How to expose a narcissist without looking like the crazy one, is what so many people want to do, yet find incredibly difficult to do. Of course, it is beyond traumatising when narcissists lie, manipulate, smear, take zero responsibility for pathological behaviour, and you get blamed for all the problems.
This is why I wanted to write this article so that you could know ‘how to expose a narcissist’ the right way.
Be very clear with working out ‘how to expose a narcissist’ that you are not dealing with a rational, decent person. The narcissist is never wrong, has zero remorse, care or consideration for others, and is always blaming someone else. If you are in close proximity and things fall apart, of course, you are going to be smeared, and the narcissist will twist and turn information to make them look like the great person and you the terrible one.
You may lose people in your life. Many a person after narcissistic abuse has been smeared and demonised beyond repair to others. Sadly, this is the way it can go but where it can get much more sinister and deadly is if the narcissist can convince key people, including authorities, that you are a bad person and need to be dealt with severely, affecting your capacity to go forward having a happy and successful life.
I want to talk about how to expose a narcissist early on, before we are so dependent and enmeshed with them that our life is severely at risk, as well as how to expose a narcissist when things have got to (as they do/did for so many of us) that stage.
Calling Them Out Early On
What is a person’s character? This is essential to get to know, investigate and understand. And if it’s unsavoury, putting up with that and making excuses for it and accepting information that you know are lies is asking for trouble.
Don’t we know by now that going against our inner truth and making excuses for it means we will pay a price? The longer it goes on, the heftier the price we pay.
People are who people are. They are not going to change because we think we can fix them, ride the storms or make up for their character deficit.
Is this person considerate? Do they blame others? Do they take personal responsibility? Do they have a conscience? Does their peripheral embrace others, or is their life all about themselves? Do they pay their way in life, or are they parasitical in nature? Are they entitled and believe they can have and take whatever they want when they want? Are they incapable of apologising when they hurt someone?
If you allow this behaviour to be in your life, you are signing up for more of it. If you call it out, create boundaries, put an end to being taken advantage of and stop covering for narcissists, they and the relationship unravel. A narcissist is not going to want to be with you if they can’t mine you, manipulate you and lie to you. And quite frankly, you need to want to get out too, because how can you have a healthy, happy, sane, safe life under these circumstances?
It is my highest suggestion to not take, ‘I can change,’ as an indication that things will get better. A person’s character is their character, it is ingrained. Lack of health in being ‘a good person’ is not overcome by someone pretending to act differently.
We all need to get very clear that choosing and hanging with self-absorbed, entitled, pathological people is no different to choosing to eat junk food every day. It doesn’t nourish our soul or spirit. It rips it down instead.
If you are continually taking in toxicity and being polluted with it, triggered by it and abused with it, of course, you become sick. If you are continually trying to stand for wholesome human behaviour with someone who doesn’t have the resources to be decent and simply refuses to take responsibility and get it, you will start going mad.
And then when it all falls apart, you will feel like you are losing your mind and are highly susceptible to being painted as the crazy one.
If we get to this stage, then we really do need to do a lot of work on our healing and recovery to be able to work effectively with ‘how to expose a narcissist.’
That work is all about detoxing ourselves. The NARP Healing System is the most powerful, effective and direct way I know of how to do that, hence why there are so many success stories of full narcissistic abuse recoveries in this Community.
Exposing a Narcissist With The Truth
Personally, I have found that false selves hang themselves with their lies. They act pathologically, create mayhem that causes scrutiny and then try to lie their way out of it.
If you have the clear-cut facts and are no longer swayed by sentimentality, making excuses for them, or wishing they can be different (which is such a relief and totally achievable when you work with my NARP full recovery system), then you are very capable of executing ‘how to expose a narcissist’ effectively.
Document facts. Share them with key people. Expose what has really happened. Keep conversations exposed, transparent and under eyes and therefore accountable.
The narcissist knows you are flushing out the truth and exposing them and will twist and turn trying to find an angle (which of course won’t be the truth) and, if you have your facts, inevitably dig themselves deeper. Very shortly after that they will depart and leave you alone. The game’s up. Why keep trying when people start working out who they are?
It’s so important, as you walk the straight line in truth, that you have released your trauma and you have no qualms about investigating and getting facts. Be very clear you deserve to know the truth.
What is also vital when working with ‘how to expose a narcissist’, is that you have released all your dependencies on the narcissist for anything in your life. The narcissist will punish and desert you and not do the right thing with care, sensitivity, remorse, accountability, money, settlement or custody, and will try to make you ‘need’ them in order to continue punishing you and hooking you in.
Therefore, release all these ties, emotional and practical, and become a source to yourself. If you do this and walk and generate your truth, the narcissist will be powerless to manipulate you, hurt you or possibly even smear you. Truly, anyone who believes their version is not worth having in your life, and you will find that so many more credible and real people do clearly get the truth.
What is important is that you know the truth, this person is exposed as pathological and is not healthy or welcome in your life, and you are determined to detox them and create a happy, healthy life for yourself and those you love.
There is no greater up-level, relief and clarity than that.
How to Expose a Narcissist In the Workplace
The best way to expose a narcissist is transparency and bringing the toxic pathologies out into the light.
Narcissists operate in the workplace with ‘divide and conquer’ tactics. Meaning they sidle up to people and show them preferential treatment, grooming them to be ‘their pet’ and start mining them to take the narcissist’s workload for them, be their minion against someone else or whatever agenda they may have. This ‘pet’ may not realise that this person is using them for their own benefit by promising them the world and doing it with multiple other people as well.
Additionally, narcissists will not take responsibility, blame others for mistakes and play cover up constantly.
They are, however, not that clever because they are so self-absorbed and entitled they don’t worry too much about being detected. Most people in the workplace know that there is a toxic and even narcissistic person present when one is.
The way to expose them is simple, have the facts or details of the conversations and whatever else you know and raise it in calm and very clear ways in group meetings in front of as many people as possible. Then all the triangulation tactics are exposed. People start to know the truth.
There is every chance the narcissist will unravel and show their true colours when their ego injury is ignited in public. Be prepared for the pathological lies or projections to spew forth, and if you have done your homework then you will usually have the facts to counter these lies, or just remain silent in the face of such nasty, childish retaliation, and the narcissist will dig their hole even deeper, in full public view.
There may be some minions who try to cover up and defend the narcissist, but it is unlikely that when they see the narcissist unravelling that they will risk their own skin as well. In fact, the narcissist may show their true colours even more, by trying to scapegoat the minions.
I know exposing a narcissist in the workplace takes immense courage, but I promise you in this community there are people who have taken narcissists down in this exact manner, calmly and clearly, even though they were of course, pretty terrified about doing it.
When we step into our authentic selves and are willing to lose it all to get it all, then spectacular breakthroughs happen in our lives and for those around us.
Narcissists exposed in this way withdraw. They leave. No different to the myth of vampires, they can no longer exist in an environment where a great bright light has brought who they are and what they do, out into the open.
How to Expose a Narcissist In Court
It’s so important with knowing how to expose a narcissist in court that you showcase this person’s behaviour rather than try to convince people that this person has a personality disorder. This is done by keeping documentation, being calm and clear with your evidence and sticking to the facts that can be backed up.
Narcissists love trying to intimidate you and gain narcissistic supply in court settings. Therefore, don’t address the narcissist or their lawyer, rather speak to the judge. Don’t sit in the courtroom where eye contact can happen with the narcissist. Ignore their or their minion’s attempts to intimidate and disarm you in the waiting area before walking into the courtroom.
The narcissist is most likely to get triggered, unravel and expose themselves the calmer, detached and directly ignoring them that you are. Loss of power to the narcissist means a severe narcissistic injury where they may explode with irrational and even delusional behaviour or turn on someone else, their own lawyer or even the judge, totally exposing themselves.
When knowing how to expose a narcissist, the number 1 criteria is to become anti-fear.
“Narcissists can only get you through your fear …. your fear feeds them power. It is the figurative bullets that they load up in their gun to shoot you with. When we are triggered by the fear of what the narcissist may do, we react and try to expose the narcissist and frantically appeal to others to help us. Yet, people don’t want to get involved. They shut doors in our face, don’t listen, don’t care, switch off, and even turn against us. And, you are shocked to see how the narcissist twists it all by making you out to be the wrong and crazy one. This can lead you to lose credibility, court settlements, and even your children.”
This is why, in every area of our life, love, workplace, court, any situation at all, the inner work on ourselves is everything so that we can show up in our power, the inner solidness and truth, and we just walk this line: ‘Really? NO that was not the truth. This actually is.’
Who chooses to believe the truth is really not the issue. The issue is that we know it and we can hold our head high going forward feeling released, resolved and clear that who and what the narcissist is, is NOT our reality.
Then we will be astounded by how the rest of life follows.
The deal is always this: good people have good people in their lives. Once we leave pathological people behind and purge their toxicity from within us, we stop feeling sick. We get well, and so does our life. Whereas, the narcissist’s life is always going to be fraught with disruption, pain and stop/starts. That doesn’t change.
People start to see the truth. Many people don’t trust the narcissist anyway, they get a bad vibe off him or her even from the beginning. How many people in your life have told you that, after you ended relationships with the narcissist, or even when you were in the relationship with them?
Life is really not that great for them, and the more you build and create your life from an authentic space, the more their lies and punishment regarding you falls apart. Know this to be true.
But to do this, we do need to turn inwards and confront and heal all that is being triggered off within us, that is causing us to obsess, panic, overreact and hand our power away.
There are many Thrivers in the community who have exposed and won against narcissists in so many areas of their life, as a result of using NARP to release their internal triggers, so that they show up formidably and truthfully in their power.
As always, I look forward to responding to your questions and comments below.