Melanie Tonia Evans

Protecting Your Children From The Narcissist’s Damage

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 21
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

I’m always SUPER PASSIONATE about this topic.

The reason being is because I SO want our children to heal, and for our world to shift out of narcissistic abuse patterns.

I nearly lost my own son due to my and his trauma from narcissistic abuse, so I deeply know the loss, trauma and suffering so many parents have been through or are going through.

There is nothing more devastating than watching our children be abused, neglected or manipulated and feeling POWERLESS to stop it. And, when reaching out to authorities for their help discovering, to our dismay and disbelief, that they often turn away and even further abuse us and our children.

What can we do?

Is there anything that does work in this heartbreaking and devastating situation?

Truly, there is.

Myself, and so many others, in this community, have turned around the most HOPELESSS situations you could imagine regarding what is happening to our children.

This Thriver TV episode is for you and every parent suffering the unspeakable trauma of trying to help your children who are suffering narcissistic abuse.

 

 

Video Transcript

This topic today is very serious. If you are a parent dealing with your child being hurt by a narcissist, I really want you to watch this.

Our children are precious to us, they are innocent and defenceless, and it is up to us to protect them as much as we can.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I want to share with you why what we instinctively do to try to help our children doesn’t work with narcissists, and how to turn this around so that we can truly help our children.

And I promise you this, after going through terrible events with my own son suffering as well as helping countless adults with their children over the last ten plus years, that what I am sharing with you today works and it’s not reliant on the narcissist changing or even other people helping you.

You alone can set in motion what is necessary to protect and help your children.

Okay … so before we dive deep into the meat of today’s episode, make sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already and leave a like if you enjoy this video.

 

What Not To Do As A Parent

I’m going to be really straight with you, and I know that this can be so hard to hear – but I want to do everything I can to help you and your children because I am so passionate about this topic.

Our children are our future, and if we want narcissistic abuse to stop, the buck must stop here, so that this terrible scourge of abuse / abused it is not passed down through the generations.

Of course, there is no greater trauma than watching our children suffer at the hands of another. I’ve been through it too, I know how agonising it is to feel completely powerless to stop your child being hurt. And, what usually happens to every parent going through this is, no matter how hard you try to help your child, or get them to see reason, or get systems and authorities to help, that just doesn’t happen.

This is WHY we have to work with this ANOTHER way, a way that works. A Quantum Way, where we enlist the indisputable Laws of Life that are as absolute as gravity.

I want you to know that when you do this, you aren’t powerless.

But let’s first look at the ways we have been trying to help our children, ways that only make matters worse. These were all the things I used to do too.

The first huge issue is being in JUDGEMENT of what is happening. And I know you may already be jumping up and down and wanting to throttle me, for me telling you this being in judgement to the horrible situation your children are going through with a narcissist is ‘wrong’.

I’m not saying it is ‘wrong’ I totally understand why you would see it is ‘wrong’. I personally don’t give a damn about what is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, I’m much more focused on what is going to be effective. What I am saying is you judging this as wrong is NOT going to help your child in any shape or form, which of course isn’t the result you want to produce.

Let me explain why ‘judgement ‘doesn’t work.

A powerful Quantum Law is this:

Whatever you are in judgement about you deeply cement further in your experience.

And …

Whatever you are in acceptance of and start working WITH to transform healthily, means you can change it.

As well as, if you try to change anyone outside of you to make your emotions feel better it won’t work (including things with your children). And of course, this is the same with the narcissist when we have tried to stop them doing what they are doing to our children.

It has certainly been my personal experience that when I tried to lecture and prescribe to my child, and control what he was or wasn’t doing, that he would only push back and do it more. It was the same with the narcissist. Can you as a parent relate? If so, I’d love to hear from you about this in the comments below!

In Quantum Truth you have to shift YOUR feelings first and then everything can shift. You are in a position to be able to influence that person and situation to meet you where you already are at.

This was my 100% proof of the truth of this (and I’ve seen the same happen for many parents with their children), when I let go of damning my son’s state because of the narcissistic abuse and damage he and I had gone through, and instead accepted that his and my soul journey was perfect for his and my healing and evolution, everything shifted.

