Melanie Tonia Evans

Watching Narcissistic Abuse Videos Won’t Heal You

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 24
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Have you become addicted to watching videos on narcissism and narcissists?

Were you told this too?  ‘Research as much as you can about narcissists and narcissistic abuse because knowledge is power.’

I took this advice.  But WHY did I get sicker and sicker? WHY couldn’t I STOP going back to him?

And, even though I would get relief when researching, WHY did all my symptoms return soon after?

The answer is: What I was doing WASN’T working.

If this is true for you too, then in today’s video you will discover EXACTLY why seeking information on narcissists and narcissistic abuse becomes an addition and how to break it so you can HEAL for REAL.

 

 

Video Transcript

Okay, today’s TTV episode may hit you hard, but that’s my job – to help you wake up just as I had to do for myself to heal for real.

Let’s get straight to it – watching narcissistic abuse videos won’t help you.

In this video I’m going to explain why this number one mistake that people make on their recovery journey, actually causes more damage than good. How it sucks the life out of you and completely compromises any chance of true recovery.

Watch on to discover why…

Now, before we get started, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

If you are already feeling resistant, or possibly even angry with me for saying that watching narcissistic abuse videos won’t heal you, please know that I’m going to do these following things on this video:

1) Validate that initially, yes you do need to understand what a narcissist is and what they do

2) Talk about your need to protect yourself against narcissists, which ironically is NOT about learning all about them, and

3) I’m going to explain to you exactly what will help you get well and, at the same time, inoculate you from any chance of narcissistic abuse in the future.

 

The Real Purpose About Narcissistic Abuse Information

Okay, so let’s start by going over why watching videos about narcissists only initially helps you.

The reasons are:

• So that you can put a name to this phenomenon,

• So you know that you aren’t going mad, and

• So you know you are not alone in this.

Also, it helps us to comprehend that we are not dealing with normal people who are going to wake up, stop doing what they are doing and work with us towards the common goal of mutuality, kindness, harmony and solution.

Information about narcissists delivers us the hard-hitting truth that we are dealing with a virus, a deep soul sickness – narcissism – which means this ‘person’ does not think and operate in ways that we do. They are disordered deeply within their inner being and survive by extracting narcissistic supply from others, which means they are sucking their victim’s lifeforce and resources and this is not going to stop. We are confronted with the ghastly truth – that our only hope of salvation is to get away and stay away.

And even though we may logically understand that this is our only hope, this is much easier said than done. It’s not until we take our journey deeper that we realise that information on its own is not enough.

To recover for real requires this cut off point: I realise what I have been dealing with (the broad strokes are enough) and now I need to get down to the business of saving my soul.

Truly, our recovery is that serious a task.

 

What Continued Immersion In Narcissistic Videos Creates

Let me be very straight with you about what I define ‘narcissistic videos’ as. They are videos about narcissists without handing the reflection and power back to us.

When we have serious abuse in our life, it is a wakeup call to do something much deeper – to investigate and then heal the root causes so that not only are we NEVER going to go through this again, we can enter patterns of relationship and love that ARE healthy and fulfilling.

Without exception, watching videos on narcissistic abuse after initial evidence gathered is the least effective way to heal, and I will explain to you why.

 

The Extraction From Narcissists Which Is NO Release From Them At All

It’s so interesting how so many people in abuse forums scream from the rooftops ‘educate yourself about everything there is to do with narcissists’, purporting that this will help people leave narcissists, stay away and get better.

I know this isn’t true and I cringe when I hear it. It is just a deeper immersion and embedding in it all.

We may think information about narcissists, narcissism and narcissistic abuse is fascinating, which it is, just as you may think knowing all you can about narcissists will protect you from one in the future. It doesn’t – countless narcissistic abuse experts experience one narcissist after the next.

Focusing on anything or anyone outside of what is REALLY going on inside of ourselves is a sure-fire way to stay out of touch with our own healing truths, values, boundaries and inner development beyond our wounds and old pattern of handing our power away. Staying out of touch with our ‘self’ means continuing to unconsciously conjoin with and barrel into the exact traumas and people who bring these traumas again and again.

This isn’t DESPITE of what we know about them, it is BECAUSE our entire focus is ALL about them.

It’s a massive life Quantum Law principle – wherever your focus and emotional energy (good or bad) goes, is what you will choose to attract and be attractive to.

So within, so without.

You may think that you are vehemently saying ‘No’ to something in your life, but you are in fact soaking all your cells over and over in victimised/abused peptides and creating chemical inner processes that your Inner Identity believes to be the ‘truth’ of Life. Namely abuse, the symptoms of abuse and the vileness and evil of narcissists.

These beliefs in your Inner Identity set your subconscious to manufacture trajectories that match the composition of your Inner Identity to the letter. Your experiences then continue to show you that you were ‘right’.

People who incessantly study narcissists and narcissistic abuse wonder why they continue to experience narcissists and narcissistic abuse, just the same as they wonder why any relief gained from doing it is temporary, yet the trauma and the pain and mental anguish soon returns. The temporary relief is because their addiction to this information is being fulfilled, but then what has not been addressed and healed again resurfaces – like a festering wound that is being covered over and ignored.

I understand why we do this – it’s a lot more comfortable initially to point our finger at ‘what’ happened to us and by ‘whom’, than it is to go inside and meet our own traumas.

