Melanie Tonia Evans

Are You In Bed With A Narcissist?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 7
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans


Have you had the experience of feeling like you are in too far with a narcissist?

Possibly … you feel like you have completely LOST yourself … and even suspect that your heart, mind and soul has been taken over by this person.

Goodness … narcissist number 2 in my life, with an intense stare, would say this to me: “I own your heart!”

It sent shivers up my spine! (I know I’d run a million miles from anyone who ever said that again!)

The very fact that you in this community, means you know what it is like to be ‘in bed with a narcissist’. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are trapped into having sex with them (even though of course that can be part of it.)

What it REALLY means (in the context of this video today) is that you feel like this:

You can’t break away …

And … when you try to leave and move on with your life, you feel such levels of anxiety, depression, and powerlessness that you feel like you may not be able to survive without this person.

In this very important Thriver TV episode, I am going to explain exactly why this is the case as well as what these enmeshments with a narcissist are REALLY about – and how you can break what seems like unbreakable ties and binds to this person.

So that you can start to experience a life that is far superior to the one you were living, even before narcissistic abuse.



Video Transcript

Ok, I admit it, this title was definitely to get your attention. But … I’m not necessarily talking about sex. This topic is actually even more dynamite, I believe!

Today, we are going to go deeply into the symbiotic energetic ties that we can form and get trapped in with a narcissist.

In the context of this Thriver TV episode, what I mean by ‘being in bed’ with a narcissist is being energetically trapped by and tied to them. And it’s important to understand this because the connection with a narcissist comes at a hefty price, which we may not be aware of until it is too late. And if we don’t awaken and rectify this by cutting off the energy leaks allowing it to happen, a narcissist could syphon us out all the way to our demise.

So … how do we awaken?

What is it that we have to do to get away and reclaim our souls and rebuild our life?

Stay with me – because I’m going to share with you in few minutes exactly how to achieve this.

Let’s dive right in … the deep soul enmeshment with a narcissist is insidious, symbiotic and deadly. In this symbiotic relationship of dependency between the narcissist and ourselves, we know what is in it for the narcissist – narcissistic supply, the necessary energy and attention they require to survive – but what is in it for us to unconsciously connect up with a narcissist and continue to hang on?

As Mateo Sol, a prominent psychospiritual teacher whose work has influenced the lives of thousands of people worldwide says ‘An energy vampire can never “steal” energy from us unless we consciously or unconsciously permit them to.’ And this is a huge awakening for us because we can only work with and change our lives if we come home to what is happening within ourselves.

I know I always used to say ‘He won’t leave me alone. He won’t stop doing what he is doing!’ and it wasn’t until I did the deep NARP healing work that I totally discovered and found out that there were many unhealed parts of me invested in hanging on.

It wasn’t until I deeply admitted this, investigated them and healed those unhealed parts of myself that were clinging to him, that I finally got out of bed with him.

Yes, absolutely when we are trapped emotionally and energetically with a narcissist, there is trauma bonding involved but is there is much more to it all than just this. And as always what I really wish to do in these episodes is make the unconscious conscious, so that the truth can set you free.

If we are in bed with a narcissist literally or figuratively we are experiencing intense feelings of connection, that may feel like love but as time goes on feel a lot of the time like hell. And at first we aren’t aware that something is off, but as the narcissist’s mask dropped, we started to experience unease, anxiety and confusion as the true narcissistic personality appeared. By the time obscene abuse appeared, we were usually invested; metaphorically we were well and truly in bed.

This is such a different level of enmeshment than we may have with a person who is not an energy vampire. With a narcissist, this is no less than a soul fusion, an unspoken agreement, a symbiotic exchange that truly is like dancing with the devil.

We connected and committed to this person because we believed (usually unconsciously) that the narcissist can supply us with something – some form of love, approval, security or survival – or other aspects of our life that we believed were missing or lacking for us.  We did this without understanding what is really involved here.

If you were born into a narcissistic family or ended up with an abusive caretaker, you had no option other than to be bonded to this person to try to receive love, approval, security and survival. Of course, you were completely dependent on them.

