Melanie Tonia Evans

Becoming Powerful, Safe And Fearless On Your Own

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 13
159
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Today I’m really excited to kick-off a brand new Thriver TV Series, which is all about the next steps – how you can go from being a Survivor to a Thriver – expanding out into life and into your true potential …

So that you can achieve your goals, dreams and all that your heart desires.

Many of you have been asking me to share more than just about abuse recovery, and as such, this is exactly what this new series covers.

In today’s Thriver TV episode we take a deep dive into being becoming powerful, safe and fearless on your own.

In this video, I want to help you deeply examine and discover how to outgrow your dependency on others, where you may have handed your power away and kept enmeshed with people as a means of trying to obtain your survival and happiness.

I will also be covering how I overcame the fear of not being able to do things alone and was able to breakthrough to be confident and start loving life, as an essential foundation for myself.

 

Video Transcript

I’m really excited about today’s Thriver TV episode because this is the first of a brand-new series – about life after narcissistic abuse. This is a series where I want to help you get to where I am now and show you how I achieved it. This is all about the next steps after narcissistic abuse recovery – to create your most empowered Life.

So, this is really appropriate for those of you NARPing (using the NARP Program) … or people working with other subconscious tools to shift your inner programs to free yourself internally from narcissistic abuse …  because, as a result of this, you have created space inside to move into new trajectories in your life.

And please know this is not an ‘all or nothing’ deal – expanding into your True Self and True Life after abuse, or not. Because of course you may be triggered sometimes back into abuse wounds, whilst working on your forward movement, that is normal. You certainly can work with this series whilst still working on core abuse wounds.

I am so excited to be sharing this New Series with you because so many of you have been asking for it. For those of you who are still in the trenches with deep abuse wounds, and know you are not ready for these next stages yet, please don’t feel left out. These videos are as faithful as housework – they are not going anywhere! They will await you until its time for you to pick them up.

Okay, let’s get started by looking at the goal in regard to learning to do things on your own after narcissistic abuse. After narcissistic abuse, we are coming off the trip of unconsciously assigning someone else to be the source of something that we are not as yet providing ourselves. Without knowing it, we handed this person our power – our life, our decisions and our energy. And, until we woke up, we did not realise that some part of us was unconsciously assigning this person to provide us our life, and then we were torn apart whilst clinging to them trying to have them provide it.

After doing the abuse healing work with NARP, we discover that it’s vital that we heal these gaps, these internal fractures where we are not being a source to ourselves and where we were dependent and therefore enmeshed with others unhealthily.  After experiencing how dangerously precarious that this made us in regard to staying and accepting abuse, we need to find a way to develop and love what we are capable of providing for ourselves.

On a macro level, the four main gaps that we can suffer from regarding not being a source for ourselves are: love, approval, security and survival. The great thing is if we are doing the inner work with NARP, or some other subconscious healing tool, as a result of self-partnering, being with and releasing our inner traumas and freeing ourselves back to wholeness, we became self-loving organically. We also become self-accepting because we are being present with ourselves wounds and all.

I actually don’t believe there is any greater way to love and accept ourselves than to self-partner with our inner being when it deeply needs us and heal and love ourselves back to wholeness, rather than self-avoid and self-abandon. So, if you are already doing this – you have the development of your self-love and self-acceptance covered.

What I really want to talk about in this episode starts with the matters of security and survival. Feeling shored up in these areas is very much about doing things on our own. It is about melting away those stuck feelings of powerlessness which have left us reliant on other people to provide us with what we think we need, to not just survive and create our security, but … additionally also those things that give us joy and pleasure and confidence and expansion as well.

Many of us did not grow up knowing how to be a source to ourselves. We may believe that we are nothing without a partner, or life experiences are empty without someone special to share them with, or that we are like a leper if we go to an event without a partner – and we can’t stand doing that. It goes like this, ‘My life can only begin when I get a partner.’

Or maybe deeply and insidiously we carry a deep shame and feelings of unease and inadequacy about knowing, trusting and defining ourselves as an individual, because of the abuse and pain we have experience in our past. Maybe you were shot down for having your individuality when you were young. Maybe you were never allowed to develop and express your true unique self. Perhaps there was so much dysfunction in your family no-one modelled independence healthily. Maybe, someone completely controlled you and took over your life aspects for you.

After narcissistic abuse, the greatest goal I could encourage you to achieve, before wanting to meet someone else to complete you, is to discover what it is like to fully mate your own soul and create your own life first.

This is vital if you want to be truly full, whole and happy between you and you, instead of being precariously reliant on what other people are or aren’t doing. Additionally, you start generating ‘more’ organically and healthily in your life, if you become the foundation of experiencing all the wonder and joy that you can connect to – within and without of yourself.

This doesn’t mean, go to every outrageous party and social gathering or fun event you can. All of these things can be ways that we continue to self-avoid, distract ourselves and not really connect into a fulfilling relationship with ourselves.

What I really mean is to enjoy time in nature, time journaling, and essential time healing. These are things like time alone to walk, do further Quanta Freedom Healings (I do them constantly when in need as my go-to lifestyle), meditate, have baths, take yourself out to dinner. Go away by yourself to a beautiful destination to see sights, visit markets, enjoy local customs, learn about different cultures.

By now because you have already worked hard at releasing and healing your inner abuse programs on your couch or in your bedroom at home, you now have some space, energy and confidence inside you to ‘get out there’. And simultaneously, as you do expand into life with yourself, keep clearing all the beliefs and traumas that are not allowing you to be your dearest companion, your most adoring support person and best friend to share your life with.

Also, the essential day to day relationship with yourself needs to be cleaned up totally. How do you speak to yourself on a daily, even minutely basis?

From being a person who used to self-criticise and condemn myself, to one who talks to myself lovingly now, I can’t tell you what a relief that is. It is so sobering to know that people are always going to connect with us and love us in the identical ways that we connect to and love ourselves. If our relationship with ourselves is not healthy – we get with unhealthy people. If it is healthy then we reject unhealthy people and start to connect with people who mirror back to us our love for ourselves.

I really want you to understand this, you know there is absolutely no option other than to make it your greatest and highest mission to love you, love being in your body and enjoy loving life. Those of you who have achieved this know, as I do, that this feeling is indescribable. It is a return to true love, the love and life that we were always looking for outside of ourselves but was within us all along.

When we get to this point, we are coming home. We may still have trauma to meet and release but no longer are we waiting for someone else to come. That person has already arrived.

Something I knew I diligently had to do after narcissistic abuse, was break through all of those fears of doing things for and just with myself. In some areas of life, I was confident, yet in others, I wasn’t.

Maybe you too can relate to what I am about to share with you … I was terrified of confrontation. I wanted other people to speak up for me and fight my battles. I hated doing certain official business and accounting stuff. My father had always done them for me. I was terrified about dealing with authorities, travelling on my own, turning up to a party on my own … the list went on and on.

When I realised that these fears and susceptibilities had made me assign other people as my source and hand my adult stewardship and power away, leaving me like a terrified child clinging to people for my survival and security, I made a firm commitment to breakthrough these fears and face doing things I had never wanted to face before.

I made a list of my fears and one at a time I confronted all the terrors and blocks in my body about them with Quanta Freedom Healing (a lot of this work is the specific healings I created for this community in the Empowered Self Course), and released these and started to expand forward, powerfully and easily.

My confidence soared as a result. My life now is flourishing and powerfully self-generative. I am now a woman who doesn’t need a man to grant me my life, travel, be successful or make my own decisions or stand up to whatever challenge is thrown my way. The woman I am now bears no resemblance to the woman I once was. It was the inner work that got me there.

And, rather than ‘doing things on our own’ limiting us from connecting with others, it actually promotes it beautifully. Because no longer are we needy and making poor choices with the company we keep. Healthy good people gravitate to us so much easier, because we are solid, whole, confident and radiant.

So within, so without – if you are healthily self-partnered and loving your own company and blissful and extending out into life, you will be magnetic and will easily create many other fulfilling relationships.

I hope I have inspired you to love to do things on your own. It’s vital to master, truly, because the relationship with you is the foundational relationship for every other relationship you will ever create.

Also, please share in the comments, any topic at all, that you would like me to cover in this new series.

And …  this new series needs a name. I had ‘Thrive On’ but I think we can do better, NARPers are already suggesting great names in the NARP Member’s Forum, and I would love you, as my lovely YouTube and Blog followers, to also tune in and grant me your ideas! I’d love to hear your suggestions.

Okay … I just want to finish off with this … expanding into our best life after narcissistic abuse is not something we do because there’s nothing else to do. That was about recovery. After narcissistic abuse recovery, gloriously we take it further because we CAN!

Lots of love, bye bye.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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159 Thoughts on Becoming Powerful, Safe And Fearless On Your Own
  • valerieAwedel@gmail.com'
    Valerie
    June 10, 2018

    Fly Free! (name idea)
    love this new series!

    Thanks, Mel

    • child0fgod@gmail.com'
      Child of God
      June 10, 2018

      How to heal yourself after the man when drunk speaks negatively and humiliates you in public only to forget the next morning the tears he made me cry and then takes you out to eat and showers you with gifts in public.

      • Kimprill@gmail.com'
        Kp
        June 11, 2018

        And in front of your daughter. -/. How do we ‘re-teach’ those moments ?! How? Is it even possible /

        • Kimprill@gmail.com'
          Kp
          June 11, 2018

          Btw – you requested ‘naming ideas’

          #wegotthis/yep/withoutyou

          Or

          #Icomesbeforeu

          PS. I would LOVE to attend a convention- or help plan one. I have skills in that area and a desire! Thank you for helping me navigate these horrible waters !

        • kimnovack34@gmail.com'
          Kim
          June 20, 2018

          Your daughter will see the cruelty inflicted and the pain. My daughter saw and pointed it out to me. The only problem is that she who l loved dearly has gone on to be a not very nice person. I am no contact with her for nearly a year.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 10, 2018

      Hi Val,

      Glad you love it and thank you for your suggestion.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • Michelemckinney40@gmail.com'
        Michele Mckinney
        June 11, 2018

        “Finally Free and Time for Me”

    • pmabrach@icloud.com'
      Patricia Brach
      June 11, 2018

      “ARRIVAL TV”

      (in reference to Melanie saying how we come home to ourselves)

      Bless you Mel and everyone!❤️

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        June 11, 2018

        Thank you Patricia for your suggestion!

