Melanie Tonia Evans

7 Signs You Are Going To Recover From Narcissistic Abuse

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 47
52
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Narcissistic abuse recovery can be confusing.

It is not always a straight line!

And … I know you need support and information from people like myself who have been through it, to know WHAT to EXPECT.

That’s why in Today’s Thriver TV Episode I wanted to share with you seven signs to help you know that you ARE on track with recovery.

I also want to help those of you who are not doing Thriver Recovery yet, to get clearer about what REAL recovery looks like and how to start aligning with it.

Wherever you are at – this episode will bring you validation, clarity and much needed answers!

 

 

Video Transcript

I love today’s TTV Episode because I know it will give you hope, and that’s so important because in narcissistic abuse recovery it’s not a straight line, and that can be confusing.

We may come so far and then think we have gone screaming backwards – but in fact we haven’t.

It is my greatest hope today that this episode will demystify recovery for you and help you know what it means to be on track. Also, to powerfully get you on track, I am granting you a NARP Version 3 Goal Setting Statement with each of the seven points.

Okay, before we get started, thank you, everyone, who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s dive in.

 

#1 You Come Home To Being In Your Body

Such a big part of abuse symptoms is dissociation. The truth is, if we didn’t have a parent modelling for us how to process our troubled emotions through to calm and safety, our unhealed emotions became trapped trauma within.

As trauma builds, it may be impossible to withstand the painful feelings inside, so as a coping strategy from a young age we may have learned how to ‘check out’ and not ‘be’ in our bodies.

Absolutely as adults when we experience the emotional assaults of narcissistic abuse, that we haven’t processed through to completion and healing yet, the levels of inner trauma are so great that we become dissociative. We may be so checked out that we feel numb and spaced out and possibly can’t even feel our extremities and body parts.

Our life coming back online is about being able to reconnect with and get safe and solid in our bodies. The more we start releasing trauma when we turn inwards to self-partner, the more we can bring in Source to where the trauma once was. We start navigating our life from our truths and values inside us, rather than handing our power away to others.

After being dissociative, if you are doing the essential inner work to release your trauma and heal, you may start ‘feeling’ like yourself again. You will become aware of body parts and emotions and feelings inside of you.

A large part of our essential healing is becoming more able to be with our feelings and name them.  The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) helps you do this powerfully – creating a safe way to reconnect inside, release trauma and heal yourself from the inside out.

To get back into our bodies, even though at first it seems highly uncomfortable, means that our life starts to reflect the glory and success of Life and others partnering us, just as we are now doing for ourselves.

And we discover, after a time, just how comforting, empowering and loving it feels, as well as completely natural, to be with ourselves self-partnered in our own body.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement that goes with this is: ‘I return into my body, release my trauma, and nestle into my values and truths.’

 

#2 Having Self-Compassion and Healthy Self-Talk

One of our greatest realisations after narcissistic abuse, is that the outer critical condemning person was often mirroring our own internal critic. How we were never good enough, hadn’t done enough and couldn’t live up to our own conditional standards.

Recovery from narcissistic abuse is a profound journey to realise that self-criticism, self-rejection and self-abandonment is no way to heal, get better and do better. When we start to become conscious of being our own lover and supporter, we start to gather wholeness, courage and capacity to change from the inside out.

This is a huge turnaround from the shame and blame we continually inflicted on ourselves, which contributed to us accepting bad treatment from other people because it mirrored the way we used to treat ourselves.

It is so true – we accept the level of love at the level we love and accept ourselves.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘I now support and speak to myself lovingly. It’s my love that my inner being seeks the most.’

 

#3 You Accept and Settle Into the Healing Process

We can carry all sorts of inner beliefs about not being lovable or worthy of love or anything good until we are ‘perfect’. That is a ridiculous and false premise that has been a part of ingrained human conditioning that in no way serves us.

When you start loving and accepting yourself – flaws, wounds and all – you will discover something very powerful: your healing is much easier, because you no longer have conditions on it.

When we have accepted that we are all wounded and imperfectly perfect, and take responsibility for healing our wounds and releasing ourselves into happier, healthier higher trajectories of living – to benefit ourselves and the All – this changes everything about our healing.

Then you can check in with yourself about what to do to love and hold yourself in times of need. You can work with NARP healing Modules and self-care practices, rather than trying to push and force yourself into shape.

By supporting ourselves with unconditional love, and being in the joyous process of eternal evolution, we get to experience the right support, information, miracles and synchronicities as well as unconditional love from others in our life.

We realise the process of evolving ourselves and self-love right now is the key, not the destination of being ‘healed’.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘I accept that I am in an eternal process of evolution with no requirement. I simply get happier, healthier and more whole and serve others and Life in Higher Ways.’

 

#4 You Start To Love Your Own Company and Peace and Tranquillity

Abusive situations are full of highs, lows, and drama. We may not realise that we are or were carrying all sorts of crisis consciousness patterns, keeping us unconsciously stuck in situations where we needed to fight battles and put out fires.

Because of our unhealed inner trauma, drama allowed us to self-avoid because we didn’t know how to be alone with our unresolved feelings, beliefs and inner traumas.

However, when you purposely turn inwards to self-partner and meet your emotions to release trauma and bring in the Light to heal, you will start to adore peace, calm and tranquillity.

This is when you will start to see the joy and value in the small things, nature, and Life itself.

No longer will you have the stomach for issues, turmoil, and drama.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘I settle into the richness of peace and stillness, from where all opportunity is born.’

