Melanie Tonia Evans

Why You Shouldn’t Give Up On Love After Narcissistic Abuse

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 13
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans


Happy Valentine’s Day!

I know, in this Community, Valentine’s Day can be a very painful day. When I was single I originally used to dread Valentine’s Day – it felt like such a confirmation that I was a  ‘relationship disaster’, yet once I started Thriver Healing it became my self-love day … and I thoroughly suggest you do the same!

But, more than this today, I want to talk to you about how you CAN Open your heart and love again after being devastated by a narcissist.

And it’s a very BIG and IMPORTANT topic because so many of you (as I originally felt too) never wanted to risk such excruciating love devastation again.

I understand – totally!

However, I also know what life is like on the other side – to make it here to real, safe, respectful and fulfilling love and I extend to you my hand and my heart to grant you the Life Raft to bring you here too.



Video Transcript

Zac and I just arrived off the plane and got settled in London, after a day and half of travel, and I just wanted to do this video for you today on Valentine’s Day. It’s such an important topic, about love, that is very dear to my heart.

But before I get into today’s topic, if you didn’t know why I am in London, I’m here doing a book tour for the next two weeks, celebrating the release of my new book. You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse’. You can find out all the details of the events and dates for the events here.

Okay, so onto today’s episode!

And it’s important for me to share this with you.  Some of you, as I am, are lucky enough to have wonderful partners in our life as a result of our inner work and breakthroughs. And others, as I once was too, are still struggling in painful relationships, or are single and feel a terrible defectiveness and loneliness on Valentine’s Day.

So many people in our community say, “I just can’t consider love again, I couldn’t risk ever going through that again.”

I get it. I truly do, one hundred percent! And please know, I am totally all for a healing hiatus after not just something as impactful as narcissistic abuse, but also any painful confusing or difficult relationship.

But can we safely love again? Can we open our heart enough to ever connect with another?

In today’s episode, I want to share with you how and why I believe the answer is a whopping big YES! As well as how this is possible, no matter how many times your heart has been broken and even if you think that real and true love is for other people, but just isn’t possible for you.

And the great news is, that you may not have realised yet that your ability to find and generate true love and avoid narcissistic and false love, has absolutely nothing to do with other people at all! You can take your power back and be the firm creator of this, regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing.

That’s not just glib. It’s the absolute truth!

So how can we have different love experiences than our past? The answer is: by changing the only person that we have the power to change, ourselves, at the Inner Identity level, because it is then that we DO change our internal love code.

Let’s look at this.


The Breakup:  The Breakdown Leading to Love Breakthrough

I really want you to know that after breaking up with someone, straight away or even decades later, this grants us the most incredible opportunity to heal within, to ensure we will never have to go through what we suffered again.

And of course, we can’t do this if we do what narcissists do, try to replace a love partner with new supply, just as someone would purchase a new puppy after their dog got run over. Of course, this is simply a continuation of more of the same, as well as absolutely no idea about what true love requires from our self and others.

Most of us could not just go after a new love partner after narcissistic abuse anyway. The truth is, for most of us, our soul is/was so shattered that there is very little chance of jumping back into a fire, and if we did the results would be almost sure to be disastrous.

Without Thriver Tools to deeply partner and heal our shattered self, it can take a long time before we feel ready for another relationship, or could even contemplate risking going through such a near-death experience again.

That’s exactly how I felt after my narcissistic relationship. It took me over three years to have another love relationship. At first, I was devastated that I was alone and shattered and thought that I would have no choice but to remain that way. However, as my Thriver Recovery got underway, I realised that the most profound relationship that I needed to establish was an integrated, unconditionally loving and accepting one with myself.

I realised that I had been the person missing in my life all along, and it was the lack of this that had caused me to hand my power away to abusers trying to earn their love, as well as cling to them throughout the abuse, because I hadn’t been filled and whole enough with my own love to let go.