And then I got down to the business of deeply devoting and applying myself to my own inner healing to lead the way.

It was then that I stopped being distraught, lecturing, prescribing and controlling, which of course had been coming from my own inner place of brokenness and helplessness. Instead, I started to show up for myself and my son seeing and believing deep within my soul that his innate inner wisdom could and would do the same. I recognised that his journey was unfolding perfectly for him, and my greatest duty was to be as healthy as I could and lead the way.

With this orientation my son, Zac very quickly emerged from a hopeless situation of trauma fuelled addiction to awakening into his power. Not from a place of my ‘doingness’ but in response to my ‘beingness’.

 

What We Must Let Go of ‘Doing’ Whilst Trying To Help Our Children

  • Holding them responsible for our emotions
  • Requiring our children to be a certain way for us to be healthy
  • Carrying guilt and shame regarding what has happened to our children
  • Fixating on and obsessing about what is happening to them
  • Trying to fix, lecture and prescribe to them
  • Blaming and shaming our children or others in front of them
  • Telling them about ours and their victimisation and how bad other people are.

All of the above only causes more of the pain and trauma that we and our children are stuck in. It increases victimisation, which then means more victimisation happen. So within, so without.

 

What We Need To Do To Help Our Children

I go into great detail in Chapter 18 in my book You Can Thrive after Narcissistic Abuse about my journey with Zac as well as the shift from Unconscious to Conscious Parenting. And I promise you this doesn’t just happen for older children, it can for younger ones too. The truth is at ANY age, where our energy goes is where our children’s energy goes too.

It is vital that we focus determinedly on our own healing so that we can be the safe, solid, wise and calm parent who is there for our children.

I love the aeroplane metaphor – about how we are told if the aeroplane loses oxygen to always put your oxygen mask on first before assisting anyone else.

This is the worst mistake I see parents commonly make (and I made it too) they are trying to help their own children heal and get empowered when they are failing to take responsibility to lead by example. They are not first and foremost healing themselves. This is as dangerous for our children as it is someone trying to save another person when they themselves are suffocating and distressed.

If we are devastated about what is happening to our child at the hand of a narcissist and we see and feel it like this, then this is exactly what will continue as the experience we experience from our children in our experience. It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without.

However, if we have enough of our own healing underway, we are into a place of calm, power, and solidness that is much less distressing and destabilising than our previous victimhood. When we are sane and safe with enough oxygen (consciousness) then we are in a position to help our children for real.

There is also the very real phenomenon of Quantum Entanglement meaning that where our energy goes our children’s does as well, often there is nothing we must do for them to get well, as we do ourselves, they organically do as well.

And this has nothing to do with what the narcissist is or isn’t doing. What it means is even if our children are very young, they have the ability to navigate, be themselves, not be exploited by the narcissist as they were previously, and as they get older they are able to anchor into their own authenticity and true identity without the narcissist being able to derail them. No longer are they being personally poisoned by a False Self, they become a True Self, empowered, impervious to abuse and incredibly evolved, capable and flourishing.

I wrote about Beatrice, a highly dedicated Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program member, and her young son who she shares custody with a narcissist with, in my book on Page 228.

This is what she said:

“Two years ago I was a wreck; I had severe insomnia if I did sleep. At the time my son was given the labels of having ADHD, anxiety, depressive symptoms and much more. He was only twelve months old. Now he no longer has these ‘labels’, which were due to him being triggered terribly by trauma., and I can proudly say that at thirty-nine years of age, I’ve never been in better shape physically, mentally and emotionally myself.

Today’s my son’s brilliance is staggering; his comprehension of the entire situation boggles my mind., and his ability to discern situations and ‘vote with his feet’ has become so obvious that I have little concern for him navigating the world or with the narcissist … and he’s not yet four! As I have emerged, my child has show strength and fortitude well beyond his years. He is thoughtful and highly empathetic, he is quick to express his emotions and he is able to express that emotions are just sensations in his body – and he’s rather let them out! He has many wonderful ways in which he does this. After me doing the work on him by proxy, he organically and intuitively started following my lead! I am awed by him and he just gets brighter and brighter and more and more gorgeous!”

