Many people are shocked by how sick, traumatised and helpless a narcissist makes them feel.
Even if you have completely gone No Contact, it’s as if the abuse lives on inside of you – like some terrible virus.
And, of course any contact or news can be like a new batch of poison coursing through your Being.
What is going on here? How can we get out of this?
In today’s Thriver TV episode, I share with you a very important story that is all our stories. It is my greatest wish today, that this story offers you an incredible opportunity to understand deeply what being sick, traumatised and helpless really is about…
As well as how to HEAL from it for REAL
Video Transcript
I know that you know what it feels like to be stuck in the continual obsession of someone hurting you.
It feels like they are under your skin, crawling around inside you – and your brain is frantically trying to find some solution to the psychic infiltration; the terrible sickness that has infected you.
I remember feeling like this.
I see people still stuck in this every day.
In today’s Thriver TV, I’m going to share with you an important, real-life story that just happened.
This story is not just this lady’s – it’s yours and mine and everyone else’s who has been narcissistically abused. We are truly all in this together.
It is my greatest hope today that this story brings you the answers, peace, and power to get out of feeling sick, traumatised and helpless at the hands of a narcissist, forever.
All right, so before we get started I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for subscribing to my channel and helping support the Thriver Mission and way to heal. If you haven’t as yet subscribed, please do. And if you like this video please give it a thumbs up!
A Beautiful Person Who Is Hurt
I talked to such a lady a few days ago. A friend of mine – a lovely kind, giving, caring lady. She is in her sixties, and she adores her children and her grandchildren. This is a lady who loves unconditionally; who would give the very clothes off her back for other people.
Yet she is plagued, infected and suffering every day with the trauma of the narcissists in her previous and present life.
Since childhood she has lived through a father and other family members abusing her narcissistically.
She was the child who looked after her siblings; who helped raise them, protect them and care for them within a family that was toxic and abusive.
Devastatingly, the present narcissist in her life is her brother. One of the siblings she gave her devoted care, attention and support to. She literally raised him.
Her brother has it all – seemingly. The perfect, abundant, successful life. But he completely disregards my friend – this beautiful lady, who is renting, on welfare and has numerous health afflictions. Despite this, the brother attacks my friend constantly, bad-mouthing her to other family members and even her own children and nephews and nieces, whom my friend loves and cherishes.
Every day the obsession of wanting her brother to repent and stop smearing her plagues her. She wants her brother to wake up and recognise what she did for him. And apologise, love her, support her and stop desecrating her. My friend can’t stop herself checking in with family members about what has been said and what is going on with this brother’s functions and events.
So many of us know this story – giving everything we had, and then some, to care for and love a person, only to see them run off into the sunset with the goodies, while we are left behind broken and shattered on the ground in pieces.
My friend is strong and such a survivor, yet the feelings of being sick, traumatised and helpless remain. She admitted today that a couple of years ago the trauma had got so bad she wanted to give up, and that presently she is feeling like she is battling every day to get up and get on with it because her health conditions have become so acute.
She has been through so much and it hasn’t destroyed her, yet is only ‘surviving’ the end goal?
I don’t believe it is at all, because I know there is another way, and if we don’t find it, then we stay sick, traumatised and helpless, and our life continues to break down.
The Truth About All Of This
My friend is spiritual; she is a really beautiful soul. She is the usual type of person that I see get devastated by narcissistic abuse every day – good people. People who are giving, loving and caring, who believe that being ‘a good person’ is enough.
It’s not.
Well, not in the context we thought it was.
To be a good person means that we must be good to ourselves first. And the truth is no one taught us the truth about this. In a world where power over was the programming we received – the needs of a few catered to at the expense of the needs of many – we were brought up to believe in the self-sacrificial model of ‘Do unto others as you would have them do onto you.’
Did this work? No it didn’t!
It actually defies all Quantum Law – because if we believe this model works, then we will give and give until it hurts and then when we don’t receive the love, approval, and validation from these people, we feel incredibly hurt.
And if these people turn on us and start smashing us, as narcissists do, then we become traumatised.
Which is exactly what this lady, very understandably, is.
In Quantum Law – so within, so without – the absolute truth is the outer universe responds to us in the exact way that we create our inner universe. It also means that the choices we make in our outer universe will correspond directly with our inner universe.
In short, the only way to honour The Field (everyone and everything) in honourable ways is to align with and be true to our own emotional resonance and inner knowing for ‘Self’. Giving and staying attached to people who are not healthily respecting us hurts. And if we continue this, we get more hurt.
People do not treat us as we treat them, they treat us as we treat ourselves. We, in effect, train people how to treat us with our own self-love, respect and healthy boundaries.
If we pull away from abusive people, heal our inner emotional state, which can only be performed by us, then these people will either rise to meet us at a healthy level of relationship or they leave our experience.
Either way we are living congruently to Inner Quantum Truths.
For my previous self and this lady, if we have the beliefs ‘I haven’t got rights’; ‘I can’t speak up or I’ll be criticised, abandoned, rejected and punished (C.R.A.P.)’, then we disconnect from the needs of our Inner Being and start tuning into and catering to everyone else, trying to get them to love and respect us. Yet, because we have self-abandoned, they don’t. We will stay attached trying to get the love and approval from Sources who have no capacity to give unconditionally.
The astounding thing is, even if people do show up in our life, supporting and granting us love and approval, we may feel guilty and obligated and revert back to the old programs of ‘giving to stay safe whilst trying to get love’, rather than being able to accept love and support healthily.
Our Inner Love Code may not be aligned with healthy relationships – this becomes especially apparent in intimate love relationships usually – and we get deeply distraught in unhealthy ones.
