Narcissists are experts at using gaslighting techniques against you.
They know how to switch the tables and hook you in all the while blaming you for what is so off in the relationship.
Gaslighting is used to distort reality. It twists and turns facts and it makes you feel like you’re wrong when you’re right, and it makes you doubt your sanity.
In today’s Thriver TV video I will explain what is happening when what is bad is made to be good and what is good is made out to be bad. You’ll understand what is happening when reality becomes so confusing that it turns your life, your perceptions, and your Soul upside down, and you really think you’re going mad.
I’ll give you a really powerful exercise that will help you get clarity, make sense of the madness and finally take your power back.
Video Transcript
Narcissists do inhumane things, including gaslighting, which we’re going to talk about deeply today – what is it, how narcissists do it, and how to stop it happening and fully recover from it in your life.
Today, I want to hand you a really powerful journaling exercise to help you get clarity, make sense of the madness, and take your power back.
Before we get started, I just want to quickly mention NARP, the signature course in this community that creates more Thriver recovery than any method that we humbly know of. To create your Thriver recovery in timeframes that will stun you and give you your life, Soul, energy, sanity, and future back, check out the show notes with this video.
The Meaning Of Gaslighting
If you haven’t heard the expression gaslight yet, I’m sure you have, most people have, but if you haven’t, the term owes its origin to a 1938 play which was called Gaslight, and then in 1944, a film adaptation was created.
Gaslighting is a technique that is used to distort reality. It twists and turns facts and it makes you feel like you’re wrong when you’re right, and it makes you doubt your sanity. It’s even more than that. Gaslighting is inversion. Think about something being turned inside out and upside down.
Literally what is bad is made to be good and what is good is made out to be bad – and I’m going to explain it. You’ll understand that what it means is that reality becomes Helter Skelter. It turns your life, your perceptions, and your Soul upside down, and you really think you’re going mad.
Gaslighting Examples
I’m going to give you some examples. Let’s say – this happened to a really good friend of mine called Mary – the narcissist was controlling, would question her constantly, monitor her, was breathing down her neck, didn’t trust her, wanted to put tracking devices on her and he wanted her to explain and provide evidence of every move that she made.
Now, this was the crazy thing, the narcissist was making out that his bad behavior was right and was completely justified and making out that Mary’s innocent freedom, which of course is good, was a bad thing, because he was telling her she was selfish and because of her body language she wasn’t to be trusted, even though she was just a friendly, nice person.
He was saying, “That’s really bad and you are up to the wrong things,” even when nothing was further from the truth.
So this is the thing, as in his case with her – the narcissist will use every diversion, excuse, justification, accusation, and fabricated evidence to hold onto and enforce an insane narrative as well as pathological lies.
So, in Mary’s case, he told her things like, “People told me …” and so would create allies that were fabricated. “You’ve been seen doing this. You’ve been seen doing that,” and she’d be like, “What? I was just in a supermarket. Did I speak to somebody? Didn’t I speak to somebody? I can’t even remember what I did.”
Narcissists Are Impossible To Get Along With
Narcissists are impossible to get along with because you find yourself fighting for basic human rights and decency over and over and over and over again. Because of their defense mechanisms, you end up angry and you lose your cool. This is what used to happen to me all the time, because I felt like I was just explaining normal human fundamental decency.
After being threatened or having just crazy things like my keys taken off me or my clothes being hidden or receiving lies about where he went and just the crazy things that narcissists do. What happens is you show up wanting accountability, you’re wanting to get it through to them that this behavior is not okay, and then the narcissist will tell you that you’re the problem.
They’ll pick on your body language or something, “Look at the way you’re talking to me. You’ve got anger issues.” And then, of course, after being spoken to like that, you do explode into anger because it’s just so mental. Then you’re told that you need therapy for it.
This is what happens simply because narcissists are narcissists. It is really impossible to have a healthy relationship with them because of their dire insecurities, the way they lash out, the way they hurt you. Then, of course, you’re going to try to stand up to that, and what happens in the gaslighting is it’s bait and switch.
