Many people will tell you that a narcissist will never stop harassing you and this could be your experience too.
It was mine until I discovered three powerful ways to get ANY narcissist to leave me alone.
In this Thriver TV episode I am going to share with you exactly what to do to get a narcissist completely and permanently out of your life.
And if you are co-parenting or this person is a family member I will share how to get them to detach and stay away from you.
Video Transcript
Today is a very cool day. Because we’re going to talk about three incredibly powerful ways that you can get any narcissist to leave you alone.
Maybe you are not at this stage of wanting a narcissist to leave you alone, but if you are, this episode is totally for you. And even if you aren’t, I hope that by the end of the episode you will be ready to activate these three wonderful tips that I’m sharing with you today.
Okay, so before we get started, I’d like to thank all of you who are so wonderfully supporting the Thriver mission by subscribing to my channel and remind those of you who haven’t to please do. And, if you like this episode make sure you give it a thumbs up.
Okay, so on with this episode!
Why Do We Need Narcissists To Leave Us Alone?
The reason we need narcissists to leave us alone is because there is nothing to gain from trying to engage with a narcissist.
You can’t talk sanity into insanity. The more you try to reason with a narcissist, make a deal with them, try to plead with them, or lecture and prescribed to them, in other words grant them any of your energy whatsoever, it just makes matters worse. The only way to regain your sanity, soul, and life and win against a narcissist is to withdraw all of your energy, and focus on your own healing.
That’s when you will get free from this horrible experience and evolve and elevate yourself into your True and New life.
But, what if a narcissist won’t leave you alone? What if he or she seems hellbent on pestering you, continuing to abuse you and just won’t stop doing it?
So many people think and report that a narcissist will never stop doing what they’re doing to them, but I promise you this is not true. There are surefire ways that you can get a narcissist to leave you alone, regardless of ties that you think may bind you for life to him or her, such as sharing children together.
So, let’s check out how to do this.
Number #1 – No Contact
No Contact is not just essential to get a narcissist to leave you alone, No Contact is also vital to grant yourself the space to start healing from a narcissist.
No Contact is easier said than done. We all know how difficult it is to stay away from and repel the narcissist’s hoovering attempts and stop the ways that he or she can trigger you into breaking no contact, and all the other sneaky tactics that narcissists use to get your attention and ego feed from you.
This is where number three and number one are deeply interconnected, and I’m going to be explaining more about number three when we get to it. Suffice it to say that when you master how to emotionally manage yourself successfully enough to keep No Contact with a narcissist, then he or she runs out of the fuel to keep abusing you with.
Narcissists need a payoff for their efforts and the prize is always narcissistic supply. If a narcissist knows that he or she affects you, then the narcissist believes that he or she is significant, and that is the exact fuel that keeps the narcissistic cruel, malicious, attention-seeking, punishment cycles continuing.
Please know this: there is no greater insult to a narcissist than when they are no longer gaining any attention, energy or reaction from you.
It’s so important to understand that an energy exchange with a narcissist does not need to be physical and literal. Even if you are checking up on the narcissist, without him or her knowing, there is a psychic phenomenon occurring whereby the narcissist is still receiving your emotional energy through the ethers.
If you still feel emotionally hooked in, affected and traumatised by the narcissist – which is evident if you are still obsessing about him or her, then the narcissist is still getting energetic narcissistic supply from you. This grants the narcissist the fuel that allows him or her to continue violating you.
Again, this is exactly why number three, which we are going to talk about soon, is so vital.
Number #2 – Anti Fear
I love anti fear. It’s beyond powerful.
This is the next step up from true No Contact, and number two also requires the self-dedication to step number three.
Anti fear means that you have purposefully eradicated every part of yourself that has been buying into the illusion that the narcissist has power over you and is, on their own, capable of annihilating you, making your life a living hell, or destroying everything that you thought your life could be.
When we go Quantum, and wake up out of the trance, we realise the truth – that the narcissist is a deep soul experience causing us to meet outside of ourselves the fears and insecurities that were all along buried in our subconscious interior.
A startling thing happens when we stop trying to manage the fear by battling the narcissist (which of course breaks rule number one – No Contact, literally, emotionally and energetically) and instead turn inwards to manage (which really means eradicate) the fear that we are feeling inside of ourselves.
This creates a massive shift in consciousness. Without our internal trauma, we see things clearly as they are, as the truth of the matter. We become wise; we know that the narcissist is in fact an insecure, powerless individual inciting and using our own fear against us.
We sense a deeper power and presence that rises up within us that applies to all of Life itself.
This is … that there is a benevolent, solid, all-loving force that is positioned to unfold what is right, true and wholesome when we understand how all of life works. If we are being self-partnered then all of Life follows.
