When a narcissist replaces you, it may be so excruciatingly painful that you feel like you’re going to die.
You may wonder, “Are they in love?”
And, “Is it possible for them to have a successful relationship together?”
This Thriver TV episode will grant you some much-needed relief, truth, and perspective about all of this as you discover the real truth of how a narcissist will treat the new supply.
Video Transcript
It is so painful, initially, to be replaced.
Excruciatingly painful!
It may even be so painful that you feel like you are dying. I promise you I understand, I’ve been there!
And, of course, you may be agonising wondering how the narcissist is treating the new Supply. Are they happy as a couple? Is there a possibility that this relationship can really work?
I’m going to answer these questions and many more in today’s Thriver TV episode.
But before I do, I’d like to thank you if you have subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t yet subscribed, please do. And if you enjoy this video please remember to click the like button.
Alright, let’s dive into today’s episode.
The Honeymoon Period
Narcissists love bomb.
In the pursuit of narcissistic supply, narcissists are over the top. They get off on exclamations of desire, piling on the compliments, and incredible gestures of care and gifts.
From the outside, it can appear to be about “love” or even “infatuation”. Infatuation is definitely a lot closer to the mark than love, yet the reason why narcissists go after new Supply so convincingly is not at all romantic.
It’s purely about securing an object to self-medicate with.
I know that this can be a bitter pill to swallow, yet it’s very helpful to understand the truth of what our relationship with the narcissist was, to not have any envy about their future relationship(s).
It’s not personal – the way that narcissists objectify people as a source of supply. It’s not because these people are unlovable, rather it is because the narcissist is not capable of genuine love.
Genuine love is not about securing people as a supply source to be used. Genuine love, from one healthy adult to another, is about sharing power and love and granting care, affection and love without an agenda.
As beautiful and attentive and caring as the narcissist appears to be, there is a deep, dark agenda attached, which is, “you are being groomed so that I can secure you in order to prop up my False Self and help me survive my inner gnawing emptiness. You mean no more than this.”
Yes, things can look incredible between a new loved-up narcissistic couple on social media, and even from what you hear via other people. And the narcissist may cruelly tell you how in love they are with this new person.
But it will only be for a certain period of time.
Many people like to keep up pretences. Certainly, narcissists live within fictitious scripts, and even partners of narcissists are usually in denial of how things have switched and become so awful. They were so convinced and convincing of others that this person was their “soul-mate” that it becomes hugely shameful to admit that this is not the case.
Before you go through your Thriver Healing journey, you may stalk the two of them on social media, or ask other people about them, trying to find out if their relationship is working or if the cracks have appeared.
I want you to know from the bottom of my heart the following: there is no salvation or healing in this pursuit.
It is complete and utter Wrong Town, that will keep you stuck in the trauma and won’t allow you to be released from it.
The irony is, no physical or logical evidence is going to give you relief from this. The only relief that comes is from your healing within yourself, to find, release and reprogram the original wounds within you that have been keeping you trauma bonded to the narcissist.
It’s also really important to find and release and reprogram the extreme trauma that goes with being replaced.
One day, this is exactly the path the new Supply will need to take for his or her own healing. Because this person is extremely likely to be discarded and replaced just as you were.
It’s quite incredible, how in this community, there have been Thrivers narcissistically abused by the same narcissist, who are now wonderful friends within the community healing with NARP!
The Fall From Grace
This is how it goes with all narcissists and their new partners – the initial honeymoon period of love bombing idealisation starts to crack.
You see, at the beginning, the narcissist childishly declares that this person is the “best thing since sliced bread”. He or she to the narcissist is the shiniest, most incredible new Supply. This feeds the narcissist’s ego monstrously, granting them a massive hit of narcissistic supply.
But this is not based in reality. Sooner or later this person is not going to fulfil the narcissist’s insecure ego continually. When the high levels of initial narcissistic supply start to decrease, the narcissist will start feeling the familiar feelings of inner anxiety and rage again.
Narcissists always project these self-annihilating inner feelings onto somebody else and make them that person’s fault. Intimate love partners are common targets. They are also easy targets when the narcissist has secured this person as narcissistic supply. We hang around for the abuse.
So, just as it happened to you, the new partner is going to start becoming terribly confused and shocked when this previously “perfect” and “adorable” person starts to get sullen, moody and even inappropriate with their behaviour and comments.
This is the beginning of the devaluing cycle. And, as soon as the new partner starts to question it, not bow to it, and no longer grants the compliments, admiration, sex or adoration that they previously were supplying, the “iffy” comments will escalate to becoming more severe and devastating, and even lead into the discard phase.
The narcissist may say that he or she is having second thoughts. Or withdraw the commitment. Or choose some other action, display or tactic to create incredible fear and confusion for the new source of supply.
The narcissist may even decide to punish the new Supply by trying to hook up with you, the old Supply, and create a horrible triangulation situation.
All of this is incredibly common. In fact, it is usual for narcissists to do this. Don’t take it as a compliment if he or she hasn’t done this. It’s certainly not a compliment to be treated as an object for somebody’s self-serving soulless agendas, just as it is not a compliment to be used as a punishment tool against somebody else at whim, only to be discarded again.
The Cycle of Violence
Drama is what narcissistic relationships are all about.
The more compliant and gentle the new supply is, the less drama will be visible to all. However, the drama will still take place. The more triggered and reactionary the new Supply is, the more the cracks will be apparent, and the relationship is likely to go through many breakups as well as many episodes of reuniting.
That is until the new Supply is completely clear and free of any desire or compulsion to reconnect with the narcissist, or the narcissist has mined them to the point of complete brokenness and decided that there is nothing more to gain.
The same goes for all narcissistic relationships.
Even if the partner is quiet and compliant and keeping the home fires burning while the narcissist is being a narcissist, which means being selfish, loose, unaccountable and reckless, the narcissist is still likely to take them through the cycles of idealisation, devalue and discard.
Idealisation happens when the new Supply is leaving or has had enough, and the narcissist needs to hoover him or her back into the relationship to retain narcissistic supply. Such as for the convenience of what this person does for them – providing the veneer of the perfect life or to keep paying the bills and mopping up the messes, etc.
Or, the narcissist is charming them in order to manipulate them into handing something over.
Further into the relationship, the devaluing happens virtually at all other times, when not needing to idealise. This is because the narcissist is constantly suffering the horrific inner emotional traumas regarding themselves, needing to project them onto the new Supply.
Then the discarding happens to punish the new Supply for not appeasing the False Self adequately (which of course is impossible to do).
The discarding could even be done on the side, allowing the narcissist to feel vindicated for being treated “so badly”, by taking lovers, prostitutes, or seeking sexual supply from past partners or even friends of the new Supply.
The new Supply may know nothing about this.
And, to the outside world, all may seem well.
Unless you are living within the four walls of their homes, you really have no idea how other people’s lives are actually going.
Your Healing In All of This
You may be focusing much of your energy on what is going on between the narcissist and the new Supply. I understand this. Before my Thriver Healing journey I did this myself.
The trauma from this is horrific. If you are honest with yourself you know how rank this feels in your body. You know how much this is draining your life force and making it almost impossible for you to function.
When the traumas in your body are screaming at you, they’re telling you that you are adding to them and not healing them.
I promise you this … when you let go, and take on your healing journey with NARP, you will start to emerge from this with incredible relief and know there is nothing here to envy.
No money, lifestyle or even privileges are worth anyone’s soul being desecrated.
The love that you thought you should have received, that possibly this person is now getting from the narcissist, does not exist!
There is nothing real to gain or have!
And please know, you are further along your evolutionary path than the new Supply. You are in the prime position to turn inwards and heal, so that you can claim your True Self and True Life.
The new Supply still has to wait for this relationship to finally blow up into pieces that simply cannot be put back together, or to drag themselves out of there shaking and quaking and barely alive.
Or, they stay, and get their soul sucked out of them.
The best thing you can do for you, and for all people who have been through narcissistic abuse, is to claim your healing, and become a shining force of inspiration for those who are still stuck, if they seek you out.
Which is exactly what myself and other Thrivers in this community do.
I hope that this has helped and inspired you to heal for real from this.
If this video has helped grant you relief, I’d love to hear from you about how it has helped, by pausing this video and writing to me below.
So, if you have had enough of the agony of wondering about the narcissist and the new Supply and going through the crippling feelings of that, it could be time for you to start healing with NARP.
