Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Find Closure When A Narcissist Discards You

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 12
306
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Is there anything more painful than being discarded?

Have you felt, or are you feeling that TERRIBLE feeling … when you are curled up in the corner after being deserted by someone you believed loved you … thinking this:

“I am NOT wanted”?

That’s painful enough in a normal relationship! And when we are discarded by a NARCISSIST, the trauma is amplified significantly, because it is not their intention to let you get on with having a happy, healthy life after leaving you.

Rather, he or she will strip you of your confidence and mental, emotional and physical health to leave you CONVULSING in the gutter, as they prance away with your goodies – the people and things closest to your hearts, as well as your finances and resources.

There are no words to describe the utter torture of this!

It not just about being ABANDONED, it’s also steeped in deep BETRAYAL.

How do we recover from this?

Is there a way to stop the obsessive thought loops in our head that consume us relentlessly?

Are we ever going to be able to go forward, without feeling that our hearts, souls, and lives have been torn to shreds?

Like so many of you I have gone through the indescribable anguish of narcissistic discard, and being so low and devastated that I would do anything to get ‘something’ from him.

I was like a crack addict crawling on a dirty floor trying to get a sniff of my drug. So please know, I understand what it is to LOSE all self-respect for ourselves when discarded with NO closure!

Yet, today, I have total closure, peace and the ability to BE in my heart and life in ways that far exceed my greatest dreams and joy.

And … I was able to create this closure without ever needing him to apologise, fix anything or be held accountable.

If you are suffering and/or fearing discard from a narcissist, today is a very special day because I am going to share with you how to get TOTAL closure, without needing ANY of what we used to believe IS closure!

This is such an important KEY! You need to watch to understand WHAT that means …

Please know from the bottom of my heart there IS a way to achieve closure (which means relief and freedom) when you understand and learn how to implement the keys in this video.

I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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306 Thoughts on How To Find Closure When A Narcissist Discards You
  • ascsanddy56@yahoo.co.uk'
    Sandra
    February 23, 2018

    I felt sooo shocking painful devastated thought I would die I’m still in &out of shock going thro in the horror that I meant nothing except supply &resources

    • davishayley@gmail.com'
      hayley
      February 27, 2018

      Yes i agree i felt like my life was over i had no future and even if i did id rsther not live it cause all my future plans were with him . Beford him i was so independant i never needed a guy i was totally happy now i dont know how to find me without him

    • deone@talktalk.net'
      Dee
      March 5, 2018

      I feel totally destroyed, lost and disappointed in myself was single and very confident before I met him , we have a 4 month old baby boy and it’s even harder as he wants him and loves him dearly but there’s nothing for me 😞

  • Evelynhall1961@icloud.com'
    Everlyn
    February 23, 2018

    L left a narcissist after being married to one for 38 yrs. l have had a heart attack last year and l still believed we could be friends for the sake of our grown up children. How wrong was l? L am completely no contact now. But my life is in turmoil as l always up to the last couple of months thought this man would suddenly become this loving husband l craved for. L have spent all my life waiting and wasting so much time. L want to heal and move on but l don’t know how !!

    • lgsmiles@hotmail.com'
      Mandy
      February 23, 2018

      I last felt discarded (or dismissed) a few hours ago. Here is the background leading up to feelings of dismissal. I had filed for divorce eight months ago (due to emotional and physical abuse), but four months into the separation, I wanted to reconcile. I loved him and more than anything I couldn’t imagine not raising my young child 100% of the time. He has made reconciliation extremely painful. Yes, the main that was so brutally hurtful has made reconciliation even more painful. Even though I’ve tried to do everything to make him happy, he has put me on “probation”. He refuses to drop his counter divorce until he sees that the relationship is what it should be. He has made several demands. I’ve complied with all of them but having the person that I love and who says loves me, hold the threat of divorce over me for a specified period of time, makes me feel worthless and unloved. I literally don’t know what to do.

      • lgsmiles@hotmail.com'
        Mandy
        February 23, 2018

        As far as how I feel: unloved, broken, unworthy….something must be wrong with me. I question and doubt myself and ask…How did I allow this in my life?

        • gken91103@gmail.com'
          Ken
          February 23, 2018

          Shock and feel like you do

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          February 23, 2018

          Hi Mandy,

          please know when we work that out, as well as how to reverse the effects of what they did and heal the parts of us that allowed it (unconsciously) to happen – we truly DO heal for real.

          I’d love to show you how: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

          Within this three hours, it will make sense and you will have relief.

          Mel xo

          • charlie.2001@live.com'
            Abbie Bennett
            March 13, 2018

            Hi Melanie,
            It’s important to me to give back to you with at least the occasional comment as you’ve helped me to fight ĺike hell to get my life back.
            Your comment about it felt like your body was going to it’s own execution really resonated with me. Whenever I would break no contact or see the N around my neighbourhood my body would get the shakes, not a little, felt like convulsions of the soul.
            For years I mistook that feeling for love.
            Thanks for clarifying that it completely makes sense now.
            Hugs. AB

          • Melanie Tonia Evans
            March 13, 2018

            Hi Abbie,

            thank you for your comment and I am so pleased you are getting clarity.

            Correct, love doesn’t feel like that.

            Mel xo

      • andrea_hobkirk@yahoo.com'
        A.
        February 23, 2018

        Mandy, that’s pure abuse my friend. My narc would do the same if I went back. I filed 7 months ago and I’m happier. No more wondering and looking at the clock. I agree, the child part is the worst. I am mama bear but you cannot exist with a nar. Let him go. I have my kids more so we are ok. It will all fall into place. So within so without like Melanie says. When I don’t have my kids, I study, read, take classes, see friend, cook. I get to live. I would rather my kids here 100% but not with him my dear.

        • lgsmiles@hotmail.com'
          Mandy
          February 23, 2018

          I know. It’s a real struggle. It truly helps to talk to others who have gone through this. I’m glad you were able to get out and it sounds like you’re doing well.
          My little one is only four and when I tried to leave, he fought for joint custody even though when we are together I take care of her full time. The thought of someone else taking care of her, rips my heart out. I’m trying to just survive until she’s older, but I know I will be a healthier and happier person if I leave. So tough.

      • carlah679@gmail.com'
        Carla Hummel
        February 23, 2018

        Wow….going through EXACTLY the same after 17 yr marriage, giving my all above and beyond. I too have to change me and all I do….while he changes nothing holds me in contempt not an ounce of affection while trying to reconcile…we are on A TRIAL he says til he says he’s convinced IVE changed enough. Sorry for you too

      • Christinepam29@gmail.com'
        Christine Rooney
        February 23, 2018

        He is controlling you. You are playing his game. A friend said to me about my narc ex that none of it was real for him, his feelings and the nice things he said and did were all for a purpose, to use against me and to withhold from me, as punishment for the projected wrong doings he accused me of (none of which were true).
        As soon as I shifted my focus from ‘what was wrong with me’? to ‘what is wrong with him’ I was able to begin to see that what he did to me was not normal behaviour.
        I read everything i could about narcissistic personality and what causes them to develop this way of being. NONE OF IT IS NORMAL! No normal human bring would ever treat another like that, degrading, mind twisting, its not right.
        I hope this shift in perspective suggestion helps anyone out there who is suffering to begin to see that it’s not us that are abnormal. It’s the narcs who need us to be their drug, their supply, and they need to ensure they get their fix. Their control of you is part of that fix!
        Sending much love and healing hugs…xxxx
        Christine…x

      • Bcer79@yahoo.com'
        Mary
        February 26, 2018

        Mandy, I have also been separated for four months. He left me after I lost my job and income. I am struggling to recover but it is not getting much better. We meet to talk about reconciling but he too has specified items that need to change before he will come back. He is controlling everything I know but I feel like a moth to a flame . I can’t seem to stop meeting with him. I cried everyday for the first 3 months but the last month has been better. I need to go no contact with him but I can’t seem to get myself to do it. He tells me he loves me but his words do not correspond to his behavior. I have zero trust for him but still miss him and want him back. I need to get off this merry go round!

    • lgsmiles@hotmail.com'
      Mandy
      February 23, 2018

      Everlyn, I don’t see how you survived 38 years! You must be a saint. I’ve been married to a narc for 4 years. Congratulations on no contact. I haven’t managed to walk away.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2018

      Hi Everlyn,

      that is wonderful that you do want to get free from the pain and to move on.

      As I stated in the video myself (as well as so many other Thrivers) in this Community have done so – completely and successfully. There is a way!

      My deep healing processes enable you to do so. Please see this starting point with my free 16-day recovery course here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      I hope that helps.

      Mel xo

    • pamelajcarlson@gmail.com'
      pamela
      February 24, 2018

      I really know what you mean Everlyn. I am sorry you had to go through everything alone. I know you will recover. Look at him as a toxin we have to get the toxic junck out. He is and has wasted your life. I know it is especially hard after being married for 38 years I have been married for 18 years. I know I should have left a long time but I thought I could make it better but I was the one only doing all the work on the relationship. After a whle despite all my efforts I just settled and thought at least I do not have to be alone. I am alone I have been in solitary confinement fo 15 years literally I have no family friends I work from home soI do not see anyone. He finally discarded me after I lost my income. I am on the floor Literally I thought after so many years of investment their would be a payoff. Wrong I do not know what to do either you are not alone. It hurts. You just put one foot in front of the other you are a whole person without him. Do not beat your self up for the time spent. You did that because of your belief for better and your insecurities. Be gentle it will take time that is what I am telling myself. You have to heal. and you will. This type of abuse is not logical to humans who have a heart and are conscious. Much Love Pamela

    • macfarlanecat@aol.com'
      Catriona Macfarlane
      February 25, 2018

      l too struggled in a roller coaster marriage of 36 years with a man who rurns oyt to be a somatic narcissist…..i
      Discovering his affair of summer 2017..l also uncovered that he had been in a relationship with one individual all those years!
      Absolute betrayal.
      We are obliged to share the same home as l am financially dependant upon him.
      However l have found a part time job at the age of 66. l have grey walled him.
      He however seems to have found another source of supply and is blatantly provoking.. staying out all night…. can’t understand why he just doesn’t just move out and them l can be total no contact.
      Still can’t get my head around the fact that l threw away my life on such an evil individual.

    • ellishisima@mail.com'
      Maria
      February 27, 2018

      Evelyn, I too just left a narc after 38 years and also feel I wasted my life, I lost all my material possessions, and am now struggling with health issues and trying to do my best for my teenaged daughter’s future. It is sobering to look back after all that time on the hamster wheel. My heart goes out to you, take good care.

  • avictoriavt@gmail.com'
    Amy Victoria
    February 23, 2018

    Last night we got together to “talk about our future” – “can we reach a place where both of our needs can be met…”
    He tells me loves me, I’m a “unicorn”. woman who is so special she is mythical.
    He named all of the great things we have together.
    And then that his family hates me. And that he never liked that I didn’t want him to get his hair cut by his ex-wife. Which he now does regularly.
    Said he feels like he’s barely holding it together… and so forth.
    Today, I’m home from work sick. I call him. Can he bring me some orange juice, seltzer and some dinner?
    I have a fever, sweating, exhausted, headache, stomach ache, congestion. Pretty miserable. And, of course, lonely.
    Well, he can, but he can’t stay over. It interferes with his “routine”.
    This is my husband I am writing about.
    I tell him I’ll get through this, please don’t bother, it is too painful to deal with this. He says okay. Bye…
    The cycle of going from being mythical magic-ness to a devalued, discarded inconvenience- yes. Beyond painful and humiliating.
    Feeling disgusted I can’t accept this as the insanity and abuse that it is.
    And end it forever.
    The pain is yes, excruciating.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2018

      Hi Amy,

      oh gosh discard can happen with a narcissist day to day to day.

      It is awful in EVERY sense.

      Please, I’d love to help you get free from this cycle, which is so possible when we discover WHY we are trapped in it and how to release those traumas responsible.

      Come into my free webinar if you can Amy, it will help you so much.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Mel xo

    • Aklingua@hotmail.com'
      Allison
      April 30, 2018

      Sorry I just had to say this sounds so familiar. It’s been a year out of my narcissist relationship but I am still traumatized. Mostly because he would say magical fantasy things like that to me too. That I was his dream girl and he loved everything about me. He would act like everything I did and said was amazing. Tell me I was the best. Seem so happy and in love with me, but the second I needed any emotional support or anything real in the relationship came up he’d say he never loved me or go cold on me or say I had emotional issues. It’s still so awful and I still miss him lifting me up with this magical loving words like a junky…

      • cybstar@comcast.net'
        Chris
        May 10, 2018

        Allison,

        I can totally relate to what you are saying…The charm and words to describe how he felt about me..so intense..that he cant imagine living without me. We were planning a future together. Yet, when I moved out(after living together 7 months) because of his childish and rude behavior which happened several times in the 7 months of living together. his response was:
        You walked out on us…I have developed insulation from my therapist and family so that I dont get hurt like this again…Perhaps one day I may be able to speak with you again in friendship-however this cant be for quite some time and I dont see me ever trusting your intentions again.. You can tell yourself all you want that you moved out solely because of the way I talked to you or treated you–I have no problem owning up to my imperfections-if you are really honest with yourself, you may find that it was not to the main reason. Remember, its you that keeps running out on us, not me!! Im not ever going to risk that happening again!!

        All about him…not once has he apoligized for his behavior.. if it was real love, we would be able to work it out, he basically threw me to the curb because his feelings were hurt since I moved out…sooo childish!! So, after being with him for 3 years and living with him for 7 months, I see how damaged he really is..I need to keep telling myself that in order to move forward and let go..its been 2 1/2 months since I moved out and I have run into him rwice(passing by in car)..my heart starts racing and I start crying because I am so hurt that he could treat me this way..

        • cybstar@comcast.net'
          Chris
          May 10, 2018

          I am working on my inner self to release trauma of not using my voice and being heard. That was a big problem in our relationship. I always felt as though I was walking on eggshells.. afraid to say the wrong thing that he would get mad..all that happened to me when i was a pre-teen/teenager with my parents. could never speak up or disagree with what they said or i was punished..
          He would either get defensive,angry or silent treatment instead of talking things out..So I never felt heard of listened to even when we did have conversations. He was never present with me. could not look me right in the eyes when we would converse. hardly any physical intimacy as well.
          I was drawn to him because of the confidence that he appeared to have, but he actually had very little self esteem and loved being in control. His voice soothed me and he is also a musician so he sang to me a few times and would write music.. His father had abused him verbally and they got into a fight once..I dont think he ever worked through those issues. I was hoping that with my compassion and love, he would trust my love and reciprocate, but it was mostly about him and his needs. showed no empathy or compassion when my dog way dying. instead texted me while I was at the vet with my dog.. can you come home and massage my feet? Please??? How selfish and inconsiderate can one be?? He would also take a picture of the accidents(poop) my dog would have and say: this is what I came home to:instead of cleaning it up and helping me with my dogs which he said he would do, but never did. his words were very flowery, but actions did not show it.
          :it was 3 days after those incidents that I moved out…I felt empowered and knew I made the right decision even though it still hurts..

  • kimkelly64@gmail.com'
    Kim
    February 23, 2018

    I felt worthless, UGLY and not wanted.

  • Dawnlythe@hotmail.co.uk'
    Dawn
    February 23, 2018

    I felt deep sadness, confusion and unloved. I felt like I’d literally been dumped at thd side of the road.

    • Dawnlythe@hotmail.co.uk'
      Dawn
      February 23, 2018

      I realised that how I felt then, is how I’ve always felt about myself. On the day I was thinking about it wouldn’t of mattered who said those horrible things or who physically left me at the side of the road….I would of felt exactly the same, like a small child, upset and dumped. I still feel sad but I need to help that small child, not run around trying to fix something external. Thank you x

  • Pab616@msn.com'
    Betrayed, unloved.
    February 23, 2018

    Betrayed, unloved.

  • victoriajhill@hotmail.com'
    lady
    February 23, 2018

    the feeling is shock and emptiness then like i was ugly and worthless. had i lost my mind. was none of it real.

  • Lisa.megley@gmail.com'
    Marie
    February 23, 2018

    I asked NH to leave three years ago (after 10 years and two children) then allowed myself to be strung along with his ‘I’m willing to work things out’ – living apart – KNOWING in my heart it was never his intent.

    For years I had a ‘knowing’ he was seeing his employee – whom I had oddly never met or spoke to (red flag).

    I finally walked away a year ago and the legal separation is just beginning and of course is ugly.

    Cards cancelled, phone, cable internet – no access to cash…. nothing in my name except the accounts he fraudulently opened by forgery, smear campaigns, hiding assets, changing locks on properties, preventing my access to essentially everything that is ‘ours’.

    Spent the past year picking myself up and going forward, reading everything I could on NPD, fikcusung on my healing and making myself and my kids number one.

    Today I learned the employee is pregnant – hints from coworkers that it’s .

    Your email with this episode came five minutes into my sob session.

    I’m going to finish watching now.

    You are an angel Melanie.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2018

      Hi Marie,

      big hugs to you and sending you blessings and healing.

