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Self-partnering is more than escaping the pain of being single or being overly independent and forgoing relationships in order to be an island to yourself.

Being self-partnered is an essential key to achieving a healthy relationship with self, life, and others.

Self-partnering is hugely important for everyone, to be safe and healthy in their own body, able to live free of abuse and abusive patterns, and truly generate the life and love that they were born to live.

 

Video Transcript

There is a big buzz around the world about the term self-partnering at the moment. You may have heard that Emma Watson came out and talked about how happy she is as a single person being self-partnered.

I also just did an interview for Elle Magazine about this term.

I am thrilled about this, knowing that more people are starting to understand self-partnering and explore how personally gratifying and healthy it really is.

Self-partnering is hugely important for everyone, to be safe and healthy in your own body, able to live free of abuse and abusive patterns, and truly generate the life and love that you were born to live.

In this Thriver TV episode Iโ€™m going to explain to you exactly why self-partnering is so vital for you to understand, as a member of this community.

But before we dive into this vital information today, I want to say thank you to all of you who have subscribed to my channel, for supporting the Thriver mission and Iโ€™d like to remind you that if you havenโ€™t yet done so, please do. And also make sure that if you enjoy this video that you give it a thumbs up.

Okay so on to this episodeโ€ฆ

 

How We Were All Taught Not To Self-Partner

Our world, communities, and forebears taught us the very opposite of self-partnering. The messages we received were that certain emotions that we experience are unpalatable and we were supposed to try to avoid them and shut them down, at all costs.

In times of emotional distress, which is always a signal to turn inwards and understand and heal something within, we were taught to do the exact opposite.

What we have instead done in times of emotional distress is try to numb out โ€“ self-medicating by grabbing somebody or something else to try to fix how we feel. Or project our inner pain onto someone or something else as a way of trying to get relief from it.

None of these things have proven helpful or healthy. In fact, they are just as disastrous as it would be to ignore a leaking roof and think that our possessions and furniture arenโ€™t going to get wet, or our motor carโ€™s grinding engine and think we can just continue driving it.

Self-partnering is the act of coming together with our true Inner Being and being able to process our emotions towards our own healthy self-integration. Self-avoiding, self-medicating and self-abandoning doesnโ€™t allow us to integrate with ourselves. Rather it further creates disintegration with our Inner Being, which is the core of how our entire life goes.

 

Self-Separation Is A Match To Narcissists

If we are not self-partnered, we are as susceptible to abusers as an injured gazelle on the edge of a pack is to a predator. We arenโ€™t solid, empowered and whole. Because we havenโ€™t processed our inner fractures โ€“ our painful beliefs, traumas and emotions to wholeness, we are susceptible to an abuser coming into our life pretending to be the saviour of the broken parts of ourselves.

This is what narcissists are famous for and skilled at doing โ€“ picking off people who are not self-partnered, as supply and food.

And if we are not self-partnered, we will cling to these people trying to force them to partner us healthily when they donโ€™t have the resources to do that. And if we do find and connect with healthy partners, then there is enormous pressure that we can place on them trying to fulfill our emotional requirements for us, instead of allowing space in the relationship to breathe, so that it can be whole and healthy.

Not being self-partnered truly is the definition of co-dependency โ€“ the requirement of somebody outside of ourselves to give us ourselves, rather than turning inwards and healing ourselves to wholeness.

Make no mistake, narcissists are also desperately co-dependent. They require people to feed on to get significance and narcissistic supply in order to avoid the pain of their self-annihilating and severely damaged Inner Being.

The Myths About Self-Partnering

People may think that being self-partnered means that youโ€™ll be an island to yourself and that you wonโ€™t need anybody else in your life.

This is a complete fallacy, but I understand it because I used to believe it myself.

I promise you with all my heart that if you are doing the essential work to become self-partnered, in your own body, on this planet, it will mean that your relationships will improve in unprecedented ways.

The reason is that as a whole, healthy person you have done the vital inner work on yourself to release trauma and come home to yourself. This means that you show up in completely and different ways that are vastly more healthy than what you used to.

What you will discover is that the negative self-talk melts away and all of the resentment, regret, and anger of your past melts away. Profound gratitude, joy, and excitement for your life begins, and this is regardless of what you have been through or suffered in your personal history.