 

#5 You Feel Great and Then A Massive Trigger Goes Off Inside You

I really wanted to include this one, because it can be so deceiving. When a trigger goes off inside us, many people think that they have gone backwards in their recovery.

This is not true! These triggers can happen often in narcissistic abuse recovery such as in the time of breaking No Contact. This has happened to many of us after days, weeks, months or years.

There could be, of course, other triggers rather than breaking No Contact that go off for you such as when the ex-narcissistic partner gets a new partner, your kids get involved with a new step-parent, or the narcissist takes you to court. The list is endless.

Or maybe it is a feeling, a trigger that gets set off within you for no logical reason.

Please know this is totally on cue for your recovery. What it means is that now, after reaching a certain level of your evolution and healing, the next BIG wound that is ready to go has appeared for you to unpack it. This happens so you can go UP even higher and freer into your True Self and True Life.

If you feel like the trauma is so big that it’s a 10/10 in intensity – I promise you that if you meet it, release it and bring in Source to replace it (the NARP process), that the graduation, great feelings and bursting forth into your empowerment on the other side is a 10/10 as well.

That’s all you have to do!

These times, during absolute breakdown, are where your greatest acceleration in healing takes place. But only if you meet the trauma in your body and do the inner work, rather than get dragged into your head and ‘stinking thinking’ about it.

These are golden breakdown/breakthrough times of HUGE power and healing!

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘By meeting my trauma as it arises, I burst free into the higher trajectories of my soul’s dreams.’

 

#6 You Drop the Need to Attach to a False Identity

Before narcissistic abuse, most of us were inner identified with labels and achievements. We may have believed we were only as good as the security we had, what we achieved, what our last pay cheque was, how we looked, what people thought of us – the list goes on and on and on.

After we are narcissistically abused, very often the things that our previous identity used to be reliant on are wiped out. Many of us have had so much stripped from us, including our security, resources and health.

This means that we are left with only one thing to turn towards and value – our soul.

From here you make the transition into living free from conditions, achievements and outcomes in order to be whole.

When our Identity is no longer reliant on what we have or become, and is generated on the state of our Inner Being without props, this changes everything. Because we finally go about the healing of our shattered feelings instead of trying to get something from the outside to try to fix them.

Once we achieve this, which NARP powerfully does, then the doing and getting become effortless because it is an expression of who we are already Being.

We also no longer do the clinging to people and things, because we know that everything other than the worth and wholeness of our own soul is transient.

This is the true personal freedom that many of us never glimpsed, let alone experienced, until going through Thriver Recovery from narcissistic abuse.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘By valuing and healing my soul, I know Who I Am and create more of myself with freedom and joy.’

 

#7 You Have Made Yourself Your Greatest Mission

Many people try to ‘get’ to ‘be’ until we realise the Quantum Law of so within, so without. This is perfectly understandable. We simply didn’t realise that life is about becoming an integrated, functional whole Being and that once we realise this our life mission will unfold.

What we are seeking to be and do is seeking us just as much – but we have fractures and false beliefs and traumas in our way that are not allowing this Source to flow through us as us.

We may also have the mistaken belief that what Source/God/Creation wants us to do is not what we want to do. This is completely a false premise because this higher benevolent force is you, and once aligned with it you will be flourished and nourished beyond your wildest dreams. You will be living the only life that was truly going to gratify you – the life you were born to live – if you only get yourself out of the way.

I don’t know of any force more powerful for you to align with your True Self and True Life of gifts and aspirations than narcissistic abuse recovery– as myself and countless Thrivers in this community have done.

Virtually all of us before recovery were trying to find our missions out there in life, not realising they were inside us ready to flow out once our traumas were out of the way.

Our soul urge coupled with all of Creation is too big not to happen, once you clear your trauma and fill with the Light that is you and your mission.

The healing of your soul is your biggest and most important job – and all else comes from that.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘By assigning me as my greatest mission, my true mission outflows from me effortlessly.’

I so hope this video has helped.

Okay, if you want to start getting aligned with these truths to boost and actualise your recovery beyond your wildest dreams, then I’d love to help you.

So partner with me in the Thriver Way by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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52 Thoughts on 7 Signs You Are Going To Recover From Narcissistic Abuse
  • cherylamos@gmail.com'
    Cheryl
    May 30, 2019

    Dear Melanie,
    ( I felt frightened that I’d spelt your name wrong but am too traumatized to scroll back up to check!)
    I have a question, I am in a relationship and feeling overwhelmed with confusion , shame and terror.
    I feel that this man has psychologically abused me, although he says that this is my own stuff due to my past.
    He says he loves me and he is growing and changing ,which his family verifies, they say he is changing positively and it’s amazing! (Which, as an empath , I feel proud to have helped with)
    Anyway, my question is , The traumatic feelings I experience from my interactions with him are so confusing to the point of doubting my sanity…Could they indeed be familiar old wounds from my upbringing and other damaging relationships? Or am I in the clutches of a Narcissist?
    He drinks, lies, manipulates and gasslights and I make excuses for his behaviour because he does genuinely seem to want to learn and grow. I feel insane and bad because I blame myself I do hope I am making sense here, but as I trust and hope you can understand , I cant even trust my ability to communicate clearly , Thankyou so much Cheryl

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 30, 2019

      Hi Cheryl,

      You have spelt my name right sweetheart and I wouldn’t mind if you didn’t.

      Deep breaths…

      Dear Lady gosh I think you really have answered your question – he drinks, lies, gaslights and manipulates.

