Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Know If You Are Thriving After Abuse

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 23
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Welcome to the Thriver’s Life series, the creation of your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.

I get asked all the time by people, ‘How do I know if I’m Thriving?’ ‘How do I know if I’ve made it?’

In today’s The Thriver Life Series episode, I’m going to help you clear up all the confusion about this and let you know exactly how to tell if you are Thriving!

I remember I used to ask the same thing, but truly I was asking myself these questions from the defunct beliefs of perfectionism and conditions on myself, rather than the true sense of Thriving.

What is really beautiful, is that I have seen time and time again when people start applying the real laws of Thriving, they, like I have, start bursting free into joy, personal power and happy onward and upward progress.

Okay, so before we unpack today’s episode, I just want to check in with you, if you haven’t already subscribed to my channel, if you love my videos, make sure that you do, and leave a like if you enjoy this one.

And thank you for being my subscriber, because just recently I reached the 100,000 subscriber milestone, which is so exciting! Please know how grateful I am for your support for the Thriver Mission.

 

 

If you prefer – read the transcript below …

 

The Answer to ‘What Thriving Is’ (straight away!)

Unlike most of my videos where I like to string you out for the answer, let’s just get to it – Thriving is this: being the master of continually working with and uplevelling your life.

So now that you have the true answer – what does it really mean?

In the simplicity of what ‘Thriving’ really is there are certain things that it definitely isn’t.

It doesn’t mean feeling great all the time.

It doesn’t mean getting it right all the time.

It doesn’t mean never having setbacks.

And thank goodness it doesn’t mean that we must be all sorted and healed and have everything perfectly in order to be successful at being a human and generating our Thriver life.

Rather, what it does mean is that we know how to work with the Laws of a Life in order to be in synch with a Higher Power, which will always flourish and nourish us with a constant stream of wellbeing if we know how to be aligned with it.

 

How Do We Align With ‘Thriving’?

There are several Quantum Truths that we need to accept and get integrated within us to truly Thrive, and I deeply recommend Narpers if you struggle with any of these to do Module work on them to release all and any traumas not allowing you to be aligned with them.

Once you do release the opposing traumas, you will be thrilled beyond measure to discover that these Laws of Life just ARE your inner coded DNA truth when you no longer have traumas taking you away from them.

These Thriver truths are:

  • Any trauma within me, once it is in my being, can only be released and resolved by me. Waiting for others to do this for me means I remain victimised by them. Now I take my power back by turning inwards to be my own healer and emancipator.
  • I accept that all triggers coming from within or without are an inner signal showing me a trauma, that once released, will allow even more space within me for wellbeing to enter.
  • The more I release trauma from within, the more wisdom, humility, love, power and success I become.
  • The only person holding me back from Thriving has been me (specifically my inner wounds) and all that hurts and disappoints me is the conscious evidence of these wounds.
  • The only power I have is deciding and becoming who I am regarding that person or thing – then it will either shift to meet me or completely leave my experience. Either way, I go free.
  • When I work on my wholeness and need nothing to be whole, people and things rush into my experience to further fill me.
  • If I trust me, then there is no necessity to fear others. I simply honour my truth and show up honestly and authentically in my calm and true power. All false sources are exposed under such a bright light.
  • When my being is ready to shed the next big survival trauma from within me, which can’t come with me up to the next level of my higher evolution, I am going to have repeat painful events from The Field (Life) to being this trauma that needs releasing to my attention and/or I am going to be triggered hugely into old panic, fear, pain and feelings of powerlessness. I accept and welcome this as the process of my evolution.
  • The real (and only) question regarding trauma is: ‘Am I going to go unconscious and into my head trying to battle this at the identical level of consciousness that matches the trauma, or am I going to remember the truth – that life is happening for me and not to me, meet it in my body, load it up and release it to replace it with my Higher Self?’ By doing the latter I no longer stay mired in it and evolve beyond it.

 

How Thriving Has Been Glorified

It’s so interesting that people think Thriving is a bed of roses, and people who don’t feel like they have reached some mystical land of ‘I’ve arrived!’ say to me ‘I’m not Thriving yet’. (Please know I used to be the same!) However, this I now know – if you are rolling up your sleeves and meeting your Inner Being and doing the work of releasing and replacing you trauma, as far as I am concerned you are Thriving.

Why? Because this means you are breaking out of the ridiculous human paradigms that we were taught, which is trying to think our way out of emotional traumas, never resolving them and then trying to live our life with the still existing trauma patterns within us, only being able to generate life at the same level of these traumas.

I understand that many of you, especially early on in your Thriver journey, may be shifting out lots of wounds with NARP, and find that initially when you shift a big trauma out that another one comes up, to be released, not far behind.

Yet, if you are going inwards, your statement to yourself is this: ‘I won’t accept living with embedded internal trauma anymore and I will do whatever it takes to free me from these chains. I know I must fight the battle to ultimately win the war. I know I have to meet and walk through and release the dark night of my soul in order to mine my gold that has been trapped within me all along. I’m prepared to do that. I know I haven’t gone through this painful life for nothing. I know there is a grand reward for me on the other side of this, when I get to unpack my trauma and live free of it.’

As a committed Thriver I want to share this with you – don’t want all your trauma gone today or tomorrow, and don’t believe you aren’t Thriving until it’s all gone.

Many of us started our Thriver commitment to ourselves with tons of trauma that we brought in from the human collective, past lives, epigenetically inherited trauma, our childhoods and the continuation of more accumulated identical adulthood trauma.

So much accumulated accentuated trauma that it finally got to the tipping point when we simply could not deal anymore. Finally, we were at the make or break point where we either turned inwards to heal, or we felt like we weren’t going to make it.

I know many of you, like me, had no choice other than to be on our couches or beds hiding from the world, meeting and releasing our wounds that we ultimately discovered were not, at the core, about the narcissist.

We discovered that the narcissist was a catalyst smashing these wounds up to the surface, to make them so unbearably intense that there was no avoiding them anymore, so that we could finally know them and heal them. We realised that not only were we freeing ourselves from the insane abuse and hooks of a particular person, we were ultimately finally addressing the emotional fractures which had been holding us back from our highest potential all along.

This is what Thriving is. We self-partner. We turned inwards. We no longer deny ourselves our own love and healing by fruitlessly trying to change someone or something else in order to heal.

We know finally that this is between us, our Inner Being and our Higher Self. This is the coming home to integrate this Holy Trinity, and if we don’t, we don’t evolve, rather we continue to disintegrate.

 

Releasing Our Conditional Perfectionism

Wailing out our wounds can’t be about ‘I’ll get it all done so that I can be perfect.’