You wonโ€™t be needy of approval. This is because you have become a source of love and approval to yourself. Now you can take your time to get to know people, and your energy isnโ€™t frantic or desperate around them.

It also means that when things start to feel unsavoury or not quite right, you can have difficult conversations and lay boundaries to see if people have the resources to step up and meet you at a healthy, safe level of relationship or not.

And if they donโ€™t, you will no longer cling like a person on the edge of a sinking boat, thinking that this person is required for you to feel safe and whole.

You already are safe and whole.

What you will also discover is that the people who do come into your life will start to reflect more of your inner self-partnered wholeness.

So within, so without, like attracts like. We are in a completely vibrational universe whereby the people and situations that do come into our life are the perfect matches for the state of our Inner Being.

When we do the integral work on our Inner Being, we discover resources and people that will genuinely support and integrate with us in healthy ways, come into view. We start being attracted to these situations and people, whereas before, they were invisible to us.

And we lose the attraction toward the people and situations that were the previous representations of our inner broken parts.

My experience with being self-partnered is the manifestation of beautiful and joyful relationships. I have been able to be a lot more honest in my relationships. I am more particular in my relationships. I have met and connected with the most incredible people who have beautiful souls and hearts as a self-partnered person. I experience deep intimate relationships at a level of honesty, trust and kindness that is a far cry from my previous battles with wounded people whilst I was trying to survive my own wounds.

I am so excited about people understanding that self-partnering is the foundation for all relationships that you will have in life.

 

Self-Partnering, The Path To Self-Love

Of course, we were brought up to try to get love outside of ourselves, because we thought that the only way that we could BE love, was to GET love.

We didnโ€™t realise that we already are pure love when we turn inwards with self-devotion, compassion and kindness, rather than the self-annihilating criticisms and conditional love that we believed were necessary to try to force ourselves into shape to somehow deserve love.

This is what I love so much about the Thriver processes to heal โ€“ by turning inwards, meeting our Inner Being with the intention to heal ourselves to wholeness, and with the use of profound Quantum tools, we can load up our traumas, release them and bring in Source to replace them. This is the love of our higher power, our higher self and our superconscious, which is us. It Is Who We Really Are. These forces are also our highest and best integration with life and others.

I know with my previous internal traumas I was always struggling and battling to try to find the way to love myself. I would go to seminars and I would read books and I would do affirmations and all sorts of spiritual practices daily, yet all of these things were simply processes that I was trying to do in my mind in order to teach myself to love myself.

When we self-partner and meet and be with our Inner Being unconditionally, with the full intention to excavate and release all the false beliefs, traumas and lies we have been told, and keep bringing in who We Really Are, then we know the truth. Self-love is not something that we learn, and itโ€™s not something that is meant to take a lot of effort to keep reinforcing and remembering.

We canโ€™t โ€˜doโ€™ self-love. Self-love is who we are and our organic beingness when we lose the traumas and false beliefs that have disconnected us from our essential being.

When coming back to our True Self, as self-loving people, a huge shift occurs. We gravitate to accept and generate life with healthy resources and people. We stop trying to turn crumbs into cookies, because we feel so empty and alone. Part of our organic shift into self-partnering is realising that in our coded DNA, when we remember who we truly are, we know that we are never separated from the whole.

At the subatomic level we now know scientifically that everything and everyone is interconnected as one, there is no separation.

When we experience this as a coded knowing, as an emotion deep within our Inner Being that just is, we are no longer out of the fold, trying to do whatever it takes to be loved and accepted. This, sadly, has made us highly susceptible to abusers, as well as staying with them even when the abuse is horrific.

Our old model of life contained false beliefs such as it is narcissistic and wrong to focus attention and healing on yourself to become love because it is self-absorbed. This has caused broken people to keep choosing and participating in broken relationships, as well as hurting themselves and others.

We thought that it was loving to self-sacrifice and to hurt ourselves in the pursuit of helping and loving others. Nothing could be further from the truth. If we donโ€™t love ourselves there is an impossibility to generate loving relationships with others, and to inspire others to create a life with you that is loving.

If you agree, I want you to pause this video and write below, โ€˜Iโ€™m going to self-partner so that I can start loving myself and then others more healthily!โ€™

 

What Is Self-Partnering?

To put it simply, self-partnering is the BEING with ourselves (our emotions) unconditionally โ€ฆ warts and all.