By releasing ourselves from our inner traumas and fears, we know how to show up, we stop dimming down, playing safe and handing our power away trying to appease narcissists so that they stop hurting us.
Rather, we rise up and stay true to our values and our boundaries regardless of what somebody else is or isn’t doing. We are no longer scared of other people. We are willing to lose it all to get it all. We understand that living outside of our own personal integrity never ends up going well. And we know that when we align with personal integrity and be what we wish to receive from life that we produce our most powerful and complete results.
The shift is miraculous.
This integrity centred living is so authentic and powerful, the effect it has on a narcissist is as annihilating as shining a bright light onto a vampire. The narcissist as a false self can only operate in the shadows; they can only do what they do when they are using your fear, heartbreak, guilt, and insecurities against you.
When you emerge solid, confident, powerful and unemotionally expressing facts, without any of the previous trauma derailing you emotionally, that is when narcissists come undone.
Here is the fact that you need to know: if a narcissist cannot have the upper hand emotionally and energetically against you, and can no longer emotionally derail you, then they have lost the fight.
Without you acting out of your dishevelment the narcissist becomes painfully aware of their own. This is when it is time for the narcissist to exit the scene, no matter the cost, and take their disordered self into another environment whereby they can extract narcissistic supply and significance again.
Since working to help people become empowered against narcissists, I have been amazed and thrilled to see previously relentless narcissists, submit, capitulate and hand over whatever is necessary to get out of the lives of people who show up powerfully without fear.
Absolutely this happens regularly in this community with property and custody settlements, with the people who work with NARP (Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program).
Narcissists are broken children in adults’ bodies trying to bully and intimidate their way into position; they are no match for someone powerfully embodied in an adult body.
Number #3 – Energetic Detox
This is the underpinning to all of it. The most powerful way to get a narcissist out of your life, and to completely leave you alone, is by detoxing him or her out of every vestige of your inner being.
This is because of the absolute Quantum law – so within, so without.
When this person doesn’t exist for you, for real emotionally, this person will not exist for you.
Can you imagine what it will be like when you don’t even think about this person?
Can you imagine what it would be like if somebody brought their name up and you had zero emotional reaction at all and the topic is something you don’t even care about?
Can you imagine bumping into this person and you feel nothing at all and by the time you have crossed the road, your mind is thinking about all the things that you need to get done today?
I can assure you, no matter how enmeshed you feel in the thoughts of the narcissist, and even if this has been going on for years or even decades, that 100% when you do the inner work to detox yourself from a narcissist, you will go completely free.
People ask me in disbelief all the time, ‘How can you not think about the ex-narcissists in your life?’ My answer is this, “I did the inner work. I loaded up, released and replaced every single thing about those people that hurt me, or that I was obsessing about. That’s how. Then nothing about them existed anymore.”
You may think that this is not possible until you start doing this work and discover just how possible it is.
You may think that if you are co-parenting, or that you have a business with the narcissist or that if this is a narcissistic family member that you need to see at functions, that this is impossible.
Yet, regardless of the situation, when you detox this person out of your inner being, you will discover how this person will dissolve out of your experience.
The narcissist detaches, moves away, gets another job, is brought to justice, and stops harassing whilst co-parenting. You name it, it is possible. Life has unlimited ways to start matching your inner being.
So I hope that this Thriver TV episode has explained to you the three most powerful ways that you will get a narcissist to leave you alone.
Less is more – less combating the narcissist and more doing the feeling and empowering work on yourself.
Do you understand?
If you do, write below, “You get less of me, and my inner being gets more!”
Are you ready to be done with this and get a narcissist out of your life? If so, come with me on your incredible journey of self, by clicking this link.
And, if you want more of my episodes please make sure that you subscribe to my YouTube channel so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released.
Please also share this information with your communities, especially those people who are deeply enmeshed and stuck in the trauma with narcissists who won’t leave them alone.
As always, I look forward to connecting with you in your comments and questions below.
The question keeps coming up for me…. What do I do with the memories associated with places I’ve been, things I’ve done over the past 16 years. How do you deal with the questions others have that refer to time sequences in those 16 years?
Hi Rohan,
please know that when you target that trauma in your body and release it that is causing those memories, then they just go.
Please come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to understand how healing in the Quantum way bypasses all logic ways we used to try to deal.
I hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💛💕
You (narc and my ex married to narc) get less of me and my inner being gets more !!! Whoo hoo!
Nice one Marci!
Mel 🙏💛💕
You get less of me( creepy stalking narc) and my inner being gets more
Hi Melanie,
Thank you for all your insight on taking back one’s life, power, and dignity. I believe Narcissism is at an epidemic level and must be dealt with “within” the victim since confronting the perp only gives them more ammunition. First and foremost, one MUST detach from the narcissist. If possible, No Contact, but also during this time one Must work diligently on self- reframing memories through meditation, EMDR.. whatever it takes – it will remove the trauma bond. By doing this, one is working on self recovery as well as removing the power narcissist’s have over us. Focus on self, not what the narc thinks.. they know all the buttons to push – remove the buttons, don’t react but take action on every level of consciousness.
