Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Deal With A Smear Campaign Without Losing Your Sanity

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 24
21
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Being smeared by a narcissist can be traumatising.

It is devastating to have someone who you wanted to love and trust, think so poorly of you and make terrible accusations against you.

Matters are even worse when the narcissist’s lies have caused horrible fallout with those you love and care about, and you may even have had to defend yourself against authorities.

You could be completely forgiven for almost going insane.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, you will learn how to deal with the narcissist’s smear campaigns, so that you can survive them, emerge intact, and even take your power back to levels far beyond the ones you’ve experienced even before being smeared.

 

 

Video Transcript

Being smeared by a narcissist is beyond painful for many reasons. A narcissist’s opinion is always going to be skewered and cruel. When the cracks have appeared, or at the end of the relationship regardless of everything you have tried, given or sacrificed and suffered, none of it will prove to be good enough.

You will be demonised, pure and simple.

Is there anything more painful than somebody you loved turning on you and treating you like the enemy?

Maybe only that now, other people in your life such as family and friends, also believe that you are a monster.

How do you survive this? How do you retain your sanity? How do you not take on these brutal criticisms and smearing, as a possibility that you are the bad person you are being made out to be? How do you not feel intense shame and pain?

Today we can go through this, all of those questions plus more so that I can help you learn how to deal with the narcissist’s smear campaigns without losing your sanity. And, also so that you can regain your life and make it bigger and better than ever before.

But before we get started I’d like to thank each and every one of you who have subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission, and I’d like to remind you that if you haven’t yet done so please do. And, if you enjoy this video, please make sure that you give it a thumbs up.

Okay so let’s start peeling this back and working out what is really going on.

Bringing Our Greatest Fears To Life

Today I want to bring to you, right from the get-go, a radical truth about narcissistic abuse that will change everything for you.

The narcissist at the deepest level of Quantum Truth is helping you to awaken, and to resurrect a necessary part of yourself.

Many of those who’ve been narcissistically abused, have for most, if not all of our life, suffered the susceptibility of worrying about what other people think about us.

First of all, that starts with the people who we want to love us. We are mortified, horrified and heartbroken if they think badly of us. The truth is we have invested more emotional energy into what these people think of us than what we think of ourselves.

We possibly never realised that we were seeking love and approval through these people’s actions and behaviours towards us. Of course, this was our normal because up until Thriver recovery, we may not have realised that to come home to feeling safe, loved and whole in our own body is the work that we must do between us and ourselves.

Narcissists smash us with the words, actions, and behaviours that create the feedback that we are unlovable, and not worth caring for. If we are not solid enough inside, knowing our own lovability, worth and value, then we believe them. We believe our identity and maybe our entire life depends on what this person does or doesn’t think about us.

So we fight to change their minds. We try to justify, explain, improve and earn our worth and lovability from them.

This is the perfect scenario for a narcissist because they keep us attached to them whilst gaining the release of their own inner torment onto us, as well as masses of narcissistic supply – attention that offers them the significance to know that they exist.

Being Unaffected By Smearing

It’s so important to know that there are people who have been connected with a narcissist, and yet don’t react when a narcissist starts discrediting them. The reason they don’t react is because they are solid on the inside; they know who they are. They know that they are lovable and worthy and valuable.

Even if they had hopes that this person could be loving or helpful in their life, they know that their own inner identity in no way depends on that being the case. Because this abusive person doesn’t match the relationship of self that they have within themselves, it’s easy for them to disconnect and walk away.

In short, they don’t agree with this person’s version of them and in no way need to change it either.

Here is the next thing I have seen with these people – when the narcissist tries to smear them and discredit them, the person doesn’t react and doesn’t try to disprove the narcissist’s accusations. If there is any legal necessity, they simply provide the information calmly, clearly and solidly without having any terror being ignited within them about being persecuted. This is when the narcissist’s attempts at destroying the person’s credibility, support systems or life, falls entirely to pieces.

Extremely quickly in fact.

Many of us were not initially able to be like this. Because this is not the case for people who have fractures in their inner identity, meaning that they don’t know their own worth and value. These are the people who react and get thrown into a terrible terror of what other people think.

This is exactly the person I used to be. I was incredible fuel for a narcissist’s smear campaign. I was horrified about what people might think of me, and terrified about people turning away from me or turning against me. I even had feelings in my body that were so extreme, that I felt that if people thought I was a bad person, I would be annihilated.

I promise you this, when we wake up to what’s really going on, we know that the solution will never be about trying to do anything ‘out there’ to change the fact that you are being smeared, because that’s not where the problem is.