Then, from there, the deeper even more evolutionary way to self-partner is to make it your greatest mission to free yourself by unlearning all the lies and false beliefs that you have been taught. You can do this by shifting out your trauma, so as to burst forth into the being you truly are โ€“ someone who has the experience of life and love going right.

Here are some statements to determine whether you are self-partnered yet.

You:

Love spending time with yourself.
Are capable of fun and enjoyment on your own.
Are extended and radiant in life.
Are your own greatest supporter.
Speak to yourself lovingly.
Validate and are with your own feelings in times of need.
Dedicate time to being with and working on yourself.
Step up and are your own soother and healer when necessary.
Are your own best friend, companion and lover.
Make devotion to your Inner Being a high priority.

None of these states are possible if you are not prepared to self-partner.

In stark contrast you will:

Dislike spending time alone.
Not feel joyful when alone.
Feel scared to connect to and be out in life.
Demand more of yourself.
Criticize and shame yourself.
Seek self-medication choices to avoid painful feelings.
Seek outer stimulation and people to try to feel better.
Self-abandon in times of emotional distress.
Be your own worst enemy.
Dismiss and not take care of your own wellbeing.
Connect to abusive people trying to force them to love you.

I really hope that this Thriver TV episode has inspired you to understand exactly why self-partnering is not just a preferable thing to do, itโ€™s the only thing to do to start generating the life of your dreams.

If itโ€™s your time to become self-partnered then join me, I will show you exactly how to do it by clicking this link.

And if you enjoy this video and you would like to see more, please subscribe to my channel so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And please remember to give this video a thumbs up if you liked it and share it with people that you know it can help.

And as always I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Commments (45) + Leave a comments

45 thoughts on “Self-Partnering Is The Key To Living An Abuse-Free Life

  1. Hi Mel,

    After a steady year with NARP – I am self partnering so I can love myself and other healthily! Exciting times!

  2. It was such a blessing and privilege to see the person who has saved my life in person – at the Melbourne live event. I had tears of gratitude when you walked onto the stage. The event itself was so powerful, and after receiving the healings I feel I have received a super boost to my moduling work. Thank you from the bottom of my heart/soul for what you have brought into the world, you truly are an angel.
    Sending you love and gratitude ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพโค๏ธโค๏ธ

    1. Awww Sangeetha,

      I’m so thrilled you were at the Melbourne event and it super-boosted you.

      Thank you for your beautiful words.

      Much love to you and Thrive On beautiful Lady!

      Mel ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’›

  3. ๐Ÿ‘ Iโ€™m going to start self partnering. I know Iโ€™m worth it!
    Thank you for helping me to begin to understand this after being in an emotionally abusive marriage for 35 years….

  4. Dear Mel

    I love these two lists and will copy them into my journal as safety checks! I still have trouble with a couple of wrong doโ€™s and donโ€™tโ€™s when under pressure so am thrilled to have these handy guides.

    Love and Light always!

  5. Dearest Melanie

    I am going to self-partner so that I can love others more healthily.

    Thank you so much for this episode it is clear, concise and I now understand it, thanks to you and this healing journey.

    I missed a request of yours so sorry about that as I only saw it when I was moving and was so busy. In this move I had a wonderful experience of self-partnering with my daughter as she had many memories of our many moves in the past and I was able to let her go from her perceived โ€œroleโ€ of helper and she was free to go home and take care of herself. After that I had a spurt of energy to finish things off on my own and it was a real experience of self-partnering for me. My daughter later told me how in our conversation she felt set free and was able to go and be with herself in a good way.
    That was another breakthrough in our relationship.
    Such a moment that in that I saw how it had been for me and I just repeated it with her until NARP.

    I do hope your tour is excellent as I know meeting you and doing your workshop was groundbreaking for me.
    Lucky people in Australia.

    Sending you lots of love ๐Ÿ’– Reena xxx ๐Ÿ’•

    1. Hi Reena,

      If my absolute pleasure Dear Lady.

      No problem at all regarding the request! I love that you are having a beautiful relationship with your daughter as well as yourself. You are modelling self partnering so gracefully Reena.

      Thank you so much for your love and best wishes on tour, we adored every moment of it, and it’s been so beautiful to spread the Thriver Love.

      Oodles of love to you Reena.