 

The Powerlessness Of Focusing On The Outside

Haven’t we all been trained like this – to look to the outside?

I know personally before my Thriver Recovery I used to complain constantly about people who did the wrong thing to me.

My gossip sessions on the phone to girlfriends used to go like this: ‘I can’t believe that my neighbour let their friends park this car across my driveway. After everything I do for her. I’m a good person, I treat her with respect and I would never do that to her. How dare she treat me like that!’

And on and on and on and on I’d go like a total powerless victim.

Then I’d watch out my window studying how many times her friends came over, where they would park their car, if it was on my driveway – it became a daily obsession for me.

I’d be on the phone to a friend, ‘Hang on’ I’d say, ‘I hear a car pulling up. I’m going to see if they are doing it again, blocking off my driveway.’

Here’s what I know as a Thriver today. If you park across my driveway or violate me in some way, I know that I’m responsible for my boundaries and wellbeing and you’re not. So, I will speak to you and ask you to move your car or whatever else it is that I need you to do. And if you don’t, then I will take it into my hands to enforce my boundaries in the clearest, calmest way possible.

And, if I get terrified and squirmy on the inside and don’t do what I know I need to in order to take responsibility for my own life, then I will go within myself and use NARP Modules to clear out any terror, fear or insecurity, the feelings that mean I’m handing my power away to outside forces and not being a generative Source to myself.

By going within myself and using NARP Modules, I know I will be emotionally secure, fearless and clear enough to DO what I know I need to do as a calm, mature, powerful, authentic adult.

The old me before my Thriver Healing Trip used to squirm, cringe, not lay boundaries, be terrified of speaking up, and constantly avoided my own self-development by focusing intently on everything about THEM.

Why? Because I was not yet taking responsibility to meet my own inner traumas to develop beyond them.

Now here’s the thing that may blow apart your normal human understanding when people are acting like rubbish and take you to the full Quantum Understanding that is the Truth that will change your life forever…

That women blocking my driveway was a SYMPTOM of something deeper – the real SOURCE of the issue was my unhealed parts that were at that time incapable of laying boundaries and being a self-generative Source, regardless of what other people were or weren’t doing. And, if this woman hadn’t turned up in my experience showing me how I needed to heal my boundary function, someone else would have taken her place. (The truth was, this stuff was going on in my life everywhere!)

I promise you with all of my heart that narcissists and narcissistic abuse are the same…

They bring the evidence of the trauma we need to turn inwards to, and heal, in such an accentuated way there is NO missing it.

It wasn’t until I fully dedicated to quitting focusing on the problem and meeting and healing these parts instead that I was able to create a healthy abuse-free life.

How many times have we done this – focused on the problem and not know how to ‘be’ the solution?

How many times have we heard someone in our life whine and complain about someone when they haven’t even spoken to them?

A girlfriend of mine has often said how her housemates don’t help in the house. My response is: ‘You need to speak to them’. Her normal response is: ‘What’s the point they won’t listen’. And she just gets angrier and angrier.

I know that the housemates are all SYMPTOMS of my girlfriend’s inner unhealed beliefs ‘I am not important’ and ‘everything is up to me’. Until she goes directly to the CAUSE that is generating these symptoms – these beliefs playing out to the letter – nothing will shift. She will have all the excuses and justifications to stay stuck in this pattern and will keep handing her power away giving all her energy and to the problem – them.

Are you getting this?

You may think that these examples have nothing to do with narcissists and narcissistic abuse, but I promise you they have EVERYTHING to do with it.

The following section of this video will help you understand even more…

 

Education Is Not The Answer – Becoming The Solution Is

When, for over a decade, you have been in narcissistic abuse communities and worked with helping people recover their souls and lives to Thriver status (as I have), these are the kinds of powerless conversations you regularly hear from people who haven’t stopped researching narcissism and the symptoms of narcissistic abuse.

They commonly say things like this:

‘There are so many narcissists on the planet, who can I trust?’ And, ‘I would never risk opening myself to another love relationship again.’ and ‘I have the symptoms of narcissistic abuse which means that I will probably suffer PTSD for the rest of my life.’

Despite all their intent research, these people can’t open their heart to connection and unity with others intimately and they are struggling with everyday anxiety, depression and triggers.

And I promise you with all my heart that these people continue to experience narcissist after narcissist in their life, because narcissism and narcissistic abuse lives on inside of them as their everyday reality.

These are the people who have been led to believe that educating themselves about narcissists and narcissistic abuse is the answer – but it’s not. It is only miring them deeper in the problem, without granting them a solution.

The solution, clearly and obviously, is this:

Healing yourself. This means going within to find and release the original traumas, insecurities and false beliefs that are not allowing you to be a powerful, healed, solid, self-generative source that is impervious to narcissists and detoxed of the abuse symptoms. Your traumas will disappear automatically when you heal in this way because gloriously you are freeing yourself to create a higher, better and more authentic life than the one you had access to previously when you were still carrying unhealed unconscious parts.

Which is exactly what myself and countless Thrivers have done, to not only heal from narcissistic abuse symptoms but also be free of all the hooks, obsessions, pulls and binds that were keeping us in the abuse dynamic. Then narcissists lost all power against us as we became our authentic selves, showing up in authentic, powerful ways that innoculated us against being taken in or down by narcissists.