Again thanks for all your support!!
Kaybe
Hi Kaybe,
It’s my pleasure and I’m so pleased that I could help.
It is so true, that the healing must take place within us.
Mel 🙏💛💕
I did this recently and it feels so much better. I still recall the places I have been and the activities I just have an empty space or seat in memories of where they were. So liberating
Dear Melanie,
Thank you for this important post. I believe you have mentioned a very serious aspect of narcissistic abuse and that is the energetic/psychic effect and connection that they can have with you. I thought it was just me or that I was imagining it. It is something that I have experienced/still experience and cannot explain. And no one else would understand. They would think I was crazy. There are so many things society need to understand about narcissistic abuse and they don’t. It is very real and it scares me. I am still trying to remain no contact, with the help of police etc but the psychic and energetic hold he has on me is something I cannot sever. Further, he was once involved in occult magic and I know he has done something in this way to effect me. Thank you for your posts and the work you do. Serena
Hi Serena,
You are very welcome.
It truly is a powerful component of the disease that narcissistic abuse is.
Please know it is possible to release the psychic enmeshment.
Have you considered healing with NARP to achieve this http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp as myself and do many others completely have?
That is my absolute recommendation to help you break powerfully free.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💛💕
Hi this has come at the right moment again!!! My partner went out with his pal on Saturday night! Fell in the door at 7.30 and slept most off the day! I kept busy and was out and about and decided don’t even ask him where was he until 7.30! I did well and then I asked and as per usual got stupid story, lies and end up being in more off a state as his stories me we make sense and never get the truth! However it’s not bothering me today, he was out again and will be in bed all day and I am getting out to visit my mum and dad and keep busy! Concentrating on me as I am not going to be dragged down with his lies and trying to confuse me! I am better than this and deserve better, the only thing holding me back is my nice house, being menapausal and worried to do anything just right now incase wrong thing to do! I have enough going on to keep me busy and less time in his company, today’s reading has really helped me to keep me going and my family and friends are supporting me and will keep me busy until I work out a plan for sure! Thanks Mel x
Hi Jo,
this is great that you are detaching from him and taking your power back.
You are very welcome and keep up the great work.
Mel 🙏💛💕
Magic only works if you believe it. Nobody can have control of you. Say to yourself: nobody owns me. Nobody controls me. I am a free woman.
The only way the ‘magic’ you think he has used on you has any power is that you believe it has. Surround yourself with truly good positive uplifting people as best you can.
Best of luck healing.
Trust and give your life to Jesus Serena, acccept him as your Lord and Saviour and YOU will be free! God will release you!
I have that same issue, my childrens father claims to have a black witch. He sends me videos of voodoo witches cursing people. Tells me how he’s put spells on me and the girls. He’s really a sick sick person and his mother is more sick than him. He’s an extension of her. They double team me.
You get less of me, and my inner being gets more✨✨✨. To all annoying narcissists in my life.
It is a powerful statement isn’t it, Justyna? But for me, the problem is that my natural giving nature has left me and is deeply hidden as protection against others now. I cannot give to anyone after giving so much to my narc. It is sad for me that he destroyed this part of me that cannot give or trust. I have learned to give to myself but I am very alone in the world now out of paralysing fear.
Serena – you are not alone- we are with you.
Thank you Amy, that is very kind. I know that I am not alone, there is an epidemic of people who like us, have had these experiences.
Serena, I hope that you will look at Mel’s 16day free course. The feelings of fear to trust etc that you mention are so very familiar.. I highly recommend Mel’s NARP program & hope that you will feel encouraged that there really is a way to release all those terrible fears & traumatic feelings.
Nothing else I have tried has ever given me the relief & healing this program provides. I feel better, healthier, stronger & more prepared for people & the future than I ever have in my entire life.
Dear Serena, I totally understand you… 😘😘 it is part of healing journey. I also lost most of empathy, care, generosity for others, or switched off compassion and empathy for the narcissist in order to start healing the trauma bond, and so I stopped having empathy at all for others. But I guess, it’s good for us. We had it soooo much for others. It’s time to have most empathy and love to ourselves, to heal. I had to learn how to have it for myself. But now after much healing, it is coming back! Empathy, trust. And I’m using it in an empowered way, not like before, offering it to everyone, even to those who don’t deserve the smallest bit of it. Just continue your healing journey, and everything will come back to right place, and you will be empowered. You are on one of most important, powerful journey in your life 🌸 many hugs 💕
Serena, and I also felt completely alone, fearfull, isolated, paralysed by fear. I was healing with NARP program, and cleared many stuff. Now I’m coming back to life, starting powerfully trusting again. But now, in a wise way, not unempowered and innocent, like child trusting everyone and thinking everyone is good. I became mature, adult woman, who sees through bullshits of people and is not gonna tolerate any of them. I like this life now, better than before 💕
“You get less of me, and my inner being gets more!”
