Narcissists make you sick. Very sick. The reason is because you are being attacked emotionally within the very essence of your Being.
As a result of your traumatised emotions, and the biochemical processes that get set off within you, other aspects of your life will start to break down considerably – including your health.
Sadly, when people get very sick as a result of narcissistic abuse, they don’t know what to do to get well.
In today’s Thriving TV episode, I want to take you through the five ways to restore your health by TRULY healing what is going on within you.
Video Transcript
People ask all the time, “Is it possible for somebody to make me get this sick?”
Can their behaviour bring on such things as fibromyalgia, adrenal fatigue and PTSD and even more serious illnesses?
The answer is yes. If you hang out with people who are sick, which narcissists are, you get sick.
Narcissism is like a gaping black hole that gobbles up energy, health and resources from people. It literally sucks the Life Force out of your soul, which means that initially emotionally you become significantly affected and traumatised, and then all aspects of your life, including your health, start to break down substantially.
Today, in this episode, I want to share with you the five powerful ways that you can reverse what has been happening to you and restore your health.
But before we get started, I’d like to thank each and every one of you for subscribing to the Thriver Mission and supporting the fact that we can now heal for real from abuse.
And please, if you like this video, give it a thumbs up and share it with people who it can help.
Okay so let’s get started on today’s very important episode regarding how to restore your health. In Steps 1 to 4, we are going to set up the platform for you to have emotional well-being. Because this is essential if you are going to get well.
And then in Step 5, we’ll look at the additions, that even though they are not a healing solution in and of themselves, will supplement your emotional healing powerfully.
Step Number 1: Detach
It is impossible to get well when you are still ingesting the poison that is making you sick.
The more that you try to get a crazy person to act sanely, the more ridiculous and abusive things get. You can’t create safety and health with a disordered person.
The first essential step is to stop trying to get decency, clemency or compassion. Those commodities are not going to come from a narcissist. The only hope that you have of restoring your health is to pull away and stay away.
For No Contact (or Modified Contact such as in the case of co-parenting) to be effective, you really need to understand what it means.
No Contact, physically, is not enough.
Narcissistic abuse is a psychic phenomenon. Even if you are implementing No Contact with a narcissist, the abuse lives on inside you like a terrible virus. In fact, after leaving, you will go through what is known as “after-shock”. This is when all of the abuse from the past has a chance to catch up and hit you like a freight train.
Also, you will be feeling the incredibly addictive and withdrawal pulls of the peptide addiction that your body has been receiving regular doses of.
Many people, and I went through this as well, report that after leaving the narcissist the terror and the pain is worse than ever. This is all of the trauma that has been impregnated into your Inner Being rising up to the surface. Until this is addressed you may literally feel like you are losing your mind.
But I promise you that it doesn’t need to be this way!
This is why Step Number 1, pulling away and creating No Contact, is only the beginning of what you really need to do to get well.
Step Number 2: Take Your Focus Off the Narcissist and Onto Yourself
This is a counterintuitive step, yet vital in the recovery of your health.
Narcissists are a law unto themselves and energetically feed off our fear and pain. The more terrified you are, and in deep pain and disbelief about what he or she has done or can do, the more you feed the problem, rather than become the solution.
An important shift is needed here, rather than keeping your focus on, “What has happened to me or what could happen to me via this person in the future”, you need to focus on, “What parts of myself can I turn inwards to with love, and heal, to bring me back to wholeness?”
And … “What parts of myself were assigning and hanging on to this person as my source of love, approval, security and survival, instead of being healed and solid and powerful as these commodities to myself?”
And, “What parts of myself were handing my power away, instead of living aligned to my values, rights and truth?”
This second step is so vital. It is all about a powerful evolutionary shift from staying and remaining a victim powerless to change other people in order to change your own life, into becoming an evolving Master of your life by deeply doing the inner healing work.
I promise you it took me so long to accept this! And I would not be alive and Thriving if I hadn’t made this powerful switch. (This is why I am so passionate about inspiring you to do this as well.)
Immediately, as a result of courageously letting go of trying to monitor, predict, prescribed to, control, fix or change people who we have absolutely no ability to work with, and turning inwards to rescue and release ourselves from internal trauma, there is often a somatically felt immediate relief.
It’s our Inner Being telling us, “Thank goodness you have showed up for me … finally. You are the Being I have been waiting for all along! Those False Sources that you tried to get to substitute in your relationship with me, were never going to work!”
The relief is often felt even just with the intention that you’re going let go of the obsessional thoughts about the narcissist and turn inside to heal yourself. Even before you start doing the inner work!
This is because you are already on the path to wellness.
Step Number 3: Doing the Necessary Inner Work
There is only one way to change your life, and that is to change yourself.
You can’t change other people in order to feel better, do better and live better. The only entity that you can change is yourself. And it’s crazy that we were really never taught this! Our only power is within, and when you do the inner work you will discover that you emerge with a different Inner Love Code.
Which means that you will no longer be attractive to and attracted to people who hurt you.
Then, the glorious thing is, you will be able to be in life as yourself, safe and powerful and authentic and able to say ‘No”, whilst remaining whole when people are not healthy for you. You will be able to move on.
And as a result of your hard-earned inner work your relationships and entire life will change beyond description.
The only way that we ever learn how to do better is to get better, that’s the truth.
