I can understand totally how wondering if a narcissist has finished with you can haunt you.
And if we obsess about this, it can be very difficult to move on with our life.
Many people ask these things often…
- Will the narcissist try to hoover me?
- What does it mean when things suddenly go quiet?
- What should I make of the narcissist contacting me now after (insert the timeframe from days to years)?
- Could all the things that he or she did start up again?
So, how do you know if a narcissist is finished with you?
Or really is this even the right question for us to be asking?
Handing Our Power Away
I think a very important point to understand is that the question of whether a narcissist is finished with you doesn’t just apply when a toxic relationship is finished. When you are going through narcissistic abuse, often or even daily, you may wonder whether or not the narcissist is ‘finished with you’.
Let me explain…
You wonder if they are ‘finished’ with that bout of making your head spin or if there will be any reprieve from the lies, confusing behaviour, accusations, smearing and projections.
We all went through this – the clinging on; the trying to appease or minimalise their behaviour by us doing something different or lecturing and prescribing to them to try to get them to see sense and decency in amongst their nastiness and insanity … so that finally we could feel loved, safe and sane.
A powerful Quantum Truth of Life is: the more we try to control someone else in order to feel loved, safe and sane, the more we end up out of control and controlled by them.
And, even after the narcissist’s discharge of us or our trying to stay away and uphold No Contact, we can still be hooked into believing our ability to feel whole, safe and sane rests on their behaviour.
This is an illusion – it doesn’t.
When we are focused on what someone else is or isn’t doing in order to have our own inner solidness and Life, this is for a very important reason. Emotionally within we have unhealed parts that have assigned someone else to be our ‘Source’ of something. We feel dependent. We hope this person will stop what they are doing and instead grant us what we don’t yet know we are capable of generating ourselves (regardless of what they do or don’t do) – namely love, approval, security and survival (or all four). These are deep inner hooks we may not be aware of, even in the case of having no love or longing left for this person at all, yet still being hooked in by the nasty things they are doing to us. Or maybe we carry such guilt and obligation from our earlier programming that we can’t let go of trying to fix and help this person.
Wondering if a narcissist is finished with you, is such a common trap to fall into. However, I promise you that when you learn how to take your power back and heal the Thriver Way, you will know that your life is not reliant on what other people are or aren’t doing.
Trauma Is the Fuel
How can you stop wondering whether a narcissist is finished with you?
The answer is this: accept that the trauma of everything you have suffered and are suffering provides the grandest opportunity to turn inwards to heal yourself.
When you adopt the greatest mission of your life – to become a whole source of love, approval, security and survival – you won’t keep wondering if a narcissist is finished with you; you will be too focused on resolving and developing your own inner power.
Our consciousness is an incredibly powerful entity – an interconnected wave function that Quantum Science now knows is directly affecting our outer realities. I have said the following often in my blogs, YouTube videos and even in every response I grant to people looking for help…
The greatest understanding for your liberation, healing, and resurrection after narcissistic abuse is the Quantum Law of so within, so without.
If you can embrace that you are so powerful and magnificent that you affect The Field directly with your emotional resonance, then you know that to change your life you need to change your emotional resonance.
The goal of your entire life is to BE everything at an emotional level that you seek. Then you will be the person who chooses and engages with healthy people and situations, and easily distinguishes and leaves alone who and what isn’t good for you.
That is what taking your power back REALLY means.
I believe at the core of our spirit we are already whole. It is just the human experience collectively, generationally and through unconscious parenting created a pressure cooker of emotional trauma that we absorbed. And this causes dysregulation to our beliefs and subconscious wiring.
Trauma, when released, allows us to reset back to our organic, already existing inner coded wholeness – the knowing of Who We Are and How to BE in The Field.
How do we release our trauma to BE this?
Neuroscientists have proven that you can’t think and talk your way out of inner trauma; that you need to take your attention off your outer experience and into your inner experience to address it. By doing so you are in contact with and activate the areas of the brain and nervous system necessary to resolve your trauma.
Another startling thing happens when we do this – we create an inner relationship that puts us back in the driving seat of being our own Source. It means that we are so much less co-dependent on people providing for us what, as healthy whole adults, we need to generate ourselves.