        Many blessings to you too Dear Lady 😀

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
    Nicoleta
    June 10, 2018

    Hi Melanie!
    Can you, please, shoot a video about accepting as we are in the present moment?
    Thank you

  • jaquelinew@hotmail.it'
    Jacqueline Wareing
    June 10, 2018

    As always dear Melanie you inspire me. As always and forever my gratitude is infinite for all you have done in my life as a Survivor which has enabled me to evolve into a Thriver.

    A name for your new series : Fearless Angels

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 10, 2018

      Awwww Jacqueline,

      Thank you for your lovely words and your suggestion.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • dsdouglas@web.de'
        Debbie
        June 10, 2018

        Melanie, first of all I want to express my gratitude for all you have done to help me with my recovery over the last 3 years. Words can not describe how much you have inspired me, motivated me and at times you and your videos literally saved my life! When I felt all alone, confused and desperate, I would receive an email from you with a new video and somehow the topic was exactly fitting to what I was going through at the time. Call it Karma or luck, but all I know is you were/are often my angel! THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!
        As I mentioned above, once agian this new series comes at the perfect time for me. I’m really ready to return to the confident, independant energetic person I was before marrying my “high functioning narcissistic alcoholic husband 28 years ago”! I want to be free and I am well on my way. All of sudden, even at the age of 56, carreer opportunities are coming my way! I see the chance of not needing alimony anymore! His constant hoovering, control and power that he had over me financially is no loger relevant! I don’t need or want his support money anymore. I don’t need it because I can suppoort myself on my own!!! I feel soooooo free! And it is a wonderful feeling!! Even my health has improved. During my marriage I had bladder cancer 9 times! No sign of cancer anymore! I’m healthy and intend to stay that way! Maybe a new name could be “Living Free”.
        But there is one topic that still interests me and that is the correlation between alcohol abuse and narcissism. I always thought alcohol was his main problem but now I know that he is a true narcissist with an alcohol problem. How commen is this? Just curious.
        Sending you from across the seas my heartfelt love, appreciation and gratitude!
        Debbie

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          June 11, 2018

          Awww Debbie,

          I am just so pleased that I was there to help.

          I love that you are keen and excited to expand forward.

          Wow you have done such a beautiful job of becoming your own source. Massive kudos to you and I can’t wait to help support you further.

          Thank you for your name suggestion and I agree it is a fascinating topic that I would love to cover off.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • ngetek@aol.com'
    Nancy
    June 10, 2018

    Dearest Mel –

    As always, your words speak the most powerful truth. You have opened my eyes and my soul to the inner beauty within me that has been screaming to be freed to guide me on life’s journey. Thank you so much for all you have done and continue to do.

    Thinking of what to name this new series, a few ideas came to mind:

    Living Happily Ever After as a Thriver
    Living Your Best Life as a Thriver
    Life as a Thriver
    The Thriver’s Life
    Maintaining a Thriver’s Life
    Go Forth and Thrive!
    Thrive Forever!

    I hope these ideas inspire you to find the perfect title for this series.

    Keep up the phenomenal work you do. So many of us have and continue to benefit from your advice and wisdom.

    Nancy

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Hi Nancy,

      Thank you for your lovely words and your beautifully thought out suggestions.

      They are greatly appreciated.

      Mel 🙏💕❤

  • saurabhpatna.ss@gmail.com'
    saurabh
    June 10, 2018

    Dear Melanie
    What a beautiful video and blog! As always you are so inspiring! I owe my life to you Mel. You have taught me to be a thriver. Really victimhood sucks. I am practically experiencing it in my life everyday. I am taking each set back also as a spring board to bounce back and self partner even more. Life follows quantum laws and everything is energetic. Self love and self partenering are the words I learnt from you. You are a magician Melanie. Thanks for all the gifts that you have given to me. Thanks for motivating me to go quantum in life, I would aways be grateful.
    The name for these episodes could be
    (i) Marching Ahead – Thrivers empowering themselves further with Melanie Tonia Evans
    (ii) Where do Thrivers go from Here – From the Secret Diary of Melanie Tonia Evans 🙂
    Regards
    Saurabh

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Hi Saurabh,

      Thank you!

      Awww I am so happy for you that you are experiencing life at this level!

      Thank you also for your suggestions!

      Mel 🙏💕❤

  • Getmail100@yahoo.com'
    Bren
    June 10, 2018

    Love this idea. I Like Thrive On….,keep it simple. I just love my own company. I do everything on my own. In fact I prefer it over inane small talk just to have company. I’m never bored, always feel stimulated. I’m totally ok without a partner and its glorious doing what I like when I like. I’ve yet to find people of like mind to connect with. I enjoy aware and conscious relationships and in the US it’s challenging with neediness being so prevalent and inability to be different. I miss real peeps …..goal setting on this.. So I’m journeying on and I love this series coming up. So grateful for Narp and how I’ve become my own true love. I’m thriving on and thrilled.♥️♥️♥️

  • charlie.2001@live.com'
    Abbie
    June 10, 2018

    You have literally saved my life Melanie Tonia Evans.

    Hugs, appreciation and love.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Hi Abbie,

      I am just so pleased you are out the other side and that I could help.

      Bless you! And so much love to you too.

      Mel 🙏💕❤

  • Suedoug99@gmail.com'
    Minny
    June 10, 2018

    Learning to have this self love and confidence

  • CLAUDIABUCHWEITZ24@GMAIL.COM'
    Claudia
    June 10, 2018

    Dear Melanie,

    Again that’s just what I was waiting for ;-)) Brillant! Thank you!

    A name:

    A new start after thriving – how to create your life on your own!

    With love,
    Claudia

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      That’s great Claudia!

      My pleasure and thank you for your suggestion!

      Mel 🙏💕❤

  • catherinehowell13@gmail.com'
    Catherine
    June 10, 2018

    You have made me see who I am and to be strong I do the narp program every day and am so grateful for your help x

  • sjwalthew@hotmail.com'
    Julia65
    June 10, 2018

    As ever timeous Melanie . I’m off to travel from the UK through Vietnam tomorrow and your video is inspirational. My last question about the engagement ring .. his threats have come to nothing. The joy of this trip had been amplified by being able to look forward to it without any damaged person trying to make me feel bad or wonder if we will even go .(he was always …coax me coax me every time until the last minute then I was meant to be grateful that we went to that awful Costa )! Being my own source to myself and travelling to the places I want to go and not the tacky places he dictated we went to feels just magic . Xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 10, 2018

      Hi Julia65,

      Awww I am sure happy for you and your breakthrough!

      Beautiful❤️

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sarah.hasell@yahoo.com'
    Sarah
    June 10, 2018

    “Me – Free and Loving it! “

  • nesilaw@outlook.com'
    "Aneas"
    June 10, 2018

    Love this video & this new series Melanie! Thank you for sticking with us through this recovery, and showing us your example of how we “are”, but most importantly “will be” shining in a new way, that’s permanent as we do the work of REALLY learning to love ourselves. I don’t know about others, but I have experienced “dreadful fears” after almost every break-up in my life due to this Narcissistic Abuse. I knew nothing about Narcissist Abuse until 4 months ago (thank God for the revelation). These “dreadful fears” coupled with extreme depression have left me almost unfunctionable. From my own personal experience, these bouts have usually lasted longer than the relationship itself, if not double the time. Do you have any videos that cover this? I know its been my own fault, because in essence I’ve unconsciously believed those lies that came to speak, “Oh boy, here we go again. Another break-up. It’s just part of it. You have no choice. You may be getting older, but its your own fault, so you just have to accept it, & deal with it”. I’ve actually grown & healed in many ways over the years. I love spending time alone & doing the things you’ve mentioned above. However, this recent break-up has come with a vengence to steal all ground which I felt I had made. Would love any of your reflection on this! Thanks for letting me share!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 10, 2018

      Hi Aneas,

      I am so pleased you love this new series!

      Please do know that it isn’t the time factor with narciistic abuse, it truly is the time it takes us to turn inwards and heal what we need to.

      I’d love to show you truly how … that stuff is in my free transformational healing resources: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • sandyscruggs@hotmail.com'
        sandy scruggs
        June 10, 2018

        Miss Melanie, I LOVE this new series! You have brought me back to my happy, glorious self with no regrets. Thank you so much. XXOX

      • nesilaw@outlook.com'
        "Aneas"
        June 11, 2018

        Sweet Melanie,
        Thank you! Will do, & you are dearly appreciated!!!

  • stacroc987@gmail.com'
    Stacy Caruso
    June 10, 2018

    Some people are physically disabled and totally broke. You can advise to go slower with recovery, but really no milestones are achieved. Some people cannot be totally self-reliant. For example, I cannot clean my house– one corner a day gets me nowhere– I also cannot afford help. There are other restrictions that are not understood and not even simple to explain. I cannot replace my roof, etc., I cannot repair major plumbing and I also am not allowed to sell my home without penalties. I am totally alone. Narcissistic abuse is real for me and devastating– but so are poor living conditions when you cannot work. My conditions will not heal and neither will my health. So I do as much as I can, but in reality, I remain stuck. I cannot tell you what this is like. You have not walked this path. I lost my health–it cannot be healed or improved. Yes, I can do the inner work, but my situation is far more dismal than you understand. Reflect please on what I cannot detail. People ask of me when I am drained entirely if I manage to have one good hour a day. I am tired of explaining. These are people who do not understand real limitation and total exhaustion. Answer: Isolation becomes the only way unless you want to CONSTANTLY explain health conditions no one cares about anyway.
    Even a simple walk can cause problems with my heart. People are simply nasty to disabled persons who heavily contributed to society and cared for elders relentlessly. You see the problem here. –You aren’t going to get people to help with necessities if you have a load of boundaries. And so– really the abuse continues in many ways even if you are kind. It feels impossible. Trapped.

    • ttn@va.metrocast.net'
      Robin
      June 11, 2018

      DEAR Stacy,

      I am not at the very beginning of my healing but I’m a long way from getting to where I need to be as I just recently found Melanie,etc. (I posted my first note to her a little while ago.) So it is not from a position of being beyond where you are that I write to you today. However, I read your post and my heart goes out to you. I have done a lot of care giving and took care of a family member for a lot of years who was, in so many ways, in the same place where you now find yourself. Without going into great detail, please know that I sincerely really do understand!! I know it took a lot of courage for you to write that note in this forum and I just wanted to let you know that you have definitely been heard! I do hope someone else who has been down the same path and who has found answers and healing through MTE can and will respond to you with their words of wisdom and experience to help you.