You can check out NARP by clicking this link.
I really hope that this video has given you the hope that there is a way to get out of this trauma.
So, if you enjoyed this video, please hit the like button. And remember to share it with people who you know are terrorised by the narcissist moving on to a new partner.
If you would like to be notified each time I release a new video, please remember to subscribe.
And, as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.
I’ve been thinking about the fallout from my narcissistic relationship. Most of my friends have been very supportive, however a few, including my best friend of 50 years, do not believe he was a narcissist. This has hurt me tremendously and has forever changed my relationship with these people. Not having people believe you were abused is like a second abuse.
Hi Tanya,
It is so painful, absolutely!
This resource of mine may help you https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-when-your-friends-and-family-dont-support-you/
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
This same exact thing happened to me. My ex narc tried reaching out to me several times while he was with the new supply…he actually got with her within days of me dumping him initially. He and I met her the same night so she too was aware of me AND she’s a marriage therapist! When he got tired of her (after 4 months) pushed hard to her back with me. She later told me that she always knew he wasn’t over me and suspected that he was reaching out to me almost as if it upset her that the narc she got together with within 1 weeks was pursuing me! They’re both narcs!!
Hi Melanie,
I’ve been meaning to write a few times, to say how amazing this work is (inner work) and with your help, the only way is thriving!
I started NARP at the beginning of January this year, and with the last 2 modules to work through, I could not be more grateful for what all of it did/does, after going through yet another nabuse. I had no idea what was happening, nor what a narcisist is until randomly reading articles and then finding your page. After the 16 days course, which took me through the holiday period when my ex began loosing his mask and “punishing”me, causing weird arguments and threatening to leave * after insisting I move in with him or else(!), I did not wait any longer and signed up for NARP. All your emails speak the deepest truth, and found the information not just eye opening but soothing and somehow in incredible sync with my own evolution journey from that point to now.
I never did move in with the ex narc, but after an accusatory conversation, I went no contact immediately. It’s been 5 weeks and there were a few occasions when he tried contacting and then turned up at my door, to return my home keys. I kept no contact and didn’t confront or opened the door to him. I also don’t know anything else about him as I blocked every means of contact, and thankfully there are no middle people that know me, hence not too worried and smearing etc. Or don’t care if there is any, thanks to the magic NARP modules- much healing in only weeks!!
I, like many others in this community, believed that I was a strong, intelligent, self sufficient person who worked on myself for a few good years. Invested in courses and learning skills which granted me an independent life style. I believed I was finally ready to open my heart when I met a man who appeared nothing short of a miracle – soul mate(of course…). Anyway, I was only involved for 4 months and that’s when his true self (lack of) started showing as quickly as the love bombing and infatuation phase took place. I believe that I was close to being aligned with my true self even when I was with him, as I stood up for many things he tried along, so he kept changing tactic. I did live for many years looking inwards and searching for my true inner being, I just did all that on a rational level, reading, learning, practising all that is ‘meant to help us live positively and happily’. For me, meeting him and then being half – discarded, half – pushed to decide “NO, you will not be my reality”, triggered the biggest shock of my life. Realising my mother is a full blown narcisist and some other family members. It all made so much sense I lived my first ever breakdown / breakthrough and I wouldn’t change it! Every pattern in life had meaning for the first time ever, even though I actually trained in counselling not long ago. I never managed to break this cycle and see how I followed all my trauma programmes since being born. From failed relationships to fear of success or numbness and auto piloting through life. Then shaming myself and taking all responsibility for everyone who was not kind or good to me.
Thank you massively for all you do, although at the other side of the world, I am using NARP as my only therapist with results each day.
I am considering buying the TFOW program, even though I have boundaries in place with mother/family and I live in a different country as them, is this perhaps helping on a deeper lever to heal ancestral wounds too?
Thank you again, I’ve made it here and there’ s no turning back to the old me :)xx ❤Thankyou, Thankyou,Thankyou!!
Hi Miss M,
I am so thrilled for you that you are Thriving!
It’s wonderful that you felt so supported by the 16-day free cause and then took the big step into clearing the inner trauma with NARP. Sweetheart you have achieved so much in such a short amount of time. You should be really proud of yourself.
Miss M you had done so much inner work already, you just really needed to be able to dig those traumas out once and for all and I’m so happy for you that you been able to with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
The TFOW is a very powerful add-on for people who have had painful childhoods, and absolutely digs deep back into ancestral programming.
I thoroughly recommend it for you and the journey you are on. You will love the results Miss M.
I hope I get to meet you in person one day Miss M, you are a true Thriver indeed!
Many continued blessings and breakthroughs to you
Much Love
Mel 🙏💕💛
Humble and heartfelt thank you, I hope many more people will find and keep with this multidimensional healing and feeling the absolute blessing that is received once we accept this gift!
I will forever treasure the moment I let go of my strongest defence mechanism- my cherished LOGIC, and during your live webinar I also took part in, I met my 5 year old scared, scarred and lost inner child, looking at me with arms up and almost begging to be loved. I had to re-listen to the webinar because after that visualisation I experienced my inner child literally jumping inside of me, with such desperation I spent the rest of the time comforting, adoring and trully accepting what she & I had just discovered : 30 + years of abandonment. This child is now clinging on so peacefully, I know I will fight with my life should there ever be a time when I’m in danger to avoid self -partnering or allow others to misguide me.
As for the narcissist (last one and others before), I now send blessings instead of hurt, blame, victimisation states or confusion and disbelief combined with my fear of abandonment (healed!!).The last one found exactly where these wounds resided and exposed them so strongly, I was deeply reminded of my mother, then like a slap in the face, forced my breakdown and breakthrough. Forever grateful or I would have never woken up from my mere existence -to the truth. Same for finding this forum and community, I’m still amazed how your videos and links started showing up on my social media without even looking, just inviting me to learn my life lesson.
It is simply amazing to be able to access our subconscious without going to ‘professional experts’, and to simply feel the sense of empowerment as if we are reborn.
People like you are definitely angels in disguise and it would indeed be the highest privilege to meet you, in this life (Or another, having read about your experience of LBL session, I will use my intuition to guide me when I’m ready to try it!:). Maybe there will, in the future, be possible to organise retreats for healing on this level, in some beautiful locations.
I am going to get the TFOW program soon, while relying on NARP for the rest of time and healing indefinitely. It is true that once we open our minds and heart, this form of healing is not some form of self fulfilling prophecy, especially when it trully works with all physical issues too, not just psychologically!
It is definitely helping me with resolving a life long condition – IBS, and clarified how I stored most of my trauma in my stomach. Envisaging trauma leaving that part of my body was so intense I cried for days. I want to add I then went for a holistic body massage/therapy session and was told I hardly had any stress or other ailments present that could be felt & to be relieved.
So, to me this is real magic, the kind so precious I would advocate forever to anyone.
Sending my purest blessings and happy thoughts. 🙌💌
Hi Ms M,
Big love and hugs.
It’s is lovely to have you as a Thriver in this beautiful community
MTE Retreats are certainly going to be something of the future
Abundant blessings to you too Dear Sister
Mel 🙏💕💛
I love listening and reading and learning about this. I know I’m healing but still have setbacks and bad weeks. Because I can’t go no contact. A little background- I’m 2 years into the divorce process and it’s about to be final. I have a daughter that’s 2, and during the end of my pregnancy and post partum, a neighbor, that we brought into a new business, started to be my husbands new supply. He gave ownership of the business to her for free, lied to me for 8 mos and then back-dated a contract and she entered my home during all of this being innocent. There was absolutely no question they were cheating though I didn’t get confirmation of their physical relationship until a year ago. They’ve kept it quiet and non-public until recently since our divorce papers Are now submitted with the court. I just saw a mutual friend post a picture of them out on a boat, something we use to do. Now that I have a 2 year old, and they’ve been together over 6 months, it worries me when or if my daughter meets the unethical, immoral woman. I understand that he’ll get new supply, and I understand I don’t want someone that emotionally abuses me, but the hardest thing to heal from and get over is this woman ever being around my daughter. How do I accept and heal from this?
Hi Val,
absolutely co-parenting with a narcissist and working through the trauma and being released from it is a challenge, but I promise you it is totally possible and there are many mums in our community who are healing, supported by our wonderful NARP private forum and doing a fabulous job.
