Like so many of you, I had no idea what the difference was between healthy love and narcissistic love.
But now I know, so let me explain to you in detail the four top signs to look out for in an unhealthy relationship and how they play out.
Because it’s vital for you to know what you are looking for and aiming for.
In this latest Thriver TV episode I will teach you how to move up and out of the patterns of abusive relationships, so you are ready to explore relationships of health and union.
Video Transcript
A lot of you have been asking me to do a Thriver TV episode on this topic.
I know how important it is to cover this topic, because like so many others, I used to have no idea about the difference between healthy love and narcissistic love!
I know how important it is to get very clear about this so that you will never accept unhealthy love again.
Also, it’s vital to know what you are looking for and aiming for because unless you know where you are going you can end up at a completely different destination.
Okay, so before we get started on this really important topic, I’d just like to say thank you for subscribing to the Thriver Mission and connecting to the truth that it is possible to heal for real from narcissistic abuse, in ways and in timeframes that we didn’t believe possible.
And, I’d love to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel, please do!
Okay, on with today’s episode … starting off with unhealthy relationships.
The Signs of An Unhealthy Relationship
Number One: Invalidation
The biggest thing I believe that is consistent in unhealthy relationships is that you are invalidated.
Meaning, this person is not interested in what you feel or say, or disrupts you, or tells you that you are “wrong” if you are hurt or upset about something.
Or maybe they just stonewall or abandon you when you try to have a discussion with them.
The firm message is this, “Your feelings don’t matter to me.”
Mind you, it is important as an evolving, mature adult to be able to speak up in healthy ways – with calmness and truth and the desire to air what needs to be said in ways that are healthy. If your desire is to bring about a greater understanding and improvement for your relationship rather than attacking it, then it’s vital to communicate healthily. It’s important to understand that.
Of course, if you are attacking someone, they are going to retaliate defensively.
But please don’t confuse this with when you have had enough and you are so triggered, hurt, abused and angry that you are not expressing yourself healthily at all. You are human. If you are enmeshed with and being abused by someone who is sick, you will get very sick.
What else do you think would happen?
Sadly, in our narcissistic relationships, it wouldn’t have mattered how we approached this person, because narcissists are not concerned with your feelings, values or rights at all. It’s all purely about him or her.
You will feel unheard, unmet, dismissed, or attacked as a result of trying to speak up about your rights in a relationship.
Number Two: Blames You
If you are in a relationship with someone toxic, they will not take responsibility for their behaviours and actions.
Typically, this person won’t apologise, or if they do the apology comes far too late, is a backhanded apology that isn’t an apology at all, or is used as a method to try to hoover you back in when nothing else has worked.
Apologies without remorse and a commitment to rectify the damage created is not an apology. These are only words without the actions that mean they are genuine.
Unhealthy relationships are those where conversations and arguments turn into circular mayhem.
Blame throwing and diversions happen through the following tactics – projecting onto you what that person does themselves, going off-topic regarding something that you do, bringing in allies real or fabricated to discredit you, pathological lying about events, and making childish and irrational justifications and excuses to try to spin it back onto you.
As well as so many more of these out of bounds tactics, that destroy trust in a relationship.
In these relationships you may find that you are taking on way too much of the blame, hoping that by apologising and trying to please this person, that they will treat you better. It’s a bottomless pit. You accepting responsibility or upping your efforts to try to make the relationship healthier will not work.
Number Three: Inconsideration
Toxic relationships lack care.
Meaning, there is a lack of empathy and conscience. There is an inability to comprehend how words and actions affect another.
And, going back to being “invalidated” (sign Number One) when this person steps on your toes and hurts you in ways that can be downright cruel and horrific, it is likely that your reaction will bring even more abuse upon you.
People who express inconsideration for others lack integrity and moral code. They just don’t care!
I know that so many of us tried to explain decent basic human conduct fundaments to people who simply didn’t get it and refused to get it. Or, if they supposedly did, eventually after days or weeks of us lecturing or prescribing to them, they then serially and seriously reoffended.
The truth that you really need to accept is this – somebody’s character is somebody’s character.
If you’re in a relationship with somebody who is inconsiderate and doesn’t have the resources or the desire to care for you, then you are in an unhealthy relationship.
Number Four: Grossly Conditional Love
In every relationship, there are times when you may not particularly like a person, but you still love them.
A toxic relationship is categorised with a person being “black” and “white”. They either gush all over you or they hate you.
