Melanie Tonia Evans

Why Breaking No Contact Doesn’t Mean You Are Back To Square One

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 5
66
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Breaking No Contact after days, weeks or even months of battling the urge to …. can feel so self-defeating.

It feels like everything we went through was to no avail.

It feels like we have to start all over again – because we are back to square one.

But are we REALLY?

In this week’s Thriver Tv episode, you will learn how this is in fact the exact opposite …

I know this topic can be especially painful if you are still dealing with the addictive pulls to make contact with the narcissist.

If there’s anything you would like to ask, please join in the conversation with the Thriver Community by posting below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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66 Thoughts on Why Breaking No Contact Doesn’t Mean You Are Back To Square One
  • terrigemini777@aol.com'
    terri
    August 25, 2016

    Thanks Melanie. Your video came at the Most Perfect time. I broke contact tonight, then saw your video. Only 11 years of my addiction. Yes. But, your right, I’m not back to square one. I made a mistake, was meant by indifference. Now, after he pulls me in, we meet, then back to the same non serious friend relationship. Every week I get stronger, sometimes hurts, but not like it used to. The reason is I know he is mentally ill. Myself, I need to work on my own wounds. Sometimes, it’s lonely, but better that way, and learn to love my own company. Thank you, love, hugs, wish you were here to hug. You have helped me so so much………………..

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2016

      Hi Terri,

      my pleasure and I am so pleased it was timely for you.

      This is so wonderful that you know that you need to turn inwards and heal what he triggers in you.

      Then the connection will be beautifully severed!

      Life is glorious truly when we are no longer co-dependently reliant on others, and then can accept people into our lives from that healthy foundation.

      Thank you for your lovely hug comment – same.

      Terri, I’d love you to come into my next Free Webinar Group because there we certainly could work at healing this stuff intensively together.

      https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Mel xo

      • judypink33@gmail.com'
        Jude Pink
        August 26, 2016

        Perfect timing! As I have a pattern of thinking somewhat obsessively about
        My socio sister, parents, relatives who used me my entire life. The abuse was
        Excessive. Physically I have payed a heavy price in many health conditions.

        I have had zero contact for 6 years,
        But still fantasize about confronting
        Them with what they did to feel confident
        With myself. I have said mostly nothing–
        I feel that is weakness on my part.
        But still feel the need to speak up for myself.
        Any suggestions?
        I have learned many life lessons.

        Jude Pink

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          August 29, 2016

          Hi Jude Pink,

          for all of us the unfinished emotional buisness is to do with related childhood trauma that we have not healed yet.

          When we go inwards and do that – then the stuff as adults that is still stuck in our “craw” no longer keeps at us.

          That is how the relief finally comes.

          As Pema Choden famously said (to the effect of) “thing don’t leave us alone until they have taught us what we need to learn.”

          The N replayed a previous unhealed wound – and once released truly you will be free – those thoughts and feelings will be gone.

          I hope this helps.

          Mel xo

      • lynnboon@rocketmail.com'
        Renee
        August 30, 2016

        Hi, Mel.

        As always, I enjoyed your post. I’ve made huge strides over the past year in thriving after the N. In fact, I’m quite the opposite with my feelings of breaking no contact. I truly desire absolutely no contact. However, I am co-parenting with the X-N and will be for several more years. I don’t reach out unless it’s absolutely necessary and then I have such a sense of dread of having to do so. Is there any hope of an article or video on co-parenting with Ns?

  • sandy_stal@hotmail.com'
    Sandy
    August 25, 2016

    Thanks Mel. Another pearler with perfect timing. I have No Contact now for three months after going back a third time. . . I’m finding as I’m uploading and shifting my wounds and getting stronger, my ex has intensified his attempts of contact through a barrage of texts, phone calls and knocking on my door, all of which were not responded to…He can feel my energy not connected to his and is looking for my “supply”. Im so relieved to have found the NARP Program….???????

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2016

      Hi Sandy,

      I am so pleased this helped!

      Keep shifting with NARP Sandy, you are doing sooooo well!

      Bless!

      Mel xo

  • julia-unlimited@outlook.com'
    Julia Harbor
    August 25, 2016

    Melanie – you are amazing! You are consistently and lovingly helping me understand this addiction I subjected myself to (through an horrendous 36 year-long marriage, no less!). Your information blows my mind really. It feels as if I have been asleep since the age of 3 (when I abandoned myself during a traumatic experience the NARP programme reminded me of). I’m 55 now, and trying so hard to accept and understand that I am the creator of my own life and the experiences I’ve had have been my choice. I have even remembered being in the womb and knowing that I was going to be entering into a nightmare and that I would be very alone for a long time – that makes me very sad now, because I question why I had to do that. But, I have worked very hard recently to have all the components in place for a happy future life (being the superb problem-solver that we all are), but still have work to do on myself so that I can feel the joy of it all. I am hopeful, and everything you offer is going to get me to the right place – I know that at least. Much love to you and everyone xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2016

      Hi Julia,

      That is so great that you are awakening and finding your power!

      It really is phenomenal when with NARP we start finding and reprogramming stuff that was so unconscious and so previous that our cognitive mind can’t even access it.

      Because we realise – How was I ever going to get out of those beliefs / trauma / programs without subconscious tools that can shift them?

      Please do know Julia that you can absolutely shift that “questioning” and the pain connected – as well as all “less than” feelings that are not the acceptance and flow of Life-force flowing through you.

      That is what the Module Work in NARP is all about – committing to freeing ourselves from the inside out, of anything that has been holding us back from our Highest and Truest Life.

      Are you in the NARP Forum https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member Julia?

      Because you would really be able to connect in to the shift work Community and fast-track there.

      Much love to you too!

      Mel xo

  • cindylouvallet@gmail.com'
    cindy
    August 25, 2016

    Thanks for the pep talk and thereminder I needed. Just moved house so phsically further away from the N but have found less time to do the quantum work.
    Although I’m know I’m being ridiculous my urges are just as you said..overwhelming. Anxiety and helpless thoughts have begun to invade my new sense of turning the page. My couch is awaiting to support my coming shifts. Thanks <3

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2016

      Hi Cindy,

      you are very welcome 🙂

      As you know those urges mean – “I have trauma within me that requires releasing and up levelling.”

      That is awesome you are going to take to the couch with your NARP Program

      Our entire Life can be reprogrammed from the couch!!

      Go get em lovely lady!

