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Today with this article I want you to know a very powerful truth – narcissists can’t hook in and take down just anyone.

They go after specific people with particular susceptibilities. I promise you that I know this to be true after working with tens of thousands of people.

In this article I’m going to share with you the top 6 susceptibilities that narcissists actively identify within you, when they are meeting you, to work out if you are a target worth ensnaring, abusing and inevitably sucking the Soul out of.

The information in this article could save you years of heartache and pain, because if you know what these susceptibilities are you’ll be able to work on them – and not fall for a toxic abuser that will make your life a living hell ever again.

Okay, so how do you get empowered and inoculated against narcissists?

It’s not by learning about them. It truly is about recognising what it is about you that has made you susceptible to a narcissist so you can heal, tighten and toughen these things up!

That’s what the Thriver Recovery work is all about, so that not only do you get released from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, but also Thrive in your new life moving forward.

When I share these top 6 susceptibilities with you, I know that you will understand how narcissistic abuse happens to wonderful, good people who were usually indoctrinated into being the way they have been.

Today, these truths will help set you free.

Let’s get going!

 

Number 1 – You Find It Difficult To Speak Up And Set Boundaries

Most of us were not taught healthy assertion. We were not trained to be clear about our own established healthy values, truths and choices. Rather we were taught to β€œgo along to get along”, to β€œkeep the peace” and not hurt other people’s feelings.

This meant even when things felt β€œwrong” or β€œnot true” or β€œnot healthy” we may have not spoken up because we didn’t want to confront someone.

Absolutely, we have had the fears of CRAP (criticism, rejection, abandonment and punishment) if we expressed our own opinion. This is especially true with the people who we want to love us, be with us and grant us love, approval, security or even survival. As little people we may have discovered that it was easier to please others, and that by doing so it was much safer.

This I know with all of my heart, and have experienced it personally, as well as helping people worldwide heal from these self-limitations. Our relationships are not formed by β€œtreating others how we wish to be treated ourselves”, they are created from treating ourselves with love, value and respect and speaking up, saying β€œNO” and not staying attached to people who don’t have our best interests at heart.

Narcissists are experts at identifying people who as yet, (which used to be me and so many of us) don’t know how to disagree with people, and choose ourselves, even if it means losing people.

For those of you who are Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program Members, I am such a fan of Module 2 work in NARP to establish your own solid sense of self, so that you are no longer agreeing with someone to be loved. Also, Module 6 is powerful to help you establish boundaries, and Module 8 to help you get past the fear of the repercussions of what people may do when you assert yourself.

 

Number 2 – You Have Unresolved And Unhealed Inner Trauma

In a world focused on trying to address symptoms rather than truly helping us heal at our core, many people who have had painful childhoods and relationships are carrying unresolved trauma within.

Arguably, in a deeply often unconscious world where healthy inner programming was never learned or promoted – this is incredibly common! It relates 100% to all of us here who have been narcissistically abused!

As top neuroscientists now know – it isn’t what we β€œthink” that creates our future. It is how we FEEL. If we have the inner somatic emotional programming of, β€œthe people I love hurt me, invalidate me, replace me, abuse me or even annihilate me” (as examples) then these are exactly the people we continue to attract, be attracted to and make excuses for. It is familiar.

More than this it is an energetic match with these strong subconscious programs that are fuelled by e-motion (energy in motion, namely how we FEEL about certain topics in our life) that keeps us replaying the same patterns with the same types of people over and over again.

In the case of narcissists, they are very in tune with sniffing out people with unhealed wounds to capture them as new supply. It is easy for them. As soon as you tell them what still hurts or what is missing, the narcissist will tell you how they are not this person and how they are not capable of such things.

This is done with such feigned sincerity that you believe it. You feel like you have won the jackpot – here is the perfect kind lover or an incredible business opportunity, the next best friend, the kind, caring neighbour, the miracle therapist, the fantastic tradesperson …

This is the narcissistic con.

You think all of your dreams have come true, but instead your nightmares are about to begin. Meaning – the same unhealed wounds will present and get ripped open all over again.

Look back over your life, and if you are honest, you will be able to pinpoint and realise that this is exactly true.

The solution to this is heal up these unhealed parts and then this unhealed trauma within, that was matching you up with β€œmore of the same”, will no longer exist.

Your life is not being generated from your mind, it is unfolding from the subconscious engine, deep within you, this is why the inner work is so necessary!

As far as my recommendation for NARP Modules go, the entire NARP Program in its 10 Module sequence is the healing and antidote to heal from your present and previous traumas, all the way back through your Soul’s timeline!

