How To Keep Calm Around Toxic People

Toxic people want the opposite of what healthy people want.

Don’t expect them to care, have integrity, listen, be interested in you or desire a greater level of connection, honesty and respect.

A toxic individual will never meet these expectations.

What they want is to trigger a wound in you to get you to react, because then you’re handing power away to them. This is what they’re really after … that hit of chemical impulse they provoke in you when you’re triggered.

I know what it’s like to fall for this, to feel hooked by someone who is mining your Life Force, your resources and using you for their own agenda.

It’s not easy to stay calm when they are purposefully tormenting you but it can be done and I’ll explain how in my latest Thriver TV episode. My tips will show you how to take your power and sanity back from toxic people so you can be yourself rather than hide away to try to avoid them.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today, I’m going to give you some tips about how to stay calm around toxic people. But before I get into that, I want to remind you, if you haven’t already, please subscribe to my channel if you want to not just learn about narcissists and narcissistic abuse, but how to powerfully heal for real from it so that you can take back your life force and thrive, because that’s what my work is all about.

Toxic people exist everywhere. They could be in our friendship circles. They could be in your work environment. They could be in your family settings. They are everywhere. It’s very helpful to accept that because you don’t want to have to limit your communication, your ability to be able to be around family or friends or be in the workplace. Most of all, you don’t want to be able to have to limit your ability to be free, to be yourself, because that’s what freedom and Thriving is.

How does that work with toxic people?

Recognize Who The Toxic People Are

Well, my first tip is to recognize who this person is.

You know who the toxic people are or you’re going to find out. Once you know that somebody is toxic, it means that they don’t have a capacity or a desire to meet you at a level of healthy relationship, which means they don’t have the ability to have compassion. They don’t listen. They don’t care about other people. They don’t have integrity. Maybe they’re not honest. They don’t want to participate in teamwork with people.

They would rather one up them or set themselves against people. They don’t want to work towards solutions with anybody, which means they don’t really want peace. They don’t want love, they don’t want growth together or any of those kinds of things. So that’s a toxic person, somebody who doesn’t have the capacity or the desire for those things.

What you need to do is recognize that and stop having expectations with this person – that they are going to care, that they are going to have integrity, that they are going to listen, that they are interested in you, that they actually want to work as a team with you and they want to resolve any difficulties to have a greater level of connection and honesty and respect and growth together. They don’t want those things.

If you downgrade your expectations to something that’s much more reasonable, this doesn’t set you up for a fall. For example, with a narcissist who’s a toxic person, if you expect them to act like the family dog and roll over while you scratch their tummy, you’re going to get your arm ripped off. It’s the same with these people. Don’t open up your Soul, your life, your home, your heart, your body to toxic people.

If you do, well then, you know the fox is in the henhouse, you just don’t do that. So, this means that you have a modified relationship with them. They’re not an A or a B grade relationship. They’re way down into D or E or even F grade, which means modified contact.

 

Toxic People Try To Trigger You To Get A Reaction

How else do you not get triggered and stay calm around these people?

Realize that toxic people, because they feel so toxic on the inside, try to trigger people around them. They want to be able to project their designed paths onto them and bring them down, they try to get superiority over these people or incite them to react to then make them the bad person by projecting their wounds onto them.

Or what they want to do is try to find the gaps and what’s missing in you or what’s unhealed within you – charm and pretend to be the saviour of that, and then hook you up to start mining your Life Force, your resources and use you for their own agendas.

With a toxic person it’s about not getting triggered and not getting manipulated by them. If they say something disparaging, or something triggering, or something accusatory … it’s about breathing, coming back into your body and if you feel a trigger say to yourself, “I bless and accept this feeling” and just walk off.

Don’t react. A toxic person wants to trigger you into a wound to get you to react, because then you’re handing power away to them, which is the significance of, “I can trigger you this significantly.” Then, they can set you up. They can smear you. They can turn it back on you. They can get other people allied against you. There’s all sorts of things that they can do.

If you just don’t react, you don’t hand over energy, you breathe, you come into your body, you walk away, you say, “I bless and accept this feeling,” it means that you’re in your body. And it then means that you are able to process it and heal it and say, “What unhealed part of me was susceptible to that person triggering me?”

Because once I heal that part up, they can come out with any garbage they want that comes out of their mouth about me and I won’t even feel anything. It’ll just be like, “Hang on. I know who I am. That’s not even the truth at all. And you’re entitled to your opinion, thanks but no thanks. I know who I am.” You’ll be completely impervious to it, which of course is so liberating and so wonderful.

Also, if you know somebody’s toxic or even if you don’t know, if it feels a bit off, if it feels a bit creepy, if it feels a bit intrusive … if your Inner Being is having a bit of a squirm and going, well, that’s a bit too quick and that’s a bit too soon and that’s just off. What toxic people will do if they’re doing the love bombing and they’re doing the charming – they’re trying to hook you up very quickly so that you let them in, and then they can start mining narcissistic supply and resources and sex and your energy and your Life Force.