      Mel xo

  • dawn.stonecottage@gmail.com'
    Dawn
    August 25, 2016

    Hi Melanie!

    When we did the No Contact workshop in your Webinar, I remember unearthing a terror of being ostracized by society for not having been chosen by a male, and left to die a lonely death. That night by ‘chance’ I watched the movie ‘Suffragette’, about the women who fought for the vote in England. Was like seeing a previous life. Sobbed the whole way through! Hooray for Australia – I salute!

    Thank you for the NARP program it’s changed my life!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2016

      Hi Dawn,

      that stuff is SO real and powerful.

      How awesome you have found that stuff and can work on releasing it out if your being.

      It has been HUGE for so many of us!

      You are so welcome Dawn, and I am so pleased you are working NARP and coming home to you and your True Life!

      Mel xo

  • mcdade.chloe@gmail.com'
    Rebecca
    August 25, 2016

    Thank you so much for this video topic. This has really helped put things into perspective. I have been working NARP since May, with dedication and then one day I get the urge and broke no contact by sending a text message. Needless to say it turned out a disaster as the narcissist took the opportunity to reel me back in to discard me again (no need to rehash the details). I went straight to Module 1 and started clearing everything that came up. Then I beat myself up for a while, punishing myself for breaking no contact. But now I see that it was just another way to see the truth and keep turning inwards to heal and evolve. I do have one question- which module in NARP is best to work on tackling cognitive dissonance? Any suggestions would be great!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2016

      Hi Rebecca,

      you are so welcome.

      That is great you are on NARP and are able to confront and go to the traumas inside in order to heal them.

      The Goal Setting Module in NARP is very powerful for multi-purpose stuff such as “Cognitive Dissonance”, but to really guide you and “tweak” you – more details regarding what it is that you want to shift are really necessary.

      Are you in the NARP Member’s Forum Rebecca?

      https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Because that is where the intense and specialised coaching work, all a part of Gold NARP, takes place.

      If you are a Silver NARP Member, you can upgrade by emailing support@melanietoniaevans.com to gain access.

      Mel xo

  • kylie1972@internode.on.net'
    Kylie
    August 25, 2016

    I’ve had no contact for over 12 months with N but in saying that l have also had no contact with my 3 beautiful sons for nearly 2 and a half years. When my sons left to go and live with their Dad in another state we were communicating but over a period of time the communication slowly ceased. In the beginning when there was communication the blame game came from my sons but i knew that this was because the N couldn’t use me anymore for his supply. So he has used my sons for supply. …
    I would like some advice on how I can get in contact with my boys again.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2016

      Hi Kylie,

      my heart goes out to you, as a parent I can’t imagine how painful that is.

      Narcissistic abuse and what it entails Kylie truly is a spiritual issue rather than a practical.

      Please let me explain …

      It goes like this … no matter what we try to do “practically” to gain peace and decency and results in our favour from the narcissist – it doesn’t work.

      The reason is because the narcissist is inadvertently abusing us with painful beliefs and things that we already had in our subconscious programming that equal “being hurt” “being abused” “being punished” and all sorts of other terrible things we experience with the narcissist.

      These represent our original childhood wounds as well the wounds we took on from our ancestors before us (Epigenetic is now proving this scientifically).

      So, what this means is when we do the work to heal our trauma in regard to what the narcissist has done and the trauma and losses their behaviour has caused, and we have the tools to achieve this,then we discover that there were earlier traumas at the bottom of all of this.

      When we heal, release and up level from the trapped trauma in our bodies then we shift.

      And then that shift on the inside crates a shift in our outer world.

      (The outer matches the inner always).

      And when this happens THEN things can change.

      I promise you I have seen alienation turn on its head, I have seen parents and children reconnect – but only when that inner healing has taken place within the alienated parent.

      And, this I also know, is that the parent can shift themselves to the level of finding peace, and acceptance and “love” even before that shift happens (if it does).

      And ironically that is EXACTLY what is necessary to happen FOR that shift to have the space to take place.

      I hope that somewhere in your spirit as you read these words you can recognise them to be true.

      Quantum Reality is hard for our ego mind to accept – because where is the “physical proof”?

      The physical proof comes from living it.

      When we shift and be-come IT – then IT can come.

      I hope this grants you some hope and the knowing there is only ONE thing to do.

      Heal YOU and then ALL can be healed.

      That is probably the greatest Quantum Law ever to accept.

      Mel xo

  • martin.issima@hotmail.it'
    Lady Jedi
    August 25, 2016

    Hey Melanie, I can so relate to this. Just less than two months ago, the ex got back in touch for the first time after I started Narp and I replied to him – to re- assert the boundary but anyway, it confused me-. Prior to that I hadn’t been even opening and reading his emails for a year, because I know that he tries to reconnect and pull those strings so I don’t even bother. So I was very disappointed with myself when I felt the urge to reply to him, “why are you coming back”? Eventually, I have realized that there was no “right” and “wrong” as long as I was considering the situation as “all about me”. I forgave my mistake and I have realized it was not a “test” I was supposed to get right. The only important thing is my well being and since that contact, every sort of stuff has started to resurface in dreams and at the workplace etc. about feelings of “entrapment” that eventually are leading me to become aware of wounds and defenses that I had never fully pinpointed , that has to do with having my boundaries violated as a child having to witness my parents abuse each others. It is a slow process because I process emotions slowly (it is part of my baggage). But it is actually pretty amazing how that no contact setback opened a next level breakthrough for me. I hope I can find the strength of overcoming that disconnection from self and make a huge, life changing shift. For now I am battling with “lack of presence”… But I hang in there. Thanks Mel xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2016

      Hi Lady Jedi,

      I am so pleased you can relate!

      It is very, very true that every set-back is a set-forward in disguise! And it’s wonderful that you are accepting that and working with that.

      Please know also you can target “why” it is that you process emotions slowly – if that is not the experience you want to be living with …

      Because it doesn’t need to be that way – we do have the ability to trust, shift quickly and not take large amounts of time to access new exciting trajectories of Life and Being.

      If we are blocked with that – it is only some beliefs / trauma blocking us.

      Because our natural STATE is freedom and expansion (Quantum Law).

      And … such is the power of Quantum Tools we have available now to shift into that joy of growth.

      Are you in the NARP Member’s Forum Lady Jedi ?

      https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Because there is so much support, wisdom and powerful help there for you to go to your next levels.

      You SO don’t have to do this alone!