      Mel ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’›

    2. Iโ€™m going to self partner so that I can love others more healthily.
      Thank you Melanie, for the Episode, which is so clear. I am now doing NARP for 3 months and it has helped very much though I still donโ€™t see a Break through in my patterns, as some people happily express. I do feel sometimes in a new more calm way (for example in an exam But as Iris
      said, this change is still hard for me as my pattern is being alone. How to stay open, happy and trust life when a love does not work out and the feeling of lonliness and non possibility appears. From another point of view this pattern of being alone has helped me to enjoy Spending time with me but at the same time when I like someone ir is very difficult to not transform this desire into compulsion. And when I see it and get no response a shut down and at the same time get down if I find out unhealthy patterns in the other person so I do not communicate any more in order to not get attached and because the other person does not contact me. So I could not sleep and did your 2 meditations and reading this comments and reflexions helped me sooth.
      Thanks a lot and best wishes for you from Buenos Aires!

  6. Hi Melanie,
    I am going to self-partner so that I can love others more healthily!
    Thank you so much for my epidsode. It is a game-changer in my life. No need to explain how positively it will also on my children.
    Thanks, Love xxx
    Ann

  7. Hi Melanie

    That residual underlying sadness that whispers, “Why couldn’t love have just happened naturally without all this work on self? Why didn’t that particular ‘love’ come true?” has to be answered with the Quantum Truth of all REALITY:
    There is no “Love” OUT THERE. ALL LOVE IS FROM WITHIN.

    So what seemed to a death to our happiness in the Narc encounter was really an answer to our finding TRUE LOVE. The one that is from within.

    Strength to all of us on the journey of Self Realization.

    This truly is the unavoidable work to be done by everyone eventually.

    And at the end, there is True Eternal Joy unspeakable and fill of glory.

    1. Hi Iris,

      absolutely 100%. We are not here to learn how to love ourselves, we are here to unlearn everything that stopped us knowing this.

      And that is the inner work.

      So much love to Iris

      Mel ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’›

  8. โ€˜Iโ€™m going to self-partner so that I can start loving myself and then others more healthily!โ€™

  9. thank you.i’m going to self partner so i can love others better and be my authentic wonderful self.

    i Love spending time with myself.
    i am capable of fun and enjoyment on your own.
    i am radiant in life.
    i am my own greatest supporter.
    i speak to myself lovingly.
    i Validate my feelings in times of need.
    i Dedicate time to being with and working on myself.
    i am my own soother and healer when necessary.
    i am my own best friend, companion and lover.
    being devoted to my inner being is my highest priority

  10. Thank you Melanie, for giving me the tools I never had to break free from Narcissistic abuse and very unhealthy patterns!! It has been a tough year, no doubt, but I have done the work and I am truly amazed at the difference in my life ๐Ÿ’•. I can confidently say I am self partnered and the best version of myself I have EVER been!!! Much love to you all and keep on thriving everyone!!

  11. โ€˜Iโ€™m going to self-partner so that I can start loving myself and then others more healthily!โ€™
    Flying back to NZ now.
    You’ve answered my question and some, from Brisbane. Thank you Melanie. You are the Best example to All of us! To be honest, words don’t do any justice. Gratitude!
    Kondwani

  12. I keep having triggers happen (often) at tale end of shift — like I’m already working on s-thing here, universe!!!! yeeesh. Happened tonight — I just did 3 shifts in a row 6 hours total and I got triggered at tale end (and also hadn’t brought that one to 0 — big stuff).

    paying attn I notice my mind takes the fear and immediately makes a movie of what I DON’T want happening and I don’t want to check in that moment to see that it’s not, so I stay in fear (and also, here shifting) meanwhile heart pounds temperature rises heat spreads stress etc —- while I’m shifting something else! yeeesh c’mon guys (universe)

    All I can think are the brightest lights meet the WORST resistance!!!!!

    My body now says: enough take a break!!! 3 shifts in a row is a lot 6 hours — take a break!!!

    it’s just crazy to me how: triggers come up WHILE shifting (usually at tale end) something else —- and it’s been weird stuff too, like out-of-the-ordinary day after day after day for awhile now.