      You can and will get through this and to the other side. Have you signed up for my free resources? I’d love you to because it is your time to break through. Enough is enough, its time to take it deeper with the support of this Community. http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      Mel xo

      • hunnydilworth89@gmail.com'
        Denise Dilworth
        February 24, 2018

        Melanie i am so greatful for this and you!
        You are so beautiful in and out and i want to say thank you. There are alot of people benefiting off of this im sure. I am so glad that you chose to share your wisdom with us!
        I am from germany and my soon to be ex husband brought me and our 2 kids here. Now 4 years later i am about to move to a shelter,he has the kids and i have no job and no friends and no family and exactly 2$ in my pocket. Altho i do cry and feel bad and have severe panic attacks …ptsd-the emails i receive from you each day make me feel better. It is going to take a while until i can afford the real healing but i am looking forward to it and cant wait to finally be happy!
        Do you perhaps have a free helaing video that is powerful enough to help me get through until i can afford your full program?
        So much love and respect for you
        Denise Dilworth

  • cake5dreams4@gmail.com'
    joey
    February 23, 2018

    I felt crazy, like was I dreaming this all up?
    I felt like kl

    • cake5dreams4@gmail.com'
      joey
      February 23, 2018

      Sorry, that cut off. I meant to say, I feel like everything was a lie.

  • frank@rainbarrow.net'
    Frank
    February 23, 2018

    Empty, betrayed, worthless, despair, confusion, darkness

  • brendadrewdesigns@gmail.com'
    Brenda
    February 23, 2018

    Not worthy, not wanted!!

  • Lisa.megley@gmail.com'
    Marie
    February 23, 2018

    Typo (it’s his child)

    Grrrr

    I’m hurting but mostly I feel this was a blessing and a lesson to ‘hear’ and trust my intuition. A hard, hard lesson but the more truths about the lies he told the more I recognize where I ignored/failed to trust my inner voice.

    It is simply humiliating.

    I love my lawyer and will walk away with half.

    I have always been a saver of things (not a hoarder)

    I thankfully have backups of every text conversation he ever sent me, surveillance system he didn’t think I was smart enough to access and every piece of finical paper I need.

    It still hurts.

  • ginseng06@hotmail.com'
    Gina
    February 23, 2018

    How do you release trauma? I have journaled, kept busy doing things I like, talked to friends but Im stuck in the quicksand. How do I get to this point? What exactly does releasing trauma entail? Thank you.

  • janis@jayayoga.net'
    Janis Marie Fish
    February 23, 2018

    I was so fucked! Couldn’t eat, lost 30 lbs in a year, couldn’t concentrate, was obsessive about the loop of despair. Only wanted to sleep all the time, had to go on anxiety meds. Was the most devistating, aweful, abusive, manipulative, messed up blah, blah, blah – after 34 years!

  • avictoriavt@gmail.com'
    Amy Victoria
    February 23, 2018

    Okay- After listening to this episode, I feel a shift from feeling the reason for the recent discard is not because I am worthless as I was thinking, but because he is sick, and my wounds are creating the situation with him time and again to continue to heal. I’ve recently finished Module 3 of NARP and obviously have to continue to move through them. And attempting to interact with him is also obviously just ripping open the wounds time and again. I also feel like I have to get back to sleep and get better. Without the damn orange juice.

  • anikayuzak@gmail.com'
    Sandy Bay
    February 23, 2018

    Made to feel like I’m not worth even having a conversation with, like I don’t deserve normal levels of consideration and respect. I feel that I’ve been used for the best parts of me and left like a piece of garbage on the road.

    • anikayuzak@gmail.com'
      Sandy Bay
      February 23, 2018

      Ffter the video, feel more a peace. I’m hopeful that I will heal and take my power back

  • Vanrod340@gmail.com'
    Vania
    February 23, 2018

    That IS HOW I FELT LIKE A SMALL CHILD
    WAS TOLD TO TALK TO THE. WHISKEY DRINKING REALLY OBVILOUSLY DRUNK. DAYS AN NIGHTS..
    AN ASK HER !!! HOW TO BE A WOMAN
    I TEXED TWO MEN TELLING THEM TO PICK ME UP

  • robyncottier@me.com'
    Robyn
    February 23, 2018

    It was one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced at the hand of a person who I thought love and cared for me.

    I feel hopeful.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2018

      Hi Robyn,

      that is so wonderful you feel hopeful!

      Thank you for recording this!

      Mel xo

  • suebush@gmail.com'
    SueB
    February 23, 2018

    Nothing I do is good enough, Not worth communicating changes in plan, completely disrespected, made to feel ashamed.

  • kbalmanno@yahoo.com.au'
    Kim
    February 23, 2018

    Used, humiliated

  • rose_rebekah@hotmail.com'
    Rebekah Rose
    February 23, 2018

    Total and utter rejection. Worthlessness.Sheer terror and panic. Agonising pain that consumes my thoughts, mind, body and soul.

  • apol_13@yahoo.com'
    Anastasia Poliakova
    February 23, 2018

    10 years of narc abuse. A year out and in May would be a year of no contact. You asked how it felt after the discard? I felt nonexistent. Like I disappeared. Like there was no more ME.
    I have been listening to you and you have been a true blessing – you helped me beyond what words can describe. You validated my sanity, soothed the pain, gave me hope. I have been a member of your thriver community. I try to do what’s needed. Yet…
    I struggle with the modules. I really do. I cannot turn off my inner critic. I question the method. I find it hard to trust. I WANT to. But I hit a wall. If by any chance you still do Skype guided shifts….maybe if I get to experience it under your supervision, I’d be more successful by myself later.
    Thank you for all you do!!!!
    Sincerely,
    Anastasia

    • annself63@icloud.com'
      Anne Self
      February 23, 2018

      I myself have trouble with the modules. Also, Melaine Tonia Evans was thee only one who gotten thru to me about the narcissist and I am in the process of changing the course of my life. Oh yes MUCH 🙏🏼 PRAYER too!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2018

      Hi Anastasia,

      I am so happy that I help connect you to hope.

      Anastasia, please come into the NARP forum where we can help coach you – as well as help you target and shift out your inner critic (then it won’t plague you) – truly!

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Mel xo

  • e.justinejohnson@gmail.com'
    Emily
    February 23, 2018

    i felt like i was falling through an endless abyss, that i would never be loved, that i would never be able to sleep, that nobody else could ever fill the void, that i was inferior, that if i was more beautiful it would not have happened, that i could never capture his full attention and that all my other goals were rendered irrelevant

  • Nuckiel1@msn.com'
    C
    February 23, 2018

    What a waste of my life, knew along it was wrong, my bad choices.

  • stephencoleman95361@yahoo.com'
    Stephen
    February 23, 2018

    I wanted out of my marriage with the narc nearly 20 years before she served me with divorce papers. But I was loyal to my children, I refused to turn my back on them and leave. I was fearful that the child support and alimony wouldn’t leave me enough to live on. So I stuck it out far too long.

    It didn’t do any good to be there for my kids as the ex turned them against me anyway. Not leaving early in the relationship was the biggest mistake of my life.

    In our relationship, was I did all the adjusting and she never did any work on our relationship. It was either her way, or I was “bad”.

    When I was served with the divorce papers, yes, indeed I felt deeply betrayed. I worked hard and did my very best to please the narc and she just threw it all away.

    However the last few years, I stopped trying to please her as it finally got through to me that nothing will please her and I started working on myself. She could no longer control me and that irked and frustrated her to no end. She even called the police on me because I wouldn’t dispose the garden compost pile, though it was well managed and posed no “danger”. I was done being bullied by her. The police did nothing of course.

  • thelovediet@gmail.com'
    Lisa
    February 23, 2018

    I feel worthless and not special

  • algonquinn88@gmail.com'
    Janet
    February 23, 2018

    Worthless

  • Pab616@msn.com'
    Betrayed
    February 23, 2018

    Betrayed, unloved.

  • yllassenoj68@yahoo.com.au'
    Sally
    February 23, 2018

    I felt confused and shocked because this one was my narcissistic no #2 and he was the complete opposite of the first one.
    I have to admit I’m not 100% sure he is a narcissist but I’m not sure where I’m at emotionally so I could still be in denial.
    I want to make him accountable for what he did but not because I think it will make him wake up and face the consequences of his actions, but because morally and ethically he is responsible for what he did and my children and the people I am now in debt
    to were innocent victims of my choices and should not have to go without because of this.
    I have given him plenty of time to make amends and have now told him that he has to fix what he broke (no, not my heart) by choice or be forced to do it via the legal system. I told him I didn’t want to embarrass him publicly, hence why I have given him time to repair the damage in his own way, but I’m almost at the point where I’m thinking “F*** you mate, this can now be handled by the courts!”
    Yes I’m still in love with him (or who I thought he was) and I need your help Melanie to heal myself from the inside, but I now see him as a source or a message sent to me from the Universe (or whatever it is) telling me it’s time to grow and let go, and to become the beautiful person nearly every one else in my world has told me is I am.
    I’m no good to anyone, including myself, when I’m wallowing in pain and self pity. I have so many strengths and attributes that I can use to help people who deserve to be helped and it’s high time that happens.
    I’m not even saying that he doesn’t still deserve my help, but I now want to work with kids, who’ve had a rough start in life, find inner peace and comfort so they don’t grow up to be a troubled adult.
    I can’t prevent abuse, but I can do everything I can to help these kids understand it is NEVER their fault and it shouldn’t become their life’s burden.
    So Melanie I hope I can remember to follow your advice and help heal myself so that can become the rock and the comfort for the little innocents out there who just need to know they have someone who bloody cares.

    • leahhall1949@tgmail.com'
      Donna Dillon
      February 23, 2018

      honey u don’t owe them anything ! they try to suck the life out ov us ! there will never be an apology ! don’t wish bad! BAD will go there to them ! they will continue denial and blame everyone but themselves! there hate ful and sad ! I don’t even know if there human! the way I describe it is if u cut fifty pieces ov one paper ‘ there was one piece I loved heckle hide and 49 brothers!! I didn’t know what I was looking at ! I kicked him out seven years ago! my only regret is I gave half my life to it ! but I know no matter what we will survive and god is real and will have his way!! lv D

    • brenda.jacobi@gmail.com'
      Brenda
      May 18, 2018

      I felt disbelief, shocked, confused, utter disbelief, discontent, bewildered and repelled (hell no and get me the “f” out of here)…. My question was why does this person (man, church, my father, religion, etc) I love but don’t trust or like given what he (they, “it”) “sought”/expected of me as means for “marriage” (family, children or “my” life)… “pride” himself (them or their religion or routine) in the “idea” (threat and promise) of abandoning Me, our children, (himself further), our marriage and “our” family (where he/they/it in turn “expected” this of me)? I assumed he (my husband) knew this (as he grew up with this “shit” too)… I would have been far more in my power to say, “hell”? No and no thank you. (“F” yourself if you want.. (Don’t “expect”t me to join.) How could this give him joy (glee) or feel this is “something” to “pride” himself (or anyone) in as though doing this would be “okay” or “keep” him (his heart) “safe” from further pain “debt” (when it is apparent he is scared and behaving poorly as “ignorant” and “arrogant”) as “hell” (expecting this of me)? How bizarre!!! (What the “h,e,l,l” do I do?) I was so vulnerable, naive and horrified! I felt bitter dislike and contempt for this smug mockery of me (and himself) and as if I were being placed on “high” alert (being “told” it was “my” job to ensure he remain) that “our” family survive with the “hope” we one day thrive and (for the now) go on with what I can “do” and “control” (within myself). I do regret not having told him he could make good on his “promise” of “marriage” to me as pure and true or live his course of revenge. One includes me, the other does not. What and “whom” does he want to be “loyal” to? Me, himself, our marriage, our children and “our” family… Or his addiction to “submission” of “practices” of “revenge” (as Patriarchal)? I have “room” for him in my life NOT the latter.

      I wanted “justice”!!! I felt bitter, angry, mocked and betrayed (which is what he feared most) while I was terrified of being “rejected” and told “my” gifts and blessings are wanted… I am not.

      I remember an earlier time in my life where I felt I had to reject “love” first… So, God didn’t reject (humiliate, crucify and betray me) as though these actions were “teaching” me a “lesson”. I remember feeling as though it was “my” job to mirror back to my spouse the atrocity he sought of me as though doing so would confirm for him how horrible what he sought of (expected) me to do was/is…

      I can see I was being an “enforcer”… I would have been far more empowered to speak “my” full truth. I did not “trust” God with my results. The God I was taught to believe in was not worthy of my trust or my respect. He was a Jekyl and Hyde… I did not know which “entity” of “god” (so to speak) crucifixion or resurrection to trust with my outcome.

      I’m still learning to trust. I am still releasing bitter feelings of remorse and pain I locked away for so long… I remember my first experiences of “heaven” on earth… And “how” I was amazed I was still alive… I knew for certain many near me had never known such ecstasy!!! Or they could not be so bitter to people they believe they love… And, here I was bitter to someone I love because I never knew this “joy” with him and believed he married me to experience this Bliss! I was afraid my Bliss and Joy would kill me… My Bliss and Joy gave me life and made my life worth living and of great significance and value I love, appreciate and I have prospered greatly for having allowed… Maybe there is “new” joy and “hope” for me as I rebuild my life more authentically “Me”!

      Thank you Melanie! I feel I have taken so long to begin to heal… With the only thing I can show for my efforts is I am alive and my children received their college educations and their father remained in their lives. I do and have resented feeling I needed to choose (had no choice) but to choose my children live with their father (where finances plenty) over poverty (pain of rejection and loss of finances) I could not bear. I’m willing to begin to release this and let this go NOW.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        May 18, 2018

        Awww gosh Brenda,

        My heart goes out to you.

        Please know Dear Lady letting this go is the only way to open space for our True Life … which sadly the narcissist is incapable of being or providing.

        I promise you there is life after when we heal the Thriver Way, and I’d love you to come into my free webinar to start getting this process started. I can help you so much (if you haven’t already) http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

        Sending hugs and healing.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • anikayuzak@gmail.com'
    Sandy Bay
    February 23, 2018

    After the video, feel more a peace. I’m hopeful that I will heal and take my power back

  • annself63@icloud.com'
    Anne Self
    February 23, 2018

    How I felt when our relationship ended was…used, tricked, like a fool, depressed, sick, heart broken, devastated. I was feeling all these feelings and couldn’t believe what he had done to me!! The relationship was miserable because I went from being loved bombed then it was him trying to control me and wanted all my attention all the time…then the put downs crushing my self esteem and spirit. Then when we split I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t pull myself together after months and months. Then I found out that I was so codependent and he couldn’t fill the whole in my soul no one else could. I had to start learning w/the help of Melanie program!! Now I am doing just that.

    • annself63@icloud.com'
      Anne Self
      February 23, 2018

      After the video I feel hope! I am a member of NARP. It’s time for me to stop kicking the can as I have all my life and doing the work….which I am not doing now, to release the trauma and life out the last part of my life with wholeness, joy and peace. Melaine you have changed so many lives. Thank you and many blessings to you. Anne Self

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        February 23, 2018

        Hi Anne,

        it is so true – we HAVE to do the work to get the results.

        That is great that you feel recommitted now to NARP.

        Go get your True Self lovely lady – she is waiting for you!

        Mel xo

  • Pab616@msn.com'
    PAMELA BARKER
    February 23, 2018

    Two years ago I felt betrayed and unloved. I have followed your program for the past two years and I have released my pain and trauma.
    The Nar, filed an order of protection against me two years ago and they owned me a large sum of money, kept all my furniture and my jewelry. I decided, to let it go I moved away got new friends, new house, new life. I’m on a spiritual path. My friends and I went to an Enlightenment meetup group in which the Nar was their.
    I did not know they were there I kept my distance and made sure I had no I contact (I had only been there three times) They went to the courthouse and filed an order protection against me and cues me of harassing and threatening her life. I think they have an agenda in mind by creating a paper trail for something bigger to come.

  • margaretjohnson74@gmail.com'
    Margaret
    February 23, 2018

    He just quit talking to me after I had tolerated so much. He would call me his angel. But, then, one day, he quit talking to me after I helped him get his big job. He had been awful several times, and I would take him back. I have finally healed. But, I went in thought loops for about three years. He definitely wanted to strip me of the thought that I was worthy. Now, he has the wife and family that we talked about creating. The big mind game is that I feel like surely she is so much better than I am.
    I’ve attracted several narcissistic men in the last few years as an empath. I’m learning. I have started setting boundaries. I am dating someone now, but i definitely have my radar up.

  • Jadenauer6118@gmail.com'
    J.D.
    February 23, 2018

    I felt beyond horrified and devastated. I had just had a miscarriage and almost died from it, and right then the N moved out unannounced. I honestly could have handled this, because I had already broken it off and told the N to move out (he just would NOT go) but the N did not stay gone and he kept trying to disrupt my recovery by trying to instigate things in court, change custody, demand bizarre rights to things, etc.

  • leahhall1949@tgmail.com'
    Donna Dillon
    February 23, 2018

    a 34 year nightmare! I knew but didn’t know how to get ! I’m over it he’s hateful lier! took all down all ugly hate! now he’s disowning our only beautiful daughter because she crossed him ! we hv to feel sorry for there horrible hate red! it soo jaded me! but I hv no hate in me! hurt for my girl but she’s strong ! he will not come to her only wedding! they are misserible!!!!

  • Vanrod340@gmail.com'
    Vania
    February 23, 2018

    I feel reminded of The videos I HAVE WATCHED
    I haven’t done the. Narc program you mentioned vut I intend to ! Thank UUUUUU 😉😃😂
    For what your doing
    Love an light!👏💞💓🐾💪😋

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2018

      Hi Vania,

      you are so welcome.