I know that the thought of another woman being around your child is awful, and I want you to know that it is possible to heal from these feelings, as shocking as they are, so that you can be the most solid, whole and loving mum, even when co-parenting that you possibly can be for yourself, and your child.
Val, I would love you to check out my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and my resources on parallel parenting, by googling this term plus my name.
It is the NARP combination with Parallel Parenting that has generated the most successful results for parents in our community.
If you wish to learn more about NARP, please come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Where I explained to you how to heal for real from this, as well as take you through actual healing to release and reprogram the trauma that you are feeling inside.
I hope that these resources and links can help.
Sending love, breakthrough and healing to you and your child
Mel 🙏💕💚
As always you nail it ! Nothing is worth living with a narcissist !
This email came at the perfect time. . A one-time friend decided I needed to know that my ex narc had a new victim. Initially I was bothered by it And I came home and reread Some of your previous blogs. They soothed my Soul. And I quickly remembered I meant nothing to him I was just a source. And wondered why I granted him any space in my brain that night. . This video tonight was just a reaffirmation. So I’m going to keep it and watch it every time I get feeling lonely. And remember I’m worth so much more. Thank you for all your support.
Hi Suzanne,
thank you Dear Lady, you are 100% correct!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Another helpful and insightful video. I subscribed a while ago and these are so useful. This one in particular.
My husband and I mutually separated last year after 16 years of marriage. He has since taken the ‘new’ supply in the form of his ex wife. This triggered a huge amount of jealousy and anxiety plus: Transpired that the one affair I knew about was one of many. The more I read the more I recognise many narcissistic traits in him and this video has really helped to make me recothat I have no need to be jealous. So right thatbthe love I thought was there doesn’t really exist. So very hard but now someone else’s turn. I’ve tried to contact her. Want to warn her but I’m seen as crazy and bitter!
The worst thing is their relationship last time round was sprinkled with affairs that she doesn’t know about and now she’s about to put herself through it all again. He says he’s changed. Exactly what he told me 17 years ago!
It’s amazing how they all do the exact same things ….
Perhaps she will figure it out this time , mine did this as I was blind the first time , as you describe , but my eyes are open now and I needed the re run to realise that i had not had a good past relationship at all … that broke up because I had issues managing my stress levels … go figure
Hi Jan,
my heart goes out to you, I also know how painful it is for the ex to take the ex-wife in again. It’s horrific!
Jan, I don’t know whether you have considered coming into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/free webinar and looking at my NARP program http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp ?
The reason I’m asking you this, is because I know that when you start using the Quantum Tools to heal, it will allow you to get up and out of the pain and move on with your life so much more easier than being stuck in this terrible trauma.
If you want to find out how to get true relief, please come into my free webinar and Experience what a Quanta Freedom Healing can do for you.
So much love to you Jan
Mel 🙏💕💛
Thank you, Melanie, for your intelligent and eloquent talk. It was helpful. I was pleased to be reminded of the truth.
Hi GG,
It’s my pleasure and I’m so pleased it helped.
Sending you many blessings
Mel 🙏💕💛
Really struggling with deteriorating health. I have no contact with my daughter. Finding it so difficult to accept I don’t have one and never will. Added difficulty she keeps in contact with her father who supplies the money which enables her to travel the world. Always on the move. But have to keep trying nothing else to doxxx
There was a time when I probably might have cared if I got discarded but I would be very happy to be discarded really…It would be my dream come true..I wouldnt really care even if it was with a friend as I’d see it as a blessing..I’m waiting for my youngest child to leave for university in 2 years time and then I’m out. He won’t even see my shadow and can find whom ever he likes to replace me. If he discards me it just brings the longed for date forward. What would I miss if I’m discarded? No more gas lighting, emotional neglect and walking on egg shells I dont think so.
Me too. It’s scary how you start to see everything really clear. If I’m discarded, this will be no longer my problem.
Dearest Hoping…I remember in my divorce of my 28-year marriage (waiting for…the children to be on their own…), I thought I didn’t care who he dated or what he did. When I thought he was treating everybody better than he treated me, I was SO hurt…so desperately hurt and shocked that I had these ripping, painful feelings…I felt like I had been taken off the beach by a title wave and was swirling in the middle of it choking on sand and thinking I would die. It was unbelievable, Hoping. So, when you leave, leave room for the unexpected in your life and emotion and love yourself like you’ve never loved yourself before…you will be okay. You are amazing.
In watching your Video’s, I have learned so much!
I am at my rock bottom right now, emotionally, spiritually, physically and emotionally.
I know longer have the desire for my Narc Ex back, I defintly have gained strength form you, in getting through that part.
I am still dealing with Divorce issues, and UNFORTUANLTY my Ex’s Attorney is as much a narcissist as he is.
His new girlfriend (the one he had an affair with, that dissolved our marriage).
My Attorney is a very PASSIVE TIMID person, and she has misrepresented me so bad, that the divorce agreement…which is pending….now leaves him with every single thing we had as marital property, that including all 3 vehicles we owned together.
I get to see the girlfriend driving MY car!
And they continue to dig for more.
I had to count change, just today, to be able to buy a 1/2lb of bologna for me to have supper.
Last words I heard out of his mouth…two weeks ago, as we were walking with our Attorneys out of the court room, was “I can’t believe you would expect to get anything out of this, after the way you treated me”!!
I didn’t not reply…but as soon as I got into my “moms” car (54 years old and having to bum off my mom), I went into a total panic..meltdown…angry mode.
Because there is nothing…absolutely nothing I can do or say to stop him.
I can’t ghost him, because of our court appearances (I have however became a recluse, just to avoid them, other than I have to go to work).
I have such a doomed outlook for my life!
If I glance up and see him drive by my work…that feeds his need for supply from me, when I use to talk back to him, that boost that supply, if I stay home, then I’m sure he is saying to himself, that the reason for that is, I’m mourning over him!!
What do I do?
I am NOT putting myself out there for him, in anyway….but he still seems to gain his sickening narcissistic supply from me, no matter what way I turn.
His girlfriend is the very same!!
They are driving me absolutely INSANE!!
Hi Betsy,
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I’m not Melanie and I’m no therapist, but I lived for ten years with the most horrible narcissist and also lost everything. I went through ptsd symptoms and private counselling. I have two children with this woman so it’s been extremely difficult not to interact or give away supply as every single “pick up” she does something to gain a reaction or hurt me. If I were to give examples or explain the situation it would take several pages and sound like I was making it all up it’s so extreme.
My advice to you is to (and this is hard-I couldn’t do it for years despite trying, reading about and getting help to) completely stop worrying about if you are giving them supply or not. Think only of you (which you have been trained well not to do now, so see this impossible right now). Forget them. Lose them, cut them off or go “grey rock”. It’s the only way I promise. Do things you used to like doing when you last felt like you, even if it was 30 years ago. I’m 40 now and lost my entire 30s and felt like I didn’t even know myself. I had no money or savings because of them and felt trapped. I even stated by living with a friend until I could fund myself properly. It took time. People help. Those that care anyway. Take that help. Spoil yourself, I liked drawing and guitars and hadn’t done that in years because of her. So I borrowed a guitar until I could buy one and I started to draw. It cost nothing but took my mind away from it and eventually I started to feel like me again. Read about Narcisism and realise it’s not your fault. Then try to not read so much or at all. It all reminds you. I am guilty of still doing this, but overall I’m in such a better place than I was even four months ago. You really have to put effort into you which may feel foreign. Realise it’s their loss. This article from Melanie is spot on and what they do will hurt you, so stop thinking about them. Train your mind to think of more positive things whenever you have a trigger or bad thought about them. I also thought this impossible until I got professional help. You have to make effort for your own well-being no matter how hard it may seem, because you are the only one that can. I hope you feel better soon. I felt your post, I’ve been there and sometimes still am there, stay positive.
It’s only been a couple of weeks since I went no contact with my narcissistic ex boyfriend so I’m still pretty raw. We were on what was meant to be a beautiful, romantic Xmas city break which resulted in me returning home exhausted and totally broken by his constant verbal abuse and cruelty.
It still took me several weeks (and a whole lot of crying) to break free. The comment he made about wanting sex with the sister of a close friend was the final straw for me.
The pain has been absolutely horrendous but these videos have helped so much. There have been so many light bulb moments.
