Standing up for yourself against a narcissist can trigger the terrifying fears of CRAP – meaning the fear of being Criticised, Rejected, Abandoned and Punished.
Many people experience a white-hot fear of trying to speak up, their brain turning to mush and an overwhelming feeling of terror rising inside, that leaves them speechless and a quivering wreck. Maybe you have never asked for what you needed in personal relationships, for fear of being abandoned, or are afraid to speak up at work in case you lose your job or that promotion?
In today’s Thriver TV episode, I’m going to take through some steps so that you can crush these subconscious fears and step into your power to become a healthy source of ‘self’, willing to lose it all to get it all.
It’s not that scary when you turn inwards and start to work through these subconscious beliefs. Because you WILL see the results of the Life you want to live unfolding!
Video Transcript
Today we are going to talk about CRAP.
The version of CRAP that we often talk about in this Community – how we can hand our power away because of the fear of being Criticised, Rejected, Abandoned and Punished.
This is a terrible human problem that all people who get taken in by narcissists suffer from. And these fears make us HUGE glowing targets for narcissists.
Today we are going to learn how these traumas are derailing our ability to be impervious to narcissists. I promise you when you clean these fears up, narcissists can’t and won’t target you. It just won’t be possible.
Before we get started, however, I want to say how grateful I am to my existing and new subscribers for supporting the Thriver Mission, and if you haven’t yet subscribed please do. Also, if you like this video, please give it a thumbs up.
Alright, let’s get moving into this episode…
How We Get Set Up For This
I want to share with you this story about Megan because her story is a lot of people’s story.
As a little girl Megan had a dominating, non-available mother. When Megan asked her mother for something, her mother told her not to interrupt whilst she was doing the housework, for example. When Megan’s mother asked Megan for something, and Megan didn’t automatically comply, she yelled at her or would smack her.
As an adult Megan worked for Henry. Henry often told Megan she needed to work back late. He never granted her extra pay and, as his personal secretary, he was incredibly demanding of her. Unreasonably so. And whenever anything went wrong, she got the blame.
Henry, as you probably guessed, was a narcissist.
Megan was exhausted. Her health wasn’t great and she had no social life. When Megan felt upset or angry with Henry’s demands, she imagined what she wanted to say, but she couldn’t ever formulate the right words. When she thought about saying something to him and standing up for herself, her brain went to mush and she felt a terrible, anxious feeling inside of her.
It felt unthinkable to try to stand up for her rights, and the truth was – inside her – it literally felt terrifying.
When Megan told her friend Cindy what was going on, Cindy told her she was being treated atrociously and needed to do something. Yet Megan had every excuse why she couldn’t speak up and she shouldn’t risk it.
Megan was stuck in the program of: ‘If I try to have my own rights, I will be criticised or punished.’
Then there was Donald…
As a baby his mother was a fall-down drunk; a single mother who would pass out and leave him crying for hours unattended.
As an adult, Donald struggled to maintain love relationships. In his relationship with Amanda, she demanded more and more from him, and she had absolutely no consideration for Donald’s needs.
The truth is Donald never asked for what he needed or wanted. Whenever he thought about saying something to Amanda about her unfair treatment and exploitation of his time, effort and money, he felt like she would not hear him (and may even leave him). He really believed he had to keep her happy to have this relationship – even though it seemed as though there was no end to her demands.
Donald’s inner subconscious programming went like this: ‘If I need something from people, I will be abandoned.’
For all of us, as little people, if we didn’t make the transition into being whole, healthy adults, knowing it’s okay and healthy to connect to, share and speak up for our values and truths; that we are worthy enough to have them fulfilled by healthy people and aspects of life, we will not have the inner subconscious beliefs to know:
- I am of worth and value to myself and therefore I have the right to honour me.
- If people don’t value my values, boundaries or self, and criticise, reject, punish or abandon me, then they are NOT a match for me. I can and will let go, move on and generate healthier realities.
- People don’t treat me how I treat them; they treat me according to the beliefs and power I have anchored into myself.
- When I get clear and clean on the inside regarding my worth, power and truth, then all of Life-force will support these beliefs, just as I support myself in them.
The Releasing of the Traumas Generating the Fear of CRAP
Megan came for Quanta Freedom Healings to deal with her pounding migraines. These were a manifestation of the trauma trapped inside her, appearing to get her attention so she would turn inwards and heal herself.