I will say this – the most beautiful, empathetic souls are the ones who suffer the most. They are the people most likely to be abused, who feel the most devastated by abuse and who struggle greatly to see the truth.
When you are in this victimised state of knowing what a good person you are and being dismayed by the behaviour of others, this is the dialogue that of course happens:
‘I want you to suffer for not loving me and understanding what you have done to me’ (And then there is the horrific guilt of knowing that you are a good person but can think like this!)
And…
‘I can’t stop thinking about all the terrible things you have done to me, and the horrible things you say to people about me.’ (Because I can’t stand people not thinking I am the lovely, giving, kind person that I am.)
(Oh gosh – personally this was one of the HARDEST things I had to heal from narcissistic abuse. But the freedom was sooooo vital in doing so!)
When we haven’t yet understood the truth, come inside, self-partnered and healed our inner beliefs, we are stuck in this terrible victimhood – with no relief.
That is a total formula for staying sick, traumatised and helpless.
The Insidiousness of Persecution Programs
Beautiful people who carry deep inner persecution programs have this in common. They are:
• Kind and genuine with high integrity.
• Very concerned about what other people think about them, often apologising or over-explaining for things they don’t need to.
• Very attached to needing people to know that they have a good character.
These people often do the over-checking in, the making sure, the being scared to assert their rights and needing permission to be themselves. It could be termed as over-consideration.
In stark contrast, narcissists act over-entitled without consideration.
These are the people I often see really stuck in being traumatised, sick and helpless at the hands of narcissists.
Let’s investigate deeper beliefs; core primal survival beliefs about this.
There are deeply embedded traumas within us that we all carry in our cells.
The history of humans has been brutal. We now know through the studies of neuroscientists and epigenetics, that trauma is passed on from generation to generation. If you believe in past lives and that we are a soul evolving to free ourselves of trauma lifetime to lifetime, then you can appreciate that we may have come from terrible histories where we were persecuted, and even have energetic memory within us that makes it terrifying to try to have rights, a voice and be ourselves.
I can’t tell you how many people, including myself, who used to freeze, panic and would always hand power away rather than stand in their truth, and all because of terror and carrying these following inner traumatic subconscious programs…
‘If people don’t believe in me, I could be persecuted and die.’
‘If I don’t prove myself to people, I am not safe.’ And…
‘If people think badly of me and I don’t get them to see the truth, I am going to be put to death.’
Please know inner subconscious programs are not logical – they are deeply felt somatic experiences that are emotional-based and run our lives.
This is the inner topography of so many nice people who have been brutalised by narcissists horrifically.
If you suffer emotionally from a narcissist smearing you, I want you to say these beliefs to yourself, go back to them on the video, or check them out on the blog transcript and sit with it, and see if your body responds. Can you feel emotional charges within you that resonate with them?
If so, you are carrying them.
And that’s important to understand, because your almighty subconscious, which generates 40 billion bits per second of processed information in your life as opposed to your logical mind that only operate 40 bits per second, is running your life on autopilot. By the time we are 35 years of age, 95% of our life is controlled by these programs no matter what we try to think.
It’s only by going inside and addressing them that they stop doing what subconscious programs do – play out in real life to the letter.
How to Heal from This
If we were to look at being sick, traumatised and helpless at the hands of a narcissist from the victim perspective, we could say my friend’s trauma is because her brother is a revolting person.
That’s certainly been her human story.
When I asked my friend what would help her feel better and well, she said to me, ‘Everyone understanding what a good person I am and my brother not being able to lie about me anymore.’
And then she said, ‘Him coming to me apologising and telling me he loves me.’
I looked this lovely lady straight in the eyes and I said to her, ‘The way things are, that’s not going to ever happen and it’s not even meant to happen?’
She looked at me in horror.
I said, ‘The real question I have for you is, “What is it within you that needs these things to happen for you to be healthy and whole and at peace?”’
She looked at me in astonishment.
I shared with her my story and how I used to feel the same as her and how I ended up as a victim a millimetre off death.
I then asked her to have an open mind and heart to hear what I was going to say next – I set the intention that her soul, not her logical mind, would hear me.
And then I took a deep breath and unleashed it in one big outpour.
This is what I said:
• You probably have been through lifetime after lifetime of being kind and loving to people, and being smashed no matter how loving you were.
• Before you came down ‘this time’ as your soul evolution, which is the real reason you are here, you wanted to heal from this – you wanted to come home inside your body to navigate your True Life from your Inner Being.
• Your brother and all the other narcissists in your life have been belting you to bring forth the unconscious wounds from your past lives and genetic family trauma history to do with ‘Other people have power over me and I don’t have my own rights and truth.’ and ‘My life is in the hands of what other people believe about me and how they treat me.’ that were already inside you.
• You are now in a time of evolution where you can release yourself from all the trauma that has accumulated within you, which is bringing you to your knees, and all the painful beliefs that have formed around these traumas, so that you fill with Source, became your True Self and go free.
• Then you will no longer have the obsession about your brother’s behaviour, and you won’t require anything from him or anyone else in order to feel whole.
• By achieving this soul graduation, your brother’s smear campaigns will fall over; people will come to you and your children, who have been suffering at his hands, will also heal and disconnect from him.
• You will discover from this evolution of yourself that this wasn’t about him at all. It was always about freeing yourself from the traumas within to go forth into life in empowered safe ways, no longer tiptoeing around people or being with broken people trying to get them to love you.
Her eyes were as big as saucers.
She was in tears as she said, ‘I know what you are saying is true.’