      NARP will help you so much – it is the game-changer in how we heal.

      Blessings to you 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Vanrod340@gmail.com'
    Vania
    February 23, 2018

    You know. Melanie I am maybe in a confusion
    Right now maybe you can answer.

    I THOUGHT I was supposed to say how I felt today after the confrontation with him.
    And then How I did after watching your supurb
    Video. )?!¿
    SINCERLY VANIA.
    Must love. Keep striving an THRIVING

  • Rubyemily7@yahoo.com'
    Emily
    February 23, 2018

    After the discard, I felt insane. I couldn’t believe I’d been so wrong and been so misled and manipulated. I was completely energetically drained. I decided years ago that if it came down to my survival or a relationship, I pick my survival. That’s how I got out, and that’s what kept me from refusing to consider suicide. I went to work, came home and otherwise mostly stayed in bed chain smoking bong hits for months. I’m not proud…it took me months to understand that I’d been in a narcissistic/codependent relationship and start to heal. So thankful for your message, Mel!

    • algonquinn88@gmail.com'
      Janet
      February 23, 2018

      Co-dependency is an awful affliction…when I researched all the points I reversed the statements so I ensure I don’t do those traits…I read it every night in bed reminding myself before I head off into the world…stop caretaking and people pleasing..please yourself..focus on self and speak up when people cross your boundaries…people can be very surprised by how intense the personality shift becomes but I found it empowering!
      Janet

    • Rubyemily7@yahoo.com'
      Emily
      February 23, 2018

      Now, I feel at peace about leaving him behind. I’m truly grateful that I got out when I did, and I’m so grateful to have learned about my codependency. I’m still struggling to self partner and connect with and release my trauma, but at least I know there is a path and I have a language to use to help me understand and grow.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2018

      Hi Emily,

      I am so pleased it has helped and that you are healing.

      Mel xo

  • andrea_hobkirk@yahoo.com'
    Andrea Hobkirk
    February 23, 2018

    He did it in a way where I know he moved on but still lived here with me and the boys. It was traveling, dating, triangulation, all of it. I felt sick but never worthless. I was in utter shock. PTSD is getting better but total shock

    • andrea_hobkirk@yahoo.com'
      Andrea
      February 23, 2018

      After watching the video and doing lots of inner work for the past few months, I do feel better. You are definitely an angel and I finally feel validated. One thing was huge for me, and that’s Justice! Now I feel differently. I do believe in karma but I have to stop dwelling on it. I have to stop praying for justice and figure out a way to let go. No contact is beyond difficult because we are not divorced yet and he lives a mile away. Our young children are coping. I do feel like my life will be wonderful. It’s time to release and move on. I truly want nothing to do with this toxic person ever again. Parallel parenting only. Thanks again

      • Jlmaples247@msn.com'
        Jess
        February 23, 2018

        Been a year since we split and justice is still my struggle. He left me 2little kids and in debt and I had no job.. He got a new house new girlfriend goes out to eat all the time and to bars. I’m want to not care but can’t figure it out

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        February 23, 2018

        Hi Andrea,

        I am so pleased you posted again!

        Awww I am so pleased you feel heard and held. Quantumly you can let go of ANY trauma with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevnas.com/narp – it is a beyond powerfully way to purge all of that out of our being. (Personally, I couldn’t let go of SO much stuff before Quanta Freedom Healing).

        That’s great you are ready to really do this Andrea!

        Mel xo

  • kaking@optonline.net'
    Karen
    February 23, 2018

    It feels like my soul is being murdered. I feel like I can’t breathe.

  • lesliewave@gmail.com'
    Leslie
    February 23, 2018

    At the start of this video right now, I am feeling the immense rejection deep in my heart/soul as I am homeless and jobless in another state where I fled from my covert narcissist husband’s abuse. I am experience the loss of everything I know at this moment. My family thinks I’m over reacting and being selfish, so the teachings here are what I’m grasping onto moment by moment.

    • algonquinn88@gmail.com'
      Janet
      February 23, 2018

      Hold to this community dear…until a person has been thru this they have no idea…

      Janet

  • vitchme@gmail.com'
    Uyen
    February 23, 2018

    I felt abandoned and rejected… However, after seeing and listening to the the video, I felt serenity!
    I even paused for a moment to appreciate the peacefulness I was feeling… whoa 😮

    • algonquinn88@gmail.com'
      Janet
      February 23, 2018

      Yes I relate..as I walked thru the marriage in reflection I though how glad it’s over..i’m such abetter better person now with a voice and no longer fixing.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2018

      Hi Uyen,

      awww that is so wonderful that you felt a shift in your body!

      Many blessings to you.

      Mel xo

  • deborahadavo@gmail.com'
    Deborah
    February 23, 2018

    My most disturbing feeling was fear. After my husband cheated and left me, he stalked me. He was physically and verbally threatening during our court hearings. He had friends watch me. Back in the days when I thought he was the most wonderful man I ever knew, I used to ride my road bike everyday. Now 2 years later, I still have this lingering feeling of fear of getting out there on my bike. Before you suggest riding with a friend, There is not anyone here to ride with.

  • algonquinn88@gmail.com'
    Janet
    February 23, 2018

    We had problems in our marriage probably 7 years in…he wanted to leave and had made plans behind my back…of course I believed in fighting for my marriage and with the help of his brother we managed to get him to stay…but the key is that without self awareness or realizing we needed to deal with a huge propblem I continued on being the wonderful wife/mother at home to our daughter..we saw a therapist on our own once as that was all we could afford..the therapist told me my husband walked in saying ‘there is nothing wrong with me’…they own nothing…and now after a 25 year marriage I have been on my own for 9 years…I was that woman lying on the floor curled up in a ball…lying in bed with the covers over my head…the key is realizing as a friend said all thosae years earlier but which I didn’t understand…’take your power back’…gad I remember not knowing what that was then…which is true for all of us with narcissistic spouses…I was so anxious I talked to a phone therapist for a number of months…thankfully in my case I had some money left to me as when he brought up divorce I felt so anxious and took myself to Palm springs thinking if he can’t find me he can’t divorce me….that is the anxiety that comes over us…I couldn’t even face him as I had no power…this man who had professed to love me but who began being verbally abusive…I couldn’t relate where this came from or know what to say…why because people who are their victims grew up not being heard…we wouldn’t be with them if we had a voice…we are also fixers due to abandonment…I built myself back up over the past 8 years between imago therapy…some ativan when I needed…re-entering the workforce after being a stay at home mom for over 20 years…it’s just so difficult to see this person the way they are…like Oprah says ‘when someone shows you who they are believe them’…but that’s difficult…he lives in Australia now and has met a new woman and is getting married in May..this retriggered me..i saw him at our daughter’s wedding in Sept and it was so surreal over 3 days feeling like we still went together…but they are good at facades and are so good at manipulating…so as much as I built myself up over 8 years seeing him again brought it all back…I began sending emails wanting that connection but of course there is no response..last one I sent was probably a few days ago saying ‘you played me’…they don’t care…it’s so hard to see them in this light…I know the not being heard is a childhood trauma *s is the abandonment…I try and talk to that inner child assuring her we will be okay…our grown daughter has been impacted deeply and i’m not sure how to ever speak to her if she should bring him up…her going to Australia to see him get married felt like a kick…I know she has to do this for her…it’s how does one make peace with it with a grown adult child not wanting to bad mouth the father…I even used a psychic to help me tap into this guy…I did imago therapy and EMDR therapy and certainly I am way better than years ago but it’s how does one make peace with this..he was a guy who said he wanted to be free but 8 years later he is getting married…a woman who will cook/clean/do laundry…has few expectations and is non emotional so all his needs are met..it’s always about what they can get not what they can give..at least not once they have you in their grasp…I do know I am better without him as I have grown so much…lived a bucket list..worked out with a personal trainer..joined a church..learned who my true friends were…volunteered…but what happens to those memories which now feel like a facade?? I just want to smack him…strike out with words but he doesn’t respond but I sat and listened to his dribble..I would be cautious if I ever met another man…as Melanie said you gather all your information on narcissists to protect yourself…for a long time I thought he was passive aggressive but I believe all these disorders are intertwined….and he was the guy with low self esteem and self loathing..so I was the girl who taught him he was loveable..none of that means anything…but I know closure is what has been running me for months now…but now as we all do it’s having to accept closure comes from us by knowing we are loved by ourselves..that we have worth and that we are enough..words written on my mirror…but I look back and feel ‘what a waste’….what was it all for except giving us back to ourselves for the first time in our lives..we are learning to stand up for ourselves..not be a fixer…be our best selves and the tough lesson of ‘acceptance’

    • kimberly.barfield@gmail.com'
      Kimberly
      February 23, 2018

      Oh, my Lord, Janet. The “Waste”. Mine was 18 years.

      They are fools. Mine is 9 years younger than me. Oh, well.

      And I did not get closure which at first will drive you crazy/angry. It is another man/woman and they are too coward to tell you.

      Deny, deny, deny. Fight, fight, fight.

      Then, you give up and walk or run, away.

  • Gogirltex77@gmail.cm'
    Bridget
    February 23, 2018

    I felt deep anger to think he thought he could go away with that. I actually threw him out and filed for divorce the next day before he could discard me. He came back after a 2 month separation only to try to manipulate once more. I recognized it and threw him out. So anger that I allowed him in in the first place.

    • algonquinn88@gmail.com'
      Janet
      February 23, 2018

      Good for you! You learned quicker than most of us. You will have mental/emotional trauma than most. It’s left to us to heal ourselves so we never repeat a relationship like this.

      All the best!

  • emmamontgomery298@gmail.com'
    Trish
    February 23, 2018

    i felt angry. angry that he threw me away like a piece of trash. triangulated me with other people i didn’t even know. the whole relationship seemed like a complete farce. all of the time that he wasted. my life. he tricked me, and walztes off into the sunset like it was nothing.

  • cclowe12345@yahoo.com'
    Christina White
    February 23, 2018

    I felt so embarrassed, humiliated and pathetic

  • mistyty@yahoo.com'
    Misty Ty
    February 23, 2018

    The feeling is indescribable. Shock. Numb, Disbelief, Something I would only wish on them. Immediately after the discard I told him I was also ready to end the relationship, but he still refused to see me or speak to me. I never attempted to contact him after that. He was the one who contacted me 2 months later to ask for a file in his office, That is when I unleashed the volcano of emotions. He still responded smugly “I hope that brought you catharsis.” That was it. After 7 1/2 years of lies that I did not discover until the last 6 months. It is disgusting, immoral, repugnant. The level of mendacity was so great! I am overwhelmed that anyone can craft such a story and pretend to love you and then within a 24 hour period, they are gone and in bed with the new current love of their life. I cant even relate to that behavior! Totally foreign to me.

    • Jlmaples247@msn.com'
      Jess
      February 23, 2018

      Almost exact story! 7 yrs 2 kids. 2 miscarriages..Found out all the lies at the end. As I was crying hysterically he said “your tears mean nothing to me!”

  • lisa.lovemail@gmail.com'
    Louise
    February 23, 2018

    After the video and after 18 months of separation after cruel discard, smear campaign, child custody court hell, I feel like I’m going nowhere but further down. It’s time to heal the trauma already! Thank you Mel for reminding me the way out of this endless drama and pain.

  • maniclas@yahoo.com'
    MaryAnn
    February 23, 2018

    I felt defective when I was discarded. There were implicit comparisons between me and the woman with whom he was having an emotional affair. I could never measure up. i felt unseen, unheard, dismissed; direct questions I asked were either evaded or word salad was used. I was gas lighted and told it was “…all in [my] head.” I could not believe some of the things I was hearing, things I was accused of doing. I felt I was going crazy. My abandonment issues were activated, I lost 34 pounds within 2 1/2 months because I could not sleep or eat. I drank loads of water and my mouth was still dry and I couldn’t catch onto a thought and hold it. I was in shock…

  • Jlmaples247@msn.com'
    Jess
    February 23, 2018

    I’m annoying, I talk to much, what I say doesn’t matter, I’m not loveable, I’m not attractive, I don’t know how to be a partner like other people in relationships do, I must just suck. I’m ñot worth effort. No one would fight for me. I’m not worth keeping

  • cclowe12345@yahoo.com'
    Christina White
    February 23, 2018

    Wow, this was God sent today. I related to everything. I absolutely thought I was fine and he came and destroyed me…no way..I have been one anxious toxic relationship after another. This last one has been the worst. Its, time. I’m ready to heal.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2018

      Hi Christina,

      I am so pleased this resonated with you – and you know it is your time to heal.

      Great for you lovely lady!

      Mel xo

  • rymeryuc@aolmail.com'
    Suzanne Rymer
    February 23, 2018

    I felt dead. I wanted so badly to die. I tried 4 times. I was a blank white piece of tissue paper left in the gutter, I was so empty and lost. Frozen in my tracks. Crying out in pain day and night.

  • butterflywoman6@yahoo.com'
    Elizabeth
    February 23, 2018

    It’s been 4 years and I couldn’t put a name on it to describe it until I watched this video tonight – discarded – I still feel it, even after four years. The person I was when he walked away from me doesn’t exist anymore. I’ve had to become someone else – I will never be ‘her’ again and it pisses me off because it took me a long time to get to where I was before I met him and he screwed me over. He left me for another woman who he eventually married and now they’re divorced already. I know after all this time that it was God protecting me but ya… just like it said in the video. He drained me of everything, left me wanting to die and walked off with people who I thought were my friends. I even had to leave my church (two churches actually) because of him. He told me I was beautiful, incredible… He couldn’t believe I was still single when I was XYZ – you name it, he said it to me. He even said he wanted to be life mates but then denied it to everyone – he denied we were even in a relationship (in order to justify his cheating) even though he had been living with me. They all coddled him and looked at me as if I was a demon possessed because of the anger and hurt that I was erupting with. I’ve gotten on with my life and for the most part, I am happy but I’m lonely. I still remember the times we shared. On one hand, I really want to be with someone again but on the other – I’m so scared to ever be hurt like that again. I really just don’t trust anyone anymore period.

  • rebeccasturgeon@gmail.com'
    rebecca
    February 23, 2018

    This was 10.5 weeks ago and I have been in NC since.
    I felt my brain spilt in two, the cognitive dissonace was horrendous. I could not believe that this was the truth, that all the ‘I love you’s’ to everyone around me, the ‘I want to marry you to me’, was all BS. The whole 11 years BS.
    Physically shaking, could not sleep, eat…function. Interestingly the discard happened 4 days before half of my family arrived FOR THE FIRST TIME to celebrate xmas with my sons and I. I could hardly function. The truth keeps hitting me in the face of what I have been living with for the last few years.
    However, I am so happy to have NARP and support of the friends who saw through him almost from the get go, saw him using me a his meal ticket. That then brings up shame and embarrassment in me….the list is endless…..

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2018

      Hi Rebecca,

      oh gosh you poor thing… I remember a Christmas like that too – feeling catatonic!!

      I am so thrilled you are on NARP and releasing that trauma now, and coming back to life.

      Sending great healing and blessings to you.

      Mel xo

  • eschasgallery@hotmail.com'
    catlady
    February 23, 2018

    trying to let go of the anger and his lies about me, trying not to be scared and make it all go away focus on being me and doing what i want, not letting my brain take over with his person in me still so much anger………..feeling used and abused…..no contact now and he has found someone else…..

    need to heal and forget and please let him go away and leave me alone

  • rebeccasturgeon@gmail.com'
    rebecca
    February 23, 2018

    I feel calmer now.

  • snroses@gmail.com'
    Sarah Neale
    February 23, 2018

    Devastated and belittling.
    He was younger than me and I felt old ugly worthless and unlovable when he discarded me.

  • brewer.asha67@gmail.com'
    Asha
    February 23, 2018

    I’ve been enjoying dating for the past year and really loving the way it feels to set healthy boundaries and take care of myself emotionally. A much better quality of men has shown up and it’s lovely to experience first hand how an internal shift affects my external life….so within so without……as you would say.

    However, I’m seeing that I still have some work to do because while I’m not seeing those wounds play themselves out in dating, they are showing up in my work relationship with a narc boss. So those feelings of worthlessness, rejection, feeling invalidated are showing up in my body/mind. I’ve been mostly self employed, but have depended on employers for my financial well being instead of going out and doing my work on my own with the false belief that I can’t accomplish on my own the success I have in those environments in which I’m a contractor. The narc boss has been all too happy to exploit my talents and then underpay me and my own fear has allowed it. She has even gone so far as to keep employee/contractor profiles on the website of staff that hasn’t worked there for years, but excludes mine so I only get half the requests I would normally get. This has made my financial life a big horrible struggle and to add insult to injury, she pays the guy with 6 months experience the exact same amount she pays me and I have 20 years experience and education in my profession. She is so willing to go out of her way to try and make me feel worthless that she would pay someone else more money than she has too just to try and make me feel small. And she steals ideas from me and profits from them and shares none of the profit.

    I feel abused, unappreciated, cheated, betrayed, horrified and more than that ashamed for going along with it. It’s the worst feeling in the world to not fully value one’s self no matter how or where it manifests. However, oddly enough, there is some gratitude that goes along with all of this painful stuff that’s coming up. I’m grateful to know the difference between what is mine to change and what isn’t. I just wish this wasn’t so darn painful. I’ve been crying all day. I am working it out.