At the beginning, we may think that “doing better” simply means ignoring the narcissist and no longer reacting and just trying to get on with our lives.
After substantial abuse, even if you are capable of doing “grey rock”, and not getting hooked in anymore, it is still likely that you will still be suffering abuse symptoms such as PTSD, anxiety and depression and the obsessional thoughts that make it very difficult to have the energy to be happy, free and create a new and great life.
It’s exhausting trying to get healthy, whilst battling the inner trauma that is generating your emotions, thoughts and biological processes.
A much better way is to turn inwards and start doing the releasing work of all of these toxic traumas out from you. That frees up space. It makes way for your health to organically arise from within you. Your natural state is “health” without your internal trauma.
My Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) is a highly successful step-by-step system to get your inner work done. As a Gold member, it also comes supported with your NARP 24/7 community forum access, where you get incredible tips, suggestions and so much help.
You don’t have to do your inner work alone!
Step Number 4: Become Anti-Fear
It is usual after detaching and starting to detox yourself from narcissistic abuse, for the narcissist to try to keep hooking you back in for narcissistic supply.
Also, if you have been connected through marriage, property and children, the narcissist often lashes out, trying to affect you by taking what and who is near and dear to you.
You may be tested with the most horrifying and terrifying triggers that you could imagine.
This I want you to know with all my heart, that the most powerful and fastest way that you can get well and healthy, and escape their assaults, is to become anti-fear.
By doing so, energetically and psychically the narcissist loses their energy feed.
Until you live this phenomenon you cannot possibly know just how powerful this switch is.
Without fear and pain, as a result of you turning inwards and deeply committing to the inner work to purge this person and all of the trauma, as well as any of your limiting and painful and powerless beliefs, this person loses all power over you.
The narcissist will be thwarted. His or her attempts will fall flat. You start connecting up to the resources, people and situations that will fully support you.
The reason being is because you are activating the power of all of this by turning inwards and FULLY supporting yourself.
That’s what the effective and correct inner work is!
That is how you get free from a narcissist.
By continually doing the inner work on all of your fearful triggers that arise, you WILL gain confidence and power in yourself, as well as start to dissolve all of the narcissistic abuse symptoms from within your energy field, because you know that you are safe in your body and safe in life.
And I promise you that you will become more well than you’ve ever been in your entire life.
Just wait and see how life unfolds in all areas, in your favour. The outer follows the inner always!
Step Number 5: Healthy Supplements
On your resurrection path, health and well-being becomes a focus of nourishing yourself and your life.
When we get better, we do better, and we choose better.
These include things such as eating whole foods and drinking filtered water. Letting go of the addictions and self-medications that we used to turn to so as to avoid our trauma, but yet were hurting us even more.
Hanging out with more positive and much less toxic people.
Engaging in regular healing, healthy time out and moving your body in ways that generate well-being and confidence.
Staying away from victimised forums and communities where the focus is all about bashing the narcissist, and there is nothing about healing yourself.
Laying boundaries and saying “no” to people and situations that are no longer healthy for you, and being prepared to honour yourself and your values and rights, regardless of what other people are doing.
All of these things, in combination with your continual deep inner work to release yourself from trauma and reprogram yourself from the inside out, create a formidable plan to getting well and recovering from narcissistic abuse.
In record time and in the most powerful of ways.
So, I hope that this episode has helped give you a clear roadmap of the five ways to improve your health after narcissistic abuse.
If you know it’s your time to start moving into these processes, then come with me by clicking this link.
And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.
Just what I had decided to do since last night detach try not to be afraid n remove the focus after weeks of letting it run in my head like a broken record … thank you so much for hearing my thoughts!! Xx this is so useful 🙏🏼
Hi Malini,
I’m so pleased that this was useful!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Mel, my own granddaughter has been and is being abused by my daughter there is nothing I can do there is a foster mom that backs them up. I feel alone as my granddaughter is being groomed it’s heartbreaking. I have the gold program I have lots of inner healing to do around this I am so willing I am tired of painful relationships. I am a giver and compassionate and caring to others possibly my codepency I am not going to take all my positive energy I had for others and give it all to myself.❤️🙏Thankyou for your guidance Mel, you saved me from more pain.🙏
Hi Luisa,
That’s great that you’re breaking through and letting go of all the pain and trauma of things that you can’t control, and coming home to the deeper healing within yourself.
Also, once shifting the trauma and pain about your granddaughter fully from your own being, you can also do proxy healings with NARP to help her.
They can create incredible shifts regarding the people we love.
Keep going and I hope this helps and please know how welcome you are Luisa
Mel 🙏💕💚
You are a God send to listen too. I became fully disabled less than 2 years ago after a failed spine surgery that left me with a disease taking away my ability to walk and be independent and things got way worse. He has completely discarded me and left me alone to take care of myself which I could not do. I’m staying with family but it’s so much harder cause I can’t be independent. I’m so full of anger that I’m having a hard time ridding myself of because I feel like I will never have my own house and my dogs and any of my life again. I feel like I lost everything. But I do know that my pain has gotten better since being gone. I still have to talk to him about separating things and we have still have one son 16, at home. Who won’t speak to me now. I feel like he’s won. And I had to lose everything. You give me back some hope and put me back to center when I listen to you. I find myself making excuses to text him and get upset at myself. Because I give my power to him everytime I do it. At the beginning you said about trying to get a crazy person to act normal is what got me. I’ve been trying for 26 years. He won’t talk at all if I bring up us he quits immediately. And when I mean talk I mean text. Since texting came into our lives we’ve had barely any real conversations. And because he is much worse when texting. Thankyou for this though…learning to love myself with not feeling horrible about being disabled is hard. I think it’s really a blessing in disguise. So as to not waste anymore of my life on him. I just need to cut that last bit of string from the rope that’s keeping me attached. But with continuing on watching your videos I do believe I can get there. Thankyou. With all my heart.