      Mel xo

      • martin.issima@hotmail.it'
        Lady Jedi
        August 27, 2016

        Hi Mel,
        thanks for your reply. Of course I am on the NARP community! You also gave me some wonderful advice many times…Thanks for your suggestion that I could target my way of processing emotions. I guess I am already doing “indirectly” working on the cause (trauma) but you are right in saying that I could also approach that directly. Thanks!
        Lots of hugs
        LJ x

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          August 29, 2016

          Hi Lady Jedi,

          yes totally correct, you sure can and it will make all the difference.

          Bless!

          Mel xo

  • Girl_tuesday27@yahoo.com'
    Kg
    August 25, 2016

    I broke contact on Sunday night after nearly 17 months. I had his child who he had never met.

    I was not in my mind body but in my soul body when I wrote to him. I thanked him for coming into my life – so that I could find God and reconnect to my soul. I’ve been doing Byron Katie’s The Work for some time now, and in a turnaround I realised that he has his own reality that is different from mine – but still a valid reality (disordered, but valid).

    I acknowledged my abandonment of him, told him I had to for my own self protection and that I could never be with him in this life – his reality is too disordered and damaging. I wished him peace. This helped me to stop obsessing on many conversations I’ve imagined myself having with him over the past year and a half. I was very traumatised for some time, being abandoned in my pregnancy like that (it was a mutual abandonment but I am protected from him contacting me by his wife who I threatened him I would tell if he ever contacted me again).

    I’m currently doing a course with Neale Donald Walsch and I was lucky enough to have him answer a question in a live coaching session I’d asked in a letter weeks before contact: I get delivered to God, but what does a narcissist get if he isn’t connected to his soul or have any self-insight? And what Neale said is helping me to ultimately release him (the answer threw me a bit).

    He said that I was thinking with my mind, and that I was under the presumption that all souls come to this earth with an agenda of the self. But how was I not to know that S’s soul’s agenda was to come here and deliver me to God? That he may even be higher evolved than me – that he may not have come back to serve himself at all, even though it may seem that way to my human mind. In fact, he has come to serve others, and sometimes the way it seems others are serving us are negative, but they’re actually did our highest good. Life either happens to us, or we become the agency of our own lives, as you talk about here.

    Not only did he touch my life, but the 500 other people who heard my question answered. Everyone has someone who has seemingly harmed them. How are we not to know the Hitler was not a more evolved soul who came to the planet to serve mankind in the larger scheme of things? And now people here have read this story. Unbeknownst to him, he serves through me again.

    My soul knows the truth, and my soul always knew his soul, but my human experience fought the experience because there was no truth and integrity. It healed me to make contact, and I am glad he has not replied. The air feels less charged, my mind is back with me and my son. I convene a human rights organisation in my town now, get media coverage for issues affecting my community and world – I am an empowered agency of change, I am hugely affecting the lives of people for the better, and I thank God every day this person came into my life to give me my son and to shake me from my sleep. And however he takes my contact – it’s not my business anymore.

    _/\_

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2016

      Hi KG,

      Please know that when we address the trauma in our bodies that is causing the obsession – then there is no painful thoughts to try to manage anymore.

      I know you are on NARP, but are you working the Modules regularly to address the trauma and obsessions?

      Also being in the Member’s Forum can help you so much with the support that will propel you through to the emotional freedom you want.

      https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      In regard to your comments about “the purpose” of it all …

      Some time ago I had a profound “life Between Life” experience where my answer to this came … (even though I was totally at peace with the Soul Contact before receiving it and had no trauma remaining on “what happened” whatsoever) … nevertheless it still blew my mind …

      https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-soul-contract-with-a-narcissist/

      I TOTALLY agree with Neale’s work in every way …

      And throughly agree with his assessment of Hitler – I always have from the first time I read it in the CWG material.

      I’d really love you to consider, also coming into the next Webinar Group https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to get more connected with the DNA shifting cellularly … so that you have the relief of less cognitive struggle going on.

      It really does change everything – because no longer is our mind trying to work out “a way” to manage that trauma from abuse … which is understandably what yours is still doing.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • cajay0420@gmail.com'
    Cheryl
    August 26, 2016

    So many times I listen to or read things like this video and I have all kinds of arguments: “We aren’t designed to be alone; we’re communal creatures,” “If it’s me I have to work on, then it was my fault,” “I’ve only had the ONE narc; my other relationships were pretty normal,” etc.

    But there is a point where I start to hear what is really being said. My narc dumped me, but she dumped me after almost two years of my trying to distance myself, trying to go no contact, starting to put up barriers and calling her out on her lies and bad behavior. In essence, to her, I had become the abuser and she wanted out. Of course, she stayed in the general vicinity until she found someone else. But I honestly believe I will never hear from her again.

    I have no urge to have direct contact, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t given into the urge to take a peek – somehow seeing that she is getting fatter makes me feel better; and I still have to put up my own barriers to make that as hard as possible. I have occasionally had revenge fantasies (because I know she will never take any responsibility, so then I just want to hurt her back). I have occasionally thought it would be nice if she could see that I have lost weight and am living a pretty “good” life (but then I realize she wouldn’t care, plus she seems to measure whether or not one is happy by whether or not they have someone in their lives – so she hates her ex-husband because he is with someone and he is living a full life).

    I also have that issue of needing to know the TRUTH about her. My therapist has pushed back on this: Can I ever know the Truth? No.

    So, back to working on myself. My issues definitely go all the way back and have caused me anxiety, depression and probably an over dependence on the partners I have had, as well as this obsessive addiction to the narc. So we are going after the unmet childhood needs. I now believe I have to just trust my therapist to guide me through the process, and some things in me will change.

    But I have reached the point where everything you say resonates to some degree and I have stopped finding arguments against it all. I’m glad you’re out there with your messages. Sometimes people jump on them too quickly and don’t do what they need to do (they think that by “thinking correctly” they will heal; no so). But if they do the work, it all starts to make sense.

    • Girl_tuesday27@yahoo.com'
      Kg
      August 26, 2016

      I’m a bit like you. I never look him up though – when I realised that I was hurting myself, I never did it again – and I never will.

      The Narcissist You Know is a really good book for also getting in touch with our own inner narcissist. I came to realise that I am also on the spectrum, and he probably sensed that. I suspect all ‘victims’ are on the spectrum as the narcissist is our shadow self, our projected strength that we haven’t taken into and realised as our own strength. But they see OUR strength (or project the strength they need to live) in us. That’s what makes us so attractive and delicious. Funny, huh?! All we really did was give our strength away for a time – until we realise that and claim it back, we will always be in trouble. If you’re in Australia that book is available online in Borrowbox app.

