Melanie Tonia Evans

Love After Narcissistic Abuse – How To Stop Attracting Toxic People

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 7
49
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

First off I want to wish you a happy Valentine’s day.

And I know, many of you may be doing it tough … this day can be a very painful one in this community.

(Big hugs to you if that is the case.)

And that is what today’s Thriver TV episode is all about … breaking through so that NEXT Valentine’s Day (if this one isn’t already) will be beautiful and amazing for you.

I really love this topic for Valentine’s day – its big, it’s juicy and it’s life-changing.

It’s my intention, with today’s video, to help you be able to say “Goodbye!” to your painful love relationship patterns once and for all.

If we haven’t yet had happy, healthy, lasting love, we have been experiencing something else – like the trauma of people who are controlling, abusive, unavailable, adulterous (and the list can go on and on) …

Or maybe we have patterns of getting into relationships that fizzle or never truly reach a commitment, and possibly (and this is often the case after having VERY painful relationships) we have LONG periods where there is no-one, and we are alone.

And it can SO look like this: “If only the right person existed for me!” Yet we can be waiting for so long, or just when we think we HAVE got it right this time, that horrible, painful pattern rears its ugly head again.

Is it really “Most woman / men are like this, “ or “All the good ones are already taken” … or CAN we have the ability to turn this all around and experience a DIFFERENT and BETTER love experience than we previously ever have?

Today, I want to introduce you to the person you have been waiting for – the one staring back at you in the mirror! So that we can really, really understand what has been going on and why it has (and please know this in way about fault or blame or shame – it’s about trauma), as well as EXACTLY how you can bring your awareness and power to kick these horrible patterns out of your life for good.

And I share with you – how I FINALLY did that myself!

It means so much to me to help you eradicate your painful love patterns so that you can experience authentic love. I will be continuing this “Love After Narcissistic Abuse” series throughout the year on Thriver TV so please let me know in the comments below how else I can help you on your path to love!

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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49 Thoughts on Love After Narcissistic Abuse – How To Stop Attracting Toxic People
  • leegcutmore9@gmail.com'
    Lee Cutmore
    February 14, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    I’m struggling to move past my last relationship/partner who pretty much has dominated my head and my heart for the last 4 years. During those 4 years I loved her beyond anything I really believed was actually possible and even though she had ridiculously strong narcissistic traits and I know that she’s no good for me at all I still can’t get her out of my heart. Not only this but I also am strongly questioning whether I will ever allow myself to move on, and if I do so will I allow myself or more importantly the next woman in my life the love I shared with my ex. Obviously today is a big day bring it Valentine’s Day and I am healing and getting stronger every day but I’m wounded and I just can’t see where the finish line will appear let alone me crossing it. I know things take time and this is never more apparent than when it’s matters of the heart but I want to get me and my life back on track.

    Your emails and blogs have been immemse and so very educational and I no longer spend hours on end going over things, beating myself down and trying to reason with so much nonsense that a certain individual beat out and into me and I would like to thank you ever so much for them. I just want to move on and I honestly don’t know if that’s a possibility.

    • Cmacmullen@sbcglobal.net'
      Christina Macmullen
      February 14, 2018

      Best of luck. Prayers, patience and healing to you. 💫☺️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 14, 2018

      Hi Lee,

      my heart goes out to you – that is so painful to go through.

      Please know there is such a difference between the informational healing you can access by reading and listening to my work – or the transformational healing that you can access by working with Quanta Freedom Healing. The latter truly gives you powerful releases and shifts in your subconscious that we just can’t achieve cognitively.

      It is how myself and so many of us healed ‘the unhealable’.

      Come onto my free webinar Lee, I’d love to show you how it works: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Mel xo

    • trombone.robinson@gmail.com'
      Carl
      February 15, 2018

      Lee/Scott I am reading your blogs and mirror your situations, I draw a little strength and comfort that men go through this abuse as well as women, I thought I was one of only a few and being male don’t discuss it with anyone for fear of being judged weak and the problem itself, to everyone else she was wonderful even me when we’re out, Thank you Melanie for these tutorials they have been a saviour to me and probably saved my life, Regards Carl.

