, but was ignored by them and turned away.

However…I needed to feel it more though as I was still blocked by the remaining terrifying feelings I mentioned before. And I still had to work on forgiveness and letting go – the pain was still eating in to me.

Not only forgiving them, but myself, for allowing this hurt to continue into my adulthood and for allowing these people to be part of my children’s lives as they had no regard for their happiness or well being either. And why would they ever?

Even at this stage before starting the healings, the narcs were no longer in my life – they were getting no supply and had completely gone elsewhere for it.

 

What happened when you started the healings Annie?

When I started working with the NARP modules, I found some deep inner wounding connected to why my brother had been drawn to abuse me…MY wounds that I had no idea logically existed…

When I let go of this inner wounding I cried like you wouldn’t believe.  After letting it go I felt so much relief. My head tried to rationalise what had just happened, but I let that go and stopped analysing it and just accepted it for what it was….A chance to heal.

Not only that, but I know historically that ancestors of mine had been abused and were abusers, and I knew that I had just changed something very profound at a DNA Level – I could feel it.

In a matter of weeks after starting NARP, it changed my reactions to many previous painful emotions. I found that as I progressively healed and up-levelled my inner wounding – the things that used to trigger me, just didn’t anymore.

I am no longer affected by what other people think of me, how they judge me or anything they say about me.

This is a complete shift – as that always used to affect me, and now it doesn’t. I had never known that freedom before. I am actually finally getting more and more comfortable and feeling stronger within myself, and this feeling is continuously growing. My long term physical health conditions that where manifested from internalising fear and stress have immensely improved. I have NO more body aches unless I do something physical. My fibro-myalgia and chronic fatigue is gone!

I don’t feel I have to conceal my achievements to deflect others jealousy retaliation. I can more comfortably speak my truth and I am actually seeing the inspirational effect with the people I share it with now – instead of the previous uncomfortable fears I used to have.

Instead of internalising the anger from injustice and betrayal, I don’t take it on anymore – I have cleared so much of these inner wounds – that I am now able to live my life with my own integrity and truth. I don’t feel the need to exhaust myself in bothering to explain myself to people who just refuse to see the truth or are narrow minded – for they just don’t live in my truth. I have no charge left on that anymore, I can allow them to be whoever they need to be without it upsetting me.

It truly was because of shifting the inner parts of me that were caught up in this pain, that I just shifted – I changed. And the changes were happening within weeks of Module work. Things that I had struggled with my whole life were melting away. I can’t even imagine feeling many of these emotional triggers anymore, they simply don’t exist.

Now another amazing thing occurred after I started NARP!

My husband, son and I had been very concerned about a boyfriend our daughter had for some while.

She was love bombed and due to prior bullying at school and general teenage low self-esteem (my daughter had also suffered the DNA painful beliefs of my heritage) was a prime target to try and convert her over to his ‘secret’ religion which we found out was a cult.

My daughter was able to stand tall and strong and resist his attempts to get her involved, and he discarded her. She is suffering narc abuse, and now because of the healings in NARP I am able to help her, and I feel very confident that she will get better, and she has seen me recover and knows it is possible. I know that the tools I use for myself will now greatly benefit my daughter as well.

NARP isn’t just having an impact on me; its healing effects also benefit my family profoundly.

What message would you like to share with the Community Annie?

I am still healing and improving on parts I previously thought where healed, and now realise weren’t,  and I am reaping the benefits.

This is now a life habit and I will continue to lovingly do so for myself. And I am now finally in a position that I can help others, and I feel really passionate about this!!! Yahoo.  I am so excited to have this opportunity!

I am really passionate in knowing that the root of sexual abuse is narcissism, and statistically 1 in 3 woman and 1 in 6 men have been sexually abused – and they are frightening statistics.

NARP has helped me so much where nothing previously could really heal these insidious and deep wounds.

I hope this message gets out to other sexual abuse victims. And the message is this: You won’t be a victim any more, you will thrive in happiness and together we can all work on evolving and diminishing this sadness from society.

If you are interested in becoming a NARP member like Annie you can find all the details here.

 

Thank You For Listening to The Show

I know there are lots of individuals, with subconscious generational abuse programs, who have gone on to be victims of narcissistic abuse as adults….many, many, many of my clients and NARP members have suffered sexual abuse somewhere in their life.

