Melanie Tonia Evans

The Pain of Narcissistic Abuse Won’t End Until You Do This

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 36
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans


Is there any greater devastation than narcissistic abuse?

Many of us would say ABSOLUTELY not.

Is there an end to the agony?

Again, many people will tell you it takes a LOT of effort and time, and for many relief and healing doesn’t ever happen.

I really want you to know this isn’t true…

If you understand and start doing the things that I outline in today’s Thriver TV episode, the pain WILL end … in faster and more incredible ways that you could ever imagine.


Video Transcript

Narcissistic abuse is agonising, and I think we can all agree that it is the worst thing we can imagine going through.

How do we end such horrific, unliveable, unthinkable trauma?

Many people will tell you that you can’t get out of the pain either quickly or easily, even if you do get away from a narcissist. And they tell you that it could take you years, if not decades, to try to recover.

I’m here to tell you that this is NOT true.

If you are in the terrible trauma of narcissistic abuse, no matter what it is that you are feeling, have lost or how old you are, I want you to know more than anything that there is a way out of the pain, and not just into mere survival of what you have been through – but truly a transcendence into the Thriving that your soul always intended you to live.

Today I’m going to show you how to connect to that soul truth.

I am a living example of how to do this. With narcissistic number one, it took me a gruelling 18 months after finally leaving to get out of the minute-to-minute and sometimes second-to-second agony of feeling like I had a terrifying, agonising virus; a virus living inside of me that continually sucked my life force and made living virtually unbearable.

I’m not alone – I know you know exactly what I am talking about.

And the torment only stopped because finally I had the answers regarding how to heal.

Then with narcissist number two it took me only three days to detox him and the agony of what I had been through.

It was different this time, because right from the get-go I knew exactly how to do it.

It breaks my heart every time I hear people say, ‘It takes time; it’s a long, hard journey to heal’ or any of the many other limiting beliefs and things we have accepted as true about abuse recovery.

It breaks my heart because I know it doesn’t have to be this way.


The Starting Point To Getting Your Life Back

To be ready for this information you need to want to get better. People say, ‘Of course I want to get better’, yet really when we delve deeply inside ourselves maybe we haven’t had enough of the pain. I know for a long time I wanted to hang on to my victimisation. I can’t speak for you – even though over the last ten years I have worked with thousands of people to help them get better in ways that they thought weren’t even possible. But I will speak from my own experience.

It wasn’t until a consciousness shift that I was even near the goals of recovery, let alone on the field.

It wasn’t until I had had enough of the pain that I was open to look at narcissistic abuse recovery from a completely different angle. I know if I hadn’t finally surrendered to a higher truth about all of this, that I would not have made it. I would not have continued living, let alone be living the life of my dreams. Nor would I have been able to help other people break through to this incredible level of Thriver recovery.

Our starting point needs to be: if what I have been trying to do to get well hasn’t been working, then I must open myself to the possibility of another way.


Giving Up The Outside Focus

How many times have I quoted Pema Chodron in my blogs and talks? I don’t think I’m ever going to get sick of sharing this quote because, for me, it is the most powerfully resonating one regarding narcissistic abuse that I have ever heard.

‘Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.’

As a result of my Thriver Journey, I know 100 per cent that life is happening FOR us and not TO us. I know, also, that it’s excruciatingly difficult to accept this when we are in the bowels of hell with a narcissist.

Additionally, when we are thrown into inner body trauma immediately we go into emotional survival programs that trigger cortisol and adrenalin. It goes something like this: ‘My inner is traumatised so I will look outside myself and try to change my outer environment to try to change my inner trauma.’

This is the most optimal terrain for a narcissist to operate in – where people are disconnected from their own truth trying to negate, fix, change or stop the narcissist doing what they are doing in order to try to feel loved and safe. It doesn’t work.

All it does is disconnect us more and more from our own inner beings, truth, values and choices, and hands the narcissistic our energy. This energy is narcissistic supply, therefore when we are disconnected we are feeding them the exact food that sustains their ability to hurt us and attack us. It is like a drug to them and so they continually want more.