      Also use NARP, thework.com to question your own mind, and Neale Donald Walsch books. ❤️?❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2016

      Hi Cheryl,

      I really want you to understand that when our conscious mind (what we want) our superconscious (Our Highest and Best self) and our subconscious (the culmination of everything that has happened to us good and bad) are not aligned … then we “argue” with ourselves.

      It is always our Subconscious that is the culprit – meaning we have unresolved traumas that are creating us to not be generating from the inside out what we truly want to experience.

      The problem is we try to resolve it “logically” because we were not taught to come inside – and then our mind takes us on wild goose chases which actually have nothing to do with the REAL trauma going on inside us that is causing the misalignment.

      (Cognitive Dissonance).

      When we resolve it all at a deeper DNA cellular level – our subconscious shifts and we QUICKLY come into alignment on the topics and obsessions that we have been battling with.

      Our cognitive mind – cognitive therapy, reading and researching does not have the power to achieve that.

      That is the long, slow, painful way around.

      There is another thing we can deeply understand when we turn our attention inwards and realise there is only one person we can heal and change to get a great life – ourself.

      And that is this … that when we are trying to prescribe, call out and force someone else to change, or we are still checking up on their life it is because we are still holding their responsible for what we as yet are not providing for ourselves.

      THAT’S why we feel loss, hurt, competitive and revenge thoughts.

      Yet when we HEAL ourselves at a cellular DNA level – I promise you all of that is gone – and is simply replaced with the immense gratitude that these people happened for US so that we can have the greatest gift of all – being returned to healing and LOVING and ACCEPTING ourselves.

      And … healing our unconscious traumas that had been limiting is in SO many areas of our Life – always.

      And the only reason we are not as yet a Whole Source to ourselves is because we have unresolved traumas that are not allowing us to anchor in and become that source of joy and connection independently with Life.

      This trauma wasn’t ours originally.

      It came from our parents, and ancestors (epigenetically) ..

      But it is OURS, because it is in our body and only we can heal it.

      It’s great you realise that you want to heal and the work lies within you.

      I’d love to check out NARP Cheryl – because it is the most powerful and direct way I know of healing this.

      And the entire program is less than two therapy sessions and fully money-back guaranteed.

      https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      I hope this helps – because we don’t have to struggle as hard as it has been ….

      Mel xo

  • karenreierson711@gmail.com'
    Karen
    August 26, 2016

    Hi,
    I’m tempted to break no contact today, so I watched your perfect timing email! My ex convinced (brainwashed) my 2 boys a year ago to live with him (ages 16 and 12). The courts and even my lawyer were impressed by him. I have visiting rights, but now my days (4 days every two weeks) he says don’t bother cuz he has plans with the. He has broken the court order many times and police say there is nothing I can do. So, I am not interested in my ex or want a relationship, but he has control of the boys. ?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2016

      Hi Karen,

      This is a big topic – and I’d love to help you by suggesting you connect with my numerous articles, radio shows and articles in regard to our children and co-parenting.

      All you need to do, to have a list of the come up is google my name + these topics.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • lakeandriver@cox.net'
    Christian
    August 26, 2016

    Last night I told my inner child he was going to have to forgive himself. My adult self has forgiven him and has been loving, accepting and approving of him for some time now.
    This morning I started thinking of the horrible treatment my abusers have been giving me. I am now moved back where the worst abusers are. Brilliant, right? Then I asked myself the giant question. HOW TERRIBLE AM I TREATING MYSELF? Subconsciously of course, because on the surface I treat myself great.
    So then I told my little inner child he was going to need to learn to love himself. Luckily this only took minutes and he was jumping for joy.
    I wrote this so others can ask themselves the same question and have the same breakthrough I am experiencing right now.

    • Girl_tuesday27@yahoo.com'
      Kg
      August 26, 2016

      Yes Christian, their abuse is about them and not about you (but this takes practice.. a LOT of practice). :). The NARP helped me so much with many soul lessons in narc abuse.

      It’s a total change of mindset as we get in touch with our soul. A few things have helped me in this journey – TheWork.com by Byron Katie.. Don Miguel Ruiz (The Four Agreements), and Neale Donald Walsh’s 7 Week Course. Also, Dr Brian Weiss and past life regression.. not that I’ve ever had a look into past lives, but his books are interesting. There’s a YouTube video out there where he does regression with an audience. If it doesn’t work for you, toull at least get a good sleep.

      Byron Katie has facilitators you can use to work through your work. They might cost a but, but if you choose one who resonates with you, they’ll be the best therapist you could hope for! ?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2016

      Hi Christian,

      What a lovely breakthrough and share!

      Thank you for doing this with our wonderful Community 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Mynewisland@gmail.com'
    Carolyn
    August 26, 2016

    So grateful for this quantum understandings from You Melanie. You are a true spirit and I want to praise you for all the bravery and work you have done turning it around and helping us all. Interestingly what comes up for me is abandonment and yes I’ve been left to die and I’ve been through that 100x and now what comes up is I have to keep the peace so I can survive? Then I respond with I don’t care I’m worth more and deserve more. I then switch to I can take care of myself and I do. However extremely lonely and bored. I feel like a sitting duck. So these issues of trauma as a child I was beaten and scapegoated endlessly so it’s about the trauma of being a little child alone with no one to love her and so I love her and keep away from the disorderly orderly of the narcissists. Which I have found out I don’t need to achieve safety and I’m more peaceful without them. So what’s next?
    Peace
    ?????
    Carolyn Dio aka spirit reflections

    • Mynewisland@gmail.com'
      Carolyn
      August 26, 2016

      I have gone no contact with so many narcs. It’s ridiculous.

      • Mynewisland@gmail.com'
        Carolyn
        August 26, 2016

        http://youtu.be/xQ04WbgI9rg
        One by One. I’ve become an expert at spiritual warfare. My father was a sorcerer and I was educated by him at this. He was a severe narc and I ultimately betrayed him to save myself and yet I have a soft spot for him in my heart. The soft spot for my own heart is much much larger. Part of me feels: If I feel grateful for the teachings from my father the narc in any way Is there any hope for me? I continue my journey to love my inner self. ????

