I have been looking forward to writing this article … really looking forward to it … because so many people, as well as spiritual teachers, have different theories on this.
And the confusion definitely spills over into the questions people have in regard to narcissists …
Are narcissists Soul Mates that we were meant to get it right with, but just couldn’t … or are they Twin Flames; deeply impactful souls called forth to surface and purge our darker pieces that they reflect, so that we can evolve?
Or, are they a hideous and terrible mistake of humanity that we just happened to get tangled up with, and found it so difficult to separate from?
And … this is a question so many people ponder …
Why do narcissists feel sooooo familiar to us?
So many people, on meeting an impactful narcissist in their life, said that they felt a deep soul connection … even akin to a deep soul remembering.
It really does stand to reason, that the narcissists we enmesh with are not luke warm connections.
If they were flaccid and unimportant we would not be stuck in the traumatic, painful dances that we are … leaving us with ultimately the choice – stay and be destroyed or leave and save yourself.
Logic would have saved us, we would have easily been able to ascertain that their malfunctioning behavior is not good for us and leave.
Yet, even when we do leave, often far later than we would have liked to, we still feel like our soul has been devastated beyond repair – and we may not have a clue how to bring it back to health.
Why?
People operating on the surface of narcissistic abuse recovery will tell you it is because of the abuse and the way that the narcissist has been able to engineer you for narcissistic supply – yet I would like to present this theory.
There is a much deeper Soul Contract going on here.
And, in this article today, I am going to expand on this further.
So … without ado I would like to share with you what my channel has to say about these three appropriate sections.
Soul Mates
To me, a Soul Mate is someone who mates with your soul for the purpose of evolving your soul.
That being the case – everyone who has played an important role in your Life is a Soul Mate – meaning this “relationship” has offered you the opportunity of evolution, regardless of what the connection looked like.
This could be a family member, work colleague, friend, acquaintance, even a pet … anyone at all … including a romantic partner.
Yet, in regard to the romantic partner positive version, this is what I totally believe.
We are all Soul Contracted with people who match the composition of our Inner Being (which is where our Life is really being generated from) in order to provide the outer feedback of the relationship that we are having with ourselves, our Higher Power (Creation) and Life.
This is Quantum Law – so within so without.
This is what I deeply believe … when have become our own Soul Mate, meaning when we have fully mated our own soul (self-partnered), we will also attract and be attracted to and have the chance to maintain (if we are prepared to engage consciousness in our journey of “relationship”) a love-relationship with a healthy, fulfilling and pleasurable Soul Mate.
It all begins with Mating One’s Own Soul – to be-come to ourselves what we wish to receive from another.
When we “be” it, then it can “come”.
What does that self-relationship look like? It looks like this:
- We turn inwards to self-partner, rather than turn away, criticise or punish … as a life orientation, ESPECIALLY when we need love the most.
- We love, accept and see ourselves as worthy of our own and our Higher Power’s Love.
- We love ourselves and our expression and growth in Life unconditionally, without needing another to provide it for us.
- We are no longer needy, controlling or wish to hand over power in order to try to feel safe and whole.
- We love Life, our place in it and the unfolding of our Life without conditions deemed necessary to secure peace or happiness.
- We have released our Inner Being trauma, reconciled our past, evolved from it and opened our heart to ourselves, Life and others.
- We have resolved and healed our inner wounds to a level where we no longer need to continue doing relationships that bring forth the evidence of our still existing wounds in order to heal them.
Soul Mate relationships at this level have the following characteristics:
- A respect, love, trust and care for each other.
- The combination of two creates “more” for both parties and Life in general.
- You grow into an even more whole, loving, expansive person as a result of the relationship.
- Soul mates “get each other” and do not see the other as “not enough of this” or “too much of that” – there is the ability to unconditionally love and accept the other as they are.
- Conflict resolution leads to even greater growth, connection, Unity Consciousness and personal and relationship evolution.
- Both parties want to and work at expanding personal and relationship consciousness.
- There is a deep abiding love and attraction that is steady, and grows more and more over time.
- The old personal painful patterns that you may have struggled with – such as jealousy or neediness (yours or other people’s), fear of abandonment, not feeling seen etc. may be triggered in these relationships, but are worked through and heal and evolve into states of greater love, connection and solidness. This tends to happen honestly, easily and organically.
In essence a Soul Mate romantic relationship is the joy and gift that we come to experience when we have self-partnered, healed our own traumas and up-levelled into BEING the partner that we wish to receive.
It’s the only way – because water finds its own level.
We will only ever accept a level of love that matches the authentic relationship we are having with ourselves, and people will only ever love us, believe in us and treat us how we love and believe in and treat ourselves.
You cannot receive what you aren’t yet – it’s Quantum Law.
The great thing about Soul Mate relationships (when you have done the inner healing) is that they tend to come into your life very easily, and connect quickly and seamlessly.
They have a flow about them. They don’t contain anxiousness, uncertainly or fear or pain.
These relationships are a welcome relief after narcissistic abuse and are so worth the Thriver Work to get there!
Many people in this Community, as well as myself, are experiencing intimate love relationships at this level.
Twin Flame
Here we are examining an intense, powerful, archetypal and alchemic aspect of relationship.
I believe the Twin Flame experience for anyone who goes through it is life changing – for good or bad.
Sadly, many people don’t understand the truth or true recovery necessary from a Twin Flame relationship, which is a make or break experience.
These relationships are for a BIG cause – they are not just about personal healing and evolution, they are also designed to bring forth collective healing and evolution.
As such, if you awaken to the truth, survive and then heal from a Twin Flame relationship, you have also helped free an aspect of humanity from the shadows into the light.
This is the alchemic part of Twin Flame relationships – they hold this truth:
The greatest of light is mined from the deepest of darkness.
And the irony is that we think we are needing to free ourselves from the other person’s darkness, yet ultimately what we discover is THAT happens organically and ONLY when we free ourselves from our own.
Meaning our own still existing unmet and unhealed traumas … that we carry epigenetically from our previous generations, from our childhood and as a result of the many deep traumas of the Human Collective.
Twin Flame relationships are about being plunged into a deep abyss of pain and trauma, in order to powerfully, cellularly transform and anchor light, to literally emerge from the underworld to energetically be a force of Healing for All.
This is about becoming a Being who radiates authenticity, love and power-full-ness – becoming a beacon who now leads others out of the darkness and into the light.
One thing is for certain … MANY narcissistic relationships come in on this level, and I will go as far as to say that everyone who has a Soul Contract with a Twin Flame (which is the majority of this Community) is a Lightworker who is here, at soul level, to help evolve humanity at this time.
The real question is this: Have we woken up to this yet?
There is so much pain in these relationships until we do get it, because the bond feels inseparable.
We cling to Twin Flame relationships, assigning this person as our Source of love, approval, security and survival in EVERY area of these topics where we have not as yet become that whole Source to ourselves.
We think that loving this person is our way to salvation – until we realise that it is only through turning within and loving and healing our broken parts back to wholeness that we can be saved.
When we finally realize this, let go and do the Soul Work that was always necessary to embrace and actualise Who We Really Are, then the Soul Contact with the Twin Flame is complete and the torture is over.
We no longer feel helplessly addicted and traumatised. We no longer want them, miss them or hold them accountable.
Instead, all of that is replaced by a deep sense of awe and gratitude that this Soul Contract happened to awaken us to Who We Really Are.
It is then that the rewards within our state of Being, health, Life and personal expansion start to surpass our wildest dreams.
Thriver Recovery from a Twin Flame relationship, is nothing short of our graduation to our True Self and True Life … the only version of ourselves and Life that would ever gratify us.
I believe that the experience of Twin Flame is “to get the soul job done” … it is a powerful Soul Contract to bring forth the VERY Being to help us achieve that.
As such a Twin Flame relationship will present you with the following:
- A deep Soul recognition, bond or familiarity.
- The faux promise of whatever it is that you feel you “want” in order to feel more whole.
- The deep undercurrent of pain and fear of everything regarding the topics of love, approval, security and survival that still feel shaky within, that you have not awakened to, addressed and healed yet.
How Twin Flame relationships unfold is this:
- Love, trust, teamwork, respect and kindness becomes seriously comprised.
- The union creates stress, pain and loss.
- You fear and dislike who you start becoming in the relationship.
- Each person within the relationship tries to change and control the other and cannot accept that person “as is”.
- Repeat and escalating conflicts lead to non-resolution, greater cracks and even more toxicity.
- Neither party works at expanding personal and relationship consciousness healthily. (If one party did the relationship would terminate).
- Obsession, discard and other love interests are common patterns.
- The old personal painful patterns that you may have struggled with previously are MEGA-present in these relationships, and intensify.
Let me share with you my story, regarding narcissist number 1 – the twin flame husband.
Upon meeting him I knew virtually immediately I would marry him. I literally felt like he was my other half – the male part of myself. The bond was SO strong and so seemingly COMPLETE that I felt like I would die if I tried to breathe a breath of air without him.
That feeling did not stop, regardless of the terrible abuse that occurred.
This is what I now know was the ABSOLUTE truth – he was the powerful, alchemic experience of a Twin Flame in my Life to FINALLY wake me up, get me to turn inwards and heal my traumas and self back to wholeness.
I needed him for that … because I had conveniently ignored and sidestepped every opportunity in the past to get that inner work done.
As a result, I was never able to step into my True Self, connect to my mission and fulfil what my soul came here to do (which so many of us who have been narcissistically abused are here to do) … help raise human consciousness.
How on earth was I ever going to make a difference, unless I took full radical personal responsibility to heal my own consciousness?
Hence, why I had the Life and Death situation with him, and he broke me completely to the point where there was nowhere else to go – die or turn inwards.
Thank goodness I did … thank goodness I finally got it.
When I did, the Soul Contract was complete … there was no more feelings of connection, obsessive love or necessity to have him in my life.
He felt totally benign … truly.
That is what Twin Flame relationships are about – they are the Big Guns I believe sent from Creation itself. They are the experience of being plunged into the bowels of hell, which holds the greatest gold to be mined.
That is the alchemic duality of Quantum Healing that reaches across all space, time and dimension.
When we up-level and dig deep and create a Thriver Recovery from a Narcissistic Twin Flame relationship it is nothing short of a Death / Rebirth experience of the Highest Order.
It is the transformation that humanity requires …
Out of the darkness and into the Light.
Cell Mates
We are imprisoned when we DON’T wake up out of the trance.
If we are doing a Cell Mate relationship with someone it could be a Twin Flame intense relationship or a more garden variety one that is simply disappointing or stuck.
One thing is for certain, the relationship isn’t serving us, because we are not learning what we need to learn in it.
How do we know this?
Because things are NOT changing.
And despite knowing that this relationship isn’t serving us, and that we are not happy and we don’t want to live this way – we stay attached regardless.
The reasons we stay attached could be martyrdom, religious beliefs, or because of fears, insecurities or limited or poverty consciousness.
The reasons look like this:
- Staying for the children.
- It is wrong in the eyes of the Church to divorce.
- If I leave this person, I may never find someone else and I’ll be alone.
- I can’t make it in Life on my own.
- I can’t create a Life on my own.
Cell Mate relationships are extremely serious as far as Soul Evolution goes … because if we don’t face our fears and liberate ourselves from them into the deservedness of our authentic truths – we are NOT evolving.
Rather, we are dissolving.
I totally 100% believe that what we don’t heal and transform from within, we simply repeat, not just now or in our future … but in future lifetimes as well.
I have quoted Prema Chodren often, and I will again, because my favourite quote of hers is totally relevant again here:
Nothing ever goes away until it has taught is what we need to know.
Meaning … we will not be released from our painful patterns and disappointments until we heal and change the only person we ever have the power to change – ourselves.
And this only occurs when we listen to the language of our soul, get out of our comfort zones (which are never comfortable) and develop ourselves beyond the way we have been painfully living.
Until we do this, I believe we do the same dance with the same characters in different lifetime roles, over an over and over until waking up and evolving ourselves.
Then we are released from the lower Grade of fear and handing our power away that we have been stuck on, and go onward to new, higher and more fulfilling vibrational experiences.
When we are in a Cell Mate relationship we are stuck behind bars with them in jail.
We are asleep, and we may wonder how to get free of this person or this relationship – or be totally terrified of doing that – but don’t actually access the consciousness, conviction and honoring of our soul to make the change.
People die in jail.
People die even before they physically cease to exist.
Or … they finally let go when things become life and death (the outcome of many Twin Flame relationships), or not by their choice when they get devalued and discarded … sometimes after being in the relationship for decades.
The people who get out or are released are the lucky ones (if they choose to awaken) because if you are stuck in a situation that is not your Soul’s evolutionary growth plan … every aspect of Lifeforce within you and outside of you starts breaking down …. which is really your Soul trying to wake you up and evict you from the path you are on.
The Inevitable Questions
Can a Twin Flame relationship heal and become a healthier type Soul Mate Relationship? … and … Can a Cell Mate become a Soul Mate?
I really want you to drop questions like this, and take your power back by realising certain self-generating truths that will take you out of painful and disappointing relationships into ones that are healthy.
These questions are the ones you need to ask yourself.
What are your values and truths regarding relationships?
Meaning … things like monogamy, honesty, teamwork, respect, kindness …
If you are still in a relationship which displays the opposite, you will never have these things.
We GET what we ACCEPT. Staying means you ACCEPT that.
The next question is equally as important …
Are you willing to LOSE it all to get it ALL?
Are you whole enough to set your non-negotiable bar and be prepared to walk away if this person can’t meet you at the level of your values, knowing full well that if they don’t step up that you are a generative Source who can BE and then create “more”?
If you accept crumbs because of fear, you will never be able to create the real thing out of your Inner Being power center.
And … the most important question yet.
Have you done the work to meet, partner with and heal your broken parts back to wholeness?
Our original traumas have a lot to answer for, because they continue to generate the painful patterns and people that represent that trauma into our Life, regardless of how much we think we “know” better.
When we let go of “the outside” to try to make us feel better and turn inwards to do the work, at the only real level that we can – inside ourselves – then everything changes.
We loose attraction for and attractiveness to painful people … and our eyes and hearts open up to attraction to different and healthier people.
Those that can rise up to meet us DO, (these are the relationships which do transform), and we easily bless and let go of those who DON’T.
No longer is it personal – it JUST is.
And EITHER WAY we are at peace and in our truth.
And we deeply realise this was never about WHO other people are, or even what status our relationship was with them.
It was always deeply ONLY about coming home to ourselves.
Because THAT is the only way to love and be loved authentically.
I would LOVE for you to share your thoughts about this topic. Have you had the Twin Flame experience with a narcissist? Are you still struggling to break free of the enmeshment and the trauma of it, or have you been able to claim your liberation?
Let me know in the comments below.
You nailed it. Well done. 🙂
Hi Nicole,
thank you!
Bless 🙂
Mel xo
I don’t believe or never heard of cell mates. I have encountered narcissists but I believe that was more of a soulmate. Narcissistis are toxic and hard to get over at first because of the manipulation or abuse . But twin flames are your other half, they make you see your faults etc which can be tricky because a narcissist can do this too in fact they point out your faults . But once you heal you will eventually forget about the narcissist. A twin flame is always on your mind . There is a strong magnetic pull . Once you and your twin evolve and awaken and you join together it is lasting and it is for the greater good and the two of you join forces .
I have had a child with a narcissist he was not around at the birth and so is not on the birth certificate, he demanded and I cut contact and reported him to the police etc. I went through councilling and found healing in lost friendships too. I felt great. Then I meditated and had a kundalini awakening and it brought up this soul connection which was everything he described in the beginning of our relationship and I didn’t understand what was happening at the time and o contacted him and asked for forgiveness for being spiritually oppressed and now he is threatening for the birth certificate again and speaking to me about taking me to court and yet saying he will have supervised meetings etc. I’m scared now. That the spiritual awakening made me freak and run and apologise and now I feel I have messed up my son’s life as he wants to control his upbringing and my ability to have freedom. I’m so disappointed in myself. I have to now seek help and assistance again, when before o contacted him he was busy pretending that his son was dead and moving on with his life. It was like a kundalini psychosis and now I look like the crazy one. I did explain to my therapist at the time so she saw the difference in me and sent me to the doctors to be sure I was ok but I lied to the doctor so I wouldn’t get called crazy, now I am going to ask the therapist if she can vouch for me that I have been spiritually and emotionally abused and suffered temporarily with it and that we need to be protected. I am so furious with myself as I had travel planned for a year next year and now I feel like a terrible mother for endangering us after working so hard to achieve a new perspective.
Thankyou so much from my heart just parted from my narciss tic twin flame after many reunions and he bought forward my healing abilities and psychic gifts and now I can go on to spread the light to help others I truly love this man fir all he has bought out in me he has changed my life in ways I will never comprehend I keep him in my heart always because of all the pain he pulled out of me and now I am healed to experience a life full of hope and love I am so very grateful to him and always will be and I cannot express how grateful I am for your help I truly understand everything that has happened to me love and light to you melonie xxx
Hi Tina,
Bless you and for your healing. I hope I have helped.
Please know Tina the true mission is to come home to loving ourselves fully and whole and then we are no longer assigning another for that.
We can have a deep gratitude for their help in our journey – but that is it.
They are no longer front and centre in our Life or in our heart.
Us and our own life is.
Then we are free.
Mel xo
Ok please help me get to where you are.? I have been struggling to let this go but we keep coming bk together only for me to say you haven’t changed you haven’t done any soul worm because the demeaning behavior always an inquisition as to what I’ve been doing while parted. I never get any answers as to what he’s been really doing. Ik he will never be all the things he claims now I’ve gone threw the patterns again and again. I’ve soul searched looked for what I’m missing because I just recently had another come into my life with the same patterns I walked away from that easily enough but ik I’m missing a peice of the puzzle somewhere. I know what I want now and am not willing to compromise my self worth. Something inside keeps saying, what if ,what If he could get well. Ofcourse another part says ur still Torturing yourself, cut all ties, break free and walk away! So why can’t I? is it because it’s like a drug you gotta go cold Turkey with?
Hi Mallissa,
Please know so many of us went through exactly what you are.
It is to do with our young childhood traumas, that are deeply conscious, that keep us trauma bonded to these people.
It’s not until we find and release them that we go to live free of them, and then we no longer have the obsession and the pulls toward this person.
Please come into my free workshop http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar where all is explained, as well as how to heal for real from this.
I hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Narcissists never change or get better. How can someone heal when they can’t even accept any real accountability for their actions? Melanie discusses this, how they don’t change. Melanie also talks about trauma bonding and peptide bonds, with your abuser read about that.
Thank you for your words ,even though I’ve put distance between myself and the narcissist,he is still getting to me and only when I read your very real descriptions of how it is ,do I get stronger in myself to totally disconnect from my twin flame Im almost there and cannot believe how you have described my life,you are truly inspiring maree
Thank you for your amazing insight.
I came across this as I have been googling as many things as I can about Twin Flame and narcissism. I now realize what happened to me. I met someone 20 yrs ago and for me it was love at first sight when I met him at a party. Yes we instantly connected and found out right away that we had much in common to the point of realizing that he was the male version of me and me the female version of him. We instantly connected at the party and I was memorized by him. He took me on a tour of the house and as the night went on we ended up on a bench out in the back yard of the house party under the stars and shared our first kiss. (a beautiful one). I was 32 just broken up from a 6 yr relationship from someone who I thought was my soulmate who had left me for another woman and broke my heart. I had been looking and hoping to find another one to replace and found myself in awe of this new man I just met, saying to myself, he has to be mine, we have such an amazing connection and like I said love at first site (for me).
