Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Break Free From Toxic People In Your Life

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 4
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

Have you ever felt the absolute confusion, angst, anger, despair and pain of trying to leave a toxic person behind?

You may say, ‘I know they are NO good for me!”

Are you still confused as to why, despite what this person has done, that you still feel in love with them?

Or maybe … you don’t even like this person and believe their behaviour and values are terrible, yet it feels like they have permeated your being and occupy way too much space in your head.

How you get them OUT?

How do you get the SPACE and RELIEF in your thoughts and emotions to restart your wellbeing and your life?

In this Thriver TV episode, I take you through the deeply unconscious reasons that we feel enmeshed to people who are not good for us, and how to evict them powerfully out of your being and life so that you reclaim your soul and your life.

 

 

Video Transcript

When we release ourselves from narcissists and painful toxic patterns, it is no small feat. We may think we are trying to free ourselves from a toxic other, but it really is so much deeper and more entwined than that.

Many people, in regard to narcissists, say ‘I had never felt a love so deep and real than with this person.’ However, I can assure you there are also people struggling to disconnect who never felt a deep love for a narcissist, and in many ways didn’t even like that person. And that is really interesting.

So, is this really about ‘love’ or is it far more complicated than that?

Let’s think about this. Why is it that we can struggle to leave and even stop thinking about a person who we know is no good for us? Why is it that we can struggle to leave and detox ourselves from a person that we may not have even loved, or even really liked?

And, for all of us (feelings of deep abiding love or not) why, even though we know this person doesn’t have the same values as us, who behaves in ways that we find distasteful and even disgusting, do we still struggle to get away and stay away from them?

This has confused so many people who don’t understand that simply physically ‘leaving’ someone and logically knowing why we must leave, is not nearly enough.

What IS really required is a soul and spiritual detox of the highest level. The releasing of ourselves, not so much of them, but more the reasons why we are emotionally and psychically enmeshed with this person in ways that really do defy all logic.

I can assure you this: if leaving and not thinking about a person anymore, as well as stopping doing the things that hurt ourselves was simply a logical decision, it would be easy. You would make up your mind and that would be it. But it’s not that simple because your mind has very little to do with this. Rather, what is involved is your entire being.

The people who we have shared our heart, body, personal space and bed with are ones who we get enmeshed with. And naturally, this can happen with any impactful person in our life that we have combined energetic, emotional, physical and psychic energy with.

This is the reason why I believe we enmesh with certain people; because we have a soul contract going on with them. Through ‘relationship’ this person is offering us the gift to confront, find and heal within us the disowned parts that are not our true self (our traumas) so that we can release them and evolve to the next highest version of ourselves.

In some relationship cases, two people may be willing to turn inwards and do the self-work and can, therefore, evolve the relationship. In the case of narcissists, who self-avoid and self-medicate with people and things outside of themselves (to procure narcissistic supply) rather than be accountable and turn inwards to self- heal, these people are instead our grist to release and heal from.

In a nutshell, there are two ways to try to stop the toxic patterns in our life. The first is: we can see what has happened to us as unfortunate, even a waste of our time and life and a terrible mistake that we would rather have not experienced. In this mindset, our best attempts to feel relief are usually by attempting to keep busy or self-medicated with people and situations that hopefully replace the pain. This is trying to just ‘get through’ this.

Or, the second way is that we chose to see what happened as a gift that pushed on our wounds and brought them up to the surface, forcing us to heal them and grow.

When we do this, we seek to turn inwards to heal and evolve ourselves beyond this painful past pattern and into trajectories that are far superior to the people and situations we wish to leave behind. This equals growing through the experience.

The first version, without personal evolution, means that we are highly susceptible to our painful patterns re-emerging in other relationships. And the second way of dealing with toxic relationships and patterns means that we become seriously and authentically emotionally extended and happy within our own process and skin, blissful even, as we start to experience incredible gratefulness for what we have been through.