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2016

      Hi Carolyn,

      Thank you for your lovely comments, and please know you are so welcome 🙂

      Truly Carolyn, knowing our trauma is one thing – and freeing it from our Inner Being is a whole other level.

      Because the first is “trying to manage it” and the second way is simply NO longer having it within us!

      There are many people (I was one of them) who had been through decades of therapy “understanding” inner traumas but still living then out because they were trapped inside pulling the chain of our lives – continually bringing us – over and over – more EVIDENCE of the trauma that was still alive within us!

      When our traumas no longer exist we have evolved beyond them.

      For REAL.

      We are FREE.

      I promise you I would not be alive if I hadn’t found the Quantum Tool to completely release and heal my traumas that were destroying me (no matter what “understanding” I had of them).

      I hope this makes sense to you.

      Mel xo

  • kim.shallis@gmail.com'
    TimC
    August 26, 2016

    if it`s all in my family, while I`m caring for my aged mother, I`m afraid it`s in me… what shall I do ?
    I practise mindfulness and having given myself hours of regression inner child therapy, CBT, self help guides, and the Thriver vitality TV ( go Mel ! ) but… I keep wanting answers from my family about my childhood traumas… hmm, maybe if I let it go, and live more at peace ?

    • Girl_tuesday27@yahoo.com'
      Kg
      August 26, 2016

      Sounds like you have a belief that family looks after each other, even if they abuse each other. And one about abandoning family. Try doing Byron Katie’s thework.com and turn it around. ?

      • kim.shallis@gmail.com'
        TimC
        August 26, 2016

        great, good advice, thank you 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2016

      Hi Tim,

      Many of us had done countless therapies until the “cows come home” in order to try to be free of trauma.

      I had spent decades and thousands of dollars previously on 18 different modalities! (That I remember!)

      Truly, when the trauma is severe (we are cognitively trying to work it out and struggle to let it go and know it is impacting our life) we can access more powerful tools that DO reach deeply into our DNA and load up the energy imprints and release (and replace) them directly from your Being.

      That is what creates healing for REAL.

      Everything else is simply trying to “manage” trauma – which is NOT true healing.

      There is a way – truly!

      See so many of my comments above Tim!

      (So pleased you are enjoying Thriver TV and thank you for your support Tim!)

      Mel xo

  • gettosally@gmail.com'
    Sally A
    August 26, 2016

    Melanie, I want to thank you for an unexpected benefit I received from listening to your QF Healing. I had a binge eating disorder, and not long after starting your program I lost the desire to do that. This has been a life-long problem so I’m very grateful I’m not a slave to this bad habit anymore. Thank you Thank You THANK YOU. I’m continuing with your program for the reason I purchased it, to break the bad man attraction habit I have. I’m certain that your program will help with that also, it’s just a tougher nut to crack. Wishing you the best, Sally A.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2016

      Hi Sally,

      Awwww … your are SO welcome 🙂

      I always love it when people have wonderful breakthroughs in ALL areas of their life with NARP ..

      Not just N-abuse.

      Well done, and how wonderful that you could address the anxiety that was causing the self-medicating of eating.

      Yaya – THAT is the stuff of true healing.

      You soooooo will crack that nut Sally – and please know you can always come into the NARP Member’s Forum for guidance – MANY nuts get cracked there – really powerfully!

      Bless you sweetheart 🙂

      Mel xo

  • hannah.jaine@serco.com'
    Hannah
    August 26, 2016

    I broke NC over the weekend and fell into the depths of desperation within minutes of emailing him. Got no more answers from him, just a whole load of rubbish cleverly scripted to dangle that carrot once more.
    I cried and cried yet again after managing to have gone 3 weeks of No Contact after 2 months of sheer hell on earth and ended back to where I had started…empty and desperate. But I picked myself up, on Day 4 of NC and with the help of blogs like these, my good friends and family and of-course my counsellor who is an expert in narcissism, I will get through this

    • Emmasanmakeup@gmail.com'
      Emma
      August 27, 2016

      Hi Hannah,

      I did the exact same thing yesterday. Its really hard. But at least we are on the right track, trying. Its an uphill battle, but I believe if we stick with this program things will keep getting better, I think the fact that were here in this community shows that we are strong!

      Love,

      Emma 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 27, 2016

      Hi Hanna,

      Oh gosh big hugs …

      Yes you will get through this …

      Wishing you healing and so glad my work can help.

      Mel xo

  • Emmasanmakeup@gmail.com'
    Emma
    August 27, 2016

    Hi Mel,

    I just left a few comments under this No Contact video on youtube. But this is my first time joining the conversation. I am not on Facebook, so I cant join the facebook group. But I hope this will make me feel part of the community! Mel, ever since I started NARP a few weeks ago, things have been really moving and shifting, a lot of my N addictions are going away. I have been suffering from N abuse my whole life, since I was 12 or 13, because I had so many wounds from early childhood that I only gravitated towards N’s! I wasn’t abused by my family, I actually have good parents, but I have a learning disability, and so I didn’t funtion in school my whole childhood, it was bad. Anyway wanted to write because the one big N in my life, that I have really been trying to unhook from, I broke no contact with him last night. Something came over me, I just got so angry and I forgot everything and I contacted him multiple times through email saying everything I’m angry about. And of course I feel worse. Because he hoovers, and he stonewalls, and hes an N!! So I know this gave him A grade supply. Is there anything you can say to make me feel less helpless? I am really feeling helpess. Like all the work I’ve been doing is for nothing. Like I am a monster. I feel like the biggest monster in the world.

    Love,

    Emma

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 27, 2016

      Hi Emma,

      okay I’d love to help you with this.

      You have NARP, so you do have the direct way to tackle this, dismantle the trauma and urges and come out the other side.

      All you need to do is take what hurts right NOW into Module 1.

      And follow the instructions ….

      Where is it in your body?

      How old is that part of you?

      What is this really about?

      And if you are not getting in contact with the information – because the trauma is so high – in the first few shifts that is fine.

      Just BE with the trauma in you body, whilst opening and breathing and the QFH process will pick it up, release it and replace it for you.

      Then relief is going to come very quickly, as well as the resolution of what it was that “tripped” you this time.

      Meaning you will go up to the next highest and most empowered and free level of yourself.

      Truly … that’s the formula Emma …and nothing I can tell you verbally is going to grant you that shift – it is the NARP Moduling process which will.

      Does this help?

      Also Emma please come into the NARP Forum https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member because that is what that resource is 24 hour support from Thrivers world-wide when you need it.