When they get from you what they want, then they are decent, or maybe even overtly expressing their idealised love of you, but when they don’t, on a hairline trigger, they can decide that the relationship needs to be over.
This is not mature and healthy love at all. It means that you’re walking on broken glass and you never know when the rug is going to be pulled out from underneath you.
Also, you’ll be suffering the absolute devastation of the rollercoaster of feeling loved up and secure one minute and discarded and devastated the next.
This is no way to live and be loved.
Now, in stark contrast let’s explore Healthy Love.
The Signs of A Healthy Relationship
Number One: Validation
In a healthy relationship, this person is interested in you and cares for your feelings.
Healthy relationships seek partnership, understanding, solution and evolution together into an even greater mutuality, connection and teamwork.
This is a relationship striving for being honest regarding feelings and needs, and inviting the other partner to do the same.
If you are open to hearing what another person needs from you, which is essential in a healthy relationship, then it’s up to you to have healthy boundaries and feel into whether or not this is healthy or a violation of your boundaries.
Of course, abusers are going to express feelings and desires that are completely skewered, unreasonable and highly abusive of you. If you have done enough healing work on yourself then you can hear this person out and decide whether this is a match for your life and truth.
We need to be really honest with ourselves. If we are in a relationship with somebody whose needs are abusive, and stay with them, then we are abusing ourselves.
You see, this is the thing. When you have committed to your Thriver Healing, to move up and out of patterns of abusive relationships, you are ready to explore relationships of health and union.
Number Two: Honesty and Responsibility
Again, it’s very important to communicate lovingly, when you are having the difficult conversations with somebody you love.
Maybe, you may need to give them some space and time to process what you’ve said. If you are in a relationship with somebody with a good character, they will be honest with you. They will take responsibility for their actions and behaviours.
No one is perfect. You are not perfect. There are times in relationships where you will not be your best self, and neither will the other person. The difference in healthy relationships is that both partners and parties will be honest, they can take responsibility and apologise.
It’s so important to understand that a timely and genuine apology is vital to settle somebody else’s feelings, and allow them to feel safe, and for a relationship to strengthen with trust and love.
Healthy relationships have the ability to progress and grow in this way.
This is in complete opposition to relationships where this just is not possible.
Number Three: Consideration
In healthy relationships people care, individuals are respected, revered and supported.
You can have differences of opinions together, because the love that you have for that person, and they for you, is greater than the conversation at hand.
You are both happy for the other person to be happy. Support is expressed towards the other person’s dreams and goals.
What is important to your partner is important to you, just as you are to them.
In abusive relationships, this person does not want you to be happy at all and is not supportive of things that take your attention away from them being the centre of your universe.
Can you see the enormous difference?
Number Four: Unconditional Love
So this means that rather than the black and white ability to love somebody one moment then throw them aside the next, is that you have the compassion, the love, to be able to accept that this person does love you, that they do have your best interest at heart and that you are working together to heal each other’s wounds.
And a huge part of unconditional love for another person is the unconditional love that you have for yourself. That when you are triggered, rather than looking outside and blaming that person, that you come inwards to do the loving, self-partnering and healing of yourself.
Because when you can self-partner yourself in this way, then you have the ability to partner that person in the same way as well. And if you have relationships with both people working at unconditional love and acceptance of themselves, then they are so much more likely to do that journey with another as well.
You Have to Be the Person to Generate This
To have a healthy relationship you need to be really honest with yourself, just as I had to be with myself.
Stop asking the questions such as, “Where will I meet somebody like this to have a healthy relationship with?” or, “Which dating site should I get on to try to find somebody who is healthy?”
I used to fall into all those traps too, before my own serious and dedicated inner healing and development.
I really want you to know, that it is incredibly difficult for you to have a healthy relationship until you get really healthy in the relationship with yourself. Which means that you apply all of these three signs, validation, honesty and responsibility, and consideration to yourself first.
This requires self-partnering, and meeting and healing your own painful feelings, and previous emotional traumas, and being really honest with yourself regarding what it is that you need to heal within you.
Such a big part of this inner development is the growing up to know that we are responsible for our own validation, love, care and boundaries.
These things are not somebody else’s job. It’s up to us to say, “Yes I will accept this level of relationship” or, “No I won’t” in regard to another, rather than trying to force people with poor characters to give us what we need to feel loved and safe.
If we do this, we are leading from our own unhealed inner traumas, which inevitably keep us rolling around with the people and relationships that match “more of” these unhealed traumas. You will unconsciously choose and participate in relationships that feel familiar to you, ones that invalidate and hurt you.
