From Being Trapped To Your Personal Freedom – Part 2

This week’s article is about responding to people’s trapped situations and emotions.

Please, let me say my heart goes out to all of you. The loss, depression, anxiety and powerlessness that is symptomatic of being narcissistically abused is awful.

The real deal for me to help you is for me to be a generator of the solutions.

And this means reaching deep inside these issues, and bringing forth the truth that will get you into your power center. It means accessing the truth that will set you free.

This is where my work differs, because I know that just focusing on the issues and the pain without facilitating the vital shift up and out of it is never the answer.

And my solutions are definitely not about ignoring the painful emotions and trapped feelings, and simply trying to carry on as if they don’t exist.

This is one of the greatest flaws of Law of Attraction that is promoted by many. That somehow you are supposed to just ignore the emotional trauma of “what has happened” and just be positive.

This may work for certain things in some cases – but very rarely does it work for the horrendous devastation of narcissistic abuse.

During this article, I will answer certain people’s “trapped issues” in ways that I hope grant you the understanding of the inner transformative experience that can release you from the stranglehold of feeling trapped.

Which will then allow you to be able to move into the freedom where solutions, inspiration and real change can be generated – and this is regardless of how painful, stuck and hopeless your situation seems to be.

 

Being The Generative Source Of Our Own Experience

When we try to affect change outside of ourselves we are powerless. In stark contrast, when we start generating inside of us the change that we want to see in our lives on any trapped topic, then, and only then, can our life start re-forming in new and healthier ways.

The people and situations that are no longer a match for our newly generated Inner Beingness start falling way, they lose the ability to act out against us. They lose power and influence, and the aspects of Life and people who match our truly connected inner power start showing up in their place.

One of the grandest illusions is that we need to “fight” and “control” the things that bring us pain. Yet, when we take the inner path of deep self-partnering and healing we discover that the only “thing” we needed to “fight” and “control” was ourselves.

We discover there were aspects of ourselves that were unhealed, which were allowing the displeasing and painful events in our life, and we realise that if these unhealed parts remain inside of us there is NO amount of “doingness” with combat, fear, righteousness or despair that will make up for our unhealed “Beingness.”

We discover that Life is happening through us on a Quantum Level.

One of the simplest examples of this is: if our Inner Being state remains traumatised, victimised and in despair – life via the narcissist and many other components will simply keep delivering more evidence of our internal beliefs about our devastated state.

When we understand how belief systems operate in our subconscious – we understand point blank “Whatever I believe about myself, life and others is EXACTLY what life brings to me.”

This is unconditional. Which means – it doesn’t matter what has happened up to this point, what is presently happening, and how these beliefs got there – they are generating the reality of your life to the letter.

So what is our REAL job then? To work deeply on our own beliefs regardless of what is presently happening to become the change we want life and others to deliver.

And in no way does this means we are going to sit in a cave “Ohming” to make all that happen. (Even though I promise you this is much more effective than trying to “do something about it” whilst your highly charged painful emotions are operating).

It means that we dedicate to the inner work, release the painful junk, and open up space for solutions. When we become an emotional match to the life we want to generate, the “right” inspiration, ideas and energy starts to emerge from within. Additionally, opportunities, support, synchronicities and solutions start to appear outside of us.

This shift occurs because the energy that we had tied up in emotional agony and survival gets released to become available for creation. And there is no comparison between the two. The first state is powerlessness and the second powerfulness.

Initially, living life from the “inside out” is counter-intuitive. We were taught to focus on “what is” and think that is the source of it all – rather than realising we are in fact powerful Energetic Creators for good or bad.

We weren’t educated about the truth – that the “outside” is only ever the symptom of the true cause – our internal beliefs.

As humans, our programming was incredibly susceptible and often flawed because we were brought up by many unconscious role models whose belief systems were flawed well before ours followed suit.

During this article, and whilst reading my responses, it is my greatest passion to bring through the truth, so that you can access and develop your true power centre and escape the highly compelling illusions of “being trapped.”