    I appreciate you and this community so much Mel. I’m glad I’m not doing this by myself anymore.

    Truly namaste,
    Asha

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2018

      Hi Asha,

      it is so true (I believe) that narcissists show us those parts of us which feel dependent, which hand our power away and try to be ‘looked after” by a false source instead of being our own source.

      You have cleaned this up in the love department which is wonderful, and now YES you should be out on your own in your own business (I feel and you named exactly that).

      Cnn you target those traumas that are holding you dependent and fearful of taking that step?

      That’s your next stage of growth I believe.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • zoodoggies@gmail.com'
    Jan
    February 23, 2018

    I felt wrecked. It was a couple of my relatives & their minions. The last time, I finally said enough & probably could have handled it better. Honestly, I was just done with being called toxic, being told I never take responsibility right after I apologized for something that was not intentionally hurtful, where they had been intentionally hurtful, and done with the passive aggressive behaviors. I technically walked away, but only after years of being bullied & pushed away. I’m tired of being the scapegoat & decided to wear the black sheep label as a badge of honor. Honestly, after being bullied by these people my whole life, it feels like I’m wearing a Purple Heart.
    That’s when I found NARP, & each day since has just been better & better. I still have lots of work to do, as I’m still working my way through the modules. Boundaries is a big one for me to work on. Still, my heart is at peace now.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2018

      Hi Jan,

      that is so wonderful you are doing the inner work with NARP and evolving beyond these traumas and patterns.

      Big kudos to you and wishing you incredible forward continued healing.

      Mel xo

  • scottishkay@gmail.com'
    Scott
    February 23, 2018

    I almost committed suicide when she abandoned me. I had it all planned out. But somehow I didn’t go through with it. Instead, through concentrated healing, focusing on who I was, and valuing myself, I came out the other end, after 8 months, with all my trauma gone, and my wounds – from her, and from my whole life of abuse – healed. Closure has been difficult because of the feelings of intense injustice, how this horrible person deserved punishment for destroying me. But I can say now, with Melanie, that I have obtained closure without her being accountable. How? By realizing that who I am IS closure. My identity saved me. She lives in an alternate universe, one which I no longer inhabit. I have a new life, and she does not belong here, and is an increasingly fading memory. I don’t need her to take responsibility; she never will anyway. But knowing that I should have never been there in the first place, and that I will never have relations with such a horrible person ever again, sets me free. On the surface, the relationship was always about her; but in reality, it was all about me and how what I was going through would transform me back into the real me again. I have a new life that is just beginning because of the change I’ve experienced. All the pain and brokenness is gone, and is being replaced by true self-love and knowing my self-worth. It could be said that she did me a favor, that I can see the reason for what I went through. The bottom line is that who I am has been restored, and again, that is my closure.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2018

      Hi Scott,

      the truest closure my friend is absolutely when we know that we became our True Self through this experience.

      In fact – it was all meant to be.

      Mel xo

  • jackiegibbon@ymail.com'
    Jackie Davies
    February 23, 2018

    I felt empty and drained- hopeless and profoundly self- doubting and confused. I also felt a deep sense of betrayal which made me feel angry , but also helpless.

  • jackiegibbon@ymail.com'
    Jackie Davies
    February 23, 2018

    after my father and then, years later ,my trusted doctor let me down and sneered at me in almost identical ways, I felt stunned, betrayed and helpless- profoundly and jarringly shocked to my core.

  • cynthia.servetnick@gmail.com'
    Cynthia S., San Francisco, CA, USA
    February 23, 2018

    “How To Find Closure When A Narcissist Discards You” is one of your BEST videos ever! Thank you 😉

  • angie.wade69@yahoo.com'
    angie
    February 23, 2018

    like Im dying

  • valiumisdead@yahoo.com'
    peaceful warrior
    February 23, 2018

    sad, confused, self doubt, depressed, shocked

    • valiumisdead@yahoo.com'
      peaceful warrior
      February 23, 2018

      I feel now that this person has no room in my life. No contact is what I am feeling.

  • kimberly.barfield@gmail.com'
    Kimberly
    February 23, 2018

    I loved him. At least I think I did but with an NPD your feelings become “clouded”.

    Lord A. Tennyson – 1849
    I hold it true, whate’er befall;
    I feel it when I sorrow most;
    ‘Tis better to have loved and lost
    Than never to have loved at all.

    Something to think about.

    At this time, I am not sure if Lord Tennyson is right.

  • a.garritsen@live.nl'
    Anne-Marie Garritsen
    February 23, 2018

    After 2 years of helping him in every way…let him stay in my home for month, payed EVERYTHING, helped him to get a new house and decorated, lend money, payed debts, etc,etc…when I had no money and NOTHING left, gaslighting, triangulation all the abuse, the horror he shouted in presence of his ‘friend’ at me, totally unexpexted by me, in 1 second: “You are a crazy lunatic..GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE!” It felt like if I stood behind an airplain starting the engines. The presure of an immeasurable blow hit me, time stood still, for a moment everything seems quite and frozen, and than I saw 2 years of FAKE like a movie pass me by….I realised I was abused, drained, sick and thrown away like a empty corps. I’ve been screaming for an hour (i’m known as someone who does not cry quickly) Big trauma!! After that I was in a rage (several month) and wanted revenge! Could not get closure..(or help)

  • harpreetj91@gmail.com'
    hkj
    February 23, 2018

    I feel like my heart was closing. I felt like I don’t want to live. I felt powerless like my power was being taken away. I felt powerless. I felt like running away.

  • atate3919@gmail.com'
    Angela Diane Tate
    February 23, 2018

    On December 1st, I decided to stop this relationship and felt totally spent. Exhausted at the pressures to marry him. He seemed not to hear or understand my pleads for understanding. No empathy after driving 6 hours to support him and his family for a birthday celebration. I was hit with name shaming and this left me feeling drained and withdrawal hopeless as I was again the blamed for all the problems and was asked how I would fix the problem and how selfish I was. I responded, I was not going to fix the problem and not interested in this relationship it is over. I felt betrayed he could not wait until I finished school in 6 months. So for me, it was not worth keeping this disappointing repetitive relationship. Well, he circled back around 2 weeks before Valentine’s Day. Never before, had I ever experienced such fear and anxiety. After, listening to this video I feel a sense of relief and hope. Finally, I am seeing where all this started for me in my life was from the day I was born and my surroundings where just today my mother 84 years old name shamed me. This time, I recognized the connection and plainly see how she was a narcissist herself. At 58 years old, I have never knows a healthy relationship. Now, I understand these experience are not my reality any more. Nor, my identity these experiences or people have trespassed with me allowing it because I did not know how to push out the trauma. THANK YOU MELANIE….revelation is coming to me like popcorn!!! I pray I get totally healed and push out all trauma where these people cannot find anything in common with me. So now, the new red car can move into my life of prosperity, joy, abundance, and peace! YEAH!!! Healing is on the way!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 24, 2018

      Hi Angela,

      that is so fantastic that clarity is coming thick and fast and you realise the key and truth to healing – our lives have been subconsciously in repeat!

      True Healing is soooo about reaching and releasing all of the original traumas so that our Inner Being is reprogrammed to a completely different love trajectory. (This is what NARP achieves).

      I wish you all the incredible best that life has to offer you in healing and joy.

      Mel xo

  • mjm0916@gmail.com'
    Mj muellner
    February 23, 2018

    Deeply hurt, alone, confused, lost

  • roseglint@yahoo.com.au'
    not my real name - annie
    February 23, 2018

    could you please make a little video for us to help us deal with the intensive smearing & lies ? it’s devastating being confronted with people who believe the lies & smearing – strangely even though there’s no evidence at all to substantiate the narc’s pack of lies, smears & twists.
    Thanks.

  • flitter237.sb@gmail.com'
    Sarah Batten
    February 23, 2018

    I feel so lonely and when I’m with people I’m just still alone it’s like they don’t understand me anymore oh come on a big bubble and no one can see inside I know this can be different I just wish I could get out of that bubble and be alive with everybody else xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 24, 2018

      Hi Sarah,

      please know that when you release the traumas that are responsible for this, you will come back to life and connect – even better than you have ever known was possible.

      I’d love you to come into my free webinar to start learning how to do this – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Mel xo

  • river.rain.catharine@gmail.com'
    Catharine
    February 23, 2018

    I felt worthless and devastated, panicky out of control

  • flitter237.sb@gmail.com'
    Sarah Batten
    February 23, 2018

    Thank you so much for what you do I’ve been trying to get on the free programme but I keep missing the time that you have is 6 o’clock in the evening I am in the UK and I have a little son that is his dinner time please can you help me I’d love to get on the knock promo Graham but I have not much money I know this is helping me but I just need a little bit more to overcome all the stuff inside me many thanks.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 24, 2018

      Hi Sarah,

      please know you receive a recording – which is just as powerful, that you can watch at any time which works for you.

      You get this simply by signing up.

      Mel xo

  • Angeltalk710@aol.com'
    Theresa
    February 23, 2018

    The best video ever, Mel. Thank you so much. I think this is one to watch over and over and over.
    You are an angel bringing healing. I hope everyone in the world who has ever been hurt and felt ripped in pieces after a discard gets a chance to watch this and find peace. Love and gratitude.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 24, 2018

      Hi Theresa,

      thank you for your beautiful words, and I am so pleased it resonated with you.

      Mel xo

  • Angeltalk710@aol.com'
    Theresa
    February 23, 2018

    This is the best video ever, Mel. Thank you so much. I think this is one to watch over and over and over.
    You are an angel bringing healing. I hope everyone in the world who has ever been hurt and felt ripped in pieces after a discard gets a chance to watch this and find peace. Love and gratitude.

  • luisne1@yahoo.com'
    Leila
    February 23, 2018

    I felt confused, devastated, humiliated and crushed again. I felt taken for a fool and completely taken for granted. It didn’t matter how loving I was the result was always the same. I was left hurting, trying to figure it out on my own.

  • annweg16@gmail.com'
    Anya
    February 23, 2018

    I felt totally used, played as a fool and abandoned.

  • luisne1@yahoo.com'
    Leila
    February 23, 2018

    I figured out that being isolated geographically was part of the strategy of abuse. So I’ve moved home. I’m doing the NARP programme modules and reclaiming my own power. Thank you Melanie.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 24, 2018

      Hi Leila,

      I am so pleased you are healing now with NARP.

      Many blessings to you.

      Mel xo

  • suntytaylor@gmail.com'
    Sunty
    February 23, 2018

    I feel used, worthless, not good enough

  • T.morley7@icloud.com'
    Tracy Morley
    February 23, 2018

    Hi everyone and Mel I dip into your vids now and again after doing your NARP programme and your follow on thrived programme to check if there are any triggers that are still to surface and watching this was such a treat because nothing came up for me except excitement and hope for anyone watching whom are starting out in this quantum journey. After 23 years of marriage and four children and too many self help books I chose to go on this journey with you and Wow …. yes self trust love and abundant hopeful joy flowing 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Thank you you darling courageous soul 🤗

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 24, 2018

      Hi Tracy,

      that is so wonderful that you have done such a great job of releasing trauma and that you are connected to your amazing future.

      Much love, power, and blessings to you Tracy. Thank you for being an inspiration to this community.

      Mel xo

  • lorri.henry@yahoo.com'
    Lorri
    February 23, 2018

    Like a bereavement.
    No hope for the future
    My life is over

    • lorri.henry@yahoo.com'
      Lorri
      February 23, 2018

      After…..I am in a prison, but there is a door and I am the one with a key

      • lorri.henry@yahoo.com'
        Lorri
        February 23, 2018

        And i found a belief…if I leave home on my own something bad will happen.
        I made it so over and over again.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        February 24, 2018

        Hi Lorri,

        you so do sweetheart, you can heal and rise up and out of this.

        Mel xo

  • jkelder@verizon.net'
    Jennifer
    February 23, 2018

    I am currently in divorce proceedings with a Narcissist whom I was married to for coming up on 36 years. A year and a half ago after an argument he announced to me that he wasn’t in love with me anymore and didn’t know if he wanted to be married anymore with no warning (never expressed that he was unhappy) no explanation or recourse, that was it, no marriage counseling, no reasons etc. He strung me along for 8 months saying he wasn’t sure, even saying, “I’m 95% sure I want a divorce, but there’s always hope”. WTF? I was shocked, devastated, felt totally betrayed, abandoned, discarded, disrespected, demoralized, dehumanized, worthless, hurt, confused and traumatized. After discovering he had a “new best friend” who I didn’t know about for a year and a half, I was crushed. I thought my life was over as we had been together since I was 18 years old and had so heavily identified myself as “his wife”. I came upon your website from a friend’s referral and have found it to be a lifesaver for me, literally, I seriously considered suicide one night because I was in so much pain.

    In reading your material I realized that I had “grown up” over the past few years and wasn’t accepting his narcissistic behaviors, speaking up and backing myself up when necessary, I wasn’t serving his false self anymore, so I was replaced by a new supply. She is just as F’d up as he is, they deserve each other.

    I own and operate a small healing center. I have seen AT LEAST one woman per week over this past year walk through the door with “my story”, it is epidemic. I have shared your website with everyone and anyone whom I have recognized as being involved with a Narcissist. You are a blessing and soooo needed at this time.

    Thank you

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 24, 2018

      Hi Jennifer,

      lovely lady oh my goodness that pain you have experienced must have been so excruciating for you.

      It is your time to heal and shine and go to the next level of your incredible life – including love.

      I just know it.

      Please connect to this community to truly heal!

      Mel xo

  • soniamariamagdalene@gmail.com'
    Sonia
    February 23, 2018

    Thank you Mel. Is the same process in the case of being discarded by a narcissistic friend, work colleague, or family member? I was discarded by my very best friend Isa (35 years of friendship) four years ago. I felt devastated. At that time I discovered that I had narcissistic family members who took revenge from me because I exposed them. I shared this with my friend, and she started to behaved like those narcissistic members, very cruel. I couldn´t believe it. I didn´t know much about narcissism at that time. Last night I had a dream in where this old friend Isa, where she was sweetly and patiently talking on the phone with a woman – friend, I was surprised because she didn´t use to be so kind and listener of the problems of other people; in the next scene of my dream this woman, Isa, and other people went to swim in the beach. I was a bit far away, but I could see that the woman my friend Isa was talking kindly on the phone some minutes before drowned in the wild water of the sea. I was shocked and in pain. The rest of the people didn´t notice it. I went to tell my friend Isa and she was not interested at all about it, she told me “oh, somebody said that a crab might be drowning”, when I told her it was her friend, she didn´t care at all and she was even bothered with me for telling this. When I woke up I was horrified by this dream. I asked my inner being and my guides, and I received the answer that she is a narcissist. Then everything started to make sense, why I was discarded by her when I was feeling very bad, and I was no a good narcissistic supply as a friend for her. Now this morning I see your blog, so good timing, thank you! I knew something was wrong, but I´ve been suffering very much during these four years since she discarded me in a cruel manner, at times doubting myself thinking that I might done something wrong, and so on. Now I start to understand that is her narcissistic personality. Until now I thought about the discard in regards to the narcissistic partner, but this dream and now your blog is an eye opener to see that it might be the same or similar process with a narcissistic friend, or narcissistic family member. Thank you again, Melanie. Love, Sonia

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 24, 2018

      Hi Sonia,

      yes, healing is absolutely the same process, no matter who the N is in our life. That is great that you have clarity, and it is about understanding the patterns and traumas in our life are in repeat – they keep presenting via other people and situations until we go inwards and heal them.

      She was an A I D your life – helping you with that.

      Mel xo

  • jusstine45@icloud.com'
    Justine
    February 23, 2018

    I feel unlovable and totally betrayed.

  • marcellafitzgerald@yahoo.com'
    Fritz
    February 23, 2018

    Angry, despair, anxiety, mildly suicidal.

  • steph141@outlook.com.au'
    Stephanie Ward
    February 23, 2018

    The biggest emotions for me are betrayal, humiliation and disgust. The betrayal by the person I loved the most was, cold hard calculating cruel and never ending. The humiliation I felt for being so weak, and for loving and giving my all, for someone capable of such heartless, emotionless behavior is more than I can tolerate. I am disgusted with myself for loving him as much as did, but even more disgusted with myself for still loving him and wanting him back. Every day is a struggle to be normal and stop obsessing about how GOOD the good was, and to remember how BAD the bad was.

  • lorraineharvey62@gmail.com'
    LH
    February 24, 2018

    I felt totally destroyed and couldn’t cope because I couldn’t understand what happened. I was worthless and totally unable to cope with life at all. Work, health, life all affected.

  • marcellafitzgerald@yahoo.com'
    Fritz
    February 24, 2018

    Hi Mel, I am profoundly grateful for your help. Since early childhood as a scapegoat 11th child, I have been attracting toxic relationships. I took your free webinar and have been able to breathe past my solar plexus. I’m a Classical Vocalist so I know proper breathing techniques. I refer back to my notes and remember what to do for myself. I recommend your webinar to everyone I encounter who complains about the pain of NA. Thank You so much.

  • lorraineharvey62@gmail.com'
    LH
    February 24, 2018

    I felt totally destroyed and couldn’t cope because I couldn’t understand what happened. I was worthless and totally unable to cope with life at all. Work, health, life all affected.

