Are you caught in a ridiculous cycle of court abuse that the narcissist is putting you through? Has it just started or, like in so many cases, has it been going on for years on end?
If you are stuck in a legal battle with a narcissist you are going to be suffering from terrible pain and heartbreak and shock and the fear of what you could lose – your children, your home, your possessions or maybe your business.
It seems there is no stopping them from trying to rip you down and rip your life to pieces, because that’s vindication to them. That’s what narcissists do.
Many people in the Thriver Community have written in to tell me that the fight in court they’ve endured has exhausted every ounce of their resources.
But I know that the five tips I’m sharing with you in my latest video will get you on the right path because countless Thrivers have used these techniques in court and WON! I know they work.
So tune into this Thriver TV episode and learn how to turn things around so you can stop the narcissist in your life from trying to hurt you with the judicial system.
Video Transcript
Fighting in court with a toxic personality can be a terribly harrowing experience, because you know that this person lies. You know they’re going to target you and smear you, and they’re going to try to hurt you with the judicial system. And if you don’t know that, you’re going to find that out.
But I promise you this, you are not powerless in dealing with this. People will tell you that you have no hope in court with a narcissist, but it’s just not true.
And to prove this to you today, I want to share with you the five winning tips in regard to dealing with the narcissist in court, why they powerfully work, and how you can put an end to that ridiculous cycle of court abuse that the narcissist may be putting you through, sometimes for years on end.
Before I get started, I just want to give a big shout out and a thank you to all of you lovely Thrivers that are helping make this incredible community such a wonderful place. And it’s wonderful to see the support that you grant each other in the feed and in the comments. I’m just really proud of the way that we all do this together.
And thank you for subscribing and sharing these videos so that people can start to understand it is possible to heal beyond narcissistic abuse. Also remember to like this video if it resonates with you and let other people know who are dealing with court cases with narcissists that there is hope. All right, let’s get started on the five tips and why they work.
Tip Number One – Become Anti-Fear
Tip number one is probably the most important because it really is the foundation of everything. It’s about becoming anti-fear, which means becoming anti-trigger and it’s why the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program members in this community, the NARP members, have such great success.
I really want you to understand this Quantum Law of, so within, so without. So what does that really mean?
It means what’s going on inside of you is what you’re going to be receiving outside of you. Of course, one of the hardest times is when you’re in a battle with a narcissist and you’re facing court over custody, property, or businesses, whatever it is.
You are going to be suffering from terrible pain and heartbreak and shock and the fear of what you could lose, and your children and your home and your possessions and your business, because that’s what the narcissist is absolutely gunning to do. They are trying to rip you down and rip your life to pieces, because that’s vindication to them. That’s what narcissists do.
The biggest battle of your life – the most important one – is becoming anti-fear. It’s about knowing that if you still do have that terrible pain and heartbreak ripping you to pieces on the inside, how you show up and what you present and how you present, even down to the lawyer and the judge and the decisions, is going to be a match of more of your wounds.
Narcissistic abuse is a spiritual, emotional phenomenon. You get more of what is going on inside of you, and this is why it forces us to get out of the fear and evolve onto a different emotional trajectory, because Quantum Law is also this – once you change on the inside, the outer experience must shift to match the change on the inside.
The most important work is to be able to get emotional solidness and stability first, because then you’re going to show up in a completely different way. Calm in your center and powerful. Therefore, you’re going to be able to access support. Synchronicity and miracle can start coming into your life.
Module eight specifically in the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program is very, very powerful for this. And many Thrivers have even been sitting, waiting before they go in their courtroom doing shifts with their headphones on to get rid of those last bits of fear so that they showed up being solid, strong, and calm on the inside. It’s everything.
And I want you to understand this about narcissists, narcissists don’t have their own energy system. They feed off other people’s fear and pain, because they’re a dark Soul. So when you take that away from the inside of you, it automatically drains and takes energy away from the narcissist. It’s like they have a flat battery when they’re coming after you.
Tip Number Two – Don’t Diagnose, Stay Factual & Calm
Now, let’s get onto tip number two, because this is very, very important.
Don’t diagnose. So in all of your dealings with the court, don’t say this person is a narcissist. Don’t diagnose. It doesn’t go down well. It’s actually going to come back at you.