Please note, I can’t respond to everyone who has posted on Facebook, on last week’s blog or via private message, but I will attempt to answer everyone via the following sections and responses.

Here are the “trapped situations” and my responses.

 

How Can I Find Myself?

“I am completely lost. I have endured over 20 years of lies, manipulation and cheating along with the verbal, emotional, financial, sexual and physical abuse. I feel like I have been raped inside and out. I gave so much of myself for so long, I don’t even know who I am anymore. I feel like an empty shell, not knowing where to turn or what to do. How do I even begin to find myself?”

My response:

Please let me start by saying what you have been through is horrible, especially as it has happened for an extended period of time. When we are living with abuse constantly it becomes our “normal,” and often in these cases it isn’t until the inevitable discard, or something “so big” happens that we know we have to let go – that we even physically leave it.

A huge illusion we all lived is that people should treat us the way we treat them. This is what we were brought up to believe – to hand our power over and keep others happy and give to them was how to be a loving, giving person. And often we believe that it was necessary to “survive” – trying to appease a person just so that we could retain security and survival. Or maybe we believed that eventually our giving and self-sacrificing would pay off, and this person would “see the light.”

These are all some of the biggest illusions of humankind.

That’s not how the system of life operates.

People treat us identically to how we treat ourselves; which means how we really feel about our own inner security, loveableness and worth, and how we “show up” within those beliefs.

Your solution to “find you” is to dedicate to your inner world to release and heal every young part of yourself (from childhood) that believes you have to earn love, and that you are not essentially loveable and worthy.

Included in those beliefs are the ones that are limiting and stopping you from being the generative source of your own love, security and survival directly with life. (As I stated in my article last week these used to be HUGE for me, and were EXACTLY why I would cling on no matter how badly I was being abused).

Then you will up-level these false beliefs, embrace healthier ones, and integrate with your True Self and “find” yourself.

And you will understand that all of this has a much greater and higher purpose – your evolution into freedom – and you will realise exactly why this experience at this level happened for you, rather than to you.

 

Maybe Our Beliefs Are Generational and Traditional

“I come from a very traditional old school of thought. Marriage is for life, society will blame and shame. Women are blamed for any failures in their family, i.e. a woman makes or breaks the marriage. A man needs a firm hand thus if he is wayward and womanises it is the woman’s fault. She is not good enough … If the children misbehave it’s the mother’s poor upbringing skills. If the family is poor, the woman mismanaged the funds and not skilled to steer the ship towards richer shores … And society will tar and feather a woman who divorces from a ‘good man’ whose only vice is to womanise and occasionally hit her and verbally abuse her!!”

My response:

Belief systems do this: generate the validity of your belief to the letter in your life experience. I suggest vitally getting inside your body, accessing these painful beliefs and evicting them out of your body, and up-levelling them to something so much more self-loving and helpful – otherwise you will never be free to experience anything but those beliefs.

You DO NOT have to accept them as your personal life experience, regardless of who else decides they want to live these beliefs, and regardless of the evidence that “life” may grant.

Your personal experience has nothing to do with “the outside,” all of the components of life are poised to grant you the match of you Beingness on “the inside.”

If you continue embodying these beliefs – then you are “right” – they ARE your truth.

And you can fight for your limitation vehemently quoting any statistic, “what is,” or “the history of women,” and if you do then you have just cemented that limitation.

It’s much more pleasant and successful to be a pioneer of wellbeing – a powerful emotional Creator – not just for yourself, but for all others who cross your path.

That’s how we not only transform ourselves, it’s how we contribute to transforming our world – including the previous plight of women – one person at a time.

 

Deep Regret

“I have accepted the truth as to what was done to the kids, and I feel stuck, mourning, a life I wasted on Narcula. Because of the lifetime I can’t get back, and health now won’t permit me that chance. I can move forward but I still carry regret that runs deep!”

