Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Overcome Resistance And Achieve Your Goals

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 2
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Have you had the frustration, when trying to create your new life of …

All of a sudden doubting yourself (or even feeling like you will fail)?

Feeling like the self-defeating voice is so overwhelming that you just have to give up?

Or … finding that every door you knock on closes in your face?

Why can’t we break through?

What is really going on?

After we have done so much work on ourselves shouldn’t life just open up and start to flow easily?

Yet, so many of us can feel literally THWARTED in the areas of love, health, prosperity, success and all the dreams that we know our soul is urging us to generate and accept as our True Self.

I really wanted to address this, because I know this plagues many of you … and it used to mess with me a lot too … until I realised WHAT was going on and HOW to address these parts within me keeping me separated from my true goals and dreams.

And that’s what today’s The Thriver’s Life series is all about.

 

 

Video Transcript

Welcome to the Thriver’s Life series, the creation of your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.

Today’s topic is one that I am very excited to share with you because the dreaded glass ceilings can be so frustrating and painful. When we want to go forward into new realities and trajectories, and then all sorts of blocks can come up for us – stopping us.

And this is really common after setting goals and intentions. At first, they can seem really exciting and even possible, and then there are all these doubts and fears that usually emerge.

It’s so important to understand what this is about.  It truly is about the composition of our Inner Identity. If our Inner Identity doesn’t believe that these goals and intentions are possible for us, then we will be hit with self-sabotage when we do try to go forward, and/or outer events will continually thwart us. It will be like when we try to open new doors, they won’t budge, or they will open and then slam shut again.

We all know the expression, ‘being stuck in a comfort zone’. Yet comfort zones are never comfortable, and the reason they aren’t comfortable is because our True Self is always urging us forward into the next highest, grandest more expansive version of ourselves – namely the becoming of our true potential. Yet, the traumas that our personality carries that are not our True Self (our blocks and our limits) are holding us back.

We know we yearn for something, yet we fear failure, or exposure, or risk, or ridicule … and we don’t go for it. And we may not realise that these blocks are stopping us from living and expressing the only life that was truly going to gratify us.

Is it any wonder that when we settle for second, or much less best – such as the terrible job or the awful relationship, that we suffer intense pain, anxiety and depression, which are all symptoms of not living as our True Self.

And this is the thing, as Thrivers when we start releasing trauma from our being, our soul and higher self starts getting all excited knowing that we are reaching into Who We Really Are. And, as toxic trauma and necessity for survival is shifting out of our cells, we have created the space for Source to flow through us as us – as pure unleashed creative potential. And the faster and fuller this flows, which is determined by how much clean, clear space there is in our cells to allow that, the more we start feeling hope, inspiration, possibility and miracle within us. The energy that was hijacked into being and needed to try to survive is now transmuted into life-force.

This means we have improved health and energy … ideas and inspirations start coming, and also outer opportunities start to open up and knock on our door. What this means is that our Inner Identity is changing dramatically from the old trajectories of unsatisfying life circumstances to being able to generate and accept higher versions.

This all sounds wonderful, but please know it is in this time of grand opening up and True Self becoming, that your dense parts that are still stuck in trauma and limiting beliefs are going to get smashed up to the surface.

The reason? Because they cannot come with you into higher vibrational realities – they have to be purged in order to release you into them.

A dear friend of mine who has been using Quanta Freedom Healing to up-level incredibly successfully beyond addictions and into a new vocational reality, told me the other morning, whilst she was on a walk, that she was struck down by the most intense feelings of powerlessness and that she wasn’t going to make it and that she was going to fail.

This is common, this is exactly what happens, and the reason it happens is because the inner parts of us that are our pain body know that when we do the work, they are facing extinction. Thus, they will try to find a gap and come up telling us exactly the story that they hope will manipulate us into falling back into our old ways, stay stuck in the trauma, self-avoid and unhealthily try to self-medicate ourselves, and start generating pain again.  Feeding them exactly what they want – more toxicity, trauma and our own helplessness and powerlessness not permitting us to get up and out of it.

Fortunately, my dear friend knows the game. She knows that these parts are the internal narcissist. They are our ego. These are our parts that keep us stuck in darkness if we let them. Yet when we know the truth, that these parts are self-saboteurs we can take the stand for our inner child and rescue him or her from these self-defeating tricksters. We can show up and take charge as a loving, powerful adult does and say, “No! I’m not listening to this rubbish. I am going to meet the trauma that is saying this, load it up and shift it out and bring in more light, so that my inner child, and being and therefore myself go free.”

That is exactly what my friend did on this walk. She said to me, “In the past, I would have given in to these feelings. I would have caved in, started obsessing about the pain and gone out and gambled and drank. Instead, this time I stood up to this imposer inside me and did two Quanta Freedom Healing shifts on these horrible feelings, and then I felt even more empowered than I did even before I started my walk.”

And this is the truth – every time we beat the attempt by the internal narcissist to try to take us down, we grow and emerge as even more healed, whole and extended. The hit from our ego is, in fact, the grist, the prompt for us to shift out more darkness and bring in more light – to become even more of our True Self than before these breakdowns come to threaten us.

That is exactly what the process of midwifing a breakdown through to a breakthrough means.

And, we need to get very clear as Thrivers, that just because we are doing work on ourselves, such as breaking free from abuse and abusers, our new life is not just going to be handed to us on a silver plate. If we are carrying a lot of trauma: past life, epigenetic and childhood wounds, as well as the ones we have accumulated and had accentuated as adults, there is work to be done.