Okay, let’s just stop right here everyone – YouTube Thrivers. Can you feel this inside to be your truth too? My intention today was that this episode also spoke to your soul – just like every episode I do.
If your soul resonates, I want you to write below: ‘I know this is what has been happening FOR me and not TO me as well.’
Okay, so, I thought to myself, ‘My goodness, I’ve just smashed this lady with so much information!’
She asked me, ‘What do I do now?’ I said, ‘Heal’ and I gave her my link to my 16-day free course.
This is the text I received from her: ‘Hi Melanie, thank you for all your information. So much to read and take in. All so real and true. Loving it!’
And I’ve received more nearly every day!
I am so thrilled that she could be on her way to healing and freeing and saving her health, life and soul, and not have to keep coming back lifetime after lifetimes suffering these people so as to heal.
The buck can stop for her here!
This is what I want for all of us. To awaken, go within and heal at the cellular subconscious level, where we need to, rather than stay sick, traumatised and helpless trying to battle this logically, which simply doesn’t work.
So if you’ve had enough of the pain – enough is enough – then my pledge to you is that I will do everything in my power, as my life’s mission, to help you break free into the life and love that you deserve – instead of this painful nonsense we all can get trapped in.
It all starts here, as it did for my friend, by clicking this link.
And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.
As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.
Hello Melanie,
I know that this is what has been happening ‘for’ me. I have been obsessed with trying to determine whether people are narcissists and what their next move might be. I want to give up the need to analyze ad nauseam and instead want desperately to heal. I do not want to have to experience any more pain!
And by the way, you are such encouragement to us! And You looked radiant on tonight’s thriver espisode:)
Thank you!!
Hi Debbie,
I am so pleased that you want to heal!
Truly when we address the trauma where it resides, within us, and release it … then our brain follows and we get relief.
Have you checked out NARP? It is the easiest and direct path to achieve this.
Sending love and blessings to you and thank you for your lovely compliments!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie,
First I would like to say thank you , as I found narp about a year ago and have been reading everything. I can’t talk much about what I am going through as of yet because I’m still going through Court but what I can say is everything you say is correct lies upon lies in the court .
So within so without ,
Filling my soul with Source whom I choose to call God to replace all my traumas as they come up.
Thank you again, Laura
Melanie,
So much thanks…
It has been happening FOR me and my ultimate benefit.
Bless you,
Lisa x
It’s my pleasure Lisa
Many continued blessings and much love to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hello Melanie,
I have been doing the NARP modules in your latest version, in order. I am up to Module 7. Sometimes, after doing the modules, even though I have uncovered trauma that may not be directly related to the narcissist, rather connected to childhood situations, I feel worse and even more “trapped” and connected to the narcissist. It is as if some of the NARP work stirs up more trauma. Is this normal? At the time of shifting, I don’t always feel more charges but then after some time, even a few hours or a day, I feel very disturbed and unsettled. Did you experience the same? Last question, I believe that I am never really “done” shifting these traumas, and I would always return to NARP as a tool anytime some event or situation triggers those uncomfortable feelings. Has this been your experience? Do you still use NARP on occasion.
Thank you for all of the work you have been doing. NARP has been amazing.
Hi Christina,
This is totally on schedule and exactly what you are wanting to find, because NARP takes us deep into the healing of our core wounds that unconsciously set us up for n-abuse as well as are keeping us on the repeat cycles of ‘more of the same’.
It truly is Dear Lady about not shying away from these but deeply loading them up and uplevelling from these.
It’s all related and connected.
Christina please come into the NARP Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member so that we can help with this and work with this, as absolutely every one of us did / does.
Without exception there is not one of us that hasn’t dug our deep childhood wounds out and benefitted and gone free in incredible ways as a result.
If we don’t release and reprogram these core traumas ( which is exactly where NARP takes us to) then they will always continue to line us up with pain and experiences that match these.
Yes, Christina absolutely I NARP to this day and love it!
Every single time I get triggered or feel dense energy in my body, I do The inner work on it to let go of darkness to let more life force/ Source in.
Is there any other way to live, when we want our greatest, most expanded, glorious life?
You couldn’t give me all the tea in China Christina to go back to a life where I was trying to continually overcome the trauma stuck inside me!
I hope this has helped give you some perspective and guidance.
Lots of love and I look forward to seeing and supporting you in the NARP Forum.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Christina,
Sometimes I feel the same way- and I just don’t want to face the very scary feelings aroused during the modules.
But I’ve been working them now, as needed, even after 5 years. The old traumas get triggered by life’s circumstances and this is natural. And I am soooo bored sometimes of having to go back and DEAL WITH IT and be re-traumatized, or feel like I’m going to be, if I do take a close look and feel.
All I can say is that some patterns recur, and the Narp program is fantastic backup. I KNOW that I will find the answers- within, and they are the “right” ones. I just have to do the “work” and the relief comes – in unpredicatable ways as we feel our way through. I find that writing through the modules is a huge help. I never know what is going to come out of my pen as I free associate. Good luck- you are doing all the right things!!
I know this is what has been happening for me and not to me. The details are sketchy to me but my first memory is being afraid. The modules do help alot. They give me peace.
Hi Autumn,
As you keep going within and doing your shifting, please know you body is working all this out perfectly – up and out and bringing in Source.
That truly is all we need to know and do, because it takes care of everything.
Much love to you and I’m so happy for you that you are healing.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
YES!! I totally understand, know and FEEL this has all been FOR ME and NOT TO ME!!! Yay!!
What a relief. It is so lovely to feel, more often than not, grateful. The other negative emotions are fading away….