The greatest relationship we can ever have is the one with ourselves and Source. And now I know that means seeing ourselves as Source sees us, lovable and worthy of love and Life’s blessings as we are and knowing that if we know this and let go of all the internal and extremal trauma not allowing us to be this, then we can be and will experience an incredible life, as well as true love.

The thing that I had been missing to this point regarding ‘love’ was this; True Love had to be between me and myself first.

There is a huge difference between loneliness and aloneness. The first experience is condemning the state and place we are in, whereas aloneness is using the state and the place we are in to have our healing hiatus to change our life and love potential beyond previous painful patterns.


How Did We Get Our ‘Love Beliefs’?

Why would we want to miss out on love? Everything that is great is a derivative of love. Love fills our heart, and it deepens our connection with life, self and others in blissful and miraculous ways.

Love can be ignited within us whether we are looking at the perfect symmetry of a flower, or being the recipient of a child’s smile, or petting our animal companions, or being held in the warm embrace of someone we love who loves us.

This following is the only reason we want to forego love – because of the traumatic beliefs that love hurts, and even that love can annihilate us.

Okay, so how did these terrible love beliefs get on board?

They are to do with our past life, epigenetic, childhood and repeat adult love traumas. These are the horrible experiences we’ve had in granting our hearts to people, who have smashed us open.

For many, this happened in childhood as complete dependents relying on caretakers who were possibly much less than healthily loving.

I firmly believe the truth is because of Quantum Law, ‘so within so without’, the traumas of these painful experiences were already in our energy fields pre-birth (science is now proving the truth of epigenetically inherited trauma), and the patterns continue via childhood and then into adulthood, until we can change the trauma pattern deep within ourselves.

Thankfully, now with Quantum Tools, we can release these traumas and free ourselves of the fear of love, to be able to show up in love healthily and solidly whilst being able to be loving, open, powerful and self-honouring simultaneously.

That is our love success holy grail.

The people I know who have got to that level, did everything to let go of the traumas of their past as their greatest mission, knowing that these weren’t keeping them safe, and they brought in their Source True Self replacement in its place, which allowed them to be authentic and showing up as their own Source of true power and safety.  They did this by working with NARP.

That’s what granted them the powerful shift in their internal Love Code.


When We Change Our Love Beliefs, We Change Our Choices

If we are free of the fears of love (the trauma related to it) as a result of the inner work, and we know how to navigate love healthily and safely, then I promise you we can connect with real love that is beautifully fulfilling.

False, unhealthy, unsafe love starts with a bang and degenerates. Real and healthy soulmate love is more of a slow burn. It is humane, respectful, and caring. It’s built on a basis of friendship and shared values as well as attraction and connection. It grows and expands over time. Respect, care, love, and consideration deepen as the relationship progresses.

And this is so interesting because truly our intimate relationship can mirror the Thriver healing relationship we are having with our self.

Over time, whilst on our inner dedicated healing journey, the more we self-partner, release trauma and bring in Source, this is exactly how our relationship with ourselves grows, as deeper and deeper self-love, tenderness, connection and devotion.

When we love our Inner Being, we do what any concerned adult would do for their own child, treat it with care, sensibility and wise guidance.

No longer do we live in ‘instant relationship’, ‘fairy-tale-love’ or ‘if love hurts it must be because it’s real‘. We drop these illusions, knowing that they are fraught with disappointment, heartfelt pain and even abuse.

And we stop believing that love ‘just happens’. It doesn’t.  It means getting very clear about our values, who we can have a wonderful relationship with and aligning with that truth.

Real love means choosing to take our time to get to know people and having the relationship grow at a pace that is healthy and incremental, to ascertain if this person, their life and character is a fit for who we are and how we wish to live.

If we have come from previous relationships where we handed power away and clung to abusers, instead of leaving to take care of ourselves, it means treating ourselves with the love, respect and boundaries that allow others to know our worth and how to treat us.

Real love can mean tough love. Not only does it mean going the extra mile for others out of the goodness of your heart, it also requires having difficult conversations when needed. And, if it turns out another’s values are not aligned with yours, then you love people enough to let them go and no longer hold them responsible for not giving you what you believed they should.