Naturally, this takes time. It takes self-dedication, and the hero(ine)’s journey of fully facing ourselves … but it works.

That is the Thriver Way.

I want to share with you my process regarding breaking the pattern of toxic relationships in life.

 

Releasing Ourselves From the Matching Painful Beliefs

The first step always is to go within to start releasing and reprogramming painful and defunct beliefs that keep us enmeshed with people, thoughts, feelings and situations that are not our truth.

I use Quanta Freedom Healing as my process, because personally I haven’t found anything as effective to target, load up the wounds and replace them with Source, my Higher Conscious Self – shifting them swiftly and effectively.

This means to go beyond logic and go within to find the beliefs and traumas that are keeping us connected emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually to toxic people and patterns which are no longer appropriate and healthy in our life.

This can start by asking ourselves in the deep inner-seeking process, ‘What is the trauma within me that is keeping me connected to this pattern or person?’ This is where we start to discover childhood traumas, epigenetic ones (generational), and also past-life traumas and their associated beliefs that keep us enmeshed and attached to toxic people and situations.

These can be beliefs such as: ‘Without a man (or woman) I can’t be whole’, ‘If I try to live alone I’ll die’, ‘If I leave I’m dead’, ‘If you don’t fight for me I’m not worth loving’, or simply ‘I’m not worth loving’, and ‘the people who love me hurt me’, ‘the people who love me leave me for someone else’ and of course we may have held within our energetic being many, many more.

It isn’t until we start releasing ourselves from the power of these traumas and beliefs which are holding us in deep and painful survival programs and traumatic relationships, where these beliefs play out to the letter, that we start to open up space within us to feel different, free and released.

 

Setting Ourselves Free From Vows

Then as Step 2, I believe it is very helpful to consider that, in regard to a person or even a ‘thing’, we could have made vows and contracts with this individual or situation, consciously or unconsciously, in this lifetime or even previous ones, that can be incredibly energetically binding. If we don’t find and locate these within us we could be stuck in a holding pattern of not moving on, and or repeating relationships or habits that are similarily painful and unfulfilling.

These vows can go something like this: ‘I am promised to you for life no matter what’, ‘I will never leave/abandon you’, or even, ‘I vow never to be with someone I truly love again because it is too painful’, and so many more. (This last one may relate to the pattern of connecting to people who we never really feel it for).

Make no mistake, we may have had vows with substances and patterns as well as people. I used to have this vow with cigarettes: ‘Without your comfort, I will never cope.’

The relief and power that we regain after releasing vows are immense.

 

Dissolving the Psychic Ties

Then the third clearing out step is to find and release the psychic ties with this person. Module 9 work in NARP is incredibly powerful for this, and there are other processes to tie-cut and cleanse ourselves.

What I believe is also hugely important with tie-cutting, is to locate the related inner traumas. The wounds within us which may be unconsciously hanging onto a psychic connection with this person, meaning we feel them and even want to keep feeling them, despite our energy getting sucked out and plummeting every time we focus on them instead of our own healing and recovery.

This is done by signalling your body to reveal the parts and traumas that are psychically connected and then loading them up and clearing them out every time you feel the pull or urge to think about that person, and/or feel their energy coming at you. By doing so, you will free yourself and detox them out of your being very quickly.

I promise you, that if you leave, break away and create strict no contact (or modified contact if you know you will see or have to be in contact with this person) detach, fully turn inwards to claim your gift and evolution (namely the growth through this situation) and actualise these three steps, you will break free from the trauma and painful patterns in record time.

You will literally evolve yourself from lifetimes of junk and can achieve this in a matter of weeks or months, freeing yourself into higher experiences.

We are not supposed to just go through painful and toxic experiences. We are supposed to evolve and grow through them because that’s where our emancipation, liberation and true joy lies.

