Melanie Tonia Evans

Narcissistic Fathers – Healing Yourself And Protecting Your Children From A Toxic Upbringing

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 2
54
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

The destruction of narcissistic fathers is far-reaching and is a problem that is truly plaguing our world.

Many of you may have experienced that, with a narcissistic father, your boundaries weren’t able to develop – because you didn’t have any.

It is also likely that, no matter what you ever did, it wasn’t enough to earn his love or approval … and … when you were in need of care, love or advice, the conversations became all about him, about his problems, blaming you or telling you what you were or weren’t doing to make him happy.

The effect on a child’s self-worth and self-value can be devastating – but how does this affect females and males differently? What happens to adult children of narcissistic fathers in their future relationships?

Please know, it is possible for people to heal from the inner devastation of a narcissistic parent (mother or father), even if abuse is all you have ever known and even if it has continued on into your adult life … as so many people in this Thriver Community have achieved.

In this Thriver TV episode, I’m going to cover not only how you can heal yourself for a toxic upbringing, but I also talk about co-parenting with a narcissistic father and how you can help your sons and daughters survive, heal and Thrive despite this.

It is my deepest wish, today, that I grant you relief and solutions for you and your children, from the terrible wounds of a narcissistic father.

After working with many close friends and clients I know the devastation narcissistic parents create. I also know the terror of having your children involved with narcissistic individuals, so please know that myself and this wonderful community is here with you every step of the way to heal yourself and your children.

I look forward to answering your questions and comments below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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54 Thoughts on Narcissistic Fathers – Healing Yourself And Protecting Your Children From A Toxic Upbringing
  • rachheaton@gmail.com'
    Rachel
    November 9, 2017

    Thanks so so much for this

    I can relate to aspects of having a father with narcissistic traits – for me – I feel like there was a lack of acknowledgement of my emotional experience – in actual fact a reaction if I had one

    I now co parent with a man with extreme narcissistic traits of a 6 year old boy

    But I am feeling confused – His attacks of late have increased as I have been setting new boundaries and feeling stronger in myself
    But where he goes is – telling me how damaged my son is, and screams about how the only way to fix him is if I do everything he says (put myself in his company and in the firing line, and ultimately more care – he already has 45% care), that I am a terrible mother that cannot provide for him, and when my son comes into his care, he has ‘lost his spark for life’

    Without going into the usual justifications about how my son actually is (as Im working on that – as that is what the narc wants me to do), does this sound to you like the behaviour of a narc?

    I think he wants a ‘golden child’, but he is not getting it, as my son is sensitive, and he is being triggered by his emotional experience

    But I know too, not to try and work it out

    MODUles?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 9, 2017

      Hi Rachel,

      it’s my pleasure.

      The truth is with Ns yes they will up the ante to perceived boundaries, which means that the boundaries from us need to more defined and include a firmer Modified Contact.

      This means refusing to have those conversations with him, when he throws accusations at you. And also please know his accusations are harassment, they are abuse – and if recorded could be grounds for you to have a harassment order taken out against him.

      My Family Wizard, may be the best solution, as a portal to communicate with him about your son, and this is something worth talking to a solicitor about https://www.ourfamilywizard.com

      I would suggest creating boundaries that don’t allow his contact and harassment toward you and then keep doing what you are doing – which is healing you, any triggers and doing what is best for you and your son – regardless of what he tries to throw at you.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • alchemi000@hotmail.com'
    Michelle
    November 9, 2017

    Wow!, this is a brilliant video. I really received the message ie “Children learn by an empowered Mother that has integrity, love and fortitude to live her life in the best vision and the best version of her most authentic divine, inventive/creative soul path, to create a space of love, or of freedom or a spectacular creative inventive in-devour that inspires, or nurtures her family or the people of the world.” Not a mother that lectures about right or wrong, or blames or condemns. Always empower your children to know there worth, always validate there emotions and aspirations. My mother was the narc my dad is very passive and shutdown. I would love to see a video about Narcissistic Mothers and what happens to there children.

    Good Job Mel! You are a perfect example of a empowered spiritual female warrior. Empowering people world wide with your shining rainbow of inspirational talks and workshops. You need to do a TED talk on youtube! I know you can do it, you already have a fan base to cheer you on, so why not? Go for it! 🙂

    xx

  • mdusek26@yahoo.com'
    Mike
    November 9, 2017

    I hope to see a future episode where the roles are reversed, (father and children are the survivors). I have had to learn to try and perform the part of mother to two daughters as well as maintaining the father figure. This has made me really appreciate the mothers place in a home, that I had somewhat taken for granted until now.

  • AmySoprano@gmail.com'
    Amy
    November 9, 2017

    Thank you, this affirms some things I’ve been doing. I wondered if it was the right thing to just go on about my business, affirming my children and not expecting anything of their father. It feels right, but this affirms it for me.

  • premi_lws@yahoo.com'
    Premi
    November 9, 2017

    Several years ago, I began the NARP program. It was the launching point for my healing and empowerment. If you have been abused by a Narc or are a child of one and are ready to start the process of healing – do it! You may feel overwhelmed, but you will succeed. <3

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2017

      Hi Premi,

      it is so lovely to hear from you darling Thriver!

      I am so pleased you are still doing so well 🙂

      Mel xo

  • aamijan78@gmail.com'
    Amy J
    November 9, 2017

    wow! mind blown!! the most spot on explanation of daughters of narc fathers I’ve ever heard! even from yourself! so clearly said! thank you! very freeing and helpful to hear and understand!! Much appreciated!

  • laura_music@yahoo.com'
    Laura K
    November 9, 2017

    Mel, you always make me cry!! 😉 I can’t thank you enough for this video. Truly. You are the very first person who has actually been able to accurately put into words and acknowledge with deep compassion the pain of what a little girl experiences as a result of her NPD father. Just so dead-on! I was unexpectedly deeply triggered by the first half of this video – The emotional floodgates burst open and I started sobbing and my whole body lit up with pain. I had to pause the episode and re-watch several times. So much unresolved trauma rushed to the surface of my being as you spoke about things that I thought were healed, but clearly haven’t been yet. And I want to thank you, because it was important for me to feel these things so that I could know what needed to be taken back and targeted in the modules.

