I know that many of us think that we are there with our unhealed inner programs. We may have thought because we had done so much work on ourself, that we had it right, and we’d moved into the space of receiving a great life experience.
Then bang! Something happens in our life that feels like a major catastrophe. Maybe a relationship that you thought was for life breaks down, maybe you lose your job, or maybe something in your life who you vowed and declared that you could trust turns on you.
These times can feel devastating, and whilst gutted on the ground you are shaking you head in disbelief thinking How did this happen to me again?
We’ve all been there, and many of us are presently there looking at the crumbs of what we thought our life was, shattered on the ground.
The Outside or Inside Choice
Sooner or later, there is only two choices we can make. The first, and one most unconsciously chosen, is to look to the outside as the victim, and blame life and others for what happened, or apply the personal responsibility of coming home to yourself.
This is not about blaming yourself, and this is not about excusing someone else’s bad behaviour. This is about working through the undeniable Energetic Law of so within, so without and realising that everything you experience in life without exception shows up in your experience to grant you the feedback as to what your inner belief systems are or aren’t doing.
The truth is, some people get it easier than most. They just happened to arrive on this planet with a naturally aligned personality, and flow into the life they wanted to create. These individuals had great parental role models, and flowed forward into normal happy lives. It just wasn’t their journey to work through lots of personal inner stuff.
The Evolution of Inner ‘Stuff’
Most people that are attracted to personal development are so for a reason. They just did not get a life that worked out that easy. Many of us ‘self developers’ have had a great deal of stuff to work through. We had lots of unresolved inner programs that we were born with, had reinforced by our role models and continued to live out the struggles of these programs.
I put my hand up as absolutely one of these people, as are many other healers who walk the planet…hence why we teach what we most need to learn.
Bringing it Back to Self
So what is our salvation in these times? Truly it is to look at the ‘outside’ and see what hurts. Write it down and you will note that you will have a great deal of negative and painful emotion around it. Now feel into it, and ask the question “What is it about my unhealed stuff that has attracted this into my life?”If you have been doing personal development for a while, soul searching or applying consciousness this will be easier for you.
Even if you haven’t previously, try to really feel into and open up to the answer that you receive. Believe me, for your salvation, you really need to go there.
The answer needs to be about yourself, it will not give you closure, healing or liberation past these painful events in your life if your answer is focused on the outside.
I’ll give you an example. Let’s say someone you trusted, turned on you, and stared creating havoc, pain or accusations in your life.
If you keep your focus on them, not only do you not heal the part of you within that attracted this pain, you will also add more to the pain. You will in fact, as per your emotional focus, which is the very fuel of Law of Attraction, keep attracting more of what is already happening, as well as sign up for other identical occurrences further along your journey of life.
If you take your focus off the outside and use the person and their behaviour as a catalyst to heal, you start to open up into a different space which will serve you.
It puts you back in your own truth, power and the ability to change yourself – because you truly have no power to change another – yet when you change yourself everything in your present and future experience changes, and therefore this person who wronged you will either amend, or move out of your experience.
As will the lost jobs, money struggle situations, broken love relationships etc. etc. This is inevitable when you are no longer a vibrational match.
So back to the job of realising and accepting that this turned up in my life (clearly) because there is more for me to heal. The next step is working out what it is that you need to heal.
It all comes back to the question “What is it about my unhealed stuff that has attracted this into my life?”
In regards to being persecuted and hurt by someone you thought you could trust, when you ask yourself the question, you may feel the fear, and realise this trigger is leading you to something in your past. Truly the root of it may not even have anything to do with this person originally.
Have you had a similar occurrence before that you are still holding fear over? Do you have a deep down inner belief that you are not a good person, or that you don’t deserve respectful treatment, or that if people get too close that they could betray you again? Do you feel that you are not truly lovable?
This week on Empowered Love Radio I did a follow up show to the topic Taking Personal Responsibility – Your #1 Tool To Get Your Recovery Started.
This show will give you additional information for getting love right and creating your own wellbeing from the inside out.
In this show I talk about how you can take responsibility in your relationship to inspire love, respect and support from others in healthy ways.
If last month’s topic Taking Personal Responsibility was useful to you, you will certainly find this show useful.
Listen to Creating Our Own Wellbeing Part 2
If you haven’t read or listened to last month’s topic you can find it here.
More to Heal, and that’s Okay!
Are there still inner programs, regardless of how much work you have already done on yourself, you just hadn’t truly healed, even though you thought you had?
If you have received pain from ‘the outside’ the answer is “Yes”…
It can be very difficult to remember, when in grave emotional pain, that life and the journey of evolution is constant. We are here on planet earth, we are travelling through space and time, and our truest mission is to keep working at healing and releasing the inner programs that are attracting to us the life we don’t wish to continue living.
We are all definitely here to experience a joyous life, we just need to work at it!
When we do that, conditions improve inwardly and outwardly powerfully. We step up a level, we start to break free from pain, and we start to attract an entirely different reality into our experience.
Importantly, we also choose better situations, we learn to trust our gut, know that we can say “No” to what or who doesn’t feel right, and we start to speak up healthily regarding our needs, rather than leaving life to assumptions, guess work or ‘what if’s’, and we make our choices in regard to what and who is our truth, rather than living in situations that aren’t.
If like me, you have done an enormous work on yourself, yet still have to suffer disappointment and pain – please take heart and know that life is always serving you. It is always presenting you with exactly the right information to grant you positive feedback, or allow you to realise that there is more for you to heal in order for your soul to truly break free into the REAL life experience that you desire.
The problem is as humans, we can take the game of evolution way too seriously. It can feel like tragedy and calamity, whereas really what we are being shown is we were on the wrong track and something needs to change within ourselves to step back on the right track. As well as realise that what is on the right track holds a much grander reality than the track we were on, which fell apart.
