One of the scariest things about narcissists is that you have NO idea what he or she will do next.
When cracks have appeared in your relationship, or you have separated, then abuse from a narcissist can REALLY heat up.
You may have already experienced the cruel, terrible acts that are designed to hurt you deep within your soul, life and emotions, and threaten everything that you love.
In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to help you understand the TRUE way you can predict a narcissist, as well as finally keep yourself SAFE from one.
Video Transcript
I know it can be terrifying to wonder what the narcissist will do next.
You may be going through this right now.
People all the time want to know: ‘Will he do this?’, ‘Is she likely to do that?’ and ‘Because this happened, does it mean this will happen?’
Narcissists can be very predictable, even though we believe they are unpredictable.
We know there are certain behaviours that they are really prone to do.
Today, I am going to tell you what it is that you can do, so that you will get free of every fear of what the narcissist will do next.
In fact, the information I am sharing with you, in this video, will get you to the point where you say ‘who cares’. And when you get to this point … you’ll have nothing to fear.
Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.
Alright, let’s get started on today’s episode!
What IS the Narcissist Going to Do Next?
It is when we try to work out what narcissists are going to do next by observing them, looking them up on social media, asking people about them, and watching out for them, that we can go SO wrong!
Likewise, it is Wrongtown even just obsessing about what has happened and wracking our brains about what could happen next.
Why?
Because the answer is NOT to be found in ANY of these places.
What do narcissists ALWAYS do?
This…
They do THE thing we fear is going to hurt US the most.
You may think this is crazy, yet I promise you, from the ten plus years that I have been working with people every day to overcome narcissistic abuse, as well as deeply investigating my own narcissistically abusive relationships, I KNOW that what I just said is the absolute truth.
Narcissists don’t have their own Identity – they are a False Self.
When relationships with narcissists crack, they try to keep punishing you for not appeasing their False Self. They also want to retain you for narcissistic supply, hoping to affect you to enforce their own significance.
Therefore, the greatest insult to a narcissist is for you to not grant them any energy or attention whatsoever, and to move on with your life.
So, to combat this, the narcissist is going to go for your ‘gap’. Meaning what hurts and what will get you emotionally triggered, reacting and granting him or her narcissistic supply again.
What You Find ‘In There’
To take your power back and get impervious to what the narcissist will do next, step number one is to stop observing and researching him or her (or narcissism in general) to try to work out WHAT will happen.
Instead – turn inwards to observe and research yourself.
I promise you the answer is in there.
But before you start doing this inner work, I want to convince you a little more about why this is necessary.
Think about your life with the narcissist and what this person triggers off within you.
Is it not the things that have been in repeat in your life that are painful for you in this relationship with the narcissist?
Things like blaming you for issues; telling you that you are defective, no good or selfish; smearing you; not trusting in and believing you; not recognising you or loving you for who you are; controlling and being possessive of you; or treating you like you are invisible.
Because these are likely to have been your ‘normal’ struggles, and it is not until you go within that you may realise that these things have been in repeat. These unhealed wounds may have been painfully evident in childhood and then continued on throughout your adult relationships.
My unhealed wounds were about being controlled, distrusted, betrayed and engulfed by people. I also had terrible terrors of abandonment and not being able to survive on my own without a man.
All of these patterns were prevalent and hugely triggered and brought to life in my narcissistic relationships.
What did the narcissists in my life do next, when things went south?
This…
They betrayed me with smearing and abandonment, and they attacked my security. ALL of my biggest fears!
What happened before my Thriver Recovery, both times, when these fears were triggered? I went into a frenzy of terror, dread, heartbreak, righteousness or rage. I obsessed, retaliated, handed power over and each time got crushed even further by them.
Even when the narcissists didn’t continue the crushing, the chip had been planted inside me; I crushed myself.
Yet, the same narcissists did different things with different people, according to each person’s own fears – I promise you this is the truth.
You Can’t Change Them, You Can Only Change Yourself
The next way we can go straight into Wrongtown is by thinking ‘Okay, now that I know the narcissist does what I fear, I’m going to try to stop the narcissist doing that.’
Maybe if I call the narcissist out, he’ll stop.
Maybe if I appeal to her, she will cease doing this.
Maybe I should try to make a deal…
Or threaten back with something…
Or try to inform others so that the narcissist is exposed and held accountable.
All of these equal ‘how to lose’. In fact, it will only energise what you fear and make it more likely to happen to you.
Be honest, you have already tried some, if not all, of these things (plus more). You know it doesn’t help matters.