Hi Cindy,
my heart goes out to you with what you’ve gone through.
Cindy, I totally understand the injustice and the pain of all is this, but I really want to show you that there is a way to release all of this trauma and get peace, regardless of what he has done.
That is when your new life can truly begin, regardless of what you’ve been through.
Cindy, I would love you to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/free webinar to discover how to shift out of the pain and anger and into your freedom.
I hope that this helps and sending you much love and healing
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi
After 30 years of being married to one. I have developed a very severe and very rare illness called AOSD Adult Onset Still disease. This is due to the constant stress I have been under.
I advise, do something about it and dont leave it like I did. You can end up seriously and life threatening ill.
Thank you for your work on this.
My sister (4 years older than me) has NPD. It took me until I was in my later 40s to discover this when she physically and verbally attacked me about 10 years ago. After decades and decades of abuse and all the usual narcissistic games they like to play, I finally realised through this shocking incident, that SHE really has a problem, possibly a mental health problem I thought at the time, although I wasn’t sure what it was. So I went no contact again (I’ve done it before to save my soul) and didn’t answer any of her calls. No contact for 10 years, and I did lots of research online and finally realised she is text-book NPD. Then, after 10 years, she suddenly leaves a phone message out of the blue two weeks ago. The Covid 19 crisis was her excuse to call, leave a message and “see how I was, and have a catch up”, you know, like nothing’s happened between us. She’s used terrorist attacks in London to contact me in the past when I’ve gone No Contact. I guess she thinks I’m vulnerable at these times. In the past I’ve fallen for it, thinking – ‘maybe she does care. Maybe she’s changed. Maybe she sees all the hurt she’s caused.’ This time I didn’t fall for it. I sent her a pleasant and straight-forward email explaining that I won’t be contacting her as I simply don’t want to go through the same cycle we’ve been through before many times. Wished her well, and goodbye. Next day, I receive a very terse short email back – saying she fully supports no contact in the future. Turns out she didn’t really care how I was doing during the lock-down after all, and as usual, she’s very angry that she didn’t get her way, and that I’m not up for being her narcissistic supply any more. I didn’t feel anything – it just made me smile that she is so predictable in her narcissistic response – always, always the bullying anger that turns on a sixpence. Also confirmed that I’ve made the right decision. NO CONTACT – even if she contacts me after 10 years. I wish her well. But more than anything, I hope that she continues to be well nowhere near me. And if she does contact me again, I won’t bother answering, because I’ve said it in that email. So no reply will be my response if it does happen again. But I have a feeling she got the message this time, because I wasn’t emotional, wasn’t angry, wasn’t anything. Just replied like you would to your bank manager or something. And for me, in the past two weeks, the fear, anxiety and trauma, that always lurked just beneath the surface, seems to have almost evaporated. Poof! Gone like a puff of smoke. Narcissists are just paper tigers, once you do the inner work on yourself.
Thank you for this message. It was exactly what I needed to hear to get me back on track to finally healing myself.
Hi Sherril,
It is so much pleasure.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Alex
my story is exactly the same to yours. except mine is a younger sister who is a malingant narcissist. i really have always related to Ever after, both mom and little sis are sick…of course you know me and you are their dumping ground for their spoiled rich entitled behaviors and of course they always just have to be rich in something dont they? like money fame whatever. im really proud of you and i want the same for myself. this article sealed the deal because I think im like 90 percent there. no more easy target for other narcs in the wild. because I know me and you and sane people ARE BETTER THAN THEM. they really were born like this you know. my sister always seemed mean even when we were kids. and mom mom’s sisters said she seemed weird too as a kid. basically good decent people like us need to be invisible to wicked things that roam this earth because WE DONT DESERVE IT!!!!!!
PS
I also totally agree with the paper tigers analogy. Because its like so many times they copy me or someone else. Like they have no thoughts or emotions of their own??? Very very off putting to me. Which is why I literally can spot one a mile away now. Not to brag but I can. Dang I just loooove comment sections of articles like this. Because if everyone else here can do this and really be free…then I can too!
I hear you that we can only change ourselves. But I love the wholesome, integrity filled way your NARP program proposes to do that. With the ex-husband, for some reason he seemed to be marginally ok most of the time but showed these malignant Narcissistic traits in waves. The first time it came to the forefront, we had known each other for 14 years and had been married for 10 years. When I went to a therapist she told me the same thing you said, “You can’t control someone else. You can only control yourself.”
Ok so I bought that. Then she proceeded to prescribe to me ways that I could be more mean, cruel, hateful, vindictive and vengeful than the husband. She said that it was necessary for me to change my nice, kind, loving, upstanding and forgiving behavior to make him uncomfortable enough to change his.