      Much love back to you – you can do this Emma – you’ve got this – and we have got you … <3

      Mel xo

      • Emmasanmakeup@gmail.com'
        Emma
        August 29, 2016

        Thank you so much Mel! I will join the forum, and go back to Module 1 first thing tomorrow morning! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! 🙂

  • uoksainos@yahoo.com.ar'
    Sonia
    August 28, 2016

    Hi Melanie, I hope you’re well, greatly appreciate your support. At the time I have no more issues with my partner, broke up ages ago, and moved to another country, so that was that for me (absolute no contact, not a chance). I was in a state for some time mainly because I could not make any sense of what had happened, it was madness as I recall it. That was until I came across your material (and some others) through the internet that I was able to understand (that was hughe to me), and it all started to make sense. I have started the NARP program (since May) gone through all modules, and repeated. Now I am at a stage where it is all happening with folks all over the place, family members have completely distanced from me, and people I used to rely on, try to contact for some support are giving me the cold shoulder. I am freaking out here!! I’ve never been so islolated, it is like the whole world is ganging against me! Got nothing going for me, feels like any attempt to rise above is pointless. I am at the most perilous state. feel more agoraphobic now than ever before!! Is this a relapse or what?!
    I trully admire your integrity and can’t thank you enough, from the bottom of my heart for your leadership in this, you certainly have taken on a massive task and hope God grants you the strenght to lead us in the right direction, you mean a lot to us.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 28, 2016

      Hi Sonia,

      I am really well, thank you for asking!

      Okay … lets dive into this …

      First of all with NARP the winning formula is: go to “what hurts now” and shift it – much rather than just going through the Modules sequentially – use them more non sequentially – listening to your body and addressing each trauma as it surfaces for you …

      So exactly what you are going through – take to Module 1 and shift it – when we get Quantumley orientated, we truly stop trying to cognitively unravel stuff (which can lead us to “freak out”) and rather address “emotion first” in our body – in our subconscious, because then what happens is we are not in a traumatised consciousness on the issue – which equals “powerlessness” (this is consisted for everything we get heavily triggered with) and when the offending original or genetic wounds are shifted, we are then free of the trauma and our consciousness raises organically.

      Which means there is now access to “solution”, because we are at a level of consciousness (unwounded) where we are open and flowing with the evolution of this topic we just did a shift on.

      The important thing is life is always working “for” us truly Sonia … meaning every breakdown puts us right in the zone of a massive breakthrough – if we meet the triggered wound(s) inside us and shift it out.

      And then we can go to the next level to heal stuff we couldn’t previously … and the healing in this will allow you to “show up” … meaning rather than being freaked out – (no more of that because the wound is shifted out and replaced with peace and calm – as the QFH process does) you will contact these people – tell them you love and you’ve missed them, and also maybe check in with them – is there anything they need from you – is there anything that needs to be discussed?

      And you will do so lovingly, maturely and “being” love, rather than needing any particular outcome from them.

      Also please know Sonia the NARP Member’s Forum is an incredible resource which you could be in getting astounding support whenever you are in a breakdown that needs to be shifted through to a breakthrough.

      https://www.melanietonievans.com/member

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • nancymariec.nc@gmail.com'
    Nancy
    September 1, 2016

    Hi Mel!
    You are an angel to me, and I don’t know what I would do without the comfort of your blogs and just knowing that you get it, and there are others just like me!

    I have been with him for 4 years. I would say 70% we have a fun great life. But he has quick trigger anger and can be incredibly cruel, and verbally abusive. I’m pretty good at knowing it’s not about me, and calling him on it in a healthy assertive way.
    But things have really escalated the past 6 months and the verbal abuse has gotten much worse. I think about breaking up with him and the next day I’m hooked right back in.
    A month ago I really bit back in defense after he criticized my appearance in a particularly cruel way.The next day he said we should part ways. I was traumatized, and felt so guilty for what i said back to him. I said ” thats not what all the other guys say!” Eek! I cant even believe i said that! He is a cerebral narcissist and we don’t have sex so that was not a nice thing for me to say.

    After a week he called me and missed me. I missed him too. We slowly got right back together but I had a wall up because he had left me as I have the fear of abandonment so I stayed a bit detached to protect myself, and I know he could feel it. On Sunday, out of nowhere he lashed at me again right in front of his coworker who I admit had been flirting with me. He said I was old and desperate 🙁
    I was speechless and I left.
    Today he texted and said he wants to be alone. It hurt so bad. I know breaking up is the right thing, but I feel so shaky and traumatized. I feel like I have been a bit cool since we got back together, just wanting to take it slow.
    He definitely put me on a pedestal and was amazing in the beginning. I always remember the good things and block out the bad.
    Anyway, I’m on the couch crying and thank you for giving me this place where I feel like I may be understood
    Lots of hugs and thanks for you Mel

  • sharabb99@hotmail.com'
    Healing Path
    September 1, 2016

    Hi Melanie

    It is great to know how supportive you are to us during this healing journey. I’ve being doing the inner work using your brillant NARP program and lately feeling triggered as in contact with N mother and a difficult situation came up in conversation about my nephew and N brother getting a court date to see him and N mother said he didn’t get the court date. I was very angry and upset because it is my nephew’s birthday soon I said stuff about N brother and she can’t see any wrongdoing and does not want to make contact with grandson. I feel stuck as dealing with the unconscious members of family that don’t want to make contact with nephew. I feel so helpless because I fear something bad happening to nephew and his mother because of her mental state and I’ve said this to N mother she still does not want to know because of her irrational behaviour.

  • sharabb99@hotmail.com'
    Healing Path
    September 1, 2016

    Thank you Melanie again for all your great support through this healing journey.
    Best wishes and lots of love
    from
    Healing Path xxxx

  • nancymariec.nc@gmail.com'
    Nancy
    September 1, 2016

    Good Morning!
    This morning I watched your video on boundaries and compassion. I drafted this message which I may not send, but it sure felt so right and clear to me.
    “I have been checked out and I know you know. You always know. It’s difficult for me to get in touch with my feelings. You seem so in touch with yours.