Gaslighting Techniques
Things happen, you hook into it, they switch the tables. That’s the gaslighting.
According to them you’re the problem. You’re the problem, because you wanted a solution to the problem. Then the narcissist turns it all around and tells you that you’re the problem.
Other ways that narcissists commonly gaslight is they deny that they said this or that. They will say, “That didn’t happen. That’s not what happened. I never said that. I never promised that.” I know that you’ve experienced that. I certainly experienced it.
Please know, if you feel like you need to record your conversation with somebody regarding what was really said, you are being gaslit and your relationship, I’m sorry to say, is in serious trouble. This happens all the time in narcissistic relationships. If this is happening to or has happened to you, any of what I’ve talked about so far, please let me know in the comments below, because I know that this stuff is really common.
Gaslighting Is A Form Of Insidious Control
Or another way that narcissists can gaslight you is to keep you down, keep you subdued, and keep you small, telling you that you’re sick, that you don’t have your inner resources to be healthy. You’re not good enough. You’re not capable.
They might tell you that you are victimized by people, that you are useless, if they’re name calling and being horrible. Then they make out that you need them. So you on your own are not enough. You can’t cope. You can’t survive on your own because of all of this gaslighting and that they are your saviour.
This is gaslighting. It’s a form of insidious control. It’s to keep you impoverished, dependent on them, and not able to think for, fend for, or generate your life yourself. I really want you to understand this.
Please know, get this, any genuine person, group, or organization in your life, if they’re genuine, they will want to empower you and help you to be the best that you can be and want you to be able to have incredible opportunity in your life.
They will help you be healthy, empowered, and sovereign, and to not need them.
So there really are thousands of different examples of how a narcissist gaslights and what they can do, and I could go on and on and on and on. But what I really want you to know is that the details, this is so important too, the details, the twists, the turns, the confusion, the lies, the projecting onto you, the blame shifting, convincing you that you’ve got serious issues and you’re the crazy one, it’s all to do with gaslighting.
But rather than you go into your brain and research and decipher and try to work out, what is the reason and what form of gaslighting is this and what isn’t, all that stuff, there’s a much better way to cut through all of this rubbish, take your power back, and put an end to this garbage.
The Foundations Of Any Healthy Relationship
I want you to get out a pen and paper and pause this video if you need to go get one.
I want you to write this heading, Foundations Of Any Healthy Relationship, because you need to get really clear about this.
Now we’re going to write the words: kindness, honesty, validation, teamwork, solution building.
I want you to go through these words one at a time, and you’re going to need to be really honest and write down the truth.
Let’s start with kindness. I want you to answer these questions. Is this person kind to you? And I mean, durably kind, not just 10% of the time. How are they all of the time? Are they caring? Do they care about your feelings when it matters the most?
And, if they have a moment because nobody’s perfect, somebody can have a moment because every person can, in those moments, are they kind enough to apologize and be real and humble? Do they have the capacity to care about you and make amends through appropriate restorative behavior if they’re not kind?
Let’s have a look at honesty. Is this person honest? Do they tell the truth? If you question something, do they give you an honest answer rather than avoiding and shaming and blaming and attacking you?
Do they take responsibility for the truth about how they’re feeling and what they need from you? Or do you get ambushed where you think everything is fine and then they blow up and they haven’t even been honest with you?
Let’s have a look at validation. Does this person validate your feelings when you need to talk or have support or you’re feeling scared or down? Is this person there for you? Can they hear how you feel and be present with you or do they make it all about themselves? Do they tell you that you’re not allowed to have those feelings and invalidate you? Does this person let you have an opinion and thoughts and ideas as well as your own feelings? Do they listen and support you and honour you to be yourself? Or are you ridiculed, shamed, and smeared for thinking differently from them or wanting to have a debate or a discussion? These things are really important.
Now let’s have a look at teamwork. Does this person support your goals, your liberty, your vision for your life? Are they happy when you’re happy even if it has nothing to do with them? Does this person want to see you shine and soar, or do they squash you, limit you, and are pathologically envious about you? These are really important questions.
