Melanie Tonia Evans

Being Comfortable In Your Own Skin

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 4
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

All of us want this.

We want to feel free, happy, whole and healthy.

After narcissistic abuse being comfortable in our own skin, as your natural state of living, may seem like a very big stretch to get to.

Yet, I am here to help you believe that it is possible.

In fact, in today’s The Thriver’s Life episode, I want you to understand it is probable.

When you adopt what I am going to share with you today.

 

 

Video Transcript

Welcome to the Thriver’s Life series, the creation of your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.

This is such a relevant topic for me right now, and I really want to share my experiences around this topic with you, as my deep desire that this will inspire you.

I put this topic together as I was sitting in a café in Western Australia. And I’m filming now from the beautiful little porch connected to my present Airbnb place.

I’m travelling alone at this time and relishing the opportunity to truly, truly be with me. This is essential because Thriving and expansion are about being whole, being able to generate your own happiness first and foremost, regardless of what is or isn’t happening in your life.

This information is important for you, because after we have been involved in narcissistic abuse, absolutely we lose ourselves. When we have been enmeshed in relationships with false selves we experience people who pathologically lie, who compromise our values and who use us for their own egoic gratifications.

As a result, we lose our souls. We become disjointed, anxious and unhappy. Previous behaviours and lies cause us to be on edge and distrust, and we lose the ability to know what we can or can’t trust.

It’s a process to come back. It takes self-dedication.

So, what does getting comfortable in our skin look and feel like?

How do we achieve it?

To me, the first thing to get there is the hugest. It’s acceptance and knowing that there is a gift in everything that happens without exception. If we want to embrace loving ourselves, then we need to understand the entire system of Creation adores us too. This is the Quantum Way that changes everything, accepting that everything is happening FOR us and not TO us.

And this is regardless of ‘what’ has happened or continues to happen.

Because here is the thing, no matter what shock, disappointment or painful event occurs, there is a glorious evolutionary opportunity in it. There is something happening outside of us to trigger and release something inside of us. All roads lead to ‘home’, meaning helping us to awaken, release our false selves, which are the traumas and beliefs that aren’t our truth, and embrace and become more of who we really are, which is our highest potential when we live trauma free.

I want you to do this with me right now, think of something or someone that is very painful and has hurt you. Now say to yourself (if you still think like this), ‘What a waste of time and a terrible, horrible thing that was. I regret it and have no idea why I needed to go through that.’

Take note of how this feels in your body. Does it feel awful? Or does it feel like warmth and relief? When you project yourself into the future, do you feel comfortable, blessed, relieved, healthy and blissful in your own skin now? Or do you feel angry, ripped off, devastated and disjointed?

Listen to your body, not what your head would like to think. Your inner being, your emotions know the truth that is in store for you.

A previous girlfriend comes to mind. After her last relationship, she didn’t go within, and she had no idea or desire to look at what it was within her that she needed to heal. She said repeatedly, ‘I have no idea what that was about or why I had to go through it.’ Her current relationship is now even more disappointing, with her still playing out her wounds that were never addressed in the relationship she had ‘no idea about.’

Our soul is ingenious, it turns up the message louder and louder until we wake up. If we don’t wake up, we have as many repeating lifetimes as necessary of the same pain until we do. We are all going back home to consciousness, meaning being happy in our own skin. It’s not a matter of ‘if’, it’s a matter of ‘when’.

Until we awaken, there are two things we do other than go inwards to process our wounds and get the gift. (Which I promise you, used to be my gig too.)

The first is obsess.

Obsessing equals thinking about it over and over again despite not getting any relief or true embodied peace and answers, namely a shift from the old order (pain) to the new order (liberation).

This then leads us to try the only other option we may think we have when we get sick of our own ‘stinking thinking’.

Self-avoidance and self-medication.

Self-avoidance means burying it, keeping busy and not thinking about it.

Self-medicating is done by attempting to find something or someone to take the pain away.

Neither of these things will lead you home to yourself. They will not generate you becoming comfortable in your own skin.

When we understand that the brain follows the body and not the other way around, we know that trying to think our way out of terrible inner feelings, our traumas and fears, is not the way to go.

The reason being is that our trauma associated neuron pathways only have access to the thinking within the range of the trauma. Higher consciousness is not available when we are triggered into survival programs. The only thinking that is available is outer focused, ‘If I can attack, run from or change my environment, then I will survive.’

However, this does not effectively (in any way at all) deal with the complexities of our emotions and inner subconscious programs.

When we understand the Quantum Truth of ‘so within, so without’, and that our life is unfolding according to the composition of our inner identity, we know there is only one place to do the work to get a shift and change our emotions and then our life, and that it is inside of us.

Most of you know I went through a relationship breakdown recently. Even though I am in the process of opening up to loving someone else deeply again, there is also the incredible journey of connecting back to me, and the joy and love of life, meaning being genuinely happy in my own skin. I know its not anyone else’s job to give me that. I know that if I needed someone else for that, I would have no possibility to be a whole person connecting with other whole people in this incredible journey of life. Being in Bali with my girlfriends was beautiful, and now a deeper level of appreciation and love for life, my soul, my journey and my future is taking place.