Real love also means taking on the gift of your own development to keep generating your truth with yourself and available people who are aligned with that truth.


The Belief That ‘The End’ is Something Terrible

Real love means growing out of the requirement that all relationships must end as ‘happily ever after’ and that they are a failure if they don’t. Or, that suffering is inevitable when we end a relationship because we feel we want to die if they end, or we can’t stand the thought of that person being with another. We may fear this terribly even though we were miserable and completely mismatched with them.

Or, maybe, we are so scared of ending a relationship, or feel so bad about doing that, that once we have connected with someone we make every excuse to just ‘go along’ even though we know in our heart that it’s not right to do so. That’s not serving them or us lovingly or truthfully at all.

Naturally, and for obvious reasons, these are major limiting beliefs that we all need to work with and heal to be able to explore and connect with relationships healthily, which also means having the right and power to end it if it becomes ‘no longer a true and healthy connection’.


Authenticity – Your Love, Power and Safety

This I know now after narcissistic abuse, healing my relationship with myself and being determined to enjoy the wondrous life and truth of ‘connection’ – that my ability to show up truthfully is what makes relationships safe. As does being truthful to myself about what character and values I require in a partner, in order to relate to such a person on a deep, true, loving soul level.

People who are ‘not nice people’ show you who they are. They tell you or demonstrate to you their lack of values, empathy, and lack of consideration for others, if you give it some time and don’t make excuses for them.

If we choose someone without the resources to be a loving partner, we are only going to have either a very superficial relationship with someone who doesn’t grant us what we really want, or we will have a struggle trying to force them to be who we wish they could be.

Either way equals how to lose at love.

The real questions are:

  • Are we prepared to be and connect to real love at that level?
  • Do we deserve to receive the best in love as well as give our best?
  • Are we going to be self-devoted enough to work on our wounds so that we don’t keep emotionally rolling around with more people who represent these exact wounds hoping they will do it better ‘this time’?
  • Are we able to choose people for their character and heart rather than their flashiness, looks or stuff?
  • Are we able to walk away if the relationship turns out not to have the resources and foundations that would make it safe, prosperous and divine?
  • Are we prepared to lose another rather than lose ourselves?

I hope that somewhere deep in your soul I have inspired you this Valentine’s Day to believe there is a way through the mess we have lived with narcissists, to reach real love. I promise you that if I could do this, after what I’ve experienced, you can too.

Okay, so, if deep inside your soul you know love is for you and you want to connect with it first safely and powerfully within you, and then as a healthy, kind and powerful outflow to others (in a way where you never have to go through abuse again) then I’d love to help you achieve this. To do so come over to my 16 Day free course, where you start healing your traumas and your heart to go free and experience love with other beautiful people for real.

You can get this started by clicking the link here.

And, if you liked this video, click the Like button, and if you want to see more of my videos subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And please share this with others so that they can learn how to create truly loving relationships.

And again a very happy Valentine’s Day from me in lovely London and I look forward to your comments and questions below.


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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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33 Thoughts on Why You Shouldn’t Give Up On Love After Narcissistic Abuse
    carla savetsky
    February 15, 2019

    I love when you said, “Showing up truthfully is what keeps you safe” or something like that. Feel so right on.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 15, 2019

      That’s so great Carla that you feel this truth in your body!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      February 18, 2019

      I loved this too 😊🌸

    February 15, 2019

    Yes Melanie, I am prepared to lose another rather than lose myself again. I feel so much richer and authentic and I am loving it. I would never betray myself for another. I promise to look after my whole being and do whatever it takes. The love you talk about would be amazing. I can only hope it comes along for me one day. Thanks once again for another wonderful enlightening and open discussion. It makes me realise just how shallow my relationship with my husband was. Never again!! I hope that you are enjoying your trip, it sounds amazing. Greetings from Australia and take care.
    Shar xxxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 15, 2019

      Awww Shar,

      You so get it, and your dedication to you and this truth will pay massive love dividends!

      Blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    February 15, 2019

    My ex with, it seems, strong narcissistic tendencies treated me so cruelly. She justified it saying that I couldn’t meet her needs to be first bc I was a parent- she was constantly jealous of my child and relationship with my child. She used this to justify cheating on me and developing an unethical polyamorous relationship (based on coercion and manipulation) and then said it was the only way she could be a good parent to my kid and partner to me… I felt myself being replaced. We got married… I trusted her to allow my daughter to get close to her and consider her another mom… I asked her to leave her relationship bc I was becoming so mentally distraught even though I was in counseling to get support for my traumas in life using emdr (which was really effective) bc of the triangulation involved and unethical approach (she gets all she needs and won’t work on ways to help me be more comfortable with it)- she had sex with 4 other ppl during the time we started polyamory but wouldn’t try with me bc she said being in the house, bc my child was present, made her too anxious to try, and too much of a turn off. She decides to stay with this new person- and says it’s such a healthy relationship… she is staying with her bc she wants to be first to another person and I can’t give that to her- bc I have a kid. She has parented my child for 7 of those years and now this? I don’t even know how to carry on some days. I cannot even understand the mental and emotional crazy- ness that has been life with her, but I still want her to choose me. And she isn’t. Everyone in our queer community thinks she is the best- so nice and generous.but at home she is jealous, mean to me, and toxically projects. I want to heal wounds- this is how I approach life – always seeking understanding my triggers and working with ego and trauma things to try to create peace within so I can create peace without…I don’t know how to let go of wanting justice from her for all of this. How do I let go.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 15, 2019

      Hi 1978teah,

      My heart goes out to you. It is brutal when we are hooked on to someone who is hurting us horribly.

      I was in exactly that torment with my husband.

      It takes deep inner healing to free ourselves, to find and release our original wounds that are unconsciously trapping us in this.

      That’s exactly the work that my NARP Program produces

      To learn more more about this essential journey I’d love you to connect into my free 16 day course.

      I so hope that this can help you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Pam McGovern
    February 15, 2019

    It’s been 3 years since my divorce. I wanted to go through all the losses thoroughly. The loss of my future with him, the loss of my trust, the loss of my home, etc. The tears have stopped now and I feel much better. But I am afraid of making the same mistake. I’m afraid of not wanting to hurt someone by ending a relationship that seems promising…but eventually showed red flags. I’m happy you talked about that…it wouldn’t be fair to either one of us. I’m afraid of going too fast…that has always been my modus operandi. So I need to be up front and honest about needing things to go at a slow burn. I need to come from a place of love for myself and respect my soul and stop allowing others to feel entitled to disrespect me in any way. I need to honor my gifts and learn to appreciate who I am and that God loves me just the way I am.
    To start dating again will be scary at first, but with the tools you share with NARP, there is a chance to find my true love. Thank you Mel!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 15, 2019

      Awww Pam sweetheart I am so pleased you are doing the inner feeling, and that this episode helped.

      You’ve got this truly!

      Sending love, healing and breakthrough to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      Lisa Martinez
      February 16, 2019

      Me too. Always too fast…..Im afraid that is I state my needs then the person will simply echo me, tell me what I want to hear….Does that make sense. Kind of like showing your cards too soon…..I tend to be too transparent too fast and the two ppl (ex’s) I did that with just told me what I wanted to hear, I thought we were just alike…..How in the world do you learn to be yourself, who is honest and transparent and doesn’t mince words but also hold your emotional cards and not show them too fast…..????

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        February 16, 2019

        Hi Lisa,

        You have raised a really good point.

        First of all, our inner work really needs to be about losing all the fear inside us regarding where we have been taken down before, because fear is such an energy of ‘this is exactly where I’m going to go again.’ It means we ourselves are not yet healed and developed in an area that we still fear.

        Healing those beliefs and wounds creates you as different in this.

        Different means it won’t matter what someone says it’s their actions.

        And you won’t be handing them that ‘need’ such as explaining what you require, you will just be it and demonstrate it.