My response:

When you turn this “outside in” approach of looking at “what is” with deep regret, to the” inside out” approach of accepting and acting on the truth, “this happened for a self-healing reason,” then, and only then, with self-dedication and development, you can release every, every, every part of you that is in the agony of regret, self-recrimination, judgement, blaming, loss etc.

Then you will start opening up “space” without the “junk” (negative emotions) to connect to the inherent stream of wellbeing.

Then your emotional and then mental, spiritual and physical heath will improve.

Again, you can fight for your limitations “I’ve lost too much,” “My health can’t improve,” “It’s too late,” and even more firmly cement these beliefs as your truth.

If you choose to accept them, they will be your truth – without exception and without relief, and Life can only continue to disintegrate you, rather than integrate for you.

That’s how powerful a Creator you are.

Or … you can access your subconscious, get to the very bottom of these painful beliefs and release the negative charges out of your body, so that these beliefs are just Not Your Reality any more. Then you will have room for healthier beliefs.

We have the power to create our life as “devastated,” and we also have the power to create our life as “inspired,” “healing” and “expanding.”

It’s a choice.

Often when we believe we have lost everything, and there is nowhere left to turn, and we are in total despair, this is the best time to go within and self-partner. Because what else is there left outside us to cling to? I know, for me, that was exactly what happened … when every other option no longer existed, I finally came home – to me – for the first time in my life.

What have you got to lose? You already believe it is game over, so there is really nothing but “up” from here. Once you commit to the inner work, you will start to gain inner courage, strength and more motivation to keep going.

 

Feeling Stuck In Career Direction

“I want to break out on a new path. I feel this desire to find my true path and passion and make a real difference. The stuff I’ve been doing, which originally was my passion, is no longer satisfying. But I feel “stuck” in not yet knowing what my next step needs to be. I feel financially in need of the income, even though it’s not really allowing me to live comfortably anyway.”

My response:

With an energetic subconscious healing tool (maybe you are working with Quanta Freedom Healing – or not?) you can access the parts of yourself that are blocking you from the knowing and the expansion you seek. You can release these parts out and free yourself from them.

Truly it is that simple. Whatever we have stopping us from flowing forward into a desired expression of self is a block we have within us.

When we imagine the goal, and feel in resistance to it, we can feel into our body and find where it is, drop into it and allow our unconscious (which knows and remembers everything) to “tell us” what that block is really about.

We are all coded to understand how to do this – if we start using a technique and tool to ”self-discover.” That tool is implemented into every one of my healing programs.

When you find, release and up-level these previously limited parts of yourself, and replace them with the freedom, expansion and resourcefulness of your Highest Self (Source Connection) then you will organically flow forward and expand with somatic space, inspiration, and even excitement. Essentially, you are now a match for the highest expression of you – which is your already coded True Self.

Your True Self totally agrees with and generates the “calling” of what you want to experience. Your desire is your Soul saying, ”Hi, yes that’s RIGHT!”

Then your organic desire and soul truth will allow in the inspirations, opportunities, cues, signposts and synchronicities for you to generate Who You Really Are in the world.

In other words, Life will start bringing you “the next step” towards this truth.

 

Too Scared To Meet Someone

“I feel that although I’ve come a long way, I am stuck by not feeling willing to put myself out there to try and meet someone new. This winter was the first one in years that I did not suffer depression (SAD) that was mostly linked to my ex. Now that I finally feel good, I am kind of stuck because I don’t want to risk going through all of that again.”

My response:

Once we have up-levelled our previous dependent, powerless, young parts we know we can be open hearted, trust ourselves, speak up, and no longer suffer the handing our power over because of fear of rejection, attack or abandonment. And we no longer carry the survival fears that derailed us in the past.

When we are a healthy, mature, adult, developed self anchored in our own body – we are love without fear – but it takes development.

This is never about “who can I trust?” – that’s an illusion – it’s always about our own development to find and evolve these underdeveloped young fears that we still carry.

We may think that the narcissist was responsible for our feelings of being trapped, fearful, distrusting, depressed and powerless, but truly these pieces of us were already under the surface and were merely triggered up into consciousness by the narcissist.

