Melanie Tonia Evans

Merry Christmas And Happy New Year For 2012

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 2
102
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

Hi everyone!

2012 has been an incredible year of liberation, growth and movement away from narcissistic abuse and into creating the true lives that we deeply desire and truly do deserve.

2012 saw the birth of the Narcissism and Relationships blog, I am simply astounded with the community that has developed here, and all of you who leave wonderful comments, share your stories and so selflessly dedicate your energy to helping and inspiring others.

I love writing articles for you all each week and I will continue to be writing many more articles for you in 2013.

Please continue to share your thoughts and comments on the articles. I love reading every single one of them! Also please don’t hesitate to suggest what you would like to see in future articles, I always pay very close attention to your suggestions.

I would like to announce that New Life Newsletter has now exceeded 10,000 subscribers! What a tremendous number that is. It truly illustrates that Narcissistic Abuse is a global phenomenon that requires much more attention and awareness.

I am incredibly thrilled with the narcissistic abuse ‘thriver’ community that has evolved from people who are getting results from NARP and growing together in the community Facebook Page. I believe that this rare community is demonstrating the empowering results that can occur (in record time) when individuals are focusing on the deep healing of Self.

 

What I’ve Been Up To

Two weeks ago a girlfriend prompted me with a request to join her on a trip to Cairns which is a tropical location at the top of the north east coast of Australia.

It’s been over a year since I’ve taken any sort of break from my work so I thought this was perfect timing to take some time off. I strive to listen to what my mind and body is telling me, and lately it has been telling that it is time for some essential rest and relaxation to rejuvenate my energy for the coming year.

I have been in Cairns now for a couple of weeks and I am loving it! I am extremely glad that I listened to my soul and decided to take some time off for me, it’s exactly what I needed.

Let me share with you what I have been up to the past two weeks.

Day 1 My girlfriend and I went to Bederra Island which is a small island near Dunk island. The island is very remote and only has 7 homes on the island.

We stayed in an incredible house for a day and night before coming back to the mainland. It was an incredible experience with panoramic views and beautiful lagoons to float and snorkel in. The island experience came complete with an outside shower and toilet.

This is the view outside bathroom at the island where the shower was located. So Peaceful!

Then on day 2 we came back to the mainland to stay in a gorgeous two story holiday home 50 meters from the beach front with an incredible view of Dunk Island. Unlike the residence at the island, this beautiful house had air conditioning.

Our days consisted of relaxing, floating on large inflatable thongs in the swimming pool, and trips to the main town of Mission Beach. Mission beach was severely hit by cyclone Yasi two years ago, and unfortunately this beautiful spot has suffered, it is very quiet according to locals rather than being the thriving holiday destination it used to be.

This the scenery from a restaurant at Mission Beach. According to locals the amount of coconut trees since cyclone Yasi have been substantially reduced.

We are presently staying in a lovely apartment in Cairns which overlooks the harbor. We went to Cairns in order to get our scuba diving licenses.

On day 3 of the course was my first ever experience of being an underwater diver. I couldn’t believe how amazing the experience was. Where I am diving is The Great Barrier Reef, a tropical underwater paradise of incredible coral, amazing colorful sea life, and a beautiful water temperature of 28 degrees Celsius. No wet suit required!

On the first dive of the day I saw a harmless reef shark, an incredible moray eel, and incredible fish too numerous to identify. The coral needless to say is absolutely out of this world.

With the second dive of the day fish followed our team of six for a great part of the dive, and as we were perched on the sea bed going through emergency and safety procedures they were hovering inches from our mask.

I cannot recommend this experience enough! To spend just over an hour in one’s of the most beautiful displays of underwater nature has left me in total awe. Diving is definitely going to become a part of my life from now on.

 

Updates and What’s In Store for 2013

Over the holiday season I will be taking a break from writing articles and recording radio shows, although I will continue to do healings with clients and communicating with NARP members via email.

I will resume articles and radio shows on the blog for New Life Newsletter and Empowered Life and Love subscribers in a few weeks time.

I have a lot in store for 2013 and I can’t wait to get back and provide content for you all.

Early in 2013 I will be starting off with something never done before on the blog, a month long challenge that I will be encouraging everyone to join in on. It will be called something like the “30 Day challenge” and it will involve releasing co-dependency, emotional mastery, deservedness and boundary setting. It will be for Empowered Life and Love subscribers so if you are interested in that and are not a subscriber please do here. You will also get a free e-Book.

Also much more to come including more videos like “How The Phenonemon of Narcissistic Abuse Occurs and How You Can Overcome it”. I plan to have a dedicated studio set up in 2013 so I can start producing lots more videos for you all.

Please know holiday time can be an incredible ‘space’ to commit to healing you. Often this is very important, especially for those of you who are feeling the inevitable pain of the ‘first’ holiday season since being narcissistically abused.

I hope you all have a lovely holiday season, and I hope the New Year brings progression to your personal journey and much more happiness.

What are you doing over the holiday season? Are you taking time out for yourself? Spending time with family and loved ones? Tell me what you will be up to in the comments below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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102 Thoughts on Merry Christmas And Happy New Year For 2012
  • jlgoldst@samford.edu'
    Jay
    December 25, 2012

    Thank you for the Holiday messaage. Thank you for taking time out to rejuvenate yourself. We need your energy. Indeed, as you suggest, holiday season is agonizing. After 18 years with my partner (living apart but as though we were married), in everyday life, there are so many reminders, that I’m constantly blind-sided with pain. That effect is exponentially larger during the holiday season. Doing my best to “fake it ’til I make it” but faking it , e.g., keeping busy, being friendly to strangers or acquaiintances is not leading to making it. Maybe 2013 will bring better things: have some interesting and useful projects on the agenda Today will begin a two day stay with my four precious, cherished grandchildren, my daughter and son-in-law and my son. Should help — especially four-year-old who is in love with life, with everyone in his life and, best of all, with himself. Oh, how I wish he could be my role model. But, I “know” too much and can only try to ride the tails of his optimism and joy. Sorry to sound so “down.” I’ve taken care of duties in my life, including Christmas “duties” which used to be so much fun (being a college prof added a pile of duties in addition to Christmas duties. I’m exhausted but can’t stop crying. Thank God salt water doesn’t get in the way of most tasks. Would love to hear from people who are doing better than I, who have found ways to deal with the sadness. Bless you all. At least I know I’m not alone in my sadness and I trust (hope) there are better days ahead. I’d love to be able to laugh again. Used to do a lot of that — especially with my partner (who could also inflict unbearable pain within hours after the laughter. Again, bless you all.

    • rired00723@yahoo.com'
      Gary T
      December 26, 2012

      To have been affected and effected by narcissism is such a negative energy. I ask why I had to be tricked each day. I ask what did I do to deserve this? Holidays are so tough. I used to have all the holiday celebrations at my home and invite all that would like to come over. So, for 17 years, I brought everyone together. Since my divorce 7 years ago, Christmas and the holidays have been very hard. I am sitting here alone, again. Empty house, cold, no human touch. The emptiness is almost unbearable. I’m not going to spin out today! I am much better than in June 2012, when my world fell apart again. My last relationship, became the point in my life that I started to research this awful affliction and disorder called Narcissism. I was raised by a N-Fathea and a mother who was too afraid to stand up to him. So, all 4 of us siblings have suffered to some extent from the effects of Narcissism. I have come to a place where I am much more in control and getting stronger each day. I even passed on a relationship where I started seeing warning signals. It took a tremendous amount of self awareness to be true to myself. Stay in touch with Melanie’s blog and all the support that has come to life around her! Feel free to email me and talk, anytime.

      Gary

      • mypinkhouse@me.com'
        Val
        December 26, 2012

        Hi Gary and Jay,
        Thank you for sharing your experiences. It is wonderful to have this community Mel has created for us where we can know for sure that we are deeply understood.
        We have all been ,./just left ..where you are or nearby.
        Also, I wonder if the sadness ever fully goes away; perhaps we always grieve a little for such large parts of our lives gone….no matter how much healthier and more stable our lives become post N.
        Gary, those of us with N parents, may even have a deeper battle on our hands so powerfully and. Deeply do they shape our sense of sense, or destroy it!
        The Narp program allowed me to free myself of the torment and rejection of 50 years with an N mother.
        It is a lifelong journey of growth. And that is wonderful.
        We are all both students and teachers , all us are blessed by hearing the experiences of others so thank you . Jay as Gary says you are not alone, this is home where we can find our centre , again and again.
        Love and blessings to you both , and everyone here.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          December 27, 2012

          Hi Val,

          Thankyou for your beautiful and inspirational messages as always.

          It is gorgeous how you contribute so much, always so selflessly to uplifting others.

          Mel xo

      • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
        Melanie Tonia Evans
        December 27, 2012

        Hi Gary,

        Yes, being in the world of narcissistic abuse is absolutely like being in ‘the twilight zone’…

        The truth is we ‘deserve’ what we ‘allow’, and this occurs when we struggle to change another person’s unhealthy mode of operation, rather than letting go and focusing on healing ourself.

        The true healing does come when our focus comes off ‘why they do this’ onto ourself in regard to ‘why I attracted and allowed this’

        Good luck with your reclaiming of your True Self, and hugs for this holiday period.

        Mel xo

      • tonymehta@hotmail.com'
        Tony
        December 27, 2012

        Hi Gary,

        I too have an N father and have used up terrific amounts of my internal energy trying to deal with his lack of empathy, insendiary comments and selfish behaviour. I too have a mother who does not stand up to him and has become detached and destroyed in herself. I can relate to how suffering this abuse as a child carries on into our adulthoods, even though the N parent is no longer around us. My struggle has been how to become a decent father to my kids, having had such a negative role model who would try to undermine me instead of providing support and encouragement.

        Melanie’s blog and articles have helped tremendously in helping me to refocus wasted energy spent on trying to work out why this person behaves as he does, now that I know he is incapable and unwilling to ever change. I’m getting better at identifying potential N’s and avoiding them, including in work situations, which I’ve found has reduced stress and leads to a happier life.

        I’m sure that you too are starting to do that from what you say and therefore will in time find others who are healthy and can provide you with positive energy to fill that empty feeling.

        Melanie, I think there must be many others out there who have N parents who need the sort of help you can provide. I know your own experiences and focus has been on adult relationships, but would you consider expanding into this area? Being a child at the hands of an N can be a soul destroying experience in what are supposed to be our nurturing years. Also a child cannot do “no contact” and has no choice but to live with the N’s daily abuse. It’s only when we become adults that we are able to pick up the pieces and realise what’s happened.

        Tony

    • ngh30@yahoo.com'
      Nancy
      December 26, 2012

      Jay,
      You are being true to yourself by feeling your sadness and that is good. Hopefully, cathartic.

      When I feel sad, I tune into what I really want and need.
      Would I feel better if I went for walk or different type of exercise.? A massage? Coffee with a friend, Music, A delicious cup of whatever I like to drink. Hot chocolate
      for now 🙂 I think you get the idea.
      In my moments of sadness, it is very difficult to be motivated, so I talk to myself with tender loving care, like I would to a friend.
      With deep sadness, it is important to feel joy too. Sometimes, I take time to sit and grieve, without beating myself up.
      Then continue on my day, with great effort and positive self talk.
      Reviewing Melanie’s 10 Steps also helps.
      The holidays are a hard time for so many.
      It makes me feel better to volunteer and give back.
      Since you are a college professor, you would make a great mentor for someone almost ready to go out into the world to work.
      Be kind to yourself, enjoy your family,
      and know that there is light ahead.
      Take care. Nancy

      • jlgoldst@samford.edu'
        Jay
        December 27, 2012

        TO ANYONE WHO IS READING THIS AND ALREADY FEELING DOWN — WARNING!! I HAVE NOTHING ENCOURAGING TO OFFER AND YOU’D BE BETTER OFF TO SKIP ON TO A MORE HELPFUL COMMENT.

        Thanks for your empathy and suggestions, Nancy. Regarding the offering of help to others, when classes are in session, my office is always open to those who are in the midst of any kind of dilemma. Also, I do all of the other things that you suggest. But I seem to do them with the “weight” of a dark cloud — hanging above me and even enveloping me. The sadness just won’t go away. Just did Mel’s youtube QFH “meditation.” When she asks us to rate our feelings, I’m at about 100+ before AND after “cleaning out.” It’s that “dark cloud enveloping me.” And, the sadness is SO constant (coupled with a tight feeling in my stomache that appears shortly after I wake up and remember my losses and my hopelessness. I do “things” that I enjoy (or would normally enjoy) but nothing gives me much relief for very long. And on and on it goes.
        So sorry that my contribution to this list of comments is not going to encourage anyone else. I know that I’m wallowing in the sadness. But, it seems to be like quick sand and I can’t get free.
        Now, I’ll tend to my “list of tasks” for today, hoping that at the end of the day, I will have at least felt some sense of inner value. But, OMG, the hopelessness and the helplessness have me in a vice grip!

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          December 27, 2012

          Hi Jay,

          Thank you for your essential empathy by placing your warning…

          The QFH at the start can feel like it is just so ‘huge’ to shift that amount of pain and grief.

          But bit by bit and then lots by lots it does get released and you do break through – and of course the specific healings in NARP directly target recovery from narcissistic abuse.

          There is a way out and through – truly…

          Mel xo

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        December 27, 2012

        Hi Nancy,

        Thank you for your lovely self care suggestions to Jay, which are very beautiful.

        It is so true that self care is absolutely about self-love, it is about becoming the most meaningful and loving person to self.

        If we are not at one with ourself and ‘in love’ with self – we cannot be at one with life.

        Mel xo

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Jay,

      You are very welcome.

      Truly I feel for you, as holiday time can accentuate the pain.

      It is very true that simply trying to distract ourself does not address our unhealed parts that require attention and commitment from ourself.

      Distractions are only a temporary salve but the ‘outer’ focus can never replace the necessary inner job.

      Unattended to unhealed parts can and will only represent until they are healed.

      My suggestion to you is to consider NARP as a vehicle to truly heal your inner self.

      Mel xo

  • janetereseandrews@bigpond.com'
    Jane
    December 25, 2012

    Merry Christmas everyone. Jay love to you and keep going. ” This too, shall pass “. Better times ahead. Mel thank you for all your guidance. Truly it has saved my life. My first Narc free holiday! I have worked my butt off doing the healings in QF and yes miracles are happening. I love your Cairns pictures and am happy you are having a break. I am taking the kids to Noosa for a week and we are all going surfing. XXXJane

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Jane,

      Merry Christmas to you too!

      You are very welcome Jane.

      I am so pleased that your efforts on healing the inner you has created such wonderful results.

      Thank you for your lovely well wishes and have a wonderful time in Noosa!

      Mel xo

  • Karen_lyons@rok.catholic.edu.au'
    Kally
    December 25, 2012

    Thank you Mel, enjoy your well earned break and thanks so much for your inspiration and guidance these past months. Xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Kally,

      Thank you and you are very welcome.

      I am so pleased that my material has been able to help you.

      Mel xo

  • Karen.lee37@hotmail.com'
    Karen
    December 25, 2012

    Thank you for the Christmas and new year wishes Melanie and thank you for taking the time and effort to share with us your experience of healing as it is because of that, that I am enjoying a wonderful Christmas and I will take the time over the next few days to catch up on your holiday and your news but for now I just wanted to wish you all the best for Christmas and new year and to everyone else reading on this site also. Much love Karen xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Karen,

      You are very welcome! And I am so pleased that you are out of the pain this holiday time.

      Wishing you a wonderful holiday period too.

      Thank you for your post!

      Mel xo

  • Ak.rebecca.schwartz@gmail.com'
    Rebecca Schwartz
    December 25, 2012

    Thanks to the information u have provided me, going thru this horrible ordeal has been so much easier. Wednesday if all goes well my annulment will be finalized. He has been convicted of assaulting me, he has no knowledge of my wear abouts and no way to contact me. I have recently contacted my Fifteen year old stepson and continue see him and talk to him. I have just stopped talking to all the friends who are not supportive of me. I never said anything negative about him cause it would have been pointless. He hired a lawyer to try get off, and told every one he knows that I am mentally unstable. I just disappeared for a long time and all my “friends” didn’t try to contact me, offer me help or anything. So now I have new wonderful friends who love me and try to help me even tho I don’t ask them for anything. Thanks to you again for the amazing info u shared and how helpful it has been. I am happy u r having a great time. Hope u have a great holiday season and lots of fun:) thank you again.

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Rebecca,

      I am so glad that you have been able to find your inner strength.

      That is wonderful that you have detached and you are creating a new world that is so much more of a match for your True Self.

      Thank you, I am having a lovely time and I wish you a wonderful holiday season too.

      Mel xo

  • lilltorill.andersen@gmail.com'
    No more self denial
    December 25, 2012

    SO good to read about wonderful resting time and hear you are well! Love the pictures.

    I am in my third christmas Narc free, being in recovery but still havent recovered completely. Though I am doing better than ever- soon hopefully coming to the point where I have overcome the addiction to the thought- and emotional cycles that have made it very difficult for me to focus on my own practical healing process. I struggle with denial of the truth that I really have been abused; displacement of truth; I unconsciously put the truth in the closet and live the days in a fog. And when I once in a while see truth clearly, I struggle with taking responsibility and act, because I kind of lack inner permittion to take responsibility and act up for myself and my life. Still. And what seem to help me pop out of it is often to explore something that bad, that there is no doubt that I actually am allowed to get the grip and do something about the situation. It is in a very subtle way kind of horrible to become aware that ones situation is like that, though being in it I know how to laugh of it and survive. And I have been working healing for so long now, that I know that nomatter how unsuccessful I feel one day, the only thing to do is take a little rest before keeping on working my ass off- and never ever loosen the strong grip that is the determination getting throug this and completely heal.

    I definately plan to follow your January challenge, Melanie. The support you always come with is exactly what I need- your insight on addcition related to narc abuse is priceless; you know what I need when I go through this inteding to recover, and you keep serving me that I need. I am blessed! 😉 Thank you for a great year.

    Love, L.

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi NMSD,

      Thank you do much, and I’m glad you like the pics!

      Yes it is very common for victims of narcissistic abuse to have high levels of tolerance to unacceptable behaviour, apply cognitive dissonance and get stuck in the ‘love and missing’ illusions.

      It is really important to get clear that narc behaviours are not okay, and that truly the majority of the human adult race are capable of honesty, integrity and possessing a conscience, rather than being trapped in the ‘if onlys’…that the narcissist simply does not have the resources to provide.

      Knowing this helps – but regardless of all of this the healing of your unhealed parts, the codependencies and the reasons why you attracted and allowed narc abuse is the real key to your healing breakthrough.

      And firmly deciding that you DO deserve so much better.

      It is wonderful that you truly wish to heal – and your desire and honest inner application will totally provide your breakthrough.

      We truly are all blessed to have each other, and you are so totally welcome.

      Mel xo

  • lucygawain@gmail.com'
    Lucy Gawain
    December 25, 2012

    You are amazing!
    Please pray for a friend of mine who is fighting a massive CUSTARDY battle for her 3 children. Her husband is the king of narsissism!
    It is a war and he is portraying her as a bad mother and is wanting to destroy her in every way!
    You provide hope…
    Thank you and happy Christmas,
    Lucy

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Lucy,

      Yes sending healing thoughts to your friend. It is awful when going through these battles – absolutely.

      Has your friend got the details to access my resources? It is totally important in this time to empower herself as much as she possibly can.

      Merry Christmas and happy New Year to you too Lucy.

      Mel xo

  • lucygawain@gmail.com'
    Lucy Gawain
    December 25, 2012

    Any advice would be gladly accepted!
    lucygawain@gmail.com
    We are desperate!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Lucy,

      There are many blog articles here that relate to your friend’s specific dilemma. Also if you look at the NARP testimonies you will read about the results people have gained in these situations by working on their inner self.

      Mel xo

  • mayasarkis@hotmail.com'
    Maya Sarkis
    December 25, 2012

    Happy Christmas Mel, & God bless you.
    Am mourning the loss of a sister this year. Cultural protocol requires us to mourn for a year – a year of prayer & reflection. Thanks to God’s providence & to your practical teaching & insight I was able to overcome the audacious & complete non- participation of the two narcs in my life (my mother & brother) in the WHOLE process of my sister’s passing away -( God knows what she thought of their indifference but I know she’s a good and forgiving soul). I said my goodbyes properly holding her & praying for her as she parted from this world. I was glad that I had spoken to you Mel. That you were part of my preparation for this significant event in my life was no accident. You taught me that the focus must be on the self – to do what’s right for the self – that I am not responsible for the behaviour of others- that boundaries must be instilled in for self preservation & in order to experience maturity & self acceptance & acceptance of others – although that does not mean that one has to integrate with what is not appropriate for one’s self. You strenghtened me Mel. You told me me that my feelings were common in narc relationships, & real & catalysts to a better more solid confident me. You did this for me Mel. & you ought to be proud of your work. I am at peace – but as a true Christian, of course, I pray that the real meaning of Christmas with all of its depth & substance will touch you once again. X love always.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Maya,

      Happy christmas to you too!

      Deep condolences for the passing of your sister and much love and healing.

      I am so pleased my material has been able to help you have a stronger identity, and to claim the gift of loving and honouring you.

      That is wonderful that you are at peace.

      Thank you for your lovely and inspirational post.

      Mel xo

  • anuradha.didla@gmail.com'
    Anuradha
    December 25, 2012

    Thank you Melanie for the appropriate ariticles.
    I felt as if you are writing just for me.
    You are doing a great job.
    Regards

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Anuradha,

      You are very welcome.

      I am so pleased my material has been speaking to your soul.

      Mel xo

  • Taniafblake@gmail.com'
    Tania
    December 25, 2012

    Merry Christmas Melanie & everyone. A narc free Christmas should be celebrated & enjoyed!
    Keep up the great work you do Melanie. You’ve saved my sanity many times over the past months.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Tania,

      Merry Christmas to you too.

      I will certainly do my best and I am so pleased you are finding your way out to ‘the other side’.

      That is wonderful!

      Mel xo

  • dgroom1@bigpond.com'
    Debra Groom
    December 25, 2012

    Merry Christmas Mel & everyone. Thank you so much for all your over help over these past months. Enjoy your holiday Mel, it looks awesome.
    Love Deb

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Debra,

      Merry Christmas! You are so welcome, and thank you for your well wishes.

      Yes this holiday is wonderful – thankyou!

      Mel xo

  • k.juggins28@yahoo.co.uk'
    Kelly Juggins
    December 25, 2012

    Merry Christmas & A better 2013 everyone. I have recently came back from Florida – Where I went to all the Disney parks and swam with a dolphin… I’m from the UK so the weather here is cold n wet – Florida the sun shone everyday which i responded very well to – I just loved America and wanted to stay:(

    Thank u Mel for all the support u have giving me in 2012 – I’m glad u have taken a well deserved holiday – looked lovely.

    Look forward to much more in 2013…

    love to all kel xxxxxxxxx

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Kelly,

      That sounds gorgeous. I would so love to swim up close and personal with dolphins.

      You are so welcome and thank you for your best wishes.

      Yes 2013 is going to be a great year for many!

      Mel xo

  • shs44@live.com'
    Sandra
    December 25, 2012

    Hi Mel, fantastic photos and so pleased to hear of your resting, peaceful time. It sounds like heaven. We’ve had a little snow here in Switzerland and its cold but all is good. 2012 was rollercoaster ride for me, I finally got divorced after a long battle, my life moved on fantastically, new country, new job with a new man who loves me unconditionally 🙂 and then in October I found out I have cancer, spookily in exactly the same place my ex hit me in the face!! Having said that three chemo sessions later and the tumour in my face has completely GONE and symbolically I feel free of him. He continues to make my children’s life a misery, but they too are coming to terms with how he is and accepting it, have chosen not to have him in their lives and moving on. Without all your help and the sessions I had with you I know I would be stick stuck there, and so I bless the day our paths crossed. For everyone else, it is a hard journey but so worth it, stick to it, ask for help and rejoice in getting your life back. Merry Christmas everyone xxxxxx

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Sandra,

      I’m glad you like the photos, the climate here in Australia is very different from what you have been experiencing.

      I am glad your life has been moving forward, and I am so sorry to hear about your cancer bout. That is wonderful that you have been able to health your way through.

      It lovely that you have reclaimed your life Sandra, I am very happy for you.

      Mel xo

    • cmonkhouse@me.com'
      Christine
      December 28, 2012

      Hi Sandra, I live in Switzerland too. Would love to get in touch. Do not want to publish my e-mail address here, so pls send me your contact, if you like, to my mobile: 079 636 05 23
      Looking forward

  • Marie_3913@hotmail.com'
    Marie Esteban
    December 25, 2012

    Merry Xmas Melanie, I hope you enjoyed ever minute of your well deserved break.

    Looking forward to the 30 day Challenge and more great stuff from you.

    All the best for 2013.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Marie,

      Merry Christmas to you too.

      Yes I have been enjoying a well earned rest thankyou.

      I’m glad you are looking forward to the 30 day challenge!

      Mel xo

  • noorwinckel@gmail.com'
    Leonore
    December 25, 2012

    Dear Melanie

    I have not posted on any of your articles before, but I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the love and support I have felt from you over the past few months. I have no doubt that I was meant to ‘find’ you on the internet, after discovering that my (hopefully soon to be ex-)husband is a narcissist. Everything fell into place and as many women have already commented, your writings seem to be describing my life, my experiences and my hurt and grief exactly! After some hesitation, I decided to give NARP a go and I am proud to say that I finished the program last week. The difference in my well-being is nothing short of a miracle, although I feel that I have to keep on lovingly supporting myself with your help, to shed my previous co-dependent self and blossom completely to my full potential, which I know I deserve.
    So THANK YOU for everything, I will keep waiting for all the new and exciting things you have in store for us in 2013.
    Enjoy your rest in beautiful Cairns, you deserve it!

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Leonore,

      You are so very welcome, and I am so pleased my material has been able to help you.

      That is wonderful that the healings in NARP have been able to help you so much. You do totally deserve your full potential!

      Thank you for you holiday wishes and wishing you a wonderful holiday season as well.

      Mel xo

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    December 25, 2012

    Dear Mel,
    What a wonderful holiday you seem to be enjoying and I am so happy for you and greatful to you taking the time, whilst on holiday to think of all of us, keeping our spirits lifted. It is very difficult even for me, who has been away from my last relationship for a year now and this was the first Christmas where he was not with me. I felt some sadness, as some of the memories of the good times we always had at Christmas came up, the places we shared and the love we once had when it was really good and seemed so real. I had a cry or two also. Felt much better after that. Incredible how a lot of us still feel a pull toward the love that we thought we had, even after everything that happened and regardless of how much time has passed. Working with NARP has been incredible for my healing and is a priority for me now, especially after feeling some sadness after today. I want to clear these uneasy feelings so I can heal completely. I believe I can come through the pain and as you know me, pretty well Mel, there has been a lot of progress, but I still have a few chords to cut.
    Much love to you and I truly hope your day was filled with wonder, love and lots of magical moments shared. Love Jac from my home wonderland in Tassie. x

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Jac,

      You are always welcome my love!

      Yes it certainly can be a hard and nostalgic time at Christmas. It is important to honour our emotions and allow them and have a cry if necessary.

      Jac you have made wonderful progess in your healing and truly it has been a credit to you – I have no doubt you are going to come out the other side fully – and I don’t believe that is far away.

      Thank you Jac for your love and best wishes and all the same to you.

      Mel xo

  • suzyvegas1@gmail.com'
    Tracy Johnson
    December 25, 2012

    Merry Christmas Melanie – Lovely photos.
    @Jay – sorry to hear you are so down but truly it will pass and sooner if you fully commit to yourself by accessing and honouring your needs as Mel has shown us here. Also try dancing. Seriously in the depths of depression after a suicide situation, I put a disco dance show on TV and actually did a little movement and could not believe how uplifted I felt. (something aligned with this will be my 2013 task).
    After Mel gave me life again I worked my way toward hands on healing and the woman told me how she instantly felt the violation within and how NO ONE has ever been kind to me. She said my entire innards around third and fourth chakra are out of my body and I am trying to escape – so true. This holiday I am in the home of NM but alone in my room working on going forward toward the light. After decades of suffering, I know my path is to put it to use.
    Mel – you asked about opinions, I only have one to offer if it’s of interest. ALthough you are directed at narcissism in love relationships, I would so love to hear a tape directed at narcissistic mothers. Much love xx

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Tracy,

      That is so true regarding dancing, it is such a beautiful method of healing and connecting to ‘life’.

      It is wonderful that you are so dedicated to healing yourself and moving into the light.

      Tracy because I have not had the experience of a narcissistic mother it is very difficult for me to speak personally about the experience.

      There are of course many great resources on the Internet regarding narcissistic mothers, and many of these great documents have been shared in the NARC Facebook Group.

      I do know that the healing – other than modified contact maybe as a choice, rather than no contact – in energetic terms is identical. Many individuals have worked NARP successfully to heal from narcissistic parents.

      It is about going to the source of the painful charges of abuse and violation and healing the associated unhealed parts.

      Mel xo

  • trishcohen35@hotmail.com'
    Trish
    December 26, 2012

    Merry Christmas to all but most especially to Melanie for all the guidance and support she gives us all . The program has most certainly saved my sanity and my life when nothing else was coming close . I read so many others write such similar things and have the very same thoughts and stories that I do . To know that I am not alone in the this nightmare gives me great comfort and strength. And much strength and growth I have found since discovering Melanie’s website . I bawled my eyes out when I found it as I knew this was the answer I was looking for to heal . I feel blessed and so thankful for this chance to heal – truly a gift . I am gaining back optimism but more than anything hope which I had lost completely and doubted I would ever get back . I am working through Melanie’s program and the weekly news letter always seem to address something that I have been thinking about or struggling through. The timing is uncanny. Bless you Mel for what you do – to acknowledge and bring this issue to light and give us the tools and guidance to heal properly. These kind of relationships cost us dearly and sometimes everything and everyone in our lives . I have lost 2 friends recently ( good friends- or so I thought due to my ex narcs continuing lies and rubbish. But it doesn’t matter- I refuse to try and justify/ defend myself . This only draws me back into all of the garbage which is deterimental to my healing. I shall leave them to it and focus on me and have only people in my life who support me fully . It’s the only way although its not always easy . I am grateful for those who do stand by me , family , friends and my children. Best wishes to all who have been through terrible relationships and experiences with Narcs . This is the way through it and out of it …… Don’t give up …… We all found this site for a reason – because we needed to…….xoxo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Trish,

      A very merry Christmas to you too!

      I am so pleased that NARP has had such a powerful healing result for you.

      That is wonderful that you are honouring you and coming into your full deservedness.

      I am so glad you found your way to this place – thank you for your inspirational post to everyone!

      Mel xo

  • sujonez@hotmail.com'
    carolyn
    December 26, 2012

    A very happy Christmas to you Melanie. I am so glad to hear you are having a wonderful holiday- you so deserve that. I found you 5 months ago when my marriage broke down and I was an emotional wreck. After working on the NARP and with all the love and support you give to us all, I am finally beginning to regain my peace of mind and rediscover my joy.

    I am visiting my family in wet and windy Wales, Christmas is hard because it is the first Christmas on my own and I feel for all of you who feel that same sadness. But there IS joy too…. I have cleared away so much negative stuff through NARP, I am so much more aware than ever before in my life. I can recognize the gift now… probably the best Christmas present ever!…thank you so much Melanie for that and thank you too to all of you who post here and made me realize that I wasn´t alone. Merry Christmas everyone and may 2013 be joyful and empowering!! Blessings Be

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Carolyn,

      A very happy Christmas to you too. I am so pleased NARP and my material has helped so much and that you are coming out the other side.

      That is so beautiful that you have claimed the gift and come home to loving you.

      That is what this entire journey is all about!

      Mel xo

  • Carolreedjobson@gmail.com'
    Lee
    December 26, 2012

    Melanie, your work has truly helped. Seeing the Narc behind the dazzling mask is crucial. All that deception makes for a messy painful cleanup. Finding out my life partner has painted a target on me and is relentlessly trying to destroy me- quite a harsh awakening.
    The energetic meditations- huge help.
    I am making real progress, but as I slowly relax my hyper vigilance the PTSD hits me with panic attacks and anxiety. He is no longer a threat. I am divorced and NC. He has a new target and she is a Narc too. That is a gift- they feed on each other and he leaves me alone! I see them as a pair of sharks, relentless hunters, instinct not emotion.

    My mind is just so accustomed to being on high alert, monitoring his mood swings, focusing energy I needed for my own self on keeping him stable – an impossible task as he is also BPD. How do I stand down, relax the control, without these debilitating panic episodes?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Lee,

      I am so glad my material has helped you. Yes with all masks they do sooner or later drop….absolutely.

      It is great that you are making progress. Are you actually working the healings in NARP?

      Truly if you do follow the charges of your PTSD through to their emotional origin and transform these unhealed parts, your PTSD symptoms will go.

      It also seems that you need to revise your contact and your boundaries totally. No contact is always best or modified with strong boundaries with no ability for him to penetrate your emotional and psychic space.

      It is very hard for you to recover fully and reclaim yourself if he can.

      You do need to create stronger boundaries.

      Mel xo

  • Lauriekap@yahoo.com'
    Laurie
    December 26, 2012

    Simply breathtaking!!! What an amazing trip. Best for the holidays and the New Year. I am so grateful to have found you and the amazing group on Facebook, completely life changing in the most wonderful of ways!

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Laurie,

      Thank you and blessings for your holiday period too! I am so glad this material and the Facebook group have helped you so much.

      Mel xo

  • tmadden@walton.k12.ga.us'
    teresa
    December 26, 2012

    Merry Christmas! Love seeing you so happy and content! Much has happened. Saw the lawyer, who has been so supportive of me, my situation, and even encouraging me about the wisdom and need to leave my NH. (He even told me, pay what you can and if you don’t have the money to pay me, that’s okay. I just want you out of this situation.) Wow! I found an apartment near my school and near my daughter. She will let me start bringing a few things in, but my lease will not start until February 1st. Wow! I will get up like I always do getting ready to go to school. I will actually go to my new apartment. My husband will be served the papers that day along with a restraining order which will keep him from coming to my school. He will not take it well, and I know he will try to get sympathy and spread lies. But, NO CONTACT is the right choice. I look forward to leaving it all behind!! I am not afraid of lonliness because I’ve lived “alone” in my own home for so long.. I’m not afraid of his words any longer. He will never have me again to abuse and degrade. I’m almost free from his presence but have been free from his affect over me for some time now. Melanie, and all you precious ladies here have helped me regain the strength to move on, and say to myself, “No More.” Thank you. Thank you for throwing me the lifeline that has helped me crawl out of darkness back into the light. God is good. He knew how much I would need you. Thank you. Merry Christmas.

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Theresa.

      Merry Christmas to you too!

      That is fantastic that you are getting such great lawyer support, it is totally a testimony that you are in the right vibration!

      That is wonderful that other areas of your life are falling into placers well.

      It is a very powerful thing when we finally say ‘no more I deserve so much better than this’. When we claim our self-esteem and self-worth back there is no more fight to be had to try to make an abuser ‘normal’. What for?

      You should be very proud of yourself, because you are doing a fantastic job.

      I agree that the synchroniscities of Life (God) are amazing. When we ask we truly do receive.

      Mel xo

  • laface2010@yahoo.com'
    Laura
    December 26, 2012

    Thanks for sharing your adventure and the beautiful pics. I suppose the fish and other sea life are as curious about us as we are them.

    It’s good to see you enjoying life. I know for me it gives me hope that I will be where you are someday…soon.

    There is much more light this year than last since last year was really fresh. I’m looking forward to the stuff you have in store for us and definitely interested in the 30 day challenge. However I do hope that it is through these emails and your regular site and NOT Facebook. I’m no longer on Facebook and have no near future plans to rejoin.

    Enjoy your holidays. Thanks for all you do Mel.

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Laura,

      You are very welcome!

      Yes the fish are incredible it is so beautiful how they joined in with our convoy of 6 divers like happy, friendly dogs! They were so happy to hang around and play!

      Yes Laura you will totally. When you come home to knowing and being your self-love and self- worth and knowing that you and life ‘are one’ you will connect to yourself and life happily.

      It truly is our True Self state. And it’s so essential to be this state yourself authentically before trying to procure a relationship ‘to give you yourself’- which can never work.

      So keep at it and know that when you open up to truly unconditionally loving the glorious you, you will know it!

      You are very welcome Laura, and the 30 day challenge will be in newsletter format for Empowered Life and Love Subscribers so make sure you do subscribe if you haven’t already. (link is in blog article)

      Enjoy your holidays too!

      Mel xo

  • dianec58pprp@yahoo.com'
    Diane
    December 26, 2012

    Just wanted to let you know your emails,newsletter and blogs have been true gifts of blessings this year. In May after 5 years my husband had me suicidal and I knew it had to stop. I left with my son in June and have moved back to our home in another state. We are still married and he still contacts me with various tactics. Your information land others stories et me know I am not alone and mnot crazy that what I have and am experiencing is real. I am still working on getting strong enough to file for divorce. Your help and my therapist as well as friends and family are so supportive I know that I will be able to make 2013 a year with hope and a future instead of the sadness and despair I have felt. So Thanks for the wonderful gifts you have given me to strengthen me on my new quest

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Diane,

      I am so pleased my resources have helped you. Definetely being suicidal can be a massive turning point. It is the end of the line letting you know that you are allowing another person to completely destroy your self-esteem, and enough is clearly enough.

      You are so very welcome and it is wonderful that you are becoming empowered!

      Mel xo

  • Gherardo@hotmail.com'
    Theresa
    December 26, 2012

    Hi melanie and everyone! Thanks for sharing Your experiences in Australia , i relaxed Just looping At the lovely photos! As this is first
    Xmas without Narc Partner , its great and Your articles have been truly inspiring! And from reading others’ stories, it has been quite affirming that i am on the right path that includes a restraining order ( can you believe he is trying to’ lift this so that we can have more “communication”?! I dont think so!!) however what is happening now is that our kids ( includes teenagers)Are verbally confronting me in hurtful language about in reading Access to’ him, and its quite frightening because it sounds like he is in the House again! They have learnt his toxic approach unfortunately . What is Your suggestion to’ limit THIS indirect abuse , do i let them have more Access even if i was told by police that i have more say ( but the kids Are twisting this advice alzo and probably have his family adding to’ the demands) i am hanging in There With a positive outlook, but other support would be’ great . Thank you again

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Theresa,

      You are very welcome, and I am so glad you enjoyed the photos!

      It’s great that you have been setting boundaries.

      Is it possible he just contacts your children? Also I don’t know whether or not he was violent and the nature of your order.

      Definetely it is important to honour what you know is the right thing to do without guilt. You may need to release the feelings of unease you may have in regard to feeling guilty or pressured, and be firm and calm with your boundary with your children, and don’t ‘feed’ their angst on this topic.

      Don’t tolerate the abuse either, and remove yourself until they are willing to converse with you respectfully.

      I hope this helps!

      Mel xo

  • suzih63@hotmail.com'
    Sue
    December 26, 2012

    Thank you for all your posts,I too gain strength from what i read, I have been out for 2 months, this is the 3rd time I have ended this relationship and at first it feels really good but as time goes on I feel sader and hate that ‘it’s’ over, I know it’s fear of being on my own and that I don’t feel I’m good enough to find someone to love me,and it hurts that he moves on so quickly and can find someone else so easily, my head know it’s not real but i can’t seem to stop the negative thinking.Lots of you have found the program helpful so will work to organise that for next year.thank you again everyone for sharing and to you Melanie for all your words of wisdom and support.

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Sue,

      It is really normal if we don’t get on to our healing our inner parts to ‘miss’ the good times.

      That is what can be so confusing and painful about narc abuse is that you are adored and abhorred on a dime. But be very clear that is not how true love operates.

      Once the decision has been made ‘this just can’t be healthy’ then it is about committing to the deep inner healing, do that you can claim your self-esteem and self-worth and know you do deserve so much better.

      There are plenty of people in the real world that do have the resources to love you truly Sue, and you will experience this when you do heal and truly love yourself.

      NARP will help you with that a lot!

      Don’t give up, it’s there for you to claim.

      Mel xo

  • jennifer.dugena@gmail.com'
    jennifer
    December 26, 2012

    Hi Mel,
    The sights are gorgeous!!! It’s great to see another aspect of you!

    Again, I cant thank you enough for setting me on the path to healing, knowledge, understanding and enlightenment. I heard that Dec 21 2012 is actually a day where we – the world – cleanses and renews itself. And we are now starting on an energetically new path.

    Maybe this experience I had today and a few days ago is a residue of aspects I need to cleanse completely from my Self.

    I woke up Dec 25 remembering a dream I had where I was warning people, specially an old woman, against my narc ex and advising them to not be swayed by his charm. A few days ago, I have been dreaming of him still following me and I pointed at him and cursed, shouted at him to leave. I apologized to the friends who were with me in my dream for my “bad words” but I also said they were truths and facts.

    Then this morning, I received a call from my mother. She said that she received an email from my narc ex. I have blocked my narc ex in all my emails. My mother said my narc ex detailed in the email how his newborn son died. He was also apologizing for everything he did or failed to do — for the hurts he did to me or the family. My mother said she wont reply to the message,I reiterated and requested her NOT to. She said shell forward it to me, I said no. I asked her to block him from her email. She doesnt know how to do this so I proceeded to do it. I also read the email too in order to see it for myself and face it and check any charges that may still be present that I may still be carrying.

    In the email, his experience of the personal tragedy he went through was more detailed than his general apology or the reason for his apology. As if he venerated / glorified the tragedy and milking it for all the sympathy it could get. And his sorry or admission of guilt was merely a guise. Also, the timing of his email was “perfect” as he sent it on xmas eve when the event he was referring to happened 4 mos ago. I felt he was using other people’s “sympathy” as proxy for his feelings. He also referred to the birth of his son as “in (his) mind” was the “happiest.”

    I wondered how he could “think” he was the happiest when feeling it was easier?

    I gaped in awe when I read my journal where I noted down the dream I had about warning people – specially an old woman – not to be lured by my narc ex’s charm.

    It was as if my dream knew something I was physically unable to know (my mother opened her email a day after christmas) and told me about it today.

    I have blocked my narc ex’s emails on my mother’s account.

    Oddly, my head understood and knew the style, manipulation used by my narc ex. But my body reacted – specifically the left side of my body – and I felt it shake even if I was aware of this hooking thing narcs do.

    I also watched myself feel a combination of feelings. I was affected by it but also not. My body was reacting to it still but my head knew where it stands and a part of me — a conscious part of me — knew the truth. But my body was reacting to it.

    It is in a situation as this that I am grateful for Mel’s QFH.Tremendous help!!!

    I just wanted to share it. Thanks for allowing me and the opportunity Mel!!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Jennifer,

      You are so welcome – and being underwater is defintely another sight for sure!

      You are so truly welcome, and I am just so pleased I could help.

      Yes I totally agree that this time in terms of vibration is incredibly crucial.

      Whatever disowned and unhealed parts we have are now presented at full throttle.

      This cleansing is the time of ‘co-creative consciousness’, and what that means is that the division between the inner and the outer has or is dissolving.

      It is a time of utter authenticity and whatever is false and not in integrity will fall. Only ‘realness’ can operate now!

      It’s not a good time for people who operate through false self and masks – humility, truth and unconditional acceptance of self reaps the rewards.

      Wow your dream was incredibly prophetic! You definetely are aligned with your inner self!

      Yes the hooking aspect can be powerful, it is like poison.

      It’s great that you have the QF tool to clear yourself.

      You are very welcome Jennifer always to share here. Thank you for doing so!

      Mel xo

      • jennifer.dugena@gmail.com'
        jennifer
        December 27, 2012

        “the division between the inner and the outer has or is dissolving.”

        WOW!!! yes, i have a feeling about that too Mel!!! wow!!!

      • jennifer.dugena@gmail.com'
        jennifer
        December 27, 2012

        Thank you Mel!! I am extremely grateful for you and QFH!

    • jennifer.dugena@gmail.com'
      jennifer
      December 27, 2012

      I would also like to share and add that after the QFH, I realized, after all this time I thought I cleared everything, there is a little part in my head and heart where I still wanted my narc ex to be accountable, I still wanted justice, fairness or that he be exposed for all the lies and hurts he did. or that I was waiting for the time that he would be.

      It was tremendous stuff I was still carrying which I thought I already released and cleared.

      Now I know why I couldnt let go of situations where I feel someone for instance was rude to me and I make sure I return that rudeness back to them. or that I make them aware that they were rude.

      Anyone experienced anything similar???

      Clearing these and realizing these, is a great way to start the new year.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        December 28, 2012

        Hi Jennifer,

        Yes I do believe a lot of people can relate.

        This is the part of ourself which can cling on to ‘making another person responsible for our wellbeing’, rather than claiming it for ourself.

        It’s important to know and claim out True Self function which is love, integrity and peace and those qualities and commitment need to always start with ‘self’.

        What that means is that the people who do not represent these essential human qualities are not a representation of us being true to ourself.

        Narcs are not a ‘true self’, they are a pathological being of high entitlement (it all about them) operating from a base of severely deficient self-love and self-esteem. This makes it impossible for narcs to take ownership, be responsible and possess an authentic conscience.

        It is only at a rock bottom that a narc can be accountable but that state will never hold.

        It is great that you are healing this and letting it go – because truly when you align as the source to yourself as love, integrity and peace then your life will simply fill with the identical matches, and you will never ‘bother’ or ‘struggle’ with any less than that again.

        You and life are abundant and a glorious match. No-one can grant us love, truth and peace until we become it to ourself and say ‘no’ to who isn’t.

        Mel xo

        • jennifer.dugena@gmail.com'
          jennifer
          December 28, 2012

          “‘making another person responsible for our wellbeing’,”
          “What that means is that the people who do not represent these essential human qualities are not a representation of us being true to ourself.”

          i have to remind myself of this everytime I have a tendency to do this!

          “It is great that you are healing this and letting it go – because truly when you align as the source to yourself as love, integrity and peace then your life will simply fill with the identical matches, and you will never ‘bother’ or ‘struggle’ with any less than that again.”

          I have been bawling my eyes, heart and body out somewhat the same way I did during the initial stages of my healing — I was shocked to realize some of the stuff I thought I was over with was still there!!! fortunately now I know how to process them. to stay with them, feel them, acknowledge them, be aware of them and clear them! Thanks to QF!!!

          “It is only at a rock bottom that a narc can be accountable but that state will never hold.”

          Thank you Mel for putting a light on my confusion. I was surprised to see the words “accountable” used by my narc ex on his email — teh odd thing was he used the 3rd person to refer to himself as being accountable. which now I realize is a way to not really wholly owning accountability — sort of like partly owning it and partly disowning it. (?)

          “You and life are abundant and a glorious match. No-one can grant us love, truth and peace until we become it to ourself and say ‘no’ to who isn’t.”

          so beautiful I would like to use this as an affirmation!!! Thank you Mel! you dont know how much your words just calmed that anxious part of me after I read that poisonous hooking email from my narc ex.

          • Melanie Tonia Evans
            December 28, 2012

            Hi Jennifer,

            It’s great you are getting clear, and you are so welcome!

            The vital points truly are it is only a pathological self that can operate in conscienceless ways with no ability to be remorseful and accountable.

            Normal people can slip but if they do they take responsibility and have empathy for the damage their behaviour has caused, and they rebuild relationships rather than continuously destroying them.

            Not later, as in days, weeks, months or years, and healthy people do not need to have it pointed out or ‘shown’ – they have enough inner resources to ‘know’ they have done the wrong thing, rather than twist it around to be denied, or projected as someone else’s fault.

            The narcissistic level of accountability for their behaviour (if they ever finally do it) is also tainted with pathological behaviour. The ‘sorries’ are always followed by a ‘but’ which is generally pointing out your flaws, or an excuse, justification or some form of disowning the accountability.

            The truth is narcs because of their disordered minds generally don’t think they have done anything wrong, because they cant access periperal, they just don’t have the resources to not make it all about themself…

            Don’t fall for it and don’t engage, it will only be more pain ending up rolling around in the narcissistic childish sandpit. We’re adults Jen, and this means the people in our life MUST have the fundaments of integrity and possess healthy empathy and conscience.

            This leaves you with the majority of mankind to connect with and experience truth, love and joy.

            Dealing with five year old human brings who do not have the fundaments of basic humanity is no one’s healthy reality. Let go and don’t make it yours – or you will be simply signing up for more of the same.

            Mel xo

  • mypinkhouse@me.com'
    Val
    December 26, 2012

    Living life joyfully Melanie!
    Surrounded by such awesome beauty in your holiday environment. Reflected in the beautiful loving Spirit that is you. So many of us here speak in one voice to say thank you Melanie for the light and inspiration you create . Thank you. Such small words….
    Diving?? Brave!!
    Great to do new things with the body isn’t it.?
    So lost in our heads some of us get, we forget our bodies. So I,ll create myself a challenge this summer of learning to do something new that is physical. More inclined to read books etc so all the more reason to bring in some physical awareness and movement.
    Now let.’s see ….nothing too hard….I walk thrice daily with my dogs but am not agile or brave…..
    Better sleep on it, Yoga? Read about Yoga? Better…
    I even hated sport in primary school
    Love your 30 day challenge plan for 2013
    I.m getting up to find and launder some sportswear
    Active body challenge . More oxygen.
    Thankyou for always inspiring; being so present, so generous, so loving always.
    Love and blessings to all .

    • jacsplat@msn.com'
      Jac
      December 27, 2012

      Dear Val! My neighbour close by, soon to meet and hug, maybe even have a cry together from feelings of happiness mostly, for we are both survivors of the same pain that only we understand. We are all brave, truly we are and Melanie is here to guide us.
      May I say that a good way to get the body energy activated for me is…1. a 40 minute walk followed by Yoga to stretch, strengthen, add positive energy, eliminate negative energy, clear the mind, rejuvenate and while finishing my day and biginning my day I add NARP. A very powerful combination of all the magical ingredients to make the perfect body, mind and soul. I have learnt to ‘shift’ with QF whilst practicing yoga and my body is mending.
      I can see Yoga for you to Val and most important remember to breath.

      My love to you, I have missed your presence here and until we meet…may all your new ‘body energy’ and love transfer through you and extend to your children, animals and to all whom you love.

      A new beginning for us all this brand new year. ❤Jac

      • mypinkhouse@me.com'
        Val
        December 27, 2012

        Hi Jac,
        Thank you for your great post -now you have inspired me to think more about yoga. You are so right it is about the mind body spirit connection and taking care of each.
        And breathing, I have learnt so much about breathing…
        Thinking of you Jac and love and blessings for the New Year. It seems you are building a strong foundation for the year(s) ahead….to have the life you truly want
        Love and hugs xxx
        P.s. where is Dawn? Dawn are you there??
        C,mon for the 30 day challenge xxx

        • lmaynard8@bigpond.com'
          Dawn
          December 27, 2012

          a Very Happy New year to come to us all Dear Val.

          please make a note of the Yoga Class you will attend in the new year and the phone number for booking into. I have recently joined in and it is fabulous. our bodies become so overwhelmed with grief from the years of the pain hey… well the yoga i do has helped me so much. my spine and alignment is so much better and on the night i do it…. the sleep is the best gift i can give myself. its part of the self care and self love package i have made sure i do – Mel is so right in listening closely to her body and doing what it tells her to.

          i have been calling the White Unicorns dear lady from the stars far up above and the smile on your face beams brighter than the moon can shine.

          i keep in touch with the blog from here, and working through a whole lot of stuff including my health.

          up up and away,

          blessings to Mel and everyone, and yes i sure am up for any challenge, bring it on! xx

          • jacsplat@msn.com'
            Jac
            December 28, 2012

            Hi to you too dear Dawn! I missed you too and it will be wonderful when we meet as well, as you too are my close neighbour!
            Yoga, as I mentioned to Val is my daily regime and I follow one of the old masters, which has done wonders for my sanity, my broken body which is now mending as is my mind. As I am breathing during my yoga practice, I imagine the ‘shifts’ taking place and it truly is indescribable.
            I rode horses from a young age, was very brave then and my horses that I lost many years ago still fly around the universe, as they have wings and watch over me.
            The magic carpet got a clean yesterday and it is ready once again to fly me out into the ‘new universe’ to find more nourishment for my soul. May your magic carpet do the same Dawn.
            The 30 day challenge will bring us all back home to ourselves more than we ever thought possible. So lets all keep going, keep flying high and thrive.
            ((Hugs)) and love to you too Dawn. ❤Jac

          • mypinkhouse@me.com'
            Val
            December 28, 2012

            Dawn, how lovely to hear from you!
            My you are working hard on your healing.
            So everyone is doing yoga -how wonderful.
            Now I have to walk my talk and get moving.
            Do you have to audition for yoga class.?
            Not sure I will find one that will take me.
            I have many locked joints
            You are all amazing.
            Three more days until a New Year
            It,s important to prepare by cleaning and clearing out old stuff and clutter….
            Anyone join me in a three day challenge to clear out?
            I think it is anything associated with past pain, anything unwanted/no longer useful….any clutter
            I will check my favorite E Book ( one of many favorites)
            Of Mel’s : How to become Confident and Irrisistable
            Highly recommended .
            Look out clutter here I come…
            Xxxx

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Val,

      Yes the beauty was breathtaking, truly like heaven!

      Val humbly you are so welcome, I am just so happy that my personal life experiences have been able to make a difference. If I had only saved one life it would have all been worth it.

      Yes diving was brave! I must fess up it wasn’t my idea it was my girlfriends and I ‘went along’. In training in the pool I was thinking ‘omg how am I going to this is the open sea?’ because the safety training and exercises were very full on!

      However by the time I was diving in the ocean I couldnt believe how natural and incredible it felt, it truly was one of the hugest highlights of my life. After we all came up from our first dive (5 of us ) our grins were from ear to ear!

      That will be lovely Val to grant yourself a physical challenge. Yoga is definetely gorgeous!

      Darling lady you are so welcome and your posts are so uplifting and inspiration to everyone, myself included!

      Mel xo

  • julietyp@bellsouth.net'
    Jewel
    December 27, 2012

    Melanie,

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you as well! The place where you are staying looks absolutely heavenly! How wonderful that you were able to “get away” to there!

    This holiday season has been a lesson to me as to just how much more work I have to do in healing. I have let the 2 narcissists in my life into my personal space way too much (impossible to do completely no contact as one is my mother and one the father of my children) and I really suffered for it the past week. I feel very “set back”, but I am determined to make this a wake up call rather than something that will knock me down completely again. Thank you so much for the work you do.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 27, 2012

      Hi Jewel,

      Thank you for your post and merry Christmas and happy new year to you too.

      Yes holiday season can definetely bring this up, and know that you can definetely use this reminder to honour you, heal what has come up for you and tighten up your boundaries.

      You are very welcome and keep committing to healing you, and you will accomplish the healing, freedom and joy that you seek.

      Mel xo

  • shameem.haffejee@capetown.gov.za'
    sushmita
    December 27, 2012

    Greets Mel, lovely to hear fm u fm afar. Its amazing how you find tym to communicate whilst on vac – marvelous! Lovely place you’re at – u deserve tym out. Reading thru sum of the letts is to gain strength fm others – its very overwhelming indeed! The more I read about others experiences, the more I know and feel Im in a better place even though I do hve my sad moments. Sumtyms its difficult as memories surface. Until then, will stay in touch, luvies Sushmita☺

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.comCDATAfunctiontryvarsaijrclbdocument.getElementsByTagNamescriptlbb.lengt'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 28, 2012

      Hi Sushmita,

      Greetings to you too!

      The great things about vacations is down time and I am very lucky with technology to be able to reply!

      It is a lovely balance.

      Thank you for my post and sending you love and support. Keep committing to healing you.

      Mel xo

  • Premuni1953@gmail.com'
    June
    December 28, 2012

    Dear Melanie and Everyone,

    I found this incredible site after realizing I had been living with a man who is a narcissist. He fits all of the characteristics. It is a long story I will not get into right
    now.

    His name starts with a N so I will address him as such.
    His form of Narcissism was/is a more passive one. And he uses both spirituality and psychobabble to really mess with my emotions and mind. Working in the
    mental health field, I could not figure out what was really going on for a long time. Back to the passiveness of his control– I finally saw the light bulb go on when I was able to really listen and not dismiss my own
    feelings. I was very codependent and yet I challenged him. I stood up to him and begged him, etc. Nothing would work. I left once and came back, due to a physical “accident” when he physically hurt me but I
    did not see it. I gave him a second chance, and he did not change, and small incidents accumulated in a domestic violence incident, where I saw him grab me
    and that was it. I saw how much control he was in, I
    saw what a coward and liar he was, I realized he did
    not care at all about me and that it indeed was all about him.

    When we have that moment when the truth of our relationship is revealed to us, it is devastating. After a restraining order, a court hearing, and with more to come, I am feeling like I am over the worst. I have a long ways to go, and I can get through it.

    I will be celebrating my 60 th birthday next month and I will be having a party for myself and be surrounded my family and friends. At this age, I have already been through a lot of life and feel like my own sense of self is pretty intact. But N put me through so much self doubt, destroyed my confidence, etc. etc. I feel so lucky that I was not younger, did not have children with this man, did not marry him, etc.

    My heart goes out to those of us going through much
    more painful and complicated circumstances. My situation was and is not easy, but it is nothing compared to the life stories of some of our other friends here.

    Melanie, I thank the stars and moon and God for you and what you do here. Thank you for caring so much and with so much insight.

    Thank you to all of you willing to share your stories and your feelings and your ongoing struggles to heal.

    With much love,

    June

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 28, 2012

      Hi June,

      It is very true when the writing is well and truly on the wall – it is devestating – because truly we did want to believe that the ‘love’ was real.

      You truly have been through a very had time and my heart goes out to you. You have done a wonderful job by coming to the acceptance that it just was not going to be healthy and it was time to say ‘no more’.

      It is beautiful that you are a part of this community June and many blessings and healings to you lovely lady.

      Mel xo

  • ejh7454@clearwire.net'
    EJ
    December 28, 2012

    Ooooh, Melanie! Even though I actually live in a tropical paradise (Florida), I have to admit to a tiny bit of envy about your tropical vacation. It looks fabulous. Of course, you deserve paradise and more for your wonderful work and for just being you!

    Thanks to you I have had a Christmas free of pain, free of guilt, free of longing, and filled with peace and joy.

    For everyone who is struggling, please believe that eventually you will be free. If I could only tell you how many hours I have spent creating those little tornadoes in my stomach! Many times it was one step forward and two steps back. But, Melanie knows what she’d talking about, so just keep working the program. Just keep working. One day you’ll wake up and feel a little better. Then, you’ll wake up and feel 80% better. Then one day you’ll wake up and it will be over. You’ll vaguely remember the narc, but you’ll know that the narc was never a real person and all your bad feelings will have evaporated. You will have faced your worst demons and turned them into your best learning experiences.

    Melanie’s 10 steps are really the key. So far, she has covered 9 of them in her newsletter plus given instructions on how to shift everything at a deep level. Everything you need is there. Keep reading, re-reading, and working at shifting things out of your body, mind, and life. It works. It really works. Do not give up. Once things begin to shift it’s almost like a house of cards falling, and healing can happen very, very fast. Once you are through to the other side, creating a fantastic life will seem pretty simple compared to clearing out all the old junk!

    Looking back on my life, I can be truly grateful that I got involved with a narc, otherwise I would never have been motivated enough to deal with my real issues. He was certainly the most important relationship of my life and I was lucky to have had this opportunity. I can’t wait to see what 2013 brings! (Although I’m hoping my soul doesn’t have anymore narc-related learning experiences planned for me! The one I had should last for many lifetimes!)

    I am praying that everyone in narc-world will have freedom from pain in 2013. And Melanie, I am praying that you will continue your important work for many more years to come.

    Love to all,
    EJ

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 28, 2012

      Hi EJ,

      Wow Florida sounds amazing! I really do love tropical climates. I could definetely see myself living full time in one – one day. I envy you!

      I am so pleased you had a lovely Christmas, and those words ‘filled with peace and joy’ are divine!

      That is great that you have worked the NARP program diligently, and that you have broken free.

      It is so true that when we do get to our unhealed parts and release and release, then all of a sudden we ‘pop’ through into our True Self freedom.

      Thank you for your gorgeous inspirational and supportive message to this community.

      Mel xo

    • mypinkhouse@me.com'
      Val
      December 28, 2012

      EJ, such wisdom and love you have sent us…..
      Thank you so much
      Sending loving thoughts and wonderful it is over for you
      Happy and peaceful New Year /2013 await you!
      Blessings,
      Xx

      • ejh7454@clearwire.net'
        EJ
        December 29, 2012

        Val,

        Thank you!!! I wish all of the people who post here lived right next door to me! But I love the idea that people all over the world are being helped by Melanie’s work and can support each other through the amazing web of consciousness called the internet.

        I want to tell you about something that has helped my body recover from my narc experience as well as from just plain aging (I’m 67). If you don’t know about Donna Eden and her fantastic work with energy systems and healing, you are in for a treat. I, too, do some yoga (and Chi Gong and Tai Chi) and what I have learned from Donna Eden has fitted in perfectly with those healing systems. Her books “Energy Medicine” and “Energy Medicine for Women” are so helpful and thorough. And you can learn a 5 minute energy balancing routine from a YouTube video that Donna has posted. There is an exercise in the energy medicine book called “Connecting Heaven and Earth.” It’s specifically for joint problems and it has helped me avoid (so far) some joint surgeries. If you don’t already know Donna’s work, I hope you’ll give it a go.

        Happy New Year and love to all of you.

  • xrwpftmozgf@gmail.com'
    brand
    December 28, 2012

    Men In Pain

  • lmaynard8@bigpond.com'
    Dawn
    December 28, 2012

    Dear Val

    the yoga i am doing concentrates on unlocking the joints – and relaxing for the first hour. then some basic yoga stretch’s. its more about grounding our bodies and really feeling the pain area’s and taking time to align the body back to a natural state. look around dear lady, its meant for us… all of us, it can work wonders. the first session i had tears running out of my peep holes. cause i could feel the healing and i was doing something for me by me.

    im up for the three day challenge. is it clutter around me or in me or both? i am constantly clearing it out around me. and now… in me.

    thank you
    x

  • mypinkhouse@me.com'
    Val
    December 28, 2012

    Hey Dawn
    I will look into both.
    Does that type of yoga you do have a particular name?
    It sounds good.
    Now re clearing out- I,m thinking environment as everyone seems to be working hard on releasing inner stuff.
    So I am thinking I will go through my house with my recycle box and my rubbish bag and clear and reorder.