Please share this show so that people understand there is a way to heal, and we CAN create a healthier world where this insidious cycle of abuse can end.

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Commments (44) + Leave a comments

44 thoughts on “Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse Story #14 Annie

  1. Heard many many hits on my childhood and life iccidents – up until I did Mel’s healing. Although I have done the healing and now my son suddenly doesn’t want to see his dad (the narc)- who stangely hasn’t wielded the wrecking ball yet – and I don’t care if he does – it is very, very helpful to listen to a third party’s view – in some ways, it makes it easier to articulate when you hear someone else words for the experiences you have had in common. Mother the same as Anne’s with a yuccky stepfather to four children who all lost their way. I also know through my healing that I have healed by osmosis, many others in my family – tears of gratitude now – xxxx

    1. Hi Julie,

      I am so, so pleased you are experiencing that healing by osmosis…

      It is incredible how when we take responsibility that it does have such a profound ripple effect throughout our family…

      One person taking responsibility benefits not only our own life, but The Field in incredible ways!

      Mel xo

  2. You can’t just address the sexual abuse alone or the abuser. I’ve been a victim, and i know what i’m talking about. The worst thing is the prejudice you WILL SUFFER in society if you tell people about it. Women will feel sorry for you, and even if in the lowest depth of their unconscious, will think of you of less of a man than one that waasn’t sexually abused. This is why many men become abusers, AND women too (cause for them, the shame fact is in the stigma that it’s hot to abuse women).
    All in all, sexual abuses are consequences of the moral freight an abused person endures EVERY MINUTE OF THEIR LIVES. And you can even illude yourself constantly that it can go away, like victims of rape or of bizarre crimes do, but it won’t. And it’s all societies fault in the end, of every person in the world, cause the abuse goes away fast, and the abuser you can either beat up or getaway from them, but the stigma, that’s the worst abuser of all.

    (PS: Even discussed about the stigma being the worst abuser, and had it confirmed with lawyers and psychiatrists).

    1. Hi Filipe,

      the key thing you have said here is ‘victim’…If you listen to Annie’s story – you will understand by her own energy and application she does not feel like a ‘victim’ anymore…

      Our entire experience Filipe is being generated by the wounds we do or don’t internally carry – being a victim means we are not conscious of that yet.

      I am sure Annie (because of where she is within herself) does not fear prejudice (or she would not have come forward), and I am positive she is not going to receive it…If she carried the wounds of blame / shame /scapegoat – not only would she fear it, the results would have generated with her the validity of those beliefs…

      Our unconsciousness if what attracts and generates unconsciousness – and that is the point…

      Do we need to still suffer, do we need to keep carrying the wounds..NO! Absolutely not – and it’s a choice.

      Do the healing work on ourselves, or keep perpetuating and adding to the cycles of pain and abuse / abused…

      I actually don’t subscribe to the contemporary psychologist model – because if I did I would not be endorsing, personally experiencing or co-creating Thriver recovery.

      My model is – BECAUSE the abuse showed me what I needed to take responsibility for and heal within myself, I NOW have a greater level of life than was even possible EVEN before the abuse..

      Please listen to and feel Annie’s voice and energy…

      The only question is ‘Do I want to stay a victim, or do I want to evolve?”

      And please if it is the former – don’t perpetuate that onto others..because that is NOT the shift this world needs…

      Mel xo

  3. Hi Annie

    Thank you for sharing your story, you are a wonderful person for doing this. It’s so hard to put it all into writing, it shows you have a strong mind and a lot of determination. I admire and respect yo, u it just proves that you are a good person inside and no matter what evil or pain was sent your way you never lost your way. Big hugs and love to you, stay strong TA x

  4. Hi Filipe,
    Please don’t endure your pain or suffer any longer. You can definitely remove the stigma you feel. Please be determined for yourself. Be proud of you and do not let the abuser take another minute of joy from your life. You CAN heal with NARP.You will thrive and feel peace and no longer have to hide your past in terror of what other people think. It simply will not effect you. I would truly would love to encourage you to do so. Once you feel free you will find that if you choose to share your story with others, the right people will support you – and you will actually inspire them with your strength in combating the horrendous effects it DID have and no longer will have on your life.