The real problem is that the narcissist is feeding off your terrors of persecution, which are fanning the flames of the smear campaign that the narcissist is using against you, and the smear campaign is not going to stop until you eliminate the fuel.

The fuel is the fearful beliefs that you have been carrying inside of you as a part of the human trauma experience.

Persecution Programs

It’s a very rare individual who has been abused by a narcissist who isn’t carrying inner persecution programs. In fact, I’m not sure that I’ve ever met any of these people.

Persecution programs go like this, ‘if people don’t think I am a good person, and they think that I’ve done the wrong thing, then they will … leave me, exile me, hurt me, attack me, or even annihilate me.’

How do you know if you have persecution programs inside of you? The answer is simple, say those statements to yourself and listen to how your Inner Being responds. If you feel anxiety, shortening of breath, a dense feeling of dread, or even a white-hot terror, then you are carrying inner subconscious persecution programs.

This makes you a target for narcissists to mess with you. This means that they can project their disordered self and their behaviour all over you, turn the tables, and blame you for everything they do and keep you hooked into them while you are fighting for truth and sanity.

How do you get out of this terrorising, traumatising toxic web? There is only one way out – to turn inwards and find and release your persecution programs from within yourself.

When you do that you will be astounded at the results. The first thing you will discover is that you have less emotional charge on what the narcissist thinks about you, and even what others are saying about you.

Quite literally you won’t care.

And this is when you will anchor deeply into the true emancipation on this topic, which is ‘what other people think about me is none of my business. What I think about me is my business.’

You will see that the more you know who you are at a deep inner cellular knowing (which becomes completely organic without your effort when you release the trauma within you) that other people automatically follow. Those who don’t have the resources to agree with your version of Self, simply melt out of your experience, and the people who do will come back to you.

Like so many others, my persecution programs were horrific and I know that if I hadn’t done the inner Quantum work to completely eliminate them, I would still be in the living hell that I was stuck in with my persecution programs.

You see, even before the narcissist, I used to have the weird and awful experience of being accused of things that I would never even consider doing. It was just that, with the narcissist, it was brought to a level that was so severe that I had no idea how I was going to survive it. And I wouldn’t have survived it if I didn’t turn inwards and finally face the terrors that I had always carried inside of me.

The freedom from all of this is life changing and there is certainly no way that I could put myself out there on the world stage, in the way I do, if I was still carrying persecution programs.

Losing The Insanity and Gaining Your True Self

The thing about narcissistic abuse recovery is we think that by doing the inner work we are only going to lose the pain of the insanity and the torment that we’ve been suffering.

But Thriver recovery is so much more than that. What is really happening here is that we are losing our old self which isn’t effective in relation to who we want to be and what we really want to achieve.

After working through Thriver recovery you will experience moving into your new and True Self, who is the self you were always intended to be.

Can you imagine the freedom and power you will step into when you are no longer worried about what anybody thinks of you?

Can you imagine how it feels to be in your body walking this planet as your True Self?

Can you feel what it would be like to appear in front of anyone at all with nothing to prove or hide, simply being you, powerfully and freely?

These are only some of the powerhouse evolution graduations we receive by cleaning up all of our insecurities and the deep terrors that narcissists target and smash up to the surface for us. And I say ‘for us’ because until they reach critical mass we were able to continue on without having to address these inner traumas.

I know the inner work seems daunting, perhaps a waste of time and something that we would rather not do, however, if you want your life to be the life that you were born to live, there really isn’t a choice. The crazy thing is, once we start doing the inner work, the results are so incredible that it becomes addictive and extremely pleasurable to do.

If you are suffering smear campaigns, my heart goes out to you in spades, because I know exactly how traumatising this is. This is why I am so committed to reaching out to you so that you can find out how to quickly turn this all around, and take your life, your sanity and your future back in ways that will thrill and astound you.

Let me show you how to do this by clicking this link.

Also, if you want to see more of my episodes please make sure that you subscribe to my channel, so that you are notified every time I release a new video.