Doing the Thriver inner work in its truest essence is about this – loving our True Self, our Inner Being enough to release him or her from trauma and bringing in the light to fill where those false beliefs and painful emotions were.

Thriving means simultaneously rejoicing in the transformational shifts that happen within and without whilst being fully accepting and lovingly devoted to going toward, loading up and releasing all and any further traumas that arise.

Imagine if you were a tiger with your cubs, you would adore seeing their development yet be truly committed to protecting them at any turn that is necessary.

This is the inner truth of Thriving – we are dedicated to consciousness, meaning we are grateful and observant of how we are showing up differently and doing things differently than we used to. As a result of shifting out our trauma, we are becoming a New Self, generating a New Life and we can rejoice in the miracle of this.

Yet we don’t use this as a spiritual bypass, such as: ‘I need to hold this feeling all the time! What do I need to stay here always?’

Nooooo … as Thrivers we are not scared to roll in the mud. In fact, we relish it!

We love our development and expansion every time a new trauma arises, knowing that we now have yet another opportunity to midwife our next breakdown/breakthrough to emerge as an even Higher and more Actualised Self than we were before doing so.

Thriving has nothing to do with how much trauma you still have on board, it has only to do with whether you are on this path or not.

Does this make sense? How do you feel after hearing what Thriving really is today?  I’d love to read your comments and answer any questions you may still have below.

If you want to take Thriving on with both hands and start living this way of living that we were all born to live, and truly you couldn’t give me all the tea in China to give this way of living up – you can join with me and thousands of people within this community who are Thrivers, starting today, by clicking on this link.

I so hope today’s video has granted you illumination and inspiration!

Also, whilst I am in LA, I am holding some events where I would love to see you if you can make it.

You can find out all the details by clicking here.

Many of you have asked if I can go to other parts of the USA whilst I am here on my book tour. I am returning to Melbourne next week but will be back at a later date visiting more cities.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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70 Thoughts on How To Know If You Are Thriving After Abuse
  • cowbiz@gmail.com'
    Dreama1
    February 21, 2019

    Thanks so much for this outline Melanie! I’m loving my work and dedication to NARP and ESC. It supplements and moves along my lifelong journey to work toward consciousness. So thrilled I found you last fall. One woman I shared your work with says you deserve the Nobel Peace Prize for helping us all find peace. Carl Jung, James Hillman and Marion Woodman would have loved this thrived video. They believed , as you do, as I do, that the Gold is in the Dross. Sorry I could not get to LA to meet you! Blessings, hugs, and lots of love! Dreama1

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 22, 2019

      Hi Dreama1,

      Awww I am so happy for you that you are experiencing such breakthroughs into your True Self.

      Thank you for your beautiful words!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • barbhoddes@gmail.com'
        barbara
        February 22, 2019

        Hi Mel and followers , I am getting everything you are teaching. the thing that is holding me back is the logistics of physically moving on and I know you are going to say ….you have to believe it first, then the rest will follow. Also my age , I have lost my looks at age 63 , I have no way of supporting myself financially, having no skills and completely alne in the world except fot the narcy spouse . thanks for all you are doing to help us all . love Barb x

        • ema0305@hotmail.co.uk'
          Elaine
          February 22, 2019

          Hi Barbara. I felt like that. I started writing a list which i still do all these years later…i write the things that really matter to me e.g.
          Money
          Family
          Friends
          Hobbies
          Projects
          Giving back
          These are just some of them and i give them a mark out of 10. Those with 5 and under i start looking at whatcI can do to start making those areas better. Takes time and hard at first but it does make a difference xx

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          February 23, 2019

          Hi Barbara,

          Sweetheart I really would love you to feel my conviction that our True Self knows no limitations and always will find a way to our true wellbeing no matter what our age and position when we get our limiting beliefs out of the way.

          Have you considered working with NARP whilst still being there to get that shift?

          http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

          Sending you blessings and breakthroughs.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • masha.yes@gmail.com'
    Maria
    February 21, 2019

    Thank you for writing this, it is so valuable, and helps with the correct understanding, I am doing your Narp silver program, and have seen some amazing shifts and results, recently some big deep thing came up and even though I kept doing modules on it, I felt like – what’s wrong with me , why can’t I get out of this once and for all ? The perfectionist mind set. Now I read this post and it s such a relief to know I am on the right path

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 22, 2019

      Hi Maria,

      That’s wonderful that this has granted you that needed clarity.

      Many continued blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏🙏❤️

  • CACoastRE@gmail.com'
    Shelby Harris
    February 21, 2019

    Are you doing an event or book signing here is LA. I am right outside LA and would love to meet you.

  • taylorjamesphd@aol.com'
    Taylor James
    February 21, 2019

    Great job, Melanie! I have been dedicated to this path exclusively since 1982 moving from addictions into early childhood wounding into satanic abuse and then into Monarch Programming and now presently into abductions and attacks by alien beings who want our human DNA Codes – these Codes are the Holy Grail for the aliens. I am so glad you are teaching this way…..to be a Thriver means …to be and hold connection with your own Higher Self and to honor your Inner Being as the signal that epigenetic signal for the next trauma to be released….bringing one’s self into greater expanded consciousness and freedom! Thank you for your commitment and dedication to this ! Taylor James taylorjamesphd@aol.com

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 22, 2019

      Hi Taylor,

      You are very welcome and I’m so happy for you that you are on the journey of releasing trauma to claim your freedom.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • berrythegirl@gmail.com'
    Berry
    February 21, 2019

    Thanks, Melanie! Awesome confirmation of the process I’ve been experiencing. YES! The narcissist(s)’ effectives on my emotions is only an indicator of the wounds experienced long ago. Now that I am out of the crisis (you referenced “Dark Night of the Soul”), and while I certainly would have preferred not having experienced such pain, I am so grateful the narcissists in my life actually brought me to a place of choice! To heal or not heal.
    My journey into healing is now in its FOURTH year! It took me three of those years to actually recognize the progress I was making, and continue to make each day. I’ve had the occasional setbacks Melanie talks about. Everyone does! I remind myself that just being aware I’ve had a setback, is a huge amount of progress. Before my healing began, I didn’t have enough awareness to see I had any power in the situation. I just went from one situation (or person) to the other, truly believing I just didn’t “pick the right people” or life had dealt me a bad hand.
    NO MORE.
    Today I know, in my soul, that I am a worthy person. Worthy of being treated kindly. And the person who actually was the worst to me, was myself.
    I encourage everyone who has known the pain of having a relationship with a narcissist to embrace the journey and began the healing.
    Blessings to us all.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 22, 2019

      Hi Berry,

      Everything you have written is so true.