Even before anything shifts, we start to feel the love, security, solidness and peace that ‘all is well’ in ourselves and our life, which we had always been searching for just in all the wrong places.
The truth is, as adults no one can provide us with this. We can only be-come whole and healthy emotionally and then share a healthy and whole life with healthy and whole others. When we ‘be’ it then ‘comes’ – that’s what be-come really means.
When we understand the Quantum Law of so within, so without, there is no option other than to be-come whole in the means of self-love, worth, security and survival – otherwise we don’t get people turning up to take care of this wholeness, rather they turn up representing the evidence that we are not yet whole.
If you are still questioning if the narcissist has finished with you, then you have not yet turned inwards to know and partake in the truth – your only true mission is to clean up within and then all you seek can and will follow.
Painful Beliefs to Up-level
Many of you lovely NARPers have expressed how much you are getting from my sharing of certain beliefs that we can heal for big evolution results.
If you know that you are still handing power away to the narcissist, even just by still thinking about him or her, you may want to check these beliefs and see if they can be felt in your body – meaning that the traumas generating these beliefs still exist there.
- This person can derail my life.
- This person can affect me.
- I am missing this person and I still feel like I need them or want them in my life.
- I need to be on guard because I am scared of what may happen or what I may do if this person contacts me.
Please know these are all incredible normal obsessions that we have when we are in No Contact with a narcissist – but they don’t serve us. They keep us stuck in a holding pattern of trauma and the victimised peptide addictions coursing and multiplying through our cellular being.
We don’t get well and we can’t seem to go forward in our life.
Here are some goal setting statements you may wish to use with the NARP Version 3 Goal Setting Module.
- I am solid in my body, truth and power, impervious to what others do or don’t do.
- I am my True Self with no need to change anyone’s behaviour or opinion towards me. My power lies in what I believe, am and do.
- I lovingly partner with and adore me eternally. Real love, power, and safety become my reality everywhere.
- I accept and release my triggers, fill with Light and keep evolving into grander, more abundant and joyful trajectories.
If you are determined to shift yourself on the inside into this level of personal evolution – I want you to write below, ‘By healing me – my True Self, Life and Love be-comes real’.
In the first group of belief systems above the narcissist is still living on inside of you, insidiously controlling, limiting and defining your life.
In the second group you are taking your power back by becoming the internal shift that you want your outer world to reflect.
Now let’s get to where this is REALLY all leading to.
Have YOU Finished With the Narcissist?
I love this question for a variety of reasons – the main one being that this is the real question you need to get very interested in.
Being finished with the narcissist means we are in No Contact and we are purging this person psychically, mentally, emotionally and physically out of our Being. We do this by addressing all the traumas they have triggered within us, releasing them and living free of them.
Then what we discover is that our inner unconscious programs were hooking us to these people. All our unfinished trauma histories in our beings, including collective, generational, past life and childhood traumas, are released and reprogrammed as well.
What this literally means is that energetically and emotionally we are no longer a match for this person. We are finished with a narcissist when they no longer mean anything to us.
The incredible irony is that when there is no longer any energetic energy to extract from us mentally, emotionally or psychically, then they are finished with us too – because there is NO narcissistic supply available for their efforts.
People may think this is just a grey rock thing. It’s not – it must be on so much of a deeper level than grey rock. Quantum Science now knows that consciousness is connected through unseen wave functions. And this means that the narcissist is getting a feed from you even if you have had twenty years of No Contact but are still stuck in the trauma of what happened to you.
That’s why a TOTAL emotional, subconscious and cellular detox needs to take place.
When we get very dedicated to our cellular trauma detox, this transition can start to happen more powerfully and quickly than we could have ever believed. Some people literally achieve it in weeks, even after decades of repeat trauma.
I really hope this blog has helped put all of your wonderings about knowing for sure if a narcissist has finished with you into deep Quantum perspective for you.
I’d love to help you achieve vital emotional and energetic detoxing, so you couldn’t care less if a narcissist is finished with you, because you are claiming your True Self and True Life with both hands – regardless of what he or she tries to do.
You can do this by signing up to my free inner transformational resources, which grant you two free ebooks, my 16-day free course, and a free workshop where you learn how to release your trauma and live free from it.
