Ending a relationship with the narcissist can be devastating for your heart and soul.
I completely understand, because once upon a time, I felt this pain so significantly that I thought I would never recover.
The reason was that I was completely convinced that this relationship was meant to be – it wasn’t! Today, I know a completely different truth.
A truth, that ended up being even more gratifying, fulfilling and incredibly revolutionary for me.
I hope that the information that I share with you, will help set you free into relief, and your power and glory as well.
Video Transcript
I know that being with the narcissist can feel so right!
And, the struggle in these relationships is so gut-wrenching and confusing, because this person feels “so meant to be”.
Yet, I promise you that this is NOT the truth.
And, rather than this being such a devastation and disappointment to you, it is my deepest wish that today’s Thriver TV episode brings you incredible relief and freedom instead.
As well as the power to be able to let go and move on into your True Self and Life.
Okay, so before I get into this really important information, I’d like to thank all of you who have subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver mission. And remind you, if you haven’t yet done so, please do. Also, make sure that if you like this video that you give it a thumbs up.
Okay, so now let’s get started on this episode.
Why Does the Bond Feel “So Right”?
In many ways, the connection in the journey with the narcissist was meant to be (I’ll explain more about this later) … but this doesn’t mean that this person was supposed to LAST in your life.
It also doesn’t mean that you were meant to succeed in creating a healthy, happy and safe relationship with this person.
Relationships are such a powerful contextual field. The greatest lessons, evolution, and healing that we will ever experience, absolutely happens with people who are impactful in our life.
This may be a parent, or some other significant family member, such as a sibling who we would dearly love to have a beautiful relationship with.
Narcissists come in many shapes and forms, including intimate partners and spouses, as well as impactful people like business partners or bosses or even friends.
Or the narcissist may be someone who intimidates us, such as an authority figure or even a neighbour.
One thing is for sure, this person is not someone who we can easily dismiss, walk away from or just “get over”. Generally, narcissistic abuse comes with lots of entanglement, pain and heartbreak as well as the fear of repercussions.
Often, there is a lot on the line.
And, it is incredibly normal, when entangled with a narcissist to have the feeling that this is “meant to be”. That somehow you are meant to make things right and fix this relationship.
Or, your life will be impossible if you somehow don’t sort this out. It may be because you feel there is so much to lose if you don’t; all the things that you have worked so hard for all of your life, your property, resources, children, or the hope of love that you always believed that you could or should be receiving from this person.
Your connection to the narcissist may be fraught with necessity, obligation and responsibility. Or just downright fear.
But does this mean that the issues are meant to be brought to reconciliation with this person?
Or, really, is this journey forcing us to be released from our fears and limitations and truly anchor into honouring our own soul, regardless of what somebody else is or isn’t doing?
Your Inner Truth
We have been taught to assess our life logically. To look at our goals and what it is that we wish to achieve and then generate that life with the available resources that we have in life.
Maybe that is what you have been trying to do with the narcissist.
You may be trying to make this person act sanely, sensibly and decently. You may be lecturing and prescribing to them and trying to assert boundaries and even hold this person accountable.
Yet the twists and lies continue to abuse you and break you and your life apart.
When this happens, your Inner Being starts to disintegrate.
Which means that emotionally you become a wreck. You start to experience anxiety and depression, and even panic attacks triggered by not knowing what is going to happen next.
You are also battling the fact that somehow, it’s all spun back on you and made out to be your fault.
And, like myself (as well as all of us) realising the insanity of trying to make sense of this, whilst trying to explain fundamental basic human decency to someone who refuses to “get it”, is mental.
It’s also intensely emotional. We get sick. We break down. And then everything in our life that matters, as well as the people we love, start to break down as well.
Is it worth it?
Of course, it isn’t, and deep down, if we are honest with ourselves, we know this. Yet, it can feel impossible to let go of the belief that somehow we are meant to work this out, and/or “this is meant to be”.