In NO way did we achieve this by researching and learning all we could about narcissists.

We emancipated ourselves by deeply and devotedly turning inwards to discover and heal all those parts of us that were wounded and susceptible.

Did this help?

Are you realising now that what you have been told to do is getting you in deeper and not out?

Are you a serial narcissistic abuse video watcher and still suffering massive symptoms like I used to also?

If so, write ‘I’m getting OUT now!’ below

If you are ready to go within, unravel and heal and truly get free of EVERYTHING to do with narcissists and narcissistic abuse and begin your REAL LIFE, then hold my hand and let’s go on this ride together.

It starts today by clicking this link to become the empowered adult you were always meant to be. 

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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53 Thoughts on Watching Narcissistic Abuse Videos Won’t Heal You
  • urpa9-me@yahoo.com'
    happynow
    April 5, 2019

    love this today. i have to go to the doctor and i can’t believe i still fear going 🙁 , she is always decent and treats me well. it’s my own fear of being judged or that i’m a fraud even tho i know for 100% sure i have reason to go.

  • emxx@sbcglobal.net'
    happynow
    April 5, 2019

    love this today. i have to go to the doctor and i can’t believe i still fear going 🙁 , she is always decent and treats me well. it’s my own fear of being judged or that i’m a fraud even tho i know for 100% sure i have reason to go.

  • hayesarae@gmail.com'
    Christine
    April 5, 2019

    I’m getting OUT NOW.

    • possitivekel@gmail.com'
      Kelly
      April 5, 2019

      Thank you 💖

    • Meshellg22@msn.com'
      Michelle
      April 8, 2019

      Hi Mel,
      Keep up the good work, you really have no idea of the people you are helping.I’ve been in this a long time,I started out with the “I’m a victim,” then realized after reading and listening to your work that I would never heal that way.It’s just like you say ,they are they messenger of our wounds.
      Much love my Angel Mel

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        April 9, 2019

        Hi Michelle,

        I am so pleased I have helped you break through to your powerful truth.

        So much love to you fellow angel and thank you for your beautiful words.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • mgdk@bigpond.net.au'
    Maureen
    April 5, 2019

    Hi Melanie,

    If you eat an apple about 5 minutes before you go live you will more than likely find it will stop your grumbling belly which can hardly be heard out here even by someone like me who is sensitive to noise.

    You’re having an anxiety attack associated with past trauma about speaking up. The thing people fear the most is? Public Speaking… they would rather die than speak publicly it invokes such fear and releases acid which causes you to burp and your belly to grumble, an apple neutralises the acid and at the same time it gives your stomach to do by digesting it and the pectin in it is very soothing. It can be an apple, stewed apple or even dried apple, apple is apple but it all works because I used to be the Queen of Belching… extremely loud burping… until I remembered this very old trick and then I won against the Narc by not being triggered in that way anymore, he was mostly the cause of my stomach noises to start with.

    • johnleroy2928@gmail.com'
      DMJ
      April 5, 2019

      Hmmm, I don’t know. Apples make me poop. LOL. No, seriously… I stopped eating them at work because it was a sure-fire trip to the bathroom.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 5, 2019

      Hi Maureen,

      Thank you for your suggestion…I’m happy to give that a crack. I was hoping someone would offer a solution!

      Anxiety? No, I release all of that. I’m always thrilled to bring a TTV to the public!

      That must be awesome to overcome belching!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • brewer.asha67@gmail.com'
      Asha
      April 6, 2019

      Maureen, I don’t feel any anxiety coming from Mel at all. What I sense is that she is very comfortable in front of the camera and I sense that she is acutely aware and connected to our community and is happy to be of help to those watching. I’m very sensitive and what I noticed right up front is when she said at the very beginning of today’s episode, “Okay, today’s TTV episode may hit you hard….” there was some EXTREMELY MILD discomfort in her energy field, nearly undetectable. I picked up on it because she is such a loving, compassionate human being that even a little “tough love” can still be a tiny, tiny bit tough. I can feel that she walks her talk and in my gut, I know that she wouldn’t even be doing this work if she didn’t have complete confidence in it. My spider senses tell me that despite her being a strong and wise woman, her beautiful, kind heart will always be empathic towards those who may have a difficult time hearing certain information, but she is evolved beyond allowing that to stop her from saying what needs to be said.

      Mel, I listen to your videos with earbuds on and I can’t hear your stomach grumbling.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        April 6, 2019

        Hi Asha,

        You are such a sweetheart!

        Haha thank you for the soundcheck feedback, it is my paranoia, from a couple of recent episodes!

        So much love to you.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sherryns81@gmail.com'
    sherryn
    April 5, 2019

    I’m getting OUT NOW!!

  • jeanzuppa@gmail.com'
    Jean Zuppa
    April 5, 2019

    Once I began the Quanta Freedom Healing I was not attracted to the communities and videos that I found support in in the beginning. Now I know why! I am truly healing. I’ve had a lifetime of abuse. I attracted it. I knew I was attracting it but didn’t know how or how to stop. I know now and have closed those gaps. It was a slow awakening but Quanta Freedom Healing is immediate and powerful. It catapulted me to wholeness and filled me with bravery. I’m me but I’m different…I’m confident, brave, happy. Really really happy ( not fake happy like I use to be).