    • arbourridge@ymail.com'
      Linda
      June 11, 2018

      Dearest Stacy,
      I hear you and I know the feeling of being the victem with nowhere to run and the constant issues including health and getting advice from people who have no idea but think they are helping. Take your pain and its energy and do as much internet research as you can to find the help you need from your community and government if they have assistance for things like house cleaning. Sometimes volunteers will help fix a roof or build a ramp. You are not alone!
      I bet you still have a talent inside not only to do this but to give back even in some small but heartfelt way and feel wholesgain. Keep Melanie in ea day. Be Strong 👊

    • Jme407@hotmail.com'
      Jamie Kohler
      June 13, 2018

      Hi Stacy,

      I read your post and I am touched by what you are going through and how you are feeling. I cannot say I fully understand your situation. However, I have had a long discussion with my Aunt – who is in a wheelchair – to get some insight on what it was like for her to live a life where others categorized her as disabled. As you can imagine, I gained a whole new world of knowledge during our conversation. I have also worked with Clients who have had limitations. But have I lived it? No. So I cannot fully understand. I wanted to point out that while you may be unable to accomplish certain tasks, you are NOT totally broke. That is a lie straight from the Enemy himself.

      In fact, as I was reading your post a couple thoughts came to mind: Wow, Stacy is an extremely strong woman.” You are going through narcissistic abuse, which is challenging enough AND you are also overcoming other challenges as well. “Holy smokes this woman is brave.” Yes Stacy, YOU ARE BRAVE. You have not only taken steps to find a website that will help you to overcome some of the challenges you are facing, you have also just been open and honest in Sharing your struggles, feelings and needs. I remember a time when my mind was so clouded with lies and negativity that I felt I didn’t deserve to have help. “Stacy is very talented at writing and articulating her feelings.” Each one of us has a cluster of talents, gifts and abilities that no other human on earth has. I can already see that you are talented with writing. What are some of your other passions, talents, abilities, interests, or potentially new hobbies? Painting, drawing, photography, writing (stories, poetry, songs, blogging?) journaling, singing, talking with people?

      You said that, personally you feel like no milestones are being achieved with recovery. I beg to differ, you became aware that you needed support AND you took action by finding resources to help you, AND you are bravely sharing your story with others AND now you are reaching out for support. These are each milestones and you are doing an amazing job!! 🙂 Give yourself credit, recognition and a celebration for each and every accomplishment, no matter how small it seems to you. If you clean a corner of your house, look at that clean corner (positive) focus in on it, tell yourself what a great job you did and how nice that corner looks. Reward yourself for your accomplishment and for doing what you could. Don’t focus on the mess in the rest of the house (negative).

      You can reward yourself by doing something you love (a hobby), relaxing with a cup of hot tea, reading a good book, taking a bubble bath, painting, photography (go outside and take a picture of something in nature that is beautiful to you & start a collage or start framing your pictures), painting your nails or ask someone to paint them, complete a relaxing meditation on YouTube, watching a funny movie/ YouTube video etc… rewarding yourself doesn’t have to be expensive, just make sure it is something relaxing or fun for you! You deserve it!

      Lastly, make a couple different list of things you would like to accomplish, new hobbies you’d be interested in trying, things that need to be fixed around the house. Do something small each day that Brings you closer to these things or that brings you happiness/ relaxation. If you can, call some different local churches, let them know your situation and ask if they have any resources or know of any people in the church that could help you out in those areas. I used to be a part of a church group that went out into the community to help people with things (lawn maintenance, cleaning/organizing in their home), spending time with people at assisted living homes and foster homes, playing soccer or sidewalk chalk with children/ people in poverty stricken areas. Churches can be VERY helpful IF they are aware of your current situation. You never know if there happens to be a plumber or a roofer in the church who would be willing to donate their time and talent to help someone in the community… someone who once gave their time and talent to help elders, who now needs and deserves a helping hand as well. Also 211 is a valuable number to call & inquire about helpful resources and assistance that may be available in your area. You can also visit 211.org.

      I know this was a very long post, I’ve been writing for an hour or so, but I really hope some of this information helps you & encourages you. Reach out to the resources I’ve provided to you and please try to shift you focus to more positive things. I know it is hard not to adopt and accept the narcissistic put downs and nasty remarks as being true. But, try your best to create an invisible safety bubble around you, don’t let those negative remarks reach you, counteract them with the opposite positive as truth. Do what you can in your given situation to protect you. By the way, I do not even have it totally together myself, as I am writing these words in an effort to help you, I am also helping myself and needing to take my own advice. That is the beauty of helping one another and creating a sense of community, where we are all in this together. Stacy, you definitely have determination and you are an overcomer, say it to yourself everyday until you believe it. Take care of yourself, love yourself and continue to become even more stronger, braver, talented and beautiful than you already are. I wanted to share this short but powerful video that I saw years ago, it’s about a man named Nick Vujicic, he was born with no arms and no legs. It’s called “No limbs, No Limits.” He has many videos on YouTube, check out his other powerful videos of you get a chance:

      https://youtu.be/8jhcxOhIMAQ

      – A stranger who sees something amazing in you and wanted to cheer you on <3

  • larochris23@gmail.com'
    christopher laro
    June 10, 2018

    As a man who recently discovered his need to self-partner, finding Melanie out here on the youtube sphere was quite a blessing. She puts in lovely ways the truth we all must face – ourselves. Period. After years of failed relationships w/ women (I’m no victim and played along in bad connections for secondary gains as well as my own co-dependent desires) I finally had to accept who I am and do what it is required to heal traumas I am well aware of but have distracted myself from confronting head on. Melanie, you have a strong testimonial and sadly in some ways the man you speak of who hurt you is the kind of man I have been to women myself – distant, unable to be loved and verbally abusive. That said, those I’ve been involved with chose me for their own desires and gains, therefore the sad apache dance ensued until it all fell apart under the weight of mutual toxicity. I think one truth I have come to accept by hearing your expertise is how co-dependency (and trying to OVER help a lover when they’re in need and using narcissistic methods to keep them from leaving) has all been about being abandoned – those moments in my own childhood that left me frightened and desperate to be rescued so I then as an adult, feel the need to rescue others especially a woman who tries to love me. But the more I try to protect and rescue the further I put a woman off and then, my own anger erupts for not being listened to. Indeed, some of these women I have known were toxic in ways nobody could help or tolerate but end of day, it was ME all along causing the pain. And eventual failure. Trying to work out one’s own trauma on someone else is really evil and never succeeds. So, the self partnering and loving of Self is the ONLY path to take so as not to repeat old patterns that will create failure again and again. Lastly, to those men out there who have also found Melanie, be you the abused or the abuser or both (as I have been) remember you aren’t a victim but a participant in the dance willingly. But as men we must step aside a while to get well and heal up so not to harm others again as I cannot. No time to do so nor do I need the bad karma from hereon in. No women deserves abuse of any kind ever. Best to remain celibate until such time you’re ready to be a better man and human being. Time to let go the inner turmoil and as it’s been said to me – ‘mourn and move on.’ Peace and love and most of all, kudos to you Melanie for putting your heart into this kind of healing education. Aho!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 10, 2018

      Hi Christopher,

      Thank you so much for your awareness and raw honesty.

      You are right, it is all about healing the wounds within.

      Thank you, you are so welcome and bless.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • margarita.castro40@hotmail.com'
    Margarita
    June 10, 2018

    I absolutely loved this video. It has come when I most needed it too. This has helped me to decide to work harder on my self partnering. Thank you so much Melanie. I’ll be looking forward to your next video. Lots of love.

  • bola.odulate@gmail.com'
    Rania
    June 10, 2018

    Dear Melanie,

    How about, “Transforming Yourself from Survivor to Thriver”?

    It seems to me that experiencing narcissistic abuse, discovering and carrying out NARP, then transforming yourself from a survivor to a thriver is an excellent example of The Hero’s Journey (see Joseph Campbell e.g. https://scottjeffrey.com/heros-journey/)

    I’m getting goosebumps as I write this because I’m seeing more connections to earlier posts I’ve read from you.

    For instance, you talked about the value of seeing a larger spiritual purpose to one’s recovery from narcissistic abuse. Campbell’s work came from studying many religions and cultures and finding that there was a similar thread in their teachings which he ultimately called the Hero’s Journey. One could see the step of transforming from survivor to thriver as a way of accomplishing the final step in the Hero’s Journey where you return home but you are different internally and are able to contribute from what you’ve learned to the benefit of your community.

    Joseph Campbell also coined the phrase, follow your bliss. I understand this to mean that you are able to manifest your destiny once you complete your transformation.

    Maybe this could also be called, “COMPLETE YOUR TRANSFORMATION, Follow Your Bliss”

    I didn’t know I had so much to say! My plan was to offer a suggestion in response to your request for help with the title. I hope there’s something useful in this comment for you!

    Love,
    Rania

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 10, 2018

      Awww Rania,

      I love your heart and suggestions here and thank you so much for them.

      This truly is the hero’s journey!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • lcerutti@bodyworks-pt.com'
      Lisa Cerutti
      June 11, 2018

      Melanie, I am still in the throws of Narcissistic Abuse and have found my boundaries. By sticking to my boundaries the entire relationship has changed but my Narc continues to try to control me. I see a discard in the near future and almost welcome it. I haven’t seen a thriver episode on HOW TO LEAVE YOUR NARC. I’m finding it difficult to find the courage to say goodbye. My NARC isn’t full blown but exhibits control, rejection and punishment when doesn’t get what he wants. He just recently tried to push my buttons and get reaction out of me regarding Abandonment which is huge for me. I didn’t budge. So my question is… could you do Thriver Episode on HOW TO END AND LEAVE YOUR NARC. I read No Contact eBook but really could use suggestions how to do it not just DO IT.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        June 12, 2018

        Hi Lisa,

        If you google my name + leaving a narcissist, you will find some resources on this topic.

        Also have you done my free workshop in order to target the fears of leaving and release them out if your body? That coupled with the information of ‘how to’ can help so much.

        I hope this helps support you.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • shineforafrica@yahoo.com'
    Sharon
    June 10, 2018

    Will the feeling of ‘maybe I am crazy’ go away?