And, I am so excited because my Australian tour starts next week. There are still some limited tickets left. You can secure yours by clicking this link melanietoniaevans.com/oztour

And, as always, I’m looking forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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21 Thoughts on How To Deal With A Smear Campaign Without Losing Your Sanity
  • iPassportALM@gmail.com'
    KellyRose
    November 28, 2019

    Who is this person I am about to describe? I get that a narcissist will smear someone. But what do I do if I keep encountering people who accuse me of what I am thinking, feeling, and believing about them? Whatever kind of person this is, they don’t want feedback from me. They don’t want me to tell them, “no of course I don’t feel that way about you.” They just go on and on and on with a monologue about what they imagine are my opinions, my values and my beliefs about them and who they are. I can’t say they are picking a ‘fight with me,” because I have nothing ‘in the fight.’ I don’t have those feelings, beliefs opinions or thoughts about them, but they still want to scream at me endlessly about it. They just go on and on and on in this screaming, manic diatribe.
    All I have said the past is, “This doesn’t have anything to do with me.” And all too often I just want to laugh, and sometimes I do because it is so ridiculous that they are upset about what they IMAGINE that I think and feel about them, but are completely unwilling to let me get a word in edgewise. And I just want to go away and no longer participate in this argument they are having with themselves in their fearful beliefs about their own inner trauma about how *I* am persecuting them, when I am just sitting there. But this seems to make them go into a huge terror-either way. If I leave them to relieve them of their victimhood, or if I sit there and calmly listen to them have an emotional breakdown about their own imagination, they flip out. I am not going to ‘validate’ their feelings about what they imagine are *my* feelings.
    How can I lovingly deal with these kinds of people who have the delusions of persecutions believing that I am the one persecuting them by what they imagine I think or feel or believe about them? If they aren’t willing to receive information about what really are my thoughts, beliefs, opinions or feelings, why shouldn’t I just walk away?
    What kind of people are these doing this to me? Are these narcissists? -People who believe they are so superior that they imagine that I am persecuting them with *my* thoughts and feelings, beliefs and opinions which they imagine but which don’t really belong to *me*?
    Or are these the people about whom you are talking who have inner persecution programs and they are just stuck imaging what I think and feel about them and will forever be unwilling to receive information from me until they do the inner work? I have no desire to argue with someone about what are MY thoughts and feelings about THEM. That is between them and theirselves.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 28, 2019

      Hi KellyRose,

      hun the truth is we can’t change how other people are going to be, but something incredible happens when we turn inwards and find the parts of ourselves that are holding the unconscious beliefs, regarding how other people respond to us, that seem to be coming from ‘out there’. I promise you that this is the solution.

      Have you come into one of my free webinars yet to discover more about this? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I hope that this will explain and answer this question deeply or you.

      Mel 🙏💛💕

      • janefed1956@gmail.com'
        Janet Fedeles
        November 29, 2019

        I do not agree with all of this. I had a narcissist boss who adversely affected my career through smear campaigns. I knew she was lying. Others knew it, too. But she was the boss. People believe these a**holes! Additionally, I believe it is in writing that every human being needs validation. In other words, it is a human need .

  • Leighona13@gmail.com'
    Leighann
    November 28, 2019

    Hey, Melanie 💓 I can’t thank you enough for sharing this amazing work with the world. Quanta Freedom Healing and NARP has changed my life in amazing ways. I’ve come a long way in the last 3 years since I left my abuser and found this healing work. I finally went no contact/modified no contact (because we have a child) 2 years ago and have been reading your articles, watching the videos and doing the NARP healing modules more regularly in the last year. I’m actually able to sleep now and able to eat and I don’t have severe panic attacks multiple times a day like I did before. I was able to get back into my profession as a registered nurse again and I’m doing Hospice work, which is such an honor 💓 I’m able to be present for my children now in ways that I wasn’t able to before because I was living a life of just surviving And struggling every day when I was allowing myself to be tangled up with and brainwashed by my abuser. I wasn’t living an authentic life or being TRUE to myself and life. I still have a LONG way to go towards my goals, but it all feels empowering to me now. I’m committed deeply to continuing this healing journey. My gratitude is eternal, Melanie 💓

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 28, 2019

      Hi Leighann,

      You are very welcome, and I am so pleased that your life has healed so much.

      That’s so beautiful that you are deeply committed to keeping healing you.

      Mel 🙏💛💕

  • litgirl3@gmail.com'
    HealthyWholeMe
    November 28, 2019

    How does Quanta Freedom Healing connect to my belief in God as my source and Healer. I am not used to giving someone permission to enter my body to help me heal. Can’t I invite God in to do just that? I want to order the NARP material; however, I need clarification on this please.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 28, 2019

      Hi HealthyWholeMe,

      QFH is all about enlisting Source / God to enter and heal what we can’t. That is what the entire process is about.

      I hope this helps you understand!

      Mel 🙏💛💕

    • inpellerano@yahoo.com'
      Iris
      November 29, 2019

      HealthyWholeMe,

      It isn’t Melanie that ‘enters’ your body. She asks permission to enter ‘your space’. And it is her ‘awareness’ that can now access you lawfully.