      How beautiful that you are now anchored in your worth.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sheopi@yahoo.co.uk'
    Sophie
    February 21, 2019

    Hi Mel,

    Funny I was thinking about this very thing today – how that despite all the work I have done or am doing to thrive it may not promise me the life that I hoped for and dream of. I have to accept the limitations of my life circumstances and the life/family I was born in to as well as the strengths that brings. What if this is as good as it gets, not creating any new trauma for myself but constantly having to clear out or re balance the effects of old trauma – although I hope my circumstances do improve.

    Yet that doesn’t mean I have failed as at least I am trying to break the chains of trauma and abuse for my child and next generations and I have evolved for the past 20 years – I am evolving. I saw a deep and moving film yesterday “If Beale Street could talk” by Barry Jenkins and the final line really touched me. A character said in response the the conclusion of the film which I won’t spoil, something to the effect of: “perhaps we have to live out our injustices so that our children don’t have to.” So I was thinking about how perhaps I can or have to accept that I won’t necessarily have a life full of happily ever afters but I do the work so that my son and others who I help along the way, can have a better life and people beyond.

    I am aware there may be some stuck blocks in my body affecting my beliefs and thinking about abundance and ease and experiencing true happiness. But also that I can spend whole days at times just processing or releasing an issue or fighting off a destructive urge, so not very productive in terms in life goals and developing my new life. If you have any thoughts on that I’d appreciate it?

    Great to meet you last week and see you in person!
    Sophie xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 22, 2019

      Hi Sophie,

      It was so lovely to meet you too.

      The thing that comes to mind here that may help is that the true success and Thriving in our life comes from our inner state regardless of what our life looks like.

      I know for myself and many Thrivers, after losing everything that we had, when we just anchored into feeling good and whole and getting grateful and excited and inspired for ‘that’ this is when our outer life shifted incredibly.

      The complete and utter irony was we didn’t need it to, to feel awesome, and all we were focused on (apart from necessary living requirements) was releasing trauma in order to feel great and revel in the joy and love of the simplicity of ourselves in life feeling great.

      I feel like there may be a key in this for you.

      Just checking in, are you working with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and are you in the NARP Forum where we can really help you with this breakthrough?

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • dreamcatchersbylisa@gmail.com'
    Lisa
    February 21, 2019

    Thank You Melanie,
    You are so perfect,such an inspiration!
    You saved my life,changed my life and shared your knowledge to me to become a THRIVER!
    I am a THRIVER.,I know for sure now after this video.
    I am forever grateful and so so proud of you!
    You are changing the world one person at a time and it is going to have a wonderful,an amazing, huge effect on this planet! I know it will,it already is.
    Thank you so much,
    Gratefully
    Lisa ❤️🇨🇦❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 22, 2019

      Awww LIsa,

      Darling lady, I salute you.

      I feel your Thriving all the way over here!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Janmarielb@icloud.com'
    Jan
    February 21, 2019

    Melanie TE,
    As I am reading your thoughts and understandings here. I’m realizing that my back has gotten stiff this last week, and feels like someone stuck a poker in it? I waited and ended up at doctors, they gave a shot in my as-, and muscle relaxers and pain killers nothing worked. I ended up that night in ER and they also gave a drip of strong meds for pain and it didn’t work? Then they gave me a stronger one an hour later and that didn’t work either! It just caused anxiety! I explained to doctors that I’m not feeling any relief and shook their heads at me and said well we’ve given u the strongest drugs we have available. You’ll need to follow up w/ your primary doctor and if it gets worse come back? ! Omg, it was trauma causing taking those shots, I never want to go back! I don’t take any pills on regular basis I’m against pills. So this is not typical me. I eat healthy and am proactive about what I put in my body. So to go through that was ALOT to say the least. I thought about my life while waiting for the saline drip to go in my body with the drugs and said I wonder if my wounds are stuck in my back? Because seriously I never felt pain like this ever, worst pain more than baby delivery, I cried like a baby! It still hurts and it’s three days later. Is it possible to have stuck pain in the body! Then if so, I think I need help getting it out!
    Just wondering if this ever happened to anyone else?
    Thank you for your feedback
    Love, Jan

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 22, 2019

      Hi Jan,

      100 percent I believe when our unmet emotional inner traumas don’t get our attention, they manifest physically in order to.

      I’d love you to come into my free workshop to learn about stuck internal trauma and how to shift it out of your body.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar.

      I hope this can help you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • gar1099@aol.com'
      James Garzillo
      February 23, 2019

      Hello. The answer is yes. When i started doing narp my back hurt all the time. After do my first few narp modules i noticed my back stopped hurting. I had no idea when i started that my back pain was related to my childhood trauma. Now a trigger for me to know i need to do a narp module is my back starts to hurt.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        February 24, 2019

        Hi James,

        I so agree that our physical symptoms are generated from trauma held in the body and when that is released that healing often ensues!

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

        • sdawn166666@gmail.com'
          Dawn Parker
          March 25, 2019

          Good morning All, I am a survivor of a narcissistic 10 year marriage, The most important step is to learn how to forgive yourself for excepting any abuse that you don’t deserve and understand you are responsible for only your thoughts and actions. Once you tell, live and know your truth, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of you its only about how you feel about yourself!

  • clarkch5@hotmail.com'
    Resilient
    February 21, 2019

    Hi Mel, love the video! Question for you – if thriving is about the commitment to healing ourself more so than the amount of trauma we have, then is it possible to still be a magnet for unhealthy relationships while also “thriving?” Thanks for your insight on this. Congratulations of your successful book tour, tv appearance and other accomplishes. I get a thrill watching your continued successes and expansion. Keep it up 😉

  • uoksainos@yahoo.com.ar'
    Sonia
    February 21, 2019

    Dear Melanie; this is The Great Work all mystics refer to, the only and true one there is to do, converting dark matter into gold.
    Narcissistic abuse was what brought all hell loose, only the tip of the iceberg. Recollection of having undergone abuse throughout my whole life came rampant, where MK Ultra programming early in my childhood was implemented, with tracking devices and V2K (voice to skull) still to this day in effect. Been used mostly as food, adrenochrome that is, the tax this has taken affects all areas of my life, mentally, emotionally and physically.
    So as I am clearing, clearing, clearing, and become more self empowered, all that light is doing other than keeping vampires away from me; is attracting bugs. Recently I was described as ‘fly paper’ where flies stick on. A different term would be ‘radiator’, the part of a motor vehicle where all bugs stick to it 🙂
    No matter how ‘never ending’ process this is, I find it has become a lot easier to handle, in bringing to the light one becomes lighter.
    Slowly but steadily in the right direction (towards right town) thanks to you and your team’s invaluable and untiring guidance and support.
    Keep up the good work.
    Blessings to you all

  • temata42@hotmail.com'
    Jacqueline
    February 21, 2019

    Thank you Melanie ! Seems like always magically – just exactly what I needed to hear ! 🤗💜🌸 x

  • eugeneamador@gmail.com'
    Eugene
    February 21, 2019

    Melanie, you are super! There’s nothing like failure in healing, the commitment to healing no matter what is what matters. Thanks so much.

