Melanie Tonia Evans

The Soul Graduation of Narcissistic Abuse

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 50
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans


People can experience STUNNING results after narcissistic abuse where not only do they survive and rebuild from the depths of despair, they also claim true joy, purpose, abundance, love, expansion and confidence…and to a far greater extent than before suffering abuse, even when abuse is all that they have ever known.

Is this a fluke or have they discovered a magic potion? How is this even possible?  Maybe these are questions that you are asking yourself.

In today’s Thriver TV I am going to take you through the answer –  Soul Graduation – by explaining what it is, how you can access it, and how by accepting the truth of it and claiming it you will not only break free from the pain of what you have suffered, but will also start to live as your True Self creating your True Life.



Video Transcript

What does a Soul Graduation mean?

It means we haven’t just saved our lives – it means, literally, we have saved our souls.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to explain to you what a Soul Graduation is, how to take it, and how it will grant you, virtually on a silver plate, the Life you had always wanted – the Life of your dreams.

Many of us know the nicest people in the world have been narcissistically abused. You deserve an incredible life – not the horrible things you have been through. Today, make sure you watch this full episode because I am going to explain the Life compensation that awaits you and how to take it with both hands.

Okay, so before we get started, I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Now let’s get going…


The Force Pushing Us to Graduate

Narcissistic abuse is agonising; it brings us to our knees. And when it does, we are shocked to discover that we can’t seem to think our way out of it – the terrorised feelings, heartbreak and obsessing about what has happened to us.

We can’t just get on with it as we have before. Willpower and determination just doesn’t seem to cut it, and we are shocked about this because in the past we used to pride ourselves on our tenacity. When we reach inside to try to harness our usual formidable resources, it’s like our spirit is missing; our soul is shattered and there is no hope, drive, inspiration or interest, or maybe even health, to continue with. I understand this; I’ve been there. I was there in the bottom of that black pit, like so many of you have been or possibly still are. My heart goes out to you if you are there, because unless you have been through it no-one could even begin to imagine what it feels like.

We really only have two choices: we stay as victims, having a diminished life for the rest of our life, or we take the Thriver path and say, ‘NO! There has to be more than this!’

And there is more – it’s a Soul Graduation. Taking your Soul Graduation means we don’t just go through a mere ‘survivor’ recovery, where we are often stuck with the trauma symptoms of abuse for the rest of our Life – PTSD, agoraphobia, fibromyalgia, adrenal fatigue, and things like premature aging and progressively reduced health, as well as limited ability to trust, connect, love, generate financial freedom and abundance and a greatly compromised ability to experience lasting and durable joy and expansion.

However, if we take our Soul Graduation we became healthier, younger, more confident, loving and connected to ourselves, life and others than we were even before abuse. We start to connect to our True Life of grand love, purpose, possibilities, miracles, aspirations, joy and fulfilment – more so than we ever believed in our wildest dreams was possible.

We feel safer and more at home in our bodies and on this planet than we ever have – without fear and defences – which is a huge accomplishment from our previous selves. We become Grace-full and Power-full simultaneously – such is the freedom of Soul Graduation.

Okay, so, I want to ask you these questions.

  • Do you want to feel free of anxiety, depression and pain – even more so than you ever remember feeling?
  • Do you want to be able to regenerate your life in powerful, joyous and loving ways without the fear of being devastated and destroyed again?
  • Do you want to finally be free of all your limitations and to expand into life truly as yourself, living your highest calling, your true A-life, whilst sharing your unique self with the world?

If you do, this video is for you – because I don’t know of any bigger springboard to achieve these things from than from narcissistic abuse.

I personally always wanted these things all my life, and I applied myself to masses of personal development for decades to try to achieve them. It didn’t work – what did work was healing for real from narcissistic abuse.

And I know why it worked – because finally I turned inwards to take my Soul Graduation.

Narcissistic Abuse is a make or break deal.

We evolve or dissolve.

We integrate or disintegrate.

We are submerged in the bowels of hell into such darkness that the only way out is to release our trauma and fill ourselves with profound Light where that trauma was.

How do I know this to be true? Because against all odds I chose to actualise and received my Soul Graduation, and I have been honoured to see so many others achieve this too.

We did this by turning inwards to self-partner and meet our traumas within with an energetic healing process that accesses our subconscious traumas, loads them up, lets them go and brings in Source – our superconscious Higher Self – to fill up where those traumas once where.

This shifted us from the Old Self and fearful painful programs, to our True Self who knows how to be whole and healthily connected to life – organically.

Quanta Freedom Healing is the subconscious super-tool in NARP that myself and many Thrivers in this community have used to load up and release the previous inner traumas that were eating us alive. These were emotional wounds stuck in our Inner Beings that no amount of logical thinking could heal, integrate or let go of.

And god knows, before using Quanta Freedom Healing we tried!


What Does Our Soul Graduation Produce?

Your Soul Graduation allows you to be released from the emotional pain that is tearing you up. This is, ironically, the very same emotional agony that is pushing you to take the graduation. The trauma is the signal to self-partner, meet and release Self from those inner parts that are not your True Self, so that all else can follow.

The state must precede the event, which means that when we deal with our Inner Universe (our emotional inner composition) the Outer Universe that we are intrinsically connected to must shift as well – it is Quantum Law.