      Nice, normal, kind people care about your feelings. They listen, they validate. They explain.

      Cheryl honey please know your body, your inner being, your soul is screaming at you.

      You can’t make someone with zero resources and responsibility ‘get it’. We can only ‘get it’ by pulling away and finding and healing the deep inner reasons as to why we get enmeshed and trapped with these types.

      The pattern has to stop within us.

      Cheryl if you want to deeply realise more about this I can’t recommend my 16 day free healing series enough – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      And if you have had enough of the pain and know it’s time to heal you Love Code for real then NARP is your answer http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      NARP is the total reason as to why I am alive and Thriving and years beyond my old patterns, as thousands of others in this community are too.

      NARP finds, release and reprogram sour relationship painful subconscious programs and traumas in ways and timeframes that defy all previous ways we tried to heal.

      I hope this helps you sweetheart.

      Sending love and strength.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • inpellerano@yahoo.com'
      Iris
      May 30, 2019

      No matter what the source of painful trauma we have experienced has been, the remedy is always the same.

      Whether it is physical- such as stress related illnesses, mental, emotional, visceral and psychological, etc such as narcissistic abuse, the complete and permanent remedy is always the same. It is what Melanie is pointing us to: To prove to ourselves that the underlying TRUTH of Universal Reality really is desperately beautiful and totally good and that we are all part of this ONE – even the Narcs! The TRUTH is GOOD NEWS.

      Let us fall in love with the TRUTH of our being. Let us LOVE our TRUE SELVES and everyone’s TRUE SELFHOOD. Let us escape the darkness that has mesmerized us into believing that this little version of life is the only real.

      To seek with all our heart and intention to understand THE TRUTH about ourselves and all mankind is the path to health and freedom from the darkness and pain, etc. or this world. Darkness is ignorance of TRUTH.

      When a lie is uncovered is no longer stands a chance of deception. The NARCs are agents on assignment! They are actually enlisted to help us up level. Let’s see this pain from a higher perspective. We can release sorrow, fear, anger etc. because we have access to the big picture, the inner view, the TRUTH.

      I am sooooo grateful for the opportunity to have been pointed to a deeper understanding of Mankind. I LOVE MORE now! I understand more about relationships on a deeper level.

      The NARC actually validated me by being so intent on trying to prove me worthless! – it was ridiculous. It clearly meant he saw value that he was jealous of!. Instead of destroying all that I loved, he affirmed it like nobody else ever had. This is because I see that he tried to so hard to impress me with grandiosity, fake stories that never added up, and stupid future faking that a 9 year old could have invented. So this was like relating to a little boy that tired to impress me, set himself up as my validator, friend and career advisor, but didn’t have the intelligence to make any sense. A child that tired to have me feel badly for not being a golf player! You have to laugh and love them anyway. I never needed nor wanted to own him or impress him with a fake me, but it was still psychologically crippling to see him mindlessly parade another woman just a few doors from my home.

      Before I understood how to even wrap my head around what a narcissist was- I trusted the advice of people saying go “NO CONTACT”.

      I went COMPLETE and TOTAL NO CONTACT.

      Never again a single greeting. I don’t need his so called explanations. He never made sense anyway.

      Not even a glance in his direction in the parking lot, or at the mailbox. Stopped using the laundry room. Removed every object he ever touched in my home and threw it away along with cards, gifts and even shower soaps. Changed my perfume and burned all kinds of sage and incense. Played happy dance music – that had nothing to do with him -all day and night (softly) and went back to dancing to it. This while I also did the inner work.

      Got a new phone and deleted, blocked, and spam listed him. Changed the locks on my door and installed security cameras in my home and car.

      Nobody has the right to hurt me and nobody can ever again be given access to my life unless I am certain I was being adored for real. I can thank him for this new perspective of self care that I had not woken up to before.

      We must KNOW not guess. We must be CERTAIN not ‘hope’ . We must LOVE ourselves enough to not settle for illusions.

      I filed a police report immediately when my tires were slashed for the second time and my car radio antenna was broken off, and my patio window was mysteriously found wide open one night. It stopped. He moved out!

      So the experience brought me nothing but opportunity to look deeper and appreciate my own worth immensely AND not kid myself.

      WE LIE TO OURSELVES – nobody can lie to us.

      I see him as worthy of having been assigned to call me – an amazing person -to a higher and deeper and more powerful human expression of my Self. I am extremely grateful for the experience and I am deeply grateful for God’s faithful protection and car, God’s wisdom, direction and guidance. God’s explanation of the events – not the narc’s.

      I can say all this now months after recovery from intense spiritual and psychological deregulation .

      In meekness and humility, I have been brought to admit to myself that at the CORE or very INCEPTION of LIFE, only pure LOVE can be tolerated for a foundation on which to proceed with LIFE. No other foundation can self-exist eternally. We MUST LOVE one another AS OURSELVES. In equal measure. If I settle for less, I am dishonoring the basic Principle of Life. I have to demand being loved as they love themselves. Not one iota less.

      If there is no LOVE (emotion, care, exclusive commitment, dedication to my BE-ing- based on an inner decision that I am WORTHY of attention, respect, support, promotion, celebration, cheer, sheer laughter and applause, admiration, protection, defending, recognition, honor and praise, EXPRESSED IN ACTIONS, then the primary ingredient for movement forward is lacking and the suggested relationship must be aborted at the onset. It can not stand. Period. That is not my opinion. It is the Science of creation.

      You CAN BE WHOLE. LOVE THE TRUTH and FOLLOW the pain to all the way to the core. Don’t be afraid of facing the pain.