  • Sarojani.naidoo@gmail.com'
    Sarojani
    June 10, 2018

    Thankyou Melanie.Wonderful episode.
    A suggestion “You’re Simply the Best”(Tina Turner).
    Lots of love

  • anker3110@hotmail.com'
    Anke
    June 10, 2018

    Mel, I owe you so much. A few years ago you literally saved my life.

    This video came just when I needed it. I felt so empowered when you statet that we CAN life the live we have been dreaming of.

    Will take myself to a nice restaurant for lunch tomorrow and self partner joyfully.

    Lots of love for the whole community,

    Anke

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 10, 2018

      Awww Anne,

      Sweetheart I am so pleased I could help you heal you!

      (You did the work!)

      Love your joyful self-partnering.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Juputersun@hushmail.com'
    Joni
    June 10, 2018

    “Me, Be, Free!”

  • christydena@gmail.com'
    Kristy
    June 10, 2018

    Hello Mel,

    I haven’t looked at your site in a while, and I woke up early to do some life reviewing to find this in my inbox. It is now 5 years since the last narcissistic abuse relationship in my life. It was that relationship which revealed to me what NA was, and started me on this journey. I realised I 3 of my partners had been narcs and the others emotional abusers too.

    I started researching everything I could about NA, I learnt so much about how they think and why they do what they do, and the signs, etc. But then I realised I needed to work on myself. I discovered you and suddenly had the map on how to get out to come to.

    I watched the video and it warmed my heart. I have been self-partnering for these past 5 years. Taking care of myself in so many ways. My physical health involves doing outdoor exercise to be in the world (riding my bike along the river), going to the gym with a personal trainer, figuring out all my food allergies, finding a great prepared meals service for when I’m too busy to cook properly, figuring out how stop getting myself into danger with drinking blackouts (which can happen easily because of a combination of my food intolerances and a fainting syndrome), stopping alcohol abuse to get me away from myself, quitting smoking, finding sex purely for the sake of sex had no soul nutrition, being there for myself, trusting myself, . The final relationship to cleanse is my work. I work at an abusive company. i have gone part-time and work from home, but still they keep trying to get at me. So I am now saving to move back interstate (leave this place that has been my tropical healing zone), and go back to be around friends and better prospects for work. It is just a few more months of working with these people and then that will be it forever.

    After not wanting to have any relationship, I am now open to meeting people. I get to know them. It is wonderful to see how the abusers really do make themselves know through their abuse-grooming habits. Thankfully, while I don’t recognise what is happening always straight away, their actions just don’t vibrate on the same frequency as me. It just doesn’t work anymore. This is great to know and feel.

    It also helped me to see how some friends, who do self-love, don’t ever experience what partnering with abuse is like…and how they just don’t understand it. I don’t wish it on them, but it is clear to me now how they don’t see it. I’ve seen narc boyfriends begin with them, but in my friends’ minds it just didn’t work. They don’t realise they were to real terror, and wonderfully they never will.

    So I am now preparing to move back to my home city, and the final abusive relationship (my work). I want to thank you for lighting the way of this path. I recommend your work to friends who have just finished a narc partnership. But I’ve found that unless they’ve chosen to work on themselves, to self-partner, they’ll continue the cycle albeit in different ways. I found research on the stages of change, I identified these folk as “pre-contemplation” — they’re not thinking about working on themself yet, or decided it is not for them yet. Whatever it is, they have to choose. But others have taken on your stuff and loved it.

    So thank you, once again, for your role in helping me find myself. It is a bit hard to fathom how far I have come in just 5 years. I have cleared a lifetime of cycles and pain. It is also wonderful, to know how just below the surface is our true life.

    Great love to you Mel – thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 10, 2018

      Awww Kristy,

      Thank you for demonstrating and holding the torch in regard to self love and self partnering.

      I am so thrilled for you and your progress!

      I love what you said, ‘below the surface is our True Life.’

      So much love to you too Kristy.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Ilona.rocka@yahoo.co.uk'
    Ilona
    June 10, 2018

    Thank you Melanie, exactly what I had to hear in order to move forward;) For me entering alone a coffee shop or a restaurant and having a drink or sth to eat on my own is a no zone…totally terrifying. I feel like everyone is observing and judging. I feel like growing confidence as an individual is my next step on the healing journey. Yesterday I was soooo happy when I managed to spend some alone time in a park and feel safe and free😃I think it’s close proximity to other humans that still terrifies me…next to heal!
    On another note, I’d love if you could consider talking more about adrenal fatigue and what livestyle choices have helped you to heal. There isn’t enough info about the topic. Thx again and big love!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 10, 2018

      Hi Ilona,

      I am so pleased this episode has helped you.

      I would love to go more into these topics … absolutely.

      Sending love, blessings and healing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • allyAlisonAllenally2015@outlook.com'
    ally
    June 10, 2018

    My suggestion is ‘shine on’

  • robynem@bigpond.net.au'
    Robyne McKay
    June 10, 2018

    What about ‘Thrive and Shine’ Mel?

  • greer@greertaylor.net'
    Greer Taylor
    June 10, 2018

    This is great!
    Have just joined NARP and was wondering about just this: whether NARP included something about how to recreate your life after the healing.
    So many healing modalities that I have tried just left me on the edge (even after specific requests on my part) assuming I will just be able to ‘make it happen’. The abuse I experienced was from childhood, my earliest life was filled with it, my being knows no other way of living. Lessons in what a different life looks like are I sense are essential for me to allow the healing to be able to stick.

    I believe that without creating a roadmap to the future the route returns to the same place simply because one does not have the skills to do it any other way and as nature abhors a vacuum going back often seems the only option if there are no other realistic alternatives.

    An idea for a name: ‘The Thriver’s Roadmap’

  • Jessdrose@hotmail.com'
    Jessica
    June 10, 2018

    Melanie, this is so wonderful. Thank you for the work you do & the example of healing and thriving that you are. This new series is very exciting. I would love to gain some knowledge in how to differentiate between intuition and insecurities / triggers. How do we strengthen our intuition? How do we move through or shift triggers when we recognise them? Are these triggers / insecurities always connected to limiting beliefs? As I’ve experienced these in other relationships that were not with Narcs too, confusing reality vs fear / beliefs. Thankyou xo

  • arbourridge@ymail.com'
    Linda
    June 10, 2018

    Fierce Hearts ♥️

    I need to break his cycle of using the courts to abuse me with stall tactics, financially strangling me.
    The earlier abuse has ment a back op this year. It is a slow and painful year ahead.
    I need to move past and up as fast as possible after
    Legal issues since early 2016.
    I need to take his ruddy hands off my neck and kick him to the gutter. I am tired of having my life on hold.
    I want my life back.

  • ja_bee16@yahoo.com'
    JC
    June 10, 2018

    True Freedom Thrivers!

    Thank you for your beautiful work. Namaste. <3

  • davidardinger@gmail.com'
    David Jeffrey Ardinger
    June 10, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    I have gotten so much from your posts and videos, but wanted to ask a question of you, its a little different because its between two men, but can a person become a narcissist as they get older when they were not before? I had a friendship with a guy I met when we were quite young, he was 14, I was eleven years older. He worked for me in my construction finishing business. We became very close friends over the years into his adulthood and our own middle age…we were friends for 18 years when he simply disappeared from my life literally overnight. In fact the last thing he said to me was ” Ill call you tomorrow”, but that never came. I tried for years to reach out, I got one e mail seven years later that said he realized he ended our friendship abruptly and would like to talk, I called and he hung up twice! Then I didn’t hear for a few more years, contacted his brother who said he did this to everyone, so don’t take it personally. So finally I got a call through to my friend, it was a very friendly pleasant call but when I brought up the past, he said he didn’t want to talk about it, lets let bygones be bygones….except I do not know what those bygones are, we never fought or argued at all! We bickered a bit, but it was really minimal, in fact the core of our friendship was the many times we spent days together traveling and NEVER argued or fought. We were not everyday friends but the kind who got together every few weeks or months for really adventurous experiences and travel, sharing our stories of the time apart which we both agreed was one of the best parts of our friendship. We were really great friends and extremely supportive of each other and he even said I was “like a brother ” to him. So last October, after three more years not hearing from him,. he messaged me a terribly mean and hurtful message, that he didn’t want me in his life and demanding that I NOT reply. Thats what launched me on a search for what is going on and I found you. The years of silent treatment was the tip off of narcissism, but then the entire 18 years that we were friends there was not one narcissistic clue I even today can identify after reading and watching all your posts. Its like overnight he became someone else. He had a traumatic experience a few years prior to the discard of me, Im wondering whats your thoughts, or anyone on this forum? I also considered he may be Borderline…but Im no doctor and don’t want to get into pop diagnoses, I just want to help him if I can, or walk away if I can’t but like all recipients of narcissists Im trapped in the wondering and confusion. Im not a victim to this, Im an empathic Aspie who wants to “fix” this, and I recognize the potential folly of that. Yet I genuinely do not know what to do or think about this. It fried my circuits.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Hi David,

      ok the truth is, as there is in many disappointing relationship situations where there is no explanation or closure … there is NO way to really know WHAT was going on for that person.

      It truly ‘is what it is’ .. which means there is only one way to reconcile this – heal what it is within us that has been triggered by this person’s behavior. Because I promise you that wound within you is not new via him, it was an unhealed part within you, before him, that he has just happened to trigger.

      Where previously have you felt tossed aside, ignored, rendered invalid? What feelings does he stir up that you have felt in your past, especially possibly when you were very young?

      When we take what is delivered as ‘for us’ to heal some unhealed part that we can set ourselves free from via the brutal delivery – it no longer becomes about working them out ( a futile exercise) – instead, it is about working (resolving) our inner trauma out. By working on that orientation, then we have taken our power back, as we can work with and control the only person we ever can – ourselves.

      I promise you that is where your emancipation and freedom and releif lies.

      Mel 🙏💕❤

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Hi David,

      ok the truth is, as there is in many disappointing relationship situations where there is no explanation or closure … there is NO way to really know WHAT was going on for that person.

      It truly ‘is what it is’ .. which means there is only one way to reconcile this – heal what it is within us that has been triggered by this person’s behavior. Because I promise you that wound within you is not new via him, it was an unhealed part within you, before him, that he has just happened to trigger.

      Where previously have you felt tossed aside, ignored, rendered invalid? What feelings does he stir up that you have felt in your past, especially possibly when you were very young?