After the party, we had some more interactions, some in person, some just over the phone but he was a player and mostly I was dealing with hard core games. After 2 yrs of mostly off but some on again contacts, we somehow ended up together again for a short while. He lived in another city and either I would go there to visit or he would come to my place. None the less, what ended up happening is after sharing some absolutely beyond amazing storybook times together, he sabotaged the relationship, yes by witholding sex as one (why I was an attractive, slim, sexy young lady) and he started to say and do things so bad as to make me leave his place with a letter after he left and went to work.
After that he never pursued me and when I contacted him afterwards because we had a concert planned and I had the tickets still which I bought because he was to pay for accommodations etc he murdered my soul by becoming a monster and slaying me with his hurtful words that would crumble any normal person, crush their heart and soul and shatter their lives which is what it did to me.
Fast forward 20 yrs and he contacts me again by FB. I had been thinking about him (deep thought) only a couple days before. Anyways, long story but we regained contact again. Both me and him same place as each other, never married, failed relationships and currently single. I got sucked in once again. My naivety thinking God had brought back my long lost love so we can this time around make it work. Me thinking he was changed and different now and contacted me because he could never stop thinking of me all these years. Our 1st conversation and we both agreed was akin to when you are given anesthetics just before surgery and no time had passed since we last talked 20 yrs before. We talked on the phone for 4 hours every night for the 1st couple of months, both remembered every detail of our relationship, every encounter, everything said between each other (although I have to admit more me than him but him as well). In our 1st conversation, first thing he says is why did I “f off” on him all those years ago. I said “you don’t know?” He says “No”. So again naive, empath me gives him the benefit of the doubt that he truly did not know.
Anyways, needless to say, after 6 mths talking on the phone, texting daily and seeing each other 4 times (twice at my place, twice at his), he starts the devaluing phase, then sabotage then horrible (mental/emotional abuse) severe disrespect and downgrades coming at me like poison arrows to the heart. This after I had fallen of course more madly and deeply than ever he discards me while I am sure by then he had found another supply.
I am now broken to what I feel is beyond repair. I have been single all of these years and thought my twin soul mate had come back to be with me only to find out some very cold hard truth. No, it was to come and punish me for leaving him all of those years ago because of course, they cannot take any blame, it is all the other person, it becomes my fault, I shouldn’t have left him he kept saying because we would have had kids and been together but now since I did, I am going to regret I ever did and be punished and I am damned into hell of torment by the Narcassist.
I am now trying to find ways to heal myself because basically I am so heartbroken that I feel my heart literally breaking inside my chest. I cry in anguish pain daily, I obsess and can’t get him out of my mind 24/7. My heart and soul are so wounded and all I do is cry in longing to have him back in my life even though I know how bad he is for me because alls I do is read these kinds of articles and watch every video I can on narcissists and twin flame love. None the less, I still cannot dismiss this intense yearning desire to have him back in my life, my other half. My heart and soul are connected to his. But, I am someone he devalued and everything we talked about, shared, our connection everything did not mean a thing, he must have never loved me? I am confused beyond reproach and I cannot seem to get over it no matter how I try. In my heart of hearts, I know that deep down in the deepest part of his soul he still loves me but he doesn’t want me. I am not good enough for him, he is a Narcissist. He is perfect, he is in love with himself and is in constant search for better and someone as perfect as him. Someone, younger, hotter, better this, better that. You know the story.
In conclusion, what I want to know is, I need to heal and want to know how I can mend my heart. I long for death to get me out of this intense daily pain I feel. I can hardly get through any day. I feel like my chest is caving in and I am dying. I feel a shell of a person, a walking zombie, lifeless and lacking any life. I am now 52 and I feel hopeless that I will ever have another relationship with another man, but I desperately want one. I do not want to be alone. I am not the type of person who is okay with that. I need another and can no longer make it alone as it has been too long single and I am too tired of carrying the burden of this life. I wish daily for death to take me out of this depression and grief. Yes I continue to try to do things to help myself, but I have no life, no vitality, I am in a very dark place.
Looking for any help on how to heal. Today I was hurting so bad, I wondered if I should be hospitalized.
Thank you for your help sorry for the long background story!
Hi Lisa,
I hear your pain and my heart goes out to you.
My healing resources are all about healing the intense trauma bonds you speak of.
The first powerful step is this: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse and please make sure you come into my free webinar asap https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar – it will explain so much and grant you relief, healing and renewed hope.
Mel xo
Lisa, I hear you and you might have been writing about me. I’ve just been awakening to a bad situation, freaking out that this happened again…I don’t know how I’ll ever trust my judgment again. Another man? I can’t imagine. I’m 56.
Hi Lisa
I understand your pain, without going into details I faced what you described on New Year’s Day this past week. Throughout the days leading up to this reply , thoughts of suicide popped in my head, lack of sleep, anxiousness,thoughts of her and her new supply popping in my head……. it was consuming me. I️ discovered that she is my twin flame last night. Literally broke down crying after reading Melanie’s article. It gave me some solace and beginnings of hope to recovery that I am responsible for. I have enrolled in the webinar and despite me just seeing this now , I pray you hVe donethe same on are on the path to inward self healing
Tom
I’m fighting back tears reading your story …. you took the words right out of my mouth… i am in exactly the same place as you except I share a child with my narc and it has been 6 years since we saw him. he lives less than an hour away from us. if I didn’t have children (also a daughter from previous relationship) I would never even get out of bed. because I do however every day I dig deep to find the strength to get up and go thru the motions. I’ve had to turn to drugs to give me that strength and to numb my intense feelings and obsessive thinking so i can care for my kids. i am now a daily user of methamphetamine. because of my traumatic past both childhood and with my narc I’m now diagnosed borderline…. i need help. desperately. this is not the life i want and i KNOW, NOT the life i was meant to live. not having enough money is what stops me from doing this program or any other things I’ve found.when I’ve been able to I bought a couple of Melanie meditations to try but it’s not enough I still wish for death. I’m desperate and tired. i cant go on like this much longer…
Awww Tammi,
My heart goes out to you.
Please know that there is no barrier to anyone healing with NARP. Not even financial. We do sponsor people onto NARP who can’t afford the program. You can email [email protected] for more details.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I would love to share my little stories here . I had first expirienced this type connection with my first wife. After 10 years of marriage she has discarded me with a lot of cruelty- things inamaginable . I was replaced in one day and I could not see our daughter for about 5 years after. I went through a deepest crisis , but after a while I became so grateful that it happened this way . I was in prison cell but I did not know it and was just painfully kicked out so I could never came back. I learned to forgive it. 7 years later she agreed that our daughter would come and live with me instead and since then till now our daughter is my very best friend. All was healed by Grace.
Now, about 25 years later, I go through a similar feelings breaking from a deepest soul connection with a twin soul after 10 years relationship. Due to a NARP program I am feeling much better now – I am soooo grateful for Melanie’s work !
This article gave me me huge insight on the nature of twin flame relationship. This term describes perfectly my last passion – I thoought it was love of my life but it was not going well and since I found Melanie s course I stopped clinging to it and started letting it go. I have idolised that relationship and took my partner as a guru, knowing that it would be a painful lesson …
She is thriving now as a spiritual teacher and wish her all the best . I am moving on – inwards and meeting all the pains of all my relationships … Well it is better late than never …
I have dropped the notion of narcissism lately – it makes ‘us’ and ‘them’ … It is all just energy dance – to grow and mature…
Deepest gratitude to you Mel ! If you are coming to UK – I would come to your workshop in London. 🙏
Great topic! Thank you. I’m kinda tired so I hope I can articulate this fully. But I’ll try..
My narcissist literally almost killed me. I look back on the utter insanity I tolerated and I can’t even believe it. I had been in a string of abusive relationships… each one worse than the last. Each time I’d finally break free, I’d say, NEVER AGAIN!
.. hah! Riiight…. when you wrote, “Our original traumas have a lot to answer for, because they continue to generate the painful patterns and people that represent that trauma into our Life, regardless of how much we think we “know” better.” It hit me like a ton of bricks. I truly thought, each time….with each new ending and each new beginning, I know what I’m doing THIS TIME….THIS TIME it’s DIFFERENT. This guy is DIFFERENT… I’m healthier now…im attracting GOOD people and making better choices.. But….i always found myself WRONG AGAIN. But after this last one…. I felt a shift. I don’t like it. I don’t feel some elated “AHA!” epiphany.. I just feel… dead inside, for lack of a better expression. I felt an aversion, not just to my narcissist but everyone. I couldn’t even hug my friends for a while after it first ended. I hug some of them now…but only to reciprocate theirs. I don’t feel attracted to anyone, the idea of sex does nothing for me…and its all because I don’t feel I can ever trust anyone ever again. I mean, they could be a genuine good person… but how would I know? I’ve been so wrong before. Like…SO wrong. How do I know it’s real and not just my “original traimas” and patterns tricking me into missing cues and red flags? I can’t know…until Its far too late. In general, I have adopted a zero tolerance for any amount of disrespect. Not just towards me but if I see it directed towards others…i know they can, and eventually will, direct it towards me. So, I walk away. Boom. Just like that. Not just potential romantic involvements but friends too.
The good thing is that I’ve spent so much time alone ever since that I’ve discovered new hobbies and passions and I’m able to just BE and be myself without all the distractions of drama and controlling BS… I’ve connected with nature in a very interesting way with my art. I’m growing.
So….does that mean he was my twin flame? Am I still a pile of cinders, waiting to ignite and rise as a Phoenix again? Or am I doomed to repeat mistakes again? Because…if I do…considering the pattern of abuse increasing…i mean….Im as good as dead, if so. OR.. is feeling this way A SIGN that I WON’T attract/fall for another narcissist? And even if it’s confirmed he’s a good person…. I’m scared to let myself feel again. Or open up again. Honestly, I don’t even know if I could even if I wanted to. I don’t have the strength to anymore. Like, my hands, I can’t open jars anymore, no matter how much I want to or feel safe doing so..the weakness and pain in my hands just won’t allow it. That’s how my heart feels. Soneone says something nice to me and I’m like, “oh, …thats nice” and inside I’m like, “yeah, yeah whatever ” or “horseshit.”
…..am I even on topic anymore? ..ugh.. I’ll never fall for HIM again.. it kills me, too. Its such a weird feeling…to have loved a person who really doesn’t even truly exist. If i can fall in love with a phantom, convinced that it’s real..how will I know when its really real?
Ok…That’s all for now I guess. Thanks again.
Yurii,
I can identify with your post, and would be so interested to read any responses!
I used to deny myself peace to attend to or engage with others’ drama and BS. I
Suppose what I’ve learned now is, being at peace with myself is essential for me- more important than being with anyone. I have physical health issues too due to the abuse, and struggle opening jars too, amongst other things!
Keep on doing the things you love! x
Hi Yurii,
your post is very honest and raw and contains so many great questions.
All of the mind confusion we ever suffer, is totally regarding existing trauma still trapped inside us that our neuro-net wiring is trying to deal with – and can’t.
None of us can! Because our mind can only generate the consciousness that matches the existing internal trapped trauma.
We HAVE to get out of that trapped loop to get well. Otherwise we go round and round and round trying to conceptually work it out.
I did that for years too!
I promise you this – when you start releasing the trauma from inside yourself – clarity comes. Healing comes. Power comes. Health and the WANTING to connect and KNOWING how to healthily connect comes.
Why don’t you come into my FREE Webinar to experience WHY this is true and HOW it works?
I’d love you to do this … all you have to do is give up 3 hours of your time.
https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
Enough is enough of the pain.
Mel xo
I did 4 years with a narcissist and yes I was totally destroyed
I left him 2 years ago and I rebuilt myself from scratch, something I never thought I would be able to do, and guess what, ever since that I don’t feel this deep need to be in a relationship, I feel happy, contented and alive on my own!
Yurii,
Your post says soooo much of what I experienced. I wanted to retreat into my own little bunker afterwards. I ended every friendship that had the slightest feeling of betrayal or trauma to it, all men looked gross to me, my body wanted no one near it at all for a long, long time, my health was a mess. After working on and off with Melanie’s program for a year now and releasing, releasing and more releasing, making self-partnering my unconscious habit rather than self-hating, things are beginning to change. I’m still not ready to seek a relationship, I still don’t fully trust my resilience in the face of whatever arises, but I feel spontaneously like I want to connect with people. And real men are attractive again! Not just my internal memory of the fantasy version of my ex. It takes a while and it’s easy to fool yourself along the way that you’re healed (I did the NEVER AGAIN thing before my last narc, thinking I was strong. I felt good at the beginning so I thought it had worked, but that was the love bombing/idolising, of course), but I think it’s possible to really get out the other side and be genuinely whole and healthy.
Wishing you lots of strength and self-love on your journey!
Interestingly I live in a house called The Retreat and it has a bunker ! It is in this place I’ve had my biggest break down and wake up. I’m so thankful
Hi K,
you are so on the right track!
It is so true that when we address and release the traumas we organically come back into love, health and connection.
Well done for doing the work!
Mel xo
This is EXACTLY how I feel. Mine left a month ago. I was still in contact, but it has been no contact for 3 days now and I am standing firm, even avoiding relationships I made through him, avoiding the ctivities we did together (concerts and summer music festivals) and avoiding social media.
Yurri… there has been a shift in you. Trust this. You WILL see the red flags and act upon them in future relationships. This will not happen to you again. The way you feel is part of the healing process. The blindfold has been taken off. It will not go back on again BECAUSE IT CANT . You are no longer the same person. I know it can feel bittersweet because part of your “innocence” has died and part of your vulnerability as well, but this is necessary to becoming the evolved and self protective being you authentically were always meant to be as a human being. You WILL be able to fully express your trust in others as you learn to trust yourself – which is the key. You are well into your journey into becoming who you were always meant to be. Namaste.
It’s kinda refreshing to know I’m not alone. If only I could throw out my phone cuz then I could be left alone.
Hi Yurii
WoW!!! I read the above article because I too was deeply hurt, confused and almost broken…almost…he tried but I am still here despite the last 3 years of kicking the father of my young son out of our lives, testifying against him and leaving him to rot in jail for all i cared, after what he seemed to enjoy doing when he became violent and unfaithful to me over the course of 20 years….I am not broken…I am still here crawling on my hands and knees in what feels like black darkness into the hopes of a better, safer and happier future with only tealight candle sparks of light to guide me along the way. It was a twin-flame relationship that as i look back now, became a cell-mate relationship and because of the birth of my son, the truest love of my life, i was able to cut and run, even whilst I felt like I was almost dead inside. For the past three years, i have put the puzzle together piece by piece by piece mostly alone, with limited support from flecks and sparks of light from various origins (when it became too painful to keep going and when i had the emotional, physical and psychological strength to seek it out). I am in exactly the place that you described in your above post NOW….ITS BEEN THE HARDEST THING FOR ME TO JUST STAY ON MY FEET because i refuse to be “broken”….I think we must acknowledge to ourselves first and foremost that we deserve better, we must be better towards ourselves but deep down, we know we can get to some point of authentic peace within ourselves if we just keep putting one foot in front of the other….I heard a saying that gave me enormous hope for the possibility of full recovery from the painful truth that I am wounded, hurt and yeah, lost at the moment but simply seemed to comfort me to hold on and keep going forward…the saying goes…the sky is still blue and the sun is actually still shining brightly despite the storm clouds above our heads…..the storm does pass (even though it can be damaging, cold and scary) but its only temporary and all the while, the sun is still shining behind it….profound huh? haha well, for me it was, cos i interpreted that its all just temporary but most importantly, what I see, feel, hear etc. is really a matter of perspective and self-limitating thought.
I hope you take care of yourself and know that having Christ in my life, “the light of the world” as it is written, is where i focus my mind when I feel like giving up…
Yurii, you attract wrong people because you lie to yourself, make believe. you want it so bad that you project your feelings onto them, and turn blind to their indifference and lack of love towards you. empaths fall for narcissists blindly because they throw themselves into the knife hoping to save them, to reach their hearts.
you lied to yourself you could save them, until they discarded you and if you’re honest you’ll admit it to yourself. if you look at your pictures together you’ll notice they were very stoic or serious or detached, un-engaged while you were all smiles and love.
I had a friend and always told her, hey girl, this guy is not into you. in all their photos she was all honey and he was cold and distant, pretty robotic, weird. she was so giving and he would just throw her crumbs to keep her engaged. so sad.
she used to tell me she’s gonna save him, warm up his heart, make him open up, he suffered a lot, he deserves love, she’s gonna save him. guess what? he destroyed her. after taking advantage of her emotionally sexually financially he just dumped her in the garbage. she still couldn’t believe it. how could that happened? she just didn’t see it coming.
well, surely there are things you need to heal in you, the impulsivity of throwing yourself under the bus for them, of giving to receive, of compensating for your lack of self worth, of begging for love, of projecting your own feelings onto others, on idealizing the people and the world we live in and so on….I understand it’s compulsive, unconscious and hard to control. but you have to learn to love yourself and wait for the other to prove themselves worthy of your love, not the other way around.
So true. Self-partnering, facing ourselves, having the courage to look straight at our fears and negative self-beliefs, and keeping our eyes wide open- it’s the only way to live an authentic life and to keep healthy boundaries going.
He pretended to be my soul mate, the answer to my prayers- but the answer was within myself all along. He exposed that truth.
Hi Kat,
please see my response to Yurii above.
I’d love to see you in there too!
Mel xo
Yes.I went through a 2 month twin flame narcissist relationship last summer.It was intense but I got out of it and learned what needed to be learned.That I didnt need him or miss him and give myself all the false things he promised to give me.I got off the roller coaster through hell and now will chose a different kind of partner for sure .One that compliments and doesnt try to diminsh me or play childish games.A mature healthy respectful and mutually beneficial one
Hi Kristi,
that is great that you got out and took the gift!
Kudos to you 🙂
Mel xo
Dear Melanie Tonia Evans!
I hope you are fine I would like to express my deep heartfelt gratitude to you for I was engulfed on a darkness that I had no idea on how to get out of.
I have been calling,texting my ex-narc who left me for another without giving any closure to our 27 year relationship. We have three children together who are above 21 years.
Since I met him I have gone through so much traumatic expiriences than I had before I met him. I was devastated when I realised through his action of discarding me and moving on with a teenager who aready had two kids with him behind my back.
I stumbled on narcissist information that made me realise what I had to deal with,i have gone through so much data in seven months. But until i came across you Melanie,Have I started a healing that makes me feel better with each email I receive from you. Thank you so much.
Your healing programme is worth a fortune but you have made accessable to even those who are broken financially due to the trauma of Narcissistic abuse.
I am moving slowly beacause I need to internalise all your healing stages before I move on to the next coaching session.
Thank you
Best regards
from Jane
Hi Jane,
I am well – thank you for asking!
Please know you are welcome and I am so pleased I can help.
I am so pleased that you found your way here Jane and that you are positioning yourself to heal and Thrive.
Sending big blessings, healing and hugs for what you have been through.
I just know your future can and will be amazing!
Mel xo
Jane! Yes! Yes! I didn’t know what was going on with my life until I came across this website! It has opened up my mind so much! My narc never put me down, or called me names; but he did move in with somebody else and I’m good with that. I was always wondering what was wrong with ‘me’. There is and never was anything wrong with me. I really like myself. Enough rambling…I just want to say a BIG “Thank you”!!!