        At the start of the relationship courting you have and retain your life, and don’t fully connect straight away. And this is ‘your healthy normal’.

        Does this person respect no sex for a while? Is he mature enough and integral enough to respect your life, boundaries and you taking time for your interests and family – because this is just who you are and then you have dates with someone between that?

        No narcissist is going to hang around that long for the payout. Decent men love to.

        Does this help.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

          February 18, 2019

          Yes. Thank you. When I progress beyond my island to create a life, I know intellectually to keep it. For now it is like an onion and I am tired. I think I am ready to get to the root of it and I just keep running into the fear of it with anxiety and panic and avoidance and I retreat back to my island. Anyhow I appreciate your explanation here. Like I can see hope even though I don’t feel it right now.

    February 15, 2019

    Dear Melanie

    I listened to this today, the day after Valentines Day and it brought home to me how the only person I trully felt love was with my daughter.
    It is 10 years since my last relationship and yes I need to heal now and its been a long journey.
    Your programme NARP is helping me unbelievably thank you.

    I have the belief that ending a relationship is terrible and I felt really bad about doing it and had to move home. So this is something you have drawn by attention to so that I can work on it as you so rightly put it we have the right and power to do so.

    What I really heard in this video was knowing our ‘TRUE VALUE”.
    This really struck me and that is what I want to know.

    Thank you Melanie and you made my Valentines Day the best ever!

    With love Reena xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 15, 2019

      Awww Reena,

      I am so pleased that this has brought you hope.

      It was beyond beautiful to meet you last night!

      Thank you for being such a valued contributor in our amazing community.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    February 15, 2019

    I am so positive in my belief that that I am not prepared to lose myself for the sake of another now – in love partners at least. I have done it a number of times now, but with NARP help I am firming up the boundaries to no longer even need to get in to another toxic love situation again.
    I had such clarity the other day, after a massive shock from my son’s father that has led to me to making the decision to break all contact (my son agrees) – that their world – the world I used to inhabit with these kind of relationships is all FALSE. I played a dance with that too. Nothing based on realness or authenticity – perhaps the only thing that was real was the sadness and grief that surrounds those kind of relationships with occasional shared moments of connection on that.
    I am so ready for new love – even if for now, that is only love between like minded others, my child and female friends. I toasted my friend/work colleague after work yesterday in the spring sunshine in London (Valentines Day) with just a sparkling water saying here’s to self sufficiency! She said “to Surviving”. I said “or to Thriving” and she said “To sur’thriving”! I said to her I only want relationships, friendships etc that are REAL!
    As we walked away she said “this has been my best Valentines”.
    I so agree that until we be comfortable in our own skin and live our best, honest, loving lives – How can we expect to meet another?
    I am going to do Module 10 just now to really feel in to my new truth.
    I messed up on getting a Watkins ticket in time but in fact my week ended with so much more positively than it started, that It feels OK!
    Look forward to seeing you on Saturday Mel! (I have your book being delivered today, I wonder if it might be possible for you to sign it at the Alternatives event?) If not, look forward to that day of healing and clearing.

    Lots of Love and hope you are enjoying London in the sunshine!!
    Sophie xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 15, 2019

      Hi Sophie,

      I love your vibe and spirit.

      You are so right love is love and so available to us all in so many ways.

      It’s brilliant you are breaking through on these levels.

      Sophie it will be such a joy to hang with you tomorrow and it will be my joy to sign your book for you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    February 16, 2019

    Dear Mel, thank you for such a lovely Tv episode. Yes, love is love, in whatever form it comes. But the best and the most fullfilling love is heathy self-love, self-support and self-partnering as you once said.
    I am using Christmases and Valentine’s Days for self-love days. I honor myself, my pain, what I have been through. On those days I am especially grateful for my life, for good things I have in my life and for the bad things as well. Especially for the bad things which, with your NARP programme, teach me lessons and wisdom. Thanks to your NAPR tools I am not afraid of a new love in my life. Quite opposite. I am looking forward to it with such a joy and happiness for the first time in my life. There is no reason for neediness or desperation when finally it will come. Because I know now that the cure for loneliness is solitude. Solitude brings me peace and beauty of self-love and self-respect. And that a new relationship in my life means freedom – choice to love and stay with the person of my choice as well as love myself and leave the same person when I feel that it is over. That is the beauty of my life that I see it now.
    Thank you for all of your help. Best regards, JR

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 16, 2019

      Hi JR,

      I am so so happy for you.