We may wish to start dating – yet all these terrors and lower self-thinking and old fears arise for us. The same is true for the business we may wish to create, or the new healthy physical body, or the hobby or creation or study … or whatever it may be.

What are we do? Are we going to pull back and give up and stay in our uncomfortable comfort zones? Are we going to be on our deathbeds one day saying to ourselves: “I wanted this or that, but I held back and didn’t break free and go for it? My life was stifled, mediocre and not fulfilling but at least I saved myself from failure?” I don’t think any of us will say this in our final moments.

If we truly wish to Thrive, as an example to ourselves and others and be the living embodiment of what heaven on earth can really be, then we need to recognise that our soul does not get it wrong. Our desires are our soul saying, ‘Hi” and our higher self, saying “Come toward this. This is the True You living without trauma!” And then it is up to us to roll our sleeves up and get into it – the releasing of all the traumas that are all the false ideas and fractures that we took on from the human experience. These are exactly the traumas that the ego, the internal narcissist, feeds off, clings to and gets energised from – no different to the outer narcissists who attach to and feed off our inner traumas.

Is it any wonder that when we start to release our inner traumas that not just external narcissists disappear from our lives, but our internal ones do too? Can you see the connection here?

In fact, as our personal inner healing journey deepens and widens we start to see that the greatest thing we ever need to overcome is, in fact, the internal narcissists.

Many people ask me, “What are the common traumas that create ‘this’?” (Whatever it is in their lives.) The absolute truth is that our personal traumas and stuck places can be very unique. And truly, rather than try to guess what they are to work on them, the purest and most powerful way ever to find and release and replace them with our super-conscious True Self is to do the inner work with NARP or the Empowered Self Course to do direct reprogramming on them.

Yet for the sake of this The Thriver Life episode I will go through some of the most common traumas I have seen hamper people when they have tried to break out of old trajectories into new ones.

“I don’t deserve … (whatever it is).”

“If I am my True Self I will be destroyed.”

“If I get success I will have it taken away from me.”

“If I become successful I will be all alone.”

“Other people can have (whatever it is) but I can’t.”

“If I try, I’ll just fail, and it will be even more painful.”

But again, please know, the most impactful blocks that you can find and release, the ones that are keeping you separated from your higher potential in any area of your life, such as love, prosperity, success, creative expression, health and happiness – could literally be anything at all, and you won’t know if you don’t go within.

If we don’t go within, we do go without.

And that’s why I love this Community so much – because we get it – we understand that the fastest, most powerful way to get our life right is to release ourselves on the inside and then everything can start to flow from there.

I’m really looking forward to the discussion we’ll have with this episode and hearing about your dreams and ego blocks, and what you wish to do to get the brakes off and go forward powerfully. So please write them below!

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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69 Thoughts on How To Overcome Resistance And Achieve Your Goals
  • alexarosabala@yahoo.com'
    Alexandra
    August 7, 2018

    This was great Melanie. But what module do you recommend for this? Goal setting? Thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 7, 2018

      Hi Alexandra,

      Either Module 1 or the Goal Setting Module is powerful for shifting faulty beliefs.

      So glad you enjoyed this.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • eedialojam@gmail.com'
        Anonymous
        August 8, 2018

        That was great! Hi Melanie.

        Thank you I’m working on internalising
        new healthy trajectories for my progress. Its tough yet I trudge on in between dealing with the divorce and financial graveyard. For each of the negative trauma based statements at the end of this video, I shouted a positive one so as not for my subconscious to be at the end left with negative statements about me!! That may sound silly but it makes me feel good inside. My inner journey has just begun…I’m not going backwards. Because of the info from your program, I’m living forward. Thank you.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          August 9, 2018

          Hi Anonymous,

          That is great that you are going forward and I wish you much power and breakthrough!

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • Sandu_ramona_luminita@yahoo.com'
        Adela
        August 22, 2018

        I have a tormenting question: if someone loves his parents and does everything for them, claims to have loved a women that left him years ago. But can not attach to someone now.He can still be a narcisist or is he just traumatized? He fits in a lot of the patterns you described during your videos.
        Thank you! In my country we do not have recovery experts, wish i could get to met you!

    • Kathryn.d.sain@gmail.com'
      Kathryn
      August 8, 2018

      I had the same question! Thank you Melanie for your response. And by the way, this video is perfect timing!!!! Goals this year: creating/networking with more conscious people and energizing my life with new, healhty blood!!

  • jecenderlin@gmail.com'
    Anonymous
    August 7, 2018

    PLEASE DON’T PUBLISH WHAT I WRITE HERE FOR ANYONE ELSE TO READ! I wish to write to you, Tonia Evans, personally instead.