I look forward to your comments and questions below.
By healing me – my True Self, Life and Love be-comes real’.
‘By healing me – my True Self, Life and Love be-comes real’….
By healing me – my True Self, Life and Love be-comes real
My name is Amy and I live in Albuquerque, NM I have just broke up with a boyfriend who I am almost positive is a narcissist. I have been looking for a therapist who deals with narcissistic personality disorder. I’ve hit a wall and have gotten nowhere. Do you Know of anyone in my local area I can talk to? I live in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I really need help with this. Thank you for your time and look forward to getting some information. Once again thank you.
‘By healing me – my True Self, Life and Love be-comes real’.
I contacted my local woman’s shelter. They provide counseling and therapy in addition to physical shelter and legal help. I live in Pennsylvania but maybe you have a similar agency there. I go to a support group and see an individual counselor as well and it’s all free! When I explained my situation and gave different scenarios that had occurred they recognized it immediately as narcissistic abuse. Talking to other women who have been through this type of abuse and to counselors who are experts in this field has really helped me. I was literally going off the deep end when I called their hotline almost two months ago. I’m still struggling but I’m definitely getting better and getting more clarity. I wish you the best!
Hi Amy, I am a counselor in Albuquerque. I do trauma work, EMDR, relationship work, self finding. If that speaks to you, contact me. My schedule is very full, if yours is flexible maybe we can find a time together.
What’s your number? My brother lives in ABQ and could utilize some support?
Susan
949 500 2299
Hi Amy,
I actually don’t know of any successful therapy (humbly) other than what goes on in this vast Thriver Community.
But let me say, absolutely if you find a therapist make sure they have an understanding of how to contact your subconscious and shift trauma out of your cells and subconscious from generational, collective, past life and childhood trauma as well as adulthood.
I would also recommend that they know how to bring on board your superconscious, your Higher Power to fill the space where your trauma once was after releasing it.
After trying to heal, personally from severe trauma, and I haven’t been alone, I found that unless these specific areas are catered for, certain deep and ancient survival trauma (which narcissists have surfaced for us) don’t fully heal.
Amy can you start off by accessing this free link here and you will start to understand why – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse
Please know my healing program NARP has been responsible for my own healing that was deemed a medical possibility and has also granted not just survivor healing, but true Thriver status to tens of thousands of people from over 90 different countries, often and usually when contemporary therapy failed.
The reason being, if you don’t have a healing system that addresses the cellular subconscious that can release and reprogram the multidimensional traumas then you are left with only being able to try to manage the trauma.
Check out my NARP Program here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
And I really urge you to research myself and my healing program so that you can learn more about it.
Also know you have a full unconditional guarantee to try it.
I hope this helps you.
Sending love and healing.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you Melanie for all you do love your blogs videos, everything. This one was absolutely !!! Spot on like yo always say “ All I need to do is Love Myself And Keep Healing keep raising my vibration and attract Healthy Truly Loving INDIVIDUALS into my life . ❤️“. Living whole One Day At A Time. It’s worth The Inner Work. I have. ME back. And I Want To KEEP DAN!!🌺☮️❤️☘️🚴♀️🏃🏊♂️THANK YOU MUCH!!!!!💥☘️☮️🌎🌺
Hi Dan,
You are very welcome and that’s awesome that you are healing and loving you.
Thank you for your lovely post and continued blessings and breakthroughs to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Amy,
If you can’t find one where you live don’t sweat it. There are therapist and life coaches of all levels on YouTube. There are many to choose from and they almost all understand narcissisism, what it does to the victims & how to heal from it. I’ve done it this way myself and it’s been so amazing! Best wishes to you and remember it had nothing to do with you, your not to blame. There sre some people in the world who are just sick in their own heads!
Yes! Especially Teal Swan – she has a great YouTube channel – she goes into great great detail about narcissism. Although, Melanie’s method of healing on a cellular level is quite necessary not only to speen up the process bit just to feel better almost instantly.
