Narcissistic parents affect children profoundly.
Horribly …
There are many people, maybe you, who suffered parenting from a mother and/or father who was entitled, self-absorbed, demanding and no matter what you did it was never good enough.
Or maybe this parent was simply too busy or entrenched in their own stuff to be available emotionally for you.
Of course, parents do the best they can with the resources they have … yet narcissistic parenting takes abuse to another level.
Those affected by a narcissistic caretaker, struggle to develop into adults feeling whole, capable, emotionally solid and able to generate their own life healthily – because of not being able to establish their own values, needs, voice or rights.
I know that many of you are also deeply concerned about what will happen to your children whose other parent is a narcissist – wondering it they will be able to survive the damage and ever emerge as healthy human beings.
In this video I take you into a deep dive that I hope can inspire you to understand that there are solutions and a way out of this mess and pain for every child who is enmeshed, or has suffered parenting with a narcissist.
It is my deepest wish if you have suffered abuse from a narcissistic parent or have children with a narcissist that you watch this very important episode.
Video Transcript
Now more than ever, our world is starting to realise that emotional programming is big. It affects children profoundly. And abuse doesn’t have to be what everyone once thought it was, physical hitting or not providing food or shelter adequately.
Today, I want to take you on an epigenetic as well as a spiritual journey into what I believe is the truth about abuse, trauma and the patterns that occur within families.
I often DON’T go this deep, but today I feel really compelled to. As my disclaimer, if you have beliefs that don’t include past lifetimes you may wish to not proceed with this video. If you do, or you are not sure about past lives but are openminded, I’d love you to come with me on this journey and discussion.
Okay, I’d like to share with you what I believe about the trauma that gets passed on by parents, what it’s about, the purpose for it and how it can be repaired, no matter where it came from or what it was about, including narcissistic parents.
If you yourself have been abused by a narcissistic parent and/or, if you have serious concerns about your children being co-parented with a narcissist, then it is my deepest wish that this video and transcript grants you relief, comfort and the knowing of how to heal from this.
Inherited Trauma
Trauma gets genetically passed on, regardless of the programming that we receive after birth.
Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about this in one of his talks, how he met a mother who had adopted an Asian baby soon after her birth, who was so proud of her and had raised her with love, yet her young beautiful, talented daughter, who had the world at her feet, was manically depressed and often suicidal no matter what therapist she saw, or what medication she took.
Joe knew the answer, which I 100% believe too. This young lady was full of trauma, the trauma from her war-torn country, her mother and her ancestors and this is why she was struggling horribly to survive the horrible pain trapped in her subconscious programs, in her Inner Identity.
And as Dr. Joe and I believe, there is nothing that would help her other than releasing the trauma from her Inner Identity for her to live free of it.
Here is the pattern that spirituality has believed, by many, for a long time, and now neuroscientists are proving: trauma from each generation gets passed on down the line. Its already imprinted in differing ways in a child’s DNA when they are born. Some children’s organic personalities are more susceptible than others to these trauma imprints. (Read up on epigenetics if you would like more information about the fascinating discoveries that are emerging.)
Then this child generally, is born into the exact family who still carry the imprints and behaviour of the trauma.
So, there is a double whammy of it, nature and nurture.
The Purpose of Activated Trauma
Now let’s look at a bigger picture spirituality of this, which I believe is very helpful and grants a purpose, as well as a way through IF we accept this model. (Personally, for myself, identically to many others Thriving in this Community, I know I would not be alive and living the life I am if I hadn’t accepted the purpose of abuse at a bigger picture level.)
I believe that our souls are all on a journey of evolution, lifetime to lifetime. Ultimately to free ourselves of trauma and return to the Light that we are as our True Selves, a child of God/Creation/Lifeforce (whatever your understanding of a Higher Power is) so that we can be the embodiment of heaven on earth, living as True Selves generating True Lives of ecological wholeness and Oneness and health with Life itself.
It may all sound idealistic and maybe even fluffy to some people, yet when we are living the Thriver Life of releasing trauma and living authentically we know how true, gratifying, all-encompassing and positively impactful our life, and the lives of those we care about, becomes as a result of letting go of trauma and letting our Higher Selves in (which is the Quanta Freedom Healing process of NARP).
Some time ago I wrote an article that I was initially very nervous about sharing, my ‘Life between Lives’ experience, a spiritual regression of many hours long where I experienced in deep and full emotional technicolour what it is like to be a soul back home, on the spirit plane between lives, what goes on there, what our purpose as souls is, and what we set up for ourselves completely by choice lifetime to lifetime.
I shouldn’t have been nervous – because rather than people thinking I was a lunatic, there were record responses from those of you resonating with this information.
My life between lives experience confirmed strongly for me what I already believed, that the families that every soul chooses, no matter how it seems is NOT a mistake, regarding the experience and evolutionary opportunity that particular soul is choosing.
The choice of personality that we connect with and enter as souls, and the families that this soul is born into, are all about making the traumas we haven’t yet healed in our previous lifetimes, remerge so that we can heal them. Because it is only through releasing this trauma that we get to integrate more Light and ascend higher.
These reactivating (becoming conscious) traumas are imprints from past lives, in our DNA epigenetically and retraumatised via the people we start sharing a family life with. And then of course, if unhealed, represent the same adult relationships we experience.
It’s all the same pattern.
How Children Form Healthy Inner Identities
Children living with unconscious parents who are entrenched in their wounds, and certainly not evolving themselves, are helpless. It’s not like a child can look at their addictive, neglectful, self-absorbed, out of control, absent or severely narcissistic parent and state their values and boundaries and then leave when this person doesn’t honour them.
Rather, this child is looking to this parent for the forming of their own Inner Identity which is positioned around these four commodities necessary for a healthy Inner Identity to form: love, approval, security and survival.