 

Number 3 – Your Integrity Level Is High And You Are Dismayed If Questioned About It

One of the most powerful ways that you can be gaslighted by a narcissist is by this person telling you that you are a bad person – thoughtless, selfish, and don’t care about them or others.
Then you will be hooked in trying to prove to this person that you are decent and a good person.

The narcissist keeps accusing you of bad things (what they are doing themselves) and you are distracted from their shocking deeds and behaviour whilst defending yourself.

The narcissist can also keep moving the goal posts, confusing you about what is expected from you and raising the bar to make you jump over more and more hoops to prove β€œyou are a good person” to them.

They can also use imagined allies against you, making you doubt you own integrity who you are and what your rights are. The narcissist will campaign against you trying to make you believe that they have it right, and you have it wrong, and that the popular opinion is that you are the bad person if you don’t comply with their version of things.

What is the remedy to this? Having a strong sense of your Inner Being. YOU knowing who you are and not falling for other people’s versions of you. And, absolutely ceasing to be around people who don’t accept you as you accept you and try to project their own deceptions onto you.

NARP Module 4 heals the triggers of injustice of being wrongly accused, and helps bring you peace, regardless of what anyone thinks of you. Module 5 will release you from the need for closure (you will have achieved it deeply within) and the Goal Setting Module of, β€œI know myself to be an extension of Source”, and clearing all traumas and resistance will give you a powerful shift back deeply into your Soul’s centre.

 

Number 4 – You Are Incredibly Hard On Yourself

Many of us who are perfectionists and regularly scold ourselves for what we haven’t achieved, rather than loving and supporting ourselves for what we are, have been caught up in relationships with narcissists.
Why is this?

Because who we choose in our life is a match for the way we treat ourselves.

If you are your own worst critic, then you will naturally be attracted to people who could initially be β€œlovely” and β€œcharming” (to hook you in) yet will morph into who they really are, people who love you at the level you have been loving yourself – conditionally.

You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

You are only acceptable if you do a) b) c) and d) and that is a bottomless pit and never ends.

They are never durably happy with you.

And … of course, you are simply never good enough, no matter how many pretzel shapes you try to twist yourself into.

If we are honest with ourselves (as was one of my biggest realisations about why I got caught up with narcissists), you know that if anyone had been treating you the way you speak to yourself, you could probably seek a protection order for constant abusive harassment!

I want you to know the following with all of my heart – you will never accept a level of love less than the way you love and treat yourself.

Let that sink in.

Can you now see how self-partnering, turning within and doing the inner work to heal the relationship with yourself is the most important relationship work you will ever do?

A very powerful NARP shift that you can do is by working with Module 1 or the Source Healing and Resolution Module with, β€œI am targeting the trauma in my body that causes me to be so hard on myself”. Clear all of this out until no more trauma remains. You will be amazed how much kinder and supportive you start becoming with your self-talk and self-treatment.

And, you will have no stomach for anyone else’s abuse anymore!

 

Number 5 – You Try To Fix And Change Others

You may have believed while you were stuck in your righteousness (as I did too) that it was your responsibility to point out to other people where they were going wrong, trying to change them so that you could have a happy life with them.

It’s easy to think we are doing the right thing by doing this – yet the truth is when you try to control people, who don’t want to change, you end up out of control.

Narcissist don’t have the desire to change. More than that, they don’t have the inner resources to be kind, caring, considerate, honest, and they don’t want to cooperate with teamwork and build towards solutions with you.

Narcissists regularly get involved with co-dependent people – lovely, giving, caring people who unfortunately try to change people outside of themselves in order to be safe, loved and happy.

Narcissists know that whilst you stay attached handing them energy and attention by lecturing and prescribing to them, they can continue triggering you, get the significance from you that they are emotionally affecting you (A-grade narcissistic supply) and taking your Life Force, resources and any other goodies they want to empty you out of.

One of the greatest realisations in my healing journey, which I know also applies to many people in this community who are natural (or professional) caretakers, healers and helpers, is that changing people and helping them heal must not come with ignoring our own healing and development.

Otherwise we create unhealthy healing dependencies with clients, and horrific trauma-bonds within abusive personal relationships.

With clients it is easier to have healthy boundaries (if we work on ourselves) because we don’t need to share an abode, bed or life with this person. In our personal life where we do, the only option is to detach, and heal the parts within us that are tolerating, participating with and clinging to these people.

That way we lead by example for others, our children and our future generations, rather than being engaged in rolling around with people who can’t and won’t change and holding them responsible for our lives.

Module 6 work in NARP is the absolute Module to do thoroughly to clear up granting responsibility to others who are painful and abusive, to settle into being responsible to yourself.

