It’s really normal to not enjoy your emotional triggers – after all, they are painful!
Nearly all of us were told to “think about something else” and try to distract ourselves from them.
However, after experiencing the extreme trauma of abuse and toxic relationships, it’s not that simple to do.
Many of us, myself included, have had the absolute breakdown experience of so many crippling emotional triggers that life simply can’t go on as it used to.
This is why it is my absolute pleasure to share with you exactly how I deal with my triggers, so that I can inspire you to come up and out of pain, and be delivered to the other side too!
Video Transcript
Today I want to deeply share with you how I deal with my emotional triggers.
And this is really important because it is our triggers, which are handing us our salvation.
Mind you, it took me decades of pain to work this out. Before then, as a result of trying to avoid my triggers, I was forever stuck in emotional fear, pain and reaction and the ongoing traumatising events that were my life.
Thank goodness I discovered that there is a completely different way to deal with this! A way that works, and it is my absolute joy to share that with you today.
But before I do, I’d like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and supported the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t as yet done so, please do. And, if you enjoy this video, please make sure you give it a thumbs up.
Okay, let’s dive into today’s episode!
The Old Consensus About Emotional Triggers
Human conditioning has taught us to try to ignore and escape any painful emotional trigger. Meaning if we feel dense or painful energy inside our body, to try to do everything possible to get away from that feeling.
Many of us had the messages, since being very young of, “Try not to think about it!” Or we were talked out of our bad feelings, by people who also were experts at talking themselves out of their own bad feelings, and therefore did not have the capacity to validate ours.
Yet, we know that when we are told to ignore what we feel or to pick up some distraction, or what we are feeling isn’t true for us, that this doesn’t feel good.
Life experience has also shown us that the inner bad feelings usually keep coming back.
It’s so interesting now when I introduce people to the Thriver Way to heal for real from abuse, they may initially feel horrified about turning inwards to self-partner and meet their feelings.
And why wouldn’t they, after being indoctrinated into believing that emotional triggers should be avoided at all cost!
Even Law of Attraction principles declare that the way through to a happy and healthy life is to ignore the bad feelings and just focus on the good and try to create new neuropathways as a result of doing that.
Many of us, who tried gallantly to achieve this, found out that the painful triggers, that were often in repeat, didn’t go away no matter how hard we tried to think our way out of them.
And, what was extremely painful was that the triggers would often explode from inside of us at random times. They may have caused us to hand power away to other people because of being derailed emotionally. They may have caused us to lash out at people who we love simply because we were feeling overwhelmed within ourselves.
Also, they could make the creation, expansion, and solution of our life incredibly difficult for us because we are continually plagued by painful feelings that are taking up all our energy trying to survive them.
Then, of course, we have to come up with even more extreme strategies to try to escape the inner pain that is going off inside of us, especially after suffering the incredible trauma of narcissistic abuse.
When you are suffering the triggers of feeling anxiety, depression, powerlessness, helplessness, or even panic attacks, until you learn how to handle your triggers in a self-partnered way, you are susceptible to trying to find something outside of yourself to try to switch the trigger off.
This could mean that you go for food, cigarettes, alcohol, shopping, excessive device time, hooking up with people who hurt you, and all sorts of unhealthy and even desperate measures to try to get out of the pain.
It’s only when you get in your body and can be present healthily with your triggers that this can stop.
Turning it Around By Turning in
It wasn’t until I experienced my complete breakdown/breakthrough experience with narcissistic abuse, and being left with my shattered Inner Being, without any outer props left to go to, that I started to get a grasp on the truth of this.
I needed to turn inwards.
And so I did, with this declaration, “Inner Being I am here for you and I am never deserting you again”.
I realised my emotional triggers, which were the signals of my inner traumas, had become “my normal” but this was in no way natural. It’s not who I really was as my True Self.