As you probably know, all this would have done was make me live out of alignment with my personal integrity and my own values. I chose not to do it.
But I did take her advice and not detach. Boy was that a mistake.
After about six years his malignant behavior ceased and he told me, “You are back to your old self.”
How amazing, I hadn’t changed my behavior at all. What had changed was his perspective and his paradigm. So life went on in a way that I could tolerate and in a way that I was willing to live for about another ten years. But the second that malignant behavior of projecting reared it’s evil head, I decided to detach. Thanks to you I had a good plan. Due to NARP I was able to emotionally detach while I set forth in my plan.
Not being one to be deceptive, when he told me, “You should get a divorce,” I agreed. For some reason he believed that I stopped discussing it because I was backing down and letting him ‘win.’ When I did file, after we had agreed 14 times in less than six months to get a divorce, he said, “You surprised me with a divorce.”
I was true to my word. But more importantly I was true to myself. I stood within my own personal integrity and values and still came out a winner. I love the way Melanie’s program teaches us that to ‘win’ we don’t have to fight the same way they do.
Hi Kelly,
I love that you are feeling the beautiful effects of NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
Gosh that’s incredible that the therapist recommended that you do that!
That’s awesome Kelly that you been able to detach and take your power and your soul back.
It was a joy to read your post, and thank you for sharing it with us all.
So much love to you and continued blessings Kelly
Mel 🙏💕💚
Narcissistic abuse is such a diabolical thing that operates on a level that Quantum healing is the only answer. This week I went back to module #1 and really put my soul into it. A medical issue on my body was causing me a problem. It was being triggered by stress caused by remains of old NPD abuse. Quantum healing made that a no brainer….i just knew it to be true
Over the week, this problem has miraculously come under control!! Now, it is possible to do a mini healings whenever I want too !! Like playing the piano, you just have to keep at it day after day to get good
NARP just keeps on amazing me in so many new ways……it has a way of breeding positive energy that even after years, I am still like a child, just grasping the power.
Once again Melanie, I am eternally grateful for finding you….like a fine wine, it just gets better and better as the year pass by
Hi Ocean Breeze,
I love that you went to module one again, and had the miraculous outer shift that followed the inner one. NARP truly is astounding for that when there is no seems to be no other way to achieve it!
I am that same child as well, living in the wonder and joy of being continually amazed. That feeling never wears off!
Awwww, that is so beautiful what you wrote Ocean Breeze.
So much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
I appreciate you making these videos and articles they are very helpful! Although my narcissist is my own mother I can apply most of the things you talked about to this relationship,
Hi Gabi,
I’m so pleased this helps. Because taking our power back is fundamentally about our own up levelling, this information totally and truly does apply to every narcissistic situation.
The healing is always essentially the same.
Sending you love, and blessings
Mel 🙏💕💚
I would like to take this opportunity to appreciate the videos and the articles that you are sending to us. They are really helpful and important. Because living with a nassacist is like taking a poison. And what poison does in our body, it kills and destroy. I’m happy because finally I’ve managed to detach myself from this monster. Now I’m busy trying to heal my inner self. I want to let go of the fear, confusion and the trauma that the nassacist instill in me. It is not easy but with your articles and videos that you are sending to us, we are going to conquer.
Hi Sphiwe,
I’m so pleased that my material is helping you.
That’s brilliant that you are letting go and healing yourself. Have you looked into NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp to help you accelerate and powerfully release the trauma from yourself cellularly? It is a game-changer regarding healing for real.
Sending you love, power and healing
Mel 🙏💕💚
All this information on peptide addiction, trauma on the body and self medicating (mine is food) makes a lot of sense. I realise now that I have been doing this all my life. I really have hope now that this can be healed, along with obsessive thinking and that there is hope to one day actually start living my true life for the 1st time ever. Your informative blogs are so logical and helpful and really help me to gain understanding of what is going on in my head and body and what is causing them. I have a lot of work to do and I’m so grateful for the hope you offer me Melanie. Some days I feel overwhelmed with information and struggle to process it all but I have faith in the process and believe in all the steps needed to achieve freedom on so many levels. Thank you xx
Hi Joanne,
I’m so pleased this powerfully resonates within you. The truth does set us free, and it is such a relief to know that there is a way out of this trauma and pain.
I really want you to understand that healing happens in your body, as a result of meeting your inner being and doing the processing there. It’s nearly impossible to heal our trauma logically or just with mere information (no matter how good it is). Please come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/free webinar to experience the inner somatic work that makes all the difference in regard to true healing.
It literally cuts decades off the time of trying to heal. As well as so much of the painful struggle.
I hope that this helps and I look forward to having you in one of my free webinars!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Well, hello there, beautiful. I do believe, I figured out all about Mr. Narcy through you. I feel such gratitude for your teachings. My husband is a narcopath on the top of the spectrum. He wouldn’t get his hands dirty, so he hired someone to over dose me & he just doesn’t stop. I can not take him anymore, so I told him, I’m going to start divorce proceedings. He is trying everything he can think of. He has been told I will no longer talk to him, unless I have to. I told him I’m not afraid of him. He’s in prison & not because of me. Our granddaughter joined the marines, to get away from him. She said something & was listen to. He had his brother do something, I do believe is illegal & the idiot admitted he got his brother to do it. His brother is a big boy & now, he’s an accessory to financial abuse & hiring demonic people to destroy me. That should not happen, because I have so much proof. A nice officer told me to go to the police of that state. I just realize I could even call the prison. This was such a nice officer & I told him, when I talk to the right person, I’m going to give him a compliment. He was so happy & thank me!! There are 5 police offices that I get a long with & 1 supervisor. Ain’t that a hoot
How many narcissist does it take to put in a light bulb. NONE!!! They use gas lighting. I’m gonna survive (With out him.) I can now reach the top shelf & no longer need his 35″ arms, I went out & brought a step stool, in purple & white polka dots, of course!! My boundaries are set in stone.