      When we take what is delivered as ‘for us’ to heal some unhealed part that we can set ourselves free from via the brutal delivery – it no longer becomes about working them out ( a futile exercise) – instead, it is about working (resolving) our inner trauma out. By working on that orientation, then we have taken our power back, as we can work with and control the only person we ever can – ourselves.

      I promise you that is where your emancipation and freedom and relief lies.

      Mel 🙏💕❤

  • carolsheirloomgarden@gmail.com'
    Carol
    June 10, 2018

    Thank you Melanie. This new series absolutely addresses my thoughts of ‘Now what?’ I have done the bulk of my healing and am ready to step out on my own to create my life, now that my self imposed alone time for healing has come to an end. I feel I don’t quite have the confidence to be in the public arena e.g. volunteering to work at a local charity shop, but I would like to achieve that level of confidence in the future. Now i am ready to go and do some things on my own and I love being out in nature.
    I really would like your thoughts on how we confidently handle meeting the ‘flying monkeys’ (terrible term but you know what i mean) when we are out and about and run into them. So far i haven’t met any of them when I have been out in town, so I guess I have been protected, however am interested to be a shining model of confidence if i do and I know I am not there yet.
    Thanks again, looking forward to more of your new series.

  • theresej57@yahoo.com.au'
    Janie
    June 10, 2018

    HI Melanie
    I just watched your video about making Narcissists pay and you could have been talking about me. I lived for 18yrs in a destructive negative dysfuncional family and then I met my husband when I left home. I married this man very young and was very happy because he was so normal and his family were so normal then 32 years later it fell apart and so did I. I had a breakdown and then my friend told me that I had been living with a narcissist. She had known this since the first year that she had met us both. I had a lot to learn and ten years later I am still trying to deal with me and my mental state. I was not a good wife and I did not cope well with the separation basically I went mad. I first learned about your website last year when I was trolling the internet looking for something that would help me to come to terms with what happened to me and how to deal with this narcissism. I paid for your course in treating myself after the narcissistic abuse and I thought that it would be useful but after a couple of the exercises I became a little dispirited because they were all the same, exactly the same and I found it difficult to continue. I still read your material from time to time and today I watched your video on making narcissists pay and I agree with what you said, It is a foolhardy game because you come off second best every time and just look like the mad one and also just bitter. I wish I could get over all the trauma that has happened in my life and I know that I’m not alone in this but is just seems so hard. If only you could say to yourself well it did happend but it doesn’t have to be this way and live a more positive way and that is what I try to do but it’s not something that you can pull off truthfully.

  • lindacohen6115@gmail.com'
    Linda
    June 10, 2018

    Hi Melanie…YAY! I am so excited for this next series you are planning on doing because this is where I am.

    Just one thing that I do (aside from meditation) is that in the evening, after a long day, I actually ask myself “how are you doing”? It’s kind of like checking in with myself after a busy day.

    Another thing I have noticed about my life now, others (friends & family members) who were very toxic and dysfunctional are now kept at a distance (or not at all in my life). As I started doing the work on myself, I noticed these people actually came at me, then disappeared. Interesting huh? But, I think I’ve handled it quite well (completely the opposite of how I would have handled it 2 years ago). There are no bad feelings. No anger. It’s all good and probably now the pieces are all falling into place as it should be.

    Right now, I am not living a toxic life. I am living a healthy one. With myself.

    So, thank you for this next phase! I am very much looking forward to it. xoxo

    PS: Suggestion on the next series: Thriving and Going Strong

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 10, 2018

      Hi Linda,

      That’s great you are excited about this! That’s so lovely that you are self partnering and living your life aligned with peace and your truth.

      Thank you for your suggestion.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • fionajr@xtra.co.nz'
    Fi
    June 10, 2018

    I am free from the narcissists in my family, having been no contact for 3 years now. It was then I realised that I had attracted them all my life.
    It can be difficult to start your life over again. But I am learning everyday.

  • marian@marianbaker.com'
    MLB
    June 10, 2018

    Thank you Mel and everyone. This thriving out there on our own is such an important part of the journey! I have known myself as a powerful, strong, vibrant, successful woman. I was literally on the cover of a major newspaper as an example of a happy woman who helped others create happier lives (many years ago). We could say life was a “9” for 20 years, and then when I was madly in love with Mr. Perfect, it felt like a “12” every day for two years (there never was the demeaning phase, just lovebomb-future fake-sudden shocking discard- and lies discovered afterward). Out of nowhere, the new score was -400. I don’t give any score now. 🙂

    I used to dine out and travel by myself all the time for decades (as a married woman to someone else), but after this shattering- I’d go out alone and feel absolutely horrible. So wobbly, a loneliness I had never tasted…shame, dark night of soul, questioning my sanity and will to live, and all that jazz. I made up an alien-like name “YABL” for the inner character attacker, “You’re A Big Loser.” 🙂

    Today, I am thriving much better- dining out alone often, which I don’t love, but I’m good at it again. I’ve recently been giggling, actually talking to myself out loud as my own partner, “Hey honey, let me get that door for you… Where would you like to go to eat tonight?..What movie shall we pick? and so on. It makes me laugh.

    In the early shattered days (3 years ago) poetry was coming out with lines like:
    I am the radiant Goddess
    I am the Soulmate of my soul
    I am beholden to the Beauty
    I am the keeper of the Whole

    The poem goes on-too long to post here! The inner artist woke up and songs, visual art, more poetry has flowed. They feel like channeled Divine Love messages to the human condition/all the broken hearts and ancient wounds. And one of the best ways I can use my solo time. Letting LOVE love me and being the typist/scribe for these transmissions. Piano and singing has been such soul medicine therapy. Lots of Nature, soaking up the energy of trees, and meditation. Also- an important point- sometimes if we are traumatized, sitting still in meditation is NOT the right tool- it can just make the self-punitive looping and isolation downward spiral perpetuate. So, it’s good to get out, get moving and engage with other people, e.g. go out to ecstatic dancing, hiking, yoga, so on. I take myself out most nights to something.

    I put myself on sabbatical for recovery phase and dove deep into re-mothering and other alchemy work including NARP modules. I’ve taught myself how to be more self-reliant with things like technology. I have been single for 3 years after being partnered for 27 (25 with husband, 2 with narc). I used to identify so much as a happy, successful woman loving my work and being partnered, hosting dinner parties and such. Kali’s sword wanted to remove everything for a while.

    I have moved twice and creating a new life in a new place, getting back in business, and a little bit of dating. Full transparency, I do feel alone often. But I am committed to waking up to my greatest joy and loving all of myself. I am lucky in that I can make friends easily, and people often experience me as a glowing person- (that light was very attractive to you know who 🙂

    It takes a ton of resilience and perseverance to always be reaching out for vocational networking and trying to meet new friends in a new town, schedule, et al. I think it’s important to keep it real here folks. 🙂 I can’t believe how long it’s taken sometimes.

    I also know and do experience a Joy that is always available right here right now- that my true nature is Joy -in one breath. So, it’s a delicate paradox; that happiness is not sourced outside of me in any external circumstance, and I do want full work flowing again, prosperity flourishing, fulfilling friendships, and I would love an honest-to-God, good man as a real beloved life partner. I can say I don’t need a man, but I also think I’m happier in a partnered lifestyle. What’s different now is that I know that I AM the LOVE of my life. I am the source of my Joy, and I get to share my love and my light rather than accidentally trying to get it from anyone else. It’s a work in progress and I look forward to celebrating good news more and more.

    Cheers and do not give up. REAL LOVE prevails above all else. xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Hi MLB,

      Thank you for your poignant powerful and very real share.

      It’s beautiful and inspirational.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • dsdouglas@web.de'
    Debbie
    June 10, 2018

    Melanie, first of all I want to express my gratitude for all you have done to help me with my recovery over the last 3 years. Words can not describe how much you have inspired me, motivated me and at times you and your videos literally saved my life! When I felt all alone, confused and desperate, I would receive an email from you with a new video and somehow the topic was exactly fitting to what I was going through at the time. Call it Karma or luck, but all I know is you were/are often my angel! THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!
    As I mentioned above, once agian this new series comes at the perfect time for me. I’m really ready to return to the confident, independant energetic person I was before marrying my “high functioning narcissistic alcoholic husband 28 years ago”! I want to be free and I am well on my way. All of sudden, even at the age of 56, carreer opportunities are coming my way! I see the chance of not needing alimony anymore! His constant hoovering, control and power that he had over me financially is no loger relevant! I don’t need or want his support money anymore. I don’t need it because I can suppoort myself on my own!!! I feel soooooo free! And it is a wonderful feeling!! Even my health has improved. During my marriage I had bladder cancer 9 times! No sign of cancer anymore! I’m healthy and intend to stay that way! Maybe a new name could be “Living Free”.
    But there is one topic that still interests me and that is the correlation between alcohol abuse and narcissism. I always thought alcohol was his main problem but now I know that he is a true narcissist with an alcohol problem. How commen is this? Just curious.
    Sending you from across the seas my heartfelt love, appreciation and gratitude!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Awww Debbie,

      you are so welcome Lovely Lady!

      How beautiful that you are doing so well now!

      I love that you are supporting you and thank you for your great suggestion!

      Wow, you have come through SO much! You are an inspiration Debbie!

      I love your topic suggestion and I am covering it REAL soon!

      Mel 🙏💕❤

  • anne_rensonnet@hotmail.com'
    anne
    June 10, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    A suggested topic to cover: how to deal with feeling directionless/confused. Seems like having a goal and removing the blocks is the method, but what happens when you can’t formulate the goal. It seems to me formulating the original question/goal at the start of the goal-setting question is somewhat key and also a real artform. It’s something I don’t feel I’m any good at. Like I’m hitting beside the mark or something. Removing blocks, but the goal wasn’t a great target, so not progressing much.

    Thanks!
    yt

    • anne_rensonnet@hotmail.com'
      anne
      June 10, 2018

      oh, and maybe how to get passed the self-sabotage or escaping away from the very hard work. I fundamentally know and understand why I should and even must, but that doesn’t make me do it. 🙂

      • kimberleer@hotmail.com'
        kimberlee rolfsmeier
        June 11, 2018

        Exactly where I am, too.