    I could never express my gratitude enough. I now have the power to SEE and attract all the goodness I desire… You’ve opened that door, given me my power. You’ve healed me. I love you

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 5, 2019

      Hi Jean,

      It is sooo true that when we do the Quantum inner work we are so able to not even care who anyone else is or isn’t because we are anchored in our True Self.

      Meaning listening to our Inner Being, following through on any gut feelings by having truthful hard conversations, laying boundaries and no longer being needy on anyone else to provide us with ourselves…that narcissists no longer have any ways that can infiltrate us.

      And there is no longer any need for defences … rather just powerfully being our authentic selves.

      I love that you are happy sweetheart – truly happy – I wish that for all of us.

      Continued love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • maniclas@yahoo.com'
    MaryAnn
    April 5, 2019

    Thank YOU so much for this thoughtful encouragement to do the right thing for myself. I am struggling with the question of “Who am I without the anger and resentment towards the narcissistic person I used to live with?” There is an emptiness inside with not knowing who I am, but at least I’m clear now with whom I really need to understand and love…me.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 5, 2019

      Hi MaryAnn,

      Please hold my hand and come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar because you will get to experience Quanta Freedom Healing and feel and know that there is a process to release trauma and then fill that space with Source.

      Then you will start organically being more ‘full’ than you even knew was ever possible!

      Truly…

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • angiejlang96@gmail.com'
    Angella LANG
    April 5, 2019

    I love this video.. I feel this so much. I love that I do not need those videos anymore. I read something that my ex narc wrote about me after our divorce on facebook…he stated “I was tired of handing over my power……blah blah.” Just what a narc does in a smear campaign. I realized what he was doing exactly what this video was about.. again it was all about him and who did him wrong…as it was always. Narcissistic people are always changing the stories and everyone else is also always the issue. According to him, he was 100% right all the time, and his “right” was more right than anyone else’s idea of what right was at the same time. I believe that it takes two people to make a relationship work with a huge helping of compromise and active listening.

    I feel that I have grown in a short time since I found your website and resources Melanie. I found your site right at the beginning of my divorce and learned so much. For a while, that was all I could do…watch, listen, research, practice. I am still working towards being a real thriver…but at least now I do not cry everyday and wonder what it was that I did that was so bad. I learned that I let him in, as he was smooth and eventually used all of my signals against me. I also acknowledge that I should have listened to my little voice in the very beginning when it said…”do not talk to him.” I feel better now about knowing what I need to do to heal parts and not attract these people who feed on my insecurities. I am not sending out those vibes anymore.

    I have been blessed by your experience and teaching. Thanks very much for helping me during a time of real darkness and intense desire to learn what was so wrong with me that I could be treated in such a way. I felt that I must have done something horribly wrong but these teachings and modules helped me see that this really was about me. I just had to have someone shine a light on the parts that were hidden. Granted, this was very difficult and he was very evil, emotionally cruel. I am now a stronger person for it, no longer giving myself away and boundaries are in full affect.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2019

      Hi Angela,

      I am so pleased I could help you shine a light into those places within that needed your love and attention.

      That’s wonderful that you are getting well, that you want to Thrive and that your boundaries are in place.

      Please know how welcome you are and feel mine and this communities love and blessings.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • acoppola808@gmail.com'
    Alison
    April 5, 2019

    True. Today I clearly realized that I’ve got consistent, healthy and mutually cooperative relationships with the new property management where I’ve lived for the past few years and a mutually synergistic working relationship with a firm that I’ve been with for about the same amount of time. And I’ve focused on working the modules almost daily for the past two years instead of studying up on others. The insights I’ve gotten by only occasionally learning about narcissists just gave me the relief of “Oh good…I’m not nuts. What I felt/went through was real Now I see it. I’ll skip it next time…”

    It’s interesting that I mostly learn about narc tendencies while clearing out energy during a module and briefly realize what they did…while the feelings and energy are leaving. 🙂 Those particular times have been a good opportunity to see the light.

    BTW, the new Modules are really, really effective!! Thanks so much to you, Mel, and your team for the re-work.

    Cheers,
    Ali Bear

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2019

      Hi Ali,

      Thank you for your share, and this is such a great point – that infinite inner wisdom arises though working with the modules that is far deeper and richer than the outer cognitive research we can seek.

      I concur, I learnt more about myself, life and the shadow side of things (narcissism) directly through the Quanta Freedom Healings in my body, than any other way.

      So pleased you are loving NARP version 3 Ali. Myself and the team are very proud to share the results of our work with you, and it’s our pleasure!

      Much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • johnleroy2928@gmail.com'
    DMJ
    April 5, 2019

    Maybe your stomach growling is a good sign. It’s digesting… which may be symbolic of your ability to “digest” life at all times and not even be afraid to do it on video! LOL.
    Thanks for this video. Just today I was struggling with the idea that I had the right to ask for what I want. I did recognize the problem, step one… then asked myself, “why is this circumstance so troubling to me?” I came to the conclusion that I still feel like I’m being a burden if I ask for what I want.

    Did you find that when you owned your rights that your neighbor’s friends just stopped parking in front of your driveway?

    Your earrings are pretty.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2019

      Hi DMJ,

      Haha! Maybe!