When we believe that things are happening ‘to’ us, we are always going to be in our logic trying to control other people and situations, rather than deeply connecting to ourselves, our inner development and resources and true power, and working out our life from there.

We were lied to by our peers and authorities. We think that’s how life works, addressing what is happening ‘to’ us – but it doesn’t work that way. It’s Wrong Town. It equals handing our power away and is ‘how to lose’. It’s the exact environment that drains us of our energy for narcissists to feed from.


The Relief Of Acceptance

When we can accept ‘This is happening for me’, we shift towards the Highest Path of Infinite Intelligence – the knowing that there is ONLY God, grace, love and perfection in all of this, and that people and situations are catalysts.

If it wasn’t that person doing this, then someone else would be taking their place. It’s not even about that person, it’s about the message they are bringing to us to help us turn inwards, self-examine, up-level and take our power back.

Thank God I had my breakdown on my bathroom floor that day. You see I was stubborn – I had a heap of defence mechanisms and the terror of being inferior, defective, blamed and wrong. I was a good person, but there was no way known in my narcissistic abuse situation that I ever wanted to accept that there was something about me that needed healing. If I blamed him and took no responsibility for my part, then I thought that was serving me by keeping me safe in my righteousness.

Now I know completely differently. This viewpoint was keeping me away for the one thing that was going to get me up and out of this horrific trauma – the healing of myself back to wholeness. Another one of Pema Chodron’s quotes that I love that captures this truth is: ‘If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart.’

When we remain a victim, we don’t let go of our focus on what happened to us and remove and heal from the arrow in our heart. The following is our reality as a victim: ‘I have no power to change or become anything that will change my life because there was nothing about me that needs to change and become – even though there’s a dirty big arrow in my heart! Therefore, for my life to change and become different I am stuck with hoping something outside of me will change and become different.’

In my life, as it is for all of us, this doesn’t happen. And because I didn’t take on my own healing, meaning I didn’t embrace the gift of my evolution, the wounds festered, and the trauma escalated while I fruitlessly tried to change outer circumstances. I was ignoring the metaphoric arrow in my heart – my unhealed traumas that narcissistic abuse had fully activated. My life nearly ended as a result, and it was only with the last skerrick of my lifeforce left that I had my epiphany to turn inwards and start fully devoting myself to attending to the arrow.

I have seen this happen with so many others as well, that only when finally we have HAD enough of the pain that we decide to give up our victimisation, come inside and start to change and heal the only person that we can change and heal – ourselves.

If we are not prepared to give up our victimisation, then we don’t get better. In all the years that I have been helping people create Thriver recoveries, I have not seen one person make it out to Right Town if they weren’t prepared to turn inwards and do the work to evolve themselves and heal.


What Happens When You Turn Inwards

Something very beautiful and powerful happens when we turn inwards WHEN we give up the notions of ‘I am taking the blame’, ‘The narcissist gets off the hook’ and ‘This must mean I am defective’.

When we accept that ‘This is in my life and it is for me to heal something that I haven’t been able to before now’ and ‘I am turning inwards with the dedication that I would for anyone in my life that I fiercely love and cherish and want to help’, we are replacing self-judgment with self-devotion.

It’s from this intention that we get very interested in finding wounds that have caused us to be hooked into people who are hurting us, so that finally we can let the wounds and these people go.

We start to understand that we are not defective or to blame – rather that we are a part of the human experience which has been steeped in unconsciousness, trauma and survival and that we need inner adjustment and healing to be in a different Love Code; a place where we are able to be in life on a different trajectory than the one we were enmeshed in previously.

Once we start being in contact with the inner parts of ourselves that are stuck in trauma patterns and binds with narcissists, we realise that many of our wounds came from our genetic history and our parents as emotional wounds; wounds that we were born with (nature) and ones that were accentuated in our childhood by the very people who were also carrying these wounds (nurture).