  • meebies@telkomsa.net'
    Sally Fryer
    February 21, 2019

    Thanks for this Melanie. It seems like I’m further along the path than I realised!

  • annekatrinefrederiksen@gmail.com'
    Anne-Katrine
    February 21, 2019

    Dear Melanie
    I feel very grateful that your work is here to help!

    I do however not quite agree with you on this point:
    You see, I don’t like psychology, I don’t like human issues and diving into woes. I’m not interested in narscisism. It’s boring, tidious and I can’t wait to just get it over and done with so I can go on my merry way and be and do what I find interesting.
    Why being occupied with rolling in the mud if you can look at the stars instead? And thinking of having to do this WORK WORK WORK for the rest of my life is quite frankly overwhelmingly discouraging. I feel like a kid in school sighingly looking out the window praying for a reces so I can go play in the sun. THAT is Thriving to ME.
    Sincerely
    Katrine

  • brewer.asha67@gmail.com'
    Asha
    February 21, 2019

    Lovely video Mel. It made me think of something that I’ve become aware of now that I’m in thriver mode. When I boil this whole human journey down to it’s lowest common denominator it seems that everything we go through in this world is about finding a way to embrace and love all of what it means to be human. To let go of the judgments, fears, and insecurities about it and come to a place of complete acceptance. And I don’t mean “non-action” or “condoning” everything. I just mean simply accepting my human-ness and learning to manage it with skill, dignity, and grace rather than trying to live up to the false self’s idea of worthy. I’m in such a peaceful place and it’s not because things around me are the best. It’s just that I’m fine with life taking me down the roads I need to travel in order to learn whatever I need to learn and heal whatever I need to heal. There is no one I’m trying to get acceptance from. Not family. Not self. Not God. I’m here doing the best I can with what I know and I accept all of it. It feels wonderful.

    I think the first time I ever posted here I was ready to jump out of my high-rise apartment window. I was so stressed and miserable. Now my heart is jumping for joy. I’m so glad I kept doing the work and didn’t give up on myself and I’m very grateful to be part of this community.

    Thank you and big hugs.

  • omgrafisk@gmail.com'
    OM
    February 21, 2019

    Dear Melanie.

    I was just thinking about this today. I am on my 3d year of “thriving”, started with NARP and now ESC. I have cleared a lot of trauma and my life has improved, but there is still stuff (well, I haven’t finished ESC yet either). And I was thinking that maybe it will never end, actually, this necessity to do inner work. Definitely you shift some huge traumas, but the past and what happened to you is still there, somewhere, you can’t undo this and you can’t just forget it. And it keeps coming up and bothering you in this or the other way. What you control is just how much you allow it to affect yourself, and whether you start trying to overthink it or doing a module and getting over it (for this time). That is what you are actually talking about in this video, right? We don’t have to see the inner work in the negative way though, like having to roll in the mud all the time, but more like thinking of yourself as your home or house and a necessity to clean up in your house every week or day and keep it safe from intruders. You just need to know that you are responsible for the comfort, safety and tidiness of your house and you can’t just sit and wait till someone comes and does it for you. But you have to continually work to keep it that way.

    Anyways, I always hoped that the “stuff” would eventually end, so I could freely go out and play in the sun, just like Anne-Katrine writes. Not having to do healings all the time, as it is rather time and energy consuming. As for now I have to do it every day, or whenever I have time, and time is scarce here. What do you say about it?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 22, 2019

      Hi OM,

      I totally get how you are feeling – because earlier in my journey I used to have the same feelings.

      Firstly I do believe we can have limiting beliefs that possibly are sabotaging our ability to heal.

      Beliefs are incredibly powerful, and they can make ‘it so’ regardless of what we try to do.

      I would really suggest to you to feel into your beliefs about the past trauma – such as you have expressed in this post. You may discover upon releasing those beliefs and the associated trauma that this simply then melts away – no longer being your experience.

      The same goes regarding the beliefs about doing the healings.

      I also suggest coming into the NARP Forum and reaching out there with questions so that we can help you achieve your breakthrough to freedom.

      Sending love and solution to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • burgossofia@yahoo.fr'
    Sofia
    February 21, 2019

    For some time ago i talked to a friend who had a serious stroke , was very near death but who woke up to great change in his life.
    He became someone much deeper , spiritual , looking at life from a completely different angle.
    He said; i’m happy for my new handicaps, they reminds me of that i have to work on myself every day and i feel so much better than i ever did.
    And i thought that’s somehow the “same” thoughts i have had these last 4 years ; that i have to work on myself every single day to change. To never be that woman again. To learn to love and respect myself and be my own very best friend.
    And my engine , my “handicap” was the memories of a ” relationship “.
    Today i’m so so so grateful for that relationship ( in spite of everything ) because it finally was the very very best teacher imaginable. And oh, i have learned so much and i have deeply changed so much ! i sometimes hold the picture of me, my old me with a tenderness and compassion , no more feelings of humiliation or shame but with love. And i feel so confident and happy to bring her, me in yet deeper understandings about the fundamental things in life and sometimes i wake up in the morning just feeling so exited and joyful about being alive !!! Thank you.

    • omgrafisk@gmail.com'
      OM
      February 21, 2019

      Sofia, do you mean you have accepted yourself as “that woman you have been”?
      What I am trying to figure out is this – can we ever get beyond our “handicaps”, get well, not having anything to heal any more? Not in the perfectionist way, but just really getting well where the healing is not necessary. Or do we have to accept “I have a handicap, something happened to me, but I am not ashamed of it, I am working on it, I am in training, I am making small steps, it is getting better and better and I am happy”, having in mind that what we have is still a handicap. (Maybe these analogies with handicap or a house that needs cleaning are misleading.)

      No doubt, I feel, that I have evolved with NARP and ESC. But I always feel like I have some unfinished business. Is it really our way of life now – keeping clearing and clearing? Should I see it as “self-partnering”, evolution and enjoy it? The truth is I don’t, I would rather go relax and not dive into the trauma all the time. Hope it makes sense.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 22, 2019

      Hi Sofia,

      What a beautiful post of inspiration for you to share with us all.

      From our hearts to yours.