So if you’d like to learn more about how to powerfully disconnect and heal deep in your core, for real from toxic relationships and patterns, you can sign up to my free 16-day recovery course, which includes an invitation to a healing workshop with me, a set of eBooks and lots more.

Click here to get instant access.

So, until next time… keep smiling, keep healing and keep thriving because there’s nothing else to do.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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41 Thoughts on How To Break Free From Toxic People In Your Life
  • robynem@bigpond.net.au'
    Robyne McKay
    August 21, 2018

    Melanie, Melanie, Melanie,

    You are a god send in my life. I always find your blogs so timely and incredibly relevant. You are holding the light that shows the path to personal liberation and I am very grateful for your presence and wisdom in my life.

    • sude_dellinger@hotmail.com'
      Sude Dellinger Peta
      August 21, 2018

      Hi Robyne,

      Couldn’t have said it better, the old adage “timing is everything” is true here. Well the truth is in what is happening but the timing is amazing. Well said Robyne! And thank you Melanie.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 21, 2018

      Hi Robyne,

      I am so pleased I can help and thank you for your incredibly kind words.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • msviking212@msn.com'
      Carol Rafferty
      August 21, 2018

      Robyne very nicely put & I feel the same way. I have suffered needlessly for decades, because no one would believe me. He was the saint & I was the bitch. We had children & I stayed for their sake. As of 3/26/18, I went no contact & he went ghosting. I have faced quite a few previous traumas & working on me. I am actually healing in several ways, but still will not come out of isolation. I have agoraphobia due lack of trust. I do not like too many people. The one big thing all these most loving & caring coaches have taught me was how to recognize a narc when I see one. FB is full of these soulless creatures & I easily have been attacked by 10 or more & some tried to befriend me. I’m getting good at recognizing them quickly. I still have health issues, but in just a few short months, I’m moving a long nicely. I came across his pictures that I always loved. Looked at them, for a few minutes, put them back & allowed myself to cry, but for only a few minutes & then moved on. Starting to think of him less. I know somethings that he did to others & put our children in danger. Don’t really want to live, but I have been struggling through somehow. Have a few people who help & support me, finally. I know, I love the man I thought he was, but I can’t stomach & detest the who I know he really is. Thank you Melanie for teaching me what I need to do & how to deal with these pesky feelings

  • cathy@garnetproperties.com'
    Cathy
    August 21, 2018

    I would like to sign up for the 16 day

  • sude_dellinger@hotmail.com'
    Sude Dellinger Peta
    August 21, 2018

    Hi Robyne,

    Couldn’t have said it better, the old adage “timing is everything” is true here. Well the truth is in what is happening but the timing is amazing. Well said Robyne! And thank you Melanie.

  • melissaoconnell1234@gmail.com'
    Melissa O'Connell
    August 21, 2018

    Melanie, I am immensely grateful for your powerful, supportive guidance. Thank you for being here and teaching me in so many direct, open and instructive ways. Your programs have only begun to change my life, yet the quality is beyond all measure. Thanks also to your shining support team who have always been so kind, helpful and gracious. Blessings and wishing you a smooth departure as you move forth in your travels.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 21, 2018

      Hi Melissa,

      Please know you are very welcome and I am so happy that your MTE experience is so healing and supportive.

      Thank you Melissa for your kind words.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • skylaureate@gmail.com'
    Patricia Hampton
    August 21, 2018

    Hello Robyne.
    It is torture to be trapped in traumas, beliefs and patterns with a narcissist. But remember, you are a mirror to them, and they to you. And it’s up to you to step back, recognize what you need to deal with in yourself, and do it! They have their own work to do if they so choose.
    The psychic bond is the hardest to break because one can love from the depths of oneself, which seems like what we might think of as the love of God–divine, precious and heartfelt. Included in that is forgiveness and compassion, (for narcissist and self). In everything I have read, there is little compassion for the narcissist who experiences their own torture.
    It was suggested to me that I could give to myself the great love I felt for this other person. I am still working on that. There are feelings of tenderness and Light, within me, for me, without grief, for which I am very grateful. Choosing new beliefs, replacing old ones, integrating the love that came from within me anyway! Now it’s MY healing. And the ultimate gift of the relationship.
    Thank you Robyne and Melanie for your great words of wisdom.