The last one, solution building. Does this person want to get to understandings, reconciliation, and healing with you? Do they want growth, happiness, and peace? Does your relationship up level as a result of disruption because you work stuff out beautifully and honestly, and in an adult mature way with this person, caring about each other? Or do the same things come up over and over and over again, and things are getting worse and you’re feeling sicker and the cracks are widening?
So those points that I just gave you that I wanted you to give honest answers to, these are the baseline fundamentals of healthy relationship and I want you to take your time with this list to really work with it and be honest, because if you’re not honest, you can’t get out of this mess.
Imagine if your car was bogged in mud and you just ignored that and you just put your foot on the accelerator, you would just dig yourself deeper down into it. And the same is true with our life. We either sink into the bog or we get real about what’s going on in order to heal it.
I know it’s hard, but it’s a truth that needs to be faced. And this is the truth, somebody’s character is their character. Narcissism is narcissism. You can’t make somebody change if they don’t have the capacity or the desire.
If there are not those fundamental baseline requirements for a healthy relationship, you’re not going to change that person. They’re baseline requirements. They’re normal, and what you’re experiencing is abnormal, and in fact, the more you stay and try to control it and change it and fix it, the more out of control and abused you’re going to become. The only person you can change and control is yourself.
So now I want you to write this out:
“I know there are unhealed parts of me clinging to this person, trying to get them to care and love me. It’s my time to take my life back, turn inwards, and heal those parts holding onto someone not granting me love, safety, or care. It’s time to heal this between me and me and True Source (which is your higher power) so that I can go free, be healthy, have healthy relationships, and never be stuck in this trauma again.”
Now, you’re going to be able to see that in the blog there’ll be the transcript to that for you to go back to.
And I want you to write it out 11 times and really feel into it as you write it. There’s something very powerful about 11/11. Maybe you see it. A lot of spiritual people really believe it’s a portal to manifestation. And I believe that too.
I really hope that this can give you a shift, a shift into making it not about them and making it about empowering you and taking your Life Force and your Soul back.
I want you to know you don’t need to end the gaslighting today or tomorrow in your life, but getting focused on your healing is going to help you start detaching, coming back into sanity, your body, and your power.
In Conclusion
Let me explain how I can help you really move this forward. First of all, there’s my 16 day free course, which has a ton of resources and two really powerful e-books. All of it’s free and there’s no obligation and you can unsubscribe at any time. The link with my 16 day free course comes up on this video or check it out in the show notes.
Also, the next step on from that is my free webinar where you have a two hour sit down session with me, get really deeply into this, and experience Quanta Freedom Healing, which is going to give you a shift on those parts that were staying connected to somebody messing with you, so that you can heal them up, free yourself from them, and get anchored into power and truth in your body.
So I really hope that this has helped. Please share after you do this exercise. Please share how it went for you and how you are feeling after doing that. I’d love to hear about that and any other comments or questions that you have.
Wow my name is Mary and I would be told by him that other people were saying I was a run a round , I was leaving our kids every night to party . I was nothing and shamed . I on the other hand had two jobs and was raising our 4 kids alone . I was called the liar and when I finally would blow up from the stress of him supporting younger women , not being a father ..
It was all turned around on me the only thing he actually cared about was our family and friends talking terrible about him , not losing a 20 year marriage as he had a 25 year old girlfriend by then . He discarded us and abandoned us while still playing the victim …
I was told the most devastating hurtful things about my character. He contributes nothing to us . I grieve for the me that stayed so long , hoping he would see us have value to him again because we needed him . At one time I did believe he had cared for me but in the end he had no empathy or guilt , he brought himself a new truck and house and living like a teenager.