    • Getmail100@yahoo.com'
      Bren
      February 15, 2018

      Have you done the 16 day free online course and done the free webinar. hightly recommend the Narp program as these very wounds and traumas will be released as you do this work and YOU WILL moved passed this relationship otherwise the old stuck trauma energy in you keeps you stuck and in repeat of old patterns just with a different person. There is nothing else to do but do this healing work. Do it.

  • Cmacmullen@sbcgkobsl.ney'
    Christina Macmullen
    February 14, 2018

    Melanie, you are the first person I watched on YouTube when I discovered and “figured out “what I was dealing with and that my ex boyfriend of less than 24 hours was a narcissist. It’s been 10 weeks now of no contact and for some reason I’ve been struggling this week. I have been wanting to contact him or look him up on Facebook. But I haven’t. Thank you for all that you do. It’s starting to sink in. I’m discovering things in my life that I am passionate about and it is starting to make a difference.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 14, 2018

      Hi Christina,

      it’s totally understandable that you are struggling. Have a look at what I wrote for Lee above – that can really help you too.

      You are so welcome Lee, and wishing you amazing breakthrough and healing.

      Mel xo

  • scottishkay@gmail.com'
    Scott
    February 14, 2018

    My wounds go back to childhood, where I was mentally, emotionally, and sexually abused by a narcissistic mother and abandoned by my father. I never had a proper upbringing, was bullied by the kids at school, and further mistreated by coworkers and supervisors. And when I went out into the world I had no chance of a normal life. When it came to interactions with the opposite sex, I always somehow attracted nothing but cheap, promiscuous girls. My first wife was that way, and my second, who turned out to be a narcissist, too, and hence my presence here. I now know that the abuse made me feel unworthy, and that carried over into relationships, where I tolerated the filth and abuse because I was desperate. After being totally destroyed by the narcissist wife, I have been brought back to life through the new knowledge of my true self, and absolutely will not be with someone like that ever again. I want to find, as you said in your video, the reflection of who I am. That’s the only way a relationship will work for me, because I am very unique, and have so much to offer the right woman. And I’m being patient for this, too, letting things happen, and not struggling with all there is available. Thank you for your work Ms. Evans!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 14, 2018

      Hi Scott,

      you should be so proud of enduring what you have and being determined to be your True Self.

      You are an inspiration 🙂

      Thrive on Dear Man!

      Mel xo

  • lindacohen6115@gmail.com'
    Linda
    February 14, 2018

    Hi Melanie, I loved this video. So many important messages and aha moments. You said you got goose bumps over hearing a story as you knew it was the truth, well, in listening to your video, it gave me goose bumps as well.

    I’ve been 2 years NC with my ex narc (knew him for over 20 years off and on). I have made some miraculous changes in my life, healing deep within myself thanks to your NARP program and healing. Right now however, I am not yet ready for dating. I don’t know if I am stuck or if I am scared or both. But in all honesty, I am not ready to date yet. I like my journey that I am on and I know I still have some unhealed parts of me that I am still working on. So, I guess I will know later on and I am just letting it be. I love my life now!

    No doubt however, with this last toxic dysfunctional relationship I was, it woke me up. I’m here. The real me.

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 14, 2018

      Hi Linda,

      I am so happy that this video deeply resonated with you! And that is fabulous that NARP has helped you so much. It is absolutely perfect to take time for you and love this stage – you will know when the time is right! And the thing is as Thrivers we get to experience SO MUCH love before intimate partner love.

      Bask in that for a while – and the rest will be inevitable!

      Thank you, sweetheart, for your lovely post and know you are so welcome.