I’ve completely erased and blocked everything to do with him and luckily, he lives in a different country so I dont expect to ever have to endure news of his new supply. I know hes probably already hooked up with someone and the very thought of it was killing me but now I realise she will end up going through exactly what I did (and so will every other supply he has in the future) I no longer feel jealous, I feel very sorry for her.
The way you explained how they “source” people, like they would source drugs or alcohol, to self-medicate, made so much sense to me.
I am recently separated, and he is ambitiously sourcing new people on dating sites and apps, and it feels so wrong to me. When you put it in the terms of sourcing to self-medicate, then I understand! It seems so gross that he would replace me, his long-time wife, like that, but the new one will just be a drug, a “fix.”
Your explanation really made me feel like I never want to be sourced like drugs, paraded around on websites and shopped for — if I find love again, I hope it will be in the course of pursuing my life. Thank you!
Hi Melanie!
Thank you so much for this video. My Nex (we were married 29 years and officially broke up May 2019). He married the new supply last week. It seems fast but I realized last April he was overlapping with me. I am not too terribly upset about the wedding and know what he is all about. However, what is concerning is what you said about the Nex possibly using former supply (me) to triangulate the new supply. Really? I have been No Contact to the max since May 2019. I know there are memories of our long marriage around/lingering etc., but do you think Nex would actually try to contact me/Hoover me to triangulate the new bride? He hates me to no end. =/ Thank you for all you do! Please kiss Tiggy for me! =(^^)=
Joanna
Hi Joanna,
It’s my pleasure.
Joanna there are times where this doesn’t happen. This is usually the case women knows that there is absolutely no point in trying! Regardless, the most important thing for all this is to powerfully heal and extend into our life no matter what any narcissist doesn’t try to do.
Tiggy is doing so well after his eye operation, and I will give him a big kiss when he comes in from outside.
Much love to you Joanna
Mel 🙏💕💛
P.S. I apologize for the misplacement of the ( )!
Do you offer your emails or episode transcripts in Spanish?
Hi Barbara,
not yet. But it will happen in the future.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Melanie,
I’m still working through my divorce settlement. I was married 2.6 years to a Narc, and it is now on year 6 of a divorce settlement from hell. You know you married a Narc, when he won’t let go and continues to get his supply through a drawn out court settlement. He has paid more out in attorney fees, than what he is asking for in a settlement…! He just won’t move forward. I have been no contact with him for 6 years, which has been great..but he keeps pursuing the only level of contact, which is the court appearances, year over year by us both.
Does a Narc continue to do this behavior to obtain a supply through court appearances. What to do? I represent myself in court, as his attorney is a Narc as well, any advise readers and Melanie
Hi Jan,
I am so sorry that you are going through all with that. I really want to know Dear Lady that this is a consistent thing in this community, however, when you turn inwards and do the deep healing, it breaks the energetic cords as well as the narcissist’s capacity to be able to keep abusing you in this way.
Narcissistic abuse is such an energetic phenomenon, where narcissists will continue to dish out whatever it is that hurts, until you get a shift on the inside, and then the shift happens on the outside.
This happened to me significantly as well, abuse by proxy that nearly destroyed me in my life, until I did the inner work, and then everything started opening up for me.
I’d love to show you how this can be done in my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
So much more is explained in the webinar that I know can help you profoundly
much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Spot on!
Glad this resonated Mark!
Bless!
Mel 🙏💕💛
Just heard 2 days ago about the new supply. And all those questions are now going on in my mind. Because ex has changed during last two years of very intence self development. That self development has got me thinking about that he is cabable of change. He has even admitted that he has hated so much of himself that it was the reason for my abuse and that he is genuinly sorry for that. Doesn’t that sound like what a healing person would say??? Would it be possible for a narsissist to heal like that, talk like that, through intence inner work they have done when doing self development?
Hi Zen Master, do not believe he is sorry, he isn’t, he is faking it. Narcs have no empathy. He won’t and can’t change don’t hope or expect he will. Forget him, go no contact, do the self work through The NARP program, and find a real person, being to be with. Don’t fall for the lies tears or false promises.
Hi FutureZenMaster,
I always find it interesting that people who have genuine remorse and capacity to amend the damage of their behaviour, don’t make their observations about themselves, until they have fully validated you, what they did to you, express how sorry they are, and ask what they can do to make amends for that, as well as explain how they can.
Whether he is with you now or not, if he was truly remorseful and sorry for what he done, which is a person with capacity to be a decent human being, he would have expressed it in the way I talked about it above.
If someone is professing remorse and stating that it is actually all about themselves, that is not true remorse
Words are cheap, its the actions of the amends that counts.
It’s so important for you to be able to heal and move on and generate real, trustworthy relationship. I’d like you to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar for more details.
Sending you love and clarity
Mel 🙏💕💛
Mel,
I married two narcissists, the second being the most abusive and insidious. I thought I had died when he discarded me seemingly out of the blue. His new supply was going strong. Your insights along with others, therapy and church have brought me to a place of strength and understanding of what I want and what I will not tolerate. I risk being alone for a very long time but the peace in my life and in my children’s’ lives is more than worth it. I watched the new supply think she was special. And then my mother saw my ex being patted down by police in the new supply’s front yard. She finally hit the wall of reality. I am certain it was not pretty. No contact is the only way to deal with these unstable people. I hope everyone listening to you can stand on the strength of your advice and of their own peace. Blessings to you and thank you for being a voice of truth for so many!
Hi Cindy,
I’m so pleased that you are holding your peace with you and your children. It is true that often the evidence arrives that nothing has changed at all.
But what is beautiful is we can change and generate and create lives without the toxicity and abuse.
You are very welcome Cindy and sending you and your children many blessings as well.
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
Melonie This is exactly what I have been thinking about and its had me in tears or on the verge of tears all the time! Thankyou for all your words of advice! I reunited with my high school boyfriend 5 yrs ago/ the Narcissist! He came back into my life the week my mother died suddenly which was also followed with more family loss! I was so very vulnerable and needy! I proceeded to lose everyone and everything! For the last year I have lived with strangers, in an old trailer next to my sisters driveway and now one of my sons finally reluctantly let me move in with his family but with many ground rules such as not letting my drama effect his family! I have been very sick mentally and physically!I feel so alone!! I purchased your program 3 months ago and am still struggling to work the program, WHY? I want to heal so bad! I’m a 53yr old woman who doesn’t do great with modern technology and still haven’t figured out what I’m doing wrong as far as the support group! I need it so badly! I have NO One who doesn’t think that it’s all me! That I just need to put this bad relationship behind me! Read self help books, stop being a Codependant, exercise more, be happy, ext.! I need a support system so badly! Help!!
Hi Lisa,
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this.
Please Lisa reach out to my lovely support team at [email protected] In one of my team members will be able to help you get connected and give you the next steps.
Sending love, strength and healing to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Mel, you are spot on sister…everything resonated with me. However, may I say this..although .I am still in the process of severing ties/lawyers, 10 months in, I can clearly see the light!! Yes it is turbulent/destructive/painful and I’m still fighting like a lion, but feeling incredibly liberated, free and strengthened by the knowledge of this toxic dead end relationship. I thank you and your incredible loving team for holding my hand on this journey…I’m soaring like an eagle, alone and with my beautiful girl. No surprises here, he has new supply and I wish him well. I must confess I will not harden my heart and soul for they belong to me, and I will always care about others including my many sisters, and therefore, I whisper to wind ..that his new found partner may hear me ….RUN BABY RUN.. xxx Love and Light RJ
Hi Rubyjoh,
I’m so pleased that we’ve been able to hold your hand on this journey Dear Sister.
It’s beautiful you won’t harden your heart, and will continue to heal and burst free into the life and love that you truly deserve.