 

Number 6 ­– You Are An Empath

I know there is a good chance that you, reading this article, are an empath.
This means more than being a nice person who cares about others. An empath is someone who feels other people’s emotions intensely. It means that you are a sensitive.

As a young person you may have needed this psychic skill to be able to stay ahead of what other people were doing. Maybe you had an unsafe parent, and you had to try to β€œread” how they were going to be at any given time.

Possibly you had a sick or a needy parent who needed your attention to try to help or placate them in order to receive love, care or security.

Narcissists gravitate towards empaths easily – and this is the reason why – because the empath rather than being in touch with their own feelings, values, truths and boundaries will be dancing around the narcissist’s wounds trying to grant them what they need so that the empath can feel loved.

The empath’s real job in life is to turn their focus from β€œthe outside in” to β€œthe inside out” so that they can take back their power and interact with people from that inner place, and then they are no longer susceptible to narcissists.

Let me grant you a simple example of an β€œoutside in” empath. Let’s say this person stood up to give a speech. This person is nervously looking out into the crowd trying to read people before speaking.

The empath thinks, β€œThat person is looking at their phone. How do I get their attention?” and β€œThat man looks bored, maybe he doesn’t even want to listen to what I have to say.”

Now imagine the β€œinside out” empath. He or she takes a deep breath, stands and delivers from their Soul and heart, channelling through from Source their true authentic contribution to the world regardless what anyone else is or isn’t doing.

Who do you think is going to have the most powerful and successful impact?

I promise you that after doing the inner work, and anchoring comfortably into your true power, you will no longer hand your power away to a narcissist, you will just powerfully start being and generating our authentic life, that is a match for your relationship with your own true values.

As an authentic self you will flush out a narcissist easily. They can only be with you (meaning having to manipulate you) if you are NOT being your true sovereign self.

From the first moment you stand up and back yourself and disagree you will see the cracks of the False Self suffering a narcissistic injury. It’s childish, it’s a trigger that goes off on a hairline. The narcissist sulks or lashes out. As a mature person in your own body, you will have zero attraction for this! And the narcissist will know you are way too β€œwhole” to be a target.

As an empowered empath, of course you will still care and be there for people, it’s just you will no longer drown with people who are intent on drowning you.

Module 9 of NARP helps you disconnect from the psychic ties with narcissists and take your Soul back. This coupled with all the other NARP Modules, allows you to come back into your body, and feel safe in it, as well as life by navigating your life from a calm, empowered inner state.

 

In Conclusion

I really hope that today’s article has helped you get clear that it’s not outer knowledge that protects you, it’s inner development.
Not only does the inner development help you remain safe from narcissists, it also evolves you into higher states of consciousness and life trajectories that you did not have access to before doing the inner work.

When you heal and Thrive you will be free to be your authentic self in ways that just weren’t possible before.

Today’s article included information from my book, β€œYou Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse”.

Also, by clicking on this link you can access more details regarding the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) which is the fastest, most powerful way I know of to heal after toxic relationships.

Did this article resonate with you? Do you feel hope now, that you can heal and empower beyond being susceptible to narcissists?

I’d love you to let me know in the comments.

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Commments (30) + Leave a comments

30 thoughts on “6 Signs You May Be A Target For Narcissists

  1. Dear Melanie!
    Of the six signs that you mentioned here today the only one I cannot relate to is # five. I’ve pretty much given up on trying to change others as to what they believe in or muse about philosophically. It’s simply not worth my time or energy anymore. That doesn’t mean that I don’t care because I do but there’s little I can do about others who refuse to work on themselves.
    In my youth I was physically abused, verbally abused, sexually abused and emotionally abused and in each instance, as best as I can recall, each individual had narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic characteristics…. This continued on into my adulthood and subsequently my marriage. I am quite certain that my self-esteem was pretty much shattered along the way.
    As a result I have a lot of unhealed trauma, have had great difficulty in establishing borders or boundaries and have found my desire to be empathetic and kind and good abused over and over and over.
    There is no one on this earth who is a harsher critic of me than me. Although the criticism that I have endured and received from others has been very painful and difficult it is my own harshnes towards me that is most damagng…
    I have spent my entire adult hood searching for answers and methods that I can use on a daily basis to overcome all of the stuff that was going on inside of me. That includes eastern philosophy and religion, etc., ad infinitum….
    Most of the systems were intriguing and certainly morally right but it did not solve my dilemma. That dilemma is simply just what you expose to us in your teaching, about how difficult recovery from abuse, especially narcissistic abuse is….
    A few years ago I discovered your channel and I’ve been trying really hard to follow your teachings and principles and I think for the first time, little by little, with baby steps you might say, I might be getting somewhere!
    Anyway, after reading all of this and taking it in, in spite of some of it being somewhat frightening to look at and admit, as I am writing this to you, I feel πŸ™hope!
    NARP ha continually given me answers and guidance and I am so grateful. It’s a privilege to receive these incredible guidlines for living life from you….
    Thank you so much, Melanie! Lots of love! β€οΈπŸ¦‹β€οΈ

    1. You are so welcome Peter,

      and remember Dear Man – less thinking, and more shifting on “what hurts right now” is the way to paradise … and all else follows!