      Without our permission, NOTHING gets in our heart. Proverbs 4 admonishes us to “guard your heart with all diligence”. This is exactly what we learn to do with growing awareness. We find what is really in there already, and allow out what doesn’t belong, and invite in what does – but consciously not by default or ignorance, or impositions. A guard keeps things in, and keeps things out.

      God has set his people on earth to be the instruments of His Presence, healing, word and spirit. God ALWAYS works through His WORD (Mind, Science, Logic, Understanding, Spirit) declared by people.

      I hope that helps.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        November 29, 2019

        Hi Iris,

        thank you for explaining this in much better ways than what I could have!

        Mel 🙏💛💕

  • mingerinkamy@gmail.com'
    Amy Mingerink
    November 28, 2019

    Melanie, Thank you so much for your channel. You will never understand the healing you have provided me. I currently am in counseling after unrecognized narcissistic abuse from my dad and a narcissistic husband of 18 years who cheated and divorced me when I had undetected symptoms from hydrocephalus. I was unaware until moving out after my divorce what I had lived in for years. It was my normalcy. It has been 4 years of healing and people like you who have provided invaluable education regarding this diagnosis. I have done inner work and thankfully most of my true self has returned. I have amazing friends that I was isolated from back in my life, a new amazing job after being a stay at home mom for 15 years, also isolated. I am so thankful for the knowledge you have and how you have impacted me. I would not be in the place I am, emotionally and physically if it weren’t for your amazing work. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please keep providing this valuable education. You are helping more people than you will ever imagine.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 28, 2019

      Hi Amy,

      it’s my pleasure and I’m so pleased that I could help.

      I am so thrilled for you Amy that you are doing so well now.

      Many continued blessings and breakthroughs to you

      Mel 🙏💛💕

  • atokenichols@gmail.com'
    Alex Toke-Nichols
    November 28, 2019

    Dear Melanie,

    Thank you for another great session. Are you ever available to talk to on whattsapp or sim? If so, is it poss to make an appt?

    Thanks.

    Alex

  • Perryupser57@gmail.com'
    Lee
    November 28, 2019

    I had known a guy I trusted in a 12 step recovery program for years. It seemed he was 2 different people. I noticed how he was always talking other people down. And I mean always, every time I talked to him. Other times he seemed like a intelligent normal person. This guy seemed to always expect praise since he is a very senior member in this recovery community.I had told this person things I did many years ago that I didnt want shared with the world. Also this guy is a thief. Especially with tools, He would steal small tools from anyone if he wanted it and think nothing of it. I did sometimes think my day is coming with this guy. One day I loaned him a CD that we both liked. An older rare CD. Weeks later I asked for it back and was told I lost it, I said well look for it I want it back. He said sometimes friends take small things from each other and that’s what is going on here. He would not give it back. He didnt think it was a big deal at all. I started avoiding him because I was pissed. He would call me periodically seeing if I had relapsed on drugs and fishing for dirt to spread about me Every couple of years I would fall off the wagon so to speak for a short binge then stop for again. One day he called and I was under the influence and admitted it to him thinking hes not going to go after me. I trusted this senior member of this group. Boy was I wrong, he did a group message on facebook telling hundreds of my friends I was again using and he couldnt help me pretending to be concerned about me.I couldnt believe he did that but he did.Thats just the beginning he made up these fliers with a picture of me on them saying I was dangerous and a real sick one. and passed them out to my neighbors, my work, the gym I went to, even the motorcycle shop i had my bike worked on. I couldn’t believe it. Months later in saw him while driving and pulled right up next to him at a red light trying to get his attention but he just stared straight ahead. He wouldn’t say anything to my face. It took me really thinking things through to not get my revenge. I would have ended up in jail. Oh yea he reported me to the police also trying to get me arrested but I wasn’t doing the things he told them so nothing became of that.This so called elder of this 12 step group is a severe narcissist taking it to the extreme. I still think about this alot today a year later. So much for anonymous right? In my 60 yrs of life I’ve never seen someone so sick as this guy. I’ve had to block his phone number, sometimes he would call me like nothing happened. I have learned alot here at Melanie’s web site. I had to do research to get an idea of what this guys problem is. I now know what a narcissist is and how to avoid them. If I had known what I know now I never would have let this guy into my life at all.😉