Sending you love and breakthroughs
Mel 🙏💕💛
I had been in a relationship for over 18yr with a narcissist. Married for the last 3 1/2yrs. He had cheated on me I believe since I met him. I always thought something was wrong with him but I couldn’t put my finger on it. After years of torture and pain, disappointment and Betrayal and so much more. I caught him for the last time he’s been cheating on me with a marriage and child
Psychologist. Go figure he has even tricks a so called professional. The catch is she I knew he was married and has kids and it has been OK she has welcomed him into her life. He still tries to control my life even though we are separated not legally divorced. I ask about continuing our divorce he threatens to divorce me but he never goes through with it. I listen to you weekly and have been part of your movement that’s how I’m surviving through all of this past turmoil I’m still learning and I’m a survivor I wanted to thank you without you I don’t know where I’d be thank you for teaching me that I’m not the only one this town person confused me down mentally emotionally. How does this turn out for me I ask myself. He still wants to say I was the problem and still am the problem that’s why he has done all of the horrible things to me and our children, while he say he’s getting help from his mistress. I know it’s not me or my children’s fault he’s the problem, he just manipulated this Psychologist, I think she a very good one if she can’t Recognize a narcissist manipulator egotistic bipolar he’s been married several times I found out before marrying me do uses women and Moves on to the next. I feel disgusting, nasty, used, tired, drained, mentally and emotionally distraught, trying to pick up the pieces and live for myself and my children but he still tries to dictate her life and be in control, I’m trying to serve all of this with my children
Hi Tiffany,
I am Aimssorry that you had to go through this nightmare. What you have experienced is intensely painful.
Tiffany, sweetheart, I really want you to consider going deeper with the healing journey, because information alone can only do so much.
When there is intense trauma as experienced from a narcissist, it is incredibly hard to deal with it unless you are using the deeper tools to eradicate it from out of your nervous system, mind and heart which is exactly what NARP does. Have you considered healing on The NARP program http://www.melanietoniaaevans.com/narp ?
As a NARP member, additionally we can support you much more closely in the NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
There is no risk whatsoever in you trying NARP Tiffany, and I know how much this will help you to be able to move past this horrific situation
Sending you love and healing
Mel 🙏💕💛
True. It took me about 2 years to get past it. Obsessing on “them” and imagining they’re living some grand life. I actually have spoken to my ex about 5 x over 2.5 years. And then I’ve seen them out together. The last time was in December and all I can say is I finally feel compassion for the new person because I could just observe and notice and feel that they are going through exactly what I did. And it’s about right it’s two years now so the honeymoon is well over for them and they got the other one to move in with them so…Now it’s time to ride the roller coaster of confusion disagreements arguments silent treatments drama and then when they sense that you are getting disgusted they slather on the let’s take a trip! Or they buy you something or they have a fake heart to heart where they say they know they need to do better. But then nothing ever changes. It just goes around and around and it’s a matter of how long you can stand to have your soul crushed and by the time you realize your soul is being crushed it’s likely that you are, bonded… And you have a hard time walking away after putting so much effort and hope into it. It’s a disaster I’m so glad to be free finally! I love watching your positive videos and I love seeing Tiggy! Best! have a good week!
Hi Zen Master, do not believe he is sorry, he isn’t, he is faking it. Narcs have no empathy. He won’t and can’t change don’t hope or expect he will. Forget him, go no contact, do the self work through The NARP program, and find a real person, being to be with. Don’t fall for the lies tears or false promises.
So true! We are thrivers, thank God we are free from that hell.
Hi Kathleen,
it really is true nothing ever changes. The only thing that can change is how the narcissist abuses, in relation to the supply and what works to hook them and then hurt them. But whether it is the same methods or different, abuse is abuse.
I’m so pleased that you are feeling freedom!
I’m glad that you love to Tiggy and my videos.
Many blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Melanie
Wow!!!!!
Everything you said in this video… I’m his new supply 😢
Met online in October, he ‘took’ me to Paris 3 weeks later but for a number of reasons had to be paid on my card and he’d pay me back… never did.
Turned on me when we got back, spent 3 weeks being awful to me and calling me many awful things… one morning he ended up telling me he had mental health issues and serious money problems and if they eased off all would be better between us.
I loaned him money (due back 1st Jan)… he’s turned on me again.
He’s been very much about sex, very aggressive even via message about sex. Got angry because it was the time of the month and I wouldn’t give him what he wanted, even put his hand around my throat.
I can’t get my money, he’s calling me vindictive, mental, psychotic, controlling, abusive, spiteful, nasty, a f@*-+img prick, all to name just a few and telling me because of the way I am to him, he can’t cope anymore… I am damaging to him!!!!
Not the first time in the last few months he’s done it when we were meant to be together but he’s already on multiple dating apps (he was when we were still meant to be sorting it out), taking other girls out and adding any female he can to his social media… whilst having blocked me from most avenues to contact him (I am only allowed messenger on Facebook).
He won’t give me the money back, tells me I’ll get it back but won’t tell me when or any indicator and just tells me I’m making him mentally ill.
He has had previous domestic cases (I didn’t know this when we met).
So thank you…. I realise from this video I really am the ‘new’, probably now old supply 😞
Mel
Thankyou. I feel like my husbands new supply is our son. He is treating him.. Exactly like he treated me in the beginning.. Our son is 14 and his dad never treated him this way until I left him and our 11 year old daughter worked out what was going on and didn’t satisfy his needs and now has no contact with him. Can anything be there new supply..nit only people. Thankyou nickixx
Mel
Thankyou. I feel like my husbands new supply is our son. He is treating him.. Exactly like he treated me in the beginning.. Our son is 14 and his dad never treated him this way until I left him and our 11 year old daughter worked out what was going on and didn’t satisfy his needs and now has no contact with him. Can anything be there new supply..not only people. Thankyou nickixx
I was nodding in complete recognition all the way through reading this article.
The things he put me through are beyond words.
I don’t really care whether anyone believes me or not; I was there and I know what happened.
I also know that his ex wife and ex girlfriend went through the same hardship because I have been in touch with both of them.
Anyone else reading this, stay strong and go no contact. You are lucky to be away from the crazy x
To tell you the truth, Mel, My ex’s second husband didnt know that she’s Narcissistic, with all the pathological lies and irresponsibility, and he’s about to to be victimized at any time, even when she is caught on whatever mistakes she can do to him, like setting him up over money or being herself instead of supporting marriage. I still feel like i want revenge on my ex and her mom, who are both Narcissists, by revealing them who they are and after what they have done to me, treating me like a child.
Thank you, Mel. I really appreciate your videos. I think i am in the mend now. Watching your videos make me stronger as i can see what you are saying are happening spot on! Hope others will mend too soon. It is not easy but it will come. We have to help ourselves to mend and support from others who have gone thru the same narcissitic abuse can help one to understand what he/she is goung thru. Sending love to all.and blessings from the Almighty, our Crestor.
Hi Melanie,
basically everything you have said I’ve unfortunately been subjected to……I knew early on in the marriage I’d made a huge mistake, unfortunately I fell for the love bombing, he sang the Jim Reeves song to me (about 1 month into the relationship) welcome to my world, and that’s exactly what it was his world where my only purpose was to wash, cook, clean and go to work, while he went out socialising, if I went out (even to the gym) I was basically accused of being elsewhere and to avoid the accusations of having affairs I didn’t go anywhere (manipulation)I ended up paying most of the bills, and severely out of pocket he spent his money on vintage cars to be boastful showing off at car shows etc, he flew into rages about the slightest thing and turned everything around to make it out he was the victim and me being his abuser (he’s so plausible in public). After we’d been married for around 4yrs I tried to leave (he tried to stop me by sitting on my car keys so I had to threaten to get the police) I did go and stay at my Son’s during which time he bombarded me with phone calls basically stating he was going to commit suicide if I didn’t go back, unfortunately I fell for that as I couldn’t live with that on my conscience (hoovered back) this happened again where I left, the next hoover tactic was his Nieces death, again I fell for it, on my return I told him I was giving him one last chance (his reply… sounds like a threat, but I told him it was a promise) anyway nothing changed and I left for good 2yrs ago, I’m currently in the final stage of divorce, the hearing is listed for February 20th , I’ve already been to High Court as he contested the divorce (he didn’t want to admit his abusive behaviour) so mutual decrees were issued, I know he’s been smearing by the way once mutual friends are towards me, but I’ve now developed the attitude, if they want to believe his lies that’s up to them, I no longer care about them turning their heads the other way, they didn’t have to live with him and the abuse. I wish with all my heart I’d never have met him, I’ve still got healing to do but I’m getting there, keep up the good work with your blogs, they really help, thank you 🙏😊😘
I’m been separated for a year from my narc. He’s celebrating a year (or possibly more) with his new supply. I have not been able to get past thinking of them being happy together and feeling there was something wrong with me. Your video was very soothing and a good reminder of what has happened. I’m now trying to move on with my life but still get caught out with feelings of anger and resentment. I’d like to get past it. The NARP program looks a bit big and overwhelming. Are there any other options of just having one module? I’m now in a real relationship – one that is gentle and good but it’s taken me time to learn to trust and open up again and I’d like to be able to put my past behind me for good.