What you do need to do is don’t diagnose the behaviour – show evidence of it. Be factual and calm.
Don’t use the word narcissist. You need to explain the behavior and the personality by showing the evidence of it unemotionally. Be very calm and factual about what the narcissist has done or isn’t doing with real verifiable facts.
Don’t relay information emotionally, which, of course, if you’ve released those triggers and the traumas from within you and you just show up calm and in your body and powerful, it’s going to be so much easier to do that.
Tip Number Three – Have No Mercy
Tip number three. Let’s have a look at this. I really want you to understand this Thriver warriors. You need to have no mercy. You need to toughen the hell up.
Now, I know you’re a nice person, because narcissists only go for nice people. And I know that you would like to be fair and you would like to do the right thing. And you might even feel sorry for this person.
But you are going to discover just how nasty a narcissist is in court. They take the gloves off. There is nothing that they won’t stoop to, and you need to know that. You need to know thy enemy.
You need to be prepared like Rocky Balboa going into a fight. He didn’t go there thinking, “I’m just going to shake hands and be nice and try and play fair.” No, you cannot think like that, because if you give an inch, they will take a mile. They will make mincemeat out of you because of your good, kind nature.
You need to get armed with any information and facts that you have against the narcissist. I mean that. And you need to use them, because you are not just fighting for your kids, your property – you are fighting for your Soul and your ability to go on into life.
Now, there’s not a real person in there, at this stage, there wasn’t anyway. They might’ve pretended to be. But at this stage, there was a monster out to get vindication by destroying you. You need to know that.
So when you get out of the fear of the repercussions, because you might think, “Well, if I say that, they’re going to say that. And if I do this, well then they’re not going to do a nice deal with me.” You’ve got to stop thinking like that. There are no deals that you are going to cut. There is no ground you’re going to get by being fair. Forget any of that. Your gloves are coming off, because those rules don’t apply.
So what you need to do is get very clear, very calm, and very factual, and with real evidence – you’re not going to make up stuff, you’re not going to lie, you’re not going to do the wrong thing.
You’re going to do the right thing. But you’re going to do all of it. You’re going to expose and show what you’ve got on that person, and you need to do your research and you need to have written it down and have it ready – all of the facts, all of the things.
I know that you wish it didn’t come to this and you didn’t have to be such a hard-ass. I know you wish that. But it has. You’re at war.
And this might be the last thing that you want to do, because you’re already exhausted, you’re running out of energy, just want it to end. But you’re in the last round and you’re about to get knocked out.
So you need to man or woman up and stand up and keep going. It will end if you do this properly. It will end, I promise you. You need to stand up and keep going in truth, in integrity, in power, and know thy enemy. Use what you have.
Tip Number Four – Don’t Make Eye Contact With The Narcissist Or Their Solicitor
Point number four, do not make eye contact with the narcissist or their solicitor in court.
Now, this is more powerful than you can imagine, because what is the narcissist’s greatest fear? I’ll tell you what it is – you deeming him or her completely and utterly irrelevant, you ignoring them. This literally bends the narcissist’s mind.
And if you’re there and you’re in your body and you’re not triggered and you’re just calm and you ignore the narcissist by not looking at them or their solicitor, and you just speak directly to the judge, hold yourself proud and composed and factual, and don’t grant the narcissist any energy at all no matter what gets thrown at you – this will often emotionally and energetically enrage the narcissist, because they can’t get your energy, they can’t trigger you.
By using this powerful tactic, many people have reported in court that the narcissist literally blew up and exposed themselves, because they’re completely frustrated that they can’t hook you and emotionally reel you in. It really does work.
Tip Number Five – Don’t Accept Any Deals That Are Not Professionally Drawn Up And Signed Off
Tip number five. You really need to understand this. Don’t accept any deals that are not professionally drawn up and signed off. The narcissist may try to lure you into a deal or say that they’ll negotiate with you in a certain way, but they have no conscience. Then they back flip it and they turn it back on you and they let you down all over again.
It’s just a tactic to get you to stop the line that you’re taking. So really make sure that you’ve got third party channels. And you need to totally distrust the narcissist. Don’t trust any outside deal they try to make with you.