This means we have graduated past ‘that level’ of people/events/occurrences in our Life and our Being now has access to higher levels of existence than the ones we were previously experiencing our life at.

Let me explain in a deeper way with an example. Let’s say that you had unhealed traumas from your epigenetic, past-life and childhood history of ‘the people who love me abandon me’.

Because this is a strong emotional charge and therefore a subconscious program that connects the topic of ‘love’ as a TRUTH for you, you will try to logically choose people who are available to love you healthily, yet your subconscious pre-programed ‘love code’ is stuck onto the painful truth, like a heat-seeking missile locked onto a target.

Therefore you will unconsciously collude again (and again) to connect with people who are highly suspect of doing this, and you make all sorts of justifications and excuses for being with them (which we TOTALLY believe to be real excuses when we are stuck in emotional subconscious programs that our brains are wired to fulfil no matter what). Each time you do this you have the exact trauma ripped open again, as well as other previously unhealed epigenetic, past-life, childhood and adult accumulated wounds.

Then you have even more trauma connected to this belief/subconscious program, which gives it a greater force to live on inside of you and keep playing out to the letter, no matter what you do to logically try to change it.

Taking a Soul Graduation halts the vicious circle by waking us up, and this is the consciousness that we awaken into:

  • Our entire purpose here is to take back our God-like Creator Self – meaning that we have the ability to be the generative source of our own experience regardless of what others are or aren’t doing.
  • Ceasing thinking that life is happening to us and realising that life is happening through us.
  • Understanding we cannot be unconsciously participating in and experiencing a trauma unless we have the matching trauma already programmed within us.
  • Realising that having unresolved previous trauma means we are carrying this susceptibility, and if it is powerful and emotionally charged enough we are a continual target for that same trauma reappearing in our experience.
  • If we release trauma from our being and reprogram our subconscious programs back to our organic True Self state (which is Who We Are without trauma trapped inside), then the people and situations that were delivering ‘more’ of the same trauma must and will dissolve out of our experience – it’s Quantum Law.
  • All of Existence and Life is positioned for our Soul Graduation and is rooting for us to break free into the highest and truest expression of ourselves, and blesses us with wisdom, inspiration, love, possibility and miracle every time we let go of trauma and make space for Source to enter us as us.
  • We are not here to suffer. We are here to claim our Soul Graduation and be exalted, despite what it all looks like.


How Do We Deny Our Own Soul Graduation?

This is how we know if we are still stuck in our painful Love Codes – we continue to feel like a victim. If we can still feel inside us the trauma of other people hurting us, abusing us, punishing us, annihilating us, not showing up to love us healthily – or whatever else it might be – it is because we have not yet healed beyond this hurt. It means we still have the existing trauma wedged within us.

We may feel like we are ‘unsafe in the world’ or ‘it is not safe to be ourselves’ – many people who have suffered horrific relationships and narcissists absolutely have these entrenched inner programs playing out. I was one of these people, and these beliefs were very impactful for me.

I know I used to believe, as so many of us have done, that it is impossible to heal from past emotional devastation – and that it will live on within us forever and we can only hope to somehow manage this trauma.

However, with every cell of my being and fibre in my heart I want you to know this is NOT true – with Quanta Freedom Healing (you may have heard many people in this community bang on about the effectiveness of NARP!), you can totally purge the trauma from your cells and Inner Being and live without it – because it simply isn’t there anymore!

That is the reality Thrivers live by.

Many people may view ‘taking our Soul Graduation’ as victim blaming and allowing abusers the easy way out by not holding them accountable. This is not true. I have seen more abusers come into accountability than ever before, when people take their Soul Graduation. This is because when we are healed, healthy and solid, toxic people no longer have power over us. We have the strength to go in and fight the good fight for both our Self and our rights without our traumas derailing us and granting them the bullets to keep abusing us with.

Some people also get very upset about personal healing responsibility and taking our power back in relation to young children being traumatised and powerless against abusive adults. Absolutely this is true. Children are powerless to heal and help themselves. Many of us in this community suffered abuse and unconscious parenting as children. A huge proportion of the population in our generations and previous ones suffered significant, and even unspeakable, abuse at ages where they were powerless to take action, have boundaries or hold abusers accountable.

However, as adults, if the trauma is still trapped in our body, waiting for others to fix us is fruitless. And as adults, when we do turn inwards to heal what we discover – as myself and so many others have – is that deep within our beings are terrible human accumulated traumas that, as well as traumas from our childhood, we have been carrying from the collective, possibly our gender, race, ancestors, and our past lives.

We also begin to understand organically as trauma leaves and bigger picture truths arise within, that the unconditional Universe Quantum Law of ‘so within, so without’ was in the families we arrived into, matching us up with the continuation of our already existing predisposed traumas that we were born with.

If we wish to stop the patterns, there is only one way to do so – create a change within our Inner Beings to become the change that we seek to live.

Then not only do we put an end to abuse patterns in our lives, we also choose different partners to cogenerate parenting with for our future children, and/or we impact and heal our children who have already experienced abuse – by leading the way for them – which is essential.

And then we send out a ripple effect of healing for our existing and future generations. We are not just healing ourselves, we are helping heal humanity.

In stark contrast, if we stand for victimisation and righteously believe abused children need to grow up to become aggrieved adults, we will not generate a healing change. Rather, we stay firmly wedged in the pain, fear and judgement that keeps the abuse/abused cycles going.

