How The Narcissist Treats The New Supply

When the narcissist replaces you with a new partner you might imagine that they’re off having a fabulous life.

They’ll certainly do their best to make it look that way. It’s all part of their superiority show, “I was right. You were wrong. I’m the healthy one. You’re the sick one. I was the good person trying to fix things. You were the damaged, abusive one.”

I’m here to tell you that this is all part of their false self-narrative – they have to prove it to themselves and the world, but it’s NOT TRUE!

This Thriver TV episode includes some very valuable perspective on this painful discard. In this video I share with you my own experience and grant you some much-needed understanding, relief, and truth on how the narcissist really treats their new supply. Watch now to get all the inside information.

 

 

Video Transcript

Many of you have asked how the narcissist will treat the new supply. Of course, it’s a burning question after what you’ve been through with the narcissist. I’m going to answer the question, but before I do, I just want to remind you if you haven’t yet subscribed to my YouTube channel, please do. Also, remember to like my videos and share with people who you think they can help.

 

The Narcissist Abuses The Next Partner Differently

To start off, I want to help answer this question. This is about the narcissist in my life and how he treated his next partner differently. Because one thing is for certain, the narcissist will not necessarily treat the new person, the new supply, the way they treated you.

I discovered this and at first it really surprised me. The next person, the narcissist’s next supply after me, contacted me telling me all the things he was doing to her – such as he would go missing in action, he was indifferent, he showed her very little attention and he had numerous affairs on her. Which he rubbed her face in. I was initially so shocked by this because he had abused me completely differently.

With me, I could barely move or breathe without him stalking me and micromanaging me. He was constantly harassing me with text messages and surveillance.

But the thing was as time went on, I wasn’t surprised. Because what I learned is that narcissists are plasticine. There’s no actual real person there, they don’t actually even have an identity. How they behave has very little to do with them and it actually has everything to do with the other person that they’re interacting with.

Narcissists work out what is “your thing” that they can punish you with and that’s how they trauma bond you and it’s how they keep you hooked.

So let me explain. My gripes with love partners in my past and also the way I was parented, was about not being granted freedom and trust. Being accused of things that I wasn’t doing. I despised controlling, jealous behaviour. When the narcissist came into my life, he appeared so spiritual and conscious and inwardly stable and solid. It seemed rather than be jealous of my life and my pursuits, that he would allow them and support them and be the wind under my wings.

I felt so understood and supported. It was like with this man I could be free, and I could shine and I could be trusted. Yet, as time went on, I discovered how this had all been an act. He switched into being the most jealous, controlling, and accusatory person that I’d ever had in my life.

Of course, by this time, my life was enmeshed with him – I’d already decided that he was my life partner. We had a home, we were married. I clung trying to return him to the version I believed he needed to be, hoping that finally he was going to be the person that was not this horrible pattern in my life. As I stayed trying to fight for my rights, I handed him more of myself, my Soul, my resources. My life was about trying to stop him abusing me. Of course, I wasn’t changing him … I was only losing myself.

I know with his next victim; her pattern had been unavailable men. Those where she felt invisible and replaced by others. He had pretended, in her life, to see her and show up in ways that she’d never felt so met before. Then, like me, she got so bonded and trusted him so much. He had enmeshed with her life as well – completely infiltrated it.

Then he flipped the switch to become the unavailable, replacing partner from hell. She was discarded and replaced on a regular basis, whilst she was trying to prove her worth to him and give him more of her allegiance and her life resources, trying to keep him and make him love her.

The interesting thing was, there is no way she would’ve ever put up with a meshing, jealous, controlling partner. There is no way that I would’ve put up with somebody who discarded me and flaunted other women in my face. How interesting is that?

I can’t tell you how often people have reported to me how the narcissist in their life treated different people differently. Because, over the years, there have been hundreds of thousands of people that we’ve worked with and there’s been many exes that have connected with each other and they’ve come into this community and they’ve shared notes.

 

 

 

What Really Happens In The Next Narcissistic Relationship?

Let’s have a look at that. Please know that what goes on behind closed doors is not what is most people’s portrayed reality. Narcissists are great at showing themselves on social media as a together loving person, having a fabulous life. I think we all know that.

When narcissists replace the former supply with new supply, it’s all a part of their twisted narrative to come out to all and sundry as the happy healthy one who’s capable of creating love again. It’s all part of the superiority show, “I was right. You were wrong. I’m the healthy one. You’re the sick one. I was the good person trying to fix things. You were the damaged, abusive one.”

In their false self-narrative, they have to prove it to themselves and the world by getting into another love relationship quickly. Usually in the time it takes to boil an egg, if they didn’t have it all lined up for a while on the side anyway. Then they pump up in their own mind how fabulous this new partner is and what a welcome relief this is to how terrible you were. This is usual narcissistic behaviour. And it is, it’s completely unrealistic and it’s completely childish.

Yet, the narcissist doesn’t seem to think that presenting and parading around the new supply to friends and family and colleagues way too soon, probably including your children, is not normal. They think it’s all fair game. Other people think it’s a bit creepy.

Yes, this is revenge against you. They want to hurt you with this. Absolutely. Many new partners also go along with this thinking that they’ve met their Soul Mate and they’re totally unaware that this person is using them as a tool, a device to supplement their false self-narrative. The narcissist is not only meticulously working at the love bombing necessary to hook this person in, they’re already adding up in their own mind, all the goodies that this person brings to the table for them. It’s not about what they can genuinely give and share in love with this person. It’s about what they can get from them.