Time alone is such a powerful time to fully meet, breathe into and load up and release with Quanta Freedom Haling everything that is not my True Self. In my morning walks along the beach, or any time really, while I am alone, I do this as soon as dense energy arises for me.

This includes all past toxicity, traumas and disappointments, as well as any need for validation or truth, and the shifts I am processing bring in of more and more of my own higher consciousness, that heals what I logically have no ability to.

As always, the shifts felt are incredible. They are liberating, expansive and joyous. Things have changed dramatically from years ago when I didn’t have either the awakening to realise how vital inner trauma work is or have Quanta Freedom Healing as the powerful tool to achieve it.

Years ago, I was so agoraphobic I couldn’t leave my front door. Nowadays in record time I go wherever and experience anything I want, more and more joyously, releasing any new wounds that appear, so that I can be freer and freer.

These days and for so long now, I know that being happy in my own skin is not about ‘I’ll do this or that and then I’ll get happy.’  Yes, I am getting my hair and nails done whilst I’m travelling, eating beautiful foods and sipping on delicious cocktails whilst watching some of the best sunsets in the world, yet that is not what is giving me happiness.

These are things that I can connect to and feel blissy about because there is enough space in the cells my body, freed of trauma, to have life-force and wellbeing, which is our natural state without trauma, flowing through me to connect to the beauty and joy all around me.

This is the biggest joy that organically arises as a result of being dedicated to purposefully meeting and releasing our inner traumas to become ‘happy in our own skin’. It’s a deep gratitude and thankfulness for the opportunity to have experienced a painful emotional triggering so that we can find and release more parts of ourselves that are not in alignment with our True Self, to open up more and more space to allow in what is.

I want you to do this with me right now, think of something or someone that is very painful and has hurt you. Now say to yourself ‘This person or thing is truly an A.I.D. in my life, an angel in disguise as an abuser, granting me the opportunity to free myself into my grandest self and life even more.’

Take note of how this feels in your body. Can you feel the truth of this? The truth feels like relief. It feels like warmth. It feels like expansion. It feels healthy and right.

Listen to your body, not what your head would like to think. Your inner being, your emotions know the truth that is in store for you.

Please know this – I live this lifestyle determinedly.

Why wouldn’t I, when I know that no matter what, I just become happier, more whole and more able to connect to situations and people who represent more of this love, joy and wholeness?

I hope that you can deeply feel what I am talking about today.

I’d love you to connect to my travel pics on Instagram so that you can vibrationally feel the joy and expansion that can be yours too!

Okay … I’m very excited to answer your comments and questions regarding this episode!

And remember, after narcissistic abuse recovery, gloriously, we take it further!

Why?

Because we CAN!

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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55 Thoughts on Being Comfortable In Your Own Skin
  • Obrien315@gmail.com'
    Katie
    August 28, 2018

    Great video, Mel. I recently saw a movie that deals with this very topic on a level I have never seen before in the film industry. It is called “EIGHTH GRADE”. It resonated with me on the choices I made in life because I was not comfortable in my own skin.

    I believe I am on a continuous journey to go back to the moment I gave up my values. I am in the direction of that crossroad and will think with my heart instead of my head. Very difficult to do as an adult but your sessions have helped me tremedously in pointing the way.

    Keep up the good work.

    I look forward to your seeing the story of your travels on Instragram.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 28, 2018

      Hi Katie,

      I am so pleased this resonated with you, and it’s wonderful that you are unfolding your life to be your authentic self.

      Many blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • mzr8184@kc.surewest.net'
        jay
        August 28, 2018

        Hi Mel !

        It’s my birthday today. I have felt a shift in my thinking…lost a lot…but gained a lot. I’m waking up to realize that it’s all up to me ! It’s taken mejay some time to realize that those who I had believed were previous “friends” were actually my wolf enemies dressed in sheep’s clothing(sounds familiar). You feel that you know someone to find out that you really don’t.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          August 29, 2018

          Hi Jay,

          Wishing you a very happy birthday!

          And continued blessings, healing and growth.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • msviking212@msn.com'
    Carol Rafferty
    August 28, 2018

    You are such a sweet beautiful woman! Melanie, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. My doctor, this past Wednesday told me, when ever he gets out of the medical building to go get a restraining order. My husband, we are sure is a dangerous psychopath & his intentions towards me aren’t good. He deliberately tried to give me HIV, but something I highly did saved me from that fate. My family knew he was cheating on me & the only one he told me was my son-in-law. He did things like turn the heat up in the summer & our 18 month old baby at the time was extremely sick. She almost died, because he refuse to take her to the doctors until it was almost too late. He raped me with another while pregnant & I have never been the same since. This is only the tip of the ice burg. I had almost shut my FB acct down, because what some so called friends have done, a smear campaign. I unfriended everyone, except a few close trust able friends & slowly rebuilding. A turtle would move faster. Nicer people in my life now, better things are coming into my life. People are finally believing me. I had God knows how many narc trying to add me to their snacks time after time, but with all this knowledge under my belt I know how to get rid of them. I just tell them things like mess with me, I have police buddies & they are angry. You are going to kiss an angry police officer. It works everytime!! The only thing is, my memory is coming back on things I do not want to remember on top I’m ill for the past two weeks. I was given a case worker. She is helping me deal with all of this. Why I’m ill, don’t know, but this time of year, for the past 3 years have caused health problems. I’m picking up my writings, going back into singing. My escape goat is working every waking minute. As busy as I’m I can not always shut my mind off. Writers do tend to have an active mind.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 28, 2018