      Sending you healing and love

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’žπŸ¦‹

      1. Hi Melanie.

        Is there a problem with your instagram account? Because I searched for it but I cannot find it.

        Thank you

  2. How do you describe and explain everything so perfectly? It’s so soothing and easy to read your articles. They’re always spot-on, gently explained, as well as calming and empowering. You’re an inspiration, Melanie! I’m so grateful to have come across your mission and hope that you continue to thrive and share your extensive knowledge. It’s made a night and day difference for me, as I’ve been healing rapidly while reading your articles daily. My confidence is growing and my spirit is becoming whole. It’s miraculous, what you do! Thank you for everything, and please don’t go anywhere! You’re helping so many kind people that haven’t had someone whole to guide them in their lives. You’re basically an AngelπŸ˜‡ 🀩 πŸ’›
    Thanks, Melanie!

  3. Great article Melanie ,full of pearly wisdom
    Really endorced what I already knew,but reading it from another person is very validating and empowering . Thanks sweetpea,you are a gem🌹
    No doubt over time and learning for your self,even the comments from your thrivers helps to spurr you on too. πŸ™‹
    The comment about needy parent,was a tender spot for me……I so much understand the generational “curse” …how a parent/ parents treated them,snow balls on to the next and the next .
    Understanding it,forgiving it is the catlalyst for me❀️
    Never too late to learn
    Thank you again Mel😘

  4. Yes, Melanie IS an angel πŸ˜‡ of sorts. Her wisdom, these articles, the time she takes to write them and respond here, it is all as welcome a gift as is a tall, cool drink of water in the desert to those of us who thirst. This blog-space is indeed a soothing oasis of calm, cool healing in a hot, dry world.

    Since I’ve discovered this place, I’ve begun my healing journey. Echoing Rin, THANK YOU Mel and please keep up this great, fantastic, truly necessary work you do. It is so, so appreciated.

    Our entire planet needs very deep healing, yet, it all starts with ourselves, one person at a time. Now, I have the beginnings of what I need to continue my recovery from the abuse. May all of us here continue to find our good guidance.

  5. Peter
    Well done! Well written.Could relate to your comments,

    Yes ! The only person we can change….is self. Then, gradually ,but surely move on.
    Grow into people we never imagined could be…BUT WE DO πŸ˜€

    Keep GROWING AND THRIVE ……cuz thats what we doπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

  6. Hi Melanie,
    β„Ή always can find the defining excellence; thereby when I am exposed 2 your wisdom!
    I would loVe ❀️ to do your program; thereby not working right now. I have mini swarming- storm of 4 narcs at one time! Isn’t that lovely to beat Betsy? They r all different 2!!!!!
    Carol🌈🌺🌹β™₯οΈβ­οΈπŸ’«πŸ‘

  7. This is from my childhood (but so is my trauma, so…):

    “I’m rubber, you’re glue
    Whatever you say,
    Bounces off of me
    And sticks to you.”

    It might sound childish, but in the case of narcs and their haunting from childhood, it’s true.

    With the wisdom Melanie shares with us here, you don’t even need to say this out loud!

  8. I wouldn’t bother to comment if I didn’t see truths in Melanie’s articles, however I’ve been puzzled at what She means, specifically by some of what She has said about healing the original wounds that cause suseptibility to toxic relationships. Is there ever JUST one exact wound that is the root cause? What if there are layers of wounding, partial healing, and re wounding. We can only work on what we can clearly remember and take a guess that it relates to the main theme of the earliest trauma. For example, One could be prone to attraction to people who are very Disapproving of their sensitive nature. The most recent traumatic confrontation with an ” important” person could trigger shame at several levels as if the earliest incident were happening in the present even though logic may tell them that it isn’t bad or weak to have such a nature. Is it more important to remember the details in early life that caused this, or does ” heal” the wound mean something else? ( Affirmations, better self talk, care refusal to feel bad over a trait that has many possibilities to be a strong trait.?

    1. Hi Sue,

      there are many core traumas that we need to work on.

      It would be far too easy if it was just one!