Hi Carol,
I am wishing you healing and a passage to peace throughout all of this.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Today I am feeling very weak. Falling asleep during the day. My son is suffering, lack of sleep, new puppies, 2 had a virus, Keeping him awake, he was in break down mode. As am I. I too dont sleep well during the night. Yesterday he was highly triggered . Its wiped me out. So its not just about me. His NARP abuse is work from years back , father and sister. Im tearing myself apart trying to stay calm in a Kansas storm. The negativity ie the virus. The negative reporting My son thought he had , overcome so much. Not yesterday. Thank goodness the sun keeps shining. Much love Suexxx
Hi Sue,
Sending you love and strength in these challenging times.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Mel
Thank you so much for this blog 😊 it came to me just in time as I prayed to my mother last night to give me guidance on what to do next. I have been doing the module work on myself for just over a year now and it has really got me out of the desperate place I was in after being with my ex husband for over 30 years.I haven’t seen him in over 5 years only for court but those 5 years were very hard as he made me pay for separating from him by using my children and finances to make things really difficult and now we are finally divorced and just waiting for the house to be sold like he wanted in 3 years after my daughter finishes college he had started through the children being nice to me after being so angry and wanting to leave me with nothing and just yesterday send me a message with a lit candle saying he was thinking of my late mother who had died 3 years ago yesterday which he didn’t attend her funeral and told the children it was because of me and he didn’t want to be any trouble. So now after all the years and as I am getting stronger in myself and starting to see a way forward he has shown me he cares. I was first thinking o this is great maybe he has changed but it took my friend to remind me that he used to do this in the past too but for some reason it is effecting me strongly this time I think it’s because the last 5 years were so hard and for him to show a bit of kindness now seems to move me and made me think everything could be easier as in with the property we still share in financial terms but something is stopping me this time from going back and I think it must be all the work I have done on myself with the modules so I prayed to my mother last night to give me a sign what to do and I got your email tis morning so thank you so much Mel 😘 I think I will have to set myself up on the form which I haven’t done yet as even though I have the gold package I’m not very good with technology and was never on Facebook or anything like that I don’t even have a computer so my iPhone really is my saviour as I can do all the modules on it but I think I will have to get myself onto the form so I can chat to others who have experienced times like this as it is confusing and my friends don’t know where I am coming from thinking that things could be ok again with my ex husband so there is still a part of me must need healing for me to be shaken by this after all I went though with him. There is a barring order in place and I was even going to invite him up to help me sort out a big shed so he could take whatever he wants from it but part of me sees this as going backward but another part thinks it’s doing the right thing but maybe I’m not strong enough for that yet as I think I would be taken in by him again even after all these years. So time to get back into my healings again and try get myself into the support form. Thank you again Mel for all your fantastic life saving work you do😊 I count myself so lucky to have come across your work just when I needed it to help transform myself to then transform my life. I see myself as a work in progress but have come such a long way in the last year. Many blessings 😘💕
Hi Tina,
it is my pleasure.
I’m so pleased that the NARP modules http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp has helped you so much already.
Please know Tina, that often when somebody who needs a great deal of outside supply is cut off from it, that they will turn back to old sources and try to get attention again with any means necessary.
It is also very important to know the truth that the true character of somebody is not from a moment of apparent “kindness”, it is from what their consistent behaviour is really about.
I’m so pleased that you’ve done the work on yourself with NARP modules not to fall for this. Please know how welcome you are regarding my material and I’m so pleased that you are being strong. Absolutely please come into the NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaEevans.com/member because as a Gold NARP member this is a lifetime resource for you free of charge.
If you have any problem connecting please email one of my lovely support members at [email protected] and they will help you.
You will find so many angels and incredible support on the forum for you. Please know what you are feeling is incredibly normal and of course you would be feeling this.
Please know how welcome you are sweetheart and I’m so pleased that I can help.
Sending you love, strength and continued healing and blessings
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi melanie
Thanks for your material. I’m just starting out to try and recover from being abused for over 30 years.
My health has been affected by my ex wife over the years where the main issues were depression and fearfulness (walking on eggshells) leading to obesity and I am currently waiting for a triple heart by pass post covid 19 priotisising (rightly) NHS care
The divorce after 2 years separation is proving to be very aggressive and despite no contact my ex still makes demands through her solicitor designed to maximise my stress
I am happy to be in a no contact position but am still plagued with bad memories from our 31 year marriage which I write down to try and capture to avoid repetition. These are more severe during the lockdown without the usual diversions pre covid 19
I hope I can move on to the next stages soon and eradicate this awful experience from my life.
Hi Kevin,
you are very welcome.
We are all sending you strengths and love and healing in this challenging time. And praying for your speedy recovery post surgery.