You need to keep your eye on the prize, which is being hard, firm, clear and in your power. Don’t capitulate, give in, or try to make any deals with the narcissist. It is just not worth it.
Conclusion
So, in conclusion, as well as these five tips, I really want you to know that there is a wealth of resources and support from members of the NARP community who have been through court and succeeded.
You may have seen many of those stories in our Thriver Stories. We have a members forum full of people who have been through all of this, and they can help you so much with the things that they’ve learned and with the NARP modules to clear, that are going to make you more in your power and more in your body.
I cannot recommend that resource enough. People say, “I’m going through court and all of this. I don’t have time to do the work on myself right now.” That’s the time you need to do it the most, is when you’re under fire. That’s when we need the inner work the most.
To become a NARP member and to connect up to the NARP program, which is going to give you incredible emotional support to get through this, all you need to do is click the link at the top right of this video.
Because far and away, our NARP members are the most successful people in dealing with narcissists in the courtroom, whether it’s to do with custody, co-parenting arrangements, property settlements and the like.
And for many of these people, as a result of doing the inner work and getting to that level where they weren’t triggered, they were no longer intimidated and they were just tough and in their integrity and their power – narcissists completely capitulated.
Many of them have, because a narcissist cannot stand to be in your world when you’ve hit that place. It’s the ultimate insult to them.
I’d love to hear your comments and your questions below in regard to these five tips and anything else about this topic that you would like to discuss. And share this with any dear, poor Soul that you know who is going through this horror.
Dear Melanie,
I was on the precipice of a court action with a narcissist. A person who I thought was a dear friend, who revealed themselves to be a cruel and very troubled person. This person tried to have me put out of my home. The idea of taking this kind of legal action terrified me. I stood back, let go of my fear and let this individual have their perceived ‘win’. I agreed with one last compromise around the sale of the property to avoid court action. I let go of the outcome. I did NARP modules continuously and after a year of this person terrorising and bullying me, they capitulated and were revealed to be the greedy and vindictive person they are. It was magical. Everything you’ve said is so true. I’ve been doing your modules for several years now and I can not tell you how grateful I am. I truly believe it’s led to me being able to keep my home and move on in my life without any bitterness towards this person. It was a lesson about standing up for myself and I’ve learned it now.
Thank you- you have no idea how grateful I am for your insights and the healing it has brought me💜
Hi V,
wow!
Thank you so much for sharing this.
You are amazing! Your story is very inspirational and I’m thrilled that you have reached out here and shared for others what the power of NARP does create – when committed to wholeheartedly.
You went through this dark night of the soul like a true spiritual warriorress.
So much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you Melanie! Spot on! Yes! I 100% agree. After completing your NARP and self-empowerment course, I transformed and became a different person. The old me was terrified of my physically and emotionally abusive ex. I was so afraid that he was going to take my son away and win custody of my son because he is so manipulative and toxic. After years of him abusing me in court, I finally got a trial date. It took 2.5 years. I can tell you now, that I won my custody trial with my ex narc! I feel that I received a miracle in divine time! I won custody of my 4 year old son. I received exactly what I wanted in terms of custody and marital arrangements.
It wasn’t easy, it was extremely painful, dark, long, and difficult. Going to court with my ex was absolutely horrible, but, in the end, my ex proved he was in the court system, after years of him taking me to court, and the judges and everyone caught on to him. I also have a wonderful lawyer, counselor and I’m a huge follower of your work, Melanie. With all of these tools, I felt supported and divinely guided. And in the end, I won!
My ex still takes me to court but I’m in control, the judges trust me and they don’t trust him. He loses and I won and continue to win in court.
Narcs will show who they really are in the end. They will unravel and show their true colors. It may take time, but trust in yourself and in the end the truth will come out! You will be the shining star and the authorities will learn who is telling the truth and who isn’t. They will believe you! Because you are the honest loving soul.
I would love to help anyone in need of advice who is going through a torturous time in court with their narc. Trust in yourself and in the universe. I really believe that if you do the programs that Melanie developed and love yourself then fear will be released, you will transform, regain your power, come back to yourself and win in court! It’s amazing! I believe in you.
