Melanie Tonia Evans

The Proven Way To Heal Toxic Relationship Trauma – Part One

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 46
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

The effects of narcissistic abuse can be excruciating.

Many of us have tried so hard to heal from the anxiety, depression and feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness that abuse trauma can cause.  And some of you may have gone on to develop adrenal malfunction, fibromyalgia, Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) or agoraphobia.

So why were we able to get up and go again with other events in our life – even serious ones – but this time we just CAN’T…

…despite all the effort we make, the knowledge we learn and the practices we study?

In this Thriver TV Episode, we will look at ineffectual avenues of healing and why they haven’t worked. We will investigate the scientific evidence of the new healing ways, that do heal us deeply at our core, and why they do.

If you have battled to heal, and possibly even feel defective or a failure because you aren’t getting better, today’s episode is a must-watch video for you.

 

 

Video Transcript

This is the first of a two-part series about healing from interpersonal trauma.

This episode includes why it has been so difficult to heal from narcissistic abuse and relationship trauma. We will also be looking at the different ways we thought we could be healed, ways that have proven for most people to be ineffectual, as well as Quantum Healing effectiveness that is now backed by science and which does release us from trauma, deeply, at our subconscious and cellular level, in ways that standard contemporary therapy simply can’t.

Today you are going to start learning exactly why talk therapy and trying to think differently, and even learning copious amounts of information about abuse and your abuse symptoms, although can help you know you’re not alone or going mad, does not have the ability to heal you.

The specific healing work that I will be talking to you about in this two-part series, is cellular. It’s Quantum – it’s where spirituality and science meet as a powerhouse of healing.

Today, because I am alive and not just surviving after relationship trauma but Thriving beyond my wildest dreams, where I have zero symptoms and am healthier, happier, more confident and safer in my body and life than I have ever been, even before being abused, it’s my life’s mission to educate you about how I healed for real and how you can also.

In this series, I am sharing humble, powerful and authentic accounts from my own life, as well as those of numerous Thrivers within this Community, regarding what our experiences were and how we healed. I want to inspire you, regardless of how bad your trauma symptoms are, and even if you feel that it’s impossible to heal or that it is just too late for you.

I promise you this is just not true.

The conversation this week and next week is so that you can save your soul and life and become the powerful knock-on effect for your children and their children – and for our world.

Before we get started, thank you, everyone, who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission, and please know I love hearing from all you beautiful Thrivers and about your breakthroughs. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s move on in!

 

Our Disbelief In How Hard It Is To Heal

Let’s start off by examining the limited ability we have had to heal from intense trauma.

I have met some extremely rare individuals over the years who just seem to be able to ‘get over it’ and move on after terrible abuse. For me, personally, and usually for the hundreds of thousands of people I have met over the last decade, this just wasn’t possible. Generally, extreme emotional wounding and a decreased ability to function is the norm.

Those people who I have seen push the pain down, or compartmentalise it and just carry on, generally have it erupt at a later some stage of life. A very dear friend of mine, after moving on courageously without inner healing from narcissistic abuse as a child, had a breakdown years later whilst in her own loving family – when she had a daughter.

The other people I know who ‘carry on’ have generally kept experiencing reoccurring disappointing events in their outer world. Such as repeat narcissists, or the like; evidence of the shadow – the unmet unconscious trauma becoming conscious by meeting them in real life from the outside – as our shadows do.

As Buddha said, ‘If you want to know what is going on in your inner world, look at your outer world.’

Many of us, after overcoming many terrible things in our life and being able to get up and get on with it again, were shocked to discover just how impactful toxic relationship trauma is, and how it brought us, maybe for the first time ever, to a place where we couldn’t move forward anymore.

This doesn’t have to be intimate partner relationships. It could be with a family member, an authority figure, someone in your workplace, a toxic neighbour, a friend – literally anyone at all.

Regardless of what gender or religion or sexual orientation you are, your age, whether or not the person is still in your life, or even deceased, or whether the abuse happened today or 40 years ago – the trauma may still remain and be living on like a terrible, emotional virus within you.

Please know the result of narcissistic abuse is a shocking dis-ease of our entire Being that can feel unshakeable.

When I first set out to get relief from narcissistic abuse, I was dismayed at how no one had a true healing solution for me.

Doctors and psychologists told me that my Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), and many other symptoms, couldn’t be healed and that medication and strategies were needed to try to manage my symptoms. Additionally, I was horrified by so many people in abuse forums reporting their diminished health, life and victimhood.

Some of these people even spoke like this decades after their abuse.

Now, thankfully, having been on the forefront of abuse and trauma recovery for more than a decade, I have met countless people who previously reported the same thing, before, humbly, finding my Thriver Way to heal.

This is what Claire, a fellow NARP member and Thriver said, ‘Until the NARP healing system, there was literally NO help for Narcissistic abuse recovery. I went from therapist to therapist; to spiritual healers, alternative therapy; and the list goes on and on. I tried to help myself learn and understand what had happened to me through research, but no matter how much I learnt I couldn’t get well.’

So many of us who end up in narcissistic abuse recovery astoundingly may have already been doing copious amounts of work on ourselves, or already be in healing or mental health industries. I was a spiritual therapist and teacher for years prior to narcissistic abuse, and I know many of you are into studying and being practitioners of wellbeing, personal development, psychology, counselling or human care services. Yet we still found ourselves in relationships that brought us to our knees.

Why didn’t the learning, studying and therapy change our relationship patterns or take away the pain?