  • karencrevald@tiscali.co.uk'
    Karen
    August 21, 2018

    Hi Melanie, I read those first 4 lines and said emphatically yes to each one.

    I was with my ex narc for 9 years, then he dumped me by text, something which I have never got over and then for the last 5 years I have been seeing him on and off knowing he is with someone else. I am currently on no contact with him, by blocking everywhere even though he is trying to contact through various means. I am the ideal catch for him, and always provide narcissistic supply. I say to myself when I see him I really am in love with him, then when I am not caught up in that “love zone” my head kicks in and I say actually I really don’t even like you. I seem different this time in the fact ive realised he doesn’t love me, just purely using me and I feel I am not in denial anymore. However, i wrestle everyday as to why i keep and kept going back to him – how can i with someone i really don’t like. He is manipulative, controlling, and sly and a CHEATER. I am a professional, intelligent lady but this i do not have any answers to. I read your blogs all the time to try and get the answers and keep looking to myself within, all i know is that my self esteem is extremely low – something which has deteriorated since i have been with him. I so do not want to go back again, it is just not worth the pain and horrible feelings i get in my gut every time i am with him. There is a lot more how i feel and has gone on and how he has emotionally abused me i am very aware of, but now i just want to deal with not going back, ever.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 22, 2018

      Hi Karen,

      I am so sorry you have been going through that terrible torment.

      Please know Dear Lady it is the specific inner work that starts making our inner changes to break away.

      It is my inner transformational work that facilitates that. You can start that process here: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      That is where you will get the shift Karen.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • karencrevald64@gmail.com'
        karen
        August 22, 2018

        Hi Mel, I all ready signed up but I have never received a starter pack and am not sure how to get onto the free course

  • viv.womak@outlook.com'
    Vivian
    August 21, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    I am in my early 40’s and just come to realize that I have had a collective history of trauma from childhood through to adulthood in my life. I started getting insight into my mid 30’s of what my patterns were and identified why I had abuse from personality disordered people but it was more like life in review using my own logical mind as painful memories surfaced and trying to desensitize myself by journaling. Doing this brought on a bout of deep depression and anxiety which was already there from narcissistic abuse in my mid 20’s and I really never overcame that experience as it was highly traumatic and little did I know the ex was a sociopath – I was that tolerant to abuse that I could not even recognise what was unacceptable. I find it hard to manage flashbacks from teenage years as that is when my mother started behaving narcissistically with me and a lot of dysfunction started in my home. Had some counselling and EFT, TFT along with body work but to be honest no lasting solution for my anguish in my own body and I did read your previous blog posts about trauma hitting us hard in mid life especially if we’ve had dysfunction right from the get go and boy have I had a lot my childhood adversity score was an 8/10. Thank you for providing so much clarity and I will start the NARP it has to work as nothing else has.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 22, 2018

      Hi Vivian,

      I am so pleased I have been able to help you gain clarity and that you are on the NARP program now.

      Please also know that the NARP Forum is such a wonderful community to help support you. If you haven’t as yet connected I think it would deeply assist you – https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Sending you love, support and breakthrough.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • claytonruth@rocketmail.com'
    Rose
    August 21, 2018