    Our good days are the best, so so awesome.
    But I learn about myself on the bad days. It’s the bad days that force me to learn lessons and pinpoint what I need to release to grow.
    So here’s to the bad days mixed in. Lately they release all the control I had to swallow the harsh words. You’re responsible for your words. I’m responsible for my reactions. I have been unable to detach lately.
    Those words touch something deeper in me that you are not responsible for. You have shown me where my inner childhood wounds are that I haven’t yet healed. That’s why I haven’t been able to deal with them like an adult. I turn into the sensitive little girl with the stomping and pouting. When you are a child and your parents scream at you, it feels like annihilation, and I go right there. It really feels like my brain switches off.
    That’s the inner wound I have to heal. And you’re helping to make me deal with it now. It has to happen in my lifetime. So in a very true way, I am so thankfull to you.”

    Mel,
    I also realized that is not the verbal abuse that I’m addicted to, it’s the love that comes after.
    I think I am finally at a place to take the time and do the inner work.

    Thank you so much

  • nuccia.damiata@hotmail.com'
    nuxy
    September 22, 2016

    Hi melanie
    I have recently discovered your you tube video on narcissist victims and I am one of them. I am at the stage of gulping down as much as i can about it, i still can’t move to the stage of healing as i feel I need validation about being a victim before i can go on. till now it’s all been in my head and heart, I feel that i need to get it out of my chest with someone who has been there who understand, I wonder if you have an helpline where i could actually talk to someone about it. I guess i need to hear someone saying: you weren’t crazy, he did this to you. all normal friends can only say: forget about it, but i can’t just forget, not now, i need to shout it all, the love & the misery. 5 years of up and down and me running as mad to get love. can anyone help? would anyone talk to me to share stories. i need a friendly voice. can anyone help?

    • Janehenderson1@hotmail.com'
      Jane Elizabeth
      October 13, 2016

      Hi Melanie –
      this is the first time I’ve written on one of these blogs – although they ( you & your work )
      Have been of the most immeasurable support over the months & years – thank you with deepest love & gratitude for your work & dedication.
      I have never got involved in your narp programme as alongside reading your blogs and watching your vids I have been regularly about once a month had ‘universe healing energy therapy ‘ called MUHET with a therapist called Mike Way. He has much respect for quantum freedom healing & says there are many parallels to his healing.
      I have made huge progress with the combined effects of your work & his. However just recently I broke no contact ( not in a major way) just by looking up my ex on social media – but it was enough to set me back very very badly to a place I never thought I’d be in again. Terrifying.
      I believe that loneliness has become an underlying deeply painful state for me ( although I have many loving friends & family)
      I cannot bear to see my narc ‘not lonely’! ( won’t go into details here) ….etc etc etc
      I think the issue is that I feel like I am the victim while he always avoids ever feeling that through manipulating his life ….so that he never feels pain….?
      Anyway my point really is that I would like to try and really finally clear remaining stuff in me very specifically with you . I’m not sure I need to do the whole narp programme as I have already had much MUHET ( 2 years ).
      Can I contact you directly to do some work on Skype ? Shall I visit Australia? Do you ever come to uk? Or can it all be done via your webinars ? ( which incidentally I can never work out how to tune into the time zones etc) although I would love to benefit from them. I’m a bit of a technophobe!
      I feel lonely & altho hugely better ( except when I break no contact) I am unable to find another relationship – altho I’d love one! I’ve just lost the knack ( confidence?) of how to find a decent male partner .
      Im a long standing follower of your blogs etc and often recommend your work to others & would love to have a reply & some ideas of how I could work with you. And of course what the cost would be ? Many thanks indeed . And with love.

    • Janehenderson1@hotmail.com'
      Jane Elizabeth
      October 13, 2016

      Hi nuxy, I’ve just left a message for Melanie. But also wanted to reply to your post. I think that supporting each other is a wonderful idea – NOBODY understands what this is like – not even your nearest dearest loyal friends.. Unless they’ve been through it it seems.
      I am very willing to be a friendly voice if that is of any support ?

  • Janehenderson1@hotmail.com'
    Jane Elizabeth
    October 13, 2016

    Hi Melanie –
    this is the first time I’ve written on one of these blogs – although they ( you & your work )
    Have been of the most immeasurable support over the months & years – thank you with deepest love & gratitude for your work & dedication.
    I have never got involved in your narp programme as alongside reading your blogs and watching your vids I have been regularly about once a month had ‘universe healing energy therapy ‘ called MUHET with a therapist called Mike Way. He has much respect for quantum freedom healing & says there are many parallels to his healing.
    I have made huge progress with the combined effects of your work & his. However just recently I broke no contact ( not in a major way) just by looking up my ex on social media – but it was enough to set me back very very badly to a place I never thought I’d be in again. Terrifying.
    I believe that loneliness has become an underlying deeply painful state for me ( although I have many loving friends & family)
    I cannot bear to see my narc ‘not lonely’! ( won’t go into details here) ….etc etc etc
    I think the issue is that I feel like I am the victim while he always avoids ever feeling that through manipulating his life ….so that he never feels pain….?
    Anyway my point really is that I would like to try and really finally clear remaining stuff in me very specifically with you . I’m not sure I need to do the whole narp programme as I have already had much MUHET ( 2 years ).
    Can I contact you directly to do some work on Skype ? Shall I visit Australia? Do you ever come to uk? Or can it all be done via your webinars ? ( which incidentally I can never work out how to tune into the time zones etc) although I would love to benefit from them. I’m a bit of a technophobe!
    I feel lonely & altho hugely better ( except when I break no contact) I am unable to find another relationship – altho I’d love one! I’ve just lost the knack ( confidence?) of how to find a decent male partner .
    Im a long standing follower of your blogs etc and often recommend your work to others & would love to have a reply & some ideas of how I could work with you. And of course what the cost would be ? Many thanks indeed . And with love.

  • meganzopf@yahoo.com'
    Megan Zopf
    January 1, 2017

    Today has been a struggle all day. I still kept no contact but I found myself trying to convince self that I need to contact him and it showed up in different ways. It does feel like an addiction that is driving me but it doesn’t make sense that I could actually be addicted to another human being. I need to go into my body today and target this and I know it goes way back. There’s an incredible amount of loneliness with this and it feels like a deep hole in my soul. It’s a real empty feeling that I have tried to dodge my entire life. It starts in my lower gut and moves all the way up to my throat and feels like it is choking me. So I need to leave here and go to the modules now and work on this. I need to shift this before the new year gets here.