      Mel xo

  • Penelope.smith@outlook.com'
    Penelope
    February 14, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    I have stumbled upon your information and am actually in therapy right (somatic experiencing) and this therapist specializes in trauma via the body rather than the brain. I have come from a home of abuse and left a narcissistic relationship 15 years ago and can connect the dots as to why this happened and have done much ground-work but it’s all been cognitive. Even though I understand why it happened to me and with the help my therapist I am managing flash backs and using tapping methods and mindfulness practices I am still struggling. I lost my mother to cancer last year and she was mentally ill when I was young and this mellowed over time but a lot of her behaviour was narcissistic and inappropriate and now that she has gone low and behold I feel like I have been hit with all the abuse that never got resolved in my younger years and when triggered by something all of her rubbish comes back like an old TDK tape in my mind. I had the same thing happen when I left my narcissistic partner but that seems to have settled but it’s like one volcano has erupted and then another one is under it and possibly many more as my grandmother was also another narc and abused me too.

    I want to come out of victim freezing and powerlessness and help this inner child and don’t want to trigger anyone or be triggered because it’s now my responsibility to rewire myself for I don’t want to become pathological like my family and the collection of abusers I have attracted.

    You make a lot of sense and I don’t think you offend anyone in therapy at all but I want to know if your tools can help me.

    Thanks
    Penelope

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 14, 2018

      Hi Penelope,

      you are dealing with extreme trauma which many people in this Community have – N-abuse is really the epitome of that. My heart goes out to you, it is overwhelming when the wounds erupt – absolutely.

      Naturally, Penelope, your choices of modalities are yours to make and there are people who toggle NARP with other methods or start NARP and let go of other methods – this happens often.

      Penelope, we really do receive testimonies and thank you’s every day from people who have carried unspeakable trauma. There are also NARPers who have healed from severe institutionalised breakdowns.

      I would love you to be another Thriver to break free – we also have an incredible tribe in the NARP Forum which is so unique and supportive of healing from trauma – https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Feel in and see what feels right for you – trust it.

      Mel xo

  • stefycobain81@libero.it'
    HappySpirit
    February 14, 2018

    Thank you generous Soul! Your words are truly healing.

    Here’s a quote about this topic, hope you like it:

    “The person that needs to do something is not that person. The person that needs to do something is you! Some of those people in your life do not deserve your good thoughts. In other words, “They are bad. They are evil. They are wrong! They are inappropriate. They do not deserve your good thoughts,” and you stubbornly are not going to give them any. They may not deserve your good thoughts. But you do. You deserve your good thoughts about them. This is what the Art of Allowing is. It’s allowing my own Well-being.”

    Bright Blessings*****

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 14, 2018

      Hi HappySpirit,

      I so agree, when we are resenting them we are denying ourselves our own love and healing.

      Spot on!

      Thank you for sharing 🙂

      Mel xo

  • stefycobain81@libero.it'
    HappySpirit
    February 14, 2018

    Thank you generous Soul! Your words are truly healing.

    Here’s a quote about this topic by Abraham, hope you like it:

    “The person that needs to do something is not that person. The person that needs to do something is you! Some of those people in your life do not deserve your good thoughts. In other words, “They are bad. They are evil. They are wrong! They are inappropriate. They do not deserve your good thoughts,” and you stubbornly are not going to give them any. They may not deserve your good thoughts. But you do. You deserve your good thoughts about them. This is what the Art of Allowing is. It’s allowing my own Well-being.”