NARP is so wonderful. Thank you. I’m really getting so much from it, I can feel this too on many levels.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Hi Jen,
You are so welcome sweetheart!
Thrive On Lovely Lady!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie,
I have been doing the modules and find them incredibly useful. I have been no contact for a year but still struggle with not getting shaken by the legal attacks and smears. It is very difficult to live my life properly let alone feel as if I can thrive. I know this stuff is happening for me so I can heal but I seem to be missing being able to understand how I can just go about my life when the healing process alone is like a full time job. Do you have any suggestion of something I can tell myself of how it is supposed to look like or feel like? Do you just not care that the attacks and smears are coming at you?
Thank you!!
Hi Jen,
Those are truly some of the greatest core wounds that we need to work on as a result of what has been activated with narcissistic abuse.
This was huge for me Jen as it has been many people, generally with clients and those I work with in the NARP Forum this is to do with deep core persecution and survival programs.
Which I promise you can be released and reprogrammed to the point where you will have zero triggers and then it all will just dissolve out of your experience.
You just haven’t quite nailed the inner traumas / programs on this yet.
Jen come into the NARP Forum and we’ll help you with this http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
Okay?
Lots of love
Mel 🙏💕❤️
This was a REALLY interesting and helpful content. I couldn’t be more grateful. Thank you Melanie!
It was masterfully explained. Something I would like to point out on the topic of trans-generational traumas is that while is more than great to solve the internal inherited traumas on a psychological/spiritual level, we as humans also need to solve the external issues of structural, environmental social violence or abuse at the hands of political and monetary ambition. Because is all connected like you say when you talk about the Quantum law. Otherwise, if things don’t also change externally, on the social and natural environments (epigenetics), I’m not sure if an inner healing and transformation will suffice (but it is certainly THE starting point, for sure) to be at peace in society. Because if the change doesn’t occur also on the outside of us, in the material world, the self-destructive values of the monetary system will continue to spoil our inner feeling of peace and reinforce the old controlling, fear-based and survival-oriented mental programs. Anyway, this is a deep concern of mine and I thought it would be good to share it. Many thanks again 🙂
Hi Matias,
You are very welcome and I’m so pleased this helped!
Awww gosh I totally agree that great reform is needed in this area.
I do know that we need to be the change of power and solidness within to generate a shift without.
When we lose our victimisation and step into purpose, that’s when our voice is heard.
Keep doing the good fight. It is incredible times of unprecedented breakthrough that we live in.
So much love to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie,
First I would like to say thank you , as I found narp about a year ago and have been reading everything. I can’t talk much about what I am going through as of yet because I’m still going through Court but what I can say is everything you say is correct lies upon lies in the court .
So within so without ,
Filling my soul with Source whom I choose to call God to replace all my traumas as they come up.
Thank you again, Laura
Hi Laura,
Please know how welcome you are.
I’m so happy you are feeling relief and power as a result of shifting out trauma!
Kudos to you for doing the inner work.
Sending you continued blessings and breakthroughs.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie
Yesterday I was thinking about you in the movies! I watched Rocketman and when Elton hugged little Reggie Dwight (himself for those of you who don’t know) I could only think of you and your NARP programme and the road to start loving your inner being.
Thank you so much for your emails, the blog and NARP! One year ago I found you by coincident and you rescued me out of a deep depression after a long relationship with a narcissist (I had already quit, but couldn’t get rid of the traumas).
Still not fully recovered, but getting better every day.
Lots of love.
KA
Hi KA,
That’s so sweet!
I’m so pleased you are on your way Dear Lady.
Keep going, your True Self and True Life is there waiting patiently under the traumas, getting closer and closer to breaking through.’
You so deserve that!
Lots of love
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hello Melanie,
Thank you for another video that puts words to my experiences and feelings.
I am a NARP member and received the packages, which I use little by little. Is your current offer a completely different program?
Warmly,
Theresa
Hi Theresa,
That’s great you are working with NARP.
That is where the true subconscious healing power shifts happen!
The free 16 day course is a perfect supplement, as it may grant you many pointers and insights to help with the actual NARP Module healing.
I do totally recommend it if you haven’t already connected.
Here is the link again: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse
I hope this helps, and much love to you
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Melanie, thank you. I know, what you are saying to be true. The truth shall ALWAYS prevail. Our soul can get so tired & that is not a good place to be!! My soul is EXHAUSTED, but I’m learning my truth. Whenever I think of my narcissist I started smiling. I offered him a divorced & he told me, “I don’t care what you say or do or where you go, I will take care of you.” At first, I thought, it was a threat, but I started realizing he feels lost without me. He doesn’t know how to go on without me & he went ghosting as his answer. Somewhere in the mid April, such a sissy, he just can’t man up. I smile, at our silly times, but the lessons he taught me, he taught me well. I went no contact from my entire family somewhere around Easter maybe. I know, I’m much better off without their toxicity!! I saw a picture of my son-in-law years younger & my God, what a fake smile!! What people think of me is NONE OF MY BUSINESS. I have to own my own truth & I can not let anyone steal my thunder. They will try, but IT’S NOT MY PROBLEM!! It took me six years to get to this point, but FINALLY I’m doing it. If I remember right, you were one of my very first coaches & how I learned what I’m dealing with, so THANK YOU, for that, my sister. Love your top. Looks so good on you!!
Hi Carol,
I so hope that you are turning inside to heal.
That’s where the liberation and relief begins, no matter what we have been through or with who.
It seems you are getting there.