      You are not going crazy…. you are going sane.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        May 30, 2019

        Hi Iris,

        There is so much wisdom and beauty in what you have shared.

        Thank you!

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • Rbuschba@gmail.com'
        Rachel
        May 30, 2019

        WOW.. Saving this. Thank you for this beautiful and inspiring writing Iris!

      • J.kellielindley@gmail.com'
        Jessica
        May 30, 2019

        So good! So true! Thanks for sharing!!

      • KOHLERBM@COMCAST.NET'
        BEVERLY M KOHLER
        June 1, 2019

        You told my story and exactly what is happening in my life. Thank you thank you thank you. I doubt myself alot, resulting from the abuse throughout my life. I am 70 yrs old and going through another divorce because I keep marrying my father. Finally healing has begun thanks to people like Melanie and you and Alanon and my higher power. Xxxooo Beverly k.

  • dianelankenau@gmail.com'
    Diane
    May 30, 2019

    You absolutely ROCK!

  • emxx@sbcglobal.net'
    happynow
    May 30, 2019

    i am indeed recovering and thriving!

  • iPassportALM@gmail.com'
    Kelly
    May 30, 2019

    Each time I watch a new Thriver TV Episode I am more and more certain that the Universe works with me and that Melanie is taking my private journey with me. Each time I hit a roadblock on my Thriver recovery journey, a new video addresses my question I haven’t even asked yet. This happens so often that when the newest video doesn’t hit home I think, “hmmm what happened?” But I often end up seeing a way to help one of my friends by passing on this advice. One way or another when I become part of that healing matrix, it sure seems as though Melanie becomes conscious of my struggles. This is a true testament that empathy is a gift and not a weakness.
    I am (was) wondering if I am too stuck in #4 and loving too much the peace and tranquility of only my own company….and then #5 hit! Big Smile. So I went back to enjoying #4. But I have recently found that settling into the peacefulness, serenity, safety and security of my own company and my own home brings the Universe into alignment with my desires. I find things I thought I had lost. I realize strength I never knew I had. I recognize what I need to do, where I need to go…even if it’s nowhere. In all the midst of coming into consciousness of what is happening outside of me, I am somehow coming into almost consciousness: the finding things I thought I had lost, I simply asked for source to help find it, and I turned around and there it was (ok not immediately). Am I really that much stronger (or smarter) than that big guy who couldn’t move that piece of furniture for me or am I just too proud that I am a source to myself? And now I am not feeling quite so guilty about recognizing that what I need to do now is heal myself before I hurry up and get on with all the trappings of the outer-ness of life.
    It was great meeting you in person in LA. Melanie. But I also know you are always with me at each healing session in NARP! Please keep up the Good Work.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 30, 2019

      Kelly!

      Love your message!

      We are SO all in this together.

      Our expansion is each other’s expansion.

      I loved meeting you in LA in person too.

      Blessed be to be in this incredible journey together.

      So much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • lorrainewilcock529@gmail.com'
      Lorraine Wilcock
      May 31, 2019

      Amazing Melanie. Thank you.

  • roadsidecollider@gmail.com'
    Zaphod
    May 30, 2019

    Question: I was filmed by the narc. Now, I have men, many different, come to my home, say “hi” to me whenever and every time I am out. I have a sense that the narc. and his cellphone video of me is out there shaming me. Comments please.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 30, 2019

      Hi Zaphod,

      The answer to this is powerfully get out of fear and be yourself.

      No one can shame you unless you accept it.

      If there is any real Evidence that you can prove take it to the police.

      Otherwise with n’s when you see their nonsense as pathetic attempts to detail the healing and generation of our own life and grant it no energy – that is exactly what it becomes.

      Have you checked out my transformational inner healing resources http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      They can and will help you get relief and clarity very quickly.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • roadsidecollider@gmail.com'
    Zaphod
    May 30, 2019

    The police refuse to investigate and I have been labeled “paranoid”. Mistakenly, I went to them for assistance but brought them no evidence. Given the smallness of this community, the word is out there. I act only with caution, and integrity. I have stopped fighting back, mouthing off but the men keep monitoring me. Comments please.

  • johnleroy2928@gmail.com'
    DMJ
    May 30, 2019

    This is great, Mel.
    I had my anger trigger last weekend. Usually I would suppress it and tell myself, “I don’t care.” but instead I went with it, let it out, figured it out, worked on NARPing it out in a big ball of ickiness. LOL. It was years of being criticized, put down, ignored, not chosen by an ex who only began to treat me with respect when I broke up with him. I came to realize that I can NOT allow him or his choices to define my worth. He is captivated by Ns. He chases them, craves their attention, will bend over backwards to get their approval, and since I’m not an N, I’m of little interest. This is his issue to heal and not about me. Once I realized this, the anger faded away. I am enjoying my own company. Thanks. 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 30, 2019

      Hi DMJ,

      This is the solution exactly!

      When we try to work it out logically we haven’t even gone inwards to deal and heal …

      And if we just try to ignore it then we are Self-abandoning and it’s just going to keep playing out in our life until it gets our attention.

      It’s great you are on track to mastering your life by doing the inner work to get these graduations!