    Bright Blessings*****

  • Puckettb76@yahoo.com'
    Beverly Puckett
    February 14, 2018

    I was on a five year relationship with a man that I could not figure out . I couldn’t understand how I could be so kind to him and he in return was so cruel. One day I just typed In on the Google search line “why has my boyfriend never cried” which he himself had told me when the word narconist appeared I had never heard even the word before this. After reading a lot of material I realized that everything I read was jist like him. So I began to watch him through different eyes and sure enough he was exactly what I had been reading about..i was like oh no he is one. So I read how there must be something wrong with me that caused me to attract such a person right? I could not figure out why I loved person so awful but all I know is that I love him way more than he could even understand. So u took your webinar and realized none of it pertained to me. I had a wonderful childhood my mother and father truelt loved me and did and wanted the best for me. I had no old wounds in my past that I need to heal i have searched my past up and down but there just isn’t nothing there undone or u finishes so why has this happened to me and why can’t I get this man who i know is no good for me out of my life and out of my heart please help me to understand

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 15, 2018

      Hi Beverly,

      I am so sorry you are going through this trauma …

      What is needed to do is pick up the trauma of “that” (what hurts about the ex and feels like is trauma within) in your body and the QFH process will trace it.

      I promise you it can be so subtle ‘what it is” – it can be epigenetic taken on from an ancestor, it can be past life .. it could be something a sibling did, or your parent said (no-one is perfect!)and I also promise you I have had client after client tell me ‘there is nothing there’ and there always way. But the information is not important – we can release trauma by applying QFH to it – even if you don’t get any information about what it is about.

      Did you work through the webinar and simply breath into the trauma and do that – because by doing so you will receive a shift.

      Please know there is hope for you – and I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • jessicaweiss07@gmail.com'
    Jessica
    February 14, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    I really enjoy and have benefitted from your videos, and I thank you so much for making them available.
    You mention patterns, and I’ve recently moved from a pattern of unavailable men, for most of my life (I’m 47, never married, no kids), to my last traumatic experience which was the first with a narcissistic abuser (who for once was totally available for commitment, but obviously to the extreme), and I’m having a hard time forgetting and moving on. I have gotten better, but still am not 100% no contact. I still check up on social media and even get jealous or just feel anxious or sad. In addition, I haven’t dated anyone else (and have a hard time meeting men I like who are available and interested) since I got myself out over 9 months ago. I do see a psychologist who has helped me all along the way, though less frequently nowadays.
    So, my usual pattern was unavailable men, and this last experience doesn’t really fit into the usual pattern, does it?
    Does this make a difference when trying to heal or with your program/approach/methods in general?
    Thanks so much.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 15, 2018

      Hi Jessica,

      my heart goes out to you – that is painful!

      Patterns are patterns and trauma is trauma. Please know narcissistic is “unavailable” there is NO true self in there to genuinely support and love you – an N is absolutely unavailable (and one of the forms of it).

      NARP works with clearing all traumas – truly there is no difference.

      Have you been in my free webinar yet – that will help you get started on your healing so much: https://www.melanietonaevans.com/freewebinar

      Much Love xo <3

  • ilona.rocka@yahoo.co.uk'
    ilona
    February 14, 2018

    Beautiful Melanie… It’s wonderful to see you back! Congratulations about the book!!! Can’t wait to read it.
    I’m sure it will help many more people around the world. I live in London now but originally come from Poland
    and I think it could serve a great purpose there as well.
    Thanks to Narp and my transformation I’m gradually overcoming my fears and pains (physical including) and experiencing
    and feeling a deeper love for myself and others.
    Today I bought myself the most beautiful pink roses and my favourite truffles 🙂 and I’m quietly celebrating Life and Love!
    Happy Love Day Melanie and Everyone!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeK-cnVMIUI&app=desktop

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 15, 2018

      Hi Ilona,

      thank you for your lovely post 🙂

      Awww I am so happy for you – what a beautiful gift to you, with the greatest gift being your self-parenting and healing.

      So many blessings to you!