Thank you for these reminders Melanie. I’m in a tricky situation – my narcissist ex keeps on sending stuff to my house (I never gave him my address) and leaving voicemails tho I’ve blocked him from my home. I’ve been No Contact for 9months now but still he keeps trying to get at me. I also found out last week he’s been meeting with my pastor every 6 weeks though he’s not in our church or part of the area. I think No Contact with him is good but I hate him invading my psychological space like this. I’ve been advised to send a copy of our UK harassment laws to him (he’s breaking them) to get him to stop…but then this involves a contact. Advice really welcome! Thank you.
Hi H,
The entire thing is that we can’t stop and change what n’s do in our outer worlds. And the more we try the more they do it.
And even when we stop reacting, if it still affects us then it’s still gets dialled in and keeps going.
Please know this was huge in my life, and only stopped when I turned inwards to detox every vestige of him out of my inner being.
Then so within, so without it totally stopped. Truly it’s the only way it works with anyone in this community – hence why so many people do the NARP Program http://www.melanietoniarvans.com/narp to achieve this.
It’s my highest and only suggestion for you, because there is nothing else to do.
Once you start doing the inner work you will totally understand what’s going on at the energetic (True) level and how to release yourself from it
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi..Ms.Amy…I am curious to know if you were able to find the support/ counseling….here in Albuq, NM… Im in the Paseo /and Almeada @ i-25 area….. If you have, could you let me know where to go …Thank you kindly!
By healing Me – my True Self, Life and Love becomes real ❤
By healing me, my true self, love and life becomes real😘
By healing Me – my True Self, Life and Love becomes ❤️
I had an affair with a married Narc who lovebombed me, devaluated me and then gave me the silent treatment. I ended up with stress, anxiety and a depression. Age hoovered me one time and vanished again. Now I wish to understand and heal. I am still traumatized.
I feel im in exactly the same position. I just want him out my head but still long for him to contact me even though I know how much he has hurt me 🤯
Perhaps we could email?
Hi Em,
Please know there is a definitive way to deeply heal at you core from this – so that not only do you recover from the abusive person, but also the possibility of this pattern continuing.
There is a way to happy, healthy love.
Please check out my information regarding how to cellularly and powerfully heal from this terrible emotional virus that narcissistic abuse is – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse
I hope this helps
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Elisabeth,
My heart goes out to you, that is horrifically painful.
Please connect up to my free healing resources, they will help you get clarity, power and relief – very quickly.
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse
Sending love and healing to you
Mel 🙏💕❤️
‘By healing me – my True Self, Life and Love be-comes real’.
By healing me – My True Self, Life and Love be-comes real
By healing Me,my True Self,Life and Love becomes real.
Thank you for your article.
It’s my pleasure Claire!
Bless!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
When I read that question is the narcissist done with me? I thought and felt like it doesn’t matter because I AM DONE WITH HIM!!. It has been couple days short of a year since I went no contact. Your and Kim seeds posts have been very INPORTANT in me being successful as well as my prayers to God when I felt weak. When I would start to get that relationship amnesia and block out the abuse and minimize the trauma I would go online and read about and remember with horror the merciless, conciousless and brutal narcissistic abuse that man put me through. And by pulling the blinders from my eyes I remembered vividly that I would not even wish that treatment on my worste enemy and a thousand times it helped me not go there. If I had not been able to read yours and Melanie’s posts that helped me remember the truth and understand what I’m dealing with I can honestly say I don’t think I would have been able to go and stay no contact. Really thank you. You’ve really made a difference in my life. Keep up the good work. God bless you
Hi Brenda,
That is so great that you have detached, let go and got your life back.
Many continued blessings to you!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie, as usual, this came at a timely moment. I have crossed the water, am safe on my island, no contact and have done a lot of work on myself. I am going to a mutual friends wedding in a couple of weeks, going alone as I feel happy with this. He on the other hand asked for a plus one (when he didn’t have a partner) and is on every dating site known to man trying to find someone to bring. While I can see through all this behavior and am healing myself, no contact for over 1 year and little contact before that, I am slightly anxious that the person I am all others think he is, and what I fell in love with, will pill on an emotion in me that causes me upset. He is only invited to the evening. Do you have an invisible shield you can loan me? 😊To keep his projection blocked? Thank you x
Hi Dita,
That’s great that we are in synch – I always love hearing that!
Okay sweetheart ‘the shield’ is always this – release every trauma from within you that the thought of this event triggers – then there is no gap inside that can even be hooked.