How do children of victimised parents grow up? Either as victims or perpetrators – it is two sides of the same coin.

Only being actively responsible for our own Soul Graduations, one person at a time, can free ourselves and our world from this.


Graduation In Real Time

A true Soul Graduation is a two-part process. The first is changing ourselves on an Inner Level to be different regarding a particular topic – when we release the painful trauma around a topic then there is no more pain regarding it. We start to think completely differently about it – because our brain’s neuro wiring organises itself around our subconscious inner programs – the brain follows the body, always.

This means wisdom, acceptance, hope, inspiration and even joy and excitement concerning this topic replaces where fear, pain and confusion once reigned.

This means that once you have done the appropriate inner NARP work, no longer will you believe you are ‘not enough’, ‘incapable of getting love right’, ‘unable to speak up when in need’, ‘unsafe in the face of a toxic other’, and the list goes on and one. And the crazy good thing is that you didn’t have to LEARN anything to get there. When you bring in Source to where the trauma once was, you shift into BEING the change you seek.

Then the real thing can come.

Be it and it comes. That is what be-come means.

Yet, there is second essential step to a Soul Graduation – to be prepared to meet the topic and do it differently in real time.

Life is forever generous and completely supportive of your Soul Graduation, granting you everything you need to fully get your certificate, which is access the next highest level to your True Self and dreams.

Let me be really clear with you… When I hear that people are TERRIFIED of being in the company of a narcissist; are not willing to speak up; are not able to be truthful, direct or have the difficult conversations and shirk the responsibility of laying boundaries and doing ‘the right thing’ to honour their True Self, which before the inner shift is usually the VERY thing we are most terrified to do – I know that not only are they nowhere near their Soul Graduation, they are doomed to keep living painful patterns over and over and over again. This is because Life is never going to give up on them and will grant as much pain necessary to give them the opportunity to go within, shift out trauma, bring in Source and be-come different and then DO differently in real time.

What does that look like?

It looks like and is saying, ‘Bring it on!’ to:

  • Narcissists showing up in your path so that you can be fully yourself without handing power away, dimming down, hiding, running away or getting hooked in.
  • People crossing your boundaries so that you can speak up and place limits, and be willing to lose it all to get it all.
  • Life pushing you to the next level, by not shifting until you do the necessary act of courage; show commitment to Self, and self-love and respect to live aligned with your soul truth and values, regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing.
  • Dependencies that you thought were your Identity breaking down so that you are forced to value and come home to yourself – to start generating your True Self and True Life powerfully.

When you know that all of Life is granting you everything you need for your Soul Graduation, then you will accept it with both hands and a loving grateful heart. You will be awake and excited and punching the air with joy at the results you achieve by showing up and doing the thing you most need to do, because you start to be free of fear and pain and able to fully be yourself in Life.

When you reach this level of joy and wonder and growth, then you will see exactly what Life will grant you – more joy, wonder and growth – in the most stunning abundance and glory you could ever imagine.

This is Soul Graduation – experiencing that when you are no longer fearful of walking under ladders then all ladders will be removed from your path. The almighty cogs of Creation itself say, ‘You Graduated, you have passed go, you blitzed that level, now you are released into the next Higher One that is filled with abundance and blessings for you.’

Do you want this?

If so, Thrivers write below, ‘I am shifting my fear OUT and walking under ladders NOW!

Okay, so the ‘shifting’ part is what makes the doing so much easier and more powerful. I would love to show you how this can be your reality by you learning about NARP and my Thriver healing techniques in my free 16-day course and free workshop. You can do so by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And, as always, I look SO forward to answering your comments and questions below.


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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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39 Thoughts on The Soul Graduation of Narcissistic Abuse
    Maryanne Harris
    April 26, 2019

    I am shifting my fear OUT and walking under ladders NOW

      April 26, 2019

      I an shifting my fear OUT and walking under ladders now!

    April 26, 2019

    I want very much to have a soul graduation.
    I have purchased the NARP program and returned it.
    I relate to everything you are saying and continue reading articles. I just don’t seem to be able to do this inner work on my own at this time. What do people do when having this block? It all resonates! I need more help?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 26, 2019

      Hi Rylee,

      We have a fully supportive NARP Forum to help where myself and other Thrivers assist members regarding how to find and clear blocks standing between then and their healing.

      Did you take part in the Forum as a NARP member?

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      April 26, 2019

      Hi Rylee,

      How sad that you found you couldn’t do this work alone as I’m sure you would have been so much further along now and living a much freer life and knowing how fantastic you are.

      Is there someone you can trust to help you better still the members of NARP in the Community section will give you support and help you with anything you can’t understand so have you tried to reach out to anyone yet?

      You don’t say how long you’ve been out of your Narc Relationship or even if you’re still there and trying to clear a few hurdles before you leave but maybe you’re just not ready o face the horrible facts yet but that day will come so be aware that when you’ve had enough you’re body will tell you to take more action so then you should go for it and let your Soul Graduate.