When we do step back onto the right track, via connecting with and empowering ourselves, without exception we go up to the next level of a wonderful experience.
I promise you, if the pain is a 10 out of 10, the liberation and joy on the other side of your breakthrough is a 10 out of 10.
Never give up, you didn’t come this far to give up.
You came this far to get it right.
Thank you for yet more encouraging words of support. I live in gratitude for having come across your website. Its been a real eye opener in many respects. I am not afraid of taking responsibility for myself and my actions, what I was afraid of was the way I treated myself. With the insight I have gained I now just want to take good CARE of me and start living the life that I want. Thank you for giving me the tools to do so. Melanie. X
Hi Melanie
I love this artice and I’m so glad that you’re here sharing your journety with us.. I feel that there is an underlying theme in all of your writings and that one can relate on various levels depending on where one is at.
I was born practically knowing that I was on a spiritual journety, but mostly related to it from an intelectual perspective not taking into account the emotional baggage I was carrying around and how I got myself there regardless of the unfairness of it.. Metaphorically: I had a sturdy boat to navigate the sea of life, but no rudder to get me out of the squalls and turbulences relating to emotional pain and stuff. I have since learned that having some spiritual knowlege is not the be all and end all of it!
Quite some time ago, I was indeed fortunate to have met again in this life a dear friend and mentor who’s work helped me deal with a lot of stuff, but their work also meant they had to move on. I gleaned much from the experience, but needed to keep on doing the inner work (like you also say, and I concur) instead of becomming complacement. I now glean more from what I had learned at the time, and have so wished to have that time all over again.
Having said that: I really “get” what you’re saying, and am enjoying your work.. I find that what you share and talk about is what I need right now.. So thankYou again Melanie.. I am looking at healing/programs that would best serve me and help me get past the feeling of being stuck. 😀 xx
What a great metaphor: “I had a sturdy boat to navigate the sea of life, but no rudder to get me out of the squalls and turbulences” I might have to borrow that! This is the best way to describe the voyage!
Melanie,
I just want to say that I found you and your website at just the right time in my life. Of course, you KNOW that is NOT a coincidence!! I was in a lot of pain, and I was only in a relationship with a narcissist for a few months. I can’t imagine how devastating it is for people who spend years with someone like this. At first, I just signed up for the newsletters, which always came at exactly the right time, with exactly the right message for what I was dealing with at that moment. I had to purchase the program. I have read all the ebooks, and so far finished my third quanta freedom healing, and already there is a huge shift in me. It affects every aspect of your life. I not only needed to set healthy boundaries with men, but with everyone, and Im doing it. I cant wait to see where I am in a year from now. Thanks Melanie. To all the other women out there, take the step, you will be so glad you did.
Melanie
I wrote the following last year to my now ex N of 6+ years after learning what i was actually dealing with. Although; I did NOT send it to him, as it all made sense in my head but not my heart at the time, it still felt fabulous! Apologies in advance for the for anger & profanity…it was how I felt at the time and figured some could relate!
*****
Im hearing about all the lies and BS you have talked behind my back, the sideways comments you’ve made about me in the past when I thought everything was great, how you’ve had to bite YOUR tongue when everyone around you has to walk on eggshells! You have made me out to be some “crazy b!tch” like all of your other ex’s “supposedly” were….as if you are the victim! Nevermind all the head trips and twisted games you’ve played to drive us to be that f#cking crazy! How ironic; what’s the common denominator of us all- YOU! You are a lying, manipulative, self-serving, poor example of anything close to what a real man should be and you KNOW it! You are fully aware that you hurt and wreck havoc on people, controlling, confusing, deceiving them and deep down you like it, love it…it makes you feel good! Being so abusive and neglectful behind closed doors ….all the while acting so cool, laid back and funny in front of others- unless of course you are challenged and the raging maniac rears its ugly head before you can control it! You have empathy for no one, that makes you a monster! But I’ve read and learned…. then stepped back and observed how you act.I recognized these things in you recently and I see you now for what you are and I mean I REALLY SEE YOU and am shamed that i was ever caught in your web of
bullsh!t, believed it could change or had real love for who I thought you were. Truth be told, you nailed it when you said maybe it was YOU causing me to have a breakdown! THAT was what really sent me over the edge; seeing it, wanting to deny it but coming to terms with the truth about you and wanting you to show me i was wrong.But no, you refused- proved it all to be exactly what it was and then selfishly left me alone, leterally on my knees to deal with it! It was all a lie, everything! … an illusion, you were never the man you projected you could be and it is disgusting, disturbing and infuriating! All of your double-standards and BS rules to make me appear inferior! You almost broke me, ALMOST; but I see you now …and it makes me sick! No matter how hard you try, you cannot control everything and definately not me anymore, for your own self-satisfaction…rejecting, withdrawing, tormenting and controlling. You are NO alpha, you are weak, cold and sad; preying on anyone who wont stand up to you and who feeds your ego. You need approval & praise but give none, and care for nothing but youself and your sensitive little sense of pride; trying to cover your insecurites by projecting your sense of entitlement and superiority, but you do nothing that does not make you look good or benefit you and you alone in some way, period. The only thing that keeps me from truely hating you is the realization that I can move forward and heal, but that you never will and how miserable and empty you will always be…faking, hiding, camoflauging, drinking away who you are. I have true sympothy for your next victim(s), I hope they have the sense to get out sooner than i did! I no longer care how you twist it or project who did it or why it happened; keep lying to everyone and yourself …..but know that you did NOT destroy me! I do wish I could erase you from my life story all together, but the scars you have left on me will be a constant reminder of what to run from if ever I encounter another like you. Goodbye.