      Great job!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • celia.baker@outlook.com'
    Celia
    May 30, 2019

    Hi Mel,
    Using the NARP and I love the new program it is very helpful. I am using module 1 and have hit a road block with a lot of anger, resentment and painful memories of anguish relating to my mother, her mother and my older sister who happened to be all mentally disordered and abused me being the scapegoat and I am seeing how this set me up for narcissistic abuse later in life. The story of what went down is really taking me over and I am super angry because as a child you are powerless and don’t have rights in this kind of environment. My mother has passed and her mother too and even though I am in my early 40’s I am voicing for the first time unexpressed anguish to both of them however I feel I am really hanging onto the abuse and it’s not clearing during the modules. It’s in my solar plexus and central line but I just don’t know how to really shift it.
    Thanks
    Celly

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 30, 2019

      Hi Celly,

      I’m so pleased you are loving NARP Version 3.

      Okay it makes so much sense with childhood abuse to feel really angry and hold on – because we were defenceless.

      This is really normal Celly!

      The truth is though Celly as you know this doesn’t serve us – it truly is as the saying says ‘taking poison every day and hoping the other person suffers.’

      The truth is Celly hurt people hurt people. Our abusive predecessors all had trauma inflicted on them – and where was the earth teachings about honouring our own inner being and then bringing up children with healthy inner beings?

      Horrifically and sadly usually non- existent.

      Celly our childhoods one way or another set us up for narcissist abuse.

      This is ‘normal’ on planet earth!

      The bigger picture at soul level is we chose our environment to be submerged directly into the grist required to evolve ourselves, our future generations and our planet.

      Have you read my article about this?

      https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-soul-contract-with-a-narcissist/

      Therefore if we want to hang on to the victim story then we don’t take the evolution and then we will keep playing out the same patterns with the same or similiar people in future lifetimes until we do.

      As well as have a terrible painful and limited life this time.

      Please know Celly I had the unforgivable to forgive, which you probably do too – but I did it because I wanted to be free of this ever happening again.

      And of course the pain now.

      Like I say in every video – ‘there is nothing else to do’.

      My highest suggestion is set the intention you are going to let this go, and that you want to and NEED to.

      Hanging on in no WAY serves you!

      That will help. Then also if it is persistent still, target and load up and releases the blocks inside you not letting you go free from this.

      Also please come into the NARP Forum so that we can help guide and support you through this – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      That will be invaluable for you.

      You’ve got this Celly, and NARP and us Thrivers have got you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • njorogeanne71@gmail.com'
    Anne Njeri Njoroge
    May 30, 2019

    Am a Kenyan woman aged 48 years and for 20 years, I lived with a narcisstic husband and its until I connected with you did I learn how I had put my life at risk. I left him and started a new life away from him and am so glad because even my body has started recovering from the stress I underwent.

    Thanks Melanie for the information

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 30, 2019

      Awww Anne,

      It makes me so happy to know that the Thriver Movement has reached Kenyan women like yourself.

      I congratulate you on your courage and strength and I am so thrilled I can partner with you to help you be free, powerful and beautiful.

      All my love

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • resurrectionvictor@gmail.com'
    Ressurection
    May 30, 2019

    perfect timing!

    are all of the points necessary to determine that I am going to recover?

    Will it be possible even if just one point is true as of now?

    thanks

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 30, 2019

      Oh gosh Ressurection,

      (I love your name by the way!)

      It’s completely possible, and inevitable if you are doing the inner work to find, release and reprogram your subconscious programs and traumas.

      That’s how we heal the ‘Thriver Way’ rather than just trying to battle the symptoms of the never released trauma which is the usual contemporary survivor ‘recovery’.

      And it doesn’t matter where you start from – relief and progress comes very quickly the Thriver Way.

      That’s how powerful NARP is. If you are not already using it, it’s my highest suggestion. http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      If you are on NARP already please come into the NARP Forum where we can help guide you and support your healing to speed it up and make it more effective for you.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I so hope this helps you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • boudjebosma@hotmail.com'
    Boudewien
    May 30, 2019

    So true,
    And so it is
    thank you much ,always !

    _/\_ <3

    Boudewien

  • luciloo999@gmail.com'
    Mary
    May 30, 2019

    Hi Mel,
    Not sure how we get to be in our 60s and just figuring this all out. It seems there has been so many years of Narcissistic abuse that I do not know where to start. From an early age my mother referred to me as her “sensitive child” It seems that I was. Things that rolled off my siblings back cut me to the core and I never understood this and still do not today completely. Sometimes I feel like I have a sign on me that says “Hurt Me”. I am very accomplished in my field of work and work very hard at doing a “Good Work”. I have allowed men primarily to hurt me, saying to myself “I can tolerate this, I am strong” I don’t have to have affection or validation.”
    Thank you for your program. I am working at getting rid of the hurt. I left my husband of 28 years after I found he was having a relationship with another woman. I read the emails in an account that I had set up for him (30 pages). Most of it was about how he was deceived and he did not get what he bargained for. He was of course love bombing her, but the words he said were cutting and hurt deeply. I gave the relationship everything I had and more and experienced criticism, devaluing, triangulation with my children and never received a complement or thank you.
    When I finally confronted him with the information on the emails (he denied having any relationship for 3 weeks), I told him I wanted a divorce.
    I do not miss him, but I miss being married (if that makes sense).
    Any tips on getting a hold on so many years of abuse?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 31, 2019

      Hi Mary,

      I hear you!

      Truly sweetheart the way, and the only way, is to load up and keep releasing the hurts and painful beliefs, literally.

      The ones you have named here are examples of the ones that you deeply feel in your body. That is the ones that you will feel so much relief, when you let them go.

      This can be done with Module 1 and or the Source Healing and Resolution Modules in NARP as the fastest and most powerful way to do it.