      My thoughts are with you on your journey so you’re never alone, bye for now~~~~~~~~~~


      April 27, 2019

      Oh Rylee, I’m so sorry! I had the same struggle. For me, the narp program was the key to opening the door, but I found I had to go farther than just healing my traumas. I use the narp program in conjunction with some other subconscious reprogramming modalities. Go on YouTube and start with bruce lipton and his biology of belief, and he partners with Rob Williams with his “phych k” technique. For me, I found I had so many maladaptive schemas (look those up too and you will understand) they were blocking my work with narp. Please understand, people who talked about the whole manifesting your life stuff used to annoy me, lol. They seemed like a bunch of silly new age hippies. But after my narc (who turned out to one of many I learned in my life) and being the over achiever I am, I kinda went down a rabbit hole on YouTube and the internet and came to realize, the way I was taught to see the world was way off base. It’s like someone slapped me in the head, and all of a sudden I realized I had been sleepwalking through my life, and now there are aliens (narcs) disguised as humans walking the earth, lol. Be patient with yourself… some of this stuff is difficult to wrap your head around (was for me), but if you can, and you work on your traumas with narp along with your subconscious programming, it may give you better results. Aaron doughty (although a bit out there) can be humorous and interesting too for mindfulness… and I found after partnering with my self, I no longer was interested in focusing on a relationship and started focusing on my finances instead (weird for me, cause love has been my only interest in life). Fantastic audio book (which the blocks in my head fought tooth and nail NOT to listen to) is prosperity consciousness by fredric lehrman… its AMAZING and helps you understand the concepts that narp and lipton are teaching…if you get a chance, try it. Dont give up Rylee!! Just be patient with yourself and keep learning all you can about yourself. The blocks will eventually give up if you dont!
      All my love and best wishes!!

        April 30, 2019

        Thank you for your kind reply.
        I am open to any ideas and on a deep level all this resonates as true.
        I am far too much in my head.
        I will look at the suggestions you have made here.
        My current environment is a place where most people are very closed to any unconventional thinking, or at least what they see as unconventional and most folks would rather deny, keep busier, drink etc.
        Keeping busy is good to a point but avoidance of the truth is not. Nor is isolation. The world right now really encourages those things too much.
        Thank you to all of you who have commented back to me here.

      April 27, 2019

      Hi Rylee,
      I want to share with you what I did when I was experiencing this block, but first I want to tell you what this block was for me and probably many others. For some of us in this community, our narcissistic abuse did not start with a love partner later in life as adults. It started in childhood with a parent or guardian. For me, it was my father who had been diagnosed by three of my therapists as a psychopathic narcissist. Having a narc parent means having to deal with someone who would hurt their children in order to get the narcissistic supply they so desperately crave. This creates a feeling in many children that they don’t deserve love, care and attention and the needs of the parent come first and your needs come second or not at all. In short, this can create a lot of emotional discomforts when it comes to self-care later in life.

      So much guilt and shame are triggered when we try and do anything exclusively for ourselves and the programming is so deep we don’t even know we’re doing it and if we do notice how painful it is to give ourselves exclusive attention we don’t know why it’s so uncomfortable to do so. Often times exclusive attention is misinterpreted as selfishness. Especially since the narc parent modeled malignant selfishness and punished us or drummed it into our heads how bad we were for not making them the center of attention.

      If the painful programming is really deep and we’ve done a good job at hiding it from ourselves we may be able to look at all the things in our lives that seem to be proof that we are capable adults able to give ourselves what we need. And we are, but that block is interfering with the important stuff. What I began to notice is that I had set up my life in such a way that I could take care of myself and not feel guilty about it. For example, you go to school and train to be a personal trainer. You know that exercise is good for you so it’s perfect that it’s part of your job. As a child of a narc, you have lots of practice with trying to be good enough for the parent in order to receive the love you needed, therefore, you are drawn to work that “forces” you to give to yourself while at the same time helping others. Plus, you know you’re going to work hard in order to do a good job because you don’t want to hurt anyone. For me, it was becoming a massage therapist. There’s absolutely no way to make a decent living doing this work unless I take care of myself. This doesn’t mean that I didn’t truly care for my clients because of a hidden personal agenda. I’m an Empath and I’ve always felt my connection with all living beings and I’ve always been fascinated with biology and how the body works and fortunately doing NARP exposed the true Empath in me which I had almost mistaken for a co-dependant….but that’s another story.

      My point is that everything I have to do for work is something I have to do for myself. Even right down to the laundry. I tried a little experiment and attempted to just do my personal laundry without doing my business laundry and I had so much anxiety about it that I found a way to sabotage it and distracted myself with something else. I know this may sound insane, but I really couldn’t just do something that was exclusively for me and for my benefit because of the deep narc programming. That’s when I discovered my covert self-care. I was taking care of myself by proxy not because I was truly being caring and loving towards my body. As a truth seeker, this discovery wasn’t uncomfortable but trying to overcome it was hell. The guilt and shame I carried about wanting anything exclusively for myself, no matter how small, was really gigantic. Once upon a time, I would have been writing this post to avoid doing my morning yoga. That’s how deep my guilt and shame was when it came to doing anything just for me.

      So I started with small things. Things that didn’t trigger too much guilt and shame. It could be something as small as not talking to a telemarketer simply because you don’t feel like it. Or tell a friend “no” in regards to something mundane. Or maybe you want to go for a walk and be alone, but your mind tells you that you have so much work to do that you can’t give that to yourself or that everyone around you will fall apart if you’re gone for 10 minutes. You have to reprogram your body so that every time you want to do something that is just for you, you’re not overwhelmed by the emotions that block you from taking that step.