But the only way (it’s so important) to break free from these patterns is to take a break from relationships and heal your inner traumas, before seeking an intimate partner again.
Then, you will never again try to make unmakeable deals work, handing your power away with people who are abusing you.
Then I promise you, just as I did myself, you will get very clear about what a healthy relationship is because you are already living that yourself.
And I’m so thrilled to report that I am in a conscious, loving and supportive relationship with a beautiful man. I never would have been able to enter and retain a relationship at this level unless I did the serious work on myself. I would never even have been able to recognise a relationship like this, let alone navigate and grow with it.
Because truly, previous to that, I was a total relationship disaster!
So, I know that there is so much hope for you, to be able to seek out and experience healthy love.
I’m totally looking forward to a wonderful conversation about this topic with you below.
Hi Melanie!
Thanks for this awesome video! It all makes sense. I immersed myself in your healing program while divorcing my x narc husband 2 years ago. It worked like a miracle! I empowered myself so much that I helped other women through meditations and reiki and so forth. We actually co-parent quite well because he’s heavily involved with someone and I never back down. I entered into another narcissistic relationship that just ended. He was crazy about me and me him but our first argument he just watched me cry. He did not validate me. It took a while but I did leave him and I am totally fine. I teach trauma informed yoga and meditations and have been on a dating site for a while. My wonderful mindful girlfriend helped w/ my profile and I keep meeting players. I had stated what I do for a living which is teach trauma informed and I’m not looking for a casual relationship. Please let me know what I am doing wrong. I feel awesome and confident and truly don’t mind spending nights alone, reading and cooking. I have come so far and I truly love myself…. thoughts please?
You still have Unhealed stuff to work on because you keep attracting narcs/toxics. Forget dating for now, go within, you will find the residual trauma still there…dont be in a hurry to date. Be so ok with loving your own company first. The fact that you ask what’s wrong has a simple answer….take that issue straight to a module. Maybe Stop dating for now. Get ok with being alone.
Hi Melanie, I have really enjoyed and gotten a lot of beneficial information from your blogs. I have recently broken up with a man who I’ve known for 50 years, but didn’t know he was a narcissist. I also knew his deceased wife who passed in 2009. Tom and I had a relationship for 5 1/2 years. He knew my husband for 55 years and we have been separated for 15 years. We started dating and I was always attracted to him, but we were both married. I guess I feel blindsided because I never knew he was narcissistic or even what that word meant in a relationship. I still really have strong feelings for him, and even love him, but our relationship has been a roller coaster of a relationship. I always seemed to want to make him happy and we had many great times together, but I feel I was emotionally abused other times and he wanted to isolate me from my family. I know my mind is telling me to let go of him, but my heart is feeling otherwise. Any suggestions on what I should do would be helpful. Thanks
I guess it is the opposite, the heart tells you to run away, but your mind/fear makes you to stay. If you love and respect yourself, end this relationship and go no contact.
So powerful I think this one hits home more than any other – thanks Mel
For your knowledge insight and truth. So happy for your relationship! It’s taken me 20 years to realize that mine is so abusive and unhealthy but at least i finally SEE. I guess my biggest struggle now is wondering how I have trauma so strong that allowed this to happen. I had a really good upbringing wasn’t perfect but definitely not abuse or narcissism. Both parents came from terrible childhoods and I’m sure it trickles down to me. My dad had a drinking problem and so does my narc husband. My mom was severely codependent on my dad as I am with my husband. I always felt unworthy and not enough growing up though not clear why. My sister was the favorite…my fear of being alone has always been significant as has been low self esteem. If I do inner child work I feel blocked and always see the same child but can’t seem to find out why she’s hurting. I’m stuck.
Beautiful message Melanie, thank-you!
I remember the roller coaster and walking on eggshells with the Narcissist. Not fun. I let go of thinking about the Narcissist by working on releasing traumas in the NARP programs these past few months. What a relief that has been.
Now, I can FEEL and say in truth that I LOVE Myself. I remember at the beginning of my work in the programs, when I couldn’t even figure that feeling out. It was buried in trauma. So much junk needed to be let go of first.
Releasing trauma has created space in my being for loving, responsible, supportive self-talk to come in. Almost a new language for me! lol
It is simply HERE! Like an old friend that walked in the door. A healthy relationship with myself and my inner being, is my BIG fascination right now- we have lots to learn about each other:)
I am so excited about this healing / breakthrough on this seemingly simple, yet profound new truth (for me) that I believe is one of the major keys to complete healing , and once again, have you to thank for it Melanie!!!