  • samantha.seager@outlook.com'
    Sammy
    November 29, 2019

    Oh Mel, this video is amazing. I think the aspect of myself that I can feel the biggest shift in my life since NARP recovery is around persecution programs. I used to be absolutely terrified of speaking up to people and risking them not liking me and in my career as an actor, if anyone wrote a bad review about me, I would literally feel like I was dying! And I thought these feelings were normal. I thought everybody responded like that and the pain would drive me into all kinds of addictive behaviours, heavy drinking and drug taking. I would also lie to cover up the terrible things I did when I was drunk as I thought friends and family would abandon me if they knew the truth of who I was. I can now see how this particular trauma really played into my alcohol and substance misuse. Since using NARP, getting clean and dealing with a smear horrible campaign about all my deepest fears, I am now so liberated from caring what people think of me, I feel ten stones lighter and as you know, my acting career is taking off in new ways.. and I am a much better actor because I am not at all self conscious and have no attachment to people liking my work. I know if I am happy with it then that is all that matters. Wow, such deep deep transformation. I am so grateful for what I experienced and so grateful that I found you to help me understand that these experiences were for my higher good and give me the tools to transform it. I am crying as I wrote this. So much gratitude Mel, love you xxx

  • msviking212@msn.com'
    Carol Vevle
    December 1, 2019

    I went through a bad smear campaign. There were 100s of people helping out spreading the gossip. I almost lost everything I needed to do. I’m going through financial exploitation & do not have my rent money due no later than the 5th. I finally after 3 awful years got a diagnoses that I’m suffering from an stress reaction from trauma. I caught the financial abuser. It was my son-in-law again, in a week. His third time now!! I’m being believed & a bout 4 departments want to help, but the rent is due the 5th. Between this departments, I have over 4 & 1/2 ” of paper work to send out. I’m so tired that I need to take a nap, for a week. None of them will leave me a lone, although I went no contact from them all. I have a question for you: he gave me a crucifix for a gift of protect. What do I do with it?? Not a good idea to give it away, but I don’t want to throw it out either! What should I do with it?

  • Alkcsc@gmail.com'
    K H S
    December 1, 2019

    Hi Melanie,
    I enjoy reading your articles and listening to your videos, I was a victim of that narcissism disease for years and years but my love, adoration and deep commitment to my Mrs as well as knowing my true self made me turn the blind eye until she dared and committed the unforgettable, only then I went into a deep hole for about 2 years.
    Thank God, in Dec 2017 I had the awakening call and started praying, inner engineering, decided to seek clarity and guidance and I felt exactly like you have described it today, getting out of her smear narcissist campaign slowly and steadily
    You know very well even though we think we are on our way to recovery that your valuable and expert advices are essential for us to carry on healing.

    To fellow sufferers, victims and pour souls who are on their way to recover I say:
    “ when you are alone and feeling unhappy, you are with a bad company, know your inner self, start tour journey from within, believe in yourself, you ought to love yourself same way as you gave love to others around you.

    Australia is very lucky to have you Mel, hope to meet you one day either in Beirut or Johannesburg.
    May all your dreams come true.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 2, 2019

      Hi KHS,

      I am so pleased you are doing so well out the other side of this.

      Thank you for your beautiful encouragement in helping others turn inwards as well.

      And thank you for your lovely words.

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💛💕

  • trombone.robinson@gmail.com'
    Carl Robinson
    December 1, 2019

    Hi Melanie I have been working with your videos now for 3 years and find this at my stage of abuse the most informative, I have now thanks to you manage to regain my desert island, the divorce, the house is gone, no money to speak of, but importantly under no obligation to do anything but recover for myself, I will periodically review this video to myself and grow inwardly, I have lost all I have worked for the last 40 years to a women who i’ve know since I was 12 married her 7 years ago because she asked me to help her life at that stage, I have forgiven her for all that she has done to me, but will never forget how she made me feel. Thank you Melanie for saving my life life as I did attempt suicide some years ago, but when I found your videos describing my experience I began to understand I needed to heal. I will carry my gratitude to you for the rest of my days, and anyone reading this please hang on in there and do the work inside, Thank you is just not enough, Good health and happiness to you all, Carl. ps I would love to attend a seminar should you be in the UK) x

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 2, 2019

      Hi Carl,

      I am so pleased that you made it and are still here, and healing.

      Please note Carl, we are going to be in the UK next year and I would love to catch up and meet you then.

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💛💕

  • crowabbey@eircom.net'
    Mary
    December 6, 2019

    Hi Melanie,

    I love all your videos especially this one – I am always trying to please everyone and I do care what people think about me. I have had Narcissist people in my life that even if I do something nice for them I still get ignored. I would love to know how to heal inwards or have you any books you would recommend for me. I know you have the NARP but that is a little expensive for me.

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