Dearest Melanie..I am 72 and have been in this mess for 50 years. I have come along ways since I started following you and your blessing for me. I am in the divorce mess right now and we are living in the same house. No other choice at this time. Daily he tries something to upset me but I have been very good about not giving him any supply back. I get I need that at 100% but until I can get out of here completely it’s hard. I can not wait for this euphoric feeling of the mention of his name and I can say David who? I pray for this daily. There is no not talking because there are things we need to split up and agree on. I can’t leave until I get my money. The lawyer says stay and pay the bills and take care of the house or there could be many more problems. A new worry would be getting up in front of a judge and he asks why I want a divorce. That is keeping me awake at night. I live in Minnesota and it’s a no-fault divorce state so they don’t want to hear anything about what has happened to me in 50 years so what do I say that is diplomatic? This is a huge sad feeling for me. I have read everything you have sent me and I will read it many many many times. Everything you say is so true it’s scary in a good way.I so want and will become a new better person from this. I have so many goals and work to do to get them in my head I can not wait to get out of here. We have 1 son and 2 grandchildren that I never see. I will get all that back and more when I am 100% healed and my son realizes this is not just about his mother. I loved your article on the toll this takes on your kids. Always thinking this was normal life like what I was raised up in and same for my husband. His childhood was really bad. I want my son and grandkids back so I will fight this to the death of me now that you have given me so many earth shattering,wake up and smell the roses words of wisdom. I thank you thank you.
You get less of me & my inner being gets more! To all narcissists I’ve encountered past, present & future.
And so it is Amy,
Bless you.
Mel 🙏💛💕
Why in all my mess I feel am the narcissist,
You get less of me… so that my inner being gets more…. !!!
Thank you Melanie!!
It’s my pleasure Hannah,
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💛💕
You get less of me, and my inner being gets MORE!
Thank you Melanie xx I am also doing Ho’oponopono through the day.
Brilliant Jen,
Thrive on!
Mel 🙏💛💕
Well, hello beautiful. How are you? I’m in the process of healing. I left him 19 months ago & my family right around Easter of this year 2019. There is a big problem though, they refuse to let go. They are making false accts on Linkedin & tons of them & caused most likely a year long smear campaign. Now, there is financial exploitation & I’m fighting to get my husband’s pension in the bank for him. There is all kinds of illegal unfair business practices & companies denying fraud, but I got the proof. After a long 6 years, God knows how many people are believing me & giving me help. I’m in the midst of writing my own book, but it’s going most likely into sequels. It will cover some of my story & all kinds of abuse & lots of fraud & self help. I have so many notes, it will take me forever to put it all together. I have started “Angels at work” for any type of abuse, to stop the madness & work on ending suicide.
I forgot to say: I didn’t know what I was dealing with. I believe, you were the very first coach to start me on my recovery, so one big hearty thank you, for that, Melanie. How is it down under!!
Hi Carol,
I am glad I can help and I hope that you are accessing inner healing and relief.
Its wonderful here thank you. We have landed in Sydney in preparation for the first one-day live event.
Very excited.
Much love
Mel 🙏💛💕
…but, this just occurred to me…Melanie, do you think it is more of a challenge to do this when the first man in your life (father) was a narcissist? It is difficult to conceive that I can get to the point where I don’t even think about him again. And perhaps this is precluding my getting there with current narcs in my experience?
Hi Jen,
Please know all of us with this pattern have childhood traumas to heal and reverse. This is consistent and the deep inner work that NARP facilitates.
Please know 100 percent you can heal your future love code patterns.
Please come into my free webinar to understand more http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
I hope this helps
Mel 🙏💛💕
Hello Melanie,
You’re encouragement is wonderful!
I have been under this reign of terror, from my belligerent, deviant siblings my entire life! I have been treated since October 1984. The extent of their evil influence is so widespread, that it no one believes they can be dishonest! I’m in my 50s now, and only in the last few years have I learned how deep their paranoia drives them to stalk globally! It can be very distressing to think, why?
I opposed their violent sexual insanity; they got kicked out of the house, and had each other – their ideal! 14, 16, 17 living in their own – party scum! Why blame me? I was just 10+ years old! No remorse?