    Last week I had a MASSIVE shift truly truly massive — did 2 in a row and then thought: oh this’ll be a lovely evening I can just ENJOY this ——– nope!!! trigger RIGHT then —– so right back into a shift

    So: it’s crazy how triggers come up while at tale end of shifting (usually stuff around me) and also how ‘amazing’ my mind is at visualizing — these movies of thinking what I don’t want to happen are so vivid I have a hard time convincing myself then that that did NOT happen (see the evidence etc— but still feel the ‘movie’ was so real)

    Anyway it leaves me with ‘dangling threads’ —- like tonight I was working on a shift started yesterday picked up again today. Tale end of that got BIG trigger so even though it wasn’t 0, went to the intense trigger thing and did that 2 shifts

    And tale end of that trigger —-

    the things I’m working on are HUGE they are things I’ve been doing for years —- really big fears etc — so I assume that they take ‘chipping away’ (that’s what my inner being said when I thought about it)

    I wanted to write this out to you here

    (am in forum but don’t get a good vibe from it —- and I always trust my intuition)

    (it’s not narc issues — deep inner growth work brought me here

    love K

    Oh yeah! this is it: it feels ‘unnecessary’ — like I’m already doing shifting! Why the triggers? I’m already there! (that’s my question to universe which keeps supplying these the last week !!!)

    1. Hi K,

      I’m not quite sure what you are asking, but please know I dont do NARP training here on this open forum

      The specific healing container that is privately devoted for NARP members is where this takes place http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I cant speak for you feeling but I don’t know of any more incredible place to get your guidance with NARP than that.

      Much love to you

      Mel ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’•

    2. AH! found it — was looking for this comment.

      I was asking why triggers come up in such quick succession when one is already shifting. It seems that I’m already working on it — why would it need get triggered again?

      Reading this now I can answer own question —- perhaps you agree that when there is A LOT to shift then triggers will keep coming up —- EVEN as you are already shifting and working on it!

      is that about right?

      So like this week I’ve done such shifts and think oh I’ll get ‘rewarded’ by at least not having it re-triggered and get to stay feeling better at least —–

      so I felt like: what?! when I did everything I could to avoid getting re-triggered and yet did!

      I mean we try to avoid triggers when we can —- but when one comes up even when we try to avoid them all! —–

      Maybe you could write a post about triggers? the nature of triggers especially during healing work etc?

      I was thinking triggers were ‘wake up calls’ like: HEAL THIS!

      So I thought when I got it and start working on it then I don’t need triggers anymore — like i already know what need shft!

      So it seemed confusing to get triggered again on something I already was aware of

      Like Oprah Winfrey said — sometimes you need to get hit by 2 x 4 if you don’t hear subtle message from universe. Guess I was thinking along those lines

      But it seems triggers are -not- bumps from universe (in which case they’d be unnecessary if you’re already working on it)

      it’d be cool if you could write a post about this — ??

      1. Hi KKWL,

        that’s incredible this topic regarding how I handle my true gaze is coming up very shortly on TTV!

        Look out for it as it will help you a lot!

        KKWL please know that all your questions about working with NARP can be assisted in the NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

        You will always get answers and much help there!

        Much love to you

        Mel ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’›

  13. Woohoo!!! Thanks to you and Narp, Mel, I’m a completely different person than I was 6 months ago : )
    I’m 90% there on the commitment to self-partnering and as your video stated, people who are healthy are vibrating toward me. I am excited what each day will bring and the future holds. No more seeking the crumbs of the cookie and lowering my boundaries and needs to suit someone else’s lifestyle. As you said, you have to risk it all to get it all and this is so very, very true. This video really had me feeling wonderful today and I thank you for that as well. Lots of Love Mel, xo Kathy

    1. Hi Kathy,

      I am so happy for you lovely lady, that is amazing!

      It is a pure pleasure to read your post and I’m thrilled that NARP has helped empower you into this breakthrough.

      Please note how welcome you are And so much love to you.

      Mel ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’›

  14. Hi Melanie:

    Working on self partnering. Not perfect at it. There isn’t any other way. Have spirit guide partners too. Get more done on my own, because the soul is true to itself. Have to listen to the voice of spirit.

    Bless you.
    Ann Bouchard

  15. Iโ€™m a Christian. How can I use self-partnering along with my belief in God. Iโ€™m worried that itโ€™s New Age thinking. Is it?

  16. Self mind. Assume crazy crap about yourself because thatโ€™s more likely the truth. Pull crazy shit in your own life because thatโ€™s what you actually deserve.

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