I am so looking forward to becoming Who I Really Am (first), and then maybe dip my toe in the water …… no rush for me on that, though
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Gen
Hi Gen, you make self love sound very exiting- I thankyou for igniting hope by reading your message!
Hi Melanie, another great lesson about self love. What I have learnt is that I matter, my feelings count and the heart that has been broken is now slowly healing, I am going after my dream to work as an motivational speaker, to empower people, the next step for me is saying goodbye to sugar, it has really held me back in life, I am on day four and feeling great, I have started boxing again and I am going walking, I feel sad that I didn’t take care of me, I always felt lonely and that I didn’t matter, now I know I do, you do amazing work Melanie, thank you x
These traits are valid for any kind of relationship. I recognize all the above in my relationship with my narcissistic mother, it describes her perfectly.
Dear Melanie <3,
today something inside me knew I have to detach from the inside…I could remeber something about my true self……then the power comes again……..the confusion got less..this feels soooo good and I feel relieved. you spoke to my Soul, thank you so much…There is much healing to do for me but I could remember again my power…you are a brilliant diamond shining to mine….in dark times remembering and exhuming my inner light ……again and again
Fortunately there is you…
The best wishes and power for all us Thrivers!
so much love and gratitude, regards
goldheart
Hi Goldheart,
I am so pleased that this helped.
Awww I am so happy for you!
Thrive on Beautiful Soul
Mel 🙏💕💚
I believe at the heart of narcissistic behavior is the narcissists’ fear of ever being wrong. A narcissist must always be right. This is why narcissists Scapegoat(if the narcissist is not wrong, someone else must be.), have unrealistic expectations of perfection of their most intimate relations, usually their children or spouse(except the scapegoat). This is because narcissists project their desire to appear perfect onto the people they consider an extension of themselves(another need for a scapegoat, because the golden child must also always be right ). And, why they compulsively lie. The truth is no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. Being perfect is a lie. Therefore, appearing to be perfect, requires a lot of lying, and the recruitment of flying monkeys in order to validate their insane desire to appear to be perfect but it is nothing more than a ruse to protect their extremely fragile egos.
Hi Michael,
very, very true!
Bless
Mel 🙏💕💚
Another great article! I need to keep reading these to remind myself to keep myself safe. I’d like to caution readers that sometimes a narcissist can look like a normal person and will do some or even all of the healthy things Melanie mentions in this article AS LONG AS THINGS ARE GOING HIS WAY. I have been married to a narcissist for 40 years but I kicked him out of the house 15 years ago when I discovered his affair. Before I confronted him with evidence he was always validating, appeared to be supportive of my activities (especially ones that kept me isolated), was overly protective (which I interpreted as caring), brought me flowers every week, helped around the house, etc., but I always felt that something was missing in our ability to be closer. Because of my childhood, I thought I was the problem until I got into Alanon to fix myself and began to realize that I made things too easy on him in order to keep the peace and that I couldn’t even recognize when I was being mistreated. It took me several years in Alanon to begin to recognize how I was being manipulated – and then I couldn’t give it up. When I finally found proof of his affair I didn’t confront him with it at first. I watched him tell the same lies to others that he had told me before I found the evidence and I realized that, although I had lived with and loved this man for 25 years, I was unable to detect that he was lying even when I had the proof in my own hands. I gave him the choice of a divorce or marriage counseling. He chose marriage counseling (most likely to save his finances and career). He spent the entire first session with the counselor accusing the counselor of being after our money and having no incentive to help us. I was stunned. The counselor told me in front of my husband that he would never change. In another session the counselor forced a situation to make me see that my husband had no empathy for me and in other sessions I had to admit that my husband was a huge liar. The counselor didn’t use the word narcissist but after I found Melanie’s course I realized that is exactly what he was telling me. I finally got strong enough to tell him to move out. He still refuses to cooperate in a divorce but with the help of Melanie’s course I have been able to distance myself so that I only have to see him a few times a year. I still feel love for him and I’m grateful for the years when I felt safe and loved but I know now that I could never feel that way with him again. Sometimes he gets flirtatious, etc. and I get those old feelings back, but now I am able to remind myself that he has never apologized, that he blamed me for his having had an affair, and the many subtle cruel and hurtful things that I struggle to recognize but are sometimes obvious to others. He is a very successful and charming man and people we know can’t understand why we aren’t together. I think that he has gotten away with so much in his life that he will never forgive me for not letting him get away with this. But now I know – sincerity beats charm every time and I won’t settle for less.