It’s not our fault that we have had so many traumas impregnated into us from the outside – our past lives, our ancestors, childhoods, and the human collective experience of limiting painful beliefs about gender, age, race, religion or whatever it may be.
And of course, people who were dealing with their own extreme levels of trauma. Hurt people hurt people.
Trauma, sadly, is a part of the human experience. We have all been infected to some degree.
After being narcissistically abused the trauma within you is activated to such an extreme level that it reaches critical mass. At this point life simply cannot go on as normal, and it is virtually impossible to be able to cognitively think our way out of the pain.
Often, researching and learning all we can about abusers and our abuse symptoms will not ease it either.
When I turned inwards, I discovered so many painful fractures that were programmed beliefs and painful emotional experiences, in regard to myself, life and others.
The truth was I did not feel safe in my body, and this was the battle with anxiety, depression, and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
How on earth can we feel good in our body after experiencing significant trauma? How can we feel safe?
Even before I developed the profound inner healing tools of Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP) to heal myself, I started to understand that rather than try to get relief from the outside, that the only true relief needed to be between me and myself.
I learnt to say to myself, “I bless and accept this feeling”.
I want you to imagine having an emotional trigger go off inside you, and rather than abandon yourself by trying to disconnect from it, or blaming yourself for having it, I want you to open your heart and breathe and say to yourself “I bless and accept this feeling”.
Now feel the effects of that in your body.
It would be usual for you to start feeling some relief because your Inner Being heaves a sigh of relief knowing that you have finally showed up for him or her.
The illusion is that your Inner Being has wanted something or somebody else to take away the pain, but your Inner Being has actually been waiting for you to turn inwards to self-partner and integrate and love him or her back to wholeness, all along.
Being willing to do this, and validate the feeling as being blessed and something that you accept starts to reverse all of those beliefs that we’ve taken on from our forebears – that our feelings are invalid and not deserving of our attention and love, which really means that we have been deemed invalid.
I hope you understand that your emotional inner state is Who You Are.
It’s where your entire life is being generated from. Hence, in order to get life right, this part of you requires your devotion and self-partnering.
Why Are Triggers So Fantastic?
You may think that I’m crazy by saying triggers are fantastic!
Yet, I know, 100% that they are.
I now know that all of my triggers are happening “for” me, and not “to” me. What I mean by this is when a trigger goes off inside of me, this is the signal that allows me to know that a part of me is not aligned with my desires, my True Self and my Soul’s True Destiny.
It’s like a GPS signal that is telling me I’m off course.
And I love this, even though once upon a time, of course, I detested it!
Since being aligned with my Thriver Life and having the profound Quantum Tool, Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP) I’ve been supremely dedicated to addressing the triggers that arise within my Inner Being, and loading them up and releasing and freeing myself from them.
This has allowed me to release my subconscious from those old painful programs, and replace them with my superconscious self, which is my highest potential on any topic, by bringing that down into the space where the old trauma once was.
This system of healing, completely bypasses the mind which tries to work it all out (usually unsuccessfully) and creates a shift somatically in our visceral emotional centre, in such a way that it doesn’t have to be understood logically in order to be experienced.
What I discovered is that when the trigger is gone, a resounding peace replaces it.
And this “thing” that I’ve been struggling with, regarding myself, people, situations or events, starts to heal and resolve.
I also discovered that the most incredible synchronicities, opportunities, and even miracles start to appear that completely match the positive shift that I’ve just had in my body.
This I know with every ounce of my being; that the composition of our Inner Being is directly connected with all of the resources of life that are entering our experience, as our experience.
When we shift, it shifts.
When your Beingness is changed, you have changed. This is so much more effective than trying to think your way into a new way of Being.
My everyday experience, before self-partnering with my triggers, was trying to negate painful feelings in my body, with all sorts of personal development. This was only at best managing my still existing trauma, and not healing it.
And when my efforts would slip, my addictions would start to take over. All of this was exhausting, especially because I was still battling ferociously the evidence of my unhealed triggers that were coming to me via people and situations.