Thank you Melanie for all that you do. You have truly changed my life and my son’s life in immeasurable ways. My son and I are safe and happy now. God bless you Melanie. You are a wonderful beautiful light and. mentor to me and I admire all of the work that you do. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Rachel,
Im going to court tomorrow and this video from Melanie couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m so glad that to read your comments too!! Pray for me tomorrow as I fight custody of my daughters. Six years divorced and still in and out of court 😔🙏
Hi Nancy,
sending you prayers, love, power and breakthroughs
You’ve got this!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Nancy,
Praying for you. You got this! You are strong and powerful beyond measure!
Love,
Rachel
How did it go? I’m due in court tomorrow again.
Hi Rachel,
you are very welcome and I’m happy that this resonated with you.
I ADORE that you put in the diligent inner work and had such powerful breakthroughs for you and your son.
It really is true – so within, so without. It really just IS! You are a shining example of that – thank you.
Rachel, please know we are always looking for loving NARP members to help guide others in the NARP Forum, and maybe even become moderators to help guide others.
Your experiences would be invaluable to share with those who are working with NARP.
Would this be something that you may be interested in?
I’d love it if you were!
Many blessings to you and your son
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie,
Thank you so very much! Yes I would love to help other NARP members! I would be honored.
May God continue to bless you and your family,
Love,
Rachel
How beautiful Rachel,
one of the team will be in touch with you!
Much love to you and yours and thank you for your blessings
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you Melanie!
Love to you snd your son and family,
Rachel
yes, would love to connect as I have a 4 year old I’m continually trying to keep safe. This court process is just crazy, but I know I need to continue to fight for my son….
Dear Mel,
Love the article! And, I just have to share this experience–one of my friends who is already divorced from a narcissistic individual was being threatened by him regarding returning to court. She was triggered and very scared about “what might happen.”
I told her, “Listen, he’s actually just a pathetic tiny mouse–he has NO power. He’s using a megaphone that is making him sound like a lion, but he’s NOT. And when you walk away in your power, as he chases after you, thinking that he IS a lion, he’s going to smack his face straight into your heel and go rolling off into the dust–like the pathetic mouse that he is.”
And guess what? That’s exactly what happened!! When the lawyers started into the case and my friend’s lawyer requested certain information about her ex-husband, he was too nervous to reveal it; and he dropped the case. HA!!
AND, I told my friend about you!
Lots of love to you and all who seek to become true Thrivers!! It IS possible!!!
Shanni
Hi Shanni,
I LOVE this!
It’s so true.
What a beautiful true friend you are to her!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Knowing that she would just keep grinding me with her lawyer, as my lawyer told me it was shaping up to be, when it came time to go before the judge to try and resolve things for the first time, I gave her such a good deal in the divorce a week before the court date that she couldn’t say no or she would have to explain it to the judge. Even at the courthouse while the judge was waiting, her lawyer asked for more and I gave it to her. Had to sign a paper with my lawyer saying he was off the hook since he thought the court would award me substantially more. In my own way, this was my version of your point #3 and having no mercy. No way she was going to drag me and my kids through years of crap just so she could avoid looking in the mirror. Luckily kids were just heading to post secondary school so a really clean financial, and thus no contact deal was possible. You have said this before Melanie, in your own way…. better to leave money on the table to buy freedom. I couldn’t agree more. But what I think I’m really trying to comment here is that gloves off and ready to fight is good but it can also sometimes be a knockout punch if one is willing to be gracious because the judge is looking for resolution and the narcissist wants to fight. Hope that makes sense. In the relationship, always giving in was the perennial mistake, but in court, in front of the rest of the world, our kind nature cannot be discarded. Yay.
Hi Nick,
yes absolutely!
Sometimes it is better to surrender in a particular battle in order to win the true war.
I totally agree with you.