This is how narcissists hit very quickly and take you over.

 

How To Stay Calm When You’re Being Triggered

How do you stay calm rather than being triggered off into a chemical impulse where you think, “Oh my God, they had the words I wanted to hear,” or, “Oh my God, I feel so connected with you,”or “Oh my God, I’ve met my Soul Mate. This is what I’ve been waiting for. You’re exactly what I’ve been waiting for.”

All of those feelings are very dangerous and there will be a part of you in the background going, “Oh, hang on, there’s something not quite right with this.” But what we did if we were needy and empty and not self-partnered or not working on our own development, we say, “Shut up. I don’t want to hear that.” That’s your conscience on your shoulder sending you that message.

But instead you’re thinking, “I just want this because you’re the person who’s going to give me what I’ve been looking for. You’re going to heal my wounds. You’re my dream, you’re my this, you’re my that.” All of that is really false evidence. This is obsession.

 

Get To Know Someone’s Character

Even if something may have promise ­– with toxic people, with any people – it’s about being a real adult mature person in your own body, working on your development, working on your healing, working on being whole between you and Source and life so that you take your time.

You get to know somebody’s character … Are they kind? Are they considerate? Do they care? Not just about you, because they could do that in the love bombing stage. How are they with other people in their life? How do they interact with family and friends? What do family and friends think of them? How do they do good deeds in the world? Are they a kind person or not? Are they honest? Do they have integrity? Do their actions match their words? Is this somebody you can rely on?

You get to know this over time. Before you let somebody into your Soul, your bed, your body, your heart, your home, your resources, you take your time. Toxic people don’t want to take time. They need to hook up and extract very, very quickly because they’re an empty dark Soul that doesn’t have their own energy resources. They need that supply quickly.

Once you know somebody is toxic and they’re in your work environment or they’re whatever, stop trying to break through and get what you want from them. You’re not going to get it. So downgrade the relationship, don’t have an expectation from them, and detach from them.

If they really go after you and target you as their scape goat or their punching bag, well then you really do need to do the inner work and get the fear out of your body and stand up in very powerful boundaries, because these people are bullies and they’re using your wounds and your fears against you.

Your fears of … Will I get the sack? What if people don’t like me? What if they turn other people against me?

Trying to keep the peace and handing your crumbs to narcissists to try to stop them attacking you is not the lesson here. The lesson may be that you need to stand up and heal and have very strong firm boundaries, such as … This is what I will agree to. This is what I want to agree to. This is my line. If you step over it, there are consequences.

Once you mean it and you feel those …  you watch and see narcissists crumble. They are bullies, they really are and they’re powerless. Once you realize it’s just a little man behind the curtain, pulling the strings on your fears to use as the bullets against you, you understand that part of it.

The other part of it is to really self-reflect and really say to yourself, “What is it in me that’s being triggered here that I can heal up and shore up so that I’m impervious to these people?” And I can just say, “Yeah, well, thanks for your opinion, but that’s actually not who I am.”

And, “End of conversation. I don’t need to justify. I don’t need to explain. I don’t need to argue. I don’t need to change your mind about me. It’s not important what you think about me. It’s important what I think about me.”

There’s such a beautiful healing and a graduation in that – there truly is. If you’re not sure if people are toxic, listen to your Inner Being. Anybody that’s love bombing you, anybody that’s too good to be true … take your time to get to know these people. Don’t drop everything for them. Don’t say, “Yes, I’m available. Yes, come into my life. Monopolize my life. Do whatever you want with me.”

It’s like, “No, I’m a solid person. I have my own life (which is very important for you to have) and I’m having lunch with a girlfriend that day, I can’t catch up that day, or I’m seeing my family, or whatever. How about we meet at this time. I’m not going to just jump straight into bed with you. I’m not just going to wrap up in this fantasy, incredible, idolized, whatever it is with you.”

Whether it be a friendship or a business deal or whatever … I’m going to do my due diligence. I’m going to get to know you. I’m going to have a look at your references. I’m going to see if you do have the qualities and the values to be a match in my life. And if you don’t, well, we’re just not a match.

This is all about this calm power and being in your body.

 

In Conclusion

I hope some of these tips can really help you. If you’re dealing with toxic people and this has really been a thing and it’s been very difficult for you, which I really understand, come into my 16-day free course. Because regardless of who and what you’re dealing with, it covers lots of things about family, workplace, all sorts of things, and of course love.

I really think that there’ll be something in that to really help you take the next step to heal and shore yourself up and take your power and your sanity back from toxic people so you can be out in life and you can enjoy life and you don’t have to hide away to try to avoid them because that’s not living.

I hope that this really helps. Check out the link with this video.