The answer is this: because we weren’t shown how to heal from painful relationship traumas and programs within our Inner Beings. There was not the releasing of our trauma cellularly or the reprogramming of our subconscious painful programs to create us as a New Healed Self.

 

Feeling Like A Failure When Trying To Heal

I really want to acknowledge you. Most people who experience the devastation of toxic individuals and any sort of human relationship abuse are extremely traumatised. Not only are you fighting for your mind, sanity and life, but it is also possible that your finances, security and what and who you care for are under siege too.

Let’s just make this really clear right here, right now – you being in this position is not your fault, and I want you to know that you are NOT a failure.

I know you may be feeling the awful trauma about what you have lost, the time and even years you have wasted, and the torment you’ve put yourself and others who you care about through.

Maybe you are horrified with how you can’t stop going back to the abuse, no matter how terribly you are treated.

And, you are probably in shock that your life has ended up like this – somewhere you never believed you’d be at the age that you are. Add to this, of course, all the compounding feelings of failing because you don’t seem to be getting better.

Or maybe just when you think you might be getting better, you find yourself sliding back down into a deep, dark hole again.

I can’t tell you how often before I discovered how to heal for real, that was my experience – for years.

The fact you are struggling to get healing and resolution with what you are going through is not because you aren’t a productive, high-functioning person. Most of the people I meet in this Community are far from lazy, unintelligent or incapable. They are in fact the exact opposite.

Like my previous self, you may have, after exhausting your own considerable determination and efforts, diligently consulted people who you hoped could help.

I was in psych therapy – lots of it. I was also seeing healers, dieticians, doctors, personality disordered specialists and specialised lawyers, but nothing was helping me get away, stay away, heal and move on with my life.

So many people told me to let go of him. One Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) specialist told me the outcome if I stayed was my death or institutionalisation.

Yet I couldn’t stay away.

Meanwhile, the guilt and shame of who and what my life had become was eating me alive – I completely believed I was hopeless, defective and pathetic.

But this wasn’t true. I wasn’t healing because no one knew the truth about what was really going inside me psychologically, and therefore emotionally and mentally. And nobody was addressing my healing where it needed to be addressed, at the core.

All therapy was doing was the constant reaffirming my painful victim story and how hopeless and helpless I felt.

Please know I don’t want to knock therapists; I have heard of people gaining support and comfort from them. However, this I believe with all my heart: the old models of therapy, talking about the problems and receiving medication, needs updating. And I believe this because unless we are addressing trauma at the core of where it resides, then we are only hoping to try to manage symptoms – hence why there is an ongoing need for so much therapy without any real healing result.

The effective therapists in our world now, are the ones who are working deeply with the body-brain connection and are not just attempting to manage symptoms.

Chelsea, a Community Thriver, shared this: ‘Unfortunately with the psychiatrists, therapists and psychologists I saw, all that was accomplished was similar to putting a band aid on a broken bone. It doesn’t really fix anything. However, when recovery is tackled where the real problems are rooted, the real healing begins.’

Additional to therapy, in amongst all my desperation to try to find an answer to heal, I researched abuse community forums for many hours most nights. I hoped it would help me deal with him, as well as the terrible symptoms I now had, which included severe anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia and agoraphobia as well as CPTSD.

It didn’t. The more knowledge I gained, the angrier and more devastated I got and the more obsessed about him I became. And I still couldn’t stay away.

Tina another NARP Thriver says this about her experience: ‘I kept finding more information on narcissists and the abuse, but I got tired of reading about the abuse and how bad it all was. I just wanted to get over the powerless feeling I felt. This is the secret I never had – focusing on healing ME! I am now free from the despair and happy for the first time in a very long time.’

I know that many of us in this community are spiritual. I am too. I also sought out alternative methods to heal – holistic healers and Life Coaches. I had treatments including Reiki and Crystal Healing sessions. And I was regularly doing meditation, affirmations and journaling.

These things would grant some temporary relief, but the pain and mental obsessions about him came back and still I couldn’t keep away.

I even determinedly tried Law of Attraction on me, my life and even him. But there was no way with my deterioration of health that I was able to override my inner trauma, which assaulted me 24 hours a day, by trying to just ‘think positive’.

Now I know that Law of Attraction was one of the most devastating processes I tried to do. Later I discovered that trying to mentally push through extreme subconscious survival trauma programs by forcing yourself to be ‘positive’ can almost break you into psychosis. There is such a need to first face, hold and release the trauma to make space for a new positive program.

As Bruce Lipton says, ‘If you go to battle with your subconscious and conscious minds, your subconscious will win every time.’ In fact, as I devastatingly discovered, it will make the painful program and trauma more magnified to assert itself.

Of course, this made me feel like even more of a failure.

Okay, so if you are or were like me and you have worked your butt off trying numerous ways to heal from trauma, I want you to write below: ‘This happened to me too sister!’ And maybe you would like to list what you have tried that hasn’t helped, and also share what has.

So now, today, I know the truth – the reason why I wasn’t healing wasn’t because I was a bad person, unintelligent, or broken beyond repair. It was just that no one had ever taught me about inner trauma and painful beliefs, which were hijacking 95% of my brain and nervous systems and hooking me hard onto someone who represented these unmet and unhealed places within me.

This was not my fault. I logically never chose it and I logically had no control over it. These toxic binds were being driven by forces much more powerful than my conscious self. Will power was useless in the face of this – as was mere information and strategies.