Regardless of our circumstance of being bonded to a narcissist, the other side of the deal is deadly. By connecting up to a narcissist and looking at them for parts of you – such as ‘finally I feel loved and there is no way I ever want to go through being single and lonely again’ or ‘This person has the power and security I wish I had’ or ‘This person makes my previously dull life full of colour and life now’ (or whatever it is)  the narcissist gets to claim a stake on your soul, which goes like this: ‘Now that you are conjoined with me, I will drain you and use you to fill my own energy source as well as project my demons onto you, for as long as I wish. When the time has come when you are no longer serving this purpose adequately, I will discard you.’

I can almost hear you asking, ‘Does the narcissist know he or she is doing that?’ Mature self-analysis and healthy honest introspection are not pastimes that narcissists indulge in. Gaining and regulating narcissistic supply is. I did this video some time ago on this topic:

Do Narcissists Know What They are Doing?

This I want you to understand – unspoken symbiotic soul contacts are powerful binds that can have tragic consequences if we don’t understand them and evolve beyond them.

I’d like to help you understand this with a little story I love – it’s called the Magical Kitchen Story, written by Don Miguel Ruiz.

If you haven’t heard it – it’s powerful. I’ll condense it. Imagine that you have a well-stocked kitchen in which you regularly cooked delicious, nutritious meals for yourself. Then one day someone knocks at your door, and it’s a person with a pizza.  You open the door, and the person looks at you and says, ‘Hey, do you see this pizza?  I’ll give you this pizza if you let me control your life. If you just do whatever I want you to do. You are never going to starve because I can bring pizza every day.  You just have to be good to me.’ Naturally, because you have your own delicious nutritious food there is no way you will accept that deal. You tell the person ‘No, thank you! I don’t need your food!’

Now imagine if several weeks have gone by, and you haven’t eaten.  You are starving, and the person comes with pizza and says, ‘Hey there’s food here. You can have this food if you just do what I want you to do.’  You decide to accept the food and do whatever that person asks of you.  You have food today, but tomorrow you may not have food, so you agree to do whatever you can for food.  You have become a slave because of food because you need food because you don’t have it.  Then after a certain time, you have doubts.  You say, ‘What am I going to do without my pizza?  I cannot live without my pizza.  What if my partner decides to give the pizza to someone else — my pizza?’

Just like the pizza dude in this story, narcissists know how to trap people – they profess to supply something to that person that this person is not supplying to themselves and then as time goes on and that person is dependent and secured as the narcissist’s energy source, the deal becomes incredibly lopsided. The narcissist can start handing out a totally crap grade or even stop supplying what this person is ‘needy’ for all together and the person still remains hooked trying to get from the narcissist what they believed the narcissist was going to provide them.

I remember screaming at the narcissist, ‘You promised to love me and never hurt me!’ whilst he continued his insane abuse and I stayed there accepting it. Who wasn’t really honouring their soul commitment of love and respect – me to myself of course.

This was such a huge thing I had to be so honest about in my own life. It was the hardest thing to admit and the scariest thing to meet and heal in me, but there is no true way to break free from the deadly binds of being in bed with a narcissist – having a stake on and ownership of your soul – if you don’t heal beyond these dependencies.

Of course, we can play the victim and believe all of this is happening to us. But what is our stake in this? What are we holding on for? What is it that we want the narcissist to give us that we are not as yet providing for ourselves?

The thing is that we are usually unconscious to this, because when we are operating out of the container of our unhealed wounds our mind is following our body – we believe in all of the illusions that are not the real truth.  We believe we have a right to force the narcissist into accountability, and that we are doing the right and loving example by hanging on. We tell ourselves this is all about devotion and trying to sort out our relationship, but what is really going on is this symbiotic toxic enmeshment that we are playing out with the narcissist as a potentially deadly and unhealthy soul contract.

However, it really is a make or break deal – it can destroy us if we don’t awaken to the truth, or if we do, it will evolve us to a far superior level of joy, freedom and power than we have ever experienced to this point.

This is the experience we have before we awaken, just like the pizza dependant person, we sell our soul to narcissists in the hope they provide us with what we feel will fulfil us. Such is the price, before healing ourselves into a solid and healed Inner Identity having a relationship directly with ourselves and the healthy components of life.

How do we know we are aligned as a True Source as opposed to out of alignment? We are self-partnered, we are no longer handing our power away. We aren’t accepting levels of love that are less than loving ourselves.

We are able to lose it all to get it all, we know that we can let go of something or someone that is not working out in order to reapply and regenerate with other healthy components of life, which are plentiful and available when we are a healthy inner match.