Since discovering and working with the truth about triggers – “I bless and accept you as a signal of something that I can shift, release and replace in order to go up to the next higher level of my True Self” my life experience has changed beyond description.
I hope you are really getting this.
Okay, once again, when imagining having a trigger going off inside, I want you to repeat the declaration after me. Let’s say this together … “I bless and accept you as a signal of something that I can shift, release and replace in order to go up to the next higher level of my True Self”.
How does that feel in your body?
Does it feel like relief? Does it feel like truth?
I want you to pause this video and write how it feels for you below.
Okay, so I really want you to know that I totally validate that at the start of your narcissistic abuse recovery journey there are lots of triggers to address.
Initially, there is a lot of work to do to release and reprogram your Inner Being from intense toxic trauma that is making it difficult for you to function. This is why having an effective tool to be able to meet, hold, load up, release and replace your triggers certainly makes it so much easier.
If everything that I’ve talked about today resonates deeply with you, you can get your true healing journey started by clicking this link.
So, I hope this video made sense to you, regarding a new, empowering and radically transformative way to work with your triggers, and please share with the people who you know it could help.
As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.
Hi Melanie
It feels like profound GRATITUDE.
EVERYTHING feels like GRATITUDE.
I don’t know when I’ll stop being grateful that I woke up to the demand to LOVE . To love myself and everyone else. It’s like Alice on the other side of the Rabbit Hole.
Thank you from the deepest place in my heart for this Quantum Truth recovery process .
Darling Iris,
it is totally my pleasure.
Thank you for being a fellow Angel traveller on this journey.
Big love
Mel 🙏💕💛
“I bless and accept you (my sister with whom I was close who now rejects me and speaks with wasband) as a signal of something that I can shift, release, and replace in order to go up to the next higher level of my True Self”
I feel relief and empowered to move forward in my life and leave the community is once shared with you. I’m grateful for the confirmation, though sad, that helps me put closure on the end of this era and move forward to where I belong today.
Hi Theresa,
I’m so happy for you that you are able to release yourself and claim your True Self and True Life.
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
Melanie this has helped me a great deal as I am often triggered, thank you for these amazing tools
Hi Luisa,
It’s my pleasure and I’m so pleased this helps.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
My soul has been set free! Thank you, MTE!!
Hi JM,
you are so welcome sweetheart!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Brilliant and relevant as always, thank you Melanie
Hi Robyne,
Thank you so much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
So, is this relative to viewing our triggers as our intuition? It’s a tad over my head. I also do not understand the visceral part. I’m trying to not be so reactive to people. I know I’m in a traumatized, fight or flight state still, and still feeling as if everyone is “bad”. Itvis a helpless and hopeless feeling. My experience with Narcissists has really harmed my view of the world. Realizing that my parents are Narcissists and that I am predisposed to this…..angers me further. Revenge just allows them to play “victim” I have seen some people take my side, good people. I want to surround myself with more GOOD people!
Hi Nicole,
it totally can be confusing unless you get to literally experience this!
I’d love you to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/free webinar where I take you through a visceral experience, where it will make so much more sense to you.
I hope this helps and much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I love the Narp way of living, even after Narping since 2015, life still presents triggers…wonderful way to live instead of marinating in the pain of something….grateful for the triggers that present. Now I self partner or I go to a module, my intuition leads…..In just 30 minutes, I can shift it out and feel relief which forever heals that thing….. Sometimes it takes more work, but it’s just the best tool ever. It’s a lifestyle that I am forever grateful to have found and done. It works..❤️❤️❤️
Hi B,
Oh gosh I love the expression “marinating!”
That is so awesome B that you are continually up-levelling.
I so agree it is a lifestyle that just completely changes our lives and allows them to work!
Many continue blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Thank you for guiding me towards becoming more conscious of what I am experiencing. It will help me get through these unpleasant feelings just to think of it this way.