What was needed was a deep, cellular shift directly in the core of where these deep powerful forces were playing out. And when I achieved that, I promise you none of my powerless, enmeshed, addicted, victimised self remained. And all my trauma dis-ease and symptoms completely left me. I am healed and whole and free of all of them, and have been for a long time.

Please know if this has been your struggle too, it doesn’t mean that you can’t heal and that you are doomed to suffer these terrible traumas, battling your symptoms indefinitely or for life – it just means that you haven’t, just like I hadn’t at this stage, understood the truth yet.

 

The Real Truth About Healing

I really want you to know what contemporary medicine and abuse forums say that is not the truth. They are telling you that you are sentenced to struggle with abuse symptoms and a diminished life. With all my heart I promise you this is NOT true.

It is totally NOT true that CPTSD, agoraphobia, adrenal malfunction or fibromyalgia are unhealable conditions that you will have for life; and that you will need constant medication and therapy. What is true is that when you find and release the traumas from your subconscious – which is generating these conditions – they simply melt away.

A Thriver member called PP shares this: ‘As a result of my abusive relationship, I acquired fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, osteoporosis, bruxism, insomnia and sleep deprivation, and then some. The Thriver healing system is the only one I have found that addresses the inner energetic component and effects of narcissistic abuse. Without this Program I doubt whether a person could ever fully recover and truly make the turnaround from survivor to Thriver. This is exactly the healing and approach I have needed for so long.’ Myself and tens of thousands of people in this Community are living proof of this.

Now let’s look at the science behind why subconscious healing systems works.

 

What Neuro-Science Has Now Discovered

I love what the scientific community is now proving regarding trauma and the body-brain connection, because it completely backs and supports the Thriver Recovery process.

Bessel Van Der Kolk, a Dutch Psychiatrist who is a forefront expert on the understanding of trauma, states that the logical part of our brain doesn’t have the ability to communicate with our brain’s limbic and internal nervous systems, where our trauma experiences reside, and therefore talk therapy is ineffectual to deal with it. It’s only through taking our attention within to our visceral emotional experience that we can hope to overcome trauma.

The starting point focus of the Thriver Way to heal is self-partnering. Every healing takes you into your inner world in theta brainwaves to bypass your logical brain and enter your subconscious, visceral feelings and internal programs.

Then the healing work is done with processes that communicate directly with your subconscious – your cellular inner self.

I want you to imagine this analogy: you are looking at a closed car hood and trying to imagine what the mechanical problem is that is going on inside the engine.

If you don’t go inside, firstly you will never know what the real issue is – you are only guessing. And secondly, if you don’t go inside you will never fix your ‘self’ and the problem will remain.

Regarding our trauma, talking, thinking and researching amounts to exactly this – lots of contention and absolutely no healing.

Bruce Lipton is an internationally recognised cellular biologist and bestselling author. He explains that as adults, our life is already programmed by our previous emotional experiences that generated belief systems in relation to these.

Bruce says that by the time we are around 35 years of age, our logical mind has only a 5% capacity of changing who we are, therefore regardless of how much we learn, research or talk about our life, we don’t break out of the patterns which aren’t serving us. Only going inward to reprogram our subconscious, which is in control of 95% of our life, does this.

He also explains that our subconscious programs control 40 billion bits per second of information that we process in relation to our life experiences, whereas our logical mind processes a teeny 40 bits per second. This is why it is impossible to think our way out of our painful emotional experiences, which are generating our feelings, thoughts and choices as well as who and what we connect to and stay attached to.

If, for example, we have painful internal trauma that has generated the subconscious belief, ‘People I love hurt me, leave me, replace me, betray me (the list of course may go on)’, these are the people and experiences we continue to make true in our life with the power of 95% of our Being directing this – no matter what we try to think and learn.

In Part Two of this series, I will share with you how I was given the codes and the ways through an information download – how to access the subconscious, find these traumas and associated beliefs, load them up and release them. Our logical mind has no ability or way to do this.

You will learn also how we can change our emotional programs directly at our core, often instantly, so that we are no longer the Old Self operating from the Old Program. Instead we are freed onto the trajectory of more empowered, whole and conscious reactions and decisions that do serve us.

Joe Dispenza is a scientist and researcher on the leading edge of neuroscience, epigenetics and quantum physics. He teaches us that our brain follows our body – meaning our mind thinks in alignment with our inner subconscious programs and does not have access to a healthier path until we create a shift on the inside of ourselves.

Therefore, once we change our inner subconscious programs, how we think, which is our level of consciousness, will automatically reflect this.

One of the most powerful ways I have found to produce a shift is to enlist a Higher Power force to fill the space where the released trauma once was.

If we were just to release trauma, then in its place we would have an emptiness; a bewilderment about who we are and what is next in our lives. Yet when we fill the space where the trauma was with our SuperConscious, then we have the best teacher embodied within us.

We literally become Infinite intelligence which knows how to be for the greater good, firstly for self and then as an outflow, benefitting all of life and others in divine, powerful, yet graceful and healthy ways.

You may think of this as your Higher Power (whatever your Higher Power means to you). To you this may be God, or The Universe or Creation or even Lifeforce.

This Higher Self element is what many contemporary and even some energetic healing processes miss, and it’s one that many Quantum Healers do enlist. Honestly, I don’t believe we have any ability to heal the unthinkable – which is what narcissistic abuse truly is – unless we pull on a force, this Infinite, which does this so powerfully.

This Higher Self aspect – to midwife a shift from the Old Self into your True Self to help bring through the breakdown of the Old Order to the breakthrough of your highest potential New Order in record time, with maximum potency – is a big part of my healing process and occurs multiple times in every healing that you do in NARP.