Yes, thanks to myself and you and others I have done a lot of growing to not need the relationship with the narcissist directly. I’ve happily moved on. However, because of children and ongoing divorce litigation, the system and the children continue to keep us in close proximity. I don’t like or dislike being near the narcissist, interestingly. However, I’m still uncomfortable with the effects of the narcissist on the children and I’m still uncomfortable with the other people who have been told untruths and then look at me strange, don’t talk to me, testify falsehoods against me, etc. So it’s these secondary effects issues that I supposed I still have some release work to do? Could you please focus some more on these in the future? Thanks! P
Hi P,
it is so true that whatever still triggers us means “More inner up-levelling to go” … that is the total Quantum Rule of Thumb that creates Thriving in every area of our life that we reach within and release ourselves from.
P, have you watched my most recent Thriver Tv Episodes on Healing our children with Devon?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FWHrox6a24&index=4&list=UUtIVcBdfm2hZGd0V0tEFtxw&t=29s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrfzdarWRTE&index=2&list=UUtIVcBdfm2hZGd0V0tEFtxw
These are so applicable for what you are going through right now.
I hope this helps.
Mel xo
I so totally get that Narcissists are like virus’ and paracites – EVEN THEY KNOW that they need other people to feed off and live off BECAUSE THEY ARE USELESS to do anything respect-worthy in life….it actually makes me laugh to myself…hence the lies, the deceit, the games, the cheating, the abuse….EVEN THEY KNOW they cannot measure up…hahahah
It’s called as above so below. Do your research before playing smart. You are just here to get money from our victims so are you better than us? I don’t think so
You’re wrong, pathetic and irrelevant.
Oh, and have a beautiful day. I know I will 🙂
Mel I love that you have always taught us that no one is better than anyone else ?That we are all organic beings with wounds and able to heal if we choose. I feel the truth of your energy coming through your words always. As within so without and as above so below .,.. it’s all connected and one … the words are less relevant than the feelings so I believe.
X
Hi Tracy,
thank you for your lovely words 🙂
You are so right Tracy – it is the feeling – the awakening and work deep in our soul that is everything.
The words are ONLY to help us get there.
Mel xo
Narc. Go jump on your head. Mel hasn’t charged me a cent and I’m just one of many people who enjoy and benefits of her litriture and expertise.
Elyse
That was really deep. You’re one special lady, thank you for sharing your wisdom. I am truly gratitude for reading this.
Hi Princess,
Aww thank you for your lovely comment, I am so pleased you got so much from this!
It’s my absolute pleasure 🙂
Mel xo
I feel like a recovering alcoholic.
It’s been 2 years since I was awakened to the monster within the sheeps clothing. My 27 year roller coaster finally crashed and burned and I thought I had died. It was one breath at a time and each email from Melanie came at exactly the point I needed it.
Am I healed?…. No. can I survive and continue to find joy in life? Hell yes!! Do I recognise Narcs that walk among us as normal people now? Yes I do. I can also read the behaviour and anticipate it when it appears in my children’s lives. He bears gifts and showers attention on the odd occasion. Am I threatened? Not any more. My kids like the stuff… but they love me.
No comparison…
I’m 51 and free to choose who I have in my life. I can make plans and the eggshell existence just doesn’t exist anymore.
It was exciting-confusing-passionate-more confusing-and more often than not devastating. Hey I’m alive, (two brain tumours removed due to the stress) and free!! I have beautiful children including two of his prom a previous victim. They all love me and need me. I am valued and worthy now.
I kinda can accept the lesson was needed to grow and evolve, hard as that is. I am me again. Older, wiser and awakened.
Thanks Melanie you literally saved me when I was on the edge.
Sue
Hi Sue,
Awww gosh it totally is that painful – it does feel like we have died!
You have been through so much, and I am so happy for you that you survived for you and your children.
I love what you said … “My kids like the stuff… but they love me.”
I am honoured that I could help Sue.
Bless you
Mel xo
The first comment from Yurii is so me, except I am totally ready to be done with men and just live the rest of my life doing what I was put here to do. I found great solice in your statement: The greatest of light is mined from the deepest of darkness. It’s been a long hard road healing and I’m sure there will be more left to overcome. I’ve been stuck in the relationship because I can’t find a job, I’m 58 tired and should be getting disability from losing my job due to a back injury. I have severe ADD and my brain doesn’t connect to the left side that makes me able to move, get things accomplished…etc. I went to college for four years after my back injury and got an AAS in Graphic Design and that got me nowhere (I’ve had my website up for years and get no business from it). I still lack skills necessary to get a job doing graphic design, everybody wants a bachelor’s degree and work experience. I have told all my friends and get no help from anyone. They all act oblivious to the real circumstances here. No one really cares these days. I do not know where or how to get out, without a job or money.
Hi Cay,
my heart goes out to you.
This I do know, Dear Lady … that when our trauma shifts from the inside, so can our health, our circumstances and all the patterns in our life.
I do believe we can break out and up.
I am holding the space for you to be-come this.
Mel xo
I’m new to this site and your work and just signed up for NARP. I found you while googling, trying to understand why an “ex” of 20 years would continue to tug at my coat tails, even when he couldn’t commit to a real relationship, and even after I moved on with someone else for 7 years. It played with my head and my heart and left me in a tailspin. Found your article on hoovering and it’s like the sky opened. Oh – now I get it! I can’t get enough of your message. Fully resonates. And the quanta healings really do create shifts. I can feel the energy changing. I’m cutting the umbilical with that ex and NARP is going to help me get back to my Self!
You are such a breath of fresh air, Melanie!! Thank you for the incredibly healing words, and the encouragement to keep looking inside.
Hi Florida,
it is so true that the narcissistic highly impactful relationships in our life defy all logic and don’t make sense.
That is wonderful that you working with NARP, healing and freeing yourself.
You are so welcome Florida, and thank you for your lovely post!
Mel xo
Fantastic!
I believe that my ex narc and I were together last life time too and I believe our souls were so keen to move on this that we came in together again really quickly. (I had a past life regression done)
Everything presented the same but last time it was a patriarchal society and he was a Major in the army, so he was well respected, even though he drank a lot and beat me. I tried to leave him but he put me in a mental institution citing that I was mad and I lost access to our 4 children. I had a lonely miserable, drugged up remaining life.
This time, I was born into 4 children, (I think that was to see how it felt to be one of them- which was really fun actually), and he is a main stream actor so again was well respected. He had cirrhosis of the liver (a remnant of his past life) and he psychologically abused me. I left him and again he tried the ‘she’s mad’ thing and tried to have me put away. The strength in that trigger was what made me look at past life issues as really, how could he even think that he could do that? But because we had this past life together – I was beside myself with fear. I had to learn to not panic, that was my first step in not looking hysterical and playing into his hands.
Then I worked with you Mel and I learnt so much all the rest just faded away.
I truly believe that we have contracts to do this with, and for, each other. It’s tough but so, so worth it.
Great article xxxx
Hi Julie,
past lives do have a lot to answer for .. so much trauma can be imprinted and continue to play out.
Thank goodness Jules, like so many of us, you awakened to it THIS time, turned inwards, healed and set yourself free.
Oh yes it is sooo tough, but as you said SO worth it.
The original traumas always had to be reignited, met andreleased for us to be WHO we really can be.
Mel xo
I tell ppl they contracted with the PD to torment them. They look at me like I’m an anathema.
I knew this deep in my being as soon I read it the first time from you. It’s taken a while for me to accept this truth. But its the only explanation for depth of the total enmeshment — becuz I wanted & needed it. To grow, for sure. To spread the truth also of selflove as a necessary thing, not an evil.
Hi Helene,
how true all of that is.
And thank goodness our world is awakening to HOW important and NOT narcissistic true self-partnering and self-love is.
How else were we ever going to be a vehicle of authentic love?
Mel xo
Wow! I never thought of him as being my twin flame but it makes perfect sense !! So very painful to be in a relationship like that. I remember going into an absolute panic at the thought of being without him. I truly felt that I couldn’t live without him. Thank God I woke up! Even though I felt these intense feelings , I also felt like something was off and not right. My question is as light workers I understand our lesson in this but what is their lesson ??? Why did they agree to this soul contract? Thank you 🙂
Hi Stacey,
I am so pleased this resonated with you … did you read the link to the other article in this one?
https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-soul-contract-with-a-narcissist/
An explanation is in there.
Mel xo
Dear Melanie,
thank you so much for this beautiful article. I love all your talks and writings, but especially this article put into words what I feel, but cannot articulate properly.
I had a relationship with a twin flame partner for 1.5 years and I went through so much pain and agony those last months… but I say thank you to the universe, to life and him every day for sending me this chance to wake up and grow. I recognized so much old trauma, my toxic survival strategies, my narratives, my false self. It is still a long way to go, but I am willing to embrace the pain and shame and darkness and meet it within myself.
I love my twin flame for giving me this gift and hope he will find his twin flame once to embrace his pain in himself. He was the best which ever happened to me – I was dead inside for a long time and finally can be able to choose to live.
Love Silvia
Hi Silvia,
I am so pleased you have met the truth within and are doing the work and healing.
Bless you Silvia, and cheers to your True and amazing Life!
Mel xo
Hi Melanie,
I have been narping for 2 years now and doing well I understand what you write and enjoy the deep spiritual nature of your posts. But there is something I don’t understand that I hope you might. That is why does human evolution require pain to evolve. Why would God/source require such pain for the soul to evolve. Would it not have been easier to just arrive evolved or evolve through love? Or is it only the lightworkers who evolve through pain and others will evolve without pain? Hoping you can explain this, it seems rather cruel to me.
Thankyou
Simone
Hi Simone,
these are brilliant questions, and here is my take on them.
God / Source requires nothing because God / Source is already ALL of it.
We choose to separate from the Oneness (God / Source) to be able to physically experience our divinity in the duality with all of that which isn’t.
The more we do become our divinity again – then we again merge (when fully evolved) with Oneness, then come out again to experience ourselves in every facet and every guise again.
We wanted the juice” of that – the knowing ourselves fully as “alive” not just “As All of it”
All souls are going back home, because there is nowhere else to go … we either keep evolving consciously toward that, and get to experience our ever expanding developing aspects of ourselves and Life – which is the BEST stuff (which is the very nature of the Universe joyously expanding), or we hit the point where all evolution has ceased and we get reabsorbed back into the Oneness, to be popped out as a brand new soul starting all over again …(Narcissists and the like).
The pain stops when our beliefs regarding life being painful and a struggle end, and the joyous creation begins. Then we see the liberation, joy and growth in every growth opportunity – rather than staying stuck and having to repeat them.
What dictates that?
Us being “Godlike” and realising we have the power to reprogram and BE our own chosen DNA beliefs.
That is exactly what the NARP Program is about.
And … even more than all of what I wrote about above (which I believe still stands) we are now (as is our Earth plane) ascending towards “heaven on earth”. In fact it is already here!
We are learning that heaven is a state not a place, and we can actualise and experience and bring forth that level of aliveness and joy and love NOW and be a force for that for others too.
What dictates that?
One simple thing – releasing trauma and false beliefs out of our cells and radiating God as us through us. Because that is our natural state without trauma.
We WANTED the best of both worlds – divinity in physical form. And the path we chose is the only path – on this plane – to get it.
I hope this helps.
Mel xo
Thankyou Melanie for your beautiful deep response.
I understand this but I still wonder why it is that way, if God/source were all of us why not just allow us to start and remain as humans resonating in that high frequency of heavenly state rather than almost destroy people to eventuate it so slowly.
I will reflect more on it, you are much much further along to this heavenly state or perhaps living it.
Perhaps a subject for a video one day.
Thankyou for all you do.
Simone
I am 100% going through this. I broke up with my twin flame who I am now seeing had many narcissistic qualities, and am truly struggling to let go because of the massive emptiness, loneliness and REJECTION I feel. I feel completely toyed with, it has been a nightmare. And trying to redirect my energy to self love has been unbelievably challenging. I became obsessive and the thoughts never go away about him and reconnecting and making our relationship “right” and do it the right way. However it seems that is something that he is not capable of.
Great read, I definitely relate.
Same here. We were together for 6 years and he just left me. He chased me and was so great in the beginning and then slowly started ignoring me and telling me he was busy… when really, he was sitting as his computer facebook messaging his friends. I kept wanting him to just leave, even though I loved him (still do) and then finally, right when I finally accepted him as he is and right when he was finally getting his life together (outwardly only, though), he decided he wants kids some day (I’m older) and left. And wants to be friends! I cut him off two days ago for good, but the pain is so bad!! He is my 6th long term relationship… one was a 10 year marriage. We met when I was very vulnerable. I am a giving person and like to be partnered. I never thought I had low self esteem or no love of self. but I SURE DO NOW!
Hi Megan,
my heart goes out to you …
Virtually all of us felt tormented with this too – unbelievably so.
Please come into my next Free Workshop. I so want to show you how to heal from this …
https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
Mel xo
Thank you for joining all the dots Melanie. It’s definitely not a coincidence for you to have posted this on a night of the full moon. I came out of an cell mate scenario of 5 years, more than 2 years ago and recently was in the Twin Flame situation. I don’t think she’s a narcissist, although she was also in a cell mate situation previously, but probably BPD. I have had so signs, guidance and numbers recently but you have definitely put quite a lot into perspective.
Love and light
Hi Kav,
You are so welcome, and I am so pleased this shone some light for you.
Mel xo
Hi Melanie, this is so interesting to read and also the comments! I am fascinated now that I am free as to why I sacrificed so much for the narc who I got enmeshed with at 18 and didn’t escape from until age 54. I remember being 17 before I met him thinking, “my life will never be as free and as wonderful as it is right now.” I was a strong, intelligent, beautiful girl who’d overcome a lot of shyness in childhood to become the scholar athlete of my high school. But when the narc swept me off my feet, that was it. Two weeks ago I read some letters he sent me back then…he was crazy. He was obsessed with me and his letters were manipulative, telling me that my family was bad, my parents hated me, and only he could love me the way I deserved to be loved. I could only read a few letters before feeling Sick so then I made a bon fire and burned them . At 18, I didn’t get into to the elite college I hoped to attend and basically fell under his control. My point in telling this is that when we are very young we don’t yet know who we are, and in my case my mother was dying of cancer and my my home life falling apart, so I allowed myself to be “taken care of” by the strong, handsome, convincing narc even though I’d always thought of myself as a strong ambitious girl, I fell for him. I tried to leave when I was 23 and go to grad school but he pulled me back with threats of suicide. I think if someone had sat me down and told me about narcissism and personality disorders, I would have said , “whoa! I can leave this guy and not be a bad person? This guy is actually the mental case and not your father who he hates?” My point is, when you are really young your brain is not fully developed, you are vulnerable to all kinds of risky behaviors, not just narcs, and you experiment in order to grow up . When the “drug” is a really messed up person who wants to own you and control you, and you don’t have life experience , you can fall into his dark world. Once there, even though you know it’s all wrong, and you feel it in your gut, the narc convinces you that you are both perfect and defective…perfect when you make him feel good and trash when you aren’t serving his needs. Was I in a twin flame relationship ? I really think I was a vulnerable kid whose mother was dying, my best friend had just been killed, and I’d been rejected by my dream college. Fear of something kept me from going back to my previous boyfriend who was a normal kid. I actually wanted to be with him, but the narc scared me and controlled me so I didn’t. What I really would love to be able to do is help young girls avoid this in the first place. I don’t think you have to live through hell to wake up. I had no idea what mental illness was or narcissism, and believed people were good . I trusted people, and thought men were trustworthy people of integrity like my father . When the narc took over, I fell into confusion and didn’t trust myself to know anything anymore. I was 19 when I agreed to Marry him, even though I didn’t want to. Well, enough rambling trying to understand it. Since we can’t go back we accept it and are grateful for our children and are so happy we finally got to this point of truth and freedom. Mel, I think it would be great to reach out to young people to help them be aware…I don’t think going through this is the only way to evolve . Awareness and support early on for young vulnerable girls might be a better way to find a path into the light. Thank you for all you do!
OMG Joni!
You have told MY tale! Unbelievable!
I was 22 though (my Narc was 37) I married him when I was 25 because by then, he had made me feel unlovable by anyone else.
He slowly alienated me from friends and family in my home.
I too was a shy kid. I was the ADHD poster child who was the first one picked on and the last one picked.
I was a strong willed, intelligent, beautiful young woman and an empath.
I always tried to look for the good in someone, and believed their integrity. Wayyyyyyy tooooo trusting of everyone.
I also had no idea what personality disorders were or a narc. I was brought up around basically normal folks with integrity and character.
I just went into therapy and got targeted by a psychopath predator. I was so shocked that I was such an easy target and left raw and devastated once again, just like I was as a teen.
I like you got the inspiration to start an education program for young vulnerable girls so they can know the red flags. Not only know them (because I sure saw them) but to not ignore them.
I just saw a program called Girls on Fire for awareness about healthy sexuality for girls 14-18 (although I still was needing that at 22 when I went out on my own) I really think this is what every girl needs to have.
I see beautiful young teen girls, embracing their beauty and sexuality and almost want to stop them and warn them right then and there!
I so remember how it felt to feel sexy, and flirty and so proud of my gift of beauty from the universe. It became something else before I knew what it really was. It became something for the narcs to want and target me for.
I was way to naive to know what they were bestowing attention on me for.
I didn’t want to be attractive anymore. I just wanted someone to like me for what was inside, what was really me.
That is how the therapist got to me. It was just phone sessions at first and I thought because he didn’t know what I looked like (or so I assumed)
that his words that I was intelligent, kind, compassionate, humorous, were how he felt about me for real, without the packaging.
I realized after, that he was a narc, and psychopath and saw something he wanted to devour, so set out to lure me in with his knowledge of the psyc.
Exactly me too!! spirit sisters!
Hi Joni,
I totally agree that if there had been an emphasis where emotional intelligence and emphasis on self-love, self-approval and being able to be a source to self of security and survival was curriculum, and children grew up “whole” – then none of us would have been in the predicament we were.
That is the state of our world which is now waking up – the training of us to live from the outside in instead of a wholeness from the inside out.
That is why we were precarious and susceptible.
Mel xo
This is interesting and a little unsettling. I have been convinced for years that my ex-husband was my twin flame. But when I became aware that he was a narcissist and I severed the relationship to concentrate on my own healing, I had concluded that he was not my twin flame after all!
Hi Elisa,
I truly don’t even believe the labels are important ..
What is important is that we mate our own soul healthily and generate relationships healthily with people who are capable of the same.
Mel xo
Dear wonderful wise woman,
I can not thank you enough for sharing your pain and the lessons you learned from it.
You articulate everything so clearly and touch down to the very bottom of my soul, lifting up my pain so I can identify it and hopefully someday heal it.
I happened on your site last year when I was trying to understand some business acquaintances I just could not get along with, and was baffled by their behaviors and lies.
Narcissism, that was it!!! It also opened up my eyes to the narcissist relationship that was a cellmate for 40 years!
I had retreated from the world at 23 years of age, with a 37 year old narcissist who gaslighted his trophy to boost his ego.
I fell into this trap. He was older and must know better.
I was hiding from the few men I had met, who saw an attractive woman and set out to lure me into their webs.
Hiding with my husband in a loveless, roommate relationship, kept me safe from the predators I didn’t have the words or strength to stand up to.
I was always afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings, or froze when someone was angry.
I was in the throws of understanding my marriage, coming to peace and forgiveness for all the anger I had at my non supportive husband.