    Now i feel more relaxed and confident that I will take better care of me than he ever could

  • getwind@mail.com'
    Yonten
    February 24, 2018

    I feel worthless, like all of the high values and goals the narc agreed with me that he was looking for in a a relationship too have been trashed. I feel tired and angry, and frustrated that the situation has now been set up by the narc that if I complain, get angry or have a problem, I am the one with the problem and the one to blame. I feel annoyed at myself that after all of the abuse in the past these kind of people are still coming into my life, and I am still finding it difficult to snap out of denial and walk away from them as soon as they appear.

  • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
    TT.
    February 24, 2018

    This is one of your most powerful videos! I felt when he dumped me: I’m abandoned, got HUGE panic (“what can I now do to make him talk to me again, how can I fix this?”), I miss him, my needs are not met, trying to get something from someone (him) who is not able to give it to me, and therefore I feel pain, I’m disconnected, I don’t exist (for him).

    After this video, surprisingly I feel more peaceful! It just suddenly came into my mind, was it Jesus who said, “love your enemies”. That the n actually came into my life to save me (from myself!). This is a very profound and powerful awareness, wow! It is somehow “wrong” if I continue to love him, not necessarily romantically, but “divinely”?

    I got goosebumps when you said, that when the n is trying to destroy us, he is actually trying to destroy the wounded pieces of himself. That’s chilling!
    But also it made me feel peace, I don’t need to take his behaviour “personally”. It’s like saying to a giant white shark, why did you tried to eat me?! Because they are just programmed to behave that way!! :/

    I must say I admire your beauty. I watched some old video where you said you used to smoke a lot. And all this suffering because of n’s…Your skin, eyes, skin under eyes looks so good and radiant, based on your looks it would be hard to believe you have ever had any pain or stress etc. in your life! You are such an inspiration! 🙂

  • cateshinekinch@gmail.com'
    Cate
    February 24, 2018

    I thought I would literally disappear without his love, without him. I couldn’t believe it was happening. The shock and pain were unbearable.

  • heather@culturestorm.ca'
    Heather
    February 24, 2018

    Extreme shock, panic attacks, rapid and sudden weight loss, a constant and never ending loop of processing while trying to understand what happened, insomnia (1 hour of sleep a night), fear of going out and running into people, judgement, victim of social media shamming that resulted in fear and mistrust of others, a grief that I could not get out of, trying to also parent when my child was walked out on without a word while navigating how to support the both of us, abandonment, discarding as if she and I were just garbage, getting support but people not truly understanding that I was going through which was something comparable to symptoms of PTSD which was terrifying, financial panic and essentially feeling like I had my sprit, life and all my energy sucked out of me by a man who used me financially, spiritually and emotionally. I felt like husk of who I was.

  • Suebella2007@aol.com'
    Susan Mary
    February 24, 2018

    I have followed Melanie for a while now and have got great insight into narcissism.
    I am struggling as a mother of a son who is with a narcissist. She is so jealous of the relationship I had with him started the manipulation and triangulation to get me out of his life. I went no contact with her last July as I could no longer put up with her behaviour. I ended up in counselling after nearly sending me to an early grave, her advice (you need help, you need to go to counselling, it will do you good) He doesn’t understand this at all and nothing she does (overstepping boundaries, threatening him she will leave if he doesn’t do what she says) will change his mind, that it’s just her way and everyone is different. Used to call me softa**e grandma and him mammys boy but always with an lol attached, or that was a joke, we are too sensitive, the usual comments!
    He’s a grown man and it’s his life but he has two grandchildren to his first wife who his new partner is stepmother to and she is now controlling them and him. He is unaware that this covert manipulation is going on and I’ve tried time and again to get through to him to no avail. I’m at my wits end constantly worrying about them and what her influence over these children will have in the future!

  • lisalloyd@lloydmarketinggroup.com'
    Lisa Lloyd
    February 24, 2018

    Step 1: When I was discarded by my Narcissist I was utterly destroyed. It hurt so bad I banged my head literally on the wall in an effort to make my physical body hurt enough to distract me from the emotional pain. Ultimately I was so empty and depleted of hope that there was any chance of ever being happy again I attempted to take my own life to stop the pain. I just couldn’t handle 1 more second of it. Every time he would discard me in yet another utterly dehumanizing way, I would begin to find a way to put the pieces of my life back together. Like someone having the wind knocked out of them, I would finally begin to stand and catch my breath…go back to work, date and move on with my life. THEN, he would come back with flowery words and actions and the cycle would start all over again. Like locust that have consumed everything from a field coming back once the field had replenished…there was more to consume from me again! The ONLY way out for me was to leave the city I SO loved and get as far away as possible so that I could not allow that to happen again. While it gave me the breathing room to, once again grow and heal a little, I still obsess on him:(

    Step 2: I LOVED what you said about romanticizing how our lives were so much better before the Narcissist. It’s interesting because I was already at a low point which made me particularly vulnerable to this man. That said, I have been living with the illusion that I was “happy and strong” before him. In reality, I can see now that I was not. I was broken and full of fear and self loathing when he came along. Yes that made me vulnerable to him, but it was not because of him. After watching this I can now see that the work that needed to be done in me to overcome the root causes of my self loathing has always been the opportunity that relationship was reflecting. I was the worst version of myself, like you said, but what I see now is that the relationship forced some deep brokenness that needed to be healed and would never been uncovered without the awful treatment I received. I no longer feel the need to hate him or love him. He is really not even relevant. What is amazing is that I can see the “Learning” as the real value and a blessing…not the relationship or person. I feel so loved by the Universe that I was given the opportunity to make known that brokenness and heal.

    Thank you Melanie, I have watched your videos on and off for years and I am so grateful for this and all the others you share to help us on our journey to recovery!

  • twn_01@yahoo.com'
    Tom Northrop
    February 24, 2018

    Felt the insincerity, the anger with myself for allowing myself to be so controlled and weak.

  • teriashmeria@gmail.com'
    Violet Spectre
    February 24, 2018

    Complete disbelief. Inability to process what was happening. Feeling lied to. Intuition going nuts- red flags raging. Feeling like I don’t exist. I could be “anybody” not the significant other. Heart ache. Tingling down arms. Panic.

    • teriashmeria@gmail.com'
      Violet Spectre
      February 24, 2018

      Well Mel- I have to say after a solid year of really dedicated NARPing, I’m navigating the divorce from the N rather well. I’m employed, have been performing and am renewing old friendships. I have pretty much no triggers from him and when I get one (divorcing a Narc is it’s own bizarre adventure)- well I write that down and go to town on whatever module feels right.

      After the N, I went through an N friendship (which got me to NARP) healed that, and then about 4 months later ( and after 4 years of single-hood) became romantically involved with what I’m pretty sure was a man with an Avoidant Personality. And do you know what? I stood up for myself. I identified his distancing behaviors that were hurting me and opened up a compassionate dialog. I “watched” myself become panicky and obsessive, took responsibility and moduled all those triggers out. I wish I could say he responded to my grown up suggestions to have a conscious relationship where we both had our needs met…but well- avoidant. I could have done a better job ending things earlier (opted instead for a time out), and like a lunatic I believed that his invitation to his family Christmas actually meant something…and then New Years Eve he really treated me badly…and I told him to walk out the door and keep walking. I responded to his one last phone call 2 weeks later by calming telling him I had nothing to say to him and was letting him go…haven’t heard from him since ( but of course he is blocked on all forms of communication now).

      I’m going through some pain of separation (like an N, I was expertly love-bombed) and anger at myself for falling for an unavailable unhealthy person (not listening to early intuitions) and I’ve put those through the modules…but I’m opting to actually FEEL heartbroken. I’m also focusing on remembering that anyone would have fallen for the flawless love-bombing performance from a truly handsome talented man- and hey, it was fun while it lasted! In our 9 month ( 5 months great, 4 months distancing) relationship, I never introduced him to my daughter, opting to wait for a truly solid connection…which, alas, never came! I’m pampering myself and honoring my little me’s feelings and being there for her. And of course my meditational yoga practice has continued to blossom. I know I have so much work to do still- but I really feel this relationship was a real “graduation” for me. And Mel- my dear Quantum Guru- it really is all thanks to your incredible gift of Quantum Freedom Healing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! To all my fellow thrivers- soooo much love and camaraderie-keep at it! And to those that have read this far ( I know I’m long winded) but have yet to use the super-tools available to you with Quantum Freedom Healing- DO IT! It works. In divine time and with the power of the guru within yourself- you can break free from old patterns and escape the endless pain loop.

      Sooooooo- that’s how I feel now. xoxoxoxoxo Mel- lots of love!

      PS- any tips on what modules to work for shortening up the- “hmmm something doesn’t feel quite right” time to the ” this is not a healthy relationship for me” time? I gave him too much time/patience/understanding when he didn’t immediately respond to my concerns. Is that in itself a red flag???? Hmmmmm…much to learn!

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        February 24, 2018

        Hi Violet,

        I am so proud of you, which I know you are of yourself.

        What a fantastic graduation sweetheart – you are amazing, and so conscious and dedicated to truth!!

        Thank you for being such an inspiration and an incredible lady in this Community 🙂

        So much love to you Violet.

        Okay tips … I do believe showing up is essential soon after stating our truth. Its like – if you need time to think, well then think and we can go our separate ways while you think.

        Even if he was to say something like “I hear you, I may need guidance. I want to meet you here, and I am actively doing something, learning something – what can I read etc.’ … In other words effort and wanting to do this. Wafting around is not that – and I have learned in my life not to allow that. We are either aligned with values and truth or we aren’t. If not then let’s move on.

        Maybe go to Module work – goal setting re standing in the deservedness of what I need, what is my truth?

        Does this help hun?

        Mel xo

        • teriashmeria@gmail.com'
          Violet Spectre
          February 24, 2018

          Lovely Mel- Standing in deservedness-YES! Just the thing! Thanks so much for taking the time to read my novel and as always; thank you, thank you for the great tip. Also wanted to say, I love how you are having us actively participate in the last couple of Thriver TV Episodes in the comments section…really engages us in what otherwise might be a passive exercise. Another great inspiration! Best from freezing Chicago! xoxoxo

          • Melanie Tonia Evans
            February 25, 2018

            Hey Violet,

            You are very welcome 🙂 Always a pleasure!

            So many blessing and love to you and glad you love the new format!

            Stay warm honey.

            Mel xo

  • crystallacek@gmail.com'
    Crystal
    February 24, 2018

    I was furious and equally heartbroken. My narc is my father so it felt like a dagger in my heart.

    • crystallacek@gmail.com'
      Crystal
      February 24, 2018

      Well I understand that his actions have nothing to do with ME, and my healing has nothing to do with HIM. That’s somehow comforting.

  • heather@culturestorm.ca'
    Heather
    February 24, 2018

    It is so meaningful to hear similar stories as yours and know that I am not alone in all of this. Also that did not imagine not over exaggerate my feelings and trauma. I have been working very hard, since this happened, through counselling, body work and spiritual work to let go of this. I know that I will be different from all of this and, at first, that was deeply sad for me but I now recognize more the strength that we gain from healing from wounds. Slowly, each day, I am finding a light, happiness, strength and peace again. I am prepared that this will be a long and, at times, not easy road to recovery but hearing your stories and those of others is hopeful and makes me want to work hard to recover and build on who I am. Thank you for the work and commitment you do because it is so helpful!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 24, 2018

      Hi Heather,

      you are very welcome and that is wonderful that you are committed to breaking through into your healing and liberation.

      Mel xo

  • Rosierascals@hotmail.com'
    Roció
    February 24, 2018

    Empty, unloved, not good enough , ugly, unable to please him . I will never find someone to love me

  • angie.wade69@yahoo.com'
    angie
    February 24, 2018

    I feel invisible like no one truly sees or comprehends the immeasurable amount of damage I’ve taken. I don’t know who I am. I was so focused on him and who/what he was doing ..I quit being anything. I exist but do not live. I function at work and then I hide. He and my replacement live in the same complex about 1/2 block from me, its awful. But I feel its now or never, I fix this or I disappear completely. Its time to find myself.
    .

  • hawk00073@hotmail.com'
    Pam
    February 24, 2018

    I have to tell this. All of your stories are so painful, and I can tell you I have felt the same way. I thought I was going to die, literally, after my narc discarded me. And I welcomed it, yearned for it, I thought my life was over. Today listening to Melanie, when she asked for us to go into that horrible pain of discard, I tried and all I felt was relief. I felt none of that horror I used to feel. I’ve been working with Melanie’s program for almost a year and today is the anniversary of my divorce. I can feel all of you and your pain and how hopeless and totally worthless you feel. But I don’t feel that way anymore. I have a future to look forward to, and I am moving on and I am happier today than I have ever been in my life. Ever! Give this a real chance to help you, even the very first time you do her seminar I promise you will start to feel relief. I was married to mine for seventeen years and he walked away and left me on the ground and he never looked back. I spent almost a year completely isolated from anyone, I trusted not one person. I went to the grocery store and such mainly because my animals needed to have food. I talked to no one and I got back home as quickly as I could. I locked my doors, closed the curtains and waited to die. My mind turned things over and over and over in my head trying to understand how someone I trusted with my life could just turn on me like he did. So betrayed, so full of hurt and then anger and wanting to make him hurt the way I did and angry, torn between love for him and hate for him. I promise you, Melanie knows what she is doing, and you will feel different after your first seminar. It’s free, and she has all sorts of tools and videos and books and it honestly gave me my life back. And since I had to deal with a lot of childhood traumas and get that out of my body, I truly am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. I found ME and I Love who I am and he is a thing of my past now. A pitiful man who will never be anything than what he is. We don’t have to stay in that life anymore, we can fix ourselves and become stronger than anything he could ever dish out again. If he got down on his knees now and begged, I would just walk away. It was never love from him and it never could be. I know now I can’t change him, I can’t help him but I can help others from getting caught in that horror I lived through. If you value your life, I beg you to give Melanie a chance to help you. She has been there, she knows, and so have I.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 24, 2018

      Hi Pam,

      awww gosh, sweetheart, I am so happy and relieved for you that you have released all that trauma with NARP. Thank you for feeling passionate about inspiring others to do the inner healing work.

      Blessings to you and I am so pleased you are the happiest you have ever been.

      Mel xo

  • jhmenzies@btinternet.com'
    Janet Menzies
    February 24, 2018

    I was very shocked and surprised at first because it came out of the blue. I knew I hadn’t done anything to cause it. I felt lied to and manipulated, because he was nasty and gas-lighted me during the break up. I was angry with him, and I was angry with myself for being tricked I think now I can stop being angry with myself if I allow the experience to empower me in future. I now feel rather important! I feel that I am more important than him or what he did or the relationship. And I am increasingly feeling free of my childhood trauma.

  • marilyn.cromwell@gov.ab.ca'
    Mara
    February 24, 2018

    I can relate to the others who have commented in this string. I was ripped away from him on June 1, 2017 – because the police finally caught up to him: that is, he got in trouble in the public, on his own, (drunken fight) and the police followed him home that night. When they caught up to him at our house…I was there (pulled out of bed) and they could clearly see I was in distress. I could not hide my abuse anymore – the stress of being mentally and physically abused for the last 6 months and for several years before that – of living with his insane behavior. I put up with for 7 years. He was arrested and the law implemented a Peace Bond (like a restraining order – no contact at all) against him for one year. I was happy at first – but now I am dealing with him from afar trying to move on. I cant work with him, through his lawyer, to settle our financial affairs and sign an agreement to separate. Now his silence is driving me crazy – he is controlling me from afar. I fear he will take everything from me – my pension, whatever he can – just to punish me. I try not to think about him and I go back and forth from the abusive behavior to the man that I fell in love with. Do I miss him? No, I miss not having a man in my life that I thought was my partner and would take care of me and love me – as I did him. How do I put closer to this – when I am not legally free of him!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 24, 2018

      Hi Mara,

      it is so terrible what narcissists are capable of doing once we separate.

      Please know there is relief from the pain and ways to empower ourselves for our own protection – emotionally, mentally and financially.

      I’d love you to start experiencing healing at this level in my free webinar: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Mel xo

  • jhmenzies@btinternet.com'
    Janet Menzies
    February 24, 2018

    Reading through the comments on this, so many people feel that the period of their lives they spent with the abuser was wasted. And if this was a long time, it feels as though huge parts and elements of your life have been completely lost. A breakthrough for me came when I realised this was not the case. Even while I was being abused, I was still living, surviving, fighting and learning. I was gradually moving to the point where I am now. Despite all the horrendous abuse I have suffered in my life, I was still able to struggle forward on the journey. And the journey itself is worth it. Know that you survived all this. That you were resilient and you were shaping yourself into the amazing person you are today. No part of your life is ever completely wasted, because you, your shining self, were there in it, living it.

  • mrose_buttigieg@hotmail.com'
    Maryrose Buttigieg
    February 24, 2018

    empty still after 8 months apart, he never tried to make up!

  • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
    TT.
    February 24, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    One more thing that came into my mind…All that you say in this video is true of course. After I had known/been with the n about 2 months, his shocking behaviour started to show up. After three years, I had already become a human-wreck and suicidal, and then he dumped me.
    I’d love you to answer to this, it bothers me. He has a teenager girl from previous marriage, this girl is normal and balanced and healthy in every way and as far as I know, he has always behaved “normally” towards her. That their relationship as daughter-father is a normal one, close, warm. (or that’s the impression I got)
    Why he has not tried to “transfer his garbage” on her, destroy her? And at the same time, treating me in this inhumane, insane, immature way? I just can’t understand the “logic”.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 24, 2018

      Hi T.T.,

      she may be his golden child – the extension of “himself”. Where he truly idealises her.

      Please know T.T. no matter what and who they interact with and in what ways, our only relief and salvation is not in trying to work them out – it is about deeply and lovingly turning inwards to heal ourselves.

      Mel xo

  • casting@sasharobertson.com'
    Sash
    February 24, 2018

    I’ve just read all the comments above and it says it all. I felt the same. I thought I would die when I left after 20 years. Lost so much weight, chained smoked, was in severe ptsd and cognitive dissonance. He found new supply within months but because of our two children he could still get to me and attack. I felt numb, shocked, betrayed, scared, empty, alone, ugly not good enough, broken, etc etc and couldn’t see a way through. I am still not divorced 3 years later. But I am doing NARP. Not often enough. But it’s slowly getting better. I am still triggered but less often. I understand more. I get it more. But I feel old now and worn out and tired. And he is with his younger shinier model. She’s madly in love apparently. They go off on holidays together and she now runs the business with him that I gave him money to set up. It’s been hell. I’ve just watched this all play out in front of me for the last 3 years, whilst trying to run a business and be there for the kids and put on a front. But slowly and surely, I am changing. I watch and read Mel’s blogs and I try and do NARP when I can. And I am getting stronger. I am just grateful that I have a better understanding of it. Not just logically but emotionally. I have laid stronger boundaries and managed no contact since Christmas. When I have days where there is no internal pain /triggers and ruminating, I know I am on the right path and I am so grateful for it and I realise that is where my freedom comes from. From inside of me. I still have a way to go. Thank you Mel. Sash xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 24, 2018

      Hi Sash,

      that is so wonderful you are coming out the other side.

      What you have been through is terribly painful – NARP is the answer – doing the Modules more often .. as you know.

      You’ve got this!!

      Mel xo

  • Thriver297@gmail.com'
    Jo
    February 24, 2018

    I felt in shock, shredded, crying hysterically, crumbled to the floor. It was the final avalanche after two years of horrific mind games. How insensitive can she (we were partners) be! Her timing could not have been worse. I had fever with bronchitis, my dad was about to pass, and it was Christmas time. Now I have learned that’s how narcs operate. All of a sudden I saw her planned script in front of me… a script to slam down and kick me to the floor, insult, disregard, betray, psychologically torture, lie, steal, smear, act in covert ways to steal my copyrighted photography for her use. We are both professional musicians and I do prof photography. Then top it all off with a 3-page accusatory email that was way over the top. Unreal that I was reading this nasty story of who I was. I felt hollow with no self esteem or confidence left. She had told me long ago in a rage that she was not responsible for my feelings. This email was awful. So much so that I stopped breathing and fell to the living room floor. Physically, my brain was actually tingling and I felt a big zing up the back of my neck into my skull. Suddenly my vision got weird, seeing tons of “floater dots”, and on and on…migraine, etc. I managed to call my sister, who brought my best friend. They sat with me and provided comfort and support. Since that discard, smearing and hoovering have continued.

  • CherylKeenan@comcast.net'
    Cheryl
    February 24, 2018

    Broken, worthless, betrayed, unloved, ugly, devastated.

  • Thriver297@gmail.com'
    Jo
    February 24, 2018

    Hi Melanie. This video is very powerful. I feel as if I’m free and flying at a higher frequency right this moment. The discard was an experience I never had before in this life… nothing close at all. And the no closure just about killed me. I’ve recently joined NARP and am loving this community. Thank you for being here. xo

  • Robyn.margaret.64@gmail.com'
    Robyn
    February 24, 2018

    Totally uncared for and that I did not matter, how I felt did not matter and everything I had contributed meant nothing. I was worth nothing

  • lotusvgk@gmail.com'
    Valerie
    February 24, 2018

    Completely worthless. utter shock and disbelief that a person could make a promise and then so casually break it (believing of course that I wouldn’t find out) so he could have his cake and eat it too. It was the last time. Not the only time. But each time made me sicker and sicker. I simply don’t relate to this type of thinking with zero empathy for another human being. I’m getting better thanks to you.

  • mallen22@hotmail.com'
    Megan
    February 24, 2018

    hopeless; confused; in total disbelief on one level, but on another level expecting it completely; unloveable; unworthy; disgusting; sad; alone; humiliated; scared; destroyed; exposed as unloveable; exposed as less-than… it was all of my deep seated fears being brought out into the light for everyone to see.

  • Robyn.margaret.64@gmail.com'
    Robyn
    February 24, 2018

    I now have a wonderful new man in my life after being married to narc #1 for 30 years and then carer for narc#2… He lives interstate and we had known each other previously and found each other after he too had been through abuse. At first was SO scared to allow myself be vulnerable again. He came to visit and neither of us were sure what to expect. When he left after spending a couple of days together I struggled to understand why I felt so different. Suddenly I realised it was because I didn’t need to be ‘fixed’. I had always worked so hard, feeling that there were so many things wrong with me, because I was told that both directly and indirectly…”why do you keep doing that?” “why don’t you fix that?” My belief was that I was never going to be good enough, but I now know that wasn’t me…
    My issue that still bothers me is that my family was broken through all this trauma. My children are adults, but that doesn’t change how much I feel for them. The oldest is the golden child of narc#1 and will not communicate with me on any level whatsoever, which also means I have no contact with my two young grandchildren. I have a hard time letting that go and don’t know what I should do? I am torn between continuing to try…and never give up, being patient and hoping time will change her perspective or just letting go and hoping the truth will find her, or at least the grandchildren? I actually can’t do anything.
    My other 2 children suffered immensely because of both previous narcs, I cut them off, trying to protect them from what I was going through, but they are now back in my life and happy for and with me (and healing their own traumas, having both found happiness and love since.)
    I feel I have already come a long way, but still struggle with believing in my self worth. Your ‘closure’ lesson was very apt today as I still felt I needed it from them now I know I don’t, I just need it from me. Thank you. I’m a work in progress, thankfully, with people who believe in me more than I currently do in myself 🙂

  • mallen22@hotmail.com'
    Megan
    February 24, 2018

    And now… I feel much more aware of my own feelings, aware of my patterns, open to forgiveness of self and others, able to work through the difficult feelings and do something potentially different. Able to heal. Able to see more emotions in others. Able to understand and set boundaries better. Relief, understanding, patience, calmness, self-love, self-understanding, able, grounded, and more open. Still a little scared. Willing to spend the time it takes to grow a relationship because I know there are possibilities of healthy relationships out there that are worth it… most days.

  • kookakit@hotmail.com'
    Perry
    February 24, 2018

    Grief, abandoned, Frustrated, Resented. Disbelief, how could I let this happen agian, Why did I let this Toxic woman back into my heart?????

  • tammyscott@comcast.net'
    Tammy
    February 24, 2018

    I felt empty. I felt completely heart-broken. If I wasn’t even wanted by this type of person, who could possibly want me? I became obsessed with what he is doing now. Who is getting his time and affection. When I would see a message from him, my heart would skip a beat. I was still in his mind or so I thought only to be let down again when I found out he just needed something from me. Any progress I had made in getting over him would be undone. I felt the pain of losing him all over again. This has been repeated over and over again.

  • danfialkosky@yahoo.com'
    danfialkosky
    February 24, 2018

    I cant believe after 30 years, after all I’ve done. moving to this little town, taking care of your mother. giving you everything that you’ve wanted, you disregarded me. Had several replacements in place… It’s not about you. It’s about me.

  • te1343@hotmail.com'
    Torhild
    February 24, 2018

    I felt trapped as a hostage to non-sense, both in deep fear of my life and with no way to explain reality as he “appeared normal” and I realized that he had staged our entire life for others to see me in a certain light. Devastated, betrayed, ridiculed.

    • te1343@hotmail.com'
      torhild
      February 24, 2018

      Strong, calm and solid, because I make sense. My perspective is clearly MY perspective and if it does not serve me I change it. NARP took away the urgency of reaching the “finish line”. I live in peace with the knowing that I am where I am supposed to be, and that I create whatever is meaningful to me. Nobody can shift my goalposts, I create them and move them as I please. It is liberating to recognize my preferred or rather automatic defense mechanisms that first saved me, then kept me alive and finally brought me too my knees. Whenever I feel stuck I simply shift out the “junk and stuff” (horrible sensations and emotions) and replace it with relief (joy, curiosity, peace) and it works. I no longer wrestle life. I recognize when people and situations trigger me and deal with it in a way that serves me. For instance, if a self-absorbed person annoys me, I feel into the trigger, let go of the annoyance, my old patterns and of needing this person to be different then, without the charge, I focus on our actual tasks and move on. I don’t give drama and unconsciousness energy anymore. I am full of hope and joy. I chase my dreams playfully in my sleep and allow anything good to come into my awakened experience. We all deserve to just be… ourselves… I have a great relationship with my children. Parallel-parenting brings me ample opportunities to grow. Thriver life rocks.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        February 25, 2018

        Hi Torhild,

        that is so wonderful – it sure does Torhild.

        Rock On – our lovely Thriver Lady!!

        Mel xo

  • natalie_lindsay@hotmail.com'
    Natalie Lindsay
    February 24, 2018

    Hurt raw vulnerable

  • itzybellababy@gmail.com'
    LeftinAZ
    February 25, 2018

    I felt sick, hopeless, directionless. I was not able to get anything going in a day, but still had to take care of my daughter and project an image of sanity.

  • seals.diane@gmail.com'
    Diane Seals
    February 25, 2018

    Betrayed, unlovable, suicidal – I have no reason or purpose to be here anymore because I don’t have a spouse, meaningful work, my kids have a new step mom they like maybe even love, things are better at their house with two people who love each other instead of my house with a depressed mom who is barely coping. isolated, away from family. I too feel like he staged everything for people, my own children to look at me like I am foolish. I know my children love me but do they respect me? Do I respect me?

    Your story truly does sound like my story and I have been doing exactly as you have said trying to heal myself for my entire life. It does keep popping back up and I am doing everything I can to release it, I can’t find closure or haven’t yet, and yes, I laugh a little in that I want an apology and his humility so badly. I sometimes pray for his happiness thinking that if he is truly loved and happy then he cannot treat me so poorly and might actually apologize. But I know I need to let that go, I just don’t know how. I have read the Book of Forgiving by Desmond Tootoo and yes he too forgave atrocities, and I tried, I really tried. I know forgiveness will set me free too, but I broil with anger and a feeling of playing the fool to let him off the hook, that I am just encouraging his behaviour. I still have to co-parent with him so I don’t just get to leave and never talk to him again. That would be more doable. So yes, learning to set up boundaries, focus on my own healing is all I can do! I hope this path and program will help.

    Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 25, 2018

      Hi Diane,

      that is great you resonate – my story is our story. So many of them are the same.

      NARP will help you beyond measure Diane, through it you will get your breakthrough.

      Wishing you incredible love and healing.

      Mel xo

  • ayameyana@gmail.com'
    Esther
    February 25, 2018

    I feel unlovable

  • margarit72@aol.com'
    Jane
    February 25, 2018

    Mel,
    I’ve gotten closure on the NARC doing your NARP program. It has been years ago. And I thank you for that. Can’t thank you enough.
    But later, I’ve been through another relationship where the guy (not a NARC ) decided to end it, ignoring my texts. Felt like a discard , and the same not wanted feeling. I tried to release that pain for years doing the goal setting module many times but with no success so far. This trauma is still in my body. Any suggestions what to do here?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 25, 2018

      Hi Jane,

      I am so pleased you have come so far.

      Jane I would target ‘the blocks that are not allowing me to shift this.’

      If that doesn’t work, are you in the NARP Forum to get advice and coaching? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com ?

      It is an invaluable resource.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

      • margarit72@aol.com'
        Jane
        February 26, 2018

        Thanks, Mel! I’ll try both suggestions. I was on the forum a while back ago. So long ago that i don’t remember my password. Was definitely helpful then. Will reach for support if needed to log in.

  • howeart1@gmail.com'
    Linda
    February 25, 2018

    The memory that came back was on our wedding night, 1975, June 6,. I have not thought much about that. He turned over and cold-shouldered me and didn’t ” want to talk about it!” done! I was in shock, I was stunned, I was sad, I felt awful, I wonder what happened, what went wrong> or what did I possibly do or not do? I was so scared, I decided he must be tired, nervous jitters this was a big decision and big day and we had a drive the next day to a lacer called ironically called New Hope, But when we got there he bailed again and took our bags back to the car and we left and he didn’t want to talk about it”, I felt sad, shut down, scared, and scared.What was going inside him?And I felt I needed to be strong and understanding and read t0comfort him because I had been taught that existed for his sake or him, this was setting the stage for a life, a married life 23 years, and 10 separated, and all peppered with traumatto to our 2 children when I couldn’t depend on him being connective or present and it was very painful.I sadly adapted,

  • mcgee-e@hotmail.com'
    Elaine
    February 25, 2018

    I want to express my experience with being discarded. After 33 years of marriage, my husband had an affair with someone whom I thought was my best friend and a business partner. It took some time for me to realize that he was discarding me as a revenge tactic. During marriage counseling, our counselor kept saying that as she prayed she felt like God was saying the word “revenge”. And he would say, ” If there’s revenge then it’s from her.” Fast forward 8 years and I’m following Melanie Tonia Evans and she says the phrase, ” This is all in divine order.” In one days time I was completely changed to understand that God has been trying to help me for years and it took a major upheaval in my life to do just that. All of the Complex PTSD that I had been experiencing went away. On a trip I am thinking I have come such a long way and kind of bragging on myself to myself. I made a dash into a grocery store where I ran into a woman whom I had hired as a housekeeper slash cook in previous years and had witnessed my husband and her together at one time. I realized I had more to deal with. As I drove on I kept remembering the phrase, “All in divine order.” The work I had to do included talking to myself and reminding myself the God did not create me to feel small and insignificant. He does not want me to have low self=esteem. Instead He tells us to be confident knowing that we can complete what He has called us to do. I still have a lot of work to do in building my life back up, but this has been a pivotal thing for me. Taking the responsibility for myself to help myself and not feeling guilty about taking care of myself has been an ongoing battle but I’m making progress. Now my goal is to tell young women to not lose their own identity in a marriage but to cultivate their own God given gifts and stay aware of what is happening in their own lives.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 25, 2018

      Hi Elaine,

      I love that you have claimed your journey and are now inspired to make a difference to other’s lives as well.

      Kudos and blessings to you 😀

      Mel xo

  • gardiagler@gmail.com'
    Gardi
    February 25, 2018

    I feel isolated, overwhelmed and useless. I don’t want to do anything, facing people, I feel like everyone can see the pain on my face and in my body language. All I do is cry. I miss my husband but he is so mean to me and the lies, I can’t take it!!!

  • steveharveysyd@outlook.com'
    Steve
    February 25, 2018

    By the end of the relationship, I was so psychologically damaged and empty like Mr Cellophane…
    I was too weak to stay & too weak to go … I just collapsed into total dysfunction …

  • leahdszanto@gmail.com'
    Edie
    February 25, 2018

    Hollow. Disbelieving. Shocked… but as though it somehow made sense. No will to eat, almost impossible to sleep, caught in negative thoughts, trying to find a way to ‘fix’ the situation, despairing, unloved, blamed, like a fool.

  • Ditadelempicka@googlemail.com'
    Dita
    February 25, 2018

    I felt broken. I was already aware of historical lies as I’ d called him out a few times. Final straw? My narc on a dating site the day I was having a double mastectomy for breast cancer. Self esteem , confidence, trampled on, feelings of not being acceptable: I still have a few confidence issues which I know will improve.
    With thanks to your coaching, I have moved forward enormously. I value my ‘freedom’ from the narc, for it has given me peace. Not instantly, but over the last 9 months I am so much happier, calmer and at peace with myself. I have been working on my own trauma (loss of my father in an accident at home age 12) and being happy in the moment. My personal mantra alongside your keep thriving mantra is ‘ let it go, this isn’t your life’ I know mine is worth so much more.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 26, 2018

      Hi Dita,

      I am so pleased you are moving forward and healing.

      You ARE worth so much more.

      Mel xo

  • beckymohr1@gmail.com'
    MoBe
    February 25, 2018

    I feel like I am floating in outer space. A vacuum, a void, no oxygen, and no one around for light years away. Loneliness. All alone. Unreachable., Untouchable. Like there is no hope for me, no hope for help. Like I am all alone with no one here to rescue me. Nobody understands, no body is here/there for me in this place. I can’t make them understand. Like I have no voice. Like my voice just disappears into a black void. Or like I am standing on the other side of a thick, glass, sound proof wall watching life go by but I can’t get to it or connect. Like I can never trust again. Shocked. Betrayed. Unfathomably betrayed and confused. Like “how can this be happening?!!” And “Who DOES this to someone they LOVE? I thought you LOVED me and were committed to me.”

    I have come so far and received so much healing, but this is the scariest dragon to face, the most painful. AFTER 31 years of marriage, I am still reeling on this point 6 years later. I haven’t been able to go into that cave yet and face that dragon.