This is what Lakiira said about this, ‘During the first healing, it felt like magic but it’s science. I knew that I was touching on something spiritual and a Higher Power was involved, because the feeling of emptiness I had always felt had shifted. I was coming home to myself. I believe 100% in the power of Quantum Healing, and I hope everyone can be free from emotional trauma by opening up to receive this energy and love.’

Okay, so I’m going to leave this very important discussion here at this point. I think we have had enough to feel into and talk about for now.

As well as what I mentioned before, next week we are going to investigate the Science of the Observer Effect, Quantum Consciousness, the truth about our genes and our ability to create ourselves and our Life anew, even from severe trauma symptoms and even if trauma is all we have ever known.

I’m also going to share with you the three specific Quantum keys I discovered to achieve full Thriver Healing status and my experiences when channelling, creating and applying Quanta Freedom Healing.

Please know if you don’t want to wait until next week and want to dive on in and start ‘going Quantum’, you can do so by clicking this link.  My free 16-day course will explain so much to you – things that will make perfect sense about your healing journey.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

So, thank you for your presence and attention regarding this fascinating Quantum Healing conversation. I can’t wait to share the conclusion of this series with you next week.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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64 Thoughts on The Proven Way To Heal Toxic Relationship Trauma – Part One
  • chandlerkarlie@hotmail.com'
    Karlie
    June 6, 2019

    Again you amazed me. Looking forward to part 2 ❤️Karlie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 6, 2019

      So glad you are Karlie!

      Lots of love

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • inpellerano@yahoo.com'
      Iris Pellerano
      June 6, 2019

      UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is the blood of Life. It is the oxygen of Life.

      It is what NARCS pretend to give and then take away.

      Love is not a physical thing. It is not an intellectual thing. It is not an emotional thing. It is before all things. I have raised a patient from dying by reminding her that she still had power to love because nothing can take that away from us.

      But this Love comes to us only through God. The Universal Source. NARCS can not give it to us.

      The whole world is mesmerized trying to get it or give it from and to one another.

      GOING INSIDE and connecting with the Love of God (out TRUE BEING and ORIGIN) after Narc we actually get deeper, more pure understanding of unconditional Love.

      I guess I never went so far as to expect or hope that this man would be my source. But I do feel twinges of sorrow for his loss because he lost me. I can feel nothing but compassion for him since he chose such a difficult human experience to live out. But I have to remember that I am not his source either.

      I thank God for the experience I had with him, for Melanie, for this Awakening worldwide and for my incredible power to stand up sooner when things don’t quite make sense. I wish the Narc a speedy recovery!

      Our Awakening is the demise of all narcissism.

      Strength, courage and guidance to all.
      May Unconditional LOVE win.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        June 7, 2019

        Hi Iris,

        I agree with you so much. This is the Quantum Leap absolutely.

        So much love to you Dear Lady. Keep shining your light.

        Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • Lankfordshawn11@gmail.com'
    Shawn Lankford
    June 6, 2019

    I appreciate your help. I’ve lost my narcissist after ten years. She was also my best friend from high school. I’m 52. Once I found out what she was I tried to see if she would hear counseling from me. It seemed to be working. After what I thought was the final discard she seemed to come back around. Then the final discard came suddenly after spending a wonderful last week together. I’ve been working to heal and listening to Dr Liptons teachings but haven’t found a partner yet. I’m not sure who to ask but I’m trying it anyway on my own. Seems to be working. Love you guys and gals.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 6, 2019

      Hi Shawn,

      I hope I can help.

      And wishing you healing and breakthrough.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • deecamarie@gmail.com'
    Dee Austin
    June 6, 2019

    Fabulous gift you are sharing. I am there and ready to do the work to survive!

  • Karen.pisklak@gmail.com'
    Karen Pisklak
    June 6, 2019

    I wish I knew how to stop thinking about him and worrying that I’ll go back to him. After several separations, I finally finalized the divorce but still went back. I’m now away from him but for how long? I’m getting myself to acknowledge how horrible he is and that seems to help, even though I haven’t found a way to forgive myself.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 6, 2019

      Hi Karen,

      That’s the inner work truly, that gives us the relief emotionally and then mentally.

      There are so many things which trauma bond us to these people until we do the inner work.

      Logically, as we all discovered, we could feel powerless to get out of the trauma.

      There is another way – the real way.

      Karen check out my inner transformational resources, they will explain and start to grant you healing and relief – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • dahall1924@gmail.com'
        Debs
        June 6, 2019

        This happened to me to sister! Nothing else has helped me until now with NARP. I have viewed many, many videos, blogs, went to two different counselors and psychologists, nothing has helped until I found your site and videos, and I viewed them for almost a full year and then I just couldn’t take anymore being tied in psychology with the narcissist, had to get relief and now I am gradually and finally letting go because I am what’s more important.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          June 6, 2019

          Hi Debs,

          I’m so happy for you that you started to do NARP and started releasing your trauma to live free of it.

          It is the game-changer in how we heal.

          Sending you continued blessings and breakthroughs.

          Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • cox.galina@yahoo.co.uk'
    Galina Cox
    June 6, 2019

    Thank you for your beautiful Being, Melanie!