        Melanie, please address self-sabotage and feeling directionless. I feel like the pinball in a pinball machine. And what I used to think was procrastination and lack of motivation is actually me sabotaging myself. Extremely frustrating and I don’t know how to get past these things.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        June 11, 2018

        That is another great topic too Anne.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Hi Anne,

      This is a great question and I would love to address this in a new series episode!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • marian@marianbaker.com'
    MLB
    June 10, 2018

    Here’s a practice I created that helps when I’m feeling a wave of the wobblies or worse. It’s a very efficient way to shift while not suppressing or sugar coating. The opening of Compassion and OK are essential rather than slipping into “I shouldn’t be feeling this” or rushing to a positive pep talk. Try it out. Hope this is helpful!

    1. I notice that I am experiencing (e.g. sadness, loneliness, feeling scared, lump in throat,) And I have COMPASSION for that. (From the Spacious Absolute Self dimension of me). BREATHE.
    2. I notice that I am / a part of me is feeling ______________ And I AM OK. I am absolutely OK with that. My absolute self is OK. (My whole, spacious self is OK, encompasses the wave). BREATHE.
    2. What I Love in this moment is __________________ (be very present to a direct experience in the present moment – sunlight on a leaf, the feel of breeze on your skin, sipping tea, something beautiful) BREATHE.
    3. I am celebrating __________ I am grateful for ____________________ (do several of these). BREATHE.
    4. What I really want to create is __________________ or What really wants to emerge/ express through me is _______________________BREATHE.
    5. So, what I get to CHOOSE is _____________ and What I need to allow that to happen is ___________________BREATHE.
    6. Thus I commit to ____________________ + a step I can take it ___________________________. And do the step to honor loving yourself, being a great partner to yourself, including finding support help you need or reaching out to other people, et al. Being responsible for creating our own well being does not mean we have to do it all alone by ourselves, right?! 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Just beautiful MLB,

      And absolutely it is appropriate to be real and reach out for love.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • flowertherapy@icloud.com'
      Val
      June 11, 2018

      MLB, thank you for sharing this; it’s a wonderful practice for self partnering and self love/ nurturing. I spent so long wondering how on earth one does “love yourself”…I had no idea of the “ how to” or what it meant.. ..then an Angel called Melanie came to me and taught me about the radical ( for me) “how to “ of healing , empowerment and self partnering. .. 🌟🌟🌟🌟heavenly Light broke through my dark days…
      I love the way you have brought in being in the moment and gratitude into this practice; as well as breath,..I feel they all open us to grace…thank you so much, I’ve copied to my journal. sending you Angel blessings MLB🌷💛

    • Temata42@hotmail.com'
      Jacqueline
      June 18, 2018

      Thank you for this MLB – much appreciated 😊

    • giftscomein3s@gmail.com'
      Kelli
      June 28, 2018

      Thank you for this! So helpful. I’ve printed it off for future reference! 🙂

  • Faeone@hotmail.co.nz'
    Kate
    June 10, 2018

    From Thrive to Drive ❤️

  • nancyfam54@gmail.com'
    Nancy O'Brien
    June 10, 2018

    Great timing, I am at the stage now where I am ready to become my own inspirational source of love and acceptance. I no longer need someone elses permission to love and nurture myself. If I think about it, how strange to expect all those things from another person especially someone so broken and destructive. I am ready to move forward and feel happy to have your teachings and encouragement. Mel, you have been a light in the darkness and someone who ‘gets it’. Thank you,thank you. I also wish you every happiness.

    Monica

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Hi Monica,

      That is so great you are ready for this next level!

      You are so welcome Dear Lady and bless!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • oklenner@web.de'
    Katja
    June 10, 2018

    Hello Melanie,
    with the help of your program I have become a different person. I am so looking foward to your new series. I would be interested in how I can make my visions come true. How to achieve the inner confidence that what I envision will be helpful for others and will have an impact. It is about the courage to transform my goals and visions into actions. Of not being afraid to speak up and share my ideas and try to make them reality. To speak in public. To believe in my dreams and take what I dream of seriously. And to make it happen.
    Thank you,
    Katja

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Hi Katja,

      I am so pleased you are excited about this new series.

      The topic you speak of is wonderful and I look forward to presenting an episode about it.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • ttn@va.metrocast.net'
    Robin
    June 10, 2018

    Hello Mel! I certainly wish I had found out about you seven years ago but I’m very glad I know about you now. I’ve been listening, watching, studying, and processing what I’ve been learning from you since the beginning of this year and here I am today writing to you for the first time. I watched this video and I just really wish I could be one of those people who could take vacations to wonderful places and markets and learn about other cultures. But, I don’t have the money for that kind of amazing “therapy.” However, I do enjoy nature as we live in a very rural area which is a blessing. I can see that when we clear out what needs to go from the inside then we have room for other things to enter and move us forward in so many ways. During my life I have had SO man “opportunities” for added income present themselves to me and after giving it all I had EVERY time, when the dust settled I had made very little or no money. The intangible benefits, however, such as taking a risk, trying and learning about new things, stretching as a person and facing fears, etc., were definitely beneficial. My story is a long one … too long for a note here … but the bottom line is that I grew up in a dysfunctional home. My parents were not all bad, for sure. There wasn’t physical or sexual abuse, but the mental and emotional was devastating. After “waiting” for the “right” man (yeah .. Ha!, right?) I married for the first time at 34 years of age. I was married for a little over 16 years and during that entire time I KNEW something was very wrong. I thought it was bipolar, ADHD or … something! I caught him on the phone one evening talking to a woman he met on facebook. I told him he had to leave … he did … three weeks later he left the state and went 3,000 miles away. The distance was the best part of it. I have listened to you talk about NARC abuse and found myself nodding my head over and over and over again while thinking, ” Oh my gosh … he was a textbook NARC.” He had been planning to leave us … yes, US … me and OUR then 13 year old daughter! I got a lawyer, he had to pay child and spousal support for a time, etc. For reasons of my own and having no clue this was THE thing to do, I went no contact immediately. I have not heard his voice since the day he left (almost 7 years now). When I married him he had one of his sons from his first marriage living with us and when he left he said he never really loved me, he only married me to have someone to take care of that son. Nice guy, huh? He also told me he and his new girlfriend talked about it and he would be sending me $ every month but if I needed any further help I could go on welfare. I had no job, no money, nowhere to go was also dealing with a very ill, very elderly mother and three dysfunctional siblings. It was a nightmare on every front. However, I can tell you I never one time approached the welfare office for various reasons. I got a job at a local store and worked there until I started cleaning houses & small business offices. I’m still doing that and it’s the only occupation in this area where you can make more than minimum wage without a college degree or specialized training. My daughter graduated high school last year – with honors – and just completed her first year of college having made all high marks. She is amazing. I went back to college last fall as well but I can’t handle a full schedule due to having to work so much. I will now tell you I am 57 years old, which to me is not “elderly” but I’m not getting younger. I’m so tired, Melanie even though I do try to eat right, etc. I really want to believe that things can/will get better and I so want to do NARP. But, it’s all I can do to pay bills and put food on the table and I just don’t have the funds right now but the biggest thing is … I don’t know how I would handle it if even after being committed to it I wouldn’t see the results you and others have achieved. Another failure! I so relate to your comments about having spent YEARS doing self work, going to counseling, seeking, searching, asking, BEGGING and crying for answers and relief. I’m not afraid to do it and be honest, to face it, call it what it is, etc. I’m just SO lost and I feel so alone. We have no family to love and encourage us. His family has never one time contacted us to see how we’re doing and my family – well – they were all damaged too and have issues so they never, ever check on us. It’s very lonely and hard to be out here in this world. The anxiety and desperation I have regarding wanting to get to a place where I know I can support myself on a decent level so I won’t be a burden to my daughter in my later years is suffocating. Like millions of others, I so wish I could speak with you in person. :'(

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Hi Robin,

      I hear you. Please email support@melanietoniaevans.com and send my lovely support team what you have posted here (please explain it was my recommendation from the blog), and we will go about looking at sponsoring you into the NARP Program and helping you get started.

      You deserve this help.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • ttn@va.metrocast.net'
        Robin
        June 12, 2018

        Oh Melanie!! I am overwhelmed. Wow. I wrote my note above before I completed the 3 keys webinar: I must now tell you that I had tried over and over again to complete the webinar as I would get most of the way through it and there would be some kind of transmission interruption, but after trying yesterday for the fifth time over the last week or so (!) and starting it over twice, I finally got to the very end! Yesterday was the first day of my life where I found out what it means to love myself and had my first interaction with myself on that basis. I have no words for the powerful shift I’m experiencing. It’s like someone has handed me a license/permission to get out of jail. I am SO ready to “get out of the family car and hop in a Ferrari” as you have stated!! The timing cannot be coincidental … last night (!!!) my daughter and I somehow got into a discussion and things just fell into place and I shared with her my experience through the webinar and she commented that she has things she needs to work through as well and then said, “… but I don’t know how to do it.” Your kind and generous offer which I would have never presumed to receive will now not only help me to heal, but will now be available for my daughter to heal !! I am so excited and forever grateful that the cycle of dysfunction will no long continue. My prayer before she was born was that it would be so – then having NO clue I had married a narcissist!! Having dealt with dysfunction and being concerned of what she had absorbed from both of her parents even though making the best attempts to do things differently – and remembering my purposeful prayer on her behalf – I am just today now understanding what you mean when you say “life is happening FOR you, not TO you.” ALL these years and ALL this experience has brought us to this place at this time … this is so humbling. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          June 12, 2018

          Awwww Robin,

          Darling lady I am so happy for you and your daughter!

          How beautiful this is all lining up! I can’t wait to share your beautiful Thriver journey with you!!!

          You’ve made my day reading this sweetheart! Thank you 😀

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

          • ttn@va.metrocast.net'
            Robin
            June 14, 2018

            Dear Melanie,

            We are SO excited too! When I’m working if no one is there I listen to your you tube videos as I am blessed with working for such kind people and they all let me use the WiFi ! Again, the timing and the situation to allow me the opportunity to absorb all this info for hours day after day is no coincidence just like I “happened” to stumble across a video of yours a few months ago.

            Thank YOU and Lots of love to you Mel !!

          • Melanie Tonia Evans
            June 14, 2018

            Hi Robin,

            I am so pleased you are sweetheart!

            Thank you for your beautiful message!

            So many blessings to you 😀

            Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • ttn@va.metrocast.net'
    Robin
    June 11, 2018

    Also, one more thing. I’ve tried to do the 3 hour webinar but if there, for any reason, is any kind of transmission interruption such as a drop in the WiFi connection even for just a second, I can’t get the webinar to continue and have to start all over again. No one can control atmospheric issues, but I would like to know if there is any way to fast forward the webinar to get to the place where I was when it stopped.

    As far as a name … taking a suggestion from Nancy and turning it around a bit … “Forever Thriver.”

    • shsmte@outlook.com'
      San
      June 11, 2018

      Hi Robin, For all technical problems please email support@melanietoniaevans.com and the support staff will be able to help you with your queries. Thanks – San Moderator in NARP Forum

  • niccideangelo@gmail.com'
    Nicci DeAngelo
    June 11, 2018

    Melanie…..you have been an angel guide to so many of us. Thank you!!!!! Without your own experience, wisdom, and teachings, I don’t know that I would have ever begun to learn, heal, and self partner as a non-dependent and self empowered woman.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Hi Nicci,

      You are so welcome and much love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • b-mail@shaw.ca'
    Rigit
    June 11, 2018

    Thank you so much for your videos and blog entries.
    I would love you to talk about how to deal with adult narcissistic children. My son is 29 years old , has a brain injury from making a dumb choice while intoxicated and high, riding his dirt bike recklessly. He now lives with his narc father in Vancouver and is literally “a chip off the old block”. He visits me periodically and I find his antics very disrespectful to say the least and am feeling guilty for not enjoying my time with for he builds himself up by trying to make me wrong and bad. The constant grinding on my selfworth is extremely tiring.
    My suggestion for the next series is SOAR. Fly like an eagle 🦅. Play in words soar not sore

    • b-mail@shaw.ca'
      Brigit
      June 11, 2018

      You

  • b-mail@shaw.ca'
    Brigit
    June 11, 2018

    Thank you so much for your videos and blog entries.
    I would love you to talk about how to deal with adult narcissistic children. My son is 29 years old , has a brain injury from making a dumb choice while intoxicated and high, riding his dirt bike recklessly. He now lives with his narc father in Vancouver and is literally “a chip off the old block”. He visits me periodically and I find his antics very disrespectful to say the least and am feeling guilty for not enjoying my time with for he builds himself up by trying to make me wrong and bad. The constant grinding on my selfworth is extremely tiring.
    My suggestion for the next series is SOAR. Fly like an eagle 🦅. Play in words soar not sore

  • stellaafranchi@gmail.com'
    Stella
    June 11, 2018

    Hi my beautiful Mel!

    Thank you again for being there for all of us!

    How about:
    Back to Wholeness
    Thriving High! (I love this one!)😃

    Love you Mel!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Awww Stella sweetheart,

      Thank you for your beautiful suggestions.

      Mwah!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • clarkch5@hotmail.com'
    Resilient
    June 11, 2018

    Hi Mel, looking forward to your new Thriver episodes. It’s truly the next step for me. A few suggestions for future topics:

    -How do I know if I am thriving? What will be the external evidence of this state (i.e. so within, so without)?
    -Is there a “life after thriving” phase that we should look forward to? Does one reach a thriving plateau?
    -Once I excavate and release old old buried fears/trauma, how can I shore up to ensure new fears/traumas do not become part of my being?

    Thanks Mel for letting us weigh in.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Hi Resilent,

      That’s great this new series is timely for you!

      Love your suggestions and thank you for sharing them.

      It’s my pleasure 😀

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • flowertherapy@icloud.com'
    Val
    June 11, 2018

    Wonderful new series Melanie! Love it and look forward to it…Whatever you call it we will love it💕. My suggestion ..” Blossoming” …we are all as unique, as individual, as special, as beautiful as the tender beauty of each flower…the joy of so many colour variations, the intricacy of petals, leaves and root systems..the heavenly fragrances …
    Each flower bringing its gentle messages of love from the Divine Realms …just as we do as when we come home to ourselves again after being lost in the darkness of narcissism and it’s horrors. For me it was like being deprived of light, oxygen, air, water…all the necessities for blossoming…And reading all the contributions here on the blog is a bit like being surrounded by so many uniquely beautiful flowers growing into their own luminous beauty , fullness and gift to this world. It’s how we create Heaven here on Earth. ..love you dearly Melanie and as always …thank you ! 💖🌺💜🌹

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Awwww darling Val,

      You always bring so much love and joy to every post you write in.

      All my love to you too and thank you for your suggestion.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • enquiries@vickirebecca.com'
    Vicki Rebecca
    June 11, 2018

    So looking forward to this – just the companionship on the path.

    You asked for questions so here is my current struggle – finding the balance between “the important bureaucracy” – I swing between aviodance and over immersing in it – and – partnering with self. Yes I have managed to use the “cure” ie taking responsiibility as another avoidance / addiction strategy ha ha – wonderful creatures we humans are at outwitting ourselves 🙂 I realise of course it is a sign for more deep healing but I would also LOVE any practical tips?????

    Thank you for being you Melanie!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 11, 2018

      Hi Vicki,

      That’s great that you are eager for them!

      Ok if I think I have understood … you mean going overboard with inner healing?

      To me the balance is about clearing trauma out and then having the space inside to start being and doing the good stuff. I also believe health, nature and exercise are really good ways to ‘fill up’ and do the real life steps of wellbeing.

      Does this help? Am I on the right track with your question?

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Carocaro0002@gmail.com'
    Caro
    June 11, 2018

    Thank you so much, Melanie, for your wonderful insights and healing workshops.

    I follow you on Instagram too and your daily posts are so supportive and heartening.
    Self-partnering really feels like a life commitment for me now, lived day-by-day, and I only wish I could have discovered you earlier, I’d have had a very different life, I feel.

    One idea for a topic in your Thrive On series (I like that title, by the way) is how to live well and love oneself unconditionally through menopause and into later life.

    I’m fifty-five and find it confusing and difficult sometimes navigating through changes in my body over which I have no control.

    I love myself psychologically – feel freer, more independent – more “myself” – than I’ve ever been, I love those around me in my work, family and friendships, and am really seeing results in the ‘so within so without’ aspects of co-creating a Thriver lifestyle, but trauma as you say is stored in our bodies and I feel overwhelmed sometimes by the physical sides of ageing.

    In many ways it feels like a second adolescence and a roller coaster ride emotionally…. some days good, other days so full of sadness and mourning the loss of my younger body. It feels like everything ‘s just falling apart in that regard. Society’s attitudes don’t help much either.

    Anyway, I would love one of your videos on that topic.

    Never stop, beautiful lady. I don’t know where I’d be without you and your amazing work in this field

    🦋❤️🌻

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 12, 2018

      Hi Caro,

      Thank you for putting that out here, I am sure so many women can relate.

      I’d love to cover these topics Dear Lady!

      Please know my lovely friend and colleague Dr. Christiane Northrup also has wonderful information to support women as we age.

      Sending much love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • rebecca.njoki007@gmail.com'
    Rebecca
    June 11, 2018

    Dear Melanie Tonia Evans

    I love you Dear Melanie, This June 2018 i was so desperate to get my heart healed since we separately living different room and i was in hunger of healing. Fortunately God in His miraculous ways He made us connect because you are an Angel to me.

    I am not the way i was when June 2018 was starting. I have successfully gone NO CONTACT BUT IN SAME ROOF THOUGH and i have manage to live independently. He has started shrinking and sitting long hours on sofas may be thinking what else to do to get supply from me.

    I think going to church where i go was his final thought because he has now started coming to church (yesterday) where i go but we can’t be together since i am a choir member where we go very early and left back after service, still no contact at all.

    I am promising you all dears and my self too that since i have seen the LIGHT OF HEALING AND THRIVING from God thro’ my dear Mellane Tonia Evans, whatever he (narcissist) tries i won’t supply him whatsoever.

    I am now looking forward to become Powerful, Safe and Fearless on my own.

    Dear i would also request you to guide us on INSPIRATIONAL PUBLIC SPEAKING because it’s my passion thriving to that after i feel powerful, safe and fearless on my own (well cooked and ready to serve and inspire others).

    God bless you my Dear and i love you so much. Name i would suggest ..DIVINE THRIVER..

    Happy times i love you all thrivers.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 12, 2018

      Awww Rebecca,

      I am so happy for you that you are doing so well, and taking your power back.

      Absolutely I would love to talk about people stepping into their missions.

      Sending love and blessings!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
    TT.
    June 12, 2018

    Hi Melanie!
    At first, it seemed the n (now already an ex) “got me” on every level: spiritual, sexual, intellectual, emotional. What a jackpot, a dream come true! Well, we know how the story goes…:( I have done enormously healing and rise from the ashes like a fenix…I have burning questions for you: In a normal relationship, with a healthy man, it is even possible or realistic to expect that someone “meets me” on every level? Do “perfect matches” exist? Of course the n was lovely before the “mask dropped”. But does that happen to everyone, even to normal people? Well, of course not so dramatically like with the n!! But aren’t everyone “at their best behaviour” in the beginning of the relationship, in the “honeymoon phase”, in the idealization phase? How can I spot the difference early on?
    I have read so many articles about n’s, how they are, what are the phases of a n relationship etc. and unfortunately lived that all personally! I have this heart breaking request for you, but could you sometimes do a blog post or video, what are the phases of a normal relationship, what I can and should healthily expect from a normal relationship, how is a normal, healthy man? Some kind of a “check list”? I’m 42 years old and have never had a normal, healthy relationship, after the n I have totally lost the concept what is normal, what is acceptable, what is not etc. Help!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 12, 2018

      Hi TT,

      This is a great topic and I will look forward to presenting this for you – absolutely.

      Please also know as we heal and work through the essential relationship with ourselves we organically become more loving and we start becoming ‘how’ to generate healthy and realistic love.

      That with the information and guidelines allows for great transformations and growth in our relationships.

      Please know there is hope.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
        TT.
        June 13, 2018

        Ok, thank you!
        I’m proud of myself, I too think I have done a total U-turn, I am not the same woman anymore like when I was with the n! But I still struggle with self-love, self-acceptance (this is not because of him, I have always been this way) Recent years I got some extra kilos. No way I can accept or love me like this. Extra weight is unhealthy, how I could ever “accept” something like that and be okay with it? I think my fear is, if I just accept myself as I am, and “let go” and become comfortable with myself, I will never lose weight and even become fatter!
        Just recently one day I suddenly noticed, my inner talk to myself is horrible! I say horrible things to myself all day every day, it has become so automatic, I don’t even notice it anymore. It feels as if it “motivates” me to change, reminds me of the need of change…but no, this is how I have been thinking for years, and it (negativity) simply isn’t working! 🙂 (no weight loss) I’d love to hear your wise words about this!