      Mel xo

  • hannah.woolhouse@gmail.com'
    Hannah
    February 14, 2018

    Hello Melanie – gorgeous as ever!
    Not only are you so right you’re also very cute. I am really stuck with “something” which I can’t identify or seem to shift. I keep doing the Goal Setting module which of course gives temporary respite however I can’t seem to get to the bottom of what “it” is. If I could shift it this wouldn’t matter. Does it matter? Why won’t it move?
    So, it’s Valentine’s day… I’ve been on my own since 31 October 2016 – the date I finally managed to get the narcissist out of my house for good 🙂 🙂 🙂
    but… I’ve learned SO much through NARP but I must be having trouble “aligning” as well. 🙁
    Thanks for everything and Happy Valentines day!
    Much Love
    Hannah

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 15, 2018

      Hi Hannah,

      Thank you 🙂

      Target the “blocks” to releasing it – and you don’t even need information – just feel it in your body and load it up and release it and then set the intention to clear ‘it” (and go back to ‘blocks” if necessary) – that should work!

      I hope that helps Dear Lady!

      Oh … and the Forum is such a great resource to get help with your NARP work: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member – did you ask in there?

      Mel xo

      • hannah.woolhouse@gmail.com'
        Hannah
        February 17, 2018

        Yes thank you Mel. San (through the forum) suggested using goal setting. External engagements are really limiting my time at the moment so I feel a bit in limbo until I manage to get free again in 10 days or so. I’m not unhappy – just distracted – and I know I have more “up-levelling” to look forward to.
        More thanks and love to you

  • Tomigriffin@hotmail.com'
    Tomi
    February 15, 2018

    Hi Mel,
    I was at your workshop last night and am going for the quantum healing. My love for 15 years disguarded me and his new supply is cyber bullying me. I took my inner child in, she doesn’t have to be perfect to get attention and be loved. I hope to get some relief soon, it’s killing me:(

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 15, 2018

      Hi Tomi,

      it’s your time to heal, NARP can help you incredibly.

      Hang in there! Bug hugs 🙂

      Mel xo

  • bustamante526@gmail.com'
    Ira
    February 15, 2018

    It has been so difficult for me to move past my last relationship. I loved that man so much. I went through a lot with him for the past four years. He cheated on my various times with different aged women. From 30 years old and went up to a 64 year old. Why do I still love him? I have no idea. The worst part is that he came back in Christmas begging me to take him back and he spent Christmas with my girls and I. Christmas day he went to go look for his 30 year old girlfriend and left me. He sent me a message on New Years, telling me it was my fault he went to go look for her and that he wasn’t gonna bother me any longer. Well not only did he propose last week but I come to find out yesterday he rented her an apt very close to my home. I mean why? This is taking me longer than I expected to get over him. I just feel so mentally drained and exhausted.

    Personally, I do not really like Valentine’s due to the fact that all my bad experiences have happened in the month of February. Hope everything gets better soon. 🙁

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 15, 2018

      Hi Ira,

      it is so normal to still feel like we love them – when the trauma they represent is still wedged in our bodies. Please know Ira virtually all of us went through that. This is SO not unusual.

      Please come to my free webinar to a) find out why this is happening and b) to also get powerful and fast relief from it. https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I so hope this helps and wishing you profound healing and emancipation from this.

      Mel xo

  • catherinehowell13@gmail.com'
    Catherine
    February 15, 2018

    Thankyou so much for all your help after 3 abusive relationship’s over 40 years I am now on my own and giving to myself ..today I followers your advice and bought myself a beautiful plant to keep and remind me I can give myself what I need ..its not easy but I listen to all your emails and wouldn’t be where I am without you I cannot thank you enoughx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 15, 2018

      Hi Catherine,

      thats great and I so hope I help.

      Sening love and healing to you.