I really want you to know, as compelling as this feels, it is not the truth. Your mind would love it to be the truth because this is the version of life that you’ve decided needs to be fulfilled, yet your Inner Being is screaming at you to wake up to just how traumatic and wrong this is.
I promise you that the truth of your life is coming from your emotional Inner Being. That is the part of you that is your God Self. It is your truth. Your truth is not what your mind would like it to be. And, until you start the self-partnering journey of healing from the inside out, as a Thriver Recovery, you may not have realised, yet, how true this is.
I know I certainly didn’t.
Are Other People Supposed to Grant us Safety, Love and Happiness?
I was determined and incredibly focused on fixing my marriage and making what I had convinced myself was “meant to be”, work.
I believed he was meant to love me. I believed he was meant to get well, treat me well, and be the man who I had decided was needed for me to be safe, loved and happy.
I was wrong.
I was horribly wrong.
And I hadn’t realised until my Thriver Recovery, that this had been a false premise that I have been hanging onto my entire life – that certain people needed to be a certain way, and treat me in a certain fashion in order for me to be happy and whole.
I hadn’t realised that this had caused me to hand my power away, so many times, in many areas of my life. In business, friendships, family relationships and even with authorities, as well as drastically in love relationships.
I had been defining myself from people outside of myself, rather than truly knowing how to be self-definitive and self-generative within myself.
And the reason, I hadn’t as yet “got it” was because my relationship with me wasn’t as yet healed.
As soon as I started to turn inwards to attend to the loving and the healing of my screaming, traumatised Inner Being back to wholeness, the entire truth started to drop into place.
As well as the reclaiming of myself, whereby I knew that he wasn’t meant to be my saviour. He was my messenger, forcing me to become my own healer and saviour.
Then, finally, everything in my life started to become healthy, safe and happy.
Your True Life After Narcissistic Abuse
I really want to share with you what your True Life looks like, and what is possible if you detach from the narcissist, turn inwards and start doing your Thriver Healing.
It is a life where you are connected to yourself deciding who and what is a match for you from the truth of your Inner Being, rather than looking out at people regarding who you should be or how you should behave.
You are able to be authentic, truthful and firmly grounded in what is or isn’t right for you.
Plus, you can back yourself enough to have the courage to speak up, have the difficult conversations, ask for clarification where necessary, and risk people not agreeing with you, or liking you as your authentic self.
Then, no more are you rolling around with disrespectful, painful and abusive people trying to get them to love and accept you or provide you with security or survival.
You can wake up every day of your life feeling safe in your body, safe in life and excited about being able to healthily make your choices, as well as have the inner solidness and integrity to know how to disengage, let go and walk away from those and that which doesn’t match your truth and limits.
The beauty of your True Self and Life is that it is no longer precariously poised on what a certain person is or isn’t doing, regardless of who this person is and “who” they are supposed to be in your life.
Rather it is being generated from WHO you are Being.
What you will discover, as a result of having a congruent, authentic and honest relationship with yourself, is that your life itself starts becoming congruent and aligned with the truth of you.
Your relationships up-level, they become anchored in honesty, integrity and care.
Your missions, purpose and opportunities increase.
Synchronicity starts to partner with you authentically. You’re in the right place at the right time and open to new possibilities.
You are so much more able to easily avoid the wrong turns in your life because no longer are you trying to turn crumbs into cookies.
You have expanded and opened up to a plenty and an abundance mindset, rather than a poverty and limited consciousness.
I can’t tell you the release you will experience when you will finally burst free into this trajectory that is your True Self.
I want you to know, with all my heart, that it was my recovery from narcissistic abuse that delivered me to that place.
Without having had been brought to my knees, and forced to release my traumas, limitations and previous abuse patterns, I would never have arrived there.
Because up until then, I had never had to face and heal these things.
This is what Thriver Recovery is all about; it is about meeting and releasing the trauma that has been horrifically triggered within you, to finally go free from it.