      Thank you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • lottehendriks1967@gmail.com'
    Lotte
    February 21, 2019

    Thank you so much for this, Melanie. This was the answer to a burning question I have had for years. I can now truthfully say I am thriving. Yes, i am a work in progress and still have trauma and traits of PTSS. I divorced my narc 14 years ago and have been NC for six years, leaving my now 14yo behind. Back then, no one knew about malignant narcissism and I have had to go through the entire process on my own. Once my grief had lessened, I did a total makeover. Moved house, changed career, changed my way of dressing, my hairdo, started using make-up, decorated my home in a completely different style, changed locals, started hanging out with different people, developed a new hobby and once i was NC, I really started blooming and am generally happier than I have been most of my life. I harldy think of my ex and if i do, it is just a fleeting memory. Just recently I also cut ties with my borderline mum, which is hard on me but there is no other way. She won’t change either, i tried everything but it is hopeless as the abuse never stopped. So now i finally have space to let child abuse trauma to come up and work through, I know I can do it. But as you very wisely say it is not easy and my life is not perfect and there have been extremely bad days and weeks, and even months, so I was not sure if i could call myself a thriver. After watching this i finally know I can. But NC in my experience is a necessity and a blessing. so now I got rid of my mum, things can only get better and I can start to really heal. I am absolutely convinced I can. As you correctly point out, life is never a fairytale and it doesn’t have to be in order to thrive. Sending good vibes, Lotte

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 22, 2019

      Hi Lotte,

      It takes great courage for what you have done in deciding to go No Contsct.

      Absolutely with your dedication to yourself you are a Thriver. I love your post and life is just going to continue to expand and generate truth and beauty for you.

      Big kudos to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Irene.zalewski@icloud.com'
    Irene
    February 21, 2019

    Dearest Melanie.

    I heard you and I know how deep this is and how evolved thriving is. It is a profound evolutionary system that you have given me and others to take full responsibility for our souls journey and our healing.
    Thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to be perfect which is another old pattern and being clear about what it is to be human and thriving.
    You give me so much inspiration and clarity to keep thriving and understanding and experiencing what it is to meet my traumas with NARP and to understand this is a journey and one that I have been on for many years and now have come to thriving and NARP.

    Much appreciation and gratitude to you Melanie and have a rest when you get back home.
    With love Reena xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 22, 2019

      Hi Reena,

      It’s such a blessings and a privilege to see your healing unfold.

      Thank you lovely lady, things are amazing here in LA and a well earned rest will be wonderful in Melbourne – absolutely!

      Much love to you darling lady.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • kuliane@att.net'
    Jules
    February 21, 2019

    Mel, I’m with Anne Katrine and OM on this. This video was somewhat of a downer for me. I just started narp and I’m feeling better but I work on it a couple times a day. I am eager for the time when I feel much better and my true self and I don’t have to do the modules as much – they take a lot of time. I am eager for the time when I start feeling all the joy that you talk about and not being drawn in by negativity and negative people! I am hoping and looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel. In this video, you are basically saying that there will always be work. And as a person that’s just starting out on this, it’s very intense right now and your message was discouraging because I am looking forward to being my authentic self without having to work at it so hard.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 22, 2019

      Hi Jules,

      I can absolutely understand and validate how this feels for you because I used to have those feelings too!

      I know also it may seem easy for me to say this standing on the other side. But it wasn’t, I had to go fully through my transformational process to get here.

      Please know Jules many of us have been there deep in the bowels of it, feeling completely overwhelmed by the work ahead.

      This I know Jules, that this journey is about freeing ourselves from trauma rather than just trying to survive it, and if we decide that we have had enough of trying to survive it a hiatus is necessary to meet it and release it.

      We would accept that healing would be necessary for physical sickness or injury – such as going to a hospital to heal – and really this is no different.

      Yes Its a bummer, it’s a downer and it’s going to take time – but thank goodness now there is a way to meet trauma, release it and start to live free from it.

      Previously we had nothing and once it reached this terrible tipping point – that was going to be our life … more of the same.

      If we resist healing, instead of devoting to our inner being enough to do it, then we are staring down a very long barrel of more painful emotions, survival and relationships… and it doesn’t need to be this way.

      I promise you with all of my heart, all of us on this side accepted that this path of inner work was totally necessary if we were going to soar – and that we were going to do everything it took to love and accept ourselves through that period with every ounce of our soul.

      Because that was the only healthy choice.

      You have said you want to be here – where I and many are (or are on their way to) meaning feeling and living the life that surpasses anything that we ever thought was possible.

      The reason we are here Jules is because we fully accepted the journey we needed to take to get here. There is no different truth for any of us – beleve me we all tried to resist turning inwards with full devotion – but that is what we had actually wanted all along.

      I promise you this – truly … when you overcome your resistance to this and surrender to it with all that you have – you will discover a greater love and feeling than you have ever known even with all your wounds.

      You will know what you are seeking was there all along. And you will not despise needing to meet and heal trauma, you will relish every opportunity to – because the results if doing so have become more fulfilling than anything you could imagine.

      Because as you start to fill with light where your trauma previously was, you will become your True Self accessing your True Life.

      Are you in the NARP Forum getting support and encouragement? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I hope that this in some way can help.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • tamara.harbar@gmail.com'
        Tamara
        February 26, 2019

        Jules — for what it’s worth, I can vouch for what Melanie has so beautifully described — basically that it gets easier and easier as you go along. As more trauma leaves you, there’s more space for wholeness, for self-love and love of others, for joy and flow. The ratio changes, if you know what I mean? In the early days, yes, it’s hard going, because there’s so much to clear. But the more you clear, you reach a bit of a tipping point (I found that anyways), where there’s more cleared trauma behind you than ahead of you. I see it as moving through a tunnel, it’s heavy work and there’s lots of dark energy…but as you go along, you start seeing the light up ahead, and it gets brighter and brighter. The less trauma you are carrying, the lighter the load you are carrying, and there’s simply more space in your life for goodness and joy and wholeness and flow.

        Yes, of course, things will come up. New experiences or new layers — but it’s just not the same burden anymore to clear them. You’ve built the muscle to know you can handle it, and you do, and sometimes it clears so much more quickly, because the light inside us and our skills for doing this clearer have grown so much in the process. Hope this encourages you.

        For me, it was worst in the “middle” — when everything is stirred up and we are in the depths of it. That’s the sign to keep going, because you don’t want to carry that around with you in your life! As Winston Churchill said, “when you’re going through hell, keep going!” It’s the last place to get stuck. Have faith. This process WORKS! And it’s worth it to reach that tipping point where there’s more light inside you than trauma and where you can look trauma and difficult times in the face, feel the pain, and know you are stronger than it is. All the very best with this!