      Mel xo

  • patty97404@yahoo.com'
    Patty
    February 15, 2018

    It has been 2 years since I found the strength to end my 23 YEAR relationship with the likes of this monster….and go absolutely no contact. Even though of course he did the hoovering thing, crying crocodile tears etc…saying I was the best thing that ever happened to him…etc…But I did not respond this time around to any of it. For 23 years he charmed me, loved me, made me laugh the hardest I have ever laughed. I met him soon after my 24 year marriage ended. It was at a painful & vulnerable time and I thought he was the answer to everything. He made me feel on top of the world and so loved. Now of course I now realize after all those years of attention, deep intimacy & love, so much fun and so much laughter (I thought) was simply all a lie, all manipulated, controlled and programmed by an expert. Obviously thru out those years there were many confusing and painful times where I had many questions from his changing behaviors but of course they convince you that you are the crazy one…then of course the hoovering of gifts, letters, notes, promises etc.. and his tears that he couldn’t live without me routine…All I can say is that I just lied about the strength…it was sheer survival that I did it and 2 years into it and after reading all about narcissism/sociopaths I still miss him. I am now 65 and resent & regret everyday I stayed with him for so long. I am so completely alone at 65 and feel I will never trust again or that no one will want me now. I have been on the dating sights for old people (lol) and have met a few, but they are not him! They are not charming, social, funny…not like him!! I feel I am doomed.

  • w.andreass@hotmail.com'
    Curious
    February 15, 2018

    Thank you so much for an again super information session, Mel!

  • stefycobain81@libero.it'
    HappySpirit
    February 15, 2018

    Hey Melanie,

    here’s another quote by Abraham that i find even more empowering than the previous one:

    “There are no bastards. There are no renegades. There are no monsters.
    They are not trying to make your life harder.
    They are just doing what they do in relationship to the vibrational frequency you’ve got going.”

    Much love*****

  • planetclaire3@gmail.com'
    Claire
    February 16, 2018

    Hello Melanie
    I am so blessed and thrilled to have come across you on the web. Still not sure how but l cannot even begin to express how relieved and grateful l am for all you are sharing.
    I met a man in 2011 on an internet dating site that a friend set a profile for me up on. After being a single parent for many years and suffering illness due to exhausting work conditions, she decided l needed to date.

    Well Prince Charming zoned in all right and l gullibly drank it all in reveling in the attention especially as my profile told him all l didn’t want.

    To cut a long story short, l proposed to him on Valentine’s Day of the leap year in 2012 and we were married 14 days later. It was my first marriage at 49 years old and his third. Alarm bells..! What alarm bells!?
    At first it was bliss. After six months he told me the honeymoon phase was over! He became controlling and passive aggressive if l challenged him in any way.
    We traveled Asia together in 2013 to find “ green pastures” and a possible new home. (We never settled or had a home of our own.) For three years l battled through monthly yo-yoing abusive episodes, lascivious behavior and being thrown out of a hotel, abandoned without money, means of communication or a place to stay in a foreign country because l asked for us to please eat fresh foods as l was becoming weak from lack of nutrition. He controlled the course strings and a single cell ph between us.
    After many such like stories we chose a piece of land to build a home on and set off to meet his family in his home country. I was not received very warmly and felt just tolerated while there. When l questioned the reason for this l was threatened with being sent home. Three days after our return “home” he stated that he no longer wanted to build a home, be married anymore or remain in my country. He got on a plane and left.
    For the next two years, suffering from trauma compounded with the lack of a home and rejected by him his family, my in laws, l resorted to divorce. I had begun to understand his second wife’s resentment and estrangement from his family with their son.
    Everywhere l turned for help just didn’t hit the mark until l came across NARP.
    Hallelujah!!!
    Now l can see the N in my family and all my wounded ness has attracted most of my life. Perhaps now at 55 l might find peace and happiness even if l land up by myself.

    Thank you thank you thank you.

  • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
    Julia
    February 16, 2018

    Hi Melanie!

    For me, the n said (at the beginning, we are not together anymore), “you are so special, the chance that we met, was one in a million”. Back then, this sounded incredibly romantic, special, made me feel myself special. Now I think, as some horrible joke, I really hope the probability to meet a n is indeed 1/million! 🙂

  • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
    Julia
    February 17, 2018

    …and when you say in the video “when we tell them all about our wounds – we hand them all the bullets to shoot us with”. Oops, exactly what I did!! 🙁
    The nasty thing is, at the beginning, he seemed “normal”, a Mr Nice guy (at that point I knew nothing about n’s and even less that he was one!).