Mel 🙏💕💚
Excellent guidance as always. We need to become an undistorted mirror that without flaw reflects the narcissist back to himself and to the courts. That means we have to be clear, strong and fearless. Fear is our greatest enemy, and that’s exactly what the narcissist uses against us. So go into battle with your head on straight and calm and trust that the truth will always win. When a narcissist realizes he’s beat he will run…
Hi Susan,
Thank you for sharing your positivity and strength to inspire others!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Mel, you always cover the right topic at the right time! I’m about to enter into a legal battle with a toxic neighbour who has been terrorising me for 2 years. Funny isn’t it, I healed the wounds with my family of origin but I knew I didn’t really do it fully and sure enough a new toxic person showed up to test me again! I wasn’t healed at all. OK, I get this now, oh boy, do I get it. I couldn’t sleep last night. My whole body is a ball of fire. I’m at war. I’m losing my home, have already moved out, and it look likes this toxic person is going to force me to go to court, unavoidable at this point. What am I going to do? Well, right now, I’m about to redo Module 8, then I’m going to wash my hair, go and see the real estate agent and confirm a date with my lawyer. I have evidence and I’m going to use it. I’m going to have no mercy. I’ve accepted that I’ve lost my home and so much money over this problem but the big win for me will be getting out of the situation, and moving on to a more peaceful life that serves me. I live in a beautiful home right now, and this person is dragging me back to a place I no longer recognise. But I’m not going back because I don’t live there anymore, am not that person anymore, am a warrior fighting for my soul. Thank you for giving me the strength and wisdom to fight, Melanie. You have been my guiding star for 4 years now, and honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without you. Much love, x Tasha
Hi Tasha,
I’m really pleased that this was timely for you.
I LOVE That you are going to stand up!
You have got this and NARP, and this incredible community has you.
Sending you love, power and amazing breakthroughs
Mel 🙏💕💚
Sound advice. I’m well now, after a long time. Sometimes I’ve inwardly rolled my eyes at myself for being so taken in. Then yesterday whilst doing a clear out I came across a card he’d sent me. It was the sweetest thing. If anyone had read it they would have wondered how I could have left him and I have to say, a shadow of that thought crossed my mind. But of course what it is, is evidence of how skilfull, how duplicitous and how shameless he is. Truly an empty soul.
Hi Judy,
stay strong and in the truth.
Power to you and much love
Mel 🙏💕💚
100% correct! You boil it all down to what it is! The entire reason I have been strung along by a Narc for so, so long is because of fear. This person is extremely mean and vindictive. I know I need to be able to “lose it all to gain it all”.
Hi Julia,
I am so pleased that this has inspired you!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie,
Now when I’m pretty well over the n abuse, I have another “existential crisis” and I feel so awful and confused that I could just cry 🙁
I recently had this “rude awakening”…I’ve been the past almost a decade very much into law of attraction, this craziness (I could say addiction) started with the book The Secret. Now I think that book should have similar label like tobacco that “this will seriously damage your health”!
I did several law of attraction on-line courses, read probably hundreds articles, books, seminars…Recently I had this awakening: never in my life I have “manifested” anything (good) into my life following their advice/rules. My life actually became worse. I alienated from reality. Today, when I reflect all that madness…those communities and forums quickly become cult-like, lead by a guru, who is right, and independent, individual thinking is wrong. That’s actually dangerous.
I started to lose common sense, touch with reality. All this happened simultaneously during those years when I also endured the n abuse. It’s a little wonder I sit here now typing this and being still relatively sane and balanced after all that!
With n abuse, I became unfortunately familiar with this term gaslighting. I think many those LOA “gurus” also gaslight their “clients”. Doesn’t gaslight mean, that someone is trying to replace your reality with their version of “reality”? And that is mind torture, I can tell!
We all know, that everything is not possible. Then these gurus say that everything is possible, that we can create everything we want with the power of our mind/thoughts.
Well, I can say as an example, that George Clooney will not date me. He is already married. Aiming for such a thing (to have a date) would be totally wrong and unmoral, it is not right to pursue someone else’s husband. Even is he was single, probably he wouldn’t be attracted to me anyway. So for example this simple example proves how “everything” is definitely not possible!! I cannot either be the president of the US, because I’m not US citizen and wasn’t born there (I’m European).
So even if something would be possible in theory, but not in reality…then what’s the point? Then these morons (the gurus) teach in their courses how “reality is created”. Really??
And the most awful and terrible thing is, that I attracted the n partner after doing one of these loa-based online relationship courses. It was “seven weeks to attract your soulmate”. Then very soon I met this man and was like yippee, this works, how magically wonderful!! Well, as a typical n, as we know, he initially played the role of the “soulmate” VERY well.