This I want you to know with all of my heart: the experience of narcissistic abuse is an absolute energetic phenomenon, which is teaching you that you and your fears are front and centre with this person.
I’ll put it to you simply.
What you fear is what the narcissist will smash you with.
It is when you conquer YOUR FEAR, and not the narcissist, that the experience of narcissistic abuse and the narcissist can and will exit your life.
I promise you, relief and freedom happened in my life, and have happened for Thriver after Thriver in this community, once we had done the inner work to become Anti-Fear.
What does Anti-Fear mean?
It means having no emotional charge of fear on the previous fearful topic, regardless of what the narcissist is or isn’t doing.
How Is It Possible to Become Anti-Fear?
You may think it is madness to try to become fearless about something that is being triggered right NOW by the narcissist’s obscene behaviour – or the threat of him or her doing it in the future.
You may also believe it is IMPOSSIBLE.
Yes, it is impossible if you keep your focus on the narcissist.
Yet, it is TOTALLY possible when you accept that the INNER GAME is the only one where you can have true power in these situations.
Generally, when people have exhausted every other possibility, and have nothing to lose, they start to apply the Inner Game tactic and then realise how powerfully it works.
How is the Inner Game played?
By taking all focus off the narcissist and going inwards to the traumas within, which are fearful and triggered. By doing the deep healing on these traumas and their origins, so they simply don’t exist anymore.
Like Gina, who was previously terrorised and traumatised by her ex Greg, who was stalking her. By doing the Quantum inner work on the terror of being ambushed and hunted and powerless, that had existed long before Grant, Gina FINALLY felt completely fearless out in life – regardless of what the hell Grant tried to do.
Grant predictably approached her again. She walked straight past him without any feeling whatsoever other than the slight annoyance of ‘Why waste my time?’
Gina shrugged off any residual emotions within minutes. She had graduated. He never approached or attempted contacting her again.
Then there was Katherine. Andrew was belting her with his solicitor and threatening to take the house and full custody of the children. Katherine was so paralysed with fear she could barely eat or sleep.
Katherine turned within to do the work on her terrors of losing her children and her home, and emerged feeling solid and calm on the inside. She stood down her solicitor, sought another one, and felt safe and inspired.
Within three months Katherine was awarded 70 per cent of her property settlement and the majority of shared custody.
Katherine simply kept working on her fears, presenting evidence that her highly motivated lawyer asked her for, and showing up calmly and clearly. The entire time she was willing to accept whatever the outcome was.
In court she had no pangs of fear or anxiety. The narcissist unravelled for all to see, and was reprimanded by the judge.
Then there was Stewart, who was being terrorised by Kristy his ex-wife. She took him back to court every few years – always after more money. The resentment he felt about this was so heavy that he felt crippled to try to meet anyone else or pursue any career advancement.
When Stewart took his focus off resenting Kristy and turned it inwards to heal himself, he found and released many traumas regarding other people using him for their own agendas and him never being allowed to be happy.
After shifting out all of these traumas, he stopped hurting and started dealing with his life. He had the inspiration to go forth and just be himself, regardless of what Kristy would decide to do.
He got a promotion and a girlfriend. He stopped thinking about the repercussions with Kristy.
After this, Kristy never took him to court again. And, as it turned out, she met a new partner and lost all urge to do so.
Are these miraculous turnarounds a coincidence?
If they are, then the thousands of shifts I’ve seen in the past ten plus years are too!
Of course they are not! It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without.
It’s Counter-Intuitive, But It’s the Only Way
Something inside of you may be resonating with KNOWING what I am saying is the truth. Your cells have the ability to feel and know when something is!
Or maybe you are so exhausted and emptied out with trying everything else to get out of the fear and pain of narcissistic abuse, that you would be willing to bang two fishes over your head if you thought it would help!
I know it is terrifying to take your focus off the narcissist and put it fully into healing the triggered parts of yourself.
I know it feels like the LAST thing you should be doing.
Yet, I promise you that when you start doing it, you will notice the fear drop away and something else open up.
Then you will see the real life shifts in your life that happen as a result.
And then you will KNOW 100 percent that what I am explaining here to you is the truth – the only truth that was ever going to stop this horror and grant you your true, abuse-free, new life.
This you need to be very clear about – reaching this state is not a logical job.
It’s an inside job – which is not logically achieved.
You can’t think your way into this; you need to heal your way to it.
So if you just know now this is the way, or two fishes seems like an option, it is perfect timing for you…
Because I have recently opened up my next Masterclass, which is a profound healing event that when last held was attended by thousands of people from over 100 different countries. Both during and after the event, we received hundreds of messages and emails saying that, humbly, the event was truly phenomenal.