Hi Lydia,
it’s my pleasure and I am so pleased that this helped.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Melanie.
I am struggling now with the trauma, I have 2 beautiful children who have also been abused my their narssistic father. The positive thing now is that we don’t live with him. Everyday we find out more and more about his secrets and lies. Adultery, pornography, lies, debt and still so self absorbed it is just too much for my brain to even comprehend. This level of evil is not even possible. I lashed out for the first time with the kids been trying to keep it all in for 11 months and now I feel like my insides are outside. Thank you for your guidance and help
Hi Pauline,
My heart goes out to you.
Please know Dear Lady even the most unthinkable traumas can be healed with us by NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
Sending love and healing to you and your children.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Thanks Melanie, This can totally relate to me today.
I purchased your program about a year ago. I have listened to it a few times, tho I need to invest more time into it for myself.
I went through cancer treatment in 2018, I can totally say it was from stress.
Thank god, I responded very quickly to treatment and now in remission.
Im 44 years and have 4 young children. I totally owe this recovery to myself and my kids.
Thanks for showing up when I didn’t even know about narrisstics
Your story resonates so much with me. I have 12 year old twins and we have been away from my narcissistic husband for 2 years. I had lung cancer in 2016- it is amazing to me how resilient kids are- but they do take it all in. I am trying very hard to create a safe and happy home for them now. I believe my cancer was because of stress.
Hi Natasha,
You are very welcome and I’m pleased this resonated with you.
Please know how powerful and key NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp is to your recovery.
Please also come into the NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member as well so that we can help support you.
Much love to you and your children
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Melanie, hope it is not too late to write a commnt, as you are on the other side of the world so will likely be asleep by now, and tomorrow is another day. I just wanted to say thankyou, I listen to your episodes as they come out, over and over until the next one, and I noticed you seemed to talk a bit slower in this video. (My head is a bit scrambled with everything still, but its clearing :))…. anyway I sometimes find I ‘lose the thread’ a bit, but today my focus and concentration were on target. Could be my imagination…
Thanks again, for saving lives and awakening souls, David 🙂
Hi David,
Thank you for you comment. I am constantly growing and evolving. This isnt just a commitment to myself, it’s also my commitment to this Community.
That I believe is the reason for your observation.
Mel 🙏💕💛
How do you deal with the trigger of seeing your husband lying in bed every day, all day under the premise that he feels ill, playing computer games on his phone. Part of his self pity narcissistic trait. It triggers anger in me, every time I look at him. How do I deal with that, because it’s constant and I feel justified.
Dear Quilts Galore, you go to the movies by yourself, buy popcorn, and enjoy the movie. The next day you go window shopping at the mall. The next day you go to a bookstore, sit at Cafe and enjoy your coffee and new book. In other words, if he chooses to lay in bed that is his choice. It is not yours. Make a life for yourself in spite of him. If he gets angry about it, then you have your answer. He only cares about himself. Accept that is who he is and make your plans accordingly for your future.
…as Melanie mentioned earlier, it’s amazing how similar they all are— I’ve been there dear quilts. Finally I enrolled in college to get a second degree and to feel like I existed.
Hi Quilts Galore,
I can understand why you are triggered!
Oftentimes our triggers are a signal that we are being violated.
His values and application to his life are not the same as yours, so this means for you to live your life the way it will be healthy for you, means change is needed.
If he is not changing then the change will need to be what you are or arent willing to accept anymore.
The ultimate boundary can be ‘this is not my truth anymore. Either step up or we will need to separate’ and then meaning it and following through.
That may be your only option.
Much love to you.
Mel 🙏💕💛
I only found you yesterday and im so glad I did. Thanks so very much Melanie, I want to learn everything there is about freeing myself from triggers,pain etc. Thanks again Melanie
Hi Loraine,
I’m thrilled you found your way to my work too!