I really hope Beatrice’s story helps give you hope because we receive these messages of breakthroughs for parents and their children most days in the NARP Community.

Let’s now look at what happens for us and our children when we make the shift to lead the way:

  • We accept and bless the growth lessons our children go through and support them with love and space, rather than judgement and control.
  • We model for our children honesty, humility, authenticity, and vulnerability.
  • We show our children by example how to anchor into and create a relationship with their inner selves.
  • We teach our children detachment from unhealthy others without judgement, no longer handing our power away by making them responsible for ourselves.
  • By example, we teach our children that their inner state and power doesn’t depend on what other people are or aren’t doing.

Additionally, we:

  • Grant trust and space to see and feel that our children have the inner wisdom and resources (and they do!) to find their way, and …
  • We help them develop and grow into solid, whole actualised beings, beyond neediness, even for us!

Truly we cannot take anyone where we have not gone ourselves. Are you really starting to understand this now?

Gosh, I hope so because our and our children’s wellbeing, as well as their future generations, to evolve beyond abuse abused trauma patterns so depends on this!

 

Helping Your Children In Every Narcissistic Situation

Please know your empowerment and leading the way helps for every situation your child may be facing regarding narcissistic abuse – such as a narcissistic friend, narcissistic boss or a narcissistic spouse.

The formula is the same, heal yourself and how you feel about it and then you will find your child starts becoming what you now feel about them, coming into their true power, and/or will seek you for advice regarding their situation, where through your own empowerment you know how to guide them.

Your child doesn’t have to live with you for this to happen, truly.

Also please know this formula has also proved to be incredibly effective for parents who have been alienated from their children, in reaching peace and then being reunited through often the most miraculous of circumstances.

 

Okay, so, I can’t wait to continue this discussion and answer your questions regarding this, because as I said this is a topic very dear to my heart. I’m deeply committed to helping us lead the way for our children and changing our world.

If you are ready to take a stand for you and your children, I want to invite you to come over to my 16 Day free course, where you start healing you and your children and become the generative force leading the way.

You can get this started by clicking this link.

Okay so if you liked this video, click the like button, and if you want to see more of my videos subscribe and so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And please share with other parents this video, so that they can help their children for real too.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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44 Thoughts on Protecting Your Children From The Narcissist’s Damage
  • stephencoleman95361@yahoo.com'
    stephen
    February 10, 2019

    Speaking with my very bright 23 year old daughter regarding her relationships with her siblings. I asked her: “Who was in the middle of the problem that made it exponentially worse? For the first time she realized how her narcissist mother had triangulated all the siblings at each other’s throats. My narcissistically abused children never realized they were being gaslighted and triangulated against each other.

    Since childhood their narcissist mother spent hours daily denigrating me to our children behind my back. I didn’t know this, but I noticed they were all defiant and would never listen to me. It was my eldest daughter that told me that her schizophrenic episodes were being triggered by the inconsistencies from what she saw in me and what her mother was telling her.

    My children are now adults, we are estranged and they are estranged from each other and several from their mother too. Children growing up in this environment think gaslighting, endless dramas, chaos and triangulations are normal and don’t question that there are better ways to deal with issues than avoiding them and pretending they’ll go away like magic.

    I’m now at peace with this. My children all have narcissistic traits and are difficult people. Life is too short to have to have difficult people in my life any longer. I’m willing to take them back, but I doubt anything will change.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 10, 2019

      Hi Stephen,

      I am so sorry you and your children have been through such unspeakable trauma.

      It has wonderful that you have come to peace on this. Peace has no requirement for outcomes, yet allows outcomes to transform to miracles.

      Sending love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • andrea_hobkirk@yahoo.com'
    Andrea
    February 10, 2019

    Great video! Come to Boston 🦋

  • Jdarviche@gmail.com'
    Jane
    February 10, 2019

    Yes Mel come to Boston!!!

  • saurabhpatna.ss@gmail.com'
    Saurabh
    February 10, 2019

    Thank you Melanie Tonia Evans! This is the best video that I have ever seen and I am crying. You have saved my life Mel, just because I came to your channel my life started changing. This video is powerful and so motivating. I m feeling so powerful that by healing myself I can heal my alienated daughter. You are my source of energy, your quantum truths, shifts they are amazing. You are am angel, beautiful angel on earth. I am blessing all the events and I know my daughter would be following my bodily shifts of trauma and her soul would be guiding her. Thanks Mel to let me know the meaning behind every thing. And I am loving myself and enjoying life like never before and it is all your inspiration. Thank you, thank you , thank you , to you gorgeous lady.
    Best
    Saurabh

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 10, 2019

      Awww Saurabh,

      I always feel your Angel energy too when you post.

      I’m so pleased today’s video spoke to you so deeply and I know 100 percent that the work you are doing inside you is leading your gorgeous daughter to her soul truth and power.

      All my blessings and love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • ccs.psyd@gmail.com'
        Claudia
        February 11, 2019

        Hi,
        I have a daughter that I’m trying to protect from her narcissistic grandmother.
        The father of my daughter was so poisoned and traumatized by her mouth, her guilting him, destroying his self esteem, and abusing him mentally and emotionally as a child and even in adulthood, that he turned to addiction, and died almost 3 years ago.
        I left him and his family, but the narcissistic grandmother and her husband are trying to see my daughter.
        I went no contact over a year and a half ago.
        I need guidance on how to protect myself and my daughter from this sickness.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          February 12, 2019

          Awww Claudia,

          I’m so sorry you have gone through such an incredibly difficult time.

          It is so about getting strong and empowered and generating and creating the right support.

          I do have some resources regarding how to handle narcissists in custody and legalities if you google my name + those topics.

          I hope they can help you.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

          • ccs.psyd@gmail.com'
            Claudia
            February 14, 2019

            Thank you,
            I will do that,
            Blessings … 🙏🏻

  • saeaastewart@msn.com'
    alps
    February 10, 2019

    Thank you so much, Melanie!! The timing on this reminder is miraculous. I can’t wait to begin the work by proxy for my children. Thank you – I feel empowered by having something I CAN do to help get them through.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 11, 2019

      Hi alps,

      This is wonderful that you feel inspired!

      I agree, it’s so amazing when we do focus our power where it can work.

      Many blessings to you and yours.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sandrajurilj11@gmail.com'
    Sandra
    February 10, 2019

    Thank you Melanie for spreading this amazing truth. My life has been steadily transforming since I started healing with your program. Thank you!

    I already talked about this before but I still dont understand. My question is: is it possible that my child (young adult) with the narcisstic traits or disorder to shift and follow my shift. Have you ever experienced/heard abou that?

    Sandra

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 11, 2019

      Hi Sandra,

      You are welcome and I so pleased NARP has helped you so much.

      Sandra that is such a good question and such a difficult answer … that really is a case by case thing. I have seen parents succeed with children with narcissistic tendencies – absolutely.

      Whether or not these children were actually NPD I don’t know.

      This resource of mine may help https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sFpcTHrmw2c and I hope it can.

      Much love and blessings to you and your adult child.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • leazplace@gmail.com'
    Sally
    February 10, 2019

    Melanie, I previously read feedbacks on self help courses or training programmes and when they looked to good to be true, that was often the case. I have been asked by so many to write reviews, post on Twitter where an e mail from a stranger has said, rate me and I will do same. No No No. If I am complaining about a service I do not plaster it all over web, if I am happy I do. So many sociopaths, narcs & hurt ones that hurt around me, it has been a tough journey and getting even worse on the outside. Inside Melanie I am stable, full of loving energy and trusting the quantum healing that is taking place due to acceptance. Melanie I truly would have gone so much lower in my health (pain) body, my mind was emeshed, manipulated and projected with others toxins and truly had a broken soul and heart. Thank you so much, I truly mean this and when reading other stories and praise, I know those people are real and you are the reason they are evolving. It is the only way forward, in my own humble opinion. Amazing lady an Angel on earth. So pleased Zak healed on his own path as well. Breaking the genetic chains of the past. Much love to you both. X

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 11, 2019

      Hi Sally,

      I am so pleased you are unravelling the patterns and traumas and taking your healing to a Quantum Level.

      I agree, this is the only way forward I know of too!

      Thank you for your kind words to myself and Zac and sending continued blessings and breakthroughs to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • nicky.delacour@hotmail.com'
    Nicky de la Cour
    February 10, 2019

    You’re incredibly honest and authentic approach to saving families in this way is so applauded by me. This journey of recovery has taken us on a path we have always dreamed of but wasn’t able to reach till now. Our souls have truly awakened to what is possible. For whatever reason our paths crossed (divine providence) I thank you for being so true to you self in sharing your gifts.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 11, 2019

      Awwww Nicky,

      Thank you for your beautiful words fellow angel traveller!

      So much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Irene.zalewski@icloud.com'
    Irene
    February 10, 2019

    Dear Melanie

    Your video speaks the truth and it was my daughter who said her self esteem issues were caused by my inability to stand up to my narcissistic mother who started me on the NARP journey.
    Since then I can see how my daughter is viewing me slightly differently. I know she is going through a lot right now and all I can do is continue on the NARP journey as there is nothing else to do as you say.

    I am so grateful that I can work on this because of your gift to me and all of us.
    Thank you Melanie.

    I look forward to seeing and meeting you when you come to London.
    Have a safe journey with your son.

    Love Reena xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 11, 2019

      Hi Reena,

      How beautiful that you are now leading the way for your daughter. Absolutely her evolution and healing is already organically taking place.

      I can wait to meet you too Reena, it will be an absolute joy!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • luciloo999@gmail.com'
    Mary
    February 10, 2019

    Hi Melanie,
    What do you suggest to do when the relationship between your daughter and you has broken down over the past 10 years due to being married to a narcissistic husband who used triangulation with your daughter for many years. My daughter has been showing traits of narcissism for the last 10 years. She is now 26. Her father and I were married for 28 years and have now been separated for 7 months. Our divorce should be complete in the next month. I think I spent a lot of the last 10 years trying to defend myself due to all the demeaning behavior enacted towards me from my husband and her. It was highly promoted by him. I have a son also and we have a good relationship. Both of our children have decided to live with me for now and I am glad for that. They are both working and are very responsible. I miss those years I lost with my daughter. I think she saw a big void in our marriage and decided to fill that with the new authority that her father gave her. I knew all of this was not good for her or me but I seemed helpless to do anything about it. I am working through your NARC program now and it is helping. I want to present to my daughter a more healed mom. She remains mean and disrespectful at times but I am seeing an improvement. Do you have any suggestions.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 11, 2019

      Hi Mary,

      You are on NARP and healing and that is key.

      Are you in the NARP Forum to reach out for guidance and support?

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Mary, this may seem too simple an answer regarding your solution with her – yet I promise you that it is the truth.

      Keep shifting out ‘everything that hurts’ regarding her. Then it will reset to ‘well-being’. Truly that’s it.

      And reach out for our support and guidance in the Forum, when in need. You don’t have to do it alone.

      Lots of love and support to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • vccoffee@metrocast.net'
    Kris Connor
    February 11, 2019

    My husband and I could not figure out how to be a grandparent to our grandkids. Their mother is the narc.Our son seems so helpless. We gave up and severed our relationship with our son and grandkids. My husband had a man to man, talk, yelling, crying episode with his son. Our son is 31 and seems hopeless and we love him, however we cannot be told what we can and cannot do by a another 30 something. There is so much more, this is how we had to choose joy over the anxiety our son chooses to deal with.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 11, 2019

      Hi Kris,

      That is so sad and my heart goes out to you all.

      I hope and send blessings that one day you will all be reunited.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • annajuneice@gmail.com'
    April
    February 11, 2019

    This video popped into my inbox this morning after last night dealing with the police at my door, called by my narcissistic exhusband, trying to extract my 14 year old because she wouldnt go with him. I think I’ve done all the right things–going as no contact as possible with this man, being strong by not being sucked into his provocative emails and nasty smear campaigns and just staying strong. I try to help my daughter by explaining to her that the best way to deal with her father is the path of least resistance, but she is a teenager. I am witnessing her literally deconstruct with anxiety and headaches over this situation with her father. I am at a loss because I feel myself getting stronger every day as I learn more about what he is and how capable I am of dealing with him in the most peaceful way. But she won’t listen to me. And I cannot stand to hear her call me sobbing when he’s controlling her or emotionally abusing her, it breaks me. And my younger 11 year old called me last night after all of the drama and said “Mom, who can help us?” I am supposed to help them, I am their mother!

    • saritabraggcreek@gmail.com'
      Sarita
      February 11, 2019

      Wow! What a challenging situation for you and your kids. I am about to enter a likely similar situation, as my Narcissist gains custody of my three kids from me the primary caregiver. I courts in Canada want 50/50 parenting, unfortunately he has convinced the children that this is fair and in their best interests. My beautiful children 11, 15 and 17 have been completely love bombed, so it will likely go this way, I am powerless and will just have to deal with the emotional fallout.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 11, 2019

      Hi April,

      My heart goes out to you and your children.

      I really would love you to know that with Quanta Freedom Healing we do have an incredible ability to shift trauma for our children. Ultimately it is going to be up to them to get themselves out … as there is often threats of parent alienation charges that narcissists can use against you.

      I can’t recommend NARP healings enough for you to anchor into your power to help your children anchor into theirs, as well as create a shift in the entire situation to their favour.

      I know in this stress this may be the last thing you wish to look at right no – yet it is the only true solution I know of that really works.

      I’d love you to come into my free webinar April to learn more about this http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Sending strength, breakthrough and miracle to you and your children.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • tlorch@gmail.com'
    Theresa
    February 11, 2019

    Thank you for sharing about our concerns for our children. My children have homes of their own now, but suffer from the affects of being raised in what I now realize was a narcissistic-infused home. As we gathered for a birthday in their home of origin, we received threatening phone calls and group texts. Their father, who filed for divorce from me six months ago, expressed his rage over my attempt to gain access to our “family boat” while he was away skiing. Each of my children left the table to answer calls from him and tried to carry on the celebration without alarming my grandchildren ages 4 and 6. I became increasingly upset my spouse would carry out his threat to “make a scene” with everyone present. My daughter told me privately she asked him not to do so for the sake of the grandchildren, but he didn’t say he wouldn’t. I stated I felt I should leave after telling her my spouse/her dad called me names and tried to blackmail me emotionally. She said she understood and advised me to do whatever helped me feel safe. I went to my girlfriend’s home and got a call from my son who asked if I’d heard from Dad. My son described his concern after experiencing his dad raging about me on the phone to him, he cried and said he might as well throw himself under a bus (which he’d said in the past when he went from the tyrant role modeled by his father, to the martyr role modeled by his mother). My son was concerned that his dad wasn’t responding to texts or phone calls for over two hours. I assured my son his dad would “go off the grid” on me over the past ten years or so, and reminded him he’d done the same on the family at Thanksgiving.

    In short, I’d like to hear more about how adult children are affected by narcissistic abuse, particularly while experiencing their parent’s divorce.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 11, 2019

      Hi Theresa,

      Here is a resource that may help …https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HU5rnqjJi9U

      This I really love people to understand though – the old way of attempting to heal families was to identify the traumas and try to soothe and manage them. Which generally means people are stuck with a lifetime of painful inner programs with the continuation of them into adult and future generations no matter what cognitive or logical understandings, or even strategies and talk therapy are adapted.

      The new paradigm of healing is this – one person in the chain(a parent) leads the way by releasing all of their trauma patterns which provides the inner being shift for their children, no matter what age they are.

      I hope this can inspire you to consider your own deep healing to help yourself and your children in the most powerful, real and effective way possible.