      This is so great that you have identified the block within you that needs attention to come forth as your True You.

      Back then DMJ I was totally unconscious! I was no where near on it yet!

      Today let’s say I had the same issue and WAS conscious. I would NARP to heal my blocks, then be totally poised for showing up authentically with the joy of knowing this would provide a graduation for me.

      If they had moved their cars organically it would be almost disappointing, because I wouldn’t be called to speak up – which is the real life real time graduation.

      I hope this makes sense!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • johnleroy2928@gmail.com'
        DMJ
        April 6, 2019

        Yes. It does make sense.
        I suppose if things “magically” went my way from here on out then I would never be stretched (or challenged) to be my authentic self, or to face the fear of “what will happen” if I assert myself. I think you’re right that the real power lies in making that stand and knowing I can survive it. I think in the past if I did stand up for myself how I felt about it was contingent on the result. If people respected my boundaries (and agreed with me) than it was good, if they didn’t and got angry at me, then it was bad. But really, it’s always good. Just have to be willing to allow other people feel however they want to feel and move on. Are you familiar with Iyanla Vanzant? She likes to say, “Stand in your majesty!”

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          April 6, 2019

          Hi DMJ,

          You’ve got it, you have really connected to the truth of this!

          Yes I love Iyanla’s work.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • msviking212@msn.com'
    Carol Rafferty
    April 5, 2019

    I am married for decades. The abuse went on for decades & I couldn’t get out. He took my every cent, so I couldn’t leave with the kids, so I stayed. I tried to report him twice was shot down & called a liar & a bitch. He was the saint. What I’m dealing with is my family saw his abuse & heard our arguments & saw some very dangerous things & yet, they would not support me. These videos helped me to realize what I was dealing with. 5 months after I realized what I was dealing with I went no contact. A year ago 3/26/18. He is trying to manipulate our daughter with a pity party. I’m worried she is either a narcissist or his flying monkey. I am in & out of moods where somedays I can conquer the world, but other days the world conquers me. Somedays I barely think of him & others my racing mind is bombarded with constant thoughts of him. I’m moving again, third time in 5 years. I’m tired & just want to sleep for a while. I’m so much better than I was & quite self sufficient & do not need a man, but I’m still feeling quite empty inside & life is a chore!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2019

      Hi Carol,

      You have been posting here on the blog regularly.

      Are you ready to start healing within? Have you done my free workshop and had a Quanta Freedom Healing with me yet in it?

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      That is my highest suggestion for you, and the true way out of the agony and abuse symptoms that you have been suffering.

      Sending relief and breakthrough to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • nicky.fourie@live.co.za'
    Nicky
    April 5, 2019

    Mel, I laughed so much when I saw the title of this email in my inbox this morning 😂😂..IT’S SO TRUE…

    Like I said the other day, I was in an abusive marriage, signed up to NARP a couple of years ago after doing lots of research (almost a year) on NPD…..did some inner work for a few months….had a massive internal shift early in 2018, where I could clearly say “that was my past and I can see a new future for myself”…felt on top of the world!

    ……THEN…not long after!…..met this ‘WONDERFUL’ man…..so kind, caring, loving, affectionate, giving….’all that I didn’t experience with my ex’……and then….

    …..the abuse came. And I asked myself, “how did I get into this again? But it’s not the same? I never experienced this kindness from my husband, so it can’t be another narcissistic abusive relationship? There’s a really good person here, so this isn’t what I’m experiencing…is it?”…Went through all the justifications in my head. This week, I said “enough is enough, it’s done, I’m going inside me and this relationship is over”…blocked him, read a whole lot of quotes again, convinced myself that it is what it is, then tried to look for why it might not be what it is, then unblocked him🙈🙉🙊, then read more stuff again….still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt…

    Gosh! I need to get OUT!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2019

      Hi Nicky,

      Aww please know so many of us have experienced exactly what you are describing. My heart goes out to you, when you connect with a more altruistic narcissist it can be so confusing.

      Nicky sweetheart you know what you need to do, detach, do No Contact and go inside to uplevel with NARP each inner wound he is hitting, and I promise you will emerge bigger and better than ever.

      This is exactly the path that occurred for me with N number 2.

      NARP version 3 is infinitely more powerful now, and please also come into the NARP Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member so that myself and the Thiver Community can help support you.

      You’ve got this Nicky, and love and strength to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • brewer.asha67@gmail.com'
    Asha
    April 5, 2019

    Hey Mel!
    I really love this video! And I really appreciate your calm, yet assertive way of lovingly teaching this subject.

    So, about attracting what we constantly place our attention on…….
    I was on the bus the other day and some women in the seats behind me started talking about how conniving and backstabbing women are and how you can’t trust them around your man and blah, blah, blah and I realized something that I had never thought about. I realized that I’ve never had the types of women they were talking about in my life and I’m 52 years old. Whoever these backstabbing women are they are as alien to my life as Bigfoot or ET. I don’t think about those types of women, I have no fears of them coming into my life and creating chaos and drama or hurting me and as a matter a fact, women have always been the most valuable aspects of my life. This experience on the bus made it super duper clear that we are attracting what we focus on. People who focus on fitness are fit. People who love singing usually have jobs where they can sing. No one is ever going to ask me to sing. People who like to cook easily find the time to cook. People who believe that a job is just supposed to pay the bills have jobs that just only pay the bills because they never think about a job as fun and exciting. Everyone very literally is getting what they believe and focus on. I have a friend who is adamant about her man saying “I love you” before bed and she gets exactly that. Unfortunately, he doesn’t ACT loving towards her at all, but she is getting the words that she so desperately wants to hear and doesn’t even notice that she’s not attracting a loving man because she isn’t actually focused on that, she’s so focused on the words she wants to hear.