We can also start to understand that our parents were also brought up in conditional ways full of expectations, punishment and emotional abandonment, because of the emphasis they experienced on practical survival. When they were growing up, it was a very rare human who was able to have self-values and truths rather than trying to please others to earn self-love and self-worth.

As children we were incredibly co-dependent; we literally could not cater to our own survival needs. Also, we had no ability to feel whole, worthy and loveable for who we were on the inside. Therefore, if this emotional state wasn’t mirrored back to us effectively by the people close to us who were busy dealing with their own wounds, emotional survival and expectations from others, then we came out of childhood empty.

This is our necessary self-work now – to grow these parts and heal them with self-love and devotion, rather than the premise of powerlessly holding other people responsible and blaming them for them.

When we turn inwards and start doing the Quantum Healing to bring ourselves back to wholeness, we are not just reparenting, we are releasing the traumas from our forebears, the human collective experience and our childhoods. We get to replace these traumas with Source, which is the ultimate integration, wholeness and healing love that takes us wound by wound immediately back to our True Self organic state without our traumas.

Then we become Who We Really Are without the fractures that have been inflicted upon us by other humans whose fractures were inflicted upon them too.

The relief and joy and wholeness we start to feel is indescribable.


Freedom Lies In Gratitude

Would any of this happened if we weren’t smashed to our knees with nowhere else to go?

Dr Joe Dispenza says, ‘When life can no longer go on as normal, this is when we reach the point of personal catharsis.’

Buddha said to the three men that came to him after searching all of the planet – the highest mountains, the deepest oceans and the farthest corners for their divinity, ‘I wasn’t going to tell you where your divinity was until you have exhausted all options, because you wouldn’t have believed me. Your divinity is within you.’

This is so true – Quantum scientists are now asserting that we all have an inner universe that is driving our outer universe.

In the bible, Psalm 82:6 ‘I said, Ye are “gods”.

How have we got so far away from our power and Highest Truth by believing that things are happening to us instead of for us? How have we got away from the Quantum Truth that there is a force that is always positioned for our expansion, evolution and wellbeing, and wants exactly for us what we want for us if we awaken and free ourselves from the traumas and conditioned beliefs that are not the real us.

I know initially when I was a victim in my narcissistic abuse situation, that I believed life, God and pretty much everyone was against me and damning me. Even before narcissistic abuse, I was living with embedded inner traumas that were limiting my life in so many ways. I was existing but I wasn’t living. It was my normal, and back then I would have told you how amazing myself and my life were! But now that I know the difference between then and now, I wouldn’t go back to life before narcissistic abuse for all the tea in china.

I know for the bottom of my soul that narcissistic abuse was what finally drove me back into myself to heal what I needed to – and I am eternally grateful for that.


Make Evolving Your Highest Mission

It took me quite a few years into my recovery journey to learn that the greatest key to truly Thriving after narcissistic abuse is evolving, however, I promise you it is well worth the wait because it is priceless!

Make evolving yourself your highest mission.

This is absolutely how I live my entire life now, before anything else.

I know that if I am not taking care of my side of the road, which means being forever dedicated to my own evolution, out of the trance of human false beliefs and traumas and into my True Self and True Life, that I am not serving anyone or anything in truthful and real ways anyway.

Many people in narcissistic abuse recovery try to heal to get to their dream job, or get a great partner, or rebuild what they lost. Initially I did the same.

Finally, I got it! I realised that of course I needed to look after my survival needs, but there was nothing more important than evolving myself out of the old patterns and traumas that were not serving me. It was about leaning into and healing all those inner places that were preventing me from being free to be me, aligned with my values and truths and truly living.

When I made evolution my greatest focus above all else, I found that the things that were my greatest desires came to me effortlessly. It was as if Source, the greatest force of all Creation, said, ‘Now that you are honouring you, I will grant you more of that. I will honour, partner and fully be with you too.’

Do you think narcissistic abuse remained in my energy field, reality and life after this? No of course it didn’t. And it won’t for you either. The soul contact with a narcissist, the experience, is completed.