Jane,
My situation is exactly like yours. Just like everyone who has had to deal with a narcissist. No one understands because no one else sees this side of him. From the outside our relationship looked like the perfect love story. Behind closed doors it was manipulation, control and verbal abuse.
No contact is truly the only way to go. I left my toxic marriage in November after only two years. Things have bad since the wedding. I knew it wasn’t right. I knew what was happening but I just kept hoping for the person I fell in love with to come back. We went to therapy but he just manipulated the therapist. The good times were really good and he was so wonderful in so many ways but not in the ways that really mattered. Daily life was so difficult. I lived in fight or flight mode for two years. In the end my heart still wanted to stay and keep trying, keep believing what he told me but never seeing the actions behind the words, but I had to listen to my body. I was having panic attacks. I was uncomfortable in my own home. I knew I had to honor my body and get out.
I started with the NARP program immediately. Much of the work I had already done but I know I have some unhealed stuff from childhood which allowed me to stay in a situation that I knew wasn’t right. I see the best in people. I believe what they say. I let my boundaries be crossed. I ignored my intuition because I had love and admiration for this person. I will never self abandon again.
I’ve done so well and felt so great for months. I have peace back in my life. Last week I had to see him again as we still own a house together and have to finalize terms. He cried and told me he still thinks we can work things out. He said all the right things, just like he always does and I have gone right back into the trauma of it all! I know they are just words. I would never go back. I have too much love and respect for myself to ever put myself back in such a situation but I was just floored at how good he is at manipulating me. I never dreamed I would feel for him again after how terribly he has treated me. He doesn’t see it. He’s never accepted any responsibility or apologized. I know he never will.
The point is, this is why no contact is SO important. Manipulators manipulate and they are highly skilled. We will never truly be able to heal and move on if we allow these people into our space. I am eager for everything to be final so I can fully go no contact.
Melanie, thank you for all the work you do and for providing us with this incredible community. We will thrive together.
Xoxoxo
Hi Kelly,
thank you for your loving support to Jane.
I love Kelly that you are doing so well as a result of your inner work.
Continued blessings to you Dear Lady,
You are always welcome Kelly,
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie, thanks again, that makes So much sense that we will recognize a Healthy relationship when we see one, because we are already having one with ourselves, anything else will seem foreign To anyone who has ever been in a narcissistic relationship, one way to think of it was that you were given to this person as a beautiful gift of God, and they simply couldn’t or wouldn’t receive it and so missed out on receiving True Love, Blessings Col
Hi Col,
It is my pleasure.
You have nailed this, that is the thing, we do recognise it can co-generate healthy relationships when we have become healthy enough on the inside.
Blessings to you as well Col!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie,
I have been in 3 abusive relationships, nearly lost myself so many times. I managed to be strong and run, with my 15 year old daughter from the last relationship 6 months ago. I was having counselling but due to lockdown that has stopped. Me and my daughter experienced emotional abuse and trying to heal each other during this difficult time with Covid. The last relationship, he promised us everything. It was all on his terms and we both ended up doubting ourselves and feeling a burden. We are still struggling but have our own rented home and I continue to work which is good. I have had a lot of trauma and abuse from a child. I sometimes don’t know who I really am? I’ve raised 3 amazing children and my two older ones are loving, caring and well grounded. They support me a lot as sometimes I hurt so much that I feel like the child. I’m going to try my best to heal and have some self love but it’s hard. I listen to your blogs all the time. I just needed to write all this down and share with someone how I’m feeling.
Thank you Melanie for caring about us all
Sally xx
Hi Sally,
thank you for reaching out and that takes great courage. Please know that we are all sending you blessings and healing in this challenging time.
Sally, I really want you to try my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/free webinar Because I want to show you how you can release the trauma from directly inside of you, rather than trying to survive it and heal with it still stuck in there.
Which is very difficult.
In my free webinar I take you through a Quanta Freedom Healing which is a game-changer in regard to the relief, clarity and power that you can receive very quickly.
It helps you reclaim your sanity and soul.
I hope that this can help you, and grant you the healing to lead the way for your children.
Much love to all of you
Mel 🙏💕💚
I have learn to trust the inner child who doesn’t steer me wrong. It was screaming that the situation I was in wasn’t healthy, reciprocal, or caring. I choose to ignore with rationality or blame myself. Thriver has helped me reconnect to myself and remind me that my feelings are valid, I am loved, I am worthy and capable of caring for myself and no one has the right (including myself) to make me feel less than. Thanks for the Thriver message.