    Recently I’ve been going through some challenges with my landlord. She stopped accepting rent from me when I got an attorney to handle an issue and then she filed an eviction notice with the city falsely stating that it was due to my refusal to pay my rent. So, I’m talking about it with a friend, not complaining about it just talking about how strange it all was and suddenly I remembered something that I had been casually saying for nearly a year. For some time now I’ve been saying nearly nonstop, “I’m so tired of paying rent” LOL! I’m sure I’ve repeated that thousands of times and with so much heart and conviction that no wonder I’ve found myself rent-free for the past 3 months. I would have preferred it to show up differently, but I didn’t focus my attention on that. Wow.

  • samantha.seager@outlook.com'
    Sammy
    April 5, 2019

    Dear Mel,

    Another brilliant video.

    It is Sammy here in the UK. I consider myself aThriver and have come so far since my relationship with the spiritual narc ending more than 2 years ago and my life is taking off in ways I couldn’t even imagine. But this is so true, what you are saying today. I have educated myself to a very high level around this entire subject, both from the aspect of what narcissism is AND how to heal from it and I recently found myself in a short lived interaction with someone I now realise to be NPD.

    I had concerns about this man right from the beginnings, they were certainly red flags but because he didn’t love bomb me at all, something which we are told to be part of the initial grooming phase, I thought I must be wrong. But other signs were there, mainly how it was making me feel. Confused, anxious and certainly not respected at times. and I would feel nervous and shake when I met him. I thought this must be because I was so attracted to him, I now realise he was triggering more trauma in me.

    Anyway, without needing to go into the details, there was a very quick idealisation, devalue and discard of me and I think it was because he realised I was boundaried and he wouldn’t get supply out of me but this still left me reeling and feeling hurt for a few days. But because I know what I now know, I knew that this was another soul lesson for me about jumping into bed too quickly with someone and I had to go inside and heal whatever was coming up for me. And I was able to let go of him immediately and whatever it was that we were sharing and just be grateful for the opportunity to heal another aspect of myself. I also felt proud that although a small amount of my old patterns were there in how I interacted with him, mostly I was very different in how I handled myself. I spoke up about stuff and I think that is why he discarded me.. he knew he wouldn’t be able to manipulate me.

    I am sharing this Because I consider myself very educated about narcissists but it didn’t stop me falling in with this guy and whilst I realised quickly for sure, I still needed to learn that lesson because an aspect of me was still vibrating with that wound. So, the answer always, do the inner work. That is the only way to be free. I feel I learned so much through this latest interaction and what baffles me now is why I entertained this moron at all when he was clearly a misogynist/player right from the beginning and that is something in me I need to look at! And also as someone who has been taught as a child to ignore the physical warning signs my body is giving me, to really take note of my body. Those were the biggest signs and I ignored them.. or misunderstood them…I thought it must mean love/attraction.

    Anyway, thank you Mel for your incredible work as always. Loving your thriving mission and all you are bringing to humanity!!

    Loads of love

    Sammy xxxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2019

      Darling Sammy,

      Thank you so much for your post!

      I love what you have written, and it’s so perfect because the biggest takeaway for me is … you can learn all there is to learn about them, but yet ‘another’ form of N could show up that doesn’t match the text book criteria!

      How true that is.

      That’s what threw me with N number 2!

      But what really ‘throws’ all of us is what you described, our still unhealed parts and not trusting ourselves. No matter what the version of N is, (or even if this is just a disappointing person to try to be in relationship with) when the pain inside starts that is the signal.

      When the signal comes it is about meeting this part and healing it. You had already done so much work on you, you were able to speak up (thank goodness so that he had to ‘run’) and then there was just the uplevelling left on the parts that had handed power away … hence your relief, graduation and evolution.

      Yay! Which brings so much power, happiness and life force. As well as the clarity after the fact – the ‘what was I thinking? Instead of the pining and missing (which always indicates still unhealed parts).

      When I saw you in Londin you were positively glowing and look at you hun living the career opportunity of your dreams! You are a Thriver Poster Girl absolutely.

      The bottom line in all of this is – it really has nothing to do with ‘them’ other than them bringing us the opportunity to heal into the greatest more wholest versions of ourselves.

      Blessings and tons of love to you Sammy, dear soul sister.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • samantha.seager@outlook.com'
        Sammy
        April 12, 2019

        I only just saw this Mel.. thank you so much for your response. Absolutely, it is always about us and really showed me where I still have work to do and a great opportunity for me to get clearer in every sense, on the inside but also in terms of who and what I am looking for and knowing I deserve so much better than this!

        Still really hurt though for a few days while I worked through it and your videos, as well as QFH helped me move through the pain and confusion within a few days. You make so much sense Mel… thanks you so much for putting all this information out here for us to access. I honestly think so many of us would be stuck forever with this without your insights and resources.