You have just described my 10 year marriage, I am trying to find the strength to leave,,,
You can do it! As big and scary as it seems during those first few steps it is worth it and you deserve it! ❤️
I’m hearing you Mary and everything that Mel said. I lived this for 36 years. It was always me that was the problem. He would accuse me of the very things he was guilty of and force me to defend myself, even getting angry at him and that simply wasn’t me. He would tell me other people, including his and my family, thought there was something wrong with me and I needed to see a psychiatrist. When I finally figured out the person he still is and had been our entire marriage, including the multiple relationships (and they weren’t even younger women), I had to become a detective and produce the evidence for anyone to believe me, which I did (he even had a private investigator lined up for me and the link was provided by one of the other women). I’m free of him now. Be kind to yourself and believe in yourself. You deserved better and the best medicine is the self respect and self empowerment you gain by getting them out of your life.
I was bought up beaten and abused from the age of 4 till I left at the age of 14. My mother left when I was 9months old, i lived with my grandparents till i was 4 and my father remarried. She wanted my father but not the package deal and my father never protected me . My last 2 relationships have been toxic and abusive however my second one wasn’t violent physically but mentally, he actually treated me no better than how I was bought up. Oh yes he’s great at gaslighting he could apologize but always reverted back sooner or later to everything being my fault. I allowed it so in a sense it was.
Hi Deborah – I’m sorry to hear your story. You deserved so much better than that toxic upbringing. But it’s NOT your fault and neither is what the Narc did. I do know how you feel. I felt the same- I should have known better!! But you know what? I was drawn in and I “allowed “ it because it was FAMILIAR. The abuse from the narc matched the abuse from my narc mother and family members. Chaos was comfortable because I was raised in it.Vainly I tried to heal the narc thinking subconsciously that he would heal me. Doesn’t work! Healing myself is the only way. Now I see that this last narc was the wake up call that I needed to finally turn inward to heal. Not easy but at least now I have stopped blaming myself and I know what I need to do. Mel and her NARP program really help! Here’s to thriving!
My father was an abusive barn physically and mentally I left home at 18 to escape his violence my mother stayed as she had no way of supporting us
I married 1 an alcoholic abuser
2 A gambler who lost everything our house and business and was found guilty of fraud nearly jailed
Then married my first love who died now married again Another narcissist
Big hugs to you Deborah,
sending you love and healing for everything you have been through
Mel 🙏💞🦋
All of that is still happening to me, Melanie.
I thought that because he was kinder (kind of) OH MY GOD.
I am still impoverished. He is still keeping me as small as possible and pretending that it’s like all cool. Oh my WOMANness! IT is time to change.
HELL …… Bring on my non stop flow of income and projects that fill my soul as I help others fill theirs.
I have been in NARP for a long time. Not done THE WORK because even that looks like something I could get into trouble for. WOW! AHAs big times here.
WOWOW!
Time for ME to BE 100% me.
LOVE
D xox
Hi D,
yes, it is your time to heal, breakthrough and shine.
I’m so pleased this helped bring clarity to you.
NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp dedication and work will be your key to unlock all of this!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Nailed it again, Mel! Yes, if recording conversations is needed…well doesn’t that say it all? Looking forward to doing the exercise.
Hi Val,
it sure does.
Bless you and enjoy the exercise!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Hi Melanie,
Almost all the gaslighting that I went through in my marriage was precipitated by scathing bald face lies by the N. I could not understand why she insisted on doing that and it seemed so often that there was some form of smear campaign going on which I would find out about later. Of course all of that impacted me, often, quite severely. I would go through days feeling numb or feeling kind of incredulous that these things were being said or done behind my back. That kind of behavior from the narcissist really did a number on my psyche. I think that all of that eventually created a trauma bond between me and her although I’m not certain about that. 🤔 Is it possible that we can become trauma bonded to someone who is gaslighting us and doing really incredibly demonic evil things to us? That sounds to me like a remote possibility yet as I’m writing this I’m thinking that that could be true. Could this be about the psychic connection to the narcissist that you describe in one of the modules?
I’ve managed to come up with a few tricks, as I mentioned in a kind of lighthearted way, earlier after your video, about finding the tools in NARP to be able to “turn off the gas”, but this insidious stuff still keeps creeping in. That sounded good at the time but after reading the blog I realize that I’m nowhere near where I would like to be with all of this.