Hi Melanie,
I have recently joined your 16 Day recovery. This has truly been a blessing. Many times you think your in this alone but to see so many people going through the same thing you start to know it’s not just you. I was involved in a 8yr toxic relationship with a narcissistic person. I never realized that’s what it was until my therapist pointed it out never even heard of the term. Anyway it is hard to leave I was a very independent woman but when i met him that all changed little by little. I didn’t realize that he was taking my value away, to have me doubt myself but he took my dependence away. He was charming i ignored the red flags because you think it’s a relationship you go through things however as the years went on it just got worse when lived together. He wanted everything to be in both names he wanted me to go under his phone plan, car insurance etc. But when things didn’t go his way that’s when he lashed out and the emotional and verbal abuse started. He would get mad when i spoke on something and not speak to me, would move out, or diminish everything i said or felt my feelings my thoughts didn’t matter. In 2017 I had enough and decided to leave he made it so hard for me because he made sure i had no money. I decided to stop paying the mortgage for a few months and found a place for me and my girls and left. The problem was he knew i always took him back out of those 8 yrs but when he saw i wasn’t coming back he started with the romantic gestures, the gifts the crying I didn’t move Zi decided to choose me. Two years have past and in those 2yrs he kept trying to come back first got involved with someone that didn’t work and then he comes to me and tells me how he hit rock bottom, how he found God, and he takes all accountability he knows what he did to me was wrong and etc. Needless to say I almost got sucked back in with his words even to the degree on something’s he said he changed. It didn’t take long before the old self appeared. He felt like we didn’t need to start over that he’s not starting from ground zero, he wanted me to be back all in with him whereas in one breath he’s so loving saying we can go at my own pace but that was all a lie to get me back to try to tear me down again. I‘m thankful for not going back deep with him I trusted my gut but he knew what to play on. Don’t get me wrong I love him but i love me more. This blog and recovery is a great platform it gives a lot of insight and it helps to keep knowing it’s not you at all. I just wanted to share a little bit of my story but trust me it’s much more deeper than i described but again Thank you for having this you never know what a person is dealing with behind close doors
Hi Paula,
That’s great that you have started your free 16 day course http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/free course and that it is helping so much.
Paula, absolutely you can be forgiven for wanting to give him another try, so many of us did this! But the truth is it ends up having to be all on the narcissist terms and they simply do not have the capacity to heal the damage, make amends or take full responsibility for that necessity. Absolutely things go back to normal, and usually escalate and get worse.
Thank goodness you didn’t go fully back in. I love that you are choosing you now.
I’m so pleased that you feel supported and not alone now Paula. There is an entire community who deeply know and understand what you are going through.
So much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Melanie, this is the best nutshell explanation I have ever heard or read of how the whole thing works: inside and outside of both the narcissist and the supply. I really appreciate it! Thank you so much. I don’t want to go on and on to anyone I’m dating in the future about this experience. I just don’t want to rehash and feel the story in excruciating detail. This video is a good way to cogently communicate the gist of what a I’ve recovered from. Thank, again!
Kathy
Hi Kathy,
I’m so pleased resonated with you.
You are most welcome!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
This information is so timely, as are all of your videos. They, each and every one of them, are so helpful and so on point. Thank you so much for your Thriver Mission. I am, or rather, part of the NARP, and currently going through the steps, videos, readings, meditations, and so forth.
Hi Alexis,
I’m so glad that my videos can help.
It’s my pleasure Alexis, and I love that you are a part of our amazing NARP community!
Many blessings and breakthroughs to you Dear Lady
Mel 🙏💕💛
I have been doing the NARP modules for a few months, still stuck on #1. For some reason, I unblocked my ex-narc after 2 months no contact and it all started again. He is living with his new supply, lied about her for a couple years. Wants to go on vacation with me but admitted that he is living with her and has a rocky relationship with her. I cannot believe how crazy I am to even listen to him. Re-blocked him again for good for my own health and safety. This is a journey for my healing.
Hi Lisa,
please don’t be hard on yourself hun, it is so common to do this, and many of us slipped and broke no contact many times, including myself!
Yes sweetheart that is crazy, and intensely awfully abusive. Detached, pull away and dig deep into module one in NARP, and please reach out to us in the NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
so that we can help hold and support you in this very crucial healing time
Sending you love and strength, you’ve got this!
Mel 🙏💕💛
I’m healing through NARP. A girlfriend called me today and wanted to know if her ex narcissist and his new supply or happy? This video just happen to show up on my email. So, for myself and for my friend I watched it. My soul was ripped out, I am aware, he will do the same thing to his new supply. It is always great to have a reminder, to feel free even though it almost cost me everything monetarily spiritually and my soul I’m out at the chaos. So, what happens is, all the energy spent on the Narcissist needs to be replaced, by focusing on, good things for myself. And that is even challenging and I am proving.
Thank you, Melanie for the video.
Hi Shelley,
wow that was synchronistic!
Sending profound love and healing to you and your friend
You are very welcome Shelley
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Mel,
Such a well timed video for me, so thank you. I have just began my healing journey with NARP. I have a long way to go and I am suffering from all kinds of hoovering and projection that are sending me spinning. Just one photo with some girls in it that I didn’t know and I had pegged the one he was seeing. Their is no real evidence of him seeing someone and he says he’s not. But my heart and soul are now rest assured that it doesn’t matter if he is or not. My focus must be on myself and my healing journey through this torturous terrain of the realisation that you were with a narc and the journey to move away from their control. Thank you again
Hi Kate,
I’m so pleased sweetheart that you have been able to get clear about turning inwards and healing.
Sending you love, power and breakthroughs.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Melanie,
Parading the new supply right next door to me was the worst problem and the most painful of all the stupid things the Narc did to me.
But it took me a really long time to conclude that I could not excuse him for having her overnight for weeks at a time (she parked right behind me). I rationalized “where else could he take her, he lives three doors down?”
I had to learn how to answer that question by going into very deep SELF VALIDATION.
The answer is ANYWHERE BUT RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE.
It was a fake me trying to “forgive”. A stupid concept.
The instant I realised I just had to DIS-ALLOW in my own SOUL being dismissed as though I didn’t exist….. The whole thing evaporated.
I said and did nothing TO THEM.
I just FOUND A FOUNTAIN of INNER LOVE that fought for me. This inner love would NEVER permit me to be harmed etc.
The LOVE SOURCE WITHIN made the whole mess evaporate. I just grew in Self LOVE.
I remember thinking NO IT’S NOT OK
I DIS ALLOW the possibility of being treated as though I did not exist.
I AM. And I MATTER . It was this Realization that healed me and removed their fake relationship or of my face.
I found POWER to have LOVE defend my Life. It was in agreeing with LOVE about myself.
Hi Iris,
I totally agree that the New Supply right under your nose was a massive up level opportunity catalyst.
And one that you, aligned with your soul, was more than capable of doing.
Thank you for sharing your profound love and wisdom with us again.
So much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
Thank you Melanie for that. My ex’s new supply as of 5 months, is my 19 year old daughter, which makes it still traumatic knowing this, but the cracks are beginning to appear! Any advice
Alex
You are very welcome Alex.
Oh Alex that would be so painful.
Alex the truth is the only answer is always turn inwards and heal.
Hopefully by you healing you, the flow on effect will be that she will awaken and come back to her True Self as well.
Sending you both love and healing.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Dear Alex-Toke
Your post made my heart skip a few beats.
There is no bottom to the depth of human depravity.
And when we’re determining why some things are just wrong, we have to be sourced with information and understanding from the dimension of pure JOYFUL LIFE. We have to know the truth in order to not vascillate about whether something is acceptable or not.
There is such a dimension of pure TRUTH.
Some people call it God.
Some people call it The Field.
But it is the Ultimate REALITY of everything.
And it has SPOKEN or Revealed Itself in infinite ways and we ALL know what it is saying. We ALL know, deep down, what is right and what is wrong. That is not the question.
So when people live in complete seeming ignorance or justification of a lie (not the Truth of Being) we feel it as pain. We feel it as insanity creeping in because We KNOW.
Narcissistic abuse is the worst sort of pain of this type of fake living. It denies OUR worth, our right to exist in happiness etc. It denies our voice.