    As a child all the way up until my mid-30’s, I would constantly vacillate between feeling like a shell of a person to feeling so overloaded with pain (either extreme depression or rage) that I couldn’t bear to be around people because I felt like they could literally see it seeping out of my pores and would destroy me even more. And because I was vibrating in this energy, life continued to delivered the match of this: I was annihilated by others constantly. Being an only child and having a BPD mother unconsciously steeped in her own victimhood only compounded the profound loneliness, alienation and feelings of total worthlessness that I felt. Little me was quite literally in a war zone without a single ally in sight. It was beyond excruciating.

    But I don’t want to stay in that old story. Instead I want to redirect the focus to the silver lining…Almost 16 months into my NARP healing journey, the most beautiful spiritual realization I have had is this: Having an NPD father (same for my BPD mother) was an evolutionary GIFT that I would not trade for anything. I know my soul agreed to be born into all of this so that I could be presented with the choice of whether or not I was willing to use it all as a platform from which break free; not just in the emotional sense, but in the spiritual sense. During my healings, I often hear my ancestors tell me that they are so joyous and proud as I am the first in line to willingly break the DNA chains of abuse and disconnectedness from self. So now, even during those times when I feel terrible and in pain, I remind myself that I am one of so many trailblazers in this NARP community who has sparked the beginning of a healing revolution for generations to come. And we don’t get to just up-level little false beliefs here and there. We literally get to rewrite our entire identities and futures and existence here on Earth from scratch if we want to. And honestly, how exciting is that?! Healing is not always easy and god knows I have a ways to go still before I can honestly say that I’ve released all of the pain from my NPD father…But my goodness “it’s so worth doing the work” as you say!

    Thank you for this amazing episode Mel!!! So much love to you!!! And thank you Tiggy, my little rock star, for your brief yet adorable appearance!
    xOxO, Laura K.

    • gizellawerty@gmail.com'
      Gizella
      November 10, 2017

      I couldn’t have said it better Laura. You put in words what is in my heart. You are a soul sister. And I just had this crazy mantra repeating in my head as I watched and listened to you Melanie – I Love You, I Love You, I Love You . . . you tell my story and validate my experience like no other. It is a profound relief and great joy to have found your work and to have read Laura’s comments which all resonate for my own life and spiritual journey. Bravo and keep up the amazing work.

      I am a NAAP member but have procrastinated about getting going with it. As great as it promises to be it’s really hard to leave my comfort zone, to prioritise my healing, to show up for myself.

      Love and light
      Gizella

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        November 10, 2017

        Hi Gizella,

        you are a Dear Soul Sister yourself.

        Eventauly we all self-partner go inwards and do the inner work. That is so where it is at!

        What else is there to do? The truth is when we have had enough we realise that the comfort zones aren’t that comfortable – because the cycles are going to continue pushing us inwards to evolve ourselves.

        You’ve got this!

        Mel xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2017

      Hi Laura,

      awww sweet lady, it is so beautiful that we get to resonate so deeply together personally and as an incredible Community 🙂

      That is so lovely that much has arisen, for you, that can now be cleared forever – releasing you to the next amazing version of yourself.

      I adore that you have taken the gift and reached the awareness of the absolute truth about what that soul choice was about and the spectacularness it would produce – for yourself, and the collective.

      It is utterly exciting!

      So much love to you from myself and Tiggy.

      Mel xo

  • Me@deborahgreenwald.com'
    Debbie
    November 9, 2017

    Thank you for this video, I appreciate all the info on sons with narc fathers that I can get. I had to brace myself, it is scary to think my son could turn into a narc (My greatest fear was this). I have read and heard from you the importance of boundaries. My career as a behavior therapist and working w/children for 20 years has strengthened me in this category I think. He is an only child, so I need to work harder to be mindful of boundaries ( Cannot get everything you want. We are a team & take turns choosing things …food, Movies. Follow through & consequences Etc etc). I also explain to my son (6 yrs old) ( when he asks ..I don’t bring it up unless) that his father lies and is sometimes mean because he caught that from someone else. I say, it is not ok he hurts you, it is never ok. And that it is his fault and has nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong. We talk about how long it takes for his heart to feel crooked (Phrase from a movie). (Ie. One day not crooked, a week very crooked.). We discuss how to throw away the fear, sadness, and anger so out hearts can be full again & feel love. Before bed or any other time ..We take deep breaths & also blow the bad feeling smoke out the window …And I fill him with the white happy light of love and good memories ;). He loves it, & one time I just did the blow out w/ deep breaths, & he said what about the love light.
    My son has a big heart and tends to say what people want to hear. However he is being groomed as the golden child, so I’m not sure. I feel he will have the tendency to be more co-dependent than narc like so I am working hard on empowering him from within. From small things like picking out his own gifts for people, to role playing assertive communication and teaching him a good balance of exchange in social interaction ( not to chase or withdrawal) I highlight his ability to self reflect and his intuition on others (although it is starting to feel like gossip so I will need to tweak these convos a bit) He uses humor to deal & he loves to laugh…(good thing I’m funny)
    Speaking of …A milestone I realized since Narp is I am funnier with Ayden and we laugh more. How great is that.

    Although I teach when I can, I truly believe the success is in the behind the scenes work for who I am and how I am. ( Hardwiring) So I work mostly on myself, and make sure I’m in a good place. The rest really does fall into place. I can feel very quickly now and stop before explaining or asking too much of my son.

    I also recently won a big court battle w/a ton of things against me..not true of course but hard to prove) and the narcs Father Time decreased. I will continue to heal myself as well as try the healing by proxy for my son. I agree and lead by daily example in my own life.

    Question- Any other info or books you can recommend on empowering children/sons? (To counteract the co-dependent tendencies).

    Thank you so much!!!!!! 💕💕
    Debbie

    • upsidedowndevi@gmail.com'
      Devon
      November 9, 2017

      Hi Debbie, It’d be great to hear more about how you decreased time, perhaps you might be interested in writing a bit about it in the forum. I love that you’ve increased your laugh! much love Devon

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2017

      Hi Debbie,

      you are so welcome.

      There was so much joy in reading your post and I love that you shared all of this – because I believe it will be an inspiration to so many others co-parenting.

      You are doing such a beautiful job with your son, I loved so much of what you are doing and adored how you are helping him to let go and replace the trauma already – so powerful and such a life tool that we weren’t commonly taught.

      How fabulous you are working with NARP and also that you won that court battle. You truly will find an incredible shift with your son when doing healing by proxy with him with NARP.