This means when you graduate, when you take your evolution with both hands and all of you heart and let go of the things and people that you can’t control – as well as all your internal traumas that these people helped make conscious for you – THEN these people can and will leave your experience.

Like a FedEx parcel that has been delivered, accepted and unwrapped, there is no more need for your door to get knocked on anymore.

Do you understand? Does this ring true for you?

I hope this episode has helped inspire you and has granted you an inner shift that the cells of your body are vibrating with. That is the biggest gift I wish to deliver you in these Thriver TV episodes.

But I want you to know this is only the start, because we have to do the inner work to release and rewire our inner love codes and the relationship trajectories that we have been on.

I invite you to join me to understand more about this in my 16-day free course, which has a lot of free resources to help you get your inner healing journey powerfully started.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.


(Visited 1 times, 12 visits today)
The following two tabs change content below.
Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

Your Free New Life Starter Pack

2 free eBooks free intro Video 2 hour free Webinar
  • Find out if someone in your life has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
  • Learn how to do “No Contact” and keep it for good.
  • Discover how to get relief from the pain.
  • Learn how to reclaim your life with my 10-step process.

Sign up below to join my Community of over 50,000 people, and receive weekly information, inspiration and tools to get your life back on track.

ssl security padlock   We value your privacy. Your information will never be shared.
30 Thoughts on The Pain of Narcissistic Abuse Won’t End Until You Do This
    March 29, 2019

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!
    Your wisdom is a blessing. I’ve been getting pulled back into thinking that my journey requires the N and that I can somehow help her heal and then I will be fine (even though she doesn’t think anything is wrong!) Thank you for the reminder to return to my healing, devotion to my own self, and that my healing doesn’t require that I am partners with her, and that she heal. And thank you for sharing the Pema Chodron quote about the arrow in the heart- that really resonated with me in this moment.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 29, 2019

      Hi MacS,

      You are so welcome and I’m so pleased this helped!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

        April 2, 2019

        Boundary beast!

    Carol Rafferty
    March 29, 2019

    Well, hello there, beautiful! How are you? What do you think about curses. My daughter came to me with a heck of a story someone told her. It appears my father-in-law ticked off a really bad man before we were even born & what this man did caused us a nightmare. Narcissism is being cured. It starts in the intestines & it’s called Asperger’s. They are talking about demonic possession & what I realized OMG!!!! Not only is it narcissist abuse, but people who find out what you are going through will just love to push you off a cliff. I have been researching a few things & it has no cost. Mindfulness, raising your vibrations. eat right, get around like minded people & reflect on YOU. I too teach this at times & it brought on smear campaigns causing me more problems with credibility. You are right about the inner work & I have come a long way. I was asked by medicare, United Health Care, & AARP to be their advocate. The FTC is begging for help with robo scamming calls & I’m a part of it. Some nice people have come into my life & my life is changing. I am starting an interior decorating/organizing consultancy. Men love purple bedrooms. Imagine that. One wanted an all dark purple bedroom. I told him, “Whatever he wants, but all dark purple will make you look like a slushie!!” For now, I gave men up for Lent & if Mr. Right is hanging around, he will have to find me, because I’m not looking. I can fix my own toilet, so don’t need any man. LOL As of the 26th of this month, it has been an entire year since I went no contact. Me & my eldest daughter are talking. Was suppose to get together, but she came down with the flu. Feels nice to here I love you & I tell her, but I love you more!!! He has not contacted me, but he tried to manipulate our eldest into doing his biding, so I told her, “Stay out of my marriage or we will have a problem. Gee, where did that come from!! It does take time to heal. Life is not a bed of roses, but even baby steps will get you somewhere. Better than standing still in the same spot!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 29, 2019

      Hi Carol,

      I really do believe we are only cursed when there is an unconscious unhealed part inside that ‘accepts’ it.

      When the energy of the curse and corresponding trauma is found, loaded up and released then no curse remains.