How a child forms a healthy Inner Identity is with the outgrowing incrementally of the co-dependent neediness of requiring love, approval, security and survival from outside of themselves; to be able to have modelled to them the becoming of the inner fullness of these things, by parents who are have also established inner fullness of these things.
With most of our parents in survivalist, outer seeking, extremely limited emotional and subconscious programming intelligence, this just didn’t happen. What is a lot more likely is that epigenetically and through programming, parents were operating out of their wounds, that they acquired through their parents.
As a result, rather than being embodied in inner peace, power and effectiveness, our parents were operating from their heads, their egos, sourcing life from the outside in. They were not demonstrating how to powerfully master and unfold life from the inside out.
Let’s get very clear, unconscious parenting, which is all most parents knew, and certainly the parenting we too may have perpetrated on our children before healing ourselves up into a whole, and solid Inner Identity does not help a child form a healthy inner being themselves.
This child, as many of us had to, to start generating a healthy happy, fulfilling life, would need to as an adult take full 100% radical responsibility to go inwards and heal themselves (which is the Thriver Way to heal) rather than fruitlessly wait around for damaged others to repair them.
Abuse to Children With Narcissistic Parents
Of course, abuse can take on frightful levels with narcissistic parents, because there is no True Self leading the way. There is only a False Self where everything and everyone, including one’s own children are on the play-stage of this person’s life as objects to provide narcissistic supply, and/or be the dump master for narcissistic wounds.
In the first instance, one child is often the Golden Child which the narcissist can pump up their ego and flaunt accomplishments with, and another child the Scapegoat, who doesn’t fit the narcissist’s requirement for ego tripping and is lined up and ripped down instead.
I spoke in detail about narcissistic parents in these videos How to Heal The Wounds of Narcissistic Mothers, and Narcissistic Fathers – Healing Yourself And Protecting Your Children From A Toxic Upbringing and I really suggest watching these if you haven’t already.
Narcissistic Abuse is terrible and so painful for children, and it’s heartbreaking for parents watching it happen when you are the other parent. Our children are our most precious people, and I don’t believe there is anything more traumatic than helplessly watch your child suffer.
Trauma does impact children profoundly. As it was believed Aristotle said, “show me the boy at 7 years of age, and I’ll show you the man.” Children are open sponges with no developed cognitive filter to say ‘no’ to certain messages. Everything enters their subsections as a ‘yes’. As an event happens, there is an emotional reaction forming the ‘belief’ about that incident, which then becomes that child’s template. How they feel about the world, what they accept as their truth, and who and what will be their patterns for life, until reprogrammed (which is where the inner work comes into it).
The Bigger Picture Solution
For the purposes of today’s video, I won’t go into the damage in detail that children endure from narcissistic parents, the other videos I just shared with you have this information. Today, I want to go more into the purpose and the solution to all of this so that I can inspire you at a deep cellular level to have a consciousness shift and awaken what is necessary to get your children, as well as yourself, free from trauma and abuse.
This is a delicate topic, and I want to say this as compassionately and honestly as I can to help you and your children. I believe I can help you understand what I now embody, know and have lived through reagrding my own story with my son.
Previously I had so much guilt about what my son went through with his malignant narcissistic step-father and my near demise, and how Zac ended up with chronic depression and life-threatening addictions that nearly took him out. Seeing my amazing, talented, handsome, kind son nearly destroy himself naturally made me despise what we had been through, naming it all as a terrible mistake and hating myself for bringing him into an environment like this.
In these states, as his mother, steeped deeply in my victimisation nothing improved. In fact, it only worsened. I was constantly living more of the strong emotional traumas that I was fully invested in, the absolute evidence that confirmed these beliefs.
And of course, as an active, concerned parent I was trying EVERYTHING I could to fix it and stop what was happening. But what hadn’t dawned on me yet was this, I can’t fix his wounds from my own woundedness. No amount of ‘doing’ was ever going to create a powerful shift with all this epigenetic trauma that myself and he carried.
What was really required, powerfully, was a change of consciousness, a change of beingness with me leading the way.
Then I had an epiphany about all of this. ‘What IF at soul level this was what Zac chose for his evolution purposes.” And “What IF I chose this experience of him going through this for my evolution purposes too?
What IF there are no mistakes here?”
I knew this was it, and I also knew absolutely nothing else was working, because every day my son was falling deeper and deeper into helplessness, hopelessness and self-destructive addictions. He was barely even functioning, and he was refusing all interference and help.
So I got to work, I did Quanta Freedom Healings on the trauma inside me about how I felt about Zac’s seemingly hopeless situation, my guilt, the victimisation of it all, and all my terrible feelings towards the ex-narcissist for what had happened.
I worked hard on my Inner Being related traumas and painful beliefs night and day until they were nonexistent, and then what replaced them was relief and space and a powerful inner knowing ‘all is as it should be’ even without the outer evidence being any different. Which is a True-Self state of beingness when we are trauma-free on any topic. These feelings just ‘are’.
Then I got to work on Zac’s Inner Identity through my own body as a proxy with Quanta Freedom Healing, setting intentions that he would awaken to his innate organic inner incredible wisdom, no matter what that needed to be for him.
I released everything blocking that happening … all the traumas I felt of hopelessness, helplessness etc. until within my own Inner Being, I felt Zac’s as shining and alive and awakened.
Very soon after that Zac stopped all his addictions and switched to that awakened, ‘out of the trance’ young man on a dime, truly.
Now, today Zac is the CEO of my incredible business, we work together, and he is SO on his global mission and purpose with me it is breathtaking. Could he have been this young man without going through what he did? Could he be so heartfelt and passionate about helping people suffering narcissistic abuse release their trauma if he hadn’t suffered from it so much himself?
No, of course not! His soul worked all of this out perfectly. Just as yours did and your children’s have. We just have to wake up and realise what is really going on here.