I went into some therapy and BANG~~ I got a predatory psychopath who took every word I said and twisted his story of his life to match mine to have his way with me.
It was then I discovered this Twin Soul stuff. The synchronicities and soul bond were unbelievable.
I felt like a drug addict who had abstained for 25 years only to be given a taste again.
I was awakened to my womanly side I had never experienced as even a girl in my 20s.
Realizing I was lured in again, and lied to, add the pain that this was a trusted therapist who I told things to that no one has ever known, I am devastated beyond the pain and dead feeling I had with my narcissistic husband.
Cognitive dissonance and PTSD are setting in more each day.
I am actually mourning the loss of crumbs of attention and abuse from this therapist. I intellectually know this is messed up, but I can’t seem to stop my mind from thinking about every detail, every word said.
I can’t even seem to concentrate on you webinar to try to heal. A few minutes in and I’m lost in thoughts of “him” again.
There is the empath in me that wants to heal him and a feeling that the universe brought me to him to heal us both.
Sorry for the ramblings on! I can’t stop thinking yet that thinking isn’t productive or going anywhere but round and round.
Cyndi,
oh gosh my heart goes out to you sweetheart. It is utter torment when in the deepest throes of N-abuse / addiction.
Cyndi, I believe it gets to the point of how … when we have enough of the pain, we realise there is NO other path other than to turn inwards.
It will be an inner decision Cyndi, as to when it is your time to heal – you will know.
Mel xo
Wow Melanie, what a great article! I have been waiting for years to read a good article about twin flames and here it is! I had a cell mate relationship with my overt narcissistic ex husband which led me to a twin flame relationship with myself if that makes any sense, a revelation… and my life completely transformed and I evolved drastically. So much so that I went from working as a toddler care giver at a gym where my ex said I would be discriminated for being hispanic (not true! the owner gave me a shirt to wear that read “nurturing Goddess” haha) to becoming a court certified interpreter working for the Judicial Branch in a matter of 3 months. Now more recently I had a full blown twin flame relationship with a covert sociopathic narc. The ex husband seems completely benign next to this one! But when he discarded me, it felt way different…like a wound on top of an unhealed wound had just opened up. It was so intense, I immediately started counseling and I verbalized that. I told the counselor this is different, it is bringing forth all the other wounds from before. And I also re found your emails and blogs and I am doing the NARP program now. And I had a major major major spiritual rebirth. I feel that I am going to need all of it for the mission ahead. It is so clear now…everything you wrote…At this moment I am becoming certified to interpret in court at federal level and I am being pushed to it by something bigger than myself. The opportunities to learn, practice and do it are coming from all directions (even through the relationship with the recent narc!). If you think about it, I work every day with the most dangerous criminals…bringing light…Right now I am working in a murder trial with 3 codefendants all tried at the same time, 2 of them need the Spanish interpreter… It is like I’m stepping into a new me and a more powerful position propelled by something bigger and more powerful. I hope all of us who experience this type of relationships and the pain that comes with, find the ultimate purpose for it all. A little faith can have miraculous results.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for inspiring us and comforting us,
Veronica
Hi Veronica,
you are very welcome and I am so pleased you enjoyed this article.
I am so pleased you are deeply immersed in the healing work and coming into the relief , healing and power of your True Self.
Bless you Dear Lady.
Mel xo
Sorry but half of this article doesn’t resonate with me. I don’t agree with all of what you’ve said about twin flames. I left my abusive NPD ex after I met my TF. My TF has done nothing but help me realize all I’ve needed within myself, and he doesn’t even know it. The love and deep knowing of my TF (before I knew we were TF’s) was incredible, intense and life saving. The experience has helped me pull my self back to my soul and begin to heal the trauma of decades. If you’re TF is a narc then so are you. Mirrored right back at you. I have never felt abuse from my TF only the NArc I was married to for over 20 years.
Your articles and webinars have helped me further my unwinding from the traumas I have experienced. Thank you. But your explanation of twin flames… nope. Doesn’t resonate with me.
I have to agree with you..maybe I am missing something and in reality every TF is an narc just I haven’t realised it yet!? Melanie can you please clarify? Thank you.
Hi Clare,
I actually don’t even believe that is the right question – or even an important one.
This is about “us” not them – and the Soul Contracted intense experiences reflecting back to us all of our shadows so that we can heal them.
Does ever N show up to do that with someone at that level? – the truth is I don’t know and don’t even think about it. I am only interested in liberating us, not trying to work out them.
And IF we have such an experience withs someone who felt deeply like our OTHER half … what will we chose to do with that. Have it break us or make us … that is what this article is really about.
Mel xo
Hi J,
I absolutely agree that the IF the TF mirrors us … it is our deepest wounds, and unhealed parts (darkness that need to come into the light) – hence why (I believe) it is such an intense experience.
And absolutely there is no “right” or “wrong”. Information is only right for us if it resonates with us … and really the labels are the most unimportant part of it.
What is the real deal that is worthy of our full attention, is the healing or ourselves back to wholeness. Then all other relationship, how we show up and what we generate will also be wholesome and life-granting for all concerned.
Mel xo
Totally agree with you J. Melanie, I think you haven’t met your twin flame. Or if you did then it makes no sense he doesn’t mirror to this day the strong unconditional love you have for yourself.The NARP program is totally valid for me but if you have met your twin flame (as he is precisely YOU) he surely just showed you what to heal but because you are of the same consciousness, what you heal, he heals. So if you’re in the registers of love then so is he. This is Physics. So you shouldn’t have gone separate ways at all. You would be a total match!!
You just described my narc relationship (twin flame) similar to what you went thru wirh your first narc., it was so intense,,raw and I was like an alcoholic. I told him he was my soul mate . It took me 11 years to come out of it. After 9 years I stumbled into articles of narcissism and realized I was with one. He was the classic narc , cruel and evil . Took me another two years to get out of it but how did it happen? I simply woke up and fell out of “love” with him . His behavior was so abusive it just made angry , sad and resentlful to the point I just had to get out. And I felt free, relieve and completely indifferent about him after that . He tired several times to make contact but I didn’t reapond nor have any urge to . Just felt sad that I was so blinded and wasted all those years .
Hi Anne,
my heart goes out to you – I can’t even imagine how tough 11 years of that would be …
I am so happy for you that you finally were done and got out.
Please know lovely lady that regret can shift, and your New Life going forward can be amazing.
Such is the spiritual compensation – when we heal the trauma within – of these relationships.
Thank you for your post and bless you.
Mel xo
Thank you Melanie
Accepting the Narcissist as my “biggest life Teacher” helps ease the understanding process of why? … how could a “perfect” love turn so wrong ?? Is it still perhaps “my fault” (25 years of Narcissist abuse, and even when one “knows” all the facts … the self-doubt still creeps up from time to time) … and why would The Powers That Be allow this?? … All these questions and more, take comfort in the knowledge that it is exactly what the universe set before me to assist my own personal growth … for which I am truly grateful for.
I am also sincerely grateful for you and your work … whilst healing has to begin within … the support & advise that you give serves as a bright beacon lighting the way for many of us still reeling from and processing through the trauma of a lifetime of abuse. Thank you.
Hi Lyndene,
I am so pleased this is giving you some answers as to “why”.
Wishing you a wonderful healing and release into your True You.
Sending my blessings.
Mel xo
Mel you must be an angel because I was literally up all night thinking about this topic, and then I woke up to this article in my inbox.
I believe I may have met my twin flame, however, I have been able to navigate through it with courage and strength, by working through the NARP healing modules. I am dealing with similar patterns and triggers that I went through with my narcissistic ex (which led me to this site in a first place!), and it is almost like that was the lesson, and this twin flame experience is the test.
Despite the fact that I have unconditional love for the person I believe may be my twin flame, I have learned that I MUST acknowledge my feelings and perspective and not be afraid to self partner…and let go when needed. The old me would cling to this potentially abusive dynamic, and wonder what it was that I was doing wrong, and would take all the blame and continue to put up with less than I deserve. Now I realize it is not selfish to take care of my needs first, that I can love myself just as much as I love my friends and family. And walking away, although difficult, is the healthy choice…which I JUST did yesterday…so hard…but I’m proud of myself because I’ve never been able to walk away from an unhealthy situation on my own.
This is getting long winded, but anyway, THANK YOU Mel! I still stumble here and there, but I’m always able to get back up because of everything I’ve learned here. Much love to you and everyone in this community. Remember, you’re never alone! We are all light workers, and have the power to transform darkness wherever we go.
Hi A,
I love it when synchronicity works like this!
It is so wonderful that you have and are doing the work inside you – to honour you and pass the greatest tests of all – the TF (or the like) which comes into our Life to test us regarding “do we really mean it?”
Sweetheart the greatest tests bring the most powerful of graduations and unlock our Highest Dreams.
You should be so proud of yourself.
You are so welcome A, and so much love to you too.
Thank you for your inspiration and blessings to everyone here.
Mel xo
Exactly so…..after many modules on Narp, (joined about 2 years ago) this is it…..no more attractions to painful people and situations…..I just know when it’s not a match with any person now. It’s so wonderful to be Source to self, to check in with my inner child, and trust myself. (And go to a module and if triggered, yes life presents healing opportunities all the time when needed). If it feels off, it is. Actually they don’t get attracted to me anymore nor I to them. Also I dont have that desperate need to pair up when they throw all that narc charm at me…..it puts me right off. The pain Of being in my last narc relationship was soooo painful, it brought me to my knees and to finding Mel on Google. I just knew I had to do this program after reading up on it. My soul was ready and the opportunity showed up as Narp……for those who feel trapped and running in circles after a narc, please do the Narp program…..it’s life changing and so healing….you will never look back. I’m so grateful. The forum, once you join, is like heaven on earth support wise, everyone understands, all have gone through this pain. Just do it…now.
Thank you for this, I am just reeling everyday its like an obsession. I feel paranoid and second guess myself about everything I could not even pick out a couch on Saturday. I am reading Drama of the Gifted Child and trying to turn inward. But like you said this relationship has truly brought me to my knees unlike anything ever before. It scares me what the next relationship could like it. This is do or die I feel like. No one is going to save me but me. I hope I can say like you in 2 years to have the power strength and self love to say no.
Hi Em,
my heart goes out to you.
Please know recovery does not have to be that hard … there is another way.
I’d love you to come into my next FREE Webinar round to experience this.
https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
Mel xo
Hi Bren,
I am so thrilled you have done the work, come this far and emancipated yourself from the abuse patterns and trauma.
Thank you for your passionate recommendations regarding NARP.
Mel xo
I’m also fighting hard with addiction to my Narcissist of 5 years. He was hiding for first 2 years he was married, then he swore he was separated, but after 2 years I was so in love with him it didn’t matter. He started to humiliate me also after 2 years, with very bad words, but I always forgave him, because he cried begged, said he never loved anyone like he loves me and I’m his universe. He gave me expensive gifts, took me on amazing vacations, he was very controlling jealous and demanding, if I didn’t answer the call he would be very angry , he didn’t care about my work or had any respect to the people I work with. Then he was hating all my friends and didnt allow me to go out with girls.
Lately he was demanding me to board my kids not from him and live with him, I knew he would destroy me if I do and I was refusing , then his mind blow up, he started writing people he found on my Facebook and Instagram very bad embarrassing untrue things about me and he is still doing it, then he texted my child 11 years old very very inappropriate stuff . I blocked him everywhere even before that, he wrote I’ll be dead soon. He lives in another country , he has alcohol and perhaps drug addiction that he is trying to hide, he was calling and writing me till 5-6 in the morning his time, so I don’t know if he ever slept. He is 56 and 18 older than me. So after those messages to my son I wrote his family too, probably not the smartest idea, but his son wrote me they knew everything and never write him again he is 22, his daughter wrote me also that he is a sick man and wants to talk to me, I think about my narcissist 24 hours a day, scared, depressed, not able to concentrate, having panick attacs at night, I wish someone could tell me how long till I see the light in the tunnel?
Hi Anya,
my heart goes out to you – it is terrible when stuck in the trauma and obsession of what happened to us with N”s.
Anya, I so want to appeal to you that healing exactly what you are struggling with – the hooks, addiction, feelings of powerlessness and such despair and pain is EXACTLY what my healing processes produce.
These processes are so much more than just my articles, radios shows and videos. They are deep, powerful proven methods to grant you relief, closure and your true Life back (better than even before you were abused).
There are two very important starting points – my free newsletter which starts getting your focus off him and back onto you to heal exactly what is needed to bring yourself back – https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/getstartedpackage and also my free webinar – where is a 3 hour period you get to experience personally – deep inside your being – specific healing processes that will grant you immediate relief and hope regarding THERE is a way to heal from this for real … https://www.melanietoniaevams.com/freewebinar
Then I promise you – you will be on the direct path to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Mel xo
I have googled twin flame before and the info was misleading as I felt it was a soul mate of another level and that was it I had finally found the partner I had been looking for after all the suffering. I promised myself after my second divorce from an abusive man I would listen to my gut because it has never been wrong about anything, but time and time again I override it and go left instead of right. I put myself in therapy to try to figure out the root cause of this and solve it because I can’t keep living like this and what is it about me that attracts this… I thought I asked all the right questions and did due diligence and they still slither past. I know my mother is the answer I just don’t know why. I would even divert the therapist telling her I really want to dig into our relationship and she always wanted to discuss my relationship with my new boyfriend. Now I realize that the therapist was in my drama and for some reason wanted to focus on the drama of my relationship. I think that is the thing to be careful about with therapists is most have issues of their own and go into the “healing” sector to avoid fixing themselves so they fix others instead. And nothing gets accomplished cause they thrive on your drama. I went for over a year, and got nothing out of it. Except the exact same relationship I went to her about avoiding. She said nothing about Narcs, just with his first red flag she said he might be a good guy I’d overlook it when I said I thought I should break up with him. I am reading Drama of the Gifted Child, and she touches on this. Read it, if you haven’t. This relationship is by far the worst most disgustingly evil I have endured. When I met him he would constantly do things for me, fix things, make things to make my life or business easier to manage, had friends, took me out, would have these talks and think he gets me omg….. text me constantly, send songs that made him think of me, asked me to move in after like two months of dating (Im shaking my head reading what I am writing like you’re a moron) stated that he never moved like this with anyone, he suggested we get heart and locket tattoos, …….. I remember one time when we started talking that he was talking to someone but looking at me with the most intense stare like he was looking deep into my soul while clenching his jaw, I got a chill from it…. My head said wow he is staring at me so intensely only after reading this blog it was the stare down like a predator looking at a new snack. On our first date we were with some of his friends and a girl stomped up the table and just stood there and glared at him. He said that she was coming around cause she wanted to date him, and he wasn’t into her. Then my friend (who I stopped talking to over this) said that he was screwing one of her married friends he adamantly denied it ( this is what the therapist said to give him another chance). I got pregnant after 3 mo of dating (the only gift he has ever given me in the past yrs)…..THEN the distance starts he just pretty much stopped coming around as much and if I didn’t text first he wouldn’t contact me all day. I told him we could co-parent if he didn’t want this. He said he did. This went on for 8 months the distance and living separately. His mother had to tell him that I needed to move I was due in a month. Moved in and he would disappear and not come home I would drive to his parents and his shop looking for him calling 15+ times no answer. I could never look at or even touch his phone. Even when I had the baby he would disappear from the room and we would keep calling him cause I was about to have her. He didn’t stay in the hospital and at home he did not do anything. I was running on no sleep. when she was 2 mo old I moved out after in a rage after me being pissed at him because he left and didn’t come back but denied being with a girl and he punched a hole in the wall. I moved back like an idiot. He is more hands on now because he knows that its counted against him. He is only interested in that as a control thing. He apparently is keeping a log of my comings and goings, people that see me out call and tell him what I am doing and he has threatned to put a tracking device on my car. after I moved out the first time he installed security cameras and watches me come and go. And when I asked for the app he would blow me off, finally we got into it and I said that I deserve to feel safe and started crying . He started laughing and said you get to feel safe?? then when I said I was done his eyes went almost black (very creepy gave me the chills) and he followed me into the kitchen and I said right there that was you I saw the real you he put his fist on the glass cooktop and shattered it this was 2 months ago he still hasn’t replaced it. Of course I didn’t correct him when he tells people it was an accident. Then he said im an alcoholic cause I drink wine every night (and honestly its to numb myself because he repulses me now) He has asked me to do sexually degrading things like watch me with another man that you would not want your SO to do if you respected them. The last time we did I felt like I would start crying. I will get the silent treatment sometimes for up to 3wks and I’ll ask him whats wrong and say is this going to be when you ignore me and I ask you whats wrong and you say nothing but it comes out later you actually do have a problem. His mother even did a paternity test on my child, he vehemently denies knowing anything about it….Then they said I was being high and mighty telling her she crossed a major boundary. He actually is treating her differently now and is interacting with her feeding her, changing her. Sad to say I think is just an act, so I can’t say what I could the last time I left that he was zero help. I finally was able to get a job and he has told me that he researched my boss, prob as a threat. You all know it, same story same shit sandwich I am tired of eating. I have never been this broken, stripped down of a shell I feel nothing, I seriously feel crazy like I am the crazy one. Was seriously relieved when you said that sometimes us ourselves will exhibit narc behavior. Cause sometimes im like its me maybe Im the narc. I don’t recognize myself at all. My fantasy of a mom and dad in the house together is manipulating my decisions I know that because I was raised by a single narc mom and always thought I was missing out on something. Anyways im rambling. But thank you for this content and your research because I feel like im drowning with only one floaty left on. I know I need to leave but I have a hard time sticking up for myself always have and its like I just can’t say it to him. I googled why is he ignoring me and I found this site and its been an eye opening blessing, because I have been searching for answers.
Hi Em,
it was such a common thing for many of us to go through extensive therapy, much self work and still fall into the same patterns with abusive people.
I was one of these people too!
It is also really common that the relationships we enter get worse and worse and break us into more and more pieces – until we start to understand a Quantum Truth – no amount of information or cognitive work can release and free us from the trauma we have accumulated in our subconscious which is generating more and more trauma in our real life.
Myself, like so many others in this Community, did not get truly free until addressing the trauma at that level in our bodies and doing the real work there.
That is exactly what my processes are about, why they are different, and why they create unprecedented healing.
There is no risk or investment required for you to sample Quanta Freedom Healing (i provide that for free), in order to personally experience, inside YOUR being, how powerful it is and how it heals what our mind never can.
You can do this in my free workshop (which I have recommended to so many people on this thread today!)
I hope this helps give you hope.
Mel xo
6-9-17
Thank you Melanie! This is the first time I’ve commented. I was in the exact twin-flame (less) relationship with the Narcissist until recently, who happens to be a female. The problem here is we now share a 9 month old baby, and although I broke free almost eight weeks ago, by winning my Order of Protection in court against her…I haven’t been able to see my ONLY child/son I have, since the courts kicked her and her four kids (one being my son, all from different fathers) out of my house after I took them all in 6 months prior to that. She refused to sign my name on his birth certificate, and always had an excuse. In Arizona…I found out the hard way, if your name as the father is not on the birth certificate, you have NO rights! I do have a paternity test proving I’m the father….however, she has been on the run since she got kicked out by the judge eight weeks ago. I now am on my 3rd server, and all of them have failed to get her served! This isn’t her first “rodeo” so to speak! I’m going to my second court date on Monday (the first had to be cancelled), even though she hasn’t been served, to let the judge see…she/her family/and her coworkers aren’t cooperating with anyone (and are lying), but rather are protecting her dysfunction that now is in it’s 4th generation (ancient wounds) of her family. I stumbled across your name on the internet…which I believe was a God thing, as I’ve done lots of researching on Narcissism, but it wasn’t until I found you, that it all started making sense to me! I will be more involved with your group as soon as I can get her served. I don’t want to say too much before she gets caught…so that’s all for now. Please keep me in your prayers!