      Of course, after typing this long post, lol, I have to say that I don’t know your story or why doing something good for yourself is so difficult, (because NARP is amazing) but this is what I discovered about myself and nearly every person I’ve met who had a narc parent. We can remain trapped in wanting help from the outside because we don’t have the experience and practice of just giving to ourselves EXCLUSIVELY for ourselves and are mistakenly labeled codependent. We were trained to believe that self-care is wrong and selfish because it took attention and time away from the narc. So healing work will feel wrong and selfish…..especially this type of work that is so empowering and relies completely on your openness to Source and Self. So, create a list of all the things you would do for yourself that feels selfish. Start implementing the really tiny stuff so that you start to see that you’re not going to be punished or abused or hit by a bolt of lightning for doing something just for you that isn’t also a benefit to someone else. That’s the key. It has to be small things that are just for you and no one else. I promise it will start to feel normal and not like a block. The block is very likely the narc in your subconscious mind and if you’re concerned that you will turn into a selfish narc then it’s highly unlikely that you will. Narcs aren’t concerned about being narcs so you’re safe with that part.

      Let me tell you that it is absolutely lovely being on the other side of that programming. Life is bright, fun and exciting. I returned to college earlier this year (at age 52) and I’m buying my first home within the next month. It’s just for me. Not for society or children or even God. Just for me and the world hasn’t exploded because of my choices. Haha…go figure! Much love to you Rylee. I hope this helps.

        April 27, 2019

        This is so helpful to me. I can’t even describe but I had to write to say thank you. Yes, I have had the NARP program for several years and have done several of the modules more than once over time and I am not feeling shifts as I hear others describe it. I want to feel it but don’t feel it. However, my life feels that way too. What I experience does not have the corresponding feeling. If I do something I love, I feel anxious instead of happy. As I read your post Asha, my body breathed deeply and knew what you have written is true for me too, it feels by reading and feeling your words, an avenue has opened and permission given. I will do the modules again with what you have written as a knowing in my being and it feels as if you may have opened a door for me, thank you, very much.

    Kathy Sri
    April 26, 2019

    Hi Melanie
    Thank you again for your clarity, passion and inspiration in this recent talk. I resonate with what you share and enjoy seeing you shining and “walking your talk” .
    I have done 3 private sessions with you and worked daily consistently for months with the NARP program. I found it frustrating as I made minimal change or progress. The private sessions were powerful and joyful working together, however I did not experience lasting changes, with the old patterns reappearing. In doing the NARP sessions myself, the change would be minimal or often none. Although I was with a narcissistic partner for over 10 years, the trauma with narcissistic parents and severe abuse, seems the more challenging patterns to release.
    I am working with another modality – Trauma Energetics and have started to experience some progress. This was recently reflected in positive changes in where I live and work. I was also able to stand up for myself with a narcissistic co-worker and she has backed off. Still feels a way to go for Soul Graduation and living my freedom, service and dreams. The deep grief and sadness has gone and I now feel deep inner pain and constriction arising for healing.
    I wonder what makes NARP work for some and not for others, and is there something that needs to be addressed, that may help. I know it is not just about willingness. Is there another “X” factor here, to enable NARP to be more effective? I often during the day, come back to “partnering with Self”. It is a cornerstone living concept that I have adopted from you. Thank you for your love, insights and support to this community.
    Love and blessings, Kathy

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 26, 2019

      Hi Kathy,

      It’s lovely to hear from you and thank you for your beautiful and kind words.

      When progress isn’t lasting or coming, it’s because those traumas are cleared and other ones now need attention or there are underlying beliefs that are sabotaging healing.

      Personally with my healing journey I was in the trenches continually for months until the walk of trauma finally fell away and then finally for the most part I was in a meadow looking at the beautiful flowers on the other side.

      But it took tenacity and setting very clear intentions that I would ‘find the way.’

      I know many people in this community have also been trauma ridden and needed to keep at it!

      Kathy were you in the NARP Forum asking and reaching our for support and for help? There myself and other experienced Thrivers can help you find and release the blocks and challenges that we may have come up against as well.

      I hope that this can help explain!

      Much love and blessings to you too Dear Lady.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Lorraine Wilcock
    April 26, 2019

    I am shifting my fears out and walking under ladders now. Thank you you are an an amazing lady Mel.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 26, 2019

      Awww thank you Lorraine, beautiful to have your post – as always!


      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    April 26, 2019


    April 26, 2019

    Hi Rylee,

    I used to be in your situation. What I found is first to address why I was resistant in the first place (for me it was the religious beliefs I was taught as a child). Whilst investigating this I used and still do use three other tools every day 1) mindfulness – usually aquired thru 15 min breathing meditation 2) Self compassion – be kind to yourself instead of judging yourself for not making progress, after all we’re only human so give yourself a big hug say I love you to yourself and keep going/try again. 3) Gratitude – spend 5min every day to feel and contemplate one thing that u are thankful for on that day. Upon making these 3 a daily habit I found that I was more open to acceptances and the NARP process seemed to naturally fall into place. (I also went through the 16 day recovery program again cos it made more sense the 2nd time around). Take one step at a time at your own pace. I hope this helps and please do join the forum for more ideas.

    Stay safe and lots of love.