That is when you will know how “meant to be” this journey is.
If you understand what I’m sharing with you in this episode, I want you to pause this video and write “The truth of why this was meant to be, has set me free!”
In Conclusion
I absolutely validate that you are initially going to be feeling the incredible pain, heartbreak and even intense addiction to the narcissist.
And, I want you to know that these hideous, all-consuming feelings are so common with narcissistic abuse.
But, I also want you to know that there is a true healing solution for them that will grant you relief and clarity and power very quickly if you dedicate yourself to your Thriver Recovery.
In my free webinar, I can connect you to exactly how to achieve this, as well as allow you to experience a Quanta Freedom Healing directly in your body, to understand how this profound healing system can work for you.
I invite you to connect to my free webinar by clicking this link.
So, I really hope that this episode has explained to you what is really meant to be as a result of your connection to the narcissist.
Namely, you finally coming home to yourself.
And I can’t wait to help you get on this trajectory.
Okay, so, if you liked this video, please hit the like button and also share it with the people who you know need this information.
And, as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.
Dearest Melanie
It’s so good to get these healing messages in my email box every week.
I look forward to them. You are generously healing everyone who tunes in.
I’m finding the greatest motivator for looking out at life every day is the desire to see freedom for every single human being. That requires my going inside to honor myself every moment because I can not find LOVE except within. From there I can see others with perfect compassion.
This path was worth every tear I shed during recovery.
The Truth of why this was meant to be, has set me free… TO LOVE EVERYTHING from the inside out.
Hi Iris,
thank you Sweet Lady, just as I look forward to your comments each week!
They are such a beautiful contribution to this healing container for all of us as well.
Biggest love to you and thank you again for your powerful words of truth
Mel 🙏💕💛
My problem is the narcist in my life ,, my daughter, is mother to my darling 10 year old grandson. To put my daughter out of my life means hurting him. He has no father so no-one on that side ,my husband ( mother’s loving step dad) died leaving grandson devasted, my ex will no longer speaks to my 3 or his grandchildren. It all makes me anxious beyond words. We have supported daughter ìn every way possible:financially, practically, emotionally and only get back criticism ,insults, smears etc, Help !
Hi Dorothy,
I can totally understand how painful and difficult this is for you.
This resource of mine may be able to help you.
https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/is-my-adult-child-a-narcissist-when-helping-them-is-hurting-you/
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
The truth of why this was meant to be has set me free
And so it is Vicki!
Bless you
Mel 🙏💕💛
i so much look forward to receiving your emails. Left narc partner in April last year. Has been the most difficult time in my life, with also the passing of my mum at the same time. I never got any professional help. Due to a cost thing. but this has helped me a LOT. I can relate to most things. Its what making me feel normal and sane. As well as keeping me going, on my own. I have had so many questions and confused thoughts, after having been with my partner for 30+ years. Ive never cried so much. but I’m getting better every day. Its a hard one to talk to friends about having a narc partner. And they know a different person to what I had. Its like he’s so nice that I must be the stupid one for leaving. So this site and everybody else stories are my guidance and counselling for now. Amazing how much its helped me. thanks.
Hi Lynette,
That’s great my content can help you!
I’m so sorry that you’ve been through so much and deep condolences for the loss of your mum.
I’m so happy for you that you’re getting better every day.
Sending you love, support and blessings
Mel 🙏💕💛
Your story is mine too! 30 years and finally left in July! It’s getting better and easier!! Look up sister!!