      The starting point for you is here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      Sending healing and breakthrough to you and your children.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • saritabraggcreek@gmail.com'
    Sarita Drew
    February 11, 2019

    Thank you so much for this timely reminder, I am currently in a custody battle with my three children and divorce from my Narcissist after a 20 year marriage. I have been a stay at home mom for 17 years, and after only one month I have been completely smeared and vilified, with betrayals of epic proportions. I am reading your book, and working thru all the modules, they have been an incredible resource for understanding what my children and I are going thru. I thought that I was healthy again, but yesterday I was thrown back into the muck and couldn’t sleep. So I did module 8 at 2am and a relaxation, and found relief. I am changing how I engage in this fight, and becoming a resource of love and light for my kids. Thank you for keeping me on the path of truth!!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 11, 2019

      Hi Sarita,

      How fabulous you are doing the inner work for you and your children.

      Please know how welcome you are, and I just know – so within, so without – that you and your children are protected and blessed.

      So much love to you all.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Shelleyhudson1958@gmail.com'
    Shelley
    February 11, 2019

    I gave my chidren to my ex (who has some narrassazset traits). Because i had some chronic mental illness. My children are now full grown. We have a close connection. But they have some of the trats of my ex. So i have been doing melanies gold program. When i do the qunta freedom and the pain comes up with my childten. I image my children as being younger. I bring a youner self of me and my younger as inner beings and pick myself and my children, pull out the pain there, hug them, bring them and myself into me. Surround with angels and bring into tje light. For me. Thats help with the pain of. Giving up on my children when they wete younger.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 11, 2019

      Awww Shelley,

      I am so pleased you are letting go of the trauma and bringing in the light.

      You so deserve relief and healing with what you have been through.

      So much love to you and your children.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • tdogandcjs@gmail.com'
    Teresa Stratton
    February 11, 2019

    Thank you so much for this! The timing couldn’t have been better. I have been struggling with this for so long, not knowing what to do and it has been so discouraging…I am so grateful to have this information right now! Thanks much!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 11, 2019

      Hi Teresa,

      I’m so pleased this resonates and helps to support you right now.

      Much love and healing to you and your children.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • fldoglover@live.com'
    Veronica
    February 11, 2019

    Melanie- I’d love to hear your point of view- I’ve just started your program this past month. However, I found myself having a large set back this weekend. My ex narc husband of 22 years has always favored my 12 year old daughter and even when he discarded US in another state, a little over a year ago (he had a plan all along of this discard with his hidden girlfriend)… he has paid the child support, visits her every other month but too busy with his own life and relationship to really be a parent outside of the trips and few texts or call each week.. but STILL a decent parent I guess. He’s now chiming in more often and acting like a more involved responsible parent ( and says he’s on my side) but he’s MOSTLY a friend to our daughter not a dad. My daughter has started in the past year to want to live with him, tells him she can’t “stand me”, has a pre-teen attitude, and talks of depression. my question is IS it all a triangulation or something or could he really be a great parent now and have TRUE intentions. Please enlighten me on your experience. A true narc ( and all my experience with him says he’s a covert narc) wouldn’t be a decent parent right? Am I wrong about him?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 11, 2019

      Hi Veronica,

      That’s great that you have got started on the NARP healings and I’m happy to answer your question.

      Naturally this can be part of his moves to hurt you and gain custody of her.

      The real truth is regardless of who he is or what he is doing, by you releasing all ‘that hurts’ about this you will be able to heal by releasing out those traumas, and this will bring you and your daughter so much closer … healing your relationship with her.