The trauma was coming from her being abused and was a replay of the unhealed trauma from when she was abused by her mother as a child.
And this is the thing, the trauma energy we still have stuck inside us from our past creates beliefs that later play out to the letter. Bosses can absolutely serve up the same patterns as parents in our life – as authority figures who we feel dependent on for our survival. That is until we become a healthy source of ‘self’.
In the session, Megan deeply understood that nothing changes if nothing changes. That her trauma would further compound and she would continue disintegrating if she stayed with Henry making excuses and doing nothing. The only way out for her was to face and deal with the situation.
In real time, in real life, Megan needed to lay boundaries and then, if her boss couldn’t meet her healthily, walk away and get another job.
Knowing this was her goal, to achieve this she had to confront the traumas that were not allowing her to powerfully do what she needed to do.
When we turn inwards and target the trauma relating to whatever we need to heal, we can get quite a shock as to what and how much trauma may be there. Then we realise ‘It’s no wonder my situation has been so difficult!’
The subconscious is the keeper of all knowledge and energy. And when we do go inwards to start working with it, our revealed body wisdom is both fascinating and extremely accurate.
Megan had multiple traumas wedged in her subconscious, such as: female collective pain body trauma, ‘As a woman I have no rights’; and past life traumas of, ‘If I speak up I will be put to death’, as well as traumas about not having a voice or rights, which she had taken on genetically from ancestors.
It was no surprise that with all of this trauma in Megan’s energy field (in her DNA makeup pre-birth), that she had been born smack bang into an environment where AGAIN she had no voice and rights – with her Mother.
So we can see the continuation on Megan’s timeline of being locked into these beliefs and playing them out with prominent people in her life. And this was Megan’s pattern with her two previous husbands as well.
When these traumas were released, and Source brought in to transform them, Megan came back to her True Self state (our natural state when we are without our traumas and false beliefs). She became a Being who was anchored in having worth, rights and a voice. She also knew that Source had her back whenever she was authentically herself – because she was Source (True Self).
She requested a meeting with Henry and his boss, the three of them together. She directly and truthfully spoke about her concerns, what wasn’t working for her, and what she required to continue working for Henry.
Megan had Gone Quantum with this. She knew ‘as the generative Source of my own experience, all will unfold for the highest and best that will match me and support me no matter how this goes.’ She had no concern whatsoever about how this would turn out. She was truly invested in evolving herself and breaking out of this terrible pattern of handing her power away and being abused. A pattern that had plagued her for lifetimes.
In the meeting Henry unravelled, as narcissists do when exposed with a whopping great light of truth. He was brought undone in front of the big boss. Megan was relieved of her duty with Henry and granted another position in the firm that was higher pay and with much better conditions.
It turned out to be her dream job.
This is the power of Life supporting us in the most miraculous of ways when we support ourselves with Quantum evolution from the inside out.
Donald was doing NARP and had a couple of healing sessions with me after realising that Amanda was a narcissist who was destroying him. When targeting the traumas that were not allowing him to honour himself, the subconscious trauma of being a baby abandoned, appeared.
As always, these abandonment traumas ran deeply – through previous pre-birth trauma experiences and genetically acquired beliefs, all amounting to: ‘The people I love leave me to die’ and ‘If I give them everything they need, they might never leave me.’
This had played out to the letter with Donald’s mother and love partners. He never dared put any pressure on them about his needs, and he gave and gave despite their terrible physical and emotional abandonment of him.
After clearing these traumas of being abandoned, he graduated within himself into new and powerful True Self beliefs on this topic.
He then knew he couldn’t care less whether Amanda abandoned him or not, because as the self-generative source of his own experience, Donald was never going to abandon himself again.
He laid it on the line to Amanda – about who he was and what he needed to continue the relationship with her. She did what narcissists do, unravelled, twisted, turned, threw blame, name-called, insulted and then, when he refused to hook in or argue and was walking out the door, she launched at him and started hitting him.
Donald left and then came and picked up his stuff later. He was finished with her. Amanda pleaded and begged in emails and text messages for him to come back. He blocked her and never looked back.
No more was this woman a match for his previous Love Code of being with self-absorbed people who had no consideration for him whatsoever.