Thank you for your lovely compliment and sending you continued healing, relief, freedom and joy.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Wow! Melanie, each time I am blown away from the latest Thriver TV episode, this one hit home Big Time! Being a Narper for past couple of years I am loving my journey so much and know the healing is continual, I adore the feeling of releasing trauma and waking up to another layer having left my body. I hope your friend takes on Narp, there truly isn’t anything else that’s as effective and powerful out there, and I know as I went to counselling for years, being medicated for years whilst sinking deeper and deeper into victimhood. My soul yearns for true healing and I know this is the lifetime it’s happening! Much love!
beautifully said ieva ❤️ ( me too )may blessings be with you on your journey ⭐️😇
Hi Ieva hun,
I’m so pleased this one spoke to you as well.
I adore that you are nestled into the process of blessing triggers, going inside to uplevel them and joyously evolving!
It’s so great when we get our head, heart and cells around this! It’s Thriving the EASY way!
How gorgeous you are nailing it in this lifetime – soooo proud of you.
I hope she chooses NARP too Ieva. If she’s ready she will!
Big love to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Dear Melanie, thank you for this beautiful video. Please pass on lots of love, support and healing energy to your friend. Her story reminded me of what you said to me some years ago at the turning point in my life after spending decades longing and hoping and needing and waiting for some acknowledgement of my existence/ and abuse / abandonment trauma from my mother..You said:” Val, you have taken on and are carrying your mother’s karma” …That stopped me in my tracks and I saw that I was frozen , powerless, lost, buried alive in that trauma . Then the healing started and with you as my guiding Light from Spirit , the modules and all your resources I started to unfreeze and come to life ; and eventually inner peace was the gift. Something I had never experienced. I no longer defined myself by what I had experienced as a child and the repeat experience I had as an adult woman with a narcissistic partner. And then as you know, after I did so much healing work ..synchronicity delivered what I had longed for, breathed for , waited for …from my mother in all those decades. Out of the blue, literally , my mother spoke to me about how sorry she was that I had been “hurt and not looked after” as a child ( well she still minimised ) and what could she do “ to make it up to me”….This is just a few years ago. She was in her 80’s, I was almost 60. Next week she has her 90th birthday and yesterday on the phone told me she wants to send me an airline ticket to travel to her birthday party. She has advanced dementia and recently moved to a nursing home after breaking her ankle at home. It’s astonishing to me and others that she still remembers who I am, where I live and every time I call her to say hello every week she asks me to come visit her. So dearest Melanie, please feel free to share this with your friend. What I know for sure, is that when we do the healing work and reconnect with our Spirit , Source energy takes care of everything ….that’s when this lady’s brother may well come to her and ask her forgiveness. It’s when the pain / trauma no longer IS who we are …that miracles happen….
As you always say Mel ; the first Quantum law …life’s ultimate truth: so within,. so without .
For me, it was when I found peace and understanding and acceptance that I had chosen my parents ,
freed myself of my victim identity and no longer needed anything at all from my mother or anyone outside of me,
that my mother gifted back to me some words of understanding, recognition , apology after me waiting all my life to hear it. When I no longer needed her to say sorry or acknowledge my existence, it came, out of “ nowhere”..
That is what I wish for your friend, the peace and the miracles of Quantum healing and law.
Sending you so much love Melanie and may blessings be with you dearest one and with all the community, so many touching and beautiful stories and comments here today! ❤️❤️🌺😇
Hi Val,
You are always so beautifully supportive. I’m seeing her on a Thursday so I will, absolutely.
Aww I remember years ago how traumatised and in pain you were, and it makes my heart sing with joy to see and feel you as you are today.
That was hugely heavy stuff you had going on there! And it’s really true this lady is another Angel, like you, who does as well.
Darling Val your experience is so spectacularly and quintessential Quantum and word for word what I know this lady could reach – the no need for, total freedom from victimisation where magic happens – not because of any need, but because of her established wholeness.
I do hope you can inspire her to take the step of NARP – it is what can save her health, soul and also the breakdowns that have been flowing on to her children.
Agreed this is such a beautiful interaction today! My friend is co-creating something very beautiful here!
Bless you and so much love to you Val with all my heart.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Val, your story sounds a lot like mine. My mother 85+ and 55+brother are very close, my nearly 90 year old father is the third wheel and I ‘m (61) completely out of the picture. Geographically, yes I’ve been distant for over 40 years but long before then this was the dynamic even as children. All too slowly figuring out how much the family of origin has affected me. Recently visited and fell right back into their clutches. It’s been a devastating blow to me as I’ve long hoped for and tried to find resolution and reconciliation at least for the parents in their remaining years but was met with total indifference, reluctance and felt so unwelcome. Brother ( who effectively avoided me altogether couldn’t bear sharing them with me for two weeks) is self crowned king who they bow down to at every whim. My compassionate, empathetic manner was of no concern to them.They prefer his arrogant bullying style. I pointed this out but it just fell flat. I returned to my own home smarting and reeling and have been no contact for nearly two months though feel badly and guilt depite their rotten treatment of me. Brother declared I don’t exist- my mother informed me of this, she seems to have given him her stamp of approval too to say such a thing, instead of taking him to task and reminding him that I am one of her children too. Have not smeared them to my adult children but feel sad and disappointed that all has failed. May never see them again and such a pity that this is how it will most likely end.
i am watching this video. it totally resonnates with me. It is happening… not to me. I do not remember the rest of this phrase. I do want to heal. I have been reading books , and your emails.
thank you so much for your loving giving self, soul.
Hi Alexis,
I’m so pleased this resonated and that you want to heal.
Have you tried Quantum Healing? I’d love you to experience it in my free webinar here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
It makes our healing so much more direct and easier, as well as grant you the step by step already formulated process to do it.
I hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you Melanie,
That was incredibly helpful advice to use going forward and resonated on all levels.
With grateful thanks.
Alex Toke-Nichols
So pleased that hit the spot Alex!
Bless!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
First I want to thank you for the amazing and most valuable service you provide so many people. I thank God that I found your blog and shortly after found NARP. My work through your program has literally made me a new person. I am finally happy and at peace. I no longer feel the “need” to be in a relationship. I enjoy time with myself. Almost too much. I’m finding that the people I once surrounded myself with are falling away and out of my life. Only to be replaced with new and different relationships. As far as the narcissist in my life, we are and have been no contact since beginning this program four months ago. I have completed the 10 modules and have revisited some when I feel triggered or when I again begin revisiting the things he did (which is becoming less frequently). I have viewed most of the videos and have also taken advantage of the Hay House Heal Your Soul summit, which has also been amazing. I am so thankful for realizing my brokenness was about me. Never about any of the narcissists which I attracted into my life. This is my awakening and I am never going back to sleep. I will continue to evolve and grow into my true self, develop healthy boundaries, love unconditionally; not to satisfy others but because it makes me feel good. So within; so without.
Awww how gorgeous Dawn,
I am so thrilled for you that you are another NARP success Thriver.
It makes my heart so happy to know your wonderful progress after only four months of NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
You have totally got the right process, not just to do the 10 Modules and then say ‘I’m done!’
This is a life tool to use when triggered to keep gloriously releasing trauma, bringing in light and getting better and doing better.
Yay for you and thank you for your beautiful share.
Continued blessings and breakthroughs to you and thank you for being a fellow traveller Dawn on this amazing awake journey!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi
Working on it x there’s alot to read
Thanks so much melanie
I can relate to everything that I am hearing about the narcissist! I have tried to stop all contact with the narcissist .I have blocked him on texts, Facebook, iPhone but he still manages to get in touch with me through other sources, he can leave voicemails even though he is blocked ! Also I have been in touch with another one of his suppliers and we compare notes! She is still very vulnerable and he is reeling her back in! I realiize now that talking, comparing notes just opens the wound again! When I heard his voicemails begging me to call him I started shaking and felt frightened but thank goodness I have no desire to talk to him ever again. The other woman says he is after her again also!
I kept telling myself he cared more for me because he wanted me to meet his family, gave me gifts, wanted me to live with him, said he loved me and he did none of this for her and ignored her birthday, told her that he did not want her to meet his children, etc. He is blaming her for me leaving him and for making me stop loving him! part of me wants to believe this because I want to feel loved!
I can not express how much your information has helped
me to have no contact and to go within and do the work to try to heal my inner wounds!
Hi Monta,
Even with the blocking, as you can sense, it is sooo about detoxing these people out of our systems so that we have no triggers or care and are building our life regardless of what they try to do.
This means we have taken back our Lifeforce.
I so promise you with NARP often within weeks many people do achieve that.
That’s when the whole energy connection dissolved and it stops. And the great thing is we are happy for it to go and continue healing and living.
Otherwise it truly does our head in!
You are on you way Dear Lady!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Good morning Melanie,
This episode made me cry. This is me. It hit me to the core of who I am.
I have written on and off for a few years and you have always been so kind to answer. This is what I feel I have struggled with and has blocked me in a sense from healing myself with the modules.
While in my 30+ year marriage/relationship (together since we were 16 yrs old – 49 years), I felt I kept our marriage peace full and then made my family what it was and what people saw. People would say I was a great wife and mother and what a wonderful life I and my ex had. People didn’t know what was going on behind closed doors. I was told how nice, caring and fun I was. Even when his “Godly” alcoholic mother and narcissistic brother and sister-in-law were nasty and mean to me, on top of what my ex was doing. I always apologized, wanted to keep the peace and didn’t argue. After years of being told I was crazy and all of the other narcissistic abuse things you list (he was not physical however), I started to stand up for myself.
It was then things changed. However I knew being a good, honest and trusting person, because he preached God that “he would see the light”. Isn’t a good person what people look for? He talked about people like himself and how horrible they are. Even though my gut “knew” something, I believed in him (not myself). People say I’m an old soul and I always look for the good in others.
The marriage ended in 2017. Since then I’ve been told that I’m strong, am the most loving person and would do anything for anyone. I have a job working with 4-5 year old children and am getting my degree to become a teacher for little ones. I need them more than they need me. I’ve been told what a wonderful teacher I’ll be.
But as the lady in this episode says….”She was in tears as she said, ‘I know what you are saying is true.” I hear what you and others say, but I don’t understand. If I am this person, why would I be discarded? As though I never existed?? I felt the same way I did when I was married. Good things happen to good people, right?? Everything that has happened goes against what I believe in my heart and who I am to the core. I know I am a good judge of character, but got this so wrong. I receive validation, but it doesn’t change the feeling that who I am was so afraid to be me.
I don’t know if any of this makes sense but the tornado that is in my head goes like this… “He’s a narcissist. You are a good person. But if you are, this shouldn’t have happened. He’s a narcissist. You made your family what it was. He was fake. But why and how could someone do that to a good person? He’s a narcissist. People like you for you. But that doesn’t make any sense. He didn’t. He lied. He’s a narcissist”. . .and on it goes. My whole life was wrapped up in loving a false person. Every song, place, thing has meaning and it’s fake. My kids and my life with my kids is real, but not the family aspect of it.
People don’t understand and I know why. I want to feel the shift but this falseness of reality, of right and wrong, good vs evil is a tennis match in my core.
I’m sorry for babbling….and thank you for this episode especially. Onward……….