  • brooke_engledow@outlook.com'
    Brooke Engledow
    June 6, 2019

    I agree that we have to face the pain and release. One thing that worked for me was to take control of my relationships. To realise I was in fear or hate with people similar to being in love. I broke the spell by taking the power back. I looked at the truth about the person and saw their vulnerability and replaced the rage with pity. Without an emotional tie their abuse was no longer effective and I just walked away. I became my own parent and partner. Also i did a large self portrait of me smiling. It took months.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 6, 2019

      How wonderful that you turned inwards to partner you Brooke!

      Power to you Lovely Lady.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • Chrystallynn2@gmail.com'
    Chrystal
    June 6, 2019

    Helpful info. Thank u

  • simone@boehning.net'
    Simone
    June 6, 2019

    Dear Melanie,

    I’ve been in therapy for about 15 years (I’m 43) . I’ve had eight different therapists. I was hopitalized for depression three times. I took medication..

    At the moment I have a very hard time, because I think neither doctors nor therapists have any idea of emotional abuse, narcississitic abuse, trauma treatment or cptsd. I wished one person in all those years told me the following: You have been emotionally abused. All the symptoms you have are due to the abuse. You have a post traumatic stress disorder. You were injured very badly in your childhood, because you grew up with a narcissistic father. Your father has a personality disorder. It was not your fault that you were abused. There is nothing wrong with you or your perception.
    And I have those wonderful treatment tools to help you……. Instead I wasted a lot of time and had to find out myself. There are millions of people affected by narcissists, but there is still not enough awareness. Thank you so much for your healing tools, Melanie!

    Love,

    Simone

    • flowertherapy@icloud.com'
      Val
      June 6, 2019

      Dear Simone, how beautifully said! You speak also for me…my experience was so similar. Until I found Melanie and her work…and the Light at the end of the very long tunnel…may blessings be with you in your healing journey now Simone, so lovely to know you are here with us now 🌺🙏

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 6, 2019

      Awww Simone,

      I am so sorry you have been through this struggle.

      We do so need to release trauma to get well, otherwise we are just constantly trying to survive it.

      Simone if you already have started working with Quantum Freedom Heing (NARP) then what I am about to say doesn’t apply! (Maybe you could write back in here to clarify?)

      It was just that you wrote that you were presently having a hard time with therapists … and therefore I wasn’t sure…

      Although reading it again I think you might be?

      Simone have you checked out NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and the NARP Members Forum which is where the best minds in Quantum narcissistic abuse recovery are – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member ?

      This is where incredible healing and breakthroughs happen every day, with many people who previously tried everything to

      Sending you love and healing breakthrough, and I would love to see you as one of our Thriver Tribe – enough is enough of the struggle.

      (Or maybe you are already in there with us Thriving?!)

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      • simone@boehning.net'
        Simone
        June 7, 2019

        yes, I’m a thriver and I’m part of your community. I’ve worked through all the modules and go back to them every time something triggers me.
        I’m actually having great breakthroughs and I’m not the same person that I was in 2017. (I started my healing journey with NARP in January 2017)
        It’s just so unbelievable that there are therapists and doctors out there who can’t connect the dots and, as you said, talk therapy doesn’t help with trauma.

        • catherinehowell13@gmail.com'
          Catherine
          June 7, 2019

          I have been doing narp for 18 months I wouldn’t have survived without it ..I am so grateful to Melanie for giving me peace ..I am on my own now and still do narp when I feel trauma coming back ..I couldn’t be without it 😘😘

          • Melanie Tonia Evans
            June 7, 2019

            Awww Catherine,

            This is so wonderful! I totally feel the same, I cant imagine life without this too.

            Continued blessings and breakthroughs to you.

            Mel 🙏💕♥️

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          June 7, 2019

          Hi Simone,

          I am so so happy you have broken through.

          I agree, it is astounding how we have all been taught to try to manage traumarather than how to release it and live without it,

          Continued blessings abs breakthroughs to you

          Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • flowertherapy@icloud.com'
    Val
    June 6, 2019

    This was us right Mel, : as Bessel van der Kolk describes it:

    “ Traumatised people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.”
    Bessel van der Kolk
    Author, The Body Keeps the Score

    This is a brilliant video/ article you’ve done Melanie , thank you. I would love to see it published in every newspaper and magazine. The thing is, you were ahead of your time when you created Quanta Freedom Healing. Now science and researchers are providing evidence as you’ve described and as well as the worlds leading experts you have mentioned Dr Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle and Dr Mona Lisa Schultz are teaching and writing about this. The Trauma Centre is now retraining clinicians all over the world in trauma treatment as you’ve described.

    As a ( now retired) social worker myself I’ve taken great interest in all the authors and experts you have mentioned , particularly having experienced the truth of it with my own healing journey with you and your work .
    During and after my profoundly destructive relationship of 12 years with a man who was afflicted with malignant narcisstic Personality Disorder, ( who also happened to be a psychiatrist) I spent countless dozens of hours with therapists / psychiatrists / psychologists etc , and prior : trying to heal childhood trauma…and was given anti depressant and anti psychotic medications and electric shock treatments for “severe depression” as well as dozens of hours of talk therapy, CBT and the rest. Nothing much changed for me, however the medications possibly kept me alive yet at vastly reduced functioning such that i had significant periods of being unable to work. My story had a happy ending though. One of those long nights when I sat up till 2am reading about narcissistic personality disorder ( oh goodness the horrible desperation and aloneness I felt! ) I found you …! And called your number the next morning . I wish the same breakthrough for everyone experiencing this trauma. Bravo Melanie. You are doing Heaven’s work, helping so many people heal with your extraordinary gifts of Quanta Freedom Healing and the pure love and dedication and commitment you gift to each of us here . Thank you Now and always. I can’t wait to see Part 2 of this topic 🌺❤️⭐️😇😇😇😇⭐️🙏

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 7, 2019

      Awww Val,

      Thank you for your loving presence here and to other members.

