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The costume might be a bit of fun, yet today’s Thriver TV episode is a really deep, interesting and serious one.

It tackles these questions that so many of us have asked: What is evil? Is the narcissist evil?

We all know the feeling of ice in our veins and the horrible disbelief we feel, and the dread and unspeakable trauma when connected to a narcissist. We know it feels intensely evil.

It also feels like a creepy psychic phenomenon – not unlike the Dementors in Harry Potter who can literally suck your soul and lifeforce from you.

Is this undeniable energetic force that is going on “evil”?

Okay … I want to warn you from the get-go, this Thriver TV episode is going to be controversial.

In response to this discussion about “evil” and narcissists, I reach into the Quantum vault for answers, as well as what I have felt regarding personal spiritual experiences that I have had.

I understand these may not be your beliefs, and I totally respect that as well as your beliefs, and as always with anyone’s information – including my own – take with you what resonates for you and dismiss what doesn’t.

I promise I will not be offended!

I look forward to having riveting discussions with you about this video!

I’d love to talk about “Evil” with you. What do you believe?

And … did you or are you dressing up for Halloween? I had a BLAST doing it! It was a little quiet here in my neighbourhood, but I know that in some parts of the world it is a very big deal! I’d love to hear about what you or your children are wearing for Halloween and what your festivities are/were!

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Commments (146) + Leave a comments

146 thoughts on “Are Narcissists Evil? A Thriver TV Halloween Special!

  1. I agree with you Mel.
    I don’t believe that anyone would be punished forever for the sins of their parents or past traumas.
    Because where would that end? Vicious circle.
    We are all just doing the best we can with our life experiences.
    Nice topic and non-judgemental.
    Hugs.

      1. Dear Melanie

        I am learning from so much you are showing us

        As a Christian I am not into Halloween but I found your talk on the Evil issue incredibly relevant, meaningful and educational … I had been wondering and worrying about this very aspect of what I am struggling with here. I too believe that separation from God is Hell and to be in the dark inside ones own self is Hell too … we all need the Truth and Light of God’s Love inside us togive our lives meaning and to light our way

        So many times you mention “the Souce” and “Going Home” and I am convinced you are gently referring to God … whether through Jesus or some other link that others may relate to.

        I love my Narcissist still for the husband who I know is lost in there … I have now drawn a FIRM line with him (since yesterday) …. thanks to your guidance… that says “Enough pain from you … I won’t take any more even via Hoovering !” but I won’t shut him out (yet) because I am anxious and praying for his soul …. one day I may have to go No Contact … it depends how he behaves now and how strong I am. He has given me FOUR years of utter Hell on Earth here but I now understand it is the misery in his inner self that he was punishing me with … at least I reckon this is the case. Time will tell

        Mel … you are truly an Angel sent to help us out here …. an Angel of Love and Caring and possessing enormous gifts of empathy and articulation

        Thank you Mel

        Annie

        1. Hi Annie,

          you are right I am referring to the Higher Power which many people refer to as “God” … absolutely. And, I adore how, with you as a Christian, I can share many beliefs and Universal Truths.

          I wish you strength and healing, however this unfolds for you.

          Please know there has to be a point with all of us where the responsibility to our own soul overrides us trying to take responsibility to heal another person’s. On our deep inner healing journey we often find a truth – that this “noble” cause that we thought were doing was actually a reenactment of old childhood wounds with a parent of “If I fix your issues you will be healthy enough to love me healthily.”

          It’s the voice of God (Infinite Intelligence) inside us screaming “Wrong Town – “spoken” through our emotions that lets us know there is nothing noble or holy about this.

          Sending much love and angel blessings your way Annie.

          Mel xo

    1. Thanks for the brilliant video. Totally agree with you. It helps so much to think of it that way and stop blaming and judging which never helped me get better and grow. Now i’ve changed my perspective everything shifted and healing became possible.
      Thanks so much. If I hadn’t stumbled across your programme and blog I don’t know where i’d be. Not healing and growing that’s for sure.
      Alina xxx

    2. I choose to respond to evil with love. You can not overcome evil with evil. That just creates more evil. Evil must be overcome with love. My understanding is that darkness and evil are things that separate us from God’s love, or quite simply separates us from love. In my healing journey when I connect to others and the love of others -that is healing. So the question is… Are you spreading love? Or are you spreading darkness? I hope you choose to spread love.

  2. Ho -‘0- pono-pono!

    GREAT talk today Melanie! For anyone who is Christian this truly brings out the fullness of God’s love. Yes, we as humans use Satan as an excuse to shirk personal responsibility but the return to love/light/oneness is truly God’s ultimate and perfect love. Wow!🌴

    1. Hi Lori,

      thank you so much for the correct pronunication – I am practicing it now diligently!!

      (It feels weird to say it like that!)

      Thank you for your support and I am glad that you enjoyed this episode!

      Mel xo

  3. Thank you Melanie! Your blogs and videos are sooooo appreciated. My little toddler dressed up as a Dalmatian doggy and had s blast collecting candy (though she doesn’t know she’s not going to be eating half of it) lol!!!! Mommy gets it ha! ❤️

  4. Thank you Melanie! I was raised to believe that God and Christians can only have a relationship if the Christian is good and obedient to the bible. I stopped believe that years ago. You would have to be a robot to be like Jesus all of the time. I am happy to know that even with my mistakes, guilt over making mistakes, and the trauma of years of narcissistic abuse from both parents. My soul will return to the original source of Love upon my departure from this earth. I have to be honest, I do pray everyday that I will stay with God and never return to earth. No more abuse, just love for eternity👼! Sonya

    1. Hi Sonya,

      I do believe in unconditional love and grace.

      I used to feel like you Sonya that I couldn’t have heaven “here”. Now I know it is possible, I don’t believe we have to wait to get back home to experience it.

      Wishing you that level of joy and freedom too Dear Lady.

      Mel xo

    2. No way to be good or obedient even half the time lol Thats why theres a Redeemer to stand in our stead for the wages our imperfection earns us…and why theres Grace to enable us to do that which He calls us to. Bless you, Sonya on your journey 🙂

  5. Love your costume! You gave me a lot to think about but it makes sense. I hope it’s true that there really is no Satan

  6. I agree with everything you said Melanie. I so appreciate your wisdom, thank you. Love your costume too. Much Love to you.

  7. Thank you, Melanie, for this reconfirming, and most loving video about a topic that has caused me, also, much thought. The part about hypnosis, though, makes me want to run for the hills, but I am sure that if it involves loving and highly trained souls, perhaps it can be useful to some people. As for me, I prefer to just hear about it from you.
    Warm wishes,
    ~Bob

    1. Hi Bob,

      yes the LBL practitioners go through rigorous training and must be certified to do what they do – it was so safe!

      I am so happy this has got you thinking!

      Many blessings to you Bob and thank you for your post 🙂

      Mel xo

  8. I believe Satan exists and I believe evil exists. I am one with many of your views on narcissism but not on your personal views about evil not existing and God exists but God doesn’t; that makes no sense to me. I also believe that elements of your understanding of Christianity are confused and incomplete. It seems you have accepted the religious extremists view of Christianity with a view to Hell. Christians cannot be talking about God is love and saying they believe in God but then talking about God in Christianity sending people to hell. And this is where I find your comments about there being no hell and no Satan as viewed forms on an incorrect understanding of Christianity. I can see why you have a disconnect with the Christian faith. And I believe this has given you an incorrect view of Christianity and therefore an inability to understand the concept of Satan as the Bible explained it. However, it is not for me to evangelise because you didn’t ask for that but I do want to encourage you to read the Bible and try to understand it for yourself rather than listen to the versions shared by collective sharings; that is not how to understand Christianity. I believe having a real understanding of God the creator as explained in the Bible – will give you a better understanding of narcissists. When I read 2 Timothy 3:2 I see Narcissistic behaviour, for example, the scripture reads: For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy. I believe in line with that scripture due to intense selfishness the condition of narcissism exists. And behaviour that isn’t good is evil. This also doesn’t mean the narcissist is going to hell. Hell is a concept God the creator designed for elimination of the supernatural creatures He considers evil. That has nothing to do with you or me and that is why people who don’t understanding God get the message wrong about Hell and who this is intended for. It is religious extremists who preach about Hellfire and try to make people believe a loving God would want to burn Humans in Hell. Sadly, also people who have not read and understood the Bible also share that same misunderstood notion of God. God is all about love and forgiveness but He explained about evil and Satan.Those Christians who understand know very well that Satan is evil and evil is responsible for the narcissist’s habitual diet of doing the wrong thing. As Christians, we are called to share the good news – we have no business with hellfire. We are called to be forgiving and to be aware of the devil and his evil plans that are the opposite of God. Satan means the opposer – that is what he is; a construct by God. As it happens Narcissists are in so much trauma that they are unable to ignore the devil, that is why we must forgive them. However, no loving God wants us stuck with the narcissism in that unhealthy set-up and this is where your teaching on this – how to deal with the Narcissist and so on – is spot on. We can agree on that. With love to you always. Gabbie xo

    1. Hi Gabbie,

      it is awesome that we can share similar views whilst having opposing views and can still connect lovingly.

      Thank you for your post, and of course, there is no need for a fully-fledged debate here, we can agree to disagree.

      There is one small thing I will say that may help you with WHY I have my view, even though of course it is not yours … when you ask, “How can God exist if evil doesn’t?”

      My answer to that is in all of the duality process, and the purpose of it – the evolution of souls to become and know “Who We Really Are – I don’t believe there is anywhere or anything that isn’t God, lovingly, unconditionally granting us complete free-will to “be” who we chose to “be” individually and collectively … “are ye not gods?”

      I love that you are not about Hellfire!

      Much love to you too Gabbie Dear Lady.

      Mel xo

  9. Bravo. A great topic and one that really resonates with me as my truth as well. I applaud your courage to be seen standing in your truth. It gives me strength.

  10. If you put religion on a linear scale and everything negative is evil and everything on the positive side is good and God is the perfect balance then God sits on zero and must represent both sides. Btw, only you and God know where you sit on that scale.

  11. Hi Melanie, thank you for opening up about your beliefs and LBL experiences. One point I get stuck on is if everything in existence is love, as-is, without condition, then what is the purpose of our spiritual evolution towards the light? This is something I haven’t quite reconciled. Any further insight to this point is appreciated.

    Another question regarding how we attract to us our experiences: what is your belief about “freak” accidents that lead to physical death and how this relate to quantum truths? Very interested in your thoughts.

    Thank you and hugs to you!

    1. Hi Resilient,

      I too used to have this question.

      I believe we are here to physically experience the process of God and Life Godding! Meaning being in a lifeform that represents living – rather than just “being”. If we were ONLY light how would we know ourselves if there was no contextual field to express it and live it against?

      Plus, once we get into it and start growing and expanding, by ridding trauma and filling with light – it is SO much FUN! That is the experience we wanted – never-ending growth, expansion and becoming “more” Light.

      In regard to your next question: I believe “when our time is up, our time is up” meaning it was the “right” time to depart. And maybe that is going to be sudden. Maybe we fulfilled our purpose and our “death” also ties in to help other people evolve in regards to their personal journey.

      Maybe as a soul, we have realised that the personality that we have blended with, in order to go through growth and evolution of self and the collective, is too difficult and as a team together can go no further and there is no point continuing trying to evolve in this form.

      I also believe as a soul we always have the choice. I actually don’t believe that there is anything at a soul level that happens “to” us, rather in evolution terms, it is happening “for” us.

      Does this help?

      Mel xo

      1. After reading (and re-reading) your response Melanie I think I understand. To paraphrase, the purpose of spiritual evolution is to increase the quality of love we experience in our human form. If we want to experience a higher quality of love while on earth, then we need to release the trauma and evolve. I think this Is it??

        Also, when you say: “Maybe as a soul, we have realized that the personality we have blended with, …. is too difficult and as a team can go no further and there is no point to continue to evolve in this form.”

        This SO reminded me of how you’ve defined Narcs in your other articles. Such an interesting concept here.

        Thanks for your insightful responses. xo

        1. Hi Resilient,

          Yes, correct, and as a soul (only) we could not actively experience that physically, with all the delicious ways and means that can be lived out here.

          It’s my pleasure Resilient and thanks for feeling into these concepts!

          Mel xo

      2. Blended with…you re talking about the peptide addiction with the PD, whichever flavor they are? Or blended with the body we’re in?
        or?? Im confused TIA

  12. I think this is beautiful Mel. I’ve been recently studying beliefs about past life and reincarnation and it seems to indicate that we all have an opportunity towards evolution. I agree that the people who are most hurt inflict pain on others because it is a reflection of their inner landscape, just as I believe as being the ones who were hurt we have the ability or free will to choose revenge and bitterness or forgiveness and peace. I think all of us in this forum can agree that reaching the point to be able to release and forgive and to return to peace and love has been a process of our soul’s evolution. Perhaps that is truly what this journey is all about, using our free will to choose love and light more and more until eventually that is our only choice and that is what we become.

    1. Hi Karyn,

      awww I am so pleased it felt this way to you.

      Totally I believe we are coming home to know ourselves as love, rather than pain, fear, and judgment.

      You’ve nailed it Karyn – and how could we get to know ourselves as this, without “evil” being the grist that pushes us to?

      Would that NOT make the “evil” divine as well?

      Yes it would …

      Many blessings to you.

      Mel xo

      1. yes! Love this, beautifully said thank you Melanie, and thank you Karyn. hugs xx I’m loving reading every one of these comments !

    2. Beautifully said. Every day is an inner struggle to reach for the light and release not only the traumas inflicted upon us, but the suffering the narcissist has within themselves. I must believe in this every day to believe there is hope for my young child that I share with my narcissist.

  13. I dont know ive been through lots of trauma and dont get no kicks from hurting people. The smiles and smirk on a narcs face says it all. When you go through trauma you have 2 options, one to say that was awful I don’t wish to put anyone through that in fact ill do the opposite ( an empaths view) or two to say that was awful, its been done to me so im now going to do it to everyone else and in doing so make my self feel better, take the power ive had taken from me back by taking it from other people put myself back in control. Whether you do this consciously or unconsciously you have the choice, the choice between healing the trauma with good or with evil. They have chosen evil. The fact that the victims they choose tend to be empaths makes them more evil. They take someone who has been through similar traumas to themselves, the initial attraction comes from recognising that same hurt and truama in someone else and bonding with them because you know they are similar to you, then taking it and twisting it, using it and destroying that person who you know has already had the same hurt as you and giving it to them again. Thats evil. I know myself as a teen i was hurt and traumatised, i was starting to act in passive aggresive and controlling ways and that was my first way of dealing with trauma. but i noticed I was doing it, I recognised it wasnt the right way to deal with it or the right way to treat people. I realised it made me as bad as an abuser so I stopped. It was a hard process everytime \i was hurt by someones actions and started feeling that I taught myself to explain to the person in a clear calm way instead of bottling it up and taking it out on them in mean little ways. I started working on controlling myself and not other people and using the positives of that to make myself feel better. If I hadnt I would be a narc now not an ampath as would have just travelled further and further into that frame of mind and way of being. Just because your hurt and traumatised doesnt exclude you from being evil im afraid its the choices you make and take that end up defining you and your character. They know what they are doing and they dont care because it makes them feel better. Of course we need to forgive them, keeping hate in our hearts in not healthy also they thrive on that hatred so forgiving gives them nothing to feed on. Good people dont enjoy hurting others trauma or no trauma. The basic definition of evil is “extreme moral wickedness” they have that and have chosen to be that way.

  14. Thanks for the wonderful perspective. I think this helps me more than anything to understand my relationship to such a pain inducing person.
    My delusion is she will change, and my deep need for intimacy will be filled. She is in so much pain, why do I cling to that?

    Thanks for the insights into how to heal and grow, and in my case, let go.
    More than anything I appreciate your deep perspective of how to evolve, how to see adversity as an opportunity for introspection and growth.
    I see this as a case of my wanting to exist in the highest state, yet still holding a deep emotional state, “I would rather die than re live that trauma”
    that is still coloring my perceptions. My mother’s scorn for my father and my father’s anger and lack of support. Strangely, at the depth, at the stop, I am in the pit, the opportunity is to look around and what seemed so real, is no more. I seem to have needed a woman’s scorn and lack of support to recreate the background noise of my life to the point I am willing to look at it and let it go.
    Thanks for bringing such a loving presence to the whole issue of how to evolve out of this deep source of pain.

    1. Hi Tom,

      I am so pleased so much is making sense to you.

      The truth is when we hang on for reasons that are not logical, that perplex us, is because we have young unhealed unconscious parts reenacting where they didn’t have their needs met … trying to force the present day person to right the wrongs of our earlier years.

      The healing remedy is to let go, find these parts and heal them ourselves. Then we break free from the enmeshment, obsession, and the pattern and go into brand new healthy love trajectories.

      I’d love to help you with that, and I can, if you take the step into my free webinar – https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar.

      Mel xo

    2. Hi Tom,

      This line brought a lot of clarity to me about my pattern of staying in my last relationship with the narc

      “My delusion is she will change, and my deep need for intimacy will be filled”

      I slowly detached from the belief that he was capable, willing, or wanting to provide or connect to me in an intimate way that was truly loving. For years I thought he was going to be the source of this and I’m a very stubborn person who didn’t want to give up on this. Partly because I like to think my choices are right, partly I didn’t want to feel the despair of it not working and what it may mean about me as a person (which it meant absolutely nothing about my loveability found out) and I thought giving up and detaching from him was giving up on my hearts desire to be in a loving intimate relationship.

      What has remained is my heart desire:

      I would like my need for intimacy and a truly loving relationship to be fulfilled

      At this time the source of this need is being met by me. I am starting to really love myself and this is new for me and honestly it feels amazing!

      When people used to say to me you need to love yourself – my eyes glazed over.

      Now I’m doing it on a practical sense on a daily basis.

      I know in my heart of hearts that I will be in a truly loving committed relationship however right now I’m loving me and loving where I am at.

      Just wanted to share because I really resonated with your post.

      1. That deep intimacy need resonated with me too. I have to fill it within me first, be satisfied with no one else first, before it may come about with another. It may not. I have to be ok with that. Not just head-ok but heart-ok. My feelings, not just my logic.
        I gotta ways to go lol

        1. And we ve always been taught, all over, in many areas of life and thought…just hang tough, your need for intimacy with another is human and good and your need will be met if you just hang on and keep busy in the meantime. Maybe get a pet to bond with, maybe foster a child and give him a intimate bond too, maybe just reach out to someone in your neighborhood or church, etc.
          N
          O
          We have to selfpartner first. The intimacy with another is good too but only when we are content in our intimacy with self. We can rest, we can do but without a background agenda. We can BE and have joy in simply being.

  15. I enjoyed this episode, and I have a question. If souls that are so polluted get reabsorbed into love (god) … what about the souls that are not polluted, but are turning toward the light, what is in store for these souls? I know it is oversimplifying, but it almost sounds like polluted souls get rewarded with being absorbed into love, while unpolluted souls get rewarded with … continuing struggle?

    1. I am wondering the same thing as Diahn. Mel, do you believe that the “polluted souls” go back to ground zero so to speak, to start their evolutionary journey over from scratch forfeiting many lifetimes of experience, while the rest of us get to continue to progress towards enlightenment on our evolutionary journeys? As someone who believes in reincarnation and cause and effect and karma, this does make sense to me. I have often thought that truly “evil” people whose behavior is beyond redemption might go back to “the Light/God” to re-start their evolutionary journey in a mineral state perhaps, having to restart their lives perhaps in a new life wave. That they would forfeit all the progress and experience acquired through many lifetimes and start completely over again.

      1. Hi Leslie,

        I hope that my answer to Diahn makes sense, and yes in surface terms you are right!

        In real Quantum Terms, we never left the light anyway – no matter what form we are.

        We are simply having the experience of having an experience no matter where we are on the evolution wheel (and we have been all over it!). There is actually no purpose or goal other than to have the “experience”.

        There was nowhere to leave or to go to because there only Is That.

        You may need to “feel” my answer rather than “think” it. The logical brain can’t fathom that – only your cellular being – your connection to Infinite Wisdom – can access that truth.

        Mel xo

        1. I can totally think your answer, not just feel it. Its extremely logical, not just true. There only is That. Indeed.
          Profound.

          Maybe i just get it so strongly, idk… but its crystal clear to me. As energetic beings, as is everything, That could only be all that is.

    2. Hi Diahn,

      I am so pleased you enjoyed it and I love your question!

      It is actually a matter of perspective as to whether we are doing “struggle” or “growth/expansion”, this is all to do if we are on the path of Thriving (releasing trauma and bringing in light) or not.

      This is what I wrote to Resilient below:

      “I believe we are here to physically experience the process of God and Life Godding! Meaning being in a lifeform that represents living – rather than just “being”. If we were ONLY light how would we know ourselves if there was no contextual field to express it and live it against?

      Plus, once we get into it and start growing and expanding, by ridding trauma and filling with light – it is SO much FUN! That is the experience we wanted – never-ending growth, expansion and becoming “more” Light.”

      I hope, Diahn, that this answers your question.

      Mel xo

    3. I have the same question as Diahn
      Is there no accountability even in terms of Karma for the behavior of the narcissist

      Thank for this episode. I love the way you challenge my thinking.

      1. Hi Laura,

        yours is a great and direct question.

        Yes, absolutely there is – ever millisecond of every day before being absorbed back to the Light – that terrible torture of living the experience of being disconnected from it.

        Where do you think the narcissist has been – possibly for lifetimes?

        The answer is Hell.

        Mel xo

        1. Hi Mel yes yes yes in complete hell Mel and the worst thing is not being able to receive or accept help as you say we are hear if you choose to accept the offer love is here if you can receive it but I can’t I need to hide away in the dark. Mel I wrote some other posts on your post about soul contracts with narcissists I truly hope to hear from you. Thank you again I will keep reading and trying to engage with what time I have left.

  16. Dear Melanie – what advice would you give me as how to cope with a N who chose to rent 4 bedrooms away from me when he gave me tha apartment in the divorce and now constantly sleeps above me with this common law wife and brings her children and swims in the pool with no regard for me or my children. Please note he has not spoken to my children or grandchildren for 4 years.will it not hurt my daughter to see him with his new son. Please note the woman is 30years younger ex 70 and my eldest so 37. Her children 10 and 12 ish ??? Any advice. We were married for 38 years.

    1. Hi Ann,

      I can imagine that is very painful – absolutely, and my heart goes out to you and your children.

      The truth in circumstances such as these we can’t change other people, and we can’t bring in anything down on them, or in from other sources, to make them change.

      So this leaves us with two options create the change ourselves – which means we have to work very hard on our inner being to be “okay” with what is happening (and then our children catch on and follow no matter what age they are) or we leave the situation behind and restart our life somewhere else.

      To achieve the first option (if that is your only option) I would recommend, more than anything, working with the NARP Program – https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp to heal the hurt and get to the level of feeling totally benign about him … and the second option you may need inner healing as well, to release every fear and limitation about “why I can’t move” so that you find the courage and strength to do so.

      Those are your two options to take your power back and have your healthy life.

      Please know Ann, it is never too late, for you to claim your True Life and I wish you every strnegth and send love and healing, and please know we have some incredible Thrivers in this Community in their 60s and 70s.

      Mel xo

  17. “Much of humanity has not lived the experience of who we really are organically…This has happened as a result of accumulated human trauma that unfortunately has been the hallmark of our extremely unevolved planet steeped in ego, edging god out.” Soooo brilliant Melanie. I understand that this video may be intensely controversial for some, but for me it simply resonated as TRUTH in my body, heart and soul; much like a peaceful soul remembrance – An innate knowing that everything you have said here “is just so.”

    Since my awakening a couple of years ago, one of the most prominent “failings” (even though nothing is ever truly a mistake, so maybe “blind spots” would be a better way to put it) I have observed in humanity, and a characteristic that I have most certainly been guilty of on a multitude of levels throughout my life, is one of self-righteousness – I feel this has been a huge collective barrier within humanity (stemming from unresolved trauma of course) that has kept us painfully separated from ourselves and tangled up in a battle against what we perceive to be an outer war between good and “evil” – Yet it is fundamentally us just being in conflict with OURSELVES, unconsciously disassociating from all that which WE are capable of, off-loading it elsewhere, scapegoating others, etc.! Just as I once wrote in one of my songs: “What is it that I hate about myself that renders me hell-bent on abusing you?!”

    Frankly, I feel it takes a lot of balls to stand up to this energy and to confront these deeper, not-so-pretty truths within ourselves. One of the first intentions I set up in the Goal Setting Module to combat this was, “I am free from my ego and therefore transcending its limitations.” Can’t say I am a 10 out of 10 yet, but the important thing is that I have a deep desire to relinquish my ego…

    Melanie, I DEEPLY ADMIRE your fearlessness and your continual willingness to speak your truth, regardless of the “consequences” or repercussions. So much of who you are is who I aspire to be in my own life and in music career. I thank you for modeling it all so beautifully. And thank you for this profound episode. Much love to you Maleficent Melanie and Terrible Tiggy!!!

    xO, Laura

    p.s. “Rather than being punished to eternal hell, the most damaged souls of all, the ones that need love the most receive it. They go back home.” I just love that you said this. It brought tears to my eyes and I felt my heart swell with emotion. After having powerfully worked through your Forgiveness eBook process regarding my narcissist abusers, truly, I can say that I wish them no ill and I feel happy that they too, will return to the light…And I sooo want to do an LBL session now!

    1. Hi Laura,

      as much as you loved my passage – I ADORE this one from you … “Frankly, I feel it takes a lot of balls to stand up to this energy and to confront these deeper, not-so-pretty truths within ourselves.”

      BOY – that nails it!

      Awww I love that you want all and sundry to feel and be the Light.

      I couldn’t agree more Laura. It makes me want to cry tears of joy and heart/soul love as well.

      Thrive On Dear Sister, and PLEASE do a session and discover the Angel you are and the Universal System we really live in.

      Mel xo

      1. Oh thank you Melanie! I am so glad you liked that little passage of mine 🙂

        I will definitely plan to do an LBL session! However, once I have the funds, I am planning on doing a private healing session with you first! xOxO

  18. So much of what you are continually saying puts the responsibility of what I believe are truly evil, predatory experiences back onto the victim / target of this kind of abuse. This is incredibly cruel and simply re-traumatises the victim, depending at what stage of recovery they are at. Tricky, when your only answer is that they buy your quantum recovery programme before they can truly heal.

    I believe that narcissists are evil. Look at their eyes, there is nothing there, they are scarily empty, totally devoid of whatever it is that makes a human being rather than animal. I.e. no soul, no compassion, no conscience, no empathy, no emotions. And their victims will have all of these qualities which is probably why they are chosen as victims, to be practically de-humanised, just like their torturers.

    Interesting to read about what qualities people say defines humans from animals. Conscience free individuals lack so many qualities (or refuse to show) that make us human, whilst many animals do indeed display those same qualities that abusers are lacking. If you are or have been the victim or target of emotional / psychological abuse being asked to take sole responsibility for having ‘earnt’ their our own experiences is not at all helpful.

    I’ve seen the predatory gaze, wondered if he hadn’t been practising this haven found some kind of ‘tutorial’ on the internet…..empty, zilch, zero, nothing there, and always so perfectly timed too. I wondered if he wasn’t focussing on a spot between my eyes (!) and that it might be a common trick, an easily learned lesson…..I almost found it funny, till I realised I had to be the one who had to look away first. There’s no getting round it, no blaming yourself, nor ancient relatives and so on. I do believe childhood wounding is well worth considering in relation to how we respond to such treatment, but with a well trained therapist, one to one and in a safe environment and so on.

    Whether one had earnt this kind of abuse or not, it is is a show of evil. It’s not ‘Satan’ (I’m not religious) I’m not living under an ‘evil’ despot in a time of war.

    It is an ego problem. I am guessing it truly is a mens’ ego problem’. Therefore its a men’s issue, a cultural one, world wide. Can you concentrate on that for a while? You know, “when good men stand by and do nothing?” And why don’t they? For me one person did step forward to say ‘enough’, after being married to my narc for 20 years, and I’m now in my mid sixties and not in good health. I’ll take responsibility for not getting out sooner but it had been near impossible, trapped into staying where I was for legal / financial reasons. I’m still waiting for my divorce, till I can sell my house and move back home 5 years after he left. I’m really not up for anymore of finding all possible reasons for why I am to blame.

    1. Hi Sarah,

      I do believe we need to free ourselves from inner trauma – correct.

      Everyone needs to BUY NARP – incorrect.

      MTE sponsors anyone – without exception – who wishes it, who cant financially access it.

      I am so sorry that you still feel so much pain with your experience. Many, many people in this Community once upon a time also totally did (as I did also – horrifically) who are now free of pain and Thriving. (Have you seen that evidence continually through this Community?) Nothing in my message to these people has been different from this one today.

      I wish you incredible peace and healing Sarah, and please note our arms – as the NARP Community – are totally open to help you too .. if you ever chose to accept that offer.

      Mel xo

  19. Yes Mel,
    We are all connected in our universe. When you look into the eyes of a Narc you see nothing. My husband was an atheist and laughed in the face of religion. He appears to be way out there floating around in the universe ignoring love. He did no volunteer work in his life and only put himself first. When I look into his eyes I see no connection to the light. Just darkness. I am 4 months since discard and thanks to your philosophies I strengthen from inside. My two grown children see him as souless and we all feel sorry for him. He is lost in the universe.

  20. Loved that you mentioned the Ho’oponopono and would love to share my experience and benefits with it in relation to healing from narc abuse

    I practice Ho’oponopono to shift my negative thoughts and energy about my ex

    When I have thoughts about him that are bitter, resentful and not feeling that life is just because of what he did.

    Eg: He is an ahole
    He has ruined my life
    Hope he suffers and hurts like he hurt me

    I say to myself:
    “I’m not interested in these thoughts anymore I’m giving these thoughts to the Holy Spirit for healing. Please Take them out on my mind so I never think them again”

    I then switch into the Ho’oponopono

    I love you
    I’m sorry
    Please forgive me
    Thank you

    I may have to do this several times a day (when I first the started it was several hundred times a day) It requires me to be disciplined but I’m grateful I have this spiritual practice opposed to continuing energising and investing thoughts towards or about him and feeling forever a victim especially as he is no longer in my life and only these thoughts were remaining.

    I am only interested in energising loving thoughts in my mind and found doing this has been massively beneficial in my healing.

    I enjoy this Ho’oponopono Prayer Chant by Jennifer Ruth Russell

    https://youtu.be/dq_5VyobIYo

    Lots of love!

    1. thank you for the link. my favourite is Jason Stevenson ho’opnopono hawaiian healing technique prayer guided meditation visualization. Also, for those unfamiliar with ho’oponopono – Dr. Hew Len is credited with ‘healing’ a full institution of the criminally insane with this prayer – a remarkable story to check out.

  21. Dear Melanie,

    I think that was just beautiful. Thank you so much for this message so full
    of hope and light and oneness. I could actually ‘feel’ the light radiating
    from you towards me when watching that 🙂

    I could just write on and on about how much I agree with you,
    but let me just wrap it up with those words: your message
    truely resonates with me.

    Happy Halloween and All Saints’ Day

    xoxo

  22. Dear Melanie,
    I am totally new here on your forum, and very much share the same thoughts and spirituality as you. I am a 55 year old woman with 3 Children, 17,18, and 34. My 34 year old son is most deffently a narcassist that started in his early teens and at this point after years and years of abuse and unspeakable acts now is a question of life and death for me. I know I have allot of work ahead for me and my youngest children to heal from all the abuse, but my question today after your holloween video is How do I as a mother not feel sorry for my son…that has lost all connection to life and light…that lives in this terrible hell state. After his last attack on me a week ago, i have had no contact… but i know he will try to work his way back as so many many times before… It breaks my heart to see him live like this… my other children have closed the door on him and will no have no contakt with him. I am at the end of my rope… and in desperate need of help…your sincerly Christina from Denmark

    1. Hi Christina,

      Welcome kindred spirit, I am so pleased you found your way here.

      My heart goes out to you regarding your son, and what you and your younger children have gone through.

      Please find this publication of mine that may help: https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-if-your-child-has-narcissistic-tendencies/

      Please also know that my free webinar is about getting relief, healing and necessary healthy detachment from ANY narcissist in your life and it will help you a lot.

      To join me with this deep healing: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I hope this helps Christina, and please know there is hope for your healing and freedom from this.

      Mel xo

  23. Mel
    thoroughly resonates with me 🤗my cells are dancing. My purpose at the moment is to finish a screenplay called The Devil’s list which reveals the tradegy of past trauma regarding the Mathew Hopkins witchcraft trials here in England in 1645. My journey of study and creativity has been so enlightening and my hearts desire is to burst the bubble of limiting beliefs that may be stuck as programmes in our psyche regarding the personification of The Devil so that we see when we are Scape Goating … I love that revelation from you this morning. Let’s all enjoy expanding universal consciousness together ❤️

  24. Hi Mel,

    I loved this video and it reasonated with me deeply. It is my understanding that evil and Satan are just labels that we as humans “being” have placed on certain behaviours and entities during the history of the world. A label is just that, a label. It is not somebodies pre-ordained destiny for all time.

    Of course there is a school of thought that Satan himself, is nothing more than a fallen angel, an entity who seperated himself from God early on in the history of the universe by allowing his dark side to over-rule his being.

    With NARP as my tool, I can honestly say that I have once again found love for the N that I am dealing with, not in a peptide addicted way but in a way where I can just let him be who he is, right where he is at from afar.

    While still triggered at times I know what to do about it and why and I no longer need to overburden the soul of another to make my world a safe place to be.

    N used to talk to me all the time about unconditional love. What he meant by that is “I can behave however I like and you will put up with it”. The irony is that I now do have unconditional love for him and what I mean by that is “You can behave however you like and I will not judge you for it. I will simply bear witness to your existance with love – from a distance that is healthy for me, because I love me too”.

    Hope this makes sense.
    Much love and gratitude as always,
    TGW. Xo

    1. Hi TGW,

      I am so pleased you enjoyed this 🙂

      I adore that version of love of allowing and freeing all involved, and then simply taking responsibility for and releasing our darkness (wounds) to become more light.

      It so uncomplicates things!

      You have described unconditional love BEYOND perfectly TGW – “You can behave however you like and I will not judge you for it. I will simply bear witness to your existence with love – from a distance that is healthy for me, because I love me too”.

      So much love to you.

      Mel xo

  25. I had a childhood filled with abuse by my father.Most of the abuse was not done to me but I witnessed horrific abuse my father did to my mother and brother.My brother was completely screwed up as a result and I watched my mother get more and more depressed as a result.Both of their life force was drained and mine to as well.I However managed to get it back but I met a psychopath and I was retramatised and had a complete nervous breakdown and became psychotic and lost so much which I will never recover.I agree completely that some people feel so separated from who they are and the spirit inside and that is why they act this way and for some reason hurting others make them feel more powerful.This is sick but this is true.I understand that maybe reincarnation exist and it is possible that maybe I hurt others in another life but I know that in this life this is the last thing I want to do.I want to love every person animal tree and rock.I don’t really know the answers to life and my head hurts in a knot even trying to figure it out.I only know that the horrific things that were done to my brother and mother and me destroyed our precious god given life and rather than forgiving and having sympathy for the abuser I think that we need to help the ones victimized.God is Love I believe.I really think these people are “possessed” by an energy that is not god.They have no concioncience.My father used to drop kick dogs and that is only a mild example of what I saw.It is easy to be all fluffy about this and loving and forgiving.I don’t mean to be so dark and live in past.My family died in holocost.The way Hitler thought just blows my mind.The way he thought was pure evil.You and I have never lived through that but I can put myself a little bit in there shoes because of things I have been through and I can’t help but think ther definitely is a very very powerful force of evil that takes over the mind and this force definitely is not god and it is way more than just the absence of light.

    1. Hi Pamela,

      please know my heart goes out to you and your family for the trauma that you have experienced.

      Do you know about my healing methods which are about releasing and reversing the trauma in order to reset to wellbeing?

      I myself, Pamela, and so many others in this Community who are now Thriving were told that we would / could never recover from the abuse we received.

      This Thriver Community takes the stand that this doesn’t have to be the case. Most people after narcissistic abuse – childhood or adult usually don’t recover – they simply try to survive and live with the trauma aand damage that occurred within them.

      That is not necessarily the case with the healing we can access now.

      I would love you to Pamela, join up to my free resources and start reading and applying what is there – and I promise you will start to sense and feel that what I am saying is true.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      It isn’t too late for you – it isn’t for any of us.

      I wish you strength, relief and healing.

      Mel xo

    2. Pamela I just wanted to add a word about “people being possessed by an energy that is not good” as you described. I have witnessed this and know what you mean and from my understanding and personal experience, it is not the energy alone but always in combination with a being, that can act like this on/with another being. The negative energy of a negative (disconnected from True Self and God) being that can or can not be incarnated at that moment.
      BUT the most important thing IS: without holes in ones’ own boundaries and inner wounds, no energy or being (in human form or other) can hurt/act on etc anyone else. Free Will operating here, even if decisions go back to very early childhood moments and were made not in full adult consciousness.
      What Mel said, the concept of the scapegoat, that is just dishonesty with oneself when one only blames other people/beings with negative (disconnected) energy for what goes “wrong” in one’s own life or others. NARP is all about taking back your power, getting yourself in the drivers seat of your life, close those boundary holes and heal those wounds – make conscious use of your Free Will for healthy, good decisions.

  26. Hello dear Melanie

    Yet another excellent and thought provoking episode. Thank you. (And all delivered in a get up which gave me a giggle.)

    So, I am so pleased to have found you and your work; coming form a family of cartesian scientists, my internal belief system never seemed in the least bit “realistic” and had to be well buried. The passing years have given me many opportunities to resurrect it but only the experience with a narcissist was sufficiently strong to bring me back to an awareness that I needed to DO THE WORK and accept that I have this belief system which was “wrong” in the eyes of my family. As you say everything is energy. I think our physical pain when being abused verbally (for example) is the trauma energy being triggered and screaming to be released. I am a NARPer and getting better all the time. Your/the quantum version of the dynamics of the universe suits me very well both scientifically and spiritually.

    Much love
    Hannah

  27. Thank you once again Melanie.
    Separation from the light is I suppose what the story of The Fall is about.
    We fall into Matter, separate, to learn.
    I truly believe the narcissistic behaviour I experienced in my life ( he died) was from a very great soul who chose the struggle of narcissism to evolve and help others evolve. Sometimes I could observe the switch from light to dark as he went in and out of the phases. I now see the years of torment I went through as part of our joint agreement at a soul level.
    I know it was a torment for him too.
    I dont necessarily think my own circumstances are the same for everyone, but I think there will be others with a similar experience.
    I want to use this as an opportunity to honour and bless him.
    And I feel less of a victim not more of a victim when I do.💖

  28. Go Mel!!!!! Oh my goodness I loved this video, shouting out hurrah’s at the statements!! and crying with joy for my Dad who is the N. I actually had an experience during a Narp module where his 14 year old self came to me and apologised for what he was to become and then thanked me for forgiving him. He said he knew this incarnation was over in terms of hope for him but that when he died he would be free to move on. So profound. I am so ready for a life between lives regression. I hadn’t heard of Michael Newton so thanks for that. I have really looked at Caroline Myss though and love her work about the soul contract. I’ve never believed in Hell as a place either, always as a state. Thankyou for saying it all. Last night on the Samhain moon I honoured all the women who have gone before me in my generational line sending love and compassion and healing across time and space and within. I can honestly say that one of the deepest healing moments for me about my Dad was the acceptance of the perpetrator within myself. This is life changing. I am so ready to learn even more about who I’ve been in the past to choose this soul contract this time around. And after 20 months of taking in the light with Narp this curiosity is ever stronger. Samhain blessings xxx PS where is the real Tiggy today!!!! I love it when his ears pop into screen.

    1. Hi Vikki,

      I am so pleased you enjoyed this. How beautiful that you cried with joy for your Dad. I adore that you had that profound Quantum transformation whilst NARPing and the healing that you did for you and your generational women.

      Oh gosh everything I am reading, that you have written, is giving me goosebumps … it is that powerful!

      Tiggy had his nose out of joint because of Terrible Tiggy and was helping my partner build out in the backyard – haha.

      So much love to you Vikki and thank you so much for your post.

      Mel xo

  29. Truly beautiful video and talk Melanie. for me it goes to the heart of healing . it’s only when we remember who we are , as conscious beings that we connect with the sacredness of all other lives , narcissist or not; human or not; all sentient beings including other life forms. I have always felt there is no such thing as evil..Only unconsciousness and disconnection, which has allowed the human species to destroy millions of their own species and other species and inflict immeasurable suffering on those who can not speak. I was listening to Phillip Adams on the radio last night interviewing a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist who has closely observed and written about Donald Trump for the past 30 years. He described him as ” a malignant narcissist”. no surprise there. Just as you say….as within so without…people and institutions and systems driven by fear and ego and unconsciousness got Mr Trump elected as the President of the United States. He is just the malignant narcissist representing this fear, unconsciousness , pain. and working it to the hilt.
    So all the more important and wonderful that we talk about what really matters, such as all you spoke of in this video. Namaste Melanie, love , blessings and thank you for helping us ground ourselves in love and wisdom and what really matters.

  30. Mel:

    Your comments are so thoughtful and insightful. If we look deeply into all religions and spiritual beliefs the core is always love, acceptance and forgiveness. I believe it is healthy to study all forms of spirituality and find the one which resonates with your soul. Like your friend after much study and experience with all forms of spirituality Christianity resonates with my soul. If we all truly practiced what we believed and connected to our source the world would be a better place. I agree Narcissists are very damaged and trauma filled human beings. What we need to realize is we can’t save them they have to save themselves. No amount of love and compassion we give them will heal their brokenness, even though that’s what they want us to believe. The most loving thing we can do is pray for them, speak truth into their life and let them experience the consequences of their choices. Peace and Blessing to you.

    1. Hi Theresa,

      thank you and thank you for your beautiful words that resonate so deeply with my soul.

      Agreed – how amazing our world would be if we did.

      You are a very wise and amazing lady Theresa. Continue being the Angel you are.

      Mel xo

  31. I watched this video twice and it gave me MANY things to think about! The one question I still have is this: Can the narcissist change his/her state from dark to light? I mean can this transition occur tomorrow or next month or next year? Basically, can a narcissist change?
    Thanks for a great video!!!

  32. Hi Mel

    You have a uncanny knack of turning up in my inbox with thriver episodes related to what’s going on for me at that particular time! This is no
    exception so, I thank you as it has stopped me going further into the belief that the N in my experience currently, is indeed evil. I am a NARP member and the modules are helping so much, I think you are some kind of genius and thank you from the bottom of my heart, I don’t think I could have got through this stage in my life (divorce after 34 years with an altruistic N) without your wisdom.

    Much love

    Angie 💕xx

  33. I love this and all resonates …my deepest held beliefs and truths. Thank you Mel ❤️❤️😺 I used to feel this ‘exonerated’ the Ns somehow, they were hurting.. and this kept me stuck, focusing on their traumas, making excuses for them, believing in their essential light … but thank goodness I don’t do this anymore … my self-respect, love and self-compassion nurture me now, my own traumas are healing and I feel such joy 🙂 I can’t heal theirs and that’s ok 🌸

  34. I was immediately interested when I saw the title because I had never used the term ‘evil’ prior to narc. abuse. I would say, ‘I don’t know what else to call the look on her face except evil.’ Even though I agree with your presentation here and these ideas are not new to me, I still feel like I need an adjective to describe the complete disdain and contempt. When I do module work and try to name my feelings, I sometimes draw a blank. There is this incredulity that a human being could behave this way. I definitely don’t feel any resonance with concepts like hell or satan but the only way I can describe my experience is, ‘It was like standing in the presence of evil.’ I’d use another word if I could find one that conveyed the depths of that experience accurately. I don’t like the word. I feel sad when I use it…

    1. Hi Lorelee,

      I so agree that it looks like evil and feels like evil.

      For myself and so many others, it wasn’t until we released the trauma of that, and healing came in to fill that space, that our viewpoint and deeply felt feelings organically changed about it – and opened up to a different understanding.

      I really do believe that any concept or words that feel “off” in our body when we say/think them are NOT True – hence why they feel so “off”.

      The truth, in contrast, is always uplifting – it always sets our soul free.

      Mel xo

  35. Another view: logically, if good comes from good beings – angels, arch-angels, cherubim, God – then evil comes from evil beings – Satan-Ahriman, Lucifer, Sorat. We are given the image in Genesis of Lucifer/the snake tempting Eve to leave her innocence in the Garden and become aware of the knowledge of good and and evil. Leaving the Garden was our fall into matter, light and darkness, good and evil, truth and falsehood, and began the cycle of reincarnation. However, evil beings are not evil in the spiritual world – Ahriman is lord of death (and materialism) and death is needed as part of the cycle of life, to clear away the old and worn out. They become evil influences when we follow them in our inner life, when we become evil; we become good when we learn to resist these impulses. The cycle of incarnations has been a school for souls, teaching us to increasingly, consciously chose light, truth, good over dark, falsehood, evil, and in so doing become self-conscious, where we become ‘as gods’.

    1. Forgot to say: I agree with your view that narcissists too far gone get ‘re-cycled’ (and are young souls – larrikins!). I’m struggling with this concept with my Nex, who I would say is a medium soul (with many previous re-incarnations). I think we’ve lived together many times before but that this incarnation maybe our last. She’s chosen too steep a downward path for me to be able to help any further or for either of us to learn from the other.

      1. Hi Ted,

        I actually believe that narcissists are more advanced souls (in incarnations) usually and have sadly absorbed a great deal of trauma/density that has overcome them.

        I also believe it is only souls that have knocked around for some time that live the ultimate self-sacrifice of being beyond repair and are still able to assist others with their evolution, as well as there is no greater fast-track (make or break experience) for the “victims” than to have a narcissist reflecting back to you all your “chinks” that still require healing.

        I so agree, that once we have got that there is no need to continue on with one.

        Mel xo

      2. I have this sense too of knowing the exN way too well. We were different in alot of areas but were so alike still. I hear music n think of him stillll. I hate that. I long for someone else to enjoy that similitude with but I would be happy to just to enjoy the music with me. Thats rly what I long for…ME. My peptide addiction seems to be broken but its simply allowing me to see more n more WHY i hooked so tightly. And this knowing him with too deep a knowing for this world is perplexing.
        He would at times seem to be…there…kept me wondering too long, hes not an N then? Even, he can change/I can learn to cope? Well at first anyway. I quickly caught that hes not ill, Im worth way more than adjusting me to his vampirism and I need to disengage. So much for knowing lol Took 5 1/2yrs of hell to to do it.
        The thought of thinking of him as my friend, no romantic attachment, still seems silly to me tho. I ll just walk by if I encounter him again in another dimension. Im all full of THAT tyvm lol

  36. Hi Melanie,

    Thank you very much for this new and bold information. I agree in some of them, but I have different experiences in some important points.
    I understand that we are all interconnected in the web of life, but to me it doesn´t mean that all behaviors are morally, ethically the same.
    Also I don´t think that all people that have been suffered narcissistic abuse have been perpetrators or abusers in past lives. It is not my case at least. I am a professional clairvoyance and have had past life regression sessions, and although I don´t have problem in own my crap and look at my shadows, I haven´t found that I have been a narcissist or abuser in any of my past lives (and I have had quite a lot). But in this life time my biological father is narcissist, and my current partner too -I am in the process of healing using greatly the wonderful NARP program. I know that I have been a victim of abuse in past lives, and persecuted, but not a perpetrator. I feel for me in this life time the purpose is to heal from past life abuses, and also to experience all this in mission so I can understand through my own experience and eventually to help others. So from my understanding there might be different explanations about why in this life time a person has suffered narcissistic abuse. Also I feel it is usually very easy to blame ourselves enough for having suffered narcissistic abuse (like “something is wrong with me”, “I should deserve this”, etc.) to think that it happened because we were necessarily narcissists in a past life too.
    As you said we can disagree and respect and love each other the same. Although I disagree in those points, I Love you and love your NARP programs and blogs and videos, each one makes me grow and expand, so Big Thank you and Blessings!!!

    1. Hi Sophia,

      you are so welcome and thank you for your great heart in all of this!

      I do just want to say, I was a past life-regression therapist for 15 years and trained many others how to regress as well. (This was all before during and after N-abuse) I too had had countless PLR’s done on myself and had never come across any evidence of being a perpetrator.

      It wasn’t until my deep NARP journey and the lightbolt hit me, regarding WHY I had certain things stuck in my claw about what “he” did, that I set the intention to find any energy regarding myself as a perpetrator, and I fully wanted to. That was when I found those deep, dark, shameful vaults that were the LAST things I ever had wanted to see or own about myself.T he had been deeply buried in my subconscious.

      Maybe you don’t have those – I did, and I never thought (for decades) that it could have been possible.

      I guess also, I never think about it (anymore) as blame or deserving it … I simply think of it is as cleansing the human experience – personal and collective – of abuse / abused (trauma) to become Source again.

      So much love to you too Sophia, and I am thrilled for you that NARP and all other things within MTE are helping you so much!

      Thrive On Dear Lady 🙂

      Mel xo

  37. Hi Melanie,
    I hope you are well and your neighbor didn’t get too scared with your costume and “Terrible Tiggy”! I wanted to thank you for this particular Halloween episode. I agree we all have a dark side, or shadow, and if we don’t acknowledge it, name it and recognize it is within us, then that dark side has us and we don’t have it! The more we can bring those shadows into light, we see that they are not so big after all. More importantly, those shadows don’t control our behaviors. Thanks again. I admit that right now, due to the deep hurt and betrayal I feel, I would enjoy a bit of schadenfreude (in Spanish it is “cicuta”) if the man I used to live with experienced some type of misfortune. I don’t feel proud of saying it, but I am not as evolved I think. I would not want a continual suffering for him, but enough to feel I am “right” and he is “wrong.” Yes, I am very aware of the childishness of this. No, I am not happy that I feel this way and yes, I am working with it. I know I will eventually let that go, but since we were discussing dark sides, that is part of mine. But I liked this episode because it made me stop and think, and I believe thinking and feeling is a good thing for me.

    Hope you had a lovely Halloween,
    MaryAnn

    1. Hi MaryAnn,

      thank you, Lovely Lady, I am well, and it was too late to go play a prankie on my neighbour!

      I love your words about how our shadow, unclaimed, messes with us! It’s so true.

      It is very very normal at first to want a “cicuta” to happen to them – absolutely.

      Don’t beat you up about it. That part of you needs love … just truly feel into and hold, then release and heal the little girl inside who was making him responsible for her life – namely love, approval, security or survival, and I promise those feelings will melt away and be replaced by your power and love for you.

      Much Love to you and I hope you had a Happy Halloween too.

      Mel xo

  38. Hi Melanie! My friend connected me with you and I’m SO glad because you validate my 31 year old marriage (that I ended 9 years ago). Unfortunately , I had to learn the hard way…. on my OWN! But I am a determined seeker and even though I was so miserable that I attempted suicide twice, I DID finally come out of this spell. Everything you talk about is what he did!! And YES… I had to learn that I was not a victim, but a volunteer AND that the whole set up was for my growth….AND, that I could not just run away, but I had to truly GET what was going on if I was to avoid this sort of thing again. I figured out that he would NEVER respect or approve of me!! Ever! That all my explanations and arguments with him were USELESS. I learned to be THE ONE to decide if what he said was actually true or not… IN my head… And that I didn’t need to convince him of anything, just ME! At age 54 I finally left him. Now I own my own home and fully support myself financially, even though he had me and everyone convinced at one time….that I would be a bag lady without him! I was lucky that he found a new partner very fast. And now, I have a very sweet partner who is very supportive… Not perfect… I still am tested to stand up for myself and to not be afraid to let go of my new love should he not be fair and reasonable. I will never make another person more important than caring for myself and yet… I can be sensitive and put myself in their shoes too. Its been quite a ride, but I’ve never been happier!! I’m so happy to have all of this information now. Better later than never!!

    I am a painter and for years now I have signed my name with my maiden and married name. A few years ago I saw a message in my name. Check this out: Wethe Altman. we t heal t man (two crosses between the words!…second coming of Christ Consciousness??… WE …. I’m not the only one… Together WE, all of us who endure and transform, we will help to heal man!)

    Much Love to you and thank you for all that you do!!

    ~Robin

    1. Hi Robin,

      I am so pleased I have been able to help validate your experience. How wonderful that you survived that terribly traumatic time and that you accepted and took on your growth.

      I am very happy for you regarding your nice partner now, and it’s wonderful that there is still the opportunity for growth in this relationship too – relationships help us do that so much.

      That is amazing what you saw in your name, and I agree, we at a pivotal time of emerging human consciousness.

      So exciting.

      Thank you for your post which I am sure will inspire so many others, and much love to you too Robin.

      Mel xo

  39. Hello Melanie:)

    Another amazing AMAZING thriver episode! It blows my mind what a turning point in my life NARP has been. Awakening, healing, on my way to THRIVING:)
    EVERYTHING you shared resonated so deeply with me-I feel it. Thank you again, so much for your wisdom and the life/love work you do! Tremendous!
    Fabulous costume:) hope your Halloween was fun!

    -a quote from Thich Nhat Hanh I came across-you may have already seen-it really supports what you shared-
    “When another person makes you suffer, it’s because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.”

    Love and hugs to you from Maryland:)

    1. Hi Cindy,

      that’s great you enjoyed it and I am so happy for you that NARP has helped SO much!

      I LOVE you felt the words in this episode as truth.

      I adore the quote you have shared – I haven’t heard it … I love it!

      Thank you for your beautiful post Cindy and big hugs and love back to you!

      Mel xo

  40. A lot of your concepts are similar to Christian Science. My father became one during World War 2 when his brother was in The Battle of the Bulge. These concepts gave him and his mother great peace. He taught me some of it when I was a child, although he had pretty much given up on it. He became abusive and narcissistic but we all loved him. He recently died on Father’s Day and had kept his downhill slide from me. I called on Father’s Day to find he was dying. He made it very clear that he did not want to go get medical help-complex health problems at 86 yo -and I had to accept it as he gasped for air. I was pretty angry that the medical system couldn’t get oxygen to a dying man on the weekend. My Dad and I were able to say how much we loved each other and it was the last time I spoke to him. Both my brother and I are very spiritually sensitive and we have felt his presence very near, very comforting and that he is happy.

    I read a letter he had written when he was in Korea about his father who had a degenerative brain condition diagnosed and he expressed great concern and love for his father being alone at Christmas (ironically this isolation repeated with my Dad and me being an 8 yo thinking it my job to rescue him) and there seemed to be a theme in the family of rejection, disconnection. All of us are talented musically and artistically. Tormented creative souls. I could see this repetitive cycle in the family and still find myself in it at times. When I was a child once I told my father he would die alone but my son was right at his side and that was a way that I was there even though 12 hours away. I went through a very hard time when my son moved his family, near my father. I felt how cruel it was that my father, who could be exceptionally hurtful to me), got to be with my grand daughter. In the end I was so grateful that he had that brief time with her and my son’s family.

    I certainly don’t understand much of life and I think that at times we are not supposed to have things revealed until we are ready to “see” them. Often one just has to step forward in faith.

  41. Thank you. After first learning about Narcissism and understanding I felt like half of my life was a lie. I didn’t know who I could trust anymore and I was shattered. I built walls all around me. It was hard living like that. Now instead of building walls I am learning to set boundaries.

  42. Melanie you have helped me so much over the last 5 years(and 1000s of others); I guess I am missing the boat however . My narc ex companion sexually abused my 6 year old son; he told me about 3 years ago and he has been in and out of psychiatric therapy for 15 years or so. He is 38 now. My two sons with the narc have been alienated from me and the rest of my family. The oldest, 22, is definitely a narc and the youngest,17, probably is as well. I feel that narcs are the devil walking among us. I brought this monster into my sons’ lives and now they suffer for my action. They were innocent beautiful boys and they are doomed to carry on the legacy of the narc. My narc ex companion has a narc mother. Thus it never ends. Why must my sons and then their contacts suffer for my actions? To me that is evil and that is the devil. I love my sons and I feel they have been destroyed by the narc directly and me indirectly.

    1. Hi Roger,

      I am so pleased I have been able to help to a point … yet please know in the face of such trauma and destruction there is only one thing to ever do … release our internal trauma about it – period.

      Because of Quantum interconnectedness that is the Highest and the Best thing we can ever do for the souls involved.

      When I say in my Thriver Tv Episodes “there is nothing else to do” what I am really referring to is to release our trauma and replace it with wellbeing.

      Heal ourselves … this is the ONLY way to help others and our world. Every time we heal our trauma about a topic those involved Qunatumly receive the benefit too.

      You see?

      Roger, have you ever looked into doing the NARP work for your relief and healing?

      That is my highest (and only) suggestion to REALLY help you and your boys.

      Mel xo

  43. Hi Mel! I have been listening to you for a couple years and it has changed my life. I am still in the phase of learning more about narcissist which is not super productive in personal growth but where I am now. I returned to one after I went through the shock of leaving. I know I need inner healing to not repeat that again and I am seeking it. I have to come to the place where I know I am responsible for myself as you say so accurately. Thank you, I am deeply grateful for your voice. I am trying to make my husband love me in a way I need to be loved even now. I am responsible to find healing for myself of the wounds of my losses as a child. My husband’s love, if it were there in a healthy way, would not heal me of those childhood wounds. I agree with you about separation from light and love. I do believe in a creator God and I know he loves me but I have blocked so much of it out with shame and condemnation from my human experience, trauma and the dark force so to speak getting to me. I think we will all someday see God clearly and be in love and feel loved instantly and be completely ourselves, brilliantly made in his image, unique and whole! As humans he gave us this earth experience for a reason and I don’t fully understand it but I think it is so we can choose him or as you would say the light perhaps and not him forcing it on us which I believe when we see him we won’t be able to NOT love him and want to be a force of his goodness bursting with fruits of his Spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kinkdness, gentleness and self control! I do think there are other beings though and one of them referred to in the Bible is Lucifer. I think no one understands that world of beings as they are not like us. They are fascinating and alien to us so to speak! The universe is larger than this experience of humans and earth. I am so excited to be a part of it all and it is clearly never going to be over for any of us! To infinity and beyond love will go forever! I do trust in the power of love and all evil and darkness will be concurred by it! Love wins!

    1. Hi Cindy,

      I am so pleased I have been able to help.

      I love your post! And I truly do believe that the entire conundrum becomes so much easier Cindy when we simply release our trauma (internal darkness) and create the room to fill with light.

      Then we just know God, we know we are the same. We know it just IS. In the Quantum Universe of so within so without I believe we “see” what we are. That is the message “ye are Gods” – meaning whatever you “be” “comes” … hence what “be-come” really means.

      Thank you for your post.

      Mel xo

      1. Amazing you have time to read these! Thank you! And yes I must change my lens and see myself as God sees me! He sees me full of light and full of Him! Thank you!

  44. Mel,
    I agree with you re not blaming a dark force on the acts of the Narc but when he hit me and did other consciousless acts- those acts were horrific and evil. You wrote before many times that Narcs lack conscience, they lack empathy. So I’m unclear what’s the difference between being evil and lacking conscience ?
    Thanks as always. Hope you see my question although I posted it late.

    1. Hi Jane,

      I understand how that feels – I too went through unspeakable trauma and violence with N-abuse – that we could easily describe as “evil”.

      Yet, I believe to label it as “evil” grants it the power to keep us as a victim and traumatised. I would rather see it as the greatest (and most divine) wakeup call (personally) to my consciousness regarding how my lack of self-love, self-worth and not knowing how to have rights a voice, boundaries or the ability to generate healthy relationships got me there – and nothing less of terrible trauma (a make or break expereince) was going to help me realise I needed to take responsibility to heal my patterns and wounds so as to not keep choosing and staying attached to these sorts of people.

      And in no way is this about “blaming myself” and taking the emphasis of the abuser for doing “terrible things”. It is about empowering and being able to change myself and heal, because seeing someone else as “evil” and not healing myself, simply leaves me without healing.

      My focus on this person being “evil” doesn’t serve me. Me seeing this person as an AID (Angel In Disguise as an abuser) to finally wake me up to self-partner, heal, come home to myself and be able to create a great internal relationship and then move onto a glorious one with life and others, including personal love relationship – does.

      I could NOT have done it without this experience.

      This is why I see there is no evil” – there is a purpose, healing, transcendence in our life from the most terrible of events that I believe at a soul level were meant to be.

      It is the lack of consciousness (awakeness) that causes abusers to be in trauma and traumatises others. It is also our lack of consciousness “awakeness” to that our internal wounds are drawing into our life that places and keeps us in there.

      Darkness is the internal wounds playing out, bringing them to the light is the healing of them – making them conscious.

      I hope this helps explain.

      Mel xo

      in the Thriver Way

      1. This is enormously helpful, Mel. Thank you for your response. So wise…I see the point of not labeling it as evil since something good came out of that Narc experience. I’m so glad I have found you. You explained no contact in a way that convinced me to stick to it. This was 6 years ago. Then I did NARP and your posts still keep enlightening me. Can’t wait to listen to your YouTube video about narcissistic fathers!

  45. I do believe in evil, and the power of those dark entities, spirits, black magic, being harnassed to do someones bidding for selfish and malicious acts. Its not what I prefer to think, Ive seen it and had it attempted on me. Just like there is a power of goodness and love, positivity, there is a power in darkness, hate, envy, negativity as well. I do agree alot of dysfunctional people arent all bad, and may have been mistreated, or they inherited these traits from their parents. I think to not acknowledge evil is moral relativesim, which reduces every bad act to being the same thing, when its not. Its a bit of wishful thinking too. But I think we all come from our own reality of what we have been thru, and theres a human desire to explain it all away and an answer that fits it all. More and more I feel theres an epic battle raging between good and evil. To me evil starts and ends with the lack of empathy. Thats how evil flourishes when all one is concerned with is their self to the point that anothers suffering doesnt touch them, and they recruit others to be this way too.

  46. Hi Mel,
    Well this is fun to see you all dressed up! I did not know Hallow’een is a big deal in Australia. It is quite something in the States. I had a blast, wandering about down in town in costume, and enjoying the carnival feel of it all. Dressed in a quasi historic costume from the long ago days of my nomadic ancestors who roamed the eurasian steppes on horseback 🙂 With a kinsale cloak to represent my Celtic ancestors (and keep warm). And a mask, because, hey… it’s fun! Also had a harp gig and wore the same outfit. The audience was very happy 🙂

    Agree with you about good/evil. In our fabulous physical reality I like how Dion Fortune said it: evil provides the blocks to push against, like a runner starting a race. I do believe evil exists with the following definition: a force existing in a time and space where it does harm instead of good. (note the force is not defined as good or evil, just that it acts in a moment where it does harm.) Now is there a meta-consciousnes guiding that, that wishes harm? That is an interesting question…

    Had to watch this twice to catch the lbl reference. Didn’t know someone was studying this. I am aware of that space in the spirit realms, but rarely want to go there. Mostly want to be here and channel in cool things for here and now. Might go take a look … feeling a bit curious now!

    Blessings, love and joy –
    Val (in Colorado)

    1. Hi Val,

      I am glad you enjoyed this episode!

      Halloween is not a big deal in Australia – it was when I was a child – but has somehow lost ground!The days of kids going through neighbourhoods in this electronic age has died down so much … sadly.

      Oh WOW Valerie that would have been amazing – to be in costume on horseback!!! I would LOVE to do that one day! I bet the crowd loved it!

      I love Dion’s analogy – it is so true. I believe in the metaconsciousness granting “what we want’ (where we are resonating) without any judgement whatsoever on “good” or “bad”.

      LBL is s worth looking into – fascinating!!

      So much love to you too Val 🙂

      Mel xo

  47. Melanie,

    Thank you so much for this episode. It truly opened my eyes, and I thank you so much for sharing your beliefs and your truth with such conviction and empathy. I loved my ex as much as I could, and I do not believe that he’s evil, though I did at one time. He’s hurting, and I wish that he could go to his wounds and heal and get out of his hell. I do believe that he is loved by God, the source of all love, and God can heal him here and now if he is willing and able to accept help, so he can get through his disconnection and trauma and connect to himself once more. I hope that he will return to love soon.

    If there is a Satan, I do not believe that he is the source of all trauma and disconnection. We are source as well. We cannot blame one entity for all the pain in the world. We have to hold ourselves accountable as well.

    I may not agree with everything you’ve said, but I do believe that there is truth and healing in your words and beliefs. Thank you so much for giving us the tools to heal and reach our inner child and higher self.

    Go with peace and love, Melanie. I wish you the best.

  48. Dear Melanie,

    I share a similar view regarding dark souls returning to God, with a Quantum Physics twist:

    One QP concept is that each soul may have many multiple parallel existences, occurring simultaneously, in which the soul benefits from experiencing all that there is, but distributed across the parallel lives. There are liberal Christians with a scientific education who may more readily accept this schema than reincarnation, but the distinction may be moot. One of the potential strengths to this idea is belief in the ability to better ourselves in another perhaps more difficult simultaneous existence by prayer for ourselves while in a stronger existence. Our actions affect all directions, not only toward others, but also toward all of our own incarnations at once. We are then responsible, perhaps in consultation with our Higher Power, for self-selecting which of our incarnations in the end was the best one, and that existence would be the one that succeeds into eternity to help others and return perfected to source and to our primal counterpart, which some call the marriage of the twins. “Hell” then may be no more than the dissolution of the unselected lives back to source, as you have so eloquently expressed.

    Thank you so much for all that you do to open us to the Light!

  49. This was so inspirational, thank you Melanie!
    When you said that souls who are separated and in darkness go back to the source, which is oneness, it moved me to tears.
    I really wish for all people to feel whole and live together in joy. I don’t view my recent ex as evil or my enemy (though he always positioned me as his enemy). The things he said and done could have been labeled as evil, but like Melanie said I’d rather view it as coming from a dark and separate soul. Still, the harm narcissists can do I don’t underestimate at all! I admit that I have difficulties with me thinking that I wish for all harmfull people to dissapear, I feel dark myself when I think that way.

    I could really follow Melanie in that there is both darkness and light. And I believe that humans are capable of doing very “evil” things, but at the same time I believe that people are capable of doing wonderful things!! To me there is a thin line between light and darkness. They co-exist. I want to believe I have a choice whether to be in darkness or light. Even when times were difficult and I was scared to to step outside my house, I knew it was not the end. I know many people here are in very dire situations, and I really feel for you and wish you strength and peace of mind. I am so thankful for Melanie’s blog and NARP program. I have always found myself dangerously balancing on a rope of hope and despair. It’s been only 2 weeks after I ended the relation, and I have difficulties with sleeping and when I wake up I feel pained and uncomfortable. But after having been with a narcissist again, I don’t want to passively pour out my hope and despair on waiting for anxieties and depression to go away just like that.

    I am going to do Module 1 of the NARP program for the second time now, I started yesterday. I don’t only feel hope, but on another level I believe in this! 🙂

  50. Thank you so much for the article, information, and reader responses. Wow, being a male 44 with no children—-etc. I had no clue. NONE. My ride lasted over 4 months, and recently ended about 1.5 months ago. I never had a clue what hit me, until I found myself texting….which I never really do, and devoting every minute of my time to a Narc. Damn this was an expensive lesson. So much effort, time, not trusting my instincts, and money. I suppose I should have paid more attention and although I don’t use drugs or alcohol, realized that a Narc is not an informant. I was so confused I never even knew if I was coming or going, weak or strong, etc. I ditched my cell phone, and only keep a landline now. I have accomplished a lot, and suffered a lot in my short 44 years, and I still got hooked. Dang, I am a retired combat veteran, thought I had seen the worst of humanity. Evidently not. I once read “when people show or tell you who they are the first time…..believe them.” Take things slow. I was lonely but not desperate and successful, and I will allow myself the chance to love again, I just will have to be patient and if it happens so be it. Never give a person a chance to waste your time more than once. Life is too good and too many great men and women are available when the time comes. Never give up. Forget about yesterday, and know that I am a good person. I guess the internet is good in the fact that I found this article, but wow what a shock. I finally realized I have what is important. Health, my dog, and hope. Never give in or give up. Life is too short. Thank you all.

    1. Oh good for you!
      I spent 20 of my 44 years of life w Narc husband and divorced this week! Thanks to Narp I have excellent settlement and feel my children are safe even when they have to stay with him.
      So, good for me too 😆

  51. Melanie,
    You are so much fun!! Love the costume!

    Even though our denominations or main belief systems have different names and use a different vocabulary, most of our beliefs and concepts are the same. It amazes me every time you speak or write to see just how identical your thoughts are to my faith. So far after reading virtually every article, blog, watching all your MTE videos, and using the NARP program and forum, we diverge on only about 2% of the content.

    I have always thought that N’s would go straight to heaven after death (if there is only one life and heaven is not only a state of being, but also a place, which I believe), because these people were so damaged that they deemed life too unsafe to live and everything they do after that is either a desperate cry for help or a misguided attempt to defend themselves. Even at a young age I could see the N’s didn’t really have control over themselves. God bless them. At the same time, some people are tricky. Do they have some real self left? Are they salvageable? I think that’s why people get caught up in the “practical” or superficial side of things. B/c they really wanted to know if they should try to keep a relationship going with someone or simply disappear. Should we recommend NARP to them? Should we wait on the sidelines until they decide healing is worth it to them? It would be great to be able to see inside them and know if there really is hope for them or not. But either way, we understand we need to get on with taking care of ourselves.

    God bless you for sharing your life and love with the world. Your work and philanthropy deserve the Nobel Peace Prize, and nothing less.

    1. I have been thinking the SAME THING about Peace Prize!!! I even looked up how to nominate her! But it’s something like you already have to have earned one or something to qualify as a nominator.. but don’t let that stop anyone from trying!!!!

  52. I was in tears by the end!!! Oh the thought that the narcs themselves will eventually be returned to Love is such an an unbelievably free-ing concept!! and I resonate deeply. Because of course that’s true! Something shifted massively in my codependent nature that now lets me be released from trying to *still* ‘take care’ of the abusive people in my life. They will be just fine. And for me to keep being hooked in to their antics and pressures on me is utterly useless to All.. release release !! It feels so good. Wish I could word things as beautifully as Mel!; she sure did hit home for me.

  53. Well now, I respect your views Mel although I am not in total agreement with your cocept of there being no evil people just people acting out of trauma. I consider people like Stalin, Hitler, PolPat, those people who have caused the genocide of millions of people to be evil and also serial killers to be evil in my humble opinion. Denying the reality of horrendous acts as not being evil seems to be a pleasant fantasy but not reality for me personally. I appreciate your program and I’m using it for my personal self empowerment and growth. As you state in your video, we don’t have to agree with everything, we can agree to disagree yet still work together for the good.

    1. Hi Kathy,

      Thank you Dear Lady for your comment and I love that we don’t have to agree on everything!

      The world is such a richer and more interesting place with different viewpoints which can simultaneously be ‘right’.

      So much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  54. I really may agree, but I miss the possibility of neurological damage in brain. Like developing brainconnections when learning to play music, deterioration and damage, due to trauma, can happen too.

    1. Hi Gerard,

      That is very true. I also suffered brain damage and nervous system physiological injuries that I was told could not heal and could only be managed.

      Yet, when I internally released the traumas driving those conditions, my brain and internal systems healed to states far superior than even before the injuries.

      This is the power of how we can heal when we address the trauma responsible for dis-ease. Because without it our organic self is wellbeing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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