Hi Connie,
I am so pleased this spoke to you.
Connie as you know I have spoken to many people over the years, so I apologise for not remembering.
I assume because you mention ‘modules’ that you do have NARP?
Are you in the NARP Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
Connie have our conversations been about how important it is to get out of the story of the terrible things and turn inside to address the dense painful energy of the trauma and work on that instead?
Connie please know most of us in the unspeakable horror of being unfairly hurt and accused after giving our ribs for these people could not LOGICALLY assimilate it.
My friend couldn’t, I couldn’t and virtually ever individual (thousands) who I have met over the years doing true recovery work, prior to that couldn’t.
Connie, Dear Lady in our heads trying to sort this equals how to lose. NARP and Quanta Freedom Healing takes us deeply inside to surrender the thinking, feel in our body, go to our sweet inner being who needs us desperately, to load up and release ourselves from the trauma peptide addiction and painful embedded beliefs that have us hostage.
THEN our mind changes – it follows the body.
When we have had enough of the 5% capacity of our mind trying to battle and heal the whopping powerhouse of the 95% of our trauma subconscious programs hijacking our lives, we are ready to commit to the inner healing process with all of our heart.
Connie I hope you understand you are not going to heal this with any cognitive information.
The only way, is the inner work. It’s exactly the same for my Friend, who is also trapped in terrible ‘analysis paralysis’. Hence why she is so traumatised, sick and helpless.
I hope with all my Being that both you ladies start the inner work.
If you haven’t got NARP Connie it’s here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and if you have please make sure with the support team [email protected] that you have all of your new NARP version 3 ready to go (it is faster, and more effective than version 2) and please come into the Forum so that we can start you getting real trauma release, subconscious reprogramming and relief.
We will do everything we can to help you
So much love to you
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Dear Melanie,
Thank you for this very powerful topic on after leaving or still involved with Narcissistic People. It is truly life changing and the main thing to do is to go within because life just cannot go on as usual.
You are a blessing from God. After the death of my Husband three years ago who was very codependent and carried a lot of guilt and shame from his shortcomings, me and my son, not biologically his, were rejected from the family soon after as a result of past obligations from his children being raised in foster care. I could not heal ore fix their pain and traumas and it was all shifted onto me with guilt, blame and shame. I truly did the best that I could do and have been dealing with the devastation of it all.
Thank you Melanie for your videos and NARP programs.
Bleissins
Hi Valencia,
It’s my pleasure.
I am so pleased my resource are helping you with what you have needed to deal with. And my heart goes out to you for the loss of your husband.
Thank you for your lovely words and I send you continued blessings and breakthroughs.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Such a powerful video. As I went through psychotherapy, I chose to go no-contact with my family of origin. At the same time, my partner (of 9 years) re-connected with his family after 13 years of estrangement because of their toxicity and controlling nature. But over the last two years since he’s reconnected with them… I changed my life completely, and he has regressed into his core-shame. It has been so painful to watch him decompensate into his unhealed wounds and patterns of toxic relating… and now he has all but ghosted me because I want to work on the relationship… and he thinks everything is fine (gut-check: we’re not fine). Now I am working to gather the strength, and confidence, to break off the mangled pair-bond that was smushed into his toxic family structure…. it feels so amazing to know I am doing THIS work for me, and not him!
Hi Dawn,
That is so good that you have taken your power back and made the healing about you.
Truly that is always the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves and others in our experience.
You’ve got this!
Sending strength and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hello Connie,
I read your post and wanted to thank you for it…
I too was married to a narcissist for 24 years. He Was so unlike my first narcissist (physical batterment) that I thought I scored a homerun!
It is totally understandable that you are trying to figure this out!! I am writing to encourage you to do the NARP healings. I left my situation five years ago and NARP helped me to do that. But I didn’t put much time into the NARP healings and I now realize that is where it’s at! Unfortunately I’m still spending my time analyzing and over analyzing, trying to think things through logically. Not working. Please, do yourself a favor and speed up the process! I am writing this to you and making it a public pledge myself that I will commit to one healing a week at a regular time. Even though that’s not much, it’s a start and hopefully it will turn into more. I look at the “wasted time “with a narcissist and realize that my whole life will be that way until I get committed to healing.
Best to you. I wish you Godspeed!
🙂 Debbie
Hi Debbie,
I just read your post . . .thank you for ALL you’ve said. I have the next few months off (other than my college classes) and told myself that this summer I was going to do NARP. I don’t know what holds me back, because I’ve read the comments of the many successful people. You are so right and of course Melanie is always, I am wasting time. So I will take the pledge with you. . .one a week until I get comfortable with it. I wish you all the best as well and between the two of us (along with the MANY NARP members). . .WE CAN BREAK THIS!!!
Sending hugs!
Connie
Hi Connie,
This is soooo good, and please know by reaching out in the NARP Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member , we will help you target and release exactly the blocks that are preventing you from committing to the inner work.
Which means it just won’t be a battle any more!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Dear Melanie,
I am so excited to have made my first post to a blog. Glad to get your response and to be part of the group:)
Yes, I did get the NARP program and have been your follower for over 5 years. It helped me get out of a long-term marriage with a narcissist. Don’t know if there are others out there like me…maybe… but I need to do more healing sessions – just don’t make the time for me:(
I met another narcissist about a year ago and this time thought that he was one from the beginning. I thought I’d be smart about it and keep my feelings under wraps. No such luck- I got burnt anyway. So here’s the question… when coming upon a narcissist, how can you be sure and not wait until they burn you to be absolutely certain? Also, I remember you saying that you would not be attracted to these types… Is that clearly no attraction in the beginning or is that when you see a red flag, you have strength to break it off.