      • annekatrinefrederiksen@gmail.com'
        Anne-Katrine
        February 27, 2019

        I’m really glad these different views came up here, because this has really been stirring in me a long while:

        Mel, could it be that you and some others heal faster/deeper doing this work because the subject is in your field of interest/passion? And that even led to you living your passion coaching this work.
        I am returning to my reference in earlier comment about this, that I’m not really interested in psychology. Some might say it’s a defens mechanism, denial, etc. But I actually don’t even have the skills to understand it, like some don’t have skills in other fields. The vocabulary is downright depressing to me! And it’s not an IQ thing, more of a personality quality, a true nature issue.
        I feel quite down right now, but my true self is actually very light, airy, fun, cheerleader-ish, goofy, childish and more – I’m what Carol Tuttle would describe as Type 1/2=Rapunzel (and yes, there are shadows too of course)

        There must be a way that I can incorporate this “work” according to how I naturally move and function in this world.
        Any ideas?
        Kat

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          February 27, 2019

          Hi Kat,

          Do you do the NARP work?

          Because truly it is absolutely not intellectualising it or psychology based at all!

          It’s simply about feeling the trauma in your body and letting it go. Which all you have to do is ‘feel’ to do that. In fact the less you think and the more you get your head out of the way the better!

          Then by simply loading up sndcrekeasing trauma (which anyone who ‘feels’ can do with NARP) there is more space inside to let the great stuff in, including energy, inspiration and life.

          If you are working with NARP and this is not your experience then there are beliefs in the way that are not allowing this organic expansion experience to arise within you.

          Does this make sense and help?

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

          • annekatrinefrederiksen@gmail.com'
            Anne-Katrine
            February 27, 2019

            Dear Mel
            Yes, it helps to be reminded of the ‘feelings’ ! Reading articles is not really good for me, my inner child does not respond well to them. I find in self development circles there is too much emfasis on ideas and sentiments that’s just not true to me (like life is a school and we here to work, work, work). That makes otherwise very fine processes feel dreary and untrue. The way I can take something meaningful from your article with me is: count my blessings everyday, notice and celebrate all that’s going my way, because I created that too.

  • kuliane@att.net'
    Jules
    February 21, 2019

    Mel – One person above said she’s in her fourth year of thriving and it took her into her third year before she was realized she was making progress! That doesn’t sound right to me. This really shouldn’t take that long and we should should be able to tell when we are making progress! I mean, we all have lives to live and we want to have some good times not be stuck in this stuff all the time. Other people above seem to just be accepting that they are the way they are and they are never really going to recover and be happy. Please clarify some of the issues that have been brought up in these comments.

    • tamara.harbar@gmail.com'
      Tamara
      February 26, 2019

      Jules — every person will have their own experience of this. And yes, it can be very tiring and time-consuming! I totally agree!!

      When it gets to be “too much”, I found I’d take a break and just step away from constantly working on this. I had to find the pace that worked for me, and doing this daily was just too much for me. That said, there were times when something would flare up and I knew I needed to devote some time to some healing. So it’s not about doing this work all the time, every day in a way that drains you and interferes with your life. I find it’s best to jump on it when something gets triggered inside me, do the healing/releasing work…and then re-set. I know something else will get triggered, and let me know it needs healing, too. The times between triggers gets longer and longer (in my experience) and the time needed for healing gets shorter and shorter. It’s really a journey! And building those skills and tools for life, because life is always going to throw something at us and I love having these skills and resources to turn to when it does.

      Like you, I like to know where I am in the process. It can be hard to see the progress when things get stirred up and we’re in the middle. But I hope you can also see the improvement in your life, and that shows you that you have made progress.

      Of course, you can also doing a session on this very feeling that nothing will get better and it shouldn’t take so long and that recovery isn’t really possible. Where do those feelings come from? Are they from a past wound or trauma? It’s a very specific belief, that things won’t get better, or it’s too much work to heal. Maybe feel into that with a healing session and see what’s going on there? And your path ahead may become clearer and clearer. Wishing you all the best!

  • marcellel@ns.sympatico.ca'
    Marcelle Lavoie
    February 21, 2019

    Forward Ho! Thank you for helping me understand and to be there for myself. A truly wonderful tool and I see the results happening right and left. LIfe is falling into place in such a simple yet magical way.

    I now begin my day going within, taking a sort of inner inventory, clearing the fuzzy areas and connecting with my own truth and light.

    Thank You again for a valuable tool which has moved me beyond a very hard place and continues to free me to do what needs to be done on a day to day basis in an authentic, humble and compassionate way.

    Marcelle

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 22, 2019

      Hi Marcelle,

      That is so beautiful that your inner and outer worlds are healing and integrating beautifully.

      Thank you for you post and ma y continued blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • omgrafisk@gmail.com'
    OM
    February 21, 2019

    Jules, exactly. I have 2 small babies and maybe all together 2 hours a day for myself, which I use to eat, shower, relax and do a healing, plus I lack sleep generally. Often I do healings at night or early in the morning, when the babies are sleeping. A healing takes me 1 hour and though I feel I do a good thing for myself, I would rather prefer to do something else in this hour. Well, of course you also have to brush your teeth everyday and do a cleaning, you could say inner work is just like brushing your teeth or exercising – tedious, but necessary, if you want to feel good. Still an hour is a long time and I am not happy at the perspective of living like this for the rest of my life.

    There must be healthy people out there who have a fulfilling life without trauma not doing anything extra, just living. Can we ever be like this? I am not talking perfectionism.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 22, 2019

      Hi OM,

      You will see my reply to Jules which may help you too with these questions.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sueperreca@gmail.com'
    Susanna McCoy
    February 22, 2019

    I love this episode.  The principles that you are explaining seem to be held by so many spiritual disciplines and practices and using them for healing from Narc abuse is inspired. 
    There is a concept embraced by the foundress of the spiritual community I lived in for 20 years called poustinia. It is basically that some people are called to carry in their body the sufferings of humanity. And after you are ‘healed’ of your own pain, we will continue to experience some of that pain to heal the world. I still live the life of poustinia to this day.

    It is scary to feel the depth of contempt, sadness and fear that I have carried in my body since before I was born. I am trying to love the traumatized little child right in the midst of her pain and ‘bad decisions’ Love, forgive, accept her as she is today. 

    It is getting better. My friends who have known me for years say what has happened to me is miraculous but there is still work to do.
    And yes, the field does keep sending the triggers to give me another opportunity to grow and to be an instrument of healing for the world.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2019

      Hi Susanna,

      That is wonderful that you truly know that liberation comes from within.

      I adore your courage and what you are doing to heal yourself back to wholeness.

      Have you tried Quanta Freedom Healing which gives you the ability to totally release the trauma, allowing your Inner Child /Being to live free from it, rather than the much longer more painful journey of needing to integrate it?