      Debbie, I actually don’t have any reference material to point you to – all of the things I “learnt” on this topic emereged from within as a result of the NARP work.

      However, I am sure that someone here may recommend wonderful material – and that it does exist. Or maybe research and follow your heart?

      Mel xo

  • upsidedowndevi@gmail.com'
    Devon
    November 9, 2017

    Thank you Mel, so timely (as usual!). I wanted to take the opportunity to update a little since my experience of doing a proxy healing with you. Its been so tremendous, I am truly thriving, more and more each day and its becoming exponential. I wake up excited, wondering what ‘win’ I will have today.

    For my child, he’s really in the thick of it. He goes to the N’s house frequently and returns each time in one of the forms you mentioned, one day the golden child, over entitled, demanding and then next the victim of ridicule, abuse and another as the ‘never measuring up’. He’s just three and half and now that I have clarity and strength, its as clear as day. I’m able to target the module’s effectively and undo whats been done that evening.

    My ‘go to’ is module 7 in the Empowered Self course where I literally switch up whatever trauma the N so graciously highlighted for me. I am a literal person, I adore the use and power of words, as does my child. I search and explore the etymology of related words, find the opposites, feel in to see what resonates most or where I get the biggest charge. I then set up the shift and work it through. It’s pure magic!

    The next day, he and I can move on and he gets to walk with an empowered mother, whose becoming more and more aligned each day. He sees me shining in interactions with neighbours, friends and our community. He’s sees and feels the way I am holding very strict modified contact with the N. I have no doubt that his intelligence and fortitude will carry him through and that this experience will be as enriching for his life as my experience with a narcissistic mother was for mine.

    My role in all this is to evolve and heal myself, and like you said in our session Mel, my child really is leading the way, he’s like a Ferrari compared to me!

    Much much much love xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2017

      Hi Devon,

      you are so welcome and I am so pleased it is timely.

      I ADORE that you are Thriving Dear Lady. How awesome that you are constantly expanding.

      I love that you are working on my Empowered Self Course in this way – SO inspirational.I am tingling with joy the entire time reading your post Devon.

      You are so right Devon – when we start doing the work for our children with Quanta Freedom Healing we find out how fast and powerfully they evolve.

      So much love to you and your son Devon, and keep shining sweetheart.

      For those parents who haven’t seen the work Devon and I shared with the Community regarding our children – please find it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FWHrox6a24

      Mel xo

  • penny.white@outlook.com'
    Penny White
    November 9, 2017

    Thank you Melanie,

    Yet another wake up call did this video clearly state to me because I had this play out in my childhood. I happened to be the spiritually sensitive child and yes I was the scapegoat and now I understand it is crystal clear and I can see what needs to heal. I have had attachment issues and could never really work out why I was doing this and it has all to do with disconnection, separation and abandonment wounds. Even though my father was not a narcissist he had violence in his upbringing and that was his way of disciplining his daughters so we got beaten a lot as young children and my mother was the enabler and after his death turned narcissistic and along with all female members of my family and again I was the scapegoat who got abused in many ways. I can see what trauma does so clearly and how people came become mentally ill and stay in survival mode and then can act out but more importantly I know why I have attracted what I have into my life and why I have attached to unhealthy destructive abusive people and why I have not been able to hold it safe with healthy people whom I have had to reject because of my fears and wounds.

    What an eye opener! I thank you again.

    Penny

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2017

      Hi Penny,

      I am so pleased this had granted you much need answers and shown you a way home.

      Sending many blessings and healing to you.

      Mel xo

  • Getmail100@yahoo.com'
    Bren
    November 9, 2017

    I totally came from this background. This Narp program has totally helped and changed my life and changed me from the inside out. I thank God for Mel and bringing me this particular healing through Narp.PLEASE
    JUST DO NARP, NOTHING ELSE TO DO…….the support on the forum is exceptional.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2017

      Hi Bren,

      awww darling lady I am so happy for you that you are Thriving and that you found your way here to this incredible Community!

      Mel xo

  • ted.wrinch@gmail.com'
    Ted Wrinch
    November 9, 2017

    I think you have made a great summary of your work here, Mel, which I see as part of and contributing to the positive shift our world is going through. Thanks for what you do! I would say, we are learning to become empowered, self aware people firstly and then sexual beings.

  • jonassahlberg@hotmail.com'
    Olivia
    November 10, 2017

    The father I had growing up is a N. And despite that everyone mistook me for a boy I still fit almost perfectly in how you described the female upbringing, it feels so affirming to me.

    Thank you for a great episode, and I have to say I love your dress !

    Lots of love, Olivia

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2017

      Hi Olivia,

      thank you, sweetheart, and I am so pleased this felt affirming for you.

      So much love to you.

      Mel xo

  • saurabhpatna.ss@gmail.com'
    Saurabh
    November 10, 2017

    Dear melanie thanks once again for such a beautiful video. I m really indebted to u because narp has really helped me heal and evolve. I can see the broader picture of life, quantum physics and evolution. I have a narcissist father and a narcissist wife. I have done a lot of work on myself. I m a work in progress . Every day i do moduling and meditation for two hrs.
    Here the role reversed. My wife is narcisssist and she is having the daughter. I meet my daughter once a month. She feels very great in alienating me frim my daughter. I would be really grateful if you can make video in which case child is not living with you. What can be done to help my daughter. Please make a video for parents whose child are not with them and make it quantum. I live your quantum ideas.
    Thanks and regards
    Thriver

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2017

      Hi Saurabh,

      it’s my pleasure 🙂

      That is a great suggestion and I certainly will … I know that video is needed.

      So many blessings to you Saurabh.

      Mel xo

      • saurabhpatna.ss@gmail.com'
        saurabh
        November 10, 2017

        Thanks a lot Melanie :). You are awesome and you are the one who has helped me in becoming a thriver. I am really proud of you. You have saved my life and given me a new life. Thanks!

  • claytonruth@rocketmail.com'
    rose
    November 10, 2017

    oh, this was perfect today. I am in court for mediation for my divorce from a narc in 2 weeks, seeking mega bugs in back support, and I just found out my narc brother, the golden child, has persuaded my elderly narc father,to create a new will, leaving him the lion’s share of a large inheritance. Everything is coming to a head, i feel the release and liberation from them. I have done so much deep work to come a place of letting go of that which hurts me. It hurts to engage with any of these people. While there is a sizeable amount of money I thought would be mine, in letting go, my focus and energy is being channelled in to building my own life. I still may see a small remnant, but the illusion of NEEDING it to survive, has been greatly transformed. There is still emotional work to do and grief to process, but the light is shining on me, and I have hope again, and trust in myself, that I can rise out of the muck, and find my own way. This is hard fought, and deeply painful work, to claim my independence at 53 years old. I owe it to myself, and my 2 grown daughters that are watching. So I thank you and this community, for all the support and love we share, that helps manifest new beginnings and empowered lives, for me, for you,for us all.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2017

      Hi Rose,

      I am so pleased this was timely.

      I love that you are letting go of the trauma … And how perfect that you are determined to be a source to yourself even though what you thought was yours is gone. (In essence that is the entire N-abuse healing experience – becoming our own Source to recover).

      This is Quantum Evolution right there!

      This is a brilliant post and I want to yell out “hear hear” for other mothers to be inspired by you.

      Bless you Rose 🙂

      Mel xo

      • claytonruth@rocketmail.com'
        rose
        November 10, 2017

        lol…i just saw I said mega bugs, instead of mega bucks…but i guess both are true! hahaha Thanks for your wonderful response.

  • rosasol33@gmail.com'
    Rosa
    November 10, 2017

    Dear Melanie,

    Thank you so much from very deep in my heart, for taking your precious time to create this so wise and accurate Thriver Episode.
    I am so grateful for all your work, it has been a life saving for me. I started NARP four months ago, and releasing so much pain during this time and reconnecting with my true self and Source, my life has changing so much (and continue doing so) for the much better. I can´t recommend more your QFH program, it really works. It´s not easy to get through the pain especially in the beginning because it´s quite a lot, but it is such Blessing and liberation to release it!!!

    I am the spiritual child daughter and scapegoat (thanks for the terms) within a family with a narcissistic father and co-dependent mother (who also became quite narcissistic too because unfortunately she didn´t know how to empower herself and make it better). I felt your video describes precisely my main struggle in life, just owning my birth right to be who I am, and feel loved (first by myself 🙂 just for who I am, unconditionally. Through the co-dependent programming I ended up with narcissistic partners too, and the relationship with the last one (with whom I am still), brought me to such an excruciating pain that I thought that a life like that wouldn´t be worthy to live. I prayed and prayed to the universe for help, to the flowers and trees, the stars, the Earth and the sea. And then I miraculously found your program, and everything started to change since the Webinar I attended. Now after working four months with the NARP program I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and much more than that. And I am actually excited for my new life :)!!! Although I still live with the N partner, thanks to the program I could start progressively to lay boundaries, emotionally detach, and taking one step at a time to be ready to leave him, which will happen in about one month from now. I´ve noticed that while have been healing my wounds related to the Narc partner, at the same time or complementary I also have been healing the wounds from the N father and family wounds through NARP.

    I was so moved listening to this Episode that in the beginning I almost couldn´t breath and had to remind myself to do it! Because you were describing so well my own life and struggles. Thank you! I had to listen to it with my rainbow obsidian ball in one hand and raw rose quartz in the other hand, to help me to release pain and remember that I am Love and I am Loved.

    Just one question my dearest Melanie: Is there any module in NARP (or your other programs SEC o FOW) that you would especially recommend to healing the wounds from a narcissistic father?

    Much Gratitude, Love and Blessings to You and the Thriver Community !!!

    Rosa

  • annieharden@optusnet.com.au'
    Annie
    November 10, 2017

    Hi Mel,
    I don’t normally write on the blog but I felt very compelled to do so today. I was listening to this just before I doing my NARP module today (Friday is “my” day for self-partnering). You describe myself and my brothers exactly (with a few variations) and always “hit the nail on the head” in your information sessions. I appreciate how simple yet informative they are and as always they come at exactly the right time for me.

    In the past I would be triggered and fall into victim mode – today your session still triggered me but from a place of detachment and a knowing there is more healing to do using NARP and Family of Origin modules. Your work resonates so much for me and I feel blessed to have found NARP and be on this journey. I have healed so much and feel very grateful for life now which I didn’t in the past. Thank you so much for your on-going support and commitment. Love your work Mel!

    Much love
    Annie

    • annieharden@optusnet.com.au'
      Annie
      November 10, 2017

      PS. I love seeing Tiggy every week too – he is such a star himself.
      xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2017

      Hi Annie,

      I am so pleased you did say “hi” today!

      Love that you are on NARP and this journey Annie and reaping the rewards 🙂

      Please know how welcome you are and much love and many blessings to you.

      Mel xo

  • linchef51@gmail.com'
    Lin
    November 10, 2017

    My daughter has been a narc since bireth. She did so many weird crazy things before age five and then started destructive behaviors i.e. trying to get rid of her brother so she would be the only child i.e. non competition for my attention.

    I admit I spanked her hard on the bottom at age six (she had called 911 repeatedly and one time told them the high school was on fire and started going into people’s homes when they weren’t home and then made up crazy stories about why she was there) and pinned her down on the bed and gave her a what for and said hateful things i.e. Satan must be in you, etcetera.

    I know all that was wrong and so I took her to a psychiatrist. His diagnosis back in 1985: Extreme manipulative behavior which she might outgrow, otherwise potential to have criminal behavior. All was true and became true. She is tall, beautiful and very charming. No matter what she does, she is always able to charm and lie her way out of it.

    I am not a narc myself, however my daughter has destroyed any relationship with my grandchildren by reacting violently every time my husband and I call her out for lying, stealing and other irresponsible behaviors and she accuses me of making my grandchildren hate us.

    • linchef51@gmail.com'
      Lin
      November 10, 2017

      That’s weird. I posted about my dad on this one and yet a post about my daughter popped up instead. Strange.

  • amy050269@icloud.com'
    Amy
    November 10, 2017

    Hi Mel,

    You always seem to amaze me, just when I think I watched the best episode ever, you always produce another fantastic breakthrough. This episode resonates with me deeply. This is exactly what I am experiencing now. I know that I gave my power away to the N, and now I am realizing that I also gave my power away to my children. I don’t have much contact with them and when there is contact they seem to take my power away because this is unconscious learned behavior. As I am taking my power back, setting boundaries I am sure they may think that I don’t love them, but deep down inside I believe they know that not to be true. They are probably too sure of that. I left an abusive relationship and I want nothing more than to break this pattern for myself and my children and future generations. I have to be consistent and eventually they will get the message. Relationships give us the best opportunities to learn and grow. I am a NARP member and I feel really good about where I am at with the N, the children are reflecting back to me their behaviors just so I get this all out of my system once and for all. I made a promise to myself that I will never go through this again.

