Melanie Tonia Evans

All You Ever Need To Know About Narcissists

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 48
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

There is so much that we can learn about narcissists.

WHO they are, WHAT they do and WHY they do it.

Then there is all the narcissistic terminology to get our heads around – like triangulation, idealise, devalue and discard, and narcissistic supply and injury.

But today I want to condense this all down and let you know, in regard to a TRUE powerful and fast recovery, there is SO MUCH LESS that you need to know.

In fact, all you need to know about narcissists to fully embrace, embody and work with; to get away, stay away and get your True Self and True Life going, is ridiculously simple.

Find out WHAT that ONE thing is in today’s Thriver TV Episode.

 

 

Video Transcript

If you Google ‘narcissist’ there is so much that comes up. There is every topic imaginable about narcissists – narcissistic supply, their entitlement, why they pathologically lie; and all the catchphrases that go with them, such as smearing, triangulation, idealise, devalue and discard. The information goes on and on and on.

People get really into this information – and it can be fascinating. People also get addicted to this information.

The worse part about doing all this research is that people can avoid their evolution, emancipation and the claiming of their True Selves and True Life because of the information.

I find it very sad, when narcissistic abuse experts only talk about the narcissist, leading people into the belief that this will give them relief, healing, and wholeness – whereas it doesn’t at all.

Often it just makes people even more obsessed about narcissists, instead of them being their own healed and whole, powerful, self-generative force.

Today we are going to drill straight down to what you need to REALLY know about narcissists to get your great life.

Before we get started, thank you for supporting the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel, and if you haven’t yet subscribed please do. Also, if you like this video, please hit the like button.

Okay, let’s get to it.

 

What You DO Need to Know About Narcissists

There is only ONE thing you need to know about narcissists and it is THIS…

This person is not YOUR chosen Truth.

You may ask what that means?

What it means, is that this person does not have the character and the shared values to join with you in a productive, happy, sane and healthy life.

You may say, ‘It can’t be that easy and literal’. But I promise you it is. However, until we develop and heal ourselves to know that it is – it certainly doesn’t seem that way.

You see, the problem is that when we believe in scarcity, obligation, necessity, neediness or that we have the power to change people, we will try to look for the ‘loophole’. We hope that if we just learn more about someone who cheats, lies and abuses, then we may be able to cut a deal with them, fix them, survive them or completely reform them.

Quantum Law is very literal: ‘Whatever you tolerate in your life is your reality.’ Yet you may say, ‘But I don’t tolerate it. I am on to this person about their behaviour.’ However, you may not have realised just yet that Quantum Law looks at ‘tolerate’ very differently than our limited human viewpoint does.

In Quantum Law ‘tolerate’ means ‘entertain as your reality’. Anything that we grant emotional energy to IS our reality. The energy can be either good or bad. It’s the intensity that we are giving it that makes it ‘our reality’. If you are jumping up and down about the terrible behaviour you are receiving from the narcissist, which you declare is not your reality, the emotional energy you are expending on it is making it absolutely ‘your reality’. In Quantum Law you are in it, and therefore tolerating it. This is your reality.

The same applies even for non-narcissistic behaviours. Maybe you have someone in your life who wants to watch TV all the time, but you like to get out and about and do stuff.

If you believe you HAVE to make it work with this person, because someone else may not turn up as nice as them, then your only choices are to either force them to change against their will or get frustrated and upset with them because they don’t spend enough time with you. Or you will have to start enduring the boredom of watching a lot of TV to try to connect more.

Someone who watches TV constantly, while you love activities, is not your chosen reality either.

Can you see how senseless and unhappy the situation is? Just as it is pointless enduring a relationship with someone whose values of lying, being conscienceless, self-absorbed and malicious are not a match for your values of decency, honesty and harmony.

Can you see that trying to force this person (the narcissist) to change to make you safe and happy, or putting up with their behaviour to not be alone, is even more crazy than the previous TV watching example?

Truly, researching into everything about narcissism makes about as much sense as knowing everything there is about someone being addicted to TV.

Does it matter? Does learning all about narcissists and narcissism grant you any power to change it? No!

Does any understanding of it give you resolution with this person in your life? No!

Does your intricate knowledge of it give you the beliefs, inner solidness and development to let go of this person and live a life without this? No, it doesn’t.

In fact, all this research and learning about ‘them’ takes you further away from you be-coming your True Self and True Life and no longer living painful relationship patterns anymore.

 

The Real Need – to Know and Develop Stuff About Yourself

Let’s get really clear about this – if we don’t know our true values and limits, and don’t know how to say ‘No’ to characters and behaviours that are not healthy – it is because we received traumas and painful beliefs as children, from genetic wounds, past lives and our adulthood that made ‘abuse’ and ‘trying to survive within it’ our normal.

Until we resolve our inner Love Codes, which apply to all our relationships, we will not know how to be a solid source of our values to ourselves. Then things like peace, kindness, support, honesty, and the ability to pull away, look after ourselves, self-soothe and stay aligned with our values and truths, no matter what other people are or aren’t doing, will not be our reality.

It’s these internal fractures that make you logically say that you want ‘honesty, fidelity, genuineness, kindness and loyalty’ – all the things that narcissists aren’t – yet you stay hooked to them and can’t let go of them.

This is all a replay of the regression back to our powerless states as children – the infantile regression of ‘If I don’t stay attached to this person I will die, regardless of how they treat me’ and the past life terrors of ‘There are no other options than this. Without this person, I can’t survive; I will be annihilated or persecuted if I don’t submerge myself and give them what they want.’

Our Inner Beings are timeless, they don’t have the logical input to state ‘Hang on that was then, this is now – I am an adult living in a society where I can have rights and options.’ Rather, our nervous systems and emotional decisions are hijacked by unresolved previous trauma.

It’s all unfinished business, and the only way to heal it to completion is between you and your Inner Being – meaning going inwards to release and up level these traumas from where they reside.

Then, and only then, do we move beyond the trap of the powerlessness, of staying attached for literal survival to someone who is destroying us. When you start aligning to your True Self, the person you are without these old trauma patterns, you will become a force of survival directly through yourself and the unlimited permutations of all of Life.

 

Your Values

A really powerful exercise to do to help you uplevel, is to connect to and write down your values. If you are not sure what your values are, write out all the things that have hurt you in the past – the patterns of bad treatment you have received – and then write down the opposite.

So, your list of values will probably be something like mine: honesty, fidelity, truthfulness, kindness, respect, validation of feelings.

Pause this video, connect to which ones are true to you, write them below and share them with all of us.

Now let’s get very clear, words on their own aren’t that powerful. It’s the action that makes them so. The action required here, for you to live your reality and be the generative force of what you do wish to receive, is to no longer tolerate what are not your values.

You shape your life from your inner power and truth, when you can take the actions to align with your truths. What you tolerate will be your reality. What is not your reality are things you no longer fight with, roll around in or live with. You detach and move away.

Like a stinky carcass on the side of the road it’s, ‘Ewww not for me!’

You don’t prod it and try to bring it back to life!

Okay, so here we start looking at your REAL development – which you will NEVER get to if you are stuck in finding out everything you can about narcissists. That’s Wrong Town. Right Town is the turning inwards to ask yourself these questions:

‘Why am I handing away my power by tolerating people and things that are less than my values?’

‘Why am I making excuses for staying instead of walking away and saying, ‘If this rises up to meet me at my values I may look at this, but if it stays the way it is currently I never will.’

And, ‘Why am I choosing to hang on to the hope that someone’s character can be different, when they don’t have the capacity or desire to change?’