      You are such an inspiration for the results we can all have when we do meet and release our trauma.

      I love seeing how you have blossomed over the years and your wise words and love are so appreciated.

      We are in such exciting times of breakthrough where we can end the suffering! I feel blessed to be a part of this 😀

      So much love to you Val.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • brendabarton34@gmail.com'
    Brenda Barton
    June 6, 2019

    Thumbs up. I knew that growing up with an extremely selfish self obsorbed mother (she never once in my whole life asked me how I was doing or if I was okay-everything was always about her),who was really short tempered and violently abusive, and neglectful and then eventually she abandoned me, I knew that do to her blaming me for it all as well that I had no self-esteem or self-worth so I of course was not able to create any boundries. I was driven by my need for validation, love and attention. I made it far in life a couple times only to self destruct and pull everything down on my head.. I see now that l needed to address the subconcious recorded cognitive destructive abuse permantly lodged in my subconcious. Though I’ve done positive affirmations I could never see it coming or stop myself from self destruct.

    • sbovero@yahoo.com'
      Shelley Camp Bovero
      June 7, 2019

      Very traumatic, and all of the therapy and electric shock therapy, oh my gosh. Happy your thriving.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 7, 2019

      Awww Brenda,

      I’m so sorry you have been through so much.

      Part 2 will explain so much more to you as well.

      I do know there is a way for you to heal these subconscious programs within, no matter how traumatic they have been.

      It’s so true affirmations are not enough.

      Have you signed up to my 16 day free course yet? It will really help you get clarity and relief http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      Sending love and healing to you

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • dahall1924@gmail.com'
    Debs
    June 6, 2019

    This happened to me to sister! Nothing else has helped me until now with NARP. I have viewed many, many videos, blogs, went to two different counselors and psychologists, nothing has helped until I found your site and videos, and I viewed them for almost a full year and then I just couldn’t take anymore being tied in psychology with the narcissist, had to get relief and now I am gradually and finally letting go because I am what’s more important.

  • Renej60@yahoo.com'
    Autuum
    June 6, 2019

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I really needed this this morning and can receive it.

  • jecenderlin@gmail.com'
    Carolyn Enderlin
    June 6, 2019

    I really like it that you allow us to read your information. I am a visual learner. I have to read; to understand the best. Often I have to reread the sentence a couple times to really understand what you’re trying to say to me. When you speak, your sincerity shines through & you also relay hope in how you smile & speak your truth. Keep up the informative writing to help us understand. I would like to continue to receive your new writing each time. Thank you sincerely, Carolyn Enderlin
    jecenderlin@gmail.com

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 6, 2019

      Hi Carolyn,

      I am so pleased this format helps you.

      I can relate I am very much the same.

      Much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • sbovero@yahoo.com'
    Shelley Camp Bovero
    June 7, 2019

    Thank you 🙏🏼. I had been listening to you Melanie for months and I am a NARP member. I was sharing with my brother the modules I was doing. He said he thought it was a powerful process but too powerful to do without support. Meaning being supervised in the process with a therapist etc. This kind of concerned me and I didn’t want my trauma to become worse by listening and working the modules. I just stopped. After listening to this video today, I get how important it is to constantly understand what I am going through. All male relationships with men in my life have been abusive. My Dad abused my Mom and traumatized my Brother and I. Brutal! I am 58, divorced three years, I filed 9 years ago, it took a long time and he almost took me down to nothing. I’m back on board today by listening to this part 1 video. I missed you and the Thriver community.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 7, 2019

      Hi Shelley,

      In every Module there are choices with how you feel the dense energy inside to keep it safe, as there is no need to go into the ‘story’

      Also there is the incredible NARP Forum as support http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      It is so crazy really that as humans we have believed self-partbering is the scariest thing to do. Yet being in our bodies with ourselves in a loving conscious way is the most organically natural self-loving thing to do.

      Once upon a time I would have agreed with your brother, until I awoke to the truth and finally realised how dangerous it is to be in our bodies not self partnered.

      Because then everything outside us controls us and is sought by us to give us ourselves, we look for love and wholeness in all the wrong places.

      Come into the Forum and get going again Shelley, I’d love to see you there. It’s your time!

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • marilynbeckett@gmail.com'
    Marilyn
    June 7, 2019

    Years before the last narcissist brought me to my knees after 15 years of abuse, serial traumas caused me to surrender myself to my higher power and gained the love and acceptance for myself that had been denied me from a young age. I was 42. But something wasn’t yet clear, which caused me to continue to enter into situations and relationships which I didn’t recognize as the morphed manifestations of the same old patterns they were, where my seeming ‘needs’ weakened my boundaries and reawakened past trauma. I had become so used to pain it took intense pain for me to recognize its loop between my body and mind. Mel has cited important work that I know to be truth–diving deep to find the source of your traumas will ultimately bring you to the source of light and life within yourself, though at 65 I am still finding elements of the original trauma I had not seen before, and grieving for the loss of discovering my father was the original narcissist.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 7, 2019

      Hi Marilyn,

      It is so true, that the source of the traumas and associated beliefs play out to the letter, they are our ‘love code’, hence why they are in repeat.

      It’s so wonderful that you know the truth and that you are part of this community where we do this very important work. Please know there are members in their 79s and 89s who have achieved incredible breakthrough and happiness in the other side!