Hi Lynette, I too am very grateful and look forward to Melanie Tonia’s emails and had to comment to your note to Melanie because your story is near identical to mine. Have been with narc husband 30+ years, family and friends feel sorry for him thinking I am not appreciative to have him, my mom passed away and I could not afford professional help due cost and time. The abuse I silently suffered during the 3 decades triggered Primary Progress Multiple Sclerosis and my narc served me with divorce paperwork during moms passing months while dealing with moms end of life affairs. I had kicked him out in April, 2016 while I was with mom trying to help her heal but to no avail. Mom did not even believe anything I tried to explain through the years of what I was living until one of her very close friends of over 50 years told mom to believe everything I was saying. She too suffered a horrific narc abusive marriage that she could never discuss because everyone would have thought she was crazy! Mom finally believed and told me to get divorced shortly before she died which was a total miracle. I cried enough tears all my marriage to fill the Pacific Ocean twice but feel so much freer knowing God sees and knows everything and protects his children. Now looking forward finalizing my divorce but he has now set forth his wish to take me through trial court to get all he can get. Oh I forgot to mention he has cheated on me with many woman throughout those 30+ years and is currently engaged to get married again asap. With that I rest in the total peace of the most High and feel unbreakable now. I wish for you and for anyone who is going through this horrific unexplained unbelievable torture from HELL to come out as strong and beautiful as a diamond knowing you will find peace and beauty in life as never could have imagined. Melanie is proof of this statement and is the diamond helping us come out of the devastation that feels like death is the only way but it is NOT as she will wholeheartedly help us through!! Thanks to you for expressing yourself for it helps others and thanks to Melanie for allowing the chance to all who suffer this torture to express themselves and feel a part of a higher self healing community.
Hi Syne, so nice to hear your story. Although its heartbreaking ay. My mum being diagnosed with terminal cancer is what opened my eyes. My partner had no compassion at all. Although things hadn’t been great, is was the last straw for me. I saw his true colours when he couldn’t even support me through a time that was very hard for me. And i have sat here on many days seeing the bigger picture and things he has done, which has upset me. And wondered why i had stayed so long. We had 5 daughters between us. one of them being both of ours. and 4 grandchildren. my hardest thing now is not being connected to that family any more. Its hard to see light at the end of the tunnel, but its there, and i know Ive done the right thing. As far as I know I don’t think my partner has cheated, ??? But his flirting in front of me when we were out was getting too much for me. I never understood why he did that. I feel so sorry for anyone who has lived with a narcissist. I only learned what one was when i was getting very unhappy and started googling things. I hope you are doing a wee bit better everyday. as i slowly am.
The truth of why this was meant to be has set me free …..thank you I love the understanding I receive from your understanding of narcissitic abuse. I used to think he was my soul mate!! I was in psychotherapy for 4 years and I remember saying to my therapist I know he is no good for me yet I feel compelled to still see him …it is un finished business. …now that business is definitely finished. I am presently in a serious health crisis a house move away a new start …but I am determined to find kindness not abuse . Thank you mel
Hi Lorraine,
It’s brilliant that it is completely finished business!
Sending you so much love and healing for what you are going through Dear Lady
Mel 🙏💕💛
I love my wife. I didn’t even know what a narcicist was till I started reading the blogs. I even see traits of it in myself. Still not convinced my wife is. We are both strong believers in Christ. My wife never responds with kindness and when I try to explain my feelings to her she now deletes my messages. She is nothing like she was when I met her and has changed our relationship both physically and emotionally since moving to the US a year ago. This is my 3rd marriage. My 1st wife ended over 40 years ago. 2nd lasted 32 yrs. this 0ne going on 7 yrs. I thought this was it. Now, I don’t know what to think. My wife is visiting family in another country after living here in the US for a year. She has been there for 2 months and barely answers my text any more. It often feels that she has more important things to do with friends. I have no problems sharing my feeling with her and she will cry anytime I approach her with what I’m feeling asking me what she did wrong. Maybe I’m the one with the problem.
Hi Skipper,
I’m sorry you are going through all of this.