    • beckymohr1@gmail.com'
      MoBe
      March 1, 2018

      I have been committed to pushing through to complete closure since finding QFH and starting NARP but I daily hit one place where it feels like I have my shoulder to an immovable wall and I go unconscious. I know I will get bast this one step at a time.

      I just got done caring for my elderly parents for 4 days and it has motivated me all over again to do it differently in my generation, to evolve beyond where they were able to evolve. My mother never had a life outside of caring for and revolving around my father, whose altruistic career was the center of all conversations. She no longer has her mind. I want more for myself and my children.

      “It was never about you, and now it is all about healing me.”… that “wall” is the abuse that I suffered as a child as a result of my parents’ neglect and failure to protect me… which required me to live in a fantasy world in order to survive… ie to go unconscious. A Trauma within B trauma, layer upon layer.

      Being with myself LONG enough to heal ALL of it until I reach complete closure is my goal until I can LIVE LIFE fully present and with PURPOSE, rather than go unconscious. This is my battle.

      Thank you for continuing to speak up for us, Melanie.
      MoBe

  • cristyatfiu@yahoo.com'
    Christy
    February 26, 2018

    I felt not wanted, rejected, invisible. I guess it played on my deep emotional wounds of being emotionally bullied at school since age 3 (yes I have memories from kindergarden), rejected, marginalized and made to feel not good enough either because of the way I looked (I had lazy eye and wore an eye patch, and was pigeon toed so wore Forest Gump style leg braces) and coming home to an abusive environment (lots of yelling, spanking, and punishment for trivial things, like spilling milk, etc).

    • cristyatfiu@yahoo.com'
      Christy
      February 26, 2018

      feel like I can recognize exactly where I need to go to heal

  • waterymelon1969@gmail.com'
    WM
    February 26, 2018

    I had an ex who wasn’t a narc but he did treat me terribly. I was so in love with him, I spent many nights just sobbing, chain smoking and not eating due to the trauma of it all.

    One night he’d hurt me again and I was wishing I was dead and like a thunderbolt a thought entered my head ‘it’s not you, it’s him’. I realised he hurt me because he was broken and he needed me in that constant state of neediness so I’d stay put. From that night on, he lost all his power. I left him a few months after that but emotionally I was already long gone. I did no work to detach, it just happened that rainy Saturday night.

    The current narc is harder. What you said is spot on, they throw their own hated traits onto you. He has accused me of aggression and anger and is well known for being verbally aggressive (and I am not). I now can see everything he accused me of is actually what he does and everything he says about himself is a lie.

    He suffered the worst tragedy a human can suffer recently. Anybody else and I’d reach out, but he is so broken (a million times more now) I just stay away. I can’t be there, I have no strength and I’m too scared he’ll take it out on me. I hear he is completely broken. I’m sad for him, but I can’t risk letting him back. I do still carry trauma.

    As for the ex, like you, I feel nothing. I don’t like him I don’t hate him. No feelings whatsoever.

  • taylormade2@bell.net'
    Caren
    February 26, 2018

    Total despair and no hope for the future.

  • Wildjane2@gmail.com'
    Annie
    February 26, 2018

    I knew for a long time it wasn’t going to work. I didn’t think that I would end up with him not caring at all. I thought we would still be close if we broke up. I think he did feel bad , but not bad enough. He is the most frightened human I ever met.

    • Wildjane2@gmail.com'
      Annie
      February 26, 2018

      Also, I live right across the street from him, but I cannot move. I have to say that I am an older woman and he was a younger man. I was 64 and he was 39 when we started. I also was a much stronger person. It took me a while to understand it, but once I did, I really lost interest in being linked to him. I lost alot. Health, marriage, home, car, money. But I wouldn’t say I was ever in love with him. I am an alcoholic. I think alot of it was me wanting someone who couldn’t really attach. I am in recovery now. I will be 68. He trashed me last fall when I was very sick, homeless and had just spent a ton of money on his health. I think he is with a 20 year old ex junkie, “Gansta Girl” she goes by. I only have a bit of hurt pride, but feel lucky to have gotten out of a bad 40 year old marriage–even if in a bad way– and I can live the rest of my life in a better way. I have been in ACA now for a while and feel as if I am okay. I guess it took me 7 months to get to the place where I am now. I am fixing my health. Doing my thing, and well I am old. So its okay. Screw him. I can see he is always going to be scared and sad. I am sorry for him as a fellow human but I don’t see much hope.
      He can never take who I am. He can only take things and health–while health isn’t a thing, what has been done, I can only go forward and fix as much of myself as I can. Him? He is 25 years younger and his health is way worse than mine. I got to put down my addictions, I got to look at myself and my patterns, and say no, this is not what I want, this is not who I am. I love myself and I can reparent myself every day. I have a connection with the universe that I recognize. He just has fear.

      • waterymelon1969@gmail.com'
        WM
        February 26, 2018

        I live on the same street as the narc and it’s horrendous. Since his tragedy he’s backed off, but he’s been in my face constantly. Urgh.

        He finds out where I walk my dog, where I run, and he’s there. He works out what time I’m at the cafe and he’s there. Even after the abuse, and his tragedy, he still rocks up to the cafe, sits at my table and craps on.

        He’s more absent now he’s in deep grief but he’s still there. Now he has an even better reason to be an arse.

  • daylenebell@gmail.com'
    Grace
    February 26, 2018

    I was treated quite cruelly…. mentally, emotionally and physically. The last time we saw each other he said unpleasant things (approx 9 months ago) …. I am glad that I remained in my centre and let his words flow around me …. He made promises that he did not keep. I have read your articles and worked with professionals to come to a more balanced place in my heart. Do I miss him? Sadly yes!

    The pain these people create is horrendous and it takes huge courage to ‘let go’ and in the end nothings really existed because they are FAKE. I am the daughter of a narcissist and I feel it has conditioned me for these predators…

  • daylenebell@gmail.com'
    Grace
    February 26, 2018

    I listened to your wonderful message of hope…. and I have clicked to do the 16 day course with the intention of releasing the trauma patterns in my biology. Im deeply grateful.

    Namaste

  • cdbaker12295701@gmail.com'
    Connie
    February 26, 2018

    I felt so humiliated & was in utter Shock!! I was thinking, I cannot believe I have allowed him to Discard me once again. I was hurt, & felt like I was back at the beginning of my healing. I honestly could Not believe this was happening to me again!!

  • anna_elina@luukku.com'
    Anna
    February 27, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    I think I have started to heal well. But sometimes I still feel fear re. potential new partners. It’s interesting, just recently, now afterwards I remember, the n said to me, during the very first days when I had just met him, “I will not harm you” (I still have that text message!). It sounded cute and caring, and of course made me trust him!! Now that line sounds creepy, like from some horror movie. The next 3 years he caused me enormously harm! Ok, so he never was physically or sexually violent, not interested in my money or material things…indeed he was politely sitting on the sofa and seemingly “harmless”. But he is a n, arghh!
    If it is so, that n’s can very quickly detect the “weakest link”, it is indeed interesting that he could so quickly pick that “fear vibe” from me and of course assured me that HE is not “like that”. I still feel hard to trust a man, it is traumatic that someone is seemingly trustworthy and then in reality is an “actor”. I think I am still, and now probably even more than before, hyper-vigilant, can’t relax with men.
    Could you Melanie explain this, or maybe sometimes do a fear video? How this happens on a practical or “quantum” level? I fear (!) that if I now all clear all this fear (trauma), I will be “without protective barrier”. I mean, does fear protect us, or does fear make me a magnet to fearful situations/people?
    (it’s sad, it just came into my mind. How was my childhood with my father…I was often punished, threatened, physically hurt. And how did I felt? fearful, hyper-vigilant, can’t relax. Exactly. Exactly like now! 🙁 )

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 27, 2018

      Hi Anna,

      oh yes, absolutely that is what N’s do – hone in on that!

      Anna, please see my resources regarding trust and dating – you can google these, they will help.

      Ultimately it is about clearing that trauma of fear out of our body – so that a) we are not meeting in the field (life) and b) if we do we can show up, question, test it out and back ourselves regardless.

      Dear Lady, you are spot on, it is about releasing and reversing our childhood traumas which have been in repeat. Are you working with NARP? That is the real answer: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      Mel xo

  • strongboldcourageous@gmail.com'
    Emma
    February 27, 2018

    How it felt? Like i was worthless, rejected, lost my power, my sense of self, my dignity and self-respect. felt that something must have been seriously wrong with me, because of the way that i was disrespected, made to feel terrible of myself and then discarded like a piece of nothing. i felt that i was less than, unworthy of anybody’s respect including my own…i felt that i was powerless and defenceless, unable to stand up for myself letting him to exploit me like this and not even leaving of my own accord but being pushed aside. feeling unsure of myself and doubting myself after him invalidating my feelings…and basically making me out to be a crazy person who imagined the whole thing…

  • gg_ibarra@yahoo.com'
    Gina Ibarra
    February 27, 2018

    Confused … what just happened ?
    Here we go again!
    I thought we were doing better !
    Foolish to fall back into this pattern.

  • Outdoorstabitha@yahoo.com'
    Susan
    February 27, 2018

    I felt like I was not wanted and could not ever even have a life of my own because of all of the insane stull going on like breaking up family relationships, personal relationships with a significant other, community abuse due to false accusations and other issues.

  • beth.streeter@gmail.com'
    Beth
    February 27, 2018

    I cannot understand how he cannot ‘see’ me, how he cannot be stirred or moved to recognize and acknowledge that I am a person, with feelings. I am a kind, sensitive, generous, loving person who has emotions, and fears, and pain and deserves to have them acknowledged. I don’t understand how he can look at me crying and his face can remain like a rock – with soulless eyes, looking right through me, like I’m a one dimensional object. I don’t understand how he could have spent years with me, knowing my ins and outs and the quality of character I possess and that seeing me upset, or worse yet being the cause of my upset (with his cutting, heartless, comments), I don’t understand how he can just watch and not be moved to a place of love and compassion and empathy. I see people I don’t know and ‘feel’ for them when they are suffering, it is gut-wrenching for me to watch someone I know and love suffering, but this man who has been my partner can discard me with the most hurtful words and then not react to the pain that so obviously pours out of my being. In fact, he just adds more hurt. How does someone do that? I know I’m a good person. I know I don’t deserve this. How can he not see and value and cherish me? What have I missed? What did I do? How did I hurt him? How can he NOT see me? Why am I not good enough for him? Why does he feel such hatred toward me? (That must be what it is – is hatred, right? How else do you find the venom to attack so ferociously with?)

  • beth.streeter@gmail.com'
    Beth
    February 27, 2018

    The difference between how I felt when Melanie first asked me to think about my most recent narcissistic discard (which wasn’t difficult, because it happened yesterday and I have been reeling in it all day today), and how I feel after contemplating the concept of releasing MY inner trauma – about making it about me, not him – is palpable. I feel a couple of steps removed from the gut-wrenching emotions that have been with me all day and feel like I am beginning to see them (the emotions) from a different angle. I feel hope and optimism that I can achieve the closure Mel has. Actually, I believe I can achieve it – it goes beyond simply the “hope” that I can.

    In the interest of full disclosure, I need to admit that I have Mel’s program and have done 4 shifts previously – so I know that instant relief can be felt when the work is done. I just keep putting off going back to do more for two reasons: 1) I don’t want to feel as bad as I need to conjure up to get ready to do the shift. It is so heartbreakingly painful. Even though I know it’ll help me feel better. It’s like being afraid to swallow the medicine because it tastes so bad, even though I know shortly after I swallow it I will start to feel relief. And 2) For some reason, I am not completely ready to let him go yet. Not quite ready to let the relationship go. I’m not sure what I am waiting for. I was suicidal 10 months ago, it was so bad. I had him move out and I have come a long way since then, but I still haven’t resolved to let go.

    I’m working on it. It’s a day at a time. I know at some point I am going to experience enough hurt that I will leave, or he will literally physically discard me and the choice will no longer be mine. I’m circling the runway…

    Thank you, Melanie. Keep inspiring me please. I want what you have. I want that peace.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 27, 2018

      Hi Beth,

      awwww gosh I understand this so well … not being ready to let go.

      For me, sweetheart, it took being at no return, the absolute precipe which I had already fallen over. You dont have to wait until a total breakdown – to when you have dribble coming out of the corner of your mouth – and at this level that is where it goes.

      Come into the NARP Forum Beth and seek support and strength, we can help be the wind under your wings until you find your own – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Mel xo

      • beth.streeter@gmail.com'
        Beth
        February 27, 2018

        Thank you, Mel.

        There is so much I could say. So much I could write. Like so many other people in this community, your story has a lot in common with mine. It means a lot that you replied. Thank you for taking the time to do that.

        Your work is so special and you are blessing so many people. Thank you for showing us what is possible and for holding us, and leading us, through.

        I’m 4 years in, and that’s after previously having been married to a psychopathic narcissist for 5 years, with whom I had a child and struggle to co-parent our now 15 year old. That relationship ended violently and it was surprisingly easy to not want to be back with him, but we had the child and all the ways he’s used the boy (and the court system) to try and maintain control. This man (narc #2) I met after being single for almost 8 years. This man love-bombed me exactly how it’s written and I really believed (believe??) he was (is?) the one. This one isn’t a psychopath – so I didn’t see this coming – at first he was so completely nothing like the ex-husband. This one knows he’s damaged and sometimes expresses hints of remorse and shame. This one isn’t physically abusive. But the words of this Ivy league educated man cut sharper and deeper than any physical hurt my previous husband EVER inflicted. I cannot believe the damage he inflicts with WORDS. It is mind-bending.

        I am getting there. Slowly but surely. I am surrounded by good people. I just wish that he could become one of them – like he was at the beginning. I know… I sound like a text book. It is so sad. I just have to keep believing he was put here to help me evolve into whom I am meant to be. To truly heal. It is so painful though… It is so hard to give up on him. 🙁

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          February 28, 2018

          Hi Beth,

          you are very welcome 🙂

          Awww I do so relate, the second time around with an N thinking “he is nothing like the first one!”

          Hun, I know hard it is – but what option do we have – to save ourselves and our lives for us and our children?

          I promise you once you truly LET GO and dedicate to finding and releasing the trauma that is responsible “this time” you will have ZERO attraction and yearning for him. The pain will end and you will feel even BETTER than you ever have before – that’s the gift – and it takes the ultimate courage to let go and go for it.

          One thing is for certain, things get worse – until we do.

          Holding the space for you here to join us Beth, when you are ready to take that leap.

          Maybe it might be a nice idea for you to come into another Free Webinar to get a super-boost of healing: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

          Mel xo

  • music2@runbox.com'
    Amy
    February 27, 2018

    violated, deceived, used, manipulated, lied to, exhausted, empty, hopeless
    (this is tonight and I had been doing well with NARP even though I’m still stuck in his apartment -we split up months ago- because I can’t afford city rents)

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 28, 2018

      Hi Amy,

      Keep going with NARP sweetheart and “the way” will generate. The solution will come.

      Hang in there 🙂

      Mel xo

  • anjaleen31@hotmail.com'
    Nim
    February 28, 2018

    My heart was in my mouth when I saw him with the girl he swore he would never be with, he told me he would never be with her that i was crazy, that they were friends….only friends….crazy emotional me…I could taste mental in my mouth

  • hannahwhiteuk@hotmail.com'
    Lilly
    February 28, 2018

    My story is I met a Narc. who over time made me believe I wanted a life with him. By being everything I wanted and advising me …He distracted me away from an unhappy marriage which I could have worked at fixing, and giving up the life I had to move in with him (being disowned by my family in the process).
    On the day I told him I was able to move in and I had changed my life for him I found that he was messaging other women (as a back up) and when he had me on a plate ready to make it work, he instantly turned cold on me. And was incredibly cruel when I needed him. I felt so broken at his feet and he remained cold refusing to acknowledge that he had broken my trust and it was all just part of the chase…to trick me into giving him all of me then discard me was really hurtful. It resulted in me having a nervous breakdown, not being able to work and was put on antidepressants on repeat as I could not cope with it all…my sense of reality was completely screwed.
    I distanced myself but through work I have had to see him and he behaves like nothing has happened, and we should try again. That I overreacted to finding (Very Full on Love) messages to someone else and he has learnt from his mistakes. When I try and talk to him about things he shuts down, but then says he wants to learn from mistakes and be a better man….His actions state otherwise. He shows classic traits of a covert narc. I have learnt to distract and Mel, your info has been really helpful. I am trying to be strong but the empath/Narc. link is just very strong and I do feel myself getting sucked back in. They are just too intelligent.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 28, 2018

      Hi Lilly,

      aww gosh you have been through such a painful time.

      Yes, it is difficult my love, but I promise you that when we find that original trauma inside us that is hooking us to this dynamic – and heal it – we go FREE.

      Truly, free. And until then we are trapped in terrible ‘analysis paralysis’ trying to stay away and get well when everything inside is pushing us to reconnect.

      I’d love you to understand that there IS a better way to heal than this – and I can show you how.

      Lilly, to get out of the pain, its time to look into this: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      It will help you so much.

      Mel xo

      • hannahwhiteuk@hotmail.com'
        Lilly
        March 2, 2018

        Thank you Melanie – I signed up to your emails and getting more info on these types of people has helped me process it all and detach myself a bit. The work you do is remarkable. It really is a shock to see how many people here in the network/forums are dealing with these things.