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          June 13, 2018

          Hi TT,

          This is such a great topic and one that I will love to cover.

          It truly is such a false premise that if we love and accept ourselves that we will be stuck there … it is the opposite! No one ever blamed and shamed themselves into shape!

          Hence why our inner belief systems totally require the inner work! I promise you I used to think the same thing.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • jeanettesiebert09@gmail.com'
    Jen auld
    June 12, 2018

    amazing once again for perfect timing!
    i have had the strange pattern of dating beautiful heart of gold men who seem to fall in love right away. without getting into loads of detail, the hurtful part of this pattern is that they end up to not be a match. so, even as massively honest as i am with them, some became my very dearest friends but some go off in a fury of having felt ‘used’ by me… and then i feel powerfully horrified and guilty and hateful towards myself.

    and now i wonder if, once again, i’ll have to way dim down my light until i can assess whether a man will be ok with who i am before he gets hooked in. ugh it makes me feel like i’ve become a narcissist that is now sucking energy from men 🙁 even though i know in my heart, truly, that all i am doing is offering my True Self and looking to connect at heart level… have i somehow reversed pattern by accident? how do i stop hurting these kind men? what is my deeper wound ? i’ve worked on my pleasing-others bit sooooo much!

    or, do i just need more practical advice about how to be more choosy in the first place?

    sooooo frustrating! i love that i’ve become whole and loveable through my years of NARPing, but gosh, how to match up w the right fella?

    this is so embarrassing and might sound cocky but Thrivers you know how amazing we become when we heal! and people really see it! they can’t help but be drawn to our radiant lovingness… but i feel like i need to hide under a rock again… (btw i’m very thankful that this is my new ‘problem’)

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 12, 2018

      Hey Jen,

      So great that you are recognising this pattern.

      Have you targeted traumas, beliefs in your body to do with this painful pattern? That would be my suggestion to fully heal it!

      Also the NARP Forum can help you so much with coaching with this. http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      It is a wonderful resource!

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • jessica.smith@outlook.com'
    Jessica Smith
    June 12, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    Awesome stuff on this video it’s made me realize a lot of my fears and insecurities which have played out in life.

    I have purchased the NARP and have been suffering depression for a long time and I just seem to feel like it’s too hard to do it as if it’s something I need but I don’t want to do – not sure if this is a defence mechanism or just my state of being right now.

    I have always had to look after my mother who passed away from cancer 18 months ago who raised me to take care of her and my younger sister plus financially support them from the age of 16 and now I am 41. My mother was mentally ill but she became a very dependent person later in life and suffered a lot of trauma of her own. I now see I need to be the one to take care of me and little me and become a source to myself.

    There are probably a lot of programs that I am carrying which are all resistant to life rather than life serving for I can feel the anxiety in my nervous system even as I type.

    Thanks
    Jess

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 13, 2018

      Hi Jess,

      I’d really love you to join myself and other Thrivers in the NARP Forum to get help and support in regard to targeting the blocks (beliefs) holding you back from committing to the healing.

      That can help a lot http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Please know there is a way through to your healing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • theresej57@yahoo.com.au'
    Janie
    June 12, 2018

    Dear Melanie

    Please answer me – what am I doing wrong? everyone is doing so well and I’m not. Is it my mental state or do I have to start the healing again? I am so wanting to move on and I don’t seem to have the where with all to do this. Please help me because I just want to have a happy life.

    Janie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 13, 2018

      Hi Janie,

      Are you working with NARP?

      It is very hard, if not impossible, to heal from severe trauma cognitively, a much deeper solution is needed.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • cmarekmatejka@gmail.com'
    Wildflower
    June 12, 2018

    Along with what Brigit suggested, I thought Soaring might be an idea (from surviving to thriving to soaring)!

    I’m not soaring yet, but thriving finally yes, thanks to you and your team Mel 💗 What I’m struggling so much with still is abandonment wounding. So many narcs in my family, so much toxicity and abuse, and so much loss. It’s tough to trust when so many family members and friends have hurt you and turned their backs on you (or you have to cut them out of your life). It’s a nagging wound I keep returning to but it keeps re-surfacing. Doesn’t seem fair to have to lose so many connections. How can a person truly get past this when we’re not supposed to be alone, the social animals that we are? And how much of the pain I feel having left my narc partner is just part of the normal grieving process? This question has been on my mind a lot.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 13, 2018

      Hi Wildflower,

      Thank you for your suggestion!

      I can totally relate – abandonment wounds were massive for me too.

      They can take a fair bit of work, Just like all our deep primal stuff!

      Are you in the NARP Forum getting coaching and assistance with this?

      That is my highest suggestion to help you break through http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • bakos.zsuzsanna83@gmail.com'
    Susana
    June 13, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    My idea is to after every healing “session” I have all the time more vivid dreams with my fears what can be a good things because at least the real fears started to come up. I think every dream has a clear message about what is left to heal. Sometimes feel hard to continue even if i know it makes my life better day by day. This is a general topic i think and not affected by any type of personal story.
    Name idea: “free willing”.

  • roma4amor@gmail.com'
    Deanna
    June 13, 2018

    Hi Mel!

    I LOVE the concept for the new series!!!!
    While I don’t have a cute name for it, I would like to suggest a topic: Emphasizing and EMBRACING our POWER TO ACHIEVE. So many of us have been told over and over again, that we “can’t” with regard to our dreams or whatever we want to endeavor in our lives. While doing one of your QFH modules, it came to me that I DO have the POWER TO ACHIEVE and it was really all the those pieces that are NOT OURS that we take on and end up believing they are part of us, that extraneous bull—t that caused me to think otherwise.
    It was SOOOOOO LIBERATING and EXCITING to finally believe that I was ABLE to attempt ANYTHING I wanted and have HOPE, and even the BELIEF, of succeeding as long as I did my due diligence with regard to the process of achieving it. I am currently in the process of achieving certification for a major career change. It is both scary and exciting and in several ways extremely difficult. Yet I wouldn’t have it any other way.
    Also, so many of us feel “small” in life, like David facing Goliath just to get through each day, as well as ill-equipped to achieve, thus sabotaging ourselves with statements like, “How dare I?” instead of YES, I DO dare–AND declare!!! These too are statements that I had to blow up and blast back to native nothingness in a QFH module.

    IMHO this new series should have a name that affirms “taking our power back” since you mention that SO OFTEN and we really need to be reminded and supported on this. “Learned Helplessness” is something that is learned through repeated abuse. Thus we need to repeatedly affirm and acknowledge how much power we actually really do have.
    I just learned of this quote by Vita Sackville-West:
    “I worshipped dead men for their strength–
    forgetting that I was strong.”

    Actually–how about “Dare and Declare” for a name? These are powerful action words.

    Thanks again for all the wonderfulness of you!

    Love,
    Deanna

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 13, 2018

      Awww Deanna,

      I love your post – so full of passion, revolution and breakthrough!

      So many of my fave Thriver qualities!!!

      Wonderful suggestions Dear Lady!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • brooksml@comcast.net'
    Mary Brooks
    June 13, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    Would you please address what to do about people who question you after recovery. You know the ones, they come around occasionally, they are unavoidable. They speak to you as if you’re the old you and want to challenge your new identity. They question everything that you have accomplished and doubt that you are who you say you are. I’d like to say to them, “watch & wait” for the truth to play itself out.

    Lots of love & admiration,
    💗Mary

  • darcylynnb@hotmail.com'
    Darcy
    June 14, 2018

    As always, such a powerful video and this new direction you’re taking in Thriver TV is one I’ve been hoping for as once you’ve been through recovery, it’s about having the proper and inspiring tools to take yourself to the next Thriver level. Thank you so much for providing those tools and the accompanying enthusiasm to which gives us the belief that it’s possible for us, as well. I have had such enormous benefit for your work and am deeply grateful for all you do. And I am equally grateful to all of those who so generously provide their experiences in the comments below your Thriver episodes – such a wealth of healing there, too. Have a beautiful day! Hugs!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 14, 2018

      Hi Darcy,

      I am so pleased this new direction resonates with you!

      Thank you for your beautiful love and gratitude to everyone.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • jcat434@hotmail.com'
    J9
    June 15, 2018

    No need to respond. I just want to THANK you for coming up with this new stage for those of us who have moved past the trauma (minus a few triggers only because we co-parent) but still aren’t living life to the fullest! I find the prospect of this new series so exciting and helpful as your other series have been. Thank you, again, Mel. I’m sorry you went through narcissistic abuse but I’m glad you have found such a beneficial way to make use of the experience – helping people worldwide – thank you!

  • hilarypaley16@gmail.com'
    Hilary
    June 15, 2018

    I would love to see you do a video on sexual healing and the types of shifts that might be done to promote this.

    I would also love to see you do a short goal setting module (in the same way that module 1 has a long and a short version). I find I am using it a lot and want to be able to use it more.

    Keep up the good work!
    Hilary x

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 16, 2018

      Hi Hilary,

      Thank you for that suggestion, I agree that that is much needed healing.

      I am shortly re-recording NARP Modules and I am looking at doing a shorter version of Goal Setting …

      Bless you 😀

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sharonkearney1955@hotmail.com'
    sharon kearney
    July 1, 2018

    hi mel, i love reading the letters on your website thank you for making me feel “normal”if thats what its called you think you are the only one going through this nightmare of abuse I, LIKE many many people have been traumatized by these wicked people i live alone im 62 years old and walked away from my family my mother brothers got a daughter-in-law havent seen my son for three years since he married her my daughter who was very dear to me as turned into my narcissitic mother they are all the same! i have always a scapegoat by my family but its another thing when your own children are doing it to you i have been left devastated and heartbroken by them so much so i didnt think that life was worth living mel its ben a living nightmare i am receiving counselling at the moment i feel inside im getting a bit stronger ive read a passage in a religious book that i have found intereeting that the devil was cast out by god as the first narcisssist for his evil and wicked ways he thought he was the most powerful one make sense doesnt it?they are pure evil! god bless you and thanks again for your inspiring letters

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