It’s the Quantum Law of so within, so without which is as absolute as gravity.
Defences mean we are guarding a fear, a wound inside that ultimately The Field will deliver as an outer event to crack us open to release that fear, that wound that is not our True Self.
Defences don’t work, powerful Light that just dissolved all darkness in its path does.
That is what our unwounded authenticity creates – more of itself in our experience.
Does this make sense?
Are you working with NARP to release and uplevel from any and every fear that gets triggered – to set yourself free to just powerfully be yourself no matter what anyone else or isn’t doing?
That’s what NARP creates – on any topic including this one http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
What I just shared with you is my highest (and only real suggestion).
Mel 🙏💕❤️
When i saw the question “how to know when the narc is finished with you” i almost pass -simply because it doesn’t matter any more. It has been 2 years since i was introduced to NARP – thank you Melanie. I’m a different person today and a strong believer of “so within so without”. Because of the work i did to heal myself from all past trauma, i have become more confident, assertive and can easily identify persons with evil intentions. It has become very easy for me to avoid persons with negative energies – this before was impossible- as an empath i always thought it was rude. I have come to understand that my happiness is my responsibility and everyday I make it a mission to live life to the fullest by doing the things i love with the people that are in support of my values and being. Even-though I still have a long way to finding a love partner, i believe for as long as i live life to the full,that person will come at the right time. Thank you once more Melanie for making it possible. Forever grateful
Hi Lydia,
This is so great that you have purged the trauma with NARP.
I love your description of a
where you are at, and how you are now the master and guardian of your emotions and destiny.
Well done on the success of your inner work!
Please know how welcome you are Lydia and many continued blessings to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I had an affair with a married Narc for 4 years who love bombed me, devalued me, abused me financially and then gave me the silent treatment. He is away physically for the last year but now I have to do with his borderline partner who is kind of chasing me. I am a NARPer, but still have to work on myself. Thank you for putting all these in a very clear perspective.
‘By healing me – my True Self, Life and Love be-comes real’.
Love from Hungary
Hi Pilango,
You are very welcome.
Please know when trauma and events still continue it is because we can have some pesky deep insidious beliefs and traumas remaining within.
Which can be found and released, Turing an end to all of it.
Have you thought about coming into the NARP Forum so that we can help you find them, and grant you suggestions on shifting so that you can truly break free from this?
Please come join us – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
You don’t have to do this Quantum work alone!
I hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I have loved your work for years and this article hits the spot and at the same time makes me shake. I have NARP and have done healings on and off for years yet i don’t feel the shifts. what am i doing wrong? i want to feel it, some things come up, while doing it, I feel like I’m moving stuff out but my body doesn’t feel shifted. my being feels stuck. after almost 20 years i have had six weeks of no contact. this has been a feat for me. i want to feel a shift or a whole bunch of them, my first narc experience was my mom. when i do modules, she comes up not him. thanks for any suggestions. Thank you deeply for your work, i think your ebooks with the original program i bought, blogs, thriver shows have all helped me to survive the last few years. Thank you!!!
Hi Sadie,
I can relate to you and am just as confused. I was with my narc since I was 16 (I am now 52). He walked out when I was 49. I grew up with him. I bought NARP about 2 years ago. I have watched every thriver episode and have read just about everyones replies, Melanie’s responses (which amaze me that she responds to everyone…thank you Mel) and like you, feel this article was written directly to me.
My ex-sister in law came to live with my narc the past few months…to “save” him. She really messed with my head. My narc had left his latest supply and she said it was her “job” to get us back together. She was telling me that he was talking about me, and she felt he was “coming back from his darkness”. I appreciated the validation I was getting from her, that I wasn’t crazy. I know the false, narcissistic show he was putting on for her but it played with my head badly and brought up so much. However, since she has left, my narc just took the newest supply of 2 months (who he posted on FB was his soulmate and the person he’s looked for his whole life) with my 2 kids to our “every year” vacation spot. We went there for the past 20 years. I am crushed. I was pretty much No Contact with him (because of my kids..not that he helped) but have now gone no contact and blocked him and everyone in his family. They “were” my family and I considered her one of my best friends. I feel like I am back to square one.
I feel every time I move forward. I fall further behind. I have gotten a job (I was a stay at home mom all those years) and am going to college. I am a pre-school teachers aid (until I get my degree) and have decided since the school year is done, to put NARP as my top priority. I am exhausted and have tried module 1 many times. I feel I can’t focus. I know I need to shift and dig deep with my modules but I just can’t focus. I feel like I’m not doing it right. Which frustrates me. I KNOW NARP will save me and get this “boulder” that is sitting on my chest off. I am falling into a depression and just want to live in peace.
Sadie, I will say don’t give up!! I know one day this will all fall into place for us. I just know it. I, like you, take one day at a time. I wish you all the best.
I want to thank Melanie too. You have helped me even if I sound like you haven’t. You are a true angel. Thank you!
Hi Connie,
Thank you for your lovely words, and like Connie truly, come into the NARP Forum where the most incredible healing miracles happen every single day.
We will cogenerate you breakthrough with you!
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
That’s your answer! Truly…
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Why not try the new Narp version that came out recently. It’s shorter and easier to use and more effective than the old.
Hi Sadie,
I’m so pleased you love my material, and please know there is usually a reason – an underlying block or belief – that is not allowing you to feel the shifts.
Can you come into the NARP Forum where myself and the moderators can help guide you closely to find and achieve that breakthrough?
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
If you have any problem joining into the Forum, email [email protected] and one of my lovely support staff will help you.
Also please know absolutely NARP is about clearing the root traumas which your Mum will be, and then future Ns being a continuation of that energy. Hence why your subconscious has brought this up to be healed. Your body knows that is necessary.
We will help you with the guidance needed to truly heal with NARP.
I look forward to helping you Sadie in the NARP Forum.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
‘By healing me – my True Self, Life and Love be-comes real’.
By healing me my true self life and love becomes real. Thank you Mel
It’s my pleasure Lorraine,
Big love to you as always!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
By healing Me- My true self, Life and Love becomes Real!
I am so ready to be done with my narcissist husband, but after 1 1/2 years of trying to divorce him- he took my 13 year d daughter and turned her against me, he is not paying the mortgage on our house,(ruining my credit) which I left and 6 months later he moved his new girlfriend into with my children living there. I am on my 2nd lawyer and she is not being responsive to the havoc he is creating in my life. I am $30,000 deep with the lawyers and still haven’t gotten away from him.
He has it all and I have nothing!!
How do I ignore all of this and heal myself without losing it all and my mind?
Please help me understand how I do this!!
I want to join the NARP program and heal myself but don’t know how to do that when there is so much left to be done.
Thank you Mel
Oh Courtney,
My heart goes out to you.
It is the hardest thing to turn inwards and start healing when we are being smashed mercilessly, yet it’s the only thing to do that stops it.
Courtney, you know I know what this was like, life being torn to pieces on every front, it is beyond horrific what you are going through.
But when you, with every ounce of your Being dedicate to changing your inner state to calm and solidness before anything outside changing THEN it will and must follow.
It’s a law as absolute as gravity and the only way to get our soul and life back under these circumstances.
That’s what NARP achieved for me and so many others in the most terrible of abuse conditions.
When you start with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp you will be amazed how fast things can start healing. Even people in the worst imaginable situations often start to feel relief and power return after only one Module 1 experience.
I recommend NARP totally for what you are going through Courtney, there is nothing else to do.
You also have the entire Thriver team to support in the NARP Forum who are specialists, the best minds and recovery achievers available, for what you are going through.
Sending strength, healing and breakthrough to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
By healing me my true self life and love becomes real
By healing me – my True Self, Life and Love be-comes real❤️
By healing me, my true self, life and love becomes real! I am happy and true with myself 💯💖
Thank you Melanie for your powerful transcript! It’s been over a year now since dealing with last one I was dating, along with 2 others who I thought were friends….and now 3 or more so family members that have really had me down. So thank you for this timely encouragement! ‘By healing me – my True Self, Life and Love be-comes real’.
Hi Aneas,
It’s my pleasure!
I’m so pleased this has encouraged you.
Sending you continued love, strength and healing.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie,
I have been doing NARP faithfully and had so much stuff from my childhood come up and be healed! I am truly done w my husband and am living alone and almost no contact. However, I live in a very remote area and he was violent. My gut feeling grows stronger that I need to move somewhere safe. I haven’t seen physical violence addressed ( I may have missed it). Is my fear something more to be healed or something to listen to and take action? I haven’t started divorce proceedings because of what his anger may cause him to justify when he goes into one of his rages. I feel that he is worse now because of spending the last year with a church that supports him and assures him that he is the victim.
Thanks, Bronwyn
Hi Bronwyn,
That’s great you have cleared so many core wounds with NARP.
Bronwyn my hugest suggest is to clear the fear with NARP to completion, and I promise you if you do need to move then you will know, your Inner Being which will be Source filled on that topic will give you the true path to take.
The other piece of this is, myself and so many others who were terrified and threatened, when shifted out of that to peace and power within, discovered that everything stoppef and nothing at all happened beyond there.
All fear and energetic hookups were gone.
Ns truly need energetic fear to operate as this is the feed required. When it’s gone the energy field of ‘that’ collapses.
If after shifting out the fear and you did have any definitive indications of him, then as a shifted fearless being you could report it, get an intervention order and truly mean business.
It is such a wonderful day when as females we feel powerfully energetic in our bodies, especially after centuries of not being able to do so.
I really hope this is helping you and making sense.
Power to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
, ‘By healing me – my True Self, Life and Love be-comes real’.
“By healing Me – my True Self, Life & Love be-comes real”….
He apparently decided to ghost me yesterday. All I can think is, “Hmm…interesting.” The funny thing is that I’ve been onto him for several years now and he finally figured that out. It’s actually quite entertaining that he’s suddenly so afraid of the fact that I know everything about his facade that feels the need to eliminate me and everyone we both know from his social media so he can work on rebuilding his new and improved mask. And he probably thinks I’m melting in depression over this when I actually feel finally freed!
Keep detaching NW,
And take the healing gift.
When they become even too inconsequential to read or wrote about we know that the parts of us attached to them, and the pattern they represent, are truly free.
There is so much True Self and True Life to be had.
You’re on your way!
Love and breakthrough to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie,
Im not well. I went no contact from my narc for almost a year now. Used your tools to self heal and thought I met someone special who turned out to only hide his true narcissism from me. Ive been there for him financially and emotionally only for him to ask me to marry him then dump me 2 months later stating that he isnt ready. We even was house shopping!! I just feel like given up all together this pain is so deep. I cant take the misplaced loyalty or lies anymore!! I know you have a million people calling out to you but if I cry one more tear I dont think Im going to make it…
Awww gosh Natalie,
My heart goes out to you.
Please know sweetheart myself and many others did ‘another narcissist’.
Hun there is nowhere to go if we give up, other than lifetimes of the same patterns.
Please know from me and so many others you can truly nail it after n number 2, the patterns and traumas that are still within that caused us to hand our power away – and when we do our life becomes amazing.
I know that is what awaits you.
Can you hold my hand, come into the NARP Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member and we can rally around and help you with this?
Natalie you don’t have to do this alone.
Sending love and strength
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I went no contact a week ago. I am physically sick over this. I know I had to do it because of being so mentally unstable. I actually tried to commit suicide because I could never make him happy. He was so loving and caring. I went home one afternoon and his new supply was in our home. He didn’t care that it destroyed me. I knew then I had to get away from him or I would go insane. My heart hurts.I am tired of feeling this way. I want to get better and stronger. But I miss him desperately. Help me please. I don’t know what to do. I can’t eat or sleep. I cry constantly and I have never been a cryer. Tell me what to do before I reach out to him. I just want to be my old self again. I want to be strong and happy again.
Hi Jacqueline,
My heart goes out to you. I promise I know what it is like to feel that broken and soul devastated- as many of us have been.
Please check our NARP, it is the way myself and so many others have healed from the absolute depths of despair http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
And you can find out more about NARP in my free workshop here: www melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
Please know there is a way to heal from the inside out and get well and free.
I hope this can help.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
Dear Melanie,
The woman that I thought was an ideal partner has been unkind to me. I thought we were on the right trajectory for deep and enduring intimacy. She even began to experience orgasms when with me.
Saturday night, (after going to the symphony on Friday night, followed Friday night by cocktails at a bar and a late night session of sexuallysatisfying intimacy for both of us), we went out for dinner. At 10:30 we were at a nightclub I told her that I was done for the evening. She said she wanted to stay out later. She insisted that I go to her place to sleep while she went back out to meet upwith some friends. She never returned home and I left her place at 5:00 AM because I had a flight that morning. I texted her and asked her where she was.
After initially lying and saying that she had carried off with a bachelorette party, she (after some regrettable questioning from me) eventuallyacknowledged that she spend the night at a hotel with a guy that she said that she met that night. She begged my forgiveness and I asked her to attend a “meeting.” The last thing she texted me last night was that she hoped I would see that this was “a humanely terrible mistake.” and that she was “going to bed soon.”
I am now experiencing a mix of regret but also satisfaction. (Regret in) that we’d made plans with each other and I thought we might have a future with each other, but (satisfaction in) the knowledge that I can love completely and openly and bravely, with knowledge of the risks of such open and complete love and knowledge that I can endure the possible negative outcomes of such open and completelove. I also take satisfaction in the knowledge that I have the personal integrity and self-esteem to not put up with such mistreatment, to trust my instincts and intuition, and to immediately start the healing process. I’ve recently read about how Forgiveness as an altruistic act helps the person who extends the forgiveness. I am therefore assertively and affirmatively doing that. I embrace that concept that forgiveness is for me, (and not necessarily for the person who wronged me.) I’ve also recently read about toxic relationships and narcissistic abuse and I know enough about myself that I can allow myself to acknowledge, endorse and own the full range of thoughts and feelings about her (and myself) in this situation, AT LEAST IN PART to prevent myself from acting out and acting on those unacceptable drives, affects and impulses associated with what she’s done to me…Done to us. I am also practicing something called NO CONTACT which gives me some substantial short-term emotional gratification, but also helps me to wrest my self-control in this situation and to turn the question from How To Know If A Narcissist Is Finished With (Me)? to How To Know If (I) Am Finished With A Narcissist? I realize that it will take some time but I must strive for indifference toward her.
Do you have any words of guidance or solace for me?
Hi Bill,
The aftermath of abuse like this is very painful and confusing.
The best clarity and support that I can grant you to unravel this and get healing and closure is here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse
I hope this can help.
Mel 🙏💕♥️
By healing me – my True Self, Life and Love be-comes REAL!
Reading about the Energetic Field explains so much. I have been no contact for several years. And every time I meet someone new, or schedule a first date – he will contact me. Just out of the blue. It always frustrates and totally surprises me. I have said out loud “How Can He Know??”
This is so true, Melanie. To go NO Contact – emotionally, physically and mentally. I had a situation where a person and I didn’t on speaking terms. He is dead long ago and he comes up mentally in my mind. I realise that he doesn’t have the effect on me as in the past – no aggression come up as in the past. I also realise that I must release him in total so there is no mentally “contact”. If there is there will be still a connection and can trigger the situation again.
By healing me – my True Self, Life and Love be-comes real
Hey, when i realised that not only my fatherinlaw but my wife was a narsisst, i was blown away, how did i not see this… now reading this made me laugh and cry.. for we have a six year old daughter. I believe by not identifying my wife as a narsisst , but as an identity of her, i can live with this, just as long as I am focused my inner self love, know what i need and support my daughter for what she needs. I know the wife will be right shes got the narrsisst trait guiding her.. been a crazy 12 years.. lets see what the next 12 looks like..lol.
It’s not possible to control who loves you are not. I mean I guess you could use Neuro linguistic programming or other forms of manipulation to temporarily get them into doing criminally stupid and self destructive crap, but that’s just embarrassingly laughable.
Love this ❤️
As I navigate this unfamiliar terrain, I start to observe a pattern emerging. The once constant stream of communication dwindles to sporadic messages, often centered around their achievements or desires. Their interest in my well-being seems to fade into the background as they prioritize their agenda. Slowly but surely, I began to realize that the narcissist’s presence in my life has become more of a burden than a blessing. As I embrace this newfound sense of freedom, I understand that their departure is a blessing in disguise, paving the way for new beginnings and healthier relationships to blossom in my life.