  • faeone@hotmail.co.nz'
    Kate
    January 7, 2017

    Hi Melanie,
    I am working through your blog videos… I am one of those who still is struggling with ego or something to ‘find time ‘ to do healing modules. I have done some but I for some reason feel so busy that I know I need to do more. Of course the fact that I still live with a mild covert narcississt and cognitive dissonance is a big thing for me (i get that on an intellectual level…. otherwise i would not still be here right?). This video really really helped me to motivate myself to do another module and get back to regular healings. For me, living still with the narc means that I am still in the cycle and no contact time to me is that time when i distance and think about breaking free but then get hoovered, rather fast and expertly, back in. I tell myself that because Im not physically abused, nor very often badly emotionally abused (of course denial plays its evil part here too!).. and its just mild etc then its not so bad. My neighbour and friend however (who is the only person who really knows how it is), thinks its terrible. Go figure. This video to me is gold as it really brings home the truth about hoovering us back in, and how we let ourselves be ‘swamped’ and flooded in our minds enough to get a type of relationship amnesia (gas lighting in a way) of what happened. if i look back at my journal entries i find it so hard to believe the man who is so loving and nice today is the same guy who was so cold and mean 10 days ago… but i know it must be so.
    so thank you so very much for helping me and so many others on our journey. it is so enlightening… I feel a sense of hope and freedom when i get an epiphany or do a healing of yours.
    Much much aroha and blessings from our earth mother Papatuanuku’s great spirit. You are a ray of sunshine
    Kate

  • faeone@hotmail.co.nz'
    Kate
    January 7, 2017

    PS….Actually I know the reason why I get so hoovered. But so far it has not helped me shift it.My wound there is… I need to stop you from leaving or I will not survive. I had a very very sick mother who had just had radioactive iodine for Grave’s disease, which I now have of course… and my father was having yet another affair. I was struggling as the eldest of 3 girls and at 13 years old my mum nearly died with a bad reaction to the meds. she just recovered and then my dad was away all week on a course, home for the weekends. He was also having , and mum suspected, an affair. I overheard all their conversations, her pleading for him to tell the truth etc, him lying. I was so scared he would leave us all. I knew she would have a break down if he did… and then he did. And she did have a breakdown… and I began to neglect me and try to fix fix fix, and became totally detached from myself… and also ran to sexual relationships, to try and find love and connection. I still feel horrified at the thought of anyone leaving me… so far i either leave them first, or cling on no matter what. thank you for helping me realise this awful pattern. I believe your method may help me…. you seem the only one who can.

  • faeone@hotmail.co.nz'
    Kate
    January 7, 2017

    oh and one small other thing, it was us in wee Aotearoa that first got the vote for Women… Kate Sheppard and the women’s suffrage movement did very well here…oddly lol.

  • hannahbutcher34@yahoo.com'
    Hannah
    February 20, 2017

    Thankyou Melanie
    I truly belive this amazing Universe we live in has our back!! I’m currently 3 weeks in of no contact however iv seen my ex Narc in familier places becaue we live in a small city everyone knows everyone!! however iv just ignored and blanked him no eye contact nothing even if he tried to speak I resisted the temptation to talk/blame him!! I walked away he has emailed/called/ staked me but I don’t respond we were together what would have been 3 years yesterday and boy I was HOOKED!! I always forgave him becuase I desperately wanted to belive he knew what he was doing and was authentically remorseful but having researched Narcissism for some time due to his unstable odd behavoir I know he is what led me to this amazing journey I’m painfully embarking on, its bitter sweet really because I know iv got so much to look forward to!! during my relationship I asked myself lots of questions and discoversd self actualisation, law of attraction, the delusions of thought and self, that I’m vibrational as is everthing, how powerful thought is and how we really do create our own reality!! everthing we see was once a thought!! how amazing this truth is!! I have one question Melanie, is it true that our beliefs are just a thought we keep thinking? so to change beliefs we need to change our thoughts? that’s easier said than done!! iv manifested so much good and bad and I’m so aware of this now but I’m still learning about my emotions to allow or to think somthing elce? I’m still having obsessive thoughts about everything I went through I want him to get it!! but I know he can’t and won’t I feel stronger than ever to remain no contact yet it’s early days I’m still fragile and I’m fully aware and present so I’m going to journal everything about my beliefs and emotions I think it may help my healing I wrote a poem yesterday: “How Starved you must have been that my heart became a meal for your ego, only a weak my would try to crush a woman in order to feel powerful, I’d like to Thankyou for being the monster that you are because you led me to my spiritual journey the one you always mocked me for because of your own narrow mind you never understood or supported it. Its the crumbling away of “untruth” it’s seeing through the facade of pretence, the eradication of everthing I imagined to be true. You were the destructive process and untruth that I needed to start my journey of becoming the best Vertion of myself. Thankyou

  • twilightbeth@yahoo.com'
    Beth
    May 3, 2017

    Oh wow, I used that excuse! Before I even figured out he was a narcissist I was justifying the relationship thinking he “showed me the shadow parts of myself so then I can correct them. See, he’s helping me grow!”
    I’m so glad I wasn’t alone in that twisted logic. Trying desperately to find the positive in a terrible situation and excuse my staying. Before realizing that the real gift would come from the devastating pain leading to awareness, leading to detaching, self-partnering and healing.
    Thank you for sharing details on your experiences and thought processes. 🙂

  • kapergee@gmail.com'
    Kaper Gee
    October 12, 2017

    I broke no contact with my elderly mother and toxic family. I reconnected for the last 8 months because of deaths in our family and natural disasters. They Do Not Change. They pay you back to the second power for leaving in the first place. I feel hopeless again. Today, I did something I have never done before. I confronted my mother. She was absolutely masterful at flipping everything I said. I lost control and stormed out. I feel so stupid. She won again. I should know better. Failed again. (Sorry for using so many Is.)

  • tigre8@inbox.lv'
    Vita
    May 16, 2019

    I broke NoContact also… after 6months of NoContact and NARP work.
    BUT – I got on truck again. TODAY.
    And this time my commitment to maintain NoContact is much more solid and it feels like a freedom!
    I am excited – and ready to keep shifting – because trigers in that time, when I did not maintained NoContact, are many. 🙂
    Let’s back to work again.

    And – yes, it feels like poison. It is toxic. I found that in that period I broke nocontact (3 weeks) all my inner feeling, my world, my time, my reality was being unvisibly, gradually poisoned, I started to feel more anxious, more insecure.

    But now I am excited that I made a NoContact commitment again and am free to keep shifting all triggers, that came up during this period.
    And my son (16y) is so happy, that I made it today. He was infected also.

    Thank you everybody! Thank you Universe for Melanie Tonia Evans!

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