We were already trying to do life from “the outside in” and were unknowingly dependent on other people and things for our sense of self. It’s just we were able to function up to this point like that. After the narcissist comes the game is up … we need to face those parts of ourselves that we had been avoiding.

The narcissist was really a divine catalyst showing you what you needed to heal. The truth is this: If that person hadn’t entered your life to help you heal – another person, carrying the identical “message” would have.

Your soul created this “for” you, and not “to” you.

Your dilemma means “more work to do on self.” The same is the truth for every fear blocking us from where we want to expand into – including self-love, love of Life (these need to come first) and then love with an intimate beloved.

Love is about fully opening our heart – it means being “in-love” as the essential foundation of our life. It means that we are living in a state of openness, grace, gratitude, joy and wonder with life and others.

When you fully mate with your own soul – then a soul-mate will appear in your life – as an extension of Who You Are Being.

 

Being Narc Addicted and Devastated

“I am trapped in the knowledge they had it all their way and have turned you into a shadow of yourself, feeling addicted to them and feeling like all options lead to painfulness for self. Trapped that they have got us emotionally dependant to them, annoyed by discovering the gut feelings were right.”

And …

“I can’t get over how absolutely hurt I feel over the whole situation. Hurt that he lied about loving me. Hurt that he discarded me. And hurt that he is repeating the cycle with someone new.”

And …

“I just could not believe what had happened to me. Truly shocking, heartbreaking, horrifying & soul shattering, to find out my “marriage partner ” isn’t even a real person and has lied, cheated, betrayed, and deceived me.”

My response:

I understand this one profoundly – because I suffered addiction to narcissists as a total addict. Being addicted and devastated are horrendous symptoms of assigning someone as “the parent” to fix and heal our own inner young wounds rather than taking that on to become a health partner / parent to ourselves.

If we are in this pattern, we have a tendency to attract abuse, cling to abuse, and show up as powerless children handing over our soul, boundaries and self-respect, and signing up for more soul disintegration in the process.

That is until we commit to partnering with ourselves.

Hopefully we reach the point where we have had enough of the agony (for me, like many others, it had become life and death) to finally commit to loving, supporting and developing our own Inner Being.

In all the cases of narc abuse I have worked with, I know that people who feel addicted, “still in love” and “shattered by someone who said they loved me” (I went through all of that too with narc number 1) are in for the hardest of times.

And truly, this is serious, and there is a dire need to commit to the inner development work to break out of the powerless tendency to keep reconnecting and clinging and chasing and pining, no matter how badly we were treated.

Because it is soul-destroying.

I promise you that when you make it all about yourself, and your healing and your development then you will be able to step outside of these deeply destructive emotions and self-abusive relationship patterns.

I know exactly how traumatising that feels – because I’ve been there. Now today in my life I am grateful beyond measure that the narcissists in my life took me to my knees with nowhere else to go – because I certainly would not feel like and be living the life, freedom and joy I am today if I hadn’t cleaned my inner stuff up.

It was all divinely orchestrated and worth every bit of crawling and then walking and then dancing forward as a result of my internal self-development.

My heart goes out to your agony, and I promise you this … after experiencing and overcoming my level of powerlessness, and deathly, self-annihilating addiction to narcissists, I KNOW anyone can heal from this – if you commit with devotion and determination to yourself.

 

Not Realizing The Evolution Gift

“I completely cut him out of my life recently. I’m 28. I feel like the last four years of my life, years that should have been my prime years, were a waste and a lie. I have nothing to show except that I’m a complete mess.”

My response:

What you are dealing with here is resistance to the truth.

The truth always sets us free, it’s the resistance to truth that kicks us so hard.

The resistance you have is non-acceptance of “this happened so that I could heal and evolve.”

If I can be really straight with you – as of course I had to be with myself after feeling like this too – Life does not owe us anything. We can’t “get” our life, we can only “be” it.