    Much love and peace to you
    Annie

  5. Thank you Tah,
    I love your encouragement and support. That’s the kind of encouragement that I held onto along the way that kick started my healing. Anything that was negative I learned to ignore as it was only delaying my wonderful free future. Now I just want anyone in my position to find Melanie’s web site and heal too. The freedom is priceless!!!People like you, ARE wonderful encouragement!!!
    Love and peace
    Annie

  6. Thank you for your story .. I have a similar story but I haven’t found the strength to face it yet I just feel sad that I always fall for narcistic men who want to devalue me & put me down & return to lick my wounds with a family that are extrememy narsistic & eager to laugh & ridicule me .. I prayed for help & I think you are the inspiring help I prayed for .
    From now on & I am not gonna be waiting to die I am going to be fighting to live as the real me ..
    Being mid 40.s I had almost given up you have made me realise I have the next 30/40 years to put right the wrongs that I have been living
    Thank you
    Good luck to you all I wish each & every one of us freedom from our pain
    I have always felt if people knew about the abuse they wouldn’t like me , I now realise it’s ME that doesn’t like me & I need to treat myself as I would a friend .. I need to help me

    1. Hi Debbie,

      that is so wonderful that you are realising that the power truly is within you, and then ‘the outside’ will match you!

      So, so pleased you have decided not to give up and to go for your True Life…

      Thank you for your best wishes to everyone.

      Mel xo

    2. Dear Debbie,
      You are sooo welcome! You inspire me more! There are so many of us when you realise its at least 1/3 of the population who have gone through this and probs many more. A tear of joy & happiness to you. People like you give me the purpose to support Melanie in all she does for others.
      You are facing your past and healing it right at this very moment!!!
      You can now grin for YOURSELF that you will now begin to live your life from here on, in the way you want to (in your own truth). You just watch the support and uplifting experiences that will come to YOU!
      Interesting. It seems that in our 40’s, it tends to be the ripe age to take the time to address our core wounds and take time out for ourselves to heal. It aint a mid life crisis – It’s a mid life wonderment of excitement of the magical years to come.
      Best of luck to you. You are brave and now you have changed your beliefs about yourself, you watch your wonderful life unfold.
      You go girl!
      Love and peace
      Annie

  7. This was such a powerful and impacting story. I, too, was sexually abused in childhood and it has causde a rift with my siblings. As my father (the narc) recently had a heart-attack, my sisters are rallying around him and I have had such mixed feelings. As the oldest, I am somewhat “expected” to help out, but I cannot due to finances and geographical distance.

    Yesterday, I had such a breakthrough. I have been reading Melanie’s material about co-dependency being the same as narcissism in that we look outside ourselves for the source of our well-being. (I have recently begun Melanie’s course on Family of Origin wounds and have great hopes for my own healing.) The shame I felt after being left out of the care-taking of my father struck me as something I could choose not to feel.

    So, I began to look at things differently. Why was I wrong for being poor? I was valuable and wonderful and had played a very hard-working role in the family all through childhood. As the oldest, I was the brunt of my father’s narcissism and physical/emotional/sexual abuse, as well as my mother’s smothering need for love (she was the co-dependent). Because I left home at 16, I didn’t know my seven sibs very well after that. My sexual abuse by my father has been pooh-poohed and dismissed by them and no one really knows or has cared to get to know my story. My closest sister (one year younger) has many narc qualities herself and is quite toxic and the source of many negative stories about me to the family.

    Suddenly, I had a freeing insight as I was driving to a dinner with some new girlfriends (I recently left a narc boyfriend and am starting over). God is protecting me by making me unable to help. I can work on the forgiveness issues that have arisen due to his heart-attack. I can feel good about me NOW. Let go of pleasing siblings who have needed to judge and dismiss me for being honest, and simply send love and light into my narc-damaged family.

    I felt so freed up! It is not my job to “be the oldest.” It is my job to be me. NOW. Heal up now. And that is not about looking good to others but about feeling good within myself.

    I continue to heal from many predators, a life time of them. Once your father or brother damages you (an my co-dependent mother did, too) its like “chumming the water” for the sharks: they smell the blood and swim after you. All my life I have been attempting to grow and heal and to be more loving. That is all I need to worry about–me and God and what’s in my heart. Thank you Melanie for yet another wonderful thriver story.