      I’d love you to invite you to try it in my free workshop. The link to this is here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Sending many continued blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • shar59.sc@gmail.com'
    Sharron
    February 22, 2019

    Hi Melanie, I found this to be an interesting topic as I hadn’t questioned this until now. I just feel better by self partnering and attending to my inner being. In my whole life it was the last thing I would have done. So that is it?! That is the very beginning of my Thriving. As long as I am looking within and healing and not looking without I am on the path. So far this is working for me. I have a wonderful relationship with myself and I am loving it.
    Thank you once again, Shar

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2019

      Hi Shar,

      You have nailed it – that is it exactly.

      If we take care of the inner everything positions itself to follow.

      Great job!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • m.b.grant65@gmail.com'
    Renee Grant
    February 22, 2019

    Thank you Melanie for this latest thriver video xx I have read all of the comments here, and it is great that we have the freedom to have and hold certain opinions about the process of thriving. They are all good and necessary, as we try to figure out our new thriver lives, and what that means individually for all of us. I am definitely an older thriver, not wiser, but growing into a more positive and happier person.
    I have been on the path of healing for just over 2 years, and as you can imagine starting at such a late point in my life, I have a huge motivation to heal as “time” seems to pass quicker now.
    When I first started late 2016 I had already gone into NC(no contact) with the FOO (family of origin) really knowing I couldn’t take any more. Also I had to deal with increasing issues with the in-laws and their unhealthy behaviour. I went MC(modified contact) with the in-laws.The PEACE of not having the constant stress from both parties was huge, even though I had many wounds to heal.

    It is definitely worth it to devote time to healing. I pace myself as I like to participate in life, and also I have health issues to consider. Anything we do in life that has meaning and substance to it, and that makes us feel deeply connected to others, is always a work in progress. I am deeply grateful for the Narps programme, Melanie, and the moderators who devote their time to helping us heal. Blessings xox

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2019

      Hi Renee,

      I deeply agree with everything that you wrote!

      It’s so true that anything that gives us love and joy is progress.

      I love the example Renee that you have set for others, allowing others to know that any age we really can heal and start generating our True Life.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • rthanford@gmail.com'
    Rich Hanford
    February 23, 2019

    Melanie,
    This was great to hear. Your realistic comments brought me both back to earth and
    also told me that, yes my thriving has begun which I do believe. And yes I do need to
    continue the process going forward, and no I don’t need to achieve perfection- been there
    and that was much of my co-dependent problem.
    AND you seem to be maintaining your beauty inside as well as outside “in spite of” having
    become very famous. I REALLY love that. Not becoming corrupted BY fame and success.

    XXXOOO,
    Rich
    Luna46

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 23, 2019

      Hi Rich,

      I am so pleased that this video helped confirm things for you and validate you.

      Thank you for your lovely compliment. Being real and egoless is very important to me.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • learn2befree@outlook.com.au'
    Glenn
    February 24, 2019

    Hey Mel,

    Have you ever noticed how much this kind of work is like trigger point therapy?

    A couple of years ago I watched a video healing online that you did with someone where you said that people could receive a healing just by watching the video. When you asked the client if the wound was ancient it triggered me massively and started a cascade process that started releasing all of the triggers that were on top of a powerful trigger point in me.

    Sometimes finding and releasing a deep trigger can be life changing.

    As a result of being triggered my deepest fears came to the surface all at once. Even though it was terrifying for me at first the experience also taught me a method of healing that works for me that I can now use anytime and anywhere.

    Now when I notice myself getting triggered by something in life I get excited because I know that I have been presented with a real time opportunity to use my healing method to find the emotion that is being triggered and then release it instantly rather than letting it become a trigger point.

    Thanks Mel 🙏

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 25, 2019

      Hi Glenn,

      Absolutely the trigger is the evidence of the trauma, and releasing each and every one of them is life-changing.

      It is such a relief and joy when we understand it is possible to work with triggers in this way.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • kwitj@yahoo.com'
    John
    February 25, 2019

    Help!!

    I’m 51 husband to my 37 year old Narcissistic wife. I promise you when I say you haven’t seen narcissistic rage till you’ve seen my wife. She’s a covert so you’d never experience it in public. My fear is that I have an 8 mo old girl, 2 and 4 yomear old boys. My 4 year old is severely autistic. We live in southern FL but from Illinois and all our family is there. I can’t begin to tell you the horrors this women has done to her own children 20/21 year old boys and to ours plus myself. I’ve had paperwork drawn up to leave but fear that any day my children spend is dangerous. So I stay. My business is all but destroyed and entering bankruptcy as a result of her historical spending and inability to take care of the children on a daily basis. I have to stay home most days to help since she is not capable of handling our autistic son. I also fear leaving her alone with her. This is the scratch of the surface. But what do you think I should do?

    • rthanford@gmail.com'
      Rich Hanford
      February 25, 2019

      John,
      I’m in my 70’s and my wife is also a covert N. I too lost most of my retirement from her wild spending and
      I also gave in to putting her daughter, my stepdaughter thru college and paying the daughters single bedroom
      apartment in another country as her daughter is also traumatized by her mother. I this past year served papers
      and had to get out of the house as I was going crazy. Once I separated I started getting my sanity back and
      discovered Melanie’s Narp on U-Tube. After 5 months of doing NARP program I’m getting my SOUL back and
      am feeling alot of thriving.
      Well John that’s been my experience so far in the journey and I’m not saying what is the best path for you,
      only that self-partnering has really helped me. We have a 30 page Separation Agreement, in the process of
      selling the house which we have both left, she keeps the lovely dog who adores me and that I gave her away from me. I wanted to stay in the house and hold my ground, maybe like you are with the kids, but I got a strong lawyer since I felt very beaten down, and I’m glad I did as He suggested I get out of the house and away from the day to day havoc and abuse. My main suggestion is surrender to Source and then follow your heart as to how to best take
      take care of yourself at this point and the rest will come day by day. Again the NARP program really jump started
      so much for me.
      Best Wishes John,
      Rich H.
      Luna 46

      • kwitj@yahoo.com'
        John
        February 25, 2019

        Thanks Rich,

        I hear you load and clear. My fear is the age of my children. It scares the H/ll out of me to think that they would be alone with her. Plus she’s financial destroyed us an lawyers are expensive. Caught between a rock and a hard place right now. Plus it’s so hard to prove anything in the eyes of the law. But it would be a grave injustice to leave these children a day with her without supervison. This keeps me up at night more then the finances. I know what’s inevitable but how strategic you have to be and patient is insane for the sake of the children.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 26, 2019

      Hi John,

      There really is so much here and I’m so sorry you and your children are going through what you are.

      It’s importabt that you document behaviour and also get experts involved with the children to build a case that can assist in their care and protection moving forward, reach out and seek advice from resources available in your area.