The way to overcome and WIN back your very Soul force is to become intimately acquainted with the Truth. It is the ONLY WAY to freedom from this death.
The Truth destroys EVERYTHING unlike Itself
Become One with the Reality of all LIFE.
In that place you will discover your real Being and no matter how horrible the human experience -I promise you, you will be restored to LIFE. ONLY TRUTH can mend a broken heart (Soul).
My deepest support for your strength to not fail you at this impossible time.
Your freedom does exist just beyond the place of the muddiest turmoil. Shift with Melanie to a new view from a deeper dimension of existence. Pay the price of letting go because we have no life in the past anymore. Only within and ahead.
I watched your video twice…I found it really helpful and soothing each time. I’m going to save it and watch it whenever I want to admit I’m bothered by my ex-husband’s new supply moving into MY beach house with my ex husband of 28 years. I actually have a wonderful life now divorced from him. I actually think of him as little as I can (someday maybe even less). Even so, I think it’s important to admit I’m only human, and these things bother me. It would bother anyone. But when the ex is a narcissist who did all the horrible things narcissist’s do, it adds an extra bit of irony that s hard, because it’s so…out there where it feels like nobody sees what’s really going on…until they watch your amazing video. This has really, really helped and has made my amazing new life even better. I have been to hell. And now I’m back. You were a part of my 6-year journey into thriving. You continue to be supporting me, ’cause we all need a touchstone. You’re mine. I’m grateful.
Hi Cathy,
I’m so happy you found comfort in my video.
And that’s wonderful that you have found your way back to you.
Sending you continued love and blessings
Mel 🙏💕💛
I was literally watching your video above and he text me, out of nowhere, a Rolling Stones song called ‘Worried about you’. It was as if he knew you were helping me to heal & gain my power back, so he tried to suck me back into his world. His timing is scary. It’s been over a year apart after 17yrs together. I know what he is now and I will NEVER go back. You have helped me beyond any Dr. ever could. Thank you for being so committed to helping others heal from these toxic monsters.
Warmest love & respect to you Melanie 🙏🏼💞
Hello Mel,
I’m so happy I found you and this community.
At some point in my life I was absolutely sure I’m loosing my mind and there’s something wrong with me. I was jealous about his contacts with other women’s and always repeating ‘how is this possible that he can treat others better them me and our daughter’. I asked him this question so many times… and the answers were always the same because you did this and that, or that I’m making things up and he’s gorgeous to us, “I took you for a wonderful dinner last week, did you forget already?” or “I’m helping you all the time, I helped you to find a job 5 years ago”. He was always making me feel guilty and unappreciative. Unbelievable that I really believed him, in fact I wanted to believe him… my addicted self was begging for a logical and acceptable answers, something I could hold on to… and unfortunately It was always a conclusion that there’s really something wrong with me.
I’m happy to have a friend who slowly helped open my eyes… she studied psychology and went through narcissistic relationship herself.
She showed me compassion and love, and was always on my side saying Anna this is wrong, open your eyes, save yourself and your child, what needs to happen for you to realise this is not love!
15 years I wasn’t listening… he managed to get into my mind and I forgot who I really was. He even managed to twist me against a loving and caring friend.
Fortunately I found my way back to her and started listening… and now I found you and things she couldn’t explain are now clear and I know there’s no coming back.
I’m looking forward to the next lesson, daily I’m reading your articles. You saved me, thank you.
Hello Melanie,
I have been learning from you for almost 3 years now. You guided me to see what was really going on in my life and helped me to ask for help and to escape an abusive relationship that had become normal life. I was learning to care for my needs and this caused his abuse to escalate and he became physically violent. With my two sons, I covertly ran away from my 30-year marriage with very few possessions and have had no contact. At first, I had so many self-doubts and life felt empty. I didn’t realize that my own life had eroded away while being so attentive to my narcissistic husband’s needs instead of my own. Ironically his affair helped me to see the reality of my life. His soul mate has gotten what she asked for and now experiences the real him instead of the love-bombing affair during our marriage. She has the pleasure of his company and I find humor in knowing there is no pleasure in the emotional, psychological and financial coercion, confusion and chaos of his company.
I really should send them both a thank you note!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Sadie
I’m still living with my narcissistic husband, but have told him I want to leave and be on my own. It is so difficult, the mind games are soul destroying. He is obsessed with money; having the best house & car in the neighbourhood, he talks like he is superior to everybody and knows absolutely everything.
The constant putting me down, the controlling of everything from money, to everything I do in my life everyday is shocking, and then later the crying that his life will be ruined if I leave ..sometimes I actually feel sorry for him, and I know I should not. But he has no friends, no relationship with his family. My family or indeed friends are not welcome in our home; they know everything and fully support me.
I have made my plans and this is my year to break free. I don’t know whether it better to just leave when he is not at home and break complete contact or discuss it with him (I know it won’t be a normal discussion…).
Your program is amazing Melanie, every time I feel weak I do it, I can’t wait for my new life and hope I will be strong enough to go through with everything.
I dream about my car parked outside my new home, about friends and family dropping over to my place for a glass of wine anytime they want to! – just living a normal healthy life and having fun.
Thank you Melanie for being there in the background supporting me through all this. I won’t stop until I’m free. Mary
Hey Melanie,
Isn’t it funny how just one thing may stand out from a video, and so personal?
You mentioned privilege, and lifestyle of the new supply and narc. Something that has bothered me. Divorce changes personal finances. And although I don’t look for it, I don’t ask about it, the news of vacations, vacations, vacations, and other high end lifestyles, find their way to me.
In my head and heart and soul I would always say to myself, well, I got the biggest gold nugget. Freedom and a journey back to self. However, you validated that in this video. You helped me to remember the sense of falsehood I felt living a life with the narc with more money, vacations, etc. And, those feelings of not being enough, although it looked to others as picture perfect, as long as I strayed away from my true self. How horrible those years were. Yes, years. And now as you say, the new supply is living that life. Thank you, for I no longer even think, hey when can I take a vacation as lovely as that. As that in a picture or noted by a family member. The gift of being discarded. Such an incredible blessing. Thank you Melanie for holding that lantern on my journey. Hope to meet you one day. All the best to you. Diane
Hi Melanie,
I’ve been no contact for almost 4 months. I moved out because he couldn’t “handle” moving again, and I’m so glad I did. Out of the blue, a colleague from work offered me a place to stay while I was waiting for my new apartment to be ready as it was being renovated (just 10 days). Now this colleague is a real friend that I never knew I had! Since I said ‘no more!’, everything in my life has changed for the better! I am doing some of the NARP modules and they really work (although sometimes I am afraid to go so deep inside myself). But I keep going back to your videos, blog, and the modules. After decades of talk and CBT therapy with little relief, I have realized that I can’t heal my emotional traumas by talking about them or trying to reason my way out of the pain. I don’t know if my ‘Nex’ has new supply or not, but I do know that I was just a Shiny New Toy to him and like the Toddler that he sadly is, he got bored rather quickly. (That’s my name for him now: Toddler with a New Toy. Nicknaming him that has kept it real for me.) I have also realized that not only was this ex a Narc, but my previous boyfriend, and before that my ex-husband of 17 years and my monster-in-law as well as my own mother and some (but not all thank god) of my siblings! Looking back, most of my so-called best friends were narcs too! I have known I needed healing for all of my life and have been desperately searching for how, and spent thousands of dollars on therapy over the years! I believe NARP is the solution! Thank you SO much, Melanie and fellow NARPers! Without you and your program, I would still be stumbling around in the dark, trying to heal my emotions with my brain, which is like putting a bandaid on my stomach to stop my hunger!
Dear Melanie,
Its been 5 months since I was discarded and the pain is still excruciating. When my brother committed suicide 9 years ago I thot that was the worst pain I would or could ever face; I was wrong.
Ive tried several times to do your 16 day recovery course or the webinar but I cant figure out how to get back on and follow the program. Its SOOOO frustrating. Every time I hear your voice and listen to your words I feel a powerful force of love and hope for my personal recovery. Even the little bit of quanta freedom techniques Ive followed thru your videos has been amazing.
I hope to join the NARP program soon. Ive been searching for a contact number so I can give my info over the phone. If there is one would you please let me know? I dont trust the internet with my personal info. THANK YOU for all you do to heal the world.