We are no longer, like the person accepting pizza with terrible conditions – being needy, limited and living in lack because we haven’t as yet become a whole, healthy source to ourselves.

I’d love you to learn how to become your own source of self, where you are full, healthy, self-sustaining and self-generative and can say ‘no’ to a dodgy deal.

And, after letting someone in and seeing the deal has become dodgy – which I promise you by showing up, honouring ourselves and our values and rights doesn’t take long with narcissists – you will declare ‘Get lost! You and that greasy pizza NO More!’ and you’ll turn inwards and align with your soul truth, and your commitment to be and generate a beautiful healthy buffet.

If this resonates with you, I’d love to get you started on this journey to becoming your won magical inner kitchen, which is whole and plentiful, by signing up to my transformational resources in my free 16-day recovery course, which includes an invitation to a healing workshop with me, a set of eBooks and lots more.

I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.


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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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34 Thoughts on Are You In Bed With A Narcissist?
    Michael Land
    June 6, 2018

    Nothing short of being totally separated from God, emotionally disconnected from ourselves and others, and somehow the narcissist becomes all important. It’s not a beautiful thing. The only beauty comes from finally facing the inner emptiness, and instead of filling it with the narcissist, getting in touch with ourselves, our spirit, and God. The loneliest moment I’ve ever witnessed and experienced was finally being able to see the narcissist’s complete inner emptiness, through a completely empty, blank gaze, and seeing that as my own reflection. Realizing that this is who I had become. That’s when the truth hits really hard. Being able to see that cold hard truth is what propelled me to seek help. The word narcissist has become a bit demonized, and perhaps for good reason. When I finally turned my focused inwards, the only real demons I was facing were within me, not them. I can walk away from a narcissist, but I can’t walk away from myself.
    Thanks for the great video.

      June 6, 2018

      Amen Michael! Well said!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 6, 2018

      Hi Michael,

      What you have written is spot on!

      I couldn’t agree more. You are so welcome 😃

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    June 6, 2018

    Wow, you really did speak the truth Melanie! I remember feeling something was off, but shrugged it off. Actually believed that I was insecure and jealous. But it wasn’t that…I just always felt like I was there for the ride (my ex’s ride). I always felt like I could be replaced or insert name here—->______at any moment. What a horrible feeling! Uggh. Of course, I hung on and things continued to get much worse from there.

    I jumped off the crazy train but only when I realized that something had to change. And it wasn’t my ex narc that needed to change, we all know they don’t. It was me. I had to change. All the toxic waste in my psyche had to be cleaned and removed. I had to make some deep routed changes in my soul and mind, consciously and subconsciously. I had to heal. And the only way I was going to heal was to end it,…and roll up my sleeves and get to work on myself. The trauma’s I experienced as a child make sense now as to why I was with this person (and others before him).

    It’s going to be exciting and interesting to see where I go from here. I know I would never accept this type of behavior ever again. I am happier, healthier and very much aware of my actions. I owe this to you Melanie. Because you were the resource and tool to help me get there.

    And so it is…..

    June 6, 2018

    what i struggle with is having the desire to stop the psychic contact. Cutting the cords means really saying goodbye. That is painful. And is my childhood all over again. It’s like letting go of my mom. Part of me wants to , another part does not. Cause it feels like ‘home’. I have been no contact for a long time now, it is the psychic contact that still lives in my head that I keep allowing.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 6, 2018

      Awww gosh Rose,

      That is so true, those parts of us which hold on are former traumatised parts in repeat.

      Rose have you checked out NARP? It is specifically created to find and heal the parts of ourselves bound up in this, so that we can truly go free.

      Module 9 in NARP is specifically created to address all of what you write about.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    June 6, 2018

    I think this is my first comment since I became a member in this community. “I’m still in bed” with the narcissist, and it is terrible to live in the same house with the narcissist after you realize and admitted who he is and that it will never change. I am not physically still in bed with him but he is still in my house and not because I am waiting for him to change but because I don’t have the courage to heal, to admit it was my fault that I let him abuse me for so many years. Thank you for supporting me in this jurney! Hopefully I will break free from this prison as soon as my mind is ready to face the truth.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 6, 2018

      Hi Andreea,

      That is very courageous and honest of you to voice the truth even if you haven’t faced what you need to do yet.

      When it’s time you will.

      Holding the space for your healing and breakthrough.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    June 6, 2018

    When I was a teenager I used to read a lot but because both my parents were uneducated, my mother is a narc and my father drinks too much, they won’t allow me to share with them what I discovered in books. I had to suppress my knowledge, my intellectual parts. Few weeks ago I met somebody and this person would say that I am brilliant and encouraged me to express myself and then, one day, after 5 weeks he said:
    “You are crazy!”
    I asked:
    “Why would you say that?”
    He answered: “I know that from Johnny Depp.”
    I was confused:
    “You know that from Johnny Depp?”
    And he answered: “Yes. You like Johnny Depp and he is crazy, that means you are crazy too.”
    This guy also stated that one of the emails I sent to him is stupid.
    Obviously, not only emmotional wounds can give troubles, but let’s say you are supposed to be more persuasive, or creative, a singer or maybe an artist and your parents did not allow it, somebody can come and stimulate that part, only to abuse you after.
    I hope I will be able to track all these things because sometimes it is not easy to understand what is going on.
    Thank you for this episode. Have a nice day!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 6, 2018

      Hi Nicoleta,

      It is great you see the correlation and have realised that this is invalidation of you and therefore abusive.

      This guy is no match for the self love you are Thriving for in your life now – goodbye!

      Life is working ‘for’ us and our painful episodes are triggering what faulty beliefs and traumas that we still have within to heal.

      Which we gloriously can find, release and heal very quickly when we have Quantum Tools to find and shift these traumas.

      It’s all good sweetheart!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    June 6, 2018

    My (now ex) husband secretly contacted his first girlfriend on Facebook and left me day after Christmas after 25 years of marriage and while we were building our dream retirement home. I was devastated. After 6 months of crying, sleepless nights and therapy. I started teaching again and feeling good about myself.

    Enter my charming narc BF, he was 10 years younger than me, gave me LOTS of support and encouragement. But after 3-4 months he suddenly turned nasty, abusive and mean. I even started questioning my own sanity. Fortunately, a girlfriend of mine who had stayed with me for a month, when I first met him came back to my town for a visit and said: “wow it’s like he’s a totally different person.” It STILL took me another TWO years to break free. Fortunately, someone sent me Melanie’s information and I bought the NARP program. I started healing those wounded parts inside of myself and started seeing through his BS.

    It is all totally about healing yourself! Now I’m not expecting anyone else to heal my wounds. The narc only REFLECTS our wounds back to us. That is their true gift.

    It’s been 2 years since our final break and I have never felt better or more alive. Thank you Melanie for your service and contribution to the world. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE !!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 6, 2018

      Awwww Debra,

      I am so thrilled for you that you turned inwards and did the essential inner work and now know what it is to be living as your True Self!

      Thank you for sharing your story and sending many continued blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Barbara Morford
    June 6, 2018

    Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom your Insight and giving us strength to pursue our goals and dreams for our lives and to break free from the narcissist you are truly amazing blessings to you Barbara Ann