When you go deeply inside, the right way, you will find painful beliefs and traumas that have been causing you to stay, make excuses and roll around in this stinky carcass.

 

The Deeper Truth About Why You Are Stuck In It

As I discussed in my two part series – The Proven Way to Heal Toxic Relationship Trauma – belief systems are incredibly powerful. We know we have painful belief systems, which are causing us to play out in life what doesn’t serve us, when we can still feel existing trauma within our bodies on certain topics.

Here is the deal… You may have pulled away from someone who is a liar, malicious and self-absorbed – saying this is NOT my reality (I won’t stay attached to it anymore) – yet you find that future relationship possibilities are not going well. You may be triggered by people’s behaviour that represents the same pattern, and be filled with the dismay ‘these people are everywhere’.

You may feel despondent because humanity seems flawed, and you can’t seem to escape the terrible reality of painful, unwholesome relationships being in your life. You may think this is as good as it is gets; or maybe that you are going to have to accept things like this to not be alone.

Or maybe you just keep calling out these awful things and stay terminally alone – rather than risk being abused again.

These are all the by-product of internal traumatic beliefs playing out – things like ‘The people I love hurt me, lie to me, cheat on me, abuse me, betray me…’ Of course the list goes on and on.

Our subconscious beliefs do what they do – they play out to the letter – especially if they have big emotional trauma energy connected to them. As far as I am concerned, interpersonal trauma is massive. It carries powerful emotional content, hence why it is almost impossible to recover from it logically.

So how do we know that we still have painful inner beliefs having their way with us – even if we are strong enough to leave someone who is not our ‘values’?

We know because:

  • What they did to us still triggers a lot of trauma energy in our body when we think about it.
  • We will have, come up, a lot of what happened to us, emotionally.
  • We see the evidence of these traumas still in our life.
  • We greatly fear this happening to us again.

 

Be-Coming Someone Different

I promise you these trauma and painful beliefs are still our reality – if they are still in our Being. If we ‘be’ something (in our Being), then it ‘comes’. This is why we need to ‘be-come’ someone different. And there is only one place to be-come different – on the inside of ourselves.

And this is exactly where my Thriver Healing processes come in – the reprogramming of the trauma energy and belief systems that are hurting you. The reprogramming is so that the traumas no longer exist, and you evolve beyond them into different Love Codes and relationship trajectories.

This creates the following states:

  • You know your values and align with them.
  • You no longer tolerate less than these values.
  • You are no longer carrying unresolved trauma regarding the violation of these values.
  • You can truthfully ask for what you want, lay boundaries and walk away from people who can’t meet you at your level of truth.
  • On your own you are solid and whole, living the truth of these values of self-care, self-love and self-respect to yourself.

Okay, so after all of this understanding today, I’m interested to know where you have shifted to. Is knowing all you can about narcissists still an obsession or addiction for you, or is that information, now, as appealing as a stinky carcass?

Please let me know in your comments below

So if it’s time for you to start the real inner work – to sort this out in ways that are more powerful and faster than you yet know – please join me by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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94 Thoughts on All You Ever Need To Know About Narcissists
  • deborahdelainepresley@gmail.com'
    Deborah
    July 8, 2019

    This program has helped me more than anything else

    I am eternally grateful

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 8, 2019

      Hi Deborah,

      I’m so pleased NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp has helped you so much.

      Bless.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      • anglivery@gmail.com'
        Angie
        July 8, 2019

        But I love him 😪

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          July 8, 2019

          Hi Angie,

          Real love doesn’t destroy us.

          I promise you that when you find that unhealed past of you that is replaying traumatic love from childhood, and set her free … you will not feel any attachment whatsoever to him.

          And you will be set free to connect to healthy fulfilling love that is not narcissistic.

          I promise you virtually all of us underwent that exact journey to get free.

          Angie, please consider what I am saying to be true, and your first step is here http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

          Mel 🙏💕♥️

        • Pcf623@gmail.com'
          Philip
          July 30, 2019

          This was a eye opener. I am changing my ways right now. The values is a brilliant idea. I learned alot. Today. Thanks
          Philip

      • gigglepot84@gmail.com'
        Jo
        July 8, 2019

        This I think was the best post. It resonated deeply. I’m excited for the future and ready to do that inner healing.

    • morgan_meier@yahoo.com'
      Morgan
      July 10, 2019

      Hi Melanie,

      I am truly grateful for all of your help and life transforming information. Thank you for all that you do!

      My husband discarded me by having me arrested 6 months ago. It was the biggest blessing of my life, as I did not know I was in an abusive relationship – I saw him as the love of my life. I thought my husband was just going through a rough time. It was a 6 year relationship/marriage and I am just coming out of the grief period. I still find comfort (am addicted) to watching/reading about narcissism. I grew up with a narcissistic Mom and she has been a totally collapsed narc for 10 years plus. I have avoided being around her altogether lately to deal with my own healing and have gone no contact with police reinforcement with my ex husband. I don’t know if I will ever be healed of my narc traumas and I now feel truly safe with being single. I believe I have always dated and been attracted to narcissists. I do not trust my own judgement when it comes to men and would rather remain single than ever risk being in a covertly abusive relationship again. I have sole custody of my 2 daughters 12 and 14 years old and want to give them a solid home for their remaining childhood years.

      I have wonderful friendships with woman. My innocence feels lost. I used to believe we are all innately good but I am truly disillusioned and afraid to ever be in an intimate relationship with a man again. I would like to think I could erase all of the trauma that I carry but is it possible? If so, how long will this process take and what do you recommend for my healing?

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        July 10, 2019

        Hi Morgan,

        Thank you and it’s my pleasure.

        Please please know Morgan absolutely you can be completely free of the trauma and Thrive.

        That is exactly what my Thriver Healing System produces, hence why I am living the life I do, and everywhere you look in this community there are so many others doing the same!

        NARP is the key … http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

        100% if you want that level of self NARP is the way to achieve it.

        Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • lsthomasson@gmail.com'
    Laura
    July 8, 2019

    Self awareness
    Goodness
    Kind heartedness
    Sense of humor
    Positivity
    Spiritual seeker
    Honest

  • jeannelundy@gmail.com'
    Jeanne Lake
    July 8, 2019

    I am moving slowly (partly due to age , partly to health issues) but you, Melanie, are keeping me going. I have a realtor & the move is becoming more of a reality.

    Thank you for keeping me going.
    Love , Jeanne Lake / SummerAir

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 8, 2019

      It’s my pleasure Jeanne,

      And I’m so pleased my information helps.

      Stay strong, you’ve got this!

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • robynem@bigpond.net.au'
    Robyne
    July 8, 2019

    What I really love about your blogs Melanie is that you talk from your experience not only of NARC abuse but also of recovery.
    I have watched a few of the NARC blogs from other people and they seem to quote information only which can be garnered from anywhere on the net.
    You are right, unless the inner work is done, we cant heal from reading/hearing information..
    As always, thank you

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 8, 2019

      Hi Robyne,

      Thank you, I’m so glad you understand the necessity for being solution based!

      Many blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

    • Lizzy.mangan@icloud.com'
      Elizabeth mangan
      July 9, 2019

      Thank you for your time and inspiration. I have been married for 28 years and been with him 36 years , as far back as I can remember he as always been unfaithful to me but he’s always got away with it we would slit up and get back together and no problem was ever sorted out and everything was kept hush hush , I have a lot of anger in my body becouse of the things he as done to me with out any remorse . We went out at weekend and we had an argument he became violent he attacked me he bit my arm fingers and put a sick he my mouth and put pressure on my mouth it’s all bruise where he was putting the sock in my mouth and my nose is bruised becouse if the force, the police was called to the hotel my husband ran if they have put an order on him to stay away from me the police told me he was happy with that for us to go out separate ways they have asked if I want to press charges against him I really don’t know what to do, I feel my daughter as let me down because my husband is staying with her and she knows what he’s done to me . I carry believe he isn’t bothered about what he’s done to me . I havnt seen him or spoke to him since Saturday. I feel I’ve had no support from anyone even the police I thought they would of pressed charges rather than giving me the option. I’m left which it seems to be no reconisation to the incident that happened to me. Where is the justice in all this .

  • Cowhideman@hotmail.com'
    Tom Beattie
    July 8, 2019

    Melanie, Absolutely love what you do for people
    This video hits the nail on the head. I have come a long way into my own natural beingness and your words continue to resonate with me. There is nothing else I need to know about narcissists. I literally have them all understood. The hardest thing for most people I see is to know how covert they are. And I can spot them in 10 minutes by their actions. And unfortunately there are a high percentage of them out there. I do not go looking for them. Because there are so many lost souls out there, they can not be avoided. So I just deal with them and then discard them. The reality of it for me. I work on my inner being every day to grow and become who I want to be which is the most loving and caring being of myself and others I can be. And I work to give that life energy of my love to others whether I know them or not as that is my choice to spread life around to those I meet and live around. But I do not continue with them if its only a one way road.

    I know I touch people’s hearts when I meet them and genuinely care about them, regardless who they are. Its like I set the example for them of what it is to be a loving and caring person and can achieve it in a 5-10 minute conversation. To be a loving caring person is something our planet needs desperately. That I know who I am and know now who are not loving and caring as the narcissist is, I will never again be caught in their lies or traps. I have this knowledge and self respect for the rest of my eternity. I know I can give them my wisdom and see if they will use it. Most won’t as you know. I do not and never will feel sorry for them. I pity them and will do whatever I can from my place in the universe to help them gain enough courage to change, because like I said, there are many out there and having them in ones life is unavoidable, but I will discard them quickly and not tolerate them ever again. I will never, ever regret the decades I spent with the 2 narcs in my life as I came out the other side in fantastic shape compared to where I was. Like you have said, we have these people in our lives to help us grow and fix our own insecurities, doubts, and the lack of respect and love we had for ourselves. The other benefit is I feel no hatred or the need for revenge against them as that just leads me back to being narcissistic myself and is not an uncontrollable need. I know they are doing that to themselves and without any help from me. Its why I pity them. But because we are all connected in the universe my hope for them in a spiritual sense is they all come to their senses through the univeral.power of love and decide they can be responsible and caring beings I know they all truly want to be and figure out it can only come from a choice within to do something about their life to change themselves for the better. All it truly takes is a real decision and then follow through with action.

    If we could out all narcissists on an island in the middle of nowhere, which has been done in the past with victims of leprosy a millenia ago, the world would be a very harmonious, and loving place. However that is never going to happen. The spiritual world of love and and responsibility for our actions in our life meaning our own healing of ourselves and the continued love and respect for ourselves in combination with our loving and caring actions towards others is what will heal these people on a spiritual level. Increasing ones own love and level of responsibility for life as a whole is where miracles of this magnitude can occur. This doesnn’t mean to allow a narcissistic in and to tolerate their abuse. It simply means treat them with dignity and respect, don’t judge them and love them for who they truly can be in a universal sense. All narcissists want to be who we are as loving and caring beings, they just don’t know and can’t be responsible for themselves based on all the trauma you mentioned in their previous lives, which is where most of it is. All of them, even the ones who are not truly human. That one takes a good looking at.

    So thank you again for all the caring and knowledge you share. I would love to meet you someday and chat. I will be writing a book about this in the future because, like you, l have a lot to share with others that is wisdom they can use to improve their lives and truly live after dealing with a narcissist.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 8, 2019

      Hi Tom,

      Thank you.

      Thats wonderful that this resonates with you.

      I love everything you have written. You have truly taken your graduation Tom into your True Self.

      Thank you for your powerful share.

      Big kudos to you and keep shining your light!

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • jhf.ranch@gmail.com'
    Joe
    July 8, 2019

    Thanks for this video Melanie.
    I am ready to heal for real.
    Please help me get acquainted with my inner
    traumas. I now realize what needs to be done
    so I can move on with my life. Thanks for all you do.
    Looking forward to hearing from you…

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 8, 2019

      Hi Joe,

      That’s great that you are ready to heal.

      That process is the NARP program, where myself and other Thrivers from all over the world support your healing, every step of the way.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      Sending healing and breakthrough to you

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • Erin1223@gmail.com'
    Erin
    July 8, 2019

    Hi Melanie,

    I am being triggered due to having to having children with the NARC… I don’t know how to clear this from my being..

    I obviously can’t talk to them about it because they are only 6 and 4… but to hear them talk about him, or to hear his voice in the phone with I call to talk to them… or when he calls to talk to them and they put him on speaker… the list goes on..

    It’s like I can’t escape – I’m grieving still – the loss of what I thought I had (my family) and struggling to get to a happier place.

    I love my children more then anything – sewing the pain he has caused them and then hearing them talk about him and how they love him.. it’s so backwards to me.

    Any advice on how to heal when still having to be connected through children?

    I know this is not what your video was about but I’ve been wanting to ask you about this so I can move forward.

    Thank you so much!!!

    • raeannerose@gmail.com'
      Anne
      July 8, 2019

      Erin, it is harder when you share children. Know that they are innocent, and only see what the dad wants them to see, for now. Eventually they will get older and see the truth. One thing I found that can help in the moment of triggers is… Take a deep breath, several if need be before you respond. AND before you respond always remind your self, its the narc w the issues, not you, narcs like to dump their angst on you, and use innocent people, or not so innocent, to triangulate you into fear. The fear triggers you into reactions either w anger or some other emotional pull string. I repeat, it’s NOT YOU! It’s the narc.

      • margaretholton48@gmail.com'
        Margaret Holton
        July 9, 2019

        Hi Melanie I want to say such a big thank you I have only just left my partner after so much physical and mental abuse. What you have made me realize is that it was never me I could not understand or believe my life with him I did not understand what was happening I thought I was going mad, how he twisted everything and said it was me and I could not explain any of it to my family they just did not understand how bad it was total torture . I really did not know why it was happening which made it so much worse for me now just knowing makes me feel so much better to start to reclaimed my life back thank you and bless you .

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          July 10, 2019

          Hi Margaret,

          Thank you and it’s my pleasure.

          I’m so pleased you have gained clarity and strength.

          Many blessings and love to you.

          Mel 🙏💕♥️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 8, 2019

      Hi Erin,

      Please know sweetheart that it is the inner work that we do on ourselves that can release these traumas and triggers, so that you can deal with coparenting for you and your children, in a whole different way than it has affected you previously.

      Have you thought about NARP? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp This is my highest suggestion for you, because it powerfully and quickly reaches and releases the traumas within that the narcissist ignites, so that you do become impervious to the antics and no longer energetically hand over narcissistic supply.

      This is when narcissists lose significant power to abuse you or the children.

      Erin the most successful parallel parenting people in this community, with narcissists, far and away (it truly is like day and night the difference is so significant) are the ones diligently doing the NARP healings.

      Also with NARP comes free lifetime unlimited access to the private NARP forum where you have access to the best minds in the works regarding n-abuse true recovery as well as successful parallel parenting http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Oh and there is zero risk for you to try NARP, it is fully guaranteed.

      I hope this helps

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • ballkim039@gmail.com'
    Kimerlea Ball
    July 8, 2019

    I value freedom, honesty, justice, truthfulness, lovingkindness, compassion, respect, mutuality, consideration, support, faithfulness, integrity, personal sovereignty, equanimity, aknowledgement and validation of feelings.

  • info@denisewalkerart.com'
    denise
    July 8, 2019

    Your a legend Melanie !!… So on your true path, such truth and clarity… and you just crack me up with the carcass visual… Yes, I’m sooooo grateful for finding you and Narp almost 6 months ago to the day… I have just totally trusted in your QFH and just totally go their first to the modules… with out a doubt it has saved my life…and I’ve been able to find my life through this process.. its GOLDEN in every way possible.. My values. Integrity, truth , kindness, generosity, caring, equity, compassion and empathy to name a few…

    I love your thriver TV episodes… they are like the bits that I turn to between all the inner work….
    So grateful to you and your team, sending you so much love and light, thank you , thank you thank you XXX

  • inpellerano@yahoo.com'
    Iris
    July 8, 2019

    Thank you Melanie

    I see that it is necessary to keep reminding us that the healing is about OUR lives not the NARCs’.

    We’re healing a wrong version of what Self Love as presented by NARCS is. So when we go inside and consult the pain, we get answers on what REAL LOVE is for us.

    We can all do this and we can all begin to practice the honesty and integrity so many of us value…. By being HONEST WITH OURSELVES first.

    Keeping the integrity of our own values in tact is first nature and really not hard when we understand that it is HONESTY and INTEGRITY which are at stake. Not people.

    Great reminder…
    Thank you so much for all you’re doing.

  • angelasanchezrealtor@gmail.com'
    Angela
    July 8, 2019

    I was married for 30 years to a N and have been single for 11 years now. I have read about N and Wow was that an eye opener for me. While married, I was so confused. The N education/reading has clarified my past relationship with my ex Husband and I certainly don’t want to be in that type of relationship again. I am at a stage that I don’t want to read about N anymore and continue working on myself. I feel that I need to learn new ways of thinking, I am at a closed door stage and I don’t know how to over come this blockage. I am definitely ready to climb over the next hurdle and achieve happiness in my personal life as well as being more accomplished in my professional life. Lacking motivation and feeling sad. Help! I am so glad I discovered your videos! Looking forward to learning to have the confidence in myself and the universe to achieve a peaceful, loving, abundant, healthy, fulfilling, joyous life!

  • glinderella7@yahoo.com'
    Belinda Hunt
    July 8, 2019

    OK…Like every other video…you put it out there with fierce truth and I see myself coming. I have done MUCH healing to confront myself and how and why these “people” came into my life either by birth family or programming. I get that. BUT DAMN! I did a lot of quantum healing work last year and when I was feeling on my feet, I let another such person invade my space. I ignored the red flags and opened up, but just as soon as I saw this person and their agenda, I closed the door. I feel I am in a place between TWO worlds…one place where I see what I have survived and suffered. The other, a place where I am yet despondent and scared…YES scared. I see these people everywhere. Here in America, they have taken over our government for crying out loud. I see the evil and duplicity and greed and narcissism…it is ENDEMIC in our culture. It is LAUDED. I feel I have traveled a long way from THERE TO HERE…and I ask myself daily, WHAT else is there to do? WHY do I despair and fear moving FORWARD? I hope these questions hit a familiar note with others here. Melanie, please let me know that now that I have accepted and dealt with and processed so much anger and pain and KNOW that they are the living dead, what have I missed in my recovery work to be in a place for a hopeful and safe future? I know I am not done, but I am stuck it seems halfway somehow. Please expound on this place if you can.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 8, 2019

      Hi Belinda,

      I totally totally get what you are saying, because I was once there too.

      There is only one answer I know of, and that which I applied to myself.

      Are you working with NARP? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      Use the Source Healing and Resolution Module to completely shift all of that pain and fear out.

      Then it simply wont exist.

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • yourockthemoon@gmail.com'
    Moon
    July 8, 2019

    Dear Melanie, This has helped me a lot. I have come to terms and is dealing with a narc husband but now I am going through a crisis with my narc mother. The level of hurt and pain is so different because she is the one who gave birth to me and it hurts so bad that she is not at all maternal. But this article is like a refresher course and even though I feel terribly guilty healing myself this way, I know it is the only way for me to find that peace. Melanie, thank you so much for caring for people that you don’t even know. May God bless you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 8, 2019

      Hi Moon,

      I am so pleased this has deeply resonated with you.

      Please know you are very welcome and many blessings and love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • gmorris15@yahoo.com'
    georgeann morris
    July 8, 2019

    Hi Melanie,

    Thank you,:) I am in the helping profession. I don’t know if you fully realize it but your work is so revolutionary that it could literally put therapists out of business. I can see it healing drug addiction, alcoholism and all types of abuse. It would be great to modify it for use with traumatized children and the list goes on.
    Just wanted to tell you how brilliant you are in coming up with your program. You nailed it!! God bless you and thank you for your brilliance and contribution to humanity. I see a Nobel Prize in the future for you :):)
    Take care of yourself and blessings to you!!
    G

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 8, 2019

      Hi Georgeann,

      Thank you for your lovely words, and it is so true that Quanta Freedom Healing can literally be used to heal anything.

      Many people in the community use it for all sorts … as do I.

      Absolutely one day QFH will be launched for all its applications.

      Thank you for your blessings G and so many to you too.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • Martha.byrne-zaunseder@gmx.de'
    Martha
    July 8, 2019

    Hi, this article really helped. I know the narcissist I was with was loved by me in many lives and made me suffer. Reading this I realised I’ve been concentrating still on fixing it cos I thought our souls should belong together and in this life I’d try to make it right. And now it just dawned on me this is the life where I’m probably supposed to set myself free and not fix anything cos he won’t or cant move up. Suddenly it felt with this thought, like a massive thick intense stress energy was lifting from me. Crazy. I’m probably not home and dry yet and I can’t afford NARP but I hope I’ll make it and thanks for all your help and the hard work of making free resources Melanie.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 8, 2019

      Hi Martha,

      I’m so pleased it has and that my free resources can help you so much.

      This is great that you have had this epiphany.

      Love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • tammy65@hotmail.co.uk'
    Mara
    July 8, 2019

    “Is knowing all you can about narcissists still an obsession or addiction for you, or is that information, now, as appealing as a stinky carcass?”

    Dissecting a corpse has its interest but there’s only so much one will find. Every single narcissist I have ever met is exactly the same (they are very predictable).

    Over the last 30 years I’ve shifted out of focusing all my attention on the abuser/s and come to truly understand what Stockholm Syndrome is and the part I played in the process (responsible but not to blame). My abuser (biological female parent) was a master class in malignant narcissism and for that I am eternally grateful. Without her I would never have know what one was. (Narcissism is a WHAT not a WHO.) She even gave me a swift kick in the pants when she exited this existence, to truly let me know what a big fat nothing I was to her (she cut me out of her will lol).

    There is a line in Aliens when Burke says to Ripley “You know I expected more from you – I thought you’d be smarter than this” (when she refuses to be corrupted). Ripley’s reply is “Well, I’m happy to disappoint you.”

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 8, 2019

      I love what you have written Mara.

      Very true!

      Many continued blessings to you, living without Ns anymore.

      There is a sooo much more interesting and fulfilling life to be had!

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • gblitzmadel@gmail.com'
    Anne
    July 8, 2019

    I have kicked him out, he started going to a therapist, he swears he is determined to get get better… we’ll see. I want to believe he can get better. I’m afraid to trust him. I’m wary. But I will watch and see.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 8, 2019

      Hi Anne,

      It is so much better to watch and see from a distance.

      Hold your space and values and truth, and you will see.

      If this is narcissism, you will see the remorse, accountability and diligence to make amends and restore trust fall apart.

      It wont hold.

      Sending you strength and truth.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • Erica.stempa@stempa.net'
    EMW
    July 8, 2019

    Respected, loved, included, noticed, appreciated, acknowledged, heard, visible. And now I realise that having successfully got over the latest carcass there are deeper wounds still playing out and I am in danger of being terminally alone. Back to the modules for the next round! ❤️❤️❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 8, 2019

      Hi EME,

      Great you are back for the next round.

      You are going to emerge bigger and better than ever!

      Love and power to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

    • liz_k@comcast.net'
      mzlizzi
      July 8, 2019

      “Fear of being terminally alone”—THAT is exactly the type of thing that a narcissist plays on (including my Narcx).

      Ultimately, if we rid ourselves of that fear (and of the dream that a romantic partner can save us from such fears), then we rid ourselves of being susceptible to or attracting narcissists—-though always be on the lookout, as many narcissists love a challenge!

      There are other ways to be in the world.

  • sisser123@gmail.com'
    Dyanna
    July 8, 2019

    I have been researching,learning and educating. My situation is a tough one. My son was in a horrible motorcycle accident that amputated his leg at the scene. I received a phone call , was told of the confirmed amputation, they were not sure his survival, his life was ‘minute by minute, hour by hour’. He survived but it has been very difficult for just me it seems. He says it’s best thing that ever happened to him. he was military so we were fortunate to get gov. healthcare and medicine, but that in its self was horrible for me. Military life is no different thru recovery. I left everyone and everything to be by his side in another state for over a year to recover with him, with ‘the phone call’ It is going on 4 years now. He seems to not have been effectived negatively in anyway or will not admit it. Same as his father. I think he has buried it, i on the other hand have a hard time at times as everyone seems to be so hard on me. Just angry, mean even calling me a victim. My son had these tendencies before and his father very much so thru my sons childhood. Could it just be the trauma? This is a tough one, I know. I feel so bad for him, can’t imagine how he truly feels, but exhibits no negativity on his part, but gets very, very frustrated and angry toward me. I’m aware this is a lot. Just wandered your thoughts. He still lives at home with us, and I doubt I could ever not support him, but I feel I am drowning lately as I am becoming aware of all of this, even in his past.
    I have given it to the Lord from the beginning, but am sinking as of late.
    Thoughts?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 9, 2019

      Hi Dyanna,

      I am so sorry you and your son have had to go through such a trauma.

      Dyanna what is so true for us as parents, is that the most healing and powerful thing we can do is be healthy emotionally for them, and lead the way, even when our trauma is about them.

      I understand truly what you are feeling, because I went through the terrible trauma of nearly losing my son to substance abuse. When I was stuck in the trauma of ‘that’ his and my relationship was extremely bad.

      When i healed me and released my trauma about him, I got well and he got well.

      Today we are so close and healed.

      Yes, truly, always, it is about our own personal trauma, and meeting and releasing it.

      Then not only do we get well, but we honour everything and everyone in honourable ways.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      • sisser123@gmail.com'
        D
        July 10, 2019

        Thank you for responding Melanie. The more I read and research the more I am learning that narcs. are wounded souls who have not acknowledged their past traumas, or emotions, and I fear with him not acknowledging now this who knows what could happen. We must acknowledge, and feel our emotions thru things, when we do not the outcome is not ever good.
        Thank you kindly for your advice.
        I wish I had another way to communicate or connect more privately, I do not use any social media any more for so many reasons, and that alone has been freeing for me, I do care for any of them, not sure why, I don’t believe any of them are good, I just can not put my finger on it, and see that this can be shared on all of them.

        • sisser123@gmail.com'
          D
          July 10, 2019

          *do not care
          Sorry I don’t see where I can correct or even delete a comment on here

  • Kvnager@yahoo.com'
    Kevin
    July 8, 2019

    Honesty, fairness, kindness, thoughtfulness, independence, generosity, caring, noncompetitive, inclusive, dependable, reliable

  • saralynnstutsman@gmail.com'
    Sara
    July 8, 2019

    As a scientist with a very curious nature, I am guilty of extensively researching narcissism. It turns out that I was raised by 2 narcissists of different flavors and was married to an extremely passive-aggressive covert narc for 30 plus years. Basically, my entire life was spent enmeshed with this stuff. I just had to understand what made no sense at all to me. And recently, I celebrated another step on my healing journey… I realized that I am now BORED by information about narcissists!!!! It is so very freeing!

    • sisser123@gmail.com'
      Daisie May
      July 9, 2019

      I think I agree with you Sara, I could and am driving myself crazy, researching and following this stuff. I think we all have some of these tendencies and are all wounded in some way or other. We must just try to understand that, and move on if we can. Lovingly and compassionately. God bless! 🙏💞

    • sandraherdt1@yahoo.com'
      Sandra
      July 9, 2019

      Isn’t that so true, Sara! It becomes boring to give so much energy to it. I find that, too. Best wishes to you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 9, 2019

      Hi Sara,

      That’s awesome you are bored by it! I personally find exploring and expanding into our own Quantum possibilities so much more exciting!

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • fictionalkim@zoho.com'
    Kim
    July 9, 2019

    Melanie,

    I have been working with your book and following your blog and podcasts for some time. This was the best podcast so far because it is the perfect time for me to become me again. I have been working on self-differentiation, and struggling to remember my own values as I have been with my narcissist husband for 20 years. I have become a person that I do not recognize or admire. The suggestion to write down the things that hurt me as a person and then to write the opposite was a perfect way to get back to my self. Thank you so much for the work you do!

    My values: Honesty, Validation of self and others for their unique gifts talents contributions, Sincerity of not just saying words but following through with actions, Fidelity and Loyalty to each relationship–if you have a problem with me you come to me not to everyone else–Humility and ability to say I was wrong and how can we make this better, Emotional Honesty-Vulnerability- effort to share feelings not because they’re right or wrong but because they provide a point of connection and the possibility for clear caring communication, Self Reflection and Awareness–Conscientiousness in choosing what kind of person you want to be, Agreeableness in accepting that your own and others’ beliefs are valid and you are in charge of you but not them, Morality Respect and Generosity of Spirit that takes into account the rights and needs of others as well as yourself.

    Thanks again, Melanie. I have a self map now and that is a true gift!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 9, 2019

      Hi Kim,

      These values that you have identified as your truth are very powerful.

      It’s beautiful that this episode helped you anchor into these, and please know how welcome you are.

      Sending blessings and love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • pmforman@outlook.com'
    Peggy
    July 9, 2019

    Melanie, thank you! thank you! thank you!
    My father was a narcissist and then I lived with (and married) another narcissistic man for 26 years. I’ve now been on my own for almost 13 years and only now am getting comfortable in my own skin. I left because I knew that if I didn’t leave I would die. I wouldn’t have killed myself by suicide nor would my ex-husband have actively killed me but I know with a certainty of my soul that I would have died from my body dying from lack of care.
    The ideas you talk about fit with the other work I’ve been doing to heal. I’ve done counseling and therapy and read many, many self-help books and am in two 12 Step programs and done some group work and talked with others I connected with who are also on a healing path. All of this work got me ready to actually hear your insights. Without all that preparation I would still be reacting to what was happening in my world and oblivious to the truth.
    I heal one layer at a time and now is the time to deal with the narcissism in my relatives – dead and alive!
    I’m looking forward to doing the NARP and really thriving!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 9, 2019

      Hi Peggy,

      You are very welcome.

      That’s wonderful you are ready to Go Quantum and I look forward to having you as a part of our amazing NARP community!

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • rcph107@icloud.com'
    Raymond Hill
    July 9, 2019

    Well over time and for survival I have been doing much of this. But during the course of it I have wondered if this was the right path or if I was being self-centered or whatever. This video helps me a lot by giving me reassurance that I am doing many of the right things. Also, my partner’s attitude has improved as she lives an easier life with me. But, there is still a long path to travel for us.

  • sewhy@sbcglobal.net'
    Yvonne
    July 9, 2019

    Thank you for this vlog, it really resonated with me, I felt a sadness and got a little weepy for a minute a little bit of mourning. I recalled a passage in the bible to come away from dead things. It’s been almost 3 months of no contact and I miss him, but I won’t go back to the road kill, let the dead bury the dead.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 9, 2019

      Awww Yvonne,

      Big hugs to you.

      Sending you healing and breakthrough into your True Self and Life.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • dezinwiz@gmail.com'
    nancy evans
    July 9, 2019

    Melanie,

    Thank you so much for this video, it was so timely for me. I found you when I was in the discovery phase and have been following you for 7 months now. I have not been able to “escape” and have kept letting myself be pulled back in only to discover nothing really ever changes. I will read this transcript again, and again until I am able to leave for good.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 9, 2019

      Hi Nancy,

      I really want to urge you to understand informational healing may only take your necessary inner shift of subconscious programs so far.

      For many people, myself included, it’s often not far enough!

      It is my deeper transformational resources which relay grant you the powerful edge.

      I cant suggest them enough to really help you http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      I hope this helps

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • sandraherdt1@yahoo.com'
    Sandra
    July 9, 2019

    My values:

    To be true to my Self
    Keep it simple
    Accept others
    Respect

    I believe I’m a good person and deserve wonderful things.
    I am amazing at recognizing when something is “off.”
    I allow other people to be who they are.

    This program has been extremely helpful for me. I’ve completed Modules 1-5, so I’m about halfway through them, and I still experience more immersion than I would like to. With all of the progress I’ve made so far, I’m optimistic as I continue to move forward. My narcissists are already beginning to respond and react differently to me (we parallel parent, so I can’t detach completely), and I am grateful for the improvements I’ve seen in many areas of my life – even within my healthy friendships and at work. So grateful to have discovered this! 🙂

    Thanks, Melanie! This has been life changing for me, and I am grateful.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 9, 2019

      Yaya Sandra,

      I am so happy for you that you are doing the inner work with NARP and reaping the wonderful results.

      It is so inspirational for other parents to know, that with NARP successful parallel parenting with narcissists IS possible.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp … and so vital when the heath of our children are involved.

      Thank you for your post and many continued blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • vharcourt@outlook.com'
    Victoria Harcourt
    July 9, 2019

    I have really enjoyed your emails and this particular message. I left my N. husband of 37 yrs a year ago shortly after having surgery for colon cancer. I felt strongly that I was going to die if I did’n’t leave even though I had tried before. Just before I left him I wrote a letter breaking off from my N sister thinking the gift of the cancer was that I was stepping into my power. To my surprise, my daughter, who I had always been close to in the past suddenly became extremely bossy, controlling ‘no-it-all’. She is angry with me all the time now and when I don’t take her advice this creates a situation to which I can’t seem to calm her as she is quite oppositional. She doesn’t seem to understand it crosses boundaries to not let me or anyone have their own sense of agency. I ironically never give her advice because she is not receptive to advice from other people. Whenever I am around her now I feel this pit in my stomach. I can’t believe it, I always thought she was the one thing that was right about my life. It feels like I left my husband to get away from the abuse and now my daughter is filling the hole with many of the same patterns. A couple of weeks ago she sent a angry message to me to which I feel like we may never recover. I left a message on her phone saying I think we should have some time out. Told her I love her and let us use this time to reflect and to be as conscious as possible–get out in nature that sort of thing. On top of this, I actually thought I wasn’t thinking about the N as much anymore, whether from reading books or youtube, but I also found out over a month ago my ex has a new girlfriend and my obsessive brain is on overdrive. I don’t dare mention that to my daughter but so wish I had someone to talk to about this. I’m sure this too will pass, but I do wonder how I can set boundaries with my daughter and not lose her with all that anger she has. I’m on spousal support so can’t afford the course but do enjoy your work. Thanks so much.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 9, 2019

      Hi Victoria,

      My heart goes out to you, it is always so painful when we are not able to be in loving synch with our children.

      I myself after narcissistic abuse went through a horrible time with my son, and many people now Thriving in this community had also suffered vital family and children fallout as well … and as such we know and empathise greatly with your pain.

      Victoria, my belief is always this … to go inside and heal within ourselves what hurts, including what is happening with our children and then the space opens for a shift to take place.

      Everything is interconnected through the incredible wave function that we dont logically see, yet is controlling 95% of our lives.

      Truly, shifts that are profound start to occur when we do this. The proof in my life was irrefutable. The proof in countless families over the last 10 plus years have been spectacular to witness.

      Would you be open to looking into this way of approaching what is happening with your daughter? A way that does work?

      If so, the starting point is here with my free inner transformational resources http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      Sending love and healing to you and your daughter

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • greenbnk@rogers.com'
    Nicole
    July 9, 2019

    Melanie,

    Every question I have had lately (and maybe some of them have been obvious from my posts) you addressed in this episode. Your timing is so uncanny. I’ve been wondering why everything I have lived through already, i.e., work wise, in the past, was revisiting me. Challenge upon challenge. I really had to step up and into Me. People coming to me for things/”friends” of convenience, setting boundaries/saying “it doesn’t work for me”. Advocating for myself at work. Just a few days ago, I was at the dentist office with my kids. Both had cleaning app’ts for 3pm. My daughter finished at 3:40, my son’s went until 4:45. At 4:30 I went to the receptionist to enquire if there was a problem. Within 15 minutes my son was finished and the hygienist tried to lob the blame up onto the dentist (had to wait for him to see my son). I very clearly stated that every time we come, my daughter finishes within a decent time. My son’s appointments are excessive for just a cleaning and that it was unreasonable and unacceptable. That’s all. I didn’t go on and on and I wasn’t emotional. Suffice to say I paid my bill and left. That’s it. Then I thought to myself as we were driving away and chatting about summertime stuff, “who was that masked woman?” Usually after an episode like that, I’d be popping Advil and wanting a glass of wine when I got home. And a big plate of something “good” for supper (after a handful of crackers and cheese or some cookies, etc. while preparing supper). But that wasn’t me. I’m so grateful for your program and how it has helped me evolve past the emotionalism/victimization. However. (!!!). I’ve been feeling “funky”. I got through a recent event which on the one hand I had a break through (NAPR = clarity/resolution); but on the other hand it left me melancholy. I think my mistake was sticking to an old tradition minus my kids/life when we were a unit. I’m not missing my ex, *at all*. I think even if were were still together, the kids would have vetoed the event, anyway. So it’s more of an “empty nester” sort of thing. This is the sort of melancholy I’m talking about. It feels like loss. Is this sort of thing Module worthy? Is this being “needy”? Or am I just being sentimental/nostalgic? (Still needy?). I have to say I’m much better today after a good sleep-in yesterday and early to bed last night. It’s just that I feel in betwixt and between after having shifted so much and taken out the garbage (gotten rid of the cling-ons). The landscape is pretty barren. Maybe I’m cresting the mountain… Wouldn’t that be grand.

    Namaste,
    Nicole

    • greenbnk@rogers.com'
      Nicole
      July 9, 2019

      My values:
      Kindness
      Authenticity
      Honesty
      Respect
      Patience
      Tenderness

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 10, 2019

      Hi Nicole,

      That is awesome that we are in synch!

      I really want you to know this Nicole … EVERYTHING is Module worthy.

      We all have such a tendency to go into our heads, to try to sort it there, yet all you have to do is set the intention that you are targeting the trauma generating ‘that’ and use Module 1 or the Source Healing and Resolution Module in NARP, and then it’s gone… plus you have evolved up to the next level on that topic.

      When we have such a tool, and the power to achieve this, why try to sort it out logically and battle with it anymore?

      Especially when within half an hour you are ascending up that mountain?

      Does this help Dear Lady?

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      • greenbnk@rogers.com'
        Nicole
        July 10, 2019

        Yes, it does. Thank you, Mel. After I posted my query I thought I was probably complicating things because I said I was *feeling* “funky”. Funky, albeit, nondescript, quals low vibration, so what’s to figure out! That I was in my head should have been my first clue. I guess, just because drama isn’t swirling around me doesn’t mean the trigger can’t come from some other “happy” place, right? What a revelation.

        Blessings to you, Mel. I so much appreciate your light.

        Namaste!
        Nicole

  • Elegantkeys88@gmail.com'
    Debbie
    July 9, 2019

    Hi Melanie,
    Thank you for this insightful thriver episode! It has opened my eyes to the obsession that I have with finding out everything there is to know about narcissists! For others out there like me, I want to share my experience that knowledge is not power as far as narcissists go… When getting to know someone recently, I could see all the signs of a narcissist, yet for some reason I felt I could stay and find out “for sure” and control my feelings so I wouldn’t get hurt. I’ve tried many times to step away, but always get sucked right back in. It’s as if I know exactly what is being done and what’s going on and know it is totally opposed to my values, but I somehow continue to allow it. After this episode I realize that though I mentally know what is going on and that I shouldn’t allow people to treat me like this, my current reality is to play out these harmful trauma patterns. I will have to heal and actuality “be it” before the trash will fall away from me.

    So I’m trying not to be too hard on myself for the time that I’ve wasted. But instead I’m trying to constantly remind myself to put the time into the NARP program and the healing sessions. Time well-invested in me.
    I’m so thankful for this program and the reality that someday I can have a healthier self-image and live a life with people that treat me the way I should be treated and the way I treat myself.

    Blessings to others out thereand speed to their journey.
    Thanks again!
    Debbie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 10, 2019

      Hi Debbie,

      You are very welcome.

      Debbie this is soooo true knowledge is not power when our subconscious traumas seeking conscious resolution keep drawing us back in to these people!

      NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp honey is your way up and out and I’m so pleased you have renewed commitment to do the inner work now.

      Love and power to you

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      • Elegantkeys88@gmail.com'
        Debbie
        July 11, 2019

        Thanks, Mel!
        I’ve been a bit thick-headed these last last years, but who is looking back!😂
        On to the future! 👍🏻
        Thanks again for your supportive response and for taking the time to respond to every post from this community:)
        Blessings! 💗

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          July 11, 2019

          Hi Debbie,

          You are so welcome!

          Onwards and here’s to Thriving Dear Lady!

          Mel 🙏💕♥️

          • elegantkeys88@gmail.com'
            Debbie
            July 11, 2019

            Dear Nicole,
            Hello. I am pleased to hear that my post was meaningful to you!! I have only recently started posting online- it occurred to me that I need to reach out for the support that’s out there, Instead of sitting here trying to work things out on my own. I also plan to get involved on the NARP forum. Are you there?

            Your post also resonated with me. And I think a lightbulb has finally gone on for me. It was also encouraging to hear that this is a process and it’s not gonna just be one big shift overnight! I’m going to view it as exercise…Doing the healing sessions is just a part of staying/becoming healthy. You won’t see all the progress at once, but slowly but surely it’ll be there and you will notice a difference in the end.

            Thanks again for responding to what I wrote. I appreciate it.
            Hope to see you around:)

    • greenbnk@rogers.com'
      Nicole
      July 10, 2019

      Debbie, I found your post really enlightening. It’s about you controlling them! Or trying too. (Thinking you’ve learned enough to keep from getting hurt.) I too have had someone in close proximity to me, and me thinking I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter and that I could be around them and take the “prickliness” about them (control the situation) because I knew enough about them to protect myself. But the reality was all they wanted was a payoff of sorts and that would mean I would be “giving to get”, ultimately leaving me feeling taken advantage of and unworthy, torn down, etc., etc. They sized me up as being weak and that I wouldn’t choose otherwise. But I did have a choice and I did chose differently. It was actually kind of scandalous, and thinking about it, they probably enjoyed the attention on some twisted level. I’ve probably done more shifting because of that one acquaintance in the recent past than any shifting I’ve done over the dissolution of my marriage because for me, it was about trust and compatibility (ability to work together) and “friendship”, which is a completely different level of intimacy. Something that we potentially share over and over with many people in many different capacities/levels/depths. So the potential to be disappointed many times over if we’re the “giving to get”/codependent type. I really appreciate the time you took to post because it taught me on a different level how our conscious keeps twisting things in order to resurrect our old belief systems we thought we “edited”. But the truth of the matter is what Melanie has being saying all along: we can’t change (control or manipulate) them, into being who we want them to be with us. They are messengers that we still have work to do and to go inwards and heal. Or, they’re the test that we have evolved regardless whether they are [there] with us at the next level

      • greenbnk@rogers.com'
        Nicole
        July 10, 2019

        I forgot *respect*. “Giving to get” is The Recipe, or enabler for being disrespected. Full stop. Making the choice I referenced above, didn’t make them respect me. They actually resented me. (All about them and what they didn’t get from me, (victim/scapegoated) rather than about the reason for my choice in the first place (taking responsibility for their unprovoked abuse, and apologetic (respectful of my feelings)). That’s ok, I don’t need their respect. I respect myself, now. 😉

    • greenbnk@rogers.com'
      Nicole
      July 12, 2019

      Yes, I’m there (in NARP-land). 🙂 Usually I’m reading as most others are resonating with me, too, so the help extended to them resonates with me, as well. I mostly post here and not that often. You’ve not wasted time. (I’ve thought the very same thing!) You’ve just woken up and you’re raring to go, is all. Everyone’s journey is personal. However long it takes, is how long it takes. That includes vacations.

      Namaste,
      Nicole

  • Cherie.Black@outlook.com'
    Cherie
    July 9, 2019

    Hi Mel,

    Another post that hit something hard inside of me like a inner ding signal and I have used finding as much as a can to strategize and cope and logically manage to give me the relief I need which I had no idea was an addiction because that is how I have coped since being abused so many years ago and have now realized that abuse was so my normal because I had narcissistic females (older sister, grandmother and mother) abuse me after my dear father died who was my protector at age 11. I am coming to realize now at 42 just how much abuse I tolerated and put up with and did not know any different hence why my life has been so hard I have totally been outside of my body just trying to cope and manage and care take not only myself but my mother and younger sibling who is suffering a chronic illness. When you said we need to become it, I just realized how empty I am inside my nervous system started to jolt as you were speaking I felt as though it totally resonated with me because I have all of the post traumatic symptoms from being abused by a sociopaths many years ago which was all the traumas inside my own body having a life of their own. I wish to become it but need to heal my own inner being who is very sick, unwell and damaged. You need to be it inside for it to come and it won’t come until you go inside to heal it – seriously what is the point of going outside it’s only leading you astray even more.

    Thank you,
    Cherie

  • jancrone1977@gmail.com'
    Jan Crone
    July 9, 2019

    Thank you Melanie , Yes it did help me for the first few months to learn about my Narc daughter and to have a name for what she was doing , things like flying monkeys , love bombing, and all the rest . It helped me to come out of the confusion , to be aware of what was really happening . Then I found you . the Video that really helped me to start healing my self was the questions to answer for my self first , then to answer for her , oh boy , did that shake me up !!! I said yes on mine to things I had NEVER DONE , And tried to be KIND to her when I saw all the yes,s I was putting on her,s . I Scored numb one , ( definitly not a Narc thank goodness , ) Even with me being KIND on her questions she scored second To the top . SCARY I did not shower. get out of my dressing gown eat and was a total wipe out on the floor for 3 days , She had me there many times over the years , but this was different , now it was no longer just in my head and body , You saved my life Melanie , also helped me to know that I could NOT stop her hurting and using others.At 71 years of age I had become more fearful of her and knew that I could NOT have her around me as I aged. had watched her get worse over the years .That was nearly three years ago. This time it was me that said NO and went no contact. for the first time ever , I have saved the terrible messages she sent me . when she uses others to tell me what a horrible mother I am , I know they are being used as flying monkeys , feel sorry for them ,, do not try to defend my self like a crazy woman in tears like I used to , I just show them the messages she sent , tell them I can accept others false impression of me ,because my value do,s NOT and Never has depended on anyone else,s false impression of me . ( A bit of a lie ,because it used to. ) It now has no effect on me because of you Melanie , I listen to every one of your video,s because I love them , It is my special time for me ,, peace with in. I light a candle , link in to the higher energy,s before i listen to you and ask that all others find you who need you. So after all that , yes , knowing the Narc at first did help , Bless you Melanie ,,,and all others who have helped me by shareng your personal journey over the last couple of years and those in the future ,love to you all , also to any older people , I AM proof that life ,my health is now getting better and better in my 70,s. Working with Melanie You can to xxxxx.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 10, 2019

      Hi Jan,

      I am so happy for you that you are selfpartnering and healing and honouring you.

      You are an inspiration to many Jan, truly. Thank you!

      Sending many continued blessings and much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • janeh1962@icloud.com'
    Jane
    July 10, 2019

    Hello Mel

    How is it possible for a committed Christian, non smoking, non drugging, non drinking person, to possibly want to
    be in a relationship with someone who is an atheist, smoker, addict, drinker???? How could I possible have
    thought this relationship could work???!!!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 10, 2019

      Hi Jane,

      The reason we connect with people for intimate relationship is not logical.

      When its painful, toxic or abusive, it is generally to do with replays of the previous unresolved traumas we have endured before.

      It’s all to do with our inner emotional programming, hence why our recovery is the inner work to heal.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • christinerussett175@gmail.com'
    Chrissy - Christine
    July 10, 2019

    The more that other people try to make me and everything about me less important, significant and relevant then the more the supernatural realm does make me and everything about me more important, significant, relevant and meaningful. Whenever I talk about myself to these other people they are negative towards me and they say things like “it’s not about you” to me. They belittle and marginalize me, they try to make me feel and look small and they downplay my importance, significance and relevance. My importance, significance and relevance is important, significant, relevant and meaningful. Me, my life, my existence, my survival, my health, etc…, is important, significant, relevant and meaningful. I do have rights to and I do deserve to live, to breathe, to be alive and living and breathing, to have a life, to exist, to have an existence, to survive, to thrive and to take up space in the world. I DO MATTER AND EVERYTHING ABOUT ME DOES MATTER. Their hostility and anger towards me proves that they are pathologically extremely jealous and envious of me, that they hate and despise me, that they are insecure, inadequate and infantile people who have inferiority complexes. They feel threatened by me because I have an intimidating strong personality and character I am the strong and silent type I am an introvert. The light that’s within me shines brightly even without me shining it my light’s too bright for most people, I’m not a jumped-up person, I’m not a narcissist, I’m not anything like those things. I have put other people first before myself and now that I am putting myself first before other people now I’m being called selfish and self – centered I’m not being selfish, I’m not being self – centered. I am No.1 top priority on my priorities list. My needs and wants are going to be met.

  • sandyscruggs@hotmail.com'
    Sandy
    July 10, 2019

    I’ll take an authentic, hard working man with a sense of humor and nice legs, please! ….and GUESS WHAT?! I found one! Thanks for helping me clear out the inner crap-ola, Melanie!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 11, 2019

      That’s awesome Sandy!

      Gotta love humour and nice legs!

      Go you!

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • elizabeth.lucy1@gmail.com'
    Lulu
    July 12, 2019

    i am currently 95 lbs. i lost 30 pounds since i started talking to him two months ago after a nine month break. He has dumped me four times during this period all because of his own jealous and insecure nature. Each time, coming back begging to be forgiven…….declaring his love, etc. (the apologies are a new thing… lol) no authenticity there either.

    I think i want his approval like i always wanted my Dad’s approval who was a mean-hearted, unloving, critical, physically abusive narc. The only difference is the physical abuse. Other than that, my current narc brings out the same despair and desire to be truly loved, cared for and approved. i am despondent, cannot eat, or engage with the people who do care for me … my children adore me and they cannot understand the draw to this monster. In other words, I do have people in my life … MANY … who love me, but i push them away and cling to him……… ugh

    Everything you have outlined in the workshop resonates so deeply with me. Thank you, I’m grateful to have some hope, now i just need some energy and determination. I’m starting your course tonight. But i’m so sad i’m not sure i can focus. i want someone to hold my hand and tell me its gonna be ok. That is all i have ever wanted my whole life.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 12, 2019

      Hi Lulu,

      You poor thing my heart goes out to you.

      I know personally what it is like to be hooked to someone who is destroying you, and be so traumatised that food intake is almost impossible.

      Lulu sweetheart please come into the NARP forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member where myself and the moderators can help deeply hold and support you as you work with NARP to get yourself back.

      This is what you need to do right now

      If you have any problems connecting to the forum, you can send the support team an email at support@melanietoniaevans.com and one of my lovely staff will help you.

      Sending love, hugs and strength to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • wshill66@gmail.com'
    Wendy
    July 14, 2019

    Thank you again Melanie

    I need to visit this each day. It is so so easy to fall into the same trap time and time again. I was “studying” : ) just now when drawn to this blog. I missed it earlier in the week. The best yet for me. Your message was clear, powerful and true. I know what to do now , just need to get to it. I know I can’t do it on my own and I feel like you are literally dagging me where I need to go, as if you found me rather than me find you.

    What a gift you are.

    Wendy

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 14, 2019

      Hi Wendy,

      I’m so pleased you have direct answers and direction now.

      Sending you many blessings and breakthroughs.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • komarmark@comcast.net'
    Danae
    July 25, 2019

    Hi Melanie, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!!!
    My life as a child was wonderful, I couldn’t ask for better parents…so I’m confused. I met my N boyfriend at the age of 15, he was 21, he treated me exactly like a narcissist does, lying, cheating, verbal and physical abuse, alcoholism etc…
    I stayed for 10 yrs. Because I was so young I believe HE was the one who shattered my inner being, could I be right?
    You have helped me beyond belief
    Thankyou so much
    Danae

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 25, 2019

      Hi Danae,

      Traumas can be deep and very unconscious. They can be generational and carried in our parents and our DNA… totally existing within very good people.

      I truly isn’t until we do the deep inner work that we find and release ourselves from the true culprits that have created our inner programs.

      I truly have never discovered any person suffering traumas as an adult who didn’t have existing subconscious trauma programs.

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

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