Hi PDUMNY,
It is my pleasure,
Sending you healing and prayers to connect with your child again. I hope you get your breakthrough soon.
Mel xo
This should be the least of my worries …but what about the narcissist? Is there no lesson whatsoever for them? I didn’t actually grasp it if you said what they are in terms of creation and their part in our lives. Yes, they do bring darkness and pain into our lives but some are brilliant, gifted and do bring joy to those who do not know better. Then, after devastating someone’s life, they move on to someone else. I understand their behavior is to fill their void but at the same time, I m having trouble reconciling that the certain someone I was entangled with is considered almost “angelic” to many people. Is that a false light or was he created to teach me about myself? I have a sadness that lingers and first of all, I don’t want anyone else to go through what I did, but secondly, I wish he would see truth about himself. If I did not know better, I would still be addicted to his charms and seemingly compassionate ways. What is your belief about it? I hope this makes sense. Thanks so much.
Hi Dee,
the other article like that I provided in this article, goes into detail regarding “what is going on for and what happens to the narcissist.”
https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-soul-contract-with-a-narcissist/
Also this publication of mine may help … https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/why-was-i-narcissistically-abused/
Also this one … https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/does-the-narcissist-know-what-he-or-she-is-doing/
I hope these help you gain and feel clarity.
Mel xo
Thanks so much. Those articles were very helpful with my questions.
I am requesting that my comments be deleted or for my last name deleted please. Thank you again.
I been with this person for 6 years and I’m so tired of the emotional abuse. I think he’s a twin flame and in the beginning it felt real beautiful like I finally found the one. Before him I felt strong and would end relationship’s so much easier. For some Reason It’s like my soul and body just needs him so I’ve waited and waited for things to get better over the years but they just get worst. When it’s good it’s good and when it’s bad it’s bad. We would be ok for like a year and then boom he would do something to hurt me so bad, it’s become a never ending cycle. During the times we aren’t together he never ends contact just drags me along until we end up getting back together. He does exactly what you stated in one of your email’s he lures me in only to spit me back out. He will always come back and just wont leave me alone no matter how many times I ask. I could never understand why a person would waste so much time if they really don’t want you, why not just leave me alone but you helped me understand his mind and emptiness. He’s tried to get me to come back and I said no but still kept in contact recently. Ever time I ignore him he comes back around and tries to end anything I may have going on. I get the biggest reaction out of him when he thinks there’s some other man in the picture which their isn’t. He’s more scared of losing me to someone else than doing right which makes me feel he really is a narcissist. Lately like this morning he’s been threatening to kill me through text messages and I’m a little worried. This break up he’s been very hostile with threats because I’m not giving in as much. I’m trying to break away and even tried being friends with him but realized it’s not possible because he wants my energy and sex from me. Last week I felt strong and stopped contact physically but he lured his way bk in with text and phone conversations. I let it happen because like you said it hurts so bad when there’s absolutely no contact. It makes me feel better just to hear his voice and I hate this attachment it’s do hard but I’m really trying. Anyways after giving in with conversation he pretended like everything was cool popped up in his car andealers said he wanted to talk. I went to the car and he immediately locked the doors drove to an empty parking lot and too out a knife and said he would slit my throat. I was so scared he then made me get in the back seat to have sex with him. He knows that sex is a way to get me back hooked when I’m trying to move forward. Since that day ime doing no contact again and he’s threatening to kill me again. I’m just drained and your emails are giving me hope and courage I’m just a little scared for my well being now. He will literally look for me another time during this break I changed my number and he found me at a park as I was about to work out he pulled up so I pulled off. He then rammed into my car to stop me from leaving. I don’t know how worried I should be but thank you do much for your emails they helped me sleep last night.
Hi SJ,
please know your connection with him is dangerous and serious and truly needs some form of professional and authority intervention.
It is my greatest suggestion that you get in contact with an abuse help line in your district.
Mel xo
Dear Mel,
this is my first comment since starting my Thriver journey. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the modules, videos and articles you developed and shared with us. Most importantly I thank you for going through your very own pain, probably self-doubts, loneliness and all the de-evaluating feelings you have shard with us. Because only because you stuck with your own thriver journey in the very beginning, I can also heal.
Today’s post comes right on time. I have worked for one and a half months now daily with module one and lots of things happened. Most importantly I can sleep peacefully through the night. The first time for ten years.
My partner and I have gone through partner counseling and different individual therapies. Nothing really helped and so we deceided that I move out, which happened March this year, yet wanting to keep the relationship going and actually healing it. We have two great kids (5 and 8) and it came as a massive shock when we told them. We explained that we are doing it so we stop arguing all the time and frightening our kids. I only live four Kilometres away, and my kids see me almost daily. The arguing has stopped and I can feel how happy my boys became.
Since working with module one and reading/viewing everything from you I can get my hands on, I realize that I don’t want to heal this relationship. A genuine and harmonic co-parenting relationship, of course. But it breaks my heart that my boys, especially the eight year old (who is a daddy’s boy), ask me all the time when I am moving back in, when I feel that I don’t want this any more. How do I tell them without breaking their little hearts even more. Especially as the situation has improved for them since March and they see their parents being nice with each other. I guess you get the point.
Wishing you and the entire thriver community the very best,
Michael
Hi Michael,
thank you for your lovely acknowledgement.
I am so pleased I did the work too, I feel blessed to be able to guide others … and there was no way I was going to make it if I didn’t.
That is so wonderful that you no longer have the urges to fix the relationship, and yet – of course – I totally understand the trauma you feel regarding your children.
It truly is about Michael – shift exactly THAT with Module 1, and then it will be easier for you and your children … truly.
They will always love and connect to you – and it is much healthier for them to separate.
Mel xo
Yes I have had them all. Wow this was powerful to read. I am so happy their is wisdom to my experiences. I had to reread this a few times to really just be in awe of the depth. The level of my trauma is what is astounding to me at this point. I literally been though hell but looking back I am grateful for what put me their and plus my inner spirit ito having that deep desire to “figure it out” is what has driven A new level for me. It’s wonderful to have terminology to my experiences and others who have gone through it. I am not alone and I never was. Thanks ?? again for your journey!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Kristina,
I am so pleased you felt validation and inspired as a result of this article.
Mel xo
This is one of the most profound pieces you have written. I had such an 8-year nearly annihilating tango with a Twin Flame narcissist. He was served up to me on 2 dating sites simultaneously — after divorcing a non-Twin Flame Narc. I completely agree with your assessment of escalation to “get the would work done.” Thanks to NARP, continuing work and my finding a therapist who “gets it,” I have made the journey back to self. “We attract what we are,” said the great Wayne Dyer. From a quantum perspective, this is the real pain. Thank you, Mel , for showing up when my soul needed you most!! And, it’s never done.?
Hi Elaine,
Thank you – I am so glad you enjoyed it 🙂
I love your post and I am so pleased you are free.
Bless you!
Mel xo
Melanie thank you I was in a 37 year relationship with a twin flame that almost brought me to my death . Then in February of this year I found you and the NARP program since that time I have been healing and up leveling daily and Wow what a transformation not only to myself but to the people I love . I always had a knowing without realizing it that I had to heal myself in order to help heal others . I am so thankful for the gifts the narc brought to me and now I am coming out of the darkness into my true self the light that is me . So thank you for giving me the tools to not only survive and thrive but the ability to know what true love is .
Hi Pauline,
I am so thrilled you have healed so much!
I love your awareness, gratitude and loving spirit.
Big kudos to you for Being the Light!
Mel xo
Dear Melanie and community,
This is long, but my heart wanted to share in case it’s helpful, and to help me come out of closet with my own shadow to hide nothing, and integrate everything.
I have a practice that’s like a “divine dialogue” with an inner Beloved Council and / or inner parts to be welcomed, etc. So below is what I wrote after reading this post. There’s a lovely “graduation” insight at the end if you can get there!
[fyi My story fits the TF narrative vey well, except we never did a demeaning phase. More like two years of what felt like twin flame joy and all of a sudden discard shock. I could also relate to the person who said other people still see a Narc as “angelic.” I’ve decided to separate the beautiful public persona and positive value people experience through a potential NPD’s creative work from the behind the scenes stuff. Picasso’s art inspires millions, and I found this data tidbit online: “He wooed women, adored them and abused (including beating) them in turn and, when he tired of them, discarded them cruelly. ” ]
OK- here’s the divine dialogue/ active imagination journaling:
Melanie writes about Twin Flame contracts being about the big soul job… death-rebirth for souls here to raise humanity’s consciousness. Yes. I agree that this was a biggie contract for my highest purpose. That the unconditional LOVE for the human condition inside of every fragile heart that I am a stronger stand for now (with my inspired leadership work) was born out of this experience. So, I’m asking tonight- what else do I need to do to fully partner with self… to “finish the job” ? and experience this totally benign, no longer have thoughts creep in, or be curious to peek at his Instagram? (I practice no contact; have Not peeked in a very long time, but the temptation still creeps in some times, e.g. has he discarded the new source since it’s been about two years.)
Or I have graduated a lot in self-partnering, and the residue thoughts/ emotions are not a problem. Just part of the human experience to include with compassion, choose no contact, and refocus to where I really choose to put my attention and intentions now.
Beloved Council (BC) responds:
OK- M- here’s the deal. You have zero expectations of actually having this person in your life ever again, right? Yes. And you’re not planning on a phone call or writing or any of that, right?
M: Yes, but I still am curious about looking at Instagram, and I still have pangs of missing the experience and how I used to feel [we called lovemaking and our whole lives our “three way with the divine”] at night walking back to my room alone after a wonderful party, etc.
BC: So, let’s separate longings for a new mate from that specific person. You saw Melanie’s thing about how intensely powerful the twin flame connection felt, like other half and lifetimes- just like you felt. It’s actually less than two years ago that you found out about the lies and the other woman, so my goodness, the healing of that level of intense bonding beyond most people’s wildest imagination… to healing and now being a single woman sleeping alone each night… And the curiosity of Instagram includes has he discarded the new light source yet to help that part of your mind solve an unsolvable riddle. So, we breathe and have compassion.
M: YET- good God, I don’t want to even be writing about “him” or fricking Instagram anymore!!! I do want to no longer have those reference points in my life, or tell the runaway groom story anymore. Crap. How do I find my wings and fly free?
Dear M,
You find your wings and fly free when you decide to. Close your eyes and choose. Choose life. Choose to be here now. Choose this moment right now. Choose to know you have wings and are capable of flying. Choose. Choose Choose.
M: What about this whole self-love thing. Like I haven’t loved myself all the way if I still have some wandering thoughts… it doesn’t feel all the way benign???
BC: What do you feel? You have zero expectations of being with him ever.
M: Yeah, but I see flashes of his face and name and crap all the time. Dang. A part of me wants to look at Instagram every frickin day.
Who (Now I’m asking to talk with an inner part, different from the BC)
wants to look at Instagram? Why? What will that give you?
Inner Part: I want to feel a beautiful deep intimate connection with a man. A creative beautiful soul who loves me and I love him. I want that.
M: Oh, that’s beautiful. And I honor and bow to you. Who are you? I don’t think we’ve met really???
P: You can call me Amelia.
M: Oh, like the pilot Amelia… the one who flew across … brave amazing woman. Nice name.
A: Thank you.
M: So, if you had this deep intimate connection…. Then what would you have?
A: I’d relax more.
M: And if you relaxed more, then what?
A: Peace…. Acceptance of all of me. I know I’m supposed to do this all on my own or maybe not. And this is what I want. This is the last piece of the puzzle. It just is. The self-sourcing isn’t a solo heroic job. It includes a new man in M’s life. It just does. It’s not from wound, it’s from Source wanting to be with a reflection of itself.
M: I’m a little nervous, unsure. Like this whole time I keep thinking I’m supposed to be all healed – feel totally benign, completely “over it” and so filled up with Love from inside that then, I attract the higher vibration awesome partner that does reflect my outrageous LOVE of myself.
A: So, M, do you outrageously Love absolutely all of yourself now? Did you notice how you would not throw out the “inner self hater” as the guy told the room to do tonight? You shall never ever do that ever again.
Can you accept all of your parts, welcome and witness all the pain… and encourage others to do the same?
Yes, you know you already are doing this for quite a while now.
M: Amelia, I see you as a 30 something woman, strong, capable, elegant…. Gotta confess the Amelia Earheart doesn’t seem super sexy, a little butch?? Sorry about that. What do you want to tell me before I go to sleep?
A: Marian, my dear. I may look a bit masculine, but do not mistake that for me not being a lover. And fully a woman. I want the intimate soul connection and lust and fun and play but I am not a little giggly girl afraid the big bad wolf. I can take care of myself and fly a plane.
The way for you to find real love now with a real man is to be willing to shine your light and glow and dance and speak and be M… the inspired leadership… woman. And the mystic and singer and artist and poet.
M: Where do I go? What about (name of new person, a couple dates)? Where is my new loverman… or what is mine to do to let us meet and how will I know?
A: I don’t know, ask the Council.
M: Ok, BC, will you help please? Thank you….
BC: M, and Amelia, Your new loverman exists as a possibility inside of you. He’s not one person “out there somewhere” for you to worry about finding like a needle in a haystack. Same with clients and collaborators in a way. They exist inside of your own heart and belief and feeling about yourself. And then as that is solidified, you go out and about in the world and that heart light draws them in. Like the cab light turned on.
M: What do I do to turn that inner light on more now?
BC: To turn the inner light on more now all you need to do is smile and know you are the LOVE you seek. Feel it. Remember this truth. Be the Love you really want. That’s why Gandhi said this. BE the change you really want. Be it.
You have your wings now, my dear. You can fly. Simply choose. You walk into any room, anywhere, and know you are this LOVE and nothing will stop you. Nothing.
The next day, as I was driving home from a business trip, I asked my inner guidance if we would stop at a certain ocean spot where I often pull over. Inner Wisdom said No, we’re not stopping this time…because you don’t need to stand before the ocean and ask, “Show me” anymore. You’ve graduated from that relationship. Now you get to say,“Hey world, here I come. Let me show you how much Love I have to share.”
Melanie- please know that your work has been a gift and a significant contribution in my journey from initially shattered to sanity to my wings opening again and serving a greater good for what the world needs now. This stuff is not just for Narcissism recovery as you know. 🙂 Cheers and bows to all of the great souls here that signed up for this ride. I get that we are here to free the humans. 🙂 much love,
Hi MLB,
I love that intention to bring the darkness to light in order to integrate! That is totally where it is at …
Thank you so much for your wonderful and inspirational share.
I so agree that our lover is NOT out there, but IN there instead. I also believe that when we have unpacked our trauma that has been blocking us BEING that love-light – then we just start radiantly shining it.
Until then MLB it can feel like we need to become and get love and we struggle to just “be” it .. (our organic state without trauma trapped inside us).
And … we have to keep trying to work out how to get there, instead of just unpacking trauma and freeing our Light.
You are so right Dear Lady the mission to release ourselves from the pain of narcissism is about SO much more than that. (You totally get it!)
Many blessings to you and please know you are so welcome!
Mel xo
Hi Melanie,
Could you please explain/ expand what you mean here: “And … we have to keep trying to work out how to get there, instead of just unpacking trauma and freeing our Light.”
thank you!
MLB thank you for this that you wrote. It is a marvelous informative helpful addition to to Mel’s great article. Gives me good working ideas to help myself & others.
Hi Melanie
Thank you for tackling this topic. I think it is mega synchronicity topic for so many of us, seasoned and beginner narpers and new people alike. Huge topic.
I really resonated with Yuriis story. I think once you begin to go cold turkey from addictive way of relating to others you can find yourself feeling like that -resentful insular introverted closed off suspicious etc
The hand /finger pain! I have this too. Especially my left side. It all started after I realised that my last intimate relationship was also fake and I began moving to NC about a year ago. Coincidence? I don’t think so. According to metaphysical causes left hand pain is about inability to receive love. It makes sense! After having the dream of love shattered profoundly.and seemingly forever. But…the left hand pain and weakness is here to provide with a sign post regarding what still needs attention of our inner being. More quantum healing and re-connecting with a long lost love – love and devotion for our inner being. This requires steady mature and patient constant self love that we so wanted from others.
Sending you my ❤
Hi Jasmin,
yes I had the left hand syndrome too…we can only receive what we give ourselves in love, loving kindness, trust, non judgement, peace in our own spirit..and it’s the quantum law of giving and receiving , the circle.i rememember reading all that a hundred times having no idea what it meant until…you know that part of the story….I had deep childhood wounds/ blocks to receiving love…two things among many others that I loved , other than being here and meditation were two hand ” practices” / exercises..which I still do in meditation are 1) hold your left hand in your right…and just hold it as though you are holding your child’s hand, or other loved one..and just do that, and as you are going to sleep at night or whenever you need to…
And 2) place your left hand over your heart…so you feel your heartbeat and just breathe with it, relax and feel whatever comes up…sometimes for me, it’s more compassion, more tenderness , awe…self nurturing, love , connection starting within and for my own being and radiating out..to other beings..you can also do it with a beloved pet…simple but powerful…yes , I agree, our body tells us what we need to know .blessings ?
Hi Jasmin,
it’s my pleasure!
I agree it is a HUGE one!
Yes, so so true Jasmin all dis-ease is a call to release a trapped inner trauma – and once we do that then the signal ceases … there is no trauma left it needs to get our attention about.
As a NARPer simply target that “left hand thing” – somewhere in your body will light up when you set the intention to find it, and track and shift. Module 1 or the Goal Setting Module (setting up “the resolution of this” as the goal) is the most powerful way to do that.
Then the physical issue as well as the connected trauma and beliefs will be gone. Keep your shifts “literal” 🙂
I hope this helps.
Sending my love back to you!
Mel xo
Well. All I can say is that you summed up all the learning I have been doing for the past 31 years with my Twin Flame aka Narcissist. It came to the point where the relationship should have ended so that I could step into my being. I refused to budge. I wanted to but couldn’t. It was clearly time. Everything and every energy was shoving me in that direction. I refused to budge. On and on it went. The abuse escalated to excrutiating levels and I refused to budge. Finally, I got discarded and he moved on. This man was the butter to my bread. I loved him with every fiber of my being. I have had a lot of bad days since then. And then the clouds clear and I take another step towards healing and figuring out what he was in my life for. This article spells it out perfectly. Thank You!
I continue on every day now learning to heal. Learning to thank him for the lessons. Knowing that I would not have been on this path were it not for him. He was my Twin Flame. We were HOT HOT HOT. Thank you husband of mine for everything. I now release you from me. I give you back. You were perfect and you did a fabulous job. Only someone as strong as you could have got me going. Goodbye!
Love,
Joanna
Hi Joanna,
I am so pleased you are out and wanting to heal.
That has been such a long time and my heart goes out to you – that was such a long time. I applaud you for your courage.
I’d love you to come into my Free Webinar experience to be able to powerfully cellularly release him. When we do that at the Being level it helps us so much to get free.
I know the process of “how to” can do the same for you … https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
Mel xo
Melanie,
I found your site in late Summer 2016—when my “Twin Flame” relationship was falling apart (again) and the pain was so intense I could barely breathe. One will never find healing this way I’ve discovered—and not on my own. Yes, it is a battle of light versus dark, and dark versus light—but who is light and who is darkness? The Lord and Satan.