    Thank you ever so much, continuing to give your wonderful adivce, which I find so helpful in my life! Today you gave me encouragement to be myself & celebrate the person I am. I don’t have to compete with anyone else or compare myself with anyone else, as this is time wasted. I find reading, thinking about, & living your advice is one step further into a better, happier, more fulfilling life, into the future. You have such a wonderful way of explaining the process we need to follow & do, to help ourself. You are excellent at explaining why, what to do, how to do it, & a perfect wording of the results of this may be for us, if we try! Since I’m a visual learner, instead of a verbal learner; your information in words is exactly what I need, to help me learn from you. I can reread to receive more information if needed & be sure I am understanding-what you are instructing me to do-to help myself! I have dreams of continued greater happiness, even though I at times. will not seem to be making progress. It is than time for me to decide what is blocking my progress, as you have explained. It’s time for me to “reboot” myself, to think about what is happening? I take time to access, reprioritize, let go, embrace your advice & move forward. THANK YOU, TONIA! You are awesome & you share your grace, sharing your intelligence! You will be always valued by me & my brother, who also follows what you say for advice. He’s not a writer; but he agrees totally with your information & you help him too! Bless you, Tonia!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 7, 2018

      Hi, please know I changed your name to Anonymous because you have posted on a public forum.

      I hope this grants you enough privacy and also I can’t respond to people personally … we have too many members within MTE … the best way to do this for you is on the blog.

      Thank you for your lovely comments and I so hope that I can help you break through into your True and glorious life.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • slowe0601@yahoo.com'
    Shawn L. Lowe
    August 7, 2018

    Thank you Melanie. That was a great video at the right time I needed it. I’m getting ready to go back to school at 52 years old! I want to do something different and possibly impactful to the world. I am always, always scared financially. The Universe has always made sure I’m okay, and yet I still get scared. I’m going to push ahead and make it happen. Thank you!

    • teriashmeria@gmail.com'
      Violet Spectre
      August 7, 2018

      You go girl! You can do it! From one 52 yr. old to another- it just isn’t too late- my very best to you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 7, 2018

      Hi Shawn,

      I am so pleased this was timely for you!

      Sending you power, love and incredible breakthroughs!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • wendy@outsideshore.com'
      Wendy F.
      August 7, 2018

      Hi Shawn,
      I went back to school at 52 and am in my last year of getting my degree. I will graduate in the spring. It has been wonderful and difficult at the same time but I’m glad I am doing it. It has been very stressful dealing with all the personal stuff but school has given me a new found confidence overall. I worry about money, too. Feel the fear and do it anyway, right? My best to you!

  • slowe0601@yahoo.com'
    Shawn
    August 7, 2018

    Thank you Melanie. That was a great video at the right time I needed it. I’m getting ready to go back to school at 52 years old! I want to do something different and possibly impactful to the world. I am always, always scared financially. The Universe has always made sure I’m okay, and yet I still get scared. I’m going to push ahead and make it happen. Thank you!

  • teriashmeria@gmail.com'
    Violet Spectre
    August 7, 2018

    Dear Quantum Guru…thanks for this…”if we don’t go within, we go without” you are such a wordsmith!
    I find that things for me go in spurts and sputters. I have a real problem with doors opening and then shutting. I now understand that this is because I am changing soooo fast. For instance, when I was just escaping the (finally now EX!) N hubby, a job as a lunch lady was progress…but now it’s just yesterday’s news. So I have work to do as my first lunch lady posting which was great is over and they placed me where my co- workers are hazing me and my hours were cut substantially. I now clearly see the universe is screaming at me “Hey! You are a talented singer and actor- what are you doing in a grade school?”
    The super handsome rock-n-roller who love bombed me for 6 months straight? Well guess what? Yep- that stopped….because addicted party boys with strings of ex girlfriends are just NOT what I need…but Gee-fun while it lasted and it taught me to walk the walk and speak my truth when the love bombing stopped. WHICH I DID!
    I keep getting in there and shifting, and I just won the 3 1/2 year court case with the N…but you are soooo right…there’s always more to do.
    I know I’ve come so far and I know I can unlock the potential within and go even further. I try to be patient, kind and loving and grateful with myself for all that I’ve managed to do thus far, but sometimes that can be hard. I like that you identify the inner Narc- telling me I haven’t done enough…HA! Thanks for this post Mel. All the thriver episodes are soooo bang on. My best wishes for your continued success in your amazing healing mission. xoxoxoxo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 7, 2018

      Hi Violet,

      You gorgeous woman … it’s incredible how right in this eclipse period that the truths we needed have come to light.

      Now more than ever we need to align with our True Self and clear out all that is in resistance to that.

      This is a time of spectacular breakthrough and ascension and the more we hand over and release, the clearer it is becoming.

      And being supported …

      Thank you beautiful woman and wishing you ever success with your incredible soul missions sweetheart.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • maniclas@yahoo.com'
    MaryAnn
    August 7, 2018

    I have often referred to the “internal narcissist’ as the “internal predator.” The predator/narcissist is VERY tricky and sneaky. I picture my internal predator as a male who is out to thwart my soul. Pushing beyond him is possible, but requires much effort. I HAVE held back in my life, and I think the blockage was sometimes coming from the script of “I-am-not-good-enough.” I am working with that voice within, telling him to calm down and “lighten up.” This helps somewhat…and I am working on eradicating him for good…I am tired of not showing my full light. As my principal (I work in a school) once said to me, “We are both powerful women MaryAnn. Wherever we apply for jobs, we will be hired.” That helps me push through my fear too. Blessings all!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 7, 2018

      Hi MaryAnn,

      I so agree with you regarding the inner predator – because this feels like we are being eaten alive.

      I’d really love to check our Quanta Freedom Healing as a tool to overcome the internal narcissist. I really believe it is so much more powerful than self soothing and trying to manage this part of ourselves … or dissolve it bit by bit.