Maybe this resource of mine can help you get clarity in this situation https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/am-i-the-narcissist/
Sending you healing and love
Mel 🙏💕💛
How does this work with children affected by this kind of abuse from dad? Mom gets out and heals but what happens to daughter – she’s only 7 😭
When I read this message I thought I wrote it myself. I am on this healing journey but my first divorce hearing is actually tomorrow and I hope that I will be healed enough at some point to help my 7 year old navigate this too. But this video was exactly what I needed to hear today because I have been torturing myself with what if this was meant to be…knowing that such an emotional roller coaster could never be a long term meant to be. I need to get off.
Hi Ms Britton,
Please note I am such an advocate for when we heal, our children truly do follow, even when the other parent is narcissistic.
If you Google my name plus “our children” I have written many resources about this topic.
I hope that this can help.
Much love to you and your daughter
Mel 🙏💕💛
This message came to me at the exact time I needed it. It helped me understand what I was experiencing , the pain, unable to move on, believing that he was my life, only to have it put back on me and the anxiety and pain I felt then . I didn’t understand why, why couldn’t he see we were meant to be. But now I understand, now I’m telling my brain what my heart knew.
I know it’s going to be hard and I can’t wait until I’m stronger and can move on without him in my head and heart. Thank you for showing me that I’m not going crazy and I’m not alone.
Hi Sally,
I’m happy this was timely for you.
I’d love you Sally to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietonia.com/freewebinar Because I promise you that this will teach you how you can move on so much more easily.
When breaking free from a narcissist the more support you can get, the better. It’s a tough gig without it.
So much love to you and please know how welcome you are
Mel 🙏💕💛
“The truth of why this was meant to be, has set me free!” 😉
Hi Kondwani,
And so it is!
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
The truth of why this was meant to be has set me free.
Hi Taothriver,
100% correct!
Bless you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Melanie,
I’m so hugely grateful that the Universe connected me to your work when I needed it most. My narcissist husband left me a few months ago. The shock and hurt of his discard has been utterly brutal. Your emails and book have been wonderful as I begin to make my way out from the worst days of my life and to understand why I got to that place and how to take myself to new ways of being
I’ve begun NARP and did the Introduction to Quanta Healing last night. I’m hopeful a much brighter, authentic and THRIVING! recovery awaits.
Thank you with all my heart for sharing your wisdom with the world.
Much love, S x
Hi Stella,
that’s beautiful that you found your way to my work!
I love that you have connected to the deep inner reasons and been doing the inner work. That’s so fantastic!
You are so on your way Stella to the incredible True Life that you deserve.
Sending you continued healing and breakthroughs.
Much love to you too
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Melanie,
Your insight and words have given me so much peace since I discovered your work a couple of months back.
It clears things up for me and frees my mind from the craziness of being in the toxic madness of life with a human who has these traits.
I realise it’s not me after all and I was in fact duped, and led down the proverbial garden path.
Thank you for bringing some stability to this process I’m going through, of coming to terms with the falseness I was infact living. I feel I’m getting stronger every day, bit by bit, and coming back to my inner self, my self partnering. Xx
Hi Lara,
I’m so pleased that I’ve been able to help!
That’s beautiful that you are connecting back to you and your essential partnering with you.
Sending blessings and more breakthroughs
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Melanie
Having suffered with a narcissistic father, ex husband and now soon to be ex partner it has been incredibly painful. Feels like I’ve been going through a constant loop of being in these hurtful and painful relationships.
Your video has really resonated with me today as I’ve been having so many conflicted thoughts about staying in the relationship with my boyfriend.
Since finding out he doesn’t know when he’s coming back home to me and if he really wants to be with me I’ve been in a constant state of limbo and panic. His cold attitude and lack of emotion towards my depression and anxiety (caused by my narcissistic father) has hit me hard as I believed he initially cared for me in the earlier days of our relationship. I’ve since taken back some control and asked him to send my house key back. I want to be in control of my life and feel safe, not vulnerable and at someone else’s mercy.
The truth of why this was meant to be has set me free.
Thank you so much
Claire x
Hi Claire,
I’m so sorry that you have been through so much, and yet it is great that this information has resonated with you.