    April 26, 2019


    Diane Sumner
    April 26, 2019

    Thanking You infinitely Dear Melanie………..Awesome to graduate with a beautiful teacher! xxx I have shifted my fears out and I am walking under ladders now…………An auspicious rainbow is looming on the still distant horizon xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 27, 2019

      Hi Diane,

      You are very welcome and thank you for your beautiful words.

      Awww I love that you can see your auspicious rainbow.

      Much love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Trine Rytter Andersen
    April 26, 2019

    Dear Melanie,

    Frist I want to THANK YOU for these wonderfully inspiring and insightful videos which I have been seeing for over an year now.

    I am in a life phase now, where I am no longer afraid of narcissistic people, I have survived 17 years of marriage with a super intelligent and super gifted – but socially and emotionally disturbed man suffering from narcissistic borderline personality disorder.
    I know exactly how to handle narcissists and I know how to keep myself safe now.

    I have one problem though, which came in to clear sight this winter where I studently found myself accused of ‘sex abuse, racism and incompetence’ by a 39 year old female writer and 4th wave feminist. The accusations came after three months of professional long distance collaboration and one meeting in person lasting for 1 and 1/2 days only.

    She started the abuse three months after our meeting, by sending out warnings to all of my associates and the students attending classes arranged by me and the literature organisation that I work for. After that she send three letters to my superior – on describing my mal conduct in each of the three aspects of accusation: ‘sex abuse, racism and incompetence’.

    Thanks to my exhusband, I am totally familiar with these kind of attacks – naturally I find them very disturbing!!! But what I absolutely do not understand is that ME TOO – which I support with all of my heart – has given some narcissistic people a free pass to attack other people and by pulling out the victim card, they let go of all personal responsibility in the relationship at stake.

    This in relationship with the fact that a lot of professional organisations are not at all prepared to handle such situations with wisdom and proactivity. Hence in my case my superior responded to the accusations with rage directed against me, for attracting this unwanted attention and putting my boss in an unpleasant situation having to deal with it, and being afraid that it would ‘explode’ and tint her reputation as well as mine. She was so afraid of my offender – a ticking bomb, she said – that she couldn’t find an appropriate way to handle the situation and therefor ended up blaming me for the tragedy. She told me to keep quiet, and not share this with people whom I trusted – which I did not! I had to bring in a lawyer who is a specialist in what she describes as: Stalking turned inside out. She finally helped me get things right with my coward boss.

    The sad thing is that the whole story had absolutely no consequences for my ‘stalker’. She had letters from my boss excusing the whole affair, she even had 5.000 kr. to compensate her for the working hours involved. No one told her that this kind of abuse is a NO GO!

    I was left with a feeling of being double abused – there is a ‘case’ on me sitting in the municipality for five years from now. I had to pay the lawyer and get on with work, as nothing did happened. It made me feel very angry and hurt, and I realize that after finding my power and wisdom I find it so heard to work with and accept people who have power over me and who have less or no knowledge in these things. I have great trouble with people who do not know them self and are not responsible for their shadows – I met them everywhere and they challenge me more than the full blown narcissists do.

    Does that make sense to you?
    Do you have a suggestion for me to help me cope better with this?
    Sorry if my English is not quite elaborate – My mother tongue is Danish.

    Much love and THANK YOU

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 27, 2019

      Hi Trine,

      You are so welcome.

      Your English is perfect and I do understand- thankyou!

      Trine, I am so sorry that you have been through this.

      My entire healing and uplevelling philosophy is this – when we experience an attack from the outside it is the evidence that a related trauma is in our energy field on the inside.

      And this could be from past life, epigenetic (passed on from our ancestors), our childhood and/or accumulated traumas in adulthood, that we have not yet found and released from within.

      This is the work I always do with myself and help others do too, because then not only is the trauma of the event completely gone and the pattern of it happening again eliminated, but also we get a graduation in growth, consciousness and expansion that benefits our True Self and True Life in multiple ways.

      That path, to me is the only path to take, and has been for years. It’s the entire reason why I’m Thriving.

      Have you looked at NARP?

      Love and healing to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    April 27, 2019

    I am shifting my fear OUT and walking under ladders NOW!

    Ally Oliver
    April 27, 2019

    ‘I am shifting my fear OUT and walking under ladders NOW!’

    Step by step, day by day I find myself shifting another layer of fear and pain.

    Thank you for sharing yet another enlightening video and shedding light on the shadows.

    A penny drops with every word you speak and things become more clear to me.

    Thank you Melanie.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 27, 2019

      Hi Ally,

      You are very welcome and I’m so pleased you are healing.

      Sending continued blessings and breakthroughs to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    April 27, 2019

    ‘I am shifting my fear OUT and walking under ladders NOW!’

    Step by step, day by day I find myself shifting another layer of fear and pain.

    Thank you for sharing yet another enlightening video and shedding light on the shadows.

    A penny drops with every word you speak and things become more clear to me.

    Thank you Melanie.

    April 27, 2019

    Your program is the only thing that has helped me, and I did tons of self help books and therapy. I always had deep faith that carried me through some rough roads. So the survivor part I had been doing for a pretty long time.
    Yet, I always knew and hungered for something more, until I joined your program and learned how to THRIVE. Now I can walk under ladders and spot people and things that are not healthy for me and walk away. I choose health, wellness, and Thriving.
    For me, the Narc program was the tool I needed to heal within and move on to Thriving.
    Thank you Mel and all, for the wonderful work you are doing to help people move on to a better part of their journey.
    Bev 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 27, 2019

      Hi Bev,

      I am so happy for you that NARP has helped you in breaking free and Thriving!