      That has been my personal experience and with Quanta Freedom Healing clients and other NARP members who have released themselves from all forms of traumas and limiting beliefs including obligation, vows, curses and agreements.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    March 29, 2019

    This is such a great message. It’s such a great reminder that loving ourselves and evolving ourselves is the most important thing. This is so hard for people to believe in our materialistic world where self-worth becomes wrapped in achievement, possessions, trophies. I’ve always been a fan of tennis, and played for years, but lately when I watch great champions win yet another trophy and title and they are on TOP OF THE WORLD, for a day, it all seems to be a bit ridiculous. If you win Wimbledon one day you’re the greatest player, then a month later if you lose in the 4th round of the US Open… you’re a zero. LOL. It’s soooooo ridiculous. I wonder… if we ALL evolved what would happen to competitions/sport… I imagine it would cease to exist because, what would be the point? If you’re not “better” than anyone else… what’s the point. Anyhow… your post just made me think out loud… thanks for the reminder!!
    Question: just logged into my new NARP account and got online access to the new materials… YAY! So excited. I was wondering, are these new modules downloadable like the old ones were? I have the originals on my iPod so I can take them where ever I want to listen.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 29, 2019

      Hi DMJ,

      I really do believed in emotionally and spiritually advanced societies there is no winners and losers at all!

      People’s worth would not be based on that! Agreed …

      That’s so great you are excited about Narp version 3.

      For anything technical please email – they are so much better with that stuff than me!

      Love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

        March 30, 2019

        Thank you. The support team showed me how to download.
        Really like the new release, the additional videos and materials. Today was the perfect day to do Module 1. Was feeling very triggered today. Not by the N, who was not in my day, but sometimes I’m triggered by just about anyone. It’s interesting how the shifts move the tightness out of the different parts of the body, and some times I see images of things long ago flash up seemingly w/o reason. We’re such interesting beings, aren’t we. 🙂 It takes a lot of work to hold down all that light, no wonder I’ve been so tired. LOL.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          March 31, 2019

          Hi DMJ,

          I’m so happy you love NARP version 3!

          We are fascinating, and our unfolding is so exciting and worth the effort.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Lorraine Wilcock
    March 29, 2019

    I feel hope and inspiration from your words. I really do. THANK YOU. Also thank you for the new NARP Package…going to crack on with it…think I can manage 30mins without falling asleep! You are such a blessing to this world Mel…leading lots of people from darkness to light …God bless you.

    March 29, 2019

    Hi Mel
    Thank you so much for this video and all of your work. it all makes perfect sense to me and I feel so blessed to have found it as for years I was looking for answers. I only started the modules when I signed up on Valentine’s Day this year, I bough it as a Valentine’s present to myself and I have to say without a shadow of a doubt it is the best thing I have ever done for my self. Like you say in the video I was up until starting the modules trying to get myself strong enough to work full time but was not succeeding as even though I thought I was doing work on myself it was nothing like what I experienced from doing this work with the Modules. From doing the first one I experienced a shift I didn’t really understand but it felt good and right so I continued and just after a few weeks things started to change around me as I healed my inner wounds. My relationship with my son got really good again after years of his dad pulling him away from me and in last few weeks my Solicitor dealing with my divorce which is ongoing for nearly 5 years now due to my ex dragging it out seems to be taking me seriously now and just yesterday I got a call from him saying that the other side want to do a settlement. And says I will do well in it as they are trying to avoid going to court, it’s like all of a sudden everyone is seeing through all the lies. So doing all this inner work with the Modules has changed my outer reality. And for this I am truly greatful. I am growing into the person I was meant to be. I am physically still very tired but I know by keep working the modules this will all get better too and I am really looking forward to starting the new NARP 3. Your support team are the best they have helped me out with the original downloading and again with the new series. Thank you again Mel for all your work I can’t express the difference you have made in my life in just a short time and you really are a blessing to the world. All my love and blessings xxx

    March 29, 2019

    Dear Melanie

    Thank you for your vibrational gift, I got it.