Kathryn
[email protected]
This video very helpful. I was with my narc for 36 years. He was awful in the end. He is now married to woman he was cheating on me with, It has been 7 years.. he married her a year ago in the house we shared for years. He acts like she is it…..the best. She was living in old trailer home with nothing, She hit the jackpot. He cleaned out bank accounts on me etc. I was awarded permanent alimony but he told our son he will try and end that when he retires. Another battle to fight. I have not spoken to him in 7 years and at our son’s wedding I did not even look at him. So I have my days where I believe they are so happy.
The video gives information so that you can self reflect after been discarded.
Its also good for knowing that its not all my fault and iam not the narc.
Its good information for healing inside out through NARP.
Hi Mathiesha,
I’m so pleased that this resonates with you and gives you wonderful healing grist with NARP!
Many continued blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I cant begin to tell you how much your videos have helped me. Everything that I have experienced from the monster I was with ( narcissist) you put into words perfectly. I always knew there was a huge problem but couldn’t quite put a finger on it. Always thought it could be worked out. Looking at the big picture it was a one sided relationship with me doing all the work. Only because I was always getting the blame ( it was always my fault of course!!) . I am so glad that I found you, thank-you for helping me heal.
Hi Brenda,
I’m so glad that I have been able to help you.
Love and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I feel like I should reach out to the new girlfriend, woman to woman to provide the proof that the narc was grooming her while still trying to hoover back with proclamations of unending love, love of his life, never knew love like this ect ect . That instead of making excuses and justify his cracks when they showed I’d recognize them for what they were and the relationship wouldn’t have gone on for so long. An ex gf of his reached out after the discarding and helped me recognize his pattern of behavior so while initially there was a relapse into being with him when the cracks in the facade showed again it was easier to go no contact when he showed and not triangulate. I really wished she had reached out sooner or that someone had to tell me the reality so I feel this responsibility to a fellow human.
I am thankful that you are doing so much for the women that have been through a narcissistic relationship. I’ve recently gotten to the point of not caring about what my ex is doing and with who. He said he’s about to be divorced after only months in his marriage, and tried hooking up with me. I didn’t let it happen. And I finally have feelings for someone else, which I thought I wouldn’t get to experience. I don’t ever look him up on social media and I know how his life will turn out. Now that I’m free, he is not desirable or appealing to me in any way. God saved my life. I pray for other women..and that they will get past the horrors these men can bring as well.
Hi Melanie, I have been slack with working on myself to heal from the abuse from my ex the nark , getting carried away with trying to get through life, day by day. I was trying to co-parent and thought it was going kind of ok. Until he told me he was going into hospital, even though I am sure that I hate him for all the years of soul distroying pain he has inflicted upon me. I found myself suddenly caught up thinking about all the good times we had and how I’m missing a companion. I made the stupid mistake of telling him that I was concerned for him. I don’t know why I care and for that I’m very angry! When he made an excuse to see me the next day, he told me how much he missed me, what we had together and suggested that we ‘hook’ up for all time sakes and that it’s not cheating if it’s with me! Somehow I doubt his live in girlfriend of 3yrs would feel the same! Thank you so much for the smack in the face that I needed, for you to say that this is typical behaviour for a nark. I shouldn’t be surprised since he is text book nark, doing everything in your book, even faking cancer to his children, when I said I was leaving. I will be religiously listening and looking inside myself to heal from now on, it was the push I needed to finally get my act together!! Thank you Melanie. God Bless you.x
It is very reassuring to hear this. I have not been following my ex’s movements but inevitably he will find new supply and the information I learned from this video will help ease the pain when news of that comes. Thank you Melanie!
You are very welcome Neta,
and I’m so pleased this helps.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hello Melanie.
You are a breathe of fresh air. Just knowing some else, like yourself, has been through a narcissistic relationship makes me feel I am not alone. I thank you for being open and honest, I feel you could have been writing about me….a lot of what you have written is so familiar….please don’t stop as you are helping me so much in my recovery. You are a refreshing reminder that I/we CAN get through all of this terrible trauma and come through the other side, ready to start life again x
Hi
My Narc Ex found out that I was seeing someone new and within 4 days had hooked up with my new partners ex and then proceed to falsely and without evidence accused of child abuse of my new partners child he has with my ex’s new partners… I am pretty sure they are both narcs.. this happened about a year ago and a half ago and since then it has just got worse and worse them continuously attacking me and making false allegations and harassing me at work and harassing my boss… is this every going to stop???
Hi Kellie,
You poor thing, this is terrible.
Kelly, I want to know from the bottom of my heart that when you heal and get empowered on the inside, then the outside must and does shift.
Please come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/free webinar to find out more about this and how you can get relief and your power back.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
It killed me to the core of my being finding out my ex narcissist husband was on Tinder 12 days after I left on the 1st August 2019 and then his new supply put pictures up on social media saying about their first date on 25th August 2019, (our first yr wedding anniversary would of been on 31st August 2019) this was on February 14th 2020 the day after I had signed my Absolute Decree online and obviously then they went public… I had stuck to no contact except email for the Divorce and I left the country because I couldn’t mentally cope with how no one understood how much pain I was in and how broken I was by being mentally & physically abused by this monster…
It was the first time I unblocked, and looked and I really wish I hadn’t as it just unleashed another wave of intense pain to see him love bombing his new supply like he had never treat me.. it was like over the top, just soo not him… Now I’m Done ✅
I’m healing slowly and I’m scared to death as I’m finally living my dream by living near the beach and trying to earn a living being an Artist 👩🎨 I just want to succeed at being just Me…
Big Thanks 🙏 for all you do Melanie.. you have helped me soo much xxx
For me it’s not about caring about the new supply, it’s about him insisting on introducing her to our 2 year old after just now admitting they’re together. (After 2 years of lying about the infidelity.) knowing my young child will be around this woman that entered my home and life when we were married, will now have influence over my daughter. It’s a hard pill to swallow. Especially knowing they won’t last.
Hi Melanie,
I started reading your blog about 2 months ago. Long story short. I joined my husband to Cali from Switzerland 1,5 year ago with our young 3 kids. Our oldest got so home sick and me as well.. he just got angry and started ignoring me and blamed me of having an affair with somebody back home and I had already planned all of this ( none of which is true) . I made the decision to go back to Switzerland, even if we were only there for 6 months. He staid there due to work. I went to psychologist as over our 10 years together I started doubting myself so much.. so told me about narcissism. 2 months after leaving I found a pic of his co-worker in our backyard ( he was her boss) I confronted him and he denied but filed for divorce next day. 6 months later he withdrew divorce and in April he came to Switzerland as he wants me back. Since he’s living in airbnb and huis moods since I left are everywhere. One day he loves me and next day he calls me I’m a horrible wife and he deserves better. He even called me psychopath..
last month he started seeing psychologist and says he now understands that family means all to him.. but I’m so much doubting if it’s true. As he’s stating that if we divorce he’ll never come back to Switzerland .. reason bc it’s too painful to be around me… that he will explain later to his kids why they didn’t see him.
I’m now in between moving on with divorce or giving him a chance .. I have 3 small kids, no family around ( I do have a mother abroad, who has narcissistic traits as well) and a demanding full time job ( which I know the swiss court will tell me I should be able to keep this income).. I’m scared to be all on my own .. and stay alone. And I know I have wounds that still require healing.. so therefore I also believe I contributed to the current situation. It’s so difficult to choose “what’s right”..
What is the new supply is also narcissistic?
What if the new supply is also narcissistic?
My ex left me and is now in a new relationship with a prostitute..finding this out after I felt like I had healed was soul destroying. I had asked my ex for daily communication telling him it was what I needed, he told me he couldn’t give that to me and ended it.
I question if any of it was real. He told me he was settling for me, that he was better looking for me, asked me why I didn’t do my makeup, why I didn’t do my hair, demanded that i prepared food for him if he was over at my house, that I have snacks available for him, would see me on a schedule from Wednesday to Saturday night (he would go home at 10.30 on a Saturday night) anniversaries and valentines had to be moved if they fell outside of these days.
I had so much anxiety around what was going on, he told me I needed help, I should be on medication, I started seeing a psychologist regularly to work on my problems. If I brought up anything I was unhappy with- he told me that I was not allowed to project my feelings on him and I was overreacting. He would then argue with me for hours until I apologised.
It was exhausting and broke my soul and 4 months out I am still recovering… now he is in a relationship with a prostitute. He has never apologised- simply has said we weren’t a good match….