Other people, narcissists or not – are not responsible for our lives – we are. Other people will only ever reflect back to us our beliefs about ourselves, others and life – no more and no less. This means when we have suffered greatly at the hands of another, and then tried to hold them accountable for our lives, we need to take a deep breath, self-reflect and STOP holding them accountable.

We need to be clear and straight with ourselves …

“How was I being and showing up that co-generated this?”

“What parts of myself were life showing me that I needed to evolve?”

“What parts of myself were continuously handing over power because of the fear of rejection and abandonment?”

“What parts of myself were not genuinely “in love,” and were not sharing profound love for myself and Life with another, but were really attached to someone else to provide me with my own sense of lovability, worth and security.”

This is about being honest with ourselves – not brutally honest – lovingly honest.

Because if we don’t start accepting the truth of what really happened we are not on the field let alone near the goals, and we have no ability to move forward from victim consciousness, which is the greatest impediment to healing, growth and recovery.

The truth is we have stuff we need to clean up – deep stuff inside ourselves that feels powerless, and is not self-loving or self-generative.

Law of Attraction is totally unconditional.

It states, “I love you so much I will grant you more of who you are being.” The stronger the emotional charge the more Law of Attraction responds with no preference whatsoever to whether the charge is “good” or “bad.”

The system of Life knows it’s all good, because it wakes us up to learn we are The Creator calling it all forth from our emotional belief systems – and hopefully if we have had enough we commit to changing Who we are being, and what we are calling forth.

Your greatest goal is to find the way to release your pain, and transform yourself to stop the emotional laden charges of “My life is a waste and a lie. I can’t get those years back, and all I have to show is I am a complete mess.”

Because “Okay,” says Law of Attraction “you decided that, so BE it.”

YOU are being it!

Can you understand that Life just delivers more of Your Being?

So what is going to set you free from this self-imposed powerless prison? Stopping that and accepting the truth – this happened for me so that I could heal.

Pain is inevitable, it calls us to self-reflect and evolve what we need to. Suffering is optional; it’s the non-recognition of what the real purpose of emotional pain is.

Your options are as clear cut as night and day …

Hang on to your personality’s version or accept your soul’s version.

When we are stuck in the first (that’s the only trapped place that exists) we fight for our limitations, and our victim story. We fight to stay trapped. We tell anyone who will listen how bad it was what he / she did, and how ruined our life is now, and we even join groups where other people do this continuously too – and for all our self-proclaimed righteousness and reasons why we are victims – we JUST don’t get well.

And nobody comes along to rescue our inner powerless child – because we were always the only person meant to do that.

Or … on the path of your soul’s version you will make it all about your own evolution. You will partner yourself deeply and find every young part of yourself which feels powerless, and dependent and not believing she is free to be love and generate more of that with Life.

Life has a ton of resources, and when we deeply partner ourselves, we open up to the expansive co-flourishing with Life as enormous unlimited opportunity and potential.

I promise you – even though you struggle to feel it now – many people have connected gloriously to the beginning of Real Life long after 28. “If only (I say to myself) I could have had the truth shown to me at 28!”

You have it all amazingly ahead of you – if you align with the truth of your soul.

 

Co-parenting

“Feeling incredibly tied to and trapped by my ex narc. Co-parenting as a separated couple of a small child means that modified contact is still too much! His need to control, sideline me as a mother and gain supply still gets my cortisol levels up and I am constantly waiting on guard for what will happen next (even though I repeat that module often). I fantasise (probably mistakenly) about how much easier no contact would be and worry about my son and his experiences with a narc dad constantly. I just can’t imagine how I’m going to do this without those feelings for the next 13 years! I feel no ties to him or any grief around our relationship. But I feel connected in almost a karmic way (because of our son) and it feels like there’s no easy way out!”

My response:

I can feel and see the “glitch” that you are suffering here. You are working NARP which is great – fabulous – but you have missed the essential (key) and that’s okay … Hopefully I can help you shine a light on it.

The narcissist in your life is offering you the gift of up-levelling – co-parenting or not. And it’s a powerful and essential message, and this is why Life and your soul has manifested the lesson in this way – so it can’t be avoided.