It’s my pleasure.
Love and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Dear Melanie,
When re-feeling triggers, I feel very sad.
Hi Barbara,
I absolutely understand Dear Lady.
Please come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar so that you can learn how to shift the triggers and get relief from them.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Dear Melanie,
I want to say a big thank you to you for all the work that you do and for sharing so much with everyone. You have gone through a lot yourself and have now come up with great valuable insights that you share with everyone for their healing. God bless you!
Hi Monaz,
Thank you for your lovely words and please know how welcome you are.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Melanie,
I don’t know how I would be healing from this kind of abuse if it weren’t for your videos and the NARP program! I feel so in control of my life and my feelings. I am empowered way past anything I could even imagine!!
Thank you again! 🙂
Much Love and Gratude!
Dee
Hi Dee,
That’s wonderful you are doing incredibly well sweetheart.
I’m so happy that you are living aligned with your True Self and True Life!
Blessings and love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I have been doing the NARP program for about 6 months now and feel a lot better. The triggers are a challenge but by going inside to meet and acknowledge the trauma, it brings great relief to heal the trauma with the tools I now have through quantum healing.
Thank you Melanie 🌈
Hi Jacqueline,
I’m so happy for you that you are embracing and healing your triggers with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and reaping the benefits.
Sending you continued blessings and breakthroughs
Mel 🙏💕💛
Melanie, may the universe bless you abundantly for the great work you are doing.. I felt a heavy load picked off my shoulders after the watching ur video… I will follow ur tips as often… I’m triggered almost throughout the day since a year…. once again thanks alot …
Melanie, may the universe bless you abundantly for the great work you are doing.. I felt a heavy load picked off my shoulders after the watching ur video. I will follow ur tips as often..I’m triggered almost throughout the day since a year.. once again thanks alot ..
Melanie, may the universe bless you abundantly for the great work you are doing.. I felt a heavy load picked off my shoulders after the watching ur video. I will follow ur tips as often..I’m triggered almost throughout the day since a year.. once again thanks alot ..
Hi Nidhi,
Thank you so much for your lovely words.
I am very happy that this has helped.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
thank you melanie and tiggie! you are making a difference in my life;)
Awww you are so welcome C!
Much love to you from myself and Tiggy
Mel 🙏💕💛
Inner self- I’m sorry I deserted you for so many years. I love you and I am never, never leaving you again.
It feels like a tremendous relief to actually meet my triggers and the feelings they evoke. Tears are coming as I type this…
That is so lovely Amy,
I’m so happy that this has helped grant relief.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Melanie I’ve been following you for years and have the Narp Gold package. I stopped doing it because of the length of time but also because I do not believe in past lives and parallel lives. In addition to being an abused victim of narcisdist abuse, I’m also a biblical scholar and cams to know truths tgat I can not deny.
I want to desperately heal from this abuse as it’s been unbearable for years now. I really feel as if I’m living a parallel life, a life that does not belong to me. I need help to navigate the Narp program but I don’t know how.
Hi Strongwind,
My suggestion to you is to come into the NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
We do have many Christians who do work with NARP. Them and our moderators can help guide you.
Please know NARP is non denominational and unconditionally loving and healing regardless of your beliefs. You don’t need to agree in any versions of multidimensional lives for it to work for you.
I hope this helps
Mel 🙏💕💛
It does, thank you. For your reply 🙏🏼
Dear Mel,
This is timely as ever for me. I have been self-avoiding after Christmas when all the family of origin triggers arise and I realise I use WORK and FOOD as self-avoiding techniques. So whilst it is a “work in progress” for me (sorry about the pun) your blog this week has been invaluable.
Love you and Tiggy – I hope he is recovering after his surgery.
X0X0X0
Annie
Hi Annie,
I’m so pleased that this was good timing for you!
Truly hun we are all a work in progress, and that’s a beautiful thing.