Please know Kevin to move onto the next stages and to heal in a straight-line there is a definitive process that you can get link into. It is called the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP). Please do the research to find out how countless real people Have experienced incredible healing results as a result of connecting up to NARP.
It is the fastest way, so many of us know of, to release the trauma and reprogram your inner being into health and well-being regardless of the abuse that you’ve gone through.
I’d love you to explore it here http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and also please know that there are many men in our NARP community who you will be able to connect to in the NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
To learn more about NARP and experience one of the healing processes in this program, you can come into my free webinar at http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
I hope that this helps and gives you some much-needed inspiration, that there is a way to heal for real. Which is what all of us deserve.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
How do you detach if it’s your job and narcissistic boss/co-workers who are making you sick? In this time of uncertainty with the economy, should you just quit your job in order to do the no contact for an effective healing effort? Thank God that I can work from home right now; however, I still have to deal with the toxicity via Skype and email. Just feeling trapped and paralyzed right now. I have turned inwards and am doing the healing/reprogramming to get rid of all trauma. I’m just not getting the relief I need as it relates to my job and my future. Please advise………thanks.
Hi Tiffany,
this is such a great question.
My take on this is to find and release the trauma from within yourself,f that is being triggered so that you can show up differently, laying empowered boundaries in regard to these people.
Then often, what happens, is that will take the abuse elsewhere to other people who are still susceptible to the abuse, or an opportunity to leave will become available for you, or they will be shunted out of your experience – such as a transfer away.
I know that this may sound fanciful, but truly narcissistic abuse in our life is an energetic and emotional phenomenon and calling to heal something within ourselves. And when the shift can happen from within, the outer must follow. It is Quantum Law.
If you miss this opportunity the risk is that you may leave and go to another experience and then come across identical situations of more narcissists in your vicinity.
When this happens to us, it is always the calling to the necessity to become fearless, honour ourselves with truth and solidness and lay boundaries and be able to express and Live our truth, regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing.
I know that this is hard. But it is a necessary and incredible opportunity for personal evolution.
If you Google my name and “narcissists in the workplace” there is much more information on this topic that I think may be able to help you.
I hope this can help and sending love and strength to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie,
Thank you for remembering the experience of having been involved with a Narc and reminding people not to slip back into the passivity of expecting anyone to change but ourselves.
I check in with myself from time to time to see where there are still traces of sadness that the Narc had discovered in areas of my life where unfulfillment had set in because of having been neglected since I had been waiting for permission from somewhere before I felt allowed to listen to my inner being crying out and take action for my happiness. I thank him profusely for pointing this out.
Through healing the stupidity of this mindset, and learning to tune in and value what I hear, I not only care for my own inner Being but for everyone’s inner Being.
Within we are ALL needy of validation.
Within we ALL must love and be loved.
Love is the One breath that our bodies need.
During this global crises, I’ve turned my full attention to INNER BEINGS everywhere and I’m holding inner healing for all mankind.
True healing. The Healing of deception and idolatry. The Healing of not feeling LOVED.
Replacing the blood and the breath with pure singularity of Being. So that the unity that emerges forever precludes harming one another. A new dimension of kindness.
This inner healing is the only true healing.
Global UNITY is an expression or evidence of this healing.
I’ve never been more grateful for having met that Narc and for having been given the tools to release the FALSE SELF within me so that now I can really live for global Unity not out of despair but out of Quantum experience.
Holding love to replace false spiritual expectations within everyone.
Praying for peace in the human heart.
Hi Iris,
you are so welcome my love.
Thank you for holding inner healing for all of us Iris sweetheart.
I too am praying for peace in the human heart and thank you for being a force for this.
We are in exceptional times of consciousness shifts.
It is incredibly challenging, yet exciting
So much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
This is all very well and excellent advice. It does leave out one aspect, though. The narcissist as ‘the victim’.
Please bear with me.
Unlike for many, my narcissistic almost ex-partner was never my source of love, approval, security and survival. Had he been, I couldn’t have stayed with him for more than 3 decades. Those things I have taken care of myself all my life. Yet, I loved him. We had a lot of interests and good things together. He appreciated my creativity as complementing his and wasn’t intimidated by my interlect.
We also had a relationship dominated by his needs, his depressions, his anxieties, and, particularly in the last 10 years, chronic and debilitating illnesses. It was stressful and needed a lot of management but I didn’t expect anything from him which I knew, he couldn’t give, and I gave willingly. During the years, I learnt to look after my own emotional responses, not taking his outburst of rage seriously, nor the rants personally. It was a great learning curve, yet not enough under the increasing stress imposed by his illness and his anxiety and my limited ability to take action or even to be empathic any more.
A few months ago, he told me that he truly believed in his perception of me as this somewhat rather flawed and inferior person in regular need of admonition for my own good in several respects. This time, I couldn’t joke it away. I had a nervous breakdown and left 10 days later to recover on my own in nature. It only dawned slowly on me there that I would not be able to go back to him.
He began a campaign against me fuelled by anger and self-pity. Only then I noticed and researched the term ‘Narcisim’ and began using the advice I found on your site and others. When he realised that I was no longer susceptive to emotional blackmail nor to pleas to come back because his suferring was more important than mine his health deteriorated even further.