This is about going to the parts of you which are still in the beliefs and powerlessness of: “He can control, sideline, gain supply, and I have to always be on guard.”

What you need to do is feel into EVERY angst on those topics that are triggered. What does this have to do with your young inner child who feels bullied and powerless? They are the parts you need to determinedly embrace and shift with NARP.

And once you have worked on them, you can do the work on the fear about your son. I have spoken in length and even done a two part series on – How Parents Can Help Empower Their Children. You have the information and tool (NARP), you just need to apply it.

That is how we heal – it is never about “what he / she is doing” – it is always about “What is that young underdeveloped part of me being triggered.”

Take your focus off the fantasy of “being rescued” from this – that is NOT your evolution path!

That is just those young underdeveloped parts wanting an easy way out – and it’s not the answer, and not going to happen – because what would you have evolved if that was the case?

When you up-level those parts, your boundaries will improve, you won’t be triggered by his tactics, and you won’t hook in or hand over any more narcissistic supply.

Then he will stop doing all of these things without exception.

Universal Law states: “What is in our experience is a direct match for our “beingness,” and narcs only do the behaviour where they know supply can be extracted. And please be very sure even emotional reaction without physically acting on it is still narcissistic supply.

Energy connects …

When you shift your triggered beliefs he will leave you alone, stop using your son as a pawn and he will have to feed somewhere else – co-parenting or not.

There are many co-parents in this community who are no longer affected – truly. But these are the ones who have taken on “What parts of me do I determinedly need to up-level – the parts you are triggering for me to show me what I need to heal?”

Your growth, that is for the taking, is NOT just about co-parenting with him – it is about your expansion into healthy boundaries, being seen and heard and being confident and free in every area of your life.

Despite the appearances of “what is happening,” this is the greatest gift your soul knows you could have.

Don’t shy away from it. Dive into it with full commitment and even excitement.

 

Having To Feel In And Discover What The Fear Is

The fear paralyses me … Example today the pool pump guy said to get the paperwork for the warranty … I go into panic!!! Why is that???

My response:

This is an unhealed inner part trying to get your attention via this trigger. Until you go inside and connect with “self” you could only ever guess what it is about.

This is the problem with what we have been “taught” to do – we believe we can stay in our minds, try to “think” about it, or ask other people.

We look to the outside for our answers when they are within us.

And of course we just try to carry on avoiding our triggers – meaning we have to numb ourselves out with distractions. Or we contract back from life, hiding from anything that may set off the trigger again.

Your life is unique, as is your history; only your Inner Being knows what young scared, vulnerable under-developed wound is causing you to be triggered.

When you learn how to self-connect, feel into your body, know how to be in theta brain-wave and access where that young wound is being held, and open up into it, your subconscious will show you “what this is.” Then if you have an energetic tool to shift it (such as Quanta Freedom Healing) you will be able to release it from your body and replace it with the mature, developed Source version of your True Self.

Then that trigger will not come up like that again, and you will have evolved and expanded beyond that young underdeveloped part. Your “beingness” and personal power will have improved in relation to your entire life as a result.

This is exactly what triggers are – they are a call to go inside and up-level – and this is why they are so precious, and not to be covered over and avoided.

So it is great that you asked about it!

 

Unable To Leave

Feeling trapped in Fear to leave … I know I am stronger than allowing him to control me. But it’s like a paralysed feeling comes over me. He has been physical (grabbing, and throwing a TV at me), verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive. I can’t stand to be here but it’s like I am. Frozen … Ugh

My response:

Again, these “trapped” young unhealed parts within you feel hooked, dependent and terrified about generating life independently. Most women suffer horrendous DNA survival fears without a man. There has been very little time for females to evolve from this, it was only a couple of hundred years ago that women literally could not physically survive let alone prosper without a man.

In many countries this is still the case. Truly – it is a collective female powerless wound – but it can be, and is healed when you do the inner work on it.