Anyway, moral of the story… You’ve got to do the healing sessions!
Thanks again for all you do.💗
Hi Debbie,
I am so pleased you are excited about this and it is my joy to respond to you.
Yes absolutely Debbie there are people who are like you! Of course!
Please know it soooo is about our inner development. Truly being able to have boundaries, retain our life, be willing to have the difficult conversations and be willing to back our values and truth to ‘lose it all to get it all’.
We may start a relationship with someone not really ‘right’ for us, but if we honour, respect and love ourselves then it’s going to unravel pretty quickly!
I have a ton of resources on dating and trusting ourselves and boundaries and speaking up. Just google and you will find them!
These are powerful supplements to help you where you need to get to, to not only be safe, but truly generate authentic real relationship.
The true healing of our inner programs causing us to be small, dim down and not put our best foot forward is irrefutably the NARP inner work.
Knowledge alone doesn’t give us that powerful shift of self.
I hope this helps.
Lots of love to you
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Yes, it does help.
Thanks, Mel for your encouraging words and suggestions.
I can hardly wait to dig in! 😇👍
Debbie
Hi Melanie
What Modules would I use for the trauma of guilt of being liked and handing my power away because I want to be liked or others opinions matter over mine. Basically anything to do with my power belonging to others.
Kristina
Hi Kristina,
First of all please know that in the NARP Forum is where the real support and guidance takes place for your NARP work http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
It’s not as easy to have that backwards and forwards conversation here!
For specific states within us, the most powerful work to target the traumas generating that state is Module 1 or the Source Healing and Resolution Module.
I hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Dearest Melanie
I know it has been happening for me and not to me thanks to you!
What a journey, Melanie, slowly and steadily for me since starting NARP.
My daughter, who is 37 now was the one who said something to me that made me sign up to NARP last July after listening to you for about 3 years before.
Yesterday on her birthday, I wanted to share with you Melanie, she said that she had seen me take emotional responsibility since doing NARP! She signed up yesterday to do the work herself.
I cant tell you what that means to me but I am sure you of all people will know.
I am so grateful to yo Melanie for NARP and the Forum and the continued inspiration and information you give me each week. You are such a blessing and a shining light in these turbulent times in our world.
Much love Reena 💖 xxx
Awwww Reena,
How beautiful that your daughter is going to start her Thriver Journey.
I just love, so much, the flow on effect our inner work has with our kids – including when they are adults!
We are all so blessed.
Thank you for your lovely words, and please know how special you are to me too Reena!
Tons of love to you Dear Lady
Mel 🙏💕❤️
OMG Mel, thank you so much!
Every time I find myself slipping back into old patterns and starting to fall into “unconsciousness”, along comes a beautiful wake-up call from you.
I am so grateful to you, my heart and soul knows everything you tell me is true. Thanks to you and your work I am well down the track of recovery and healing from 20 years of narcissistic abuse from my ex-husband however I still sometimes reach for quick fixes when feelings of pain enter my experience.
I know that I am at my best when I commit to going inside to release the trauma, and it never ceases to amaze me how often one of your blogs turn up with a topic that I really need to hear.
Eternal love and gratitude to you and the NARP community,
Sonia xo
Hi Sonia,
I am so happy for you that these tune ups help and that you are turning towards!
Sending you many continued blessings and breakthroughs.
And thank you for your beautiful words.
Mel 🙏💞♥️
So glad you are getting this information out there and helping people! I wanted to mention a free webinar I have that discusses how to recognize if one is living with someone toxic, why being nice won’t work with the narcissist, and how to avoid being manipulated. Feel free to share this link:
https://goldsteintherapy.com/toxic-partner-webinar/
Melanie,
First I have to thank you for taking the time to make all these wonderful videos providing endless amounts of information about narcissistic abuse and ways to heal. I’ve been involved in months of intense feelings with my spouse, she tried convincing me that I’m a narcissist. I’ve heard the word narcissist prior to my spouse trying to convince me I was one, and knew it was a bad trait of a person. Once my spouse called me a narcissist I frantically became obsessed with learning all about it and to determine if I am what she says I am. After months and hundreds of videos, and articles I’m pretty sure that she is reflecting herself onto me. I believe I may of become a co-dependant person who has given up all my power to everything. However she is so convincing that I’m the problem. Off and on I believe the problem may be me, because at times of trying to talk about problems it feels like the topic is lead in so many different directions, and I find my self trying to explain myself only to worsen the conversation. Then eventually I get so frustrated and end up saying things I normally wouldn’t say under normal circumstances. I’m so confused and feel destroyed, when I see my spouse, or even see her name in email or text my anxiety flares up. How do I determine for sure if it is me or her that is the problem? If I was a narcissist wouldn’t I not be afraid of her an of the confrontation? From my understanding this is what a narcissist wants to have in their life. I want peace and understanding.
FYI, one thing that resonated with me from the story you shared, and I recently told my friends is that, ” I wish my wife would realize that I’m not a bad person, and that she would hold me and say I’m sorry and I love you”. Your friend shared a similar response with you, and I’m realizing that this is never going to happen. I’m often told everything is my fault, and in the decades we’ve been together can probably count on one hand how many times she has admitted wrong doing, or ever said sorry and embraced me when I was upset.
Thanks for listening, from a what I feel as a confused broken man.
It’s happening for me. I know that is the truth.
Thank you, Melanie…
That’s great Monny!
Much love and please know how welcome you are!
Mel 🙏💕💚
The God of Peace will soon crush satan under my feet. 😘