        Much love Mel

        xxxxx

  • e@eboorman.com'
    ENPB
    April 5, 2019

    Dear Melanie,

    Once again you get to the core. YES IM GETTING OUT!

    Your team is helping me access the updated NARP. and a trusted friend healing chakra blockages.

    It is crucial as between a rock and hard place (family of origin and ex partner abuse).

    The family have come back into my life via family trust fund financial abuse, a land asset etc.

    Handling it well but it still hurts and triggers old wounds of not being a wanted child.

    So validating to see my family doing text book narcisstic behaviour and saddening.

    Prior to this I had been seeing it in ex partner(s) and learning/knowing from family origin.

    It is such powerful mind body stuff- got ill straight away and battling PTSD symptoms.

    Back to updated NARP program!

    Thank you, 💕 (can’t hear your tummy)

    ENPB (Bunny lady)

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2019

      Awwww ENPB,

      Please know we are all here for you.

      Reach out in the NARP Forum in need, okay?

      You’ve got this and we’ve got you!

      Much love

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Rowlandanne@gmail.com'
    Anne Rowland
    April 6, 2019

    Dear Melanie

    I have been following you for some time. However there is an area where with the best will in the world you cannot walk away from a narcissist. The narcissist who wants his children . He takes you to court for everything and the judge believes him especially if you live in a remote place. When a child of four tells you sexual things that he does not understand you you go to the Ministry they say that unless the child can speak to the police there is no evidence.
    My daughter has to hand her kids over to a man she believes is abusing them.

    We have tried everything through the law and we are in a nightmare with no help.

    In January 2018 my daughter told him to leave after a violent episode, her only mistake was not reporting him to the police. He had a sexual harassment charge against him (workplace situation) it was dropped after he tried to commit suicide, and then she was told by her lawyer it would be harmful to him if she went for a restraining order because of his mental state. Only one example of what he is capable of. Now a year later after separation she has no where to go.
    I know you live in USA so I do not expect any help. I just had to write down my experience of watching a narcissist at work.
    I think you are doing such good work and that healing oneself is what is needed.
    Thanks for listening.
    Anne

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2019

      Hi Anne,

      I know that we have talked before on the blog, and my heart goes out you and your family.

      What you are all going through is beyond devestating.

      Anne I am Australian and the Thriver Community spreads through more than 90 countries.

      My Community includes, sadly, many people in your daughters situation who are working and healing with NARP, and many are creating breakthroughs in their situations.

      I think you asked me regarding NARP for yourself previously, if your daughter isn’t working with it?

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      There has been a case with our wonderful community of a grandmother diligently working NARP who has reunited and healed 4 generations of her family after horrific narcissistic abuse and alienation.

      We also have a very powerful healing support network in the NARP Forum which helps hold and cogenerate the space for such miracles.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      You may be powerless in situations in the normal human sense, yet energetically I believe we are powerful beyond measure when we learn how to harness that. This is what NARP is all about.

      I hope this can grant you some hope.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • obrien315@gmail.com'
    Catherine
    April 6, 2019

    Bravo, Mel! This had to be said. Direct and with gusto.

    Healing begins when you address you own personal injuries that brought you to the relationship with a disordered person.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2019

      Thank you Catherine

      It’s so great that you know this message to be true!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • kevmcgill1@gmail.com'
    Kevin McGill
    April 6, 2019

    YEP YEP YEP – I AM GETTING OUT!!! “OUT” OUT

  • nataliegeraerts4@gmail.com'
    sndra
    April 6, 2019

    H i Mel,

    I get it…so please stop making new videos about 🙂 it keeps people in it…everybody is capable of going within and transforming their wounds…if you do that you solve your problem right? Whatever your problem is…a narcissist or whatever…quantum healing is it and maybe i’s better we don’t relate it to narcissism or not. We need to heal what we need to whatever the name is…I’m getting sick of narcissism, it exists yes and is like a virus but a narcissits is in the core happy te know you find him/her one..
    because it gives them POWER!!
    Fear gives power! what do they need to do? Know that makes you afraid of one and then play the dirty tricks I think we need to turn this around heal our wounds and have positive thoughts and then we don’t need any label…

    THANK YOU!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 6, 2019

      Hi Sndra,

      I totally get your point!

      All of my videos without exception are about bringing the power and healing back to ourselves.

      It is a shame that anyone needs the title ‘narcissist’, yet of course there are countless people who find their way to this Community who’s souls lives and sanity are hanging by a thread … people who desparatly need this help.

      Without the word ‘narcissist’ being included they never would.

      The great thing about Thriving, NARP and other forward moving courses like the Empowered Self Course, as well as a lot of the work we all do together in the NARP Forum, is that the narcissistic stuff is all purged out and people start doing more and more inner regarding the aligning with the life of their dreams …

      Which of course I do to!

      It’s so exciting when we see so many community members reaching those heights.

      I feel blessed to have found a way to facilitates this balance for myself and other Thrivers … I hope this helps explains.

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • nataliegeraerts4@gmail.com'
        sndra
        April 7, 2019

        Hi Mel,

        I totally agree with what you write. Thank you so much and of course I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t searching my way with Narcs and your work and community is very beautiful and powerful. It was through seeing your video I was able to let the name go…and hope it was clear that I made a joke about not making other videos because they are wonderful!