    1. Dear Laura,
      I have heard others say what you are and have seen this for myself too. Other family members in denial of the core problem and instead of putting energy into resolving matters, put it into guilt tripping the abused.
      When the abusers become ill and everyone rally’s around them, then place guilt on you for not doing so – it really does trigger internal pain.
      Please know that finally when someone told me that I was worthy and deserved the time to heal in peace away from the abusers (whether they are sick or not) it was pure relief. Finally I could feel it to. It’s wonderful you have seen that if other family cannot see this is difficult for you – they are not living your truth. You absolutely deserve your time to yourself to be able to do this.
      You have made marvellous inroads to your recovery. Forgiveness is a major hurdle. But as you have already seen, now with Melanie’s NARP healings, it can be done and free you.
      We are all working on this together and I am with you 100%.
      Best of luck to you
      Love and peace
      Annie

    2. Dear Laura,
      I hope you get a chance to look back and see this post. I have only just been told this in the last couple of days and I would like to share it with you. I just got word that my abuser brother had a stroke not long after he was interviewed by police. The older brother is now rallying around him (just like you mentioned above).In the past the older brother has publicly professed his intense dislike of he his younger brothers behavious, but is now supporting him and insinuating to others that I am the root cause of the abuser brothers plus his own declining health. How wonderful is this…… the “others” didn’t support nor enter into his insinuations and supported me 100% by calmly shutting off his allegations. These insinuations have no charge over me what so ever, as I truly know they are the result of their refusal to not take responsibility for their actions – even after the many opportunities I calmly gave them.I feel on a soul level compassion for them, BUT NO CHARGE over these false Narc allegations. And due to that freedom, the unconditional support has come from others, with no prior knowledge by me or involvement from me what so ever.
      I so hope you are gaining the same freedom as you recover, that you rightly deserve.
      Much love
      Annie

      1. Dear Annie,

        I did look back in on this text string and was very intrigued by your two brother’s actions and how your life mirrored your new, calm center. Wow! That gives me such inspiration and hope! I am really starting to see how–if I stay calm and in my spiritual center–it really doesn’t matter if my family “gets” me or supports me. More and more I am able to let my dysfunctional (and beloved of course) family interpret me and my truth as they wish. I am feeling within myself the reward for my inner work and it is becoming enough to counter whatever my family members choose.

        An interesting addition to my dad’s heart attack story. I had called my N. sister and she, unexpectedly, handed the phone to my father. He was so in his narc element of having all the four sisters call him, tend him, attend to him that I began to feel physically sick. It was so obvious to me how he was being vampirically fed. Suddenly, I started choking! I had to get off the phone. Immediately I realized what my body was choking on–my truth (throat chakra). And my truth was that I did not want to be one of the devoted daughters to this toxic man. My inner shift happened right away: I don’t have to do this. I am just trying to look good and that is all about ego. Let go of looking good and serve the soul.

        Thank you so much for your story, Annie. I can’t tell you how much it has meant to me that you shared so openly and exactly. Bless you for your courage.

        1. I am soooooooooooo extremely happy for you Laura. You go girl!!!! What wonderful life you are making for yourself.
          I a seriously excited for you!
          All the best
          Annie
          xxxx

  8. Thank you so much for sharing your story Annie.
    Your courage and determination are felt through the airwaves. Your strength helps me believe that maybe we really can change the world, and take away ‘that sadness’ as you so movingly describe it.

    1. Dear Becca,
      Aren’t you gorgeous, thankyou.
      Ahhh and don’t we all know, that just playing a small part in putting positive energy into the world, it can have such a ripple effect in beautiful change for others. It’s truly wonderful.
      Love and peace
      Annie

  9. Hi Mel,

    Annie’s story sounded so familiar to me. I spent my entire life getting emotionally beaten down by my family, friends, boyfriends and co-workers. A new co-worker told me about your program this past November and the change inside of me has been unbelievable. As soon as I started forgiving each person who would “bubble-up” inside me as an angry memory I felt happier. I would forgive them, then forgive myself for not understanding or having the tools – self-love and self-respect, and each time I felt lighter and more at peace.
    Letting go of the past and taking the power away from the memories is so amazing! My mantra is – I forgive you and send you away on your journey through this life. I forgive myself for not having the tools to take care of me then. I dissolve all bad memories of you into nothingness and let the light and love of the universe fill the space that remains.