      Are you in the NARP Forum getting help? I so suggest that during this difficult time. There is such a wealth of support and experience with Thriver parents in there for you.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • wolfprincess68@yahoo.com'
    Melanie
    February 12, 2019

    Great advice. My boys were taken from me by the narcissist and poisoned against me. They were physically violent to me, destroyed my things and went to court and said I was crazy and they were afraid of me. The courts did nothing, they are teens and old enough to choose. He had a criminal record and even was in jail and they stayed with his new supply. The courts didn’t care, there was nothing I could do. It was very hard, especially over the holidays. I was a SAHM and was with them 24/7 until he took them in October of 2017. I let go, I was told it was best to just let him have them, pay him and eventually they will see how he really is and come back. Then in January I did have a miracle, the NS turns out, was crazy. they saw the truth, mom wasn’t the crazy one after all. They left her. The boys continued to stay with him but they visited me and stopped their abusive behavior. After a few more months, my oldest ran away from him and has been staying with me. The narc disowned him because he wouldn’t tell the courts he wants to be with dad. They said we each get a child and the children can visit the other parent as they choose. I didn’t have to pay him support anymore. He now knows that he was used as a pawn to hurt me and get money for child support and tax deduction. The youngest is still with him, he is beginning to see, I think, but he feels like he is all the narc has left and has to “have his back” also, he had previously been scapegoat child and now is golden child and gets whatever he wants. I call him every day and he knows I love him and I am here for him. I don’t react when he says how wonderful his dad is, he is such a nice guy, he doesn’t understand why everyone thinks bad of him. So the little one is going to need some counseling I think, but right now I have very little input in his life. narc controls it all. he is also failing at school, gaining weight and barely leaves the house….but he is with the “better parent” The irony is I stayed in an abusive marriage for their sake, so they wouldn’t have a broken family. Either way, they ended up damaged, but my oldest has learned a lot from this and how to deal with these types of people. My youngest needs prayers.

    It really should be considered a crime the way they use and manipulate children and the system.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 12, 2019

      Hi Melanie,

      You have been so inspirational and strong to get this far and wait this out.

      Well done and sending blessings to you and your children, and the return of your youngest.

      Much love to all of you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • rowenascotney@btinternet.com'
    rowena
    February 13, 2019

    Hi Mel, So wonderful, thank you! You’ve been key to helping me and my son so much 🙂 and so exciting that you’ll be in London – wish I could make it but hopefully next time!! x

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 14, 2019

      Hi Rowena,

      You are very welcome! Cheers and much love to you and your son.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • carletonj4@gmail.com'
    Sadie
    February 13, 2019

    Hello Melanie,

    Your video resonated with me a great deal. I left my narcissistic partner of 30 years two months ago and have been no contact for 6 weeks. My two younger sons are adults and have moved with me. My oldest son has a family of his own with a new daughter. Oddly, my sons recognized and distanced themselves from their father before I conscious of the abuse that was my life and took actions to distance myself from the narcissist. My sons have had anger towards me because I aligned myself with the narcissist and enabled the abuse for many years. I was trying to please the narcissist so he would be nicer to us. Once I stopped trying to control the narcissist, many things began to change and are still changing.

    My oldest son ended his relationship with his narcissistic father and did not invite him to his wedding and will not allow him to have contact with his daughter. My youngest son has informed me that he will not attend any future family gatherings that include his dad. My middle son who looks the most like his father has stood up to him about his abusive behavior and made a conscious decision to move with me. Within the past year, all of my children made their own decision to limit contact with their father. Now I realize it was December 2017 that I announced to my husband and children that my intention was to neglect the marriage in order to care for what matters to me. Wow I didn’t put these things together until now!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 14, 2019

      Hi Sadie,

      How beautiful that they took on the lead of you honouring you.

      That is soooo how it works!

      Continued love and blessings to you and your sons.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • learn2befree@outlook.com.au'
    Glenn
    February 17, 2019

    Today, I have experienced a great sense of peace and acceptance since realising that the narcissist traits that my daughter’s mother exhibits are the result of undiagnosed ADHD and Autism that she has not been able to accept or control. I have accepted that my daughter has a journey that she will experience with her mother and a journey that she will experience with me. Even though my daughter’s mother has made up lies about me in order to get an interim intervention order to stop my daughter and I from communicating with each other at the moment I am choosing to see the situation as an opportunity that I will eventually be able to use to teach my daughter about inner resources and strength of character when I do start seeing her again. By choosing to see the situation this way and teaching my daughter to do the same I may help my daughter to learn to have faith and trust that she can still be the embodiment of love and light even in the most difficult of times.

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