The Way Home For Us and Our Children
I believe ALL of us here, going through the mega make or break experience of narcissistic abuse are here on BIG soul missions, to be submerged into darkness, to release it, remerge, open up and bring down through us, as us, incredible Light.
We are doing God’s work here, freeing ourselves, our children, their future generations and even the collective from horrific trauma, so that we can heal and live as True Selves.
Zac’s and my experience was a dramatic example, yet a very real one. And I have seen others’ experiences which are just as sudden and completely non-coincidental. So many people in this community have shed their own trauma with NARP that they sustained in their family of origin, and I have seen countless parents do this and then lead the way for their children whilst co-parenting with narcissists.
The awakening, power and growth of these children, seeing their healthy Thriver parent navigate their life is profound, even when they are spending 50% of the time with the narcissistic parent.
I have seen children reunited with alienated parents, and all sorts of miracles occur as a result of us accepting that what has happened was for the purpose to awaken and heal, for all those who take the opportunity to evolve.
As the parent, we can lead the way. Where our energy goes is where our children’s energy goes. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have read posts across all my forums and received emails of the profound changes children are having out of all sorts of anxieties, depressions and even diagnoses because they are awakening cellularly in their DNA as a result of a Thriver parent leading the way.
Really, at the deepest level, this is as the soul always intended, the awakening experience, the fast track, power-packed experience of needing to shed pain, fear and darkness, to become power truth and Light.
Our children are our most important teachers. They show us the results of where we are at, and they show us how we need to change ourselves if we want to change life for them and patterns for our world.
And I can’t tell you how the children who have been narcissistically abused, who are evolving as a result of their Thriver parents, become, like Zac, the most incredible children you can imagine.
I really want to appeal to the parents out there who have experienced shifts with your children, as a result of healing yourself, to help encourage parents with your posts below.
So, if you know it’s time to heal from your own childhood wounds and for your child and their future generations, I’d love to help you get started the Thriver Way, which you can do by signing up to free 16 day course which has many resources for you as well as my transformational free Quanta Freedom Healing workshop where I show you how to release your trauma, and live free of it, for real.
I can’t thank you enough for this video Melanie. You are doing wonderful work ❤️ This has given me the strength I need to get through a very difficult time.
Hi Thea,
You are very welcome and I’m so pleased this helps.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Yes, thank you. So happy for you and Zac! Both my husband and I are thriving although having unhealed Narc parents.
Awwww Maria.
Thank you and how wonderful you are both Thriving as Zac and I am!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you so much for this video Melanie. it has helped me understand so much of what my children have gone through and how they can thrive.
Is it normal for the golden child to believe the empath parent is the narcissist? My 32 year old daughter has completely cut me from her life as she has accused me of being a manipulative narcissistic while she remains closely linked to her father even after he destroyed the family (on Christmas Day 2013) She cannot see what is clear to everyone else. I don’t know if I should just let her go? Is there a way I can work through healing that will help her, especially if she cannot see who I am now?
Hi Robyn,
You are very welcome and I’m so pleased this has granted you hope.
In regard to your daughter, it is about letting go and healing you. Then this grants the space that if she can awaken that she could.
The deeper truth is even if she doesn’t, the healing within you will free you of the trauma of this, and only good things can come from that.
I hope this helps and sending you love and healing.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I would like to know about codependent parents and how they are mirror images of narcissists. My real question is this: if codependents are mirror images of narcissists, is it not possible that the codependent really hurt their child through trying to over-help and control them, or by not acknowledging the innate power and personal path of the their children?
Hi Megan,
Absolutely codependent parents compromise a child’s Inner Identity development.
Many people who end up in narcissist relationship were parented by codependents rather than narcissists.
This has been the problem, anyone looking to the outside to fulfil themselves (codependency) is not going to unfold life authentically from their own aligned values and choices.
They will instead hand power away trying to Source self from others rather the being an established and whole Self.
Codependency is the human condition of being a victim to others and life rather than self generative.
Does this help answer your question?
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I feel that my eldest son, the golden child is lost to me and that I’m about to lose my next son…and then probably my youngest, who is the scapegoat to his father and brothers as he gives in ‘to make life easier’ on himself. The scale of their fathers manipulation is unbelievable and unbearable. I feel powerless and often think I should have left town when their father walked out with his new lady and life as opposed to staying and living in what feels like a bad movie. My sons are 18, 16 & 10, that they look to him as they do and treat me as he does hurts. That his dirty tactics has him living a dream high life with our children and their replacement mother hurts too.
Do they ever come back to the non-narcissist parent?
Hi Linda,
My heart goes out to you.
Yes children do return. Please know healing you is so vital for you and your children.
Sending love, healing and breakthrough to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
What I would like to learn more about is how to deal with the children you had to leave behind. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 7 years. He have two daughters which I witnessed being put through the same abuse as me. In the end I left the relationship but at the same time I had to leave them to. Now I struggle with feelings of worrying about them and the lack of good role models in their lives. Their mother is also very sick, full blown borderline among many things. I struggle with feelings of regret, that I couldn’t be that role model while in their lives. So traumatized myself from the relationship. I fear that these feelings will make me break no contact with the narcissistic man since he is my only link to these beautiful girls, which I love very much.
Hi Michelle,
Leaving behind people who we care about is excruciating difficult.
My healing system Quanta Freedom Healing in NARP enables us to let go of all and any painful feelings so that we live free of them.
Including what you are describing http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
I hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie,
As always I feel like your blogs are for me alone because they are so timely in my recovery journey.
After studying your work for a year or so I am seeing peoples behaviour with so much clarity that I keep surprising myself.
Not only that, as I clear my wounds and work on myself and I could do more I must admit, I am experiencing allot more kindness, support and giving
from the people within my life.