    How wonderful that you take time out from your break, which is much deserved I think.
    Have a rest and I am so grateful you are here with me and others at this time.

    Love Reena xxx

    Peter Mohr
    March 29, 2019

    This is it, in a nutshell. Perfect.

    Myra Reeves
    March 29, 2019

    Hi Melanie,
    Working through your modules now and really looking forward to the new format. It seems really user friendly. Clearing 28 years of C.R.A.P. from your body is quite an endeavor. I left 28 years of marriage and economic success when I found my husband was having an affair and plans for the 2 of them to manage me in the best way possible. Part of my life is there in the home/farm we built. The arrow in my heart is real. Through your teachings and a lot of self work I am moving forward. Loving the person of yourself from childhood to adult is an amazing experience & journey. This experience is also helping me to view my parents in a new perspective. Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 30, 2019

      Hi Myra,

      That is awesome that you are dedicating to the inner work and you.

      You totally will breakthrough.

      Sending you love, healing and blessings.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Michelle Rosenblum
    March 29, 2019


    I cannot thank you enough. Your work is such a blessing. I have done Module 1 six times and have worked 2 thru 7, and am about to start module 8. I never realized before how inauthentically I was living, because I was always doing for others, but completely neglecting my true needs and living in fear of disappointing others and even had hidden anger at myself for allowing myself to be abused. My life is doing a 180 degree turn. I have never imagined that I could be so self actualized and happy. Thank you so much. Many Blessings, Love and Light! Michelle Rosenblum Michigan, USA

    March 30, 2019

    Hi, Melanie! I got your updated NARP. I am having hard working days and getting that was like a gift for me. I was very happy. I love the design and the platform. Everything is so beautiful. Almost a soul SPA. Thank you!
    All Planet should be inside.
    It is a corner from Heaven.

    Have a gorgeous day!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 30, 2019

      Hi Nicoleta,

      I so happy you love NARP version 3!

      Love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    March 30, 2019

    I have struggled through marriage to a Narcissist, separation from for two years and the divorce. Two further years trying to find myself, my purpose and belonging again has been draining to say the least on my physical and emotional capabilities.
    This episode of Thriver TV makes absolute sense to me, and reminds me that my past meditation practice is something that I need to get back to. It’s also time l signed up for one of your courses!
    Thank you for your inspirational series Melanie and your words of encouragement. I intend to put them to good use.
    Many blessings to you Precious Woman. 🙏

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 30, 2019

      Hi Claire,

      I’m so pleased this resonated with you!

      You’re so welcome lovely lady and it will be great to have you joined into our incredible NARP community.

      This will help your healing so much.

      Blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    March 30, 2019

    Hi Melanie!

    An interesting question came into my mind: when or how did you know, when you were “done” with the healing work, no more trauma hiding anywhere?
    I think the tricky thing is, when can never really know consciously what trauma or limiting beliefs we might have because they are…in the unconscious mind.
    And “trauma” sounds so dramatic, but as children, we might perceive anything as traumatic. I had no idea I had huge abandonment issue, which origin was, when I was 4 years old and my mom left me for daycare for the first time in my life. For an adult, this seems to normal and ordinary, harmless event, but obviously the child me was horrified. Of course, the n regularly threatened me with abandoning me. Nowadays, today, (after all the healing) when he has abandoned me permanently, I couldn’t be happier! 😀 😀

    But years ago, I thought I was fine and “done”. I had already even done lot of so called self-development and so I was very confident and trusting when I met this new man. Alas, that was the n. And so it started, 5 years of hideous roller coaster ride.
    Now I have done inner work over 2 years, narp, eft, energy healing, sound healing, inner child work. Gosh.
    Sometimes I feel the “healing work” have become a new “obsession” for me, which probably is fear-based behaviour. How I know when enough is enough and I’m “done”? I feel have been hiding from the world the past 2 years, and I’d like to have the courage to…get up, go out and live again!
    I think the reality of life is, I might meet a new man, or not, he might be a n or normal, even if he’s normal, a relationship can work or not, because of whatever reason. Is this a correct approach to life?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 31, 2019

      Hi TT,

      That’s a great question. TT the total honest answer is it’s never done and I don’t want it to done … otherwise how could I release density to bring in more light to keep expanding and evolving.