There is intense spiritual warfare in this world; evil is all around. Each one can be rescued by turning to God and God alone. Our “self” is worthless at its core. All of this is said in love towards you. The Lord delivered me. This “reflection” is simply a reflection of good versus evil.
(https://allofyoulord.com/our-god-reigns-my-testimony/)
You have explored every other option—I pray you will turn to Him who created you to find the Truth. Really, what do you have to lose? You have everything to gain, I assure you.
Hi Kate,
Thank you for your comment and your share 🙂
Certainly narcissistic abuse is an intense spiritual experience.
Mel xo
Hi Mel.
Many thanks for your continued evolving work on recovery and thriving.
I can highly recommend the free webinar and beyond that the Narp gold community.
As I read and listen to the above subject I am wondering if this type of contract can apply between parents and children. …not just adult relationships?
The person I feel i have been twinned with/ incarcerated with is my birth mother. Is this possible?
I have left her and have modified contact( only because of her age, stage and my sense of duty and societal demands as her next of kin. She does not have others. ) One phonecall and I get so triggered. I would be glad of no further
contact. However I continue to module and become my own best soul mate. Thanks for holding the light. Best wishes Melanie.
Hi Angela,
you are so welcome 🙂
Thank you for your lovely recommendations!
Oh yes … I absolutely do believe that we have contracts with many key people in our life. Absolutely the Twin Flame can be a key family member.
That is so wonderful you are doing the healing and releasing of you.
You are so welcome and thank you for holding the light too Angela.
Mel xo
Hi Val and Melanie
Thank you for your responses. I will absorb your advice-so valuable. Much love
Jasmin
Hi Jasmin,
you are so welcome Dear Lady 🙂
Mel xo
Next year I will be 40. I met my twin flame when I was 18. Well actually I have known him since I was 9. We were in school together. He was part of the cool kids, me not so much with an alcoholic mother and her abusive molester of a boyfriend. I was a shy, introverted and emotional girl.
I always watched him in admiration, always way so cool, coolest clothing brands, always laughing, joking, socialising. He was handsome, very handsome and I knew he would never like or love someone like me.
Then we went off to high school, again he was so cool but he seemed very troubled and I felt a despite need to “HELP” him, to SAVE him as we turned 16/17yrs old and he was “following” the “wrong” path…. the drinking too much, parting too much & druggy path. He impregnated a girl in school and her parents decided that she had to give the child up for adoption – he seem crushed. He had more potential I though….and if he knew how much I liked him I could save him…..lol me a molested, alcoholics child who wears hand me downs…
So one night I met him at a local club, I was 18(first time I was allowed to go). We never really talked before but this night he gave me all of his attention and I couldn’t believe my luck. Really God did You finally answer one of my prayers? I saw myself with this guy, I would love him forever would have his children and we would be a family forever. We talked about the child he “lost” and I sympathized, I would be there for him and help him get over this – I will love all your pain away……. We started dating.
The first big boundary he crossed was also when I was 18 (totally broke my heart) was setting up a date with me. I dressed in my most beautiful clothes, did my hair and make-up as best I could, I wanted to look my prettiest with the little I had…..then he never came to fetch me. I sat on the couch waiting for him as the hours pass – I couldn’t understand what happened – there must have been something serious. Not really I found out later via friends – he was out with his mates instead. Crushed at the thought of him treating me in such a demeaning manner I told him I don’t want to see him again. He kept coming back, apologising – caressing me with his words. I gave him another chance.
The second big boundary: I was 20 and expecting his child. What a blessing I though. The first time our son moved I couldn’t wait for him to get home from work to share it with him. He never came home. Only after two days, with me out of my mind and physically sick thinking something terrible must have happened to him…he apologised.
Third big boundary. I danced with my aunt’s husband at her birthday party she turned 30 (I’ve known her husband since I was 16) he was like a big brother. By this time our son was born (about 6/7months and we were 21). My mom’s wanted desperately to babysit he only grandchild and encouraged us to go celebrate an have some fun with family. That night my twin flame got so drunk (and he continued to do so for the past 20 years) that when we got home he tried to commit suicide. I was totally and completely floored, why would he do this, I thought rushing down to the hospital. He has me, he has a beautiful little boy and we love him. The next day when he woke in hospital I asked him, why? He said because you danced with “other men”. I couldn’t believe it. I apologised and reassured him of my love and commitment and asked him to never do it again. But he continued to threaten to take his life a number of times.
Other boundaries crossed: He has been unfaithful so many times. I have caught him red-handed. Once he even moved-in with her. Came back after 4 months crying, begging for forgiveness. Our son was 9. I forgave. He has lied to me over and over and over again. There was always secrets – always and when I caught him out, it was always that he can talk to me about things because I overreact or he wants to spare me:) He lied so finely – he excuses always made SOME sense, it could be true, but my gut ALWAYS warned me – never listened though. I gave him the benefit every time. Maybe he will keep his promises this time – he says he loves me. Never happened. There was always something I did or didn’t do that made him broke it. He loved watching porn. He never stopped drinking. I always had the urge to go through his cell phone – hated myself for that.
I left 10 months ago – after his behaviour escalated. I started to call him out on his lies – something started happening in me. I rather enjoyed him not coming home after work anymore – but it confused him because normally he would have had frantic calls and messages from me wanting to know if he is ok and where he is. I stopped. I knew where he was – somewhere spending time with other women in bars/clubs and it hurt but I had peace while I was alone, my son in his room playing video games and our two sausage dogs…….But then he gave me hell when he got home, swearing, pushing, accusing, threatening. All while I am at home with our son?
I am from South-Africa Johannesburg. a Few months after I left my twin flame got a work contract in New Zealand. Now my son wanted to go with his dad (I never told my son anything, I couldn’t. I wanted to spare him. I wanted him to believe in his dad) he has a better future in NZ (if you read about climates in SA) so I had to let me son go. It’s now been 6 months without my son too – and I am crushed. I lost my family. It was the only thing I loved more than my job as a successful I have met a beautiful beautiful person but I push him away as I feel I can never love him the way I loved my twin flame. He has 3 stable relationships (friends he has known for 15 years) he has a beautiful respect for his parents. He owns two successful businesses but is so down to earth. I can pick-up that he is loyal, he values relationships and will especially defends the territory when it comes to those he loves. He is always ready with a little joke to make me feel better and encourages me to follow my dreams. But I still yearn for my twin flame. I lost my family – when will I be able to give this guy the chance he deserves. Every time I think or feel I want to, memories and feelings of guilt pulls me right back. How dare I be happy? He told me that I am not capable of love and besides no-one will ever love me like he does. I can’t go no contact because my son is still with him – in another country….
Food for thought: None of the trades below spared me.
I am an successful corporate Marketing Manager for an German Car Manufacture.
I am an attractive woman who takes pride in taking care of myself.
I was a good good loving mother.
I was never unfaithful although the opportunity has presented itself – I loved him too much, he was everything I ever wanted.
I supported him financially by also bringing home my pound (I am broke now:)
I am intelligent, smart, have a good sense of humour, I am trustworthy, hardworking and honest.
If I am all of this why did I allow him to break me? To steal my dreams and to crush them?
My sincere apology for all spelling/grammar errors – I typed so fast, fearing that I might forget of leave out some details. I have just realised that this is the first time I have actually put some of the things he did in writing – and this is but a tip of the iceberg. Heart-breaking. I was only a girl when I started going out with him – already abused. I have know abuse for over 30 years now – what a sad life.
My sincere apology for all spelling/grammar errors – I typed so fast, fearing that I might forget of leave out some details. I have just realised that this is the first time I have actually put some of the things he did in writing – and this is but a tip of the iceberg. Heart-breaking. I was only a girl when I started going out with him – already abused. I have known abuse for over 30 years now – what a sad life.
Hi Yolande,
it has been such a quandary to so many of us – as to HOW could I be a smart, successful person and get taken in by a narcissist?
Yet, I promise you that is often the profile of people who get narcissistically abused. The main reason is – is because this has nothing to do with our intlliegence or capabilities, rather it is to do with unhealed emotional business from our ancestral lineages as well as our childhood.
In my two free eBooks I go into this in much greater depth – to help you understand WHY this has unconsciously happened to us, and HOW to heal from it.
These publications are here: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage
I hope this helps.
Mel xo
Thank you Mel. I appreciate your reply. I am currently reading up on this as much as I can to understand it better:) Thanks for your compassion. It’s so difficult to explain what one is going through to people who has never experienced abuse through narcissism.
How can I get my ex narcissist husband to sign the papers and finalize our divorce agreement? I am going no contact now because he just keeps calling. It is just about the money for him.
Dear Melanie,
You have articulated something I have always suspected about my relationship with a narcissist – having just recently realized that that’s what’s been going on! For one, people would always ask me why I bothered continuing to be friends with such a person who continually triggered me. Somehow I knew that there really was something in it for me, and there has been. I won’t go Into a lot of detail, but my relationship with this person whom I did not know was narcissistic has led to profound positive changes I’ve taken upon myself. So I know what you mean in saying that they are part of a soul contract. It’s actually the second relationship I have had with a narcissist: the first relationship nearly killed me. With this one I seem to have put the pieces together and myself in the process. All that remains is facing the attachment and addiction still and realizing that with any addiction it is only going to get worse or at best be a source of pain and disappointment.
There is so much stuff on the internet about being a victim and lauding narcissists as these all-powerful people, but it’s just our own power that we give over to them and is naturally diminished through our relating to them. I think of it as having done push-ups breaking through a wall into self acceptance and getting ready to embrace my own power. It’s also humbling to realize that the codependent are no less broken than the narcissistic.
I didn’t mean to make this so lengthy, but again, I am pleased to see how you articulate the transformative possibilities in this type of relationship I am grateful to have come across your work, which affirms what I have always believed about my attraction to narcissists. I had stuff and still have stuff to work through. There is movement at last and there is / was a reason for these relationships to happen. I have not seen this understanding before, and I know from experience that it is true, so thanks!
I understand that what you are saying is that a narc could be a blessing to save us from ourselves and i can see that to a point. Isn’t it possible that they learn us to become us and manipulate to fulfill their “need” … Is it us that knows that they are cheating and allows them to or is it them that blind us until we are on the outside looking in and realize what we dealt w after the fact ? I understand I played a part in what i accepted bcuz I was taught love is patient and kind and maybe I took it to a bad level. But I can’t understand how we are to blame for how they understood how to manipulate us to not see all apparent things that we see now especially with a covert . help me understand
Melanie,
Thank you so much for writing this post. All your posts have been helpful to me – but this one particularly so, because I have been feeling shame that I have been so confused about the pivotal role my narcissist husband has played in my life. That I do feel soul bonded to him. I explained it to myself that we had a child together, therefore we were soul bonded…..but this happened before she was born. The moment I met him, literally. I felt he was my long lost relation. I knew him instantly, and I knew I would marry him and no matter what anyone did or said or how many red flags surfaced I ignored them ALL. Nothing would have stopped me from marrying him.
That was over ten years ago now. I am no longer in a relationship with him, I live on my own with my daughter and have done for almost 3 years. He has become benign in many ways because I no longer desire him, but he has stayed in my life like a barnacle and has remained involved with my family and friends and still runs patterns of smearing and triangulation every once in awhile.
I stay above it by being focused on myself. I am blessed to have gotten enough distance, emotionally, from the wife that I was that I have great stretches of safe, drama free life. Knock on wood.
Your explanation of the Twin Flame theory makes a great deal of resonant sense to me. Very resonant. And gives my heart ownership of a spiritual sense of purpose which is incredibly healing – but also terrifying because I know I’m only half way there. Halfway between stripped down and whole, in some ways stronger, in some ways more vulnerable than ever. Feeling so alone because I avoid relationships of all types, not just men but humans. Everyone.
Hi Diana,
It’s my pleasure 🙂
I am so pleased this helped grant you clarity, and I love that you felt it deeply within your soul.
Please know Diana that when you heal the Thriver Way and release the trauma of abuse that you will be in the greatest position in your life to generate and connect to the most incredible relationships of your life – safely, powerfully and authentically.
I’d love you to come into my free webinar to learn “how” to do this for real: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
Mel xo
And gives my heart ownership of a spiritual sense of purpose which is incredibly healing – but also terrifying because I know I’m only half way there. Halfway between stripped down and whole, in some ways stronger, in some ways more vulnerable than ever. Feeling so alone because I avoid relationships of all types, not just men but humans. Everyone.
I recently just started following you Melanie. I am 25 years in w a narcissist. After year one I realized something was wrong but I was a child when we started dating (15) and had never truly been in love. I didn’t know what any of these terms were all I knew was I was madly in love with who he was about half the time. I used to call him dr jeckyl and mr Hyde. Because that’s the only way I could try to explain how he was to me. Also for years I was unaware of the lies. I got out after two years in but the year we were apart all I did was agonize over what he was doing and buying all his lies and eventually after high school got back together w him. And then I started realizing as he’d grown up the issues were even worse than before and then I ended up pregnant and thought we’d be ok. Because when life was good he was an incredible person but as soon as anything wasn’t perfect or the way he wanted our lives were hell. I don’t normally share because of many reasons. But I am at a point where I can’t take it anymore. I have no other actual problems in my life. I am strong and happy and had a crazy childhood but it was filled w love and that’s all I really needed and I know how blessed I was and didn’t make excuses for my shortcomings (he always does that) Anyways I’m 25 years in and 5 children and I have seen changes that lasted for almost a year at a time. So I know he can be different but I always seem to be back here and there are so many obstacles keeping me here I just don’t know what to do. I used to video some of our interactions with the intent of sharing w him and a professional to see their take because I thought if he heard their opinion of how he is it may open his eyes because he thinks he’s the most incredible husband in the world. I just can’t believe this is what I ended up in. Not to sound like a narcissist and btw I am very kind and humble but I also am eternally blessed beyond most people’s wildest dreams. I am extremely intelligent, kind, giving, creative, funny and pretty. I have everything most women dream of including that gorgeous husband hahahaha. I will add he is EVERYTHING any woman desires and I mean everything but at the same time he’s everything that a woman doesn’t want!!! I feel like an idiot even writing any of this because I don’t comment or share my issues it’s weird to me, but I need someone and my daddy just passed last year and I’ve lost the only man I ever fully relied upon and I feel very alone and upset w myself for getting stuck or for being so in love with someone (who only exists part of the time) that I didn’t leave. Writing this has been very hard for me to do and I’m contemplating deleting this….
Hi J,
I am so pleased you found your way to my information.
I really just feel like saying to you J, reaching out is healing in itself. There is no shame for any of us for finding ourselves in situations and relationships where we feel so confused, hurt and trapped.
Please, please know there is an entire Community who understands.
I wish you strength, healing and blessings J.
Mel xo
I met my twin flame Narcissist 3 months ago… While growing throw some challenges in a beautiful Soul Mate relationship. I felt completely powerless when the whirlwind energy of the twin came in and disrupted my life and relationship … Now I know its time to delve deep because I know now what the relationship is and I need to free myself from it once and for all….I’ve already had the Cell Mate with the father of my children and felt that I was embarking on something totally different when I became intimate with my soul mate but now I just feel so broken by all of it…. Glad to have stumbled upon your page it rings true in so many ways… Thanks.
Hi Tamara,
you are very welcome and I am so pleased if this could help.
Wishing you continued relief and truth in your healing.
Mel xo
Thank you Melanie. Each word you shared was like an elixir of healing. I’m in the moving onto the other side of it all and feeling more in my power than ever, which I now know is what was needed to happen for my own and the benefit of others. I met my twin just as my cell mate relationship with my kids father ended. My twin appeared online, he’s in a different country, and penetrated each and every cell of mine even though we have never met. For six years we danced the dance and now have been no contact for two weeks. I’m not going back. I love him, always will and I know he let me go because he loves me too. The experience was to transform us and present us to our human duty. My purpose has become clear, I am on the verge of teaching yoga to individuals who suffer with mental illness. I’m grateful, stronger and looking forward with a more whole conscious. Love to you and all you’re doing for the good of humanity
Hi Amrit,
It’s my pleasure.
I love that you are moving into your consciousness and truth and the acceptance of “what it was”.
Bless you
Mel xo
This article blew my mind. It made me reflect on my journey. I am one of those who are still trying to understand the whole twin flame dynamic. But how you described it is different from my perspective, which is totally fine. This is an open forum right? Is it possible that you were just in a Narcissistic relationship and not a twin flame relationship? As i understand it, these two dynamics will both put us into pain and challenges, but a twin flame relationship is a two-way road. You learn from them and they learn from you too. They go through the same pain and shadow work and ego dissolution. Unlike the narcissistic one which i see more as a karmic relationship. But who really can tell? I believe I need to heed more the thoughts/ perspective of the twin flame in union and hopefully there could be more of them now in the open.
P.S. I am glad though that you are already out of that narcissistic relationship.
Hi Minda,
I believe all relationships offer the opportunity for growth, but it is up to the individuals as to whether they chose to take it or not.
For example many co-deps don’t take it either.
And I do agree with you – really the deeper truth is not as important as what we choose to personally do to evolve ourselves in relation to what life and our soul delivers.
Mel xo
True twin flames are NOT NOT NOT narcissists!!! They are your exact energetic frequency. They will never hurt you intentionally. True twin flames love each other unconditionally. It’s a bumpy ride at first for most twin flames because they mirror each other. One is not a narcissist and the other the victim. They push each other’s buttons because of this energetic mirroring in order to reveal what still needs to be healed so they can sometimes feel traumatic. The goal is reunion and they are not even able to meet until their vibration is high enough to be able to do it. It is a time of intense purging, but through it they grow closer and learn to give and experience unconditional love. They cannot even meet unless they have reached a level of growth and healing to raise their vibration enough to not even attract or be attracted to narcissists any longer. They come AFTER karmic relationships with narcissists which many will falsely believe is their twin flame because of the level of attachment. A true twin flame won’t even allow you to be “attached” the way a narcissistic relationships fosters. The goal and outcome is unconditional love and overcoming attachment. The relationship won’t even make it more than a couple months in the old 3D relationship paradigm. They will repel each other. Someone is NOT your twin flame unless they ignite a spiritual awakening and seeing specific synchronicities and number sequences, experience astral sex, telepathy and cause a full kundalini awakening when you have sex. If you’ve had sex with someone and not experienced a full kundalini awakening where it feels like a rocket goes up your spine and out the top of your head, then they cannot be your true twin flame. This is what happens when the energies merge and can happen without sex but will always happen with sex. You will also sometimes share the same dreams and communicate telepathically from thousands of miles away. This is so incorrect and damaging info about twin flames. You are describing KARMIC SOULMATES not twin flames. The Twin flame union is about transcendence, together. This is belived by many to happen in the final incarnation when you have learned the lessons you need to raise your vibration enough for ascension. And ascension kundalini symptoms are unmistakable, you can’t miss them. The goal isn’t to be traumatized by them and learn and grow and then separate, that is karmic soulmates. The purpose is unity and ascending together. The energies of the two create the spiral and the masculine and feminine energies ascend TOGETHER. I love most of you work, but your understanding of twin flame union is entirely incorrect.
Rachel this is on point. Perfect understanding of what a TF union is. Mel you are spreading wrong info about TFs 100%. You have met a karmic soulmate and nothing more. Please don’t create confusion. We can assure you you haven’t met your twin flame if you’ve gone separate ways. It does NOT work like that. TFs work like magnets, they don’t separate from you at all ! There’s a lot of real QPhysics involved. I know, i’m a true TF and living this experience just like other TFs who have told you they don’t resonate because they are experiencing it for real .