Thankyou so much again Melanie for this work.. you and your team are indeed changing the world
Hi Robyne,
I am so pleased we are in synch!
Thank you for your beautiful post and I’m so happy for you!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thanks so much!
Can we heal our child/young adult who externelized her narcisstic wound (is becoming or already is a narcissist herself) or it is too late? Does the same healing process mentioned above is effective for our narcistic children/young adults who became narcistic because of the trauma?
I was wondering if a parent does all quantum inner work and leads the way, and sets emotional point for her child, could the narcisstic child heal the same way as codependent child.
-thank you Melanie for your great work!
Hi Sandra,
It’s my pleasure.
Sandra I have seen such shifts happen absolutely with the essential self work leading the way, healthy boundaries, really consistent parenting … and also non-attachment to the outcome is key … and probably the hardest thing to get to.
If we are ‘attached’ to someone changing so that we can have wholeness within ourselves we are in ‘wrong town’.
In my example with Zac my shifts included fully letting go of the outcome and accepting whatever was to unravel as ‘perfect’.
Yes there is definitely hope in your situation for miracle. However if they ‘trying’ is taking you out or down then you may need to let go.
I hope this makes sense.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you- that makes sense! I hope that unconditional love from the space of wholnesses can create a miracle…
Awww Sandra,
I’m glad it did.
Blessings and miracles to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Dearest Melanie,
I have done a lot of work on NARP & cleared soooooo much inner trauma’s & attachments inside – What I can Share here is this – The inner Triggers are not there anymore or at least very very small & minute. I have two small children 5 1/2 yo daughter & 8 1/2 yo Son – Well my son would give me hell as an extension of his mum who has hatred & rage towards me – so my son would copy that energy towards me when i had access. Daughter too is a little like that too NOW as an extension of the Mum’s energy towards me. HERE is the Magic – NOW after so much estrangement this year with NO contact & Lots of INNER DEEP work done my self – NOW the inner Triggers have gone the Children’s behaviour no longer Triggers me & has NO affect on me, thus NOW the children are more + more loving & caring & affectionate towards me for NO Reason at all – ONLY THAT I have Changed Internally & the Energy matches THAT onside of THEM – so NOW their Mum has much LESS influence on them both as they can SEE & Tell & be AWARE that it is a Lie & they love me dearly inside yet still NOT know of the external Drama & Programming & Conditioning playing out in them until it too dissolves just by ME Being Authentic True & FREE within myself. The NPD other has NO Hold or any Power over me NOW so can NO Longer affect me & the Children can FEEL this Authentic loving Energy & do not want to go back to the mum on return. so Thank you Melanie – just Sharing THAT my Internal Energy Shift did & does CHANGE the energy Inside of My Children. Love Kelvin xoxoxox Thank you Melanie
Hi Kelvin,
That is so beautiful that as you have shifted your children have too … that is brilliant that you did that inner work.
So much love and continued blessings to you and your children Kelvin.
Thank you for sharing to inspire others.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you Melanie,
Much love to you & gratitude to you & your family & I humbly thank you for the gifts of transformation through the tools wisdom & knowledge & the NARP program & all the insights that when ONE ( i ) & Others do GIVE to OUR SELF to CHANGE Within – WOW – only then Changes external & all relationships Change too for the better.
Much love hugs & grace to you always – love Kelvin – thank you Mel –
WOW to speak to my mother now from where she was 12 mths ago is simply a Miracle – she a N mother has had a Shift from the Shift I had Within myself – thank you Mel.
Children too – it is so beautiful to experience them NOW & they seem to be in a state of love when with me now – WHY – because that love energy in inside of me running the show.
Thank you for this. I just want to say that letting go of children and the outcome is so scary. What modules do you suggest to help with this?
You are very welcome Sara,
Absolutely it is scary.
My suggestion is either Module 1 or the Goal Setting Module.
Are you in the NARP Forum for support? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member ?
There is such a wealth of information and support there for you with your NARP work.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Melanie,
As we release our wounds and become whole, do we help to up-level the spirits of our parents? Are we healing the dysfunction in our family legacy even if they are no longer in the physical world?
Hello,
Just on another NOTE: I have noticed a very Significant in my mother from my Inner Shifts & inner Changes & up-levelling that I had done in Self Healing. Thank you Melanie, As I have Changed so has my Mother & family members outside of me without effort. love Kelvin
It is so true Kelvin,
So many key people in our life shift as we heal.
Much love and blessings to you and keep up the amazing work.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi DMJ,
100 percent YES!
Quantum reality is all happening ‘now’ to all connected souls in all dimensions.
It’s very cool.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hello,
This is exactly what i have been seeking this week. My child is balanced with me, but when i let him see my former partner even for two hours every two weeks, he returns back losing all his balance. The difficult thing for me is to see how his life force gets sucked out of him by my former narc partner. He will literally kiss him on the forehead over and over again. He used to do this to me, like when i would finish a meditation or return from yoga with plenty of positive energy, he will come and without a word put his mouth on my forehead (like where the third eye is said to be located ) and he will not kiss me but literally suck my forehead (like when you are drinking water from a bottle). ANd the i the minutes after, i would lose all the positive energy i had, and will get back to chronic fatigues, sick and being drained. I was hospitalized five times and doctors could not find what was wrong with me. My finances, work, relationships all crumbled and i went from being a vibrant woman to being glued to my bed every weekend because i did not even have the energy to do anything.
Finding your video a few months ago made my mouth dropped. I knew that something profoundly was wrong by nobody could understand it, not even my therapist could understand what i was talking about. The first step was to get my health back (and this was quite the journey), because the abuse intensified when i was working on improving my health. Here also, i understood that when i was out of balance and sick all the time,this gave him power and control over me due to my dependence on him. And when i would start to feel better, this power he had was threatened and the abuse would intensify.