      So much love to you Dear Lady and thank you for your post.


      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    April 28, 2019

    I am shifting out of my fear and walking under ladders NOW!!!

    Joseph Huth
    May 1, 2019

    I am shifting out of my fear and walking under ladders now.

    May 2, 2019

    Thank you so much for this video Melanie!!!!!! I HAVE GRADUATED. Not only am I shifting to the true authentic self, (me…all of my gifts such as generosity, love and caring for others, being a true friend, at one time after narcissistic abuse, I was actually ashamed of myself of these things!), but I am walking, running towards ladders now! No fear for my future because it took me 4 years to find me.

    I now envision a narcissistic person as the character in the old movie, Scrooge, the ghost who was tackled with many chains and misery. That was also me after the abuse ended. So many chains wearing me down, I was terrified.

    But I am free now. I am free!! I am happy. And I love who I have become and I take great pride in how far I’ve come.

    For anyone reading this, please please please stick to this program as fast or as slowly as you want, but do it for your own benefit and well-being. I can guarantee you, once you get to the other side, and you will get there, you won’t even believe that once upon a time, you were in a narcissistic relationship. My heart goes to everyone….. xoxo

    Bring it on!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 2, 2019

      Awww Linda,

      I am so pleased for that you have received your graduation with NARP and you feel so amazing!

      Wishing you many continued blessings and expansion and thank you for you compassion in sharing your love and encouragement with everyone here.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Genevieve Smith
    May 6, 2019

    I am shifting my fears out and walking under ladders now

    May 9, 2019

    I am shifting my fear OUT and walking under ladders NOW! Thank you! 🙂

    May 27, 2019

    Melanie, I found your site just last week and have been reading avidly. So much is so resonant (including this post) and seems in sync with my metaphysical/spiritual studies that I’ve been engaged in long term. I want to address this part of your post here:
    “Let me be really clear with you… When I hear that people are TERRIFIED of being in the company of a narcissist; are not willing to speak up; are not able to be truthful, direct or have the difficult conversations and shirk the responsibility of laying boundaries and doing ‘the right thing’ to honour their True Self, which before the inner shift is usually the VERY thing we are most terrified to do – I know that not only are they nowhere near their Soul Graduation, they are doomed to keep living painful patterns over and over and over again.”

    Yet you yourself reiterate again and again that we can’t hope to hold the narcissist accountable, that it is pretty much an exercise in futility. We can ask or what we want, sure…but we can’t be attached to getting it, certainly not with a narc.

    You probably know of Eckhart Tolle’s ideas about the pain body, an energy field that lives on sadness, trauma, abuse etc. He says when someone is totally taken over by the pain body, then no real communication is possible. We are talking to the pain body, not the person. The pain body doesn’t want communication, cooperation, or healing, because it lives on their opposites. Tolle says we may be met with anger if we stay silent in the face of the pain body, but it is still better than trying to engage. It seems to me that narcs in general are probably taken over by their pain bodies. There is a youtube video from Tolle on this, worth checking out.

    You’ve probably heard of the Gray Rock approach to dealing with narcs. We say very little (though it is not the silent treatment) and just do not play into their need for drama and reactiveness. Many have found peace and relief with this, and I am finding it helpful myself in dealing with my narc apartment mate (who is not my Significant Other). That relationship has been improving since i incorporated Gray Rock insofar as possible. I am hopeful this can be maintained, since I don’t want to leave this place and it doesn’t look like he will be moving out any time soon. I do know that I have inner programs I need to address from my growing up with a narcissist, alcoholic father, and I suspect this is one reason i attracted this man into my life. I think your approach is fantastic and again, is very aligned with what I have learned on my journey. I just would like clarification on that part of your post. Thanks for all you do!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 27, 2019

      Hi Jen,

      Thank you and it’s so great that my information resonates with Jen.

      Please be clear in no way am I ever suggesting trying to make a NARP accountable.

      When we know someone is an n we detach, heal ourselves and grant them no energy.

      If we have been hooked in previously detoxing every pain, fear and trauma out of our system with NARP is highly affective in No Contact

      What I am talking about is showing up powerfully without fear as ourselves in every day life, and then if we come across an N they flush out very quickly.

      An example was when I was on a third date with a very attractive man. I came back from the bathroom he asked me how I thought our third date was going and I told him honestly that I observed how he was talking in very disparaging ways about his work colleagues.

      True to N form he blew up like a time bomb. Yay! N flushed out and exposed. Date ended and I was soooo excited about how now I was prepared to show up, tell the truth, lay boundaries and detach and align with my truth!

      Much better than the old days of not being fearless and terrified of the possibility of CRAP – being criticised, rejected, abandoned or punished for being fully me.

      Is this making sense, can you truly understand what I am talking about now?

      Re Grey Rock, I promise you that is not enough to heal and get well.

      I created a resource on this – which I hope explains.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

        May 27, 2019

        Great video! Very clear and very much needed in the field of recovery from narcissistic abuse. I am sharing many of your articles and videos at a forum devoted to this issue.