    christoper laro
    June 6, 2018

    Much to slog through here. But my truth is my truth – I am narcissistic with women and for 3 yrs I was involved with a woman who also has NPD/BPD and was a harsh alcoholic. Whew! Why did I stay? Why did she? Sex and toxic need. First, I was more of the co-dependent and she the toxic narcissistic. My own NPD is a lesser aspect of who I am. However, I am verbally abusive if attacked/ provoked or if I ‘feel’ I am. Melanie’s program and other ppl I listen to on this subject have been most helpful at the right time since me and my ex have NO contact for over a year and will likely never meet again as healthier ppl. The intensity of the connection was virulent with the added element of her being a sub/dom female all her life. Someone should do that research related to s&M/sub’dom lifestyle (control) AND women and men who are BPD/NPD. The other aspect to this women never spoken of and requires research is the element of women who play with energy, i.e. witchcraft or wicca. Again, what sub/dom & witchcraft work have in common is the control, manifestation and ‘power over’ truths they use on others. Tragically, witchcraft usually turns against the person using it because the only thing one conjures is the darkest parts of one’s Self – these women ultimately destroy themselves and find no inner peace or happiness. Lastly, this female (talented artist yes but so very complicated and toxic) also used negative seeding at the start of our connection I find fascinating now in hindsight: ‘seeding’ I mean speaking of her past so that I’d feel sorry for her and stay -‘men leave me in 3 yrs,’ I won’t let you destroy me,’ ‘I’m a toxic person,’ ‘I was raped!,’ ‘my stepfather beat me,’ ‘my ex-husband was abusive,’ on and on plus her addiction issues brought out all my own RESCUE rage issues I OWN as my flaws. This woman has huge issues obviously. But to Melanie’s point of the premeditated aspects to BPD/NPD ppl is that she had a plan all the while – to seduce, lure and CONTROL me never expecting my pushback such as I did, abusive or not, nothing I did helped her. She WAS the things she admitted to – toxic, distant, traumatized, not present in her own life or w/ me etc. I just didnt listen to the clues early on and w/ her daughters, got stuck for 3 yrs feeling as if I could help her. But I know the relationship had LESS to do with her and ALL about ME and who I am as a man – low self esteem, angered easily and have my own NPD issues I used to batter this women emotionally – as she said, ‘we were monsters.’ Indeed. My advice to ppl here in this cmmty is this: beware a man or woman who plants those negative seeds early on to test your desire to remain with them as a couple. They use a lot of sylva mind control tricks they read thru the yrs and when they know you’re a co-dependent, you’re trapped. In fact one of the last things this woman said to me was, ‘you got a lucky escape.’ There is a sad evil about ppl like this but for me, I MUST address who I am and why I stayed thinking I could rescue her from herself – depression, addiction etc. Nobody can help other ppl when it comes to addiction so stay away from ANYONE suffering depression/alcoholism substance abuse. Sobriety comes only when a person finds help & epiphany alone NOT as a couple. Addiction kills it all fast. Thank you Melanie, much of what you say has helped me SEE myself more clearly. I must change within I know and do so each day more and more. You are a positive force in the world of course so keep it up!! Kudos! Peace.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 7, 2018

      It is so so true Christopher,

      As you say … we can’t rescue any other adult, it has to be there full embodied choice. We can only rescue ourselves.

      Bless and peace.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    June 6, 2018

    This has really spoken to me. My break up was a complicated one in the sense that although I was being discarded and replaced, they wouldn’t let me go fully. It was as though this new source wasn’t quite fitting the bill. Sad thing for me is that even when I said no more, I was still messaging her because I guess I couldn’t let her go fully and at the time I didn’t know I was being replaced. It was only after that that I found out she was cheating and was now fully with this person. This person was also flaughting it, likely because my ex had filled their head with lies about me. I’m still in a lot of pain but also feel I’m in the process of an awakening. When you break up with someone and you have little insight into narcissism, such as myself, you can feel so lost and in a sense, realising that that’s what it was about offers a relief. Because that’s when you start to understand them and yourself. Not that their behaviour is justifiable, it just offers an explanation as to what you’ve just been through, you’re not to blame and you’re not crazy! When normal relationships end, they are heart breaking and everyone offers the same advise “forget them and move on”. It’s not so simple in the recovery from a narcissistic relationship because your self esteem has been dismantled and due to that, you feel so bound to them, there’s a feeling of ‘I’m nothing without you’. So through researching it and reading your articles I’ve realised, you’re not bound to the person, you’re bound to what you thought the person offered. On my part, that was security; to feel safe emotionally and to have someone always there, so I didn’t have to face things on my own. Its so easy to want to jump straight in to another relationship, to soothe that pain. It takes strength to decide to go the other way and help yourself instead. This is something I’m now trying to do. Thanks!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 7, 2018

      Hi J,

      You really are having a great understanding of this.

      And it is so true that to jump into another relationship is playing with fire – the same pain just with a different face could ensue.

      The true healing is to turn inwards and deeply heal the inner wounds in childhood that did not allow you to feel emotionally secure – and then this inner pattern and painful love trajectory is always changed.

      That is the only real solution.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    June 7, 2018

    So much great content Mel!
    So resonated with the issues you raised here – in particular how to separate from my karmic contract with my N father. Its so hard to generate your own self worth and inner being having never know it since birth. Always looking to another to even be able to feel a complete person in the planet. The empty void can just as easily apply to the co dependent as the narcissist and learning how to develop and co create for oneself to truly connect and experience joy is a massive learning curve – even harder perhaps than the more obvious need to break free from an abusive partner.