I stayed the course and got my health back in my hand, then i started the NARP and was healing, releasing my own trauma. A couple of months ago, i was arriving at a place of self partnering, the previous techniques were not working on me anymore/not triggering me anymore and he started with a new one (which was verbally insulting me). He has always verbally abused me but in manipulative ways and he could always deny or explain it away. Basically this is how the day went, him in bed watching comedy shows all morning, me bringing him tea in bed, him complaining that the tea i brought was not what the green tea he wanted, he actually wanted another type of green tea than the one i brought him 🙂 . Then coming down to eat food i made, while also complaining and scorning my son to eat well and sit properly, then him complaining that i don’t support him enough (i have been sick, paying bills, being the only adult in that house. He has been making promises, not working for almost two years, not paying any bill, all while living like a king). So, on that afternoon, as he started the usual complain and verbally insulted me, i said that i was done. That this was not part of my reality, take your things and leave.
It has been a road since then, and one that i am handling so well. All my fatigues are gone, i am doing so much being a single parent, yet i have so much energy to do it all. I am so in love with me, I am such a good person to myself that it is so surprising to me. I am doing so well, still releasing my traumas and self partnering.
I do not know how i can thank you enough. I bless the day i found your video on youtube. Until then, i did not have a language or understanding of what i was living. Not that he is out, i still interact with him mildly because of the kid. Last week he was hoovering big time, and just then you posted a video on hoovering and it made me smile. It gave me the info and tools i needed to stay strong and true to myself. This week, i am struggling with the situation regarding my child and you posted this :). We were not married, he does not have custody, basically, the kid is attached to me (five years old) and has been disturbed and acting up at school because he does not understand the changes. The therapist suggested that i let him see the child gradually until he is become stable. But then, i see now how he (the narc) is basically using the child for supplies, and to trigger me. I am not worried so much about the triggering me part because my self partnering can overcome that. But i am seriously worried about the kid because he comes home out of balance after spending only two hours with him and it would take me at least two weeks to get him back to balance and order. ANd when the narc spends two hours with him, all the balance is thrown out of place again and the kid becomes erratic,hateful, difficult and out of energy. ANd i see how he now uses the same sucking forehead technique he used to do to me to suck out the energy of the kid.
Since, he is not the father of my child, nor has custody on him, i just want to cut him off and say bye. But then, my kid is 5 and is disoriented by the separation and therapist say that i need to continue allowing them to have access to each other. Perhaps, the answer is that i should resolve this at the soul level for myself and for my child.. Or just cut him out.
What do you think ?
Thank you again Melanie. You saved my life.
Hi SL,
That is great that said enough to being parasitically drained.
If he isn’t your child’s father and is not a healthy role model … then why continue?
I do understand your child could be disturbed by changes, yet if you Module out all the energy if that within you, I believe your child will adapt to the changes very quickly.
When we are solid and okay with something our children generally follow.
I hope this helps.
Mel 💕❤️💕
Hi Mel , firstly I always like your videos , I have been doing quanta freedom healing for only 2 n half weeks now but I have had a dramatic changes already , I’m just moving onto module 2 now .
I suffered badly with anxiety for last 6 years which has 98%!GONE !!!!!! I am so much calmer and I’ve started going out socially again , I’m a new person already , which I can’t thank you enough for !!!!
I’ve been divorced for 3 years now with 4 years NO CONTACT after 21 years marriage,
anyway my kids are 25 an 20 an they have severe addiction s to marijuana as there mother is a bad narc , she has a hold on them and I’m treated like an outsider, I’m fine with that but I’d love to introduce your teachings to them but I’m scared it will push them further away from me ,
They have depression an anxiety as well , it breaks my heart to watch them suffer needlessly
Hi Robbie,
I’m so pleased you are getting wonderful results with NARP so quickly – we often do finally when we can start freeing ourselves of inner trauma.
Truly, in time, when you have enough of your own recovery with NARP in hand you can start doing a Module work on your children too – just as I did with Zac.
Please know there is hope for them.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you so much Mel , I will wait a while before I talk to kids , I am so impressed with the he quanta freedom healing program, it’s definitely something special that no one else has Achieved.
Thank you Mel
Thank you Robbie for your lovely comment.
You are so on the right track and I’m really pleased NARP is helping you so much.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Dearest Melanie, I love the video! I really needed to hear this right now. I was born and raised by a severely narcissistic mother and her war veteran second husband. I am the Scapegoat, my sister’s the Golden Child. I’ve been NARPing and Self-Empowering since July 2018. I’m in Texas, USA. It’s 3:30 AM, and I write this comment with tears in my eyes. You have done a very brave thing. As a survivor, I have weathered dramatic emotional storms, from guilt to shame, rage, self-pity, resignation, and much worse. I hear your words, like a lighthouse slicing through the dark fog. I thank you with all that I am. You are so courageous! We fly against the tides of over 2,000 years of entrenched belief systems. Now, I am ready to learn to take full responsibility for my soul’s journey. I know that it’s not just my family, it’s also my African ancestors, the traumatic eras of forced, brutal captivity, loss, denial. It’s also being a woman.
I do little to no contact with my mother and sister now. But, recently, I’ve learned to see my mother as more of a human being, too. In her way, she tried to help, not my Self, but my soul.
When I was very young, I remember my mother kept a set of six large, clear drinking glasses. On each glass was etched this quote (Calvin Tomkins): “Living Well is the Best Revenge”.
Sending thoughts your way – your comment really connected with me (including the thought that your mother tried – in her way – to help your soul.. I relate to this & empathise that this does not mean she helped your Self). Maybe those glasses were a message from one soul to another….. xx
I don’t know if you’ve heard of Bethany Webster – she’s American & speaks about the ‘mother wound’ in her work. I have found her writing/offerings extremely helpful & have followed her alongside Melanie whose work I have also found invaluable.