Then the abuse began, and I was involved and endured that circus about 5 years.
I’m bitter about this. The course organizers take zero responsibility. If I “failed” with this course and many other courses, it was my own fault, and their solution was to sell me MORE of their courses and coaching.
I made this wrong conclusion, that now that I have done the soulmate course, the first man that appeared of course must be the soulmate, “logically”. I couldn’t see, accept the possibility, that he wasn’t. I had this false sense of safety. I understand now, all that actually made me an easy prey for abusers! I had lost common sense. It was replaced with these grandiose loa-theories.
I regret, I wasted so many years of my life, being busy trying to “create” the dream life, instead of just living this life!
I “forgot” to be present here and now, in my own life. I think that is what addiction and abuse does, isolates you to live in your own “bubble”.
I’m ashamed and very embarrased that I lectured and even argued with my friends “how everything is possible” for them too.
Well, what I have learned:
– Everything that glitters is not gold.
– Just because it is said (or written), doesn’t make it so. Not everything I “learn”, read online is true.
– I think many of these gurus are actually wolf in sheeps clothing.
– If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
– And most importantly, sadly: lost and vulnerable/already wounded people are always easy targets to manipulators and abusers!
Melanie, what should I do now? Especially with this terrible feeling, that I wasted years of my life to this madness?
How to heal from gaslighting? When your head is spinning and not sure anymore what “reality” is? Like what actually is true?
How to trust myself, not those people, when I have the gut feeling they are telling lies? Even if they pretend to be experts, gurus, seemingly benevolent and “helping” me?
I feel I almost have to learn how to be a normal, ordinary human again! Even the way I speak. Like nope, I definitely did not “manifest” my dog puppy, I actually BOUGHT it from the breeder 🙂 With money. Money I earned from work. This is what normal people normally do.
I think one of the most painful thing is that I trusted those people (gurus and n’s) , they seemed trustworthy, that they had my best interests at heart…nope, definitely not. I feel I was lied to, betrayed, manipulated, gaslighted ( I see that now afterwards).
I’m upset I let myself sink in this madness and “fantasy world” for so many years. It’s hard to forgive myself. How can I just now leave this crap behind and move on?
Sorry long message! I would love to hear if you or anyone here has felt/experienced this same.
Thank you for this episode and the truely inspiring comments, too. I so appreciate this!!!
Much love and thanks for providing so much hope
Bee
It’s my pleasure Bee!
so much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
I spent 30 years in a toxic marriage with a covert narcissist. Many people thought (and some still do!) he was such a nice guy because he was very different in public.
I joined NARP last spring and did the modules daily, sometimes more than once a day. Every time I felt a negative emotion or response I would turn to NARP and heal it. Over time the fear, the anger, the need for justice just fell off and I came to trust myself and my faith for my future.
His smear campaign no longer has affect on me, I trust my children and others will see for themselves and will be able to heal and we will be reunited.
I started a side gig and with my new found healing and confidence it is going very well. I have genuine joy for the first time ever.
After 2 years in and out of court I just had my final Divorce hearing last week. He made baseless accusations and threats. I provided hundreds of pages of evidence, and communicated the truth without emotion. Ultimately the court granted me 90% of our finances and possessions. 90%!
I am now able to begin to plan for my future knowing I have financial security. I will never again be a victim because I have healed the parts of me that kept repeating negative patterns.
Oh Michelle,
this is SO wonderful!!
I adore how you did the dedicated inner work and have broken through at this level.
Woohoo! So inspirational!
Love and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Kathy,
you have great courage and truly you are doing an amazing job.
Kathy my greatest suggestion to you is go inside with NARP and shift whatever is triggering or confusing.
The Source Healing and Resolution Module is one that I feel can help you a lot right now.
Also please come into the NARP Member’s Forum (if you are a Gold NARP Member) and reach out there during this challenging time.
I feel that you are very close to your breakthrough.
I hope that this can help
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
I am saving this for when I have to go to court this Spring. I have been going through divorce for over twenty months. I tried to offer him a fair deal, but he is going for total destruction. He told me before I left he doesn’t care if he bankrupts us both before the end. He is sticking to that.