Great to find this after my comment above yours.? Spot on on what i feel about this article. We need to protect our twin flame community.
-Minda XOXO
Rachel, Great to find this after my comment above yours.? Spot on on what i feel about this article. We need to protect our twin flame community.
-Minda XOXO
When I was reunited with the man I now know as my Twin Flame, I did not understand the connection. He came into my psyche like a flood and I could not get him out of my mind. That’s when I first learned the term Twin Flame in 2010. Meanwhile he was also a narcissist so I spent three years trying to love him and spark a Twin Flame relationship. The most hellish and torturous time of my entire life.
In 2013 I found your article on Narcissism and was able to physically end the relationship. But it took all types of divine intervention to break his energetic hold on me. Lot’s of self work too. Not until this year did I finally do the healing work that broke the energetic connection. You helped me to identify that I needed to heal the trauma that he had attached to, in me. In the process I have lost weight, gained weight and even had 2 heart attacks. But I have also found my healing abilities and dedicated myself to the ascension of Earth! I am a light worker and my Narcissistic Twin Flame ushered me into healing work.
It has been a strange cycle to see him as my Twin Flame. Then to understand that he is a Narcissist and an abuser. To then realize, again, that he is my Twin Flame. That thought would have terrified me a year ago. But today I am in acceptance and I am not afraid as I type these words. ( I was afraid reading the article.)
Thank you for the original article on your Life Between Lives session. And this one has been most helpful as well. You have been a catalyst for my healing and I am grateful for the “Light Work” you have done to help facilitate healing.
Hi Epiphany,
that is so wonderful and powerful that you are in acceptance and healing from this.
I am so pleased that both of these articles resonated deeply with you and that you are healing and releasing into the next highest. amazing version of your True Self.
Bless you Dear One 🙂
Mel xo
I was in a 20 year long relationship with a narcissist. He was a total fake and I realise now how fragile he really was underneath. The funniest thing is my whole community still loves him, even hooking up with a slag 20 years younger than himself. I can’t believe how dumb people are if they think for one second he will ever return any favours given to him. He fleeced my finances went bankrupt twice and now wants all my friends! He is a complete CUNT and the only reason he is friends with anyone is so he can get something from them first. Ignore him and you will be better off in so many ways.
Is it true that you will reunite with this Twin Flame in another lifetime when you have both figured out your lessons? And is it true that when you reunite and work well together it is your last lifetime on earth?
Hi Robyn,
I don’t truly believe in that theory – although I guess in some cases it is possible.
And really – at soul level – we are all ONE anyway.
Did we ever separate?
Regarding last lifetime here – I beleive we all have the free choice regarding “where” … and given what we want as soul growth will grant that answer each time.
It may be return, and it may not be.
Mel xo
I just want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart. When I started reading about the questions to ask myself with a twin flame, I was overcome with chills and goosebumps and I started crying. I’m working on my exit strategy thru a divorce from a 30-year relationship with a narcissistic, alcoholic, twin flame. I feel hugged by your blog. Bless you, sincerely, L.B.
Hi L.B.
I am so pleased you feel hugged!
Sending many blessings and healing to you.
Mel xo
ohhhh, to feel hugged. That point alone brings tears to my eyes……… I don’t remember ever getting hugged as a child. And looking back now at the Narc relationships I’ve undergone the hugs were in reality self-serving to her. The only real sweet soulmate I’ve had till now was my fiancee in my early 20’s who was murdered by a sata’nist cult priest. I’ve only recently realised how deep the trauma of that is & that it is still inside churning eating. i’ve tried to heal it but not yet succeeded fully.
Melanie this article is wonderful. it’s helped me put things in place as I’ve been stuck in a cell-mate marriage with a narc for 2 & 1/2 decades, met a “fantastic woman” who snatched my heart & love bombed me, sang my praises to high heaven, couldn’t wait with contact until the divorce from the cell-mate is final, then began devaluing me etc & I now realise she is a twin flame & via your teachings & Dr Miriam Adahan teaching/guidance I’ve healed enough, opened my eyes enough to unhook from her (despite her repeated attempts to re-hook me).
This article I feel is the “coup de grace” to fully disconnect & turn her away as well as to help me unhook from the cell-mate.
Thank you
God bless you Mel!
I was quite sure that my latest connection is my Twin Flame. It’s been going on for about 8 months. I’ve been VERY attached. And, even though we weren’t “together”, he got me into thinking that we have a once in a lifetime connection, common life calling etc. etc.
And this Twin Flame dynamic, as it is often reflected, perfectly matched our story – very intense beginning, deep soul connection, the “runner” phase afterwards (at least that’s how I interpreted what may actually be a discard phase from Narcissist’s typical dynamic).
Meanwhile, I grew extremely rapidly within myself. And he kind of facilitated this. He kind of created the environment. So, I had no doubt this was something very special. For me, the most special that had happened in my life so far (I was 30 when I met him, he was 14 years older).
Nevertheless, I always felt super-insecure in this. Although I denied it to myself, I actually knew after a couple of months since I met him that he has more connections… He’s active in social media, so it wasn’t hard to say. I turned into detective. Secretly, of course.
And when he provoked me to tell how I feel (like – really), I told him that I’d like to be with him, that I want to have this divine union between a man and a woman who are sharing their life mission etc. etc. That was like a huge red flag, when he told me: “Nice! And heartfelt!” Nothing about his feelings. And subtly brought me back into thinking that this will be us some day. Of course, when confronted – he could easily deny this. That it’s all my imagination.
Over the time, I constantly asked to myself – am I imagining this? But gradually I started to look at it more objectively. And I concluded that I’m not imagining this, but somebody is skillfully pushing the right buttons to get something out of me (not to get me, but OUT OF me). By the way, he is a psychologist, psychotherapist and practitioner of spiritual practices, so it’s kind of easy game for him.
Only a couple of days ago I finally got it – he is not giving me anything! HE IS NOT GIVING ME ANYTHING AND NEVER INTENDED TO!!! Only veiled promises. I felt RELIEF (that maybe I’ve done something wrong). At the same time, I still felt the strong attraction. I don’t even know how I linked this all to Narcissism, but I watched a couple of videos and it makes perfect sense.
And, at the same time, Twin Flame story makes perfect sense. I was wondering, how this goes together, until I got my hands on this article. This explains EVERYTHING. Even before reading this I felt relief and gratitude to the Universe and to him for having this experience – it was SO INTENSE and SO BENEFICIAL to me!!! Of course, pain, longing, insecurity, tears – it had it all, but I’ve transcended it. Or – in the process of transcending it. Thank you so much for this!!! <3
This is such a powerful article. Thank you. I have been digging myself out of the grief and loss of a twin flame narcissistic relationship for 9 months now. My mind has been so cluttered with conflicting emotions and thoughts. I knew that he was in my life for a reason and that was to pay my karma and learn to heal myself but It was just recently that I began to think of things on an even bigger scale too. Thinking of relationships I have with others as well, family and friends, that may be holding me back. I am just now beginning to see where my life might take me if I unshackle myself from those relationships as well, the ones that are holding me down and jailing me. I see a great future ahead with lots of change and growth and none of it has to do with any other person but myself. I do not need another person to make me whole. I do not need another person to fill in the empty spot I always felt in myself. The one I felt was going to be filled by my twin flame. I always called him my missing piece of LEGO. But it was never him I was missing. It was me. It will be a fantastic journey, I’m sure. Thank you for all your insight
Hi Stephanie,
So many blessings and much power to you in turning onwards.
That takes great courage and insight.
You’ve got this Lovely Lady and we all stand with you and for you.
Mel xo
Hi Melanie,
I have been drawing power and peace form your messages of empowerment for a little while now. Right now, the power I have worked so hard to regain is dissolving. I see my twin flame everyday, 5 days a week 8 hrs a day. We are both women, single and are the complete opposite in personality, ideals and emotional capabilities.
I have played the role of a submissive empath, and she the apethetic, black and white, extremely hurt, sensitive guarded, proud, controlling egocentric role. During the last chaotic argument we had something special happened…after a awful event I received closure! Closure that Inhad never experienced with this twin flame before. From here finally I was able to rest! I placed this life changing, damaged, broken relationship/friendship aside and took time away from eachother (energetically) and that was 2 months ago (the issues started around 1 year ago and since then constant conflict has taken place, we have known each other well for 4 years and so many back and forwards scenarios have taken place).
Fast forward to the past week or two, she has been making attempts to seek my attention. A behaviour not experienced with her for a long time . Because she was never a advocate for open and healing conversations nothing ever was resolved…when we had a conversation about our dynamic (at the end of our last argument) I felt beautiful relief. Although the biggest challenge to date has been trying to move forward while seeing my flame day in and day out my power finally came back to me! I did it.
Now My power is dwindling! She slowly plants seeds and talks to me about anything she can. I see the attempt to lure me in and break the ice. I see her and I cannot help but want to be in her warefare again. People who know both of us focus on her and becomes the topic leaving me with this lingering sense of her. This time I want different,
I want to tell her right now that I’m not ready…not ready to engage for many reasons. So why can’t I just tell her that? The codependent unhealthy predictable behaviour shines in full force AGAIN! lol. I remind myself often that I’m looking for something in her that doesn’t exist. How do you let go without feeling defeated? Am I supposed to pretend that everything is okay just to remove the awkwardness? Or do I just keep going forward! I don’t have the luxuary of walking away out of sight out of mind. How do I ignore her when she approaches me? It’s just all a little too much. My biggest thing is my power…how do I keep it? Thank you for saving me from my own Thought patterns and encouraging people to be free and love effortlessly.
Awww Repeat Offender,
I hear you, and I really do feel where you are going through.
It so reminds me of the dance I did with my ex husband – the twin flame – of intense soul pulls and times apart then back together … with nothing resolved.
This is the thing RO … nothing goes away until it teaches us what we need to learn. (As Prema Chodren so famously said.)
This is not a logical deal of ‘what do we need to do’. Rather this is about turning inwards to find and heal those parts of you enmeshed in this do that you can break free.
Absolutely detachment from her and focusing on your inner healing is the answer because then this entire thing can end and you will heal … and you will know how to ‘do’ that.
Have you come into one of my free webinars yet to find out how to do this? https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
That is my highest suggestion for you RO and I so hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Mel,
Bless you.
I truly trust when you say you know exactly how this experience feels. You express your truth constantly, and relive your past for the betterment of your wider community. Something that only complete mind power and strength could allow.
It’s such a nice surprise hearing from you, I know you make a huge effort to reply to everyone…when when it happens to you it’s something special so thank you.
Like you say your mental house is a reflection of your life’s events. At the end of the day we are all seeking the same thing! Peace and abundance. I’m 24 and she 39 today again attempts to talk. It’s a good test and shows me there is still so much work left to do. I’m grateful for her most of us are for our twin flame but it’s embarrassing that everyone has seen what I will tolerate on such a public forum (work lol). Never the less these experiences are vital and all written into our life’s path. If it wasn’t meant for you it wouldn’t happen. Love that knoweth of no fear! I will definitely be taking you up on that offer. Hope your having a good day wherever you are in the world 😊
Hi Repeat Offender,
You are so welcome and please know it is easy to relate it and do there repeatedly, because there is no trauma left in my body about it. I remember the feelings totally like remote viewing, remembering what those feelings feel like!
Oh gosh thank you for thanking me! Please know I love connecting and responding!
Wow, 24 years young, you are such a wise evolved soul! What an incredible journey lies ahead for you, awakening at such an early age!
Thank you R O and many blessings to you wherever you are as well.
Mel ❤️🙏💕
YES YES YES…. ive Been there.. And even If its over one year We broken up shes hunting me in dreams in thougts and in feelings of missing My twinflame i should live with… She are the most beutyfull Women i ever seen and smartest and funniest… But so evil and mean sometimes… She was even talking about to Wake me up Because Im where in a Sleep and telling me that she where ”testing” me when shes Abuse me and abundeed me…”Im testing u” she allways Said when i asking Why she sad so evil things and treat me like air… One time when i apoulagues for My behavier and Try to solve our missunderstanding in a fight she sad…”i pissed on weak people and think they are discousting” she was allways Try to pick a fight and when i stod up for My self she just let it go when she felt that she kudent win and then again something new to arguee about… its was like she allways protect her self by allways nowing more then i… And picked on My music If it where to soft called me a ”Pussy” when i sad i where i Nice Guy not an ashole… she allways sad that i where an alpha Male who want to Fuck all Women i see and so on… it where like i never where Good as i am… she told me that she wanna send a Guy to kill me when i sad she just want to have not give anything another time in a arguement she should broke My neck If a where there… and still i think Im in love with here and blaming My self for all that where going wrong… If i just have taking more care just for My self she would adoored me and loved me… She just where evil Because i triggerd here… Shes a Nice loving Women i just started allthing Because Im bad and an idiot not man anoth to stop here and calm her i react to much shuold just be cool and like a three and to much a Pussy and a Beta male not an Alpha Male… If i just tell her to shut the Fuck up she Had loved me and Suport me… but i think its where her looks age and body i where in loved with… If she where in My age fat and in My eys uggle i have left here the first Abuse… But she Had learn me so much more then anyone out there about My self but i miss here… And thats must be some kind of soul connection Because it is so strong… I hope it gonna and in My thriver Work… But i have seen the little wounded girl inside of here and she wanted me to come behind all shadows Because she told me that and that hurts that i couldend to that i react of all triggers she throw at me and i throwing My on here.. That sad… i should have Been there for her If she wanted to Do the Work together with me but it where allways me who wanted to go there she blocked me or tell that she should kill me when We touch our wounds… Sad…
/Anders
Hi, I just read this article, thank you!
Now I am surprised that finally I found someone explaining the relationship I had with a narc, but felt so twinflames from the start.
I need to digest still, after 2 years of having physically split, but hanging onto hope for one more year, there’s still this strong pull, to at least write with him sometimes.
He can be vicious so much I actually fear him, thus he stays blocked on Facebook. I try so hard to not react to his triggers, sometimes I can keep the serenity, but afterwards I still think… How to get even.
He uses women. I feel I need to expose him.
i feel like this was written to me as a part of my understanding, healing and looking forward and i feel inward. thank you for showing me that i am not alone and that your journey to self, as mine, is necessary and very beneficial.
now im working on how to distinguish between genuine kindness from a potential partner and ” the con” ..
be well, and thank you again.
chelle
Hi Chelsea,
You are very welcome and I so hope this has helped you!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Wow, this article and you are an answer to prayer. I have signed up for your webinar and am very much looking forward to it. I know I am here to help people as a Lightworker. I am known as “The Peace, Calm and Tranquility Coach” and I help people around stress reduction but I am in the midst of trying to leave a narcissistic marriage.
Hi Danielle,
I really personally do believe more in the theory of twin flame generating make or break growth, through enmeshments and pain, versus soul mate growth which is much more about team, mutuality and unity caring rather than people’s wounds violently colliding.
At the end of the day all relationships encourage our soul growth through support and love or adversity and fear.
Are labels important? No? Is a reunited soul going to grant us wholeness? No.
I believe our only mission is to mate our own soul and then be the love, deservedness and openness to define, align with and allow in a compatible other who not only reflects our values and truths but who is also a kind and caring person capable of unity and real love.
Successful and happy relationships are not possible if we have had traumatic pasts and inner love programs and don’t do the mature adult due diligence to healthily chose partners, and take out time to connect into intimate relationships.
As well as do the inner work to improve our love trajectory, to be attracted and attractive to healthy people rather than continue to have traumatic toxic relationships where Resolution and growth is not the upward trajectory.
It takes two healthy, willing people to achieve that, which of course was not my marraige or any other toxic relationship I was playing out. The success of this relationship was my own healing I extracted from this. What my exes have taken from my relationship with them in only their business.
To me, all of the above is the healthy love conversation we all really need to be having.
I hope this explains.
I am so pleased my work has helped you and thank you for your lovely comments.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Fantastic information, I am about to let go of my narcissistic twin flame (Rehana) in next 2 days. She came in my life as my colleague and was there around for only 4 months. However, I had secretly developed an infatuation for her as she was very beautiful. I was in dreamland during her love-bombing phase. I was brutally taken aback when she started the devaluation narcissistic phase. It was then, after lots of tears, I turned myself to seek answers as to why I always receive ignorance/ criticism/ no care/ disrespect from girls whom I like/ love. This started the process of INNER WORK and HEALING and I was flabbergasted to know that deep down I had so many traumas to heal. As I progressed in my healing endeavors, my desire for my narcissistic twin flame diminished. I loved your article dear and can truly connect to your words. Lastly, during this endeavor of internal healing, I started to find a PURPOSE of my life i.e. to help others in healing their wounds and insecurities.
I don’t want to lose my narcissistic twin flame but I guess her job to awaken me up has finished and I need to let her go. I still can’t believe that I have discovered so much of my inner self in past 2 months. These 4 months with her were indeed LIFE CHANGING. I will miss her, but that’s how the cookie crumbles 🙂
Hi Melanie,
This is very true, but you LEFT OUT the most important aspects of the TWIN FLAME relationship- the intense soul connection, which includes the intense Kundalini, can include soul chakra connections, visions and sacred sex (glimpsing the eternal infinite), incredible telepathy on steroids, like never experienced before, feeling the feelings of each other, or what they are doing, even when apart, the constant signs, synchronicities,numbers etc from the universe, the visions and seeing him actually there, or feeling him around in a higher 5D form of pure love etc,the mind reading, the feeling of absolute home or actual physical magnets pulling you together at times, life mirroring, songs, getting lost in his eyes.. feeling when he is with another, the list goes on… THESE are all expamples of the most *distinguishing* feature of a Twin Flame relationshp-
Which is the incredible spiritual, tellepathic and soul connection.
Yes he is an emotional abuser and covert nacissist. I have been through sheer hell.
But unless there is some level of this soul/spirit/telepathy/visions/connection/kundalini etc, it is NOT a twin flame relationship. Plus the unexplainable soul unconditional love. Their soul.
Conversely, I believe that despite what I have read, been told, over and over, IF you do feel this (its unexplainable),then they can be BOTH a Twin Flame AND a Narcissist.
To say as some believe, that Twin Flames cannot be toxic or selfish or in ego, or even Narcissists, is *against the very concept of free will*
Nor ae they perfect mirrors, they are their own people, their darkness.shadows is reflected back in the other’s light/goodness. Its a *polarity mirror*
And it makes sense that the Yin/Yang polarities, magnets (positive/negative) etc
Just wanted to share my thoughts on this
Hi!
Very true information as i see it. Met mine 10 years ago online, then for real 3 months later for 3 days, it was crazy, true dreams, strange spiritual experinces.
We break our contact a month after (cause of misundertandings… fears). I brought out the worst in her, it was devasting i got suicidal thoughts after our break, she did not understood not me either. But we both changed our life for the better…our mission waiting…
I know she help people in her profession…(as do i now)..but can´t still understand herself…what i know now and understand about her behaviour is that she has narcissistic tendencies…..i will never dare to talk or see her anymore. I found a soulmate a time after that lives on the other side of our planet..we have met several times and she s helped me, but don´t know if we ever can move together..to complex….well that^s just the short story of this experience….when it´s now calmed down i talk to our higher self now and then saying…..