Don’t for one minute believe that this is about true Soul Mate love. Because just like you, as soon as this person is not feeding the narcissist’s False Self adequately – when this new supply will question something or try to get accountability when they’re treated terribly, which of course is going to happen – the narcissist will kick them off the highly inflated pedestal and despise them in the moment. Because narcissists go from, “You are wonderful” to “You are terrible” in a heartbeat. They’re going to start punishing that person emotionally for daring to challenge the narcissist’s true master, their False Self.

How do they do this? They do it with exactly what it is that’s going to hurt this person. They’ve already worked it out because that’s how they hooked them in. Whatever will trigger them to get them to lose their cool, make them feel irrational, disjointed, crazy, sad, angry, or even break their Soul because this feeds the narcissist’s superiority, “You’re the problem, not me.”

When someone is derailed emotionally, then the narcissist can use their finishing moves on them, designed to cripple and control. These are things like cruelly hinting replacement or threatening to remove or not deliver something. Or withhold something that will keep this person chasing the pie in the sky, the false promises that they believe this dream person was going to deliver. Which the narcissist never does. Or threatening to end the relationship, leave and abandon this person, which of course for many is terrifying.

Whatever the tactic that works, the end result is that person is hooked while the narcissist keeps raising the hoops higher and higher to jump through. At the same time, that allows a narcissist to exploit this person’s servitude, their money, their sex, their contacts, prestige, whatever it is that the narcissist is draining out of this person. Of course, they’re sucking their Life Force out of them by getting the attention, good or bad. That’s what narcissists as parasitical, energetic predators do.

 

How Do Relationships With Narcissists Last?

You may wonder, how on earth does the new or the former supply last so long in a relationship with the narcissist?

The people who stay with narcissists are generally softer and more gentle people than I was. And maybe some of you are. I’ll bet many of you who are more accommodating and softer and more gentle people – people like you found a way to detach and have your life without this person being a true partner. You found ways to shield yourself and the emotional degradations and the abandonments that this person put you through. Maybe you endured all of this to raise your kids and put your energy there.

You may have suspected or even known that the narcissist at the very least was getting attention and excitement elsewhere, possibly including sexual relationships that you knew about or convinced yourself that you didn’t want to know about or believe, thinking, “No, that’s not happening.” But yet, you stayed and suffered without too much retaliation on your behalf because it was easier, it was less abusive.

Maybe people even in your close circles thought that your life and your family were fine. They may not have even known what was really going on. Much less the previous spouse or partner, who’s shocked to think, how on earth could this last? Was it me that was the problem? Which of course is what the narcissists want you to think.

Those of you who are listening to this, who’ve been with a narcissist for a long time and are thinking of leaving – I’ve spoken to many of you and I’ve worked to help many of you heal and leave with NARP, the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program.

I know that many people in your life have no idea what your life is really like. But your emotional, physical, health and Soul vitality are breaking. You feel like you’ve had your Life Force sucked out of you. And you know you want to leave. Some of you are finally discarded and you feel like you’re going to die after granting so many years, maybe multiple decades, your life and your loyalty to this person, the children and the narcissist’s career.

Many of you eventually get up the courage and the strength and you do leave. The great news is that I’ve seen many of you, no matter what age or how long you’ve been married – I think the record has been 40 plus years – fully start to recover and Thrive.

I used to think myself, how on earth did the narcissist’s first wife go through decades of her marriage with him? She did because she was more gentle (and suffered in silence) than what I was. He had numerous affairs and then he left her for his second wife, I was his third.

 

In Conclusion

Many people have asked over the years, “Was I the problem? Would the narcissistic person have changed if I was more healed and not as defective, myself?” The answer to this is the narcissist would not have been different because a narcissist is a narcissist. But YOU would’ve been different. You would not be in a relationship where you were continually invalidated and emotionally abandoned and set upon and regularly replaced, discarded and exploited.

Please do not think for one moment that the narcissist is going to have a true relationship with a new supply. She or he just like all of us is going to go through the true Soul lesson that a narcissist brings to every person they attach to. Which is … let go of false sources of love, approval, security, and survival. So that you can heal, integrate with your own Soul, heal up your unhealed stuff and then know and generate your own worth. Heal our unfinished, often childhood, business.

One of the most powerful experiences with a narcissist is that they trigger the parts of ourselves which were susceptible. Mine were traumas of being distrusted and controlled. I also had terrors of being abandoned that were used against me. It was in the letting go of him and healing these aspects within myself, that I was able to release patterns of relationships like him and being attracted to people like him. And I know that the new partner of the narcissistic ex, she would need to heal her terrors of being invisible and replaced, to be able to not be enmeshed with him and people like him.

The wonderful news is that when you do that inner work, you not only go free from these horrible, triggered emotions – that can leave us feeling so helpless and hopeless – to taking your power back and no longer feeling hooked into the narcissist at all. No longing, no missing, no obsession. The truth becomes very obvious, and we feel it as a deep truth – this person wasn’t the healer of our wounds, they were the messenger.

It’s my deepest wish that all of us, those have been previously abused, those who are being abused and those who will be abused, such as the narcissist’s new supply, that we all awaken out of our enmeshment. And we retrieve our Souls to escape it. That’s the work.

By the grace of True Source, I was able to do that work on myself. It’s the work which I love to assist others with. I hope this resonates with you and I hope it gives you relief. I hope it brings you the truth.

If you are ready to do the work, check out the link here because it’ll explain to you how myself and so many others have got free from this. And we see the truth of what’s going on with the new supply and it no longer hurts. So, I hope this all resonates. Let me know in the comments below.