      Hi Carol,

      I am so sorry that you have had to go through such unspeakable traumas.

      So many of us have known what it is like to try to escape the terrible trauma inside us, and manage it, whilst it still remains there.

      The Thriver Way to heal is about releasing the trauma so that it no longer exists inside us, so that we finally go free from it.

      When you are ready to look at that inner transformational journey, I’d love you to check out my stuff on that.

      You can do that here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      I so hope this can help you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • lindacohen6115@gmail.com'
    LindaC
    August 28, 2018

    Thank you Melanie. What a great video you posted. When you first started and asked the question “who or what is the thing that hurt you most” and then you went on about regret etc….I thought….OMG, what is she talking about? LOL Hell no. Didn’t feel right at all.

    What is amazing, at the end of your video when you asked the same question, but the answer is he/she, or it, was an angel in disguise, I got goose bumps. Truly is a much better feeling. My body definitely recognized the difference. Now I think I know what really truly connecting with myself means. Thank you for this! What I got out of this is that it’s important to take time to reflect for ourselves and to pay attention to what’s going on in our bodies. What a wonderful message this is and I thank you once again.

    Enjoy your peaceful and wonderful holiday!

    • lindacohen6115@gmail.com'
      LindaC
      August 28, 2018

      …sorry, I hit send too fast. I meant to finish, “he or she or it is an angel in disguise to show us and to give us the greatest gift in life that we needed to learn….”

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 28, 2018

      Hi Linda,

      I am so pleased that you felt the shift in your body when it connected you to the truth.

      It is so true Dear Lady – if we dont go within we go without.

      Thank you for your well wishes!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Kimberlyhamilton4@yahoo.com'
    Kimberly Evans
    August 28, 2018

    Mel,

    Thank you so much for this episode. It comes exactly when I needed it, as always. Thank you for leading by example. I am finally ending my relationship with my Narc this week. I’ve done a lot of work with NARP but have a way to go. I can’t express enough the extra strength of watching you beautifully grow through the ending of your relationship gives me. Thank you and I will be referring back to this episode in the weeks to come in between my NARP module work. I found you last summer after my boyfriend of 11 years recently turned fiancé cheated. It all lead me to you and to my own soul awakening and I am grateful. I do see how I co-created it to wake me up and lead me on this journey. I knew deep down for years and years something wasn’t right but refused to see it. You led me to Neale Donald Walsh and learning even more from him deepened everything about you and my NARP module work! I will be forever grateful for the truth and wisdom I feel in my soul because of your guidance! Thank you Melanie! You are an angel to me!!! ~~Kimberly

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 28, 2018

      Hi Kimberley,

      My heart sings to read your post and I am so happy that you are following the Thriving Way and grow and expanding too.

      Awww sweetheart thank you for being a fellow angel to me also.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • johnleroy2928@gmail.com'
    DMJ
    August 28, 2018

    Mel
    I just finished the first module of the NARP program. The next two days I felt very calm, but also very sleepy. Is this a typical response?
    Also, when I sleep, my dreams are still filled with scenarios of anxiety and frustration. I feel emotionally calm during the day, but my dreams bring up all the old junk over and over again.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 28, 2018

      Hi DMJ,

      Yes it is, as we release trauma from our bodies our bodies can experience relief and ‘whew I can rest now’ after coming out of survival programs.

      Your dreams are giving you the clues of the next traumas to release. If you tap into and remember those charges that are coming up in your dreams, and take them into Module 1, you will fast track your healing.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • eedialojam@gmail.com'
    Annon2
    August 28, 2018

    Hi Mel

    Thanks a ton for this episode. For me it lines up with my Christian belief that ALL things work well together for those who live the Lord. Bad things included. What I found most motivating in this episode is your statement towards the end.

    **Please know this – I live this lifestyle determinedly.

    Why wouldn’t I, when I know that no matter what, I just become happier, more whole and more able to connect to situations and people who represent more of this love, joy and wholeness?**

    It inculcates into my mind that I must live my life with determination to mind my inner child so the outer me will be the same as inside. The choices I make must be informed by my determination to love, honor and grow myself positively to wholesomeness from within…

    THANK YOU
    May God bless you.
    Annon2

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 28, 2018

      Hi Annon2,

      I love it when universal beliefs align, it is so special and powerful!