He is coming towards the end of his life, it seems ( he is almost 70, I’m a bit older). He no longer blames me but is in such a pityable state that it breaks my heart. We both live in a country where we are just beginning to learn the language. There are very supportive friends but what they can do is limited. Unfortunately, I am the only person who is willing to listen to his anxieties and sooth his fears. He is heading for palliative care.
It stresses me very much that the healthcare net here hasn’t caught him until more than 4 months trying to get medical and physical support. My emotional resilience is still rather weak and it effects me in that it impedes my recovery.
Yet I can’t conceive of totally breaking contact. But can I let him die alone? I do need very clear boundaries, though.
I will not visit him before his doctor tells me, that he is indeed on his deathbed, until then it’s video support of a length that I determine.
That’s how I feel now. Tomorrow, I might want to break contact totally because I can’t bear it any more. The day after, I want to hurry to his side knowing that I will not do this unless I know I will not be trapped in our flat by ongoing emergencies, real and melodramatic. I am sad and furious in equal measure.
I don’t seem to be able to get of that rollercoaster although I do have times of peace, serenity and even happiness here, on my own.
A comment would be much appreciated, I have no idea what else to do or if there is more I could do. There is still love for him there and he has no insight in his role in waring me down.
Self-care fills a large part of my present existence – it’s the only thing I feel really capable of.
Thank your for reading this far.
Dear Karin
Of course it is right to love. It is ALWAYS right to love even and especially the pitiful Narcissists.
If, as you say, you’re strong in your understanding that your worth etc does not come from him, if you are solid in your own being, then BE TRUE TO YOURSELF and send s lovely card, or place a kind call or send a small gift. Reach out in any manner that does not put you at risk of re-entanglement.
Love is your true nature. It is also your core strength and power. Love is not based on him but on YOU. You are made out of it. How could you not express it? Not doing so would be just as not Self honoring as loving in order to get something back.
This reaching out is not that.
This reaching out is a natural expression of mature love. Without any strings or neediness attached. It is your DIVINE right to LOVE even those who can’t even comprehend it.
If we’ve healed, then we can stand in love that no longer fears anything.
I hope this helps.
Hi Karin,
I did read all of your comment. Karin it is such a natural part of being hooked into a narcissistic person to care for them and to want to make their life better. So many of us, including many women and men, have taken responsibility for others who have not taking responsibility for themselves, and certainly have not been responsible for our happiness or well-being.
Karin, I understand these powerful feelings of obligation and service that you feel towards him. I used to be hooked into narcissist number 1 in such an intense way also. I’ve also worked with many individuals who have suffered the same pangs. I invite you Karin to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to understand more deeply why this is going on as well as how to free yourself from it.
I hope that this can help and I’m sending you love and healing.
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hello Melanie,
I have been following you for years and have always appreciate your emails. This is my first time responding. I have been separated from my parents for almost 4 years now. Reading this post it is almost exactly how the past few years have been. It took about 3 years to actually feel detoxed from all the emotional pain. I am finally feeling lighter and finding my voice. Still pains of guilt will sneak in every once and awhile. Thinking I am not being a good daughter. But I remind myself that these people have done absolutely nothing on their part to start the process of healing our relationship. I breathe and send them love and light. Reminding myself that I spent 45 years trying to “help” them. Your posts and knowledge are comforting in that I never need to put myself in situations that are not healthy or comfortable for me. Thank you. Blessings to those who are going through this process. You WILL recover! Peace, Rhonda
Hi Rhonda,
thank you and I am so pleased that you enjoy them!
It’s great that you have posted today.
I’m so pleased that my material helps.
Rhonda, I would love to offer you a fast track experience into your pure freedom and out of the guilt. To get there I can’t recommend enough coming into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/free webinar because it will show you how to connect to Quanta Freedom Healing that cuts out years of cognitive learning and recovery and takes you straight through to your breakthrough.
After all these years, I really think that you deserve that!
I hope that you take this up!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you!
I spent 38 years with a narcissist, who turned into an alcoholic about 20 years ago. His aggression became worse the longer we were together. He was aggressive to my daughter, myself and was beginning to do meanful things towards my 3 year old grandaughter. I remember before finding your program, I tried to make him leave and became ill, with absolute physical pain. I couldn’t stand the thought of him living life without me. I didn’t know it at the time, but your program taught me that I was codependent. I had given up my life for him, to tend to everything he needed. Thanks to your program, which I got last Spring, I believe. I was able to pull away from him, divorce him and move myself and the girls away. I did really well until I fell for another narcissistic man online. This one pulled the strings of my heart in such a way that I spiraled. I cried over him for forty plus days. I got this email from you, watched the video, and now I understand. I wasn’t done healing and simply fell for another one. I want to thank you for helping me out of the first mess. And now I’m sure your program is going to help me once again. Thank you for doing what you do.
Hi Lori,
Sweetheart, please know there are many of those who have done more than one narcissist!
I promise you with all my heart, that when you dig deep and do the NARP modules again http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp you will find what is still needed to heal and then you will rise into even greater freedom and expansion than what you previously had.
I promise you!
You’ve got this Dear Lady!
Much Love, blessings and healing to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Dearest Melanie, I am so glad to hear the truths you have shared in this episode. I’ve come a long way since joining NARP yet feel I still have a long way to go. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to this issue as late. I finally have been able to sleep through the night after 6 long months of severe sleep disturbance after the discard. We all know how dangerous it is not to get a good night’s sleep, and when it goes on for a half a year it’s really bad.