Please know that people have been able to detach enough and work on their Inner Beings in order to be able to leave, and others just left and then did the work.

Naturally, the first version means by the time you leave you are much more emotionally solid, and no-where near as easily derailed. Yet, it can be difficult to get the space to heal when living with the enmeshment of an abuser. If the narcissist will allow you to detach without violating your boundaries during the times you work on yourself – then it is possible.

But this means when the narcissist is present you have to detach – you have to get it straight NOT to hand over power by displaying anguish, powerlessness, or trying to get accountability or trying to force the narcissist to change. Most of all you have to resist trying to get the narcissist to rescue you from your own fears.

You have to determinedly detach – do Modified or even No Contact – and then work on yourself whenever you can.

I did a Thriver Story with a lady named Kayla some time ago, and I will never forget it. Kayla left earlier in the mornings, and would sit in her car to do NARP shifts before work. That is how she up-levelled enough to leave.

This is the difference between Thrivers and Survivors – Thrivers do everything that it takes to partner their Inner Beings.

I will say this … if he is violent and you can’t detach and have peace, then it’s time to go. The truth is: you will be in the terror and white-knuckling addiction when you do. Every survival and attachment fear is going to come screaming up for you – and that is why it is so important to face and work with these parts as soon as possible.

In regard to the physical decision, before leaving, you need to think it through and exit in ways that can put boundaries around your wellbeing, and ensure you can secure what you need before he knows you’ve left.

Then you can commit to yourself full heartedly – into the inner work to up-level all the emotional parts of you that could be susceptible to his antics, tactics, attacks, and security threats.

Many of us left “this” way – we just HAD to get out – despite our total terror and addiction. This is the most common way to recover. It is totally doable, and the advantage is that you will have the space to heal without the narcissist in your face constantly trying to derail you.

Then … of course … the real inner work begins.

 

A Dysfunctional Court System

“I am trapped by a dysfunctional family court system. I am only allowed to see my children 10 overnights/month. My daughter cries while secretly texting from dad’s place. I am forced to co-parent with a horrible human being who takes from me as much as he can. He threatens me with taking me to court constantly. He can’t stand when I ignore his emails and show I am free from submitting to his bullying. He accuses our daughter of taking “my side” while he verbally abuses her. I grew tired of the emotional war he waged against me, so I decided to change in order to positively change my children’s lives. It is working.”

My response:

Your post is what many people face when dealing with narcissists – struggles with legal systems. High conflict personalities often use legal systems to abuse by proxy, and to get what they want.

That is wonderful that you have “come inside” to make the change happen from within first.

Law of Attraction operates through us to effect everything in our experience. Struggles with legal systems are one of the worst ways we can continue to be “violated” if we had deep charges of “violation” still coursing through our body.

We will attract the legal personnel who exploit, the judge that rules in favour of the narcissist, and all sorts of conditions within the experience that keep bringing us more abuse, loss and fear.

I know personally I had to shift enormously negative beliefs about “the system,” in order to start having much better experiences.

My last confrontation with the law, due to a fraudulent claim by a narcissist, was easily solved, and I was totally listened to and believed. Interestingly, the police officer had also had relationships with narcissists, and we discussed in length the patterns of the “cycle of violence,” and she could see straight away the truth of what had happened.

I know I would never have had Law of Attraction lining up such a positive experience for me if I had remained in my previous belief systems. In my earlier times, my own fears of authority, and a deep shame of being “wrong or caught out” (childhood wounds) used to always mean my back was up against the wall, and I was showing up in ways that made me look guilty.

The situation you are in is different and of course extremely painful for you and your children, yet the truth remains the same: when we change our beingness then the outer conditions will change to match our inner state.

The great thing about working at up-levelling our belief systems through our body means we don’t have to intellectually work out what our painful beliefs are. The system of inner work is far less complicated. All we need to do is think of our situation, and connect to the painful emotional charge (trigger) and then track it back though our body for the information, and for its release and transformation.