      I love that you too are determined to live life from the inside out – it is the only way to have authentic joy and our True Life.

      Many continued blessings and love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Dawniedoes@gmail.com'
    Dawn
    August 28, 2018

    Fantastic video Mel. Asides from doing Narp and learning to be with just ourselves / have good self care, what else do we need to ‘do’ to arrive at being comfortable in our skin?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 28, 2018

      Hi Dawn,

      I so believe that when we release trauma we start being healthy and well and then it really is about believing in abundance and plenty and knowing we don’t need to sell out for second bests

      If we are working st being whole we can wait for buffets instead of trying to turn crumbs into real dinners!

      Our life is a series of choices and making healthy ones.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sannemartini@hotmail.com'
    Sanne
    August 28, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    thank you so much for this episode. Almost a year ago I broke up with a narcissistic man. I did not understand what had happened until I found you and did a lot of inner work. That really helped me and I got to a place where I was happy in my own being. Finally – I thought – I understood and accepted
    my history of unhappy relationships. In the spring I then met a wonderful man. I was so sure that finally the man of my dreams had turned up. He was everything I could possibly dream of. My prayers had been heard – I believed. I allowed myself to open my heart. But again – after a lovely weekend we both did look so much forward to he suddenly out of the blue ended the relationship. In the evening we kissed goodnight and in the morning I could feel that he was not there with me anymore. He left me without any explanation just stating he did not want to discuss his feelings. I am in chock over this. I really hurt and I have no clue why I had to go through this. I really believed I now was in another place in my life. So right no I have a hard time believing that he was an angel in disguise and I dont know if I can bear the sadness and disappointment again this time. I do not self medicate or seek distractions by doing a lot of things – I just feel the horrible pain of being abandoned again and the fact that I could not trust all my instincts about this relationships. So there is a long way for me until I see him as an angel in disguise.

    Love Sanne

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 29, 2018

      Hi Sanne,

      You are so welcome.

      Please know that no matter how painful, there is a gift in it. And it’s not until we go inside and find the trauma and load it up and release it that we have room inside to understand and embody what the lesson and liberation really is.

      Are you working with inner transformational resources to get to this level of relief and shift? If not I truly recommend doing so to a) get relief and healing from an experience as painful as this and b) heal beyond the unconscious need to ever have to go through something as painful as this again.

      That is what our inner personal
      Evolution and our breakdown / breakthroughs are all about.

      If you are not as yet NARPing, I’d love to help connect you to your personal healing inner transformation, which can bring you do much relief and clarity about this.

      You can do so here: http://www.melanietoniaevabs.com/freecourse

      I so hope this helps you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • nesilaw@outlook.com'
    "Aneas"
    August 28, 2018

    O
    I’m loving this, Melanie!!! Feeling your Peace coming through my Laptop. Everything you are sharing is truly attainable for us! Is that waves I’m hearing in the background? (Ha!) Have a great trip, and sending you love!
    Thank you,
    “Aneas”

  • Salkashoura@gmail.com'
    Sal Kashoura
    August 28, 2018

    This post came at a time when I asked my Angels for help with resolving my issue I have with my body and being in my skin. Literally!!! I’ve been doing NARP for 2.5 years and has been an amazing journey which has now lead me to my purpose and gifts so thank you! One thing I can’t seem to resolve is my issue with my body. So you understand what is going on I repeatedly check and adjust my body if I see it doesn’t look right or even feel right! I’m super sensitive so anything that feels out of alignment in my body I have to readjust! But it’s a viscous circle! This has been ongoing for so many years and makes me frustrated! I’ve worked on the modules to release frustration, I’ve set goals to love my self more (and I do love my self very much just not my issue with my body) I’ve also worked on and cleared blocks to feeling happy being my self and comfortable in my own skin. I’ve done soul retrieval on top of the modules also but the problem doesn’t go away! I would appreciate any advise you have! And thanks again. Mr Salim Kashoura xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 29, 2018

      Wow Sal,

      What a synchronicity!

      Okay, I’d really love you to come into the NARP Forum, so that myself and the other Thrivers can help you with suggestions and healing shifts, and work closely with you on this to help cogenerate your breakthrough.

      Can you join us here at http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member ?

      I look forward to seeing you there.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • flowertherapy@icloud.com'
    Val
    August 28, 2018

    A very special episode…including these unforgettable words of yours Mel :
    “ Our soul is ingenious, it turns up the message louder and louder until we wake up. If we don’t wake up, we have as many repeating lifetimes as necessary of the same pain until we do. We are all going back home to consciousness, meaning being happy in our own skin. It’s not a matter of ‘if’, it’s a matter of ‘when’.”
    what I felt in my body doing the exercise with you was deeper exhale, and inhale…a relief of pressure in my chest/ lungs..I’ve had two very painful bouts of bronchitis this winter…my capacity to breathe has been restricted…I feel comfortable in my own skin unless there are people around, then I still want to retreat…my head thinks this is ok yet perhaps my body is telling me something else….a block to fully breathing in…? Sending you love , gratitude and big hugs Mel. Such beautiful tender energy in this video..it has inspired me and touched me deeply. Now looking forward to seeing your Instagram Bali pics xxxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 29, 2018

      Awww Val sweetheart,

      I always love your contributions, and im sending you healing energy and love to overcome your bronchitis.