Donald, true to form, after his shift from the painful Love Code to a healthy one, had zero attachment, addiction or attraction to Amanda.
For all of us who do this inner work, it becomes unthinkable to be with the narcissist anymore!
Within six months Donald was in a relationship with a lovely lady, Becky, with whom he has rights and a voice. Becky cares for and loves him. For the first time, probably for lifetimes, Donald has reached a loving and healthy love trajectory.
The Graduation Out of CRAP into Health
Let me outline for you here the steps on how to do this:
- Know we have to change ourselves on the inside to make a change on the outside.
- Turn inwards and face the traumas that are not allowing you to speak up, stand up and confront and generate what you need. If you just walk away without doing this, you will be presented with exactly the same pattern again.
- Know that when you Go Quantum you have to be prepared to lose what you have, to get what is your True Self and True Life
- No one else ever needs to get your boundaries – only you do. Then you will know who represents your True Self and True Life and who doesn’t.
I know that moving past the fears of C.R.A.P. can seem like the scariest journey of your life – but I can’t tell you the graduation, expansion, joy, power and life-force that awaits you on the other side.
Do you relate to Megan or Donald? Does this make sense? Do you realise that there is a way out of this?
If so, please share this below.
Are you ready to stand up, lose these fears, state and walk your truth, and generate it powerfully – regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing?
Can you feel how this is the place where true freedom, power and life begins?
I hope so because it does!
And you can start connecting to this powerful, fast and joyous journey of your True Life here – by clicking this link to my free 16 Day Recovery Course.
Also if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.
As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.
Thank you Melanie
Once again, you remind us that the recovery we’re after is to be empowered from within. To stop apologizing for our existence in the form of allowing other people to define our worth to ourselves.
We discover that we actually are able to live more easily, and with less tension, fear or apprehension about how what we do our how we act will be received rather than existing as our True selves true to our Self.
This is the only happiness and the only peace.
NARP is so much greater than Narc relationship recovery. It’s really shot finding our Soul and finally giving ourselves permission to laugh when we want.
Soo grateful 🙏❤️😇
Hi Iris,
Thank you again for another beautiful and enlightening message.
I love the laughing when we want.
Soooo true lovely lady.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Hi mel,
I’m a young professional mum of 2 great kids..I’m in a marriage with a high level of narcissistic abuse…Iv told him several times that I’m going to leave and laughs it off.says off I go his house,his kids and I’m in for a big surprise…He uses the fact i was abused as a child to say my secret will come out and il pay if i leave..he has no regard for my family and I’m hurting so much.. he is slowly turning my kids away from me with comments like she pays for nothing etc,i do it all even though i pay most of Bill’s and mind kids 24/7..I feel my problem or what is stopping me from leaving is..fear il let the kids down,fear il bring shame to my family and fear of being alone..he is an out and out brutal but at least I have someone..I’m so very sad and just need a candle of hope to get me past 14years of this..thanks for your brilliant work..
Kind regards CHRISTINA
Hi Christina,
Big hugs to you.. my heart goes out to you Dear Lady
Please know that there are women in your situation, in the NARP community who have empowered and healed and gone on to create fulfilling lives.
I know how hard it feels for you now, and how stuck this situation must seem … yet please know, even whilst being there, if you heal on the inside, possibility, strength and answers start to emerge.
Please connect to my free inner transformational resources http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse and also come into my free Masterclass http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass
And also, for inspiration please Google Thriver stories and my name, and you will listen to women like you who have made it out the other side.
Sending you love, strength and healing
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Question for you. You mentioned that we must confront issues of our needs not being met or the issue will recur in a different setting with another narcissist. What if we stopped communicating when we realized we were being gaslighted? I did confront him but not in person and we never had a conversation that it was a dealbreaker for the relationship and that we were finished; it just ended by us not talking to one another, abruptly, because he was so obviously not meeting my needs. Well actually he is the one who disappeared but I just let him go without reaching out. How do I know if I confronted the issue sufficiently so the pattern won’t recur? Thank you!
Hi A,
This is a great question!
Yes … you are fine. You have confronted it, you didn’t just dodge and run.
Yet … what is vital is to know we are the generative source of our own experience, unconsciously. Meaning our healing of the old pattern is necessary, when these relationships do end.