      These hurts and belief are so difficult to shift logically, and usually can’t be, yet inside our subconscious programs they absolutely can be.

      Please come into the NARP Forum so that we can keep supporting, inspiring and guiding you.

      There is where incredible miracles happen every day http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      So much love to you Mary

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • tanyaquarterman@yahoo.com'
    Tanya Quarterman
    May 31, 2019

    Dear Melanie,
    I bought NARP last July, and have been working it. I am still experiencing tremendous emotional pain and heartache. Waking up to this abuse I feel has broken my heart. Currently I am involved in litigation, the 5th time in 6 years defending my parental rights. I don’t think I could have survived the last year without your program. I’m so grateful for you for the work that you’ve done and shared.
    I have discovered that I am a magnet for these disordered personality types and that even my own mother is highly abusive, dangerous.
    I am curious what you think about the following phrase and idea that gets tossed about in the New Age communities. ” what you don’t like in another person is just a reflection of yourself”

    This suggests that when you perceive a behavior in someone else that you find distasteful that it’s actually a reflection of a trait that’s within you. Although I think there’s truth to this statement it is one that all of the narcissists in my life have thrown back at me when I would call out gaslighting, lies for manipulative behavior.

    Thanks,
    Tanya

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 31, 2019

      Hi Tanya,

      I am so sorry that you are still going through this and my heart goes out to you.

      As I suggest to so many here on NARP in battles, please come into the NARP Forum and reach out for support and guidance http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member because here are the best minds and successful individuals regarding how to shift internally and combat narcissists in court situations.

      There is a lot of power when you get your Tribe behind you.

      Re this theory you ask about … I believe there are three parts to it – the first always being that narcissists always project and accuse you of what they do – without question.

      The second is that if we have collective, genetic, past life and childhood wounds on these things that n’s do, then we automatically hook onto these people trying to change it ‘this time’ trying to stop these people doing it.

      Because you can’t talk sense to insanity we get very sick and dysregulated too. Meaning we can say things and behave in matters in unwholesome ways.

      You can’t fight in a war zone with a rose!

      The third thing is a deeper karmic past life theory which I do believe, that we can’t have anything in our experience unless we have been capable of it ourselves.

      Human history was brutal. I believe so many of us did slip into darkness in order to survive and not be annihilated, or trying to defend that and who we cared about.

      And very possibly we had to turn off compassion and empathy be capable of that.

      I personally found, as well as many of my clients, that when we targeted the traumas in our body about ‘what we may have done back then’ that huge healing and relief came from shifting these wounds.

      Also often miraculous healing and shifts in our outer world.

      Ultimately your goal to end all a abusive n proceedings is to clear yourself of any matching trauma energy and as more and more Source enters you, it will do its thing.

      It’s Quantum Law, as absolute as gravity. It’s what NARP performs for us deep in our Inner Being.

      Please come into the NARP Forum and we will help you get there.

      Sending love, strength and healing to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • bkb2012@gmail.com'
    Barbara
    May 31, 2019

    Let’s just boil life down to a few brass tacks, viewing those who are cursed with NPD as a disorder. These personalities are crooks. When one consistently says to Self, (Enter your name here). You’ve been living with a crook. Over and over again. Tell yourself, “You’ve been living with a crook.” Then spend your time de-programming yourself at all levels of life. Even when the nasty makes life tough for you — remain diligent. Eventually, one will make several breakthroughs because the truth is — you’re just unscrambling the baloney this crackpot has put you through. It’s a tough mindset well worth adopting.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 31, 2019

      Hi Barbara,

      It sure can help to stay out and away – initially.

      Yet such deeper healing is needed for many reasons … to no longer unconsciously be susceptible to be taken in again by another, and also to be in life as our radiant, best most empowered self – free of the limitations and previous wounding that unconsciously got us there in the first place.

      I have seen too many ‘mentally strong and tough’ people go down time and time again, until they literally break go inwards and heal their vulnerable inner child back to wholeness.

      The very parts that were hooked onto False Sources (narcissists) trying to get love, approval, security and survival from them, rather than being whole enough to be that to ourselves.

      When that is healed, it is like living in a completely different Universe if wholeness, we don’t access until we heal.

      That is the true beauty, freedom and resurrection of this trip.

      Especially when we can look back with so much gratitude for what went down and the evolution and graduation of self and life that occurred as a result. That we were forced to take by these people.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • cindy_sproat@yahoo.com'
    Cindy
    May 31, 2019

    Melanie..
    Thank you for your work..I have not financially been able to sign up yet for the full NARP program but will when I can..
    I was married to my Ns for 23 years in which he physically and emotionally abused me..cheated on me and always accusing me of doing the same. After the divorce he was in and out of my life for another 20 some years the last episode being nine years. Where I finally walked away had no contact or very little contact for last almost three years. We have three grown children together who given us six awesome grandchildren I refuse to put the burden on them to keep the no contact with him so when there are family things that we must attend together I just try to do as little interaction with him as possible. Though as of late I have healed enough the interaction with him is not a problem cuz I don’t give him his fix. What I’m struggling with now. Is the loss of family unit. The kids deserve to enjoy family time with both of us which they do at different times with each of us. But I find I am angry and sad over not being able to enjoy the kids and the grandkids together as this is the one of the good things that has come out of our relationship. And when the kids do something with their father which they very much deserve to do, and I am not included, I feel left out. And angry at him because it is his actions that caused the need for the split any suggestions on how to get past that part.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 31, 2019

      Hi Cindy,

      You have done such a great job of handling this and yourself after so many years, and I love it how you don’t put it on others to do No Contact as you have chosen to do.

