Do You Feel Unloved At Holiday Time?

Holiday season can be the most painful time of year for people – because traditionally it is exactly when we are supposed to be connected, loving and loved with family, friends and hopefully an intimate other.

I remember in my past feeling so empty, worthless and discarded that I didn’t want to live. All I could do was curl up and hide under a blanket on the couch citing that I was unwell. I couldn’t face the celebrations or being around people.

I was love-sick. Sick of feeling unloved, unworthy of love and as if there was something very wrong with me.

I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone. You would rather be hit with ten sticks!

I know how many of you have suffered this, or may be terrified about feeling like this, this Holiday season.

 

Being Replaced By a New Lover At Holiday Time

Not long before the worst Christmas Day of my life, I had bumped into the ex-narcissist whilst shopping. He was with a young, glamorous, gorgeous woman. She clearly wasn’t just a ‘friend’. Since then, my mind had not stopped racing or my heart palpitating, imagining them together, happy and loved up, whilst I barely had the capacity to leave my bed let alone the house.

Mind you, it wasn’t as if I had the ‘evidence’ that this was happening. My imaginings were enough to cripple me. My heart goes out to all of you, in this time of social media exposure where narcissists from all over the world showcase their ‘new loves’ to all and sundry. It’s a badge they wear – “look at me! I can have a relationship straight away again. Therefore, I am the ‘right’ and ‘healthy’ one.”

A hot spot for this is holiday time. It’s the perfect opportunity to grandstand their new love-life to family and associates, as well as do what narcissists love to do – kick dirt cruelly into the face of the ex-partner.

Their skewered brain computes “You didn’t work for me, and so now you will be demonised and punished.”

Seeing the ex-narcissist loved up with another is terrible salt in the wounds of your already shattered heart and psyche.

Of course you can be forgiven for thinking “Was I the problem? Otherwise how is it that someone else can get his / her love – that I wanted?”

Maybe your holidays with this person became tumultuous (which is common) and now here is your ex and new partner spending time with the people and family that you used to see, maybe even including your joint children.

You haven’t just lost your lover to another, you have also lost your social and celebration circles.

This is all beyond painful. I know there are many of you feeling this because we hear you reaching out to us every year with such devastation. What I just described is very common in this community.

 

 

 

Being Gas-Lit, Ignored or Discarded at Holiday Time

Narcissists hate special events and holidays where the attention may go on other people. This is a very precarious time for them emotionally because they can’t regulate narcissistic supply – meaning keep the attention and energy directed solely on them.

If you are close to a narcissist, you could well be in the firing line. To get supply, the narcissist will lash out and hurt you by ignoring, pulling away, starting fights and threatening to break up with you. They will renege on promises to get back together, won’t keep arrangements, and may go missing in action for hours or even days where they are uncontactable.

Of course this punishing regime could take place with a narcissistic family member, or a friend, as well as a narcissistic love partner.

The narcissist will do ‘the thing’ that they know will hurt you the most, and it’s important to understand that the narcissist is only loyal to themselves – or more specifically their only master, The False Self.

If this means disappearing and taking up with old or new supply, because that is what is going to feed their ego, so be it. The narcissist has no concern or conscience about the effect on you.

If the narcissist feels ‘off’ due to lack of supply, then you are inevitably to blame, regardless of what you did or didn’t do. The narcissist will do whatever it takes to get relief, and the end justifies the means, no matter who is betrayed or suffers in the process.

You just being ‘happy’ and connecting to other people is enough to have the narcissist lashing out and sabotaging your happiness. As far as they are concerned, if they are unhappy and you happy then ‘the score’ needs to be levelled.

Holiday time is a red-hot period for this to happen to you – I can’t tell you how many narcissistic relationships explode at this time.

 

Hoovering At Holiday Time

Narcissists feel threatened when they lose the spotlight, and they suffer when they see the good cheer of those around them, because this reminds the narcissist about how miserable, needy and empty they really feel on this inside.

This is why holiday time is a hotspot for a narcissist to start recycling past lovers – it’s a time when they love to hoover old supply.

“Who still misses me? Who can I hit up for attention and sex? Whose heart can I play with again to remind myself of how significant I really am?”

Of course, this person will only be used by the narcissist – for selfish self-medication, or to punish the current partner or most recent ex.

When the usefulness of the hoover is over then a cruel discard may follow – unless the narcissist is preparing to jump ship into the next screen-play of their life. Then the hoovered person will become their object of the moment, and the narcissist will start exploiting them and siphoning them of life-force and ‘stuff’.

None of it is a compliment. It’s not about love.

If you still feel trauma bonded to a narcissist you may be hoovered at holiday time out of the blue. As the saying goes. “if you fool me once shame on you, if you fool me twice shame on me.”

This is why it’s so important to get clear, work on healing ourselves and rise above the horror show of being hoovered in, only to be devastated and destroyed again – or to tolerate someone disappearing and betraying us with other people simply to feed their own ego.

 

The Intense Aloneness of Not Feeling Loved

Of course, it’s devastating to feel devalued, ignored, discarded, disappeared on and replaced.

It’s horrifying.

It makes us question everything about our own lovableness. How do we recover from such painful love? Is it possible to risk opening one’s heart again to receive love?

Maybe we even doubt that it exists?

I promise you I felt all of this – as I know many of you do. The loneliness and helplessness I experienced was so overwhelming I thought I would die.

However now I know a different possibility. I’ve broken free from the obsession, the struggle of being trauma bonded to someone ripping my heart to pieces – and most of all I was able to shift out and replace my painful beliefs about myself.

I let go of the beliefs that

• “I’m not worth loving.”
• “Happy, healthy love is something that happens for others but not me.”
• “I am CURSED in love.”

Now I have the absolute joy and privilege to help thousands of people just like me not only survive narcissistic trauma at holiday time, but also take back their power and Thrive – by learning and implementing a few key powerful and FAST shifts that will:

• Turn your agony and obsession into self-partnering and self-love.
• Remove your anxiety and grant you empowerment and imperviousness to narcissistic antics.
• Turn your longing to be treated better into a complete knowing that you deserve better, are worth better, and will ONLY accept BETTER!

This is why I can’t wait to support you this holiday time with my Healing Holiday Heartbreak Workshop, coming up on the 3rd December.

Here, you will feel held, understood, supported and loved. Together we will ignite your inner switch to take you from holiday zero to being your own hero – bursting you forth into the deservedness, enrichment and joy that is yours by divine right – no matter who you spend Holiday time with, and even if you are alone.

Plus you will be with a loving global tribe of thousands of people who will also be there to share in this healing, liberating experience with you.

This is a celebration of YOU this holiday time.

This is your GIFT from me and your gift to yourself.

It’s also your gift for the future to reprogram your inner compass out of traumatic love towards true real and healthy love.

For EVERY time of your life.

And I can’t wait to show you how!

So click right here to sign up to my Healing Holiday Heartbreak Workshop. We have limited Zoom places, so reserve your spot now!

Did this article resonate with you? Have you experienced the behaviours mentioned above? Let me know in the comments below.

Do you want to learn better boundaries, self-love and how to hold and improve your energy field and stop abusive people messing with both your energy and your heart?

Would you like to discover how never to lose or compromise yourself again?

If so, come with me here!