Bethany speaks about the link with the patriarchy (mother wounding being in part an aspect of it) & also she includes & is pro-active around issues of anti-racism within her work. From your comment I wondered if you might also find her helpful to look up.
Sending warm wishes to you x
Thank you, Amy. I will definitely check out Bethany Webster. Take care. – Jill
Awww Jill,
Your post brings tears of joy to my eyes.
You, darling lady, are such an amazing courageous soul too.
Thank you for walking this path with myself and other beautiful Thrivers against thousands of years of false beliefs.
We are breaking through!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie,
I wonder if you could say something about the adoptive parent role & healing (both parent & child). My son lived with severe & chronic trauma from age 0-7 – he has been with us almost 5 years now & we are in process of adopting him (currently foster care arrangement). His soul-journey involved a different (to mine) epigenetic line for the first 7 years.. I have a fair amount of anxiety about the harmful imprinting in his early/most vulnerable stages of life & I feel a sometimes panicky need to make sure that I do all I can through my (re)-parenting to help him to heal (as well as not to cause further harm).
I have been on my own healing journey for a long time & feel stronger everyday in this. I have always felt a passion & drive to parent through adoption/fostering & in so many ways I feel there is an element of destiny that we were brought together with our son who I could not love anymore deeply than I do. I feel that my life & my experiences although different in many ways have helped me to empathise with my son & his own painful experiences. I mainly wanted to just ask & hopefully hear your thoughts & perspective on this issue of lives (& souls) coming together through situations of fostering/adoption. Thanks Mel. X
Hi Amy,
If I can cut straight through to what I believe the truth is … trauma needs to be accessed and released to have a real shift.
Otherwise we are only ‘managing it’ and at best can create small incremental changes.
Tools like Quanta Freedom Healing in NARP access the trauma directly and release it from the core subconscious programs hence why it is so powerfully effective.
This can be performed through our bodies regarding anyone we care about (doesn’t have to be genetic we are all One at the quantum level).
This level of healing does already assist adopted children immeasurable. As a NARP member in the NARP Forum we could assist you with these specific shifts done in your body to help heal him.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you Mel – I’m a member & will come over & hopefully discuss things /learn more. Thanks for your generosity in all the messages of understanding & encouragement that you share. X
Mel, what program were you interviewed for by the BBC? I will look/listen out for it.
Congratulations to you for the success of your book I’m pleased to say I wrote the first uk Amazon review for it. Five stars of course! 🤩
Love
Angie P
Hi Angie,
This was the program.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p001d7ty
Thank you darling lady for your beautiful review. I did see that!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Mel
Great topic so close to my heart and such an important topic universally! I have witnessed first hand how my heightened state of trauma affects my son but also how clearing trauma creates shifts and brings more peace and calm back in to our home, as well as affects my son’s confidence and ability to handle school, friendships and activities. I have also seen how my ability to handle narcissistic parents and sibling is affected by how much of a handle I have on my own state and if I have been doing a lot of clearing and released trauma it’s better. It’s true that the truth and the healing is all inside ourselves to be unfolded when we give us space and time to do the healing.
Mel please can you let me know whereabouts on the BBC you were interviewed on as I am in the UK and I would love to hear about Narcissistic abuse being discussed here! It’s needed.
Love and respect
Sophie XX
Hi Sophie,
How beautiful you are bring the change you wish to live for your son and family!
Here is the interview here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p001d7ty
Keep up the great work.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I’m not sure what to think about all this, whether I even “believe” it. My ex n is just about as bad as it gets. Yet he has a daughter from previous relationship, this girl is already a young adult and normal and balanced in every way (as far as I know). They have a very close bond and I feel he adores her and vice versa. I’m 100% sure this girl is blissfully unaware of his narcissism which is somehow painful to me. Like why he treated me in such a inhumane, immature and crazy ways, and never her? If this girl would know what he is capable of doing, she wouldn’t believe me! This is, or was, of course painful situation which made me feel if I in someway “deserved” to be treated that way, whether I somehow “ignite” this side of him. This of course was direct match to my wounding
– I need to walk on eggshells around men
– I am responsible of other people’s behaviour
– I’m someone to whom other people can dump their own inner garbage, they don’t want to deal with it, so then I need to deal with it! They project their own pain onto me.
But now after healing, I know better! 🙂 Adult people absolutely are responsible for their own behaviour, not me. I’m only responsible of myself. If I notice I’m not respected or that people start to throw their own garbage to me…then for me it’s pretty much the end the relationship 🙂
Thank you Melaine for all that you do. I love this video and it confirms what I was already thinking about of the fact that our children choose us as parents. I believe my children choose the N father so that they will not become abusive. I have already broken that cycle and I have very little contact with them at this time and perhaps they choose to live with him at this time so that understand what it feels like. I have decided to take the day of of work today and go into my children’s fears and realise and heal them so that they can take back their own power.
For all the parents who are healing themselves for your own well being so that we can break this cycle for our children and grandchildren, thank you for your time and dedication, collectively we can eradicate these epigenetics traumas and replace it with true source love and healing. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you
Hi Amy,
I so admire you peace, courage and acceptance.
It takes a lot of deep healing to get there and you are modelling it beautiful.