      Great work!

      So many parents try to impregnate their will on others, which sadly can push family away.

      Cindy the truth is with all of the pain we feel on any topic, the best solution is to let it go from deep in our Being.

      Naturally logically this can be hard to do. Especially when there is a lot of emotional energy on the topic. Our logical mind does not connect to or have the resources to directly communicate with our limbic and nervous systems where trauma energy resides.

      Our logical mind will merely default to the thoughts that match the painful beliefs already existing inside us.

      By doing the work deep inside we have the ability to pick up the painful beliefs and their associated traumas and get them up and out of our body.

      Then the mind automatically agreed with the New Order within.

      That’s what NARP does.

      Have you seen that you can pay NARP off in instalments and still have immediate access to it?

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      I hope this helps Cindy.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • merjd43@gmail.com'
      Maureen
      May 31, 2019

      Hi Cindy,

      You will eventually see this for what it is as I have done but you need to think of you and the great times you have with your kids because both of you being together and you playing “happy families” is just lying to yourself, he doesn’t “give a damn my dear” in fact if he can use it against you he will.

      You sound so much like me except I was married to that monster for 42 years and he made my life utter hell whilst I tried to love him enough so he could see he was worthy… Nah he’s not even to this day he still behaves the same to others and to our children and grandies he’s off hand but expects that they will do his bidding but that slowly but surely has come to an end also and they have contact every now and again, they don’t want happy families and they don’t particularly want him.

      The Narc has this special thing of saying to the “children” (they’re very much adults now) if he considers a flaw in me at any family function is “It’s a shame your mother couldn’t/wouldn’t/didn’t (insert flaw here) have her hair coloured/cut/whatever” and I realised many years back he was just trying to get supply from me via them so I go to great pains to ensure on those “family” occasions to be at my best and if he moans to the kids they just agree with him so he shuts up, no supply from me though and I nearly always have a flaw just in case I’m silly enough to bite back so he can think he’s got me, that’s never going to happen again.

      Like you I don’t have the funds yet to get Melanie’s Programme but just using the Free Videos and things she does has helped to bring those repressed memories out into the sunshine so the virus in them dies and I’ve recovered all the bits I hadn’t dealt with before as this programme was even around when I started my very long healing process back in 2003, but I’m so clean of Narc garbage now I must be 10 ton lighter but of course hidden things will always come up to be cleared.

      I know once you clear out your desire to play “happy families” you will feel so much better and be able to heal fully from his pathetic ways that you’ll realise “happy families” is your inner needing some work on why it means so much to you, what happened in your life that you have to play “happy families” to feel whole? Mine was a broken family and I always wanted to be in one of those “better” families where it was sunshine and roses… well on the surface anyway so what’s yours?

      Good luck discovering what’s driving you and clearing it out and being able to be at a function where there’s no tension for your kids as you simply say Hi and Bye and if your stuck together and must speak to each other talk about the weather because if you talk about the kids or ask how he is he thinks that’s an invitation to invade your life again so don’t give him that supply.

      • cindy_sproat@yahoo.com'
        Cindy
        May 31, 2019

        Maureen
        Thanks for the reply…mine doesn’t do that…the one thing he is proud of and cares about is the kids and grandkids…
        He doesn’t put me down to the kids he knows they wouldn’t put up with it and really does care enough for grandkids not
        to do it around them.
        What he would do is try and use opportunities of us being around each other in that situation to see if he could somehow work his way
        Back into my life so he could get some of his fixes from me..
        It’s not so much of playing happy family…it’s being able to enjoy the good things that came from our life …the kids and grandkids ..together but with boundaries.
        There is no reason for me to be at some of the things the kids,grandkids and he does..I just mourn the loss of doing it..as we had done it while we were back in each others lives and did alot things as a family group.
        I hope you get to where you are healed and move on too..

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          May 31, 2019

          Cindy,

          It is such a massive adjustment from the life we had, to the one our soul has in store for us.

          And the old order has to breakdown for the new one to come through, and that is totally always painful. It’s a letting go and a deep acceptance.

          I promise you, you will have this back and more in your future. And for real, surrounded and supported by real people.

          There is so much spiritual and real life compensation on the other side, no matter our age or circumstances.

          I promise. You are soooo going to get there.

          Big hugs!

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • kat.hanson676@gmail.com'
    Kathy
    May 31, 2019

    Dear Melanie,

    Thank you so much for this video/transcript. I am finally coming to a place where I am realizing that everything is not my fault. My mother is/was my Narc and my father was the enabler. He basically hung me out to dry (as a very small child – abandonment issues because of this) so that he would not have to deal with her (he was a total coward but she is one scary woman). She made me the black sheep of the family (it was beyond difficult – siblings joined in with her and so did my father obviously) and made me feel that I was sub-human.

    I was young but knew from early on that she was not like the other mothers. Once the front door of the house where we lived closed, her mask came off and the fangs and claws came down. She would drag me around a room by my hair and beat me with a belt so that I was not allowed to leave the house because the neighbors would see the bruises and know her for the child abuser that she was instead of the saint that she did her best to appear to be.

    I know you have said that parents like this were treated badly as children by their parents, but I don’t think that excuses treating their own child (me) like a punching bag.

    Because of extensive and relentless research (dozens of books and websites) on the NPD syndrome and articles like yours and others, I am healing and starting to think about my former family life less and less. I can actually see and feel a future with happiness and peace and self-love.