        Yes Melanie, you make perfect sense. In my own case, I find that when I focus on being Gray Rock outwardly, inwardly I am continuously working
        with myself. Self-partnering, as you have put it. I practice Ho’oponopono, which you may have heard of. Ho’oponopono, which means “to make right,” is a Hawaiian approach to problem-solving. Basically it is about letting go to our higher aspect, our Divinity, to heal our dysfunctional programs and memories that are stored in the subconscious. Ho’oponopono teaches that nything we experience as a problem, including narcissistic abuse, is a memory replaying in the subconscious. The mantra, “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you” (can be said in any order, in whole or in part), “cleans” on the memories/programs, making way for inspiration and guidance.

        It looks like that inspiration and guidance has led me here, as well as into therapy. All part of letting go of/healing those old wounds that made me a match to a narcissist, although not in an intimate relationship.
        Thank you for sharing that experience of your third date and the flushing out of yet another narc! You go girl 🙂

        I have just one more question for you that is very relevant to my current situation. The first post I read from you was about breaking free from addiction to the narcissist. I don’t feel I am addicted to my roommate–I would actually be happy if he would move out–but a lot of members of the forum I mentioned talk a lot about their difficulty letting go, so I did a search and found your post. Anyway, toward the end you wrote:

        “They don’t get any energy from me – ever.

        I know if I connect, even with a glance or an acknowledgment, I’m buying into an energetic, chemical, emotional dark void of games, manipulation, agendas, nastiness, undermining and ego …

        … that’s always unhealthy, unsavoury, soul-destroying and toxic.

        I wouldn’t pick up a heroin needle, or a crack pipe … so why would I pick up a narcissist again?”

        Yet in another post, you speak of not blaming or judging our narc parents, who are themselves products of their past. Is it not possible to see all
        narcs in this way? More to the point, is having a narc apartment mate, as I do, necessarily going to be soul-destroying and toxic, or is it possible to transcend
        that dynamic? The Buddha advised: “Live like the lotus. Though growing in a muddy pond, the lotus remains pure, undefiled by its environment.” I would like to think i could do that.

        Just exploring here, would appreciate your thoughts. Thank you!

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          May 27, 2019

          Hi Jen,

          I am aware of the Hawaiian healing technique and am a fan!

          Sure I understand you checking out the gray areas! Nothing is black and white all the time!

          I suggest checking out my resources with a google on – ‘boundaries’ and ‘when you can’t go No Contact’ and they explain the nuances Nd ways!

          Thank you for your comment re the date!

          Lots of love Jen,

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

    June 14, 2019

    It took me nearly 4 years to accomplish this journey and I can not even begin to express what light exists on the other side. I had incredible and repeated childhood traumas to heal from, CPTSD as well as Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) that manifested itself in dissociative fugues where I lost hours of my life to amnesias and crazy, self-destructive behaviors. I know it seems incredibly unbelievable to work past this but TRUST ME, it is possible. I was fortunate to have found a trauma-based therapist and used every online resource I could find. Melanie Tonia is UNBELIEVABLY SPOT ON. It sound incredulous, I know. I would read things and say “no way can I ever let him off the hook after 26 years of an abusive marriage” and now I am dancing in the sunlight at the age of 52. It is so possible and I, like Melanie Tonia, want to spread the word that you just have to be a bit brave, completely honest with yourself, and courageous—trust in the process and the journey as it unfolds.
    I also found 12-step programs for codependents to be very helpful (my fave is Russell Brand’s book called Recovery—it’s a bit funny and crass but hysterical and SPOT ON). Once you realize you are addicted to feeling controlled and less than and dependent upon others for your self worth, this will all begin to make sense. It is called emerging from a FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) for a reason.
    Google everything you can find about narcissistic abuse and NPD and codependents and read everything Melanie Tonia has written and find a therapist who is experienced with narcissist abuse. Ask from the onset (I was retraumitized by two who had no idea what they were doing)…don’t be shy or worried about what they think of you. THIS IS YOUR LIFE AND YOUR RECOVERY. You deserve validation and support throughout his journey.
    I promise you I didn’t believe it was possible to move from survivor to THRIVER, but it totally is!!! Be patient and kind to yourself and be brave. There is such freedom and light on the other side (and I am still married to my NARC/NPD husband for now)…I have my own power and my own dance and he can spin in circles and my children and I just look at him for who he is. I may chose to leave if he does not progress in therapy (he recently realized that it is the only chance he has to stay with me) and I am totally at peace with that as much as he has been my whole life. I can walk away at any time and I am calm and clear about it.
    PLEASE KNOW WE ALL HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE — in the chaos of name-calling and stalking and chasing and lying and gaslighting and abuse — he can say and do whatever he wants now and it is like I have a glass bubble around me and it all bounces off and I carry on. It is not denial and trust me, I would have left him if I was newly married when I figured this all out, but I am 26 years into this marriage and have 4 children. He is making some small progress behaviorally in therapy and I need to vet this all out for my own sanity. I get that it is easier to just end it all and that I have chosen a harder path that requires more work on my part (my therapist says this all of the time), but this is just who I am.
    No judgment for anyone on this journey…only LOVE.
    Please, please, please believe THRIVING is possible, even when you struggle to get through each day. As my therapist says, baby steps. Just keep walking forward, and be kind to yourself when you tumble backwards on your path. It is all a
    part of the learning. Sometimes it takes a few missteps to find the right one.
    I am so grateful for Melanie Tonia.
    She and my therapist have literally saved my life.

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