      Sending love and beautuful soul graduation to you

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • cathiemueni7@gmail.com'
    Cathie
    June 7, 2019

    I have began the NARP healing journey & I must admit sometimes its really so overwhelming am in module 4 & module 3 was really hard, forgiving myself and the narc. I kept postponing the video because I felt really nauseated at some point, is that normal? And I have noticed after every module, I feel really thirsty! I hope to thrive like all the people I read their outcomes after releasing all the traumas. I’m so glad I found you Mel. So grateful, much love from Africa.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 7, 2019

      Hi Cathie,

      The inner work absolutely is not always pleasant, and our ego resistances can out up quite a fight to hang on to old defences and victimisation- which are all a part of our peptide addiction to the pain.

      However, it is about sticking with digging out those traumas and beliefs generating those, with NARP, that we get to go free and get to the other side.

      I promise you that we all went through this.

      My highest suggestion to you is to come into the NARP Forum so that you can be supported to get your necessary breakthroughs http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Which can happen within hours or days when you have the right guidance to target the blocks that have come up.

      Your freedom from this is close!

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      • cathiemueni7@gmail.com'
        Cathie
        June 8, 2019

        Thank you for your reply Mel. I will do that.

    • flowertherapy@icloud.com'
      Val
      June 7, 2019

      Hi Cathie, I used to feel light headed, panicky and nausea too . I realised it was just a panic/ fear/ flight response which is ego based . I learned to do some conscious deep breathing …breathe in to the count of 4 ,so you feel your belly rise , hold to the count of 2 , breathe out to count of 5. Very calming and gets more oxygen into your brain / body. And yes Melanie talks about the importance of being well hydrated before and during modules ( in the getting the best out of the modules video). I find this really vital, getting ready to do a Module I drink lots of water and do some gentle breathing and keep water on hand to sip during the Module… I also find exercise before and / or after very much part of Module work , it’s part of me connecting with my body …I like to take my puppy for a walk afterwards and do some yoga stretches first. It’s all part of the process we are learning of self care, self partnering and connecting with outer and inner body awareness. This was huge for me as I had been so disconnected for decades. You will find what works for you, trust yourself and know you are safe. xx

      • cathiemueni7@gmail.com'
        Cathie
        June 8, 2019

        Hi Val, thank you for your helpful comment and to know that its not just me. Sure, I have been so disconnected to my body & myself I hardly know myself. I’m glad to know there is hope & light in the midst of this dark time in my life.

  • daryl.moose@yahoo.com'
    Daryl Moose
    June 7, 2019

    ‘This happened to me Sister” This topic is my life. I have tried everything. What I am doing now is seeing a new doctor that is using Plasticity (i think that is how its spelled) Its train the brain to be positive. I also have been going to the bible. Between the both I am seeing some peace but to early to tell. I have been living this hell for 5 years. iIs really bad, but I just cant get away. I keep going back. its kind of funny (Not), I am a smart man, my brain and everything i know says get away, and I really know i have to——But i just cant do it—-Very strange –pure evil of the soul

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 7, 2019

      Hi Daryl,

      This is the issue with trying to put a new program into the subconscious mind when there is an old one wedged in place.

      Next week will explain more to you about this.

      Sending you healing and relief.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • robynem@bigpond.net.au'
    Robyne McKay
    June 7, 2019

    Your blogs always strike massive chords within me on so, so many levels….

    I find it hard to imagine from inside my traumatized being what it looks like outside the trauma.
    This blog makes me realize how much I have blamed myself, how the trauma has driven my whole life
    and still does…

    How much can one person take? How much do I have to lose before its done? How much more personal work do I have to do?
    I can see and feel the links to the generations before me and the trauma(s) I have carried. Poverty, homelessness, fear for my life, violence,
    misogyny, isolation – how this all shaped the dynamic within my family…

    And yet the thought of being free of it scares me too… what is my identity without it?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 7, 2019

      Hi Robyne,

      Please know so many people, myself included, had the frustration of ‘how much more inner work do I need to do?’ Truly dear lady that is a symptom of how we feel when we are only managing our inner wounds.

      There is no comparison when we start totally releasing them. The relief and knowing that we are really shifting and getting there, in Quantum Leaps, grants so much motivation.

      I cant recommend enough trying NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      With NARP Robyne you are filling where the trauma was with your Higher Source, which is Who You Are without the trauma.

      I talk about this in Part 2, how there isn’t the emptiness and ‘who am I without my trauma?’

      Each shift is a midwifing of the breakdown (releasing the Old Order) to the breakthrough (the implementing of the New Order).

      Plus you have all of us in the NARP Forum, who were exactly where you are now, to help guide you powerfully and quickly to the other side.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      NARP is especially effective Robyne for people who have already done loads of self- development work.

      I hope this inspires you to give it a go.

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • ruth79small@gmail.com'
    Ruth Small
    June 7, 2019

    Thank you so much for this article, Melanie.
    It certainly turned on a light inside me.

  • johnleroy2928@gmail.com'
    DMJ
    June 8, 2019

    Do you ever feel tired and dizzy and anxious the day after doing a module?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 8, 2019

      Hi DMJ,

      The remedy for that is to target the trauma generating ‘that’ and release that in Module work.

      Then it will stop happening.