Thank you for being a force of love and light and I know that you will have some further spectacular shifts with this Module work.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
This! this topic/message says it all for me. I love going deep and making more links fit together. thank you Mel x
I know now that I have had three previous lives with the narc (where he was worse than now – I must be a slow learner), and I know that my son came in to heal me because as soon as I was pregnant, my view of the world changed – for him (to protect etc). married the narc as he felt like home but little did I know then that I had married the same energy of my mother who was a narc. My ex and I broke up when my son was 1. (he wouldn’t allow me in the same room as him and ‘his child’ even though my son was screaming for me) and it took me a while to find you but when I did, there were some profound shifts. (back in the day when you used to ring – wow – how much your healing program has grown). I have had 15 years of ‘no contact’ with my ex. (difficult when I was taken back to court again and again and again) My son then said good bye to his dad in his early teens but when he dropped out of survival mode he got depressed and suicidal and was pulling me down too as I desperately tried to help him.. It was a horrendous spiral and I was also in survival mode with him but managed to do a few modules of yours along the way. Not sure what happened really as one day I wanted to drive us both into a tree and the next I decided, like you, that this maybe all part of the much bigger plan and I let go of my victim hood. I decided not to worry about him, us, or the situation. I did some healing on myself and just like that, he, over night, got better. He said he got sick of being depressed! He started going to school ( he had had 2 years off). He is social, he is so well balanced and I can see he has amazing insight and he is gently helping others with their boundaries and self worth. He sees a way that men work that isn’t right or just and he addresses this. THIS is the child I bought into the world. I always knew that he was there but it wasn’t until I released my trauma and the trauma attached to him that he became this wonderful beacon of light. I couldn’t be happier for him. He is truly amazing. I love what you are doing and I love being a part of this revelation. (although I didn’t when I was amongst it – but the gain is so much, it’s incredible)
Big love darling girl x
Awww Julie,
It was such a joy connecting with you in the early days of this mission!
I love how you have led the way for your son, and the amazing young man that he is.
We are very blessed to be able to, this time, put it right for us and our kids.
Big love back at you sweetheart.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
xxx
Dear Melanie
What a great and wonderful mother you are.
This is the best and most important information that you have given so clearly and so beautifully. Our children are the way forward and through your work the traumas from the past can be healed in ourselves and not only can we be free but they can be free to be who they are without the pain from the past generations.
After listening to you for 3 years it was a situation with my own daughter that made me face my fear of starting NARP and begin to release my traumas from growing up with narcissistic parenting.
I am at the beginning of this journey and already I can feel the relief and the shifts happening.
I am full of respect and admiration for your hard work and birthing of this healing system and the timing for our world and myself is perfect.
Thank you Melanie and Zac is a lucky man to have you as his mother.
With love
Reena xxx
Hi Reena,
Thank you for your beautiful post.
That’s great you are doing the work in your body with NARP and starting to reap the benefits.
It’s so amazing when we start diligently doing the work and think ‘why didnt I do it earlier?’ The relief and the results are so profound.
So much love and blessings to you and yours and your future generations.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hello Melanie!
Yes! The damage CAN BE REPAIRED!
I’m writing to let you know that NARP has been my life line since July 2018. I am now 48 year-old. I’ve
spent my entire life, like a detective, searching for real proof that what happened to me DID IN FACT ACTUALLY HAPPEN. Now, the power to name and claim my truth for the first time in my life has been, well, beyond a God-send. It took a severe breakdown for me to finally meet you, Melanie.
My healing from narcissistic parenting is a work in progress. I made adjustments in using the NARP modules, and I’ve recently moved to the Self-Empowerment Program. As of this post I use them both at the same time.
The paradigm is the same, but the language changes. For example, a person healing from a narc lover might envision their experience as having been a vampire’s prey. Well, to me, my narc parent is not a vampire so much as, more like a cannibal. This has to do with no inner identity as a child.
Another example, by the time I met Quanta Freedom, I was so used to self-sabotage, that even if I stated my desire for something (a house, money, a boyfriend), I failed, because I didn’t have the belief system to even uphold my own desires. In other words, I was afraid of wanting anything for my Self. So, before even “making a wish”, I had to NARP work-shift, to just give my Self PERMISSION to “see the star” first, before making the wish.
And there are other examples, with narc parents, where some times the “platform must be built” before truth can be worked. I hope I’m making a little sense.
I love the Harry Potter books and movies. There’s a scene in which Harry’s arm bones have been melted, and the school nurse must “grow them back”.
That’s how healing from narc parenting feels. I had to name and claim what happened, those traumatic feelings, and then get to a place where I can safely, in love, “grow my Self” in truth.
Hope this helps. Thank you with all that I am! Congratulations on your new BEST SELLER book! Go Lady!
Love,
Jill
Hi Jill,
I love Harry Potter books too!! And I’m 42 🙂
What I have always thought…have you noticed how much a dementor actually resembles a n?! Like the author writes
“Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them… Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself… soulless. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.”
Uff, I wonder if the author was thinking about a n when she wrote that?
Indeed, I felt like an empty shell, drained. I think that “empty” feeling comes from a deep disconnection, I wasn’t connected to myself. I too have tried to self-medicate with chocolate, but it’s not working so well in this case…I think narp and other energy healings have worked much better 🙂
Oh yes Anna!
I have totally believed that correlation too!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Dear Jill
I read your comment yesterday and had to come back to it today again.
I am 67 and joined NARP in July 2018.
I found such deep wisdom in your share and it made me understand I didn’t have the belief system to manifest my desires and I am still dealing with the horrific pain inflicted on my little child by narcissistic parents, one of whom is 90 and still doing the same thing but a little more cleverly disguised.
I am doing NARP and find as I do it more stuff comes up and i am slow with it as usually i can only do 1 module a day.
The pain I contact is unbelievable.
I have terrific anger and rage about what happened and need to work on that.
It has taken a lot of healing and work on my part to get to this path. I am still coming into my body slowly and I need to be patient with myself which isn’t always easy.
I never got into Harry Potter it sounds good.
With love to you and thank you for your comment.
Reena xxx
Hi Mel,
I had a mentally ill disordered mother and her mother was a full blown malignant narcissist and my older sister has npd too – the proof is in the pudding and yes I was that young scapegoat after my father passed away at 11. At 41 I am now facing the same symptoms as you mentioned such as severe depression, anxiety and my mental health is not good at all. Suffered a narcissistic relationship in my mid 20’s and this showed up patterns and so much of my childhood traumas and programs it was truly shocking. The truth be told most of my life all I have known is abuse because that was the norm for me young and even as a young adult but I really want these mental injuries to heal. I have literally seen history repeat itself through displacement, poverty, death, tragedy, illness and abuse through my forebears and then through me. I don’t have my parents anymore or much family left and everyone is disconnected or mentally ill now but I can heal this surely. I am seeing 11:11 all the time. I am going to get your book.
Love
Marie
Hi Marie,
My heart goes out to you.
Please know Dear Lady that healing from all of this is possible, and you totally deserve that.
We all do!
Sending love, healing and breakthrough to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie.
Your programs have been a Godsend to me. I was one of those “thinkers” and logically wrote off so many of the manipulative behaviors of my ex-husband as “nothing”. Most of the time I could identify “strategies” and even would tell him. I thought this would certainly make him stop since he could tell I could tell… Unfortunately that’s not how this works.
I did divorce him.
He and his family did suck the life out of me and nearly destroyed our kids, as well as playing a huge part in trying to destroy my family.
After 15 years of torture I found your program.
17 years ago I did have a memory stamp knowing I would end abuse, but at that time I didn’t have a clue what the next years would entail.
Through the years before I found you, I had the inner strength to know I was stronger and would eventually overcome this beast, and I have known it has been a spiritual battle. OMG!!
It hasn’t ended yet, but my 18 year old son has improved light-years in the past 6 months. This has been during the time I have invested in NARP. I think I joined in March 2018.
I am more grounded.
For at least 5 years I have told my kids that I believe they sought me out as a parent. I truly believe what you said in this article. I know this is spiritual. #1: God is my strength because I survived and my son is improving.
There is a reason for all of this.
I’ve told my kids many times that this experience will make them stronger too, but they won’t know until later how it plays out.
It’s shown me how my upbringing helped in getting me to this position. Certainly not my conscious choice or desire, but ultimately it was in my cards.
There’s a bigger picture.
Thank you for helping me and my kids.
Hi Sandy,
I’m so pleased my Quanta Freedom Healing Programs have helped you so much.
I love, that for you and your children, you get the bigger picture and do the inner work.
Thank you for being a force of love and wholeness on this planet.
It’s my total pleasure to share this journey back home to ourselves with you Sandy.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Mel,
First, many congratulations on the success of your book…so well deserved and so needed at this time…particularly in the US! I have often thought that the best thing I could do for my daughter (who is now 25) and myself (58) was to live the best life I could live. This meant that many times, we went ahead and did things without her father, who chose not to be a part of our activities. When her father and I split about 1 1/2 years ago, I was honest with her about my sadness, loneliness and fear. I told her about reaching out to friends for support, arranging for myself to spend time with others, my themes in therapy (just the ones concerning me…not her father), and how my life is now. There HAS been an energetic shift within me, in part due to your work. I also include my friends, therapist, psychiatrist, yoga practice, meditation practice and CODA meetings. I have learned that when I am lonely, it is my soul’s invitation to love myself more. If she can witness this with me, then my hope is that she will view her loneliness similarly. Thank you, again and again, for your work in the world. Blessings!
Hi MaryAnn,
Thank you very much for your well wishes and please know how welcome you are.
Awww I love how you say ‘it’s my soul’s invitation to love myself more.’
Stunningly beautiful and true words.
Thank you for being such an inspiration to you, your daughter and humanity.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I am a survivor of both parents being narcissists. After 7 months of NARP, I can attest to these childhood traumas are so down deep, so deep that it has taken this long to uncover, and I do healings three times a week, that I wrote off the entire male population as horrible, abusive, and terrible. I would not look men in the eye or even see them as people. I absolutely believe in the past life experience because the traumas have absolutely been passed down from my ancestors because no one previously in my family healed anything. I am so excited to release this trauma and excited to see how my freindships, relationships with men will absolutely transform because I have released and continue to dig deep into these horrible traumas. Thank you Mel.
Hi Marcie,
That is wonderful that you are breaking free with NARP.
Well done for having such powerful commitment and reaping the rewards.
Much love and continued breakthroughs to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I hated all. Men and also looked down on then as they are horrible. And not nice.. I’ve also been through the same as you have
Just so wonderful Melanie. xxxx
Hi do you deal with Narcissitic mother who I am breaking away from, who is now using my 11 year old by buy him and using mind games with him? He thinks there is something wrong with me and that I am being cruel to my mother.
Thank you for sharing Julie. This gives me so much hope for the struggles I’m going through with my daughter.
I have spent so much time talking with Therapists and Psychologists, and no one ever told me about Narcissism Personality Disorder…until I watched your videos. For the first time in years I felt like I finally found closure and got answers for what the hell is going on in my life and why my parents treat me so… But I also saw traits in me which was painful and embarrassing to finally see for myself. Its been years of feeling like I’m going crazy… Thank you Melanie
Hi Melanie.
So…if there are no mistakes, as you say, with relation to children “choosing” their parents or parents “choosing” their children….HOW IS IT then that suicide results? IF, as you say, as devastating as trauma is, there are no “mistakes”, how/why do *some* trauma victims reach the point of no return and end it all? THESE people haven’t fulfilled any potential or achieved any outcome! Thanks.
It is so unbelievably incredible that you chose to share all this with us so those of us with small children can have a chance to heal it all before they even get to a age and point of trying to cope with drugs or hurt people out of their own pain! I really have a kind of love for you that i can not explain because i do not know you personal but you have a place in my heart for the rest of my life and beyond. I was able to change my very old and ingrained horrible family patterns of abuse and self abuse and neglect and abandonment and self abandonment and more 😢💗
Hi Denise,
you are so lovely – thank you for your beautiful comment.
Much love to you and yours Dear Lady
Mel 🙏💕💚