I will use all your suggestions, my biggest problem is I have tremendous PHYSICAL FEAR of my husband. I tried to get a protective order, but was told its okay (even though they acknowledged he might be depressed) he has over 70 guns and 16,000 rounds of ammunition as he was a collector, and I no longer lived in the family home. Now he had his guns loose in the closets (no locks), in the attic and in the walls. Some were loaded, many didn’t have safety locks.
The Thriver method has been great in dealing with the emotional wounds and breaking free from feeling sorry for him. However, I have not been able to address the physical fear that arises when I think I have to be physically near him. I almost died once because of his actions so its very triggering.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I do work on the modules and they have been able to give me a peaceful and productive life. Just need to get over the fear of being in his physical presence. I did use your not looking at him or his attorney over a skype session and that did help, but by March I suspect we will be physically in the court together.
It is heartening to read the success stories. My latest affirmation is “Proceed as everything is going to be successful. “
Hi Pat,
congratulations on doing the inner work and getting as far as you have with NARP.
I would recommend using Module 1 or the Source Healing or Resolution Module targeting the trauma in your body that is driving the fear, that will be able to find it, load it up, release it and reprogram it.
I hope that this can help, and also please know if you are a Gold NARP Member it will be wonderful for you to come into the NARP Member’s Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member for guidance if needed. The Forum is really wonderful.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Unfortunately, I did not have the benefit of this information before going to court and my ex narcissist took everything he could. I am a public school teacher and am paying alimony for life, my retirement, my sick days, my vacation days, my life insurance, my death annuity, my supplemental account 68k payment to him to cover his lawyer fees and buy out of the house I purchased as my property in the first place, and 50/50 custody of the dog. Of course he takes zero responsibility and states he was doing what his lawyer told him to do and I had it coming.
My question for the Thriver Community is how do you recover from such a life sentence? It never goes away. I am an indentured servant for life without any recourse. I understand the premise of healing from within, but how do you do that when you are paying the very person who abused you then discarded you for the rest of your life?
They do in fact melt down in court and as a result of their delusional entitlement, reveal themselves to be immature and just laughable.
Thank you Melanie! You are so right as always. In court my councel made sure he sat between us so I could ignore the pity play, the fake crying, the vitriol that he couldn’t help release because he couldn’t catch my eye. I said virtually nothing and the judge saw it all! Lose the fear and they are powerless x
So so true M!
Bless you!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
So, trick or treat? Anyone going around calling themselves a treasure or anything else grandiose is indeed a lurking nightmare.
I’ve been through 3 court hearings with my narcissist. The first one, which he called me to court for in retaliation to me serving him, he didn’t even show up for. So it went ahead the next day. Well that was nothing more than theatre. He created a scene in the lobby, because his girlfriend was denied access to the courtroom, delaying the hearing by 15 mins, and when he finally came in, he was snotty and crying the entire time. I sat composed and said nothing. When the judge called him out for his unfounded claims against me in his affidavit, he became combative and argumentative with the judge. Why the judge didn’t hold him in contempt is beyond me. After the hearing his harassment towards me continued for 3 weeks until the next hearing. This time I was not silent, I stood my ground and put that barking dog on a leash when he tried to interrupt my statement, and he acted like a child stomping his feet and saying he was done, that I had won. As if being a father to your child is such a game. Childish behaviour, but I expected no less from him, as he loves to play victim to others and is a monster behind closed doors. After this court hearing, he demanded that I give him money for the time he did spend with our child, to which when I told him he wasn’t entitled , he wrote a lengthy letter full of slander and defamation towards me with false claims of disgusting accusations and said that once again I had won and that he was giving up his rights, because I was being difficult. Me difficult? I bent over backwards to allow him to have a relationship with our child, which I didn’t have to, I got him a home, so that he could have access, I gave him more money than he should have been given. And I got nothing but grief and drama. Found out that he manipulated his mother into believing I was this monster, and that he controlled how much access she would have with her grandchild and accused me of harassing her to get away with his control over her, cause he thought I wouldn’t contact her because I didn’t in the past but this time, I did. She was just as flabbergasted as I was with his accusation.