Then our body shifts into “space” and “freedom” and our brain neuron pathways also physiologically shift to a higher state of intuition, solutions and possibilities – and then “The Field” (Life) also shifts and starts delivering solutions.

It doesn’t matter how bad things have been, how “wrong” the system and its representatives have been – Life has unlimited permutations and resources to shift; to clear The Field and start replacing it with people and situations which are a match for your newly shifted inner state.

Naturally, in situations that are highly stressful and traumatising (such as legal challenges with narcs) the challenge is really all about “How do I get my attention off ‘what is’ and free myself emotionally (regardless of conditions) in order to become the change I seek?”

That’s the real work, and it means much less time trying to react and formulate answers when feeling traumatised – because The Field will only ever bring you “more of that.” That energy needs to channel into doing the work directly in your body.

It is normal and human to think “I don’t have time to do this work – when I have ALL of this to battle!” The irony always is: the times when we don’t want to work on ourselves, are the times we need to do it the most.

It is wonderful that you are now digging deep, healing and empowering yourself, because that is the true solution for you and your children.

 

Not Wanting To Be In Life

“I am in a constant battle and I struggle lately with voluntary solitude. I only want to stay home under the covers because I don’t want to be out in the world. I go to work and do what I need to do to take care of my kids and pay bills etc. but there is no pleasure in any of it. Something is blocking me from seeing a future for myself (I can see great things for my kids but not for me personally). Everything is a trigger for me and I constantly miss the good things about my Narc Ex husband and the life we had together now that he is living with someone else. I think about how we will never have those times/experiences again and I try to thank God that I had the opportunity to love and to feel and to bring children into the world but then the sadness and the emptiness takes over and I just want to check out and forget because it is too painful. Does getting in touch with true self stop the longing and constant remembering?”

My response:

When we track the intense pain of longing, and thinking all joy and love in our life is finished and so forth, we start picking up the beliefs and energies of our “blocks” to do with being disconnected spiritually from ourselves. Then we are able to start cleaning up our earlier wounds not allowing us to be an organic source – at one with ourselves and at one with life.

Then it is as if a blindfold comes off and we see the truth very clearly. We deeply somatically understand how we have never felt truly connected or at one, and how we were always in a constant state of emptiness and anxiety trying to get another person to give us our sense of “self,” and how were willing to put up with abuse in order to maintain it.

Then we realise exactly why the narcissistic experience happened, and why the inevitable agony of it was such a blessing – because it forced us to come home to ourselves and heal.

When we are far enough down the path, many things happen emotionally. We are relieved that we are no longer living a lie, and we have no attraction, missing or longing for the narcissist at all.

He or she becomes a “messenger” only of our wounds – a pivotal part of our journey to help us course-correct to create an authentic self and authentic life.

We also have no desire to be inauthentic or to connect with inauthentic people. They just don’t do it for us anymore. We recognise that arrogance is not confidence, lies are immaturity, materialism is shallow and unsatisfying, bullying is total insecurity, and that lack of accountability is severe dysfunction and unconsciousness. These behaviours are no longer our reality, and we now have the ability to create a healthy life, with healthy people.

But it’s not like we click our fingers and are just there. We can’t just logically decide we feel released from it, because it’s our emotional beliefs that are running our life.

By the time we have experienced a narcissist and all the devastation that goes with that experience, we have had a lot of painful beliefs which not just led us there (Law of Attraction) but have kept us emotionally invested even after the demise of the relationship.

When those beliefs, one by one by one, get peeled back and transformed, then we start opening up to the space and truth of our Real Life.

I promise you, if you do that process, one day you will look at who you were being, and how you felt and you will not even recognise that person.

And you will be free.

 Freer than you ever were even before the narcissist.

 

In Conclusion …

I hope my answers to people’s specific trapped feelings have helped grant you hope that there is a way to be released and liberated.

A way to be emancipated from who you were being into Who You Really Are.

As you have probably understood – the answer is the same answer each time.

 We have to be-come the change we seek.

Because when we “be” it, then it will “come.”

That is the key to your life …

I look forward to answering your questions and comments.