This is our ‘awakening’ to do the inner work, so that we are a different person making different choices next time.
I hope that makes sense.
Love and blessings to you.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Thank you Melanie!
Wow. Thank you, Melanie. Hits so close to home. Especially Megan’s story. I live in fear of people especially authority and conflict. Problem is that right now I don’t have time to heal sufficiently and build the courage to leave this marriage with the dignity and courage to ask for what I deserve. I just want to run. Start a new life for me and my kids. Give in to his ridiculous and unreasonable demands, Because being here is destroying me. I feel trapped. my story is another classic of having no voice and being too scared to talk up. More scared of conflict then scared of abandonment. Of course the fear of abandonment is there, but Id sooner leave than confront…Mediation talks are failing because I fear his anger and he has his charm at presenting himself as reasonable. Im also wondering if mediation will be a better use of sucking up to him, appeal to his side of wanting to look like the good guy. if i go legal he will bare his claws and do self-destruction things to hurt me like declare bankruptcy.. So fear leads me. I’m rather embarrassed to share this rambling. But I will send this incomplete and inarticulate attempt. (Note no physical abuse. Gaslighting and emotional manipulation!)
Hi Pearl,
I’m so glad this deeply resonated with you.
Please know Pearl sweetheart you can break and leave knowing your truth, worth and new path of healing that you are going to anchor into.
The standing up is going to be necessary down the track with him, but you will be able to do it through third parties.
I totally agree that in cases like this it is best to leave and heal and then confront, when you are healed and strong enough to do this.
This is the thing about the n experience it doesn’t let go until we heal what we need to.
If you can get a chance, even though it is before leaving, please come into my Masterclass because this will grant you so much more regarding what you can do to hey through this.
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass
I hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Thank you Melanie. so grateful for your comment! This is hard. he wont use third parties – he wants to speak directly! and we are still under same roof! Im going to have to figure this out and have some strength. This cycle is clearly teaching me to talk up and stop avoiding but its so hard. looking forward to your masterclass and more videos. i guess the challenge I’m finding is that Id love to do the inner work but its the actual outer work of talking up that is paralyzing me. Hoping the inner strength gained with the internal work will grow to the point of external manifestation!
Hi Pearl,
You are very welcome.
Please know Dear Lady, it is the inner work that changes everything, including you being able to speak up!
Its where everything shifts so that it changes for the better!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Resonates so deep. Instead of being pushed to role play and behavioral changes that I resist , staying with the inner work is my path.
Thank you and bless you!!!!
Thank you so much,you rock!
Awww you are welcome Wendy!
Bless!
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Melonie, I took off to a woman”s safe house almost four years ago because I knew I was going out of my mind living with my narcissistic husband. When I was there they gave me info. on what a narc. was and found me somewhere else to live. The info. didn”t totally sink in and I moved back home with him mostly because I missed my pets so much. I started to see the situation more clearly and asked him questions and said to him the truth I saw in our 49 year marriage. I said things like “you had a choice to pick what I wanted in that situation – but you didn”t – you looked after yourself and I got thrown under the bus”. “What about that” I said. He wasn”t very well at the time (blamed me for that) but the doctors at the hospital kept sending him home. He moaned constantly and kept blaming me for his health so that I was in tears most of the time. I would ask him how he was feeling and all he said was “I don”t know” which also drove me to tears. But then I would get back into my power (of me – of who I am) and give him another example of his inappropriate behavior towards me. It was all coming together in me with the help of a shrink and 2 psychologists. Then one night he called me and I did call 911 for him and they flew him to an appropriate hospital. And now my 3 grown kids and his brother all believe I”m the bad one. I”ve been releasing my trauma so why don”t they?
Hi Marie,
I’m not quite sure what your question is?
Are you asking why your kids think you are the bad one.
Marie what happens to us from others goes much deeper than the obvious.It comes down to deep inner programming often.
In regard to your husband, setting boundaries and overcoming your fears is about being willing to lose it all. If you aren’t happy or living aligned values or being treated healthily, then your healthy choice is to move on, rather than trying to change other people.
I’m not really sure about what is happening in your dynamic with your children.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
thanks melanie! for continiously creating encouraging content.
i have taken the narp course and am going forth and sometimes back, no contact since a year with a bpd with highly narcissistic traits. if i hadnt been in that crazy making relationship i would have not discovered that i have lots of previous trauma in my past and how they keep me from having healthy relationships with partners, friends and at work, where i repeatedly run into narc abuse, too.
doing the modules and other healing processes i never seem to go the original cause, though. in videos like this it males me feel sad that others seem to get to the origin and can resolve it from there. i seem to go into deep fog and the confusion often gets more when i dont know where to even look. i resonate with a lot of your reference stories, for me it feels like they are all effects but never the cause. it seems unavailable to me to get to that place where it all started and this is sometimes exhausting. those example stories seem to be so coherent and plausible while i often cannot find any sense in my own and with all the work done now for 18 months i cannot say that i am thriving. i am shifting beliefs, they just dont seem to manifest, except for some people leaving my space and life.
maybe this is not only my experience and i wonder if you have cases like this and what your perspective is on this.
best
dana
Hi Dana, People leaving your space and life means that the old you has evolved and they were not able to get from you what they needed (supply). It’s actually a good thing. They falling away means that there is room for healthy friendships/relationships to appear. “New” (assertive?) you means new, respectful friends. You most likely will be tested before you fully graduate/evolve to a higher vibration. As an example, if you could never say no to someone imposing their schedule on yours leaving you inconvenienced, out of $, short on time, etc., saying “no” one time to one person may not be the real test. It was probably the first step. Unapologetically saying, “it doesn’t work for me.” and just leaving it at that means they can not challenge you/devalue your objection like a salesman would their prospect/get them in that $$ car. It is a polite, powerful, non confrontational way of stepping out from under someone’s control. If they keep at it and want you to tell them why not, just say, “it doesn’t work for me”. If they get aggressive, saying something like, “obviously I’m not giving you the answer YOU want (essentially calling out their childish behaviour), I answered your question.” and walk away or disengage in some way. Their problem is not yours to manage, but being bullied/bulldozed into taking on whatever it is they’re trying to dump on you would in fact be “your” problem/not honouring your Self. Not being a doormat was a huge breakthrough for me. I have no problem saying, no now, therefore, rarely have “friends of convenience” coming at me for X anymore. If someone does try to take advantage of me in some way, they melt away very quickly.
Great reply!
Does ghosting work? I’m finally out of a 6 month drama from hell full on triangulation with ex involved (think they are both narcs). So right now I’ve gone cold turkey and just deleted and blocked. I don’t feel like facing him or stating ‘my truth’. Is this an ok way to deal with these types of people? Or should I send a final message?
Hi Lydia,
Absolutely in this case, block and delete. ‘Not my reality!’
Well done.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Lydia
Your final message is complete SILENCE.
ABSOLUTELY ZERO looking back or going back.
TOTAL NO CONTACT at all in any form.
To think another conversation could help is self deception. Do anything but turn back. Cling with all your might to self love, self care, self defense and protection. DO NARP
Expel even the memory of this insult and offense.
You’re not gohsting … You’re doing the opposite. You are being PRESENT TO YOURSELF.
HONOR your own Presence.
Hope that helps. ❤️
Hi Melanie,
I’m new to this – and it’s fallen into my hands at such a great time.
From what I’ve read (I’m on day one of your 16 day programme) I need to heal my inner self, but I’m so physically and mentally (brain fog) exhausted I don’t know where to start.
My brother and I were adopted – we were 9/10 years old, our mother unexpectedly died when we were 7/8. She was a fantastic mother who’s love poured out, and although it was traumatic I remember her dropping me off at a friends house and knowing that was the last time I’d see her. The next day she was gone. I’ve been to years of counselling about that. My adoptive mother has made relentless attacks on me since being adopted about how my mother rejected me – she couldn’t have cared less about me -even made up a different story about how she died. The funny thing is her mother also left her to care for her little brother, and she never stops talking about it – therefore, I think she’s talking about herself when she’s screaming at me (projection). She asks me why I don’t nurture her like I do my daughter (6) my mother is 80. I’ve tried hugging her – she stands cold – arms by her sides- not a flinch to hug back – so I don’t anymore. I give her a kiss on the cheek when I say goodbye, but again no feeling back. It’s all very one sided. She’s always had v negative views on her life/family members/friends etc and I’m v positive which she doesn’t like. If I don’t agree with her I’m wrong. I have a sense of humour which she doesn’t like and tells me it’s rubbish. I don’t show it anymore because it’s not worth it. She didn’t want me to have children- I had them – now she says I’m doing a bad job with them – I think they’re pretty lovely – and I’ve been told by many people they’re a credit to my partner and I. She’s called me a slut – I wasn’t sleeping around. I could go on and on and on. It’s been 30 years of negativity, and she’s dug and dug and it’s worn me down.
So, my question is – what do I need to work on?
I’m determined to stop this and better myself.
Love your work,
Francesca.
Hi Francesca,
In regard to the inner healing, please come into my free masterclass, where the ‘how to’ will all be explained http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass
Please know with my healing system, which you will learn about in the Masterclass, all of your traumas can be released for good, including what you are talking about.
Truly … and this is easy body work, compared to trying to do this the psyche way … as you will come to understand.
Love and blessings to you.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Hello Melanie,
I always love your videos, they always have perfect timing. Question — I am learning not to self-abandon. I realize God is my source. However, we live on a physical plane where human relationships exist and are needed. I am setting stronger boundaries at work and that is eliminating pretty much 80% of the current group of people. Either my work place is Narc loaded or I have attracted that based on my previous “unevolved” vibration. I need to have human support, presence, and interactions at work to be part of the team and success. Right now, I am feeling alienated. I am not abandoning myself to be part of this group. Any thoughts or suggestions. I have NARP modules & keep repeating. I am doing “Let go of the fight to win and create decency”.
Thank you,
Bria
Hi Bria,
Thank you and I’m pleased they resonate with you.
Okay, without really knowing the intricacies, which are very difficult to decipher when doing NARP support on the blog it’s hard to make suggestions.
Plesse Bria, come into the NARP forum where we can get more details, pull it apart, find the blocks and up-level this situation with you.
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Hello Melanie,
I always love your videos, they always have perfect timing. Question — I am learning not to self-abandon. I realize God is my source. However, we live on a physical plane where human relationships exist and are needed. I am setting stronger boundaries at work and that is eliminating pretty much 80% of the current group of people. Either my work place is Narc loaded or I have attracted that based on my previous “unevolved” vibration. I need to have human support, presence, and interactions at work to be part of the team and to be successful at work. Right now, I am feeling alienated due to stronger boundaries (I am still learning). However, I refuse to abandon myself, just to be part of this work group. Any thoughts or suggestions. I have NARP modules & I keep repeating “Let go of the fight to win and create decency”. This NEW way of being with people seems uncomfortable, foreign, and at times fish out of water.
Thank you for all the work you do,
Bria
Your video was spot on with what happens when we finally stand up to the narcissist. My problem is I’ve finally learned to stand up for myself, but in doing so I’ve lost (if one can lose something they never truly had) my siblings and mother. Since I spent a lifetime (I’m 61) doing for them endlessly and never getting any help from them the few times I was sick or in need, I never established my own life, children or spouse. How do I do that at this late stage and with so much fear that I will only be attracted to narcissists as I have before? How do I get over the hurt and anger of being discarded like garbage? Thanks.
Hi Jane,
It takes great courage to do what you have done to honour you, and I commend you so much.
Jane please know there are many women in the NARP community in 70s and beyond who have cleared traumas and limiting beliefs and have now claimed their True Selves and Lives.
It can happen very quickly and powerfully when we do the RIGHT inner work that actually works.
All the how to is explained in my Masterclass http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass
I’d live you to join with me there, you deserve your real life Jane.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Hi Melanie,
You have been an inspiration to me for years. This post is hitting home for me currently, and perhaps I am just realizing how it connects to all my other trauma with my ex husband, which is still ongoing after 6 years.
My question is about how to lesson my pain in my relationship with my narcissistic mother. I have spent the past month literally frozen with hurt and anxiety due to a betrayal of hers. Of course my anger at her was immediately used as a way to condemn me for treating her in such a way.
I know it’s all very typical of a narcissist although it never ceases to stun me. She has not spoken to me for over a month and this cycle has repeated many times. But this time I can’t pretend it didn’t happen. I have already had to go no contact with both my brothers because of such horrific damage they have done. ( my mother knows but remains in denial).
The bottom line is i have had a decent relationship with my mother in between these altercations and I don’t want to lose her. I also can’t be at fault when I’m the one who’s heart is broken. I truly feel shattered that she can ignore me when I am so broken for many reasons. And I need her, this is a practical fact.
How can I find a middle ground, I am so afraid to speak to her and be accused of exactly the harm that she caused me? I can’t not have her in my life, it will do more harm than good. I do think some part of her cares.
Hi Lauren,
I’m so glad I can help.
Lauren, my answer is do NARP, otherwise the trauma remains and you are trying to manage it … which is horrible when dealing with narcissists.
NARP changes everything, and you have no risk in trying it.
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
It is the number 1 reason in this community that people get REAL relief and freedom.
After all these years Lauren it’s time to take that step and commit to the inner work, which is the true place where all of this will shift and end for you.
Then you can be solid and whole inside with these people regardless of who they are, and be the generative experience of healthier boundaries and not being derailed by their behaviour.
You know that ‘logically’ this isn’t working for you.
This is because their are inner traumas and belief systems that you need to heal- then a new way of being will work for you.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Hello Melanie,
I hope you are well. I have a lot of respect for you reading all these messages and having the intention of helping people! How do you keep your energy high?
I underwent a lot of trauma last year. I wasn’t planning to write all of this but this may turn out long! My friend was acting negatively and I saw him as a friend I took him to one side and told him about it and initially the response was good but then I was given the silent treatment. My Other friend (3 of us) who hanged around us sided with him as he felt I was acting differently (but only knew one side) therefore I apologised even though I don’t know anything I did wrong… Worse still my old friends were told as well = I had no where to go. Long story short I came across Naricissm and even though I knew in my heart I wasnt i always had some sort of voice tellling me I was looking at your post helped as I do have a conscious which was insulted by this person (Why do you have to the right thing!) and I have empathy and feel pain of others. So thank you! It was something that bothered me and I have resolved it.
However, I still require approval from others so I need to work on that and also some of my friendships are incredible at the start but fizzle out after a while why is this? Another thing would be that I used to like to make others feel good (I still do) one way I did this by partly compeltments however after reading into the love bombing thing what do i do?
Hi Jungle Book Joanna,
Thank you!
How I dothis … is I clear any dense energy I feel in my body with Quanta Freedom Healing. Usually this is as I walk the beach in the morning!
It is a matter of going inwards Joanna to find and heal the limiting beliefs you are carrying regarding people pleasing.
People dont love and respect us how we treat them, they love abd respect us in regard to how anchored we are in loving and respecting ourselves.
It’s all okay, just healing work to be done.
Lots of love to you.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Dearest Melanie
Thank you for this very clear video.
I am constantly amazed at how you present in such creative and inspiring ways on this subject.
Thank you.
Your story relating to Megan resonates with me completely. I wish I could come to you for quantum around my headaches just now. She had the best help going for this level of healing.
I hang onto the modules with your guidance and voice like a limpet to a rock at the moment. I am by no means perfect and sometimes it feels like there is so much to shift and I understand the depth of it.
What extraordinary courage it took you to persist and get through your own journey to the woman you are today.
Thank you for this work, this help, your love and inspiration.
Love Reena 💗 xxx
Hi Reena darling,
Please make sure you are looking after you, and remember to do some lovely things for you too Reena.
Sometimes if you are “right in it’, its important do some really nice things in breaks. Really good self care and self love practices. Like a bath, being in nature, catching up with friends…
Keep reaching out in the NARP forum for suggestions too Reena, we are all there for you.
Thank you for your beautiful words, and the truth is my journey is a never ending expansion – I love and will use Quanta Fredom Healing on myself for all my days.
So much love to you Reena.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Thank you Melanie xo
You are keeping me afloat at the moment. I look forward to your blogs. I havent got the words at the moment to share my story. I am counting down until your Masterclass on Tuesday.
All my love and best wishes to all these people in pain. I do believe there is light and that there will be freedom.
Hi Wendy
You are very welcome sweetheart.
I’m so pleased you are coming into my Masterclass, and thank you for sending love to all.
Cant wait to connect with you Tuesday!
Mel 🙏💕💕,
I had left my psycho jerkaholic a little over 15 months ago. He eventually used our daughter to get to me. I had to speak to him anyway, over insurance. The first email was as it use to be, but the next 3 were all down hill after that, so I went back to no contact. He stopped talking at the end of April & criminal things started to happen. My apt, has been broken into about 3 times & two more times while I was home. They are getting in my apt., when I’m home & my keys are missing again. My daughter’s last phone call was “Mom, your husband (not daddy) tried to write you. Can you help?” I blocked her & her husband ever since. I had someone come from the domestic hot line. I started to feel ill & asked her to leave so I could go back to bed. She went & got me a bottle of water, I only drank the top third. I collapsed & went unconscious for 7 – 8 hours. She was way too long, in my kitchen & my cabinet doors were slamming. My medications were there. As I was collapsing, she waited for so long & then walked out the door. They are beginning to think she over dosed me. I haven’t been feeling right since she came. Almost two months now & there were hospitalizations. Smear campaigns. My daughter went to a bank, posing as me, but was turned down. My son-in-law tried to steal my identity & took out a whole rent payment. Now, he is going after the pension & he is smearing my name, so I’m being treated like a criminal. My brother-in-law called up & wants to know where the pension is & it doesn’t concern him. They want to rob me of everything, smear my name to cover up what they are doing. They are hoping I land on the streets or in prison to faze me out of the family. I’m going to get a will made up & everything will go to charity. It was called a abandonment, a big mess, a scam, & abuse. It’s being looked into now. The hours, on the phone, the running around while I’m exhausted. Time I can’t get back!!
Great message Mel.
It’s amazing to me how life keeps presenting opportunities to heal old trauma. Different people will trigger me (as happened this week) and I will at first be very upset with THEM for how they treated me, but if I step back I always realize that they are hitting an area I have not healed. This week I stepped out of the shadows and told a friend what I was doing to heal and they lambasted me with all their reasons why I was being naive and stupid and that I needed to do xyz instead or terrible things would happen to me. It really upset me until I realized this was just the pattern I had with my father who was overprotective and worried about worst-case scenarios all the time, wanting to make all my decisions for me. I doubted myself then and this verbal assault made me doubt myself again and I had to move the lack of trust in MYSELF up and out of me. It’s not about me convincing them I’m right… I don’t even need to care what they think. It’s about me believing in me. Funny thing is, I didn’t even ask them for ANY advice, but I got it. LOL. It’s also interesting how intellectually you can know you are capable and yet emotionally or subconsciously still doubt yourself. Also, when I fell back into self doubt all sorts of physical symptoms resurfaced that I had not had in a long time: fatigue, back pain, stiff joints, sore throat. It’s amazing how it’s all connected. Giving my power away takes my health away. Thanks so much for helping us all to find that awareness. 🙂
Hi DMK,
Absolutely life and our soul are incredibly faithful in providing these times!
That’s so true, this is about you believing fully in you.
I love that you are awake to all of this, and please know how welcome you are!
Love and blessings to you.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Melanie,
Did you really read what I said? What I said clearly shows who is doing all this, my family: My daughter, her husband & my brother-in-law. There is nothing about suffering children. Your message to me was very off character!!
Melanie answer me!!!!!!
More amazing examples of what Quantum Healing does for people. It sure has worked for me. The healing journey keeps on as new
situations arise. The victories are now happening. My heart goes out to those still suffering. Melanie you are the rock that holds us all together.
I bought your book and it serves as my anchor. When I read it, the pages come alive and I hear your voice in each sentence.
Your videos will always be a part of my life and I always want to tell those just discovering you how much you have helped me.
Being a Gold NARP member is an honor and privilege that is never taken for granted
My neighbor stands in the backyard, flipping me off and cussing. We are in the process of building a privacy fence to stop this intrusion but he is now (supposedly) directing a family member and employee to engage me online with lies and bullying. Any ideas on how I can have peace with this type of person? We built the fence and I have been blocking the online threats as they arise.
I believe he is angry because we stopped his unlawful use of our land as a driveway and the courts have made him use his correct easement. I also did not tolerate his renters trespassing on our property and their loose dogs. Members of his family and himself have threatened my life and I have been forced to obtain protective orders over the years.
I love you Melonie!
You are truly life changing!
Blessings to you!
Awww love you too Rose,
Blessings to you sweetheart
Mel 🙏💕💚