    I find it painful that my father doesn’t have my best interests in the forefront of his mind in enabling me to want to thrive and be liberated and free to have a good life. I have to do that for myself and pull myself away to learn to do that. It seems like it should be the natural order of life that a parent wants to grow the child’s wings to help them soar…but it is not always possible. I have a lot to learn on that front too with my own son but growing more conscious every day.

    In terms of letting go of the most recent love partner who I had get out of bed from….That analogy of the pizza providing all the colour in a dull and depleted life was so apt. As a struggling single parent who didn’t understand how to connect healthily.
    I, still, despite all my healing and NC so far had an intense dream last night about re connecting with him and showing him and his most narcissistic friend who does his bidding for him at times, unconditional love. It felt good at first and I was becoming enmeshed again but then luckily after all these characters from his past and family were hounding him he lost his cool, got aggressive with one of them and got arrested. At that point he was waving and calling me to hold on until he got out – but I knew it was my sign that this drama was not what I need or want in my life and decided to move on. So painful to feel the loss of what I thought I had over again but so brilliant and stark too.

    Now its more focus on how to fill the void in a healthy and balanced way. Not overworking and depleting myself energetically, as I have been doing for the past 5 months. But in more living and loving and gentle ways. I hope to be free of that soon and having been saving hard to give myself some freedom to choose more wisely going forward! Valuable lessons again to go forward about health, self love, self value and well being.

    Much love to you,

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 7, 2018

      Hi Sophie,

      You are very welcome and thank you for your incredibly honest and powerful share.

      I’m sure so many people can relate to the challenges you speak of.

      I really want you (and everyone!) to know that virtually all of us really had no idea how to healthily relate and connect as per the programming as children and inherited traumas we acquired when born … yet when we do the Quantum inner work on these traumas and bring in our Higher Self replacement we become organically whole, connected with self, life and others and just CAN make our life work!

      I’d love to invite you into my free transformational resource which can give you an easier and more powerful and direct way to heal

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Rohit Pandey
    June 7, 2018

    Hey, nice article
    keep up the good work
    I had also written an article relates with this
    do check out mine also

    Michael David
    June 8, 2018

    Why are you wearing a big coat indoors?

    Maureen Martin
    June 10, 2018

    What if it’s money we are hanging on for?

    Mike Mahnich
    June 11, 2018

    I laughed out loud for almost a full minute at 6 minutes 16 seconds into this video. You are so right!

    June 12, 2018

    My H and I are curious about something. Our daughter is married to a covert narc, they’ve been together for 10 years and almost from day one she has changed. Through recent emails we had to look down to see if she was actually writing the email because we didn’t understand where the twisted, self-serving logic of her grievances were coming from. These emails were initiated by us simply asking her why we hadn’t heard from her on the occasion of a significant birthday. We have discovered her silent treatments are a way of getting our attention, we eventually react and get in touch with her. This time we reacted differently and we said we were ok with her excluding us from her life and the door was always open if she needed us.

    World War III came upon us. The language appeared to be hers but the logic was nothing that we’ve ever seen in her. Her reasoning was twisted, skewed, self-serving, rude but most of all disrespectful. Our question is this….have we missed this her entire life (50 years old), has she taken on the opinions of her covert malignant narcissistic husband or maybe he wrote the email with our daughter’s approval? The entire email screamed of narcissistic behavior, after all of these accusations and comments she actually suggested we get together and discuss this in their home. We were not up for the slaughter and declined. We would never have put ourselves in a position to “discuss” anything with her husband present. We declined the invitation and said we were dialling our expectations back to zero, meaning we will not expect anything from her in the future and she doesn’t have to expect anything from us. In other words we’ve gone no contact. We’ve been having a hard time reconciling the emails we received with the person we knew. Your thoughts please.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 12, 2018

      Hi Quinn,

      My heart goes out to you.

      Absolutely when someone is living with a narcissist they get sick.

      This can certainly happen.

      I am so sorry that you are experiencing that.

      I truly believe that our reconciliation when dealing with narcissism and cruel behaviour is to heal ourselves in regard to how we feel, reagardless of whether the person we love awakens or escapes or not.

      Because truly that is the only part of the equation we can control.

      Sending you your husband and your daughter all my love and wishes for her breakthrough.

      And I hope you both can release the trauma of this and find relief.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    June 16, 2018

    I would like to seek out a specialist in this field, preferably an LCSW. Can you direct me in terms of the terminology utilized when one is qualified to help me see the forest through the trees?

    Thank you,

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