      Also i would highly suggest empowering and healing you so that you can be as calm, solid and effective as possible as you navigate these difficult times.

      Sending strength and breakthrough to you and your children.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • greenbnk@rogers.com'
    Nicole Freeth
    February 27, 2019

    Melanie, thank you. This was the sort of motivating feedback that essentially confirms what I have been thinking. I started your NARP program last summer and I can attest to the fact that your program really works. It is teaching me so much about myself, about my past, the players and how they have impacted me. I cannot express the decompression I felt when I discovered you, what exactly NPD was and finally understanding how these soulless creatures and I contracted to work together to evolve my Self. It’s actually very humbling when I/we consider what they sacrificed so that I/we could be-come. I really am grateful for their gift. I’m not perfect and I fall down a lot. Like a lot. Sometimes I feel remedial when it comes to Module 1, :0), but then I reflect on the notion that [this] is happening *for* me and to accept this blessing and shift. My point being that I am *very* blessed! :0). I too have to pace myself. I know it would be more beneficial for me to shift every day, but I accept the “consequences” that my evolution will take me longer and to go easy on my Self. At the very least I will listen to a 10 minute meditation like, “Honouring yourself meditation” on my MP3. Or I will listen to “Om Numah Shivaya” (Apache Indian song/Putumayo Presents: World Reggae) and really go deep inside myself and “om” while I visualize healing light filling my Self. This really gives me relief. It’s like a protein shake when I don’t have time to cook a proper meal. :0). I liken my work to a lifestyle versus a diet. A diet is a short-term goal with the mindset <– that when we get to our weightless goal, we're "done" [and we get to wear that dress/bathing suit/gorge on decadent holiday treats, etc.]. This is a belief. This is using our head. Conversely, a lifestyle is intrinsic and a commitment to our Self. It's just who we are. It is being. In my opinion, NARP is part of my lifestyle and through it, I have evolved a simply <- wonderful life. I'm over "bricks and mortar" and having lots of stuff. The funny thing is, when I got over the fear of re-establishing my life, I ended up with everything I'd ever need. Not just for today but for the rest of my life. I had to shift the fear of not being able to survive and the judgement and pity of the appearance <– of losing "it all"/having less. I have re-membered that if we judge our Self by someone else's yard stick, then we'll never measure up! Nothing but negativity is associated with using someone else's yard stick. It's interesting how people simply step into my life when I'm ready. <- Ready = I've evolved to a higher vibration that enables the opportunity/gift to present itself/appear. And gifts don't always happen/come into our life the way we've been conditioned to think they should/in the manner we think a gift "is". For example, I was at a dr's appointment at a clinic in a major hospital last week, and coming back from validating my parking ticket before returning my car, I came across an elderly woman having a very difficult time walking with her crutches. I asked her if I could escort her to a bench and she said that she didn't have time to sit down, that she was already late for her appointment with a rheumatoid specialist. This very large woman had to walk (struggle) through a major building, through a tunnel and then through another building to access the elevators to her appointment. I couldn't piggy back her so reluctantly I had to leave her behind. On my way through the tunnel I was thinking that the hospital should have wheelchairs available for out-patients. I finally got to the other building/exit and low and behold guess what was parked at the door? A vacant wheelchair! So I grabbed it and turned on my heel and met back up with the woman in the tunnel. She was in pain and struggling like you wouldn't believe. She was so relieved to see me with the chair — and grateful. Do you know what she said to me? "God bless you." The emotional lift I received from helping her to her appointment was the most wonderfully blissful gift I have received to date. I really felt like God gave me the opportunity to receive His blessing. I still carry this gift with me and it chokes me up being able to share it with you. I could have fretted about getting to my car because my ticket had already been validated. Or, I simply could just help out someone in need. This day I'm writing about was a difficult day for me. I am going through separation negotiations with my ex-N and I found out how he had misrepresented some information with the intent to financially undermine me. I didn't readily see that discovering what was going on through a third party was a *gift*. But I do now – the way this information became available was via an AID in a passive sort of way. The disclosure will only help me and my lawyer in the end. So, that's two gifts in one day. :0). I can't reiterate it enough: The universe has a wonderful way of providing us with what and who we need when we need it. We just have to work *with* Source, not sit idly by and *wait* for it to come to us. Namaste. xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 27, 2019

      Hi Nicole,

      I adore what you have written here!

      It is so easy to feel from what you have read that you are absolutely releasing trauma and anchoring into your True Self who knows the joy of living and lifeforce.

      This is the ‘coming home’ that ironically we tried to get and do
      to achieve, yet it was there, buried under trauma, all along.

      I am so happy for you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • abathacalton@gmail.com'
    abby
    March 19, 2019

    Hi Melanie. Originally posted this in the yt comments, but figured this would be more discreet… I’ve been really appreciating your videos. I am only just coming to the realization that my recent ex if not a narcissist, was definitely BPD with narcissistic tendencies. I had never even really been aware of all these disorders, but the truth of it all is hitting home really hard. I was always exasperated during our relationship trying so hard to make it work and left so confused and frustrated as to why it wouldn’t and why she would do the things she would. I always held on to the good I saw in her, despite all her painful armour. But I realize now it was just destroying me. I also now realize I have co dependency issues to work on. I guess I always knew, but now have a name for it. Up until I met my ex tho my life had been so calm, and I am a calm person, so hated what I became during our relationship. I was single for 8 years before I met her, and for the most part I was happy and content with that, focusing on my spiritual development. It is almost like the universe threw me a curve ball to face what ever deep attachment issues I had left and to challenge me further. I can see that, and saw it in the later stages of our relationship, and yet I still held onto hope that we could work it out. Iooking back I feel like I was a naive and idealist romantic. But it was the darkest and most horrible time of my life. In the end I ended it, even before I knew about all the types of disorders, sick of the pain, pull and push, mental games and emotional turmoil. But now I see it was a lost cause from the get go and to give up any last shreds of hope. It wasn’t destined to work. It was a lesson for me, a very hard one at that, so for that, even tho it boggles my mind to say, I have no regrets. I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel and look forward to becoming whole and free again. Each day I am getting stronger and feeling the pull of the hooks I got caught up in weakening, and re-emerging more purified than before…. Sorry for the rant, but I just needed to express this to someone who understood, I’ve kept it all to myself for so long. Thank you x Love your work <3

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 20, 2019

      Hi Abby,

      I’m glad my videos have been helping you.

      It has happened to many of us Abby, we can only come so far in our development until a relationship brings up what needs healing! That’s very brave and truly evolutionary to say that you have no regrets.

      You are doing such a good job Abby, and please know from the bottom of my heart that myself and this wonderful community are here for you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • abathacalton@gmail.com'
        abby
        March 25, 2019

        Thank you so much for your kind words :’)

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