” I forgive myself cause i did not know..i did not understod… i forgive you cause you did not understod..you did not know”
Thorstein
Thank you so so much. This article was the most concise, accurate, informative and relatable I’ve been able to find among all the mess I’ve come across in my personal journey to understand my experience. You gave confirmation to everything I’ve been experiencing for the last year. Through the trails and madness of trying to reconcile the deep connection I felt to this person with the low vibrational ways we interacted, I went deep inside to slay my own demons. I think I felt, at first, that it was broken pieces of myself that caused all the miscommunication, mistrust and just plain pychologically abusive behavior in the relationship.
It was beyond painful and at times arduous but with every incarnation of myself that was healed and released into true rest, I was taking my power back.
I am now able to STAND in my power and love myself, imperfections and all. Conversely, I find it much easier to love and accept others, imperfections and all. I would not wish this experience on anyone though I have nothing but gratitude and awe for the woman the experience has birthed. I pray for a day when the deep soul work to reach the apex will either be universally taught and supported or utterly unnecessary. Peace, love and blessings✌❤🙏
This was powerful for me! I just realized my narc husband is my twin flame. I always knew something was different about us, but I never knew it was a thing other people experience. We always called it ” star crossed lovers”, like the cosmos didn’t want us to work even though we love each other deeply.. almost abnormally. So know I get it. Wow. Thank you for this article. I’m still so much in this, but he not or so he says, and honestly I know I have to/ need to file for divorce. This article has opened my eyes though and taught me where I am, why ,and what I need to do going forward. I’m excited and terrified and don’t want to lose this feeling…ya know..
Thank you from the bottom of my ❤️
Julianne
Thank you very much for this information. As I reading your article, I was in tears and all of a sudden I GOT IT. Just like that!! I greatly appreciate you and I am on my way to healing and Love of self.
This is spot on in my experience. Thank you! It really helped me make sense of things I already knew but have been struggling to connect the furs on. This journey is unlike any other.
I stumbled upon this article at the perfect time.
I am grateful to my Narcissist for breaking me. Sometimes you must destroy or tear down something to rebuild it anew. It wasn’t until I was trying to soothe the pain of the discard that I started discovering things about myself I had never even known before to look for. Life long questions were answered and I began meditating and trying to connect with myself. Sadly, I still have a long way to go. Years of trauma and loss still plague me.
I am still in contact with my Narc. We have an odd but amazing relationship. He is very open about how he sees the world differently than I do. He knows that i know what he is, and we discuss it frequently.
As I was explaining to him the other night how his ability and need to destroy has actually helped me and that I was grateful for it, he told me that was the first step in becoming my greater self then he informed me that we (I am) are due for another one. A breaking that is. I need to explain that he and I know there is an undeniable connection between us. It’s very telepathic and I believe totally genuine. That being said, as I was thinking of what he had told me about another breaking, I was afraid at first because I remember how intense the pain was the first time but then, it occurred to me that maybe he is my twin flame. I knew that Twin Flames came into your life to break you down so that you can heal past trauma and self destructive behaviors in order to align with your inner being.
Then I found this article. Now, I am convinced that he is indeed my twin flame. I still have a lot of crap to deal with and dig through before I can be one with myself and its probably going to take another breaking it two to be able to do it.
But how did he know? How is it that he knows that I need to be broken again? And how does he know this was the first step? He is a Narcissist. No questions asked. Or so I thought… Narcissists arent in the business of helping anyone but themselves.
Thank you so much for this article!!
In light and Love.
Hi !
I loved this article ! It explained a lot to me . I would like to share my little stories here . I had first expirienced this type connection with my first wife. After 10 years of marriage she has discarded me with a lot of cruelty- things inamaginable . I was replaced in one day and I could not see our daughter for about 5 years after. I went through a deepest crisis , but after a while I became so grateful that it happened this way . I was in prison cell but I did not know it and was just painfully kicked out so I could never came back. I learned to forgive it. 7 years later she agreed that our daughter would come and live with me instead and since then till now our daughter is my very best friend. All was healed by Grace.
Now, about 25 years later, I go through a similar feelings breaking from a deepest soul connection with a twin soul after 10 years relationship. Due to a NARP program I am feeling much better now – I am soooo grateful for Melanie’s work !
This article gave me me huge insight on the nature of twin flame relationship. This term describes perfectly my last passion – I thoought it was love of my life but it was not going well and since I found Melanie s course I stopped clinging to it and started letting it go. I have idolised that relationship and took my partner as a guru, knowing that it would be a painful lesson …
She is thriving now as a spiritual teacher and wish her all the best . I am moving on – inwards and meeting all the pains of all my relationships … Well it is better late than never …
I have dropped the notion of narcissism lately – it makes ‘us’ and ‘them’ … It is all just energy dance – to grow and mature…
Deepest gratitude to you Mel ! If you are coming to UK – I would come to your workshop in London. 🙏
Wow, I loved reading this so much.
Thank you 🙏
I just registered for your webinar!
I’m 38 and have had 6 toxic relationships. I was told by a really good psychic that my second last relationship was my twin flame (and it was exactly what you described). I know I have learned all the lessons from these men now. I totally understand everything you have said but definitely need the webinar to move forward. I’m going between feeling sad about the last one (and all the negative thoughts that go with it) to feeling really bloody excited for what’s to come. Yay, I’m almost there. The pain I have put myself through has been ridiculous, how I’m still alive, I really don’t know, but now I can live the rest of my life free and with a new best friend (me)!
Thanks again, this was exactly what I needed to stumble across today.
Sending blessings your way Xx
Hi Belinda,
You are very welcome and I’m very happy that this deeply resonated with you.
That’s wonderful that it is your time to deeply heal and be set free onto your divine truth in relationship.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💞💛
I recently found out my twin flame who is an old school LK member that I oathed myself to has been cheating on me and lying to me about it. His female roommate told me they were sleeping together and confirmed to me that the girl he was cheating on me with before her is pregnant with his child even though he had been lying to me about all of this. He got her pregnant just a few weeks after we made our oath. He put a tattoo on me as part of the oath but never did his tattoo for me, and told me I could never be with another man even if he died. He told me so many different terrible things and honestly I have no idea what was a lie and manipulation and what was not. I know this much is true- I’m done and I know I deserve better. I decided today I will never be with him again. I’m tired of being lied to, cheated on and abused as though I’m the one doing all the things he’s doing to me. I’m better than all of that. I’m ready to move on and let go of that part of my life. I can only hope he doesn’t tell his people and have me killed for leaving him. He told them my name and about the tattoo and oath so it’s on record and if they ever find me living without him I could be killed supposedly. Here’s hoping I can move on with my life without any of this taking away my life and freedom I choose for myself.
I don’t know how to detach – I don’t want to be here in this relationship and most times on this Earth. I ask and pray that I won’t wake up almost every night before bed. I have no need or attachment like money or children or pets I pay for everything and he skates along. The constant criticism, put downs, silent treatment, blame shifting, gaslighting and rage I endure daily has made me utterly and completely numb, disassociated, void of any life in my soul. It’s so bad my heart hurts. I have not a single need for him so why am I so scared to let go? I never wanted to date him long term in-the first place – at the time I was newly separated – and yet here i am over a year later still entangled….. I’m ready for the break – this came into focus when my son took notice. I had to face it head on. It’s not just about me – but it needs to be for me and I know now I deserve the same love I am willing to give – no less- not ever – not ever again and with that I can empower my children as well.
I’ve been reading your posts and resonating, thank you. Tonight I happened to do a search for “naricissists and sould mates” and this article came up (after reading another article of yours) so it feels extra resonant right now. The Narc in my story was the relationship “coach” for my husband and I. We were her first couple, and she had an affair with my husband that started in the last month of our coaching and lasted for several months after (in secrecy and lies). During those months of lies, she was posting on FB, and continues to post, about her relationship with husband. How they are/were twin flames and that the universe and God told them they had to be together. She also says that they waited until we were separate when telling her “story” publicly (lie) and she tells many lies, despite literally part of her tagline being that she is a “truth teller” and trauma informed.
If she was a licensed counselor she would have lost her license for what happened. She actually told me when I confronted her that bc she wasn’t licensed, I couldn’t question her ethics. Because she was OUR coach (and paid a LOT of money), she knew everything about me, him and us. She knew were both victims of childhood trauma that was unresolved, in fact he was in the process of remembering some of his traumas…including recognizing his mother was a narcissist and major mother wounder (the transference here was mind blowing and she didn’t see it or admit to it even though it’s pscyh 101.
When he was “under her spell” …I say this bc he was not himself. He talked like her during that time, chose her over his child whom he loves time and again, made decisions that were completely incongruent with himself. He later said this himself and said he didn’t recognize himself, but in the moment of those months, he would just repeat what she said about them having a “connection deeper than anything he had ever experienced” (aka twin flame and I later found out she believe(s)(d) herself to have Mary Magdeline Code and him to have Christ Code.
After some investigating, I found it this wasn’t the first married man she had a relationship with and she often left relationships and jobs in a trail of destruction. She also brags about having had FIVE soulmates in FIVE years (who does that?) bc she is so “advanced” that she speeds up the development of relationships.
I decided not to pursue legal action (for now) bc my husband and I reunited in a new relationship (Ester Perel has been a godsend for me…highly recommend her book State of the Affair). Our relationship had it’s challenges bc we brought out the best and worst as we tried to heal our traumas through the other person first instead of on our own. I disassociated for most of my life and am also HSP/empathic. Since the shattering (and it was an EFFING shattering of epic proportions…we have put the pieces back together individually first (stopping the codependent patterns) and together secondarily. It has not been easy, but after my heart and was shattered I could hear and see things differently (like hear and see my soul underneath all the framents) and my heart said I still loved him, could forgive him (he left her very shortly after their relationship was exposed. It blew up quickly when exposed to the truth and light of day). He said he would do whatever it took to make it right with his family and regardless of where we end up ultimately, I think he was done that and we are both more evolved, congruent and integrated.
Sooooo…..are we better as individuals and together because of the shattering and because of this extreme naricissist who fancies herself a courtesan reincarnate? Yes. But does that make what she did (as a predator, liar, narc, ethical violator) OK? And what about justice? This woman still is practicing as a “trauma informed” coach and self procliamed “truth teller”. She does Ted Talks and has a podcast and STILL emails and contacts MY HUSBAND telling him she loves him and that he is in bed with the wrong woman, etc. She still posts on social media about him (my husband and her former client).
So much growth has happened, but I still struggle with forgiveness and honestly also fear that she’s not done. He swears that he is, that he wants nothing to do with her…is ashamed and made the worst mistake/worst misjudgement of a person ever etc. and I believe him, but he was SUCH a different person when he was involved with her and they both gaslighted me during that time. She still gaslights me and/or just acts like there was no me in the picture. Like she had a love affair with someone who was divorced and I was the crazy ex…not the current wife and current/former client that paid her thousands of dollars (yes over two thousand dollars we didn’t have).
I don’t want to believe they were twin flames bc of other descriptions of twin flames I have read, but your description here through the lens of a narc is interesting and more applicable to our situation. Do you have other resources for the narc/soul mate piece or any thoughts about justice for narcs? Unfortunately, this woman is typical narc in that ANY attention is good attention and reconnects her to him. When I served her papers, she went to posting on social media about witch hunts and would email me and cc him and it became clear quickly that she didn’t care if what was said about her was good or bad, as long as it was about her. It just feels like such a no win situation and bc this woman still contacts him and lives in our small community with mutual friends and interests…UGH. I want to let karma do it’s thing but bc she is energetically still inserting herself, the entanglements are still there. Probabably more entanglements with me than him at this point. He broke the connection on his terms but I feel like I never had a say one way or the other and there definitely is a triangulation around the connection between all of us and how it’s played out.
Hi Valerie,
I am so sorry that you have gone through this terrible horror.
Valerie, my question is why is your husband still accepting contact, and why hasn’t he blocked her completely from being able to have any contact with him?
I’m not saying that anything is going on, but surely this is a necessary boundary for you to enforce regarding him and her otherwise how can you continue a relationship with him?
The thing about Narcissists is this, there really is no justice that comes for as a result of trying to bring it about. The true justice, is the going within and healing ourselves into our own power, truth and values as a result of what happened via these people. Which is exactly what my Thriver recovery work is about. I have found time and time again, that if we don’t do that, and try to seek justice in order to feel better that it just horribly backfires and makes matters worse.
I promise you that the inner work is the absolute most powerful way to dissolve all connections and enmeshments and go free. I’d love you to check out my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to learn more about this.
I hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💛💕
Hi Mel and thank you for responding. I will check out the webinar and share it with my husband. We have both blocked her on our phones, email and social media but there are ways around it (phone has to be reblocked every 3 months, she can send from different emails and when you block an email it just goes to spam, not totally blocked or rejected). I’ve seen the emails from her and he has either told her (repeatedly) to leave him and us alone, we’ve both threatened legal action and several times he has simply ignored her and not responded at all.
If anything, I am more the one that is keeping the energetic connection open by continuing to look at her social media and website etc. (she promotes herself constantly, including referencing my husband and her other “soulmates” from the last few years, two of which were married at the time of the relationship with her). When the affair was happening, watching her on social media was one of the ways (in addition to hiring a PI) that I was able to figure out what was happening, and part of me is stuck in that fearful place of wondering what she will say next. That combined with wanting to expose her and I am struggling to disentangle fully.
I actually think in some ways he was able to more clearly end the energetic entanglement bc he was more in control (kind of) when it started and ended while I was not in control of any of it if that makes sense.
Thank you for your work, I’ve enjoyed the articles and will check out the webinar! <3
Can a twin flame be your first true love. she’s married now but last I saw her she picked me up at cofee shop and gave me a ride to the airport. When we embraced it was nothing like i felt before. She took me to hotel at airport and said she’s not coming in. I honestly didn’t want her too either as I was still tingling from our embrace and she was married to the nicest guy she said. not more then 4 minutes i get a txt did you feel that. I said ya mean the earthquake. She says, earthquake whadda you mean. Not what I’m talking about never-mind. I said well thats what it felt like. an earthguake on the top of a volcano. that spark was still there. I always told myself someday we will be together again. I am to much of a man to even consider destroying her relationship as I know the cost for taking another mans love of life. It cant be that way. She came back to the hotel next morning. I was already gone out with another old friend who needed help with a Christmas tree so I went and helped her get out the closet. funny thing was she told me i was the first she ever kissed when we were little palying 7 minutes in heaven. We were buddies in school she lived around the corner. like a sister my best friends girlfriend or so I thought. Alot of the signs are there howver i am 3 years out of a 13 year relationship with what I believed to be a narcissist. This woman lied to me about everything and anything. By the time she finally walked out when her children turned 19 I had already told her lie one more time and your out. She had a habit of doing what I expressed to here as bothersome, concerning and why the need. We were so in love. The couple everyone modeled to be nothing could seperate us we did everything together.over time things changed her sister died form cancer then her mom a month later. She was never the same. Thats when the manipulation, lying, stealing, Cheating not that I had any evidence other then what I saw and how she interacted with people she told me she didn’t like then be overly friendly. Anyway I just now getting along on my own after 2 years of making a complete ass of myself chasing her doing childish things. she baited me to cook her dinner then wouldn’t show. She would ignore me when I talked to her like I wasn’t even there her path led one way, hers. She honestly never really gave back and the things she did do really always put her on the pedestal. I still feel this underlying love for her even after she abandoned me. her love for me was real or atleast i would like to believe it was and then I tell myself you know it was real because I could see it when she wasn’t looking. She is or atlest from the definitions a narcissist. she is evel mean and cares only for herself. She even gets jealous of her own kids. always talking bad about people as I would assume this is the only way she feels good about herself when in actuality she hates herself. She’s cut herself many times as a child and probably still to this day. 3 years and she still wont sign off on a divorced asking for things she knows a court judge will not award her. I could go on but it doesn’t matter as I cant stop thinking about her mainly all the lies makes me think all kinds of bad things she did but I honestly know she didn’t. I honestly know I did. I love her and want to be with her but dont know that i can as the trust is gone and just when it was about to be there she took it away by taking something and lying to my face making me thing I was crazy for a week. Then she gave it back, Only because she wanted it! Please tell me this is not a true twin flame not that it would scare me it just mens I have alot of work to do.
Dan
I completely agreed with this until reading the part about forgetting about your TF. I am speaking from over 10 years of being the chaser with my twin flame whom I married, had been divorced from, reunited, separated and reunited with again. I had finally awakened and learned to let go and that’s what it took for him to surrender. One thing I can tell you, is you NEVER forget about your twin flame! You may become okay being separated from them, but you will never, ever, not want them!!!
I think you’re confusing a twin flame with karmic relationships.
A twin flame has telepathy and shared emotions at any distance and the telepathy is for healing the subconscious of the other.
If you didn’t have telepathy, that wasn’t a twin flame.
Narcissists seem like a twin, but you cannot get over your twin because you’re literally one as Adam and Eve were one.
Their emotions are literally yours.
Adding: many obstacles come between twin flames until you’re self love recognizes the self worth to be loved unconditionally by your twin.
I totally agree with you, Patricia.
Only the example of Adam and Eve does not convince me because of so many errors that have been transmitted to us through the bible. Besides, I don’t like that story at all, very misogynistic, don’t you think?
Wow I’ve been with someone for 22 years and we were never cell mates!!!😘
Hallo Melanie,I have a question about dating after being in a toxic relationship. Do you tell people you are dating that you have been in a relationship with a narcistic or dominantan person er not? Do you just listen to your inner voice to recognize if someone is toxic or do you save your dating time by saying that you don’t want a dominant man ? What do you recommend? Thanks in advance, Vojislava
Hi Vojislava, I would state what you do want on your profile, not what you don’t.
And then just live aligned to your values.
That is all you need to do.
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💚
Super brilliant. 🤘🌷
Thank you Love Truth
Blessings and love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
I don’t believe in soul mates though the closest to that I think would be my kids since I passed on part of my light and life to them when I gave birth to them.
Twin flames, more preferred to be with like minded, shared beliefs, goals or sense of things like sense of humor, complimentary backgrounds or some interests and cell mates? Creepy! that’s obviously the type of nightmare a narcissist would wish for others.
I’ve never been in a luke warm relationship, how dull and unengaged and disconnected from everything and everyone. I’ve met a few luke warm people, but I just never liked the smell of them nor like their whole sad sack drunkard lame Karen vibe. What a craptastic pile of swamp junk to be lured into. 🥴
Melanie, I love everything you share with us. You are a great Teacher for me!
I think you speak of the misconception that the narcissist was your “Twin Flame”, but that would not be the case as the narcissist discarded you and then moved on to other women afterwards whom he made feel he was her Twin Flame (this would be a fake “Twin Flame”)
Your Twin Flame can only appear when you love yourself as God loves you. In this Instant is where you meet your Twin Flame and you can ascend together and fully unite physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually with him.
To find your twin flame it is not necessary that you are already permanently in that state of complete healing, but that you know that God loves you totally, the end of this process is the one that takes place with your twin flame. This union with your Twin Flame help to all Humanity and Earth in their Ascension.
So as I see it the process would be as follows:
If one is very alienated from her center, from her essence and does not know and has not undo his shadow, She may fall in love with a narcissist or a psychopath posing as her Twin Flame with the help of the blindness of the woman who falls into that trap.
Once, thanks to the suffering caused by this relationship, the woman awakens and works on her inner self, she is ready for the real encounter with her Twin Flame.
The Real Twin Flame will love her/him beloved as God/Goddess/LOVE does. It will be totally reciprocal.