      You can connect to my free workshop to experience what I mean here: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • andrea_hobkirk@yahoo.com'
    Andrea
    August 7, 2018

    Great video! I want to perform reiki on women who truly need help. I struggled so much the past few years w- abuse and reiki works but it takes time. I know I can do it but of course I’m scared. I’m certified and do feel a block. I need to push forward. I want to make my own money , thrive and help others but need the inner peace too. ❤️

  • memsaff@yahoo.com'
    MaryEllen
    August 7, 2018

    Perfect timing for me to read this as happens so often 😊. I continue to heal, evolve, understand, become and be inspired by your sharing and teachings. Thank you Mel, you have given me the push I needed at just the right time to seek more and better for myself personally, professionally & financially where I thought I never belonged or deserved to be. I’m so excited, scared and more determined than ever to be everything I know I can be and deserve for myself and my children. Thanks Mel ❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 7, 2018

      Awww MaryEllen,

      I am so pleased this has spoken to you!

      Wishing you incredible breakthroughs Dear Lady!

      Bless!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • jnarcavage7@gmail.com'
    Jess
    August 7, 2018

    This article may have literally just changed my whole life. Im a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. Im just over one year in recovering from narc abuse & this article resonates with me so strongly and deeply. This is the exact area im stuck in right now and couldnt put it into words ever to even be able to understand and move forward until this moment. I follow you closely and want to thank you. Your an inspiration. Truly.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 7, 2018

      Hi Jess,

      This is wonderful this has provided you with an epiphany and a way to breakthrough.

      I am so happy for you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sherrilharris1961@gmail.com'
    Sherril Harris
    August 7, 2018

    Hello Melanie,

    I have to say, you always send me a message that I need to hear. With that being said, I would have to say “Fear” is my biggest block. I’ve been knocked down too many times. Sometimes It’s difficult to move forward due to lingering fear. Like you said, we hang onto what’s comfortable. It’s time for me to do more inner work.

    Thank you for all the emails. They have been really helpful over the years.

    Take care,

    Sherril

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 7, 2018

      Hi Sherril,

      Fear is huge especially when it has struck so many times.

      We can though find, release and reprogram the offending trauma.

      That Lovely Lady is our True work and wish that for you more than anything.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • getmail100@yahoo.com'
    Bren
    August 7, 2018

    perfct perfect perfect for me right now……Im seeing my potential revealedmore and more since working Narp and am ready to cross that river regarding my work….there is no reason not to succed except my own saboteur…..been moduling again……working these feelings/traumas out with a passion to evolve this. im ready ……what confirmation……Narp program is just amazing.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️. this work is my personal “therapist” at all times…..overcoming my saboteur and fears in this area…….

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 7, 2018

      Hi Bren,

      Sorry pleased this is perfect timing for you hun!

      How beautiful that you feel validated and this helps confirm your progress.

      You’ve got this!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • mariyaa@hotmail.com'
    Aminath
    August 7, 2018

    This is exactly what I needed right now. It is exactly what is happening. Doors open and then they are closing. There are lots of opportunities that come and I know there is fear of “not enough” coming up and it totally makes sense now. These parts are coming up because the ego knows that it has to go so they amplify. I have been using Goal setting module and Module 1 to release. Thank you Melanie without this tool and your constant guidance I would not be launching my own business.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 7, 2018

      Hi Aminath,

      I have no doubt you are so close to breaking through!

      Power to you Dear Lady!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • mariyaa@hotmail.com'
        Aminath
        August 7, 2018

        Thank you Mel, I am feeling alive and ready for my 4am sessions.

  • Hayley.fawyne@outlook.com'
    Hayley
    August 7, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    I personally felt you were speaking to me and it hit pretty hard and it’s the very thing I have been struggling with for far too long. I have had far too many comfortable comfort zones and I have sat in dead feeling jobs for too long and living situations that have not served me at all. Coming from a dysfunctional home and experiencing childhood trauma with personality disorders going on it the home it is really no surprise that I have gotten involved with sociopaths on the outside. The inner narcissist you speak about our pain body and our ego – I totally relate because I have so much angst, anger, resentment and disgust towards my mother, grandmother and sister whom were narcissistic and mentally ill and I do believe that anger is being fed by the ego and then turned into inner rage and resentment because I had no defences as a teenager and the abuse was not normal at all highly inappropriate to say the least. When I wake up around 3-5am every morning I can actually hear the inner narcissist (voices of abusers and memories of abuse from childhood and beyond) and then I try to manage the anger and associated feelings with self-management. What a freaking mess is how I feel and I have come out of dissociation so many old traumatic memories of abuse are surfacing and I am not well at all. I have hit 40 and mother has passed away from cancer sadly and I am out of a job caring for my unwell younger sister living with her and still single – is this a wake up call or what? Missed many amazing opportunities be it love and life goals because of sabotage but now I understand why – I honestly believe this was meant to be so that I could wake up as painful as it has been. Melanie, might I say you have a gift I can even see it in your shadow it seems to have a glow around it – something else I have realised as well after so much trauma I have become hyper physic and have obe’s some of the time?

    Best wishes,
    Hayley

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 7, 2018

      Awww Hayley,

      So much love to you and for what you have gone through. My deepest condolences for the loss of your mother.

      Hayley, I would love you to connect to my inner transformational resources to help you truly come home, trauma free to yourself.

      The link to get started is here: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      I would also love so much for myself and the army of Thriver angels to help support you in your healing.

      Sending love, strength and healing to you.

      Mel 💕❤️💕

  • claudiabuchweitz24@gmail.com'
    Claudia
    August 7, 2018

    Dear Melanie,
    Thank you for this video! It reached me just in a moment when I was feeling like I have failed with aligning with source energy and thus being able to meet a loving, respectful and supporting partner…. and now he turned out to be another narc torturing me…. What I just learned from this experience is: I am narcissistic, too (and that’s why I allowed this to happen to me!!!) – in a special way that has to do with my trauma of not feeling worth of love just for being!
    This is what I recognised yesterday – and today I watch this video and you are telling me exactly the same….
    So what to do? Sit down and do the inner work – that’s what I planned to do first thing in the morning after breakfast (and then I saw that your video came up :-))
    Thank you so much for your work! Again you inspired and motivated me to move on after feeling stuck and sad….

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 7, 2018

      Hi Claudia,

      How wonderful you are inspired to do the inner work and sort this!

      You’ve got this, and the next love of your inner love code awaits you!

      Beautiful stuff!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • katjababei1@gmail.com'
    Kat
    August 7, 2018

    This article appeared just at the right time in my inbox ( as many of your do!).

    I really needed to read this. I finally got free of a marriage with an N just over 3 years ago.

    When i first got out, I felt drunk on freedom. All the opportunities that he’d denied me beckoned me; I had great plans for what my sons and I could and would achieve from now on. And I did don’t great and daring things ( after standing up to him in court! ).

    I’ve realised that, in the last year. I have allowed self-doubt to creep back in to my subconscious, so I’ve felt immobilised again. My inner critic- which is very much his voice and horrid attitude – has been wagging its finger and me and smirking at me- telling me I am a joke, I am unattractive, my dreams are nonsense, my passions are stupid, that I won’t ever get out of the financial doldrums he put me in, etc.

    He tried his utmost to stop me reaching my potential, and I can’t let the imprint of his abuse grow in power and sabotage my present. I need to key back in to that authentic voice within me that is beckoning me towards joyful creativity and happiness. The voice which says I deserve whatever I work hard for.

    Thank you for all that you do, Mel. You have a wonderful gift and do people a wonderful service.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 7, 2018

      Hi Kat,

      Please know you are very welcome and it’s wonderful that you feel inspired to release yourself from the inner critic.

      The truth is with Ns they are usually replaying a deep trauma within us that was already in existence (which they help fully detonate).

      This trauma can be deep, past life, epigentuc snd childhood and if significant can be difficult to reprogram without Quantum Tools that work on our inner beings at a deep level.

      I’d love to invite you into my free workshop so that you can have a crack at blasting out (releasing) the inner trauma in fast and powerful ways.

      It really is such an amazing tool for life and you can try it here: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • Kathryn.d.sain@gmail.com'
        Kathryn
        August 8, 2018

        Melanie,

        Please remind me the model number that deals with ‘trying to get friends to undestand’ . I am out of a short marriage to a covert Narc, (19months of crazytown was enough for me) and the impact he had on my friendships has been a loss and devastating. I have healed one of them, but the other one is still fractured and honestly, I think will stay fractured. The friend is not very conscious and was completely seduced by the ‘victim, poor baby seduction’ of my ex. BUT, for me, although better, I still get activated in wanting to get her to ‘get it’ and to stop judging me when I see her in my friend community. Please advise which module. I know this is mine to let go of….the unfairness of it all.

        Thank you! Your work is highly valuable and has been my recovery program for the last year. I pass your work on to people in need all the time. It is so comprehensive! You ROCK!

  • mpienaar@terraafrica.co.za'
    Mariné
    August 7, 2018

    Thanks so much Mel! I needed to read this today. I have made great progress and now I feel stuck in moving forward. Awesome, awesome insight in the loving Melanie-way. <3

  • pearl.wiseman@gmail.com'
    Frances
    August 7, 2018

    Hi there Mel.what you have said is so true.But acting on it at the moment is real hard work.I have only been on my own for 1yr.After 55yrs!! I am 76 and sometimes feel its too late for me.When I am busy and out and about I feel strong and that i will get there,but the minute I get back to my small flat i feel SO alone and am tempted to text or ‘phone him.But I dont want to ?? its a sort of comfort because its whatI am used to.
    I am not alone ,its just living on my own for the first time. Why do I find it so scary,i know I should be grateful that I am free….but I dont feel free.
    I have left him and returned tree times over the years,but I now know for sure I CANT GO BACK OR MY LIFE WILL BE OVER.My only hope is now.Thank God I am very fit and get out and about every day.BUT…the moment I dread is gong back to the flat and being alone.But i wouldnt want him to be there? What is that all about.I stay out all day every day from early morning till as late as I can.I feel like I am ‘running scared’! I can be with lots of friends and apparently having a great social life but inside I feel so empty.I used to sell quilts and crafts at craft markets,now I cant even pick up a needle because it reminds me of my life with him.Yet I know being creative would be therapeutic.But I just have to get out ,be where there are lots of people and action to feel not alone….I could go on and on But Thankyou Mel for giving of yourself so much because you really do understand.and give off so much empathy.

    • flowertherapy@icloud.com'
      Val
      August 7, 2018

      Hi Frances, firstly , sending you a big hug and much love, light and power to you. May I say , you are such an inspiration . It must be such a huge adjustment for you after 55 years. And I’m wondering..could it be Frances…that the fear and feeling alone when you return home are your inner self longing for your attention and presence? The feelings of “ running scared” that you refer to may be self avoidance? You may be familiar with Melanie’s concept of self partnering? Perhaps that’s who you might reach out to when you come home , if you get the Quanta Freedom modules? (Melanie has a video on self partnering if you haven’t seen it , which you may enjoy). Once you get started on the modules I can vouch for the fact that all thoughts of “ it being too late” will evaporate; and that there is so much loving support and guidance from Melanie and others in the various forums that you won’t feel alone . I’ve learnt that we only have Now, this moment, in our precious lives. If we aren’t fully present , we lose it. Frances, I have the strongest feeling that you have SO much to contribute to our community.. and so look forward that . So beautiful to read your post, keep up the inspiring journey you’ve begun now! 🌟💛

  • hilarypaley16@gmail.com'
    Hilary
    August 7, 2018

    I love this Melanie. Thank you. x

  • cecile_jnv@hotmail.com'
    Emanuelle
    August 7, 2018

    Hi Melanie !

    One year and a half ago I realised my relationship with one of my best friend from childhood was not right, I fell upon your website and started doing the shifting work. Since then I have changed sooo much, i’m not in that relationship anymore, and i’m now a singer (if you would have told me that 2 years ago it would have been a crazy thought).
    I stopped doing the shifting work, just because my energy was up and up to create, sing etc.
    I recently moved to london to focus on my singing.
    Last night i had a dream about you, where i thanked you for the work i was able to do through narp, which is strange for I haven’t done any narp work for about one year and rarely come on your website.
    This morning i woke up to this email from you about this topic.
    That’s when i remembered i dreamed about you.
    I watched your video and it hit me right in the heart, i cried when you said all the things about feeling like maybe you don’t deserve your dream / are not ready…
    anyway
    just wanted to share this with you
    the universe is here with us at all time
    this was a guidance, a message
    my dream about you
    showed me that this work is not over
    that it’s not like: ok i’m a singer now, i can be without, focusing on my career etc
    no
    this was a message telling me to go in
    cause if i don’t, i will probably listen to the voice that says: you suck at singing

    it’s funny that i always thought it was my friend / others who were blocking me
    but now i see i’m all alone, it’s just me, with myself
    blocking me or releasing me
    and it’s all on me

    the inner narc…

    Thank you so much !
    I’m glad I was re-shifted in this trajectory today
    I needed it !
    xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 8, 2018

      Hi Emmanuel,

      I am so pleased that this spoke to you.

      How wonderful you understand and know what to do.

      I wish you incredible healing and breakthrough Emmanuel so that you do claim your dreams.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • emt23bath@gmail.com'
    Grateful thanks!
    August 7, 2018

    Hi Mel
    It would be great to hear more from you on the inner narcissist. Having been through Narp and having got Self Empowerment but not started, it would be great to get a better understanding of this. Is the inner Narc our negative self talk, our self obsession that arises from our trauma? I have just had a massive release through speaking my truth but realise this is the start of my journey not the end! I suspect my inner narc is key to the next stages.

    You are a remarkable woman who delivers messages so perfectly timed and perfectly worded. You help so many of us beyond belief.

  • wendysimpson@me.com'
    Wendy
    August 7, 2018

    Mel,
    Your video came at the exact time when I am experiencing a lot of uncertainty in my teaching job. I am trying to seitch to a half time schedule to allow me to pursue other things and my school is putting up a lot of roadblocks, despite me working there for 25 years.

    So I am filled with self doubt and feeling a bit persecuted, at the point when i have decusions to make, and your video is a reeminder that what I am feeling is coming from within. I need to heal these wounds before I can move forward. Thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 8, 2018

      Hi Wendy,

      I am so pleased this has helped grant you clarity and power!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • roma4amor@gmail.com'
    Deanna
    August 7, 2018

    Bingo Mel!!!!
    Yet another WINNER.

    You have exactly described my process. I have been working on becoming certified for a new profession and the harderst part has been dealing with my own self, rather than the actual coursework–even though the course material is pretty intense.
    You are so right when you point out that all one’s own CRAP surfaces. I have noticed that I treat myself at least as badly or worse than the narcissist has. It amounts to self-torture and self-mental-flagellation. I hadn’t even realized I was doing it b/c what I now know was my “ego” was SO convincing with its justifications and rationalizations.

    I applaud you for saying that we all have to do OUR OWN Inner Work to discover the individual form of our own inner demons. AND I also am grateful that you pointed out what some of them could be. The one about having things taken away from me as I achieve them is SO right on for me. The REPETITION of these scenarios in my past is what actually came up for me THROUGH doing the QFH modules. I was able to see the concept of similar types of things happening over and over again. Initially I had zero ideas of what to actually do about it except keep moving forward believing that as I uplevel, I will put myself on a better platform from which to handle whatever might come up again. I am still “playing it by ear” but at least I am also moving forward!

    I love how you clarify the ego and its self-sabotaging tactics. I LOVED the story of the gal who was running and how she transformed her ego fears into self-power. I love how you make a strong point of STANDING UP FOR our Inner Child and Inner Being. It created a clear picture for me of the duality of what we are. Being human, no matter how recoverED we become, we still may face things that we’d prefer not to. YET, you remind me with this anecdote, that ultimately there is a powerful grown up inside of us who can STAND UP for the vulnerable and thus scared parts of us.

    Having a better understanding of the ego and the superconscious, gives me a way to first identify “who” is doing the “talking” and thus whom to pay attention to and whom to blow off as the false entity that it is.

    As always, you TOTALLY ROCK!!!

    With much appreciation and much love,
    Deanna

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 8, 2018

      Awwww Deanna,

      Sweetheart I am so pleased this cut straight to the chase for you!

      It truly is such a game changer when we work out ‘who’ is doing the talking and stand in to heal and help our Inner Being.

      So much love to you Dear Lady and thank you for being such an authentic Thriver!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • jillarock@gmail.com'
    Jil Alexandra Rock
    August 8, 2018

    I have goals to enjoy true friends and a lover, to live in a home with a yard for my dog, and to tend a garden of flowers and fresh herbs. I have goals to earn more money than ever before, instead of settling for an insufficient paycheck from an abusive job.

    I have so many new creative ideas flowing within me. These juicy ideas come just before bedtime. They’re so clear and beautiful, I swear, each one is like a bright fruit-flavored MORSEL of CANDY! I can hear them, taste them. They already belong to me. I tell myself “Tomorrow morning! That’s the first thing I’ll do!”

    And then….I don’t. I wake up and my goals all belong to some other woman, who’s no longer in the apartment.

    Your words strengthen my resolve. I want to be a Thriver! Not a survivor. I know now my mind is very adept and cunning. It tries to trick me, makes me confuse its thoughts with my own emotions.

    You are amazing, Melanie! An inspiration you are! Thank you so much!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 8, 2018

      Hi Jil,

      I am so pleased this has helped clarify direction for you and allowed you to understand it is the blocks within which are responsible.

      Wishing you incredible breakthrough and the realisation of your beautiful dreams.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • loveleigh1111@gmail.com'
    Jenny Leigh
    August 8, 2018

    This was really, really wonderful and helpful, Melanie!!! Thank you!!! “If I try, I’ll just fail, and that will be even more painful” REALLY resonated with me. I am releasing, releasing, releasing!!! Hooray, and what a relief, lol!! Much love to you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 8, 2018

      Hi Jenny,

      How awesome that you have had this breakthrough and will have the subsequent clearing of that block!

      Yay indeed!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Gabriele.G.Schulze@gmx.de'
    Eli
    August 8, 2018

    Dear Mel,
    thank you so much for your great work. You have so much wisdom. I am on my jorney and I use your tools and it works. My goal is to grow into my true self, which I started to discover at the age of over 50. Often I am scared and unsure but never I want to go back! Something new has appeared, sometimes I am really curious about myself. My circumstances have not changed yet, but it is going something inside, and I will, I will!
    I am looking forward to each and every lesson from you.
    Thank you
    Eli

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 8, 2018

      Hi Eli,

      I love that you are inner orientated to Thrive!

      Thank you for your lovely words and wishing you every continued happiness and success.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • ifat.glassman@gmail.com'
    Ifat
    August 8, 2018

    Hey! I am very curious about something. I am trying to understand WHY we develop an “internal narcissist”. What causes it?
    It just seems inexplicable that we would have a psychological mechanism that innately aims to sabotage our life, when everything about out mind and body is built to help us live.

    Thanks.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 8, 2018

      Hi Ifat,

      The answer is because our inner landscape has toxicity. It has been infected by trauma, which is the terrain where narcissists exist.

      That Ifat has been the human experience – one filled with trauma.

      I hope this answers.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • angela.callanan@gmail.com'
    Angela
    August 8, 2018

    I have been working with NARP for just over a year and the healing I have received has been amazing – my life has been transformed but not in the way I expected (or should I say the way ego probably expected). I dread to think what my life would be like without it. About 2 months ago I was really struggling and badly triggered but could not find the source of the trigger. Then something just popped into my head saying that I need to integrate my ego and then – integration not separation. This felt very weird and I was really unsure and quite scared about it, but I just went with it. For the next few months I had quite a few struggles (this was probably the ego being terrified of letting go of the old ways) – a few things happened but my big breakthrough came after doing The Family of Origin Wounds – Transforming Female Energy. I am not sure what element of this module worked but it felt like a lot of it was – NOT about the need to have a man or be in a relationship to feel whole (which I thought it was) – but how this looked to other people i.e. if you don’t have a man you are worthless – a nobody – and it doesn’t matter how successful your are, how many friends you have, or how much you have – if you don’t have a man you are sad lonely spinster (I think this attitude came from my mother).

    To cut a long story short this is what came to me. Any time I was triggered it was almost always my ego – I used to fight it, but like fighting the narcissist it is pointless fighting your ego. It felt to me that the ego was just a frightened child and it’s efforts to keep me safe (as she saw it) she was over-futurising, overly concerned with outward appearances (how my life looked to others), and overly concerned with shoulds. Also the ego was the voice of the inner critic – but again this is also about keeping you safe.

    I spoke to her and stopped fighting – I began to recognise when my ego was speaking – it was always – I should be doing this, or I should be more healed by now and manifesting a fabulous new life! I told her I knew she was scared but there was no need to worry – we’ve got this. Let’s work together in a healthy way. My ego was always looking for results and tried to interfere with the NARP modules and the expected outcome of doing the modules – when I had to face a tricky or potentially triggering situation she would say – well you’ve done all this work, you should be all cool, calm and collected – but I wasn’t. My ego also had a vision of what my life ‘should’ look like after all this healing work – but then I realised it didn’t have to be some huge salvation fantasy – some big hoorah! But just simply a joyous, peaceful, happy life – being true to myself – being the ‘real’ me – even if that was something that the ego regarded as boring 🙂 Again like the narcissist the ego has fantasies of unlimited success 🙂

    So when I realised my ego was at work or the voice in my head – I just spoke to her – sometimes I told her chill out! But mainly I said – welcome home, lets work together, I know you are scared but there’s no need to be. Over identification/strengthening of the ego happens in childhood when you feel you are – or you actually are in a very dangerous situation. If I looked it at like this I understood why she was acting the way she was – she was always trying to make herself safe. I have never been very good at blowing my own trumpet or self promotion – so instead of scaring the hell out of me I offered the ego a job as my PR – she seemed happy with this and I know she will be good at it as long as she does it in a healthy, non-narcissistic way 🙂

    I feel the ego itself is not the problem it is over identification or being controlled by it – like the narcissist – they are pure ego 🙂 There is a lot of talk about dissolving the ego but what worked for me was what I described – integration. Having said that I need to be constantly vigilant – because like the narcissist – give them an inch and they take a mile! (even when writing this post I had to be aware of sounding too self-satisfied or smug 😉 It also really helped me to look at it as you described above – the internal narcissist – this made sense of a lot of her behaviours and tricks.

    By now you are probably thinking this is the short story?! 😉 Finally, I could not have come to any of these realisations without NARP – thank you once again Mel. It would be impossible for you to fully realise how many lives you have touched and the full extent of how you have totally transformed our lives – it would be overwhelming! All the best, Angela.

  • bicyclehead@hotmail.com'
    Michael
    August 8, 2018

    I like your cat.

  • dnachic@outlook.com'
    Broken
    August 8, 2018

    I’m paralyzed with fear and anxiety. I was raised by narcissists, sexually and mentally abused for most of my childhood by my older brother, completely invalidated by my parents when they found out, then I abused myself until I married a narcissist. I left after 12 years only because it started to affect my kids as they got old enough to understand, and now I’ve lost my job of 14 years (my narcissistic boss bankrupt the place). I have no money and such horrible social anxiety that I’d literally rather die than have to go get a job and be around people. I don’t know what to do or where to go. My kids are the only reason I’m still alive but even they might not be enough.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 8, 2018

      Oh gosh Broken,

      I am so so sorry you have been through so much.

      Have you reached out in your community for help with available resources?

      Do you have a support network?

      What area are you from, so that maybe someone else on the blog can help meet you and grant you some suggestions?

      Also please check out my free resources that can help you turn inwards to heal.

      https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      Sending you love, strength and healing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • andiidiamond@gmail.com'
    Andii Diamond
    August 10, 2018

    Hi Melonie
    Its been a year since I have been listening to your presentations in between doing my degree and I have just soaked them up like a wet sponge. When I realised what was happening to me I broke down to the point where my strength to walk, lift or move was ebbing away. But I am in recovery and couldn’t be more sure of my way forwards.
    He’s ruined my business, my life and everything.

    I hear that his life’s work is to destroy me. Ha ha ha! at 63 hes gonna need a lot more time and strength to conquer this one.

    I have no family, most of my friends have gone because he;s revealed very personal things to them. Those that love me, trust me and know me are still here and that’s what matters.

    He’s still pulling the strings using other people to fulfil his objectives and that is to grind me into the ground until I am no more or at least that’s what he thinks.

    Everyday is easier. Every scenario that you have commented on I have gone through it. He hates me with a passion yet even after 8 months of leaving and shutting down every social media link, he still finds a way to send me subliminal messages via the unsuspecting flying monkey recruit and I am stamping them out one by one.

    Just want to say a big thank you for the work you have been doing to help people like me recover from Narc abuse.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 10, 2018

      Hi Andii,

      I am so pleased for you that you are feeling strong and moving forward.

      It’s also wonderful that you have true people in your life standing with you. That is so important.

      I love that you are reclaiming your spirit and your life.

      Power to you Dear Lady.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • nesilaw@outlook.com'
    "Aneas"
    August 11, 2018

    Ohhh Melanie,
    Thank you! Perfect timing…with what I’m having to FACE “head on” with parental sadness at this time. Thank God for His encouragement & direction just at the “perfect moment”.
    Lots of Love!
    Aneas

  • kimstenning78@yahoo.com.au'
    Kim
    August 12, 2018

    This really resonated with me today. Over the past week there have been a few triggers that have really sent me back into the pain. I’ve had an overwhelming urge to reach out to the narcissist and have been trying to convince myself that it might be possible to make it work, or rather, keep not working and really just convincing myself that tolerating the abuse some more, won’t be that bad.

    I’ve literally felt like I could crawl on my hands and knees and beg him to come back into the relationship just to temporarily ease the pain.

    This is just when the divorce is only a stone’s throw away. It is definitely my pain-body or internal narcissist trying to hold onto it’s existence! And…. almost as if he can sense it, the hoovering comes in at the same time making it oh so tempting.

    I did manage to hold modified contact but it’s been the toughest thing ever.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 14, 2018

      Hi Kim,

      I so do understand those urges!

      Truly Kim when our young or powerless past life survival programs are triggered, it can be beyond painful and powerfully hooks us in.

      The inner work is the answer to get out of this. This is the first step that can help you so much: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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