    Then a small dish of sea salt in each room to clear and absorb negative energies.
    I have lovely sage growing so will burn some sage for energy clearing also.
    A light spray around with lavender oil
    And eucalyptus oil in kitchen/laundry

    Then ask the Angels to bless and protect home/neighborhood with healing pink light
    (colour of your choice)
    A candlelight prayer for Peace on Earth within self, home ,and community both local and global.
    A lprayer/meditation for all Beings to receive love and kindness…
    That will be my New Year ritual
    Plus
    Place a five dollar note under a loaf of bread on NY Eve
    Said to ensure money all year for bread
    PLace a white flower outside front door on NY eve
    Said to ensure Truth and Beauty in the home,…

    Anyone have any other tips to ensure all systems in place for best New Year., please share!
    Xxx

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    December 29, 2012

    Hi Dawn and Val!
    You are both my soul sisters! How wonderful we are all here together, flying the magic carpet to our freedom!
    NYE I plan to relax after a walk up Cradle Mountain during daylight of course so I don’t get lost! and the evening calls for me to relax, work with the wonder that is NARP and clean out the junk from my inners. My head too as that aches a bit from still carrying some stuff around not serving me.
    Yoga Val, keep it simple and I do it at home with music playing while following Swami Sarasvati who is one of the original masters…her books are easy to follow and the woman is a high spirit who I highly recommend.
    I imagine myself a sponge squeezing out all the yuk, as I work through each movement. Always focusing on the breath. The muscles need oxygen at certain times during the phase of each movement so very important to breath well.

    I have found two large jars (cookie size) and found an idea to put tiny notes in each jar, one jar for all the positive moments and the other jar for challenges and moments or feeling that need attention. The idea is to fill each jar over the course of the year (2013) with good and bad moments. Ideally the positive jar will be full and the other will have much fewer bad moments. Anything in the bad jar is for clearing. At the end of the year we can sit around together, have fun and read out all the jars contents, keeping the moments alive while sharing them. Sound good? I love the idea!

    So soul sisters, my love to you both and shall we meet one day next year. ❤ Jac x

    • jacsplat@msn.com'
      Jac
      December 31, 2012

      Dawn, dear lady thanks. Your words are like a knowing in what I have sent you to enter your open front door on NYD. Keep the door open until you receive the message.
      It’s wonderful to cleanse the junk out of our space and my red magic carpet seems to be glowing bright red…either that or I have been seeing things, but no it is brighter. Better be careful it doesnt wisk me up and out on the new day as I am planning on relaxing with NARP ready to shift out as much junk as possible before 12 midnight tonight.
      I have the crystal lamp ready, glorious lavender ready to bring in fresh from my garden, a nice soft candle to burn, burning bad energy that may find it’s way in and the back door will be open. I like your suggestions too.
      Your messages uplift me too and I will be with you in spirit today and will be thinking of everyone who is transforming, moving toward light, leaving darkness behind.

      May Love, light and joy find us all.
      Jac xx

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    December 29, 2012

    Val, I have crystal salt lamps which absorb negative energy and the glow everso softly. Also I only eat ‘celtic sea salt’ from ‘Salt of the Earth’ Aus, available online which is the purest and the best celtic salt around.

    I also forgot to mention Tia Chi is also a wonderful energising cleansing exercise and like yoga it will mend every joint. I have degenerative arthritus so Yoga, walking, weights and other gentle movements are ideal for me.

    X❤

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    December 29, 2012

    May 2013 be the best year for us all and I wish for people new and old to Narc abuse find a way to the light, and come home to ourselves.
    Melanie our Angel, we look forward to sharing with you our new positive energy, as you truly are a gift to us all. Love and (((hugs))) to you for a Happy, Joyous New Year. ❤

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    December 29, 2012

    A new blog challenge sound ideal Dawn ❤
    I as well as others here in this community have some big chords still to cut and I know and believe we can all survive and eventually thrive.
    Keep an eye on your email Dawn and you too Val as a welcome to the new message will arrive soon.

    (((Hugs))) x

  • claytonruth@rocketmail.com'
    Ruth
    December 29, 2012

    Hi There! Been a while, I have been moving, so little time for email….but alas, I had to see your pictures. Wow, looks like paradise!!!! And you look happy. It amazes me to want happiness for someone I have never met in person before. You have poured in to this community so much love and courage and truth, and for that I want so much good for you. I pray for your continued blessings and joy, and thank you for touching my life.

  • melinda.l.friday@gmail.com'
    Melinda
    December 29, 2012

    Mel, I just found your website dec 24th. I was doing well until I was weak enough to look at my last ex-narc’s new fiance’s pictures of what her “wonderful fiance” did for her. I crashed. I feel like God had directed me to your website and that of Sam Vaknin. Both of your sites have really helped me to realize not to take a narc personally. I have so much to work on because, I really did not know what a Narc really was. I have just found out. In knowing what they are, I feel set free. I wish I could say I had just one Nark that I was getting over, but, I now know that I am a codependent, that has a high tolerance for inapproprate behavior and problem with setting bounderies. I now suspect that my dad is a N and my mother a codependent enabler (and her body reflects it with open heart surgery, bell pasley, cancer, fibermalgia, heart failure, etc etc). I didn’t marry until my early thirties because I didn’t want a relationship like my parents…guess what, I married a ceribrial narc. I was going through the painful decision of wanting out of my marriage when I was “targetted” by at least three narcs I worked for. I now realized that at two of them were “gaslighting” me. The first was a supervisor that I though I was getting along with just fine. Then, my husband started working where I did and my boss started treating me disdainfully. I was so “tolerent” that I didn’t even realize how much he was getting away with. The lady that sat next to me on a different team is the one that reported it to my center manager. Then, a couple of years later, i was sat next to a guy that I thought was my buddy. I thought it was just a silly game the first time he tried to make me look like a fool by “gaslighting” me. But, when he started trying to tell my coworkers that I was stalking him, I stopped talking to him cold turkey. This was at the same time I was getting divorced from my ex. Sound like enough? Not me. I had another bff at work that I fell right into the arms of. I won’t go into the details, only to say that after the first time we made love, it sarcastically said “Happy” like he was disgusted. He upset me that evening so that I would break up with him. I then found out two days later that he was showing everyone pictures of a girl he had been dating…it wasn’t me! I was physically sick at my stomach. I can’t believe I forgave him and thought we could go back to being friends. But, I begged for it….I missed his sweet attentive friendship. He played me for another year before I realized that he kept using the friendship to lead back to bed, then find out he was still dating someone. I was the mistress. He would tell me that he had broken up with her and I would get back with him only to find out I was still only seeing him on his terms. Finally I had ended it this mid oct. But, like all good codependents, I missed him and contacted him. Long story short. He was trying to play me…said he hadn’t contacted me because I didn’t know what all he “had been going through”. Luckily for me, a friend had informed me that what he had been going through was getting engaged! I blocked him but was having a horrible time. That’s when I started web searching for something to help me figure this out. Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story and help others with your knowledge. I know we are all going to have a wonderful new year. I now know that he and his current fiance had probably never broken up all those times he had said. What I struggle with the most is that I now know that I was his sexual fantasy and that was what he wanted me to be and never a real realationship. I know in my heart that I have dodged the bullit, and want to warn his current fiance; but, several people tried to tell me, but, I knew they were wrong, so, feel that she would never believe me and he would just paint me as a love sick crazy jeolous woman. At any rate, thank you for being there just at the right time that I needed answers.

    • jennifer.dugena@gmail.com'
      jennifer
      December 30, 2012

      .”I missed his sweet attentive friendship. He played me for another year before I realized that he kept using the friendship to lead back to bed, then find out he was still dating someone. I was the mistress.”

      Melinda your experience is the same as mine!!! I discovered Mel’s website and her QFH and it made a world of difference!!!! It helped me process my emotions and WHY I fell for all the lies, manipulations, hurts. I highly recommend her NARProgram!!! Healing is possible!!! A new life is possible!!!

  • aadamski2@aol.com'
    BH
    December 31, 2012

    happy new year Mel !

    Thank you for making 2012 so healthy and hopeful for me. I was so lost. I still have more work to do — looking forward to a wonderful 2013.

    ( ( ( hugs to all here, may we all find peace and prosper in the new year ) ) )

  • wagtail69@hotmail.com'
    Madonna
    January 4, 2013

    Hi. I’ve been doing QFH for the past few months and the changes in me have been incredible. And I’m still living with the narc. I’ve gone from a fearful pathetic shadow to someone who can see their goals again. My hurdle seems to be anger. But I’m working through this. He says
    I’ve changed..and I have! With each session I change. I can’t thank Melanie enough. I’ve become so focused now on my dreams and goals, sometimes its like I don’t even see the narc…which sends him off the deep end! My subconscious or higher self has really coming to the fore as well. At night I’m sent dreams where I feel so safe, secure and free. I wake in the morning still feeling the residual dream and that’s what I need. It increases my desire to experience the peace and freedom in my day. It sounds crazy but its true. Its like my whole self is rallying
    To save myself. I can see my new life while still being enmeshed in the old so I know there are better things waiting for me.

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