      I’ve loved reading this post about your inner work with NARP leading to your love readiness!

      So beautiful.

      I have no doubt that happy, healthy, real love is yours to enjoy!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    February 16, 2019

    I was ready to move on from a narc when I met a wonderful man. I saw in an email from Quora the term “narcissistic abuse” and the terms idealize, devalue and discard and jumped on it. Then I discovered and read your book, Melanie. I didn’t let myself dump the new man. I’m glad I didn’t! This is the healthiest relationship I’ve been in. I’m healing and blocked my ex from every possible channel. No contact is the way to go.

    My point is, don’t be afraid of love. I have moments where I have to remind myself I’m not being love bombed but being cherished. Don’t punish a new love because of a narc. They shouldn’t be allowed to have that power over you! Date when you are ready but for me I saw how horrific the narc was once I started seeing a genuine nice guy.

    Good luck to all!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 16, 2019

      Hi Jane,

      This is such a great point!

      Truly whether we are in or out of relationship it is so important to keep healing and uplevelling ourselves.

      Then we get clearer about what is ours and what is theirs, and what is or isn’t healthy as well as how to have boundaries and the difficult conversations when necessary.

      I’m so happy for you that your life is healthier now.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

        February 27, 2019

        Hi Jane!
        I loved this email from you! I think after n abuse, I was for a long time hyper alert. I “saw” narcissism there where it probably didn’t exist. For example, if in some trivial everyday situation someone said something and the next day denied it or said something else, my mind goes immediately like…I think, “gaslighting! Damn, don’t you dare try to use that with me! Not gonna work anymore!”. When in truth, people are not necessarily trying to “gaslight” anything…normal people just are sometimes messy, absent-minded, stressed, illogical, whatever…and not toxic at all.
        I love this one from you: “I have to remind myself I’m not being love bombed but being cherished.” Aww.
        After the n, I finally dared to have a new date. It was last summer. Now afterwards I think, I wasn’t quite ready (healed) yet. I told him almost in detail how bad this man (n) had been, and he started to become visibly annoyed and frustrated with me, he was like, “but I AM not like that”. I was way too much defensive, so he became defensive too. I have thought later, what if he actually was a genuine nice guy, genuinely interested in me? Oops 🙂 But well, I wasn’t ready at that point.

        I have read, our minds and bodies basically have only one “goal” or priority: to keep us safe. I have been thinking about this. I was abused by my father. A caretaker is supposed to keep the child safe. Now it was like I needed to keep myself safe from him! This is unbearable dilemma for a child. So I think at that point the inner “navigator” or radar, went broken. Normal mind would navigate towards safety, and the intuition would warn if something feels “off”. But instead I, navigated towards n’s. I attracted 2, possibly even 3 of them! The last one was the worst one…total break down. But that’s how I found Melanie, and I am nowadays much much better!!
        Later I have been thinking, why on earth I ignored the red flags since the day 1.?! Why I tolerated this 5 years? Why I didn’t take care of me and keep me safe from such a dangerous person (the n)? But that’s how my “wiring” was. Now when I have done lot of healing…so easy to see all this with clarity.

    February 16, 2019

    This is awesome! You are awesome! I’m so happy for you and I can’t wait to get your book!! Thank you so much for what you do and for taking the time to make these videos!

    Much love!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 16, 2019

      Awww Ana,

      Thank you so much sweetheart!