      I can only image that where you are is so cold right now.

      Maybe darling heart you should be joining me in these warmer climates right now!

      It totally is one of my goals to avoid the southern winters, the cold is so hard to take.

      Sending you so much love Val, and I am so inspired by your love and beautiful Thriver energy that you always share so generously with us all.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • lulacallula@yahoo.com.au'
    Lu
    August 28, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    It feel’s like whenever I am feeling a certain way I check my emails & in my inbox pop’s up one of your emails that sums up exactly how I am feeling!
    I am really struggling to get over a 15 year relationship with the father of my beautiful children. He left us over 2 year’s ago & I didn’t even know what a narcissist was until my therapist suggested that he was one!!! I have done a lot of reading on this & it blows my mind at how accurately this personality disorder describes my ex. So many lies surfaced after he left, huge debt, bailiffs at my door, discovering I had an STI (he wouldn’t admit to cheating on me even after I told him!), sitting in the pub not meetings!, gambling, he moved on quickly with a new women, moved away from his kids to be with her and start a new life.

    I am finding it incredibly hard to parent with him as he just want’s everything his way. If I have to talk to him I physically shake as he has called me disgusting names. He offers me no support, financially, physically or emotionally, he even tell’s my kids that I’m difficult & rude, they live with me 80% of the time! I feel ripped off, robbed of year’s of my life, physically sick, stuck, under valued, disappointed, hurt, confused, stupid, ashamed & a bad role model for my daughter & son that are 16 & 13. I have had to overcome so much pain but I am struggling with how to move forward as he is constantly in my head. I’m finding it hard to live a happy life or to even have a life & I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin, I don’t know how to move forward. Please help.
    Thanks, Lu.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 29, 2018

      Hi Lu,

      Sweetheart my heart goes out to you with the terrible trauma and betrayal that you have suffered.

      Lu, truly recovery from narcissistic abuse is not a logical thing, it takes the deep work within the inside parts of us.

      I can’t recommend enough that you check out my inner transformational resources because thstis where your relief and liberation can truly happen.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      I so hope this gets this underway for you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • marlaneoneill@hotmail.com'
    Marlane
    August 28, 2018

    There is tremendous serendipity in this video for me which I liked very much Mel!
    My first narc was named Angel.
    The second was an ex-alcoholic who gave me one of those AA coins with two angels on it, one on each side. He gave it to me very early in the relationship before I knew he was a covert narcissist.
    I kept that coin knowing it had a message from my higher self.
    Of course the rest is history and I’m actually thankful for the two of them. Each one gave me gifts they could never understand. What matters is that I know they were part of my plan and natural trajectory in this lifetime.
    It all makes sense to me now.
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for NARP.
    Joy and bliss are a daily part of my life now and will forever be so.
    Much love.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 29, 2018

      Awww Marlene,

      I am so happy that you have broken through into your gratitude, gift and growth.

      Bless you Dear Lady.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • anna.suszt@gmail.com'
    Anna
    August 29, 2018

    Melanie I just wanted to than you for saving my life. I have written messages over the last 1 year and 7 months since I left a relationship with a narcissist. After 7 insidiously damaging years. I didn’t realize how destroyed I was. I was loaded with pain trauma and fear (and had been all my life) and was so terrified of being alone I fell into a rebound relationship with a (secretly high functioning drug addict) younger man who love bombed me. A year later he died from smoking fentanyl laced crack a month after I told him I couldn’t continue. But my life has turned around. The person I was no longer exists. I had been working on myself with your help maniacally saying affirmations and gratitudes every single day until they slowly became reality!!! Light bulbs came on left right and centre. I am so happy to report I am healthy, happy, joyful and so grateful! All the darkness is gone. I am free. The abundance blows me away – everything in my life that was abusive is falling away and being replaced by wholeness and light. My workplace was abusive and after 7 years I am working for a MUCH better company. And best of all, I met an absolutely wonderful man 7 months ago and we are talking about a future.
    I am 56 years old and am full of hope. I am so grateful. Thank you Melanie.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 30, 2018

      Awww Anna,

      Your post fills me with joy when I read it.

      I am so thrilled for you lovely lady!

      You have done such a wonderful job of turning your life around.

      Many continued blessings and love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • penny.silver@outlook.com'
    Penelope
    August 29, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    I had some resistance to my own acceptance with my mother in relation to what has left me feeling resentful, violated and angry even though she has passed away. I am holding so much anguish in my own body and I know at a cognitive level thanks to my therapist why much of her abuse led me into abuse with narcissists later but I had a predisposition to a lot of victim consciousness. I want to give up the ‘role’ that I have played by default being the carer and the rescuer/victim because I do know it is not who I am and this is the strong intention I have inside to let go of it. Went through a lot of abuse and neglect during the first three decades of my own life and the trauma as you say is very much in my own body. I experience migraine headaches all the time and a lot of lower back pain also depression and anxiety and so much wishing things could be different if I had known but as you say without space in your body in your cells how can we operate differently – makes so much sense to me that is for sure. Glow brightly in the sun Melanie and may I soon join you on that road to going home.