        How do you differentiate from people who are truly narc’s or not, as reality makes me question it all?
        Either way I know that I was treated badly.
        As a compassionate person if someone I didn’t even know broke down in front of me I would want to talk to them and help, so it was very hurtful that someone who supposedly ‘loves’ me just shut down and was emotionally void. I do not understand it. It wasn’t the behaviour of someone who cares. How do you recognise someone who is a Narc or emotionally stunted/on the spectrum.

        His words tell me one thing, and then when I try and either get closure/answers or want to talk things through he shuts down again…so it is so hard to tell if he really is that awful person or not.

        When I act strong and confident like I don’t need him he steps towards me, and then as soon as I have let him in he acts all blasé..and without sounding cocky or arrogant, he should be doing all he can to prove himself to me. He doesn’t have much money, nor many friends and is older than me and I have a thriving career in the performance world, I look after myself appearance wise and have had a busy exciting life. So how he has a hold on me I just do not know?…it is like an obsession. I think I see a good soul inside of him but I cannot reach it.

        I am gathering all the info I can with your brilliant articles and emails…and trying to let go to be free from it all. The push pull is so confusing and having to deal with everything on my own has been very tough. Thank you for your reply it meant a lot to be understood xx Thank you

  • aoscapar@hotmail.com'
    Sara
    March 1, 2018

    Hi,

    I feel treated really unjustly.
    I dwell & proceastinate & can not regain my old fiery go & get attitude back.

    • hannahwhiteuk@hotmail.com'
      Lilly
      March 2, 2018

      Hi Sara,

      I feel exactly the same. I have always been a go getter and naturally upbeat person.
      Now instead of getting on with my days and work, it is hard to feel motivated…and time goes by where I am checking up on social media hoping to have a conversation with him, instead of working on myself.

      I hope you get your fire back! x

  • mrsharmony2011@yahoo.com'
    Cindy Georgi
    March 3, 2018

    Just a few days ago. I felt like trash, like I am nothing and just got rolled over by a big huge truck, sucking all life out of me. I am still doing really bad and I am stuck in my thoughts again.

  • hilarypaley16@gmail.com'
    Hilary
    March 3, 2018

    When I was discarded I felt panic and anxiety, desperation, despair, confusion, rejected, unwanted, useless, not good enough, unloved, sexually inadequate, conned and used.

    Now, I feel released from anxiety. I no longer feel there is nothing to live for. I have made friends who support me. There’s still a way to go as I still feel down most of the time and I certainly don’t feel happy but I no longer feel in crisis and I have hope that things can and will improve and I believe that I now have the means to make this change.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 3, 2018

      Hi Hilary,

      I am so thrilled for you that you do feel hope and that there is a way now.

      Mel xo

  • gina.miller928@gmail.com'
    Gina
    March 3, 2018

    I felt so used, of no value as a mother, tricked and left with no answers for how can my only Daughter not have an ounce of love of compassion for me. I mean nothing to her and never will.

  • cj.5882300@gmail.com'
    Jess
    March 6, 2018

    When he begged me back for months and told me he loved me, came back for one day just to discard me I was in shock. I just could not believe it. I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach, and I felt helpless, hopeless, victimized and could not seem to find my inner strength or any self love at all. I also felt very sad and furious.

  • Clcratty@zoominternet.net'
    Colleen
    March 7, 2018

    I am a little over two months since he discarded me. I was still trying. I loved him in spite of his faults. He blamed me and walked away with no warning and without looking back. Two days gefore Christmas! He left me to sell our home and he knew i would take care of it all because im the reaponsible one. He was living a whole other life behind my back. He lied so much and i would have never known the truth had i not seen his ipad that night. He said he just did not love me anymore. I took care of him and loved him and he told me all the time he loved me and i was his priority but his temper was awful. He was watching porn and slept with prostitutes and he would hardly give me any sexual attention. I am pretty and take good care of myself and love physical affection so …… it wasnt me. He has blown through almost all of his large inheritance gambling and porn and prostitutes. Asshole. He always had good excuses and had a job he would go out of town. Id believe his excuses even when they didnt add up but i learned not to question much because he would blow his lid and tell me im always looking for something bad on him and he is nothing but a good husband and id feel bad and quit trying to put it all together. Master con artist…… total narrsissist! I come from normal people who love eachother and dont lie! I never knew these people exsisted! I will NEVER not trust my instincts again! Wasted 12 yrs of my life!!!!

  • Kviens27@gmail.com'
    Kate
    March 7, 2018

    I have been with my husband for 9 years he has beaten me physically and emotionally everything is always my fault he does nothing wrong despite his lengthy criminal record his mother is so jealous of our relationship and interferes way too much he is too much of a coward to tell her. .i no longer want a family i am scared honestly don’t want to be around anymore i live to take care of my kittens. ….i have begun to isolate myself because no one likes my husband

  • Sarastephens923@yahoo.com'
    Sara
    March 8, 2018

    I feel so deceived and betrayed. I have no words to describe the anguish

  • cchisalita@gmail.com'
    Cristina
    March 10, 2018

    Dear Melanie,

    although I am a psychologist, I did not realize that the man I loved the most and I decided to marry with him, is a narcissist… I realize now that I do have deep wounds of co-dependence and I am empath. I saw his suffering from the first time we met, and I was genuinely convinced that I can”save” him…and after 15 years and two wonderful kids….he discarded me in the most horrible way. He was the pillar of my life, I trusted him with my life, he was my protector, and….. he destroyed everything in me and around me. He discarded me for the wife of his “best friend”, with 15 years younger than me and because I was suffering from migraines (and not able to do so much as he wanted)… The nightmare begun 5 years ago after I gave birth to my son.
    I felt everything you and the others have mentioned: disperation, pain beyond words, horrible anxiety about life in general and my future, nightmares, I went in shock (could not eat and sleep), my self-confidence and self-esteem was completly destroyed. For years, I could not believe and accept: how is it possible that the very person that “loved” me so much to become suddenly!!! my worst enemy, who wants to destroy me piece by piece, regardless what do to please him (I even learned diving, when my biggest fobia was to get under water…).
    It was like my very foundation in this world has been destroyed.
    But I fought my terrible emotions, because I needed to be there for my kids, and to secure financially my future and the kids’ future, by getting a permanent contract at my job. People told me I have an enorm will power and self-determination. So I pushed myself to the extreme and last year, after years of nightmare, we divorced, got the contract, I had a new house in which I moved with my kids, and then….I broke down physically.
    For six months I was very, very sick, I felt I am going to die, I had very bad panic attacks, depression, terrible digestive problems (could not swallow food, lost 14 kg in 2 months), extreme fatigue (I could not get out of the bed). I had all sorts of medical investigations (endoscopy, ecography, went to internal medicine, menopause center, heart center, etc.) they could not find anything organic. I kept searching and I started to learn more about the Narcissistic personality disorder and what it can do to people like me. I found out about the Complex posttraumatic stress disorder and I told my therapist about it.
    I think that at the moment I am still suffering really seriously from the sympthoms of CPTSD. As a psychologist, I am aware of the fact that if you not deal with your emotions they will be somatized in your body and this can create illness.
    But I was wondering if you can tell me anything about such serious physical problems due to narcissistic abuse? and do you ever have a chance to heal from this? do you have any advice about this? after 6 months I improved but I’m far from being well.
    I am starting at the moment with your healing program.
    thank you so much for all your work and support, this gave me hope.
    with love,
    C.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 11, 2018

      Hi C,

      You poor thing. My heart goes out to you for all that you have been through . .. it is true that our body can pay a hefty price from the trauma, stress and abuse.

      C, I healed physical and mental conditions that I was told were irreparable. My adrenals were supposedly destroyed beyond repair and the psychotic breakdown never to be reversed and only managed through anti-psychotics.

      With NARP, as a result of releasing the inner trauma making me so sick, reversed all of those conditions leading to a full healing – and then even greater thriving than I could have believed possible.

      Many people in this community have experienced the same.

      I hope this gives you some hope and I am so pleased you have started work with NARP.

      Mel xo

      • cchisalita@gmail.com'
        Cristina
        March 13, 2018

        Thank you so much Melanie for taking the time to answer me. I am so glad I found you and started with your program. I will let you know how it goes.
        Hugs,
        C.

  • info.camilabalbi@gmail.com'
    Camila
    March 13, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    I felt useless, reduzed to dust. Completaly lost. Really, like I vanished from mother earth and dont exist enymore.

    Camila

  • info.camilabalbi@gmail.com'
    Camila
    March 13, 2018

    Dear Melanie,

    After I heard the video, I feel an increadible power rising inside me. I feel important, I feel I deserve, I even feel freer.

    I have taken a decision to heal myself and change the direction of my life to pursue my happiness.

    Thank you!

  • gdboek@gmail.com'
    Gregory Boek
    March 15, 2018

    My wife of 30 yrs walked out right before Christmas 2016. We both knew it was over but I tried contacting her to begin making arrangements for at least a civil departure. She has not spoken to me except through her attorney since she left. I felt like I was kicked in the gut. I wanted to die. I almost choked down a bullet on Christmas eve. All I had to do was reach under my mattress and it would be over in seconds. The only thing that kept me from doing that was thinking of my 4 adult children and my 2 beautiful grand daughters who were 4 & 5 at the time. I wanted to see them grow up and for them to know their Pop (me). I still struggle with the anger towards her and why she refused to fully invest in our marriage. Everything was always my fault and I was constantly reminded of my failures. I knew I couldn’t continue to live like that but it still hurts to think how easily she could walk away. Of course it was easier for her because she was able to get a half million dollar settlement out of it. The way I choose to look at it is that I bought my freedom and I couldn’t put a price tag on that.

  • aiameeting@yahoo.com'
    Bea
    March 19, 2018

    You find closure by taking following steps with the help of QUANTA healing modules…

    1. Acceptance – Accept I was married (fell-in love) to a heartless soul. Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance….Stopped living in denial.
    2. Narc will use anything to generate FEAR & throw you off balance – use QUANTA healing modules
    3. Narc’s definition of LOVE is not yours. Otherwise, you would still be with them and not discarded. Use QUANTA healing modules to heal your wounds.
    4. The BEST way to get back at them is to Get STRONG by using Use QUANTA healing modules to heal your childhood wounds… Narc’s are not normal.
    5. Keep doing quanta modules – quicker you heal – quicker you will get closure to get over the breakup/hurt/disappointments. Take it from a person – who had to learn this the hard way.
    6. STOP living in denial… unfortunately, we fell-in love with a narc. Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance…
    7. start working on your healing…. Fastest way to land on your feet. Get back to living and enjoying life again.

    Hope this helps.

    • gdboek@gmail.com'
      Gregory Boek
      March 26, 2018

      Thank you Bea. That’s a great summation of the steps I need to take.

  • msd1105@gmail.com'
    Mimi
    March 19, 2018

    After one year of mostly long distance contact (multiple phone calls and video chats a day, loaning him money, being constantly accused of spying on him, recording him and prostituting myself) we had a disagreement by text, he called me toxic and has blocked me from communicating with him. It has left me really wondering how in the world an intelligent and successful woman like me could fall for this and end up in this pitiful state. He unblocked me, called but didn’t have time to speak, and blocked me again. Why even call in the first place? I honestly do not know what comes next.

  • mlarps7@gmail.com'
    Melissa
    March 29, 2018

    I felt worthless and completely unloveable. That I can never be good enough and no one will ever love me again. I still struggle with self worth and depression.

  • cmckenzie379@gmail.com'
    Christina Mckenzie
    March 31, 2018

    I felt lost, like I knew when he went out the door and I heard the click or the door closing, I felt lost, devastated. I knew it was over.

  • mcousins01@gmail.com'
    Mary
    April 12, 2018

    I felt worthless and unlovable. That I was not of value to anyone.

    • mcousins01@gmail.com'
      Mary
      April 12, 2018

      After the video, I do feel more hopeful. It has only been after I entered my current relationship with someone who is balanced that I realized how traumatized I am. It is so disheartening to think you cannot be loved and love, the thing you have wanted so much for so long after narcissistic abuse, because you are traumatized. I want so badly to be whole again. I can’t even remember the last time I was. Your video help me see that I have been in a state of trauma long before my last narcissistic relationship. Until I am able to heal, I will never be able to be loved. Never be able to love-even myself. This is so much harder than I ever realized.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        April 12, 2018

        Hi Mary,

        I am so pleased you feel hopeful.

        Please know that we can heal from this and then we truly do become even more radiant and authentic than we ever have been.

        That’s what we can look forward to as a result if this work.

        I’d love to show you how to heal Mary and you can come into my free webinar to experience this for yourself. http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

        I hope this helps.

        Mel xo

  • wbutts@cybco.net'
    Cryptocurrencies
    April 19, 2018

    Soul sucking, frozen anxiety, pathetic, broken, worthless, garbage, unworthy, dumb, scared, insecure, fearful, sick, exhausted, unworthy, unlovable, frayed nerves, spent, poor, smeared, ruined reputation, not in a good spot……….

  • Mcxsounds@gmail.com'
    Mar
    April 20, 2018

    I felt everything that crypto currencies described and more. Betrayed, besmirched, manipulatively used for triangulation, abandoned after being abused.and voiceless. Scared that if I publicly speak the truth about physical and mental harm that was done,I will only be attacked,for they pretend to be a good person very well.
    Because we were business partners, I felt like I couldn’t completely get away. There was always a tugging back and forth. I felt like that wounded me even further and the business fell apart anyway.
    I felt even more worthless after that.
    I realize now that there is never not a time for one to take their power back for themselves. That is the lesson. Understanding and feeling it with all yer fiber are two different things though. I want to work on the latter because I still fall into patterns of anger and anguish. Thank you for your videos and thoughts!

  • gken91103@gmail.com'
    Ken
    April 29, 2018

    losss worthless

  • gken91103@gmail.com'
    Ken
    April 29, 2018

    Its all about me .
    Smiling not feeling lost.

  • Vusjade@gmail.com'
    Jenn
    May 2, 2018

    So so sad and lonely and shattered and scared and in all honesty wanting him to reconnect so I can feel better despite all the pain ~ this makes me feel beyond help and hopeless

  • Vusjade@gmail.com'
    Jenn
    May 2, 2018

    I dont feel the intensity of hurtful, broken feelings. I do still feel somewhat scared and wondering if Quantum healing will really help me to release trauma that has built a dwelling in my inner being. Can I actually heal and tear it down…..

  • gtrelford@hotmail.com'
    Gareth
    May 6, 2018

    I felt in pain, confused, abused, abandoned, used up, no self respect or confidence left. 18 months before I had been single, content, not even looking for a relationship when she swept in to my life with false promises.

  • gtrelford@hotmail.com'
    Gareth
    May 6, 2018

    Therapy and your resources are helping me face the inner trauma, including much from childhood. It’s been four hard months, one month of feeling insane and like I was withering and dying before finding out about narcissistic abuse, one month of treading water, two months of facing my inner trauma so far. This video reminds me that there is hope, it may be time for me to start to release the trauma but it’s hard to know where facing and dealing with trauma ends and releasing it begins.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Gareth,

      I am so pleased you are feeling hope whilst you are deep in the thick of this.

      Please know Quantum Resources and specifically NARP facing it and releasing it are simultaneously combined.

      There is not the getting snagged in it cognitive process.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • mothersfirst@live.com'
    Carrie
    May 7, 2018

    I was discarded at 16 weeks of pregnancy, its been hard and i have had days where getting out of bed or even having a shower was work and effort! I felt worthless and less than garbage!! He physically assaulted me, plead not guilty and writes on his fb how hes going to prove his innocence? His “innocence” which led to me having a broken finger, fractured my pinky, bruised my chest, arms and back and several hours in the er to make sure my baby was safe and alive but hes “innocent”??? Althought i missed him him pleading not guilty was it for me! No remorse! No guilt nothing….made me sick and still does. Thank god the discard happened before i have my baby though now theres a legal order or no contact.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Awww Carrie,

      Narcissists are not remorseful … they are narcissists.

      You are so right it was fortunate it happened when it did.

      Wishing for and sending you and your dear bubs love and healing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • cyberstar@gmail.com'
    Shafiq
    May 17, 2018

    I was baited into an argument online and ended up raging and each time the narc would say something sarcastic or make a joke. This went on and further intimidated me resulting me in posting even further insults to her and she again would say something sarcastic. Finally I said ‘you’re hurt’ and she replied ‘not at all. enjoying the meltdown. ::applause::’ . This hurt pretty deeply. While I am surrounded by narcs in real life which is my family this narc online hurt me real bad.

    • cyberstar@gmail.com'
      Shafiq
      May 17, 2018

      Then later on I posted insults to her and it got to her but she kept changing her profile and I got deceived and maybe the narcs in real life were making my life hell too so I had no way to control myself and I made the mistake of explaining to this narc online why I was attacking her and the reason I was attacking her is this and this and this. Now she feels happy and doesn’t care. before I got to her but now she doesn’t care after I explained and I feel sooo hurt. I am suicidal even a little bit.

  • theresalmc@icloud.com'
    Theresa
    June 4, 2018

    I felt stupid, devastated, old, ugly, worthless, crazy, physically ill, nauseous, achy, tired, desperate.

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