        Much love,

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          April 7, 2019

          Awww sndra,

          So sweet…

          It’s good to clarify for peeps though. It was a great topic because it is a really fine line.

          Much love to you.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • mlcarroll2001@gmail.com'
    ml
    April 6, 2019

    Have already stopped viewing educational videos, which helped at the time. Now, I only watch Thriver Mel. Loved this message, but where was Tiggy? I also enjoyed Mel’s humor about her noisy stomach. Thanks for great video.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2019

      Hi ml,

      Tiggy is at his grandparents still after my trip away, and because of having a fluey bug, I’ve been waiting to get him.

      Didn’t want to expose my lovely parents to it!

      So happy you are loving TTV and Tiggy!

      Much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • emxx@sbcglobal.net'
    happynow
    April 6, 2019

    it was an easy time at the doctor. things really are getting better. thnx mel

  • Lisak4275@gmail.com'
    Lisa
    April 6, 2019

    Hi Melanie, I am in a relationship with a narcissist and have been for 5 years now. My question is: How do I find what I have buried in my subconscious so I can begin healing?

  • greenbnk@rogers.com'
    Nicole
    April 7, 2019

    “Healing begins when you address you own personal injuries that brought you to the relationship with a disordered person.”

    Thank you, Mel, for the epiphany. You truly are an earthbound angel and I am so grateful my prayers for guidance were answered and He sent you to Me (and I was awake enough to connect with you.).

    This is such a simple, yet powerful statement. You say it over and over again, but it hit Home much differently today. I thought I got [it], but evidently I’m not not 20/20, yet, and I know this is a good thing!

    My epiphany:

    [She/he] set me up to be the best person I could be-come (conscience). Rather than nurture my strengths, they sought out to make me weaker. I am smart and intuitive, but to begin with [they] worked tirelessly and at cross-purposes to “keep” me ignorant and to ignore and abandon my Self (self-medicate with junk food and ignore my instincts, i.e., negative attention = good with the intention that I would forfeit kind and decent people for abusive people). They put [him] “first” by pitching us against each other, and instilled a sense of superiority in him, by teaching [him] to be a trickster, and grooming [him] to hold me in contempt. I’m realizing, now, all together, they set me up to become One with my Self. They made me feel undeserving and left me “wanting” (needy) by withholding [x], and giving ‘everything’ to [him] and [him] gleefully and greedily taking all without so much of a peep from me. Objecting/stepping up and self-advocating = “not nice”/empowering the abuser and the cross-purpose intent being to disarm me in the first place (gap!). They banished me and ex-communicated me to another household, the outcome was that I became an island. I was left isolated and vulnerable/subjected to the worse kind of abuse. I have severe trust issues and have difficulty communicating my feelings. When I do, it’s to the wrong people (per above, negative = good,) and in turn [it] is a gap for which an N can infiltrate Me. (My most recent breakthrough.). Everyday [she] treated me as a burden making me the scapegoat. Altogether they set me up to be a victim (scapegoat), and achieved this by grooming Me to self-generate a non-stop loop of victimhood by being needy and wanting relief from abusive people around me (the field/outside). She/they set me up to feel like I was “surviving” every day. Then I woke up.

    Through NARP, I have learned that by going inward I become resilient and powerful on my own; and voila, my landscape/field is changing. I am not a victim. I am not being persecuted. I am not being controlled unless I give up my power and allow an interloper to control Me. I am not being marginalized or alienated. Me waiting for someone else (outside) to come “in” and make things better is the same as wanting. Wanting is not doing. Only I can do. My Self is reflecting back to me what I am doing to my Self. It’s that my Self is waiting for Me to turn inwards and to bring ‘her’ Home (to Me). AIDS are symptoms/mirrors of self-avoidance and a reflection of Me alienating/ignoring/attacking (negative thoughts, junk food, alcohol,) my Self. My Ego (little n/I) is the barrier to entry. My ego (distraction/what “I” would rather being doing) is blocking Me from turning inwards to up level and shift when the opportunity arises so I can bring my Self Home to Me. (EGO = edge God (source/light) out). The more real estate I give to Source, the smaller the space “I”/my ego has to live. Ego = negative. Source = positive.

    Fear is the ego’s fuel. I have nothing to fear. Fear (of the unknown) = lack of trust. My grooming has been to ignore my instinct (my Self,) and be mis-trustful. Whereas, trusting my Self brings my Self Home to Me and I become One.

    I humbly accept these blessings that AIDS present me as an opportunity to evolve into a loving, compassionate and spiritual human being I was born to be. And again, I remind myself of [their] sacrifice and not to be afraid and to trust my Self so that I can become One. The opportunity being presented is a door to Home, and there is no place like Home.

    Someone in another thread said, “If you can’t feel it, you can’t heal it.” Words to live by if you want to be at Home in your Self.

    Namaste

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 7, 2019

      Hi Nicole,

      You are so welcome and I’m thrilled that you found your way here too.

      It is true that it is the same message, and this is great that the epiphany has landed for you!

      I’m so happy for you that NARP has brought you home to you and seeing and knowing the truth of your incredible !ife.

      Continued love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • kjward@harding.edu'
    kelly ward
    April 9, 2019

    I am getting out. Thank you for the help and the push we all need.

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