    Thank you so much for your part in this. God bless you and all the other survivors. May the current victims find safety and peace.

    Kathy

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 31, 2019

      Hi Kathy,

      It’s my pleasure.

      Awww gosh it doesn’t excuse it, at all. What happens to any child is awful when it’s abusive.

      I am so sorry this happened to you, but I know you can heal and rise and be such a positive force of change and light in this world.

      As well as an inspiration for others to break out of the trauma and victimisation of narcissistic abuse.

      Wishing you many blessings and amazing healing.

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • roadsidecollider@gmail.com'
    Zaphod
    May 31, 2019

    It has been almost two years of this covert harassment. Every time I go out…I have no privacy. I do focus on other things. I have changed my appearance but the incredible ability of gossip and being filmed, and the use of technology are unbelievable. I have to leave the house and do groceries, I have a life. Being widowed, no children, zero support – even the therapist thinks this is ridiculous behaviour.

  • donguermo@gmail.com'
    William
    May 31, 2019

    Thank you Melanie Tania Evans

  • anastasia.bethany@gmail.com'
    Anastasia
    May 31, 2019

    Melanie I just love you. Been with you for Ages, you’ve probably seen my coments on youtube as sister anastasia.
    I jst broke no contact accidentally and now how to rerecover. AAAAArrrght these narcs drive me crazy i m so tempted to write again to her to hold her accountable! I ve got no idea how im stopping myself, such a battle. And now im so emotional i cant even do the releasing anymore, i just et stuck!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 1, 2019

      Hi Anastasia,

      Yes I know you! So much love to you sweetheart.

      Anastasia you are in NARP yes? If so come into the NARP Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp hun and we’ll help you get through the shifting of this one.

      You can also try with Module 1 or the SH and R targeting the trauma blocking you from shifting.

      There will be a big core survival program triggered that is affecting you, but once it’s gone peace and solidify will come – better than ever.

      We are here for you if needed. Please know once you release and heal beyond this you are going up to an even higher level. There was just something else that needed your attention that has come up – that’s all.

      You’ve got this!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • roadsidecollider@gmail.com'
    Zaphod
    June 1, 2019

    It is a totally different ballgame when there are so many minions that harass you to the point where you don’t want to go out. It is impossible to go no contact with individuals who you don’t know but act in intimidating manners. I do not respond in any way to these men. I don’t think of them because I don’t know who they are or when they pop up on the streets in my city. Being filmed and shunned by a community is much more powerful than you realize. I have changed my mind set; I have nothing to do with these men in any way, shape or form and yet the ability of the narcissist to recruit so many individuals is mind blowing.

  • valerieAwedel@gmail.com'
    valerie
    June 2, 2019

    this is a fun one – time to celebrate 🙂

    Thanks for NARP, Mel!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 2, 2019

      So glad you enjoyed it Val.

      I sure loved putting it together too!

      Mwah lovely lady

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • ltf6432@optimum.net'
    MonaLe
    June 18, 2019

    I have been living with a High Functioning Narcissistic Alcoholic for 10+ yrs. I had enough of his dark side. I am afraid he will not leave me alone once I separate from him. He conned me before marriage by being loving, supportive and kind. Now, I know he thought I was weak ,because he knew I suffered from depression due to a car accident. I know he used that against me so I can do his bidding ! I did not realize, I was about to marry this type of Devil in disguise ! I Found out 2 yrs. after we were married that he was a closet drinker. (It was due to his Father leaving him & the family.)
    He also goes to bars as well !! I feel so used and drained emotionally, physically and mentally !! I still cannot believe that I was able to attract this type of person !!!! I am now interviewing Lawyers so I can take back my life from this madman !! I have a great support system. I am blessed to have that ! Thank you Melanie for your site . I have read all these heart breaking stories. I hope we can all truly find peace ! I decided to kick this Narcissistic Bad Ball out of my court for good !! Thank you for helping me find my way out !

    Blessings To All,
    Mona Le

  • chefcamille@gmail.com'
    Camille opland
    July 3, 2019

    Hi Mel,
    I love your videos, a beautifully concise delivery! I have recently singled myself from my narcissist. We had been together for 5 years, on and off about a 100 times. And after each break up he would let me know that even when we ‘arent together we are together’ and I being so loyal to him believed it in a way…that was the relationship. It was and still is, constant accusations of infidelity whether it be me spending time with my girlfriends or even going to the grocery store. In his mind I was always up to no good. He even started to tell my family members that I was on drugs. I had to take a drug test to prove to my family that was not…lol. I hate to laugh bc at the time i was completely traumatized. I often treat my traumatic stories w a bit of humor makes It easier to stomach. What’s worse is that I could write for days on all the stunts that he has pulled on me and the ones close to me. It became physical at times and I was making up lies about my black eye. I’m ashamed of myself and I don’t know if I trust myself not to go back because I have gone back about 100 times. The problem is that i cant go no contact. We have a son together. He is 3 and has down syndrome. How do I begin my new life with myself when my narcissist will always be there?
    Camille from Texas

    Also, how does a person get that way? Are they born narcissistic abusers or are they made? how does this happen?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 3, 2019

      Hi Camille,

      My heart goes out to you. It is horrific being with someone who will never trust you due to their pathological unresolvable insecurities.

      Please sign up to my 16 day free course. This will help you understand so much about the deeper layers going on and how to recover from this.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse and also if you google my name + coparenting and parallel parenting, you will find lots of my resources which cam assist you.

      Please know there is a way through this.

      Lots of love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

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