Well, thanks for this blog and the earlier video. It makes me realize how much work I’ve still got to do before I am able be free from this narc. The video and the blog confused me somewhat…But, I feel that that’s OK!
I know that I will get through it and things will be brighter on the upside.
Thanks again for all your help, Melanie. Lots of love to you! ❤️🦋❤️
Hi Peter,
please know trauma bonding is ABSOLUTELY all of this!
It is all energetic, psychic … as well as emotional. NARP Is addressing it at all those levels. And the relief and resolution are about the constant turning inwards and loading up, releasing and replacing the traumas that are felt in your body.
Just keep going with that inner work Peter.
Much Love
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Yes very insidious love how you w lose the truth abs beat of all the solution is the main truth
We need financial support for women who want out – who know their situation – know who they are and who are so traumatized/exhausted to get a full time job and support themselves (and child/children). Some of us need to be healed before being out in the world again – and healing w/the “N” still in the house – well I have not been able to accomplish that.
My ex is doing this to our child. She now believes that me attending 27 safeguarding meetings at her school when she was being bullied is a sign of me having mental instability. She thinks I have anger issues when actually he was constantly lying and would then beat me if I stood up to his lies. All of this has been covered up by family court who refused to look at the evidence of him lying to them about our relationship and lying to our child to gain control of her. I am still fighting for the truth, to liberate her, but its been 2 long years and I’m very very tired of living in this toxicity. I am fighting to get her free, not to abandon her, but he has so many allies through patriarchal systems like the police and the courts and I only have the truth.
Dear Melanie,
The full realization that my partner was a covert narcissist came when I became aware that he was hiding items (like my migraine pills, my medical documents, my pearl necklace etc) in the house. He would just watch me, emotionless, while I frantically hunted around the house to find my pills when I had a migraine. Then suddenly these items would miraculously appear back in their places the next time I looked. Can you imagine my confusion and panic? At first I wasn’t aware and I did blame myself for not noticing them. How could I forget? This was such a dilemma for me. But on one occasion I absolutely knew it wasn’t me and there was no confusion at all. He had removed the migraine pills from the medication drawer and when I was looking for them elsewhere, he put them back so that when I returned to the original place I found them there! When confronted, of course, absolute denial. I was the one who couldn’t remember, I was the one who had memory issues, the pills were apparently there all the time and I didn’t see them! He even said I had a paranoia disorder. That was it for me; my true enlightenment. A couple of weeks later, I kicked him out of the house, and blocked him, hls mum (who is an overt narcissist big time) and his kids from everywhere. I told him to get help because my diagnosis was NPD, knowing that he would not accept it. However, he did seek therapy. He told me that he told his therapist that I said he had NPD. Then he told me (before I blocked him) he was recording the sessions to prove to me he did not have NPD. His diagnosis of himself was depression after losing the love of his life, hahahaha. More like narcissistic wounding from losing his favourite prime source of endless supply.
Your insights and all the information you provide have been an enormous help to me. Thank you.
Thank goodness Suze,
that you have been able to get clarity and remove the insanity from your life.
I’m so pleased my material can help.
Sending you love and healing
Mel 🙏💞🦋
I left my N fiancé in March. I blocked her for 3 months and was doing fairly well. She found a way to contact me and say she wanted to be friends always and who knows. I fell for that despite knowing this was going to get toxic again. We talked on the phone last night for the third time since March and the gaslighting was full blown. This article Melanie was perfect timing. I am going to go back to full block. I hope that I can never forget the toxic nature of her relationship. I hope I can find happiness with a woman who is normal and loving.
Mike
expect another attempts even 10 years later. My experience. Same scenario over and over. They don’t want to operate different way. Pond is full of fish.
Hi Michael,
it’s just not possible to have friendships with them ..
Absolutely full block and heal and move on!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
I took TWO lie detector tests.