I’d love you to come into my free webinar Claire, so that you can start gaining some tools and ways to stay strong, and to heal this once and for all.
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
It is your time Dear Lady to truly break free.
Much love to you and please know how welcome you are
Mel 🙏💕💛
I would change the locks and put his stuff in storage outside your home or at his friends or families place. I would be calm and matter of fact no need to be emotional just practical. Just my two cents 💗
Dear Melanie,
I want to thank you for the articles you publish.
I took a short course with you and it worked. He magically added more profound healing, even if what I read seemed already known to me, evident. In the following days, changes magically happened. As soon as possible I would like to follow others. Meanwhile, thank you for your holy work and good continuation and good everything.
Roberto Tramontano
Hi Roberto,
I am so thrilled that my short course helped you so much!
Thank you for your lovely and supportive words.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Dear Melanie,
The truth of why this was meant to be has set me free.
Thank you so much for this episode! I can not express in words how much light you bring into my life (and that of my children, too)!
Lots of love
Bee
Hi Bee,
It’s my pleasure.
I am so happy for you and your children!
Sending you and them abundant love and blessings
Mel 🙏💕💛
I feel like my situation is a little different from everyone else’s and I don’t know if its cause I’m still in denial about him being a narcissst or if I caused our problems in our relationship . His ex wife told me he was a compulsive liar . My family didn’t start calling him a narcissist till later,on in our relationship . We were together for 7 years . He proposed to me but I called off the engagement because he would constantly lie and I would catch him . He talked with one of our friends last year when we went to Vegas and told her he was thinking about proposing to me there in Vegas and getting married . But never did . Before we went to Vegas in April he took me snowmobiling up in the mountains and we had a blast . Nothing was different about him on both trips . So I was totally blind sided .
The truth of why living with a narcissist for 40 years was to set me free!
Hi Theresa,
Your courage and truth is so inspirational!
Sending you so much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am so thankful you covered the feeling of, “But this is meant to be.” I accept the purpose of this valuable messenger in my life and I am finally able to say, “No!” I just went thru a horrendous few weeks of migraines, a viral infection, and then an internal infection. It is so scary to really examine how unrelenting the stress of being with a narcissist is on our mind, body, and soul. The truth of why he came into my life has now given me the courage to be set free. I am so grateful.
Hi Teresa,
I’m so pleased that this resonates with you and they deeply know that there is a way to set yourself free from this!
Sending you blessings and breakthroughs
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
The truth of why this was meant to be has set me free
Cheers sister 👍💗
And so it will Martina!
Bless you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I agree with Vicki 👍 Cheers sister!
I believe everything happens for a reason, pain is a great motivator!
My lesson kept repeating over decades of dating unbeknownst to me at the time, different breeds of narcissists, some scary some not. But all unhealthy!
I realize it’s up to ME to break this pattern once and for all.
It’s my responsibility to make better choices and stand firm in my boundaries. I will no longer compromise myself, my values, go along to get along. No more whipping post, no more doormat, no more people pleasing, over giving, under receiving, no more! Co dependent no more, I finally realize what Co-D really means, not just the phrase that I’ve heard over the years. Knowing the lingo is not enough to break free, ya gotta do the work, period! Self Respect is key and SELF Value, Worth, Esteem, Confidence and Awareness skyrockets over time when we invest in ourselves first and foremost 💗 When we are healthy we attract healthy, like attracts like 👍
🙏Blessings
she never told me she loved me !!
Is that a normal function for a narcissist ? at times acting cold or like she didn’t
want to be with me or if I would try to discuss something with her she would just
look at me and not answer and get up and leave the room .and yes everything was
my fault !!!
Hi Frank,
narcissists can do whatever hurts us the most. They have an uncanny ability to do that.