Anyway, the issue that has more recently come to light is the whole thing about eating a healthy diet. I have a healthy diet as far as foods go, but the addition of way too much sugar is surely an addiction that must go. I am hoping to find the key to this issue somewhere within the module work. I know it is important to do for my body what I could not do before NARP. I know my body is crying out, screaming for me to change my intake of sugar. Other than the sugar my diet is wholesom. When I had tests done on my liver numbers, and the yearly endoscopy and colonoscopy the doctors all told me I’m healthier than most people my age. They told me if all their patients had the numbers I do their jobs would be half as difficult. Anyway, I will continue moving forward and accepting what my Guardians, Angels, and Higher Beings lead into my life.
Much Love and Light to you,
Kathryn
Hi Kathryn,
I’m so glad that these resonate with you!
This is great that you are moving forward, and that you are able to load up and release and reprogram the urges in regard to sugar.
That is exactly the process that is necessary to release the traumas that are fueling that addiction.
Please also come into the NARP members forum, if you are a gold member, http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member where we can help guide you to release this addiction as well is any other shifts that you wish to accomplish.
You never have to do the inner work alone!
Sending love and breakthroughs to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
I just joined and am so excited to start my healing journey! Here’s a brief synopsis of my experience…I have been researching a lot about narcissistic abuse during the last two years after I left a very toxic, very codependent, and towards the end polyamorous best friendship of 26 years. I was finally was away from her for once when I went to treatment for 13 weeks after I had a complete emotional breakdown and needed help, I was able to see all the things that had happened throughout the years through fresh eyes (there is so much I will bring some examples up as I go through the modules) and after getting in touch with my true self and meeting genuine people and realized this was not normal or healthy. It was actually her new supply that came to me months later and said omg I am so sorry for everything I did to you I now realize she is a narcissist (she knew the signs because her mom was one and she had learned so much in therapy) and I was like oh yea I know she’s definitely in to herself. The same person said no do some research on it, it’s something you really need to get help and heal from. As I started doing research it was like I was reading about my life (we had been inseparable best friends since I was 12), I learned I wasn’t actually crazy!! I thought for years I was losing it and swore she was playing mind games with me but in ways that I couldn’t just call her out without sounding paranoid or nuts. I would dread any contact towards the end because I didn’t know if I would be in good graces and be in cloud nine or if she was going to be passive aggressive or even worse silent and I would have the worst anxiety and feel worthless. I had no other friends except her and our other close friend (who she manipulated into not talking to me after I left the friendship) because she had pushed everyone away by blatantly being mean or something kind of smear campaign so I felt that if I left I would have no one and my husband was still very close to her he had her on a pedestal and she had him completely wrapped around her finger. Anyway, enough was enough my mental health was more important I was t eating or sleeping and had lost thirty pounds, so she was finally gone full block and delete. She tried all the slander tactics, her minions trolled my Instagram and gave her pics and she sent them out talking crap, tried to use her daughter who was like my own to communicate with me and make me feel like I was abandoning her, turned my husband against me until one day he finally saw it, reached out to my mom etc and I stood my ground but now two years later she is back. She is now coming to my husbands small CrossFit gym, the same gym where there are 7 or so people she has shit on in various ways and until covid was denied a membership but she saw her opportunity and now they are desperate for money and she will bring her toxic flying monkeys with her. There are plenty of gyms she could go to and this is a direct move. The crazy thing is my husband didn’t tell me for a few weeks because he knew how good I was doing and didn’t want to get me started up again but the weird thing is she had been on my mind recently out of nowhere, it’s like I felt her in my perimeter, I KNEW she was back (also learned through all of this that I’m an empath. I deeply feel people’s energy, I’m a hospice RN and My whole life I have taken on peoples pain and feelings). I’ve decided to quit the gym I dont go much anyway and don’t want any contact with her. I WILL NOT play her game but I can’t believe she is doing this she just won’t stay out of my life! My husband is staying but he is just avoiding her at all costs and ignoring her. He is in and out. She is already using social media to live bomb the owners and other girls there and soon will be hanging out with them every chance she gets to build her army thinking that when there is a function we will show up and she will be the center of attention and it will be the best revenge for cutting her off and she will be so happy because she is sick BUT she is wrong she will be there waiting forever cause we won’t show up and won’t care and she will not get the pleasure of making us uncomfortable or hurting us.
Sorry about spelling errors it’s late, I found this program right before bed and was typing fast to get my comment done 🤪 it should say she is using social media to love bomb the owners 😳
Hi Melanie,
Thank you for this! I was in a long term marriage to a narcissist, and was finally in a place where I felt I was healing, moving forward and happy, for the first time in a very long time. Then another from my family circle reared their head in my life, and the triggers are cropping up again. This person seems pissed that I’m moving forward, I’m happier and less invested in pleasing them, to keep the family peace! I didn’t initially realize just how much I’d been walking on egg shells around this person and others in the family. They have really been trying to put me back in their box, bully and control me! I’ve been there done this before, and will be going back and redoing, delving deeper…obviously there are still traumas/wounds that aren’t fully healed. Thank you again Melanie, for throwing me the life preserver I so desperately need right now!