Hi Melanie just want to send you endless love and light for lifting me up and helping me to see the light!!! Just a comment to say I am starting to get out there and date again and it is terrifying… but I can see I’m doing so well and making so much progress thanks to you!!! Starting chatting w a very appealing-seeming guy who immediately began violating my boundaries (“call me in 5 minutes or else”, stalking me online). Last night I felt super violated and did not reply to him. Today he got upset. I did not reply again and he vanished. Poof!!! *No supply from me and he’s shown me his true colours!!!* Second time I have successfully avoided a trap. Gaslighting is one key part of this nefarious arsenal and we need your clarity so very much to help us out of and beyond it for good!!! 🙏🦋
Hi Elle,
thank you that is lovely and so appreciated.
Gosh – how demanding and entitled – that is 3 strikes all at once.
Gone! Next!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Melanie you are doing such amazing work. Thank you for your insight, honesty, wisdom and heartfelt message. xx
Thank you Beverley for your lovely words!
Please know how welcome you are.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank you, Melanie.This was a powerful reboot for me today. My soul rape carnival ride and NARP intensive was about six years ago. I’m in a new relationship for a bit more than 2 yrs. I get scared at times “UH OH, Am I with a Narc again?” It’s a delicate edge of brave self awareness and radical honesty to see if this is paranoia, protection, projection or a healthy wise wake up call. Your “litmus test” menu- kindness, et al (along with Katherine W. Thomas similar menu and other brilliant women I am privileged to work with) helps me to breathe and be is discernment rather than premature derailment. I get to renew my own sovereignty, recommit to what I do really want to CREATE and show up from honest revealing, 100% responsibility and new agreements with someone who could be truly capable of doing this healthy conscious dance with me. Most importantly, I get to fortify trusting myself and recommitting to this path of mastery in learning how to be a self-sourced grown up in a love relationship. Keeping it real, It has not been a blissful honeymoon! 🙂 We have triggered the bleep out of each other. AND the blessing of this is yet another catalyst to recommit to this learning journey of mastering healthy relationshipping. My Narc was the fairytale- appearing brilliantly as perfect twin flame lovebombing, futurefaker- no demeaning, just shocking discard and lies discovered later. So, having a “real” relationship with triggers rather than adoration all day has been … Interesting. 🙂 I prayed for an honest man. Well, I got one. Ha ha ha. I don’t know if we’ll be happily ever after, or a learning blessing for each other. I know the most important relationship of my life is with me and me and Source and that is my True LOVE and home and Joy. Still learning, always. Once upon a time when I heard that there would be a “better life beyond…” on the other side of my dark night of the soul, I bought a story from my inner programming… someday I’ll feel even happier than the bliss with mr. perfect… with the “real” version of a better lover, home, life, etc. Now I’m able to realize that the Kingdom of Heaven is indeed within me. It’s a work in progress. And I am feistier about who I am and what I am up to in part because of your wonderful spirit and generous sharing, Melanie. THANK YOU. Keep shining, oh radiant one. 🙂 Oh- here’s a poem that came out of me in the beginning of my shattering years ago. “I am the radiant goddess. I am the soul mate of my soul. I am beholden to the Beauty. I am the keeper of the whole. I am.” Now, we get to lean into living this more and more. Cheers.
Thank you for your beautiful share Marian.
I love your self-partnering and deep commitment to yourself.
I SO agree – 100% with everything you have said. The “partner” the “perfect life” can only ever be the “topping” on the foundation of Wholeness and Oneness between us and ourselves and Source. It can never and will never grant it.
So much love to you.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
You really hit the nail on the head. My husband came in yelling about the house how bad it looked. He yelled he was cleaning because it was our 40 years of being married and started to belittle like i never clean so I went out on a ride in my car and came back and he was still ranting so I told him most people would have paid for a made for me to give me a break after all these years and he never responded to me and he yelled and said it was stink in his nose because of the dust. He is just being insensitive. Who want to tire themselves out before their anniversary especially after being married for 40 years,.