However, to understand whether or not she actually was a narcissist or just a disappointing, unloving and unavailable person in your life, you can check out this resource of mine
https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/are-you-with-a-narcissist/
I hope this helps
Mel 🙏💕💛
Love this Melanie! Blessings & Much Thanks as ALWAYS!
Hi Aneas,
That is so great and please know how welcome you are.
Many blessings and much love to you as well
Mel 🙏💕💛
Thank you!! It all makes sense now.
31 years of marriage to a narcissist has taken me to the highs of every mountain and the lows of every ocean. I’m ready to live peacefully on solid level ground.
Hi Lorena,
it’s my pleasure and I’m so glad that it does make sense.
That’s wonderful Lorena and sending you much love.
Mel 🙏💕💛
The truth of why this was meant to be, has set me free
The truth of why this was meant to be, has set me free.
I’m in the beginning of the end with a husband who is narcissistic. He has me yo-yoing between needing me & calling me crazy because I cry when he continues to “tell me his truth about me”, not wanting or needing me, desiring any other woman but me, or if I find job& work for someone else…he threatens to divorce me. He made me quit my dream job, move a state away from my family, friends & church…now he is working to convince our 23yr old son that I am crazy & I need help. I know I need to get out…one minute I am strong with a plan, the next he has me feel like I’m going insane. I’m in the fight or flight mode every second I am around him.
Thank you for being who you are…I was a very respected & revered member of our state dept of health and human services advocating for people who were too afraid or unwilling to speak up for themselves…I served 9 counties & spoke publically statewide make a name for our agency as well as myself…I strove to make a difference in others lives…I’m not stupid, but I let him ruin my peace, stability & now my sanity. I just want to find that woman I once was. And I know I need to begin with baby steps. I am not what he says I am, I am who God says I am.
Funny the synchronization of this blog and the opportunity to execute my escape plan has arrived today. Suddenly solutions were flowing as i just sat there quietly listening to my inner speeches. My truth. Realized that my actions will always speak louder than his words. He will never set me free and im getting physically sick and emotionally destroyed and betrayed and lost custody of my kids..all 4 including my babiy twins 1 yr old. Docs gave me all sorts of pills, anti psychotics , said ive been in depression for 5 years and post partum as well. Funny they dont work. I have seen that i had nothing left to lose. Signed the papers to sell the house today. This is my chance. My escape plan without being terrified of the repercussions as i have in the past when I tried to leave him or put boundaries as simple as respect.. after demanding respect when he talked to me , i snapped when i realize he would not stop until i showed him no respect as well and started hitting him and shoving him yelling at him that i will not tolerate this no more. Threw water at him. He finally ended up by hitting me and i told the cops that we fought and we both hit each other. Well they came back and arrested me! ME! 300lbs vs 150?
After healing from NARP I wasnt afraid anymore. Let the cops come again, everybody worrying that i was suicidal . My own family betrayed me and sided with my narc and used my sister a flying monkey to contemplate and buy jnto his smearing campaign that i was the crazy one. Gladly she has seen his mask fall off. But they still locked me up in the hospital for four days when he lied and told them i was hearing voices. Took my babies away from me, how i cried and waited..and waited. How can u do this to someone? I was being punished as i had discovered a dating account. Lied to my face said i was crazy after i had seen it. Got picked up by the cops at 4 in the morning as my husband and my child ordered me to leave the house. Couldnt take the car as he didn’t pay the insurance on it, knowing i was getting close to freedom. I got pregnant! Stuck again. Enduring physical verbal financial abuse. Why? Because i have been sexually abused by my father therefore his abuse will never be as bad ? Tried to kill myself how many times until i finally realized this is not romeo and juliet. He will not save me nor kill himself for me! I realized my narc would probably laugh it off saying how stupid i was to kill myself because i loved him! NO MORE! Gas lighting? NO MORE! Intimidation? NO MORE! Love crumbs? Love bombing, discredited discarded so easily, not caring at all for MY BEST INTERESTS. Tonight i have made my decision. I need to ensure my security myself. I see that now. Thank you to Melanie as she has sponsored my membership. She believed me and understood and she showed me the facts, the truth, gave me words to defend or protect myself , as im surviving miserably, addicted, self medicating, in his mothers basement while he sleeps and i hoping today he might love me today, or find a job today. No more stewing in resentment while i take care of babies and kids. Protected by parents whom i for asked for help, refuse to see the abuse, social services confides all my kids to his mother. My worst nightmare! How did this happen? NARP HAS NOW HELP ME SEE THAT So many times ive handed my POWER over! On a silver platter! The shame! The failure! The scandal! NO MORE! Ive seen the signs, repetitive numbers, angels like melanie to show me and help me understand that there is a purpose to all this MADNESS, and circular conversations, over and over. NO MORE!