To join up to this free, healing event please click this link.
And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.
As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.
I never knew what was next. I dreaded hearing her voice. I dreaded hearing her footsteps coming near. My innate reaction
before she said a word was, “Now what did I do?”. I did say that once and the next second she was crying and threatening suicide. Then I got 6 weeks of silent treatment. I didn’t say it again.
I was very careful with every word. I never knew what would set her off and most of the times I didn’t understand what set her off. A simple innocent statement that could be misinterpreted, will be misinterpreted in the worst possible ways.
What a terrible way to live when the first thought every morning was, “What am I going to do wrong today?”
It was ever ending streams of accusations, blame, drama and nagging. I’m sure glad that is over and no contact will be never allowed again. 🙂
Hi Stephen,
That is great that you have said ‘no more’.
Wishing you healing, freedom and happiness.
Mel 🙏💕💛
wow when I was reading your story, for a moment I thought you are narrating my story… I can totally understand that fear , that ever lasting scary feeling inside like what did I do now… I am going through divorce , I hope I will get positive…
Congratulations Stephen:)
Hi Melanie. It’s Michael. Right on. I can tell you that after being married for 20 years to a narcissist(my wife, her brother, and their mother all narcissists) it is hard to break free. It is hard to break free and begin to think about healing one’s own inner traumas. It is super hard not to think about what the narcissist will do next. It is hard not be in that total state of fear. Fearing what will happen next. What will they do next??? Constantly the question in one’s own head. It is hard to look inward and begin to realize that the narcissist is feeding off of past traumas. These people know how to hurt a person in the worst possible way. Somehow they intuitively know how and where to hurt another person. Fear was like a huge monster with many different faces for me. There were so many different things that I had to work on for healing my inner self. So many things over so many years. Things I had not realized that were still haunting me to this very day. But I can tell you that I am working on it. It isn’t easy by any means. But I can tell you the freedom and joy and the peace that I am beginning to feel are like out of this world. I never knew what it was like to really experience peace. Peace the world cannot give. The more I work on my inner traumas the better things get. There are occasional setbacks because I am still at times afraid of what will I have to encounter next, but I know deep down that I have to keep moving forward. It is the only way to go. Keep moving forward. Don’t stay stuck in the past of what has happened to me, but keep moving forward. Don’t let the past drag you down and tell you “You have to stay here. It is comfortable here. Who knows what is out there that you’ll have to work on next”. I’ve got to keep moving forward. MICHAEL
Hi Michael,
It truly is very hard to do cognitively.
But there is a fast short cut way straight to the core of healing that doesnt involve our mind and is infinitely easier.
Come into my free Masterclass and I’ll show you how to really nail this!
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass
You deserve total freedom. We all do.
Mel 🙏💕💛
My N ex,threw me out because i threw out a life size Poster of one of her former lovers, after she refused to part with it, it would stand and stare at me all day as a tool for my ex to hurt me with, i’m So grateful for the Poster now ha, i didn’t realize at the time it was my way of escape. Being my third relationship with a N, it was only coming across this site, that i realized that i was the one that had to heal those inner wounds if i was to have any purposeful life in the future,and the healing is Amazing, iv’e never felt So Loved and Cared for as i do right now.It’s been 10 Months now of no contact,but lately i have had a feeling that she might try to re connect, so your advice about hoovering is So timely, i now feel fully armed, and know what to do,so it wont catch me off Guard,i never thought i could feel So Free, thank you, Col
Awww Col,
I am so happy that you are doing so great.
Wishing you continued blessings and breakthroughs
Mel 🙏💕💛
I feel so many mixed emotions – that I don’t know where to begin? Is this really happening to me? I can’t comprehend how the person that reeled me in, was all about his wants and needs and I was going crazy trying to understand what I was doing wrong? Now I’m alone and still married but he married someone else anyway. Not a care in the world about the fact that it’s illegal and although I’ve notified different authorities, nothing has happened. I don’t get it? Where are my rights? Where is this situation not clear in people’s minds? What justice is out there for me? I don’t know where to turn?
Please help me. I don’t want to be like this forever. I want what’s owed to me and I’m not going to put my hands up and announce, it’s all too hard. The hard part is living like this for too long.
Awww Beverley,
My heart goes out to you. I cant make the things outside of you change, I wish I could, but I can show you the way to get to your peace and power regardless.