They knew, they were trained, by there sexual predators, as small children, that they need to go that far beyond, and act just so, and talk this way; and, if they do, everyone will sympathize with them, believe every word, and fear their victims! They know! That is where the grandiose projection if self importance, over the top emotional appeal projected fir the witness victims, in the smear campaign whispers, against the target victim, comes from! As target victim, we have no idea; they teach us with strange to trigger emotional and mental distress! They know, that alone and isolated, their target victim will come apart, and prove them right! Their witness victims will be disparingly wrong, of diabolically satisfied, that we are eating it, and they can toy with things and extend the scope if the manipulations, undetected, and never pay the price for their violence!
What?
How did they learn that, and become so comfortable there, and find so much community?
That is bizarre!
They were beaten, raped, drugged, attacked so systematically, as very young children, that they never grew up emotionally. No one could get them to cooperate! No one helped them escape. If they did, they ran to the deviant freaks they thought they liked, and the grooming continued!
Their rebellion went against mature, honest, life! They found, in their childish defiance, that they got what they want, by being difficult, or they escalated – by pretending to be “better”! ….then stealing the goal! …destroying things, by sabotage, or twisted deceitfulness! They made alibis and accused others of their misdemeanors!
They 100% know how evil they are! They know that you must never be successful at anything – even if you are! There NO fanfare, or very shallow, and stunted, everyone is dismissed, to move along… they can’t bear, we’d be acknowledged for anything! They smear it, convert it to a gang attack on our credibility! No one would ever believe us!
We don’t even know! No one wants to be under THAT, if they get caught supporting us!
What?
When we finally uncover the monsters, and the doings, it makes no sense! They had each other, to defile a way to the image of respectability, supporting each other, covering, hovering, to know!
They see themselves as so intelligent! Some of them got a bit of that; yet, it is childish still!
Why? What the…?
Right! But, no one knows that! The charm is so shallow, it is more reflective! Others see what they hope to see! They want no responsibility! No one, in this country, has much of that type of help, in a meaningful way, in America. What they have that way, can’t go as far as the grandiosity of projections, and the stalwart diabolical will behind it! No one wants anyone to be that bad – not good people!
This is our undoing as a nation! We are not a strong people! We have had everything tainted, perverted, everyone has been manipulated to a true deviance than the safety of truth, honest responsibility!
They know that, from when they were tiny children! A cute face, a nice smile, a cry, and please… whatever the little brat tool used, we are suckers for it!”
People even fail to report such things, they are so diabolically detached from real responsibility – people in this country. They BELIEVE that others won’t do that, not to them! Unless they own a store, where they fight to keep theft below profits, if any.
We wear out quickly, and assume that others would rather conform. This is the death of us all! Stop doing that! Don’t react! Respond, in appropriate ways, including reports to authorities and those concerned! Organize a “Watch”! Beware, they will infiltrate, and deviate every chance of capture! Oh, they FEEL so clever!
We avoided that way. We didn’t want to work that hard, then end up an arse!
Likely, you don’t watch enough movies, or dont take Hollywood seriously, about the reality of themes! It is that bad!
I have been feeling the burden. Melanie. I am froze in, with no transportation, for a very long winter! I am stuck with them, and wanted to feel useless! Then, I watched this!
I knew, I must write! I must try to communicate to protect others! The same old recovery tools are worn out and worthless, until I take action! The first is finding help, and listening! Then, I must reach out to others in need, to be reminded, this works, that doesn’t; and, get out of myself! Then I am free, and can see the healing!
I’ve survived a living hell!
I can sleep now!
God bless!
Got a question Melanie. Is the webinar captioned? I am hearing impaired. I really appreciate that you usually provide transcripts of your talks, although the youtube videos do have captions. Both options are great.
Hi Jen,
Thank you for your question, and no I am sorry the webinar is not captioned.
Much love
Mel 🙏💛💕
Hi Mel,
I hope you see this message. I don’t know of any other way to reach you.
I have been reading your articles and watching your videos before going to sleep for the last 4 weeks. I’ve also joined your webinar and I just want to say how much I admire you for your strength and hope that someday I will be as strong as you.
I’m financially strapped right now and as much as I would love to join your membership, it is just not possible for me but I still want to thank you anyway for the all the help your blog and videos are doing to me.
I am not 100% sure my previous mate (I say that coz he never allowed us to get to a relationship level or have always made me seem so crazy for wanting to say we’re boyfriend girlfriend coz people are too caught up on labels and relationships don’t work. ever) is a narcissist but most of his actions do point towards NPD. Maybe it’s me being too weak to detach from him or see him from what he is. He has always been upfront with me so it is my fault for the most part for falling back into the same cycle and forcing to see the good in him.
I hope I can heal soon like you. Your words of encouragement really resonates with me. You are such a blessing to a lot of people– to me.. thank you for doing what you are doing.
Thank you,
A
Hi A,
I am so glad that you reached out.
Please know A that you can heal and I am holding the space lovingly for you to do so.
I would encourage you to write in to my support team at [email protected] and explain your situation so that they give you some options to get Quamta Freedom Healing started in your life.
That is where the big healing shifts start to take place.
I hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💛💕
Melanie, this post came at the best time. I have to stay in contact with my narc because we have a unit together (which is supposed to be a “business transaction”), and we are only supposed to talk about things to do with this investment. However, he uses any platform to pity play, shame shift, toxic guilt to try and engage me. I stay grey rocked!!!! At first it triggered stuff in me, but I used that to do some modules. Every time I am triggered, and he uses fear tactics, I do a module. Feeling soooo much better since I started your program! Much love to you.
Hi Marie,
How wonderful that you are NARPing and staying impervious to this!
Your breakthrough is on it’s way and keep.up the great work.
Much love to you too
Mel 🙏💛💕
Hi Mel,
This is almost into the twilight zone in terms of how relative your blog post is with me. I have just come home from trauma therapy and have bought the NARP gold package and have started module 1 whilst undertaking therapy from a body-based therapist. Even though my narcissistic experience ended almost 2 decades ago I really have not been able to move on with my life and my ability to create is almost next to nothing I just feel so dead inside. My question is when you speak about detoxing from the narcissist in relation to these fears you speak about in your post – am I to just feel where that lights up in my body as a lot of those injustices and related feelings have re-surfaced. I am using module 1 to heal the time line of childhood trauma but can we use the modules to clear feelings of resentment for unacceptable abuse and behaviour of the narcissist? I am so new to all of this so your posts are really helpful to me. I have undertaken step 1 but not step 2 or 3 in your blog.
Thanking you,
Cherie
Hi Cherie,
Please note dear lady that the assistance with NARP that myself and the NARP thrivers can grant you, takes place in the NARP members forum, http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
Come in there, and we will be very happy to help you.
Lots of love
Mel 🙏💛💕
“You get less of me, and my inner being gets more!”
Hi Melanie,
I’m so grateful for you! Thank God you are dedicated to keeping this recovery process on the front line.
It truly is a psychic entanglement to have been in relationship with a Narc- type person.
But the good news is that it is precisely due to the unfathomable pain they impose that we seek help from outside the ‘usual’ therapies. When we find NARP (an energy/spiritual) healing restoration, WE ARE BETTER THAN BEFORE the abuse.
The epidemic is WORKING IN OUR FAVOR if in the end, we learn to LOVE OURSELVES and give ALL DARKNESS FROM THE PAST LESS of our attention and focus and GIVE OURSELVES MORE of it.
If we didn’t know to love ourselves before NARP, we know it now and that is VERY GOOD.
PERFECT LOVE is the antidote to all Fear (1 John). Perfect Love is Love that is made complete. It was given AND received.
Here’s to our growth in Love and Gratidude!
Hi Iris,
thank you, dear lady, and please know how grateful I am for you too.
I also love that after NARP we are better than before!
Here is to our growth indeed!
So much love to you and thank you, as always, for sharing your beautiful wisdom.
Mel 🙏💛💕
You get less of me, and my inner self gets more!! Yes!!
To Narcissist: You get less of me and my inner being gets more!’’
My inner being is already getting it!
Thank you! X
Melanie, how may I ask you a traumatizing question to the final release of this toxic relationship. I have a power struggle about releasing his phone # from my account. It is the last thing we share. I am torn with the right thing which is signing it over to him, or hirting him by just shutting the line off completely. I know this seems petty to probably all who read it. You however know the deep rooted trauma bond, the need to pay back the hurt. The deadline is today before the account he set up becomes invalid. Ugh…..why can’t I just let it go?
Hi Tracey,
No matter what you decide or what you finally do this day – it is NEVER too late to RE-think and act accordingly.
You are free now and will always be free to be free.
Hi Tracey,
The reason why you are struggling to let go struggling to let go hun, is because there is some wound within you still hanging on.
The truth is it is very difficult to be clean and clear with letting go while that still exists. I’d love you come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to understand deeply what is still keeping you hooked up in this, as well as how to get released from it.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💛💕
Hi Melanie,
I really want my ex N out of my life. For the moment he’s stalking me and attacking every area I try to build up: work, education, place I live,…
I don’t have children and have no relationship yet but I do want to have a puppy dog. It opens my heart right away and I had dogs in the past but the N forced one to sleep in with the vet. I work around this with NARP.
I’m worried that when I take a pup that he will try to hurt me by trying to get to the pup…reading your article I think: maybe I cannot longer let him determine my life and that i can just take a pup if i want this and it makes me happy or is this too soon and do I first go through the steps before taking a dog? Or do i just start living the way I want and heal further?
Thank you a lot for this article!
Love
Hi Nath,
I truly believe under all circumstances that we must live our own life.
If you make the choices that make you happy and release all fear of what the narcissist may do, then you will be free.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💛💕
You get less of me, and my inner being gets more!! 🌴💕
Hi Melanie
I have been working through the modules and had some relief yet I still feel stuck, as though i’m not really moving anything. I’m on module 3. Can you suggest anything?
Hi Gabrielle,
please come into the NARP member’s forum and it’s there that we can investigate and help you http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
Mel 🙏💛💕
thanks i live with my narc mother and flying monkey father .if i leave my room she follows behind me literally half a step and harrasses me .today i was strong we’ll see how long it takes her to change her strategies.it’s a horrid balance btwn completely ignoring her and saying something brief to keep her off me.
I had a huge psychotic break after a physician at work made me his work assistant. I am an RN. My life was threatened by foreign co workers who had neither the talent, education, experience; nor even the intellect needed to work at the level I would have been working at. As well, the union tried to make a case of it. I was jumped in the parking lot of work at one in the morning. The threateners of my life at work were well known; I had witnesses of the harassment and it was quite possible they and maybe the union was responsible for this masked man who jumped me. They had no idea this tiny size of a 56 year old woman knows kung fu, and with my foot on the throat of the masked attacker, after I flipped him (though he came from behind), I watched him run off in terror.
Found out I have four benign brain tumors which I consider to be created by the narc who got me to marry him twice and destroy my superwoman resiliancey. I had lost two husbands to death prior and raised my son alone who turned out wonderful in every way.
When I finally blocked that narc, he moved states and moved into my state and into my apt building.
When I finally told my mother about my neuro. condition, she blamed me for the drama of my life causing her stress and for having ruined her life, as she has been saying since i was a child.
Now I know why I wasted so much time with that x husband narc. He is exactly like my mother who refuses to give me my part of my grandparents inheritance intended for me. She has also made her children and husband her flying monkeys. It was a shock to finally take all the blame off of me, stop making excuses for her and then realizing, I welcomed and took great care of the two biggest destroyers of my life. And if I dont tell them both what they are, and what i will not tolerate, I would die from these tumors growing; as the neurologists gave me this grave prognosis.
I am now without a mother, and without this x, who for 6 years I still welcomed, after the second divorce, kindly back into my life. When I finally blocked him from all devices and coldly discarded him forever, that is when he moved to the state of my birth where I initially escaped his endless see saw.
Now, after I have recovered from my psychotic break, and left my career, I am moving to Europe to start a new life. My son is married to a wonderful woman and now that he has her, I am told it is absolutely fine, and encouraged by them both to start this new chapter.
Luckily, I still look almost 10years younger than I am and thats nice because I want to attract another mate. I have lived alone for years now, as those marriages to him lasted both 6 mos…and we just dated the rest of the time.
Hardest for me is stopping self from allowing the men in my life who want to hurt him from doing so. Good thing for him I am leaving. Because I am not sure I would not have to watch him either destroy himself or someone else destroy him. I am not homicidal, this is just what happens in my fantasy mind. I have saved hundreds of lives…not about to do the reverse.
Thats my story and I am still angry and vomit every time I pass him. He sees nothing wrong with moving into my apt building and attempting a smear campaign. Yet to see him with any other woman all these years. And he wont find one. I am probably the best, most loving women to my men. All my girlfriends have always commented on that, as they often complain about theirs. Too bad the others of mine were hit by a truck, the other, cancer. They were the good ones.
As you can see, I am not healed. But am getting there. I dare anyone to keep me down. I just pray I can trust another man. I need at least to find a suitable lover. I was an actress in fact and won two awards 20 years ago for adult scenes. I was even better when it was for real. YOu can only imagine how I feel without THAT in my life. I hope I can make it. Oh man, I hope I can find that. Maybe sex is not important to all women. But it is to me. Right now, I dont trust a soul except my son.
I wish there were a hell, so i would know my mother would be going there. Unfortunately, she is living a high life with her flying monkeys and my inheritance, all of that surrounding her as if she is a queen Thanks for letting me write this. I mean it. It has quelled the fever of anger that welled up in me tonight. May we all f`ing find peace after these assaults. Bless you all.
Hi Mel,
I am really feeing thiss video. And I want to say…I just love Tiggy’s ears. So endearing. 🙂
Aww Alison,
I’m so pleased you are!
So much love from me and Tiggy.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Your writing in # 2 had a lot of heart. I could feel your passion for that area of growth. Beautiful, inspiring and personal.
Thank you for your work. This blog has been really supportive and validating in this healing process. Not easy for me to share the complex stuff. Just here to learn and continue healing.
C, You get less of me, and my inner being gets more!
I am so blessed to have found you, Melanie…
I cannot go into details as we’re currently going to court and my sweet babies are involved.
He is an obsessive monster who will stay up all night just to confirm his twisted mind. I’m afraid he will find this and presents it to the judge. I was advise not to speak of the trial. He knows that my children are my life. I’m staying strong and doing everything I can, including reading articles such as these, and getting therapy twice a week to cope.
I’m 50 years old and I’ve been living with a narcissist for a year now. I was married for 20 years and while my divorce was processing through the courts, I met this man who swept me off my feet. Problem #1, he owns his own business 1/2 a mile from my home and is very successful. Everyone in our community thinks he is the nicest person and rely’s on him for his expertise. He knows every cop, firefighter in our town and the list goes on. Problem #2, he has money, therefore can buy his way through any situation and uses it to his advantage. He bought me an engagement ring within 4 months of knowing him and that was the start of the control and extreme verbal abuse. I lost contact with most of my family and friends. I became his puppet. When he’s good, he’s great, when he’s not- the devil. Fast forward, last week, my 20 year old son could not hold it in anymore and had a breakdown from it all. He left my home and will not return due to the verbal abuse I have endured and he has listened to from his bedroom. He has a 15 year old son who stays here every other weekend. He made repairs to the home thinking we would live a long happy life here and now I cannot get him to move out because he wants all his money back. Also, he took every piece of jewelry he bought for me – all of it. He owns many properties and knows the laws about squatters rights/ eviction and the laws in the state of Pennsylvania. I’ve been taking you’re advice and have not spoken to him since my son left. I can feel he’s lost control over me and I’m hoping I can continue with this and break him down. I’ve actually gone to the park to walk (social distancing of course) to try and gain back some of my self esteem, strength and independence and it’s wonderful not to get 20 texts asking me what I’m doing and who I’m with. Before I met him, I was a very strong woman and now I feel like a wilted flower. I need help and I need him out of my home. I’m trying to stay strong, but I’m worried he will let this go on without a care in the world. I need my life back and my son!
He gets less of me, and my inner being gets more!
You get less of me and my inner being gets more!
Thanks for sharing this. It took me about four years to actually realize what had been done to me (and I always considered myself an intelligent person, and that nobody could control me). I used trial and error, trying to figure out what would work in my life. I had no idea there were so many resources out there.
I had stumbled upon blocking my ex as a means of feeling better. Then it became an almost permanent thing, because I recognized the relapses if I made contact or tried to have any kind of conversation. It took about four years of continuous blocking and just completely shutting myself down and rebuilding myself from the ground up to get back to “me”.
I so wish I had known these things early on. It would have gone much faster to have help instead of fumbling through it all by myself. But I’m on the other side and so much the better for it!
Thanks for reaching out to help others. It’s a much longer journey for people on their own.
The narcissist might smear and try to pull a bunch of crazy stuff in your life, but I know for a fact others have had similar experiences with them. At a certain point you realize despite the narcissist’s proclamations, we can’t all be the crazy ones. And they do sooner or later make out that someone else around them is crazy or unstable or lying. Riiiight.. except that we know it’s a pattern of behavior for them to be embroiled in drama where they constantly try to be assert dominance, push people into crisis while trying to seem like a queen bee with sycophants and followers and other like minded dipshits, yet we know that that nonsense is unbecoming behavior for any professional or intelligent woman. I know now several people who’ve been labeled “crazy” and devalued or discarded while dealing with their crazy town crap. Of course we know the truth about their tantrums, emotional immaturity, lies, and outburst of violence of multiple cruelties to others including animals and using children as fodder and personal armor to protect themselves from being found out.
None of these experiences are similar to mine. The narcissist in my life is my adult child. I allowed the narc back in my home 7 times as an adult. The last time it was so severe I had to get the police and a lawyer involved. My doctor said I was headed for a stroke or heart attack if I didn’t get the person out of my house. I had to do a formal eviction. I started going to Al-Anon and started treatment with a therapist for PTSD. He gave me a clear understanding of what a narcissist is and does. The adult child insisted on a large amount of money to leave. I gave in to the extortion because of a grandchild involved. It has been years with no contact and I have been living a better life.
Recently, the adult child decided to contact friends and family and restart the lies once told by them about everything being my fault. When I was contacted by friends, I will admit to being triggered once again. I refuse to go into the truth with others to counteract the lies.
I pray every night for the happiness and safety of my child and grandchild. I know however, that were they to show up on my doorstep, I would need to follow the advice of the therapist and give them five minutes to leave the property or I would call the police. It is a horrible way to live my life, but I need to be safe physically and emotionally.
Your videos and information are terrific, but nowhere have I seen others dealing with an adult child narcissist. It is a very different, very sad, situation.