    I am extremely grateful for you and your work. You have changed my life and even though I don’t have an authentic relationship with my children at this moment, I have never felt better about myself.

    Much love to you and Zac.
    Xoxo
    Amy

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 11, 2017

      Hi Amy,

      thank you for your kind words. I love that you have taken on how to deal with your children in the most conscious and evolutionary way.

      You are doing such an amazing job, Amy, I am so proud of you, us and this Community.

      So much love back to you from Zac and myself.

      Mel xo

  • christinerussett175@gmail.com'
    Christine
    November 12, 2017

    Hi Melanie, My biological father who was born in 1934 in Portlaoise, in County Laoise near Dublin – the capital city of Ireland in Southern Ireland – the Republic of Ireland had a really very hard, difficult and tough childhood and upbringing. He was raised by his uncle and he lived with his uncle and his uncle’s children – sons – my father’s cousins. His uncle put him through the most horrific abuse and trauma. I believe my father’s uncle – (my great uncle?)? was a Psychopath – not a Sociopath or a Narcissist or any other Antisocial Personality Disordered individual – but, a real, true pure Psychopath. He made many attempts to physically injure or even kill and murder my father. I think my father told me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, I don’t think my father dreamed or imagined any of this up, I don’t think my father was a pathological liar or that he pathologically lied or that he told pathological lies or that he sugar-coated or exaggerated anything. My father grew up to be a wild, feral, fierce, strict, abrupt Narcissist irishman with the fiery fighting irish blood running through his veins. I was born in 1984 in Winchester, Hampshire – (Hants) here in Southern U.K – England, Great Britain, United Kingdom. I was raised, grew up in, lived and still live in Southern U.K . My father didn’t turn into an Empath/Lightworker instead, he turned into a Narcissist. He Narcissistically abused my biological mother and my older biological sister. Both my biological mother and my biological sister are cerebral covert Narcissists. My mother was born in 1951 in Winchester, Hampshire, Southern U.K and was raised, grew up in and lived in Southern U.K and my sister was born in 1981 in Winchester, Hampshire, Southern U.K and was raised, grew up in and lived in Southern U.K . My father died of Pancreatic Cancer in 2008 – he was elderly and had very many years of being severely disabled, lots and lots of health problems and illnesses, including Type 2 tablet controlled Diabetes on tablets possibly including Narcissistic Personality Disorder, etc…, . I was my father’s Golden Child but he still Narcissistically abused me at times. My sister Narcissistically abused me since I was a baby all because she wanted a baby brother not a baby sister – I was her baby sister – not her baby brother and she also Narcissistically abused me because she thought that I was our father’s favourite child/daughter and she would moan, groan, whinge and whine and complain to our dad saying that he would let me have what I wanted, let me get/have my own way, let me get away with things, with everything and that he was giving me special treatment and that I was his favourite child/daughter – my sister was pathologically extremely jealous and pathologically extremely envious and pathologically extremely resentful and had pathological extreme hatred to the way our father treated me – treated me differently to the way he treated her, that I was his favourite child/daughter Golden Child and that I am a female not a male, that I am a girl/woman not a boy/man, that I am her younger sister not her younger brother. My sister started puberty really early, she noticed and was sexually attracted to the opposite sex from a early age, she had her first boyfriend when she was I think 10 years of age or under 10 years old – she is straight/heterosexual. I have always been, I am now and I will always be straight/heterosexual. I started puberty late at around 13 years old and older than 13 years of age, I noticed and I was sexually attracted to the opposite sex from 13 years old and older than 13 years of age. I married my husband when I was 21 years old on 30th June 2006, we have been married for 11 years this year in 2017. We have tried to have babies/children in the normal way but it never happened, I have never ever been or got pregnant ever. My sister has children – I have nieces and a nephew but my sister got engaged once but she and her fiance broke their engagement off, my sister has never ever got married and she’s not married. After our father died the whole family broke up, my sister lives in Dublin in Ireland but I don’t know if she’s dead or alive, my mother lives probably hundreds of miles away from me probably somewhere here in the U.K or in Wales or in Scotland or probably lives in Dublin near my sister who lives in Dublin or my mother lives somewhere else in Ireland, I also don’t know if my mum is dead or alive. I also think that my textbook malignant cerebral covert Narcissist older stepdaughter, her textbook malignant cerebral covert biological mother and my older stepdaughter’s oldest and female textbook malignant somatic covert Narcissist female best friend who are into witchcraft, blackmagic, Hoodoo, Voodoo, curses, hexes, etc…, death spells, family relationships break up spells, satanism and devil – worship had insidiously infiltrated my family of origin and had got them to ostracize me out of my family of origin by my own family of origin, to cut all ties of direct contact with me, to go no contact with me – that’s what my evil Narcissist in-laws got my family of origin to do to me. Plus, I think my evil Narcissist in-laws had cast a Pancreatic Cancer death spell on my father and had also cast a Pancreatic Cancer death spell on one of my dad’s three sisters – on my aunt – my aunt died of Pancreatic Cancer in 2009. I also think that my evil Narcissist in-laws had cast family relationships break – up spells all between me and each and every single individual one of my family member of my family of origin. I also think that history is repeating itself because when my dad was elderly and severely disabled and retired my mother was unemployed and a housewife, looking after and taking care of my dad and doing all of the housework, shopping, paying bills and looking after and taking care of me and my sister. Plus, I remember my mum saying many years ago that even before her and dad getting married to each other – my mum’s in-laws – my father’s side of the family – my fathers sisters, etc…, particularly one of my father’s sisters – my aunt and her husband – my uncle who I am related to through his marriage to my aunt – my aunt who is one of my dad’s three sisters – my aunt and my uncle would ask my father in a negatively critical, cold, criticizing way “why do you want to get married to her – (my mother) for?” “she’s so stupid, thick and dumb” – (my aunt and my uncle talking about my mother to my father before my mum and my dad got married). My mum and my dad got married – married each other on 23rd May 1980. After my dad died I phoned my aunt in front of my mum and I put the phone on loudspeaker so that my mum could hear what my aunt was saying to me. My aunt was being nasty and horrible about my mum to me saying “why did your mother leave the room where your father was in, left him all alone on his own all by himself to die of Pancreatic Cancer in that ward in that hospital cancer hospice and why didn’t she look after or take care of your dad especially when he was old, elderly and severely disabled when he was alive?”. My mother rushed over to me, physically snatched my mobile phone out of my hand and my mum was angry, emotionally hurt, upset and defensive. My mother’s reaction surprised me because my mum is usually, normally, characteristically very, very quiet, timid, reserved, shy. During my mother’s pregnancy with my older sister, dad would be physically violent and aggressive, doing domestic violence and domestic abuse on my mum. After my sister was born, someone held my sister in their arms when my sister was a baby and they accidentally dropped my sister when my sister was a baby and they dropped my sister on her head, my sister’s head made contact with the hard floor flooring first. As far as I know, dad was never ever physically violent or aggressive towards mum and he never ever did domestic violence or domestic abuse with my mum during her pregnancy with me. After I was born, not one person, nobody, no-one dropped me or even accidentally dropped me when they held me in their arms when I was a baby. Absolutely everyone held me in their arms when I was a baby. During both mine and my sister’s childhoods our father was very strict, abrupt, wild, feral, fierce and Narcissistic towards both me and my sister and to mine and my sister’s mother. He would be physically violent and aggressive towards me, my sister and our mother and he would do domestic violence and domestic abuse on me, my sister and our mother. My sister grew up to be a Narcissist but, she loves to play the Empath/Lightworker. She is sanctimonious, self-righteous, holier-than-thou, she is a hypocrite. She shifted the blame on me falsely accusing me of “me being a bad and evil person, the black sheep of the family, that I get worse and worse as each day goes by, that I’m like a rabid dog, a dog with rabies, that if it wasn’t for my type 1 insulin – dependant Diabetes on insulin injections for then me and my behaviour would be alot worse, she told my husband many years before he married me that I cannot make a relationship or a marriage and that I cannot hold a relationship or a marriage down”. These are all false accusations and