Hi Pat,
I love that you validate your feelings!
That’s so beautiful Pat!
So much love to you and your inner child
Mel 🙏💕💚
That was REALLY good! I am grateful for the confirmations through that video that I am further along in my journey than I thought! Thank you, you have been so instrumental in saving my life, and I mean that literally!
Hi Linda,
I am so pleased that you feel validated and know that you are on track!
Many continued blessings and breakthroughs to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Melanie, this episode was phenomenal. The very first thing you pointed out was a game-changer for me. My relationships will never be the same again after hearing your dialogue about “validation and invalidation.”this is huge.. I love the way you’re able to articulate what I’ve been feeling, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. From this point forward “invalidation” will forever be a red flag for me! The ramifications for understanding this one basic principal are enormous. Thank you so much. Lots of love Jen
Hi Jennifer,
I’m so happy that is deeply resonated with you.
I totally agree that validation and invalidation is huge!
Blessings and love to you Jen
Mel 🙏💕💚
I wish your commentary would not focus solely on romantic partnerships. There’s plenty of us out here that are suffering at the hands of adult narcissistic children due to being offspring of a narcissistic partner. You love your children and want a good relationship with them, but they abuse you emotionally by dismissing your feelings and displaying an uncaring attitude, but will end the conversation with “love you” with the same amount of feeling as “see you, bye.” These are especially hard relationships. You can’t just go no-contact with your children. There are other toxic relationships and these need to be addressed.
Hi Laura,
My work with narcissistic abuse recovery does cover all narcissistic relationships.
Please google any specific topic that you want information about and you will find those resources.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
This was very helpful. I’ve never experienced healthy love. I always thought that expecting unconditional love is unrealistic and that I was selfish and immature to expect it but this episode validated for me that such a relationship is possible and normal…….if I develop that unconditional love for myself which I’m diligently working on with NARP.
Thank you for showing me how to save myself!
Hi Neta,
I’m so pleased that this was helpful.
You are very welcome and many blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you, Melanie. For me, this episode makes surface the feeling that I relate to myself precisely the way I know myself. That is, in at every moment, or relatively so, if I will admit to the moments (or decades) of navigating with modes of disempowered self-dissociation — that I have also acted on. For example, having settled for knowing myself as a self-identified individuation of post traumatic pain, let’s say; unconsciously relating to myself as this and that pain, and therefore self-partnering with myself as that.
And, having to fulfill the need for pain within that contracted identity, so as to partner with it by supplying it with the pain it can relate to. And, thereby take action (or withdraw, or both) within existence. I have seen myself readily providing myself with some habitual (or addictual) pain, so as to activate myself (as the familiar pain-derived pleasure-seeker) into relational action in the reality available. It’s as if self-partnering always is, and only the self-knowing of myself changes. Self-relating never ceases. How I know myself is how I partner with myself as agency within existence. It’s good to feel, that healing and removing the traumas has been the release of pain that I had identified as myself — the relate to serve and to relate from. I gave it that much room. I take some pleasure in recognizing that I have come to know myself differently, even while still in progress. And there definitely is a rehabilitation aspect, out of the the addictive personality involved in that self-partnering. Perhaps that “personality” is my inner narcissistic self-abuser. And it’s being fruitful this moment to pay attention to how I am knowing myself in this moment — what/who I am knowing myself as. Therefore, what or who am I self-partnering with in this moment. Or, what can I immediately feel are the quotients and balances of self-validation, self-honesty, self-responsibility, of self-consideration, and unconditional love? Or, what of their opposites could I carefully reach into to at long last touch more clearly, more precisely?
Hi Melanie,
How can I have a better life now when I want to get out of having people in my life who want to control me and tell me to go to get help medically and I have even though I know that it’s wrong for me and that it’s not helping me and that your way of healing is a lot better. I’m living with a Narc who wants me to be sectioned and I need to get better because I want to leave the relationship so urgently yet I have massively lost myself and I have so much inner healing to do and my health is really not good. Please help me get out of this so that I can start to stop abusing myself and attract more abusive people into my life who are making such bad decisions on my behalf and I just want to get out and back to my true authentic self.
Hi Stars Peace,
Are you working with NARP http://www.melanietonievans.com/narp and reaching out in the NARP Member’s Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member ?
That is the absolute best way myself and my team can help you.
Sending love, strength and healing
Mel 🙏💕💚