Please come with me into my free Masterclass http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass
It can help you so much.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Do you have any comments regarding “baiting” and falling for being baited, ending up confused, then having the individual(s) use it against you?
Hi Zaphod,
No I dont as such.
Please know the narcissist is very good at using ANY tactic that they know will trigger you for a reaction.
The ‘thing they do’ is not nearly as important as us turning inwards to heal and empower ourselves so as not to be susceptible to the trigger.
Please know that the fastest path through to understand this as well as getting impervious to this narcissistic tactic (and all of them)… is to come into my free Masterclass http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass
The information in this 2 hour event will specifically answer and help your situation
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Mel
I have gone through all of this from being bullied at school to different kinds of abuse in my family home being scapegoat and taunted by mentally ill and disordered family members. I have always been in fear of things happening since a small child and always dreamed of a man to come to rescue me. As I am now older I feel empty and so disconnected to life and my reality that it feels like a haze. A lot of chaos has occurred in life and I am happy now that it’s come to a total standstill. However is this life serving living in a total freeze pane of glass looking outside with no way in? I am so lost now don’t know who I am.
Hi Poopy,
Dear lady please know there is a way through to being at home in your body, and here on the planet as SAFE.
I so relate to what you are saying, as I used to feel like this too.
Poppy please come into my free Masterclass with me http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass and find out how this is done.
Sending you love and healing.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Melanie
Am I dealing with a Narcissist or a psychopath?
1. Emotional abuse, never knew when the next shoe would fall off. It was like walking on eggshells
2. Some physical abuse but very carefully done…not bad enough that I reported.
3. Complemented me then slapped down ie “love the new floors you installed!” then time later even 6 months down the line “hate these floors they are *#$#, never liked them. Never wanted them in the first place!”
4. Unsociable. Most friends said that if they did not know better they would seriously think I was a widow
5. He seemed to prefer to overseer the children if ever accompanied to a social event with the children.
6. Very manipulative
7. Could you straight in the face and when trying to convince you of something ad you would actually believe they were telling the truth
8. Knows how to manipulate the law their advantage
9. Alleged sexual abuse surfaced
10. Threatening child would kill me if anything said
What was I connected to for almost 21 years?
Hi Pat,
It isnt up to me to diagnose.
My job is to help people heal.
I’m so sorry you have gone through so much agony, and I would love to show you how to get relief, closure and your power back.
The most effective way I can help you heal for real is by inviting you into my free Masterclass http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass
I hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Melanie
Am I dealing with a Narcissist or a psychopath?
1. Emotional abuse, never knew when the next shoe would fall off. It was like walking on eggshells
2. Some physical abuse but very carefully done…not bad enough that I reported.
3. Complemented me then slapped down ie “love the new floors you installed!” then time later even 6 months down the line “hate these floors they are *#$#, never liked them. Never wanted them in the first place!”
4. Unsociable. Most friends said that if they did not know better they would seriously think I was a widow
5. He seemed to prefer to overseer the children if ever accompanied to a social event with the children.
6. Very manipulative
7. Could look you straight in the face when trying to convince you of something and you would actually believe he was telling the truth
8. Knows how to manipulate the law their advantage
9. Alleged sexual abuse surfaced
10. Threatening child would kill me if anything said
What was I connected to for almost 21 years?
10-8-19 Thank you so much Melanie. I’m very much looking forward to the Master Class Wednesday, October 16, 2019. I deeply appreciated reading and watching/listening to the video about “Afraid of What the Narcissistic Will Do Next?”. Can you please tell me how I can find a psychotherapist, possibly a Clinical Psychologist, who works in a way that Complements the Thriver work you do, so people who work with you can work at the same time with, or in either sequence with, a therapist who works the same way? What type of therapist would this be called? Certified by you or a particular Institute to be a good fit with your work? Thank you.
Hi Betsy,
That’s great you are coming into my MasterClass. Betsy I am always going to suggest NARP (which you will learn about in the Masterclass as your solution to heal because that is what healed me and thousands of others worldwide, were truly and humbly therapy didn’t.
I don’t know of any therapists truly that complement the Quantum Thriver work – hence why it is so needed.
By all means, seek one of you can, and I am positive there will be some which are helpful but do realize that what you are offered in the Masterclass http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass, an incredible community of support and healing as well as a lifetime step by step program, at a fraction of the price of ongoing therapy, is a complete solution for you to heal.
I hope this helps explain.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Well Melanie
As always your vlogs always strike a relevant chord at just the right time.
It took me a couple of days to listen to this as I had heard your previous post on this issue…
however just today I got triggered around my N daughter.