I have a ‘friend’ who lived with us for awhile but she smoked. I am allergic. After trying & asking her to please not smoke in the house, and she wouldn’t then I asked her to leave. She did. Then she began this pattern of befriending others and those others would also turn against me. Almost all of my friends became her friends and this pattern continues to this day. They talk about me behind my back and then it gets back to me. They have become a clique. It does hurt. I wanted to make friends with a few of the others, but it is a dead end. I do value my own self and know outside of this situation I have lots of love to give to others and they to me. However, this clique is always present in my world and they do their best to exclude me. She asked my help in her move recently, and now she never got back to me about what days or times to come over. She said she sent me messages, but I never got them. She is almost calling me a liar. I am not. I never got messages from her. I am again going No contact. It is a never-ending cycle. Its almost a planned thing. I suppose it IS a planned thing… lets get the “goody-goody” because she thinks she is All That. I don’t know how to complete END this thing. Now another of our friends wants contact and I really don’t. It will end up just as I’ve related. So I am saying no, I am busy. Do I just ignore all of them as they do me? Do I try to talk to them to resolve things? To heal things? Or am I just being stupid and thinking that THIS would never happen b/c they don’t want they, they want the Narc Control and nothing else. Please help! I just read 4 of your articles and see the pattern, loud and clear. I really want nothing more to do with them. Any of them… even though a couple of them were really precious to me. But this one ruins it for me… all the time. For years now.
Hi Maria,
this will end when you heal you on the inside regarding this ..
Let me explain this to you in greater detail in my free webinar – as well as how to heal this so it ends …
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank you Melanie after all these years of being married you have given me the truth about my husbands bad behavior. I listened to the gas lighting blog again and have learned some techniaues to empower me. Thanks for the info.
Hello, I was married to a narcissist for 7 years but didn’t know it until years later. When I started doing research it was by the book when we met, the second stage and the third stage, I was told, “If you divorce me I’ll put you through hell!!” And he did for 13 years we were I. And out of court because he was the better parent and was trying to get our kids taken away from me. I remarried about 2 years after we divorced so he put my new husband through the ringer also!! We were both horrible people and the kids would hate us. Well in the long run out now 23 year old daughter got married last year and changed her last name to my maiden name 6 months before she got married because she didn’t want anything to do with her dad, her step dad walked her down the aisle, now my 22 year old son wants nothing to do with him, growing up he was the “escape goat” And we have a 21 year old that talks to him but only if he wants something and he is the “golden child “, but back to my 22 year old, he has 2 children and his dad and step mom live 3 hours away and not really in my sons life and her kids and my son has always tried to get his dads live but that will never happen, he also was trying to let his dad be in his kids lives and let them have them a few times when he had them for his visitation, well I told him something was up because they were being to nice so he thought about it and told the step mom that she wasn’t going to get them like she was. So she got pissed and went to the of the 2 kids and told her lies and got her mad at me and my son and the mom started giving the kids to the step mom instead of the dad my son, so now we are going to have to go to court to get the kids because the step mom is keeping them away from us telling my son he has no rights and mind you the mom is ok with her kids being with these people that she doesn’t even know. So after 3 years of being rid of the narcissist (and the step mom is just as bad as the dad)they have one out of hibrination and going after my son, only to hurt me to keep my grandchildren away from me!! It’s awful the step has the mom convinced that this is good for the kids and that we were never there for her or the kids
But mind you my son had the kids 5 days a week and the mom had them 2 days but then were at a babysitters while she worked!! I have been there since the kids were both born I have proof, and my son also but she keeps saying that the step mom was the only one here for her and the kids, but they are even around the first 13 months!! Just only the last 2 months since the step mom took over the kids!!
This is such a fantastic blog, I’m so happy I found it. I am only 5 months free of my abuser and my experience of being gaslit was without a doubt the worst period of my life. I was so lost and confused, i was being hurt so deeply and continuously and made to also feel guilt and responsible. I couldn’t see a way out and it nearly killed me. You describe and explain it so well and it means so much to those who have experiences it to feel somewhat understood. You’re a star, thanks for all you do!