    Thank you Annie, and Mel – each article you publish makes the journey easier.

    1. Hi Peggy,

      that is wonderful that you have been working on yourself with NARP, and have been shifting!

      So true when we spiral the toxic emotions out, we have space for the good feelings, and our true nature, and it is such a relief…

      Gorgeous, gorgeous mantra – powerful and spot on!! I can tell Peggy that you really feel that somatically in your body as truth (and it is!)

      I am so glad you are aligning with your True Self and true life!!!

      Mel xo

    2. Dear Peggy,
      I am gonna put your mantra on my desktop!
      Its brilliant!
      Thanks so much
      Love and peace
      Annie

  10. Hi Me,

    I am so pleased this show resonated with you…

    We have to be very, very mindful not to assign power to perpetrators, because truly yes people ‘can’ do whatever they do to people – and we have absolutely NO way to stop or control that by putting any focus on them…(hasn’t the human experience shown us NO amount of jails, no amount of punishment, no amount of laws, no amount of death sentences, no amount of victimisation, no amount of horror has CHANGED anything???)

    The reality is focusing on the outside, and putting energy into it JUST feeds it!

    What is required is a SHIFT in consciousness…period – that is the ONLY solution..

    What consciousness do we have ANY power over – ONLY OUR OWN…

    The truth we need to firmly take responsibility for in order to stop the madness is this: It is only the fear and pain inside us that is unhealed that CAN bring that unconscious part of ourselves via another person…

    There is ONLY one place ever to reform our own life and vastly reform our world….inside ourself…

    Because when we clean up ourself we clean up the world.

    It’s about one person at a time talking 100% responsibility – and creating examples of that…then the nightmares will end…

    Mel xo

    1. Hi Me,

      when we state there is no excuse and no right…we really are saying that these people must change for us to be well..

      We can’t change them..

      They too have been a part of the madness of abuse…and everyone regardless of what they do believe that is ‘right’ as per their model of the world..

      Abusers are unconscious..and many of them are far too gone to ever become conscious..

      We are never going to heal abuse by ‘healing’ them because we can’t..the onus is on people who can become conscious…

      I am sorry if my comment offended, that was not my intention in any shape or form..

      My comment was about you knowing you can heal you and your children regardless of whether abusers change or not – and that is your power..

      And absolutely I empathise that you went through a shocking time…absolutely.

      Hugs and healing…

      Mel xo

      1. Hi Me,

        Honey you are brave…

        The bravest thing any human being will ever do is bring their pain and trauma up into the light to transcend it – and that is exactly what you are doing..

        You are so right in that we have a world built on shame, and disowned pain acting out as abuse / abusers..

        That’s what needs to stop – that’s why we need to do all we can to turn our wounds to light..

        You are doing a fantastic job, and your efforting is a powerful force of change and sanity in the world..

        The truth sets us all free.

        Thank YOU and tons of love…

        Mel xo

  11. Dear Me,
    When we heal ourselves – our world is so different! We can never stop the abusers so focusing our energy back into ourselves to heal, enables our children heal too.
    One little step makes massive inroads to happiness.
    Don’t give up on you – you are too special.
    Much love
    Annie

  12. I was always a very well behaved accommodating little girl, frightened not to be anything else really.

    I was rarely home. I was always over neighbours’ houses. Now I know that I was in fact trying to get away.

    – you wrote my childhood there. Both my parents were narcissists. It was absolutely devastating for me to find out that the person I chose for happiness and healing, who I loved dearly, trashed and discarded me in exactly the same way. Yes, I married and gave my heart to a narcissist.

    So logical, but I wonder if I will ever get over the devastation and heartbreak. Will anyone tell me I am wonderful and of value? Will I ever be able to find the love and connectedness within myself and arrive at peace?

    1. Hi Sarah,

      Truly it isn’t the ‘logical’ that helps us.

      When we have suffered trauma, we internalise the pain – and what has happened to us is we trap ‘the abuse’ inside ourselves and still feel the devastating affects of it.

      NARP is the process that releases those wounds out of your Inner Being.

      When you are no longer carrying the wounds Sarah, and have been able to connect to and ‘bring in’ (another process in NARP) the unconditional love, worth and acceptance of yourself, then other people and life will reflect more of that back to you.

      That is the formula to heal.

      Mel xo

    2. Dear Sarah,
      YES you WILL and CAN – definitely.
      Please do the work through NARP. You will change your beliefs about yourself and that in turn will unlock your wonderful future. Heal those painful family NARC childhood wounds that are blocking your potential.
      Much love to you.
      Annie

  13. Dear Annie,

    I hope the love & support that we, complete strangers, wholeheartedly/soul-fully pour out to you is like a well you can return to, over & over again, to fill up on whenever you want to!

    I am honoured that you would take such a brave & healthy step to stand up for yourself, your marriage, and your children.

    The multi-generational abuse stops HERE! It was/is a stand I too have taken. I just never thought about the momentum and weight of that train! Standing in front of it with a weak stance will guarantee doom. But choosing to be a wall of resistance will make the difference. Yes, you have sustained damage, but you are a hero to your children, grandchildren & generations to come!!!

    God Bless You,
    Kim

    1. Dear Kim,
      Bless you!!!!!!
      Here I am wanting to give support to others – and here you are offering your supportive energy to me. I am very thankful and will graciously remember it. That in turn gives me more joy with determination to further inspire others. The magical wheel of life keeps spinning in the right direction with us all working together.
      If we can all inspire to strengthen others, to be that strong wall against our freight trains in life – imagine the freedom we will create. Anything contrary can be dissolved.
      I very much thank you for your kind words and inspiration.
      Much love and peace
      Annie

  14. Hi Melanie and Annie,

    Thank you for sharing this powerful story. It brought up a memory of my Narc sister French kissing me when I was still very young, about 8 or 9, and she told me that it was to practise how to kiss with her boyfriend.

    Annie, I wish you and your family lots of healing, growth and peace.

    I did not get this article in my email inbox, like I usually do. I came to look on the blog, to see if the article from the show of yesterday or day before is up and that’s how I got it.

    xoxoxo

    1. Hi Quinton,

      you are very welcome…

      I will check this end Quinton to see if there was any issues with send out, and thank you for letting me know!

      Mel xo

    2. Dear Quinton,
      Many thanks to you for your kind words.
      Our healing, growth and peace are increasing every moment of every day. May yours also.
      Love and peace
      Annie

  15. Hi Melanie. I recall a mention that you are considering an article on triangulation. That’s what my narc did. He kept all his old trysts as “friends” which he never revealed to me. He even had me holiday many times with them! I only suspected one of them but the others not. Then one of them, whom I bonded with the most started secretly emotionally abusing me. I never told the narc because she also used emotional extortion. Until I found out he had a tryst with her. And you know what? He blamed me for the abuse and said he was keeping her as friend anyway! He used his friends as his safety net all along whilst keeping me uninformed about his past. So I will be very interested in an article about triangulation. It is a covert narc tactic.

  16. Dear Mel,

    Thank you for including this topic in your blog. As sexual abuse is hard to talk about, it often goes overlooked in our society and on the internet. Many sites discourage participants from sharing details about how they were sexually abused.

    Frankly, I believe sexual abuse is a common tool in any abuser’s toolbox. They use it to create shame, disgust and self-hate in order to weaken us even more… Taking our power from us as they twist the truth making us believe it was our fault or that it ‘didn’t really happen’.

    Fortunately, we can take our power back by releasing false belief systems and realizing that it was never about us. It was about THEM.

    When we no longer take on other people’s stuff, we are finally free to heal ourselves and elevate to the next level. When we stop blaming others for the condition of our lives, we are finally free to create an amazing life for ourselves.

    Your blog is a blessing, as are you!

    Annie,

    I applaud your courage in coming forth and sharing your story… And your courage for going to the police despite the vicious retribution you knew you would face. Iam still struggling with going to court over something my ex did. O I do not want him to hurt anyone else, but he has finally exited my life. I want to focus and heal me. However, I am having a hard time loving myself for not holding him accountable for his actions.

    1. Hi Tiffany,

      you are very welcome!

      I agree with you that misogyny, devaluing and de-humanising are all trademarks of narcissism, and this is often ‘sexual’…and it does not have to be physical – it is emotional as well..

      Tiffany when you work on your Inner Being, you will ‘come home’ you will love you – guaranteed.

      Mel xo

    2. Thank you Tiffany!
      I hope this helps – Once you feel free from guilt of others, and free of fixing what the Narc has done or taking responsibility for him and then your soul is still nudging you to take him to court – by then you will have a clear and focused attitude to do it.
      Best of luck to you
      Annie

  17. Hi Mel. I have recently been doing some very deep work around splitting..all good all bad and connecting early experiences such as being molested, adopted and so on…, and I am trying to untangle the differences between holding my ex accountable for the $100,000 he owes in support through standing up for myself, while letting go. I read your last article on holding him accountable and the futility of that , but how I see it is having the court hold him accountable within the law, and being prepared for any outcome. Otherwise I feel bullied and that I have enabled him once more. I also want to add that it seems to me that when I am lulled in to warm feelings of him, I forget all he has done and it is a defence against dealing with pain. I am getting stronger in seeing it, and find that having all of my emotions and responses authentically then make it possible to move through what is true, rather than what I wish to be true. It has been painful to see the ‘other side of the coin’ and how angry I have been at the injustice. While my npd husband deceived and betrayed, he also made me coffee and we did fun things together and he was an involved father. There is good I can take from what he taught me. Healing the split between all good and all bad has been my deepest work yet, and I am holding both poles with greater ease. I am beginning to grasp that choosing a man who did not truly love me, I put myself through the gruelling effort of years spent seeking the ‘something true’ from him that I missed from my mother. In this way, my wounds are revealed and exposed, and the chance to heal is present. Sometimes I think the role that anger plays gets little attention because it is being stuck in anger and or hate that is so destructive and scary. I have found however, that I need all of my emotions to come together to heal the all good all bad split, and the denial of that is fading. I’m not advocating walking around angry all the time, but there is a time for it, which has helped me wake up. Otherwise I remain stuck in I am the good one, the victim, and he is the bad one, the narcissist…this is quite oversimplified, but the point is, my paradigm is shifting. I am integrating all my parts in to one whole coin, so that I don’t need anyone to be the other side of the coin for me again. This is about true acceptance of all I am and I need it all to be truly real and whole.

    My brother molested me and he is a man who loves his children to the best of his ability. Because he has not taken responsibility I do not have a relationship with him (boundary), but I release myself from the burden of carrying the torch of pain, the evidence of his wrong doing, that only in the end, hurts me. In this way I forgive him and I wish him well.

    1. Hi Ruth,

      I hear when you are saying re integration, and not doing ‘all or nothing’ splitting..

      My take is ‘good or bad’ is egoic (normally human) and a defence mechanism as well as a control mechanism we can all have..

      The real deal is that there is still a wound underneath it all that we are trying to manage…ad when the wound is released we don’t need to ‘manage’ we can ‘flow’.

      To me true integration is evolving our shadows, bringing them into the light…because then not only do we ‘integrate’ (come home) we also mine the energy that was trapped in the shadow…that is when we start expanding into new heights and ‘space’ and beingness that was not previously available – and it is much more than ‘integration’…it is ascension..

      In regard to not being sure on ‘what to do’ if you were to claim and release all the painful energy around ‘that’ confusion, what would be released (mined from within it)would be the truth on it for you…

      I agree anger can be in repeat…the real truth is – anger is a guard, a defence against hurt – it is ‘hurt expressed’…When we reach down under the anger find and up-level the hurt wound (young / vulnerable unhealed part) then the anger is gone, and an emotional pattern is transformed…

      The truth is it was these young hurt wounds inside us that were in the shadows (unrecognised) that had to project themselves out into The Field to get our attention – they had to deliver a ‘hurter’ to us..

      Then we get angry – but the truth is we need to go inwards to the hurt wound and release and evolve it…

      Then we are not ‘managing’ we are ‘ascending’ and becoming more and more conscious (transcending unconsciousness which is the ‘bringer’ of all pain) that we in fact the generator of our experience..and we have the absolute freedom and power to create our life from the inside out.

      You are doing great – but there is a more direct process…

      Hope this makes sense…

      Mel xo

  18. is the more direct process the quantra freedom program? I had it but my hard drive died and I lost everything. While I had it, I found I was so frozen I was unable to connect emotionally….I have done a lot of work to thaw out since then and am open to trying again. Anyways, interested in your answer. Thanks.

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