Tiggy is doing wonderfully well thank you for asking.
Much love to you too Annie from myself and him
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Mel,
Are flashbacks from childhood triggers? I have flashbacks from recollections of childhood abuse and had a very dysfunctional home and had narcissistic abuse in early adulthood and during the narcissistic abuse these very flashbacks happen to become worse not only months prior to the abuse but during it as well – any relation to my outer experience even though I am aware via therapy that my narcissistic was re-enactment from a prior experience?
Thanks
Mia
Hi Mia,
any trauma that we have experienced in our life, including from childhood, that hasn’t yet been released or resolved 100% can result in triggers.
I’d love you to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to understand more about this as well as how to ultimately resolve these past traumatic experiences and triggers.
Much love to you and I hope this helps
Mel 🙏💕💛
Thank you so much for this article. I am so thankful for your work and commitment to a self love and self acceptance. I really understand the article and will focus on moving through the triggers and listening for the teachable moments.
In gratitude,
Tanya
Hi Tanya,
You are very welcome!
Love and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Mel,
‘I bless and accept this feeling’ ❤️ I remind myself most days of this! and it has been transformative in my life.
It’s 5 years for me, since discovering what Narcissism actually is and nearly 2 years after discovering Mel and NARP, and I still feel triggered, but so happily now I can feel almost instant relief and know that the pain is alerting me to what I need to release.
I feel such a softening, relief and wash of love through me when I listen inwards and give my full, caring attention, it’s such a beautiful feeling knowing, unconditionally that all my own feelings are true, valid and worth listening to and caring about. This is something I hadn’t felt for 40 years.
I love this video and reminder, thank you ❤️✨
Rowena x
Hi Rowena,
that is so great that you are working with NARP and releasing your trauma and uplevelling.
Sending so much love to you too Rowena, and I’m very happy for you that you are doing so well.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Melanie I signed up for 16 day program and am trying to process all your articles to help me determine if I am being abused by my 2 adult children who seem to pair up against me.The latest abusive episode has left me wanting to have no contact as the pain is so intense and has left me in a most distressed state. Your articles are helping me seek further help and the triggers article has given me a way to release some the painful triggers. Is there anything else you can suggest in my situation?
Hi Mother in distress,
I am so sorry that you are going through so much pain at the moment. The most powerful way that you can get healing and relief and change in your situation is with my NARP program http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp because it is the way that you can release the most obscene betrayals and traumas and go free from them. Which then can create enormous shifts in the situation. It is a powerful way to recover and reclaim your life and a better future after narcissistic abuse – by doing the work directly in your body.
In order to learn more about this process you can come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to discover more.
I hope that this can help you and much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Dear Melanie,
In my opinion there is nothing more brilliant than the truth. I have been a truth seeker my entire life. My earliest memories are of this quest. I have not wavered but alas, much of what I have thought I discovered was the truth were in fact falsities, taught to me by souls who live in darkness and fear. From these false truths I developed a belief system so unaligned with true reality and I soon came face to face with what I thought were insurmountable obstacles to the discovery of my truth self. I had been lead down the garden path into a wilderness of towers and walls creating barriers to my self discovery. Through NARP the barriers are breaking down, the walls are crumbling, and the towers reduced to piles of dust which are now vanishing into the truth of All That Is. My dear Melanie, you are an angel of light who guides me to these brilliant truths which have been hidden in darkness for so long. Bless your eternal soul and know that I am forever grateful for your guidance and for your great gifts which you so generously share with the world. Namaste.
Hi Joseph,
I adore that you feel that you have landed home into the truth.
I felt exactly the same when I discovered these epiphanies and processes!
NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp truly does free us into the complete and utter truth. I love that you know this now.
Many blessings to you too Dear Soul Brother
Mel 🙏💕💛
My triggers are loud noises caused by the narcissist should I just listen to it and start healing or could I block it out knowing I have more trauma to heal