      Please know that we don’t need to remember ANY of it … truly. I know you may find that hard to believe but when you go through healing the Quantum Way, it is done through the dense energy held in your body.

      Please come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to understand this at a deeper level and experience this level of healing.

      All of your questions will be deeply answered, and you will know that there is a more direct path through to healing than you could imagine.

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’žπŸ¦‹

  9. I can’t believe I have attracted yet another one of these morons into my life. Every time I let my guard down this happens! It’s the same garbage happening all over again. What the hell

  10. Dear Mel
    I really appreciate that you’ve started signposting relevant Modules to do from NARP, its so helpful in targeting stuff. At first I started off doing a lot of Module 1 work but am becoming more confident at getting to know – and therefore to distinguish between – the different Modules and what they do. Many thanks and… keep up the good work πŸ™‚

  11. Rachel: I do feel your pain (and even confusion), especially as I smack-my-forehead how many times I have repeatedly attracted narcs into my life. I didn’t realize, I didn’t understand who (or WHAT) they are, I wasn’t aware of the deeper (really, REALLY deep) multi-generational aspects to this sort of behavior in my family tree (past and present), I didn’t know so much. There was an “a ha moment” after I was discarded by my two-decade-long domestic partner, what might be called the beginning of my realization(s) and recovery: I found a text message on an old phone of ex-narc’s where she called herself “Ms. Narcissist” (meaning she KNOWS what she is). This brought back a flood of recall from my undergraduate days at university where I took a Psychology course that mentioned “narcissistic personality disorder” and the puzzle pieces started to fall into place.

    What I wish for you is that your “what the hell?!” (and I’ve had MANY of those moments with these monsters!) turns into “wow, now I know.” I mean this in the kindest way, as I’ve inadvertently done narc relationships a number of times (without realizing it, until my LAST hard, hard discard), but we do repeat lessons until they “stick.” It sounds like you are so fed up with this, that you’ve “had it” enough to say “enough is enough.” That’s GREAT! For me, this was a crucial keystone to my healing and recovery. May it be the same for you, too.

    There are excellent tools (here and with Melanie’s amazing plethora of resources) to continue this journey. It’s great to see how many of us here get up, dust ourselves off, and get on with a life that thrives. I don’t mean to diminish the pain and loss that happens as we find ourselves here, that’s quite real. But it DOES feed the fire, the burning desire, to become “our whole selves.” I wish you the very best on your quest.

  12. Hi Melanie ,this sentence sums it up for me,
    “Can you now see how self-partnering, turning within and doing the inner work to heal the relationship with yourself is the most important relationship work you will ever do?” Yes !
    Learning that lesson has been my path for almost 5 years . I get it , and I look forward to a better life through self acceptance , and the knowledge that heals me.
    Thank you so much for sharing the truths that free our souls from our subconscious selves , pennies from heaven.
    Kind regards Hagen

  13. HI Melanie,

    Thank God that you continue to write these reminders for us, and do not give up. There is so much Narcissistic Abuse going on globally, we are having to apply these principles and Personal Protective Practices more attentively and widely. I keep discovering boundaries that I have to articulate to myself because they are constantly challenged. I am getting more at peace realizing this process of Self-identification (by finding my boundaries) IS itself the process of living. So rather than feeling ‘traumatized’ or ‘victimized’ I understand I am evolving. THANK YOU for the work you do to support everyone’s Self-Discovery and affirmation.

    Lots of love, dear Melanie – and I hope everything is working out for you right now.

  14. Wow! Melanie – this one really hit home: “Our relationships are not formed by β€œtreating others how we wish to be treated ourselves”, they are created from treating ourselves with love, value and respect and speaking up, saying β€œNO” and not staying attached to people who don’t have our best interests at heart.” OMG! How many times have I sat listening to a narc friend who talked forever and never gave me room to speak? Who then shouted at me when I offered my own opinion? Or walked out of the room. And I kept thinking: “Any minute now (or any day soon) they will see how respectful I am of their opinions, and how I listen to them. And they will suddenly do the same for me.” I can’t tell you how many years I was hoping/expecting that to happen. All to no avail. In fact the narc just got worse and worse and worse. I did, eventually, work out for myself that nothing was going to change, and it only took 18 years (LOL) but I got there in the end. Of course, if I had known/understood about narc behaviour from day one, I would have been out of there within the first month. But, Never Too Late, – as the saying goes. Thank you Melanie for confirming for me my correct decision. and for alerting others to the truth asap (so you don’t waste 18 years of your life, thinking: any minute now, they will change their ways. They will see how I listen to them, and then they will respectfully listen to me.) Negative – that doesn’t happen with a narcissist.

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