      Please know how welcome you are.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    February 17, 2019

    Your programme has been so helpful and for the last year I have been in a healthy relationship with a man who loves me and whom I love. We are planning to move in together sometime this year. But my narcissistic ex has left me with a lot of trauma and caused me financial difficulties (which I have overcome). Now I am getting a lot of upsetting nightmares and anxiety dreams though I feel happy and content during the day.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 18, 2019

      Hi Janethelen,

      I’m so pleased you have come so far and are really happy with your new man.

      You can target the trauma generating those dreams with NARP modules and release it … that will heal you from them.

      Are you in the NARP Forum? We can give you assistance with that if you like

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Joy Beckler
    February 18, 2019

    Am I worthy? Why do I either attract A or Z. Why not the balance in between?
    This still eludes me. So much has healed and is healing. So much, in time, is beyond measure what I could have imagined 18 mths ago…
    and yet, still so much is not here. I do still feel very much alone so there is so much more to do. Maybe that’s the part I struggle with. I’ve worked hard, I’ve survived, I’m thriving. It would just be so super cool to have someone on the same level, that understood and accepted all that I am as ok and good. To not settle, to be ready to be ready to be ready for love. I turn 50 on June 25th. It would be super cool to be in the receiving place by then. Is that ok to have goals wirh these principles? I’m in sales. It works for me.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 18, 2019

      Hi Joy,

      I hear you!

      My experience was similar in that I had done so much work on myself yet still experienced disappointing and abusive relationships- no matter how ‘sure’ or ‘positive’ I felt.

      It wasn’t until doing the deep inner work with Quanta Freedom Healing that I discovered deep unconscious programs in my subconscious derailing me.

      It was the ability to access and release and replace these that finally freed me.

      Many people in this community have had a similar journey.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Valerie Wedel
    February 21, 2019

    Hi Mel,

    Congratulations on your book and tour!

    I almost didn’t watch this video because I am very happy and busy single. And I am working hard to overcome loss of career and finances from 20-yr ‘marriage’ (typical fare, right?). So really am busy, and loving what is happening now. And… then it occurred to me… I think I have never really had a genuinely loving and authentic romantic relationship with a man. Friendships yes, romance, no. I spent my youth running away from nice guys and running after the angry and otherwise unavailable nuts. Well! So this video inspired me to dig a bit and I found a belief that “love hurts”. Guess what the next shift will be…

    As always, thank you!

    Love, a few days after Valentine’s Day,


    February 21, 2019

    Hi Mel, I have just watched this video, I couldn’t face watching it last week.
    This has just happened to me recently splitting from the narcassist , I have been left desttitue in a foreign country after horrendous abuse. The last few months before he left I was left with no money not allowed to use my car subjected to no telephone to contact my family he even cut off my electric and internet , I was effectively held hostage.
    I eventually went to police with the help of a kind lady through social media once I got hold of a phone, with help from my family.
    He knew he was in trouble and fled with my car, turns out he within a week had hoovered an ex and is getting married.
    It’s shocking I’m led to believe he has been hoovering her for a yr. on social media.
    Meanwhile I’m left shattered in another country the worst of it is we jointly own our house , things are such a mess.
    Going no contact is what I want but in these circumstances it’s difficult I have an advocate he’s lied twice now about having one, where do I go from here…..

    February 27, 2019

    Thank you Melanie. I have done Module 1 about half a dozen times now, cried like I was a child each time, and cleared out a lot. I am so grateful and I truly believe that this is the path to healing. I feel lighter and have less armor on nowadays. Have gone full no contact with my family of origin and last relationship. Thank you. Forever grateful and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I have a lot of work to do, but yes, perhaps one day love will be possible, healthy or happy love. I recorded a CD titled Happy Love. And a Christmas album in 432 HZ the Love frequency to help myself and others. Link is below. Thank you so much!!!! Blessings, love and light!!!!❤

    Watch “Michelle Rosenblum” on YouTube

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 27, 2019

      Hi Michelle,

      I am so happy for you that you are receiving wonderful results from NARP.

      Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful share with our wonderful community.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Real Love
    August 7, 2019

    Mary J Blige sings a great song about this if you want some inspiration it’s called Real Love !

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