    I thought I was behaving like all relationship experts advice to do/be, “being honest, transparent, vulnerable, authentic”, I thought this is how we get to know and trust each other, this is how closeness and intimacy develops, I wanted him to know “from where I’m coming from” (and therefore treat me extra gently). Uff, how malicious is that he is a n! 🙁

    So I’m wondering, and I became anxious:
    a) shouldn’t we tell a new partner anything, never, about our “past love miseries”?
    b) should we wait, until we really know that person (to make sure he indeed is normal, healthy) and only then we can share this kind of “stuff” about ourselves?

    (or is it so, when we are healed our inner traumas etc., then there’s even no NEED anymore to talk about these topics at all, to a new partner? 🙂
    I think I’m still little bit stuck in the “who did what to whom when -story”, and feel the need to “open up” about it, is this a bad thing? I mean, talking in this forum is ok, but to “other” people?)

  • dianmatthews17@gmail.com'
    Dian
    February 23, 2018

    Hi Melanie:

    I’ve been working with your modules now for about a month and I have a question.

    The first few times I did Module 1, I was able to pinpoint specific body areas and responses, even though I did not really feel any emotions.

    Now, I seem to be completely unable to feel any emotions at all, and often cannot pinpoint anywhere in my body that is specific to the issue being addressed. I keep doing the healings anyway, and I think they are helping some even though I don’t feel anything…I just wondered if this is anything you have run across before and is there something I’m maybe not doing correctly?Thanks for all you do!

  • adeltripura@yahoo.com.au'
    Tricia
    February 23, 2018

    So grateful for your insight and clarity Melanie, you’re truly inspirational with what you’ve overcome and the absolute dedication and commitment to yourself. Well done for overcoming your challenging astrology aspects, I actually have amazing stars for love but have been highly unsuccessful due to a narcissistic upbringing however listening to your work & doing a lot of other deep work around trauma, beliefs, body & emotion based therapies I feel I am finally removing the feeling that my father is ‘standing on my stars’ and stealing my possibility for love as he wasn’t able to achieve it within himself or his own relationship.

    My pattern was unavailable men- emotionally or circumstances prohibited our being together, I now realise I was the one unavailable to myself after years of adapting to survive, chronic care taking & focusing on others and practicing ‘spiritual’ methods where I thought if I was a more spiritual person I would somehow earn the right to finally be loved as I had always wished to be. I thought meditation, serving the community, yoga and ‘improving myself’ would get me there but without the deep emotional, body and energetic work combined with facing my limiting beliefs and taking full responsibility for my situation I would hit brick walls. All the spiritual stuff was helpful but I saw many people on the spiritual path were actually doing ‘spiritual bypass’, using spirituality as a focus & distraction from doing the genuine deep work of facing the pain and trauma.

    It was due to resources like yours that I finally feel I am leaving behind the ‘narcissistic victim syndrome’. I use this term this not because I wanted to stay or identify as victim as I was doing everything I could to heal but because after a lifetime of abuse & denial I really needed to digest and accept that I had been a scapegoat and victim of spiritual, pyschological and emotional abuse. Finally being able to name it gave me validation that I had always felt something wasn’t quite right and that after a lifetime of being told I was wrong or it was my fault (due to sociopathic parents) it helped me to accept I wasn’t the perpetrator or problem at all and I could release any guilt at having been not good enough for love, grieve the treatment I received and the absence of genuine love and attention.

    Thanks for modelling that a future full of love, support, genuine relationship and success is possible, this is my current focus so seeing what you’ve overcome is emphasizes what is really possible in my life! Blessings for this amazing work, Namaste x

  • steveharveysyd@outlook.com'
    Steve
    February 25, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    Dating and looking for love and friendships seems a far away dream for me. I separated three years ago from an abusive relationship and I have been in recovery for the last eighteen months after resorting to sex and drug abuse to numb the psychological pain and loss of identity.
    I still have trouble reconnecting with existing friends, unread emails from over a month ago, rejecting calls.
    I’m not sure if I’m fearing rejecting or abandonment or that I just see everyone as potential abusers.
    I know I’m the one that needs to heal and change but I am lost on how to change … intellectually I get it … I just can’t make myself believe that I deserve belonging and happiness rather than isolation and sadness.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 26, 2018

      Hi Steve,

      please know the recovery of this isn’t intellectual. My recovery step by step processes are all about how to heal and change – and there are many men in this Community who like you, previously felt broken after N-abuse.

      Please, Steve, give yourself a greater change by connecting to my healing resources – https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse.

      Enough is enough for what you have been through.

      Mel xo

  • valerieAwedel@gmail.com'
    Valerie Wedel
    March 7, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    Love your vids, as always!
    Here is something I am working on. Since I am a couple weeks behind maybe it is addressed in the next TTV.

    My daughter has “reconciled’ with her dad. The same person who was so devastating that I ended up in your program! I have been clearing my fears for her, taking this as an opportunity to work on myself. Based on what I see and hear from her though, she is deeply afraid to love or be loved. She seems also afraid of men, yet is choosing to live with the one who was the most frightening of all. I don’t really understand this. Suggestions on clearing?

    Will look at the next vid on co-parenting, maybe there is insight there.
    love to you and yours –
    Val

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 7, 2018

      Hi Val,

      lovely to hear from you sweetheart!

      Ok re your daughter clear all your concern for her with either Mod 1 or Goal Setting Module … and just allow her journey with love knowing her Inner Being knows what to do – and all is well.

      I hope this helps Lovely Lady.

      Mel xo

      • valerieAwedel@gmail.com'
        Valerie
        March 8, 2018

        Hi Mel,

        Thanks! Life is better with you in my corner 🙂

        Maybe I had forgotten how hard it was a few years ago; maybe this is not as hard as it seems…

  • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
    Nicoleta
    March 16, 2018

    When I was little my narc mother used to beat me up, scream at me, verbally abuse me and many other things. Then, she would ignore me and my needs. My pattern was to attract men who would get upset if I told them my needs and neglect me when I was hurt.
    Deleted all that.
    Thank you.

  • angelikmaispastrop@gmail.com'
    Angelique
    March 17, 2018

    Dear Melanie, I read one of your articles about dating again after narcissistic abuse where you described your own experience and how you created your profile online almost as love letter to yourself. It stock with me and I have just tried it. Not without trepidation because I went full on, no holds barred and I knew it would make a lot of them run away but I thought stuff it! That’s exactly how I am, like it or lump it!
    OH MY GOD!
    The result is out of this world. For one thing, yes a lot of guys view my profile and scarper but those who don’t are a completely different kettle of fish from what I used to attract with my my bland and generic profile. They are funny, witty, interesting, manly and they are coming out of the woodwork as I am standing there with my entire might, when I was wondering if they even existed. It’s unbelievable the difference of the entire experience and I don’t even have to answer politely to all these unsuitable ones, the profile has cleared them off in one fell swoop, they don’t contact me. It’s real fun as well. For those wondering, that’s after lots of modules and time alone. Anyway, thanks for sharing so generously your own experience it’s been invaluable. Wish I knew exactly which article it was, you also said you listened closely to your intuition which made you register on a different site where you met your man. I haven’t got anyone yet but I don’t even care, this is so amazing! Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 19, 2018

      Hi Angelique,

      it is very true that authenticity is powerful!!

      I love that you have got these results – big KUDOS to you to do the work.

      You are right – it doesn’t matter when you feel this good! Keep going hun and one day – bingo – it will just all line up as it did for me.

      Mel xo

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