I started a new job this week and it turns out they deal with the company my daughter works for.
I’ve been freaking out all day about it, I’ve been smeared totally to the owners who are also my daughters in laws and completely thrown under the bus, nothing new there.
But of course it seems to threaten not only my new job but also my new ‘boyfriend ‘ so….
Back to NARP I go..
Thank goodness for you, your work, the forum.
Forever grateful
Hi Melanie,
Such timing, also not a coincidence. I was hugely triggered yesterday, feeling I had no voice, then when finally communicating what I was thinking about, getting the , “well if you do that how will we pay for…” You get the picture. Punishing me and using emotional blackmail (you’ll be sorry) because I dared to question what he wanted to do. I went into a spiral of panic and felt sick with the stress. Felt awful all day today, thinking about lawyers, where would I live, how would I leave, what could I take etc etc. I tried to find the fear and release it last night. It worked a bit, I actually slept. Then tonight I saw this Thriver topic and watched it. What a good reminder. I am so afraid of loosing everything. Thank you for getting me back on track with what I CAN do. I will find my NARP stuff and start again. Thank you Melanie,
Warm regards,
Cathy
Hlo
Its been year and few months I have been in relationship with guy.. everything was kindof fine while we where together but used to have fights I thought its normal in relation .. He had tendency to prove that he’s always right I always use to allow that because I love him with whole heart . Then after that now we are in different cities he started giving little little scilent treatments hurting me mentally..like few months ago I became cross and thought not to keep contact then again told sorry wont do again I sawre I ll be good .. I believed ya maybe he reasiled his mistake .
Then I don’t know it was cat and dogs life again I don’t know what have started happening me to I started becoming depressed I thought maybe because of study stress mood swings etc and thought he was only relief as lover.
Then one night he started fighting as usual. And am almost lost of all hope.. Then he told for past 4 months he have been hurting me intentionally for some small mistake i did 4 months ago..he get pleasure in that he was using scilent treatment and being unavailable when I needed him most .. He s like that mostly in night and he doesn’t sleep . He’s so much into it.. I got a mental shock I had little intentions about his hurting treatment erlier but I thought it gone when he promised.. never thought would do this to his own lover.. I loved him most .. all these 4 months I didn knew what I was going through and he knew. And instead of comforting me was making me going through that and laughing..
Am very broken .. as per videos I have blocked him in everything each day from somthing new he’s messaging and apologising ik very well its a trap.. But If i go now.. Then there is no chance back.. Am preparing for comparative exams now.. not being able to do much.. and I feel lonely.. Sometimes I miss love not him.. I had bestfriends erlier lost them because of relation I am totaly alone now.. I feel like breaking down.. one day isn’t moving forward.. place help I want to get out if this..
Hi Puresoul,
I am sorry you are going through this pain and devastation right now.
Please know Dear One that there is a way out of this, and I would love to show you how.
The best way I can do this is with my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
I so hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Melanie,
I’ve been divorced from the narcissist for 5 years now but I am still working on healing. Recently, he has aggressively tried to manipulate me through the children (the only way he still can). Old patterns emerged as I began focusing on the narcissist and how his actions were feeding into my fears. As I watched your video, I could feel my inner being smile as your words reminded me to take the focus off him in order to remove any residual power or control he is trying to maintain over my life. I can’t thank you enough for your work. It is truly phenomenal.
You have written about NPD going to the next level. Well, my adult daughter has done just that. I would like your advice on what to do. My 18 year old grandson is graduating from high school early. A graduation party is being held in a few weeks and, as of yet, I have not received an invitation. This all stems from my daughter’s smearing me when she asked if I would help write two essays for my grandson. I said sure, but I was babysitting my granddaughter for four days and before anything else could be said she went into her NPD rage about everything under the sun. I hung up and the next time there was a spontaneous meeting at my son’s house, she, her husband and my grandson ignored me. I have always been very close to both grandsons and done whatever I could for them. My question is this: Do I call my grandson and tell him that there are two sides to every story and that I love him, but will honor the fact that I was not invited? Or do I just chock it up to another NPD outburst and rage and move on?
Thank you so much for all your help and kind words. I know others have gone through turbulent relationships but you’ll never know how badly it hurts until you have had a relationship with a narcissist. It cannot be explained, the pain, hurt and most of all knowing you have been duped by someone. Not that you are naive or gullible but you sit back a can’t believe it’s happening to you. How do you make others understand. They seem to look at you as if something is wrong with you. It seems like it goes on forever. Thank you Melanie.