    Blessings
    Pen

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 30, 2018

      Hi Pen,

      It’s wonderful that you realise that it’s the trauma still stuck inside that is generating the dis-ease as well as the victimised feelings, which is totally understandable after what you have been through.

      Pen you won’t know yourself when you start living free of that trauma.

      I am so looking forward to you joining me here! I want that for everyone.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • rowenascotney@btinternet.com'
    Rowena
    August 29, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    Gloriously we take it further – yay!! Thank you for the wonderful video. I discover more and more that absolutely anything that happens becomes such a learning, with such gifts. When recognising sadness, hurts, triggers in any situation, now the Narp whirlwind appears as a reminder to me 🙂 It helps me to observe and pause, too and then do the inner work, if not possible straight away, then as soon as I can.

    Thank you so much and much love,

    Rowena

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 30, 2018

      Hi Rowena,

      It is so true, it’s all such a gift!

      How beautiful that you are living this as your determined lifestyle too.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
    TT.
    August 29, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    I don’t even know you personally but I feel disappointed and discouraged that your relationship ended. In some earlier blog you said (something like) “he would never leave me”. You are most likely much more further along the path of enlightenment, wholeness etc. than the rest of us n abused.
    I felt really sad and discouraged, is it even worth pursue a relationship, are they worth all the hassle? You always say so within so without. Then how a relationship can end (and especially, when you are also extremely beautiful!)? What hope there is for us mere mortals? 🙁
    I think this triggered in me these fears/wounds: men can just walk away at any time. We are never good enough for them, to love us and stay.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 30, 2018

      Hi TT,

      Please know sweetheart that I am incredibly grateful for the relationship including the ending of it.

      Because of doing the work within on it, I’ve got the gift and the reason why we this wasn’t my relationship life partner place and rather a wonderful soul contract healing instead.

      As far as I’m concerned the relationship, although transient, was a success.

      To stay in it, past this point, wouldn’t have been. It was time to end.

      TT if I didn’t do the inner work around it ending, I most definitely would still be stuck in the disappointment.

      Aesthetics don’t have anything to do with it. Some of the happiest most connected people in relationship I know, are that way, because they deeply see, know and hold each other’s inner being authentically.

      I really feel that is the true goal for all of us – to be that with ourselves and then with others and a special other.

      If we give up hope and don’t do the inner work, can we be at peace? Can we feel whole alone? Can we connect with other true aligned souls that we share aligned values with?

      I don’t believe so, and then what is the point in living?

      I’m determined to chose love, growth and life … a relationship remaining or ending will never stop that.

      I wish that and stand for that for all of us.

      Key to our liberation is the working on the beliefs hurting us in love. You have named one of yours very accurately. I had mine that played out for me too.

      Relief, joy and feelings of love and possibility for my future, come from continual facing and healing those wounds within.

      I am as happy right now as I have ever been.

      Your reality can be identical if you choose this way to be.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • avab1@yahoo.com'
        Ava
        August 30, 2018

        Perfect question-I thought the same thing myself. Even perfect answer Mel – boy do I feel lucky to be in this thriver community!

      • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
        TT.
        August 30, 2018

        Hi Melanie!
        I’m relieved to hear that you are not in the state of a “victim”, heart-broken or “dumped”. Gosh, I hope this man wasn’t n or abusive! If he would be, I wouldn’t know what to believe anymore! I think that would trigger the fear, “no matter what I do (like healing work), I’ll never be safe (with men)”.

        This triggered a lot of stuff in me and I already guess what you would say: It is a good healing/evolution opportunity, now when this stuff comes to surface. True 🙂
        I just remembered once again, it is not the thing itself (like your break up) that is the issue but the meaning we give to it. And I think the “meaning” we make, is always something that our brain retrieves from the old files? 🙂
        Even a break up as a concept is something my mind associates with “failure, humiliation, someone became dumped, high level of drama”…and it actually doesn’t have to be/mean that at all!
        Ever since my childhood, I have had this strong drive for “perfection”, that that is the only way to be loved and not abandoned. For me, you somehow represent inner and outer perfection…so this break up triggered in me almost existential crisis, terrifying fear….like “great”, if that’s the case, I’ll never get what I want or need…I’ll never be loved consistently. (because I’m far from perfection!)
        It’s also interesting, how I see “love” as something that I do or don’t get, that I’m lucky if someone gives that to me, that it comes somewhere outside of me, from someone (man)…and if that doesn’t happen, then I’ll go the rest of my life without.
        I already know love is something that should be, and probably already is, inside of me…but it’s a difficult concept to understand. How does that feel like, how it is supposed to feel?
        But thanks for this very interesting conversation! I think I was able to uncover a lot of my dodgy, dysfunctional old programming! 🙂

        • greer@greertaylor.net'
          Greer
          August 30, 2018

          Dear TT, I think one thing that needs to be said is that not all relationships are keepers, even if they are with good people. Sometimes it takes a bit of time to be in a relationship (love or friendship) in order get a sense of how you will be together and if the relationship is for the long term.

          Our Hollywood, fairytale idea of relationships and love is that “the one will arrive” and you will walk into the sunset forever in perfect bliss (hugely co-dependant) but sometimes the most important relationships in our lives on all levels are those that are short.

          If we are co-dependent with all its baggage (as most of us are in this community) letting go is painful – we can tend to feel that any love is ‘good enough love’ and all that crap! So what Mel has modeled in allowing her relationship to end and letting us know about it is a profound lesson to all of us that we are OK in ourselves. 🙂

          blessings <3

          • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
            TT.
            September 3, 2018

            Thanks Greer, good points! Recently my friend divorced, and I was like “how on earth you divorced from him, he was nice and NORMAL for heavens sake!?” 😀
            But maybe relationships do not always work, no matter what 🙁
            Now after n abuse and I have done a lot of healing and soul searching…if I still sometimes (like recently) have some relationship/dating “failure” or disappointment, I immediately become little bit “hysterical” and panicky, like “great, what is it that I still need to shift, fix or heal in me, I’m tired of this, I hope I would already be “done” with all that!”.
            But now I see..there’s not necessarily anything to fix in me, nothing wrong with me, or the man…maybe it’s just that not everyone is a good match 🙂

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          August 30, 2018

          Hi TT,

          Please do not believe I am perfect or have love sorted perfectly.

          It has been a journey for me as it has many of us! And that journey continues …

          Again I really want you to understand whatever fears are ‘triggered’ means they are already existed beliefs within that we need to meet and heal otherwise they will play out for us.

          TT for me, when I started to work with Quanta Freedom Healing and releasing my traumas then I started to feel my insides as ‘love’. I’d never known it before then, it was like I was trying to ‘get’ it always also.

          And it was then that I knew that ‘love’ is our natural state that we don’t need to fight for or force when we simply start living trauma free inside.

          You are so welcome TT and I’d love you to join in with us Thrivers by working with these tools to shift our subconscious programs.

          It really does change everything!

          Are you NARPing?

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • avab1@yahoo.com'
    Ava
    August 30, 2018

    Some of these videos are so profound and provide knowledge I never was exposed to before so much that I sometimes listen to them 3 or 4 times. Even when I’ve heard/understood the msg. I’ll still listen again even if I am doing something else so it really sinks into my subconscious. I truly thank you-my life has been changed for the better. I can’t say thank you enough!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 30, 2018

      Hi Ava,

      I am so pleased they resonate and help provide you with a shift!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • greer@greertaylor.net'
    Greer
    August 30, 2018

    Hello Mel – lovely video – love the light playing on you and the background … somehow matches the energy of your words 🙂

    You talk about doing QFH on the fly – I wonder if you could model this for us /guide us through doing it ‘on the fly’ at some point. I am having wonderful results with the recorded modules (yay!) but would love to hear suggestions on how one might instigate doing it as things come up – while shopping, driving, working…

    thanks for all you do
    Greer

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 30, 2018

      Hi Greer,

      Thank you for your suggestion and I certainly would love to do something around that for the community!

      Let me have a think how to!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • greer@greertaylor.net'
        Greer
        August 30, 2018

        YAY!! – look forward to what you come up with 🙂

  • lpro65@yahoo.com'
    L
    August 30, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    I am really struggling with this tonight. Almost all of my husband’s family seem to be narcissists and his mother codependent. We’ve gone no contact for 5 years and my husband ping pongs between being supportive and blaming me for the estrangement with his family.

    In earlier years I tried being a good in law to them but when I tried to set some boundaries around my personal time it got ugly. My husband didn’t want to dance to their tune all of the time so he began avoiding them and then went no contact.

    Of course I’m the scapegoat in all of this now. No good deed goes unpunished I guess. We’ve managed for a while now with no contact, but today his aunt sent him a birthday card and deliberately omitted any mention of my existence. Granted it’s his card and I wouldn’t expect to be mentioned but it was worded in such a way to make it clear that I was deliberately being omitted.

    It has been excruciating going through this. I love my husband but I feel like his family is a bunch of termites who would love to chew away the foundation of our lives together. They did it with another woman he wanted to marry when they didn’t approve of her. I’m in a pretty low mood right now wishing I had never married him in the first place. I feel like I will never escape the undertow of narcissists in my life, though I do try to keep afloat with your thriver episodes.

    You do wonderful work Melanie and I’m grateful for it keeping me sane.

    L

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 30, 2018

      Hi L,

      Absolutely n’s are very painful to coexist with, however (and it is a big ‘however’)!they do grant us the opportunity, by triggering something within us, to evolve and heal ourselves.

      When we do that we can have the experience of being totally detached and not caring what they do or don’t do … the ones that aren’t in our house, bed and space 24/7.

      I wish for you that kind of liberation.

      The approval and worth of you is between you and you, it is not dependent on them.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • elaine.allan@outlook.com'
    Elaine
    August 30, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    Just a question with your healing resources as I have taken a brief look at each of them and am starting to become curious.

    Can I do any of your programs obviously starting with the first one of course whilst taking antidepressants as I have had major depression and panic attacks for the last 3 years and am still in therapy?

    I took a look at Bruce Lipton’s lectures and read something along the same lines or language that you speak of and I can see the connection here so am interested.

    Thanks
    Elaine

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 30, 2018

      Hi Elaine,

      Yes absolutely you can work with NARP or any of my programs whilst on anti depressants. Many people have successfully.

      I’m so glad so healing system resonates with you. I look Bruce’s work – it’s spot on!

      Wishing you wonderful breakthroughs and liberation whilst NARPing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Sophieb73@hotmail.com'
    Phoenix
    September 5, 2018

    Hi melanie, your work is beautiful and so helpful, thank you for being there.
    I have just finished a three years separation that was extremely difficult, my speed aging years i called them,,( there was being pretty much homeless , and the never ending custody, housing, and financial court case).
    Im much better now.
    Ive done lots of work.i feel safe. I feel healthier. Happy at work. Happy with my child.
    Ive done a lot towards remembering how to be well with myself, how to give to myself what i use to think i needed from another one,,,i can see that im well capable of providing for myself, and generating self love.
    That said,
    After theses years , i have made friends and lover with a man i really appreciate. He really helped me through the last chunk,of my struggle, just be being so steadily kind, honest, gentle, receiving of my truth without attacking me back ever,,its been somehow heartbreaking and shaking to remember the possibility of that, and the feeling o knowing i can stay calm at the side of someone, that it can be safe, that no one will stab me in the back in two minutes .
    This man i started to love,despite knowing he is struggling with his own things, that he doesnt latch at others with , or hide from me,,,but it comes in cycles of semi depression, he is afraid of getting close to people, he tends to disappear now and then,,and although we talk about it, andi can see his efforts at not hurting me with this,,it still just happened,,,and i so know its not personal to me, and he reminds me that, he has only been appreciative of me and always grateful, never a mean word,,i take careof myself just fine when he eclipse , i have an active social life and personal life,,,butit still hurts,,,i feel sad he is struggling, i feel sad we cant celebrate more of life together,,,and i wonder, do you think that someone that is a rather gentle and honest distancer can still be a sign of improvement on my part ( what makes me really sad is that i look at him as a rflection of how messed up i still am and i feel desperation at times, that i just cant get better, and that i never bring to myself being seen or loved by a man,,,i feel well loved by my friends,,its the intimate love relationships that are the challenges). Do you think that continuing with the modules is the way to go? I think you will tell me yes,,and i think that what i desperately need in this rather solo journey is a sign of encouragement from someone that understand, rather than feeling judge by the ones that cant and simply think i settled for too little and should just move on,, as if it is that easy for me. There are still hooks. And they are there to teach me.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 5, 2018

      Hi Phoenix,

      Please know that you are very welcome and thank you.

      Phoenix I truly understand your dilemma Dear Lady and this is my take on it.

      This experience still hurts you and therefore it is not a love experience that is aligned with your True Self.

      Absolutely there is always our part in it, meaning the generating of the reality of some painful beliefs that we can address.

      This doesn’t mean we are ‘messed up’, rather it means a that another AID in our life is helping us heal, whether or not they come forward in the journey with us past this point.

      Most definitely it is about taking a stand instead ourselves to heal those traumas of the less than situation we have identified and received in our life.

      You have named it perfectly ‘I am not seen or loved by a man’.

      When that is no longer a part of your Inner Identity then you will become a generator of being seen and loved by a man. With that boundary and knowing what you deserve, he will either step up or you will let him go, making way for someone who does have the resources.

      I know that this is hard and painful, however our life can only be true and fulfilling if we live it authentically. Our emotions let us know when we are not.

      I hope that this can help you get clarity around this.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • magnetronmagneticpulsers@verizon.net'
    Michael Sinatra
    September 18, 2018

    Growing up in the entertainment business being raised by narcissists then working in customer service you see two different versions of reality. There’s one reality where everyone is kind, considerate and cares about everyone. Then there’s the other reality where everyone is selfish, hateful, bitter, paranoid, delusional, just me a few 🙂 So which reality should I choose to live in to be happy in my own skin? If you can’t give me an answer then I guess I will continue to live in both realities. There is no reality only perception and my perception is, that we are living in Comedy Land where nothing is real 🙂 Melanie’s brilliant videos on narcissism inspire me to lock my doors and windows and remain safe from the abuse of narcissists!!! 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 18, 2018

      Hi Michael,

      I guess the empowering thing is to be ourselves and anchored into our authentic truth regardless of what others are or aren’t doing.

      Not always easy!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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