    I have had a weird experience recently of starting to smoke cigarettes, for the first time in my life…i have never been a smoker! I think I have been trading the external connections to narcissists, most recently disconnecting with my father…a big one, and replacing him with cigarettes. While this may sound like a step backwards, it feels like a step forwards, because I am moving closer to reducing the more toxic connections to significant others, with smoking…which is a lesser power. I also feel that smoking is a temporary fix, that I will soon quit. I have been smoking for about a month and a half. It is a dreadful thing…smoking that is, but pales in comparison. Dropping the veil of illusion, dropping the denial of parental love, and facing that they did not, and do not love me, is painful as hell. I also am reading the ‘Body Keeps the Score’, Bessel Van der Kolk, which is an amazing book on the subject of trauma. The veil of denial needs to drop. Soon I will love myself enough to detach myself from the denial that smoking gives…the temporary comfort that is hurting me in the long run. Just like the relationship I had with my father. Letting go is the path to freedom.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 23, 2018

      Hi Rose,

      That is interesting and I’m sure in time, when you heal, that there will not need for the crutch of cigarettes.

      They can be such an insidious addiction if they grab hold.

      I hope that doesn’t become your reality as it was for me.

      Are you working with NARP to release and free yourself from inner trauma? NARP can also be used for any addiction.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • roma4amor@gmail.com'
    Deannafj
    August 21, 2018

    Hi Mel!
    I hope by now you have made it somewhere safe and are still having a nice vacation. You look beautiful in your bright Bali colors!

    Thanks again for a wonderful video!
    LOVE that you name specific module numbers to work on this topic. When I went through the modules, I was just letting whatever came up come up as a “general overhaul”. It is nice to be advised about how to go back and revisit the appropriate module to target a specific topic.

    Thanks too for pointing out about the PSYCHIC connection. I have spent a boatload of time obsessing on old situations from two workplaces that I no longer even have anything to do with. I frankly thought I was a NUT for continuing to dwell on the trauma and what I could have/should have done better in order to fix it. I was mad at myself for wasting time on this stuff but couldn’t break free.
    While I was able to resolve some of the logistical issues with a reframed logical perspective, I know that the “hook” that this had on me comes from deep trauma and underlying beliefs about myself.
    I am going to use those particular modules that you mention on these issues to break free.

    A positive comment/testament to QFH and NARP is that the modules and your videos have helped me TREMENDOUSLY with regard to a narcissist in my life that I still must have contact with, though I keep it “modified”. While I still feel that toxic energy blast like a schmear on my energy field, I see through the patterns and don’t get hooked in like I used to. Nor do I take them so much to heart like I used to.

    I do want to offer this though–narcissists are VERY GOOD at what they do. Therefore, even with only modified contact and self-partnering, having contact with a narcissistic is still like walking through a mine field. Because they are SO good at their vampirism, they easily blind-side even the most upleveled and cautious NARP’rs. The more one pattern doesn’t work anymore, the more the narcissist finds yet ANOTHER tactic by which to attempt to get her narcissistic feed. I find myself sucked in wondering “How did I get here?” The goods news though is that I don’t get as upset as I used to AND I have to the tools to detox with.

    Thank you again and BE SAFE!!!!!
    With love and appreciation,
    Deanna

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 23, 2018

      Hi Deanna,

      Thank you for your beautiful well wishes, I am in Western Australia now, just arrived and excited about the next adventure!

      I’m so glad that naming the Modules helps guide you.

      That is great NARP is helping too and just keep working the modules each time your feel unsure, confused or your energy is getting messed with – and greater clarity and power will come.

      You are doing great!

      Bless you sweetheart.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • amswrites@yahoo.co.uk'
    Mel
    August 22, 2018

    Hi Melanie, I have been receiving your e-mails for over a year, and have never before commented, but I feel compelled to tell you that this last post really is just amazing. I separated from a toxic relationship a year ago and have been UNABLE to file for divorce. I have been beating myself up and telling myself that I am an idiot, but you have finally helped me to understand that I am not an idiot, I am wounded, and that there are deep and complex reasons that I have not yet been able to complete the separation. I feel that you are someone who really ‘gets it’ and I thank you from the bottom of my heart xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 23, 2018

      Hi Mel,

      I’m so glad this has helped you and please know you are very welcome.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • rhoda.ww@gmail.com'
    Thriver
    August 22, 2018

    Dear Mel,
    This is so timely for me.. just what i needed to hear.. to every sentence i said a huge yes- resonated perfectly within me.. you truly are God sent. Am encouraged to keep doing the inner work.😊
    I hope you have relocated and that you enjoyed your vacation.

    Lots of luv.. 💞

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 23, 2018

      Hi Thriver,

      Lots of love to you … I’m so glad this helped.

      Thank you I am all safe and happy in a beautiful spot in Western Australia.

      Very exciting!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • cevans@maplesteesdale.co.uk'
    nespolo
    August 22, 2018

    Dear Mel, as mentioned by many posters above, this essential blog is incredibly timely. Yesterday was the first day of true freedom from the narc, no more lawyers or estate agents to deal with, all over and done with – strictly 100% no contact from now on, yay! Extraordinarily yesterday was also my birthday, and I feel reborn. I can’t see this as mere coincidence!
    With your guidelines here I hope to carry on the full detox and let my future life flourish.
    I can’t thank you enough for your wisdom. Thank you for sharing.

    5

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 23, 2018

      Hi Nespolo,

      How wonderful you have had those powerful breakthroughs and feel so well.

      Power to you and wishing you further incredible detox and happiness.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Margarit72@aol.com'
    Jane
    August 23, 2018

    Dear Mel,
    No matter how many times I tried to release pain and pulls related to a past love (someone I met after the Narc), it didn’t work.
    I did module 10 so many times over years, trying to release so many past traumas but I still think about this guy and want him.
    Module work helped release my pulls to the Narc and dependency on him and I thank you so much for that but not with this other guy.
    What to do? It’s painful and I can’t rid my body of this pain …this person isn’t a Narc, just a guy who ignores me pretty much …

  • koskisam0@gmail.com'
    Sam Koski
    August 25, 2018

    I can say I have definitely got to the point of realizing my X leaving me was a gift. That was only possible through reading information like this. Without mindful words I feel I would have taken the path or hate and revenge. Even on myself. There is not enough of us speaking out and sharing to make the world aware of this. The more talk of this disorder the more victims we can save. At least that is the way I am viewing it now. Even started my own blog so I can express myself and continue to heal. Great post, Thank You.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2018

      Hi Sam,

      How wonderful that you have this gift and have taken the high and evolutionary road.

      I love that you are starting your own blog. Bless 🙏

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Theophaniia@yahoo.com'
    TeAroha
    August 26, 2018

    So much of what you say resonates.
    I find myself realising there were too many ugly things about him that I didn’t like, and I didn’t respect. It’s confusing to feel so love-tied to someone when that is the case.
    Nonetheless I can see my pattern clearly now, and although it is a difficult painful road to travel I feel gratitude that I have this life lesson presented to me. Through this relationship I have been forced to confront my choices, my beliefs about myself, and I am left with the knowledge that while he will not change, I can.
    Blessings and love to you Melanie for all that you do.
    Arohanui.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2018

      Hi TeAroha,

      That is so great that you are unravelling and healing this.

      The evolution is absolutely about aligning with ourselves and others in the values and wholesomeness that is our truth and happiness.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • anna_elina@luukku.com'
    Anna
    August 27, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    This how to break free from toxic people made me think…Okay, so some people like n’s are toxic and there’s no excuse for them.
    But I also thought, is it possible, could I be making or “cause” some people to behave in toxic ways towards me, because of my “wounding”? In my childhood my father was abusive, I was bullied at school and now as an adult, I attracted n partner. Yes, it has taken me a couple of decades to realise, that on an unconscious level, even if I did not cause these people to behave this way, I anyway attracted or allowed them in to my life. (gosh, and even begging the n to stay!!).
    I’ve realised that most of my “identity” or energy, is centered in “I’m alone, I’m abandoned, I’m not respected, I’m ignored” and so on. I think many people, even female friends and potential romantic partners (“normal” men) somehow treat/respond to me accordingly, that to me is (they are) seemingly “toxic”.
    Could it be, that if I heal my trauma stuff, these people start to respond to me differently? I hope you could understand my question 🙂 What I mean; how do I know if someone is “genuinely toxic” (and should be avoided)?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 28, 2018

      Hi Anna,

      Absolutely when we are wounded we trigger and activate wounds in others and can co-generate as well as stay enmeshed in toxic relationships.

      100 percent our happy healthy life necessitates us taking the responsibility to heal our inner traumas so that we can show up healthily in relationships … choosing healthy people, having healthy boundaries and taking personal responsibility for our side of the road.

      Please know if another person has crossed over these lines that I talk about in this article

      https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/are-you-with-a-narcissist/

      No amount of your healed behaviour is going to change them.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • anna_elina@luukku.com'
        Anna
        August 29, 2018

        Hi Melanie,

        How does this work…I had thought to do the Transforming Family Of Origin Wounds Course. My mother has always been disconnected, self-centered etc. but not a n. If I do this course, will it change anything in her behaviour, or the relationship between me and her? I can see, that all my relationships (especially the one with the n) are somehow “replicas” of this same theme. I mean, I’m little bit disappointed now, if we can’t really change the behaviour of others, no matter how much healing we do. Or like in my mother’s case, it is I would say metaphorically speaking, like cats and dogs have a different ability to connect with human beings, and it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong or sick in any of them. My mother had a difficult childhood and was separated from her mother, I think that’s why she became wired this way. Somehow I have always felt this eternal longing for connection and it’s just not coming…if she does not have the ability, then she does not have. Do you still recommend this course, how it works? Or does it work that way, that even if I can’t repair this relationship, at least I stop being a match for similar scenarios in the future?

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          August 29, 2018

          Hi Anna,

          I personally as well as do many other have discovered that not only did this course create an enormous shift in relationships with our parents – so within, so without, it also improves our female male energy within as well as our relationships in general.

          Absolutely dynamics with people change as we change and show up differently and the energy between us changes.

          Does this help explain?

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Dlawrence@lbaclaw.com'
    Dave
    September 14, 2018

    Wish I saw more comments by men. Believe me, a female narcissist can be the most evil, destructive force you will ever encounter. Won’t go into details but the stories are mind boggling. What is even more mind boggling is how long I accepted it. Thank you Melanie!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 14, 2018

      Hi Dave,

      Please know in this community we know that narcissism is not gender specific at all.

      It’s just not as many men come forward.

      You are very welcome Dave.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • callaina7@hushmail.com'
    Janie
    September 15, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    I purchased your Silver program, and have really been feeling some progress this summer. From deflecting my attention outward to narcs and the like, to being able to see/feel that the root of this addiction really is internal. Lots of inner child needs that my adult self had been shushing, not unlike my parents had done.
    The problem is, a sociopath/narcissist with whom I initiated strict no contact 4 years ago, still continues to stalk me. I feel like, ‘ugh, of course this would happen just when I’m finally getting somewhere in my recovery.’ I know to listen to my intuition, and that he has no history of physical violence, but one full of mostly empty threats during fits of jealousy/narcissistic fury, and is the most highly skilled manipulator I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing. How can someone be so persistent even after so long with no attention given? Frazzled.

  • kf.tara7@gmail.com'
    Truthseeker
    September 18, 2018

    Great blog you have here, Melanie. I’m a survivor of narcissistic abuse but met many more narcissist outside of romantic relationships. It is so important that we all educate ourselves on the different shades of Narcissistic Personality Disorders so we don’t become a narcissist’s snack! Sharing my story and experiences here in hopes to help others in similar situations:
    http://souljournaling1.blogspot.com/
    Wishing much love to those on the road to recovery from narcissistic abuse. <3

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