      Mel 🙏💞♥️

      • johnleroy2928@gmail.com'
        DMJ
        June 8, 2019

        I thought that is what I was doing… focusing on my physical ailments and trying to move them out. Maybe I have to find the “why” behind the physical symptoms and move the emotion out or it will keep snapping back, like a rubber band. Does that make sense?

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          June 8, 2019

          DMJ

          there is no need to overthink it.

          With any state physical, emotional, mental, realife… whatever it is, all you need to do is set the intention to target the trauma generating (whatever it is).

          As the dense trauma energy leaved your body, so do the brief systems wrapped up in the trauma.

          Then it heals. That truly is all there is to it. Just keep it literal and simple.

          Mel 🙏💞♥️

  • appleallen5@gmail.com'
    Apple Allen
    June 10, 2019

    Hi,
    Ms Evans could you inbox me plz?
    Thanks

  • greenbnk@rogers.com'
    Nicole
    June 12, 2019

    “The other people I know who ‘carry on’ have generally kept experiencing reoccurring disappointing events in their outer world. Such as repeat narcissists, or the like; evidence of the shadow – the unmet unconscious trauma becoming conscious by meeting them in real life from the outside – as our shadows do.”

    This is such amazing insight and what a fantastic analogy. I used to be a “carry-oner” and since I’ve discovered you and NARP, things are so much harmonic; except for lately. My eldest is graduating h.s. and I find I am reliving memories/thoughts and feelings I had “forgotten” about (buried, obviously). It’s so true how the outside reflects back to us what is going on, on the inside. I have been shifting so much these past two weeks, Mel. Modules 1, 4 and 8. Even my job is reflecting back to me people and situations from 25 years ago. Literally, The Same Things are cropping up. Same crap, different mask. Timing is everything they say. Another earthbound angel stepped into my field. She is my caseworker who helped me reenter the workforce. She’s my counsellor/case worker, but evidently she presented me with a test/the opportunity to graduate to another level. She wrote to me, “…I know that you may see it as drama, but open, honest communication in the workplace is what makes a good and successful workplace.” Simple for her to say, but harder for me to Be. In other words, take the initiative, step up and speak up – with the mindset that whatever the fallout (I would be looking for another job,) I could deal with it. I’m so glad I stepped up because what I thought was “going down” was the opposite! And the basis of my workplace “incident” stems from a very manipulative coworker. Arriving in my power, happy and ready to tackle my next shift is a completely different energy/vibe I might have arrived with had I not stepped up! I pretty much had this colleague’s # before; but, now I know that being polite and professional is too much “give” for this coworker. Grey Rock it is, all the way.

    Thanks so much for all your videos and blog, Mel. You’re my beacon.

    Namaste

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 12, 2019

      Hi Nicole,

      That is so awesome you have stepped up.

      So much of our evolution is about clearing the fears of showing up powerfully and solidly in our truth.

      Without the graduation there will always be people in our life who we hand power away to.

      Well done on taking this on. And please know how welcome you are.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • ginny0015@gmail.com'
    Ginger Hancock
    June 13, 2019

    CBD has helped me SO much!! Get a good product. Organic and CO2 extracted.

  • jarwood40@gmail.com'
    Jacqueline Arwood
    June 14, 2019

    I have been isolating. I don’t want to leave my home or talk to anyone. I can’t find a therapist that takes my insurance. I am not sure what to do. I want to be happy again.

  • mhprettypink@gmail.com'
    Mary
    June 23, 2019

    How can I heal when I am still living with the narc I have 4 small kids and he is the breadwinner as of today we have not spoke for days and I have tried to ignore him and go silent but, I do have to text him for money for the kids it is so hard and it’s becoming like he is making me beg for it almost . We got into a huge fight before the silent treatment and I told him many things like how I have all the documentation of his online cheating and I would use it against him if forced and he lunged at me and I did call his mother which has enraged him . I know some of this is foolish on my part but, after 8 years of this abuse I’m honestly at my wits end . I pray so hard for a change he does not go to church and it feels almost like I’m living with a demon at times and it is only getting worse .

  • viktoria.troester@gmail.com'
    Viktoria
    August 24, 2019

    Can you answer my question? I think my mother is a narc. and histrionic. She shouts regularly. But she is the one having fibromyalgia. As well as her sister. Which is also for sure not quize healthy character.
    Why they have this? They are obsessed with busy acting (cleaning, caring despite all boundaries of others) but have not a lot of achievements to show.

  • rimapir2000@yahoo.com'
    Rima
    September 20, 2019

    this happened to me sister

  • shellboom3d@yahoo.com'
    tami
    October 7, 2019

    Melanie, I can’t get past the fact that he has stolen my life from me. I am approaching 50 and am broken emotionality, mentally and physically. I will never find a love to grow old with. He has robbed me of the that. I might of had a chance 10 yrs ago but no one will ever love me now, not now. We have been married for nearly 30 yrs. I just can’t believe that I have nothing! Worse than nothing, I am a bitter ugly person that no one wants be around , I can’t even stand who and how I am. It’s not fair!!!. I don’t know how I’m going to get through 1 more day let alone a divorce. I have been a stY home mom our entire marriage I still live with him as I don’t have anywhere to go, nor any way to support myself nor my daughter. I have a 15yr old girl at home. just this last paycheck he has opened a new account and hS cut me off 100% financially. He buys food but keeps it locked away from me. I’m diabetic and he will not provide my medication, I almost died a couple of years ago from keytonacidosis and that will most certainly be my fate soon without my insulins. I don’t know what to do…I don’t know what to do.im sorry for going on I know I’m pathetic but noone knows or believe s what I say about him.

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