pathological lies and deceit that are, that have been told by my sister about me to me, to my husband, to our mother and to the rest of our blood-related family members of our family of origin and to the marriage-related family members who are married to our blood-related family members of our family of origin and to everyone else. My evil, Narcissist whole family including my evil Narcissist in-laws are all doing slander, defamation of character, libel, etc…, about me to the whole universe, about me to absolutely everyone in the whole universe. After dad died, I saw the Narcissistic side of to my mother which I thought never ever existed and my older sister became my mother’s favourite child/daughter Golden Child, mum gave my sister special treatment and she let my sister have her own way. Mum made my sister her top No.1 priority first before me on my mum’s top priority, priorities list, but my mum didn’t put me anywhere, she put me nowhere on her priority, priorities list. The next years after my dad’s death, I asked my mum to spend and celebrate Mothers Day with me here in Southern U.K but, she didn’t, she either chose to and/or my sister was manipulating our mother to spend and celebrate Mothers Day with her – my sister in Dublin, Ireland – the next few years after my dad’s death. My sister and my mother walked out of my life and went No Contact with me in I think in the year 2010 or 2011. My dad died in the year 2008, so 2009, 2010 and I think 2011? my mum spent and celebrated all those Mothers Days with my sister in Dublin, Ireland and my mum never ever spent or celebrated Mothers Day with me after my dad died. Someone did tell me that my sister is a negative influence to me in my life. My sister is highly manipulative, an evil and bad influence on our mother, both my sister and my mother are Narcissists, both my sister and my mother Narcissistically abused me. I think they were both planning to go No Contact with me after dad’s death very many years before his death probably possibly likely since from the 1990’s and/or the 2000’s. I’m so pleased and happy that they had gone No Contact, walked out of my life for good and will never ever do Hoovering Techniques on me. I don’t want them in my life. My sister used to tease me, mock, ridicule, etc…, me jeer, etc…, at me and Narcissistically abuse me and bully me. My sister viewed me as competition and she was in competition with me, she forced me to be her rival, she forced me into having and being sibling rivalry and sibling rivals which was and is something that I never ever wanted or want to be or to be in. My dad’s will had £100,000 and I think that my sister herself and our mum herself wanted to spend and celebrate Mothers Day without me to spite me, out of spite to me, to do those spiteful and malicious things to me and to spend/celebrate Mothers Day together and to spend/celebrate special occasions and holidays together where my sister wanted my mother to give her and to manipulate my mother into to give her and probably my mother herself wanted to give her – my sister probably very many thousands of pounds, probably most of or all of dad’s £100,000 in his will without ever telling me and without ever letting me know anything about it and they both cutting me out of dad’s £100,000 will. All that I got out of dad’s will was £1,900 and that wasn’t from my dad, that wasn’t my dad’s instructions, that was my sister’s and my mother’s instruction/decision that my sister and my mother made together after my dad’s death. Both my sister and my mother knew all about my evil Narcissist in-laws and they Narcissistically abusing me and my evil Narcissist in-laws – my older stepdaughter, her biological mother and my older stepdaughter’s oldest and female best friend all ostracizing me out of all of their families – they successfully managed to stop and prevent me from me and the rest of their families from even ever even meeting each other, I never ever got to meet my stepdaughter’s stepsister and her children – my stepdaughter’s step nieces and I never ever got to meet anyone else of their families – my sister and my mother knew all about this, so when my mother gave my husband a card and in it she had written “my son in-law I welcome you as a new member and a new addition to our family, we, I accept you” or words to that effect and my husband and I both saw, looked at and read the card and read what my mother had written in it I felt so insulted because it felt like my own in-laws had stuck 2 fingers up at me and had told me to f*** off, I was and I felt very, very insulted and very, very offended by my mother’s card to my husband and by the way my own in-laws had treated me, my mother accepted my husband whereas my in-laws rejected me. That is extremely insulting and extremely offensive to me. Both my family of origin and my in-laws had done this to me to isolate me, to spite me, to do this out of spite and malice to me, to do this spiteful and malicious thing to me, to emotionally hurt and wound me, to give me emotional wounds. To give me a fear of rejection and of being ostracized and of forcing No Contact with me and of walking out of my life for good, of abandonment, of neglect, etc…, and to force me to have isolation, rejection, abandonment, neglect, etc…, issues which I always have and I always do rejected/reject. I do view this as history repeating itself because my mother was unemployed, a housewife, doing all the housework, doing all of the shopping, paying all the bills and looking after and taking care of herself, of our elderly, severely disabled and retired father, of me and my sister and of her being rejected, Narcissistically abused by her in-laws – my father’s side of the family before when they were in a relationship with each other before they married each other and during my mother’s and my father’s relationship and marriage and after my dad died when my mother became my father’s – (her husband’s) widow because I’m young, unemployed and a housewife myself doing all the housework, doing all of the shopping, paying all the bills, looking after and taking care of myself, my elderly, severely disabled and retired husband and our 2 black neutered over 7 years male tomcats and my husband being a vulnerable Narcissist himself and both my family of origin and my in-laws including my husband all Narcissistically abusing me and flying into Narcissistic Rages at me, becoming physically violent and aggressive towards me, doing domestic violence and domestic abuse towards me, to me, on me, teasing, mocking, ridiculing me, jeering, etc…, at me, bullying me, rejecting me, isolating me, abandoning me, neglecting me, ostracizing me, walking out of my life for good, implementing No Contact on me, to me, never ever doing the Hoovering Techniques on me, to me by my family of origin and by my in-laws. This is history repeating itself. I view my husband as a househusband – house – husband. I encourage him to do the housework and I encourage him to be and to keep physically active and physically mobile, his physical mobility and I encourage him to keep and to improve his independence, I encourage him to look after and take care of himself, of me and of our 2 cats. I encourage him/motivate him to cook food himself for himself and for me, for him himself to get drinks for both himself and for me and for him himself to feed our cats and to give our cats drinks of water/pussycat milk from pussycat milk containers that you buy at a supermarket or at a pet shop/pet store. I encourage/motivate him to come out shopping with me in a taxi there and back in a supermarket where he can ride around in the supermarket’s shopping mobility scooter (carts?)? with me physically beside me and in front of me and behind me as I push a large and very deep supermarket shopping trolley around up and down all the aisles in the supermarket with me. I have inherited all the s**t in all my relationships and in my marriage which my mother had in all her relationships and in her marriage. I have inherited her unemployed, housewife life and lifestyle and quality of life – but I don’t want to end up being like my mum, I don’t want to be an unemployed housewife who does absolutely everything, who ends up being married to an elderly, severely disabled and retired man, I don’t want any of the s**t from my relationships with my family of origin or from my in-laws or from my relationship or marriage with/to my husband, I don’t want my mother’s life, lifestyle, quality of life, I don’t want the same life, lifestyle, quality of life as my mother had/has. I want to greatly improve mine and my husband’s lives, lifestyles and qualities of our lives because we both most definitely deserve a much better, more fun, more happy, more joyful, more peaceful, etc…, lives, lifestyles and qualities of our lives because our lives, lifestyles and the qualities of our lives are boring, dull, etc…, and we both most definitely do not deserve these lives, lifestyles and qualities of our lives. I don’t want to end up like my mum. My sister who was Narcissistically abused by dad grew up to be a Narcissist who plays the Empath/Lightworker, my mum is a Narcissist, my dad who was Narcissistically abused by his Psychopath uncle grew up to be a Narcissist and me being Narcissistically abused by my dad, sister, mum, etc…, my husband, my in-laws – my husband’s side of the family, I grew up to be a victim, survivor, Empath, Lightworker, born-again Christian, conspiracy theorist and as an unemployed housewife. Me and my husband view our 2 black neutered male tomcats as substitutes for babies/children, we view them as our animal children, animal sons, animal boys, animal toms and we view ourselves as their humans, human parents and both me and my husband view me as our cats human mother/human mummy/human mum and both me and my husband view him – (my husband) as our cats human father/human daddy/human dad.

  • tricote73@mail.com'
    Trina
    November 13, 2017

    “It’s not safe to be female” This struck such a deep and strong chord in me, one that has recently been rising to my awareness with regard to the limiting beliefs and adapted behaviours I’ve taken on in response to my relationship with my father. Though it resonates 110%, I still can’t quite grasp where it comes from or how it manifests. I recently observed that I’ve tended to dress conservatively (I even wore baggy clothes to cover up my physique), suppress my femininity (especially around my father)- even judging it as a weakness, toughened up, etc throughout most of my life as if following some unspoken ‘known’ that it was the right/safer thing to do, especially if I wanted to be accepted and not belittled by my father. At the same time, he expresses many misogynistic views, and expects women to look beautiful (for him) or else they are ‘letting themselves go’. On one level, I thought my behaviour was one of a rebellious response to this, or self-protective after seeing how much he put my mother down. Oh, the inner distorted messages are many and muddled- how eye-opening it is to start noticing them and seeing how much they’ve held me back in life.

    I worked through NARP last year after yet another devastating narcissistic abusive relationship. It was the first time I felt I was actually getting to the root of my life-long issues. As such, it peeled the layers back to identify the profound wounds within from having a narcissistic/borderline mother. I thought that was ‘it’, but the wounds from having a narcissistic father are starting to reveal themselves now. I’m starting to see how much in denial I’ve been (distorting truth to make it seem ok/survive). I’ve learned to dance carefully around my father, so as not to upset him or provoke his anger and criticisms, I’ve believed I am a problem and have very low self-esteem because of it, and I cling to whatever fragments are there since he is the only one left in my life/family that I have some semblance of a relationship with. I’ve adapted myself so much to make it work that I don’t even notice when I’m doing it anymore. I do know that having an opinion that doesn’t match his own risks losing him/having him cut off a conversation and not talk for a while. I also know that care-taking him was the only way to gain his acceptance (listening to him, agreeing with him, supporting him). I do that less these days, hence the relative distance between us.

    Thank you for helping me to see the truth with this video Melanie. I’m not sure where to begin with healing these next layers… would you recommend targeting one thing in particular?

    Thank you for everything, from the bottom of my heart.
    xo Trina

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 13, 2017

      Hi Trina,

      That does resonate so powerfully with so many women! Great that you are aware of it and can heal it now.

      okay re the resonation of that belief – please remember with NARP … don’t try to work it out in your head – ie “where it comes from.”

      All you have to do is go to that resonation – that dense painful energy in your body “It’s not safe to be female” and start loading it up with Module work and start releasing it. It really is that literal.

      That is great that you are now getting to the father wounds to heal those too. It’s so important that work.

      Trina with healing the layers just go to what comes up – one at a time. The belief you named is a perfect start. Then go into “what hurts” regarding your father and start loading up and releasing those traumas too.

      Your body knows “what’s next” Trina – truly.

      Also, are you in the NARP Forum – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member because that will be invaluable coaching/support for you while you work through this next stage.

      You are very welcome Dear Lady and so much love and blessings to you.

      Mel xo

      • tricote73@mail.com'
        Trina
        November 15, 2017

        Thank you so much for your reply and guidance Melanie- it helps a lot! Sometimes it feels like there are so many things ‘up’ at the same time that I don’t know where to start. It’s been a while since I’ve visited the forum- I am grateful to be reminded of the invaluable support there as well. See you and other Thrivers there soon!

        So much love,
        Trina xo

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          November 16, 2017

          Hi Trina,

          it’s my pleasure.

          It certainly can feel like we have a heap of stuff – but as we unpack – one at a time, it all gets lighter and lighter.

          Look forward to seeing you in the Forum soon lovely lady!

          Mel xo

  • donna.sunick@gmail.com'
    Donna Sunick
    November 14, 2017

    This was EXCELLENT!

  • sheopi@yahoo.co.uk'
    Sophie
    November 16, 2017

    Hi Mel

    This description of a daughter of a narcissistic father sums me up very well…I do experience this not only as impacting all my relationships, and choices of partners thus far but also my work and professional life. I have chronically under earned all my life, not valuing myself or standing up for my value – giving my time and services often away for free or next to nothing. Also choosing or attracting unstable work situations. This is something I am trying to address now having broken free of recent Narc relationship. To rebuild my life in a new more valued way.

    My brother was the golden child to my mum – my Dad was his stepfather and they had distant sort of lighthearted relationship more like equals yet now my Mum is in late stages of alzheimers my brother is once again the golden child to my Dad.
    I am still the one who sucks it all up sometimes calmly – sometimes in fury. I am the scapegoat as the troubled one with broken relationships to abusive men, a single parent, recurring health issues and often financially poor or struggling. Yet also the only one who gave up alcohol in my family (my bother is an alcoholic yet an over achiever and high earner), the healer of the family, the only one to do get to Masters degree level, the only one to travel alone for extended period, etc etc.
    So my strength is there – I am a survivor yet still invisible and undervalued. My brother is a damaged Narc – I realised this in the past and my recent ex was a very similar character to him – a bit of a golden boy in the family – but drinker and getting away with behviours through charm and superficial caring, and grand acts of generosity. I had an identical first love also in my teenage years. My brother is married to the kind of women you describe.

    I find when around my father and my son together (he is only father figure my son has) I often lose my cool and find myself scapegoating my son or even when in a freshly triggered state from my father, or a man or anyone I tend to scapegoat or dump on my son uncontrollably like I become my mother or something! My Dad swings from being over permissive and adoring to hyper critical like he was with me – when we don’t live up to his wounded high standards. This is something I am SO trying to shake in myself – let my child and myself to make mistakes without coming down too hard on us.

    But I am very concerned as my son has been the centre of my world for 8 years and I have devoted myself to him – he is displaying narc traits towards me and others – mostly me. Often aggressive or rude too. Although I have not always been the best model in my relationships or used to get snappy when overwhelmed.
    I am trying to set more boundaries and I have to temper this before he gets older. His absent father is a narc. I am working to to be the healthiest parent I can be now – and to not let him get away with entitled behavior. I am struggling with the boundaries and consistent all the time alone, with no one else to lean on. I am realising lately, not for the first time in my life – that I have no one I can trust, who is really there for me.
    I find there is so much work to do all the time, so much to process that it is hard to take on a job working with other peoples needs and issues on top of healing myself and my family. I must find a way to earn that allows me to do the ‘work’ through my earning a living. Somehow!

    All best
    Sophie xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 16, 2017

      Hi Sophie,

      thank you for your very candid and humble share.

      I hear you and I know it feels big and convoluted. You have fantastic awareness and now truly it is about releasing the trauma within you that has created all of these ‘ways to survive’ and then you will reset back to well-being (which is our natural state without the trauma).

      We don’t need to learn how to battle our way out of it – truly – we just need to release it and heal.

      Have you thought about NARP Sophie http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp ? That is how we Thrivers healed the “unhealable”. And the results for our child energetically from our shifts, are nothing short of a miracle when we work on ourselves at this deep cellular level.

      I truly know of no simpler and more direct way to heal for real than NARPing.

      I hope this helps.

      Sending healing and blessings to you.

      Mel xo

  • Megan_grace84@yahoo.com'
    Megan
    November 16, 2017

    Hi Melanie, I have been trying to work on myself since leaving my narcissist 9 months ago. I feel like everytime I start to make progress to heal, he does something new to knock me back a few steps. We have 3 children together and unfortunately that means i have to have contact with him, which I keep as little as possible and only about the kids even though he keeps trying to insult, blame, threaten, or try to charm and ask about being a family again. I have made it clear that i will never be with him again but of course he thinks in his head he can have anything he wants. All while he has done the most awful things to punish me and left my life in pieces. My question is how am i supposed to heal when i have to be linked to him for life by our 3 kids? He uses them as tools and does things to hurt them to hurt me. When i talk to people about my situation they tell me to just not worry about what hes doing and go on with my life, but to me that would mean stop worrying about my kids when i know they are not safe and hes exposing them to terrible things that could cause them to be damaged for life or even physically hurt or worse. I cant just ignore the fact that my kids are in danger. I have addressed what i could to the judge and she doesn’t even give the time or care to hear me out. She still gives him partial custody and lets him bash me while projecting his behavior onto me and then never gives me the opportunity to tell my side. I just want to move forward so badly but dont know how with him using my kids and constant vindictive acts to make my life hell. He also has a period of 4 days every other week with my kids that are only 7,5&3 and he will not let me speak to them for even a minute during that time which kills me and the kids. Plus i know they are not safe so its very scary for me. I have a pfa against him and am waiting a trial in 2 month’s for custody but with the judge i am stuck with, who has a terrible reputation for doing the opposite of whats right, i feel hopeless and unable to move on with my life.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 16, 2017

      Hi Megan,

      my heart goes out to you – it certainly does step up the level of difficulty when co-parenting – but please know there is a way.

      If you google my name + co-parenting + children you will find many resources I have created that are in-depth regarding this issue.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

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