      The thing is there is no finish line and we need to get past the ‘I have to get this done’ and just know that this is our lives work to let go of fear and pain to let Source flow through us more.

      I understand where you are at, I used to be the same … until I targeted the trauma causing me to ‘have to heal everything to be acceptable now’ and all else driving the ‘obsession to heal.’

      By doing so you will notice such a shift.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    March 31, 2019

    This is so encouraging to me. Thank you

    April 1, 2019

    Hi Mel, sometimes I’m searching on the line between shifting in the inward and the outer will change and also setting boundaries to the narc. Example: the narc is going to applicatie for a job since he knows where I work with would mean dat we need to refer to each other. We made the agreement not to do that. I don’t want to see people together, he tried to hurt me via clients so then I’n wondering do I need to go completely inward and leave his attempts for what they are or do I need to talk with the people who are responsible for the application and explain that we made an agreement and that I strongly have the feeling that he wants to do this to come into my sphere so that they know and know that it is going to have a negative effect on the clients?
    The narc only wanted his own business until he found out then suddenly we get this.

    Much love

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 1, 2019

      Hi Nath,

      It’s always tricky with narcissists because generally they don’t do ‘the thing’ that respects us even if they say they will.

      Agreements generally mean nothing. Words are cheap, action is the truth.

      For our boundaries only we can be responsible for them. Which means when you may not be able to change other people’s actions including the people responsible for the application.

      Often with retaining your boundaries and generating your real life can only work when you let go of contact, connections and move up and out of all of it.

      Energetically shifting it is one thing, but it may require the real life action too.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    May 28, 2019

    Dear Melanie – thank sooo much !

    I was in relationship for ten years and it started as a companionsnhip on a spiritual journey, that was one reasons which keot me so attached. When it became unbearably painful and crazy I have prayed and was guided to the bookshop where your book was just waiting for me. It was like you brought the light into the dark room. The riddle of 10 year relationship was explained as if you knew my ex personally. I subscribed for your course and soooo grateful for your work ! It feels like you saved my life! I immediately disconnected from the relationship and went no-contact ( it was not so easy – I was so attached !)
    I still have a question unresolved – my ex-girlfriend is becoming a guru herself with a teaching similar to yours in some details , she spent most of her life healing , going to workshops, satsangs etc. Now she is thriving – she wrote a spiritual book , preparing a website and at the same time she has been showing most of the traits of narcissism exactly as you described and recently as she became more in her power it became much worse.
    10 years ago I have accepted her as one my gurus, and I am grateful to her – she pushed all my unhealed buttons.
    Still it is a question for me – how her narcissistic side and her role of a spiritual teacher can go together ?

    Much love to you and deep deep gratitude for your mission 🙏❤️🌸

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 28, 2019

      Hi Vlad,

      I am so pleased you made your way to my book and NARP and this community and it has helped.

      Vlad most healers are drawn to healing work because they seek relief for their wounds. But I’ll put this to you, and you will know because you are doing the deep cellular work with NARP directly in your subconscious programs…

      Have they met their deepest wounds genuinely? Have they loaded them up and released them and shifted beyond them to become a new unwounded self on the topics of self that they needed to heal.

      Anyone can have knowledge, and even powerful knowledge to grant others, but have they slain their own inner demons by sending them back to the light?

      After my own intense journey where I had to die to my old self and fully face her to do so, I really believe that is the spiritual test of Being what we teach.

      Also know there are many spiritual narcissists, caregivers, health workers, teachers and child workers.

      These are fields ripe with narcissistic supply, as any close up and personal vulnerable health industries are.

      Don’t confuse ‘spiritual’ as meaning ‘wholesome’. That is not necessarily the case.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *