Knowing that you are having to go to court with a narcissist is one of the most terrifying and stressful things that you will ever have to face.
Because … you know the narcissist is a pathological liar who is charismatic, manipulative and convincing.
You also know that the narcissist is trying to win, by making you lose, which means punishing you horrifically, setting out to use the legal and court system to discredit you and take from you what is dear to your heart.
This is why it is so vital that you know how to face this storm, in ways that will empower you, ensure you have a healthy hearing and put you in the best possible position to disarm and unravel the narcissist in order to expose who they are and win against them.
Narcissists get defeated regularly when you know how to do this, and that’s what today’s Thriver TV episode is all about.
One of the most terrifying things we will ever experience with a narcissist is court battles. And if we don’t capitulate and hand everything over and instead take a stand for what is rightfully ours, it’s really usual to go through a horrific court battle with a narcissist, because they are entitled, they believe what is yours is theirs, they don’t play fair and they don’t do the right thing.
Narcissists in court settings are often incredibly charismatic, charming and convincing. Many law professionals and judges will not see straight through this person and this is why its so important for you to know how to combat a narcissist in court dealings, in order to expose them and win.
As far as a narcissist is concerned, them winning means that the other person must and should lose. And of course, this appeases the False Self who, once someone stands up to the narcissist or tries to expose them or has received the narcissists devalue and discard, believes that this person should be severely punished.
So, what does that all mean? It means that you are dealing with a highly pathological high-conflict personality who is often very skilled at using the court system as a weapon against you.
I really wanted to do this Thriver TV Episode for you today to help you look out of for the 6 things that narcissists will do, so that you can be armed in defence against them.
#1 The Narcissist Will Lull You Into a False Sense of Security
A narcissist will try to manipulate you into trusting them. Many narcissists will appeal to you in a way that looks like kindness, or that they do want to play fair and look after you. With the narcissist, nothing could be further from the truth. They are only concerned about what they can get and take from you. So, don’t fall for it.
So many people have believed that they can make the narcissist play fair, to find out later the narcissist was disarming them so that they could strike hard and take even more and they deeply regret that they tried to deal directly with the narcissist.
It’s vital to only do negotiations between legal personnel.
Don’t believe that this person has a sense of fairness, sentimentality and kindness like you the empath has. Narcissists don’t roll like that.
#2 The Narcissist Will Smear You To The Court
Expect all and any dirt to be used against you, real or fabricated, making you out to be the immoral, abusive, crazy and wrong one. And the narcissist will also make covert, gaslighty comments in court to make you take umbrage, and get upset and angry trying to defend yourself. The narcissist knows what triggers you. They always have and will play on it as much as possible to try to get you to unravel in court and look like the picture they are painting of you.
Don’t fall into the totally understandable urge to try to expose this person as a pathological narcissist. Don’t pull out the DSM and start diagnosing as this will go seriously against you. You have to ‘show’ rather than ‘tell’ how disordered this person is to have any hope of winning in court.
The first step is to work hard enough on your inner triggers and traumas so that you are not catapulted into overwhelming feelings of unfairness and terror and pain. It can be beyond heartbreaking and traumatising to see how someone who once supposedly loved you can treat you in court, but that is exactly what narcissists do.
If you work on your inner being diligently, you will be able to stay calm, methodical, unemotional and business-like in court. Scream, yell, cry and shout later… but don’t lose it in court.
If you stay emotionless and expose how their actions don’t match their words, with documentation, which we discuss in Number 4, you will see virtually every narcissist unravel, lose power, hang themselves and be exposed.
#3 The Narcissist Will Make Threats Against You
Narcissists will try to scare you into believing things like that they can take the children away from you or get all of the property and anything else that is dear to your heart. They can act ruthlessly, instructing their lawyer to make claims and negotiations that are totally in their favour.
Please know if you stay calm the narcissist cannot magically prove that you are an unfit parent and get custody of your children. Especially when it is likely that you have been the one caring for your children for the majority of their lives.
These threats are likely to have taken place before even getting to court and make no mistake they constitute abuse. The narcissist may have also done some nasty things to you, like abusing you by text or email, destroying or taking property and stalking, all to intimidate you, seek revenge and gain the upper hand.
If you have worked with detaching from the narcissist and healing yourself from narcissistic abuse which the NARP Program helps you do so much and have told them to leave you alone, you will experience that most narcissists still make contact, will approach you, stalk you, harass you or be verbally abusive to you. They love to instil fear, trigger you into reactions, and psych you out of any power to protect yourself or go for what are your due rights.
As soon as harassment is taking place, it is a fantastic idea before court proceedings to have a restraining order in place so that you are not trying to report these behaviours without proof and backup in court. If you have a restraining order already in place, this automatically casts the narcissist in a bad light.
A Domestic Violence Case Worker may be a wonderful aid in getting this order placed, and please know that this can be done regardless of whether or not the narcissist has actually physically threatened you.
Of course, taking this stand may be emotionally very difficult for you to do, you may be scared of the narcissist’s reaction, or even feel guilty, or maybe don’t want to do this because of complications with the children and visitations.
However, I can’t recommend standing up and doing this enough. When we get out of fear and take pro action regarding our own protection and deservedness to live an abuse-free life, not only do we show our children by powerful example that abuse is NOT okay, we also stand the best chance of defeating a narcissist within the court system.
#4 The Narcissist Will Falsify Events
Narcissists pathologically lie, they concoct events to suit their own agendas without batting an eye. If you don’t have the answers to these fabrications, the narcissist truly can make mincemeat out of you.
It is vital that you document everything that is happening on a daily basis. Have a notepad with you at all times in case you are approached by the narcissist, next to the phone, and your computer, and take the time to create a log daily. Especially keep records of any abusive or threatening texts, emails and messages. Take photos of any damage that the narcissist has caused. Make a record of when they have reneged on any agreement or haven’t provided care when your child required it.
Get the documentation from authorities regarding who is present for the children’s events, schooling and appointments and any time the narcissist has been remiss in their duties. Don’t let the narcissist know that you are documenting them, because then they will start covering their tracks better – you actually want the narcissist to slip up.
When the narcissist lies, which they all do, you could well have the exact documentation to prove that they are and expose them in court. Most narcissists will not have done their homework properly because of their sense of entitlement and exaggerated arrogance, they don’t expect they would have to in order to win.
If you expose the narcissist’s lies, this may bring upon a narcissistic rage which will expose the disordered, unstable personality that they are and seriously undermine their chances of defeating you.
#5 The Narcissist May Try to Change Custody Arrangements
Narcissists hate boundaries and will try to change the rules all the time. When you are in court dealings with a narcissist, it is so important that you don’t allow changes to the custody arrangements or give up any of your boundaries, no matter what pressure the narcissist puts on you to do this.
If the narcissist tries to purport that something extraordinary has happened to change the orders, request the proof, but really this needs to only be something like a medical emergency.
It is also a really great idea to put into the custody arrangement a third-party portal such as Our Family Wizard, that keeps the children out of it and the parents separated from conflict over parenting, as well as accountable. Also, specify when the narcissist can call to speak to the children. Don’t deviate or allow any contact out of these parameters. For more details see my Parallel-parenting article.
#6 The Narcissist Will Seek Out Supply
The most vital thing a narcissist is always doing is trying to get narcissistic supply, the attention and energy that is the faux life-force that energises them and powers them up.
One of the most important times to understand this deeply is when you are in court proceedings with them. How you disarm and disempower a narcissist is to give them nothing. Don’t feed them attention, energy or your angst. There is nothing that triggers and hurts them more and causes them to unravel.
Narcissists will try to start extracting narcissistic supply from you even before entering the courtroom, by glaring at you, making remarks or getting minions to make snide comments as they walk past you. It could be a great idea to arrive early and get a consultation room or an area separated where the narcissist doesn’t know where you are to avoid them having this opportunity.
In the courtroom do not make eye contact. Preferably sit somewhere where the narcissist is not in your direct eyesight. In the stand don’t make eye contact with the narcissist or address them or their lawyer directly.
Address the judge instead. This will infuriate the narcissist that they are not getting a direct reaction from you. Ignoring the narcissist is the thing most likely to goad them into a rage, causing them to unravel and show their true colours.
Remember always, what hurts the narcissist the most and causes them to expose their demonstrative personality is when their target acts as if they don’t exist and just unemotionally works with the facts. If we aren’t healed yet, this is very hard to do … absolutely. But when we have done the inner work, it gets easier and easier to know that we are simply combating a narcissist who acts like a narcissist and we need to keep all emotion out of it if we wish to win and gain our sanity, lives and souls back.
Many, many Thrivers in this community have successfully achieved this and received the custody and property settlements they desired against narcissists as a result. For inspiration and added information about how they achieved this, you may wish to google my name + Thriver Shows and listen to the topics that relate to your situation.
It is a total fallacy that narcissists can’t be defeated in court. I promise you with the Thriver Way to heal, they can and regularly are.
Okay… so the key to this really is, ‘so within, so without’, getting out of our pain, heartbreak and terror and other numerous triggers so that we can show up as the most empowered, solid and calm version of ourselves throughout all of this battle with a narcissist. This is so important for our life going forward and everything we care about as well as the wellbeing of our children. And I’d love to help you go within, release these triggers and embody your power to achieve this.
The first step is by signing up to my free 16-day recovery course. It includes an invitation to a healing workshop with me, a set of eBooks and lots more.
So, until next time, keep smiling, keep healing and keep thriving because there’s nothing else to do.
Lots of love.
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