Fill me with light, i can do this. I can only gain as i have lost drastically.
WATCH ME THRIVE
Hello Melanie,
My name is Kelly. I have viewed your videos, and read your messages regarding narcissistic abuse.
I have gone through a lot of what is described here, and yes, it is very horrific.
I would not wish this on anyone. I am presently trying to put my life back together. I would like to ask a question.
How does a person have narcissistic characteristics, or how does a person become a narcissist?
Is there any real data that explains this defective character trait?
I do like your videos, they are very supportive, and very understanding.
Thank you for caring for others.
This truly is a horrible thing for anyone to have to experience.
Thank you again for caring about others.
I hope to view more of your videos, as they provide valuable information.
Very respectfully,
Kelly
Hi Kelly,
I am so pleased my resources are helping.
There are many parts to the answer to your question Kelly, and the best way I can answer it is to point you to my resources on this topic if you Google it plus my name.
I hope this helps.
Sending you love and healing
Mel 🙏💕💛
Melanie, thank you so much for this brilliant episode. All of your episodes are profoundly vital and helpful, but for some reason this episode is resonating like cathedral bells in my heart. It is what I needed to hear and learn today. I am eternally grateful to you for what you give to me and to the world. You are an angel sent to us from a higher place. I really believe this and I need to tell you this. Thanks for holding my hand while guiding me through this painful and difficult healing process. What would I have done if I had not found you? I most certainly would have survived but I would not have thrived.
I am proud and excited to be a member of the Thriver Community!
Dear Melanie
I’ve read some of what you said.I have experienced a lot of what u said.I feel very sure. I’m married to an Marxist.Been married 43 years.Can u please tell me what does it mean when he tells another woman he doesn’t like me.Does it mean he wants the other woman to feel sorry for him? I feel very sure he’s a Narsastict.He also has bipolar.
Hi Pearl,
this means that he is either grooming her or getting narcissistic supply, meaning attention or maybe even sympathy from her.
Dear Lady, what is important for all of it is that we like ourselves, regardless of someone else demeaning us.
It sounds like he is not a loyal and loving person having your life, regardless of his label.
I hope that this helps
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie
I’ve been reading your blog.I can relate to a lot of what u have said.My husband has Bipolar but I also feel like he’s a narcissist as well.He was taking a friend on an errand .He told her that he didn’t like me.Was he trying to get her to feel sorry for him?.Weve been married for43 yrs.
The truth of why this was meant to be has set me free
Beautiful Tim
Beautiful Tim
This was meant to be . Only it could have been in my early childhood. Where it SHOULD be. Goes to show that as sufferers of abuse i kept on moving along never running out of need to prove my goodness to these minions that just plain have cheated me out of many decades of happiness fulfillment and peace. Now i have to prosper in having only now run into somewhat enlightened. That have the create full beauty and not withered vines thriving psychological skill that gives power strength and force , the courage, to move where i have never known existed before. Thank you MTE.
I’ve never wanted or needed a savior let alone believe in that stuff. Though I’ve known some who project the bizarre issues they’ve had onto others who they think they know or are just like themselves.